>>473175
>You've heard someone's set up a shop in a old factory, selling very heavy weaponry at expensive costs. Such as bazookas, heavy mortars, grenades, and heavy machine guns... You've also heard he's got a small howitzer attached to a vehicle that he's selling, and is the pride of his store. He also sells small firearms such as revolvers in bulk only.

Walking heavy artillery.

>>473175
>The Višeslav Arsenal, known for selling Russian and Serbian firearms, at an amazing and cheap cost... Though the quality is questionable, the prices are ridiculous, and you've heard that he even sells mortars and minor explosives... Though at much higher price then his usual deals. It operates in the countryside.
Nothing like Ruskie shit to kick ass

>>473175
> Russian shit
Surely our mechanical friend can improve on it himself

Going to wait ten more minutes anons

>You've heard someone's set up a shop in a old factory, selling very heavy weaponry at expensive costs. Such as bazookas, heavy mortars, grenades, and heavy machine guns... You've also heard he's got a small howitzer attached to a vehicle that he's selling, and is the pride of his store. He also sells small firearms such as revolvers in bulk only.

Time for a walking arsenal of artillery, or a metal guy with revolver barrels sticking out from around him like the Regnerator in RE4

Cursing dice. :3

Have fun! I'll be lurking.

You drive down to an old factory, where a few armed guards patrol with pristine assault rifles, which you identify as STGs and with what seems to be bunkers with machine guns sticking out of them surrounding the factory, and instead of a chain-link fence, is a wall of concrete. This must be the place.

You drive your truck up to the gate, and an armed guard stops you.

"Are you here to see Kommandant Wolfram?"

"...Wolfram?"

"Ja. He is the leader of this establishment."

"...You sound German."

"Ja. We're remnants of the Wehrmacht, so I advise you don't do anything stupid, wehrwolf."

Actions.

>I got it. Now let me in.
>...What classifies as stupid?
>Yeah, well sorry but it may get stupid inside.
>Grab the guy and shove him into your truck. You don't like nazis.
>No asking for identification or anything like that?
>What's with all the security?
>Write-In

>>473271
>...What classifies as stupid?
>I got it. Now let me in.

>>473279

This

>>473271
>I got it. Now let me in.

"What calssifies as stupid?"

"Try to steal or sabotage anything, and we'll blast your furry ass all over the pavement."

"I got it."

You drive inside and park the vehicle, getting out slowly. You are escorted to a flight of stairs, which creek as you go up them, and barely fit you... Of course, you're forced to leave Ritter behind. In front of you, is a office adorned with Nazi insigna, and a human in a business suit has his feet on the table, smoking a cigarette. You see a few scars on his face, and see quite a few burns on his head.

"Ah, I see you're interested in my arms and weaponry, komrade!"

"I am."

You look out a window into the factory, and see workers are working and producing firearms... Plenty of them.

"Well, welcome to the Wolfram Arsenal of Fascism, as I like to call it!"

Actions.

>...You could always call this place Heaven.
>...Try Arsenal of Fashion, and we'll talk.
>...Right. Show me to your cheapest weaponry.
>Show me to your heaviest weaponry. Now.
>...Is this entirely legal?
>I like the Nazi symbols. Really remind me of my time as a Nazi experiment.
>How many guns per day does this place produce?
>Do you see a lot of customers?
>...Is this legitimate German weaponry?
>Write-In

>>473303
>>...Is this entirely legal?
>How many guns per day does this place produce?

I sense major buisness opportunities here for the kingdom of Poland.

>>473303
>>...Is this legitimate German weaponry?

"Is this entirely legal?"

"Of course! Having armed guards is legal, right?"

"I haven't ruled anything about that."

"Well, don't! It helps drive away competition!"

"How many guns per day does this place produce?"[/red]

"About two dozen. Mostly FG-42s or Lugers. We occasionally get a STG-42 out, but this place mostly produces much heavier weaponry."

"That's not much."

"But it's legitimate German weaponry... Now, let's talk business. What do you want to buy?"
Actions.

>Do you have any heavy machine guns?
>...Do you have any artillery?
>I want some assault rifles.
>...How heavy is your artillery?
>...Lugers? How much are they?
>Do you have any rifles or anything?
>...How much does this stuff cost?
>Write-In

>>473336
>Write-In
"You wouldn't happen to be looking for investors?"

>>473336
>You wouldn't happen to be looking for investors?

>>473342
>>473350
Pretty sure we don't have any money. I suppose we could sell ritter for scrap...

"You wouldn't happen to be looking for investors, would you?"

"Of course we are!"

"Good... Well, how much would it cost to invest?"

"About twelve million to set up some mo-"

You nearly faint.

"TWELVE MILLION?!"

"Ja, of course. If we want to set up more industry and hired trained workers. You don't really seem like the kind of man who can afford this."

Actions.

>What, is it because of my clothes?
>What are you, racist?
>Please, Polish weaponry is better then German weaponry any day of the week!
>Let's say I do invest... What exactly do you get access to?
>...Let's say you became a werewolf... Would that drive prices down?
>Hang on... I think I can sell someone to you.
>...Yeah, I cannot afford that. At all.
>Can I just invest a little less? A lot less?
>Write-In

>>473374
>>Hang on... I think I can sell someone to you.

>>473374
>...Yeah, I cannot afford that. At all.
but
>Let's say I do invest... What exactly do you get access to?

>>473374
>Let's say I do invest... What exactly do you get access to?
Hold off on investments.
>Write in.
What's your policy for buying in bulk?

Let's not sell our line breaking combat Android.

>>473374
>What, is it because of my clothes?
>Let's say I do invest... What exactly do you get access to?

"Let's say I do invest. What exactly do you get access to?"

"Ah! With your money I can afford to buy blueprints for German armoured cars, hopefully German planes, more workers and guns per day, and possibly a few more firearms, such as the Kar98, MP-42s, and more then one Machinepistole."

"Ah... Well, I can't afford that."

"Too bad. I assume you want a revolver to go with your... Tracksuit?"

I really should get a better outfit... Too bad they cost so much.

"...Right..."

Actions.

