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Oh shit nigger you're joining some sort of magical cart race organized by some shadowy magical interdimensional organization.

Choose your character

Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>786884
mystery box
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>786884
Dickass Thief
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>786884
where is that secret box, nigga
>>
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>>786886
What msytery box
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>786890
the one under bone mobile skull
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>786890
that Mystery box over theeeerrree, now
>>
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>>786891
But there's nothing here you silly billy
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>786893
right next to the juggernaut, open it!
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>786893
oh it's moving you have to be quick Op. Now it's at the top right hand corner! Hurry before it moves again!
>>
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>>786895
poke
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>786896
Next to demon paladin. Mystery box lock in
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>786896
Next to the holy chariot open that shit
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>786895
stop messan around and open it
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>786896
right above the holy chariot!
>>
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>>786900
I mean do we really have to? Maybe there's nothing worth it in there ya know.

I'm jsut sayin
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>786903
do it ironically
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>786903
but maybe Man with no game is in that box.
He's my first successful story
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>786903
Open it anyway
>>
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>>786905
But what if he isn't, anon? What if he isn't?
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>786909
maybe lolisniffer is there

open it nigga
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>786909
Maybe its Simon and the Weebmobile
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>786909
I'm willing to take that chance Op. Open it dude.
>>
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>>786910
Well thanks alot jackass
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>786914
Why no cars for them
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>786914
I guess I choose Holy Chariot.
Lock in.
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>786914
lolisniffer and jojo

what can go wrong?
>>
>>786914
>>786917
>>
welp looks like we might lose
>>
>>786919
Yup...
>>
>>786919
don't say that, we have god on our side.
>>
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>>786916
And so we control Orc Cleric and Daemon Paladin. Ripped through time by some unknown magical force to participate in this race, with the prize being anything their hearts desire. Being paladins, they compete not to win, but to find out who's responsible for this and are they a heretic.

>>786915
They're a special class. BUT YOU'll NEVER KNOW NOWWWWWWWW
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>786923
ask Orc to contact god for answers

by punch own face
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>786923
check our car specs
>>
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>>786924
Nah, that'd be retarded
>>
I bet barb will be last place
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>786927
then punch self in face for tradition sake.
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>786927
punch each other's faces anyway
>>
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>>786929
pofft
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>786931

Check the weird contraption they call 'car'
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>786931
see if other racers are heretics
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>786931
let's check our car specs, see if we can paint it rad colors
>>
Rolled 70 (1d109)

>>786931
Get in your car before everyone takes off without you
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>786935
>109

Damn mobile
>>
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>>786932
Ah yes, your vehicle, the Holy Chariot. Average speed and accelaration but high in defense thanks to being protected by God.

Also low in the on-board weapons department so most of the time it's gonna be you yourself attacking.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>786939
add a red racing stripe to make it faster.
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>786939
take a peek at other racers
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>786939
Lets put a chastity belt on it
>>
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>>786943
And so you did.

Anyway, the first race is starting.

Whoever wins 5 is the grand champion.
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>786946
we can't let heretics win

get on that thing and rev the thing up with power of your faith
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>786946
But can you even drive
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>786946
get to the startING line
>>
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>>786948
Praise the lawd, the contraption starts.
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>786953
Check who is next to you
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>786953
on the count down press down on the vroom vroom pettle really firm like when the count down gets to 1 for speed boost
>>
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>>786954
" Ey, whaddup holy suckas"
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>786958
oooooooh
how
I hate that guy
>>
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>>786959
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>786961
check your right
>>
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>>786962
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>786963
you also a pally or somethin?
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>786963
start feeling lonely because I'm the only poster...
>>
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>>786964
"No, citizen. I am Dick Laserfist, the Time Travelling Pugilist. An officer of the Time Police Department. Do not worry, for we are on the case and will get to the bottom of this racing mystery.....riiiight after I win and become champion and get some sweet loot"
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>786968
race is starting
uhhh VROOM VROOOOOOMMM
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>786968
When is this starting
>>
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>>786970
"right now"
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>786972
hit the gas!
>>
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>>786974
And so you vroom'd past the starting line, currently you're at 5th palce outta 8
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>786975

check your weapon systems
>>
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>>786976
>>
>>786975
https://youtu.be/doEwWzMz99A
>>
>>786978
forget that for now, we need to get behind some racers to catch some speed
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>786978
no, you must attack the fucker in front of you with your sword in close combat for now
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>786980
>>786978
>>
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>>786981
"Get me closer, I need to hit that barbarian with my holy sword!" yelled the daemon paladin
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>786984
go to the left of the barbarians, I hear they can't turn left, or something like that
>>
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Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>786987
Now roll 2d100 to swing your holy sword at him
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>786984
Crash through nearest box with a question mark on it to acquire some form of speed boost
>>
Rolled 100, 51 = 151 (2d100)

>>786989
>>
>>786991
damn it the 100 is on the wrong side
>>
Goddamn thread is so empty, is it the orc? It's the orc isn't it?
>>
>>786993
I would like to say no, but it's also really earlie for other anons
>>
>>786993
yeah we didn't go with the meme so everyone noped out
>>
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>>786991
Canon the barbarian used the brake in time and dodged your swing
>>
>>786995
I don't get it, orc is the least generic choice, yet they consider it so boring
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>786996
if we self destruct can we make a new character and start over?
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>786996
fine use holy hammer
>>
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>>786999
Depends on if there's anybody here to start anything
>>
>>787001
anons want to restart?
>>
>>787001
I'm here
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>787001
no one else is posting
use holy hammer
>>
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>>787002
>>787003
Eh, that's the same amount currently so let's just continue
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>787005
Gee
I sure hope no dastardly duo is in this race laying out traps for us....
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>787005
Pray to god for a natural disaster to curb things to your favor
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>787005
Forget trying to knock him out, he hit the brakes. Let's press the advantage.
>>
>>787008
you and me are the only orcs. it's a lonely world
>>
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Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>787007
Let's worry about that later because the barbarian just fired off an energy blast in the form of a flaming fist at you from behind.

Roll 2d100 and state your action to deal with this
>>
Rolled 48, 24 = 72 (2d100)

>>787013
Punch it back towards him with our own Fist Projection
>>
Rolled 72, 4 = 76 (2d100)

>>787013
counter!
>>
Rolled 82, 6 = 88 (2d100)

>>787013
Hit it back with holy sword like a baseball.
>>
>>787015
welp
>>
Thanks Dice God
>>
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>>787016
Swing and a miss! The blast hit your car and made you spin around, losing you speed and your position. You've been pushed down to 8th place!
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>787020
Quickly! Crash into a question box and use whatever powerup you find!
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>787020
hurry and catch up, use a dash pad if you have to
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>787020
Pray to god for divine intervention in your favor
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>787020
catch up use a dash pad if you have to
>>
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>>787022
Zoooming close to 7th, thanks to the dash pad. How does it work? I dunno, magic probably.
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>787025
Question box. Powerup. Make it happen.
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>787025
Now soar into the sky using your Sacred Wings
>>
>>787026
dice gods fucking hate this idea it seems
>>
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Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>787027
Sacred Wings is your car's version of Turbo, gives you a speed boost while also allowing you to bypass other racers by flying above them.

