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Oh shit nigger(s) it's the aftermath of Civ Thing and all the tribes who inhabitited the nondescript generic fantasy land has all been enslaved (in varying degrees) by The Kingdom ruling the aforementioned nondescript generic fantasy land.
Now they must either accept their fate or break out and free their own tribe. Other tribes optional.

Your current protagonist is Barbmom, a barbarian, uh, mom, who managed to escape her tribe's enslavement.

Currently you're in hiding and planning a way to assassinate the King to free your peoples. What do?

Roll 1d100, who gets the highest number is the picked action.

Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>699213
do we have plan B?
Without King killing?
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>699213
well get the obvious out of the way and it's tradition
punch self in face
for as tradition for barbs
>>
>>699217
>>
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>>699217
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>699225
revise plan, remove King killing part.
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>699225
make a diaramah of your idea for escaping. since technology is limited use what's around you now.
>>
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>>699227
Okay so this piece of cheese is you and this cup is the King
>>
>>699231
now what if the cheese would walked behind the cup...
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>699231
focus entirely on escaping without trying to attack the king directly.
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>699231
>>699232
shit forgot to roll. hop more people show up or this game is gonna end real quick.
>>
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>>699234
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>699234
timeframe is partly unusual, chances are slim
>>699235
simulate attack, realize that it is futile and focus on saving rest of your tribe and escaping in the wild.
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>699235
shit, maybe the orcs can help with the plan.... nah maybe just focus on escaping than killing the king.
>>
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>>699237
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>699238
the cup is sad
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>699238
eat cheese and check your skills
>>
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>>699239
As seen through this sad face you scribled on it
>>
>>699240
man your rolls have been terriblessed bro. Dice god mad at you or something?
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>699241
the cheese and cup were star crossed lovers when PLOT HAPPENS!
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>699241
check your current equipment, skills, stats and what your know about other barbs at this moment
>>699242
I blame elves
>>
>>699244
yeah they do ruin everything. Even their delicious pants.
>>
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>>699244
Checked
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>699247
how is barb standing with the orcs, maybe we can trick them in to helping us escape.
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>699247
can we during night visit local graveyard and get yourself some skellies?
Where we are located atm?
>>
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>>699249
Not good
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

2 people too little, postponing thread?
>>699252
just focus on barbs then. do we have plan of arena and how far it is from city wall?
>>
>>699252
o jeez, maybe locate some barbs and have a group meeting and brain storm.
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>699252
go do some king recon
>>
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>>699257
Current status: spending a lazy afternoon lounging around in the royal gardens
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>699260
have we learned his weaknesses up to this point?
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>699260
how are we so sneaky, do we have ninja barb skills?
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>699260
pose as gardener to get a closer look.
>>
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>>699263
Because men never pay attention to women

#topical
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>699266
>>699265
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>699266
that means that we can easily go wherever we want?
Visit graveyard and raise all corpses for distraction purposes.
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>699266
find a weakness in the king. He's not a god.... right?
>>
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>>699267
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>699270
closer....
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>699270
observe intensly
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>699270
Wait until he falls asleep
>>
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>>699275
"Man, this is a pretty cool afternoon, all breezy n shit. Maybe I should just doze off..."
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>699277
oh shit, an elf kid
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>699277
search the sleeping body!
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>699277
and this is the man which killed off your tribe, lazying around pretending to be innocent.
silently thru teeth curse him and leave.
>>
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>>699279
"Hiya, uncle"

"z..z....wuh?..Oh Hi kid, 'sup"
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>699283

I hope in all these shenanigans that Barbmom won't fall in love with the King....; that would be lewd
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>699283
TACTICAL RETREAT
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>699283
leave ASAP
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>699283
scream insanity
>>
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>>699286
"Who's that lady standing behind you?"

"Who in the what now? What lady?"
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>699291
That Elf kid is clearly important to the King, we must plot to assassinate him to make the King depressed.
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>699291
blame elves.

using that nobody from male guard notices you, get a rough plan of Arena and way towards city walls drawn
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>699291
back to the drawing board... meaning back to the cheese and cup...
>>
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>>699292
So new plan, assassinate this elf kid that's all buddy-buddy with the king for some reason. Weird, elves were also enslaved like your tribe.
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>699299
No, screw killing, focus on saving other barbs and escaping.
lock in confirm
killing will be later. way later
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>699299
See if there's any babysitter jobs we can take, if we're lucky we'll get asked to take care of the kid. AND THEN WE'LL KILL HIM
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>699299
the elf boy... find out more about the elf boy, dig up dirt on the elf boy, the secret lies with the elf boy
>>
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>>699301
Let's take a peek at the local messageboard
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>699304
That top middle one
Get it
We'll blend in with their society.
>>
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>>699306
Perfect plan
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>699304
grab the baby sitter one... maybe we can find the pedo at the same time... wait experiment... grab that instead
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>699307
shit grab the experiment one too
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>699307
>>699309
Grab the experiment one and see what it says
>>
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>>699309
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>699313
Look on back
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>699313
Do this side quest first
We might be able to save our son from being a complete faggot
>>
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>>699314
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>699313
do it!
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>699316
Do it
>>
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>>699317
According to the paper, this is the place.
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>699320
Looks kinda small
That doorway can fit a Gobbo only
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>699320
Walk inside. If we can fit. It's probably a manlet scientist!
>>
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>>699321
Yes, but why would gobs live in the kingdom, weren't all tribes enslave--

"Oh hey, you must have seen me ad...OH SHIT A BARBARIAN"
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>699304
can we actually can recruit Lolisniffer? Using necromancy powers.
>>699323
Be as peaceful as you can, explain that you bring no harm. for now
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>699323
TAKE ME BACK IN TIME OR ELSE I'LL KILL YOU
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>699323
I would like the job please
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>699325
>>699323
>>
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>>699325
"w-woah, okay, c-calm down now"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>699329
Dont tell me what to do!
*punch the door frame*
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>699329
>>699329
Okay, now calm down. Don't want him to fuck up the time travel and send us into the future.
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>699329
I also brought lunch with me. Will jerky do?
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>699329
give me tea as well! raaarrrgg
>>
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>>699332
"Y-yeah so uh, r-right this way"
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>699336
then walk this waay
talk this waaaay
now gimme a kiss!
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>699336
Call him a wuss
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>699336
did we bring a lunch? share some with manlet, he looks so thin, probably don't eat enough
>>
>>699341
Hah. Are you gonna play up the mom part?
>>
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>>699338
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>699344
>>699341
>>
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>>699345
>>
>>699343
I recently had relatives visiting, so it's still fresh in memory
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>699346
eat it all up!
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>699346
Okay, take us back in time now
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>699346
now chew properly young manlet
anyway, I won't harm you, probably. Tell me about this back in time thing.
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>699346
Now get me to tge machine
>>
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>>699349
"kay, jush shtepp ing dhere"
>>
>>699357
chew properly you manlet.
Get in the time machine.
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>699357
CHEW PROPERLY YA WUSS
What happens if machine doesn't work?
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>699357
>>699358
muh roll
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>699357
get inside, mock his decor
>>
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>>699361
"Fine geez, preparing for time travel to...."
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>699365
THE FUTURE
OH SHIT
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>699365
take me around time riiiiight before king decided to murder everyone
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>699365
take me on a wild ride manlet
>>
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>>699367
"yeah sure"
>>
>>699369
wavy timey whimey space travel! wheeeee
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>699369
>>699370
damn you dice
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>699369
it's a huge success, right?
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>699369
He sent us to the Brock battle in the fuuuutuuuure
>>
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>>699373
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>699376
Sneak upon the King's brother and knock him out with a rock
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>699376
Leap off the wall and find that midget piece of shit!
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>699376
Reconfirm time and place
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>699376
tell him you have to kill him or his son will die in the future.
>>
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>>699379
"A barbarian? What are you doing here in the city? Shouldn't you be out there in the savage lands getting rekt?"
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>699382
Seduce him
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>699382
Summon Meteor
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>699382
I've come from dark future to tell you that killing barbarians will seal your demise!
Stop war at once, there is a greater foe to fight against!
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>699382
no umm I'm from the future and umm I am your daughter
>>
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>>699385
"Really? Who's that?"
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>699390
uh