>How much does it cost to buy in bulk?
>...Show me your artillery.
>I want to see your machine guns and assault rifles.
>How many lugers do you have right now?
>I think you'll want to buy someone I found...
>Do you happen to have an interest in swords?
>...Right... Well, bye I suppose.

>>473412
>How much does it cost to buy in bulk?
>How many lugers do you have right now?

>>473412
>I want to see your machine guns and assault rifles.
>Do you happen to have an interest in swords?

"Do you happen to have an interest in swords?"

"Nein. I have an interest in firearms."

"Ah... Well, how much does it cost to buy in bulk?"

"Five percent less."

"Just five percent?"

"Ja."

"Wow... How many lugers do you have right now?"

"About two-hundred."

"...Right. Show me your machine guns and assault rifles."

Treasury: 5k

>MG-42. Cost: 2.5k each.
>STG 42. Cost 2.5k each.
>Luger. Cost 0.7k each.
>Light Mortar. Cost 10k each.
>Light Howitizer. Cost 50k each.
>FG-42. Cost 1.5k each.
>Stick Grenade. Cost 0.5k each.
>Panzerfaust. Cost 7k each.
>Astra 300. Cost 0.5k each.

>>473466
>MG-42. Cost: 2.5k each.
Get two.

>>473466

I think we should hold out on buying for now.

We should go and raid convoys for weapons to sell this guy, if we find something extra sweet: haggle the shit out of him for him getting it.

Sound like a plan?

"I'll have two MG-42s."

"Right... They'll be in your truck as you exit. Anything else?"

Actions.

>...Would you be interested in possible experimental weaponry? I think I found some as loot.
>...Do you do weapon research?
>How would you feel about becoming a government institution?
>Leave. You have no funds.
>Write-In

>>473513
>...Would you be interested in possible experimental weaponry? I think I found some as loot.
>...Do you do weapon research?
>How would you feel about becoming a government institution?

>>473513
>...Do you do weapon research?

>>473508
If we start to raid more Russian convoys we should sell the weapons to a different arsenal. I don't think these guys are keen on Russian weapons.

"Do you do weapon research?"[/b[]

"Nein, I simply don't have the money to do something like that."

"Well... How would you feel about becoming a government institution?"

He thinks it over...

"Nein. I'd rather not have to deal with production quotas or deal with the government."

"Ah. Very well."

You leave the building and head back to the truck. You leave the compound and turn the corner, and go in the back. Ritter is sitting on a bench, with two large crates, with two MG-42s are in it.

Actions.

>Ritter. You alive?
>Ritter, what happens if you absorb firearms?
>...Pry the crates open.
>So, Ritter... How do you feel about fixing a sword?
>Drive home.
>Write-In

>>473534

Fair point. OP is there any chance Višeslav is willing to buy some..."borrowed" Russian equipment?

>>473565
>>Ritter, what happens if you absorb firearms?

>>473565
>Ritter, what happens if you absorb firearms?

"Ritter, what happens if you absorb firearms?"

It gets up and looks at you.

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A FIREARM IS."

"...Just absorb it." You point towards the crates, and he goes over and takes off the covering.

"ARE THESE FIREARMS?"

"Yep."

"LOGICIAL SETTING ADDED: FIREARMS."

He grabs one of the MG-42s, and slowly incorporates it... Roll me a 2d20 for how well he can absorb firearms.

Rolled 8, 13 = 21 (2d20)

>>473583

Rolled 1, 10 = 11 (2d20)

>>473583

>>473588

GODDAMN IT MAN

1 and 13

Critical Failure!

Decent Success!

As he absorbs one of the MG-42s, you notice that the gun is twisted around, and his arm twitches and creaks. Small sparks come out, and his arm discards the machine gun, which is twisted and bent.

"ERROR, ORGANIC MATERIAL DETECTED."

"What?"

You pick up the MG-42, and see most specifically, that the leather butt of it hasn't even been touched. The second machine gun hasn't been touched at all.

Actions.

>...Can I override that?
>Maybe you can take off the leather butt?
>Any other errors? You effectively destroyed this gun.
>Can you repair this somehow? I payed money for it...
>Write-In

>>473637
>Maybe you can take off the leather butt?

You take the leather butt of the rifle, and hand it to him.

"ERROR DETECTED, ORGANIC MATERIAL RECOGNIZED FROM SIMILAR PATTERN."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"...SORRY?"

"It's fine."

Actions.

>...Just override the damned thing.
>...Great... Well, can you repair this machine gun then?
>It's not similar at all! The butt is missing!
>Just absorb it again Ritter...
>Try to force into him or something.
>Why the hell are you saying Error out loud. It seems a little weird.
>...Looks similar, huh? Maybe you can turn it into a pretzel?
>Let's just go home...
>Write-In

>>473685
>>Try to force into him or something.

>>473685
>Try to force into him or something.

>>473588
>>473599
And it begins.
>>473685
>It's not similar at all! The butt is missing!

>That's the organic component! It's all metal now!

Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if you can forcibly override it.

Rolled 12 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>473711

Rolled 16 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>473711

16+6=22

Success!

You start forcing the gun into him, and he is forced to absorb it. Eventually it's done, and his helmet's... Eyes? Go black like the night sky, instead of the usual blue. Eventually it shoots back to blue.

"WHERE SHOULD I PUT THE FIREARMS AT?"

Actions.

>Can you do below your arm?
>...How about installed right by the palm of your hands?
>...Pelvis?
>How about chest?
>...Can you put it on your shoulders?
>...Can I upgrade you to have set firing positions?
>Write-In

>>473732
>>...Can you put it on your shoulders?

>>473732
>Can you do below your arm?

>>473732
>...Pelvis?

We can call it the crotch cannon

>>473732
>Can you do below your arm?

Also, regarding this.
>...Pelvis?
Sigmund Freud would be so proud.

"Put it below your arm."

He does and suddenly a burst of bullets fire from below his arm. You luckily duck just in time, and you note that he has severe recoil. As in, after a small burst his arm is practically facing upward towards the sky. A few seconds of silence follows.

"...THIS IS COOL."

Actions.

>Hell yeah, it's cool.
>Yeah it is! Now, think about when I add more metal to you, more guns, more explosives, more sharp edges...
>Yep. Now all we need is a melee weapon for you.
>No. I'm way cooler then you.
>...Can we do something about the recoil?
>Write-In

>>473788
>...Can we do something about the recoil?

