Oh shit nigger(s) it's the aftermath of Civ Thing and all the tribes who inhabitited the nondescript generic fantasy land has all been enslaved by The Kingdom ruling the aforementioned nondescript generic fantasy land.Your current protagonist is Goblin Rider, tiny masked defender of manlet justice.Currently you're fighting the ruler of the Kingdom, The King, wat do you do?Roll 1d100, who gets the highest number is the picked action.Previous threads:http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2Ahttps://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>690158check your own and King's stats
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>690158Surrender and say we were just kidding
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>690163well that was scary. ask the king if he wants to adopt you now
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>690163Look for crime and see if there are manlets in need.
>>690166"Why would I do that? You're a grown-ass goblin"
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>690170but I am smol
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>690170"Dunno, sounded a good idea at the time.I wanna protect the city from evil.Wat do?"
>>690172"Well just because you're small doesn't mean I'd adopt you, that'd be racist"
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>690180Oh, das tru.Why were we fighting anyway?
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>690180You're right. Do you know a place where I can buy goods though?
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>690180F-fair enough. Do you know where aspiring crimefighters hang out around here?
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>690180Ask him if we can be the vigilante the city needs but doesn't deserve right now
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>690180I wanna have a pony
>>690187"trrrYyyYYYY thhheeebaaaaaAAycckkkk aAAaAlllleeyyyyySYyssysss"
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>690192Can you point me towards the market please? I want to buy some stuff.
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>690192Oh.I understand.YOU'RE JUST A HOLOGRAM SET BY THE AYYLIENS, AND YOU'RE MALFUNCTIONING!MY SWORN ENEMY, SHOW YOURSELF!
>>690192woah slow down thereI didn't quite get that
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>690192Thank you kind stranger!Thow smokebomb at our feet and run off. When the smoke dissipates it reveals we only moved a few feet
>>690196"Oh great he's yelling about aliens n shit"
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>690204BREAK OUT
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>690204Oh shiet.Who are you, and why am i restrained?Also, why can't i feel anything anymore?
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>690204>>690195
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>690204raaaaaaaaape
>>690207"Ah great he's awake""Ey, calm down, little guy, the procedure's not finished yet"
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>690223What procedure?!?
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>690223WHAT PROCEDURE?WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?WHY?
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>690223escape!
>>690228"The procedure of turning you into a magitech being.""Ya know, the one's saving your life""The one that saved you from being a literal smear on the wall"
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>690235oh, okay. are you giving me any cool mods like a flamethrower arm or something?
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>690235CAN I FIGHT THE EVIL BETTER NOW?What special abilities I have?CAN I STILL SENSE EVIL?Do I sense evil from wizards?
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>690235rrrraaaaaaapppppppe button
>>690236"Well we were about to""But then you woke up and smashed up our stuff""Go back to sleep"
>>690245I DON'T TRUST YOUI SENSE EVIL FROM YOU, YES, YOU, WIZARD WITH SALTY HAT
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>690245go back to sleep. we need our sweet mods.
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>690245>>690247fug
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>690245Ok then, back to sleep
>>690248And so more dreams, like this one about the time you still lived in caves with the dragons
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>690253rrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppppeeeeeeeeeeee
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>690253do find your best dragon friend and give him a big hug
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>690253SUDDENLY YOU SENSE EVIL INTENT AND WAKE UPYOU NEVER TRUSTED IN MAGIC, SOMETHING IS UP
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>690260remember your mom
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>690260WAKE UP THE HEROhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnX2adXjQ64
>>690263awake again"So how are we gonna do this?""Well, we'll add a fire wand to his arm, that way he can throw out fire"
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>690265oh shit that's going to be awesome! fall back to sleep!
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>690265stay awake entire time, resist the drugs, scan the room
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>690265Dann these humans are slow, back to sleep. Dream of sweet sweet technology
>>690266Dreaming about what kinda overdesigned boss monsters you'll face
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>690275raaaaaaape?
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>690275what about evil twin?
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>690275Keep on dreaming
>>690280don't give it up
>>690279Your twin died of a heart attack back in the tribal days
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>690284THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK!But ACTUALLY... did you ever seen his body afterwards?
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>690284Think about the cute females we will have to rescue from overly designed bosses
>>690286Ah yes, the good ol goblin females
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>690284cccchhhhhaaaaaaaffffffeeee
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>690291THEY CONTROL YOU VIA DREAMSWAKE UP HEROES DON'T NEED SLEEP
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>690291dream about your mom
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>690291Think and ask to yourself if Kobolds are any better. I mean there is a goddess just for Kobolds.
>>690297>rolled 1IT'S A FUCKING CONSPIRACY I TELL YA
>>690298"Get a real job"
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>690307but moooooooooom
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>690307graaaaaaaape
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>690314wake up cause actually something did hit your head.
