Twitter: QuestingQMCharacter Sheet: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jI0aGxA_2h3SAcPYri-1fdgskbK3IbtfEzSLJ7VY9gU/editLast time on EDQ, we got a new girlfriend called Ragnhilda, took her private Longship/Galleon out for a test drive, collapsed a tower carefully, and found a pretty cool captain who we gave gold to. Oh, and we made a viking-nerd into a viking-nerd-necromancer Tzeentchian.And we slept in her bed.You snore heavily, and you see that Constantiza's bed actually broke while you slept on it. Oh, and it's night. Yay.Constantiza's sleeping in a half-made hammock which you shamelessly stole, and your tail seems to be resting on her body. That's nice. That's really nice. It seems your tail is a bit of a pervert.You grunt and begin to get up off of the bed, and stretch... And of course, you get off the bed. You've been sleeping for an entire day... What if you made landfall or something?So you look out of the porthole and see very little of anything besides fog. And darkness. That's nice. So you stretch, and shift back into your human form..."Constaniza?"She snores heavily, and you realize she might be perfectly fine (as in too nervous to actually tell you anything was wrong) with you breaking her bed, or just sort of disappointed.So you begin to rebuild it. After an hour you finish it, and quietly put her on the bed and leave the room. Since it seems to be night time, everyone's asleep.Fuck oversleeping, comes to mind.Actions.>Well then, time to go back to Constanza's room. And wake her up or just fall asleep again.>Ragnhild? Well, maybe you should see if she's awake.>Awake? At night? Oooh, maybe you can do some good-old fashioned piracy... You do after all, have an eyepatch.>Eh, you'll fly around for a while, see the sights, that sort of thing.>Maybe you'll converse with the helmsman a little. He seems to be awake. And a thrall too.>This may be a good time to hit the kitchen and grab breakfast from the cook... Maybe even talk to him a little.>Head below deck. This is a ship full of vikings, and therefor there is bound to be something to do below deck...>...Just settle into the grove of not doing anything. (Timeskip)>Write-InFor those who are curious on how big this ship is, it's essentially as big as a galleon. Just a longship. A longship galleon.
>>700210Talk to cook. Cookys are good to make friends with while on a ship. They always have something special stored away for special occasions
You head below deck and after a little while of searching, you find the mess. You see a few marauders sleep idly with booze next to them on some tables, and a... Well, you see a man fully covered in red plate armor, with Khornate symbols and a giant two-handed axe. Across from him seems to be a similar looking warrior, but his helmet has giant horns, and less red and Khornate. He instead has plain black and chaos symbols, along with a shield and sword. Meanwhile, the cook seems to be making foodstuff for the morning, assisted by two crewmates.Actions.>Go up and talk to the cook... Your starving. Also, maybe you can befriend him for some of the "good stuff?">Maybe you can sneak into the kitchen somehow? And you know, get into the back?>You need an excuse to talk in a Scottish accent and drink a lot. Shift to your dwarven form.>You want to look intimidating as hell. Shift to your half-dragon form.>Red armor? Khornate symbols? Seems like you might get along with that Chaos Knight over there.>Maybe the guy sitting near the Khorne Knight is a member of Chaos Undivided? Why not talk to him?>Eh, you'll just talk to one of the marauders. You prefer the little guys rather then the big guys.>Write-In
>>700288>Red armor? Khornate symbols? Seems like you might get along with that Chaos Knight over there.
You walk over to the Khornate Beserker and take a seat next to him. It seems both of them are awake and stare at you... You can't help but actually be intimidated."Erh... Should I-""FUCK OFF." He says, angry. And probably because that's his only emotion.The black Chaos Knight sighs."You have a very notable lack of subtlety, you know.""YOU"RE A CUNTWEASEL YOU FUCK! YOU CAN'T EVEN FUCKING MAN UP AND TELL THIS LITTLE BAG OF SHIT TO GO GARGLE NURGLE'S PUTRID BALLS! YOU CAN'T EVEN FUCKING GET A MINION OUT FAST ENOUGH SO I DON'T RAPE YOUR FUCKING HERO!"You must admit, the Chaos Beserker has a way with insults. Of course, the black Chaos Knight sighs."You Khornates and your gargling of Nurgle's balls... If I couldn't tell you were Slaaneshians who's only tactic in battle is to Charm their enemy. Which is bullshit, by the way.""WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME YOU LITTLE BITCH?! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE OVER 900 CONFIRMED KILLS WITH MY BARE FUCKING HAN-"The Chaos Knight begins to laugh demonically, while the Khornate Beserker wakes up the rest of the Marauders, who quickly get out of the room."By the Gods, that never gets old." He cackles... Then he turns back to you."What do you want, mortal?""Erh... I need to talk to him."Both of you turn to look at the raging Khornate Beserker talking about how many kills he did with random objects. You swear you heard the word "broom" more then three times."Good luck then. He's a Khornate. And don't mention anything about how his deck is worse then mine. He gets very angry about it."The black Chaos Knight settles back in... Huh. You note they were playing somesort of card game.Actions.>...So uh, I think I'll just talk to you then, rather then the crazy Khornate.>...You need to get the Khornate's mind off of raging. Try talking to him.>Come up with a plan to talk to the Khornate. You'd rather not get punched in the face.>...Punch the Khornate for his attention?>Join the Khornate in insulting his friend.>...Your getting out of here.>Write-In
>>700364>...So uh, I think I'll just talk to you then, rather then the crazy Khornate.
"Right, well... I guess I'll talk to you then.""Right, so what do you want?""Well, first I'm curious on why there's Chaos Knights on board.""I'm mostly just here for the raiding and pillaging. Ivar over here however is just here for the blood and skulls. So I'm just here.""I see.""IF YOU FAGGOTS NEED ME I'M GOING TO BE ON DECK!""Got it."The Khornate Beserker walks off, taking his card."ALSO FUCK YOU FOR CHEATING.""Got it Ivar. Get out of here."The Khornate Beserker gets out of the room, infuriated."You two friends?""Yeah. You could say that. We run into each other a lot.""Huh.""Besides, we were friends before the two of us joined chaos. He became a Khornate because he wanted some of that "Daemonette ass". I don't think he realized that was Slaanesh."You nearly laugh,"Seriously?""Yeah. He's always angry because of that. At least, that's a joke I like to tell people. He didn't actually want daemonette ass, and I didn't know him before he joined Chaos.""Damn. That would be hilarious.""Yeah. So, you a warrior of Chaos or just a tribesman looking for glory and loot?""A little bit of both.""I see. Anyways, I'm Gustavik. Some call me Gustavik the Treacherous, but that's just a hobby.""...Erh, the Treacherous?""Yeah. Had a habit back in the day for betraying Champions at the wrong moment so I could take their place. Got me pretty far, honestly.""...Remind me not to trust you.""That was back in the day. Got me in good with Tzeentch, but Khorne hates me. Cutting down on the whole "betraying at the last moment" thing so I don't get turned into a Chaos Spawn or anything." He chuckles a little."So, what's the story behind Ivar?""Ask him. I'm mostly just with him so Khorne overlooks me and doesn't try to fuck me over.""I see.""Yeah... Anyways, Ivar isn't as tough as he looks. I'm... Well, I wouldn't say friends, but semi-friends with him. I only get punched on occasion."Actions.>...Should we honestly have a Chaos Champion who's name has the Treacherous in there? That seems bad.>Well, nice to meet you then. Please don't betray me.>...Get off my ship. I won't be betrayed at the last moment.>I'm Renexizious. You might of heard of me.>If you try to betray me or Raghilda, I'll make sure your soul goes to Khorne.>Always nice to meet a Champion of Chaos.>Write-In
>>700598>I'm Renexizious. You might of heard of me.>If you try to betray me or Raghilda, I'll make sure your soul goes to Khorne.
"I'm Renexizious. You might of heard of me.""Nope. Strange name though.""Well, if you try to betray me or Raghilda, I'll make sure your soul goes to Khorne, got it?"He laughs a little."I love you tribesmen. Expendable, maybe. But full of heart, usually. Anyways, you need not worry about me betraying you. I could hardly replace a little tribesman or a Queen. I'm not a girl, after all.""I see.""Replacement is really only done in Chaos. We all look similar since we have similar looking armor, and I just go around, join up a warband for a few days, get the lead knight in a tough spot, have him get "killed" then put on his armor and hide his body, contact the Gods, put in a good word for me, and then throw the armor off and go run off before anyone realizes what happened."Actions>...Why the hell would anyone let you into their warband then?>I'll keep an eye on you then.>...Well, I think I'm going to talk to someone else.>Rather smart of you, I must admit.>So, how does Chaos Undivided work?>I see your one of "those" Chaos Knights.>A bit craven of you, don't you think?>You have a small timeframe to get off this ship before I eat you or smash you with my tail.>So uh, what card game were the two of you playing?>Let's talk about something else.>Write-In
>>700639>So, how does Chaos Undivided work?
"So, how does Chaos Undivided work?""Well, we worship all of the Gods, so we get all of the bonuses. Too bad all of them hate each other, so we often have favorites.""I see...""Yeah. It's a balancing act, because at any time the gods can choose to fuck you over. Like Archaon. He suddenly started mutating and a dragon swooped down and killed him.""Really?""Yeah. No one went after it and we failed taking over Altdorf... Hell, I heard Karl Franz was RIDING that dragon.""...Huh.""Yeah. Besides, I think he has a dragon in his zoo. Massive, from what I hear... At least, from my thralls."Actions.>...The Emperor of the Empire has a fucking dragon as a pet?>Erh, how exactly did a dragon become a pet of a mortal?>...Is it normal to be reconsidering sacking some settlements?>Well, we'll be fine. He's at war with Bretonnia, right?>...How big and strong is this dragon? I'm curious.>Just curious, do you have any mutations?>So, how old are you?>What would you use your thralls for?>...I'm heading above deck now, if you need me.>I need to get some food first, sorry.>What's Altdorf like?>I think you'd be surprised to know that dragon was me. Well, the one who killed Archaeon at least.>Archaeon had it coming in my opinion.>...Would you care if I asked you what the Empire was like?>So did you fight with Archaeon? I'm curious.>Write-In
>>700827>Erh, how exactly did a dragon become the pet of a mortal?>How big and strong is this dragon? I'm curious.Does this dragon need Ren's draconic master race lecture?It sounds like it.
"Erh, how exactly did a dragon become the pet of a morta- I mean, human?""Fuck if I know. Karl Franz though is an asshole. Reunited the damned Empire, so now we have to deal with the Imperial Navy, then robbed us of our victory at Altdorf. And if that wasn't enough, the bastard isn't incompetent.""...I see?""Usually the Empire's... Well, Emperors are woefully incompetent to the task. Now, guess our luck? They get an EMPEROR WHO CAN FUCK COUNT PAST TWELVE!""That seems a little extreme to be yelling.""The gods cursed us, damn it. Karl Franz is not only an asshole with a enchanted hammer, dragon, and griffon, but an asshole who people like!""...Still doesn't sound like a bad thing."The Chaos Knight sighs."He's just breaking tradition of emperor's being incompetent and assholes to their peasants. Now he's extraordinarily competent and a nice guy... Next thing you know, Chaos will be a thing of the past since the southerners have no reason to rebel! But then again, all those damned witchhunters would be out of work...""Well... How big and strong is this dragon? I'm curious.""Fuck if I know. I never seen him ride into battle. I did hear that it was a sun dragon though. Red scales, that sort of thing."Actions.>...Was it big as me? I mean, was it as big as the dragon who attacked Archaeon?>Utterly unacceptable... Dragons shouldn't follow the commands of mortals.>So basically the Empire has a competent Emperor and is fucking shit up for Chaos?>So, has any other emperor ridden this dragon?>Enchanted Hammer? What does it do?>If you need me, I'll be on deck.>...Flames, Fenrir? Maybe we should pay a visit to this mortal Emperor?>What a lazy excuse for a dragon... Living in a zoo...>How did they capture it?>Write-in
>>700894>Flames, Fenrir I feel like we should check out this lazy excuse of a dragon.>How did they capture it?
"How did they capture a dragon?""From what I hear, they didn't. It just decided to stay there. Occasionally it eats an emperor or someone, but it protects the city when it's not sleeping... So we took advantage of that, of course. Now it's awake, blast it. I heard it's fighting in Bretonnia with Karl Franz.""Well... I'll be right back."Guys, we need to free a dragon from the slavery of laziness... Anyone veto?Why do we care? Sounds like he's comfy.Will there be food?Actions.>...Well, time to head back home for a while and get our wife to help us.>...I think we should stay here, it's not bothering us, we're not bothering it.>Let's try being friendly and talking to it as a lowly mortal.>Let's try being friendly and talking to it as a dragon. That might give us bonus points.>Well, I think we should take care of this impudent Emperor.>...Let's talk to Khorne and see if he wants us to take care of Karl Franz.>Eh, let's devastate their army and draw out this dragon. We are trying to help our brother's war effort, after all.>Let's try to defeat it. We can't let it continue being lazy and dragging our race down with it.>Flames, we can't let a dragon continue to be a disappointment to our species.>Yes Fenrir, there will be lots of eating involved.>Should we bring anyone? Like Raghilda or Cosntaniza?>...Any bets that it's a female?>Write-In
>>700962>Well let's at least see it and talk to it first.>And since you said he. Any bets that it's a female.
Well, let's see it and talk to it first. And since you said he, anyone bet it's a female?Since powerful females seem to be sort of a reoccuring thing right now, I'm going to bet it's female.Well, not everyone we encounter is going to be female... Though that would make life more interesting as the last male on earth...Shut up Flames...What about you?Wait, what exactly are we betting on? Like, what are we putting up for the bet?Actions>It's just a friendly bet. Nothing's going up for bet.>...I think it's a female. I agree with Fenrir.>Flames, I agree. Not everyone we encounter is going to be female.>Well, here's the bet... I propose that we all... (Specify what your going to put up for the bet)>Write-in
>>701016>...I think it's a female. I agree with Fenrir.
Well, I think it's a female. I agree with Fenrir.Ha, watch as I'm right and you guys are wrong.Coming from the furry.Flames just sighs, frustrated, and you return to reality."Would you mind if I be excused?""Not a problem."You excuse yourself and head up to the top deck...Actions.>...Maybe you should ask Raghilda to come with you?>Your protecting Constaniza, and you can't protect her when your miles away... Maybe you should offer her a chance to come with you?>You should get going now.>...You aren't going yet, you have villages to sack and enslave...>Maybe you should offer the Beserker or the Chaos Knight a chance to come with you? Or both?>Write-in
>>701067>Your protecting Constaniza, and you can't protect her when your miles away... Maybe you should offer her a chance to come with you?
You knock on Constaniza's cabin door, and wait patiently. The door opens to her."Oh, hey! I'm uh... Kinda busy.""Doing what?""My bed collapsed when I sat on it... So I'm trying to fix it.""Oh, right.""I don't remember why, but anyways, what do you need?"Actions.>I'm here to ask if you wanted to come with me on an adventure.>Just curious, can you speak Draconic at all?>...I'm uh, sorry about breaking your bed. I might of fallen asleep on it in my half-dragon form. And forgotten it weighed that much.>If you come with me, I bet I can get you a better bed. We might be doing some raiding while I fly.>...Want to go on a date with me?>I'm stopping and saying hi. Sorry for bothering you.>Write-In
>>701166>If you come with me, I bet I can get you a better bed. We might be doing some raiding while I fly.
"Hey, I'm going on an adventure. If you come with me I'll be able to get you a better bed since I might be dong some raiding.""So uh, where are we going exactly?""Bretonnia, to find another dragon.""Really? Cool! Are they like you?""I wouldn't think so. But maybe.""Huh. Well, uh... Why exactly are we going?"Actions.>Well, a dragon has been rather lazy and has taken to living with humans, and serving them. So I plan on solving that.>...Because it might be female, and a dragon. So why not? Also, I need to win a bet.>I feel like getting some friends in a high place, really.>Just come with me.>...Did I say you could ask questions?>...Well, honestly I just want to spend some time with a girl as sweet as you.>I want to help my brother by taking care of the Imperial Army.>Just sounds like fun.>Write-In
>>701232>Well, a dragon has been rather lazy and has taken to living with humans, and serving them. So I plan on solving that.>...Because it might be female, and a dragon. So why not? Also, I need to win a bet.
It seems every time I get into your quests I seem to depopulate your threads. For this I am sorry
"Well, because it's a dragon who's gone soft and taken to living with humans and serving them. So I plan on solving that... Also because it might be female, and a dragon. So why not? I also need to win a bet, you see.""Well, count me in then! I'd be happy to meet a dragon! Hopefully she's friendly!""...Well, I do too. Come on, meet me out on the hull.""Sure!" She walks out with her blue robes... You of course follow suit and carefully shapeshift into a smaller version of your dragon form, and she climbs on. You fly off not too long afterwards towards Bretonnia.After a little bit you slowly increase in size, and you hear her talk to you."Your huge! I never thought I'd see a dragon this large!""I get that a lot.""Your back is a bit hard to sit on though..."You fly and see in the distance a mountain, with a small village at the bottom. You also see a mix of castle and a chapel, with towers and flags... All of the towers fly three flags, one with a symbol similar to a iron cross, the second flag being a comet, and the third flag being a fiery heart with a cross in the middle, also reminding you of an iron cross... There also seems to be a stable outside the chapel-castle, holding barded warhorses and a few stableboys attending to it. Of course, this rests on a hill, and the chapel-castle has a palisade surrounding it and the village, which seems rather prosperous and peaceful, and a huge forest encompasses the terrain nearby. Both you and Constaniza seem a little tired...Actions.>...Oooh, a village to attack. Land outside of it, and roar and then laugh evilly. This is how raids begin, you know.>...You are somewhat curious why a chapel is crossed with a castle. Land outside of it in your dragon form.>...Maybe you should check if Constaniza's alright with you raiding this innocent village?>Just continue flying...>Land outside of the village and shift down... You need to find out where this army is, after all... (Specify what form)>Fly off, but mark it in your mental map to raid once your done talking to that dragon...>Gently land besides this village. You'll be a big friendly dragon... That'll make your PR extra good if there begins to be tales of a giant white dragon who's friendly to Imperials...>Write-in
>>701439>Gently land besides this village. You'll be a big friendly dragon... That'll make your PR extra good if there begins to be tales of a giant white dragon who's friendly to Imperials...
You gently set down beside the village, terrifying two well-dressed guards at the entrance who brace their halberds... And begin sweating of course. You enjoy their fear, but lower your head to their level... They stand there, not really knowing what to do.Actions.>...Hi! (Choose between shouting this out to the village, or just whispering it as quietly as you can to the two guards)>...Erh, hello. I'm doing a bit of grocery shopping... I need women, slaves, gold, and butter. You wouldn't happen to have any of that here, would you?>Nom. Who's going to miss a few guards?>Would any of you know where the Empire's army is? I need to talk to someone.>Why don't you run along and get me the mayor? And a drink?>What's with the church-castle here? I'm curious.>It's nice to meet the two of you. What's your names?>...Try to put on a smile? And be nice? This sounds sort of foreign though...>Write-In
>>701524>What's with the church-castle here? I'm curious.>It's nice to meet the two of you. What's your names?>...Try to put on a smile? And be nice? This sounds sort of foreign though...
>>701524>...Hi! (Choose between shouting this out to the village, or just whispering it as quietly as you can to the two guards)>QuietlyJust when I have to leave someone else joins!
You try to put on a smile, and be as nice as possible.You personally find this very jarring and weird, since you are very used to inciting fear in people, I mean, that's what mortals usually think when they see you after all."It's nice to meet the two of you! I'm Renexizious. What's your name?"One of the guards snaps out of it."I-I'm Lars... Please don't eat me!""Who said anything about eating? You seem like a nice enough guy... Now, what about him?""H-he's Berman...""I see. It's nice to meet the two of you! Would you mind if I ask you a few questions?'"L-like what?"'Oh, you know. What's with the church castle up there?""T-that's the chapelhouse of t-the Order of the Firery Heart... T-they're knights my lord!""I see. Well, thank you mortal! You are very... Erh... Kind?"...This feels weird.It does, but it's nice. I don't think Constaniza would like us sacking this town.You turn your attention back to them.Actions.>The Order of the Flaming Heart, eh? Well, could you introduce me to them? I'd love to make my acquaintance.>I'd like to offer my protection services. It's a small sum of money, but in exchange I'll protect you and your village.>Could I talk to the mayor, please?>You all seem like fine people. You know, I don't know why mortals are so terrified of me.>Since I feel generous today, I'd like to help your village by giving you all a nice sum of money... About five-hundred gold coins.>I see. Could you get me some alcohol and butter, please? I'd thank you kindly for some.>Laugh gently at the other guard being terrified of you. How silly some mortal should get scared of YOU.>Erh, is the other guard alright?>Meet one of my friends, Constaniza. She's a nice girl.>Excuse me, but I need to get going... Could you tell me where the army is?>Shift down to smaller size or different form?>Pull a trick in the book... Ask for butter, and if they bring you some, drink it and shift slowly... I mean, it is the only thing that can quench your thirst...>Would you mind if I stepped inside your village? I promise to be careful about it.>Write-In
>>701639>Erh, is the other guard alright?>Meet one of my friends, Constaniza. She's a nice girl.
"Erh, is the other guard alright?""I-I'll check on him..."He shakes Berman who snaps out of it."Dragon! Sound the ala-" You extend a claw over his mouth, and shush him."I'm not here to loot and pillage your village... Maybe another dragon would do that, but not me."The two guards still seem nervous, but a little less now..."But anyways, meet my friend, Constaniza... She's a nice girl. Aren't you, Constaniza?""Huh? Yeah! Nice to meet you two.""Now, a-""W-what do you want?" the first guard says.Actions>I just want to be friendly... I rarely get to be friendly to anyone else.>Get close to him, and whisper quietly your just being friendly so Constaniza doesn't think anything bad of you.>Well, I just want you all to come with me peacefully...>Laugh heartily... You don't want anything at all!>Well, I was hoping you could give me directions.>I'm hoping your village won't mind if I sleep a little bit next to it.>Does your village have an inn I can stay at?>Come on, let's stop dwelling on what I want, and instead talk some more. I enjoy mortal companionship.>Squish him for interrupting you.>Could all of you get the townsfolk? I'd like to introduce myself to them.>...Just remember that not all dragons are assholes. I should get going now, but it was a pleasure to meet the two of you.>Could you get a knight? I wish to talk to this order...>Write-in
>>701758>Does your village have an inn I can stay at?
