File: First Opponent.jpg (42 KB, 177x363)

42 KB JPG

>>288039
Hello everyone and WELCOME to NO MORE QUESTS #1, based off the No More Heroes franchise!

Some ground rules, voting will be ten minutes, and rolls will be best of three d20s!

Here's a picture of probably your first unfortunate victim! KILL her, take her ranking, and SLASH YOUR WAY TO THE TOP!!

>>288039
Gregory Rasputin
>You’ve spent years honing your psychic prowess for this moment. You’ll kill her and everyone else with a thought till you’re #1.

>>288054
Eat a dick, traitor.

>>288081
NIGGA I TRIED!! IT WAS TACO TUESDAY!! I'M SOOORRRYYYY!!

>>288039
Andy D'Rude
>You’ve spent years honing your psychic prowess for this moment. You’ll kill her and everyone else with a thought till you’re #1.

>>288091
Hey man, I don't hate you. I love the games, don't care which board you do the quest on.

>>288099
thanks man. Now please for the love of god vote, there's still 6 minutes.

>>288039
I vote to be the bunny girl in stead, kill this uppity newcomer and become number one.

>>288120
Was anticipating this. That's why there's no write-in for THIS PORTION!! MUAHAHAHAHA

but naw nothing's stopping your from suggesting a female name, go ahead

>>288105
I did. I'm the dude who Voted the not-Gregori Rasputin. Russian Psychic.

>>288075
>>288096
>>288124
>>288120


Alright, votes tallied, we are now a Psychic, BUT we do not have a name.

CURRENT NAMES AVAILABLE!
CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER:
>Andy D'Rude
>Gregory Raspustin
>Bunny Girl

>>288136

>Name Cherry (the psychic bunny girl)

>>288136
>Gregory Raspustin

>>288154
Just to clarify, if you choose to be the Bunny Girl, you are NOT a Psychic, you are the Bunny Girl. With lasers and shit.

>>288157

I vote for bunny girl then

>>288164
>>288155
We are tied between not!Rasputin and the Bunny Girl.

Once more to clarify, you take the Bunny Girl, you are not ACTUALLY a Bunny Girl, nor will you be psychic. You'll be a boring Human with claws and you won't be glorious moe.

>>288155
>>288208
>I vote this

>>288208
My vote stays bunny girl, but I don't mind being psychic Gregory Rasputin if Gregory Rasputin is female.

>>288218
Just wouldn't be 4chan if SOMEONE didn't want to be the little girl.

Makes me preserve my hope for this board

>>288226
I'm not sure either of us are going to change our minds, but you do have two characters here ready for a death match

You could write out the fight and let our rolls decide who advances

>>288244
You make a valid point... ah FUCK it,

Roll twice, we'll see who wins and who we play for the rest of the campaign.

Make sure to tell us which person you're rolling for!

>>288262
What dice are we rolling?

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>288262
Rolling for bunny girl

We're rolling d20s?

>>288272
sadness

>>288272
Yes.

>>288262
rollan for andy. we can kit him out with a trenchcoat and gar shades.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>288291
wow im a fucking retard

>>288298
Well fuck.

Hey guys who wants to play as Andy D'Rude?

>>288298
Well. Gregory poster here, can we at least ditch the Trenchcoat edgelord crud?

>>288309
yeah sure. can we keep the gar shades? i like gar shades.

>>288304
I lost, I can't beat a twenty.

It'll be hard to turn our character into a lesbian now, but that's going to be what I vote towards every time I see the chance.

>>288298
>>288304
>>288309
>>288312
Writan' now.

>>288316
you'll get your chance

>>288316
A lesbian man. Named Andy. Okay.

>>288322
I'm not expecting it to be easy, but it's good to have goals.

>>288328
>>288322
im down. i like nothing more than unpredictable twists.

>>288321
She doesn’t stand a chance. You concentrate, ever so slightly flexing the mental muscles that grant you control over so many things. A split second later you’re levitating off the ground, a circular gust of wind blowing from you from all directions, showing off the little bubble that is now your space. You take off, leaning forward, giving the impression that you’re flying with the aid of absolutely nothing. You feel like Superman. The girl in the bunny outfit is slightly startled now, thinking she might be out of her league against a dude who can fly. Never the less she’s going to put up a fight.