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>690314Grumble and go to our room to carve memes into rocks
>>690317The best meme
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>690314but a job means contact with the outside
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>690319god damn it let me post one!RAAAAAAAAAPPPPEEEE
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>690319go to the /m/ cave rock gathering place
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>690330those useless manlet bums which argue what win - rock tank or rock armoryour neighbours
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>690330welp fuck it
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>690336Wake up and see if they're done with the modifications
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>690336so when we will get to kid trauma moment? Plot happens?
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>690336awwwww ye
>>690340"You know, I have this lightning wand lying around, should we stick this in there to so he can shoot lightning?""pffft, like that ever gonna be useful"
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>690350Nod your head and try to say yes to puttting in the lighting wand.
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>690350stay awakesuddenly plot happens
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>690350fall back asleep so you can have lightning too!
>>690353"Greetings wizards, so how's our goiblin doing?""Fine, milord. The Goblin Rider will be ready soon ""Good good, we've found a bunch of secret bases belonging to unsavoury fellows planning to sabotage our city. Should be a good test for him"
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>690356oh man that's going to be great! go back to sleep to ensure maximum mods.
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>690356can you sense evil from the king? technically you must have evil sense powers thanks for being a Manlet Rideraka EVIL VISION
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>690361come on, we got it from god, evil sense must be there.scan every wizard with EVIL VISION (tm)
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>690370okay now just take a little nap so they'll give you all the weapons
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>690370scan every wizard with EVIL VISION (tm)and just don't fall asleep during next enchancement, you are not a wuss
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>690370Wait for the modifications to be done and fight crime
>>690374Time to dream about random shit again
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>690381Wake up to find we have magic elemental wands
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>690381timeskip till you can sleep no moreever
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>690391heroes don't need sleep especially cyborgsit's a feature
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>690391Holy shit is that king gobbo?FLASHBACK TIME!
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>690391Wake up
>>690397Ah yes, King Gob I, your father
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>690401why tall people suck, dad?
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>690401Dad, when will I get hair like yours?
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>690401Why did you ally with the dragons?
>>690402"Because they're huge assholes. Dragons are greedy jew fucks who leech offa us. Elves are sicko hippies. Orcs are literally retarded and Humans are reging maniacs that like to shove rock dildoes up their asses"
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>690406Then why did you ally with the Dragons?
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>690406but you never even meet humans, dad?why you trust 3rd party source information?how children are made?
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>690406Dad, when will we overcome our mortal shells and ascend as superior beings?
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>690406orcs are the smurtest evar
>>690412"I met them, it was a battle against their village. We lost because they used rocks that have been shoved so far up their asses they were forever covered in shit. It was so disgusting we had to retreat. Trust me."
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>690416When did you even meet the Elves to form this opinion of them?
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>690415>>690416and also the strongest
>>690418"Nah, they're retards who cut themselves and play with their own poop."
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>690416>I met them, it was a battle against their village.buuuuuuuuuuuulllshit, only ones which escaped were heads of orcs and elves.why you are dead, dadwhy you left uswhy my nation lives together with tall assholess from kingdom
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>690416u haven't replied to me how babies are made
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>690422Dad, if we are the superior race, why haven't we become god-like beings yet?
>>690423The hero units all escaped, there was even a roll for it
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>690422>>690417
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>690422you wish you cowardly shit monger
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>690432All 4 of them? I thought some died, oh well, sorry then
>>690439All 4 of them, nigga I have the archive on hand
>>690434"Indeed, those dumbass shit mongers wish they could be as smart as us. But all they can do is smack stuff together like retards"
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>690417>>690443
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>690440nah, I trust you.I guess I have some wishful memories of glorious days>>690443now he tells you the grand wisdom and huge secret of manlet tribe
>>690445"Like I said, that one time when we joined hands to fight barbarians. There was this one elf who kept looking at me funny. Asshole just won't stop smiling"
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>690450Why don't you like smiling?
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>690450he tells you the grand wisdom and huge secret of manlet tribe
>>690453"Secretly we're not really good at tech stuff. We just read the instructions everybody ignores"
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>690459then he gives you instruction how to make a bike
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>690459What was the worst and least worst tribe besides us in your opinion?
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>690459Then why did it take so long to power up that huge power-armor artifact thing we found?Weren't there any instructions?