"Can we do something about the recoil?"

"I DON'T KNOW. I'VE NEVER USED A FIREARM BEFORE, BUT MY ARMS ARE DESIGNED FOR SWORDFIGHTING, NOT FIRING RANGED WEAPONRY SUCH AS THIS."

"Like how?"

"MY ARMS ARE ADJUSTED TO RESIST HORIZONTAL PUSHING AND THRUSTING. NOT VERTICAL RECOI-L." You notice that it stammer just a little bit.

Actions.

>...Is there any way you can change that?
>Right. So would you be better off with a melee weapon?
>What was the slight stammer at the end of your sentence?
>Write-In

>>473823
>What was the slight stammer at the end of your sentence?

>>473823
>What was the slight stammer at the end of your sentence?

"Why did you just stammer at the end of your sentence?"

"HUH? POWER MUST BE RUNNING LOW."

"...Power?"

"YES."

"Mind if I ask how you can get more?"

"EITHER THROUGH ELECTRICITY, OIL, OR RESTING SEVENTY-TWO HOURS IN BROAD DAYLIGHT."

"Right. How low are you now?"

"I HAVE TEN HOURS REMAINING BEFORE DEACTIVATION."

"Right... Well, let's get home, shall we?"

You begin to drive home, and eventually park infront of your house. Your neighbor waves towards you, and you see that he's carefully cutting his lawn... Your lawn is overgrown compared to his. Damn him.

"Hey neighbor, have you seen my car anywhere?"

Actions.

>...Nope. Not at all. (Lie)
>Huh? Oh, this guy ate your car. Sorry.
>Do you happen to have any more cars?
>...Ritter, tomorrow I want you to trim this lawn like it has never been trimmed before.
>What, do you need a new one or something?
>Write-In

>>473855
>...Nope. Not at all. (Lie)

Roll me a 1d20+3 to lie. Additional +2 if you can give him a good argument on why you wouldn't steal his car.

Rolled 16 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>473882
I'm a 10 foot tall werewolf. I couldn't even drive it if I wanted.

"Well, sorry but no. I'm a ten foot werewolf, why would you ask me?"

"Sorry to bother you then, neighbor! At this rate, I'll have to get a new car!"

He chuckles nervously, and returns to working.

Actions.

>...Erh, sorry that your car keeps getting stolen.
>Just wondering, what do you think of me as a neighbor?
>Something wrong?
>Scum like him don't deserve recognition from you. Just go inside.
>Write-In

>>473933
>...Erh, sorry that your car keeps getting stolen.

"Well, sorry that your car keeps getting stolen."

He nods his head and you go back inside.

Where Ivanka is talking to some guy.

"What's going on?"

"Comrade Stojan, this man is here to ask you questions about a few missing pizza delivery men."

"...Ah."

You get up close to him, and see that he's wearing a business suit, along with a briefcase. He's sitting in YOUR armchair... Which you've never sat in, to be honest.

"Mister Kopanski?"

Ivanka is greedily looking over him, and you can see she's be restraining hard to not eat him.

Actions

>You are one brave man to enter a house full of hungry werewolves.
>How can I help you today?
>...Ivanka, just do it. You deserve a reward.
>...You're kind of hungry, to be honest... (Agility)
>He knows too much! Quickly, knock him out! (Strength)
>...Oooh. Infect him, you were planning on spreading the infection further. (Agility, HARD)
>Write-In

>>473960
>>...Ivanka, just do it. You deserve a reward.
Whatcha gonna do, eat me?

>>473960
Guile?

>How can I help you today?

>>473960
>How can I help you today?

See what he has to say then let Ivanka eat him.

"Right. How can I help you today?"

"Well, I've traced a few witness reports of someone in this household stealing a car, hijacking one of my employee's vehicles by jumping into it and holding him hostage, and about nine others vanishing the same day. The bloodstained floor seems to tell a lot, you know. Along with their skeletons."

You look over in the corner of the room and see said skeletons... Right. You're rather used to them.

"What else do you want?"

"Well, since you've eaten my deliverymen, and I can't find anyone actually willing to be a deliveryman for a while.. I was wondering if you'd want to be one for a little bit, sort of as a PR stunt until the bad press blows over."

Actions.

>...I was expecting you to sue me or something.
>What are you, crazy?
>That depends. Do I get to eat people?
>...That's rather demeaning. For you know, a king of Poland.
>Sure! Do I get the tips?
>...Can I get the family in on this?
>...No, I'm good. Ivanka, eat him.
>Eat him yourself.

>>474009
>...That's rather demeaning. For you know, a king of Poland.
>...I was expecting you to sue me or something.
>...Can I get the family in on this?

>>474009
He has definitely already notified his superiors.


>...I was expecting you to sue me or something.
"But blackmail, well now that's a inventive twist."
>>474025
>.. can I get the family in on this?

>>474009
>...Can I get the family in on this?

>>474009
>>...No, I'm good. Ivanka, eat him.
Pizza delivery? King? Is he nuts?

>>474057
Switching to this

"...I was expecting you to sue me or something."

"If I was going to sue you, I would send other people for my health and safety."

"Right... Well, can I get the family in on this?"

He shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't see why not. Just so long as they don't eat any of the actual customers."

Actions.

>...Well, there might be a problem with my wife then...
>Oh. Well that's no problem at all!
>...Can we eat your competition then?
>Sorry, but no then.
>You know, I think you might just be insane.
>Write-In

>>474066
>Sorry, but no then.

Ivanka sic em

>>474076
This

>>474076
>>474082
It's a terrible idea in so many ways. But let's do it.

"Sorry but no. Ivanka, get him!"

Roll me a 1d20+1 for Ivanka nomming him.

Rolled 9 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

>>474119

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>474119

Rolled 18 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

>>474119

16+1=17

Great Success!

Without you even saying a word, Ivanka jumps out of her seat, and bites into the man, ripping out his lungs... He says a few final words.

"Y-You'll be hearing... From my... Lawyers..."

Meanwhile, Ivanka is ripping and tearing through the man like a steak... Hmph... Steak. You also see that she's... Changing slightly.

