>>764555
>...Answer the phone.

You of course, answer the phone.

"Yes? Who is this?"

"Vik? That's you, right?"

It seems to be your sister, Maria! How nice.

"Of course. Do you need anything, Maria?"

"Well, yes... Something very important, actually."

"Right. Well, what is it?"

"...I sort of need you to help me escape from prison."

"What?! How did you get arrested?"

"Erh, I didn't get arrested... Rebels kidnapped me."

"How are you calling me?"

"Well... I'm about to be kidnapped... Can you help or not? Because I don't really know anyone else who can."

"What about literally every other brother or sister we have?"

The phoneline goes dead. And you are furious, personally. So you slam the phone down, which slightly bends it.

But you also can't help but think this is slightly suspicious. Sure, you get along great with Maria... But why call YOU? Your far away... And she never actually said where she was...

Actions.

>...It doesn't matter if your sister's been kidnapped. You'll rescue her, no matter what. Leave the office.
>...You have appointments with a hell of a lot of people today. You'll do those first, THEN find Maria.
>Too suspicious to be worthwhile... You'll send in some Special Forces to find her.
>...Best to start calling people who might know where she is... Like the Serbian Emperor.
>Write-in
>Write-in

>>764612
>...Best to start calling people who might know where she is... Like the Serbian Emperor.
Well that was the calmest kidnapping in progress I've ever heard.

>>764621
Just saying that she changed a little last time you saw her

She sounded calm, strangely enough, so you decide to take your time. So you start dialing numbers to reach the Serbian "Emperor."
Eventually, he picks it up.

"Yes? Who is this?"

Actions.

>...This is motherfucking Viktorious of the goddamned United Mothefucking States. If you even HURT my sister a little bit, and if you kidnapped her, you'll be in a world of pain for the rest of your fucking short life...
>Hi. Do you know where my sister, Maria is?
>...Play nice. Ask him how ruling the Balkans is going, that sort of thing.
>...Just saying, I will be visiting shortly... For diplomatic reasons, yes...
>Write-In

>>764633
>Hi. Do you know where my sister, Maria is?
Lets not jump to conclusions.

"Hi. Do you know where my sister, Maria is?"

"...Oh. Erh, no actually."

"Why?"

"...She's uh... We've both sort of run into a spat."

"Why?"

"She wanted to explore the world, and I wanted to keep her here... So she sort of ran off. What happened to her?"

"...Nothing that you have to concern yourself with. So you don't know where she is?"

"Yeah... I think she left me actually."

Actions

>...Well, I'm sorry about that. If it makes you feel better, I've never been good with women either.
>...But from what I hear, she loved being with you... What's going on?
>...Did you hurt her in any sort of way?
>Why did she leave you? It has to be more then that.
>...So she could be anywhere? Fucking great...
>Hang up.
>Write-in

>>764667
>Did she say where she was going? Any idea?
I hope Maria didn't enter an emo phase.

"...Great. Fucking great. Did she say where she was going? Any idea?"

"No... But she did sort of mention something about the Caribbean or something."

Actions.

>...Thank you. I'll ask around.
>Right. Well, I hope you find another woman...
>...That's a lot of islands. Any specifics?
>...If she's in the Caribbean, then one government or another should of heard of her... Time to start calling...
>...Hang up.
>Write-in

>>764707
>...That's a lot of islands. Any specifics?
>...Thank you. I'll ask around.
>...If she's in the Caribbean, then one government or another should of heard of her... Time to start calling...


>Rebels
>In the Caribbean
Now something is definitely up.

>>764710
Maybe she went to Cuba, considering all the shit we've done to them i wouldn't be surprised at this point to here they are rebelling.

>>764712
Yeah but we burnt the shit out of Cuba.
Everybody there is dead and all the buildings are burnt to ash.
Cause we drank the 4th largest oil deposit

"Well, that's a lot of islands... Thank you, I'll ask around."

"Right. Just make sure she comes back safe, ok?"

You hang up, and quickly begin dialing in the numbers of Caribbean governments... Such as your new-founded puppet government in Cuba.

"President Frenandaz?"

"Si? Do you need something, Presidente?"

"Could you check on your esteemed person's list if a... Maria Thorrson shows up?"

"Si. I will check."

You call plenty of other Caribbean nations, most of course begin searching but two in particular insult you and piss you off enough where you start verbally assaulting them. Those two glorious nations... Seem to be Trinidad, and the Jamaicans.
Who are puppets of the Brazilian Empire... And are allied with Mexico and Peru.
So fucking great.

Actions

>...When being the president fails, it's time to resort to being a mob boss...
>...Call them back up, and threaten to push the Big Red Button (As in, Nuke the shit out of them.)
>...When being a president fails, it's time to be a presidential dragon. As in, threaten to burn their shit to the ground, stomp on the ashes, and steal their shit.
>...You can't do anything without risking a war. Hang up.
>...Send a few calls to the navy, and order them to "embargo" Jamaica and Cuba until they start searching.
>...Call the secretary of Defense and the war cabinet. You may or may not invade these islands... Both to find Maria... And to spread Democracy.
>Write-In

>>764720
That was Buenos Aries. As in Argentina.

>>764749
Oh that's a shame.
>...Call the secretary of Defense and the war cabinet. You may or may not invade these islands... Both to find Maria... And to spread Democracy.
Manifest Destiny blah blah blah American dream blah blah blah Democracy.

You sigh. That sure is a is a shame that you have to invade both Brazil, Mexico, Peru, Jamaica, and Trinidad.
Both for personal reason.
And for manifest destiny.

So of course, you begin calling up the secretary of defense and the war cabinet...

"Secretary of War?"

"Pentagon speaking. What is it?"

"We may or may not invade a few countries in the next few hours. I'm calling a meeting."

"Sir... What countries are these?"

"Jamaica, Trindad, Peru, Brazil, and Mexico."

"Sir, the American people would never agree to a war against these countries... It would prove to be extremely unpopular..."

Actions.

>...Yawn over the phone. You just want to vent your frustration by killing a few thousand people... To find Maria, of course.
>...Who cares what the people think?
>Oh. Right... Well, I'll be right back as soon as I get something to declare war over.
>...Hm... You need to make their alliance look threatening. And you are great at rhetoric. Call for a press conference later...
>They kidnapped my sister! Maybe! I don't know, actually!
>But they could have weapons of mass destruction.
>Save it for the meeting, damn it.
>Write-In

>>764804
>But they could have weapons of mass destruction.
Doesn't even need to be real. We can just lie.
>...Hm... You need to make their alliance look threatening. And you are great at rhetoric. Call for a press conference later...

>>764804
>Oh. Right... Well, I'll be right back as soon as I get something to declare war over.


Actually hearing our sons internal thoughts is making me like him a lot less than before.

Going to wait fifteen more minutes anons.

"...Well... They could have weapons of mass destruction, but I'll consider other options. If there's no other choice, I'll call a press conference later."

"Got it sir. The USA doesn't need more on it's plate then it can handle."

"God Bless."

You hang up, and consider your options. On second consideration, Trinidad and Jamacia make up... Well, barely a good percentage of the Caribbean, and they've always been pricks... Not to mention the loss of life, unpopularity of a war, and generally having to put more money into the armed forces... And it could disrupt this "civil rights" issue, with Martin Luther King Jr...

Your mind goes back to politics, on how Democrats refuse to sign a bill ending segregation, that sort of thing...
Being a president isn't too fun, honestly...

Actions.

>...Well, time to call that press conference. You can't really think of anything.
>Maybe call up the CIA. You can get something organized.
>...You have your own private CIA. It's called the Mafia. Call up your underboss.
>...You'll be paying a personal visit to Jamaica and Trinidad then.
>...Just wait until the other Caribbean governments call you back.
>Write-In

>>764916
>...You'll be paying a personal visit to Jamaica and Trinidad then.
When you want it done right...

You decide to pay a personal visit to Jamaica and Trinidad then. So of course, you put on hold your meetings and decide what you'll be doing...

Actions

>...Dragon. Shapeshift. Fly down there. That sort of thing.
>What? No. Your taking a more peaceful and less threatening stance... You'll take a private boat down there for a meeting...
>You'll just take an aircraft carrier with you, in case the Jamaicans or Trinidadians (or whatever they're called) refuse to talk.
>Write-In

>>764972
>You'll just take an aircraft carrier with you, in case the Jamaicans or Trinidadians (or whatever they're called) refuse to talk.

Make sure the ship is decked out with American flags and everything.

>>764980
This.

You call a local aircraft carrier, who you decide to ask for transportation to Jamaica... And of course, decorated in American flags and other patriotic symbols...

It'll take a day or two, but it'll be well-worth it, hopefully.

You are back to being Renexizious!

And you really fucking hate the weather sometimes. And other people, because your trip has been nothing but your daughter trying to get more friends, and you running out of room to sit on Blondi, it's fucking raining...
Why did you ever become "good". It sucks...