aliens, with like rape tentacles and shit
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>699390
That beard is beautiful
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>699390
The Goblin Rider!
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>699390
ANCIENT EEEEEVIIIIL WHICH WAS FED ON MINOR GODS FLESH
MORE DEATH WILL FUEL IT
Now as we being talking Dragons let it escape!
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>699390
The king himself will be taken over by umm the dark one the only way to stop it is if the king dies before he is taken over!
the dark one can only survive in the king because it's so powerful
>>
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>>699394
"Well now that's a weird name"
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>699399
>>699393
they are sexually harassing women and men alike in the future!
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>699398
>>699399
man a waste of a hundy
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>699399
>>699395
>>
Rolled 8 (1d10)

>>699399
>>699396
Also our god is a fag and I wanna murder him until he'll get more powerful
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>699399
Yes
It's the hair molecules from all facail hair that have combined together
The only way to stop it is by letting me pet your beard
>>
btw op the civ aftermath adventure zip has like part 1~4 only, did something happen
>>
>>699405
I haven't uploaded the new parts yet, whoops. Will do it now.
>>
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>>699404
"Hah?"
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>699409
anyway, do you really ok with your brother killing off random savages? They never attacked the city after all.
There are human kids right now there dying just cause they didn't grow in comfort of your city.
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>699398
>>699409
also this
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>699409
lol jk

actually the future threat is "ancient evil awakens" Lady evil because she hates patriarchy
>>
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>>699412
"That seems highly unlikely"
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>699415
>>699411
also ask to ignore previous babble, time traveling messed up your thoughts
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>699415
how else do you think this great evil can survive!? and how else can me being here when they could have sent a knight!? there are no more knights, it was just me and a manlet!
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>699415
Also an alternate future version of my son, Canon Solidhat arises and kills you and your brother, but you know. Women were opressed.
>>
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>>699417
"And what proff do you have that you're a time traveller?"
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>699419
Show fire magic prowess... also newspaper
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>699419
My younger self is fighting against the King right now.
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>699419
tell all what you know about King after all this time of observation
regular barbarian won't be able to know this.
also about new comic tomes spoilers
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>699419
did you not see the portal?
also your king will be visited by orcs.
in his room.
>>
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>>699422
"Oh so you know about his afternoon lounging habits. How does that make you a time traveller?"
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>699426
Spoil all the comic tomes
>>
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>>699427
"Pffft, that sounds totally made-up. There's no way The Human Spider would have his body taken over by his enemy and have his soul deleted"
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>699429
it goes on for a year.
and the king will be visited by orcs via portal
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>699429
Aw, fuck it.
You win war, enslave us all to fight in arena and I'll be seeing my sons die. Also Human Spider thing is true, deal with it wuss
I'm here to stop that. Got problem with that? Now fuck off, I have your brother to kill.
>>
>>699429
fuck you OP for reminding me of that crap!
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>699429
Also Brock gave us magic again

*show firefist*
>>
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>>699432
"Right, now we have a problem"
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>699438
stupid brain, getting impatient and shit
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>699438
>implying you'd believe all bullshit I said anyway
look, we just wanna live out there, king is out to get us. I know you have spies on our village, do we really any danger for you? Let us live our life.
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>699438
Your not allowing many options. Feels railroady
>>
>>699441
blame the elves.
>>
>>699441
Blame the dragons
>>
>>699441
Blame the Time Police
>>
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>>699439
"Don't worry, lady. I'm a firm believer in equality"
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>699448
then why your brother kills savages for fun?
should you stop him or something?
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>699448
*swoon*
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>699448
*swwwwooooooonnnnn*
>>
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>>699450
"As in women should get hurt just like men do. so if you're causing trouble I'm going to punch you."

okay may less swoon
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>699453
evade his attack and run from city
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>699453
Time to punch the skeleton out of him
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>699453
wuss wuss wuss
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>699453
still swooning
>>
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>>699454
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>699460
run to the kings room exclaim his brother had gone mad and tell him your the future use the proof you gave the brother hurry!
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>699460
continue to spoil comic tomes and other popular media while you run away from him.
Also say that he is a wuss and always in a second place cause he lets his brother do what he wants
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>699460
Use mom powers to save your barb kids
>>
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>>699461
But he aint here though
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>699460
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnHmskwqCCQ
>>699464
continue running while searching for some sort of clues how to stop the king
>>
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>>699465
"Why are you barbarians always acting so uppity anyway. You summoned an ancient evil to destroy everyone"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>699467
WE DID NOT. SUMMON. A THING.
PERIOD.
The fuck you talk about.
It locked up in dragons place anyway
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>699467
That wasnt uuuuussssss! Dragons have the demon gate!
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>699467
because you have... sand breaking hips... shut up!
>>
>>699468
also KEEP RUNNING
>>
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>>699468
"What dragon place? You savages literally summoned that monstrosity in an effort to destroy the Bird People. But now it threatens the safety of everyone"
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>699473
Let's talk for a little bit. Are you married?
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>699473
THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK
IT'S FUCKING FUUUTURE?
okay nigga, I think there is misunderstanding. Stop fighting
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>699473
I told you it's hereally to take over your king and kill the future
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>699473
What the fuck!?! This isnt the past!
>>
>>699477
we have been had!
nice one OP
>>
>>699477
Oh but it is the past

It's just not your past
>>
>>699480
Alternate Canon Solidhat confirmed villian
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>699480
fuck where are the Orcs?
>>
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>>699476
"Oh so you summoned a future destroying monster just to kill some birds, congrats stupid. But him being taken over would give me a good excuse..."

>>699482
Not that either
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>699484
Oh well, might as well and help then.
RAISE UNDEAD SOLDIERS! PUT FISTS IN FIRE! ROCK MUSIC STARTS PLAYING!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaJw6lqGFew
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE METEORS!
Show the ancient evil the power of most hated civ.
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>699484
>>699474
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>699485
>>699484
>>
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>>699485
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>699489
CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VSA7CvnBAU
>>
>>699489
we fuck up
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>699489
Make that thing into a skeleton!
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>699489
>>699490

This
>>
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>>699490
Battle battle battle fight fight fight pow pow pow
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>699494
here is also your personal BGM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca_mgn3C_Jg
Punch the shit out of ancient evil, it's a good way to stay fit
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>699494
punch with fire fist of fire
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>699494
Skeletize that skull!
>>
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>>699496
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>699498
wuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssss
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>699498
pulverize ancient evil into nothingness
that's your daily workout done
>>
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>>699500
It aint having any of dat
>>
>>699503
how do you get back to your own time?
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>699503
whoa. rude.
get angry
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>699503
>>699504
>>
Rolled 1 (1d10)

test?
HELLO?
ANYONE THERE?
>>
Im here. Also at work

Also captcha is giving me 50 charwcter words da fuq
>>
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>>699506
Well now that's a question, how did you plan to return to the current time in the first place
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>699512
Find that universe's version of the Manlet Doc Brown
He'll have a time machine for sure
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>699512
Punch manlets until one does it for me
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>699512
we can settle that AFTER we done with this monstrosity. Proceed for attack, check it's damage.
Also don't touch me with your filthy hands, mustache dude. You are not man enough yet to do so. Don't even have a beard.
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>699512
magic machine man
>>
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>>699516
"I had a goatee, but was advised against keeping it due to it making me looked "too obviously a bad guy". But then again, why would I take the word of a barbarian into consideration"