>>690462"You take the thingamajig, combine it with the doodad then put it some bingbongzoopityboop and add a small pinch of whoopitydoopity"
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>690471that actually makes sense
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>690471Leave the flashback and go back to real life
>>690473"Oh well, time to go get murdered by demons, goodbye, son"
>>690477wake up with huge urge to build super badass bike in name of your dad
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>690477Sneak along from a safe distance and see him get killed by demons.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>690477Bye dad.Acquire anti-demon powers thanks to king gob I's soul empowering us after magical dream.Or it could be just the mages fucking around, who knows.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>690477>>690478fug
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>690477>>690478have a roll
>>690485Awake again. What the hell's a bike."Maybe we should crank his powers up to maximum""Yes, perfect idea! Surely nothing can go wrong"
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>690491yes pls we would like maximum powers
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>690491NOOOOPEENOUGH MESSING WITH ME ASSHOLESDAD WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG
>>690498Why are you so against the king if our evil vision says that he's not evil
>>690500MAYBE HE HAS ANTI-EVIL-VISION BARRIERTALL ASSHOLES ARE LIKE THATCAN'T TRUST THEM
>>690491Make kewl bike and do purple cocaine while riding it. And then crash into the bad guys secret base or something.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>690500He's delusional. He thinks that Barbarians are purely good and that the King who enslaved them and civilized half the tribe is pure evil.>>690502Proceed with the operation
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>690502RIDER KIIICKUU OUTTA WINDOW
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>690504
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>690502Have divine intervention with the guy who gave you your kewl powers
>>690507Nah, that'd cause wanton property damage and not proper heroic behaviour
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>690519OVERRIDE THE MIND CONTROLYOU ARE FREE TO FIGHT EVIL HOW YOU WANT
>>690519See if there are villains for us to fight
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>690519We are now haunted by our dad's ghost.It gives us cool insight into stuff tho.All thanks to the mages dicking around in our head.
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>690519Ask the king where the baddies are
>>690503That dosen't make sense Before you could have made the excuse that the king was evil but now we know he isn't evilPlease stop this shit before you get us killed AGAIN
>>690522"Greetings, I am the ghost of your father. I may or may not be actually just another hallucination"
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>690526FREE MY MIIIIND, FATHERI'M NOTHING BUT A TALL ASSHOLE'S SLAVE NOW>>690524well we got better, so it was worth it
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>690526But it's not just himIt's the ghost of every manlet king
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>690526See if there are villains for us to fight
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>690526uh oh power is corrupt
>>690528But your doing it again Your going to get us killed again There not going to revive is a second time
>>690530"Oh good, there's a den of criminals in the back alley, here's your morphing belt, now go"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>690535K
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>690535GOBLIN RIDER, GO!NOW WITH OUR SIDEKICK, DEAD KING GOBBO I!
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>690535oh no! it's a size too small, since we gained so much weight!
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>690535does it plays cool theme?>>690534calm yo tits, I'm going sleep anywayI never planned to attack king right away, just being suspicious. sheeshyou people not hotblooded enough
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>690535Open windowJump out it Land on your new high speed goblin craft motorcycle with there location already in the gps
>>690543There's a difference between hotblooded and salty that he's genociding your religion
>>690541No it isn't
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>690550awww waisted a 100 for that?fine I'll play ball....
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>690550Just fuggin go already
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>690550okay time to go fight crime
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>690560The ball on your cool new hover bike
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>690560the one you are standing on
>>690566But your magical metal horse doesn't have a ball on it
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>690580then tie one on
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>690580waah that;s awesome let's go fug up some baddies
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>690580(The eye counts as both a bouncy ball and laser gun)
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>690592It also has a bag of holding with a shit ton of enchanted missiles and can fire them from its mouth
>>690598"Ah yes, I knew casting Magic Missle repeatedly, then putting those missiles into a bag and then put the bag into its mouth was a good idea"
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>690608Congratulate the mages for their good idea, then go fight some crime already
>>690612Ah yes of course, time to go fight criminals
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>690618Use horse eye lose to cut the door down
>>690618break it down
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>690635Shoot lasers everywhere and hit the villains.
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>690635HENSHIN!
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>690652BUT WAIT!There's a secret trapdoor.We have to go deeper
>>690652Use magic missiles to destroy all weapons
>>690656Second level reached, your horse couldn't fit through the trapdoor
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>690664Use the electroboltstunthingamajig
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>690664Unleash lazur beems
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>690674Use flamethrowtherthingamajig
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>690674Use judo flip
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>690682Hey, that's pretty cool.Make sure that the banditos didn't survive
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>690682Use the lightningthingamajig to make sure all the baddies are dead and advance.
>>690691This has nothing to do with anything but I find it kida funny that the manlets get a third chance and the only ones playing are the elves.
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>690705W-Why's that so funny?Anyway,ONTO THE NEXT LEVEL,
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>690705search the bodies for any unburnt loot
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>690705melt a hole in the floor with your flametrower to go deeper into the hideout
>>690705Also notice the lack of Barbarians
>>690720They're too busy planning how to shit up the crusade
>>690709You managed to find:- A singed cloth mask- A knife- A locket of a thief, holding a picture of his loved: a bag of loot
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>690727Investigate thief's connection with dragons seeing how they loved loot so much
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>690727equip all of this
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>690727Keep the knife which is a sword by manlet standards and move to the next level
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>690727Use gobbo tech fuckery to combine them all, and get:USELESS TRINKET THAT IS ACTUALLY AN IMPORTANT PLOT DEVICE SOMEHOW?