As you flew past Revolver Bonelot in his Juggernaut,he decided to shoot you down. As his car is among the slowest, but compensates for that with its huge amount of guns. Which he will use to eliminate the competition one by one until he can leisurely pass the finish line.

Now roll 2d100 to dodge the anti-air assault.

Sacred wings gives you a +10 bonus
>>
Rolled 27, 100 = 127 (2d100)

>>787030
>>
Rolled 27, 78 = 105 (2d100)

>>787030
>>
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>>787031
You dodged the cannon blast and dropped down at 4th place.
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>787033
Inspect your surroundings, gotta make sure nobody gets the drop on us. Who's in front and behind us?
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>787033
hoot and halla!
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>787034
Assist roll
>>
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>>787035
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>787037
Look for a Mystery Item Box to get
>>
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>>787038
What mystical wonders can this box hold?
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>787039
a poak bun
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>787039
run into it!
>>
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>>787041
And now roll 2d100 for its contents
1-20: weapon
21-49: speed boost
50-69: shield
70-89: weapon
90-99: speed boost
100: warp
>>
Rolled 24, 61 = 85 (2d100)

>>787042
>>
Rolled 2, 61 = 63 (2d100)

>>787042
[mario kart item cycling sound]
>>
Rolled 33, 42 = 75 (2d100)

>>787042
>>
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>>787045
What luck! You got a sudden speed boost, propelling you to 2nd place!
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>787047
How far are we in this race? we keep this up w can win for sure!
>>
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>>787048
The first opening race is quite short so you're almost done
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>787049
*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*
>>
>>787049
oh shit, umm get right behind dick ass theif. We can use him as a shield from wind resistance and catch up!
>>
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>>787051
Your car is making strange sounds, almost like an alarm warning you of incoming danger or something
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>787054
wait, behind you.
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>787054
>>787053
the beeps are making you go loopy!
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>787054
HOLY HAMMER DICKASS THIEF
>>
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>>787056
Hmm, going loopy because of beeping is a huge problem with Orcs. Thankfully your cleric training helped you overcome that ages ago.

What you didn't prepare for was the fac that Dickass Thief used his Xtreme Thievery Skillz to steal your....speed.

He stole your speed, added it to his own, making him faster and you stuck at 0 miles/hour.
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>787060

Use our raging faith to speed up our ride.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>787060
use our wings to catch up
>>
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Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>787061
Roll 2d100 to speed up your ride with faith
>>
Rolled 84, 27 = 111 (2d100)

>>787063
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>787060
Push the kart forward with your extreme Orc Anger while Daemon Paladin starts it up again.
>>
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>>787064
Prayer succesful
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>787067

RAGE MORE!!!!!
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>787067
Let's cast Divine Light too so that we don't get hit by any last minute blue shells
>>
>>787068
How much rage is enough?
>>
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>>787068
"Oh shit wha-"
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>787073
Zoom past that smug muddah
this is our race!
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>787073
Drive thru him and eliminate him from the next few races
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>787073
HOLY HAMMER
>>
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>>787076
And so you crashed straight into the dickass thief, then both of you barreled straight into the finish line
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>787078
did we win?
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>787078
now play that in slow motion, freeze frame right before we hit the finish line
>>
Rolled 52, 57 = 109 (2d100)

Pull the handbrake and smoothly drift past the finish just inches ahead of that thief nigger
>>
>>787078
check the photo finish to be sure
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>787078

HALLEYUHAAAA!!! PRAISE FOR THE ALMIGHTY!!!
>>
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>>787080
Turns out when you crashed into his car, you got Dickass Thief stuckto yo grill. So he actually passed the finish line before you.
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>787085
but he didn't have a car any more, doesn't that disqualify him?!
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>787085
wait ENHANCE
>>
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>>787088
His wheel still counts
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>787090
sunovabitch!
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>787090

Glue Dickass Thief on our ride. Declare that Dickass Thief is actually part of our ride.
>>
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>>787091
And so the Dickass Thief has beaten you and won...2nd place
>>
>>787093
wait who won 1st?
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>787093
wait what?! who won first place?
>>
>>787093
who's on first...
>>
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>>787095
Nameless Rank and File Soldier. Who used his Nameless Rank and File powers to project an aura of unremarkableness around his Bonemobile that nobody noticed him zipping past with boosted dragon fire thanks to his little sister: "Ask why the apprentice is so tiny is it a puppet? Imouto", AKA "fuckoff"
>>
>>787098
Well, we're at least Third right?
>>
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>>787099
"Indeed you are. Which is like being the second loser. Anyway, you'll have to place first in 5 races for it to count towards your victory, so good luck next time"
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>787102
wait first every race? so we lost our chances to be in the other races?
>>
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>>787103
"No, of course not. All of you will race forever until one eventually wins 5 times"
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>787104
wait who the fuck is this guy? Where are we racing?
>>
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>>787105
"I'm just a rowbot sent by our sponsors to oversee the races inside this pokcet dimension"
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>787108
Why are we racing in the first place? How is Canon still alive? Who is asking all this questions?
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>787108
what the shit!? Racing forever?! who's retarded idea was that?
>>
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>>787109
"well the adoration of billions and billions of viewers from accross the universe, for one. And if you win you get to wish for anything your heart desires, literally anything. Plus we had to use some time travel to get racers from different periods in time to up interest"
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>787112
Rowbot Racemaster is new protag.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>787112
Drive thru the robot
>>
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>>787115
"save your fuel and agression for the race"

hen it teleports away
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>787116
better upgrade our car then
>>
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>>787119
Now, what can be done...
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>787120
racing stripe
and add rocket boosters
>>
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>>787121
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>787120
Add holy bosters
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>787124

Paint it red, it will go faster.
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>787124

UPGRADE!

HokyDEMON fangs!
>>
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>>787127
>>
Welp, guess we're officially dead. Will continue later then.
>>
>>787135
F
>>
>>787136
F indeed
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>787131
Get ready to RACE!
>>
>>787137
guess racing isn't as fun as fights. what had second place in the poll?
>>
>>787139
What, so I can get ready to have the threead die again?