Ivanka has upgraded! Choose two from the following.

>Post-Threshold: Ivanka no longer regards humans with any sort of empathy, and thinks of them only as a food source. Ivanka also gains a +1 to every statistic.
>Large: Ivanka grows in size, becoming about 8'4'. She gets a +2 to Strength, and unlocks more upgrade options thanks to her size.
>Flaying Claws: Upgrade to Barbed Claws. Ivanka's attacks will tend to flay opponents, terrifying nearby enemies, and granting a +1 to Intimidation.
>Very Fast Metabolism: Ivanka's metabolism is sped up even more. She loses and gains weight more dramatically.
>Fluffy Tail: +1 Charisma and +1 Agility.

>>474229
>Large: Ivanka grows in size, becoming about 8'4'. She gets a +2 to Strength, and unlocks more upgrade options thanks to her size.
>Fluffy Tail: +1 Charisma and +1 Agility.

>>474229
>>Large: Ivanka grows in size, becoming about 8'4'. She gets a +2 to Strength, and unlocks more upgrade options thanks to her size.
>>Flaying Claws: Upgrade to Barbed Claws. Ivanka's attacks will tend to flay opponents, terrifying nearby enemies, and granting a +1 to Intimidation.

Rolled 1 (1d2)

Rolling.

1=Flaying Claws
2=Fluffy Tail.

>>474229
>Large: Ivanka grows in size, becoming about 8'4'. She gets a +2 to Strength, and unlocks more upgrade options thanks to her size.
>Flaying Claws: Upgrade to Barbed Claws. Ivanka's attacks will tend to flay opponents, terrifying nearby enemies, and granting a +1 to Intimidation.

Our wife is now our second alpha. Beautiful. there will be no questions about who's in charge in our absence.

>>474287
Beta? I'm not familiar with pack terminology.

Flaying Claws it is!

You see Ivanka grow as she eats the body of the man, to roughly only two feet smaller then you. Her claws also become extremely sharp, and pointy. To the point where you're fairly sure she can skin people with ease.

"What, is something wrong comrade Stojan?"

Actions.

>...We're going to need a bigger bed soon.
>You got bigger, and therefor more cuddly!
>Your claws can do some weird stuff in bed now. Congratulations.
>...Why don't you try skinning him instead of eating so fast?
>...Ivanka, at this rate you'll be bigger then me.
>...Ivanka, I think we should do something about the skeletons in the room. Literal skeletons.
>Write-In

Didn't realize this was up. Someone mind archiving EDQ, I'm away from my laptop atm and can't.

QuestingQM, you skipped a number again.

>>474292
>...We're going to need a bigger bed soon.
>You got bigger, and therefor more cuddly!

>>474292
>You got bigger, and therefor more cuddly!
>...Ivanka, I think we should do something about the skeletons in the room. Literal skeletons.

>>474292
>>...We're going to need a bigger bed soon.
>>You got bigger, and therefor more cuddly!
>>...Ivanka, I think we should do something about the skeletons in the room. Literal skeletons.

>>474299
I was wondering why you weren't alive for a few threads.
RIP me... Too tired from me having good ideas in the middle of the night.

"Well, we're going to need a bigger bed soon... And you've got bigger and therefor more cuddly!"

"Oh. Thank you, comrade."

"...No problem. But I think we should do something about the skeletons in the living room. The you know, bodies of the humans we've eaten."

"Well, I like them."

Actions.

>...Come on, what if we have guests over?
>Why do you like corpses in your living room?
>..Yeah, I kind of like them too.
>Why don't we make things out of them? We've got to use everything after all.
>...Well, maybe we can just dig a hole and bury them or something.
>...Have you tried eating them?
>Write-In

>>474332
>Why don't we make things out of them? We've got to use everything after all.
SPOOKY HOUSE DECOR

>>474332
>>Why don't we make things out of them? We've got to use everything after all.
TOWER OF SKULLS

>>474332
>Write-In
Why don't we get a closet for them, our skeleton closet;

"Why yes I do have some skeletons in my closet!"

>>474343
This or skeleton closet.

"Well, let's make things out of them! We've got to use everything after all."

"What are we going to make out of them then?"

Actions.

>Oh, that's easy. We'll just try to furnish our house.
>...You know, I think there's a deity looking over us, that desires skulls for a skull throne or something. Why don't we create something for it?
>We need a closet. But the only closet we have is for our clothes... Then again, we only wear one set of clothes.
>...That's easy. Let's create Halloween decor and sell it! With how many humans we eat on a daily basis, we'll be rich!
>Write-In

>>474332
In the middle of a move and was on vacation so I've been away from my laptop.

>>474363
>>We need a closet. But the only closet we have is for our clothes... Then again, we only wear one set of clothes.

>>474363
>>...You know, I think there's a deity looking over us, that desires skulls for a skull throne or something. Why don't we create something for it?
>>...That's easy. Let's create Halloween decor and sell it! With how many humans we eat on a daily basis, we'll be rich!

>>474393
This.

>>474363
>We need a closet. But the only closet we have is for our clothes... Then again, we only wear one set of clothes.

"You know, I think there's a deity looking over us, that desires skulls of a skull throne or something. Why don't we make something for it?"

"...Just saying Stojan, that doesn't seem very catholic of you."

"When did you become religious?"

She shrugs her shoulders.

"Nicolae forced me to learn a little."

Actions.

>We aren't worshiping it or anything. It's just a cool little arts and craft project.
>Good point, it does reek of heresy now that you mention it. (Stojan becomes a little more religious.)
>...Well, it's for good luck, alright?
>...Can we sacrifice then eat humans on it then?
>While we're at it, we might as well.
>...That's an interesting thought. I wonder if gods are real... Besides God.
>Write-In

>>474403
>...Well, it's for good luck, alright?
>...Can we sacrifice then eat humans on it then?

>>474403
>>We aren't worshiping it or anything. It's just a cool little arts and craft project.
>...Can we sacrifice then eat humans on it then?

File: Spoiler Image (312 KB, 1115x1386)

312 KB JPG

>>474403
>Good point, it does reek of heresy now that you mention it. (Stojan becomes a little more religious.)