>>699513
It's the same universe
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>699518
such a wuss, can't even keep his measly beard. I bet you can't even throw rock into ancient evil eyes hard enough to knock them out
let me do that instead
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>699518
he goes full RUUUULES OF NAAATUUUUURREE on the ancient evil

you are the sword, of course
>>
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>>699520
It was ineffective
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>699525
throw HARDER
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>699525
That ain't the right size of rock
THROW A BOULDER
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>699525

Declare that you like rough and tough man, want to make babies with him after defeating the monster.
>>
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>>699527
"Shit, you suck"
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>699530
EVEN BIGGER
SUMMON A FUCKING METEOR
ROLL FOR IT
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>699530
>>699531
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>699530
Brock lied to us
Rock throwing sucks
Use a flaming steel beam instead
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>699530
scream about it being sexist!
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>699530
>>699531
>>
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>>699534
Caused slightly better damage

"Maybe it's not the tool that sucks"

"Yeah, maybe barbarians just suck"

"I could probably throw better with...uh...a pebble"

"Nigga you lyin' "
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>699538
Prove them wrong. Roll for it
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>699538
METEOR STRIKE
ROLL
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>699538
throw ANGRIER also >>699539
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>699538
Throw merc at him while merc is throwing the king who stabs the ancient evil with a holy lance
>>
>>699213
what's happening? We still alive? I just remembered this.
>>
>>699543
just slipped into parallel timeline, aside of that it's all good. probably
>>
why does the King look different?
>>
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>>699540
Roll 2d100 for Meteor, first is pickings, second is number.
1-4 : meteor burns up into nothingness in atmospheric entry
5-20: smallest meteor
20-40: small meteor
40-80: medium meteor
80-99: large meteor
100: full power meteor

>>699544
It's not a parallel timeline
>>
Rolled 49, 53 = 102 (2d100)

>>699546
TRIPLE DIGITS
>>
Rolled 29, 10 = 39 (2d100)

>>699546
You said it was!
>>
Rolled 42, 80 = 122 (2d100)

>>699546
SHOW THEM WHO IS DA BOSS NOW
>>
Rolled 14, 27 = 41 (2d100)

>>699546
>>
Rolled 32, 96 = 128 (2d100)

>>699546
but why does the king look different?
>>
>>699546
>It's not a parallel timeline
it's confusing, okay
>>
Rolled 85, 15 = 100 (2d100)

>>699546
>>
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>>699547


>>699548
I said this is indeed, the past. Just not your past. But that doesn't mean I meant it as a another world, I jsut meant that as another point in the timeline
>>
>>699546
bit we didn't have bird people back then... did we?
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>699558
Am I really the only one thinking the King looks different? If we're here what's happening to the tribes btw?
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>699558
ohhhhhhhh we went further back then....
right?
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>699558
OH COME THE FUCK ON NOW
KILL THAT THING ALREADY WUSSES, YOU WANT A LADY DO ALL THE WORK?
>>
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>>699561
Oh shite, maybe you are indeed further back in the past! Maybe that manlet d-
"Pfft, bro, check this out. Pebble throwing"

"Bruh"
>>
>>699567
I just realized the King looks younger. We should have realized it when OP name dropped bird people since we never had bird people. This is a different Civ Thing. Find a way back to the present and kick that Gobbo's ass for sending you to the wrong time
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>699569
holy shit I hope this reaches
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>699567
fucking demigods
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>699567
Dats sexist
Yell at monster for no selling you and being a shitty worker
>>
>>699569
We already knew this
And randomly finding the manlet who sent is back won't work
That and we went back in past to stop the king but went into a parallel time line
>>
>>699575
It's not a parallel timeline, it's the time before Civ Thing 1.
>>
>>699575
We go back where we came from, what's so hard about that?
>>
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>>699574
No response
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>699567
if I were man I would go to the time I wanted...
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>699580
so umm hey about the-
RUN RUN RUN!
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>699580
Leave
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>699580
are we done yet? no second phase shit? Time for jerky.
bring out your lunch
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>699580
fuck this shit and go back where we came from
>>
>>699576
I mean bird people and barbs summoning ancient evils even though they never did that
>>
>>699586
We don't have a way to do that
Doc brown manlet isn't here and it seems like the time machine is one way
>>
>>699590
It's from an earlier time. Jeezus the king even looks younger, how are you not seeing this?
>>
>>699590
The timeline as in The World's timeline, not the Civ Thing timeline
>>
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>>699586
Well if your geography's correct. You are currently standing on where you came from. Specifically where your village will be, years from now.
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>699596
wait, did the king become a niggeR?
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>699596
oh shit turn around
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>699596
Go a little bit east and bury our horned skeleton helmet there
>>
>>699593
Quote merc "shouldn't you be in the savage land getting rekt" which implies that the kingdom has already started attacking the tribes
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>699596
Oh no
The king is now a part of the ancient evil
>>
>>699602
>he thinks the tribes in civ thing are the only tribes to exist in the entire history of this world
>>
>>699602
different tribes, how is this hard to comprehend?
>>
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>>699598
"You fucker, I told you not to touch the evil writhing black mass"

"REEEEEE"
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>699610
welp, let's go leave this garbage dump and go see the tribes of this era
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>699610
PURIFY
Turns out ancient evil is allergic to your homemade jerky
"it's all because you don't eat healthy food"
>>
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>>699612
All you need is to look to your left

"Fuck off jackass! Both your and my tribe is fucking dead because of your ancient evil shit! Leave me alone!"

"FUCK YOU BIRD BRAIN"
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>699619
>>699601
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>699619
nah, fuck those, no beards, no rocks, use some shitty spears which is not on fire
let's just heal king >>699613
>>
>>699619
Chicken brain**
>>
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>>699620
Maybe it'll grow into a bigger skull if you water it daily
>>
>>699625

There's just two tribes? There's gotta be more than that, interrupt those two idiots and ask them where the rest of the factions are.
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>699625
>>699613
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>699625
>>699627
fuck shit
>>
>>699625
Wasn't there a temple to a Ancient
Brock/Barbarian champion there with a skull helm? That's what I was getting at.
>>
>>699632
Hence the growing bigger if it's watered daily
>>
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>>699629
"There's no need. he is already purified. By dying. And now, as the next immediate heir, I'm The King now"
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>699634
... jerky?
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>699634
k tnx bai, let's go to where the elves forest would have been and see if the faggots are there
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>699634
>not "I'm the Captain now"

Oh and seduce him
>>
Do the birdmen live in the Would-Be Dragon Mountains by any chance?