>>690730After much investigating and research you come to the conclusion: they're greedy bastards.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>690743continue deeper into the hideout
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>690743>>690737
>>690745As you continue deeper inside, you encounter higher level bad guys
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>690753We use higher level moves.Punch that fucker with our metal fist at full force.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>690753distract them with the locket then blast with your flame arm
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>690753Quick! Use the lightningthingamajig on him
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>690753fighting crime is boring, throw away the loot, get the hell out of there and enjoy yourself at a nearest beach
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>690774Bait him for an attack, then use our manletness to slither behind him and deal a right and proper fisting to his spine.
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>690774Use judo
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>690774Sweep the area with the flamethrowerthingamajig and catch him in the flames
>>690780He jumps over the sweeping flames for an attack instead
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>690790surround yourself with a force field or something
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>690790>>690776
>>690790Pull out and swing our knife in the direction which he's heading towards us
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>690790Roll underneath and punch him in the balls
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>690808GG WP.If he's still alive, zap him, but try to keep it non-lethal. Maybe we can get some info on other criminals.
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>690808Explosions
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>690808rip out his spine, use it as a whip.
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>690824use the power of fear to make him our ally
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>690824Interrogate 2.0
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>690824He looks. Dead. Char the body and move to the next level
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>690824why not henshin
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>690824Interrogation time
>>690829Well if he wasn't before, he is now
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>690845Ah, fuck.Well, onto the next level.
>>690849And now, the final boss of this hideout
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>690862Do dramatic speech before we do.... HENSHIN!!!
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>690862Use the lightningthingamajig and flamethrowerthingamajig on him
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>690862hey wait, this guy looks vaguely familiar to you
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>690862he looks too intimidating, dont fight with him, ask if he wants some ice-creams instead
>>690869Blah blah blah justice blah blah blah destroy evil blah blah blah sodomy blah blah blah morphing time
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>690899>>690870
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>690899UNLEASH ANCIENT MOR-FU TECHNIQUES!Geddit?Morph-fu?Ayyy
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>690899cool poses
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>690899Check if final boss is still awake from our heroic speech.
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>690926RIDER KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>690926cool poses with smoke bombs going off in the back ground.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>690926Well, shit. You lost control of your lightningthingamajig and flamethrowerthingamajig. Looks like everything's fucked.
Rolled 2 (1d100)A lot of duplicate rolls in this thread today.>>690926Explosssssiioooons
>>690933He's not down yet
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>690958bad guy curses you as he blows up in cheesy smoke
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>690958the secret weapon you didn't even know those wizards gave you activates
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>690958Summon our horse and go gattai.
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>690958The wizards just activated a secret weapon on you. It's a shame that they decided to shove it up your ass. Now bend over and fire your ANAL ASSAULT UNICORN!
>>690961"Yeah, you'd like that. Too bad"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>690988hah! didn't hurt!gattai with your horse mount!
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>690988Attach the knife you picked up earlier to your chest so if he punches you he stabs himself.
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>690988Burrow up his ass and assume direct control.
>>690990Your horse is still outside, it can't go in here, you dumbass
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>691016blast a hole in the wall so your horse can get in
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>691016well way to ruin the fun ass hole!fine to some rapid spinny punch thing I don't care... asshole
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>691031Your horse is several levels above you. You shot a gas pipe. Shit.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>691031your horse decends? to gattai?
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>691046lazerino shoot, horse!
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>691046GATTAI
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>691046Combine with your horse to form... Manlethorse!
>>691077Grow horse dick
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>691077shoot horse duck missiles
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>691107do your ultimate combo attack now
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>691107Fire breath.
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>691107Fire fucking everything
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>691139now spin SPIN!
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>691139the boss is absolutely rekt. high five your horse.
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>691139Be relentless. Somersault after your strike, jump on horse and come back for another strike.
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>691168>>691146
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>691168Eeexxxpllliisssiiiooon
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>691168>>691149
>>691168Now pose cool while the boss explodes in the background because of your horse' magic missiles
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>691168This fight is exhausting. Take a lunch break.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>691168COOL POSE and EXPLOSION
>>691213check corpse then loot
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>691213Look to see if the boss is dead.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>691213Give us horse thought bubble pls.
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>691213EXCLAIM OH SHITalso check to see if he's dead
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>691213Cool guys don't look at explosions. They just walk away. Walk away (but call for horse to follow).