>>787140
Adventure Thing 3
>>
Faggots
>>
>>787141
huh... wanna try that for a bit instead?
>>
>>787144
Thread's already dead, that won't help. PLus I don't like changing what's hapenning already.

So I blame you and your orc fetish
>>
>>787146
it's how God made me, plus you can't blame the junkie when the supplier keeps supplying.
>>
>>787147
Nah I totally can.

Anyway, will try again at twelve
>>
>>787151
why do people hate orcs so much now? when did this become a thing?
>>
>>787151
suggestion, maybe after every race you can unlock a new racer to replace, that way they can change out the orc if they want to.
>>
>>787153
I dunno, Civ Thing probably
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>787151
When is twelve? I am mobile.


Race-u
>>
>>787162
3 hours from now
>>
>>787163
Kaaayyyy
>>
Continue soon
>>
>>787260
Not soon enough
>>
Alright fags, who's here?
>>
>>787279
Yoyoyo
>>
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>>787281
Yes, one person, amazing.Surely this will help.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>787287
Start your engines
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>787287
Now that we got a pimped out ride, can we go on to the next race?
>>
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>>787291
Of course, of course. Start your engines and whatnnot
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>787297
Rage Boost to start!
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>787297
since the last track was vanilla, this track is now underwater themed!
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>787297
honk a lot
>>
I think everyone stopped caring after we got off the worst characters ever.
>>
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>>787299
How do the racers breathe underwater, I dunno. Let's handwave it by saying super space technology did it.
>>
>>787303
they are only bad because we make them bad
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>787306
Rev engines
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>787306
Start up the enjinz
VROOM VROOM
>>
>>787306
Is space technology heretical?
>>
>>787308
>>787299
Why?
>>787290
>>787309
Wht!?
>>
>>787311
what are the odds
>>
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>>787308
For addeded effect, feel free to go BRRRRMMMM BRRRMMM BRMMMMM BRMMMMVRMMMM BRMMM with your mouths
>>
>>787310
Im sure the space pope doesn't mind
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>787315
the bubbles tickle my nose though
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>787315
BRMMMM
BBBRRRRRRRVVVVV
VRRRRRRRR-
*beep beep*
Oh shit, someone's calling.
>>
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>>787318
"Ey, you okay down there?"
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>787315
Start taunting the other racers
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>787321
Drink the water.
Show dominance.
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>787321
I'm fucking fine, where's the wheel?
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>787321
Cast Holy fist and gooooo!
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>787321
sneeze and blow out your eardrums
>>
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>>787325
And so you encased your car in a fist shaped aura and zoomed past the starting line
>>
>>787333

Watch out for them stage hazards
[spoilers] SHARKS [/spoiler]
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>787333
GOTTAGOFAST!
ACCELERATE!
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>787333
Suddenly, submarine captain cameo miniboss!
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>787336
>>787333
fuck forgot the roll
>>
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>>787337
Going fast. But watch out for stage hazards though! Like this underwater pillar that's deceptively harder than it looks.
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>787345
titanic happens
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>787345
Well, watch out for our attack, a divine fist that is stronger than it looks
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>787345
steer away from it
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>787345
plow through that shit.
>>
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Rolled 180 (1d200)

>>787349
Roll 2d100 to see if your car can beat this pillar
>>
Rolled 73, 16 = 89 (2d100)

>>787354
>>
Rolled 78, 8 = 86 (2d100)

>>787354
That pillar is indeed deceptively resistant.
>>
Rolled 32, 48 = 80 (2d100)

>>787354
FOR VALHALLA!
>>
Rolled 73, 77 = 150 (2d100)

>>787354
>>
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>>787358
Klank.

The pillar stops your advance and the other racers took the chance to zip past you
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>787364
sorry I'm drunk on holy water again
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>787364
We're facing upwards, right?
DIVINE WILL, PROPEL US TO THE SKY!
>>
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>>787366
"Well get it together, man"
>>
>>787371
do a sick flip and hijack another vehicle
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>787371
SACRED WINGS, CARRY US FORTH!
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>787371
ok back into the race
>>
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>>787372
Now, hijacking isn't proper paladin behaviour
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>787376
>>787378
>>
Op I just popped in to say that I have been here for not even 24 hours and your country is aids, the air here smells is ass, the airport stole my vegimite, the people are pricks and I regret being forced to come here.
I don't know why my dad literally decided to pick this shithole over Japan to have his wedding in but it's fucked
Plus I am pretty sure that the mystery meat at a restaurant that my dad took me to was like a dog or something because it sure as hell didn't taste of any conventional meat
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>787378
hijack yourself back into the race then
>>
>>787381
Welcome to Vietnam
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>787378
Draw additional numbers on the speedometer face! That adds speed, right?
>>
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>>787379
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>787385
Are we still last?
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>787385
Pray to the almighty to have Jesus take the wheel, the steering wheel that is
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>787385
take off your limiters
>>
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>>787387
Yes. But hopefully you'll rectify that soon
>>
>>787394
Innitiate purge protocols
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>787394
replace gasoline with holy water, so you can drive with even more holiness.
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>787394
go faster
>>
>>787396
Fuck I fucked up the dice
Fucking phone probably caused this
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>787394
We must rectify that sooner. WIDE OPEN THROTTLE!
>>787397
No, the holy water cools the intake charge! The engine can't run on water alone!
>>
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>>787398
>>
>>787399
Lies
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>787401
Read the pace notes
>>
>>787401
Faster
And gopefully dice works this time
>>
>>787401
FASTER
>>
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>>787403
well now it's kinda hard to read anything while going this fast
>>
>>787408
Then go faster
>>
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Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>787408
There must be pictures or schematic drawings there somewhere?
>>
>>787410
Fuck this dice doesn't want to work ima go to bed
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>787408
Go three times as fast as the other racers
>>
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>>787412
"Don't worry, I can read it with my magical daemon eyes" said the Daemon Paladin.