I swear that place has an affinity for sealed ancient evils
>>
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>>699636
There's only a tiny plant there
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>699638
>turns out BarbMom will make dragons out of birdmen via throwing meteors
it makes sense
>>699639
piss on it
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>699639
Piss on it
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>699639
Punch it, I have no idea what the ramifications would be but I bet it'll be big.
>>
>>699640
>>699641
>Double 1s
>Same action
Dice God confirmed Elf Lover.
>>
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>>699640
>>699641
Woah hey, I don't wanna know about your fetishes you sickos
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>699644
burn it then, wuss
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>699644
shit on it, give it all the nutritions it needs to grow
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>699644
>elves grew up eating piss grown fruit and veg
It suits them perfectly fine. Just be lazy and put a black censored screen and say she pissed on it
>>
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>>699646
Wow, shit tier fetish, my man.

Anyway gotta be away for 30 minutes, pls hold
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>699647
Also explains why eles were blonde and degenerate
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>699649
just burn it with fire.
>>
>>699634
this entire time!?
>>
>>699649
roll+1d100

Elevator Music enabled
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>699649
did we accomplish our goal killing the king
>>
>>699659
dice+1d100

is this how it works? babehs first roll
>>
>>699663
You have to put the dice+1d100 in the options field
>>
>>699663
Put that in the options field
>>
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>>699652
>>
>>699672
>>699671
Thank you! first time to the quest board, Kisses
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>699674
Another good deed done. Now then, let's go check out orcs.
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>699674
Put out the fire and take the ashes, ya know, for bragging rights.
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>699678
in the authority we don't do anything to fuck them up anyway
>>
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>>699679
You got:
some ashes
>>
>>699681
>>699678
>>699680
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>699681
>>699678
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>699681
>>699682
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>699681
Kill time. Wait to go home
>>
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>>699683
In the place where the orcs would be years and years later, you find...a big fat loadanuthing
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>699688
welp, uh we do know where the Dragons were supposed to be right? Go to where the Citadel would be
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>699688
oh yeah, they are wandering faggots.
anyway, gotta think what do now. Doubt we'll be able to damage kingdom alone.
Can develop local barbarians into something sturdier for future buff?
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>699688
WEll pfft, shit, the past is pretty dull. Kick some rocks and shit
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>699688
>>699687
>>
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>>699691
Unbeknownst to you, this act would later create the dragons.
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>699697
Let's meet current barbs which bring upon kingdom this ancient evil shit
>>
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>>699698
"The fuck do you want?"
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>699700
Seduce him.
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>699700
lead your tribe into a brighter future
I mean my OWN tribe
>>
>>699700
Ask about ancient evil
>>
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>>699703
"Pfffft, yeah sure, good luck with that, dumbass. Don't even have a skull hat, pteh"
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>699707
okay, you asked for it
what the monster you consider most powerful around there, I need a new hat.
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>699707
I sacrificed it to Brock you neanderthal
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>699707
find a bigger monster/creature and take their skull as proof
>>
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>>699714
"Sacrifice to brock?....Oh! You worship a thing called Brock?! AHAHAHAHAHA! Fucking pussy, being under the thumb of some asshole in the sky. We proud barbarians are completely free of such nonsense, we have true freedom! Unlike your dumb ass."
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>699720
Beat him up
And smash his face in with a rock
steal his skullhat afterwards
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>699720
true freedom of getting your ass kicked by thing you summoned and then kingdom?
I bet you can't even throw rocks further than few steps away
>>
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>>699721
"Ayy lmao, still using rocks. What, too dumb to make proper spears as projectiles? Or maybe that you can't kill anything without resorting to something bigger than your prey? Puussssyyyyyyy"
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>699728
Now steal that skull hat.
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>699728
PUNCH THE SHIT OUT OF HIM
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>699728
Remove his tongue
>>
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>>699729
"Oh wow look at this pussy, can't get your own skull hat so you have to go and steal one. lmao"
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>699735
Kick him in the nuts
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>699735
Okay, let's just get better skull for ourself THEN we kill him with his own skull
>>
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>>699741
"Hah! Can't even stay and murder me for my insults! I dunno what the fuck tribe you came from but it seems to be full of pussies and dumbasses"
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>699748
Go look for where the Dragons are suppose to be
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>699748
ah fuck it
summon meteor on him
short temper is terrible perk
>>
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>>699750
"Pffft, when you use magic you still had to rely on rocks. Too dumb to summon anything else like a giant sword or a giant hammer. Or even a giant r--"
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>699753
Sigh of relief
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>699753
and nothing of value was lost
>>
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>>699757
"Dis aint ova biaaatch. Imma haunt yo tribe and curse them foeva, lmao,. wooo woo woo"
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>699761
god fucking dammit
revive him with necromancy so you tie his soul to the skeleton (or what left of it) to keep an eye on that soul
call him Zebra Jr
>>
>>699761
And so that's where the barb's terrible scouting rolls came from
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>699761
Let's punch ourselves in the face and pass out until we're in the present
>>
>>699766
Note that the present is very, very far from now. Like at least 2 generations. Do that and by the present time rolls around you'll be nothing but a skeletal corpse
>>
>>699774
fuck timeskips which result in gameover, you don't allow doing dumb stuff anymore, no?
>>
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>>699774
Whoops forgot pic

>>699777
Timeskipping to death has been a thing since Dickass Thief
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>699774
>>699777

We have necromancy, we'll live go find a nice spot, turn ourselves undead and wait until some dumbfucks find us or we wake up. Passively charge up dark powers while passed out too
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>699774
>>699781
controlling NPCs was too, so?

anyway - go look for nice skull to hunt for.
>>
>>699785
Yes and the amount of retardation it caused in this have turned me into a hateful, hateful person
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>699789
but is ColdGate still safe?
as well as commercial summonThis is important
>>
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>>699782
Now where would be a nice spot
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>699789
>>699781
Search for some big ass monsters, we need us some good skulls
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>699794
nah, you like your flesh for now. go get new hat
>>
>>699795
Ignore this, didnt see other posts
>>
>>699792
Yes
No
Maybe
I don't know
Can you repeat the question
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>699794
let's go to the Citadel, so we can surprise those dragons when they accidentally dig us up
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>699794
Just kill everything. The future sucks anyway
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>699794
that cave over there looks safe and cozy
>>
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>>699796
The past dragon mountains probably have a dangerous beast in it. Since it's called Beast Mountain currently
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>699806
Beast, Schmeast. Let's go and fight it
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>699806
I'm no scared of chicken brains
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>699806
Throw a meteor at the mountain
>>
Let's find the Dragon mountains, dig out a fancy cave and use necromancy to turn ourselves into a Lich

Then we spend untold amount of years learning magic like a hikkikomori until the dragons unseal us

Eventually.
>>
>>699811
heeeey, you did see what it does to a body? fuck that
don't tie lore together, chicken brains
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>699811
Oh thank god someone with the same idea as me. As cool as the past is, I want to see the ramifications of what we did here.
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>699806
Explore mountains for beasts to fight, or for a cup of tea.
>>
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>>699809
Coincedentally the beast is a giant chicken
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>699821
Welp this is stupid go do this instead

>>699811
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>699821
Hmm, would be a nice source of jerky.
Rip its head off
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>699822
Welp this guys retarded.
>>699825
Agreed, fight this big ass chicken
>>
>>699825
Chicken Jerky is for dogs .
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>699821
We need to power ourselves up to fight the Kingdom in the present >>699811
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>699821
Aim for the eyes. Rock throw!
>>
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>>699825
First, you must get pass its eye beams
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>699836
Flee!
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>699836
roll for DEX check
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>699836
>>699841 + >>699829
>>
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>>699841
Ah yes! A great plan! You're pretending to flee so the beast would leave its domain to fight you in the open! Because barbarians can't be running away like wusses, right?
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>699851
totally, now go dig a hole and gather up some punch yourself to pass out while passively charging your necromancy magic
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>699851
Yell to ourselves we should've tried to marry the king's brother so we wouldn't have to deal with this shit while still running
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>699851
but of course, it was all planned, yes
>>
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>>699854
The Chicken Beast gives chase and prevents you from digging a necro hole in peace
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>699862
punch it in the face with fire punch
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>699862