"Well, I was hoping that your village has an inn I could stay at.""Y-yes we do, my lord.""Good! Well, would you care if I stayed there for the night?""I-I would assume that no one would care, my lord."Actions.>Thank them for their hospitality!>Shift down and enter the town. (Specify what form)>...Shift down? What are you, an idiot? You'll carefully maneuver to the inn, and tap a claw on the door and ask if you can stay for a night.>Continue talking to the guards!>Casually mention how they'll be serving you one day. It's fun to foreshadow!>Write-In
>>701787>>Thank them for their hospitality!>>Shift down and enter the town. (Specify what form)>>Half-dragon
"I thank the two of you for your hospitality!"You shift down into your half-dragon form, and the guards open the gate for you, somewhat nervous.So uh... Is this a new leaf your turning over? Or is this just because your tired and possibly drunk?I didn't drink that much last night...Actions.>I'm just doing this so I don't get killed in my sleep, God.>Well, I enjoy being nice to people when I can... Or if I feel like it.>...I may be a little bipolar at times, I admit.>Goddamn it, now I need to go out and brutally enslave a village.>Listen, just because I enslave men, women, and children, eat people and give their souls to Chaos Gods who torture them, and generally do bad stuff, doesn't mean I have to demand sleeping quarters...>This is only for Constaniza. (Renexizious will try to be nice around Constaniza.)>Well... I'm trying to apologize in a sense to Frankizka. She's kind of pissed off because I did some evil stuff, so now I'm trying to do some good stuff.>...I've been meaning to try and be a nicer person. I mean, everyone likes nice people, and I am a ruler after all... (Renexizious becomes a little more... Kinder and nice to humans?)>...I sort of always wanted to be a gentle giant. Sounds like fun, to be honest.>...Consider this an "alter-ego".>I'm just doing this so the dragon community stops being labeled as evil.>I'm just a little drunk.>Write-in
>>701843>This is only for Constaniza. (Renexizious will try to be nice around Constaniza.)
Nope. Just doing this for Constaniza....So we're only being nice because we have a friend by us?Yeah.Under literally any other conditions we'd sack, pillage, and possibly tumble this town?Yeah....What?...Nothing. I'm just going to say that it would be interesting if you just suddenly turned nice. I can dream, you know.Pfh, yeah you fucking furry.Yeah, eventually your going to slip up and be a dick around her, but whatever... Have fun.You return to reality, and approach the tavern door."Huh, southern villages seem a lot different. And a little warm in my opinion.""Yeah."The two of you enter the bar, and shock the bartender."W-what are you?!""Relax, I'm just here for a bedroom."He seems a little suspicious, but then Constaniza steps in."Come on, is something wrong with him? He's perfectly harmless...""What she said.""...I'll give you a room for one gold each.""I see."Actions.>...How about half of a gold per room?>I'll take one room. You can sleep with me, Constaniza.>How about two rooms? One for me, one for you.>...I'm sleeping outside.>That's better. Why do you humans get shocked at everything that's not pink and fleshy?>Well, I wouldn't say harmless...>Write-In
>>701909>I'll take one room. You can sleep with me, Constaniza.
"I'll take one room. You can sleep with me, Constaniza.""I was hoping for two rooms... But then again, I never did sleep with someone who I'm friends with. So I'll set up your hammock in there.""...Why can't you sleep with me on the bed?""Well, we're friends... That would be kind of weird, sorry if you were hoping for that.""...I see.""I-I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just saying it would be kind of weird if I slept in the same bed as you."Actions.>...Listen, you don't have to explain yourself to me. It's fine if you don't want to sleep with me.>...Sigh, and get her a second room. Women need their privacy, after all.>...You know, since we're friends why don't you hang the hammock over me? I mean, I am your protector after all?>Don't worry, your like a little sister to me. I'm like your big brother in a sense. (Charisma to not make this weird.)>...Do you even realize I have feelings for you?>...Come on, we can sleep together. Friends do that all the time. (Charisma, HARD)>Fine, but I worry about you a lot... So my tail might wrap around you or be ontop of you just to make sure your still there.>Write-in
>>701971>...Come on, we can sleep together. Friends do that all the time. (Charisma, HARD)
Roll me a 1d20+5. Additional +2 if you can say something convincing so she'll sleep in the same bed as you.
Rolled 12 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>701991Rollan.
Rolled 6 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>701991Come on, I can provide extra warmth.
12+5=17Borderline Success."...Well, come on. I can provide extra warmth.""Erh, sorry but you emanate cold. I'd be freezing...""...Well... Come on, we can sleep together. Friends do that all the time.""That's weird... But I mean... Well... I don't want to be mean to you, so... Alright...""Thank you."You can tell she seems sort of uncomfortable."Would you mind if you wait out here? I need to get out of my robes.""...I can help you, you know.""I don't think friends do that... And I have a specific type of robe I wear when I sleep. It's a uh, gift from my parents before they passed away.""...A nightgown?""...I think that's what it was called? Just wait out here while I get dressed. It won't take long."Actions.>...I would never invade your privacy. You have my word.>I got it. I won't peek or anything. (Lie)>...I'll talk to the bartender then.>...Please? Trust me. We're friends. And friends do this all the time. (Charisma, VERY HARD)>...I'm not that cold, God.>If you need me, I'll be drinking a little.>Just sleep in your robes then. I'm exhausted.>...Who were your parents anyways?>Write-In
>>702039>...Who were your parents anyways?
>>702039>I got it. I won't peak or anything. (Lie)
"Would you mind if I ask who your parents were?""Well... I remember they came from the south. I think from the Empire.""Huh.""Anyways, I'll tell you when you can come out in a little bit, alright?""Got it."The Bartender takes her to her room. and you take a seat... And quickly order a little bit of mead. He gives it to you for only two gold."Thank you..." You chug it down, and start conspiring on how exactly to watch her undress. Meanwhile, the bartender rubs the table...Actions.>...Maybe you should talk to the bartender while Constainza is undressing.>...Excuse me, but I need to check on her... (As in, peek in.)>...She'll enjoy your company while she undresses. One way or the other. Barge in there while she's undressing.>...So uh, Bartender? Can you give be another one? I sort of want to vent some stuff to some mortal who cares very little about my problems.>...Bartender, I'm running a little low on coin... Is there any problems nearby?>Bartender, what's your name?>...Mortal, I'll be taking that gold coin back please. While Constaniza isn't looking.>...Excuse me, but do you have a refrigerator? I would be willing to freeze it over and give you plenty of ice in exchange for some coin.>Just wait patiently.>Write-In
>>702073>Excuse me, I need to check on her.
>>702073>...Excuse me, but I need to check on her... (As in, peek in.)
"If you excuse me... I need to check on her."You excuse yourself from the bartender, and sneak down the hallway to her room... You carefully shift into your elven form to not get caught.Roll me a 1d20+2 for spying on your friend.
Rolled 12 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>702107Rolling for peeking.
Rolled 17 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>702107Sneeki breeki
17+2=19Great Success!You carefully unlock and open the door to the room, and peek in... You see her undressing, her fine, small pale white ass, with her small petite body, covered in blue Tzeentchian tattoos, body paint and... You slightly notice blue feathers on her hand, very small ones which she notices slightly, and is quite agitated, and begins to pluck them out... Apparently hurting her. She hides the blue feathers in her blue robes, and promptly takes a small bandage out to wrap around her hands... But other then that, she is a specimen of fine human... Well, ass and tits. She then bends over to grab her nightgown as you watch, interested in her body... You can't help but feel slightly aroused, and continue watching her until she gets fully dressed... Which you silently close the door, shift back into your half-dragon form, and wait patiently... You do feel your hand slightly go down to your pelvis, until you hear her yell that she's done. You shake your thoughts out of your head, and enter the room. She seems to be in bed already, resting in a nightgown covering her... Though not her Tzeentchian body paint and tattoos. Which you look at, slightly tempted.Actions.>...Maybe you should ruffle around in her robes for those feathers? Just as a uh... Reminder. Right.>...Go to sleep thinking of her... Hmmh...>Shapeshift to your human form. Or a different one, if you will...>...Pat her on the head slightly.>Notify her that your tail has a "mind of it's own" and may wrap around her legs a little bit.>...Maybe you should talk to her.>Just saying that you should really, really listen closely in case anyone looks in. I'm your protector, you know. And know that if anyone peeks in on you, you should tell me right away.>Write-in
>>702189>Shift into human form.To tumble or not to tumble.
You shift into your human form, and squeeze in next to her. You can't help but be slightly agitated that you aren't sleeping in any other form, but this will do..."Can I talk a little bit?""Gladly.""This might sound a little stupid, but flying up that far was... Well, it was awesome. If a little terrifying, just saying."Actions.>...So uh... Want to tumble a little?>...Listen, I'm tired... Just go to sleep please.>I'd never drop you. We're friends after all.>...Could I tell you something?>You know, I think I like you better then Raghilda... She's a little too blunt. Maybe you should come with me instead of her.>Hey uh... Once this is done, why don't you come with me to my family?>...You know, if you were anyone else I would of pillaged and burned this town down.>...Pretend your asleep and wait for her to pass out... You want a closer look at those feathers she plucked out of her body.>So uh, are you mutated at all?>Write-in
>>702260>I'd never drop you. We're friends after all.>...Could I tell you something?
"I'd never drop you. We're friends after all... But could I tell you something?""Huh? What is it?"Actions>...Nevermind. Sorry.>...I think I'm a little attracted to you. Is that wrong? Or would you like to go deeper?>...I think I'm in love with you.>...Well, kiss her?>...Well... It's about my wives. I sort of want to rant about them.>Just saying, thank you for letting me sleep with you.>...Could I shift back to my half-dragon form to sleep in? I won't get in your way, I promise.>...I know about you and the fact you have slight feathers.>Act drunk and disorderly!>I don't think we're friends... I think we're best friends.>I have something else to tell you... (Specify)>I think of you like a little daughter...>How would you like to be mutated?>Write-in
>>702308>...I think I'm a little attracted to you. Is that wrong? Or would you like to go deeper?
>>702308>I think I'm a little attracted to you. Is that wrong?
"...I think I'm a little attracted to you. Is that wrong? Or would you like to explore this relationship deeper?""Erh, what?""I'm attracted to you."She seems nervous again, and a little shy."I-I'm... Uh... I don't know what to say... But uh...""Come on...""C-can we just erh... I'm sorry... But I just would like to be friends... I mean... Listen, I like you... You're a nice guy, unlike a lot of other people... But uh... I just...""Come on, say it.""I just would rather have a friend... I've never had that before. It's fun.""Well... A relationship doesn't mean we can stop being friends.""...I'm just... I'm sorry for this... But I don't want a relationship. I just want a friend who I can talk to. I mean... You're a dragon talking to me and trying to be my friend. That's awesome... And really nice. Thank you... I just don't know what else to say. I-I'm sorry... I'm very sorry if your saddened by what I said, alright?"Actions.>...I see. I'm sorry for telling you this.>...Why aren't you attracted to me?>...I think I should show you my bad-boy persona instead. If being nice isn't enough.>...Did I say you had a choice in this?>...I'm confused. What?>So you want to be friends because you want to hang out with me without worrying about sex or anything?>...Fine then. You'll fall in love with me in time, like all the other girls.>...You'll prove a hard conquest. I like it.>...You're being a little mean... How could you hurt my heart like that?>I never said I wanted you to be my girlfriend. I just said I felt like we're good friends.>It's fine. You're so nice trying not to hurt my feelings. It's a nice change of pace from my other wives...>Write-in
>>702387>...I see. I'm sorry for telling you this.
"...I see. I'm sorry for telling you this.""I'm sorry too... Let's uh..." She goes quiet for a little bit."I'm going to sleep... I just want to say your a nice guy, and thank you for being my friend."After a little bit, she falls asleep.Wow. Sounds like you just got friendzoned. This is what, your fifth wife-to-be? I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner.Actions.>...I'll win her over, don't you worry.>...Should I continue being nice around her or more tough? Sounds like she loves nice people.>Oh, shut up you. I'm just going to try and ignore my attraction for her from now on.>...Well, who said I can't just continue to like her in secret?>Fuck off. I need some privacy.>I'll be the nicest guy she's ever known... Muahahaha...>She's not going to be my fifth wife, damn it.>...I really, really should stop getting wives.>I'm alright with being friends, God... (Lie or truth)>Write-In
>>702442>It's not over yet flames. It's not over yet.
>>702442>I'm alright with being friends, God... (Lie)
...I'm alright with being friends, God...You secretly think to yourself that it's not over. Not by a longshot, as you sleep quietly... And think about Constaniza's fine ass...Eventually you wake up in the morning, get out of bed, and shift into your half-dragon form. It doesn't seem like she's woken up yet...Actions.>...Time to channel being a nice guy... What would a nice guy do? Get his unofficial girlfriend some breakfast in bed? And put her clothes on the bed nicely folded?>...Maybe you should ruffle through her robes for those feathers? Your curious about them.>...Just continue to lay here, what else?>...Cautiously pet her with your draconic tail... Soon she will be yours... Muahwahawha...>...Go out of the room and get some food and drink for yourself.>Wake her up, loudly.>Wake her up, softly.>Write-In
>>702468>...Time to channel being a nice guy... What would a nice guy do? Get his unofficial girlfriend some breakfast in bed? And put her clothes on the bed nicely folded?>...Maybe you should ruffle through her robes for those feathers? Your curious about them.In that order.
You decide to be the nicest guy you can be. So you calmly get out of the room, and tell the bartender to get her the finest breakfast he can make. You hand him fourteen gold, and he begins to make it, while you head back to your room and begin to ruffle through her blue robes for her feathers, which you take. You note they are quite blue and much larger up close, and you pocket them...Should we be concerned she has slight feathers, bro?Actions.>...What, would you prefer she had fur, you furry?>What? Of course not.>...That only makes her more attractive, to be honest.>Well, I intend on confronting her tonight on why she's sprouting feathers.>...Not unless she starts sprouting it all over her body, no.>It's a side effect of her worshiping Tzeentch.>...If you hold on, I'm going to sniff these a little and remind myself of last night.>...I intend to find something to remove her mutation which is causing her to sprout feathers.>...Do you think we could get her away from Tzeentch and towards a god who mutates their followers a lot less?>Write-In
>>702504>It's a side effect of her worshiping Tzeentch.>...I intend to find something to remove her mutation which is causing her to sprout feathers.
>>702504>Would you prefer she had fur?
>>702504>...What, would you prefer she had fur, you furry?>...Not unless she starts sprouting it all over her body, no.>It's a side effect of her worshiping Tzeentch.
It's a side effect of her worshipping Tzeentch. And I intend to find something to remove her mutation which is causing her to sprout feathers... Besides, would you prefer she had fur?Fuck you.Is that a yes or no?Stop projecting on me, damn it.Actions.>Listen, it's fine if you prefer girls with fur. I prefer girls with scales myself.>Me? Projecting? You fucking wish I was.>...Serious question, would you fuck a werewolf? I'll give you ten seconds to answer that.>You know, if anyone actually looked at the conversations we had in our heads they'd think we're degenerates or something, and all we think about is sex and conquest.>Flames, I'm just giving you shit because you are literally the only person I know who's tumbling someone with fur. I mean, sure a neckbeard might try that, but that's something entirely else, because they probably are degenerates who sit in their mom's basements and read Japanese books or shit... You don't like those, do you?>Can we both agree we love all our wives equally?>...How did you know you fuckwad?>Write-In
>>702567>Can we both agree we love all our wives equally?
>>702567>Serious question would you fuck a werewolf? I'll give you ten seconds to answer that.I need to know.
Can we both agree to love all our wives equally?Well, yeah. I love all of our wives. Yours and mine.Same. I'm just giving you shit... But serious question, would you fuck a werewolf, I'll give you ten seconds.What?Ten.I mean... What?Roll me a 1d20+6 if you can get him to tell the truth or not. Additional +2 if you can "encourage him" to spill the beans.
Rolled 2 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>702609Think of all that soft fur, man.
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>702613Aiding roll
Come on man... Think of all the soft fur you can pet...You hear him protest a little......Well... Are we talking about hungry as fucking shit and can only think about eating? Or are we talking about werewolves who just act like normal people?...What's your answers to both?Well, fuck the guys who want to eat people... I mean, that's our job... But maybe one who acted like a normal person...Hm... Alright, what if it can transform or not?...I wouldn't care?So, yes, you would fuck a werewolf?WITHIN CERTAIN PERIMETERS!...I can already see it now... Flame's Flaming Furry Harem....I already regret saying yes... But just for the record, I'd tumble her even in her human form.Never said it was a female.YOU SON OF A BIT-Heh, Flames The Gay Furry.I'm going to take up smoking now.Heh, you better....But would you? Just curious.Actions.>Laugh him off.>Hell no I wouldn't. (Lie or Truth)>...Well... I mean... Let's talk about something else.>Coming from the gay furry, that's not saying much.>...Heh, just saying your good for a laugh. I don't blame you for it though.>...There there Flames. Maybe one day someone will be able to sate your raging fetish for fur.>Go back to reality. You have all the answers you need.>Fuck, if I grow a third head I either want it to be like you, or not even close.>...Imagine the kids though. That would... Erh... Werewolf Half-dragons? Is that a thing?>...Well, when we get home I'll find you a cute werewolf for you. Ok?>Write-In
>>702648>...Well, when we get home I'll find you a cute werewolf for you. Ok?
>>702648>A female werewolf if she can transform. And only in her human form. This is what the right answer is if your looking to avoid being called a furry.>Well when we get home I'll find a cute werewolf for you. Ok?
"For the record, if you want to be avoid being called a furry, just say a female werewolf if she can transform. And only in her human form. But when we get home, I'll find a cute werewolf for you, ok?"Listen... I'd just about fuck anyone. But you didn't answer my question.Actions>Same as you, honestly.>...Only if I closed my eyes and dreamed of Sweden.>Ha, fuck you furry.>...Don't worry, I won't tell Fenrir.>Do you think mom would care?>Well, at least our respective wives will be skin-coated. Mine have scales and flesh, while yours have scales.>...Do you want Chrysoula or another wife?>...Heh, remember that one thing? You know, about that werewolf we watched with Khorne who kicked Russian conscript ass? Want one like him or something?>...Would you fuck a skaven?>Write-In
>>702708>A female werewolf if she can transform. And only in her human form>Activate shit eating grin.
>>702708>Same as you, honestly.>...Would you fuck a skaven?
A female werewolf if she can transform. And only in her human form.Wow, thanks.You can't help but activate a shit eating grin.But honestly, the same as you... But would you fuck a skaven?NO.Good....Heh, maybe when we get back we can share the werewolf wife?...Seriously?What? I thought we shared our wives....In what sense?You can tumble mine, I can tumble yours, since we share the same body and both of our time we spend with our wives is cut short, unless the other objects.Actions.>...Yeah, I was just a little confused about the wording.>...I knew you were a furry... But a cuckold as well?!>Well, that's nice to know. I'll make sure to be a little more forward towards Chrysoula...>How about this, I can tumble your wives, but you stay the fuck away from mine?>Sure. I'd be up for sharing a werewolf wife.>...Seriously, is all we ever talk about is sex and conquering people?>...Why wouldn't you fuck a skaven? What's the line you draw?>...Erh, well I wouldn't fuck a minotaur. Just saying.>H-hold on a moment... Are you purposely trying to get wives covered in fur so I don't tumble them?>Great. Now this is weird.>I'm going back to reality.>Write-In
>>702773>...Why wouldn't you fuck a skaven? What's the line you draw?>Well, that's nice to know. I'll make sure to be a little more forward towards Chrysoula...
>>702773>Well that's nice to know.Finally the go ahead I was waiting for to tumble Chrysoula.
Well, that's nice to know. I'll make sure to be a little more forward towards Chrysoula.Yeah. I was kind of confused why you weren't tumbling her a lot... Just saying, don't try to replacement and make her YOUR wife. Please? I mean, she's the only friend or girlfriend I have besides you and Flames... And I don't want to lose her again.Worried that I could steal her?...You could impersonate me and make her never hear from me again... So I am.Quick question, why won't you fuck a Skaven?They talk funny, taste terrible I bet, and are fucking ugly as shit. And they're rats. Besides, would you fuck one?You nearly puke.Also, they're evil as shit. I'd only fuck one if she was nice, talked semi-normal, and was SOMEWHAT attractive. And had muscles....Muscles?Well... I like women with muscles. Not outrageous... But I enjoy strong women. Mostly because it's somewhat equal then.Actions.>Got it. I'll see you around.>...Don't worry, I won't make her my wife. (Lie or Truth)>...If you want, I can pretend to be you while tumbling her.>...You know that any wife you take will be having my kids. Just saying?>Erh, any advice to tumble Chrysoula? Just curious.>Well, personally I prefer smaller women...>I will agree, strong and tall women are the thing.>...I'm curious, does she have any feelings towards me?>...I'm going back.>If you made a skaven into that, they're no longer a skaven.>Write-InI was partially wondering if anons liked Chrysoula or not. Now I know, I guess.
>>702843>...I'm curious, does she have any feelings towards me?
>>702843>Implying we don't bed most if not all of the somewhat interesting female characters.I was always thinking about trying to.I was just worried about flame salt.It's a non factor now though.>>702873Supporting.
I'm curious... Does she have any feelings towards me?...Eh, sort of. She likes soft guys like me. Probably because she's been around tough and strong men most of her life, and she's personally tough and strong. Though she has stated that she's thankful for being free towards you. Don't think she loves you or anything.I see.Actions.>...Well, I suppose I'll try to win her affection first.>I'll just pretend to be you.>...What if I "opened up" to her and revealed my soft side?>...Just curious, you remember that Yuan-Ti? You know, the one we played D&D with?>...Well, she'll learn to like "big and strong" people like me soon enough.>...How many wives are we going to end up with before this ends?!>Do you think mom would be proud of us just tumbling basically every interesting woman we know?>Write-In
>>702897>...Just curious, you remember that Yuan-Ti? You know, the one we played D&D with?
