Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>690158
check your own and King's stats

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>690158
Surrender and say we were just kidding

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>>690161
"aight cool"

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>690163
well that was scary. ask the king if he wants to adopt you now

Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>690163
Look for crime and see if there are manlets in need.

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>>690166
"Why would I do that? You're a grown-ass goblin"

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>690170
but I am smol

Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>690170
"Dunno, sounded a good idea at the time.
I wanna protect the city from evil.
Wat do?"

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>>690172
"Well just because you're small doesn't mean I'd adopt you, that'd be racist"

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>690180
Oh, das tru.
Why were we fighting anyway?

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>690180
You're right. Do you know a place where I can buy goods though?

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>690180
F-fair enough. Do you know where aspiring crimefighters hang out around here?

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>690180
Ask him if we can be the vigilante the city needs but doesn't deserve right now

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>690180
I wanna have a pony

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>>690187
"trrrYyyYYYY thhheeebaaaaaAAycckkkk aAAaAlllleeyyyyySYyssysss"

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>690192
Can you point me towards the market please? I want to buy some stuff.

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>690192
Oh.
I understand.
YOU'RE JUST A HOLOGRAM SET BY THE AYYLIENS, AND YOU'RE MALFUNCTIONING!
MY SWORN ENEMY, SHOW YOURSELF!

>>690192
woah slow down there
I didn't quite get that

Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>690192
Thank you kind stranger!
Thow smokebomb at our feet and run off. When the smoke dissipates it reveals we only moved a few feet

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>>690196
"Oh great he's yelling about aliens n shit"

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>690204
BREAK OUT

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>690204
Oh shiet.
Who are you, and why am i restrained?
Also, why can't i feel anything anymore?

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>690204
>>690195

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>690204
raaaaaaaaape

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>>690207
"Ah great he's awake"

"Ey, calm down, little guy, the procedure's not finished yet"

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>690223
What procedure?!?

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>690223
WHAT PROCEDURE?
WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?
WHY?

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>690223
escape!

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>>690228
"The procedure of turning you into a magitech being."

"Ya know, the one's saving your life"

"The one that saved you from being a literal smear on the wall"

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>690235
oh, okay. are you giving me any cool mods like a flamethrower arm or something?

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>690235
CAN I FIGHT THE EVIL BETTER NOW?
What special abilities I have?
CAN I STILL SENSE EVIL?
Do I sense evil from wizards?

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>690235
rrrraaaaaaapppppppe button

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>>690236
"Well we were about to"

"But then you woke up and smashed up our stuff"

"Go back to sleep"

>>690245
I DON'T TRUST YOU
I SENSE EVIL FROM YOU, YES, YOU, WIZARD WITH SALTY HAT

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>690245
go back to sleep. we need our sweet mods.

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>690245
>>690247
fug

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>690245
Ok then, back to sleep

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>>690248
And so more dreams, like this one about the time you still lived in caves with the dragons

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>690253
rrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppppeeeeeeeeeeee

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>690253
do find your best dragon friend and give him a big hug

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>690253
SUDDENLY YOU SENSE EVIL INTENT AND WAKE UP
YOU NEVER TRUSTED IN MAGIC, SOMETHING IS UP

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>>690257

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>690260
remember your mom

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>690260
WAKE UP THE HERO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnX2adXjQ64

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>>690263
awake again

"So how are we gonna do this?"

"Well, we'll add a fire wand to his arm, that way he can throw out fire"

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>690265
oh shit that's going to be awesome! fall back to sleep!

Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>690265
stay awake entire time, resist the drugs, scan the room

>>690266
godfuckingdammit

Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>690265
Dann these humans are slow, back to sleep. Dream of sweet sweet technology

>>690269
smuganimeface.jpg

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>>690266
Dreaming about what kinda overdesigned boss monsters you'll face

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>690275
raaaaaaape?

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>690275
what about evil twin?

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>690275
Keep on dreaming

>>690280
don't give it up

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>>690279
Your twin died of a heart attack back in the tribal days

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>690284
THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK!
But ACTUALLY... did you ever seen his body afterwards?