Geez, I wonder what kind of deity would be into skulls...

>>474417
Seconding. Khorne sjould stay away.

Rolled 1 (1d2)

Rolling

1=Can we sacrifice and eat humans?
2=Heresy!

Shit, forgot to include.

"Well, it's for good luck. Besides, we aren't going to worship it or anything, it's just a cool little arts and crafts project."

"I wasn't protesting. I was just asking a question."

"Then I got one for you... Why don't we sacrifice and eat humans on it then?"

"That's... Slightly concerning."

"Come on. It'll be fun."

"...Well... I guess."

You give her a hug, and a kiss right on her mouth.

Roll me a 1d20 for bonecrafting

>>474417
Seconding. What the fuck guys?

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>474445

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>474445
>bonecrafting skill
Wew

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>474445
Guess I was too late with my vote. I hope this doesn't become the pretzel thing all over again.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>474445
Well that sucks. We just lost a chance to build on Stojans character. Not that bonecrafting isn't entirely bad but still.

19

You create a *Bone Altar*, which you guess is of superior quality. It menaces with pizzamen's femur bones.

What exactly do you do with the altar?

>God is vengeful, he demands sacrifices, and this will serve him! (Stojan becomes more zealous.)
>...Well, you've always wondered what would happen if you worshiped some strange gods.
>...If anything, that god of blood and skulls sounds pretty cool.
>Nah, this is just something you should sell.
>You know, you kind of want to see what gods exist... Why not dedicate it to a random entity? (Specify)
>Write-In

>>474477
>Nah, this is just something you should sell.

Just sell it off as a recreation of a pagan altar. This was only Stojan trying to make an art piece.

>>474477
>>Nah, this is just something you should sell.

>>474482
This.

You decide you'll just sell this altar. It'll make a fair bit of money, hopefully.

Stojan has learned the skill Bonecrafting!

Of course, this leaves you a few skeletons left, and you decide to just stuff them into a closet...

With that cleaning done, you go up to Ivanka.

"So, how did you like the altar?"

"It was interesting..."

"Right. Well, I plan on selling it, so don't worry about it. I'm a good catholic, alright?"

"Yeah..." She seems a little disappointed at that. Hard to believe that only two months ago you could only hazard a guess at how she felt through her facial reactions.

Actions.

>Rub her ears, it's alright.
>...Come on, why don't I teach you a little about the bible?
>Why don't we just get some cuddling in? I think we're both exhausted.
>...Just wondering, are you still hungry? I mean, you did just get bigger.
>...You're the best alpha wife I could ever ask for, alright?
>Write-In

>>474501
>Why don't we just get some cuddling in? I think we're both exhausted.
>...Just wondering, are you still hungry? I mean, you did just get bigger.

>>474501
>...Come on, why don't I teach you a little about the bible?

>>474507
Seconding. Also QM, could we convunce our father to allow our bonecrafting if we do bone cathedrals? Those are cool.

>>474514
...The big problem is HOW you're going to get all those bones. Or how it'll be architecturally stable.

Anyways, waiting ten more minutes.

>>474514
I think as long as they don't have heretical images or iconography we should be alright unless if he thinks they deserve a more proper burial.

File: Spoiler Image (227 KB, 760x596)

227 KB JPG

>>474501
>...Come on, why don't I teach you a little about the bible?
>>474514
Craft begets more craft, I say we stop while we're ahead.

"Come on, why don't we get some cuddling in? I think we're both exhausted."

The two of you head to bed, and begin cuddling up against each other. The bed creeks under both of your combined weights, no doubt teetering on the edge of breaking. It's rather nice to have someone of a somewhat similar height be near you.

"...We haven't cuddled for a while, comrade."

"...I've been busy with our family."

"I know."

"...Just wondering, are you still hungry?"

"Yes! Erh, not to be brash, comrade."

"It's fine, I'm also hungry a lot."

"Same, comrade."

"...Just wondering, what's your favorite part of the human body to eat?"

"That's easy, comrade. You start with the ears, the move onto the hands."

"Ah. Well, usually I go head first, then limbs second."

"Da, comrade. That works too."

You decide that you'll teach her a little more about the bible... But first, you're kind of hungry.

Actions.

>...If you want, you can just go next door and eat the neighbors.
>...I can get you some food, if you want.
>...How many humans do you want, actually?
>How come the two of us are so hungry all the time?
>...Just teach her about the bible.
>Write-In

>>474517
Conscripts gonna die either way

>>474554
I have to imagine considering that the universes of EDQ and NEQ are connected that Khorne has to stay with Ren, and remember the shit about recharging in EDQ? If anything, I'd like to do bonecrafting as secular as possible to keep the wife and dad happy.

>>474557
>...If you want, you can just go next door and eat the neighbors.

>>474557
>...If you want, you can just go next door and eat the neighbors.
>...How many humans do you want, actually?
Time to get his pool! Wooooohooo

>>474557
Did we give her the serum?
>...I can get you some food, if you want.

>>474570
Yep. You did.

>>474568
>>474566
I thought anons were going friendly rivalry not massacre. I don't know if I feel comfortable just eating civilians left and right, especially kids.

>>474557
>...If you want, you can just go next door and eat the neighbors.

>>474572
If it makes you feel any better our neighbors surname is Dinkleberg. Now let's get that pool we've always wanted!

>>474577
Not really. Since we gave Ivanka the serum why don't we steal our neighbor's barbecue and use that?

"Just go next door and eat the neighbors, alright?"

"...Now that you mention it, they did smell tasty... I'll be right back."

A few minutes go by. Then eventually you hear the front door open, and a blood-covered Ivanka goes into bed. You note that her stomach has something squirming in it.

"So, you ate them all?"

"Yeah... Tasted good, swallowed the kids whole, that sort of thing. Oh, and I think there was a baby. Couldn't tell, really."

"...You swallowed the kids and a baby?"

"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"

Actions.