Just curious, you remember that Yuan-Ti? The semi-liberal one which we played D&D with?Yeah?Well, why don't we try to court her next?...Man, we're jumping all over the place. I liked her too, but just curious... What about Lorriana?What about her?We sort of had a thing going. And she is our scientist who can make laser weaponry... And we barely talk to or know her. And she's a dragon...Right... Well, I'll think about it....Hey uh, mind if this takes a more... Serious turn?Serious? How?...You remember Mikhal's mom?...Oh. That kind of serious.I've been thinking... We should apologize to her, at least... I mean, we did... You know.Yeah.And maybe we should set up a relationship... Real or not, so Mikhal starts adjusting to us a little.She had a husband though....It's up to you. But I don't want Mikhal to grow up and find out we raped his mother...Actions.>...Listen, let's go back to talking about something else.>...Let's turn back to Lorriana then...>Let's talk about that Yuan-Ti then.>...No. I won't do that. I don't want to deal with emotional baggage.>...Do you think I should do that for my bastard daughter as well?>...Fake then.>...I always wanted a nice Elven ass with me while I rule.>...We're going to need a much, much bigger bed, aren't we?>Write-InIf an anon could remind me, what was the D&D Yuan Ti's name? I completely forgot
>>702956>Let's talk about that Yuan-Ti then.Uhhh... There's quite a few threads missing from the archive.
>>702956>Do you think I should do this with my bastard daughter as well?>>702992We had a bastard child with an elf apparently.We met them.
Well, let's talk about Kristana then.Was that her name?I don't remember... So, you like her or not?Pretty cute. I mean, snaketail and all... But she's a bit of a liberal. But she's also cute for knowing a little bit of magic.Actions>I'd like to just remain friends with her, honestly.>...Tumble it is. What's next on the agenda?>You know, I'd like to have a nerd friend who isn't my girlfriend.>...I was just thinking about another D&D session, honestly.>...Hey uh, how would you like Chrysoula bigger and stronger again? That sounds pretty cool.>You know, maybe we should make her a responsible, religious conservative woman like most Yuan-Ti.>...Let's see about adding more scales to her by making her a half-dragon though.>A little bit of liberalism never hurt anyone.>I'm going back to reality.>Write-In
>>703021No, no, I'm up to current. I just noticed we can't really go back and referemce anything from those lost threads.
>>703031 testing spoilers. You wanna know a something? >>703028>Tumble it is then.
I'm afraid to know anon.Well, tumble it is then.Right... So, what about the Lorriana question?Tumbling her?She's a dragon... Also I like her. A little bit nerdy, but yeah... I can fix that...Actions.>Go for it. I don't really care.>...I also have an interest in her.>Man, we're going to be busy when we get back home... I like it.>We'll date all of these women when we get back, ok?>...Let's talk about other women until we get THIS woman in particular, ok?>Write-in
>>703064>I also have an interest in her I was one of the anons that started the claw rape incident. I also gave him the stroke and gave both us and him autism. Remember that OP?Interesting times.
>>703064>...Let's not talk about other women until we get THIS woman in particular, ok?Breakfast is ready.
>>703064>Man, we're going to be busy when we get back home... I like it.>>703080I am both horrified and intrigued
>>703080Ignoring that anon. Heavily.Well, I also have an interest in her.Yeah... Let's talk about this once we're done, alright?Got it.You return to reality, and find that breakfast was done while you were talking. You of course take it to Constaniza's room, and carefully fold her clothes.You poke her on the shoulder, and she wakes up."Huh? What is it?""I uh... Well, I made you breakfast.""Huh? Really? Thank you. I thought that I made you sad last night.""Huh? It's fine. I'm used to rejection."You hand her breakfast and she begins to eat a little.. Well, savagely."So uh, how did you sleep?""Beautifully.""That's good. Anyways... What are we doing today?""Besides flying to find the dragon?""Yeah." She says, while eating some bread.Actions.>...Well... I was planning to raid a town or two.>...Erh... Well, we're leaving soon. Grab the bed though, I'm taking it with us back to the longship.>I might be visiting those knights... You might not to come since your a Tzeentchian.>Want to come with me to visit the knights on the hill?>I was planning to drink for a bit and wait until you get dressed.>...Treat her like she's already one of your wives. Give her a kiss.>...Sigh. Your going to lower yourself... But say you're going to help this village with it's problems or something.>...Say that she should stay here until you come back. You should fly on alone...>Write-In
>>703106>...Sigh. Your going to lower yourself... But say you're going to help this village with it's problems or something.We can do work in exchange for the supplies to set up a rudimentary mutagen lab.
>>703106>I was planning to drink for a bit and wait until you get dressed.>1d20+6 for stealth
>>703106 I've been here for the last few threads. Definitely around the shit talk thread and the Hitler one. Also the previous one.>>703115Supporting.
"Well... I was planning to drink and wait until your get dressed... But this village needs a hero. Probably...""Right... Uh, I'll stay here and read a little then.""...And get dressed, hopefully?""Yeah. Anyways, you should get going...""Got it."You take leave of the room, and she stops you."Hey uh... Once your out there, could you bring me back a bandage or two?""Why?""...Tzeentch gave me a mutation which makes me grow feathers while I sleep, alright? It's annoying, and I try my best to get rid of it so I don't look strange..."Actions.>...That's good. I don't like feathers on my wom- I mean, friends.>Come on, if someone gives you a gift you should keep it.>Thank you for telling me...>Wait, every night? How fast does it grow?>...Your lucky you didn't get anything else.>I'm figuring out something to fix it, don't worry.>I saw it last night.>...I see. I'll find you a bandage soon.>...I like women who shave, personally...>Write-in
>>703164>Wait, every night? How fast does it grow?>...Your lucky you didn't get anything else.>Mention the eye as if Khorne gave it to us
>>703164>Wait, every night? How fast does it grow?>...Your lucky you didn't get anything else.>I'm figuring out something to fix it, don't worry.>I saw it last night.
"Wait, every night? How fast does it grow?""...Well, by seven days I'm essentially covered in it... It's warm at the least, but makes conversations a little strange... I tend to let it grow when it's winter.""I see. Well, your lucky you didn't get anything else.""Well, it's what happens when you worship Tzeentch. I'm thankful and all, though.""That's good... Anyways, I got this eye from a big firery and warlike man, you probably heard of him." You say while pointing towards your eyepatch."You got blessed by...""Yeah. But I saw it last night."She seems a little confused."Erh... How? I would of been naked..."Actions>...I might of slightly spied on you. Sorry.>Shit! I uh... Saw this growing from your... Erh, face.>This was in your robes when I folded them up.>Change topic! Do you want the feathers or not?>...I uh, think your feathers are beautiful.>If you want, I bet I can non-painfully remove them with my claws...>Yeah, I have this annoying growth on my pelvis whenever I see a female... Maybe at some time or another you can help me get rid of it?>Write-In
>>703253>tfw you put red in the wrong dialoguejust cuck my shit up famalam.
>>703253>This was in your robes when I folded them up.I didn't even notice
"Erh, this was in your robes when I folded them up."You show Constainza her feathers."Oh... Sorry for assuming the worst... Erh, if you want you can keep them.""Thanks.""If you need me, I'm going to be dressing... Could you step out?""Sure."You begin to step out...Actions.>...You'll spy on her a dressing again... That ass will be perfect.>...Erh, maybe you should get to helping the village instead of spying on beautiful women with feathers?>...You have a slight idea... What if your tail happened to "accidentally" lift her robes while she was stripping down and put them where she'd have to... Well, enter a position which slightly made her more attractive, not to mention unable to notice you?>Write-in
Rolled 7 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>703286>...You'll spy on her a dressing again... That ass will be perfect.
You decide to spy on her again and leave the room...Roll me a 1d20+6 for more lewd writing, I suppose.Samefagging allowed, and good job pre-rolling because I don't take pre-rolls.
Rolled 1 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>703324
Rolled 17 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>703324Spying intensifies.
>>703329Always at the worst times.
Roll me a 1d20 to peek like a barbarian.
>>703333>YesSorry about that pre-rolling. I had to go somewhere and I didn't want to miss the rolling
Rolled 2 (1d20)>>703339
Rolled 20 (1d20)>>703339Believing in the heart of the dice.
>>703347Wew.Peeking to our hearts content.
Never before has a typo been more accurate
Critical Success!You get a... Really, really good look on her. She undresses and you even get a look at her more... Private parts... Still unravaged by the dragon body... Not to mention those perfect nordic breasts... Her sweet hair...You put your hand down towards your pelvis violently, and let a primal instinct take over, while you watch without breaking eye contact... After a while you feel exhausted, and quickly retreat, and feel in a very, very good mood...You come out and the bartender looks at you funny. You can only wonder why, though...Actions.>Ask the bartender if there's any work around...>...Just get ready to leave.>Maybe you should ask if he has a kitchen you can borrow for alchemy experimentation?>...You are in the mood... Why don't you ask if there's any whore-houses around?>...Leave... Maybe you can get some work from the mayor?>Leave and visit the knight chapterhouse.>Maybe those two guards could give you some work?>Shift into your human form.>Write-In
>>703366>Leave and visit the knight chapterhouse.>Offer our services
>>703366>Maybe you should ask if he has a kitchen you can borrow for alchemy.
Waiting ten more minutes anons.
>>703369I'll support this.>>703366>Looking at us funnyIt better not be what I think it is.
You leave the tavern and head to the knight chapterhouse, which takes a little bit of a hike. You get a few... No, make that a lot of stares from everyone in the village, as you walk up to the knight chapterhouse. You see a handful of barded warhorses in a stable, and it seems everyone is inside... So you knock. After a little bit, a servant comes to you, and gives you a rather long look at you... And yells for the knights as he slams the door closed.Great. Why the he-You look at your tail, and notice the mark of Khorne on it. Which he saw, since it was by your feet...Fucking... Goddamn it Khorne.Actions.>...Shift quickly! Maybe they'll think the servant is delirious! (Specify what form)>Rush towards the brush! You'll hide there!>...Who cares if you have an obvious looking mark of Khorne on you? Remain where you are.>...Well, you need to get out of here, and fast... Steal a warhorse!>...Dragon form. Time to negotiate with threats.>Write-In
>>703399>Shift human! Do it now!That actually isn't as embarrassing as I thought it was.
You quickly shift...Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if you can shift fast enough. Additional +2 if you can think up creative complaints to the Dark God of Khorne about your tail or anything else, really.
Rolled 20 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>703414What are you going to brand next? My ass?
>>703420Just about to roll
Good job smartass.You shift nearly instantly.Goddamn it Khorne... What are you going to brand next, my ass?Hey uh, I just got a message from Khorne. Which said your objection has been noted.Really? Wh-You feel a searing hot pain on your ass, and you twist your head and notice some steam coming from it... He didn't just...You notice a small red Khornate symbol on where your tail grows. Great. At this rate you'll be covered with Khornate brands.That fucking asshole...He also asked if he could use you in advertising as part of the "Khornate Brand". Apparently this was sent by his secretary.Secretary?By a... Valkia the Bloody... Huh.Really?She says keep up the good work. And sent a smiley face....Smiley face?Yeah. She says the Khornate Brand is a "gift" for cluttering up her mail.Actions.>...Is she a daemon or something?>...Great, now if my ass is daemon infested... There'll be hell to pay.>...Remind me never to complain about Khorne again.>...Erh, can you send her a message if it's temporary or not?>I bet the elves did this...>...Erh, send a winky face please.>Write-In
>>703451>...Is she a daemon or something?>...Remind me never to complain about Khorne again.
>>703451>...Erh, can you send her a message if it's temporary or not?>...Erh, send a winky face please.
Is she a daemon or something?...Erh, a Daemon Princess of Khorne, yeah. In charge of the Valkyries.Cool... Now remind me never to complain about Khorne again, and send her a message if it's temporary or not. And a winky face.Got it... She says it'll come off in about "thirty years, give or take". And she sent a a message saying if you respond again she'll make sure to do something "a lot fucking harsher" She also sent a smiley face.I see...Actions.>...Well, that's unacceptable. Try to contact her. As in call her.>...Try to send her one of my world famous pick up lines, Fenrir.>...Well, how about we respond after we're done with the knights?>...Just spam her with winky faces, please.>Erh, ask her if she has any other methods for taking off the symbol?>Maybe you should send a message if she'd like to go out some time?>Remind me to complain about Khorne a lot more.>Write-In
>>703489>Maybe you should send a message if she'd like to go out some time?>How about a pick-up line? "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal."
Send her a message asking her if she'd like to go out some time... And a pickup line... I call it "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal."That's fucking bad. You sure?Do it....She just responded. She agrees but you'd have to summon her.I see...Oh... And she also sent something to annoy the shit out of us.What?She's annoyed and sent a Juggernaut of Khorne to bother us. She'll teleport it to where we are in about... An hour?Actions.>...What's a juggernaut?>So uh... Is this bad or good?>...We should go into the forest and make sure it doesn't bother us at all then.>I don't think summoning a Daemon Princess is a good idea.>Erh, can we send another pick up line? Maybe that might convince her not to send another one?>Write-in
>>703523>So uh... Is this bad or good?>...We should go into the forest and make sure it doesn't bother us at all then.
So uh, is this bad or good?How the fuck should I know?Well... Let's go into the forest and make sure it doesn't bother us at all then.You retreat from the chapelknight's place and rush into the forest, and you feel... Huh. Strangely unable to shapeshift into your dragon form. You can however, shift into your half-dragon form.What the hell is going on?Uh... It seems she wants a "fair fight" between the two of you... So she's blocked the magic which lets you shapeshift.I like this girl already... As in, FUCKING WHAT!? SHE CAN DO THAT?!She has worshippers of her own. It'll last for about... Thirty minutes.You hear a large shimmering thing coming in from behind you... And you see a large, doglike creature come out, it's body made of living metal, and shaped similar to a dog, with a large horn and fire coming from its mouth... It is also twice as big as you. It also has a lot of khornate symbols."...Well, hello..."It growls angrily.Actions.>...You know, I think this woman is a bit too much for me to handle...>Run. Now.>...Erh, who's a good boy? Who's the good, possibly fire breathing dog of death?>...Pick up a stick? You saw dogs are attracted to things like that?>...You'll fight it! You can breathe motherfucking FROST! He can't beat you!>...So uh... Maybe right now is a good time to BURROW AS FAST AS POSSIBLE!>I love this woman already.>Write-in
>>703545>...Erh, who's a good boy? Who's the good, possibly fire breathing dog of death?>...Pick up a stick? You saw dogs are attracted to things like that?What powers do we have as a human?
>>703548You are in fact, in your half-dragon form.You carefully pick up a stick, ready to play fetch?"Erh... Who's the good boy? Who's the good, possibly fire breathing dog of death?"It gets closer to you, and you gulp, a little afraid. You decide to toss the stick.Roll me a 1d20-2 to see if it's attracted to the stick or not. Additional +2 if you can give it encouragement or not.
Rolled 18 - 2 (1d20 - 2)>>703552
18-2=16Minor Success!You toss the stick, and the Juggernaut follows it briefly... Just long enough for it to stop and look for where it landed...Actions>...This is a good time to try and sneak away...>...Erh, maybe you can get onto it? Tame the Juggernaut or something?>Grab another stick and throw it?>Wait for it to go get the stick?>...Cast a spell?>Pheromones?>...Who's a good dog? Go get the stick boy!>Write-In
>>703560>...Erh, maybe you can get onto it? Tame the Juggernaut or something?What's the worst that can happen?
>>703568This. And fucking BLAST IT with loyalty pheromones.
Roll me a 1d20-4. This is a bad idea and anons know it.Additional +2 if you can further complain to Khorne.
Rolled 5 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>703576All I wanted was an explanation and your secretary tries to FUCKING kill me!
Rolled 3 - 4 (1d20 - 4)>>703576
Allowing for another roll.
Rolled 12 - 4 (1d20 - 4)>>703582
Rolled 10 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>703590Does it include me as well?
12-2=10Great Failure!"All I wanted was an explanation and your secretary fucking tries to kill me!" You yell while you jump onto the Juggernauts back... Who promptly rams into a tree, sending your head into the it's horns and knocking you off, giving you a rather nasty headache. (-500 HP). You of course get up again, and it bites down on your leg, and HOLY SHIT IT FUCKING BURNS!Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can get out of it. Still an additional +2 if you can yell complaints about Khorne.
Rolled 10 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>703601I have never even gotten even close to a critical :(
Rolled 8 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>703601
10+4=14Failure!The Juggernaut burns your leg and throws you all about, while you flail wildly. After a little bit it chucks you at a tree, and you slump down, and see your leg has been terribly burned... Well, that's nice... (-2000 HP)You notice the tree is being to crack while the Juggernaut seems to get closer to you again... Another hit could collapse the tree...Actions.>It's bigger then you, so why don't you try to lure it into hitting the tree? It might just collapse on him...>...Try to throw another stick!>Erh... Use a breath attack!>Yell for help!>Uh... Shit. Try to climb up the tree?>Burrow!>Write-In
>>703632>It's bigger then you, so why don't you try to lure it into hitting the tree? It might just collapse on him...
>>703632>Unleash... THE EYE!
Rolled 1 (1d2)Oh shit niggas.Rolling.1=Sane Option2=UNLEASH EYE MODE
Roll me a 1d20+5 to taunt it... Additional +2 if you can do a good insult on the Juggernaut of Khorne!
Rolled 9 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>703651What is wrong with the eye?
Rolled 10 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>703651Damn dice.
Allowing samefagging roll.
Rolled 8 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>703660
Rolled 7 + 5 (1d20 + 5)What is with these rolls? We shouldn't have wasted barbaric.
10+5=15Borderline Success!You fail to taunt it, and it cautiously roars at you... Which sets the tree on fire, and slightly gives you a blister from the heat. That's nice. Really, thanks Khorne... TheHowever, the tree begins to fall...Roll me a 1d20 to see if it does in fact, fall on the Juggernaut.
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>703664
Rolled 3 (1d20)>>703664
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>703664These are some bad rolls.
Rolled 6 (1d20)>>703664
The tree falls to the side of you. Shit.The Juggernaut bites you by the leg, and once again, wildly tosses you around until it throws you into a large creek (-1500 HP)... Which helps the burn pain, totally. And it helps you can breathe underwater... Which you do. Until you realize that you just started a forest fire above this lake, and the juggernaut is prancing around, and breathe... Lava into the water.Fuck.This goes on for several minutes as you begin to lose ground to the juggernaut slowly turning the creek to magma, forcing you out... Your legs do feel better, and you can walk thanks to some good old fashioned necromancy healing.Actions.>...Try to push it into the water!>Try to climb back onto it and tame it!>Erh, run for it!>Stick, stick... Find a stick! It worked before!>Goodbye eyepatch, hello RAGE!>Climb up a tree!>Write-In
>>703686>Goodbye eyepatch, hello RAGE!This will Khornify us, won't it?
>>703686>Goodbye eyepatch, hello RAGE!It's probably what they want, anyways.
You take off the eyepatch, and feel rage course through your body... You can only think of two things.Firstly, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!Secondly...HOW THE FUCK DO I GET MORE SKULLS!?Actions>CHARGE THE DOG!>THIS MUTT NEEDS AN OWNER... WHICH IS YOU! CLIMB ONTO THE BACK!>FUCK THIS DOG UP AND BREATHE ICE!>USE PANSY ELVEN MAGICAL BULLSHIT!>USE PHEROMONE FUCKING MAGIC BULLSHIT!>YOUR FISTS CAN DO THE TALKING!>YELL AT IT ANGRILY AS A KHORNATE WOULD!>CALM DOWN AND PUT THE EYEPATCH BACK ON!>SHOW IT WHO IS THE MAN! TRY TO INTIMIDATE IT!>WRITE IN!!!!
>>703703>CHARGE THE DOG!
>>703703>THIS MUTT NEEDS AN OWNER... WHICH IS YOU! CLIMB ONTO THE BACK!
Rolled 1 (1d2)Rolling.1=Charge and wrestle with the dog.2=Try to climb on it!By the way, you get a +2 to all actions right now.
Seriously anon...Roll me a 1d20+4
Rolled 16 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>703721
Rolled 3 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>703721PET FOR THE BLOOD GOD
16+4=20Success!You jump onto it's back and start pull it's horn, staying onto it... You angrily grunt and yell insults and laugh manically.Man, it's fun to be a Khornate Beserker.Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if you can in fact, break it.
Rolled 2 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>703734
Rolled 16 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>703734
16+6=22Minor Success!"CALM DOWN YOU FUCKWAD BEFORE I THROW YOU INTO THE RIVER!"You begin to break it... And begin to connect with the animal, who begins to resist slightly less...Final roll... Roll me a 1d20+8 to see if you do in fact, get a Juggernaut pet.
Rolled 2 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>703744
Rolled 9 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>703744
Samefag roll anon.
Rolled 6 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>703744DOGGO
Rolled 11 + 8 (1d20 + 8)>>703744
9+8=17Minor Failure!You very, very nearly connect... But you struggle to stay onto it, and it begins to kick you off... But however, you begin yelling at it to calm down...Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if you can regain control... Additional +2 (and possible auto-success) if you can yell something Khornate-like at it to calm it down.
Rolled 19 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>703765YOU"RE MINE BIIIIITCH!!!!!
Rolled 20 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>703765NO SKULLS FOR YOU IF YOU KEEP BEING A CUNT
The ONE fucking time we get good rolls and there was an auto-success.
"NO SKULLS FOR YOU IF YOU KEEP BEING A CUNT! YOU'RE MINE YOU LITTLE BITCH!"It whines a little bit, then calms down and barks a little bit... And it seems your riding him. Oh boy...It seems you can semi-tell what your mount wants... Which seems to be blood, skulls, and fun. It apparently equates murder as fun, and getting blood and skulls as "fun". It cannot verbally talk to you, but you can understand it's emotions and responses to you, and fully understands what you say."NOW, WHAT TO CALL A LITTLE BITCH LIKE YOU..."Actions.>...Fluffy.>Call it... Doggo.>Erh, Skulls? Skulls.>Reaper.>...Erh, Leo?>...Asshole.>THIS BITCH DOESN'T NEED A NAME!>Nah, something less edgy...>Write-In
Going to wait ten more minutes anons.