But that's when you see Mousilion in the distance. And the lack of a swamp is... Nice, honestly... But you can tell Blondi is exhausted, and you can't help but be tired too.

Actions.

>Try to encourage Blondi to go farther!
>...Camp it is... Hopefully your daughter doesn't ask you for a bedtime story or something.
>You can get everyone there faster. Shapeshift to dragon form, put everyone on your back, and fly off.
>Write-In

>>765012
>You can get everyone there faster. Shapeshift to dragon form, put everyone on your back, and fly off.
Don't complain Renexizious. This is what happens when you aren't their to corrupt your children at birth.

>>765012
>You can get everyone there faster. Shapeshift to dragon form, put everyone on your back, and fly off.


We got shit to do.

>>765012
>You can get everyone there faster. Shapeshift to dragon form, put everyone on your back, and fly off.

You sigh, and get off of Blondi. You shapeshift, desummon Blondi, and put everyone on your back. And fly off to the palace.

You however, come up with a "dastardly" plan. Since her skaven and beastmen friends are by your back...

It's a little mean, but it's a great idea.
Actions.

>...Accidentally shake your back. This will send the Skaven and Beastmen flying off you. And either kill them, or get them to escape...
>No, your trying to be good... Keep those evil plans stowed away...
>Think about how sad Renexizia would be if her "friends" died... And angry towards you, maybe.
>...You should take this time to try and at LEAST make her semi like you. It's only proper for a dragon, anyways...
>...Loudly complain to Renexizia how she likes friends rather then slaves. You have to get it out somehow...
>Write-in

>>765071
>No, your trying to be good... Keep those evil plans stowed away...

>>765071
>...You should take this time to try and at LEAST make her semi like you.
I don't think we should keep letting her hate us.

You shake that idea right out of your head, and you decide to do somesort of smalltalk towards her...

Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can get her to like you more! Additional +3 if you can talk about anything that she likes!

Rolled 13 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>765120
>So when we go home you want butter?
Butter shall lead us to victory

Rolled 8 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>765120

13+7=20
Success!

"So... When we get home, do you want butter?"

"Sure! Butter tastes great, and you can roll around in it, and you can throw it at things..."

"I know, I know. I love butter too..."

"Butter is great!"

You chuckle a little bit, and it seems she slightly likes you a bit more for saying that.

After a little while, you set down outside of the Ducal Palace, and enter in a argument with the gate keeper about the Skaven and Beastmen following you... And when you nearly agree to them staying outside, Renexizia does... Big, watery eyes to you... Oh God, she knows it well. You continue arguing, if only for Renexizia's sake.

Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if you can convince the gatekeeper to let the filthy Skaven inside, along with the Beastmen. Additional +3 if you can argue why they're harmless, or if you can use Renexizia's adorableness to your advantage.

Rolled 3 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>765185
Uh.... they're just animals. Also if all else fails we can use Renexizia on the guard by throwing her at him.

Rolled 14 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>765185
They should let them in because we're a dragon and it's not like they could do anything without us stopping them.

14+5=19

Borderlien Failure!

"Well... They're just animals, really."

"Dangerous ones! The Lord will naught like animals running around."

"They're not animals, they're people!" Yells Renexizia.

"Just let me in, I'm a dragon."

"I am not permitted to let threats past the gate which could harm Lord Richard! Beastmen and Skaven? What's next, inviting explosives in for a cup of tea?"

Actions.

>...Shapeshift and threaten the gatekeeper.
>Can they stay in the dungeon at least?
>...Throw Renexizia at the gatekeeper!
>Hold up Renexizia to eye-level with the gatekeeper. Maybe she can be adorable or something, you really don't know.
>Seriously, put them in binds and don't let them out of your sight then.
>...They can stay outside then, alright?
>Write-in

>>765322
>Hold up Renexizia to eye-level with the gatekeeper. Maybe she can be adorable or something, you really don't know.
The power of cute shall compel him.

>>765322
>Hold up Renexizia to eye-level with the gatekeeper. Maybe she can be adorable or something, you really don't know.

Roll me a 1d20+6 for how adorable Renexizia can be.

Rolled 2 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>765353

Rolled 1 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>765353
Cute power.

Use barbaric anons?

>Yes.
>No.

>>765402
Yes
Barbaric cute.
Best kind

>>765402
Yes

Roll me a 1d20 for Renexizia to be cute. Autosuccess if you can come up with something barbarically adorable.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>765421

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>765421
With a lisp obviously
>Blood! Skulls! Rawr!
Then raise our hands over our head and do a monster walk.
Trip and fall on our butt for maximum adorable.
(Because failing basic motor functions is cute)

She looks him in the eye, adorably.

"Blood! Skulls! Rawr!" She lets out a squeak.

The man seems kind of confused, and so are you. When did she become a Khornate?
Then she kinda flops in your arms, and the guy just seems... Well confused.

"I don't get paid enough to deal with Khornates." He just shakes his head, throws down his halberd, and drinks a lot of alcohol from a bottle of booze. So you go inside.

"...When did you become a Khornate?"

"I dunno what that is. It just felt natural."

...I think we've been spending TOO much time around Khorne, if saying chants for the Blood God is now in our DNA.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

...I grow concerned every day.

Hey, I gotta admit it's catchy.

Yeah, it is...

Actions.

>...You know, why don't we introduce her to Khorne? I mean, maybe that might lower her ethics a little.
>...We need to make her into a barbarian now, thanks.
>I wonder what those Khornates back in Sweden are doing... Oh God. We left them unattended, didn't we?
>...Well, since we're here, I'm going to bring her to Elizabeth, then I'm going straight to find Chrysoula and tumble her just so I can repay you for stealing my body earlier. And annoy you.
>Come on, let's introduce her to my wife...
>Write-in

>>765497
>Come on, let's introduce her to my wife...

And have Renexizia say SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

>>765497
>I wonder what those Khornates back in Sweden are doing... Oh God. We left them unattended, didn't we?
>Come on, let's introduce her to my wife...

Come on... Let's introduce her to my wife.

You go inside, and up to Elizabeth's door. You hear snoring, and Renexizia is right next to you, along with Blondi. Renexizia seems really, really execited...

Actions.

>...Desummon Blondi.
>Renexizia, once you see your mother, yell Skulls for the Skull Throne as loud as possible, and charge her, ok?
>Knock on the door!
>Tell Renexizia to look "proper". Hopefully she has a half-dragon form or something.
>...Grab Renexizia and put her around your shoulders. If she'll let you, that is. Then charge into the room!
>Write-in

>>765594
>...Desummon Blondi.
>...Grab Renexizia and put her around your shoulders. If she'll let you, that is. Then charge into the room!

>>765594
>Tell Renexizia to look "proper". Hopefully she has a half-dragon form or something.

You desummon Blondi, who whines before he disappears sadly.

"Do you have a half-dragon form or something?"

"What's that?"

"Let me show you..."

You shapeshift into your half-dragon form.

"Oh, I dunno honestly... I mean, I'll try!"

She does indeed, have a really fucking adorable half-dragon form, complete with a little tiny tail and claws. Holy shit, she's completely harmless. And so, you pick her up easily, and prepare to charge...

Roll me a 1d20+6 for how well this goes.

Rolled 14 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>765640
Preparing my ones.

Rolled 19 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>765640
Good to know our doughter isn't a retard

19+6=25

Good Success!

You charge in, kicking the door open (off it's hinges, actually), and jump into the bed, waking up Elizabeth, while Renexizia laughs, having quite a bit of fun.

"What? What's going on?"

"I'm back! And you won't believe what I got!"

"Hi! I'm Renexizia!"

"I got you a daughter!"

Renexizia hugs Elizabeth... And you kind of feel left out.

"Can I get a hug?"

"...Well... Only because you helped me get here and make friends!"

She tries to hug the both of you, and Elizabeth seems happy.

"Well, I was trying to sleep, you know."

"And? Well, I'm back."

Elizabeth gets out of bed, Renexizia clinging to her back. Renexizia lets go, and Elizabeth then shifts into her half-dragon form, and closes the door. And drops in bed with you... The bed creeks under all of your collective weights.

"Might as well get protection from scratches."

Elizabeth, Renexizia, and you are in a great mood as you lay down and talk.

Elizabeth also seems to like the fact that her daughter isn't as independent as her sons, and is overwhelmingly friendly.

"So, Ren... How was the adventure to find her?"

"It was kinda boring. And long. At least with him. But by myself, I had tons of fun!"

"Oh, really? Well, tell me of your adventure once I'm done with your father, ok?"

She gives Renexizia a kiss on the check, and turns towards you.

Actions

>...It was kind of boring.
>...Well, now I'm curious. What did you do to get here?
>Well, sorry to say, but she sort of destroyed your palace.
>...I uh, crashlanded in your palace. Sorry. (Lie)
>Hug them all!
>Well, it was fun. If a bit long...
>She has a lot of friends, you know...
>Whisper to her that you can't wait to get some alone time with her.
>Well, I'd like it a lot better if my daughter wasn't so nice...
>...She kissed her? Well, guess you have to do the same.
>Write-In

>>765737
>She has a lot of friends, you know...
>Hug them all!