>...I feel a little sick now. Excuse me. (Stojan becomes more moralistic.)
>Oh, how did they taste?
>...If I was you, I'd start praying for God's forgiveness. (Stojan becomes more religious.)
>...Puke the kids out. Right now. (Stojan becomes more moralistic.)
>...Did you eat the father?
>That's my wife... At this rate, we'll get the entire neighborhood!
>...So, are you full now?
>Well, why don't we read the bible together?
>Write-In

>>474627
>...Puke the kids out. Right now. (Stojan becomes more moralistic.)
>...Did you eat the father?
Ivanka way edgier than us it seems

>...I feel a little sick now. Excuse me. (Stojan becomes more moralistic.)
Have her throw the kids up. In this orded, for sympathy vomiting.

>>474627
>...I feel a little sick now. Excuse me. (Stojan becomes more moralistic.)

Eh. Remnants of humanity and all that lovely jazz?

>>474627
>...I feel a little sick now. Excuse me. (Stojan becomes more moralistic.)
>...Did you eat the father?

At least we still got the pool. Another glorious victory against the humanarchy.

>>474627
>...If I was you, I'd start praying for God's forgiveness. (Stojan becomes more religious.)
>Well, why don't we read the bible together?

>>474650
More like

At least we still got the pool. Another glorious victory against those better off than us.

"...Goddamn... I'm a little sick now... Excuse me."

You burp, and feel some acid nearly go up your throat.

"Did you at least get the father?"

"Father? Oh... Right. I think I read a note that he was getting a car or something."

"...Damn it... I want you to puke out the kids, now."

"Why?"

"...You just ate children!"

"So? I don't see a problem with that."

"Why?!"

"Well, they tasted good. Besides, they were just some humans."

Actions.

>...Puke them out. I demand it.
>Please? Come on, we were human once.
>...Fine, I guess.
>...I'll make sure to pray for you tomorrow. (Stojan becomes more religious.)
>Just wondering, did they taste good at all?
>I want you to find their father and eat him, got it?
>Write-In

>>474665
>...Puke them out. I demand it.
>I want you to find their father and eat him, got it?
Literally the one guy we wanted eaten wasn't there

>>474665
>>Please? Come on, we were human once
Be nice to the wife

>>474665
>...Puke them out. I demand it.

Who did Ivanka eat? There's one baby and at least two children. If you're going to commit complied at least do it right and get the people who actually matter.

>>474682
homicide*

>>474665
>Please? Come on, we were human once.
You can have the father though

"Puke them out, I demand it!"

"Demand it? When did you become moralistic?"

"When you started to eat children and a baby!"

"So? I don't really care, and neither should you. They're just humans, Stojan."

"...Ivanka, please."

"Stojan, why are you making this a big deal? You and I hardly knew them."

"...Are they still alive?"

"No, of course not. I chewed the kids up, you know."

Actions.

>...Come on, please?
>...I'm just going to sleep now.
>Stop resisting me, and puke them out right now!
>...Ivanka, never eat children again, got it?
>If you want to cuddle with me tonight, you'll find that human father and eat HIM. No one else.
>Write-In

>>474713
>If you want to cuddle with me tonight, you'll find that human father and eat HIM. No one else.

>>474713
>If you want to cuddle with me tonight, you'll find that human father and eat HIM. No one else.

>>474713

>If you want to cuddle with me tonight, you'll find that human father and eat HIM. No one else.

>>474713
>did you leave a mess?

If yes.

>I'm going after the father.

And if no.

>...I'm just going to sleep now.

>>474716
>>474718
>>474724
Since when did stojan change genders and start withholding cuddles and screws?

"If you want to cuddle with me tonight, you'll find that human father and eat HIM. No one else."

She sighs.

"Fine. I guess I will."

She gets out of bed...

You are Sebestian, and you've just recently borrowed a friend's car to get a new one. Strange how it vanished over night, but you can always get a new one, right?
Right?
Well, either way, that loan shark won't pay himself... Who knows what he'll do to your family if you fail to pay on time... And you don't even have the money ready yet... You've always made it a life choice to be punctual.

Well, hopefully some apologies will make up for it, you think as you drive home. You can't help but feel you're being followed. But that's silly, you're just an engineer in a electric plant. Who would follow you? It's nearly nine at night!

Actions.

>...It must be that loanshark, probably looking for his money, no doubt.
>...The neighbors have been acting odd recently. Not to mention they're werewolves.
>It could be that woman next door, probably trying to take your car again for a joy ride.
>No, you're just being paranoid.
>Write-In

>>474751
>No, you're just being paranoid.
You're really trying to make us feel for our neighbor here QM

>>474751
>No, you're just being paranoid.
W-what could go wrong guys

>>474751
>No, you're just being paranoid.

I'm sure those werewolves next door are good people.

>>474751
>...It must be that loanshark, probably looking for his money, no doubt.
well, when your evil, you cant have a conscience. and this must be how our QM sorts out whos a edgelord and who's a REAL 'edgelord'*

*as in a lord who kills people with edged weapons.

oh I cant wait to see the abject horror on this ones face.

No, you're just being paranoid. Who would be after you?

You confidently drive down the road, until you come to a light. Being a law-abiding citizen of Poland, you stop at the light, and tap your fingers against the car's door. You can't help but notice that every time you tap your fingers, you hear a sound. Like a dog's paws on pavement.

Actions.

>...That must just be your imagination, right?
>...Turn around, maybe there's someone following you.
>...Huh, must be a beggar or something coming over to ask for money. Probably a werewolf, from the sound of it. Roll down the window and get out your wallet.
>...No, you've seen enough horror movies with your wife and kids to know where this is going. Step on the pedal.
>Write-In

>>474820
>...Huh, must be a beggar or something coming over to ask for money. Probably a werewolf, from the sound of it. Roll down the window and get out your wallet.

>>474820
>...That must just be your imagination, right?

It was probably just a stray dog or werewolf.

>>474820
>...That must just be your imagination, right?

>>474820
>...Huh, must be a beggar or something coming over to ask for money. Probably a werewolf, from the sound of it. Roll down the window and get out your wallet.
Law abiding citizens of Poland are generous too

That's probably just your imagination. You have half a mind to lower the window, but at this hour it's probably a thug or something. Eventually the light turns green and you begin to drive down the road. You can't help but think of the next door neighbors. It was nice meeting them, even if they were a bit... Strange. Past their fur, they're probably nice people. Hell, you should probably invite them to the neighborhood cook out. Too bad everytime you ever looked over that fence, you've seen their man of the house staring straight at you, like some sort of wolf hunting a deer or something. It's always creeped you out. He's probably jealous of your hedges, you've always kept them up to standard.