You decide to call the juggernaut Asshole."ALRIGHT SETTLE DOWN ASSHOLE! I KNOW YOU WANT BLOOD AND GLORY FOR KHORNE, BUT YOU MUST DO WHAT I SAY, WHEN I SAY! IS THIS UNDERSTOOD?!"It roars in agreement."GOOD!" You let out an evil laugh, and the Juggernaut roars accordingly.Actions.>...WILL YOU ALSO BE A GOOD PET WHEN WE AREN'T KILLING THINGS FOR THE GLORY OF KHORNE!?! THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!>YOU SHOULD PUT THAT FUCKING EYEPATCH ON SO YOU GO BACK TO YOUR BORING NORMAL SELF!>COME ON ASSHOLE, LET'S FUCK SOME PEOPLE UP AND RAID SHIT! THINK OF THIS AS A TRIAL RUN!>...HOW THE FUCK DO I SEND PACKAGE TO OWNER?! I DON'T WANT SOME MUTT LIKE YOU!>CAN I DESUMMON YOU SOMEHOW!?! I WAS BUSY TALKING TO SOME ASSCUNTS ON A HILL OR SOMETHING!>...GOOD DOG! YOU WILL PROVE FINE IN MY BLOODLETTING OF MORTALS!!!>I HOPE YOU PROVE TO BE A BETTER COMPANION THEN MY SHITTY FAMILIAR!>Write-in
>>703819>CAN I DESUMMON YOU SOMEHOW!?! I WAS BUSY TALKING TO SOME ASSCUNTS ON A HILL OR SOMETHING!Sorry, but may Khorn grant us all sweet bloody dreams
I'm going to sleep for now anons. Sorry.
Rolled 2 (1d20)>>703744Here ye go
Rolled 12 (1d20)>>703829>>703896Sorry QM, 4chan didn't update and thought we was still rolling.Now if you'll excuse me I need to go commit seppuku
"HOW THE FUCK DO I DESUMMON YOU ASSHOLE?!?! I WAS TALKING TO SOME FUCKCUNTS ON A HILL AND I REALLY DON'T NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!"He whines a little bit, protesting being desummoned."DON'T BE LIKE THAT YOU LITTLE SHIT!"[r/ed]He continues to whine a little, and slightly turns his head up to you..."...PLEASE DON'T FUCKING DO THIS."Actions.>...I'LL TEACH YOU TO EVER DISOBEY MY COMMAND! GO ELECTRIC BOLT MOTHERFUCKER!>...FINE WE CAN PILLAGE AND LOOT A LITTLE.>I HAVE A GIRL I WANT TO FUCK. YOU'RE IN THE WAY.>...HOW ABOUT AFTER I'M DONE?>CAN YOU SHIFT INTO A DOG OR SOME SHIT?!>IGNORE THE LITTLE SHIT AND DESUMMON HIM. SOMEHOW.>Write-in
>>704432>I HAVE A GIRL I WANT TO FUCK. YOU'RE IN THE WAY.>...HOW ABOUT AFTER I'M DONE?>CAN YOU SHIFT INTO A DOG OR SOME SHIT?!
"I HAVE A GIRL I WANT TO FUCK... CAN YOU SHIFT INTO A DOG OR SOMESHIT?!"He shakes his head."...HOW ABOUT AFTER I'M DONE!?"He seems execitied and roars... Happily, you suppose. You climb off him and he... Licks you. Which sets your face on fire, slightly.After a few moments of trying to put the fire out, you go back to Asshole. Who still seems execiteid, jumping about and seemingly playful."YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT! YOU SET MY FACE ON FIRE!"He whines a little bit, and you sigh... Time to desummon him."JUST WAIT UNTIL I FUCKING SAY YOU CAN COME BACK, ALRIGHT!?"He roars in what you'd assume is agreement, and you desummon Asshole...,Are we now a dog owner?SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BITCH!Ok, god!Hey uh, I just got a message from the Daemon Princess. She says she went soft on you, sending her most so-called "playful and tame" Juggernaut. Also the largest, apparently. She seems suitably impressed.Actions>...TELL THAT BITCH THAT HER ASS WILL BE MINE IN A LITTLE WHILE!>TELL HER TO FUCK OFF IF SHE'S GOING TO TRY AND KILL ME!!>TELL HE WE'LL RAID AND KILL AND SHIT IN A FEW DAYS OR SO. I'M BUSY.>TELL HER TO FUCK OFF SINCE SHE SENT YOU AN INSULT! A SO-CALLED TAME JUGGERNAUT!>TELL HER I'LL VI SIT HER SOMEHOW. I BET THE WARP IS FULL OF DAEMONETTES TO FUCK>TELL HER THAT YOU'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF ASSHOLE.>Write-In
>>704460>TELL HER I'LL VISIT HER SOMEHOW. I BET THE WARP IS FULL OF DAEMONETTES TO FUCK
TELL HER I'LL VISIT HER SOMEHOW. I BET THE WARP IS FULL OF CUTE DAEMONETTES I CAN FUCK!!!Uh... Yeah. Got it....So uh, can I talk?GO DROWN YOURSELF YOU FAGGOT!Come on, please?...FINE. YOU LITTLE BITCH...So uh... Are we actually going to take care of Asshole or just treat him like Smaug?...TREAT HIM LIKE SMAUG?Yeah... As in never use him, and pretend he doesn't exist most of the time.Actions>COME ON, HE'S MY PET NOW... HE'LL BE RARELY DESUMMONED AND THAT'S ONLY IF SOME UPPITY CUNT HAS A PROBLEM WITH HIM.>...LIKE SMAUG. I DON'T WANT A KHORNATE JUGGERNAUT TERRIFYING PEOPLE.>...I SHOULD PROBABLY GIVE THEM MORE FREE TIME OUTSIDE OF BEING TRAPPED IN THE WARP OR WHATEVER. SMAUG IS HARMLESS ANYWAYS.>ONLY WHEN I RAID, FAGGOT.>I THOUGHT IT WAS AGREED WE'D GET A WEREWOLF BITCH, FUCK HER, AND MAKE HER INTO THE FAMILY PET?!>Write-In
>>704460>TELL HER THAT YOU'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF ASSHOLE.
>>704500>...I SHOULD PROBABLY GIVE THEM MORE FREE TIME OUTSIDE OF BEING TRAPPED IN THE WARP OR WHATEVER. SMAUG IS HARMLESS ANYWAYS.>I THOUGHT IT WAS AGREED WE'D GET A WEREWOLF BITCH, FUCK HER, AND MAKE HER INTO THE FAMILY PET?!
WELL, I SHOULD PROBABLY GIVE MORE FREE TIME TO SMAUG. BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS AGREED WE'D GET A CUTE WEREWOLF BITCH, FUCK HER A LOT, AND MAKE HER INTO A FAMILY PET?!Uh... No? I thought we just wanted a werewolf as a wife.Why are you guys talking about sex right now?/BECAUSE FUCK OFF!You return to reality...Actions.>...Put your eyepatch back on.>Head to the knight chapterhouse.>...Eh, fuck doing work. You're heading back to Constaniza and getting out of here.>Write-In
>>704521>...Put your eyepatch back on.>Head back to Constaniza and tell her you got a pet dog.
You put your eyepatch back on... And after yelling in pain for a few moments, you feel a little better... You do have a splitting headache, the urge to kill, and half a dozen other things, but you think you'll be alright.You of course begin to head back to Constaniza, and you find her back in the tavern. You are still in your half-dragon form, and you see the bartender look at you funny as you walk in."Why do you keep looking at me like that?""Khornate symbol. Also watching your wife and masturbating to her.""Come on, she isn't my wife."He snickers slightly."Want a drink?""...Always."You chug a drink down and begin to head into the room where your staying, and you see Constaniza apparently practicing Necromancy. A bolt very nearly hits you as you walk in."Hey... Uh, you busy?""Oh hey! I'm practicing magic... Hey uh... Is your leg alright? It looks pretty burnt. If you want, I could find something to treat burns.""Well, it does sting... But you do know you can use Necrotic Healing, right?""Really? Ugh, by the Gods I am a fool... Well, I suppose I'll use it then."Actions.>...Try to make up an excuse why she has to message you rather then just use Necrotic Healing.>Yeah, could you please? It would help out a lot.>Hey uh... I got you and me a dog I call Asshole.>So uh, are you ready to go soon?>Come on, my leg is fine...>Write-In
>>704579>Write-In"So long story short; I've gotten a giant demonic dog thing. Called it asshole and was wondering if you want to go play with it?"
"So uh, long story short, I've gotten a twenty foot giant daemonic dog thing. I called it asshole, and I was wondering if you wanted to play with it.""...Erh, a Juggernaut of Khorne?""Well, yeah.""I mean, not to be rude... But I doubt I could actually not get stomped or killed by it... And we're in the middle of a village."Actions.>Come on, I'll protect you in case he plays rough.>...Good point. He might consider this a "raid fun time happy time" or something.>...Come on, I think he's good with people. Or close to it.>You can do it out in the forest then.>...Don't let him lick you though. It sets you on fire and I don't want to treat burns.>He's adorable though...>If he does try to hurt you, I'll send him back to the warp for all eternity.>Write-in
>>704661>...Good point. He might consider this a "raid fun time happy time" or something.
"Yeah... That's a uh... Good point.""Right... So uh, I'm going to use necrotic healing on your leg, alright?""Got it."After a few seconds your leg becomes less charred and black, and reverts to white again."Thank you kindly... Now..."Actions>Why don't we get out of here?>Do you want to come with me to talk with the knights?>I'm going to talk with the knights. Stay here.>You know, I could of killed it... But since I'm a nice guy, I decided to tame it. I hope you like it.>I'll show you Asshole when we leave, alright?>Write-In
>>704798>Do you want to come with me to talk with the knights?
"Do you want to come with me to talk with the knights?""Well... I mean, that would be cool... But I'm a Tzeentchian. I don't think I'd get along too well with them if they found out.""Erh, they'd have to look at yo- I mean, why?""Tzeentch is pissed off at me and you for some reason. I was going to appease him a night or two ago.. But uh, we kind of got caught up in magic... Which was also cool of you.""So your worried random chance will happen?""Well... Yes? I mean, if my robes come off at the wrong time, or a twig gets stuck in my robes and rips it to reveal body paint and tattoos... I'm just saying that until I can appease Lord Tzeentch that I shouldn't really talk to anyone who could kill me or you...""I see."Actions.>...We're talking to them in my dragon form. I think they'll overlook the fact your a Tzeentchian.>...Let's think of an excuse then... Such as you were an ex-thrall in Norsca?>...Is there any way I could appease Tzeentch? I feel unlucky too.>You worry too much. We'll be fine.>Come on I'm your protector. Neither of us will be hurt at all.>...I see. Just stay here and try to appease him then.>Write-In
>>704913>...Let's think of an excuse then... Such as you were an ex-thrall in Norsca?
"Well, let's think of an excuse then... Such as you being an ex-thrall in Norsca?""Well, I suppose that could work. Maybe it might be safe if I put on a Sigmarite amulet?""Hm. Good, good.""I'll put on my father's and we'll go out in a few moments... So uh, are you sure you want to go in your form?""What, you don't like the cold or scales?""I mean, just saying your tail has a Khornate symbol.""Oh. Right."Actions.>...Nah, we'll be fine.>...I hope they like dwarves.>Let's try... Elf.>Dragon. Just dragon.>I think my dragonblood form will be good enough.>Why do these mortals think Khornates are all angry beserkers who will violate them, enslave them, and whatnot? I think we should try to help Khorne's PR department at this rate...>Human then...>Write-In
>>705060>I think my dragonblood form will be good enough.
"My dragonblood form will be good enough."The two of you walk up to the knight's chapterhouse, and notice most of the barded warhorses have left. You once again knock, and a servant opens the door."What is it?""I'm uh, hoping I could get some work.""I see... A Norscan mercenary. I'll tell one of the remaining knights here.""I see. Can I come inside?""I suppose, but please just stay in the hall m'lord.""Got it."The door opens up and you and Constaniza go in, and the main room is well lit, bright, and has paintings, metal knight statues, and more symbols of Sigmar then you can count. And a few goblin and Ork heads mounted on the wall. That's a nice bonus.You wait around a little bit, with Constaniza looking around, impressed by the architecture, paintings of some guy ascending to the heavens, knights doing shit like slaying dragons, that sort of thing. But a very consistent note throughout all of this, is that there is plenty of paintings including dead Orks or goblins being killed in mass."You know, back in Norsca we never had paintings. And stone architecture is non-existent... The southerners are so very weird when it comes to stone.""I see."After a little bit an armored knight comes out, his sword sheathed and his helmet revealed. It seems to be a rather young man, who has grown slight amounts of facial hair. He has a white surcoat and barding, and slung around his back is a white shield with a heart on it."Are you the mercenary from Norsca?""I prefer "citizen of the world", but that works too.""I see. Welcome to the Chapterhouse of the Fiery Heart... As you probably know, our headquarters are located in Altdorf, and our chief job is that of purging the vile and brutish Greenskins from this land.""I see. Continue.""Our order is that of piety and prestige, for it is us who guard the Grand Cathedral where the Grand Theologian rests, to smite the cruel and vile followers of the decrepit Dark Gods it is us who seek honor in the Dwarven Karaks, and it us who protect the innocents of this land!" He says all of this rather proudly.Actions>Yeah yeah, enough with the speech. I'm here for work.>...Great, zealous knights. That's a nice thing...>...Do you realize you could of offended me? I'm a Norscan, after all.>You mortals and your elaborate speeches...>That's quite an accomplishment for a bunch of mort- I mean, knights of such caliber.>What if a follower of the dark gods is innocent of any evils and simply just worships their god?>...Can we get onto what I'll get paid?>...I see your chapter is rather wealthy. Would you care if I ask why?>Who exactly are you?>Wait for him to finish.>Write-In
>>705196>Write-In"I respect your orders heritage, to bear the crest of such a group is a sign of great skill, of this I am sure but I didn't come to your chapter-house to discuss history and to sing praises.I wish to of any work available in the area, for someone of my... skill set."
"I respect your orders heritage, to bear the crest of such a group is a sign of great skill, of this I am sure but I didn't come to your chapter-house to discuss history and to sing praises. I wish to of any work available in the area, for someone of my... skill set.""Ah yes, of course, of course. Right to business. Well, recently a few woodsmen have reported missing in the nearby village, and we are offering a small bounty of... Well, two-hundred gold if they are found. And an additional one-hundred if they're found alive.""Continue.""...Now, of course, the Imperial Army has had some desertions and we cannot attend to it right now, as our knights are busy hunting down a vile Daemon who walked into town, brimming with scales and symbols of the Ruinous Powers. It even knocked on our our door!""...Continue, please.""Yes, now of course the price of desertion is death. If the deserters are found and killed, their heads are to be taken here as a sign that they were indeed, slain.""How much?""A hundred per head. An additional one-hundred if they are brought back here to made examples of.""I see. Now, what else?""If you are somehow a good construction worker, to the east a coastal watchertower has flooded. We need someone with limited mechanical skill and knows how to operate a pump for a long time, and patch holes. On completion... We're offering about a thousand gold.""Anything else?""Our final bounty is that of finding a nearby Goblin and Ork encampment, preying on the people. Finding this will be glorious indeed... We're offering five-hundred gold if it's found."Actions.>...I'll take all of them.>Missing woodsmen?>Hm, I like the idea of hunting deserters.>Daemon?>...Sounds easy enough, to repair a watchtower.>I can find you an ork encampment...>Would you mind if I destroyed the Ork and Goblin encampment?>Nice Guy mode... Tell them you don't need gold in exchange for helping someone else.>I'll look elsewhere then.>Write-In
>>705297>...I'll take all of them.
"Well, I'll take all of them.""I see. Well, good luck then. Make sure to come back in one piece, Norscan."You leave the Knight's chapterhouse, and are outside."So... What exactly are we doing first?"Actions.>Well, let's find the woodsmen. Sounds time-sensitive.>...Finding deserters could be fun.>Maybe we should "hunt" this daemon? Which is clearly me, by the way.>I like the idea of fixing a watch tower. Sounsd easy.>Oooh, let's find an Ork encampment.>...Should we destroy or just find the Ork encampment?>I'm only doing this because I'm a nice guy, you know.>Do you think we should do a more... Chaotic twist? Like converting the deserters to Chaos and organizing them? Or completely destroying the watch tower? Stuff like that.>Eh, I was planning to do them on the flight back from trying to find that dragon.>Write-In
>>705388>Well, let's find the woodsmen. Sounds time-sensitive.
"Well, let's find the woodsmen. Sounds time sensitive.""I got it."You walk a fair ways away from the village."So are we flying, riding Asshole, or anything like that?"Actions.>...Let's just walk and find them on the ground.>Dragon form, and flying, to be precise.>You'll be on foot though, trying to find them. Just saying.>...You know, we should summon Asshole. You should meet him.>...We should really call Asshole something else. I don't really like the name.>Write-In
>>705407>...We should really call Asshole something else. I don't really like the name.>You can ride on my back while I fly.
"You can ride on my back while I fly... But we should really call Asshole something else. I don't really like the name.""Cool... Uh, well... Let's discuss it while you fly, alright?""Got it..."You begin shapeshifting, and within thirty minutes your soaring through the air."I'll never get used to being up this high! There's so little oxygen!""Well, we're about... Three miles up. Two more and we're at Mount Everest levels.""What's that?""Nothing... But uh, you mortals do seem to love flying.""It's terrifying up here though. I feel like I could fall off...""I'd catch you.""The remarkable thing is that unless I was in the back, or by the sides, I don't even feel wind. Your heads are blocking it.""Thanks.""Yeah... I could probably dance up here and I'd be perfectly fine.""Heh, I'd like to see that sometime.""You don't really seem to have fun while flying.""It's an everyday thing for me. I love it, but I do it quite literally, everyday.""Huh. I suppose to you since you can fly so much that it's not anything special to you.""Yeah. It's not really.""Yeah... Anyways, what did you want to call your dog?"Actions.>...Do you think I could summon him on my back?>How about... Reinhold? After an old friend...>Let's try... Adolf. I like that name.>Fluffy. Fluffy the Juggernaut.>Blondi?>Jug. Jug the Juggernaut.>...Let's call him Rex.>How about... You know what would be cool? If we gave him a codename. I'm just thinking here.>How about Claw 2.0?>Write-In
"How about Blondi?""Blondi?""Yeah.""Well, alright."You begin searching for the woodsmen...Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can find them.
Rolled 1 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>705511
>>705489>Fluffy. Fluffy the Juggernaut.
Wow, Tzeentch REALLY has it out for you in this thread.Use Barbaric?>Yes.>No.
Roll me a 1d20 to barbarically find people.
Rolled 13 (1d20)>>705540
Allowing for samefagging.
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>705551
13Minor Failure!It takes you a handful of hours to even find a trace of the woodsmen... You of course land on the road, squishing a few trees, and look towards the evidence... Which seems to be a wagon with arrows in it. Crude arrows. There also seems to be blood, both green and red..."Great... Now I have to follow a blood trail."Actions.>...Maybe Blondi can help you? He is part dog...>Fly around again... You might of missed something.>Summon Smaug. He'll be your eyes in the sky.>You'll try to follow it yourself... You have a poor nose for this sort of thing, but you can try...>Write-In
>>705606>Fly around again... You might of missed something.
You decide to fly around again... Roll me a 1d20+2 to find anything.
Rolled 2 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>705680
Rolled 2 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>705680Fucking dice.
Gonna let you roll one more time anon.
Rolled 2 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>705705Fuck these dice.
>>705685>>705693>>705721What the fuck is this?
>>705685>>705693>>705721These rolls>>705705Should I roll?
>>705731Just fucking do it.If you roll a 2 or a 1, I'm cracking open the vodka.
222Jeez. Tzeentch HATES you right now.Amazing Failure!You find... Utterly nothing. You just fly around for a few hours, and completely stop caring about what's going on.Until of course, you spy a rather large caravan moving. You're positively drawn by the luxurious suits that the merchants seem to be wearing, bright, multi-colored, and fashionable... You can practically smell the gold emanating from their wagons, nearly intoxicating. Not to mention the state soldiers guarding it...It seems they're... Tax collectors. Who have failed to see you soaring above them...Actions.>No, no. Stay on target. You need to find those woodsmen... And try to keep up the image of being a nice guy.>...Erh, maybe you can "nicely" demand they hand over some of their funds? I mean, land gently and just try to be nice about it? Think of it as "protection money". You're a tax collector of tax collectors, after all...>...Money? Money. Swoop down, grab a wagon, and fly off.>Land directly in front of them with an evil roar... Tax collectors shouldn't be allowed to live... At least, not without paying their dues.>Tell Constainza you need to use the "restroom" and offload her somewhere...>Write-In
>>705752>No, no. Stay on target. You need to find those woodsmen... And try to keep up the image of being a nice guy.
>>705759I'll support this.>>705788I hate you for tempting us so.
I know anon.You hesitantly resist the idea of snatching loot... Your very genes cry out in pain, but you continue on... Searching for those fucking woodmen...After even longer, you find some smoke in the distance... Seemingly being a camp... You decide to investigate.Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if it is in fact, the camp. Additional +2 if you can provide mental reasoning why not to just pillage a village or tax collectors instead.
Rolled 2 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>705814If we keep stealing from these friendly merchants, we're going to turn into one.
In other, non-dice related news, this year's Crimefest for Payday 2 is comprised entirely of updates players should have received years ago. This includes visible corpse sliders (ripped from Goonmod), "continental coins" (ripped from Goonmod), hitboxes for legs (ripped from a fan who showcased this at least a year ago), an updated safehouse (promised at least a year ago), and round mutators (ripped from Goonmod).I'm going to sit at my dining table with a bad of chips and contemplate why modern game devs are so shitty. And cry about my fucking dice rolls.
Rolled 12 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>705814Ren if you want to fuck her you will not rob the tax cart.