Your team now knows the course better
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>787420
End up getting stuck in a recursive loop of going faster
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>787420
Don't read and drive! Give the wheel to your buddy!
>>
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>>787425
Well you're not the one's reading so it's okay
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>787430
ditch some extra weight to go even faster.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>787430
use a dash pad again!
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>787430
>>787432
Aye, jettison the cowcatcher
>>
>>787430
He should also have a steering wheel and a set of pedals so you can go twice as fast
>>
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>>787436
The speed boost lets you get closer to the current lead: Super Robot Pilot in the OuttaBudgetto
>>
>>787443
smite him
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>787443
Use a hythm to gain more HOLY SPEED™
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>787443
GATTAI DA!
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>787443
use water gun
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>787443
OuttaBudgetto? Sounds like shoddy construction to me! Unethical engineering practices are HERETICAL!
>>
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>>787449
A what now?
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>787455
and go faster!
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>787455
SLIPSTREAM!
>>
so op if this adventure is a wacky races theme then which character is serving the role of dick dastardly?
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>787455
Ram into him
>>
>>787461
Let's just say Dickass Thief
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>787461
The organizers of this race series - the Speed Demons of the Realm of Thousand Lakes!
>>
>>787467
but he has to have a mutt side kick
>>
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>>787460
Going straight behind him to let him catch the wind resistance for you

>>787470
Eh, he could always steal one sooner or later
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>787473
HOLY FIST
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>787473
Get extremely close to him and unscrew the bolts! THIS SHODDY CARRIAGE IS AN AFFRONT TO GOD!
>>
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Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>787478
Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 8, 64 = 72 (2d100)

>>787491
>>
Rolled 78, 84 = 162 (2d100)

>>787491
JUMALAUTA! [GOD HELP ME!]
>>
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>>787497
You caught him by surprise and knocked him off track, taking his lead!
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>787502
Check the temperature gauge
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>787502
Check Holy Levels
>>
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>>787506
"Despite being underwater, we're reaching critical levels! If we did something like that again this thing could explode! In unrelated news, holy levels still at sufficient levels. Since we're paladins."
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>787513
And NOW is time for Holy Water injection! Gotta cool those pistons!
>>
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Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>787515
Roll 2d100 to use holy water without messing up
>>
Rolled 72, 47 = 119 (2d100)

>>787520
MUH HOLY WATER
>>
Rolled 67, 11 = 78 (2d100)

>>787520
>>
Rolled 33, 75 = 108 (2d100)

>>787520
Incantations are necessary
>>
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>>787521
"alright, we're at a manageable level now"
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>787525
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE UNDERWATER VOLCANO!?!
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>787525
Research teleportation tech while driving.
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>787525
>>787528
"So that's why we've been overheating!"
>>
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>>787529
YOu don't have the know-how to do so.

Anyway, as you're speeding forward, you catch the Dickass Thief messing with some road signs!
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>787534
Good thing you got the pace notes, can't mess with them!
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>787534
Purify the sign so it shows the right directions.
>>
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>>787539
And the pace notes say that you'll reach the finish line by turning left, not right. Clearly his trickery is no match for your skills.
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>787541
Run over his car for good measure.
>>
>>787541
Wouldn't strapping sharks to the care make us go even faster though...
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>787541
Smear the Dickass Thief on the cowcatcher
>>
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>>787543
Ah yes, his car is undefended! A perfect target
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>787550
we don't since we're good guys but we cast holy lightning around the general area of Dick Ass Thief since he's being a dick
>>
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>>787552
Ayo hol up nigga. You want to cast Lightning. Underwater.
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>787553
The holy powers within the car shall protect you!
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>787553
Our faith will surely protect us from God's Electric Wrath.
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

Just keep driving and flast this Dickass Theif a thumbs up
>>
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>>787558
"sounds like a terribad idea"

It does sound like a bad idea, retarded even. But being underwater is messing with your Orcish constitution and making you light-headed and unable to think straight to resist such retardation.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>787567
don't do it, race to the finish line
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>787567
Well, let's cast Divine Light (I assume a protection spell?) first before for extra holy protection THEN cast lightning
>>
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>>787570
See, now that's better. Thinking things through, that's good. Rise above your savage orcish ancestry.

Anyway you protected yourself with Divine Light and zapped the surrounding area with Holy Lightning, giving audiences back home a light show.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>787579
oooooooh aaaaaaaaaa
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>787579
Switch to Audience POV
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>787579
Now let's see the REPLAY CAMERA
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>787579
REEEEEE-PLAY
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>787579
Lets see that in GIF format for the folks at home.
>>
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>>787589
"This is gay, when are we gonna watch anime"

"Anime is gay as fuck, Simon"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK"
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>787605
Now zip towards the finish line!
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>787606
>>787605
dis
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>787605
>>787606
>>787607
dat
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>787606
>>787605
Also check for an aura of unremarkableness
>>
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>>787606
Following the pace notes, you turn left in the direction of the "Sharks" sign and drove
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>787629
do a wheelie
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>787629
Seek Holy Guidance/Directions
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>787629
Check your mirrors
>>
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>>787637
You do a wheelie.

Which then made you crash into a shark who was also doing a wheelie using his sweet Shark Hydraulics.
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>787646
I thought we were going the right way...
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>787646
use the momentum to travel through the finishline
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>787646
GET BACK ON THAT CAR! AND DRIVE NIGGA
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>787646
We flew out of the car! Good thing both of us got Grappling Hooks!
>>
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>>787649
What finish line? You're nowhere near it! As the Dickass Thief has secretly swapped everybody's pace notes before the race! A fact that causes him to laugh to himself as he's being carried away on a stretcher thanks to your zapping. Unfortunately for him, and you, you were the only one who bothered to read the pace notes.
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>787658
Mufugga!
GOD, LEAD US ONTO THE RIGHT PATH!
TO VICTORY!
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>787658
Seek Holy Guidance
>>
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Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>787658
>>787660
V8! V8! V8!
>>
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>>787660
God sez:

"Well, you know. Just go back the way you came then head for the other direction"
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>787676
Yeah, but you could help us or something mayne.
C'mon.
We winnin' in your name, yaknow.
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>787676
Holy Wings!
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>787676
C'moooooooooon god, can't you just put the finish line on the sharks part of the course instead?

We just hit a shark with a car for you, it's a give and take ya know?
>>
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>>787691
"I can't help you much, my son. You are in a space far outside my domain. But I can at least channel my power into your vehicle to give you an emergency boost, now quickly, go."
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>787704
Take a shortcut!
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>787704
Ayo thanks senpai.
NOW LET US WIN IN THE NAME OF GOD
DEUS VULT
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>787704
DEUS VULT
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>787704
Do what he said and step on the GAS GAS GAS
>>
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>>787710
Vroom
>>
>>787721
Purge shark with grenade
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>787721
VROOM VROOM.
We need more speed!
Divine wings, GO!
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>787721
Teach the Shark the glories of god
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>787721
Continue at 10/10 pace
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>787725
>>787721
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>787721
>>787726
DAGUMI ZONE GO!
>>
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Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>787726
NOw roll 2d100 to see if you make it back before anybody crossed the finish line
>>
Rolled 77, 96 = 173 (2d100)

>>787741
God says it's my turn to win
>>
Rolled 77, 18 = 95 (2d100)

>>787741
>>
>>787742
Muh nigga
>>
>>787742
I love you, nigga
>>
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Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>787742
Good, you made it back in time, nobody has crossed the finish line and you're in the top 3. Now you must get past 2 other dudes to win this one.
First guy is Super Robot Pilot, who you attacked just before. So now he tries to attackback before you could.