She unsheathes her claws, meeting your charge with a battle cry. Hoo boy you hope the cameras are ready for a close up. You stop midway, opening your arms in a ‘come-get-some’ pose. She keeps coming, tensing her legs and launching herself at you like a blood lusting pogo stick. It only goes so far though. She suddenly stops mid flight, her entire body suspended in an awkward pose. You give a smug grin. The show’s about to begin. She SLAMS into the ground as if she were suddenly lead, a small crater forming around her outline in the grassy dirt accompanied by a yelp of pain. You up the dosage.

Gone is the grass that had cushioned her face first landing, the weight of a very large boulder is now upon her, crushing bone and stretching sinew, pulling a hoarse scream from her lips. It looks as if a meteorite had hit this one particular area, only 14 feet in diameter and perfectly symmetrical. She continues to scream as the weight does not relent. You’re certain legs aren’t supposed to bend like that. You lift her up in your psychic grip, depriving her of air as you tighten your invisible hands around her neck.

You bring her to eye level with you, the malicious grin now a full on gleeful smile. She spits on your shades. She’s asking for it, “Hey camera guy, you getting’ this? Watch close, I want the replay when we’re done!”

With those last words you hoist her up high, twirling her around till you hear her spine snap, and proceed to do the same with the rest of her body. Waist and torso spin in two separate directions, so do the fore arms and biceps, the calves and the soleus. Like a sick spinning top you bring it all home and take the pieces off. Blood showers you and the camera crew as you arrange her like a gold kindergarten star.

You hold a few more minutes, and finally let go. You land safely feet first on the ground as her pieces descend from the heavens, and you look into the camera, your reflection showing a comparatively small trickle of blood from your nose.

>”My name is Andy D’Rude, and THAT’s what’s gonna happen to NUMBER #1 when I TAKE HIS PLACE!!”

>”Andy’s the name, and you're looking at the soon-to-be greatest assassin in the world!”

>”Money, fame, bitches.”

>>288437
>>”Andy’s the name, and you're looking at the soon-to-be greatest assassin in the world!”

also if this ends with us getting murdered by travis i will laugh until im sick.

>>288456
I'm good with this

>>288466
Ya gonna vote or...?

>>288437
>>”Andy’s the name, and you're looking at the soon-to-be greatest assassin in the world!”

>>288493
>”Andy’s the name, and you're looking at the soon-to-be greatest assassin in the world!”

>>288456
>>288502
>>288511
Writing now.

File: Spoiler Image (102 KB, 720x970)

102 KB JPG

>>288513
“Andy’s the name, and you’re looking at the soon-to-be greatest assassin in the world!” You strike a cocky pose and take off your gar shades, wiping the blood off and winking to the camera. You always fancied yourself a ladies man, you swear.

“Aaaanddd, CUT! Well dun, Mr. D’rude, you are now ze 99th ranked killer in ze world!” A provocatively dressed woman stands from the Director’s chair, French barrette on top of white hair. You’ve heard of this woman. Sylvia Christel. She’s been around for a while, since the very first days of legendary figures like Dark Star, Destroy Man, and… and… you forget that one guys name. Torvis Football or something or other. But wait that mean’s she’s-

Your train of thought is cut off by two men, dressed in hazmat gear with what looks like vacuums. That’s the clean-up crew. They’re not allowed to talk. Sylvia walks up and around you, examining you in your outfit, “Zat deth was one of ze most brutal I ‘ave seen in a long while. You just might make it in our little… organization.” She says.

“Oh I don’t plan to just make it Ms. Christel, I plan to be number #1!” She cocks an eyebrow at this, “You remind me of some one. We had someone like you once. We’ll see if you can match him or better yet…” she walks behind you to join the clean-up crew while the recording crew packs up and wipes some stray bunny blood from their equipment, “Surpass him.”

Who ever “he” is you plan on doing just that. You plan on KILLING him, just like you’ll do to #1!

Anyways, it’s time to head home. They’ll call you in the morning, and you need to head home.

(cont.)