>>705860Get the vodka out Black.Just let the pain seep into your body.Also, that's nothing to how bad HoI4 was or how much of a fucking disappointment Stellaris was. At least, for me.12+6=18Minor Success!You console yourself by realizing if you want to get laid you should NOT ROB THE TAX CART, and that you'd basically become a tax collector if you did rob from them...As you approach, you note two important things... First of all, they're right by a river with a fancy looking galley, and second of all... They're elves. With black armor, scimitars, that sort of thing. Oh, and seem to be doing narcotics. That seems to be nice...Actions.>Your inner drug lord partially wants in on this... Maybe you should land and see about weaseling in on this obvious drug smuggling.>...You have high hopes. They are elves after all, and therefor somewhat intelligent. Land gently next to them.>...Illegal immigrants bringing drugs, crime, and worse no doubt. Get Flame's fire breath ready and purge the illegal scum.>...Shift down not too far away. Maybe you can talk to them?>Loudly yell if they've seen any human woodsmen.>Land directly on their camp, squishing a few elves.>...Narcotics abuse? You want in!>Write-In
>>705901>...You have high hopes. They are elves after all, and therefor somewhat intelligent. Land gently next to them.No Man's Sky is at 10% positive reviews in the past month.
That's pretty goood. Honestly, never bought into No Man's Sky hype at all. Even made bets before (up to £100) that it would suck. And it did.You land down next to the elven encampment softly, startling them."Hey, I'm looking for some human woodsmen. Any of you seen them?"The narcotics abusing elves look at each other. You note the spiky armor and spiky hair."We got plenty of human slaves, dragon. We might of enslaved them or not.""I see. That is a slight problem.""Let's see... Well, we found about fifteen possible human woodsmen... Elavaius! Get out the spreadsheet!""You got it!"After a little bit of pouring over and carefully reading, you find the fifteen woodsmen seem to be slaves aboard the galley. Thank God for organization."Right, so you have fifteen woodsmen who need to be returned to their homes. Can I have them?"The elves talk among themselves, while Constainza gets onto your shoulder."Erh, I think these are dark elves. I recognize their armor.""Really?""Yeah. They come around to the village selling us slaves once in a while, or southern herbs. Such as cannabis, toads, that sort of thing.""...So drug dealers and slavers?""Basically. I heard bad things about them, but that's really it."Actions.>Well, how dare they! I will personally demand they confess their evil ways and stop being... Well, uppity cunts!>...Crush the elves before they realize what's happening.>Nom elves.>...I see. Well, negotiations are going well enough, and all I want are the woodsmen.>...Let's see about enslaving the elves then, since they seem intent on enslaving people.>Let's release the woodsmen and see if we can't enslave their slaves.>We'll see if we can't get them to release the rest of their prisoners.>...Begrudgingly sigh and tell the Elves that their evil ways are at an end..>Cool! Do you think I can get a sponsership deal with them? I call it... Renarotics! I mean, I always wanted to get into the drug business and having slaver friends could really make enslaving mortals much easier...>Write-InDid anyone just realize that in Werewolf Reich Quest, Stojan is like a much happier form of The Punisher.
>>706009>>We'll see if we can't get them to release the rest of their prisoners.>>...Begrudgingly sigh and tell the Elves that their evil ways are at an end.
You sigh. You know what this means. You need to be "a good person" again.Why can't she just tumble you now... I mean, honestly... The things you do for sex."I got it, I got it. Hear me, foolish elves... Your evil ways are at an end or whatever..." You sigh in the middle of this."Just release all of your slaves please.""Erh, we can't do that. They're our livelyhood!""Who's going to sacrifice themselves to make drugs for us so we can overdose on them!?""Who's going to put gel in my hair so I can make it more spikey!?"You sigh again. This is degrading.Actions.>You aren't in the mood. Squish the elves.>...Motion towards Constainza and tell them to "wink wink" release their slaves so you can get bonus points with her, without being a "abolitonist". Such a dirty word.>...Try your best to be inspiring and a paragon of being nice... Best not cock it up now and make Constaniza think you're just being nice to get laid.>Fuck... A nice guy would try to lecture them on why evil is bad or something. This is corny as shit.>...I'll buy them from you.>You can get more from enslaving Orks or something...>Nom them.>Write-In
>>706091>>...Try your best to be inspiring and a paragon of being nice... Best not cock it up now and make Constaniza think you're just being nice to get laid.
You try to channel your inner good guy.Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if you can fake being nice. Additional +2 if you can give a speech about why they should free their slaves.
Rolled 1 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>706140
>>706145Oh fuck this.
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>706140I'm just gonna roll.
Anons, roll me a 1d20 to see if you can recover. I'm giving you this because all I write is a very bad ending and I believe in second chances.
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>706264
Rolled 2 (1d20)>>706264Maybe we can do this.
Rolled 20 (1d20)>>706264
>>706302Nice shit anon.
Wew...So uh, now that the negative and positives have been rolled... We're literally just back at square one.So uh... Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if you can be nice? Possible autosuccess if anons can get Ren to talk nicely to the Dark Elves on why slavery is wrong or whatever. And maybe impress Constainza with how "nice" you are.
Rolled 14 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>706336I'm neutral on slavery but what evs. I should probably read through this thread and the ending part of the last one.
Rolled 18 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>706336>Slavery is wrong. It's cruel and in the end your limiting your business with unskilled labor in the long run it's basically detrimental to continue slavery as well as being morally reprehensible. It would actually help better if you hired skilled labor or something. You'd do better.Best I got.
18+6=24Success!You give a fake smile."Can all of you just please release your slaves?"They bicker a little more, and you really, really want to just yell in their face, when you come up with an idea..."Slavery is wrong. It's cruel and in the end your limiting your business with unskilled labor in the long run it's basically detrimental to continue slavery as well as being morally reprehensible. It would actually help better if you hired skilled labor or something. You'd do better."The Dark Elves continue bickering, but it seems they're release the slaves to you.Seriously, at this point I'm starting to get concerned that YOU ARE TURNING GOOD.Of course I'm not.Seriously, it started off being nice to small villages and not demanding shit from them. Then we didn't loot a tax collector's caravan... And now look at us. We're opposing slavery.Your point being?If Constaniza finds out who the REAL Renexizious is, then she's going to be pissed and demand answers.Actions.>...She'll never find out. Easy as that.>...Holy shit, I'm... I'm becoming a politician. By God...>...Oh no... Don't tell me I'm actually going to have to have... Morals... God no.>...I'm going to have to do something evil after this then, aren't I?>I mean... Maybe being good is good?>I feel really, really dirty... I need to take a bath and fast.>I am only doing this for sex, damn it.>Write-In
>>706401>...I'm going to have to do something evil after this then, aren't I?Just to keep things in balance.
I'm going to have to do something evil after this, aren't I?...Why can't we just be good? I mean, it's sort of fun honestly....Besides being a mass-enslaving dragon who wishes to tumble every woman in the world and conquer it?Well, that's not evil in and out of itself. I think we're just doing evil because it's easier. And because we can spend more time with women.Actions.>That's true, honestly. I'd rather tumble a woman then actually try and be "good".>I spend a lot of time being a good monarch... I need some free time, ok?>Laugh at Flame's attempt to turn you to doing "good" things.>Well... I suppose I can always consider doing good things>I prefer calling myself a pragmatist.>...Listen, I enjoy being evil. It's fun. I have the laugh, I have the connections, and I have the power to be evil.>...You know, maybe God would like me better if I tried to be "good".>Fuck... I'm on vacation. Can't we just save this for another time?>How about I give you a reason why I'm evil then?>Come on, you gotta admit being evil or at least neutral is fun.>Write-In
>>706495> fine. I'll try it.>Though I prefer to think of myself as a pragmatist.
You know what? Fuck it. I'll try being "good". Just because I like you, Flames. But I'll just have you know I'm a pragmatist....Holy shit, did you actually say yes to trying to be good?Yes?...Holy shit, mom would be proud... Actually, no she wouldn't. She'd be a little pissed off, actually. Richard would be proud?Yay. I'm already regretting being "good."...Well, maybe you'll enjoy it?Does it get me more women and mead?Maybe?Good enough......Is it alright that I'm amazed that you agreed to be good?Actions.>...It's not THAT amazing. God.>...Honestly, I'm surprised I agreed myself.>...I'm only doing this so you can see how much of a bad idea it is to try and talk your problems out compared to eating or crushing it.>If this doesn't get me laid more, I'm going to be pissed.>...Damn it, you're right... Mom would be pissed if I just turned my slaves into serfs. Maybe this "good" thing was a bad idea.>...Erh, I think you mean "grandfather would be proud." Mom certainly wouldn't be.>...That's... Actually, I always wanted to be best friends with my brother if we're both good.>...This doesn't change what we do on vacation though, got it?>Write-In
>>706551>It's not that amazing.>I better get laid at the end of this.
It's not that amazing... And I better get laid at the end of this.Well... I hope we do? All we have to do is be considerate of other. I think. I don't actually know how this whole "being a cool guy" thing works.You return to reality, and see the Dark Elves have released their slaves, in exchange that you leave them alone and don't tell anyone about what they're doing.Actions.>You can agree with that.>Erh, no. Sorry, but I feel like I would get a bonus if I turned you in...>You fiends have violated the law! You're being placed under arrest!>Happily agree and shake their hand?>...Crush them and the slaves.>Write-in
>>706619>You can agree with thatSounds fair.
You agree, and grab the enslaved villages, who seem a little terrified, but quickly thank you for freeing them. You can clearly see that they have whip marks on their back, and the Dark Elf galley sails upstream, while you begin to fly towards the village. The villagers cheer your name as you land not far, and unload them... It is currently night however, and the two night guards look up at you, terrified. You of course, smile kindly."Can you tell the knights of the Fiery Heart that I rescued the woodsmen? And since I felt rather upbeat, I also rescued a few villagers?""E-erh... Yes sir... Do you want me to erh... Tell them that your a dragon?"Actions.>No... It's a surprise.>Of course they should know. I mean, why not?>...Maybe once you do some more "good deeds" the town might think of you as a protector or something. And maybe not be terrified of you.>Word will get out either way... So yes, please inform them the Norscan Mercenary they saw is in fact, a dragon.>...Make a mental note that you should hide your marks of Khorne.>Write-In
>>706682>Make a mental note that you should hide your marks of Khorne>No.. it's a surprise.
>>706682>No... It's a surprise.>...Maybe once you do some more "good deeds" the town might think of you as a protector or something. And maybe not be terrified of you.
>>706682>No... It's a surprise.
"Erh, no. It's a surprise."You fly off, and soar above."That was nice of you, freeing the slaves. Most Khornates probably would of taken them as slaves and killed the Dark Elves afterwards.""Well, not me. I'm a good and responsible Khornate.""Yeah. That's nice of you... So, what's next?"Actions.>I think we should take a break by draining the water out of a watch tower.>...Well, maybe we can hunt me? Since they think I'm a "daemon".>We should hide those marks of Khorne on my body.>...Why don't we head back and sleep? I mean, it is night time...>Let's find that Ork Encampment.>Let's hunt those deserters!>...Well, let's try to find the Imperial Army and Karl Franz. That's why we're out that far.>...You know, maybe we should rat out Raghilda and everyone on board the longboat. I mean, I don't really want Raghilda anymore... And they are looting and raiding villages.>Write-In
>>706738>...Why don't we head back and sleep? I mean, it is night time...
You land not too far away from the village, shift down, and enter again."...So sleeping again, huh?""You guessed it."You head back to the tavern, get a drink, and head to bed with Constainza."That was interesting. So uh, I gotta change again. Sorry.""It's perfectly fine.""Yeah.""...Why don't you do it now? I'll guard the door.""Alright... Just don't peak please.""No problem."She goes inside, and you stop the door slightly with your half-dragon tail... Just enough to peek for the next few minutes.Oh yeah... That's going to give you some nice dreams.Eventually she comes back."Oh, damn. I left the door slightly open... Erh, I'm going to sleep now. You coming?""Of course.""...Yeah... Anyways, just uh... Don't hug me like last night.""Hug you?""Yeah. You were trying to hug me while I was sleeping... It was kind of weird."Actions.>...Come on, you liked it, didn't you?>...Time to hit on her!>You'll try to be more "forward" then during the night... Try to get her used to it, that sort of thing.>I see... I'll try not to do that. I'm sorry about that.>I was just making sure you were safe, ok?>...Hey, uh... Do you want any help with getting rid of tonight's feathers? I have claws you know.>...Just curious, would you be alright if I summoned Fluffy in here? I also decided his real name is Blondi, and his nickname is Fluffy...>...Hey uh, if you want you can set up that hammock... Just do it above me, please.>...Pheromones?
>>706834>...Hey, uh... Do you want any help with getting rid of tonight's feathers? I have claws you know.
"Hey uh... Do you want any help getting rid of tonight's feathers? I have claws you know.""...Well... I can do it myself you know. Thank you though."Actions>...Fair enough, I suppose.>...Come on, you wouldn't have to use a bandage.>What, you don't want a charming guy like me grooming you a little?>Come on, I'm a professional...>...Listen, if your worried I'm going to look at your privates while we're doing this, you really do need to trust me a little more...>...I'll give you a nice, soothing message afterwards?>Yeah. Good point, I don't want to be creepy or anything.>...You know, just saying I think you'd look better with scales.>Come on. Friends do this all the time.>Pheromones?>Write-In for any reasons why she should let you help her?
>>706902>...Come on, you wouldn't have to use a bandage. It'll hurt a lot less, too.
"Come on, you wouldn't have to use a bandage... It'll hurt a lot less too.""...Good point. Well... I suppose.""Good, now undress..."I can already see it now, Renexizious the Perverted Dragon....What? I'm not a pervert.Just keep your hands where I can see them then. This shouldn't be too hard.After five minutes of carefully looking at her small, beautiful body and cutting feathers off, you finally finish up."There, all done.""Huh... You were right. Thank you for that, Ren... I'll uh... Well, I'll find a way to pay you back... That's uh, what friends do, right?"Actions.>...Nice guy mode. Tell her she doesn't need to do anything for you.>...Well, you have some scales which you can't itch under, and you don't have any slaves to help you. (Autosuccess)>...Well, will you tolerate me hitting on you for a little bit? (Charisma)>Erh... Well... This might sound a little weird, but could you sleep next to me naked? (Charisma, HARD. Also, weird as shit)>I see... Well, why don't you give me a message? Sounds relaxing. (Charisma)>Write-In for other favors she can do for you.
>>707013>...Well, you have some scales which you can't itch under, and you don't have any slaves to help you. (Autosuccess)
"Hey uh, could you scratch my back? You know, under the scales?""Well... Sure, I suppose."You spend a nice thirty minutes relaxing while she gives you a great backscratch, and you fall asleep, taking up most of the bed... And somewhat forcing her to sleep ontop of you.Nice...You have upgraded!Select one.>Stable Mutation.>Unstable Mutation.>Ultra Unstable Mutation>Upgrade Mutation
>>707152Can we upgrade our shapeshifting?
Hold on anon.Upgrade Points: 2>Fire Breath>Ice Breath (Unique this time)>Shapeshifting (Requires 3 Points)>Size (Requires 4 Points)>Acid Spit>Daemonic Laughter>Prehensile Tail>Enhanced Burrowing>Double Eyed>Extreme Ice Aura>Acid Blood>Ultra-Heavy Scales>Increased Wingspan>Waterbreathing>Double-Headed (Requires 2 Points)>Specify a mutation and I'll tell you the benefits of it. Choose as many as you want (Please don't go past 5)>...Nah, spend it in something else.
>>707207What does getting double headed give us.Another head I assume?
>>707216Yeah, which could have it's own breath attack, aura later, and if you get really lucky, resistance to it's element.It can function like a second head for you or Flames, or a head that has independent thougt like Flames.Or if you want, could just be a head that Ren uses as an excuse to talk to himself.
>>707270I'll support this.>>707235Could Fenrir use it?
>>707289Yep.Since the only vote was for Prehensile Tail, I'm assuming anons want that.Choose one. (Or two, if you feel like spending all your points)>Casting Tail: Even if your hands are bound and your head is bound, your tail can in fact, cast spells.>Stinger Tail: Your tail is semi-scorpion like, but has it's own design, mostly with a very sharp point, a toxin of your choice, and can penetrate buildings with ease if used. It does however, restrict it's mobility, and it can no longer wrap around things.>Whiplike Tail: Your tail acts sort of like a whip, creating a loud sound and if in half-dragon form, a non-lethal smack that can knock out enemies...>Personality: Your tail develops it's own personality, which you can designate. It doesn't make it sentient or anything like that...>Purged: Your tail loses any bonuses that the Warp has given it. It loses the Khornate Symbols, but is barely prehensile.>Daemonic Tail: Your tail becomes progressively daemonic... Becoming red, and possibly harboring a daemon. It does however, become more effective in combat.>Select something else.>Write-In for ideas.
>>707332>Select something else.
Could you specify what else your going to choose?
>>707207>Ice Breath (Unique this time)
You decide to instead upgrade Ice Breath.Select one if you want to spend one point, or two if you want to spend two points.It is currently cold enough to freeze water for a short time if you hold it. It can freeze someone solid if exposed to it for a long time.>Flaming Ice: Your ice semi-acts like fire. It spreads along freezable material (spreading faster in cold environments), and after a certain amount of time (The default being one round, though this can be changed at will, but cannot exceed an hour.), settles down and freezes over. This does not increase how cold or decrease how cold it is.>Colder Breath: Your breath comes even colder naturally, and can freeze water instantly, and acts like a miniature blizzard up close. (10 feet), and can freeze enemies solid if they are that close.>Warpfrost: Your breath becomes unnaturally cold, and corrupts enemies the longer they're in it, either driving them insane or possibly randomly mutating them.>Healing Frost: Your innane magic allows for your frost breath to turn into a limited spray of healing frost, comfortably freezing over wounds and healing people. This can bring a half-dead man to being able to stand and walk.>Fog Breath: Thanks to having a second head which can breathe fire, you can combine both your breathes to create a thick fog around you, or directed towards one way. If you hold this down for long enough, the fog becomes black smoke which can choke enemies... And if Flames breath becomes hotter, can become steam.>No... Something else, maybe.>Write-In for ideas.
>>707428>Healing Frost: Your innane magic allows for your frost breath to turn into a limited spray of healing frost, comfortably freezing over wounds and healing people. This can bring a half-dead man to being able to stand and walk.>Two points?
>>707441If you spend two points you can get another upgrade for frost breath, not make Healing Frost more effective. So please specify if you want to use the second point on an upgrade for Frost Breath, or a different upgrade.If you don't want to use it on Frost Breath, select another mutation to upgrade.And please fucking specify.I feel like a fucking video game menu.
>>707449One point for healing breath and another point in making flame breath hotter.
Got it.You wake up, and notice your stomach feels like it has heartburn... But after a bit, it rests. You also note your breath feels a little... Well, minty.Flames breath is effectively napalm normally which means water cannot put it out. If he drinks oil, his fire breath can also shoot magma if you so choose.Your stomach really doesn't feel good, and you realize you need to sit down...Ren, you feeling alright?I feel like I ate twenty mexicans who scarfed down burritos for lunch, made exclusively from flaming hot peppers, hot sauce, and other shit. So no.I don't think we ever ate a mexican... And spicy food is amazing.My stomach feels like it's on fire, and I feel just about ready to puke.Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if anything goes wrong or not.
Rolled 13 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>707507Knowing my luck...
Rolled 17 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>707507How large would would we be when we upgrade size?
>>707531I tend to go by the rules of doubles, but since 128 would be insanity, I'm just assuming you'd go up to about 100 feet. Which is still quite a bit.17+4=21Good Success!Flames head drools a little magma, which slightly burns the floor... You however, feel fine and recover.Oh, and stretch. Puking is for pussies anyways.Constainza rests next to you, and you still have a quite a bit of things to do.Actions.>...Surprise her with your familiar, Smaug. No one really knows about him but you. And she'd like seeing a dog-sized dragon. Who can't hurt shit.>...Summon Fluffy, the wonder puppy.>...Time to get her breakfast.>You feel like you need to double your efforts... You'll make her the best breakfast ever for her help last night... (Cooking)>You know, maybe you should just get back in... Wrap your tail around her leg, and get into a little more... Comfortable position.>Just go back to sleep... No work today.>...Get up and prepare to continue adventuring...>Write-In
>>707561Shit, not 100 feet. That's little. I meant 100 stories.
>>707561>You feel like you need to double your efforts... You'll make her the best breakfast ever for her help last night... (Cooking)>Wake her up and entertain her with Smaug.
Roll me a 1d20+4 for daemon summoning.I mean Smaug summoning.Additional +2 if you can threaten (or bribe) Smaug and make him not do anything a cunt would do.
Rolled 18 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>707647If you fuck with her, I'm going to use you as a chew toy for Blondi.
You summon Smaug.18+4=22Good Success!You grab him and hold him up by his neck."Listen you little shit, if you fuck with her I'm going to use you as a chew toy for Blondi, got it?""E-erh, sure!" He seems to be nervous, and you toss him away."Now, entertain her while I make her breakfast.""...Can I have breakfast, you foolish mortal?"You sigh."...Fine."Roll me a 1d20+5 for making breakfast.
Rolled 16 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>707769
16+5=21Good Success!You successfully sneak into the ktichen, make breakfast for everyone, and head back in. You come just in time for Smaug to wake her up, and you put breakfast in front of her. And Smaug, who eyes it greedily. You do however, stare him down a delegate him to a simple bowl of oatmeal."Huh? Breakfast again?""Yeah... Made by me, the finest cook in the land.""Thanks... I'll try to repay the favo-" She says as she sees Smaug."Erh.. What's that?""Smaug, say hi.""Behold, foolish mortal!" He says inbetween drinking from the bowl of oatmeal."IT IS I, THE DESTROYER OF COUNTLESS MORTAL CITIES! DEVOURER OF HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS!" He says, while having a milk mustache, and laughing "evily". He begins to choke on some oatmeal but swallows it."He's adorable! He thinks he's big." Constaniza says and goes over to pat him on the head."HOW DARE YOU TREAT ME LIKE A PET! I WILL DESTROY YOU!"Constainza laughs a little bit."Where did you find him?"Actions.>Remind yourself you should introduce him to your other wives.>Best supervillian ever, huh?>...Fuck it, come over and treat him like a pet or something. He needs to be shown he isn't big and strong as he thinks he is.>Smile at his anger and pain. Also because this is hilarious.>Well, I found him outside... I guess.>I adopted him from a pet shelter. Women love guys who like animals.>I can summon him at will.>Want to see Blondi?>Write-In
>>707826>I can summon him at will. He's my familiar.