Roll 2d100 and give an action to deal with him
>>
Rolled 96, 98 = 194 (2d100)

>>787762
Make him have an existential crisis.
>>
Rolled 54, 97 = 151 (2d100)

>>787762
DIVINUH SHIELDUH!
>>
Rolled 49, 48 = 97 (2d100)

>>787762
Quick question


You forgot the tusks on the car for like... 5 panels... da fuq

Turn:
Use tusks as missiles to justify OPs laziness
>>
>>787768
I think you broke him.
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>787762
>>787768
"YOU WILL NEVER BE A REAL BOY!"
>>
>>787777
Quads must be accounted for, right?
>>
>>787773
They're, uh, retractable, yeah.
>>
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>>787768
You yelled at him, telling him that he's one of the least succesful protags and will never be a real hero. This caused him to stop his attack and fall into depression.
>>
>>787785
Riiiight
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>787792
SECRET TURBO BOOST!
it's in the chastity belt
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>787794
Holy Water Spray Afterburner, engage!
>>
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Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>787794
But can it overcome Dick Laserfists Time Warp - where he opens up a portal to warp himself to the time at the finish line?
>>
Rolled 53, 73 = 126 (2d100)

>>787802
yeah it does
>>
Rolled 54, 14 = 68 (2d100)

>>787802
yes?
>>
Rolled 95, 54 = 149 (2d100)

>>787802
Sure does
>>
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>>787812
"Oh hey look, the paladin team won this round, whoop de doo. Can we watch anime now?"

"Your animes is full of gay shit, Simon. Fuck no"
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>787823
When and where's the next race?
>>
>>787823
cue anime wining montage.
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>787832
>>
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>>787830
"TUNE IN NEXT TIME WHEN OUR CONSTESTANTS WILL BRAVE THE DESERT WASTELAND TO FIND OUT WHO'S THE BEST."

"Oh good, we got like 2 days until the next one. If your pleb ass can't handle the deep, partrician taste that is glorious japanese anime, maybe you'll watch some wrestling"

"Fuck no, that shit's also hella gay. Buncha half naked sweaty dudes all hugging eachother all the time"
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>787840
Speaking of which. Muchaaaaaaaaa Lucha is the newest racer
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>787840
Time to refit the car! Let's see the modification options!
>>
File: 1.png (10 KB, 500x500)
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>>787842
"Sadly no, He'll have to stay in the non-canon pile"
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>787852
That's just a mannequin!
The real Mucha Lucha has already infiltrated the contest through incredibly sly disguises.
>>
Rolled 43, 96 = 139 (2d100)

>>787852
So, who won 2nd and 3rd?
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>787852
So who is the new temporary racer then to replace the currently electroshocked Dickass Thief
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>787852
For the next race, install a hard-top and air conditioning
>>
File: 1.png (5 KB, 500x500)
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>>787859
"I dunno, some skeleton and a girl"

"Who the hell are you people"
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>787883
Welcome to some kind of special hell where we're forced to race each other.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>787883
The players are bonered into playing as Lolisniffer for one round
>>
>>787885
>where we're forced to race each other
For someone's amusement, no less!
>>
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>>787885
"I'm already in hell with my existence"

"That's just your edgy teenage angsty phase, it'll pass"

"But what if it doesn't, Lolisniffer, but what if it doesn't?"

"Then I guess we're boned"
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>787906
Canon calls him a wuss
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>787906
I get it
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>787906
Wait a sec, lolisniffer is undead right? Dont we have a power boost against the undead?
>>
>>787923
Nigga you don't understand this lolisniffer is after Villain, Z Quest, and L Quest alongside Teenage Jojo.
We couldn't scratch him if we tried.
>>
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>>787909
"Why would I do that?" asked Canon the Barbarian, who came from a barbarian tribe with no relation to the Civ Thing barbarian tribe. He actually looks down upon them and there culture and considers them to be retards.
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>787930
Whatever, he doesn't even have a car!
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>787935
Is it because of the gay sex?
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>787935
Open up the car upgrade screen.
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>787945
>>787935
dis
>>
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>>787945
For being the last winner, you get 1 free upgrade
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>787956
Double Wings!
>>
>>787943
That and the rocks. And the gay sex involving rocks.
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>787956
More armor, meaning a closed top to keep your heads cool and making you look cool
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>787956
gimme dat blade
>>
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>>787957
Ya sure?
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>787964
Secret Box
>>
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>>787966
There's no secret box, or mystery box. Ask about it when it's literally not there one more time and you get nothing.
>>
>>787969
Wait, why does double wings have a RROD?

That's bad, I don't want our car to brick.
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>787969
Double Wings
Lock In
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>787969
more armor
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>787969
Double Wings add speed, I presume?
>>
File: 1.png (15 KB, 500x500)
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>>787973
And so you installed another pair of wings into your car. Obviously this means you'd go faster and fly higher
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>787998
Add the A/C too
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>787998
>>788004
Yep, gotta keep cool innadesert
>>
File: 1.png (16 KB, 500x500)
16 KB
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>>788004
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>788014
Time to race!

Captcha fucked me 4 times
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>788014
A roof and windshield would be nice too

This is totally our car
>>
File: 1.png (28 KB, 500x500)
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>>788027
Well I hope it at least bought you dinner first
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>788051
It bought me McDonalds... which is what our car looks like. The Almighty repaints it more holy colors
>>
File: 1.png (15 KB, 500x500)
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>>788053
Ding
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>788051
Find resolve and fight your attacket anon!
>>
File: 1P1010016.jpg (65 KB, 1024x768)
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Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>788068
A more holy color, indeed
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>788068
Start the race before Anons start to bail!
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>788068
Start the engines!
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>788068
Slap a MOPAR sticker on the side. It'll make it go faster.
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>788074
Mo' Pahr!
>>
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>>788070
"Yes, and you know what we should do now? Keep an eye out for the other racers in the prep stage. Wouldn't want something like the last pace note incident happening again"
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>788088
Check what car Lolisniffer and Jojo are using
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>788088
use holy demonic powers to protect our plans and car.
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>788088
"Well, I already had a look at the notes, it says we actually have to take down a road train. The first team to do that wins. Why is that called a race, I have no idea."
>>
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>>788094
"Good idea."
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>788103
Can you still curse? Curse Time guys' warping powers.
>>
File: 1.png (12 KB, 500x500)
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>>788106
"No cursing.....But putting a holy seal on something, that's another matter"
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>788107
ok do dat den
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>788107
Do it!
>>
File: 1.png (9 KB, 500x500)
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>>788110
"Already did"
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>788114
Roll out to the starting line
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>788114
You are a real bro, Daemon. Lets win!
>>
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>>788116
And so everyon does their last minute checkup. Super Robot Pilot checks if his transforming mechanisms are okay. Wesson Smith makes sure his sandworm is properly fed, the barbarian checks if his horns are sturdy. Lolisniffer applies sunscreen on Jojo...
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>788140
Say your prayers.
>>
File: 1.png (15 KB, 500x500)
15 KB
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>>788146
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>788146
>>788140
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>788156

Since its a desert race lets get some goggles for our eyes!
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>788156
See the rest of you jerks at the finish line
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>788156
Is Jojo gonna ride Lolisniffer?