>>288583
and you need to catch some sleep* fuckin typos

Not having a car you had bussed here. You do have a driver’s license but it seems a bit of a waste to buy a car in Santa Destroya. Some asshole’ll just steal it or it’ll get blown up or any number of other things. Regardless, you wait for the bus, present your fare and head on back to the crazy city.

That being said just where DO you live?

>an apartment complex in the rougher side of town

>A Motel

>A house on the edge of the city, still not far away enough to deter any crime though. Sucks.

>Something else?

>>288603
>>an apartment complex in the rougher side of town

>>288603
>Something else

You hide out in the gym storage building of the all girls high school

>>288603
>>an apartment complex in the rougher side of town

>>288623
>>288650
Apartment

>>288626
Lesbian Option

Sorry lesbro. Writing

>>288603
You bought an apartment on the rougher side of town. Really it’s more of a mild option compared to the 1sr and 2nf districts. There are 10 districts total, the higher the better and you live in the 4tg. The primary concern is the turf war going on between the local Japanese gang and it’s neo-splinter partner. Something about wives? Regardless the cops are calling it the WTWs, or Waifu Turf Wars.

You check to make sure your key is still in your pants pocket and luckily it is. The things kinda small, only one bedroom and bathroom, a “kinda kitchen” said the lease guy (and it is), and a living room. Last you remember you had decorated it with stuff you previously had in your parent’s basement.

No one must know of that time.

Now though, you remember the apartment is filled with

>WRASSLIN’ paraphernalia

>Weeb shit. Figurines and the like. No body pillow though, you’ve not sank that low.

>Counter culture kinda stuff. Punk rock, hard metal, hell even a guitar here and there with some stage equipment

>Or was it something else?

>>288695
>WRASSLIN' paraphernalia

Also a pet cat. You'll never beat travis without your own cat.

>>288603

I'm liking the apartment complex. Maybe we can have a wacky roommate.

>>288708
didn't say it was Travis though did I you meta gaming fuck

>>288695
>>Counter culture kinda stuff. Punk rock, hard metal, hell even a guitar here and there with some stage equipment
How about we don't be a cheap knock off?

>>288695
>>Weeb shit. Figurines and the like. No body pillow though, you’ve not sank that low

>>288712
Aw, are we gonna get sliced in my motherfucking Henry, just when we think we're gonna get to fight Travis?

>>288708
Even if he's not here in the quest, we're competing against his memory. That cat was the best thing about his apartment.

>>288695
And our collection of hipster indie games that then went mainstream. No one must know we still love them.

>>288728
You'll have to wait and see.
You meta gaming fuck

Rolled 3 (1d3)

>>288708
>>288712
>>288719


Well shit we have a vote for each one.

NEED A TIE BREAKER GONNA ROLL FOR IT

Well shit I messed up a bit but weeb shit won.
so sorry.

>>288777
Trips confirm

>>288708
>>288733
Pets are boss. But as cool as Travis is, we could have a different pet. Like, say, an Iguana. Or a sugar glider. We've got lots of options, and 97 more battles before we have to worry about maybe facing Travis. Hell, maybe he and Henry left, and now it's just bitter Shinobu that she couldn't get with Travis left sitting at the top.

>>288820
I'd be cool with any pet, they add a lot of personality to a living space.

Also they're a target for easy kidnapping attempts and can wreck your shit when you're not there.

>>288769
>>288777

There’s a reason you don’t want anyone to know about your… collection. It’s a tad embarrassing and you don’t want the WTW to come literally knocking on your door. You climb up the creaky wooden stairs to the second to last floor, the 11th floor of 12. On your way, you find the land lady, Ms. Chung, “Why you so rate fo’ youre’ paimonts Andy!” She practically screams at you, whacking you over the head as you try to escape up the stairs.

“OW! I’m- OW- sorry Ms. Chung! OW- I’ll –OW!- have it –OW- by tomorrow, please stop!” The relentless assault ends and you are bombarded by a haze of Chinese. It’s already hard to understand her accent but she’s a fucking Tommygun in her native language. She always finishes with an “AIYUH” before quickly scuttling back to her apartment into the smell of onions and pork. There you always hear what seems like a record player blaring high pitched Chinese songs. It fucking grates but hey, she always lets you extend a week, she knows you’re good for it.