Punch it to death!!!!
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

fuck I gotta sleep. I trust Horny Dragon will find us a way to get us to the present before this playthrough ends

>>699862
Run towards wherever the bird people probably are, maybe they can speak to this thing. Also tell them how they're all dead in the future.
>>
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>>699865
The beast is damaged
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>699872
now punch another cheek
I cooked and worse.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>699872
Chop the cocks head off. Like a woman
>>
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>>699873
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>699882
Choke it with legs. Keep firepunching
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>699882
now rip his eyes off, don't you glare on me
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>699882
Cook the cock.
>>
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>>699885
Yes, you're choking the giant cock with your legs and punching it
>>
>>699918
Time for some chicken for dinner
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>699918
ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA


you are already dead
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

Since we're in the civ thing that never happened wouldn't that mean we can talk to the tribal gods again?
>>699918
Finish the overgrown bird.
>>
>>699923
That's the wrong quote you dweeb
>>
>>699929
I'm no orc, sorry
>>
>>699927
You're in the time before the first civ thing. The civ thing tribes don't exist yet, and by extension, so do their gods

>>699934
Then don't make reference to japshit anymore if you aint gonna do it right, biatch
>>
>>699937
>Then don't make reference to japshit anymore if you aint gonna do it right, biatch
fine, geez, so cranky
>>
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>>699927
You broke the cock.

With your legs.

>>699940
Yeah das right beetch.
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>699945
Right in time for a dinner!
Also check his cave for loot, bring his body with yourself of course.
will be our base
>>
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>>699948
And so you made the Beast Mountains your base of operations. They're still named the Beast Mountains by everyone else because women are mosnters.
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>699955
don't forget to make a new hat
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>699955
We gotta be real careful with our planning, don't wanna go changing the future too soon and having the time police show up.
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>699955
Create that necro cave and start turning ourselves into a lich
>>
>>699955
>>699959
oh also save game
>>
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>>699962
The captcha has made me into a hateful person
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>699983
Build up rage against the Kingdom for enslaving your race and lock yourself in a cave to practice magiks n shieet to take revenge when the time is right
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>699983
aw fug, we go that route, eh? no way back?
Cancel lichification? please?
>>
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>>699989
Well it's not like you've completed the ritual anyway
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>700015
Start up the ritual again
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>700015
Seal your necromantic powers for now
until the time comes
>>
>>700022
fuck you too, dice god
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>700015
Just make cave carvings of draggos getting anally penetrated constantly
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>700015
Cast NecroSeal until you've taken the kingdom down
>>700022
i got u bb gril
>>
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>>700018
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>700039
Go past the point of no return

The power of jerky moves us forward
>>
>>700039
Evil powers manifesting around you as skele-heavy-metal plays in the background
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>700039
Aaaand stop it
is it REAAAALLY only option? Think of alternatives
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>700043
Fug.
T'was a while since i forgot to put my dice in the field.
>>
>>700046
We can do this alllll day
>>
>>700039
try to learn ICE powers to freeze yourself
>>
>>700052
We don't even have enough shit to do the ritual properly.
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>700052
or all night.
no, bad anon, no lich transforming, dark mastery is bad for your health
we didn't even cook that bird yet
>>
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>>700046
Yes, you do that
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>700066
You're getting hungry.
Let's cook up that giant chicken with our fire fists
Can't become a necromantic goddess of zambies with an empty stomach
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>700066
let's cool down, eat some fresh jerky and explore cave you are in.
and not try to make yourself into convenient piece of existing lore for now
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>700066
Restart the ritual
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>700066
Make a new skull hat
>>
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>>700071
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>700077
Running out of jerky.
Still hungry.
Barbarian rock-chef time.
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>700077
also save game.

then start to check what do we have to work with. I doubt that monster was just doing nothing all the time
and new hat plz
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>700077
Look around for manlets
>>
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>>700080
Not really, this jerky was just made from the giant cock
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>700092
Beware, there may be giant chicks around
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>700092
save game
explore cave
I mean he gotta have treasure or something
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>700092
It's all good then.
Now make cock-hat.
Then we can use our necro-powers to raise a headless cock.
sounds painful
>>
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>>700098
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>700113
Create an undead mech with what's left of the chicken
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>700113
Cool.
Now explore that cave, if you will.
May find some ancient reptilian artifacts
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>700113
just let it down in the wild to scare other tribes, for shit and giggles
>>
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>>700116
THIS is what's left of the chicken, it's already an undead
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>700126
Well make a mech with it
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>700126
>>700118
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>700126
Now that our stomach is satisfied time to restart the ritual
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>700126
Offer your kill to Brock


"You there!?"
>>
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>>700135
And so the undead chicken scared one of the tribe. Scared them so much they got heart attacks and died. But then turns out they were you ancestors so now you're being erased from history oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

But then again, maybe I'm just kidding
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>700151
>But then again, maybe I'm just kidding
well you are, cause if that'd be the case we'd already fuck up a LOT of things in future
there is no way this would happen, right?
right?
>>
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>>700158
Yes, of course I'm kidding. No way you could change history like this.

It only caused all future barbarians to be complete and total wusses who are scared of everything. ultimately through their massive cowardice they willingly join the kingdom as slaves to have some semblance of security and spent the rest of their lives serving the kingdom and never inventing Coldgate.

Oh hey, maybe I'm kidding again, who knows.
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>700163
Loot the cave?
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>700163
You're kidding too much, quickly finish the ritual and hope you don't wake up in the far far future
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>700163
but is Coldgate safe?
do this >>700166
>>
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>>700170
Fine geez
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>700181
This is getting out of hand.
I mean we didn't even do a quest to do this glowy powerup bullshit.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>700181
Cancel ritual and cast some dark seal so it'll only start once you finish your current quest!

>please nat 100
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>700181
Dream of undead sheep
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>700181
Nooooooooo
don't do it
>>
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>>700190
Yes, dream of undead sheep and other such things as you fall into a deep slumber beneath the mountains. Nesting, gathering your dark powers so that one day you may awaken and destroy the kingdom.
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>700200
And of course your ritual created a dark portal that should release you once openned
>>
>>700200
Guess this means new story time?
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>700200
Goddamit, I thought we are over our edgy period of life.
Come on, grow up ya wuss. Can't you kill king with your fists, not with tricks?
>>
>>700209
Hey, if it's okay for you to spam one course of action to take a character, then it's okay for others to do so too.
>>
>>700200
Just gonna see if I have this level of timetravel bullshit down yet.
Barbmom goes back to civ thing that never happened, kills a giant demon thing with the king and totally a human king, goes to fuck about where tribes are gonna be, kills a giant chicken, and then goes to sleep.
And then in Civ Thing she becomes that horror behind the dragon's door, who in turn might be Greg's mom.
What I want to know is why did we choose fucking timetravel? This only complicates things.
>>
Assuming we just became Greg's Mother, then who is Greg?

Do we find and reanimate our dead son who is scared of jerky?
>>
>>700211
I like your general idea, just think it's too soon.
I wanna explore more.
>>
>>700218
Like the idea of exploring more, but hey we got a powerup and we haven't slept yet so we won't die anytime soon, just try not to potentially fuck up history and make sure civ thing never happened

Time fuckery is always dangerous, the action of us kicking a pebble led to the dragons. Wonder how the forest will grow now
>>
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>>700203
Of course, don't want to sleepwalk now.