"I can summon him at will. He's my familiar.""Huh... Familiar, eh?""I AM NOT JUST A FAMILIAR! I AM THE STRONGEST FAMILIAR IN HISTORY!!!"You sigh a little bit internally."So, like him?""Well, he's funny. Though energetic.""Yeah... Well... He's a special one."[/ed]"Yeah, you can say that again!""...MORTAL! CONTINUE YOUR PATTING. IT PLEASES ME!"She laughs a little and pats him on the head."Wish we had these back in my village... Anyways, what's the plan today?"Actions.>Well, I need to find the imperial army...>I'm going back to check on Raghilda.>Want to stay here with my familiar?>Why don't I show you Blondi in a different place? You know, middle of the forest?>Well, I need to pump out a watchtower of it's water...>I need to find some deserters.>I was thinking about finding an Ork encampment.>I planned on getting my pay from the Knights.>Erh... Hang on, let me shift into my human form.>Write-In
>>707883>I was thinking about finding an Ork encampment.
"Well, I was thinking about finding an Ork Encampment.""I see... Well, let's do it. This should be fun!"The two of you begin to leave the tavern, but the bartender stops you."A few villagers who went missing and came back bought something for you. It's a symbol of their respect, apparently.""Really? What is it?""You got a dagger."He hands a dagger towards you... And you notice it's of Elven work... If not a bit more edgier and dark and black. How thoughtful!"Erh, thanks. I'll put it to good use."You leave the tavern, and hand the dagger to Constainza who accepts.You of course, begin flying to find the Ork Encampment with Constaniza and Smaug...Roll me a 1d20+4.
Rolled 3 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>707922
Rolled 6 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>707940
One more roll Baron.Make it count
Rolled 16 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>707964Fuck her right in the pussy.
16+4=20Good Success!After searching for a little while, you find the Ork Encampment... You of course, have a few ideas on what to do.Actions.>The job was to just find the place, nothing else.>...Nice Guy mode, land next to the encampment and attack it.>Ultra Nice Guy Mode, gently land next to it, and see if they'll leave peacefully.>...Well... You are about to raid an encampment... Maybe you can have fun with Blondi?>Ask if Constaniza would mind if you attacked this place.>...What? You are the biggest and strongest... You need to become their warboss somehow...I love how a detour to fuck a viking queen has resulted in anons trying to become good, attempt to fuck a Tzeentchian, and do quests rather then conquer or pillage. And maybe see a dragon later.Is it safe to say that this was unexpected as fuck?
>>707999>Ask if Constaniza would mind if you attacked this place.Hey, I like cute girls.
>>707999>Ask if Constaniza would mind if you attacked this place.
I'm just saying we're really, really fucking off course. And I love it."Constaniza, would you mind if I attacked this place?""Well... Sure, they're Orks after all. They'd do it to you anyways."Actions.>I'm glad to hear it.>...Would you mind if I took Blondi for a test drive?>Eh... I just wanted to get paid for finding the place...>Laugh evily?>...Try to be the nice guy... Yell for the Orks to vacate.>...You need to impress that Daemon Princess some more... Ask if Fenrir can send photos of you. You need to get some pictures of you doing devastation and carnage. And having fun.>Write-In
>>708056>...You need to impress that Daemon Princess some more... Ask if Fenrir can send photos of you. You need to get some pictures of you doing devastation and carnage. And having fun.
Hey uh, Fenrir? Can you send photographs of me?Huh?Can you?Uh... I can't. But I can crudely try to draw you....Really?...Well... Yeah? It's shitty though....That's good enough...Actions.>You need to impress a daemon. Use a daemon to impress a daemon. Blondi it is. Besides, doggos make everything better.>Eh... It might be a little hard to get awesome drawings of you doing shit if your flying around crushing people... But that works too.>Take the Khornate Option. Get a stick, rip off your eyepatch, and charge in.>Write-In
>>708116>Take the Khornate Option. Get a stick, rip off your eyepatch, and charge in.
You shift down to your half dragon form, grab a nearby stick, and prepare to charge in, almost ready to tear off your eyepatch when Constaniza realizes what your doing."Ren, don't rush in! I didn't realize saying it was ok was going to mean you'd suicidally rush in!"'What? I'll be fine.""At least take some help...""Like yours?""Well, yeah. I'll try to help you from a distance.""...If you die can I have your horde?" Smaug questions aloud.Actions>Thanks for caring so much about me, Smaug.>...Really? Thank you Constaniza.>...Hang on, let me summon Blondi then for extra help.>I got to do this on my own. Girls may be watching. And if girls are watching, it's totally worth it.>Smaug, battle form and help me.>Hey uh, could you pray a little to Tzeentch so my luck is better?>Write-In
>>708150>I got to do this on my own. Girls may be watching. And if girls are watching, it's totally worth it.>Pray to Tzeentch for me.
"Listen, I have to do this on my own. Girls may be watching. And if girls are watching, it's totally worth it... Just pray to Tzeentch for me, ok?""I see... Just uh... Good luck, ok?"Actions.>...Can I have a kiss for good luck? I mean, I might die in there...>Kiss her for good luck!>Smaug, kiss me for good luck, I guess.>If you need me, I'll be bathing in Ork guts.>So... If you need me... BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!>...Can I borrow that dark elven dagger for a bit, please?>Write-In
>>708268>Kiss her for good luck!
You give her a kiss and rush off. You see her blush and seem very confused as you charge in with only a stick, and you rip your eyepatch off!Roll me a 1d20+5 for how well your charge goes. Samefagging allowed.
Rolled 18, 11, 17 + 5 = 51 (3d20 + 5)>>708346WITNESS ME
18+5=23Great Success!You begin charging the Orks, and throw your stick carefully enough to blind an ork, which his compatriot tries to help get the stick out of his friend's eye. You get up close, grab the second ork's axe, and butcher the two of them by hacking them to death... And you kick the palisade door open."Oi? Who did dat?! That gate took me hours!" You hear from inside...You hold your axe tightly, and begin to charge inside...Roll me a 1d20+6 for how well the rampage inside goes. Additional +2 (and more brutalistic kills) for as many Khornate puns you can make.
Rolled 5 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>708385
Rolled 14 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>708401
Rolled 15 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>708419
15+6=21Great Success!You rush in with your Orkish axe, hitting Orks left and right with it, splitting heads open, decapitation, that sort of thing. You try to look as cheerful as possible while doing so, and you tell Flames to breathe fire once or twice, setting the encampment aflame... Eventually though, you run into twelve heavily armored Orks. It seems this is a rather small encampment, since you've butchered about eight Orks so far...Roll me a 1d02+6. Additional +2 (and possibly terrifying them) for coming up with creative and brutal kills with an axe.
Rolled 16 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>708472
16+6=22Success!After some heavy combat, setting Orks on fire with your breath, and melting one ork with spit, not to mention evisercate one in half, you finally, finally come to the end. You check yourself for wounds, and see plenty have been inflicted on you...HP: 12,000.It does however, seem that Ork settlement has been cleared out... Until you hear a stomp from behind you, and you see... The Ork Warboss. He's somewhat bigger then the rest of the Orks, and no doubt more lethal."You killed my Orks! Die scalie thing!"He charges right at you..Actions.>Maybe you should summon Blondi for the final battle?>...Think of the most manly thing you can do... Wrestle with him.>You can take him.>Breath attack, go!>Spell? Spell.>Throw your axe at him!>...Eh, the encampment is almost destroyed anyways and you'd rather not waste time... Just shift to dragon form.>Write-In
>>708565>...Think of the most manly thing you can do... Wrestle with him.>Amp up your ACID. Pin him down and melt him alive with your flowing blood.
Roll me a 1d20+6 to wrestle with acid blood.
Rolled 6 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>708586
Rolled 5 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>708628
Rolled 17 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>708635
17+6=23Good Success!You grab his hand as he is about to bring his axe down on you, and you pin him down onto the ground, disarming him... You make sure to open your veins purposely, and spit acid into his eyes to melt him alive...Roll me a 1d20+5 for melting. Additional +2 for acid-related puns.
Rolled 13 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>708685
Rolled 15 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>708685I'm not creative enough for puns.
Rolled 17 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>708685I got nothin
My mind cannot come up with puns, ever.17+5=23Great Success!You begin to melt the Ork Warboss, but he throws you off of him... He's blinded, and his skin is melting off..."YOER PARTH FORH DAHT!"You have no idea what that means. His mouth is partially melted, after all.Actions.>Spit more acid!>Fire.>Ice him!>Just chop him with your axe!>Try to go back to wrestling!>...See if you can force Flames to spew some magma. You don't have oil though, so he may just fuck up. (VERY HARD)>...Shapeshift?>Blondi, go!>Tell Smaug to get his ass over here and light him up!>Try to throw your axe at him!>Burrow beneath him!>...You need to get a good drawing for Fenrir. Try to pose for him. (Will be more impressive the more brutal the action is selected along with this. So please select something else along with this.)>Write-In
>>708738>...You need to get a good drawing for Fenrir. Try to pose for him. (Will be more impressive the more brutal the action is selected along with this. So please select something else along with this.)>Tackle the ork on all fours and breathe magma on its face.
Roll me a 1d20+4. Additional +2 for fire/lava related puns.Which knowing us, none of us have.
Rolled 3 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>708755
Rolled 1 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>708755
Rolled 16 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>708755This is what I get for not paying attention
Critical Failure!You try to spit lava... And you begin to choke! The Ork picks you up and starts smashing your neck with his axe. You blank out from choking on magma...After a little bit, you notice you have a bloody nose, a black eye, and rather determined Ork beating you with his fist. It seems his axe broke... And you notice a tooth in the back is broken. Great.HP: 7000Actions.>...Try the magma thing again!>This bastard will pay for hurting your face! Melt him with fire and acid!>Try to break out of his grip!>Smaug, help!>Trip him with your tail! Maybe you can strangle him to death!>Blondi, help!>Insult the Ork more! He's probably exhausted!>Write-In
You summon Blondi behind him silently. He seems somewhat confused, but realizes what's going on, and sneaks up behind the Ork Warboss...Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if "Fluffy" can be sneaky.
Rolled 19 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>708855My curse returns again :(
>>708870Not going to roll after that
19+4=23Good Success!Blondi sneaks up behind him, and he turns around. Only for his face to get melted off by your Juggernaut. He lets go of the grip as you fall to the floor, and choke up a little magma."Erh... Thanks Fluffy."He roars excitedly, and licks you... Luckily on Flames head, which is fire-resistant."Down boy..."You can sense he's happy to be in the world again, even when everything around him is on fire and he's surrounded by dead bodies.Actions.>You deserve a treat for saving your master from getting punched in the face a lot!>I bet there's more Orks around here... Bring me their skull, Blondi.>...Come on Fluffy, back to the warp...>How'd you like to remain around for a little while!>...Please stop licking me. It sets my face on fire.>...How'd you like to meet a human called Constaniza?>Write-In>Write-In
>>708894>I bet there's more Orks around here... Bring me their skull, Blondi.Skulls for the skull throne
>>708894>You deserve a treat for saving your master from getting punched in the face a lot!>I bet there's more Orks around here... Bring me their skull, Blondi.
"Blondi, I bet there's more Orks around here! Let's play fetch... Bring me their skull, ok?"He roars, excited, and runs off, while you consider what treat he should get for saving his master...Roll me a 1d20+4 for Fluffy the Juggernaut vs Generic Orks.
Rolled 15 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>708905
You begin pillaging the settlement, when you hear the stomping of Blondi outside, you look and see that he has a Ork impaled on his horn, and lots of blood all over his fur and metal helm. He of course, barks happily to see you again."Hi Blondi... Now... How many orks did you kill?"He opens his mouth and spits out twelve flaming skulls. How considerate!"Good boy... Now, wait for me outside while I loot a little."For the next hour, you get some gold and find plenty of Orcish axes and weaponry, which you hold onto to sell to a merchant who'll buy them at a outrageously high price. So you leave the burning establishment and head outside with Blondi, who remains happy.Actions.>...Do Juggernauts like belly rubs? I mean, he did save you back there.>Erh, try to pet the Juggernaut?>...Try to mount Fluffy.>Desummon him.>...When I get back, I'm going to teach you some tricks, ok?>Erh... Can you understand what I'm saying? Bark once for yes, bark twice for no.>So uh, sorry about earlier. You know, the whole brawl between us and me calling you an asshole.>...Who's a good puppy?>Write-In
>>708934>...Do Juggernauts like belly rubs? I mean, he did save you back there.>Erh... Can you understand what I'm saying? Bark once for yes, bark twice for no.
"Hey uh, can you understand what I'm saying? Bark once for yes, twice for no."He barks loudly, nearing a roar."...I see, do you like belly rubs? Bark once for yes, twice for no?"He doesn't bark, but just seems confused by what your saying."...Do you know what a belly rub is?"He barks twice, signalling a no.Actions.>...Well, I bet me and Constaniza can introduce you to one.>...Flop down on the ground then.>Erh, well... Alright then. Let's continue on.>Come on, you'll love it.>...Nice to see I'm not stuck with a dog who can't understand what I'm saying.>...I wonder if Khorne has something where I can read your thoughts or something. That would be cool.>Write-In
>>708960>...Well, I bet me and Constaniza can introduce you to one.>Come on, you'll love it.
"Well, I bet me and Constaniza can introduce you to a belly rub... You'll love it."He roars excitedly and you come up to Constaniza."Hey.""O-oh. Hi.""Yeah... So, I just took on an Ork Encampment with myself and my dog.""I can see that... So uh... Why did you kiss me?""Good luck.""Oh... Well... You could of asked...""Sorry... But I sort of thought you'd say no.""Well... I understand luck reasons, that's an old tradition in my village to kiss the nearest girl when heading to certain death.""Oh. Convenient.""So... Erh... A juggernaut of Khorne."Blondi barks."Yeah. I'm about to give him a belly rub... Want to help?""I mean... I would with any other animal... But this can breathe fire an-""I can breathe fire.""Well, you don't people for belly rubs, now do you?"Actions.>...Can you belly rub me then? Now I'm curious.>...Come on, it'll be fun...>What, do you have something against Khornates?>Yeah... I'd rather you not get burned alive.>Start belly-rubbing Fluffy furiously.>...Get close to her, and act like your about to explain stuff to her... But then kiss her. Maybe you can get past the threshold? (Charisma, HARD)>Write-In
>>708995>...Come on, it'll be fun...>What, do you have something against Khornates?>Start belly-rubbing Fluffy furiously.
"Come on, it'll be fun... Besides, do you have something against Khornates?""N-no... But you all tend to have a thing for blood and skulls.""And?"She sighs a little bit."Well... You are the nicest Khornate I know... Fine, I'll do it."Roll me a 1d20+6 to bellyrub furiously.
Rolled 18 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>709013
18+6=24Great Success!After a few minutes of bellyrubbing, Blondi seems over stimulated and starts panting and running all over, chasing Smaug who yells "he'll have his revenge". Adorably though, with his tongue sticking out, while Constaniza looks over you and patches up your wounds... Also using Necrotic Healing in the process."So... I'm just saying take a day of rest. You have a broken tooth, a broken nose, and your ear is broken... Not to mention a sprained ankle. If it heals properly you should be fine.""I see...""So, no heroics tomorrow, ok?"Actions.>...Fine... I'll take this "bed rest" to heart.>I never needed it before. I'll be fine.>...Should we help Smaug?>...You do realize you'll have to take care of me, right?>...Hey uh... Isn't a tradition for a doctor to give a kiss to their patient?>...Can we rest outside of town? I'd like not to be disturbed for having Fluffy and Smaug around.>Can't we just use Necrotic Healing?>Write-In
>>709035>Can't we just use Necrotic Healing?Are there any long term effects?
>>709035>...You do realize you'll have to take care of me, right?>...Hey uh... Isn't a tradition for a doctor to give a kiss to their patient?
"Can't we use Necrotic Healing?""Well, that's what I plan to do once I set your nose and leg out.""Ah.""Just randomly using it could cause it heal awkwardly, or give you a limp.""I see... Well, you know that you'll have to take care of me, right? And that it's tradition for a doctor to kiss their patient?"Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if you can successfully convince her. Additional +2 if you can provide encouragement.
Rolled 9 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>709049
Rolled 18 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>709049Just think of it as practice
18+5=23Success!"Well... Not to be mean, but alright..."She gives a polite kiss on the forehead...Actions.>Oh no, she's not getting away from a half-assed thing... Bring her in for you to make out with her...>Thank her politely.>...Did I mention it's patient tradition to kiss their doctor?>...Come on, let's head back. I want to get some rest with you.>Write-In
>>709077>Thank her politely.>...Did I mention it's patient tradition to kiss their doctor?
>>709077>Thank her politely.>...Did I mention it's patient tradition to kiss their doctor?>Oh no, she's not getting away from a half-assed thing... Bring her in for you to make out with her...
"Thank you... I'm feeling better already. Did I mention it's patient tradition to kiss their doctor?""Is th-"You bring her in to make out with her...Roll me a 1d20+7 to see if she's alright with this, or dislikes it.
Rolled 8 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>709092
Rolled 12 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>709092
Rolled 13 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>709092
Rolled 18 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>709092Throwing dice at the screen.
13+7=20Best of three anons...Minor Failure!You make out for a minute until she pushes you off, blushing heavily."I-I need... Erh... Uhm...""Come on... Just a little bit longer?""I-I thought I told you I wasn't interested...""Come on... You seem pretty interested.""I mean... I don't... I just want to be friends with you... I don't want to be your girlfriend...""Why?""You're a great guy... The nicest guy I met, really... But I don't see why you want me... It's just odd... I mean... I like you as a friend."Actions.>...Listen, if I could I'd tumble every woman in the world...>...Come on, I don't want anything serious. I just want a quick tumble and we'll part ways.>...Shut up and kiss me.>Come on, just tumble me and we'll remain friends. I just want a tumble.>...We'd be more then friends, you know.>I see... I'm sorry. I like you as a friend too.>Listen, you have a great body, a great mind, a great temper... How could anyone resist that?>Write-In
>>709151>...We'd be more then friends, you know.
>>709158This and>...Shut up and kiss me.
"We'd be more then friends you know...""I ju-""Shut up and kiss me."You grab her and start making out with her again... Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if she falls...
Rolled 4 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>709165
Rolled 13 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>709165
Rolled 11 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>709165
Rolled 7 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>709165Rolling again.
13+5=18Good Failure!She pushes you off again."Get off of me! Stop it!"You let go, of course."What's wrong?""I told you I just wanted to be friends! I don't have an interest, for the final time!""Seriously? We have something going...""No! I just... Leave me alone. I told you for the final time, I don't want a relationship with you!"She seems to be backing away from you...Actions.>Come on, please... I'll treat you well.>...Come on, just come over here and I'll make you one of my wives... At least, in bed...>Pheromones?>I see... I'm... I'm sorry for this. I can't really control my emotions.>...Walk up to her and try kissing her non-consentually again!>Please. I love you!>Seriously? Why don't you want to tumble me?!>Write-In
>>709190>I see... I'm... I'm sorry for this. I can't really control my emotions.Aren't we supposed to be dragon finding?
>>709193This.Also collapse in pain.
"...I see... I'm uh, sorry for this... I can't control my emotions...." You make sure to collapse in pain, and she comes towards you..."Renexizious? Are you alright?"You don't move...You feel her put her hand over your forehead... Probably gauging the temperature...Actions.>...Surprise kiss her!>Completely play idiot to what transpired. You have "brain damage" or something.>...Pheromones?>...Grab her and begin to make out!>Just apologize regretfully.>Quickly make up a medical condition!>...Just pass out for now.>Write-in
>>709209>Just apologize regretfully.>...Just pass out for now.
You apologize a bit... And then pass out.After a few hours you wake up, seemingly back in the tavern. And it seems you have a bandage over your nose, and leg. How nice. You see Constaniza has set up a hammock... Oh... And it seems she's not in your room right now, instead you hear cooking in the kitchen... Thank God for great hearing... It also seems your in your human form.Actions.>...She's trying to sleep in her hammock, eh? Well, it's yours... Time to sabotage it a little.>Just stay where you are and pass the time.>Yell for Constaniza to come out. Your starving.>No time to waste... You have work to do. Leave the room... Who cares if your nose won't set or your leg might have a slight limp?>Write-In
>>709230>Just stay where you are and pass the time.
>>709230>Just stay where you are and pass the time.>Talk to our headmates
You stay where you are, and begin to pass the time by talking to your head friends.Seriously, you got fucking friendzoned to hell.Yeah... I think you rushed it way too fast.Come on, I still have a chance...Unless you wanted to rape her... Which is evil as shit and both of us would stop you, there's very little recovery.Yeah... She's in another bed now, she's wizened up to us... And we're basically back at step one. You fucked up bad....God, I wish I could turn back time...Yeah. We're lucky she still considers us friends... But she knows we want to be more then friends.Yeah... I think we should just sort of put that on a backburner for now. We're wasting time.Unless... Hang on, I think I know what's going through her head...What?I think she thinks that once we tumble her, we'll just leave her behind to rot.Or she could not want to bear children and has a life ahead of her.I'd say that too... I think if we try to reinforce the fact we're a good guy, who's going to stay with her no matter what, and won't let anything stand in her way, we'll get far.That's what I've been doing though.Well, try to talk to her after this. Promise her you won't leave her, and besides the kissing and shit, you'd basically remain friends.Actions.>I think I will..>I'm uh... Can we talk about something else?>No, that's corny and dumb...>But I will leave her once I'm done tumbling with her.>...Should we tell her she'd be wife number... What, five?>Return to reality.>Write-In
>>709259>...Should we tell her she'd be wife number... What, five?