Eventually, you see your home up ahead. Something feels off however... And you swear you see something rush past you into a bush next to your driveway.
Something is telling you that the open door and smashed windows means something is very, very wrong.

Actions.

>...What's going on in there? Get out of the car.
>...Thank God that King Stojan authorized civilians to use any and all weaponry. Draw your revolver on your personal. You might of never used it, but if there's a burglar, it pays to have protection.
>...What the hell was that thing in the bush? Watch it from the car...
>...Nope out of here. No way.
>...Maybe you can call the police?
>You should go next door for help. Werewolves are good at fighting, aren't they?
>Write-In

>>474869
>...What's going on in there? Get out of the car.

>>474869
>...What's going on in there? Get out of the car.

I know the king of Poland himself! We're good friends and he'll be pissed if something happens to me.

>>474869
>...Thank God that King Stojan authorized civilians to use any and all weaponry. Draw your revolver on your personal. You might of never used it, but if there's a burglar, it pays to have protection

the text already tells us were a stupid neighbor, but nobody is this stupid.

You get out of the car to investigate... You see glowing eyes emerge from the bush. Why a-

Suddenly, a large werewolf towers in front of you, and roars.

"...Hello there!"

It seems somewhat confused.

"Comrade, aren't you supposed to be screaming, running, or fighting?"

Actions.

>You must be from the neighbor's residence, pleased to meet you! Put your hand forward in a handshake!
>Little do you know, burglar, is that I carry state of the art protection! Draw your revolver!
>...Why did it say that? Wait... Is it trying to kill you or something?
>I promise I'll pay my money on time, alright?
>...Quickly, look over there, it's a... Cat?
>Write-In

>>474930
>I promise I'll pay my money on time, alright?
*sigh* dumbass neighbor.

>>474943
Don't forget to press F to pay respects to neighbor, who's not genre-aware.

>>474930
>I promise I'll pay my money on time, alright?
F

"Listen, I-"

However that is, bites down straight on where you are!

Roll me a 1d20 to see if you can dodge!

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>474973
mine! CURSE!!!!!!!!

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>474973
Watch this nat 1

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>474973
NO DEATH

>>474980
F

>>474980
Good job I guess?

Oh shit!

By the time her jaws come down, you've tried to jump into the car, but she comes crashing down on your leg, and the pain is disorienting! Which is however, keeping you from fleeing. She starts to press down on it, no doubt trying to severe your leg off!

Actions.

>Try to break her grab!
>Go for the revolver!
>...You'll have to sacrifice your leg if you want to live! Let her rip it off and get back into the car!
>Try to shout for help!
>Try to reach for the gas pedal!
>Stop! I have a family!
>Write-In

>>475006
>Stop! I have a family!
Let me see my kids one last time!

>>475006
>Go for the revolver!
heh, I'm definitely going to start a case study on my rolls and effect on 4chan dice.

>>475006
>Stop! I have a family!
Isn't like they aren't currently in her stomach or anything

"S-Stop! I HAVE A FAMI-AGGHGH!"

Your leg is violently ripped off, propelling you into your car! You can see whoever it is, swallow your leg whole! Your entire leg, whole!

You attempt to start the car, but it grabs on the car door and tries to force it open! How can it do that?

Roll me a 1d20 to see if you can avoid the classic horror trope of your car failing to start or forgetting your keys or something.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>475046
Watch me ruin it

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>475046
*yawn*

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>475046
Check this crit

huh, now I have a few ideas for experiments. eeenteresting.

18

Good Success!

Your car starts up, but she's already ripped off the car door, but luckily you speed away... Until you hear a thud and look above, and see... Claws sticking through the roof?

Actions

>Swerve! Swerve!!
>Just keep driving, it's fine... Right?
>Try to crash into something... Anything!
>Get out your revolver and fire up there!
>Yell for whoever it is to get down!
>Yell that you don't like your leg getting eaten!
>Write-In

>>475074
>Yell that you don't like your leg getting eaten!

>>475074
>Swerve! Swerve!!

>>475074
>Yell that you don't like your leg getting eaten!

>Swerve! Swerve!!

"WHY DID YOU EAT MY LEG?!?"

You hear a muffled yell, and the roof of your car is ripped off, with a mouth trying to bite straight at you!

Roll me a 1d20 to avoid getting head nommed. -2 for last words or quotes.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>475102
Dicks out for Harambe

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>475102
I don't want him to die QM. The edgefags, why?!

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>475102
I was just on my way to pay the loan shark.

>>475119
Letting him live after eating his wife and children is crueler

>>475129
That begs the question, why eat his wife and kids?!

18-2=16

Great Success!

You head a clean haircut, and feel their teeth graze your scalp. That was a close one!

Then, while you swerve you crash into a house, sending you flying out of the vehicle into the second story room!
You have a headache, and have shards of glass in your face... Not to mention you have a missing leg, and a terrified man in this room.

"Who are you?"

"I'm uh... Sebastian."

"Oh, right. I think I've heard of y-"

You hear a scream from below, and a roar. You quickly hear footsteps going up the staircase... Big footsteps.

Actions.

>Jump back through the window!
>...Hide under the terrified guy's bed!
>Quickly, hide under the desk!
>...Draw your revolver, and pray!
>Turn off the lights, maybe that will help you!
>Write-In

>>475135
I don't think any of us knew that he had kids or a baby at the time. Blame QM. He's the real cancer killing NEQ.

>>475136
>Turn off the lights, maybe that will help you!
It's not like this werewolf has night vision or something.

>>475149
We met his entire goddamn family IIRC m8. Anons just felt like doing it for the lulz.

>>475136
>Turn off the lights, maybe that will help you!

You go over and turn of the light. The man in the room goes and grabs what seems to be a shotgun, and aims it at the door, giving you a chance to hide! The footsteps have stopped directly in front of your door, though.

Actions.