>>765751
This and
>>765737
>Well, sorry to say, but she sort of destroyed your palace.

"You know, she has a of friends... A lot more then I'd expect."

You give both of them a huge hug...

"Well, also, I'm sorry to say, but she also sort of destroyed your palace."

"What?!"

Roll me a 1d20+6 to see how well she responds. Additional +2 if you can soften it, cover it up, or calm her down. Or use Renexizia.

Rolled 15 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>765836
Renexizia needs to start pouting and acting real cute.
And a hug would help.

15+6=21

Minor Success!

You hug her very tightly, and motion for Renexizia to pout and act adorable.

Elizabeth seems... Infuriated. And is taking deep breathes.

"...What do you mean, destroyed my palace?"

"Erh, well... It can be rebuilt, sweetheart... It's only vestigal damage, I think. Not everything was destroyed or covered in butter."

Roll me a 1d20+6 to try and explain this without pissing her off.

Rolled 12 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>766011
This is gonna go so bad.

12+6=18

Minor Failure!

"Besides, I think you can get a new pool... And a lot more books. And a new garden... Oh, and there's nothing in the kitchen... The throne's been flattened..."

"...A new garden?! A FLATTENED THRONE?! Are you telling m-"

"Well... There's nothing left there... And uh..."

Elizabeth has something akin to a death stare, and you quickly lose your nerves...

"Well uh..."

"And WHO THE FUCK DID THIS?! Who destroyed countless artifacts and historical content worth generations!?!"

She is red with pure anger, and Renexizia seems a little terrified. Meanwhile, your face loses all color... You have never seen her this angry before, actually.

Actions.

>...Erh... Uhm... It was... The elves?
>...I did?
>Please don't be angry towards her... She didn't know any better. It was Renexizia.
>...The Spanish invaded?
>The French?
>Shit, shit shit... You need to calm her down, now!
>I'll tell you later once you calm down, sweetheart...
>...Uh... Why don't I erh... Get you some more slaves? And food? You love that stuff!
>Do what no man has done before. Ask if she wants to tumble to get her anger out?
>Don't worry! I can get you a new, bigger, more beautiful palace!
>...Did I mention you'll be sleeping with ME now? In MY palace?
>Your wife needs to let off some (probably literal) steam. Tell her to rampage a little in dragon form. That always makes you feel better!
>Write-In

>>766107
>Let's just keep calm.
>Please don't be angry towards her... She didn't know any better. It was Renexizia.

"Come on, let's just keep calm... But please don't be angry towards her. She didn't kow and better... It was Renexizia."

"What?! Why?"

"I-I thought it would be fun..." She snuffles a little, and seems on the brink of crying...

Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if Elizabeth is detoured from being angry!

>>766107
>Write-In
Place our hand inside hers, begin hugging and tell her to squeeze out her anger through our hand. Slowly stroke head and make comforting noises until she is calm.


Standard shit, can't make it worse.

Rolled 8 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>766233

Rolled 15 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>766233
Please be gentle dice.

15+5=20

Borderline Failure!

She ignores her plea... But softens noticeably.

"That is it! You are GROUNDED! Do you hear me?"

"W-What?"

"You are grounded! Go to... Fuck, Go to Ren's brother's room or whatever. And you will NOT come out until I say you can, got it? And you will think about what you did! And I expect you to come back with a damned good speech on how your sorry, and how you beg for my forgiviness! IS THIS UNDERSTOOD!?"

"O-ok..."

"I said, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!"

"Y-yes!"

"Good! If I catch you out, you will be in for a hell of a lot more then just a grounding!"

Renexizia runs away, scared of her mom. She still seems furious though.

"That was a bit harsh, Elizabeth..."

She growls a little, and puts a pillow over her head. It's clear she is NOT in a mood for talking, so you try talking by putting your hand on her shoulder and trying to relax her.

Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can relax her. Additional +2 if you can come up with any good ways of doing so.

Rolled 20 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>766365
>Offer to go raiding with her
I could say technical this is our fault for not being there for the birth of an infant dragon and leaving that dragon within close proximity of valuables

File: download (39).jpg (7 KB, 199x253)

7 KB JPG

>>766393
Guess she's not angry anymore.
Maybe now she can unground Renexizia

Critical Success!

"Come on Liz... Why don't we go raiding?"

She lifts the pillow off of her head.

"That sounds really fucking nice, actually."

"Really? Well, thanks."

Her previously red angry face cools down quite a bit... And she gives you a huge hug...

"I think I was... A little too harsh in what I said."

"You were, yeah."

"And no, I'm not ungrounding her yet... She has a lot to think about."

Actions.

>Liz, think about it... A proper dragon needs to destroy, rampage, eat, kill, enslave, murder, and generally be murderhobos. If she doesn't have destruction... She's basically a human with scales!
>Oh, come here... You can never do anything wrong Elizabeth...
>Come on, you'll feel a lot better after crushing some humans...
>Do you think we should bring Renexizia along? She's kind of soft around humans.
>I was surprised you weren't more harsh, honestly.
>...Why don't we explore something a little more... Deeper? Like tumbling? (Charisma)
>Come on, now we know not to be irresponsible and leave our eggs alone in places with valuables in it.
>...We shouldn't leave. She might try to destroy the ducal palace like your palace.
>...Just curious, are you hungry for humans at all? I mean, you never ate humans before. Besides that one time. When you were pregnant.
>Let's get some food on the way there, ok?
>You need more adorable. Summon Smaug and Blondi!
>Come on, can you unground her? Please please please?
>Well, could her grounding be explaining Dragon Ethics to her? As in, she comes with us whether she likes or not and has to help us raid?
>Write-In

>>766471
>Come on, now we know not to be irresponsible and leave our eggs alone in places with valuables in it.
>I was surprised you weren't more harsh, honestly.
>Come on, you'll feel a lot better after crushing some humans...

>>766471
>Well it's not like she knew better. She's less than a day or two old. We should just try to teach her ourselves. We did leave her on her own.

"Well, it's not like she knew better. She's less than a day or two old... We should just try to teach her ourselves. We did leave her on her own. But I am surprised you weren't more harsh..."

"...Really? I mean... I yelled at her... I rarely have to yell at our children, you know..."

"I know... Come on, now we know not to be irresponsible an leave our eggs in places with valuables in it... But come on, you'll feel a lot better after crushing some humans."

She nods her head and gets up, and the two of you head outside, shapeshift, and begin to fly...

"So... Where do you want to raid?"[/re]

"The nearest and biggest place. I need to get my frustration out."

"Any slaves?"

"No."

"...So you just want to brutally stomp on some humans and grind their faces into the ground?"

"Yes. What, did you think I came here on a good mood or something?" She says, somewhat like a joke.

Actions

>...I mean, my raids rarely involve me killing someone...
>...Erh, we aren't going to kill and destroy everyone, are we? I don't know if the Empire would like that.
>Can we go back and get Renexizia for her education? You know, to be a full on dragon?
>...Well, let's focus your destructive energies... (Specify where to raid, either the Empire, Imperial-Bretonnia, Estalia, Lustria, or just the nearest place)
>Well... I think you should do that on your own. I'm trying to be good after all...
>Oooh, another Buenos Aires maybe?
>This isn't going to solve anything, Liz. You'll just end up killing innocent people. People with families and pets. And children.
>Write-in

>>766573
>...Well, let's focus your destructive energies... (Specify where to raid, either the Empire, Imperial-Bretonnia, Estalia, Lustria, or just the nearest place)
Lustria

>>766573
>...Well, let's focus your destructive energies
Lustria

Also I think the character sheet needs updating. I don't think Renexizia is in it yet.

>>766573
>Write-in
"In that case, how about we go kill some bandits and such? That'll help with my whole being good thing and help you exercise your emotions."

Yeah, I'll get to that a little later.

You decide to visit Lustria. You never actually went there, and it's mostly jungle.
And it's basically Fantasy Brazil.

"How about Lustria?"

"Where's that?"

"Oh... A good few miles eastward."

"I WANT to destroy something close, not some fucking place across an ocean."

"Oh. Well, in that case how about we go kill bandits or something? It'll help your emotions and me trying to be good."

"No, that's not the same..."

Actions.

>Come on, bandits can be fun....
>Lustria isn't that far away. It'll only take a few hours...
>Fine. Let's raid something close by then.
>Can you NOT try to kill everyone? Please?
>...This raiding thing was a bad idea.
>Write-in

>>766660
>Okay then
Let's just head to somewhere nearby and pray she at least leaves some survivors

>>766715
>Fine. Let's raid something close by then.
>Can you NOT try to kill everyone? Please?

>>766715
>Lustria isn't that far away. It'll only take a few hours...
>It's a place of exotic wildlife, jungle Ruins and untold riches. It'll be worth all the distance.