Finally you make it to the 11th floor, and click the lock open with the key.

Upon opening you are greeted by

>Your cat!

>Your dog!

>Your lizard/other reptile

>Your fish- HOLY SHIT!

>Your something else!
.

>>288868
>Cat

>>288868
>>Your dog!

>>288886
>>288910
Ten minutes.

The cat and dog wars will have to wait till tomorrow though, imma stop it here. Hope it wasn't too short for you guys, still trying to find my pace.

also how the fuck do you archive please...

>>288868
Your Lizard/other reptile
Make it a bearded dragon.

>>288956
it's always a three way tie damn it.

anyways goodnight, hope to see the thread still up next morning.

thanks for coming guys!

worse comes to worse please for the love of god just tell me how to archive and give me some constructive criticism.

>>288955
Thanks for running.

I look forward to future threads

>>288868
>>Your dog!

>>288868
>Write in: Your Ferret

Came in late, but thanks for running! Was always looking for a NMHQuest, glad someone's taking a swing at it!

>>288868
>Lizard

>>288984
As for archiving, check out
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/requestqstinterface.html?

(And We're back! So while I figure out how to archive, hich I THINK I have, I'll start another ten minute vote period for the pet we have in our weeb apartment! Current votes are as follows:

>>288886
1 Cat

>>288910
>>289050
2 Dog, you decide the breed

>>288956
>>290653
2 Lizard, looking like Bearded Dragon

>>290171
And 1 Ferret!

GET TA' VOTIN'!!)

>>291317
Lizard. We can call him Ed.

>>291340
Well unless anyone has any objections, I'll leave this here for five minutes while I shamelessly shill on the general thread.

If you are comfortable with the Bearded Dragon Ed, then tell us please.

>>291317
>>291340
It looks like Ed the Bearded Dragon takes it with three votes! Writing now!

>>291407
Hee hee eddie lizard

File: fearEdtheDRAGON.jpg (10 KB, 259x194)

10 KB JPG

>>288868

Upon entering your domicile you’re immediately greeted by the gaze of your roommate and beloved pet, Ed. Spiky little shit left you a present on the rug for you to clean while he roamed but eh, he takes care of pests behind the fridge so you can’t complain. You pick him up and give him a little snuggle, to which he happily snuggles back with an affectionate hissss. He turns on his back and you rub his fat flat belly, which you note that he actually needs to lose a couple pounds.

For now though he take him back and put him back in his comfy cage under his sun lamp, where he flutters his eyes closed and falls asleep. You turn your attention to the living room and with a thought clean the lizard shit from your rug, levitating it into your trash can. You sink into your single bean bag chair and think about what you’ve done today. Just ended someone’s life, no biggie. It won’t be the last, after all this IS the UAA. Worse though is that you check your bank balance, the bitch wasn’t even worth all that much! Neither were the lackeys they put in your way! All in all you now have 50,000 dollars in your bank account. Originally it was supposed to be 100,000, but the UAA takes a half cut of the profit. Where the hell it goes you have no clue, probably into their pockets. People who run this shit must be rich cause the numbers at the very top of the rankings range anywhere from billions to trillions. Money is no object it seems.

For now though, you seem to have 2 un-read voice mails on your phone, from an Unavailable number and one from a video store.

Shady.

>What’ll it be?

>Check the voice mail, see what they both want.

>Head somewhere else, check out the video store maybe.

>Check your fridge!

>Check your wardrobe for a change of clothes! (YOU decide!)

>>291506
>Check the voice mail, see what they both want.
>Check your fridge!
Can't assassinate on an empty stomach

>>291506
>Check the voice mail, see what they both want.

>>291572
>>291596
I'll combine the two then!

>>291506

You hop off the bean bag and bring your phone up, calling your voice mail and checking the first one from the video store while you open up the fridge and fix yourself a sandwich! Fuckin’ LOVE hoagies! The familiar drone of the very board returns person greets you, “Yeah, hi it’s Tom from Beef Head videos, calling you about an overdue Dvd, um… Nippon Adventure Sakura Special Edition, Heart of Magic? We still have the value deal where you can buy the Dvd and keep it sir but that requires a membership. Just get it back as soon as possible I have someone else who needs to return a copy of Big Giggity Girls 3. Have a nice day.”