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>690284
Think about the cute females we will have to rescue from overly designed bosses

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>>690286
Ah yes, the good ol goblin females

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>690284
cccchhhhhaaaaaaaffffffeeee

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>690291
THEY CONTROL YOU VIA DREAMS
WAKE UP
HEROES DON'T NEED SLEEP

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>690291
dream about your mom

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>690291
Think and ask to yourself if Kobolds are any better. I mean there is a goddess just for Kobolds.

>>690297
>rolled 1
IT'S A FUCKING CONSPIRACY I TELL YA

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>>690298
"Get a real job"

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>690307
but moooooooooom

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>690307
graaaaaaaape

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>>690309

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>690314
wake up cause actually something did hit your head.

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>690314
Grumble and go to our room to carve memes into rocks

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>>690317
The best meme

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>690314
but a job means contact with the outside

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>690319
god damn it
let me post one!
RAAAAAAAAAPPPPEEEE

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>690319
go to the /m/ cave rock gathering place

>>690323
never lucky

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>>690324

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>690330
those useless manlet bums which argue what win - rock tank or rock armor
your neighbours

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>690330
welp fuck it

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>>690333

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>690336
Wake up and see if they're done with the modifications

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>690336
so when we will get to kid trauma moment? Plot happens?

Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>690336
awwwww ye

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>>690340
"You know, I have this lightning wand lying around, should we stick this in there to so he can shoot lightning?"

"pffft, like that ever gonna be useful"

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>690350
Nod your head and try to say yes to puttting in the lighting wand.

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>690350
stay awake
suddenly plot happens

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>690350
fall back asleep so you can have lightning too!

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>>690353
"Greetings wizards, so how's our goiblin doing?"

"Fine, milord. The Goblin Rider will be ready soon "

"Good good, we've found a bunch of secret bases belonging to unsavoury fellows planning to sabotage our city. Should be a good test for him"

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>690356
oh man that's going to be great! go back to sleep to ensure maximum mods.

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>690356
can you sense evil from the king?
technically you must have evil sense powers thanks for being a Manlet Rider
aka EVIL VISION

>>690359
Not really

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>>690361
Thanks CAPTCHA

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>690361
come on, we got it from god, evil sense must be there.
scan every wizard with EVIL VISION (tm)

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>690370
okay now just take a little nap so they'll give you all the weapons

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>690370
scan every wizard with EVIL VISION (tm)
and just don't fall asleep during next enchancement, you are not a wuss

Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>690370
Wait for the modifications to be done and fight crime

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>>690374
Time to dream about random shit again

Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>690381
Wake up to find we have magic elemental wands

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>690381
timeskip till you can sleep no more
ever

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4 KB PNG

>>690385

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>690391
heroes don't need sleep especially cyborgs
it's a feature

Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>690391
Holy shit is that king gobbo?
FLASHBACK TIME!

Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>690391
Wake up

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>>690397
Ah yes, King Gob I, your father

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>690401
why tall people suck, dad?

Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>690401
Dad, when will I get hair like yours?

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>690401
Why did you ally with the dragons?

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>>690402
"Because they're huge assholes. Dragons are greedy jew fucks who leech offa us. Elves are sicko hippies. Orcs are literally retarded and Humans are reging maniacs that like to shove rock dildoes up their asses"

Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>690406
Then why did you ally with the Dragons?

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>690406
but you never even meet humans, dad?
why you trust 3rd party source information?
how children are made?

Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>690406
Dad, when will we overcome our mortal shells and ascend as superior beings?

Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>690406
orcs are the smurtest evar

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>>690412
"I met them, it was a battle against their village. We lost because they used rocks that have been shoved so far up their asses they were forever covered in shit. It was so disgusting we had to retreat. Trust me."

Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>690416
When did you even meet the Elves to form this opinion of them?

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>690415
>>690416
and also the strongest

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>>690418
"Nah, they're retards who cut themselves and play with their own poop."