IIRC The lizard people having birthing ponds but they're few and irreplaceable. I kind of want to toy around with them and see if we can replicate them.

"Fine, let's raid something nearby. Can you leave survivors... Please?"

"We'll see. But no."

"Pleeeassee?"

"No."

You sigh, and fly over a small village. Before you can say anything, she descends down unto the small village...

Actions.

>Let her handle it, you don't want to get your hands messy.
>Shout positive encouragement from above?
>...You'll help her. She'll be in a better mood... And you can get some slaves!
>You'll "help" her. But in actuality, you'll just be stomping around, eating some stuff and looking intimidating.
>You'll "help" but actually hinder her by trying to get as many people to escape as possible.
>Become Elizabeth! (PoV switch!)
>Write-In

>>766785
If we can then we'd have a strong bargaining item with them, perhaps enough to gain control of a minor amount of their people and some land.


I want to take over this world, but I want to do it a little more... diplomatically than our previous methods. Convincing rulers to sign over lands to us, defeating tyrants and uniting it under us before bringing it to a more modern technological standard.

>>766836
>Let her handle it, you don't want to get your hands messy.
Just watch for now,

>>766851
I think Lustria is a good place to start then. It's isolated from the rest of the world so taking it over won't set off alarms in say the Empire and it's populated by lizardmen which are basically our kin. The only issue is gaining the trust of the Slaan.

>>766889
I'll support this

You decide to let her handle it, so you watch... Planning for a conquest of this world. That sort of thing.

So, planning conquest of this world, eh?

Well, yes.

Shouldn't we conquer the world in our dimension?

Eh. We basically already own it.

That's true. But whenever we leave civil unrest increased heavily... Unless you mean to leave our kids in control.

You hear screams from below, and see Elizabeth is doing a good job in surrounding the village in flame.

...Well...


Actions.

>We basically already own the world and any further shit is basically just us making a map a unified color.
>It's our vacation, ok? I plan world conquest here when I'm done back home.
>What can I say? It's much more of a challenge here then back home somehow.
>You know... I think your right. Our kids should rule. We're leaving more and more often...
>...I have an idea. What if the original ruler... Just, well. Rules normally, while we just collect tribute and tell them what to do once in a while? It sounds a lot less intensive then ruling a nation head on.
>Well, if two dimensions worship me eventually, then I'll become a god much faster and easier, right?
>Write-In

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>>766967
>You know... I think your right. Our kids should rule. We're leaving more and more often...
>Well, if two dimensions worship me eventually, then I'll become a god much faster and easier, right?

There's no possible way that could backfire

>>766889
My knowledge of this part of the warhammer universe is extremely limited, but I would suggest we go with the standard methods of bribing, intimidation, logical arguments and such.


>>766967
>What can I say? It's much more of a challenge here then back home somehow.
>Well, if two dimensions worship me eventually, then I'll become a god much faster and easier, right?
>Write-In
"Not to mention, governance is so much more indirect in this world, if we leave the people don't consider rebeling or leaving. We only need to turn up, tell them what to do every so often and assuming they can, they'll do.

Meanwhile on earth, they will complain to unions, to the media, to each other and just be a general bother."

>>767011
There's this one youtuber name Arch Warhammer. He does a lot of good videos covering warhammer lore, both fantasy and 40k. He has an entire series covering each individual faction in fantasy. I would recommend that you go there for information regarding warhammer.

>>767044
I'll consider it.

I just like having an actual challenge. And if two dimensions worship me at once, then I'll become a god faster and easier, right? Besides, governance is so much more indirect in this world, because if we leave people don't consider rebelling or leaving, and we just show up, tell them what to do, and they'll do it. Meanwhile on earth, they complain about every fucking little thing...

Right, right... I just don't want to leave home and abandon or kids and shit. Besides, I love Sweden...

Your wife comes up besides you, and you see the village has been coated in flames and stomped upon. And there's no survivors. Lovely!

"Liz... How exactly did you breathe fire?"

"I don't know. I found out I could one day though."

"Really? Huh."

It seems your wife has mutated to breathe fire earlier. Huh.

"Well, is there any survivors?"

"Of course not."

Roll me a 1d20-4 to see if your wife is satisfied by this or not.

>>767044
Yeah, he's pretty cool. And if you want to get triggered, watch his videos about Feminists complaining about 40k and fantasy. I got triggered really fucking hard.

Rolled 17 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>767070
Oh shit, that's where I know that name from! I saw his video on the MLPA stream a while back!

Rolled 8 - 4 (1d20 - 4)

>>767070
At least it's not us facing Liz's killer breath.

>>767070
Fucking Mary Sues man...

File: 1476160709182.png (421 KB, 680x586)

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Rolled 3 - 4 (1d20 - 4)

>>767070
I'm scared of Liz right now.

17-4=13

"So, you good?"

"No... I need something bigger, damn it..."

Your wife still seems very frustrated, and this time, you soar over a very large town.... She even laughs evilly.
Is that a good or bad sign?

You decide it's a good sign, that she's getting used to being a dragon.
And terrifying you at the same time.

Hot.

Is it just me, or is Liz scaring me a little?

Well... Truth be told, better them then us. And besides, I would be frustrated if my palace would be burned down. Though not THIS frustrated.

Hey uh, just gonna come in with the scientific facts, but didn't you make it so she gets angrier a lot more?

...Well, it was a side effect.

Yeah... Great. Well, since she's going to be doing this for a while...

Yeah. We will.

Roll me a 1d20 to see if Liz does destroy this town, or stops being angry.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>767143
Rollan in my hiding corner

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>767143
We should probably try to produce some sort of counter to that side-effect.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>767143

19

Good Success!

After a little while she stomps at least half of the settlement, and sets a little bit of it ablaze, and flies back up to you, much calmer then before.

"Now, let's head back, shall we?"

"Y-yeah."

"Something wrong?"

"You kind of... Well, just saying but your terrifying when you get angry."

"Oh, really? Well, thanks."
She gives you a kiss, probably thinking it was a compliment. Which you gladly take.

Actions.

>...You uh, kinda want to make sure she's on your side still. Ask if she'd like to tumble since she's in a much better mode.
>...So uh, like destroying villages that much? Hopefully this isn't a hobby now...
>...So... How would you like to sleep with me once we head back home?
>Just stay silent.
>...Are you uh, pissed at me for anything? Just curious.
>...I really do hope Renexizia doesn't inherit your anger...
>Write-In

>>767200
>...So... How would you like to sleep with me once we head back home?

"So, how would you like to sleep with me when we get back home?"

"To earth or the ducal palace?"

"Both?"

"I don't see why not... Because Renexizia destroyed my palace." She sighs.
It doesn't seem to be anger, but rather disappointment.

"Oh. Well..."

Actions.

>...I didn't mean that type of sleeping. I meant tumbling together.
>Both? Well, I was tired anyways.
>Come on, we should get Renexizia to sleep with us. She's our kid and we have to protect her. Also so you stop being disappointed towards her.
>I'm uh... Well, for now I'm going to be in a different bedroom until you cool down a little, ok?
>Wait, really? Well, sure!
>...Can I just mention something? You were the only reason why I started sleeping in human beds rather then sleeping on the ground in my dragon form... And I love you for that.
>Just saying you'd have to sleep with my other wives back home as well...
>...I have a question. Would you mind if one of the other girls slept with us tonight? (Specify which one)
>Write-in

>>767323
>She didn't mean anything bad by it. She's innocent and maybe a bit too naïve and a bit impulsive. She didn't know it was wrong.
>Come on, we should get Renexizia to sleep with us. She's our kid and we have to protect her. Also so you stop being disappointed towards her.

>>767389
This. She dindu nuffin

"She didn't mean anything bad by it. She's innocent and maybe a bit too naive and a bit impulsive. She didn't know it was wrong."

"I wish she vandalized the French or Spanish instead. Now that, I could laugh at..."

"Encourage, maybe?"

"If it's French or Spanish, it had it coming." She mutters a few curse words under her breath as you fly off.

"Huh. Well, come on. We should get her to sleep with us. She's our kid and we have to protect her. Also so you stop being disappointed towards her."

"Couldn't we get her a bed?"

"Well, sure..."

"But let me guess, you want to spend more time with her?"

"Yeah... That too. She doesn't like me at all."

"Really? Huh. Well, let's just get back, ok?"

Roll me a 1d20-1 to see if Renexizia did anything "productive"

Rolled 2 - 1 (1d20 - 1)

>>767444
This is worrisome.
She's just straight destructive.

Rolled 20 - 1 (1d20 - 1)

>>767444
Hopefully she robbed some Estalian merchants or something

Critical Success!

When you come back, you land in front of the Ducal Palace, and the two of you walk in... You smell something... Like flour?
You see set out on a table, and with your brother Richard and Renexizia... A cake.

"What the hell?"

"Renexiiza? I thought I-"

You look at the cake, and you see the words "I'M SORRY" crudely drawn on it with frosting.
Where the fuck did they get frosting?