Weirdo always did share too much. You tap 7 and delete it, making a mental note to return the Dvd later, along with your trillion other late ones. You stack on the lettuce, swiss, ham, mustard and tomato between two delicious loaves of wheat and check the Unavailable number.

“Hello Mr. D’rude. I’m calling about your new placement in the UAA rankings. Congratulations, you are now the 99th ranked assassin! We have filled out the forms necessary, and the next fight will be two days from now for the 88th place. Have a nice day sir. Oh! Before I forget, there is also the matter of your entrance fee!”

Entrance fee? You pick up a cold one from the fridge, a root beer, straight edge, actual beer makes you a bit… wonky, and sit yourself on your bean bag chair, bringing up an episode of Pikeman while you continue to listen to the message.

“For this tournament, to cover the cost of insurance, body bags, cleanup crew, advertisement, networking and so on,” you take a chomp out of your hoagie, swallow and wash it down with some root beer, “Your entrance fee will have to be one million dollars”

>WHAT!?

>SPIT TAKE ONE WHAT!?

>No way, fuck that, you’ll enter next time. You aren’t Rockefeller.

>Eh, fuck it. Get off your lazy ass and find yourself some… “work”.

>>291732

>The hell? Are they gonna charge that much for every match? Better off crashing the party!

File: Spoiler Image (14 KB, 282x282)

14 KB JPG

>>291808
A write-in! I'll USE IT! NO-ONE WILL EVER KNOW

>>291732
>SPIT TAKE ONE WHAT!?

>>291732

Man FUCK that! The moment the tournament comes around, you’ll just fucking crash it! FUCK those guys for trying to rip you off!

You hear a knocking on your door. You open it thought there’s no one there. You look down on the floor and see a parchment. You kneel and pick it up, ripping it open to see a letter inside.

“Sup asshole! You better have gameshark in this bitch, cause unless you hack, you GOTTA get a job! Oh what, you didn’t expect one or two meta jokes here and there?! FUCK YOU this is No More Heroes and we’ve got an even LOWER budget than the FIRST GAME!! Point is, you’ll be STUCK at #99 less you pay the entrance fee! Hell even if you DID decided to crash the party two days from now you wouldn’t even GET the 88th rank and you’ll have wasted more of your time! Besides, we figured new game new mechanics! Go take a job and get some sweet SWEEE~T EXP to level up your skills and help you with rolls! PLUS! The more jobs you take the more Easter Eggs you’ll find! So get to it!

-Your,
The Development Team"

Well shit.

>What now?

>Fuck who ever sent this letter, wait a day or two and crash their shit regardless

>Fuck it, maybe they’re right. ‘Sides you need the money and the exercise.

>MINI GAMES, Train your bearded dragon for 5 hours till he’s fuckin’ /fit/ but YOU’RE NOT.

>>291966
MINI GAMES FAGGOT

>>291966
>>Fuck it, maybe they’re right. ‘Sides you need the money and the exercise.
Prioritize gains and dinero

>>291966
Well, if the other participants got that kinda dough to throw around to enter the combat, maybe you could take out two birds with one stone.... Nah, too hard to find em, unless we've got some kinda psychic locator power.

Seeing that doesn't work, I guess we'll mope and play with Ed.

>>291966
>>Fuck it, maybe they’re right. ‘Sides you need the money and the exercise

>>291984
>>292014
2 votes for mini games

>>291995
>>292048
2 votes for mental gains and money

I'll need a tie breaker though, else I'll roll for it.

>>292064

Well, unless it's important, couldn't it be "play with ed for a couple hours, then go out"?

>>292082
You could do that
It's still got 5 minutes left.

>>292082
Eh, alright, we'll do both, writing

File: EddiesoCutie.jpg (51 KB, 540x360)

51 KB JPG

>>291966

>>291966
Well shit, he said Easter Eggs and stuff… maybe there’s mini games? And what kind of name is No More Heroes?

Eh, wait ever. You’ll get a job, get the entrance fee money along with some pocket change, but first! Your little Eddie-Weddie needs some play time!
…
…
Get your mind out of the gutter.