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>690416
>I met them, it was a battle against their village.
buuuuuuuuuuuulllshit, only ones which escaped were heads of orcs and elves.
why you are dead, dad
why you left us
why my nation lives together with tall assholess from kingdom

Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>690416
u haven't replied to me how babies are made

Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>690422
Dad, if we are the superior race, why haven't we become god-like beings yet?

>>690423
The hero units all escaped, there was even a roll for it

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>690422
>>690417

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>690422
you wish you cowardly shit monger

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>690432
All 4 of them? I thought some died, oh well, sorry then

>>690439
All 4 of them, nigga I have the archive on hand

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>>690434
"Indeed, those dumbass shit mongers wish they could be as smart as us. But all they can do is smack stuff together like retards"

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>690417
>>690443

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>690440
nah, I trust you.
I guess I have some wishful memories of glorious days
>>690443
now he tells you the grand wisdom and huge secret of manlet tribe

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>>690445
"Like I said, that one time when we joined hands to fight barbarians. There was this one elf who kept looking at me funny. Asshole just won't stop smiling"

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>690450
Why don't you like smiling?

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>690450
he tells you the grand wisdom and huge secret of manlet tribe

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5 KB PNG

>>690453
"Secretly we're not really good at tech stuff. We just read the instructions everybody ignores"

Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>690459
then he gives you instruction how to make a bike

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>690459
What was the worst and least worst tribe besides us in your opinion?

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>690459
Then why did it take so long to power up that huge power-armor artifact thing we found?
Weren't there any instructions?

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>>690462
"You take the thingamajig, combine it with the doodad then put it some bingbongzoopityboop and add a small pinch of whoopitydoopity"

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>690471
that actually makes sense

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>690471
Leave the flashback and go back to real life

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4 KB PNG

>>690473
"Oh well, time to go get murdered by demons, goodbye, son"

>>690477
wake up with huge urge to build super badass bike in name of your dad

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>690477
Sneak along from a safe distance and see him get killed by demons.

Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>690477
Bye dad.
Acquire anti-demon powers thanks to king gob I's soul empowering us after magical dream.
Or it could be just the mages fucking around, who knows.

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>690477
>>690478
fug

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>690477
>>690478
have a roll

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11 KB PNG

>>690485
Awake again. What the hell's a bike.

"Maybe we should crank his powers up to maximum"

"Yes, perfect idea! Surely nothing can go wrong"

Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>690491
yes pls we would like maximum powers

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>690491
NOOOOPE
ENOUGH MESSING WITH ME ASSHOLES
DAD WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG

>>690498
Why are you so against the king if our evil vision says that he's not evil

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>>690498
"Who?"

>>690500
MAYBE HE HAS ANTI-EVIL-VISION BARRIER
TALL ASSHOLES ARE LIKE THAT
CAN'T TRUST THEM

>>690491
Make kewl bike and do purple cocaine while riding it. And then crash into the bad guys secret base or something.

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>690500
He's delusional. He thinks that Barbarians are purely good and that the King who enslaved them and civilized half the tribe is pure evil.

>>690502
Proceed with the operation

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>690502
RIDER KIIICKUU OUTTA WINDOW

Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>690504

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>690502
Have divine intervention with the guy who gave you your kewl powers

File: 1.png (8 KB, 500x500)

8 KB PNG

>>690507
Nah, that'd cause wanton property damage and not proper heroic behaviour

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>690519
OVERRIDE THE MIND CONTROL
YOU ARE FREE TO FIGHT EVIL HOW YOU WANT

>>690519
See if there are villains for us to fight

Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>690519
We are now haunted by our dad's ghost.
It gives us cool insight into stuff tho.
All thanks to the mages dicking around in our head.