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>691213Credits
>>691219Yeah he ded
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>691243Loot.
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>691243Look through the place. See if there are any signs to important places like Archives.
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>691243Heroic lootingAlso I guess we should swear to a heroes code or something.
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>691243The Salt Cult approach
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>691243gain his power mega man style
>>691251A yes, a heroes code, like the one you have in your head
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>691296THAT THIRD LAWPROTECT THE KINGDOM?TRY TO ERASE IT
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>691296>>691250
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>691296Error!Error!Milkshake protocols activate!
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>691311DamnLoot the place then
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>691311>>691312
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>691296The only way to protect the innocent from the horrors of life is to kill them all.
>>691316You got: a huge axe
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>691341Upgrade it with our magitech and gobbo ingenuity
>>691349You added...the knife
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>691362WIELD IT
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>691362>>691250
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>691392Go to the one pointing left
>>691393YOur left or its left
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>691413The secrets room
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>691413Our left
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>691413who do I get mythic keystone to do mythic quests?
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>691439open the mystery chest with a RIDER KICK
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>691439secre- the mystery box the mystery box I choose now!
>>691441The chest is opened, revealing its secret
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>691453then grab the book and give it to the king.I can't read.
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>691453Look the book with savages on it
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>691453Book
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>691472flip the paper over
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>691472Even the Elves? Also flip the page
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>691472Known already Still give it to the king just in case
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>691493okay let's go to the kitchen
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>691493We all know this already But give it to the king anyways
>>691495Looks like they were making soup before you arrived
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>691518Taste the soup and see if it tastes salty
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>691518smell it
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>691518Add salt.
>>691523Smells like soup
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>691533Jump in the pot and become one with the broth.
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>691533>>691522
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>691533drink it
>>691535Eh, it's okay
>>691533give it to teh pooor
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>691548Recruit more manlets onto your super hero team
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>691548We must search the room for salt. It could lead to something
>>691557What room for salt, all they have is a salt jar
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>691566Salt Demons!
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>691566Sprinkle salt into your mouth
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>691566It's the salt cult!Return back to the king with the book as evidence and call it a days work.
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>691566Go back and give the book to the king and give the wizards feed backThat horse is fucking awesome
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>691566Take salt. Leave. Bigger & Better things to do.
>>691583And so you are powered down for the day
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>691598Error!
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>691598>ERROR! 4 LAWS CORRUPTED!
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>691598Divine intervention
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>691493neat>>691612
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>691612Wake up and spend some time outside
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>691612Windows Update LoadingError! Insufficient storage. Removing files.
>>691603what are the 4 laws?
>>691619>Law 1:Protect the innocent>Law 2: Destroy Evil>Law 3: Protect the Kingdom>Law 4:OBEY THE KING....
>>691619There was only 3, so i dunno what 4 was
>>691616Yes, it's neat that Orcs are retarded shit eaters and barbarians are rockfucking lunatics. As the book said.
I still wanna throw a match into the gas filled sewers and blow shot up.
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>691639>>691618
>>691647"Don't mind me"
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>691639I didn't see orcs eat shit
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>691666What the fuck is that?
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>691666hey you no
>>691671"A window, bye"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>691680Do you want to update now or later?
>>691667And nobody saw barbs shove rock dildoes up their ass, but everbody assumes that's true
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>691680see loadin bar
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>691680That was weird. Let's go out and do stuff like go to the library
>>691685I'm so confused. what about the other races?
>>691685I do recall one person named Barbarian Senpai bringing up the idea of rock dildos along with race mixing. He later joined the Orcs I believe
>>691696oh do we know who this orc is?
>>691696Pretty sure orcs was just saitama, business, and me.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>691699now
>>691702there was emergency orc too
>>691708Yeah that was me, I just don't like having a name in threads.
>>691696I think he joined the dragons actually
>>691711I'm busy orc and I'm doing the same.
>>691702IIRC he joined later after being ostracized by the Barbarians and stayed around for a relatively small period of time.
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>691723Check new features.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>691723what did it update?
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>691723See if everything works
>>691727It just updated some minor protocols here and there.
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>691743Read them out
>>691752. Flamethrower arm can no longer malfunction and spew fire everywhere. Lightning arm can no longer activate while it's still not deployed and blow up your arm. Removed the ability to smize. Improved joint articulation and control. Fixed transforming bug where you can morph into a giant robot instead. Removed the capacity to cause infrastructural damage
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>691782WAKE UP
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>691782click HERE for your FREE upgrade to goblin rider 10!
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>691782Use manlet skills to hack the program I want that mech
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>691829Go see the wizards. We should ask if they can hook up any other manlets with awesome stuff like this.