"Oh."

"I made this for you, since you were so mad at me mom! I'm sorry!"

"...Do I get a slice?"

"No! Only mom!" She smiles widely.

"Oh... Well, Great. Now I can't be mad."

She goes over to Richard.

"Did you help in this?"

"Well, it was my idea. Also, because she was riding down a stairwell on a mattress..."

Elizabeth sighs and pats Renexizia on the head.

"I'm sorry about yelling earlier, ok?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. I just get angry easily..."

She pats her on the head, and you sigh. You want some of that cake. Elizabeth comes over to you.

"Well, that was certainly unexpected..."

"Yeah, I didn't expect him to get frosting. Where the fuck did he get fr-"

"It's ice just colored blue."

'Wait, seriously?"

"Yeah, and it's melting. So, you want to help me or not?"

"How would he even bake it?"

"...He baked it apparently, then Renexizia froze it solid."

"So it's a frozen solid cake? With the frosting being just blue ice?"

"There's also a crude drawing of a dragon on it. And a smiley face."

"...Now I'm curious how frozen cake tastes."

"Well, come on, I need your help."

Actions.

>...A baked cake which was frozen? And is still frozen? No, I'm good.
>It's yours, eat it.
>...I'll uh, just have a little bit, please.
>Well, I guess Richard and Renexizia get along well.
>...At least she didn't try to blow anything up this time.
>...We need to get a babysitter, and fast.
>You should yell more often. We'd get more cake.
>...Write-In

>>767552
>Sure, Why not.
We need one of our other children as babysitters if we can.
I think they're the only ones that could handle her.
Or maybe Lorraine.

>>767552
>...I'll uh, just have a little bit, please.
>...At least she didn't try to blow anything up this time.

>>767552
>...I'll uh, just have a little bit, please.
>Well, I guess Richard and Renexizia get along well.

Adorable. Good thing it only takes like 2 weeks for Ren's kids to become adults.

"Well... Sure, why not.?"

You help eat the cake with Elizabeth, and you have to admit, frozen cake is damned good.

Especially since there was filling of butter. Elizabeth doesn't like it, but you certainly do.

After a little while, Elizabeth heads to bed, while Richard cleans up a little.

Leaving you alone with Renexizia.

"Soo... Am I grounded still?'

"Ask your mom, ok?"

"Aw..."

"Don't do that... Now, why don't you sleep with me and your mom tonight?"

"Erh, why?"

Actions

>...Well, your grounded. So you HAVE to sleep with us.
>So you don't blow anything up while we sleep.
>...Come on, it'll be fun. I'll uh... You know, I'll read you a story. I've never actually done that before to any of my kids.
>...You can sleep with her, but some of my other wives might be a little jealous because I haven't really been seeing her much...
>...Hold on... Why don't I introduce you to my wives? And Flame's wife?
>...It's going to suck when you grow up.
>Write-In

>>767669
>...Well, your grounded. So you HAVE to sleep with us.
>...Come on, it'll be fun. I'll uh... You know, I'll read you a story. I've never actually done that before to any of my kids.

In retrospect, Ren could've been a lot better dad.

>>767695
It doesn't help that they grew so quickly. Or that shit kept coming up...

>>767695
It was really obvious Ren was not good at being a dad.
>>767669

>Because you aren't going to get to do it when you're older so you should enjoy it now.

>>767730
>>767733
At least he's better then his mom I guess.

>>767747
That's fair and a true assessment.
She didn't even look for us.
Ren actually put in some effort.

"Well... You are grounded. So you'll HAVE to sleep with us. And besides, it'll be uh... Fun. I'll read you a bedtime story."

I just fucking realized I never did that before...

Well, our kids do grow up fast and we were always busy.

Well, yeah.

...I mean, just saying we could probably find a way to slow down their growth or something...

Actions.

>...I'd never do that. Never.
>...Given a chance, I'd do all this again. You know, try to properly raise all my kids, spend time with them... I mean, at least a year's worth of time would be enough.
>...That's... Well, I don't like it. I prefer leaving it as it is.
>...I have to do it if I want to be a good dad, I guess.
>...You know, I bet a lot could be avoided if we had our kids grow up a lot slower...
>...Just saying, do you think there's some chance that it could degrade progress? Like make an adult into a teen or something?
>I'd never do that to my kids...
>Write-In

>>767811
>...Given a chance, I'd do all this again. You know, try to properly raise all my kids, spend time with them... I mean, at least a year's worth of time would be enough.
Our children never had a real childhood.
Huh.

>>767811
>...Given a chance, I'd do all this again. You know, try to properly raise all my kids, spend time with them... I mean, at least a year's worth of time would be enough.

Although it isn't necessarily bad that they leave the house so soon. Just saying.

>>767858
I have an important question.
Do we even know if our children have friends
I assume they do.
It'd depressing if they don't.

You know, given a chance I'd do this all again. You know, try to properly raise all my kids, spend time with them... I mean, a year's worth of time would be enough.

Yeah... Great, now I feel bad because our kids never really grew up properly...

Yeah, same.

Actions.

>...We should start trying to make something to slow their aging down...
>...Do you think we should try to make our current kids children again? I mean, just saying...
>...Let's not do it. It's just... Well, it's not needed.
>I just sort of realized we never gave them a birthday party or anything. Now I feel even worse. Great... And I never had one.
>...Well, we can always have more kids. I don't see any of our wives becoming infertile any time soon.
>Fuuuck I'm getting depressed. Let's think about something else, like cats or puppies.
>Write-In

>>767927
>Fuuuck I'm getting depressed. Let's think about something else, like cats or puppies.


Need sleep, must go, don't fuck stuff up. Please.

>>767887
Let's see here.

>Viktor
He's the president of the US and has connections with the mob I would guess he does.

>Charlemagne
I think he's a vampire neet or something constantly studying so I'm skeptical

>Maria
She's married with the king of Serbia so yes.

>Whats his face
He's in college and lives like a college student so yes.

>What's his face #2
I think we have one son becoming kaiser of Germany so yes.

>What's his face #3
He kidnapped and married a Austrian princess in true dragon fashion

>What's her face
IIRC we have one daughter who's into fencing and is friends with Hans.

There are others but I don't want to bother looking at the character sheet to look at their names. Also I might've confused the wannabe kaiser and kidnapper for the same one. I also think we put one in charge of Italy.

>>767927
>...Well, we can always have more kids. I don't see any of our wives becoming infertile any time soon.
>Fuuuck I'm getting depressed. Let's think about something else, like cats or puppies.

>>767984
Revenaris is the Kaiser one iirc.
>>767927
>I just sort of realized we never gave them a birthday party or anything. Now I feel even worse. Great... And I never had one.

Charlemagne isn't a vampire neet. That's Julius. Charlemagne is the religious/fascist one who is in charge of Italy.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Now I'm getting depressed. But we can always have more kids... Now I'm going to think of cats and puppies, ok?"

You think of adorable things while you pick up Renexizia and head to bed.

And read her a bedtime story... Half way through of course, she passes out.
Great

You pass out soon afterwards... And feel a bit stronger.

You have mutated!

>Upgrade Mutation!
>Unstable Mutation!
>Stable Mutation!
>Ultra-Unstable Mutation!
>NEW: Chaos Mutation (You are synchronized enough with Chaos to receive a Chaos Mutation!)

>>768047
In that case I think he's also the one who kidnapped the Austrian princess.

>>768061
Do we have enough to get a third head?
(Hydra Ren wen?)

>>768061
>Stable Mutation!
I think we should show an example to Little Ren right now. Don't get mutations that mark you out as a heretic.

Well, you have enough to upgrade to a third head, yes.

>>768089
Then I'll vote for that.
We can eat more things at once and maybe fire our three breath attacks at once.

Waiting fifteen minutes.

I'll go with getting a 3rd head just because it's more outlandish and we get another companion.

Third head it is. Huh.

So, choose how this head works.

>Same as Flame's head... Sentient and you can transfer consciousnesses between them.
>Auxiliary Head: The head acts like a back-up generator, and is similar to a mirror image of you. So it talks at the same time you do, saying the same words, that sort of thing. Fenrir can occupy this head as well.

Oh, and choose an element for it to breathe.

>Fire! MORE FIRE!
>Ice! Your curious on what other ice dragons are like!
>...Acid? Acid sounds cool, honestly.
>How about... Is sun a thing? Like, breathing light or something? Energy, basically. You know, lasers and shit.
>You don't want a breathe attack on this one.
>How about... Lightening? That sounds cool!
>Is uh... Well, you know some necromancy... Maybe a third head which can breathe necromantic energy?
>You are going to shamelessly steal an idea. Maybe a head that can use blood or something? Like, spit blood? You don't really know.
>Write-In

If anons want to, you can come up with name for the new head already... Bonus points if it fits the theme of the element.

>>768193
>Same as Flames head.
>How about... Is sun a thing? Like, breathing light or something? Energy, basically. You know, lasers and shit.
Lasers bro.