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>690519
Ask the king where the baddies are

>>690503
That dosen't make sense
Before you could have made the excuse that the king was evil but now we know he isn't evil
Please stop this shit before you get us killed AGAIN

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>>690522
"Greetings, I am the ghost of your father. I may or may not be actually just another hallucination"

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>690526
FREE MY MIIIIND, FATHER
I'M NOTHING BUT A TALL ASSHOLE'S SLAVE NOW
>>690524
well we got better, so it was worth it

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>690526
But it's not just him
It's the ghost of every manlet king

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>690526
See if there are villains for us to fight

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>690526
uh oh power is corrupt

>>690528
But your doing it again
Your going to get us killed again
There not going to revive is a second time

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5 KB PNG

>>690530
"Oh good, there's a den of criminals in the back alley, here's your morphing belt, now go"

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>690535
K

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>690535
GOBLIN RIDER, GO!
NOW WITH OUR SIDEKICK, DEAD KING GOBBO I!

Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>690535
oh no! it's a size too small, since we gained so much weight!

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>690535
does it plays cool theme?
>>690534
calm yo tits, I'm going sleep anyway
I never planned to attack king right away, just being suspicious. sheesh

you people not hotblooded enough

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>690535
Open window
Jump out it
Land on your new high speed goblin craft motorcycle with there location already in the gps

>>690543
There's a difference between hotblooded and salty that he's genociding your religion

File: 1.png (9 KB, 500x500)

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>>690541
No it isn't

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>690550
awww waisted a 100 for that?
fine I'll play ball....

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>690550
Just fuggin go already

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>690550
okay time to go fight crime

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9 KB PNG

>>690551
What ball

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>690560
The ball on your cool new hover bike

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>690560
the one you are standing on

File: 1.png (9 KB, 500x500)

9 KB PNG

>>690566
But your magical metal horse doesn't have a ball on it

Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>690580
then tie one on

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>690580
waah that;s awesome let's go fug up some baddies

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>690580
(The eye counts as both a bouncy ball and laser gun)

File: 1.png (9 KB, 500x500)

9 KB PNG

>>690585

Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>690592
It also has a bag of holding with a shit ton of enchanted missiles and can fire them from its mouth

File: 1.png (9 KB, 500x500)

9 KB PNG

>>690598
"Ah yes, I knew casting Magic Missle repeatedly, then putting those missiles into a bag and then put the bag into its mouth was a good idea"

Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>690608
Congratulate the mages for their good idea, then go fight some crime already

File: 1.png (7 KB, 500x500)

7 KB PNG

>>690612
Ah yes of course, time to go fight criminals

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>690618
Use horse eye lose to cut the door down

>>690618
break it down

File: 1.png (9 KB, 500x500)

9 KB PNG

>>690622

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>690635
Shoot lasers everywhere and hit the villains.

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>690635
HENSHIN!

File: 1.png (10 KB, 500x500)

10 KB PNG

>>690640

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>690652
BUT WAIT!
There's a secret trapdoor.
We have to go deeper

>>690652
Use magic missiles to destroy all weapons

File: 1.png (13 KB, 500x500)

13 KB PNG

>>690656
Second level reached, your horse couldn't fit through the trapdoor

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>690664
Use the electroboltstunthingamajig

Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>690664
Unleash lazur beems

File: 1.png (106 KB, 500x500)

106 KB PNG

>>690668
You can't

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>690674
Use flamethrowtherthingamajig

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>690674
Use judo flip

File: 1.png (11 KB, 500x500)

11 KB PNG

>>690675

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>690682
Hey, that's pretty cool.
Make sure that the banditos didn't survive

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>690682
Use the lightningthingamajig to make sure all the baddies are dead and advance.

File: 1.png (10 KB, 500x500)

10 KB PNG

>>690691


This has nothing to do with anything but I find it kida funny that the manlets get a third chance and the only ones playing are the elves.

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>690705
W-Why's that so funny?
Anyway,
ONTO THE NEXT LEVEL,

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>690705
search the bodies for any unburnt loot

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>690705
melt a hole in the floor with your flametrower to go deeper into the hideout

>>690705
Also notice the lack of Barbarians

>>690720
They're too busy planning how to shit up the crusade

File: 1.png (7 KB, 500x500)

7 KB PNG

>>690709
You managed to find:
- A singed cloth mask
- A knife
- A locket of a thief, holding a picture of his loved: a bag of loot

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>690727
Investigate thief's connection with dragons seeing how they loved loot so much

Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>690727
equip all of this

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>690727
Keep the knife which is a sword by manlet standards and move to the next level

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>690727
Use gobbo tech fuckery to combine them all, and get:
USELESS TRINKET THAT IS ACTUALLY AN IMPORTANT PLOT DEVICE SOMEHOW?