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>691829check out our new features
>>691836"Of course we can, even asked some of them before""But they refused when we told them the process would remove some of their important bits. Like their genitals"
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>691857can't you just make more of us in test tubes if we lose the ability to reproduce?
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>691857do I have grappling hooks? I think I need that>>691857
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>691857What if try convincing some.We'll probably have a hard time since manlets are such uppity assholes, even to each other
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>691857WAIT WHAT? What do I have down there then?
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>691857Yeah there was a traumatizing event were every male manlet lost there dicks for a bitAsk for the giant mech transformation
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>691857UPDATE ERROR! UNINSTALLING FOLLOWING:COOKING: CORRUPTEYE TARGETING: FAILED CALLIBRATIONGAS CHAMBERS: FLATULENCE IMMINENT.
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>691857Request genitals. BIG genitals. Ones that are magic powered and can fire rainbows while vibrating at speeds never before reached.
>>691876"Sure, you're welcome to try""We even told them we can clone them or grow them in magical vats so their genitals disappearing woon't be a problem, but they still declined""Oh well, maybe we could try a dragon or something next"
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>691891>>691886
>>691891can we get robo genitals or nah?
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>691891Kidnap a dozen manlets. Bring them back to the wizards.
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>691891Go to areana to watch fights.
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>691891lets pay a visit to our fellow manlets
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>691896fug
>>691902Currently showing: Barbs V Orcs in a Fish Fight
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>691926Cheer for fellow Green Skin
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>691926I bet the Orc kills the Barbarian
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>691926bet all your money on the fish winning
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>691926Where's our horse? (And what's he thinking?)
>>691926scan the orcs until you see a weird one who looks like he punches hard
>>691926Murder the barbarians
>>691941Parked outside thinking about horse stuff
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>691949>>691937
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>691949AND THE WINNER OF THE FIGHT IS
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>691949>>691942
>>691949Zap the barbarian with lightning. They're nothing but rock throwing assholes just like our dad said
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>691949Investigate Salt Cult
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>691964>>691949Shit I forgot to roll
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>691949>>691956Roll for anon
>>691958After a gruesome battle, both barb and orc died, only a fish remained. Sadly you bet on the other fish.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>691980bet on the winning fish in the next fight
>>691980Doesn't that mean there's only barb mom left? I remember there being two barbarians aliterate one died of herpes or something and one just died before us. We should play as her next thread.
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>691980Wanpan is next.
>>691989>Doesn't that mean there's only barb mom left? I remember there being two barbarians left after one died of herpes or something and one just died before us. We should play as her next thread.Autocorrect
>>691983Bit you've lost all your money
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>692002Steal some dude's cash
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>692002ask the king for more
>>692008"What? What happened to your money?"
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>692016Lost control of my flamethrower
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>692016We bet on the wrong fish
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>692016I made a mistake but I have learned a lot and grown from this and now you can trust me. pls do not punish my youthful indiscretions.
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>692016Ask him how many barbarians are left.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>692016Some dude stole it
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>692033>>692026
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>692033use charm
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>692033*puppy dog face*
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>692033I completed the mission at least
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>692055............seduce the king
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>692059You just want him to die don't you.>>692055How about those barbaric barbarians though amirite?
>>692059Nah, that's too retarded for your programming
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>692069Become a male stripper
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>692069I'll beat even more bad guys for that extra cash
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>692069Back to areana, pennyless. Who's next fighting?
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>692069can I get an advance on my next paycheck?
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>692069>>692081
>>692084"Very well. Spend it wisely and get ready for your next mission"
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>692095Eat the money to gain its power
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>692095Get professionals to upgrade you. Windows isnt working out.
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>692095give the king a hug in thanks
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>692095upgrade to Linux
>>692100Does not compute
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>692116store money in chest cavity for safe keepings
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>692116Buy more magic upgrades from the wizards
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>692116back to the arena. I know we'll win big this time!
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>692116Form a start-up company
>>692125Current round: Orc vs a random beast
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>692142Meh. Time skip
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>692142bet a reasonable amount of your money on the random beast
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>692142Bet on the power of friendship!
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>692142Look into sack, realize it's smarter to invest in properties then pissing it away gambling.
>>692151You didn't bet on the fight, the beast won. Current round: 5 barbs vs 1 Gladiator
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>692170Bet half on glad. Watch fight unfold. Intervene if necessary.
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>692170Bet lots, and secretly interfere via incredibly subtle lightning
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>692170ERROR! SYSTEM32 CORRUPTEDSHUTTING DOWN..........PATCHING....BROCK.SYS UPDATINGCOMPLETE WELCOME USER
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>692170Bet on the glad killing them all
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>692170BET HALF ON GLADIATOR
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>692170don't get hacked by Brock
>>692179>Barbs trying to cuck people againI thought you were against Brock and became the paladin with too many hats
>>692193Just having fun. No one is getting cucked.Just enjoy the ride. The arena barbs will most likely die anywag
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>692199Nevermind that. Watch fight. Bet on gold on barbs.