You pick up your beloved pet lizard from his spot under his sun lamp and poke him awake. He gives off a little lizard yawn and smiles at you with his open mouth, ready to play! You dissolve into a training montage! He’s running on his hind legs, you running beside him! You’re playing ball, and he’s winning by a three pointer! You watch a movie together, and finally, it all comes to a close as you put him back in his sun spot, as he does his cute little lizard yawn.
…

You look out the window, and see its still daylight! That means the Job Centre is still open! You head out your door and down the stairs, busing to the Job Centre,
(cont.)

>>292235
Can't believe my bearded lizard suggestion won.

>>292256
You should. Because they're adorable.

File: Spoiler Image (134 KB, 856x1200)

134 KB JPG

>>292235

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_NaEJT02FY&index=5&list=PL6B4E71C0877BD29F

The lady at the counter greets you and you show her your “registration”. She immediately understands and leaves, being replaced by this pic related picture of beauty. She brings up a list of currently available assassin contracts that’re accessible to someone of your… “Stature”.

“Pick somethin’ an’ quick jackass, doc says I’m like, the Usain Bolt of lung cancer”, the grizzly women says as she takes a long drag of a cig you hadn’t noticed before.

>Choose your gainful employment!

>Clean out a rival drug lord’s house! (Easy 1 EXP)

>Assassinate a visiting diplomat! (Medium 2 EXP)

>Assassinate the leader of a small faction of South American rebel forces! (Hard 3 EXP)

>MYSTERY Special!! (???)

I have been abandoned.

Punished Announcer.

A QM denied his Quest...

>>292300
>>Assassinate a visiting diplomat! (Medium 2 EXP)

>>292300
>>Assassinate a visiting diplomat! (Medium 2 EXP)

>>292300
>>Assassinate a visiting diplomat! (Medium 2 EXP)

>>292410
>>292439
>>292472
thank you... so much

Writing

>>292481
hey man, i like no more heroes and you seem like a good qm. i just had to run out and buy a sandwich

>>292300

After some debate, you decide to take the diplomat job. The pay is enough to ensure you’ll be able to buy groceries AND pay your rent and some late fees even after clearly being extorted for that damn 88th rankings place. You thank the lady and she falls backwards, only to be replaced by the other job centre attendant. This place is a spy HQ you know it.

You glance down at the address and decide to bus there like you usually do.

>LOADING SCREEN NIGGA

[Also Imma have to stop the quest here for now, we'll continue tomorrow but I gots to go for now. Thanks all for showing up!]

>>292527
>a fucking no more heroes quest
i love you senpai, literally my favorite game series
also, posting best theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk77S5KvCx8
thanks again for the thread man, can't wait for more

>>293301
Hey, you're welcome man, I just finished number 2 again and figured shit, I should run a quest on this shit. Also, do you have Rank 4 Margaret Moonlight's fucking whistling? I don't mean her theme Philistine but the tune she whistles at the start of her fight... I'm trying to memorize it.

>>293317
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq2XMX1x8j8
right here my dude, beginning part, and thanks again man, just please don't quit on us like other qm's, i would literally be devestated
as long with the fact we'll never get NMH 3

>>293335
it hurts bro. But now we have Andy. Let's fucking do this. Also can you archive this thread? I'm still trying to figure it out even though it's RIGHT F***ING THERE ON SUPTG!!

>>293394
idk how to, sorry guy

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=NMQ,No%20More%20Quest
There you go, did it with mobile so sorry if I misspelled something. Also there's a button on the left side that says add thread just click there and follow the form at the bottom.

>>294761
Works great man! Thanks!

I'll continue this shortly, but for now I've got some boxes to unpack.

Woo!

i hope you didn't leave you fuck, i'm counting on you.

>>297512
Imma run tomorrow man, don't worry. Got it written down and everything. I've been busy is all, moving an' shit

been keeping up with the Brexit vote. The fire rises.

>>297587
ALL HAIL BRITANNIA
GG EU KEKS

>>297675
born to late to explore the world
born to early to explore the galaxy
born just in time to see the fire rise

five bucks the fucking Eu'll pull a George Bush Jr. on Britain.

SO,

No More Quest 2 is up! Get your asses down there!