File: 1.png (6 KB, 500x500)

6 KB PNG

>>690730
After much investigating and research you come to the conclusion: they're greedy bastards.

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>690743
continue deeper into the hideout

Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>690743
>>690737

File: 1.png (10 KB, 500x500)

10 KB PNG

>>690745
As you continue deeper inside, you encounter higher level bad guys

Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>690753
We use higher level moves.
Punch that fucker with our metal fist at full force.

Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>690753
distract them with the locket then blast with your flame arm

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>690753
Quick! Use the lightningthingamajig on him

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>690753
fighting crime is boring, throw away the loot, get the hell out of there and enjoy yourself at a nearest beach

File: 1.png (11 KB, 500x500)

11 KB PNG

>>690761
missed

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>690774
Bait him for an attack, then use our manletness to slither behind him and deal a right and proper fisting to his spine.

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>690774
Use judo

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>690774
Sweep the area with the flamethrowerthingamajig and catch him in the flames

File: 1.png (14 KB, 500x500)

14 KB PNG

>>690780
He jumps over the sweeping flames for an attack instead

Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>690790
surround yourself with a force field or something

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>690790
>>690776

>>690790
Pull out and swing our knife in the direction which he's heading towards us

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>690790
Roll underneath and punch him in the balls

File: 1.png (14 KB, 500x500)

14 KB PNG

>>690793

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>690808
GG WP.
If he's still alive, zap him, but try to keep it non-lethal. Maybe we can get some info on other criminals.

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>690808

Explosions

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>690808
rip out his spine, use it as a whip.

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>>690812

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>690824
use the power of fear to make him our ally

Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>690824
Interrogate 2.0

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>690824
He looks. Dead. Char the body and move to the next level

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>690824
why not henshin

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>690824
Interrogation time

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>>690829
Well if he wasn't before, he is now

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>690845
Ah, fuck.
Well, onto the next level.

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>>690849
And now, the final boss of this hideout

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>690862

Do dramatic speech before we do.... HENSHIN!!!

Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>690862
Use the lightningthingamajig and flamethrowerthingamajig on him

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>690862
hey wait, this guy looks vaguely familiar to you

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>690862
he looks too intimidating, dont fight with him, ask if he wants some ice-creams instead

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>>690869
Blah blah blah justice blah blah blah destroy evil blah blah blah sodomy blah blah blah morphing time

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>690899
>>690870

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>690899
UNLEASH ANCIENT MOR-FU TECHNIQUES!
Geddit?
Morph-fu?
Ayyy

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>690899
cool poses

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>690899

Check if final boss is still awake from our heroic speech.

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>>690905

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>690926
RIDER KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>690926
cool poses with smoke bombs going off in the back ground.

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>690926
Well, shit. You lost control of your lightningthingamajig and flamethrowerthingamajig. Looks like everything's fucked.

Rolled 2 (1d100)

A lot of duplicate rolls in this thread today.

>>690926
Explosssssiioooons

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>>690933
He's not down yet

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>690958
bad guy curses you as he blows up in cheesy smoke

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>690958
the secret weapon you didn't even know those wizards gave you activates

Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>690958

Summon our horse and go gattai.

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>690958
The wizards just activated a secret weapon on you. It's a shame that they decided to shove it up your ass. Now bend over and fire your ANAL ASSAULT UNICORN!

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>>690961
"Yeah, you'd like that. Too bad"

Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>690988
hah! didn't hurt!
gattai with your horse mount!

Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>690988
Attach the knife you picked up earlier to your chest so if he punches you he stabs himself.

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>690988
Burrow up his ass and assume direct control.