>>700213
Don't ask me, ask this guy >>699318 for the reason. But regarding to timeline, yes, that's what happened.

The only wrong part was The King here is actually the King's father. First showed up in Adventure Thing 2 in the Monk's adventure. Hence the stache+goatee combo.

>>700215
Nah, Greg is a new son. Born from the holy/unholy union of Necrobarbmom and A Paladin Boss. Way, way, wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy later.

>>700218
And manlets wanted Prince Gob I to build up his fortunes more, even planned to buy a lab. But then you fucked that up.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>700222
We should make a few peepholes to the outside world to spy on how the tribes are doing, if we even still have control of eldritch horror mom.
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>700223
>And manlets wanted Prince Gob I to build up his fortunes more, even planned to buy a lab. But then you fucked that up.
Heeeey, they got badass hero they look up on from now on.
Some things are more precious than fortune, that's manlet dreams

so, save game end thread?
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>700223
Some faggy manlet stumbles upon the portal
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>700218
People also wanted to explore with the other characters
You know, while you were spamming posts about fighting everything

>>700223
Wake up to 2 dragons bickering while some masked guy open the door
>>
>>700223
>>700226
Fuck
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>700229
>You know, while you were spamming posts about fighting everything
well you can fight AND explore.
ya wuss
>>
>>700227
Don't use that excuse. If you can dish it out while not taking it, that makes you a wuss. Are you a wuss? C'mon. Are ya?
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>700233
I do not regret my actions, any of them.
Call me whatever you want
>>
We still have the ashes of the First Tree right?

Sniff them to get good dreams when we sleep and await awakening
>>
>>700243
It's not about regretting, it's about doing something to other people then complain when they do the exact same thing back.
>>
Also why are we sleeping the entire time?

Let's do some indoor magik training and power up for all the time we're gonna be chilling
>>
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>>700228
Manlets won't exist for a loooong time.
>>
>>700251
I don't actually complain. It was more of dice roll war for me. People can do whatever. I just add banter, maybe bad banter, but that was my only intention.
I didn't complain about other barb threads which all go in not direction I wanted them to. If that'll do as any proof.
>>
>>700257
Make the entrance menacing and shit with dark edgy aura to get people insane
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>700257
Some faggy fungus-that-will-evolve-into-a-manlet grows near our portal.
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>700263
>>700257
Forgot roll
>>
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>>700266

>>700262
yeah sure m8
>>
>>700275
don't worry, I won't be able to mess with your threads all that longer anymore.
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>700275
Mot menacing enough

MORE

Also decorate our crib and make it comfy and shit
>>
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>>700281
And so you did. Setting forth events and machinations for the fuuuture.

The End.
>>
>>700293
thanks for bread
>>
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>>700304
>>
>>700311
oh shit bread
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>700311
add some slices sausages on that bread
>>
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>>700315
>>700318
OH SHIT THE BREAD IS BEING THIEF'D
>>
>>700326
Somebody should really call the guards on that Dickass Thief
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>700326
fine, I'll eat just sausages, white bread makes me fat anyway
>>
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>>700333
>>700331
Oh shit
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>700339
Gotcha! Jokes on you! That sausage is made out of soybeans!
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>700339
Oh hey. Baby Greg. Complete with rattle
>>
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>>700345
"lmao I'm only stealing this just so you can't have it. I aint gonna eat your gross ass foodd nigga"

In other news the character slect screen remains...unselected
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>700363
El Skelebool, the Paladin Mariachi bard.
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>700363
"and I'm here just enjoying the show instead of running around like idiot"
>In other news the character slect screen remains...unselected
just roll for it yourself.
Otherwise we'll be biased barbarians who choose
>>
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>>700363
And now, to be the most unbiased as possible, I will sacrifice a live goat and read its entrails for information
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>700375
B-b-b- but Skelebool!
Cmooon. I backed Manlet Rider

>>700379

Skelebool pls
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>700379
My inner goat says Orc!
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>700379
The goat will obviously choose the elf kid
>>
>>700379
just saying that goat and skelebool share same skeleton
>>
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>>700379
The neighborhood says sacrificing live goats is not allowed as they frown upon animal cruelty. Unless it's for food then it's fair game. But since this is not for food, I'll just have to listen to the goat's wisdom
Yes, yes Mr Goat. Hmm hmmm, alright, I see.
>>
>>700398
WHAT DOES THE GOAT SAYS ?
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>700398
Goat confirmed as next MC
>>
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Rolled 2 (1d4)

>>700403
"Random Orc 1, Skelebro 2, Elf Kid 3, El Skelebool 4"
>>
>>700415
goat is biased
I like him already
>>
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>>700415
And so the next guy is this fucker. Running around the city protecting the skelemanlets from paladins
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>700415
Objection! Skeletons are lame!
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>700424
you have one yourself tho
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>700429
And it's super lame, just like the rest of me!
>>
>>700423
>>700424
The Goat works in mysterious way
>>
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Alright so yeah, updates are here:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
yadda yadda, see you next time, yadda yadda
>>
>>700243
Fagget ass muncher hypocrite.
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>700437
thanks for bread v2.0
>>700440
I love you too, anon
>>
>>700437
Oh no the fingers are becoming a singularity.
>>
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>>700444
Ah shit
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>700452
RUN SKELEBOOL TELL THE OTHERS
>>
>>700452
space police gives us warning about not controlling NPCs
>>
>>700455
space time singularity police I mean
>>
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>>700452
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>700466
hello darkness my old friend
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>700466
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
EVEN THE CHILD WAS NOT SPARED
>>
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>>700466
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>700474
Red screen of death
RIP time for civ thing 2
>>
>>700437
Thanks for thread. Update your shit!
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>700474
ENHANCE
>>
>>700474
Wow I bet this was easy to make
>>
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>>700474
#patriotism

bye
>>
>>700483
I already did
>>
>>700490
It all makes sense now
bye
>>
>>700490
it's been awhile since patriotic quest actually
that's why we need realrobo to win
>>
>>700494
K bye
>>
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God this took far more time than I thought it would
>>
>>700508
>Orc had 0 chance of being pointed at

Kek
>>
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>>700515
>>
>>700518
I choose mystery box
>>
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>>700523
No box in sight
How OP can draw so fast is beyond me
>>
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>>700552
Vietnamese voodoo secrets
>>
I just woke up, please tell me next adventure is Orc
>>
ah shit no. Orc Quest never ever.
>>
>>700561
Skeeltal
>>
>>700569
Never Orcs