>Hide under his bed!
>...Maybe you should hide under his desk?
>You might not be able to stand, but that won't stop you from helping! Draw your revolver!
>...Maybe you should hide right behind a book case?
>Write-In

>>475198
>You might not be able to stand, but that won't stop you from helping! Draw your revolver!
He's Polish, not a faggot.

>>475198
>Write-In
Bleed out through your severe lower body wound? I mean he isn't a dolly, you can't just detach a leg then run around town.

>>475198
>You might not be able to stand, but that won't stop you from helping! Draw your revolver!

You draw your revolver and aim it carefully at the door... You feel woozy, and the adrenaline has begun to wear off... Then, you see the door open, and see the werewolf from earlier rush through it, grabbing the man with a shotgun and wrestling for it!

Roll me a 1d20 to take the shot!

>>475175
This. If anons cared to check the archive, they'd know that the neighbors aren't assholes.
>Draw revolver and reveal your inner Commissar.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>475244
360 no scope!

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>475244
ITT we kill our wife while playing as our neighbor

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>475244
Omae wa mou shindeiru.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>475244

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>475244
We just wanted the pool for free!/spoiler]

>>475256
Ahaha, we an hero to not let the monster have the satisfaction

>>475256
Can we just give the poor man a chance?

>>475256
Probably shot himself while spilling spaghetti all over. RIP

>>475256
>>475271
Does shotgun guy pick up the tab?

>>475256
oh, and I just get back and think I have to curse a roll. good job anon. you make me proud.

>>475271
>>475256
Did the madman just kill Ivanka and then himself?

>>475284
1=critfail here. so I guess not. he just died horribly.

>>475291
20s count too.

>>475291
Nah, QM takes crit fails and crit successes.

>>475249
>Anon sticking up for me
Thanks, let's try not to get crucified by the rest of the anons

I thought ones override twenties?

Critical Successful Failure?!

You aim down your revolver, and fire a shot straight into her neck. She however, decapitates the shotgun guy and throws his corpse at you, before falling to the ground, clutching at her throat.

You're barely staying awake, and you've just shot someone... Even if she was trying to kill you... And probably killed a few people to do so... You've probably got a few minutes to stay awake. Or seconds.

Actions.

>...Try to go over to help this person... Even if she tried to kill you.
>...Just pass out... You're too weak to move.
>...Fire another shot straight into her head...
>Write-In

>>475305
>...Just pass out... You're too weak to move.
ripped out leg, car chase, it seems reasonable.

>>475305
>...Fire another shot straight into her head...
Fuck it.

>>475305
Help her

>>475305
>...Fire another shot straight into her head...

>>475305
>...Fire another shot straight into her head...
Is this the first character death?

>>475305
>...Just pass out... You're too weak to move.

>>475314
>>475320
JESUS CHRIST ANONS

>>475305
>...Just pass out... You're too weak to move.
I'm not sure you can wank around with your leg missing and probably still bleeding

seems like some of you want to kill Ivanka. very eenteresting. I wonder what the mentality is behind that?

>>475305
Pass out.

QM, this is actually irritating that anons are going full edge.

>>475331
Satan Anti, find Freud and stop the edgelord madness!

>>475333
Honestly, I wasn't expecting anyone to want to kill Ivanka.

>>475333
Now I'm mostly edge but there's no way I'd kill the waifu

>>475338
It just seems that since thread 5 or 6 Anons have gone from eat human soldiers, maybe an occasional civilian, to fuck everything we need to worship Khorne and kill our wife.

I'm voting to pass out but I'd like to think that if our neighbor could he would help Ivanka as that's what his king would want. Just to make the Polish ubersmench all that much shining compared to Stojan.

>>475343
I respect that man. You read the quest and make a decision based on what these characters would normally do in your opinion. I have a problem with the anons who destroy the story in search of edginess, not you.

>>475338
sure, let me get a time machine. oh wait. there isn't one. my powers are dice related and very unreliable at that.

and I unfortunately don't know an actual psychologist.

your going to either have to figures something clever out or initiate GM fiat. otherwise, you could always make me roll for good aim, but that may or may not work depending on if my newly discovered bullshit is a once a day kind of thing.

lastly. it seems theres a fifty fifty split for pass out

Rolled 2 (1d2)

So, rolling.

1=Shoot Ivanka.
2=Pass out

May the dice restore sanity. If it is shoot Ivanka, I want a good damned explanation beyond "lol character death."

You nearly grab your revolver to fire... But you pass out, and begin to bleed out on the floor...

You are Stojan, and you've just watched the next door neighbor get chased by Ivanka, crash into a building, and for Ivanka to rampage through it, killing a few people. Maybe you should restore sanity.

Actions.

>Nah, they're probably fine.
>You should go up there and stop Ivanka from killing more civilians.
>Rush up there, hopefully Ivanka's alright.
>Eh, you kind of are hungry... Might want to eat someone.
>Write-In

>>475357
>>475338
>asking Anti when the other constant reader edgefag is the psychology student.

What I'm hoping is that anons are voting to kill Ivanka as they are IC as the neighbor.

...what I actually think it is is that anons want to see how far they can push the limit. As a writefag as well, it will be pretty interesting as to how you handle this development, but as a reader it was cool to see you take it as changes to their personality. Thanks for writing this in the first place QuestingQM.

>>475360
The reason I voted to kill Ivanka was because anons decided to kill the neighbors despite all the shit we put them through. I just got sick of the whole "lol werewolves eat everyone" shit, and wanted to see at least one character stand up against an obviously murderous werewolf.

>>475371
>Nah, they're probably fine.

>>475371
>Nah, they're probably fine.
No one can hurt Ivanka, she just upgraded!

File: thUI3OL5E2.jpg (7 KB, 299x96)

7 KB JPG

>>475371
>You should go up there and stop Ivanka from killing more civilians.
>Rush up there, hopefully Ivanka's alright.
>Eh, you kind of are hungry... Might want to eat someone.
the many faces of stojan
>>475360
though you walk through the valley of the shadow of the lord, you should fear no edge, for I am with you.

>>475371
>Rush up there, hopefully Ivanka's alright

We just leveled her up. We can't lose her now.

>>475372
>>475371
>>You should go up there and stop Ivanka from killing more civilians.
I meant constant namefag not edgefag whoops