Should we tell her she'd be wife number five?...That's uh... Nothing against her, but if I was her, I'd hate being "wife number five" if I wanted companionship and not to be lonely... We'd either have to make her good friends with our wives or someone in our court, or just tumble her, and give her a mortal lifestyle where we visit on occasion, and hide the truth from her. Neither sounds too good, honestly.I don't see why women don't like being my fifth wife...]Dude... How'd you like to be husband number five to some dragon?Good point.Actions.>...That's a good point... Maybe we shouldn't tell her.>What would a good person do? A good person would tell her, Flames. I think. I'm not too sure.>...Well... I probably should just tumble her and go back to being "friends" then...>Well, I have my own idea...>...This is a lot of effort just to get laid...>Write-In
>>709271>What would a good person do? A good person would tell her, Flames. I think. I'm not too sure.
Well, a good person would tell her Flames... I think. I'm not too sure.Well... Good on you then, for trying to be good.You return to reality, and see that Constainza has brought in breakfast for you..."Huh? Thanks Constaniza.""Not a problem.""...Remember anything about last night?"She sighs a little."Can we not talk about it? I know you like me and all, but I just want to be friends with you.""Can you tell me why?"She sits on your bed."Mind a short story about Norscan culture?"You nod your head while eating some bread."Well... I just don't want children.""I uh... I wasn't say-""Erh, you aren't Norscan. Norscans only have sex to reproduce, really... Unless your a Slaaneshian, or have the habits of one.""I see.""By extension, wives are only for giving birth to kids... And I don't want that. I don't want to sound irresponsible, but I want to head back home without obligations to someone to bear their children... I want to learn magic, I want to adventure, not sit at home and teach a child how to swing an axe."Actions.>Let's talk about this after I'm done eating, ok?>...I see... I thought you weren't attracted to me too much.>So your worried that you'll be unable to do anything with a child, basically?>...Listen, dragons can't reproduce with humans. It's impossible. (Lie)>...Thank you for telling me.>...I promise that until you feel ready, I will not have you bear children.>...I'm curious... Do you know about how many wives I have?>Erh... I think you misunderstand... I don't want children from you or most of my wives. Elizabeth handles that. I just want female company... And I love your company.>Give her a kiss again?>...What are talking about? I don't remember last night.>Write-In
>>709306>...Thank you for telling me.>...I promise that until you feel ready, I will not have you bear children.
"I see. Thank you for telling me. And I promise that until you feel ready, I will not have you bear children.""Yeah... I'm uh... I mean, what?""Well, we don't have to tumble for children.""What are you, a Slaaneshian?""Heh, no.""I don't know what is with your southerners and recreational sex...""What's wrong with it? Besides, your from the south as well.""I was born in the north... Now, let's take this from the top... I'm erh... Well, I'm willing to become closer with you... Just don't make me regret this...""Why the change of heart?"[r/ed]"...You're my only friend besides Raghilda, really... And I never gave you a chance."Actions.>Got it... I'll try to be the best dragon boyfriend you can have.>Can we tumble right now?>...Hey uh... Thanks for giving me a chance. It means a lot.>Can I have a hug?>...You are a very kind human being. Thank you.>Are you pitying me enough your letting me become your boyfriend?>...Come on, let's head out.>Write-In
>>709332>...Hey uh... Thanks for giving me a chance. It means a lot.>Can I have a hug?
"Well... Thanks for giving me a chance... Can I have a hug?""Well... I guess."The two of you hug slightly uncomfortably, and continue to do so."I uh... I got to feed your god... Blondi, I think.""Where is he and Smaug?""Running around outside the village, out of sight in a cave I think.""Huh.""They seem to be getting along pretty well.""I see..."Actions.>...Well... We're about to leave. Say your goodbyes...>I'm going to desummon them...>We have to hunt deserters and fix a watchtower... Then we can go.>So... Want to head back or meet a dragon? Then again, I sort of want to head back home...>...I want to tell you something... I'm not really a nice guy. I'm pretty evil, actually...>That was a shitty hug... Pull her onto the bed and hug her.>Write-In
>>709339>Desummon them.>Walk with her to collect payment from the knights.
You of course, desummon Blondi and Smaug suddenly. You feel Blondi become sad, and you continue onto to collect the payment from the knights with Constaniza.You knock on the door to the Knights, and explain payment, etc etc. After a little bit, you get a huge sum of money... About 6000 gold in your service to the village and the Empire, along with a mark of honor, which when shown to any knight of the Flaming Heart, that they'll treat you as if you were an honorary knight. You thank them for the gift and gold, and take your leave...."So uh, where to now?""I was thinking either home for a bit, back to the longship, or possibly finding that dragon.""I'm kind of curious what your home is like, is it like a lair or something?""Sort of."Actions.>You'll finish up draining the watch tower and finding the deserters.>...Head home... It'll be nice to see Liz again...>Head back to the longship. You might miss some raiding and piracy!>Erh, maybe you should find that dragon..>I have a village of "serfs" that I own. Want to look?.>Write-In
>>709360>Erh, maybe you should find that dragon...
"Well... Let's find that dragon, shall we?""Sure."You exit the village, and begin to fly away to find the Imperial Army... And by extension, the Imperial Dragon.Roll me a 1d20+4 to find it, while I catch some Zs and sleep.
Rolled 8 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>709369
Rolled 14 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>709369
Rolled 4 + 4 (1d20 + 4)
14+4=18Success!After flying for a few hours, you see razed countryside, battlegrounds littered with corpses, and a large camp in the distance... Belonging to the Empire, and not too far away seems to be the Bretonnian camp, arguably in worse straits then the Empire's camp, which rests on a hill.You see where the dragon is, clearly... As right in the middle of the camp is a sleeping red dragon.Actions>You really, really don't want to make an enemy of the Empire. Land gently far away from it and shift down.>...Constaniza won't mind if you attack some Imperials, will she?>Land gently by the camp, and try to be nice to the mortals...>Give an evil laugh and land next to the camp>...Try to shout something in Draconic to the sleeping dragon?>Fly off. You just wanted to see if it was true or not..>...Maybe you should visit the Bretonnian camp?>Write-in
>>710348>Land gently by the camp, and try to be nice to the mortals...>Show them your badge.
As you get closer to the camp, you notice that the red dragon is quite large, not as large as you though. In addition, it seems to be sleeping with a griffin nearby, and the red dragon seems to be about half as large as you...You land next to the camp, giving the smile you gave the guards in the village."Hello! I'd like to request entry to the camp... As you can see, I am a very trustworthy fellow." You show them your badge which you gave to Constaniza... And the twelve heavily-armored halberdiers, and their sergeant seem to agree calmly.Huh. It doesn't seem like they're terrified of you."So, can I come in?""As long as ye' don't do anything stupid, that's alright.""...Would you care if I asked why you aren't terrified of me?""Why woud I? Seems like this here papery thing says your alright."Ah. The wonders of the human peasant.Of course, in order to avoid squishing people or their tents, you shift down to your human form, and enter it, escorted by five halberdiers.The campground seems abuzz with activity, as you hear sharpening of weapons, firing of mortars and cannons, and prayers and whips. Some men seem to be whipping themselves and praying before battle."What are they doing, soldier?""They're those damned Flagellants. Mad I tell you. Crazy zealots who just want to die in battle.""I see..."You continue into the camp and see a man riding a large warhorse, covered in armor and a man wearing shiny white plate armor, with gold trimmings around the pauldrons, and with a rather fancy helmet, gold trimmings around the eye-holes... Not to mention bearing plenty of symbols of the Empire."I see this is the dragon that has arrived?"The men bow towards him."Yes, m'lord.""No need to bow men, this isn't somesort of inspection... Now, continue on your way." He says, and the halberdiers following leave. He then turns down to you. "I am pleased to meet you, dragon. I am Sir Waldemar of the Reiksguard, charged with protecting the Emperor.""I see. I am pleased to make your acquaintance." The two of you shake hands calmly, and he reveals his helm to a rather scarred though young face, with a slight beard."I see that the knights of the Fiery Heart gave you a mark of honor. Good on you for helping the people then, as I would assume.""No thanks are necessary.""I suppose, but still, it is rare to meet a dragon who won't eat livestock or your tenants.""I would assume so, Sir Waldemar."The two of you begin walking deeper into the camp."I would ask why you are here, but that is not my job... I would however, guess that you are here to see Karl Franz, the Emperor?"Actions.>I suppose I am, yes.>...First, I would like to ask you some questions, mortal...>Why is no one really concerned about me? I mean, most mortals are terrified...>I was actually curious about this "imperial dragon"...>I like already, knight.>Write-In.
>>710549>I was actually curious about this "imperial dragon"...>I would be interested in meeting the emperor as well, though.
"Well, I was actually curious about this "Imperial Dragon"."I see.""But, I would also be interested in meeting the Emperor as well.""I can arrange that for you... So, why exactly are you curious about the Imperial Dragon?""I have a bet going, if it's female or not. Oh, and also to see why exactly it's in the company of you mortals.""Ah. Well, it's what's helping us in the war against Bretonnian, especially since some dragon helped disrupt their supply routes. I've slain more disarmed Bretonnian longbowmen in the past three days then I could count!""So they're in a supply shortage?""Quite so... Not to mention withdrawing troops to find and hunt that dragon down."Actions>I think you'd be happy to know that was me...>Constaniza is in earshot, so whisper to the knight you did indeed do it.>...Would you care if we skipped the conversation and got to seeing the Imperial Dragon?>...I'm curious, is the dragon female or male?>What a dastardly dragon... Unlike most of my kin, I prefer talking to mortals rather then enslaving them...>Write-In
>>710644>I think you'd be happy to know that was me... Sorry about that. Like, I really mean it.>May I talk to the dragon?
"I think you'd be happy to know that was me... Sorry about that. Like, I really mean it.""Ha, good on you for helping us! If more dragons were like you, we wouldn't stand a chance at losing!" He smiles quite a bit, and gives you a high five, it seems."Erh, no. I regret it a lot."His smile turns back to neutrality."I see... Well, that's fair enough I suppose.""Could I talk to the dragon?""Right now it's sleeping... And I'd rather not have to answer Karl Franz's questions on why his dragon fell asleep in the battle tomorrow.""I see."Actions.>Listen, I've been preparing for this day for a week at least... Can I please see it?>...I have a question... Is it female or male then?>Could I rest somewhere until then?>...To be frank, I'd rather sack your Imperial settlements then Bretonnian's settlements.>Could I talk to Karl Franz then?>Come on, I can explain why it fell asleep...>Write-In
>>710716>Listen, I've been preparing for this day for a week at least... Can I please see it?>I can take its place in the next fight.
"Listen, I've been preparing for this day for a week at the least... Can I please see it? I can take it's place in the next fight."He considers this."Well... I suppose. I'll take you there now."You follow Sir Waldemar to the dragon...Roll me a 1d20 to see if you were right or Flames was in the bet. Only taking the first roll.
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>710974Plz be a woman.
>>711006>inb4 nigerian prince
Huh.7.You enter a large semi-courtyard, and see the huge, sleeping dragon."So... How am I supposed to wake it up?""Well, that's easy. Ring the bell." He points towards a rather shiny gold bell...Hey uh... Are we actually going to take it's place if we wake it up?...Why are you asking right now?Keep in mind our brother is on the Bretonnian side... Which means he could be over there and all of a sudden we're fighting another dragon.Actions.>...Shit, good point... Maybe we shouldn't wake it up...>Our brother can handle us beating his ass a little...>...We're going to wake it up, and run the fuck away once we're done talking to it then.>...Well, that's easy... We'll try to defect to the Bretonnian side and help him.>...I mean, originally I was here to help him... But who cares, right?>Let's agree that if it's female, we help the Imperials, and if it's male we just help the Bretonnians, ok?>You know what would be a good idea? Let's pretend to be a human while we talk to it... Imagine it's surprise when we show that we're actually stronger then it.>Ignore Flames and ring the bell.>Write-in
>>711056>...Shit, good point... Maybe we shouldn't wake it up...
>>711056>You know what would be a good idea? Let's pretend to be a human while we talk to it... Imagine it's surprise when we show that we're actually stronger then it.>Ignore Flames and ring the bell.Why are the two factions fighting again? I think we should try to go for peace.
>>711116The two factions were, have and always will be at war. For one very simple fact;This is the warhammer universe... Also the difference in culture, rulers, the mutual hatred and the various other such problems.
Well, let's pretend to be human... And see about getting peace for both sides.You ignore Flames and go up to ring the bell... The dragon stirrs, blinks an eye, and looks at you."...What is it now?" You note, in a rather old and wizened tone."I wanted to say hi.""Ah... One of the younger races... Splendid to meet you..." He says, rather slowly."I was hoping to know why your helping us, dragon.""Ah... Just call me Calytharias, human. I simply decided to help since it's been eons since I took part in a battle... And the bribe from that other human.. What was his name? Karl Dranz? No... Karl Franz... Yes, that was his name. Kindly young chap, offered me a bigger home in exchange for helping him.""You sound... Old.""Because I am! I am about... Oh, a thousand and two-hundred and eighty. Seen empires rise, that sort of thing. And got in quite a few naps... Those were the days, raiding villages, eating livestock..." He laughs heartily, and lowers his head to you."Don't worry about it... That was when I was younger, had plenty of children... That sort of thing. Sometimes my daughter even comes over to switch places with me once in a while. Nice girl, if a bit soft around you mortal types.""Daughter?""Yes, yes... A lovely drakess known as Valimariuax. Lives to the south, loves the heat, that sort of thing... I got her a nice little baubble for her birthday, a nice little invention a mortal gave me, called a heat pack.""Heat pack?""Yes... One of those fellows... Erh, from some place called "The United Lakes" or something... Strange fellow, wearing somesort of black shirt and a little snake around his neck."Interesting."But enough about my ramble... What do you want exactly?" He chuckles.Actions.>...Erh, nothing. I was just curious...>...Would you care to tell me where your daughter is?>...Did you mean someone from the United States?>Wow... I'm honored to meet you.>I'm a dragon myself...>Erh... Can I just call you something a little shorter? Like a nickname?>Erh... How many children do you have?>Write-In
>>711272>...Did you mean someone from the United States?
"Did you mean someone from the United States?""Ah, yes! I believe that's what I meant... Strange fellow. I think he was extremely confused where he was... Said he was an "accountant" or something, and that he needed to return home or something.""What did you do to him?""I mostly just asked him why he was wearing what he was, and that Altdorf was a few miles away... That sort of thing... I think that was... Oh, seven months ago?""Huh.""Yes... He seemed to be rather strange. I think he talked about "what year is it" quite a bit... He said that it should of been something called two-thousand and sixteen, when I calmly responded with the current year.""...Erh, thank you.""That's not a problem. I enjoy talking to you humans... Save the smaller ones. They're annoying, you know... What are they? Halflings?" He frowns a little at remember them."Ah..."Actions.>I'm a dragon myself, you know.>So, why exactly do you choose to live in Altdorf in a zoo?>You should probably get some sleep, old dragon.>Daughter? Would you mind if I ask about her?>How many children do you have?>...Could you tell me where this "accountant" is?>You seem rather kindly for a dragon.>Can you do magic or anything?>...Want to be friends?>Would you care if I introduce you to my girlfriend, Constaniza?>Write-in
>>711367>Would you care if I introduce you to my girlfriend, Constaniza?
"Would you care if I introduced you to my girlfriend, Constaniza?""Why not?"You push Constaniza forward."Erh... Hi?""Nice to meet you, mortal! You smell... Hm, like a mage.""I'm not a mage... But thank you.""No problem... I can tell you'll be a fine spellcaster one day. Now, now... I suppose you have plenty of questions?""Huh? I mean, yeah!""Ah... I enjoy questions. Helps the mind. Now, tell me them..."After waiting about thirty minutes the two of them finish up conversation."Now, other mortal... What do you want? You still haven't told me."Actions.>I erh, just want to talk to a dragon as old as yourself.>Well, I'd like to know where your daughter is.>Nothing. I was just curious.>...I was sort of hoping you'd be female.>Well, I just wanted to see a dragon... I never saw one before.>I have some questions...>So uh... Just curious, how does the average dragon raise their children?>Can you shapeshift at all?>Write-in
>>711516>Write-in"Well I came here on a bet, that you were a female dragon since we heard only there was a dragon."
"Well, I came here on a bet. That you were a female dragon, since we heard only about there being a dragon."He sighs a little bit."You aren't one of those mortals who want's to tumble some female dragon or something?""Erh... What's wrong with that?""Besides it being horribly cliche of knights? Or perverted? Back in my day, dragons would only sleep with other dragons, not this strange fad with mortals of trying to tumble dragons...""Well... I like that cliche, honestly...""In a few eons boy, you might not even see a dragon thanks to knights fucking around with our females! It's a stupid cliche by mortals, and I would sincerely hope it would end.""I'm sorry?""Just like you mortals to wake up a sleeping dragon just to see if you could fuck it..." He shakes his head and goes back to the ground, grumpy....Erh... Well, if you want we could always try to tumble his daughter.Actions.>Erh, no. I'd rather not have a pissed off dragon father go after me.>Sounds good. Let's ask him before he falls asleep.>...Erh, he's grumpy... Let's wait until tommorow, ok?>...Erh, did he just call me a pervert?>What the hell is wrong with trying to tumble as many females as possible... I'm on vacation damn it!>I'm sort of curious about that American accountant that apparently hopped dimensions.>Write-In
>>711801>Hold up I'm a dragon too.>Shift into dragon blooded form>And where is this daughter of yours?Must know.OP is this another plot hook?It's a good hook.
Shhh...You shift into your dragonblood form."Hold on, I'm a dragon too!"He opens his eye looking at you."...Hm... I could smell it on you. I don't know any dragons that can become humans though... Interesting.""Yeah... So, where's this daughter of yours?""...Let me guess, you want to have sex with her?""...Well...""I can already tell. So, you want to know where my daughter is, eh? Well, didn't you say earlier that you already have a girlfriend?"Actions.>...Well, yes?>...She's not my girlfriend, not at all.>I just am curious...>If you must know, I have about five wives at home, and probably a LOT more in the future.>Let me guess, you want your daughter to be with someone who puts her first?>Write-In
>>711903>That was a cover story she's not my girlfriend.Dragon lady is confirmed bait.Anon is confirmed for taking the bait.
"That was a cover story, she's not my girlfriend."Constaniza looks at you, confused... And a little hurt."I see... Well, props to you for making sure to tie up loose ends... Now, if I catch you trying to hurt her, do anything bad to her, or even do something without her permission and she tells me, I will personally find you, and set your entire family on fire and stomp them out, just to burn the remains. Understand?""Erh... Yes?""Good. Now, what do you do if you try and kiss her and she doesn't want to?""Don't do it?""Wrong. You don't even fucking think about it. You try that and you'll never see your family again, got it?""Y-yeah?""...Now..." He returns to a more kindly smile."What is it?""My daughter is a softie, and my youngest daughter. Understand?""Yes?""Good... Now, I want you to tell me you'll put her above everything else, because I won't tolerate anything else."Actions.>I suppose I can put her above everyone else...>So I'm supposed to love her above my other wives? That's not very fair...>Erh, sorry but I can't...>You're a hard ass. I'm going.>I have a few questions about her, first...>Write-In
>>712030>I'll put your daughter above all elseSaying it just because fuck no am I not pissing off this old guy.Not dealing with him nowAfter we say this leave the old guy.And we should talk to costaniza
"I'll put your daughter above all else.""Good... Good. If I hear anything else, I will personally kill you. Now, have a good day.""Wait, where is she?""Huh? Oh. Ask my accountant in Altdorf."He rests his head on the ground and begins sleeping... Great.You begin to leave, and you can tell Constaniza is a little bit pissed."Something wrong?""Well, what do you think? I gave you a chance and you just make me look foolish.""Foolish? I was just saying it to appease that guy.""And now you want someone completely else? I literally just begrudingly agreed a few hours ago, and you just want someone else? I can already see where this relationship is going, and I'm calling it off now.""Seriously?""Yeah. I'm not putting up with some guy who claims to love me and then suddenly wants someone else... I knew this was a bad idea.""Come on, please?""By the warp, no. You literally took eight hours to betray my trust, so thanks for that... I thought you were my friend." You can tell she's definitely pissed off."They were just words.""So? I'm not putting up with you just suddenly turning tail as soon as I prove to be a disadvantage... By Tzeentch, I knew this would happen."She begins to walk off, and you grab her by the shoulder."Come on, I love lots of women, you, dragons, minotaurs... Come on.""I'm not putting up with someone who just considers me another conquest. Or someone who just betrays a friend when it becomes advantageous.""I didn't betray you.""Really? Maybe to you, but I trusted you and you just broke it as soon as it was convenient."Actions>Kiss her?>Wouldn't you do the same?>Come on, I conquer lots of things, women, countries... That sort of thing.>...Fine then. I'll see you later when you calm down.>Just give me one more chance, ok?>Seriously? I just want another woman and you just act like it's this big deal...>If your this easily broken, I don't want to even sleep with you.>Write-In
>>712157>I said that because I don't want to fight the old man. Dragons fighting tends to lead to copious property damage. And I don't want to argue with him. Also I'm not going to sleep with her. I am interested in finding her because the dragon population is small. I look for them when I can.Please work damage control.
>>712255Why did you take the bait, anon? Why?
"I said that because I don't want to fight the old man. Dragons fighting tends to lead to copious property damage. And I don't want to argue with him. Also I'm not going to sleep with her. I am interested in finding her because the dragon population is small. I look for them when I can."Roll me a 1d20+2 to see if damage control can work.
Rolled 20 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>712278>PANIC
Rolled 16 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>712278Point out that to artificially (our mutagen) create a dragon is incredibly expensive, unreliable, unsafe and over all hard to find willing converts for.Thus, keeping a watchful eye on the population is kinda a big deal for us. Seeing as we are a, minor, racial supremacist and also like having company who understand our lifestyle.As to the betraying the sanctity of the relationship. We don't plan on going to meet this dragon any time soon. Seeing as we both have literal centuries ahead of us to reproduce, for the good of the race, and to romance. Whereas with humans the conditions are a little more... time sensitive.Oh, and as to the breaking of trust thing. Sorry about that, if you want to end the relationship I understand.
>>712294>>712329Perfect damage control.