But we did play a waifu today. A scary one, but one.
>>
>>700561
yeah orc keeps getting shafted
>>
>>701513
Maybe it's because in Civ Thing 1 it was the orcs who shafted everyone else
>>
>>701513
Not as bad as dragons where the only choice is Messiah who just happens to have been degraded from Hero unit to Support unit
>>
>>701522
really? because barbs have been trying to shaft every one else.
It was a mystery box that did this, you would have done the same thing.
>>
>>701525
all in all saltyness is the real culprit
>>
>>701556
Not really, just because there's a box doesn't mean I'll have open it
>>
>>701582
If there's a mystery box it has to be opened.
It could hold anything, it could even hold a mystery box.
>>
>>701618
Yes but there were very clear instructions to not open it
>>
>>701641
I have no regrets.
Besides it sorta felt like you were getting ready to end Civ Thing, I mean what was that over 20,000 posts, so what better way than giving you a reason.
Totally not just late justification for fucking up rolls
>>
>>701659
Can't we all just agree it was Dice God fuckery?
>>
>>701897
Nah, only on the saving rolls it was.
>>
>>701897
It's all the Orcs fault
>>
>>701582
that's a lie and you know it!
>>701931
blame the barbs, going on their murder spree, we had no choice but to look in the box.
>>
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>>702216
>we had no choice but to look in the box.
>>
>>702327
>Lost our mud huts
>lost our forest had
>to live with Manlets
>became nomads.
Yeah choices were limited
>>
>>702345
The orcs were always nomads. They switched settlements several times even when it wasn't completely needed. Also I'm 99% sure that when the orcs were looking at the mystery box, none of them said 'hi we should use this against the barbarians as a weapon' or anything like that. The orcs just looked in because it because why not.
>>
>>702369
You find out what's in the box first and then you plan around it.
Fuck saitama though he cost us our hair in our final turns.
>>
>>702390
IIRC only one Orc actually wanted to look inside the box at the time and any others were at least somewhat skeptical. Although I can't remember the name of the Orc who did want to look in the box if that was the case.
>>
Last time I tried to wage a one-barb war against the king, I was drowned in spiders, the ate the spiders, then got wiped out. Status report for now?
>>
>>702369
Orcs don't have that much brain power of strategy. You know we were limited in our choice making. If you gonna play the part play it right.
>>
>>702441
I thought the Orcs were traveling north to find a safe place to build up without being molested by other tribes like the Elves did after being beaten by the Barbs.
>>
>>702457
We couldn't make a decision, Barbs just kept chasing us to kill us. One Orc said look in the box while I was asleep.
>>
>>702457
Original plan was to become nomads with a traveling caravan.
Then the kingbox happened and it became go as far north and as far away from the citadel as possible.
>>
>>702467
It was Emergency Orc
>>
>>702369
Orcs lost everything, that was literally the reason why we decided for Box, there was nothing worse that could happen to us. We were barely a handful (We were like 6 or 4 in game), 5 jason swords were looking for us, and the Manlets have formed an alliance with the Humans effectively kicking us out, expected worst case scenario we were gonna leave the box, have the dragons, humans, and gobbos deal with it and cut our losses since it's not like we were ever gonna bounce back.

>>702457
That was the plan, then we opened the box. Honest, it's not like we had any idea that it was gonna fucking end the game.
>>
>>703933
The Jasons were pretty fucking irrelevant lmao
>>
>>703947
Skeletons would have rekt them cuz they had no blood to steal
>>
>>703947
The Jason Swords were pretty irrelevant. There were like 5 chasing after the elves but not a single one ever reached us.
>>
>>704081
They we're probably gonna show up whenever there was a low roll for scouting.
>>
>>704794
So any Barb roll
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>705353
rolling >80 for overruling "any"
>>
>>705386
welp
>>
>>705397
Yup
>>
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>>705386
Out of how many scouts you guys did, how many actually succeeded?

I vaguely remember you guys barely scraping a good result by a few numbers
>>
>>705622
I don't honestly remember exact number of total scouts. I think there was less than 10 but around 8.
Actually successful were two scouts(?), one with Brock Temple, don't remember other one.
All others, aside one negative result, were jack-shit results.
>>
>>705677
We found Brock Temple with Hat, then we found the Dangerous Beast hunting ground that we used for grinding.
>>
>>704794
>>705386
If y'all suck at scouting, just don't. It's as simply as that really.
>>
>>705782
We did good with one scouting, we got the manlets freedom in this quest, we got a hat we should really reclaim for Holy reasons, and we got a really nice sword that came back to try and kill us all.
>>
>>705782
why do you think we focused on being aggressive against other tribes? Precisely because after failing this many scout rolls while others got better results - at least I thought that we have no other choice but to be aggressive, otherwise we'd never catch up.
>>705779
completely forgot about that
>>
>>705826
I thought it was because you were a hate driven character who wanted be a dick to other players in a order to get more (you)'s.
>>
>>705900
well, that wasn't my intention, but I can see how I could be seen like that.
>>
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>>705900
also
why not both?
>>
>>706030
>>700262
>I just add banter, maybe bad banter, but that was my only intention.
Banter is just a way to try and get (you)'s
>>
>>706071
if I'd wanted (You) that bad - there are other easier ways to get them.
>>
>>706089
What would that be?
>>
>>706101
just go and post on /v/ in console wars or waifu threads
>>
>>706101
Making your own quest, fucking over players, or roll really good numbers they have to beat.
>>706114
Well that works as well.
>>
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>>706116
>Making your own quest
>easy
I thought of that, but I don't have tenacity and enough motivation
I prefer just draw robots
>>
>>706138
Okay yeah maybe that was a bad pick for "easy".
Still it seems to work out well for NaP, I mean look at how many replies he got during the final bit of Civ thing.
>>
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>>706152
and enough salt to send him to hospital
but yeah, Civ thing was huge success
>>
>>705900
No. We legit had no better way to progress. We had shit scout rolls, but amazing murder rolls
>>
>>706421
I mostly remember the Barbarians slaughtering animals like river snakes, collecting their skulls and building up spells like meteor spam. When the Barbs did attack the Elves head on, it ended in defeat or a stalemate. The Orc fights I remember being more interesting overall but not amazing victories for the Barbs.
>>
>>706421
well I wouldn't call it amazing, around 50/50
we had quite a bit of failed attacks
>>706456
I think we won only two attacks against orcs. when they were meeting with elves and when we attacked lone orc which was just standing near village.
all other hand to hand battles end in our defeat or stalemate.
Meteor attack was made partly out of fear cause at that moment orcs had way too high attack bonus and were located near us.
>>
>>706491
What that time after you launch a meteor on the old forest the orcs were occupying and it actually succeeded. I remember the orcs heading east for revenge and the Barbs west to finish off the orcs with both tribes meeting each other in the open. I remember that either in a stalemate favoring the barbarian or a barbarian victory.
>>
>>706545
dunno, my memory is quite shit for most part. Maybe Hats will clarify better than me.
>>
>>706491
Glad you agreed with the Meteor idea. It was a lot of arm twisting to convince you to grind.
>>
>>706545
Original plan was to try and put an end to all those fucking space rocks that came down every other goddamn turn, but we got our ass whooped and instead we tried to make a caravan home so you couldn't ever really zero in on us with more spacerocks.
>>
>>706545
Barbs won by killing Fred the Unicorn. It was 3 orcs vs the entire Barb tribe. Orc bonus was so high the entire population almost stalemated against 3 Orcs. Wanpan and a female Orc escaped.

The same turn, elves fed the Orcs that stayed with them to the mutant forest.
>>
>>706555
we'll never know how'd barbatroopers would do tho
oh well.
>>
>>706560
Radius effects would have raped you. But we wouldnt have known where you moved too, like the elves.
>>706572
No._
>>
>>706567
To be honest the Orcs deserved it. They knocked out our champion and doomed our forest. It just felt right to kill the orcs with us when their population got devastated.

Ps I'm Elf without hemp/Hemp chewing Elf
>>
>>706583
you are no fun
>>
>>706603
We did Rock Music, which we originally rhought would be more useless
>>
>>706631
well it was more SANE idea, that's why we did it.
>>
>>706660
That too.
So... how will we make the Official Canon into Canon Solidhat and forever embed ourselves in NaP history much to the salt of every other player?