Let's call him Blast.
Or flare?
Or how about Sol.
Or maybe Laz.
(Laz for Later)

>>768222
>Later
I meant Lazer.

Though now that I think about it I like Flare the best.
Energy Flare.
Solar Flare.
Etc

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>>768193
>Same as Flame's head... Sentient and you can transfer consciousnesses between them.
>How about... Is sun a thing? Like, breathing light or something? Energy, basically. You know, lasers and shit.

I think we all know any to call him if he is ken to the sun. Also RIP Solaire. You were too pure for a no poise system

>>768252
Holy shit yes.
Sol
Or solaire

[yellow]Testing here, please ignore.[/yellow]

I sort of wish there was more text formatting, since I like color-coding...

Also, waiting ten more minutes.

>>768265
So Solaire it is.

>>768271
That's a bummer. What colors can you use now?

>>768293
Maybe italic red.
No one is using that I think.

Solaire it is.

You get up out of pain, your neck hurting like hell...

Hail! I am Solaire! You hear from inside your head, with a rather chevalier attitude

Ren? We got a new guy.

I am Solaire! You may call me Sol! Now, who are you?

I'm uh, Ren. And this is Flames.

I see! Well met!

Yeah... You kind of sound... Like a knight.

Do not fear! I am truly a knight of GREAT and most wondrous renown, and so long as there are many a damsel to rescue, there shall be no quarrel between me and my compatriots, if my name is not Sir Solaire Thorsson! Praise the sun!

I see.

Actions.

>...Well, great. What can you do?
>Is there any problem with me raiding humans, eating them, and making deals with daemons?
>Cool! Why don't we take you out for a test drive?
>Hey uh.... Mind if I ask what color you are?
>Great, a knight...
>...There will be many damsels. More then you can count.
>...Does kidnapping damsels work too? Just curious.
>Write-In

Going to try Italic Red for Sol.

>>768336
>Great, a knight...
This is gonna be fun...we got a white knight now.
>...Well, great. What can you do?

>>768336
>Great, a knight...
>...There will be many damsels. More then you can count.
It's time for some JOLLY COOPERATION!

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>>768373

Great. A knight.

A knight of GREAT RENOWN!

Yes. Truly.

We're going to get all the bitches now!

Shush you. Yes, we will. Sol, there will be MANY damsels. More then you can count.

Huzzah!

What's going o- Son of a bitch, we got a new guy...

Yeah!

Huzzah! Now... What are we doing?

Sleeping, mostly.

That doesn't exactly ring of ADVENTURE and GLORY you know!

Why do you randomly yell words?

Because it is my KNIGHTLY OATH to do so! Praise the sun!

I bet the Christians did this.

No, the Jews did this.

I bet the elves did this...

Haha! Now, how about a pint of ale?

We can't drink anything in this form right now... Which sucks, honestly.

Hm...

Well... Just a quick question, are you "fantasy knight" or just "Christian knight?"

Of course I am a christian! God is the sun? Did you think I was somesort of Jewish knight? He guffaws aloud.

You won't mind if we do... Unchristian things, right?

Only I hold myself to a code of UTMOST CHIVALRY and KNIGHTLY VALUES! He proclaims.

Actions

>...This is interesting now. Great.
>...Can you be quiet? I need sleep.
>...If you try to convince me to become Catholic again, I'll kick your ass to the sun.
>...Khorne's better, but whatever.
>So... Since I'm awake, why don't I take Sir Solaire for a test drive?
>Write-In

>>768450
>So... Since I'm awake, why don't I take Sir Solaire for a test drive?
Maybe we can find a bandit camp or some other group of evil people and wreck them.

>>768450
>So... Since I'm awake, why don't I take Sir Solaire for a test drive?

Is we just opened up a can of (pleasant) worms.

So, since I'm awake... Why don't I take Sir Solaire for a test drive!

Huzzah! Truly, an experience that will result in LEVEL GAIN!

...Level gain?

...Shush you. Now, where are we going?

Actions.

>...How would you feel about pillaging a village?
>Let's hunt down bandits for our bro.
>Hypothetical question... How would you react if I pillaged a village?
>Well, let's loot some ships or something.
>...Let's find some Orks!
>Let's use Renexizia's friends as fodder!
>Let's just randomly shoot his breath and see what happens!
>Write-In

>>768515
>Let's hunt down bandits for our bro.
Time for some MAD GAINZ

>>768515
>...Let's find some Orks!
Solaire shouldn't have a issue with Orcs, Skaven or raiders of any sort.

You of course, leave the house to ADVENTURE as Sol likes to put it.

So, after a little while, you find a small band of four Orks camping in the woods, eating meat. Of what kind, you don't know. And they don't see you at all.

Actions.

>...Solaire, take the shot! Show me your moves!
>...Eh, first land and demand their surrender. If they refuse, pew pew...
>Sol, any problems with eating Orks?
>Ice breath. You'd prefer to avoid starting a forest fire.
>Just land on them.
>Look for something BIGGER.
>Write-In

>>768583
>...Solaire, take the shot! Show me your moves!

>inb4 it turns out he actually shoots lightning

Take the shot, Solaire!

You feel some inner heat inside, right by your stomach...

Roll me a 1d20 for LASER ATTACK. Higher=Bigger laser!

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>768616
FIRING MA LAZER.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>768616

13

The laser shot is decently wide, and is pure yellow energy! The shot incinerates the Orks, leaving nothing but dust! On the outer rim of the laser shot, seems to be fire as well!

...Cool!

Huzzah! Yet another band of brigands defeated!

Your stomach however, growls sharply and loudly, and you realize you need food.

Fuck... I feel hungry now.

I believe my laser uses the contents of your stomach to heat itself to fire! So everything in it turns to superheated gas...

Plasma?

If my breath charged up, it surely would be a big ball of plasma energy!

So uh... I'm fucking starving. Can you not use everything in my stomach?

Well, then it would be a very weak laser beam!

You sigh, your stomach starving... And your breath smelling like steaming butter.... Mhmh... Butter.

Actions

>...Come on, let's head back.
>...Well, you might as well eat a ton of dirt. It's... Disgusting, but you can eat it...
>Well then... Time to find food then. Fly around!
>You know what to do. Find a village. Maybe they have butter. Or people. Or both.
>Write-In

>>768687
>...Well, you might as well eat a ton of dirt. It's... Disgusting, but you can eat it...
It'll have to do.

You decide to eat a ton of dirt!

Roll me a 1d20 to see if you can stomach it! Additional +4 if you can come up with excuses to yourself on why you lowered yourself to eating dirt!

>>768687
>...Well, you might as well eat a ton of dirt. It's... Disgusting, but you can eat it...
mhmmm... so rich in nutrients.

Rolled 6 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>768713
Oh my god the nutrients are amazing! We're helping the environment!

Rolled 15 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>768713
Ren it's lasers man.

16+4=19

Success!

You give yourself some excuses, and eat the dirt, pretending it's butter. After a little while, you make a small depression in the land, and you burp, full of dirt. You can even see a slight bulge... Probably still from Buenos Aires... You feel more disgusted you didn't eat some lowly humans or buildings... That's what they're there for...

Actions.

>Go to find another bandit camp!
>Head home!
>...Shoot a laser at the dirt. Take that, you stupid worm shit...
>Write-in

>>768769
>Go to find another bandit camp!
Preferably those rat fuck skaven

You decide to find ANOTHER bandit camp, deep in the wilds. After a bit, you come across a small abandoned castle, with... Skaven patrolling it. You motion for Solarien to fire....

Actions.

>...You want it huge and big. Order him to charge it!
>FIRE!
>Nah, you'd rather crush and kill them.
>Write-In

>>768818
>...You want it huge and big. Order him to charge it!
Make sure he doesn't swallow the laser
Else we might explode.

Roll me a 1d20+4 for devastation.

Rolled 7 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>768837
Make it rain lasers man.

Rolled 12 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>768837

12+6=18

Good Success!

The laser shot seems superheated, and seems to be BLUE... And the plasmaimpact causes a large blue explosion inside the ruins of the castle, causing it to collapse... Of course, there seems to be no blood or corpses, since it was all incinerated. Oh, and some trees have caught fire.

Steam however, comes from nearly every orifice in your body, and it takes you a minute to recover... Only for your stomach to be starving again... You do notice a Skaven or two has survived, albit with minor burns...

Actions.

>...Just eat some... Ugh, more dirt...
>Head home... You'll eat something there.
>...Eat some skaven!
>Maybe you can hunt for animals or something... That sounds a lot tastier...
>You shouldn't be eating so much. You might gain weight or something... Head back!
>...Sorry Flames, but I found your replacement!
>Write-In

>>768878
>...Eat some skaven!
Some 3rd degree burned rat sounds pretty good right about now.

>>768878
>Eat some skraven
Flames is basically a fuel efficient version of Solaire.