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>692199Cheer for the gladiator. If he wins, befriend him.
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>692199Bet a quarter of our money on the Gladiator.How much longer are you running this?
>>692199Aww, really? Im out of ideas then. I thought it was a good one.
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>692199Admire your autism firewalls for keeping out all the autism
>>692207You lost gold
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>692199All money on glad
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>692233Just as planned.Plot the murder of the remaining barbarians.
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>692233Offer gold reward to orcs who defeat barbs.
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>692203SorryI'm just kind of tired with how a large portion of deaths are caused by barbs,all the canon fuckery, rock getting super salty with relgeion, and tiny amount of salt residue from the whole wanpan situation Guess this adventure has brought the worst of us>>692233LaughRealize you have a problem with gambling and betting on things that will never happen
>>692240As barbs are evil and will surely cause nothing but harm
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>692268Start with the ones in the arena. Shouldn't be too hard to gain access.
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>692268Try and sneak back into the holding area where the barbs are kept.
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>692268Wait if barbs are evil,according to your EVIL VISIONtm,why are you betting on them
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>692301Murderate them all via subtle use of flamethrower
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>692301Steal the keys off the guard
>>692309Stealing from kingdom guards is hardly heroic
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>692323'BORROW' the keys off the guard
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>692323Try to sneakily squeeze through the bars and into the barbarians cell
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>692323is it anti heroric?
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>692323Actually, just ask the guard if you can participate in the next Barb match
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>692323befriend guard
>>692335Whatever it is you are incapable of doing it
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>692346>>692334
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>692346Just ask the guard nicely if you can kill all the barbs
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>692346>>692333Ask nicely too
>>692350"Yeah sure okay""THIS IS BULLSHIT" yelled the barbarians
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>692363>>692334
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>692363>Execute KillBarbs.exe
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>692363show the barbs exactly as much mercy that is necassary to be heroic
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>692363Do et
>>692368"THIS IS BULLSHIT, YOU CAN'T DO THIS, BARBS LIVES MATT---pffft, oh it's just a little goblin. Hah."
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>692392Zap him with lightning
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>692392USE THE FLAMEAJIG AND ROAST HIM
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>692392Lighting fire laser missile combo
>>692398"oh brock what the fug"
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>692413RIDER KICK
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>692413loot their stuff
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>692413dance a happy jig
Rolled 11 (1d100)I feel this is what the Manlets were striving for and what their end game was. A cybernetic manlet who can shoot fire and shit to kill tall assholes like the barbarians.>>692413Zap him for good measure
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>692445Collect their skulls
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>692445Give a intimidating stare to any nearby barbarians that can see us.
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>692445eat their jerky
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>692445look around. Is barb mom here? we should probably spare her.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>692470Leave after dispatching justice quietly.Also ask the guard for directions to the barb who's scared of jerky.
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>692470IT'S NOT JUST THE BARBARIANSTHEIR GOD, BROCK HAS TO BE STOPPEDWE HAVE TO FIGHT HIM
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>692470jerky give you a real good power-up
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>692473>>692470
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>692470How many are left?
>>692476Yes, like joining an anti-brock brigade and amrching into his heavenly domain to fight him.Manlet Rider confirmed for Brock Slaying Army and will return in the last episode. Until then this is da end of this run.Updates: https://twitter.com/notapaladinSee you soon, ya filthy animals.
>>692515Are we going to continue manlet rider tomorrow or switch characters? If the later then I say Barb mom.
>>692515Last episodeaw shit nigga
>>692520SwitchAnd the choices are: one of these bozosElf Kid, againSkelebroEl SkeleboolBarbmomSome orc
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>692541Orc lock inI feel bad for them after wanpan went to complete shit
>>692550Very well, Orcs only got played once anyway. It's back to the arena next time and let's hope this guy lives a bit longer than the barbarian
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>692541barbmom
>>692541Elf kid was fun but I think we should give Barb mom a try. Also i thought El Skelebro was dead permanently.>>692550What even happened to Wanpan? I forgot.
>>692562fug. too late I guess
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>692558ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS! ORCS!
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>692558Barb mom
>>692563People kept on spamming punch yourself with high rolls and switch characters We ended up knocking ourselves out every time and accomplishing absolutely nothing and business Orc got really salty
>>692573Or maybe not, hmm
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>692576mystery box
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>692576OrcFor the pity
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>692576Barb mom>>692575I do remember wanpan being retarded and Orcs being very salty and un-buisness like but why can't we play him now?
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>692576barbmom pls.