Critical Success!"Oh... I'm uh... I'm sorry. I just erh... I assumed the worst.""It's fine...""No... I should of known better. You wouldn't betray me just like that.""Yeah..."You pat her a little on the back and she seems a little ashamed of herself... So you give her a hug and continue on."I should of understood, I mean... I am a Tzeentchian after all...""You are... But don't worry about it, ok?""Your right, I'm just sorry for jumping to conclusions... I feel terrible now.""Yeah..."You continue on until you come to a bench, and the two of you sit down, and you give a hug to her. She still seems a little ashamed.Actions.>Don't ever worry about me betraying you. I'd never, ever do that.>...Come on, cheer up...>I'm just visiting her to reproduce, ok?>Listen, stay here... I need to find this Karl Franz guy.>If it make you feel better, I feel terrible about saying that.>...Why don't we find a more private place to talk?>Don't worry, I won't visit her anytime soon.>Would you expect the nicest Khornate ever to actually betray you? I'd never do that.>Just kiss her a little on the head.>Write-In
>>712362>Just kiss her a little on the head.
>>712362>Kiss her on the forehead.
You give her a polite kiss on the forehead, and hug her for a few minutes before getting back up..."Hey uh... I'll wait for you outside the camp, alright?""Fine by me, just stay safe, ok?""Got it..."She leaves...Actions.>Well, now might be a good time to desert...>You should talk to this Karl Franz...>...You did say if you woke up the dragon that you'd stay here and help... Just wait until the battle starts.>Find that knight... Sir Waldemar?>Write-in
>>712426>...You did say if you woke up the dragon that you'd stay here and help... Just wait until the battle starts.If we see our brother on the field, we should try to get both forces to stand down and try for peace.
You decide to wait until the battle starts, and Sir Waldemar comes up to you."I see that you have honored your oath, good.""Could I ask who's in the field today?""Ah... Well, we have a list of enemy knights from one of our spies, if that's what your asking.""I'd like to know who I'm fighting against.""I see... Well, the King of Bretonnia, the Duke of..."Roll me a 1d20 to see if your lucky enough that your brother isn't on the field of battle.
>>712495>Inb4 Nat 1
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>712495
Rolled 16 (1d20)>>712495We should find a way to secretly sabotage the enemy. We can't fuck over our brother like that
Rolled 13 (1d20)>>712500>>712495Forgot to roll.
16.Success!He goes through many names, but none seem to be from Mousilion."I see, thank God...""Did you have friends on the other side?""I suppose you can say that.""I see... Well, Karl Franz's dragon isn't waking up, so you'll have to be used... You have two hours to make ready and report to the Emperor.""Thank you."Suddenly, a soldier rushes up beside Sir Waldemar."Sir! Sir!""What is it, soldier?""Enemy reinforcements are coming m'lord!""Wait, really? I thought they were delayed?""No my lord! They're coming over the hill now as we speak!"Waldemar and you head to the border of the camp, where countless men have gathered to see the enemy reinforcements ride over the hill..."Sir, one of our spies reports that most of northern Bretonnia has been forcibly drafted to fight in this battle!""Really?""Most are naught but untrained peasants, my lord.""I see that... Where's Karl Franz?"Waldemar rides off, as you watch the thousands of Bretonnian serfs crudely take position on the hill opposite of you... You even see them set up trebuchets and behind the serfs seem to be... Horses, horses as far as the eye can see, actually... Something tells you this will be a rather hard battle. Then you feel a poke on the shoulder."Yer' the dragon, aren't you? Karl Franz wants you to report to him now.""About what?""He thinks that a dragon might be a little overkill in this battle. He wants most of the peasants alive from what I hear.""So I'm not to fight?""I don't know m'lord."Actions.>...Well, that's a relief...>I'll head to him right away, thank you.>That's rather smart of him, keep the people who farm alive so they can pay taxes.>...Come in, I could intimidate a few peasants into surrender...>Hold on, how many men are we facing?>Write-in
>>712594>That's rather smart of him, keep the people who farm alive so they can pay taxes.>I'll head to him right away, thank you.
"Rather smart of him... I'll head to him right away, thank you."You head towards the command tent and enter, seeing hundred of knights bustle around and one rather large man in plate armor, with a crown on his helm discussing strategy. He looks up at you."I see you are the dragon that has come with us to do battle?""Well, yes.""Well, I don't really require your set of skills, though I thank you for being a stand in, just in case I do need them.""No problem.""Now, of course, battle is almost upon us. I still might need you, so I request you stay at camp until needed... However, if you wished to help us more directly, we could always use another knight."Actions.>I think I'll just stay behind...>Come on, I'm not needed for this battle, and I have things to do... (Charisma, HARD)>I'd be honored to ride as a knight into battle...>Why can't I just fly around, and roast the peasants and knights alive.>What's the strategy though?>Write-in
>>712709>I'd be honored to ride as a knight into battle...
>>712709>Write-in"If you want, I could burrow under their catapults or other siege engines and destroy them."
"I'd be honored to ride into battle as a knight... But if you want I could burrow under their siege weapons and destroy them.""I already have that covered with my Griffion Knights, dragon, but thank you for the offer.""It would probably incur less losses.""This entire battle is weighted to make the average Bretonnian peasant love us and hate their lords... So, if any of you fight a peasant try your best to spare them and show them honor... If all goes well, occupation won't be a bitch. However, dragon, that doesn't mean that I don't necessarily need something terrifying on the field of battle... Can you do anything that could scare our opponents and yet be lethal at a small scale?""...How does a sixty foot dragon sound?""Sounds effective... You'll be right where the fighting is thickest, the uphill battle, if you will... Both literally and figuratively. Your main goal will be to destroy the knights before their charge can tear into our men going up the hill, terrify the peasants into fleeing, and if you can, dispose of the siege weapons and archers.""Right.""However, if you don't feel like getting into a battle where you'll be the largest target, I could use some knights flanking the enemy king and making sure he's dead or captured... I highly doubt you'll have to use your dragon form."Actions>I like the idea of charging then shapeshifting... I'll take the uphill battle.>Could I use my own mount?>I think I can handle a king... Should be easy. I'll take the flank.>So if I meet a peasant I am to let him run away?>I think you'll be impressed, my lord. Keep an eye out for me.>...What happens if the battle goes extraordinarly well?>So basically we want the peasants to rebel once they return home and throw out their lords?>Write-in
>>713052>Could I use my own mount?
"Well, could I use my own mount?""I suppose... What did you have in mind?"Actions>Erh... Would you be ok with me summoning a daemon? You know... A Juggernaut of Khorne?>Oh, it's a... Very large dog I found... I'll be right back (Try to disguise Blondi)>Erh, on second thought I'll just use one of your horses.>Write-in
>>713174>Oh, it's a... Very large dog I found... I'll be right back (Try to disguise Blondi)
"Oh... Erh, it's a very large dog I found... I'll be right back."You step out, confusing Karl Franz.Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can disguise Blondi.
Rolled 3 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>713264Dun dun duuuuuuun
Rolled 19 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>713279Guess I'll samefag once
19+4=23Good Success!You find a dead knight's horse and shamelessly steal the armor off of it... And summon Blondi. He seems execited, and you start attaching armor to the spots which are obviously Khornate. He of course, licks your face, setting it on fire... After a few minutes of trying to put it out, you go back to Blondi, who seems really, really happy to be in the surface.Actions.>...Can you stop licking me and setting me on fire?>...So uh, for the next few minutes we won't be killing anyone. In fact we're going to be talking to people.>...Can you uh, shrink? Because your huge... I think people would notice a 20 foot dog which can breathe fire, smells like brimstone, and has horns.>So, are you ready to tear up some frenchies?>...Get him a pre-battle belly rub.>If you do well, you'll be able to play with Smaug once we're done.>Write-In
>>713397>If you do well, you'll be able to play with Smaug once we're done.Kill. Everyone.
>>713397>...So uh, for the next few minutes we won't be killing anyone. In fact we're going to be talking to people.>If you do well, you'll be able to play with Smaug once we're done.>...Get him a pre-battle belly rub.
"So uh, for the next few minutes we won't be killing anyone. In fact, we're going to be talking to people."He whines a little bit."Come on, you'll be able to play with Smaug once we're done."He barks happily, and licks you on Flames head, thank God. So you give him a belly rub for the next few minutes, and get him back up."So just pretend to be a Imperial Warhorse, ok? I mean, the best you can do."He energetically barks and the two of you head back to Karl Franz camp...Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if anyone notices... Additional +2 if you can make up an excuse for why you have a twenty foot tall dog who can breathe fire, enjoys killing, and is otherwise adorable.
Rolled 14 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>713497It supplies blood and skulls
Rolled 6 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>713497>Oh, he's a gift from Sigmar.
Rolled 5 (1d20)>>713497I won him in a bet.
>>713497"I would explain how I have this, adorable, giant, fire-breathing dog but I honestly can only describe what happened as I wrestled it into being my pet."
14+6=20Success!After giving plenty of excuses and claiming it's a gift from Sigmar, you finally get back to Karl Franz's tent... It seems he's already left for the battlefield, and it seems you have three positions to fill.Actions.>The first position seems to be you charging uphill as a small dragon to help back up the infantry and basically be a meatshield. You'll do this.>The second position seems to be you charging the flank and trying to take care of the knights and king... But no dragon form.>The third position seems to be just you trying to terrify the peasantry and flank the siege weapons.>Write-In
>>713601>Go on a crazy killing rampage and kill both sides.If we're going to betray our brother, and help the enemies of both him and the puesdo vikings, we might as well just fucking kill everything.
>>713601>The second position seems to be you charging the flank and trying to take care of the knights and king... But no dragon form.>>713649How about no?
Rolled 2 (1d2)Rolling.
>The second position seems to be you charging the flank and trying to take care of the knights and king... But no dragon form.
1=Crazy2=Charge the Flank!Just saying that unless you shapeshift, no one from Bretonnia will recogonize you.You begin to don armor and weaponry, and ride out to the left flank, where it seems you see a group of knights holding a banner, with the words EVERLASTING LIGHT on it. You ride up beside them, and they look up to you and Blondi."Hi... This is the left flank, right?""Aye. Templars of the Everlasting Light here. About to take care of this heathen king once and for all!""Good company, I presume..."Blondi barks in agreement, as you see the enemy take up positions, driving stakes into the ground, and putting their longbows into firing positions... You hear a cry for shields up, and see the enemy longbowmen and trebuchets prepare to fire...Roll me a 1d20+4 to see about blocking enemy archers.
Rolled 12 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>713874
Rolled 7 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>713874
12+4=16Success!You block an arrow towards your head as you raise a shield, and wait a little bit... You hear the thunderous sound of musket fire and shouts... And you see the knights around you begin to charge, lance extended towards the enemy.Roll me a 1d20+5 for beginning the charge. Additional +2 for good battlecries.
Rolled 3 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714035
Rolled 3 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714035FOR THE EMPRAH!
Rolled 19 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714035Just testing these dice.
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>714035REMOVE BRETONIANS
19+5=24Good Success!The charge begins, and you go down the hill... Arrows begin to fall all around you, a few hitting Blondi, but it mostly just tickles him, and you see one unlucky knight have an arrow lodged in his throat, and fall off his horse... Only to get smashed by Blondi's paws. Oh well.Eventually as you reach the bottom of the hill, you and the Templars take a turn and begin to ascend... Which is rather hard for the horses, but if your lucky, not Blondi.Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if Blondi is all-terrain.
Rolled 13 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>714217Blondi is anAllTerrain Dog
>>714244So he's a B.A.T.D?13+4=17Success!Blondi seems a little out of breath, but it seems that your going much faster then the knight's horses, who are weighed down by armor, and somewhat cowardly... Meanwhile, Blondi has his tongue sticking out, and is extremely excited.Of course, since your the fastest knight, which means your in the front, and by extension the biggest target... You see the archers above take aim... Not to mention stakes in the hill... Wooden ones.Shit.Roll me a 2d20+5. First one is to see if Blondi can get past the stakes, the second one is to see if you can block in time.Additional +2 to Blondi getting past the stakes if you give him positive encouragement... Or Khornate encouragement. Or both.
Rolled 12, 14 = 26 (2d20)>>714328C'mon boy get the skulls. Get em!Blondi for best mode of transportation.
Rolled 19, 15 + 5 = 39 (2d20 + 5)>>714328
19+7=2615+5=20Great Success!"C'mon boy, get their skulls! Get em!"He roars and smashes into the stakes, scaring the archers who begin to retreat behind some footmen... While you block more arrows with your shield, which at this point is somewhat damaged... Of course, it seems the archers aren't all fast enough to escape Blondi...Roll me a 1d20+5 for Blondi Vs Archers.Also, what exactly will Blondi do?>...Kill them!>Channel his inner sheepdog and tell him to scare the archers!>Tell him to play nice and just knock them out!>Tell him to get you in a good spot... You want the glory of killing them (Or knocking them out. Specify please.)>Girls may be watching, so tell him to try and be adorable while he kills them (Or terrifies them. Or knocks them out)>Write-In
Rolled 14 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714389>Girls may be watching, so tell him to try and be adorable while he kills them (Or terrifies them. Or knocks them out)>Terrify them.
Rolled 4 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714389>Be adorable while he knocks them outI'm pretty sure ransoms are a thing still.
Rolled 5 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714389>Tell him to play nice and just knock them out!Remember what Franz said?
14+5=19Blondi seems to be too happy to actually kill anyone, as he runs around nuzzling people around, putting their asses into gear and making them run faster, and he roars happily while knocking out a few archers who were too slow, and he even flops onto a archer playfully, nearly crushing him, before licking his clothes, which turns him naked and he begins running around naked, thinking he is on fire. This is quite amusing to you, personally. However for the enemy, is somewhat confusing (Either because all Frenchmen are gay like you assumed, or your putting a good show on for the knights) and you think Blondi and you knocked out at least twenty-five archers and terrified the rest... Of course, Blondi then charges towards the spearmen, clearly over-excited... And the spearmen brace for his charge...Actions.>Blondi can handle it!>...Try to leap over the spearmen?>Blondi, turn around, please!>Pet Blondi slightly since he was being adorable.>Blondi, use your flame breath!>Blondi, just try to be... Well, adorable! They'll let down their guard?>Write-InBlondi the twenty foot friendly Khornate Juggernaut.I am shamelessly stealing Blondi for my Dark Heresy campaign now anons. Thank you for this.
>>714477>Blondi, just try to be... Well, adorable! They'll let down their guard?I could imagine Blondi looking like a giant poro.
>>714477>Leap the spearmen If an ATV can make sweet jumps why not an all terrain dog?
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>714489Top kek, but no.Rolling.1=Try to be adorable?2=Leap the spearmen!
Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if Blondi can go into adorable mode... Additional +2 if you can just tell me something adorable a twenty foot dog of Khorne would do, I guess.
Rolled 3 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>714527Do the puppy dog eyes.It always works.
Rolled 3 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714527
Rolled 16 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714527THREE
16+7=23Good Success!Blondi stops and looks at them, giving them puppy eyes... They seems distracted and a little caught of balance, and somewhat distracted...Actions>Tell Blondi to charge past the spearmen!>...Flamebreath?>...Erh, time for him to be terrifying since everyone's watching.>Tell him to leap for it!>Tell him to attack!>...Continue to make them uncomfortable with Blondi's puppy eyes.>Write-In
>>714655>...Continue to make them uncomfortable with Blondi's puppy eyes.
Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if you can make them further uncomfortable.
Rolled 17 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714740Whimper for maximum uncomfortable blondi!
17+5=23Good Success!Blondi continues to stare them down and whimper sadly, and the spearmen are very nearly about to break and move aside, and you hear from below the Imperial Knights are at least half-way up the hill... Meanwhile the spearmen are backing away slowly...Final roll.Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if they break!
Rolled 10 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714786
Rolled 10 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714786Now keep whimpering and tilt your head at an angle!Finish em off blondi!
Rolled 19 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>714786
19+5=15Amazing Success!Blondi tilts his head at an angle, and eventually the spearmen debrace, extremely confused... And Blondi barks happily, and rushes towards them... Sending the spearmen into a panic and you hear thunderous running towards you... And it seems the enemy Bretonnian knights have decided to charge INTO THEIR OWN MEN, lances extended!You can't help but sigh at the knight's tactical stupidity...Actions.>Blondi, we gotta help those spearmen who the knights are trying to kill!>Who cares about the spearmen? Blondi, charge the knights!>Nah, let them kill their own. Khorne will sort them out.>...Erh, facing a knight charge head on isn't in your resume... Run back down the hill!>Write-in
>>714865>Blondi, we gotta help those spearmen who the knights are trying to kill!
"Blondi, we gotta help those spearmen who the knights are trying to kill!"Blondi barks in agreement!Actions>Carefully charge the knights and avoid the spearmen!>Try to use Blondi's firebreath against the knights... And by extension, the spearmen!>Blondi, try to scare the knights!>Try to cast a spell!>Write-In
>>715008>Blondi, try to scare the knights!
Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if you can somehow terrify the knights... Additional +2 if you can give Blondi advise on how to terrify them!
Rolled 17 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>715023Loud barks.And growling.Lot's of it.
17+7=24Success?Blondi charges at them, taking your advice... Mostly barking and growling... And in one case biting a knight's lance in half. And then the knight's head.You can fix that later.Most of the knights however, realize that oddly armored and clearly daemonic dog is in fact, a daemon, and begin to charge at it... And it's somewhat clear that Blondi is sort of bored just threatening them.Actions.>Try to keep Blondi under control, bad dog! (Blondi will become more obedient if successful!)>Well, they're just knights... Who cares if a few go AWOL? Or have their skulls missing!>Give Blondi a reason not to kill them that he can relate to! Maybe?>...Erh, bribe Blondi to not go on a rampage against the knghts? (Specify what to bribe him with)>Write-In
>>715073>Try to keep blondi under controlWe're taming the A.T.D
Roll me a 1d20+5 to keep him under control. Additional +2 if you can threaten him or try to make him happy... Or just try to make a game out of terrifying knights.
Rolled 4 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>715120
Rolled 5 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>715120
Rolled 8 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>715120
Rolled 20 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>715120If you misbehave no playing with smaug.
Critical Success since Critical are prioritized!"Bad Blondi! If you misbehave no playing with Smaug!"He whines a little, clearly he does want to play with Smaug."Come on..."Blondi gives up quickly and goes back to his happy self. And proceeds to terrify a nearby knight by roaring into his ear. And he begins to playfully chase after them, battering horses and otherwise sowing chaos with the knights, since he can move faster, is more maneuverable, and more adorable.Roll me a 1d20+7. Additional +2 if anons can give Khornate Encouragement to Blondi.
Rolled 4 + 9 (1d20 + 9)>>715249>C'mon blondi if you terrify the knight and I'll let you collect skulls off the battlefield when where done.I wonder if we can make a mutagen for blondi to talk.And do we have would let blondi shapeshift?
Rolled 7 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>715249PETS FOR THE DOG GOD!!!
Rolled 10 + 7 (1d20 + 7)>>715263*PATS>>715249
10+7=17Success!Blondi mostly plays around with the knights, swatting lances, breaking lances, and mostly just harassing them... That's when you hear the Imperial Knights charge uphill, and join the battle... Since the Bretonnian knights are ill-prepared, they get devestated and this leaves the left flank open to attacking their king... So you join in the charge in the front, towards the back... When you hear a neigh from above...Roll me a 1d20+4 to respond!
Rolled 7 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>715292Dodge?
Rolled 20 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>715292
>>715303Good job anon. I'm so proud of you.You block what seems to be a lance from above, and see Pegasus knights descending on you from above! Of course, Blondi runs past them, completely oblivious, when you see a group of knights surrounding one knightly figure... With a crown on his head.Actions.>Go in for the kill, Blondi!>Tell Blondi to knock the king onto your back! You'll take him captive!>Tell Blondi to go back and help those knights!>Write-In
>>715311>Capture king aliveRansom? Ransom.
Roll me a 1d20+5 to scoop the king!
Rolled 2 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>715322
Rolled 6 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>715322Catch da King.
Rolled 19 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>715322Third roll here.
19+5=24Good Success!You extend your hand and grab the king off his horse, and Blondi turns around, pursed by plenty of knights!The king gets up, confused."What in the Lady's name!"He goes to draw his sword... That's a problem.Actions.>Try to convince him your on his side!>Try to knock him out, though that might be very hard...>Don't worry, I'm Richard's brother!>Cast a spell?>Try to convince him resistance is pointless?>Write-In
>>715355>Try to convince him that resistance is pointless?
>>715355>Try to convince him resistance is pointless?
Roll me a 1d20+2.Additional +2 to see if you intimidate him!
Rolled 15 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>715373>Make a move and I feed you to the dog.
"Make a move and I feed you to the dog, got it?"He briefly considers it, but then sheathes his blade... Blondi begins to run back to the encampment...Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if Blondi can make it!
Rolled 6 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>715391I'll be going to sleep in a bit.This was fun.
Rolled 9 (1d20)>>715391Second roll so I can end on a success.
Rolled 18 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>715391Final act of desperation.Have a good one OP.
18+5=23Good Success!You avoid more trebuchet and archer fire, and eventually make it back to camp, unloading the king who's taken prisoner. He curses you under his breath, and you sit down to relax, exhausted... Then you see a familiar face, Sir Waldemar come up to you. It seems he's not wearing plate mail, and has bandages on him."Hail. I heard you captured the enemy king?""Yep.""Great work. Sadly Karl Franz is in the field, fighting, and I am too injured to fight... I got shot by an arrow in the beginning of the battle.""Slightly ironic, but at least you didn't get killed.""Aye... Have a drink on me, I suppose. It's the least I can do for assuring an easy victory."He hands you some beer, and you drink it... Tastes like a special vintage, and not even close to watered down swill... To you, it tastes rather spiced."Anyways, erh... Where'd you get the dog?""Sigmar gave me it."He stares at it, a little concerned."...Reminds me of a daemon I once fought up in Nordland... Well, anyways... Mind if I sit next to you?""Why?""Eh. Trying to be friendly, and the fact you might make a good drinking partner."Actions.>Sure, sounds fun.>Erh, is this a special stock? Tastes pretty good.>...I prefer not to drink with knights, sorry.>Hey, look on the bright side... Women love scars.>...Only if you get some beer for Blondi as well.>Do you have any mead rather then beer?>Write-In
>>715421>Sure, sounds fun.>Erh, is this a special stock? Tastes pretty good.>Can I get some beer for my dog as well?