Flames can also do Magma. Which is good.
And if anons felt like going full Overlord, getting a lava moat or something. Also, Flames can set things on fire rather then just lazor them.

You decide to eat some Skaven... Roll me a 1d20 to see if there's enough to sate your hunger for lazor beams.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>768922
Now I really want to become a hydra. But then there would probably be too many heads to keep track off when you count Fenrir and Khorne.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>768922
Can that hunger ever truly be sated?

No. Literally because Renexizious is always hungry.

9

Great Failure!

There's the odd survivor here and there, which you eat of course, but there simply isn't... Well, anything left. You feel disappointed...
And a little empty inside, probably because your hungry as well.

Hey uh, I think we should be getting back. It's nearly morning... And we didn't even sleep at all.

NONSENSE! We must blow more things up and devour and disintegrate more brigands! Tis' the way of a dragonknight!

I like him. Did I mention I like him?

Ren, your going a little too laser happy with Sol. Calm down, and head back to bed. There'll be plenty of lasers and explosions in the future, OK?

Actions.

>You aren't my dad...
>Ok ok, fine. We'll go back.
>...Just... Just one more explosion? Please?
>*Loud stomach growl*
>Can we eat some more things?
>I didn't think you'd like us eating people, Solaris.
>Write-In

>>768988
>Ok fine we can slay more brigands later.
>*Loud stomach Growl* but we should get more food when we head back.

>>768988
>Ok ok, fine. We'll go back.

Ok, ok. We'll slay more brigands later....

You let loose a hungry stomach growl...

But I am eating a fuckton when we get back, ok?

Got it.

You fly back home, and touch down... And quickly head to the kitchen. You begin to gorge yourself on food, and after a while you feel... Well, sated at the most. You begin to leave when you see Frankizka walk, apparently curious.

"Oh. I thought someone was awake. "

"Shouldn't you be holding a candle or something? You could trip. It is very dark out..."

"I'm a vampire, Renexizious. I can see at night."

"Oh, right... I was uh, just helping myself to some food."

"I see."

"Did I wake you up?"

"I'm always up at this hour. Anyways, there's a thousand year old wine in the basement... And it's just as good as you think it is."

'It's dust?"

"What? No. It's traditional noble Bretonnian wine. It's amazing... Probably would be better if drink didn't give me the value of a walnut."

"Yeah..."

Frankizka sits down at a chair.

"So... You've been busy for the past couple of days. Mind if I ask why?"

"Care if I ask why your curious?"

"Well, I'd like to spend time with you, that's all... Also I've grown accustomed to you going to bed when I wake up."

"Generally you stay asleep during that..."

"No, I'm wide awake. I just choose to stay in bed for a little bit."

"So, you want me to sleep with you, basically?"

"That would be nice, yes."

Actions.

>...Let me guess, you also want some of my blood?
>Sorry, but uh... Not while my wife and kid is here, ok? I said I'd sleep with them...
>I was wondering if you were getting lonely... Sure.
>Finally over the fact I asked if you wanted slaves?
>You know... When was the last time we tumbled? Two months ago?
>Sorry I'm not around more often, I was searching for my kid... I was also exploring a little...
>...Hey uh, quick question... Is Constaniza still here? Turns out I'm staying longer.
>Write-In

>>769084
>Sorry I was busy cause my child had hatched from her egg and proceeded to destroy Liz's palace get to Paris and enter the portal and end up here.
>And I have another head now by the way.
And maybe let Solaire say hi.

>>769084
>Sorry I'm not around more often, I was searching for my kid... I was also exploring a little...
>Also getting new heads

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not around more often. I was searching for my kid... I was exploring a little... And I got a new head."

"I can see that."

Hello, fair damsel! I am Sir Solaire! You may however, call me Sol!

He lowers his head, and kisses her hand... Great.

"Well, that's erh.... Rather nice."

Qui-

Anyways! Well, you want me to sleep with you, right?

"Well, yes. If only for a night."

Actions

>Well, a night is fine by me.
>Don't worry if you feel a little lonely, I'll try to hang out with you more often!
>Aren't you friends with Chrysoula?
>Give her a kiss on the mouth... You need to one-up Solaire...
>If it makes you feel better, I missed you too...
>...If we sleep together, I think we should let Flame's wife sleep with us, if you don't have a problem with her. This is mostly just so Flames won't get any ideas...
>It can shoot lasers! It's pretty cool in my opinion...
>sorry, but I'm sleeping with my wife and daughter tonight...
>Write-In

>>769179
>Give her a kiss on the mouth... You need to one-up Solaire...
>Well, a night is fine by me.
>You should try and meet Renexizia. She's.... interesting.

>>769196
This

You give her a kiss on the mouth, and make out for a few minutes. It's rather nice, though you do nearly cut your mouth on her fangs a little bit.

"Well, I think a night is fine by me... But you really should try to meet Renexizia... She's very... Interesting."

"Right... Well, come on then."

You head to Frankizka's room, which is quite dark, and you get into her bed.

"So... Is there anything you want to talk about? Or do you just want to sleep?"

You yawn in response.

"Right. You dragons prefer sleeping at night."

"Well, yeah..."

She puts her hand on your chest.

"Well... Still. Even if you are tired, anything you want to talk about?"

"Like?"

"Well, I'm open to talking about anything, really."

"...Not a lot of company?"

"I don't want to hang out with your first wife... And if you'll pardon my Bretonnian... Elle est une salope!"

You don't know what the fuck she said. Your mind quickly processes, and it becomes "she's a bitch."

"Can you not say that about my wife?"

"Sorry, but that's how I feel about her..."

"Why can't the French and English just get along?"

"I'm not French, I'm Bretonnian."

"So Fantasy French."

"France is completely different from Bretonnia... Now, enough about my mean words about your wife."

Actions.

>Still, can you please not call her a bitch?
>Can you at least try to be cordial?
>So... Erh, I might of lost the war for Bretonnia. The Empire invaded. And I sort of helped them.
>Quick question... Do you consider yourself a patriot of Bretonnia?
>So... Mind if I tell you a story? How I nearly got in bed with a viking, and how I nearly got my ass kicked by her? Oh, and how I found Constaniza?
>...Well, I have only one question... Wanna tumble?
>So... How would you like it if I told you some beastmen and Skaven lived downstair? Have you met them yet?
>Nah. I'm good... Fall asleep.
>I missed you, you know...
>...Do you want to adventure with me at some time?
>...So, how does your friendship with Chrysoula go?
>...Wasn't I going to teach you Greek at somepoint?
>Well, I had rather an interesting adventure in the future...
>Well, in the future there may be many more wives... A lot more, to be specific. This dimension is loaded with them!
>Write-In

>>769289
>So... How would you like it if I told you some beastmen and Skaven lived downstair? Have you met them yet?
>...So, how does your friendship with Chrysoula go?
>Wanna tumble?

>>769289
>...So, how does your friendship with Chrysoula go?
>...Well, I have only one other question... Wanna tumble?

>>769289
Hey doesn't frankizka still owe us some tumbles in dragon form?
We never told her we cheated did we?

"So... how does your friendship with Chrysoula go?"

"Good... Better if she could actually speak a different language then Greek."

"Huh."

"You know, I sort of noticed. Around you, she tries to be kind of tough. You notice?"

"Well, certainly. First time I met her she was kind of nervous and didn't really... Well, she was kind of awkward, I think."

"Well, she tries to pretend to be tough around you. She's sort of tough, mostly because she's very big and strong... And quite shy, surprisingly enough."

"Really?"

"Well, yes. I wonder why, honestly."

"Well... She didn't really know anyone but her family when I met her."

"Huh. Well, that could explain it. It also explains why she's rather kind of clumsy in conversations. At least, attempted ones."

"Well, that's nice to know... Anyways... Don't you owe me a few tumbles? In dragon form?"

"I think it was one or two..."

"Well, why not do it right here, right now?"

"...In your dragon form? Well, I didn't feel like having bones in my legs anyways."

Roll me a 1d20+10 for tumbling quality.

Rolled 15 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>769369
We're going to bone the bones out of her.

15+10=25

Great Success!

By the end of it, she's practically exhausted and battered, like someone took a battering ram to her... So you curl up besides her, slightly out of breath... She returns the favor by pulling you towards her, and gives you a rather good kiss...

"Thanks for that... Really helps with the stress of having a family."

"I bet it does..."

She puts an arm around you, and you see it's early morning...

Actions.

>...Come on, why not one more?
>Why don't we talk a little?
>...So... You got any advice with Chrysoula? You know, to get in bed with her?
>...Do you think one day we'd be able to have kids? Just curious...
>...Just fall asleep now...
>I gotta get up, sorry...
>...You know, one day you and my wife will share a bed, and there won't be any arguing...
>Do you remember that tapestry maker that forcibly tumbled me? And how you didn't help me?
>Write-in

>>769408
>Just give her a kiss
>Fall asleep
Does she know that as she ages more and more as a vampire she'll need more and more blood?
Or am I making things up again. I feel like Sigmar told us this
and how much longer until frankizka becomes a masochist that prefers to tumble us in dragon form?