>>692586Got insta-paladined by holy bonesHe's saved for the last episode like drag messiah
Well barbmom seems to have moar votes
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>692600But orcs have this awesome nat 100
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>692600Barb mom is a go. I just can't wait to see how things go with her, ecspecially since she probably isn't even in the arena since she's female. Probably works as a house servant for the king or something.
>>692612Nope, barb it is
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>692617I had a one percent chance of success
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>692617It should be Barbmom. We have the majority of votes and won the most dice rolls
>>692632It is barbmom
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>692617ORCS LOCK IN
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>692617ORCS LOCK IN
>>692665fuck barbs and their mom
>>692675When you stop posting like a dumbo, then you can complain
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>692679moo
>>692679but that's what you enjoy! I do it for youuuuu
>>692688I enjoy occasionally dumb funny things and variety, not posts after posts of "poop self" and "raaaaape"It's boring
Orc Quest never ever
>>692699Oh shit. OP putting a smack down on 'lol so randumb' Orc players
>>692732>implyingNigger didn't even vote Orc.
>>692732That's really only one orc player, wait no that's wrong it's two.
>>692732he should try it on some barbs
>>692887It's because there were no barbs present to harp on. But sure, those suck too. Thing is, I get that when barbs ruined Wanpan, that sucks, yeah. I feel you. But when you started acting like them and ruin everything else, you've lost my sympathy.
>>692917I actually didn't expect any. I thought you were just enjoying it, not mine of course but the shit before. I wasn't trying to ruin the run just add stupid shit, I'll be good from now on if that helps.
>>692917also I did shit to help, I thought you could henshin. I stoped the rape game after that.
>>692988Which is why I only mentioned the pooping and raping
>>693008fair enough, but it only stops when it won the roll, but also these times I'm trying to sleep, but thats just an excuse for being stupid.
>>693008but like I said I'll stop and play fair.
Rolled 57 (1d100)>reads thread>no smiting evil or other heroic actions>not even rolls agains thugs cause you are overpowered.meh
Manlet Rider is protected against corruption and viruses. All enemies aside from one got 1 hit KO. Oh well. I am glad the manlets can participate in the final battle.At least we had 3 Barb class choices.Barb mom should be fun.Cant wait for El Skelebool's turn.
>>693239It's kind of sad that dragons get no other choices because they were fucking genocided Oh well,can't do anything about that Barbmom should be fun as she might actually be the last brockian
>>693256Well. You Draggos could always push for Boss Skeledragon. OP hasnt killed him off yet.
>>693256Dragon messiah could always try to breed with wyverns and make hybrids. Just saying.We'all probably also convert Barbmom and find her a real man who doesn't go off to fuck horses and sire horse bastards
>>693318Almighty gave all tribes impotence
>>693353It's okay, heretical barbarian uterus can be saved by holy kingdom sperm
>>693359I can see it now. Barbmom becomes consort of the king, becomes civilized and gives birth to immensely powerful being whose playmates with the smiling son
>>693367>making harem for kingt. King
>>693489It's more about destroying barbarian identity
>>693318But then he would be a degenerat fucking lesser species and allHe could always pray to the almighty for more drags for him to bone until he's able to build up a stable population Will we also have said man father a son who's not a crying mess of trauma and a faggot with a small dick?
>>693741Technically the barbarians aren't a different species from the king and his subjects, they're just part of a inferior culture which they can change which we've already seen with the converted Paladins. Also the king did kinda adopt the smiling son and his mom.
>>693767...what does that have to do with anything I said?
>>693767I thought the mom died or the kid died and new smiling one is actually the kings son.
>>693789NopeSmiling son is the smiling ones son and a demigod His mom is still alive
>>693780Ooooh. I thought you were talking about The King when you said he would be a degenerate for breeding with lesser species.
Just dont be surprised if Barbmom escapes. She seems to be a bullshit artist like the King and Gobbo Rider
>>693988The goblin rider has bullshit magitech weapons and still isn't on par with the kingKing is just a COMBAT VETERAN also a plot device Barbmom needs to be doing some important shit that amount of bullshit
>>694049Well I mean barbmom did show up in the king's room last thread with flaming fists which means she still has her magic.
>>694049She might be in a good position when we play as her. The smiling son for example is the King's adopted nephew and his mom, the former high priestess who is now a fervent worshipper of the almighty, holds a high position in the kingdom.
>>694061Firefist is what made me think that.
>>693318I want to find some noodly eastern dragons instead of lesser subdragonsOr we can promote Messiah to full dragon godhood and he can magically make dragons again
>>694311common baby no ban no ban
Alright, who's stillhere for thread to continue
>>699186new thread, boss
>>699186you know my vote, but shit hope people are on
>>699189>>699191New thread or update this thread?
Rolled 7 (1d10)>>699191>>699186you got my rock
>>699194>>699195>>699197Alright, gimme a bit