Thats illegal mayne
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>788156
Now do a Wacky Races Intro Sequence for EVERY racer
>>
File: 1.png (11 KB, 500x500)
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>>788166
Speaking of the finish line. Todays course will see the racers passing through the dangerous post apppocalyptic wasteland. First, outrunning a runaway train, then go through a raider camp, evade necrobots and finally reach the finish line
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>788201
REV YOUR ENGINES
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>788201
Das ez.

Lets win.
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>788201
We have RESOLVE. And aircon.
>>
File: 1.png (12 KB, 500x500)
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>>788212
"Don't underestimate any of them, brother. Overconfidence rarely ever helps. And remember that we're competing to find out what kind of heretic runs this show"
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>788226
Letsdoit.png
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>788226
Oh yeah this gonna be good.
How the hell is Lolisniffer&Jojo gonna race
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>788226
I lost my head. You are right. I'll focus on the road and obstacles. I leave the racers to you.
>>
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>>788228
AND SO THE RACE IS ON!....Except for the Jojo and Lolisniffer team. Since it's a hot day in the wasteland, Jojo won't participate until Lolisniffer gets her some refreshments.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>788250
how we doing? What position we in?
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>788250
Race to the track. If the train comes or not, fly over the tracks for saftey
>>
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>>788264
Currently third, a respectable start. You're behind the Time Toaster and the Bonemobile.

Arriving at the tracks soon. If you manage to pass it before the train does, you'll save loads of time. Plus it'd slow down the other racers.
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>788250
Get the Wings ready for the train evasion maneuvers.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>788282
>>788283
look for a speed pad too, there's always one in segments like these to help you avoid the obstacles
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>788283
>>788282
And full speed, ofc
>>
File: 1.png (14 KB, 500x500)
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Rolled 50 (1d130)

>>788288
Holy wings, speed pads and a train.

Roll 2d100

You get a +15 bonus thanks to double pair of wings
>>
Rolled 70, 46 = 116 (2d100)

>>788305
>>
Rolled 95, 33 = 128 (2d100)

>>788305
>>
Rolled 5, 48 = 53 (2d100)

>>788310
Woo!
>>788316
Why!?
>>
Rolled 52, 32 = 84 (2d100)

>>788305
MULTI TRACK DRIFTING
>>
File: EgJvo86.jpg (39 KB, 617x505)
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>>788316
>>
File: 1.png (9 KB, 500x500)
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>>788310
You managed to fly over the tracks just in time. You now have the lead while the other racers will have to figure out a pay to get past the train
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>788343
Use your excellent driving skills while daemon paladin readies for raiders
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>788343
Don't get to penisy, there are still more dangers ahead!
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>788343
Oh, Ok.
Go Fast.
>>
>>788343
Sure hope the raiders won't give chase.
>>
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Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>788350
And then you reach the raider camp.

"HEADS UP, BOYS! WE GOT SOME FRESH MEAT COMIN' IN" yelled the raiders as they alert themselves of your presence.

roll 2d100 to resist raider traps
>>
Rolled 28, 57 = 85 (2d100)

>>788376
>>
Rolled 78, 85 = 163 (2d100)

>>788376
PERCEPTION!
>>
Rolled 40, 26 = 66 (2d100)

>>788376
As your dive by throw out pamphlets telling them to convert their heretical ways!
>>
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>>788381
You managed to notice the trap and evade in time.

"GET 'EM!" yelled the raiders as they begin to shoot at you
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>788403
HOLY SHIELD UP
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>788403
Shield up and cast FIST
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>788403
Grab the T-shirt cannon. Y'know, the one they gave you when you set off on your piligrimage. Spread your faith with novelty tees!
>>
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>>788421
Shielded.
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>788430
give them a good holy fisting
>>
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Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>788430
Now roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 50, 15 = 65 (2d100)

>>788437
>>
Rolled 87, 30 = 117 (2d100)

>>788437
>>
File: 1477520281808.png (341 KB, 562x562)
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Rolled 33, 50 = 83 (2d100)

>>788437
>>788436
>>
Rolled 48, 57 = 105 (2d100)

>>788437
>>
Rolled 94, 19 = 113 (2d100)

>>788437
eh prob won't count
>>
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>>788443
Ya missed. In retaliation the raiders fired off a rocket at your car, dealing minor damage. But what's important is that the blast halted your advance.
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>788479
Cast heal and keep the shield up
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>788479
No matter. Time for SPEEDY SPEED BOY
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>788479
Get angry! Fuel our car with our divine wrath!
>>
File: 1.png (18 KB, 500x500)
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>>788485
"You okay down there?"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>788502
HAVE JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>788502
warp 5 mister sulu
>>
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>>788509
"Sweet, free wheel"

Ah great now you can't control your car
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>788502
Let's put on the "Inspire Courage Mixtape Vol. 23"
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>788524
we don't need to control the car, just step on the pedal and keep going straight
>>
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>>788530
Yes, of course. Just go straight in a trap-filled ambush ground. Surely nothing bad could happ-oh wait you got caught in a trap
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>788548
JESUS GIVE US THE WHEEL
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>788548
One Puncg Bugman saves the day!
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>788548
>you got caught in a trap
And so did the other competitors!
>>
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>>788552
Jesus gave back the wheel, but now your car is stuck and Orc Cleric is knocked out temporarily. So now you control Daemon Paladin against the raiders
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>788582
HEADBUTT THEM WITH YOUR SPIKED HELMET
>>
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>>788586
>>
Rolled 35, 51 = 86 (2d100)

>>788595
Look out! Behi~
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>788595
NOW SUPLEX THE IMPALED BODY ONTO THE SWORD GUY
>>
File: 1.png (8 KB, 500x500)
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>>788601
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>788624
GET MAD
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>788624
Get the wheel and continue driving
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>788624
Hey look. Jesus fixed our car and healed Orc Cleric!
>>
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>>788626
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>788642
GET BACK TO DRIVING
DRIVE WITH RAGE AND TAKE OUT THE OTHER RACERS
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>788642
>>788632
>>
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>>788648
Well if you're gonna do it, better do it fast, as one just passed you. Wesson, Smith - the man with a gun for a face used his sandworms affinity for the desert to quickly burrow his way past the raider camp and towards victory
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>788677
CRUSH THAT PUNY WORM WITH A HOLY FIST
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>788677
HOLY UPPERCUT!
>>
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Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>788683
Roll 2d100

The Maw gets a +10 sand bonus
>>
Rolled 77, 23 = 100 (2d100)

>>788713
ALMIGHTY PROTECT US
>>
Rolled 36, 32 = 68 (2d100)

>>788713
RULES OF NATURE
>>
Rolled 61, 42 = 103 (2d100)

>>788713
>>
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>>788720
Unfortunately for you, Wesson Smith was a quickshot.