We already made Barbmom Greg's mom. Should we futher taint the lorepool?
>>
>>706678
Stop dissing the OP.
>>
>>706678
Let's not go the George Lucas route.
I don't want CGI barbmom tripping the king in the final battle of Kingslayer.
>>
>>706714
But we need to give the Kings Brother eyelids to blink! And Lolisniffer didnt shoot first!
>>
>>706753
>implying lolisniffer is a faster shot than texas
>>
>>706770
Not fast enough to not get raped 6 times
>>
>>706678
Who the fuck is Canon Solidhat
>>
>>707244
That's a good question. Let's wait and see the Barbarians response.
>>
>>707244
The arena barb who got stabbed to death in the arena by the centaur. Canon won the roll in that story
>>
>>707574
The hell does that have to do with the other Canon
>>
>>707708
Whatever our imaginations do with it, dammit!


Why are you so grouchy today?
>>
>>707722
What, because I use swear words means I'm grouchy now fucker?
Besides the arena barb is dead anyway.
>>
>>707750
Yea. Ya grouch.


Also... altered history, blah blah blah
>>
>>712162
>altering history when you're already dead
>>
>>703947
that's because they didn't show up till the end of the quest, and by the time they showed up. There was barely a handful of turns left until we fucked up the saving roll.
>>
>>713167
Grrrruuuummmmpppp


*thanks for the skeleton*
>>
Alright, who's here for skeletons
>>
>>719662
I'm here for Orcs but skeletons are fine
>>
>>719662
I'm here with my totally unbiased actions
>>
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Alright, next protag, Skelebro, protecting skelemanlets from paladins. Currently managed to find a secluded hiding spot in a corner of the city to rest and regroup, what do?
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>719688
Punch self in face
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>719688
start punching ourselves furiously in the groin
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>719688
silently punch self in the face and check current stats and skills and party
>>
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>>719696
Your buddy, Skelebro Jr., has also gone missing
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>719702
Have the skelemanlets scout ahead and see if it's safe to come out. They're smaller so they can hide easier.
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>719702
Any clues where Skelebro jr can be?
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>719702
Try and use your skelesense to find out his rattling.
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>719702
Why do they hate us ;_;
>>
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>>719704
Right, right, scouting.

Roll 2d100 for results, first is pickings, second is decider.
1-19: totally not safe
20-69: not safe
70-99: safe
100: sweet loot
>>
Rolled 80, 2 = 82 (2d100)

>>719718
scouting! What can pooooossibly go wrong
>>
>>719720
nice been knowing ya mini skelle bros
>>
Rolled 57, 7 = 64 (2d100)

>>719718
barbs will never oroll high
>>
Rolled 21, 17 = 38 (2d100)

>>719718
Give them a cardboard box also
>>
Rolled 74, 23 = 97 (2d100)

>>719718
this is it, the dreaded barbarian scouting roll.

>>719720
>>719724
Are Barbs just cursed for scouting?
>>
Truly scouting for barbs is cursed, it's fucking cursed
>>
>>719733
so cursed that it stole the picture
>>
>>719720
Turns out the skelemanlets alerted some nearby paladins who purged them...and tracked them back to your hiding spot too.

>>719737
Because that wasn't the picture you dumbass
>>
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>>719739
But this is
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>719739
>>719741
assuming we are in the corner of the city how hard will be to RUN THE FUCK AWAY OUTTA HERE?
Protect your party while they are escaping
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>719741
OH NO RUN BACK AND HOPE HE DOESN'T FOLLOW YOU BACK TO YOUR GROUP!
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>719741
SWARM HIM
POWER OF NUMBERS
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>719741
Loudly yell "WE DINDU NUFFIN, #SKELETONUNLIVESMATTER"
>>
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>>719743
Attempting to protect skelemanlets while they make their escape
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>719751
Taunt paladins so they switch all attention on you!
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>719751
SKELECHOMP THE PALADIN'S FINGERS SO YOU CAN TAKE THE HAMMER
>>
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>>719755
This gave the skelegobs the chance to slink into the darkness
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>719762
now save your own bones and escape yourself
try to create a commotion, look for a crowd to hide in.
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>719762
throw our head towards the manlet, we can find a new body but first we need to escape!
>>
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Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>719766
But since you used your taunting to get the attention of paladins, escaping them entails....rolling the second number higher than my number

Roll 2d100

Eh probably not hard
>>
Rolled 69, 10 = 79 (2d100)

>>719778
ez
>>
Rolled 59, 55 = 114 (2d100)

>>719778
muh rolls
>>
>>719778
I mean c'mon, it would be a a miracle to lose this
>>
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>>719780
That was kinda close though, the fuck
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>719792
Ayyyy
Let's regroup with our manlets
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>719792
living on the edge.
escape further, make sure that paladins lose track fo you
>>
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>>719793
Now wwhere did they run off to
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>719801
Look behind you, they were hiding in plain sight
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>719801

We should also look for Skelebool, Fred, the skeletized Barbarian Ex-Chief, and our Skeledragon so we're not as weak. Where did we last saw them?
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>719801
look around you, which buildings have a nice deep basements. Preferably filled with tinkering.
>>
also just saying that there was pedo skeleton sighted
we need him in our party.
for lolisniffing reasons
>>
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>>719805
Ah yes, those guys. Lessee. El Skelebool was last seen outside the city, Fred managed to escape into the sewers, Barbarian Ex-chief status is unknown while Boss Skeledragon managed to fly to some mountains in the South
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>719813
To the sewers we go!
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>719813
EXPLORE THE SEWERS
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>719813
try to locate manlets first >>719806
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>719813

Is this a collect-a-thon now? How many manlets do we have to find? Maybe one is hidden in this barrel.
>>
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>>719815
Well, the nearest sewer opening has 2 guards near it

"Man, I met an elf kid yesterday"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, the kid was going shopping or something and then started asking for prostitutes n shit"

"wat"
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>719823
Whistle to distract one of them, when he comes by the corner, stealthily take him out by choking him.
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>719823
throw a rock to distract them
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>719823
distract by throwing voice
>>
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>>719827
"Hey, you heard that?"

"Yeah, sounds kinda like a rock thrown to distract us so we'd leaved out posts to go check it out"

"So, you wanna go check it out?"

"Yeah sure"
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>719832
Descend into the sewer while they're distracted.
>>
Rolled 22, 3 = 25 (2d100)

>>719833
WELP CANT BEAT THAT, UNLESS I BRING DOUBLE 100S

Backflip into sewer
>>
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>>719833
YOu are now down in the sewers
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>719838
light a torch or find one off a wall sconce
>>
>>719838
look around for secret passages, whistling good old rock music tunes
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>719838
Shout and see if any manlets respond
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>719838
>>719842
fug
>>
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>>719841
Kinda strange since skeletons don't even have eyes. But anyway, light.
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>719847
search around for clues left by Fred
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>719847
We roll to find our manlets
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>719847
Time to follow some tracks
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>719847
Sing a cute and catchy pop song from the east lure out Fred
>>
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>>719851
Following some tracks
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>719858
those some nice tunes actually
appreciate Fred's taste
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>719858
get a raging clue
>>
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>>719863
"GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH IS THATTAWAY, FUCK!"
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>719868
GO THAT WAY
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>719868
go in general direction of THATTAWAY
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>719868
THANKS RAGING CLUE
>>
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>>719870
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>719875
sup
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>719875
nice daki
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>719875
Ask him about what he knows
>>
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>>719876
"Just down here chillin' while enjoying these eastern scrolls brah"
>>