>>769408
>...Just fall asleep now...

You give her a kiss, with all your three heads, And pass out on her head, still in your dragon form.

You have rather nice dreams... Until you feel something.

Hey, this is uh... Renexizious, right?

...Erh, yes? Who is this?

Hey uh, sorry man. Can't tell you. Just here to give you something. Traveled a long fucking way honestly. Do you realize how many points they docked me for being late?

Wait, wha-

Your dream turns to a rather scraggly teen in a mailman uniform. Holding somesort of... Signing paper. And next to him, is a box of some sort.

Can you sign here? Please?

First, who are you?

I uh, sorry man... I can't tell you that. His voice creeks somewhere in that... Great.

He hands you a pen.

So uh, what am I signing?

Just something saying you got this, ok?

The paper is blank, save for a signature, saying "Recipient Signs Here"

Actions.

>...Sorry, I don't sign shit from random people.
>Well... This is only a dream. Sure.
>...Are you a god or something?
>...What's the object that I'm getting?
>Write-In

>>769457
>...Are you a god or something?
>...What's the object that I'm getting?
This seems so obvious that I doubt if this a trap or not.

>>769457
>Wait a second is that you Hermes?
Messenger god Hermes?(that's the one right?)
>Fine whatever.

Wait a minute... Is that you, Hermes?

Erh... I can't say anything. Under oath, that sort of thing.

I see... So, what am I getting?

He flips a page over.

Well... It's a... Huh. I haven't delivered one of these in ages...

What? What haven't you delivered in ages?

Shit, I can't say man. Fuck! I forgot too... Hey uh, can you look away for a second?

Wh-

The medium-sized box suddenly sprouts gift wrapping after a zap from the god.

...A present?

Yeah. So uh... Sign here, please?

You look at the paper...

So uh... Long day?

Oh yeah. I had to deliver fucking lip balm and cosmetics to a Hydra. Do you know how heavy fucking lip balm is when it's a Hydra? Not to mention I had to back to carry it's cosmetics kit, perfume, powder, lipstick, that sort of thing... Female Hydras man, they're the worst when it comes to that shit...

Actions.

>...I'm sorry?
>...Now I'm curious. What else did you deliver today?
>...Female hydra in make up? Sounds hot, honestly...
>Can you travel dimension freely?
>When was this supposed to be delivered?
>Sign the paper!
>Yeah, no. Fly away, messenger.
>Write-In

>>769529
>Sure Hermes I'll sign
>Could you tell me where that Hydra is?
I'm curious.

Well.. Sure. I'll sign.

Great. Just sign here.

You sign the paper, and he hands the box to you... And it's very, very heavy. You however, lift it up after some effort.

Hey uh, quick question... Could you tell me where that female Hydra is?

Sorry man, can't out customer information. But she's in a sea, I guess.

Actions.

>Thanks... So uh, see you around then.
>Open the present!
>Hey, uh... How do I get out of here?
>...Please? Come on man, a female Hydra? You gotta help.
>High five him?
>Now that I signed it, what's in here?
>Well... She's at least in my home dimension, right?
>Can you give me a name at the least?
>Write-In

>>769600
>...Please? Come on man, a female Hydra? You gotta help.
>Well... She's at least in my home dimension, right?
>Open the present
It's like a mystery box!

Come on man, please? It's a female Hydra. You gotta help. She's at least in my dimension, right?

Roll me a 1d20+3 to see if he tells you. Additional +2 if you can give him a reason to tell you.

Rolled 17 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>769629
If he tells us where she is we'll owe him one.
I'm pretty sure having us owe him a favor would be good.

17+5=22

Good Success!

She's at least in my dimension, right?

...Well... Yeah... She's in the Mediterranean. Right off the coast of Malta.

Sweet, I owe you one man... So uh, what does she like?

...I can't tell you without breaking confidentiality man.

Aw... Well... Thanks.

You give him a bro-fist and he vanishes... So you open the present... And you feel something. You pull out... A motorcycle?
Cool... A Harley from what you can see... There's also a note on it.

"Sorry for missing your birthday man, hope this makes up for it.
Love and peace my man.
-Jesus Christ."

You pull out another present... This one being a little smaller. And crudely written.

"I HOPE YOUR KID FUCKING LIKES AXES YOU LITTLE SHIT. ALSO, SHE'S A NATURAL KHORNATE.
ALSO, THE EDGES ARE SHARP."
-KHORNE

Judging from the... Well, shape. It seems to be an axe. You just put that to the side... And pull out a scroll... Which proclaims you a "Official Citizen of Roma and it's Territories". There's also a stick note on it.

"Sorry kid, was the best I could afford... It's old, but I hope you like it, at least for it's historical value. Keep it up."
-???

You don't know who sent it... And that seems to be it. Huh. Wait... You feel something really fucking tiny.
You pick up another gift... Which seems to be a stick of butter, and... A pear. With a note attached.

"Sorry man, this is all I could get you for your birthday.... I uh, hope you like a stick of butter and a pear. I'll try to get you something better next time, ok?"
-Fenrir

You look at the small child-sized axe, the scroll, and the motorcycle given to you, which is adorned with... Huh. Iron Crosses... How did he know...

Actions.

>...Fuuuuck. Now you owe them shit. You need to pretend you never got this stuff.
>...You don't really want any of this stuff.... Time to either regift or return to sender...
>...Oh man, a fucking motorcycle with Iron Crosses? Sweet...
>...Remind yourself to put a nazi symbol on the motorcycle. 1488 when?
>...Well, this was cool! Man, you wish it was your birthday more often... Well, actually it wasn't...
>Return to reality!
>Write-In

Going to sleep now anons.

>>769710
>...Well, this was cool! Man, you wish it was your birthday more often... Well, actually it wasn't...
The axe is for Renia, right?
Also, we should find a way to repay the gods for being cool.

>>769710
>...Well, this was cool! Man, you wish it was your birthday more often... Well, actually it wasn't...
Well this is nice of them.
>>769929
I think so since she somehow knew to chant for khorne despite only being a day or two old.

You begin wishing it was your birthday more often, and you return to reality... With a fuckton of presents besides you. Unopened. But you can already guess what they are.

"...Frankizka?"

"Hm?" She opens one eye, and seems to be rather tired.

"I uh, just got some stuff for my birthday."

"Birthday? Oh, sorry... I don't remember you ever telling me when it was."

Actions.

>That's perfectly fine. I don't even remember when it was.
>...You still owe me a present.
>...How about a birthday tumble?
>Well, when is your birthday?
>So... No present? Look sad.
>How dare you! I would of gotten something for YOUR birthday...
>So... Want to help open presents with me?
>Write-in

>>771021
>That's perfectly fine. I don't even remember when it was.
>Well, when is your birthday?
>...How about a birthday tumble?

>>771021
>...You still owe me a present.
>...How about a birthday tumble?

"Well, that's perfectly fine. When's your birthday anyways?"

"Well, in your calendar it's around the twelfth of October."

"I see. But you still owe me a present... Maybe a birthday tumble?"

"Let me guess, in your dragon form?"

"Well, of course."

"At this rate I'm getting internal bleeding. Thank Sigmar that it would be very hard to bleed to death."

You begin to tumble. Roll me a 1d20+10 please.

Rolled 9 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>771107
Yup. She's a masochist alright.

Rolled 16 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>771107
Gotta love how she just accepted this.

16+10=26

Good Success

After an hour of tumbling, she finally has enough, and you think you accidentally knocked her unconscious. Her buttock is slightly bruised, but you think she'll be fine. She's tough. Hopefully. So of course, you lay down next to her, and shake her awake.

"You ok?"

"...Well, it feels like my ass has been... Oh, how to put this eloquently... Ass-blasted."

"Oh, stop your worrying. Your fine."

"Yeah. If I have a broken leg or find that my ass is forever broken, I'm holding you accountable."

You just pat her on the head.

"Oh, come on. You enjoyed it, right?"

"Well, if you didn't bite on my shoulder as much, that would be good."

"Oh, sorry."

"Anyways... I'm going to rest a little bit."

"How nice. Your probably out of breath and exhausted."

She puts her head on your chest, and before falling asleep, she says one thing.

"...How about another session tomorrow?"

She then falls asleep, her buttocks bruised and her legs surely sprained. And slight third-degree burns on her shoulder, thanks to your acidic saliva.

"Comfy." You say, and you notice your still in your dragon form.

Actions

>...Shapeshift to a different form?
>Well, she needs more of you, rather then just you human sized. Maybe grow just a little bit where she's sleeping on you, rather then the bed...
>Breathe your healing breath on her! It's minty fresh!
>Necrotic Healing? You wonder what effect that has on vampires.
>She's fine, but you have things you want to do. Get out of bed. And open your presents.
>...Fall asleep again!
>Write-In

>>771161
>Breathe your healing breath on her! It's minty fresh!