Wow, this hurts more than you expected. Guess that what happens when some medieval dude gets hit with a weapon from the future
>>
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With this sudden thread deadness, I'm gonna assume this is a good point to put things on hold. At least it went much better than the first time. Will continue later/
>>
>>788796
Later, NaP
>>
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>>788796
>>
>>788827
Good thing I'm taking the stairs then
>>
>>790499
I M RD
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>790499
AND WE'RE BACK FROM THE COMMERCIAL BREAK
>>
>>791967
Are we though? Are we truly ever free of commercials?
>>
File: 1.gif (77 KB, 300x300)
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Alright, who's here?
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>792282
Speaking of which. Whats on the prompter?
>>
>>792297
A bunch of fags you dont like
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>792297
punch self in face lightly
>>
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>>792299
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>792302
>>792304
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>792304
Robot punches self in face
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>792304
Punch the engine to life
>>
File: 1.png (6 KB, 500x500)
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>>792309
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>792304

Whut!!! F**king computer! I shall correct it!!!

If (Rac_Ecar = True) {
print("Race Car is Rac Ecar Backwards");
} Else {
print("Nope!! Race Car is Race Car Backwards is not correct!!!")
}
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>792317
I said do it, monkey!
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>792317
who are our announcers any ways and who is the co-host
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>792317
>>792322
And what does the situation look like? Positions, sector times etc.
>>
File: 1.png (10 KB, 500x500)
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>>792322
The dual team of Commander Mystery Box and Commander Beard. Cameos from Dudes n Xenos 1&2, hint hint pastebin hint hint
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>792339
ahhh I'll check the reruns later
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>792339
They arnt what they used to be
>>
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>>792345
Sure, after you;ve finished bleeding
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>792339
Let's listen to what they have to say
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>792356
Your Holy Sanguine pools back into your body
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>792356
GET UP. YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO BLEED.
>>
File: 1.png (16 KB, 500x500)
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>>792365
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>792374
GET IN THE CAR. YOUR WILL OVERWHELMS!
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>792374
Say "I don't have time to die." And then do something cool.
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>792374
Where's Smith Wesson? We need to find him so we can RIP AND TEAR, then appropriate his face-gun as our new weapon.
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>792374

Make the blood go back to your body with power of raging faith.
>>
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>>792381
Wesson, Smith is currently leading the pack into the Necrobot Outpost, with some raiders giving chase.
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>792397
Get back in the car and start catching up to him then.
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>792397
You are seriously pissed off with these raiders! VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER TIME!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_ng7JCkkc
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>792397
Drain and 'save' the raider souls and get your stuff back together
>>
File: 1.png (13 KB, 500x500)
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Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>792403
Roll 2d100 to pass through the raiders blocking your path
>>
Rolled 15, 74 = 89 (2d100)

>>792415
STRIKE DOWN THE UNROADWORTHY!!!
>>
>>792424
So ez
>>
File: 1.png (21 KB, 500x500)
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>>792424
And so you did
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>792430
Continue at higher speed
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>792430
Time to race! INCREASE THE SPEED!
>>
File: 1.png (28 KB, 500x500)
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>>792433
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>792456
All nonbelievers on the track take a speed penalty during this rage
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>792456
wake up orc cleric
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>792456
>>792469

Wake up aniki!!!
>>
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>>792464
This allowed you to catch up with the pack.

Alongside the raider cars chasing after them
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>792488
Wake the orc cleric. Conduct Mad Max shenanigans against the other racers.
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>792488
Destroy... purge all raiders!
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>792488
Wake up that lazy orc
>>
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>>792506
"mmmrmmmm....mhmmmm...5 more minutes....."
>>
File: mg_0516.jpg (5.63 MB, 5184x3456)
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Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>792488
convert the raiders to the your faith
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>792534
>>792532
>to the your
shaking my head in shame to be honest
>>
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>>792541
As you were about to convert them, something crashed into them and blew them up
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>792556

Tell the orc cleric that you just saw a heretic.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>792556
RIDE THROUGH THE EXPLOSIONS!
THIS IS NOW AN ACTION MOVIE!
MAXIMUM MADNESS: HOLY ROAD
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>792556
Get to the lead of the pack. And try to wake the orc again.
>>
>>792562
>Holy Road and not Holy Path
Damn you, brain, why don't you give me cool ideas sooner?
Also, fuck dice god.
That cunt.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>792556
Have a hunch that someone was aiming for us. Holy Shield up!
>>
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>>792560
"A what now?!"
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>792575
DIVINE BOLT GO
>>
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>>792581
#cheappuns
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>792594
Now we can use it to SCREW with our enemies!
Geddit?
Ah hell, just throw it at them.
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>792594
Use divine power to knock some opponents out of the race, irreparably damaging their cars.
>>
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Rolled 6, 109, 96, 171, 72, 65, 165 = 684 (7d200)

>>792605
Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 69, 3 = 72 (2d100)

>>792619
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>792619
SHA-thisisobviouslygoingtofail-BLAM
>>
Rolled 37, 52 = 89 (2d100)

>>792626
Failed so much i put the wrong dice.
>>
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>>792623
Amazing, one racer was basically gift-wrapped and you managed to roll a 3
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>792631
Punch self to get rid of that retardation.
Now,
DIVINE WINGS!
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>792631
wings activate!
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>792631
DIVINE WIINGS
>>
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>>792644
Let's jsut fly up into the air so nobody would notice your embarassing failure
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>792657

JET FLIGHT!!!
>>
File: 1.png (10 KB, 500x500)
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>>792662
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>792657
Let's drop Holy Water Vials on those heathens!
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>792657
Fly to the point just before the finish line, then cross it in normal car mode to avoid breaking any potential rules.
>>
Suddenly, deadness
>>
Welp, since suddenly everyone left for some reason, I guess that's it for today
>>
>>792694
I'll never leave you, OP.
Unless i'm hungry.
>>
>>792707
Then why didn't you reply then
>>
>>792714
Someone already got a high roll.
The chances of getting a higher one weren't really on my side.
>>
Was on bathroom break, sorry

But yeah, >>792722 this
>>
>>792722
No I mean why didn't you reply to this >>79267
It was the next post, a next action was required
>>
>>792670
>>792733
accidentally erased that zero for some reason
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>792733
Oh, i thought you would be counting this roll >>792670
My bad.
>>792670
Scout from the skies, what's happening on the ground?
>>
>>792759
Shit, i linked the wrong post.
I thought you would be counting this roll >>792672
>>
>>792770
That roll linked the wrong post
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>792670
>>792672
Let's reroll then
>>
>>792773
Yep, i didn't check, my fault.
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>792670
Rolling for NaP to stop being sensitive
>>
>>792792
But the thing literally cannot continue without an action
>>
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>>792759
Dead raiders
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>792804
"Announcer CMB: The racers are approaching the necrobot territory! What's gonna happen next?"
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>792804
Noice.
Drop some holy fire on those filthy heretics, while we're at it.
>>
File: 1.png (17 KB, 500x500)
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>>792810
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>792819
How's Orc Cleric doing?
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>792819
Use the secret turbo booster to propel us further in our flight, before we land.
>>
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>>792826
Regaining his senses
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Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>792842
Installing A/C was a good call. Imagine if he was knocked out and had a heatstroke.
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>792842
>>792855
Oh yeah, action.

Don't wanna be easy targets up in the sky, let's land
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>792842
Punch self in face
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>>792855
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>792869
Yeah, good idea.
Time to land!
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>>792873
Your Divine Wings brought you into the lead
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Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>792894
Gee golly, thank goodness that was a soft landing. How safe is our lead? Have a look around
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>>792902
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>792932
HOLY SMITE
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Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>792932
Oh hey.
FULL SPEED, ORC CLERIC!
FULL SPEED!
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Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>792932
HE IS IN MELEE RANGE! GRAB YOUR SLEDGE PALLY!
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>>792948
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>792959
So what made you decide to participate even though the judgebot stopped you?
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Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>792959
THROW THE HOLY BOLT AT HIM QUICK!
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>>792965
Curses, foiled again
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Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>792994
Man we're the goodguys we can't attack children or teenagers
We gotta figure out how to hit Lolisniffer without Jojo getting in the way.

More importantly we gotta accelerate.
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>792994
Make him have an existential crisis.
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>792994
I'm fairly positive that sentient bipedal skeletons are technically NOT vehicles or mounts and therefore are DISQUALIFIED! Report them to stewards!
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>>793008
As the racers accelerate towards the Necrobot outpost, the Necrobots ready their laser cannons to destroy the meatbags intruding on their turf
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Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>793029
Dodge the lasers!
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Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>793029
The Holy Chariot's shiny metalflake paint reflects and diffuses the lazors!
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Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>793029

Deflect the laser with raging punch of faith!
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Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>793029
Holy Shield!
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Rolled 52 (1d120)

>>793045
Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 77, 58 = 135 (2d100)

>>793058
SHINY AND CHROME
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Rolled 33, 50 = 83 (2d100)

>>793058
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Rolled 129 (1d130)

>>793060
The Holy Chariot shiny and chrome-ness deflected the lasers. So the Necrobots then try to use a more conventional energy blast instead.

Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 22, 13 = 35 (2d100)

>>793088
deflect and evade!
>>
Rolled 27, 24 = 51 (2d100)

>>793088
HOLY SHIELD
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>793088
They get disrupted by a notatallcoincidebtal giant poak bun
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Rolled 52, 42 = 94 (2d100)

>>793088
>An unwinnable roll
Gotta try and go faster
>>
Rolled 97, 75 = 172 (2d100)

>>793088
Evasive maneuvers! Get the Holy Energy Capacitors ready!
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>>793097
Energy blast...blasts your car and knocks you away
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Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>793154
...away... closer to the finish line!
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>793154

Do acrobatic flip with the car.
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Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>793154
Activate the wings and fly at full speed towards the finish line.
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>>793171
Roll 2d100 to flip
1-49: no
50-100: yess
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Rolled 52, 93 = 145 (2d100)

>>793181
Hold in your lunch
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Rolled 82, 10 = 92 (2d100)

>>793181
do the flip
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Rolled 2, 41 = 43 (2d100)

>>793181
Captcha is a broken piece of shit
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>>793187
You did not do the flip. And now you're pinned under your car
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Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>793210
well shit, punch the wings button so you have enough room to roll out from under the car
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>793210
Holy Orc Rage to flip the car
Assuming Orc Cleric is even awake yet.
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>>793216
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>793235
Try waking up orc cleric
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Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>793235
YOU ARE THE HAND OF GOD. YOU SHALL NOT BE HINDERED BY SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES. MIGHTY WINGS! CARRY US!
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>>793253
He's awake
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Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>793278
Combine your strength to flip the car
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Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>793278
Strap in the seats. Time for SUPERSONIC SPEED!
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>>793287
>>793287
dangit captcha
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Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>793344
Captcha is a broken thing which doesn't work.
Unlike our car, FULL HOLY SPEED AHEAD
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>793344
We already lost
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>793344
WE'VE GOTTA WIN THE RACE
ACTIVATE THE NITROUS
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>793344
inspect for damages
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Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>793344
No time to inspect damage, GOGOGO!
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>>793359
Well to tell the truth, your car isn't in good shape either, thanks to the damage it took
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Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>793381
PRAY
WITH GOD'S HELP THIS CAR SHOULD RUN AT 110% EFFICIENCY
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>793381
Can't we just cast heal on it?
We should probably also keep an eye on them necrobots.
>>
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>>793396
Orc Cleric and Daemon Paladin Cast Heal!

No effect. Heal only works on organic beings.
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>793425
turn around!
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Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>793425
Well then let's make some spare scrap out of those necrobots to fix it.
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>793425
A wild Poak Bun appears
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Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>793425
Hotrod hunter Richard Rawlings and master mechanic Aaron Kaufman arrive and fix your car. They also customize it and put a dumb Gas Monkey sticker on it.
>>
Rolled 21, 89 = 110 (2d100)

>>793425
Cast Holy Light on sneaky Necrobot!
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>>793440
A what now
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Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>793470
you know
those racers from the halloween adventure
pumpkin head and poak bun skeleton
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>793470
Roundhouse kick someone behind you
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Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>793470
Luckily, you find that the Giga Horse is right behind some rocks, with the keys laying on the seat!
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>>793482
"They go into the non-canon pile. PLus, not important enough to earn a protag spot"
>>