Lurking

>>121115
FUCK YES

>>121115
Do a wraith jig with your familiar to celebrate the death of a wise man, and contact with Dedd God

>>121115
If we're a strict carnivore, how did we eat boiled yogurt

>>121166
It's made out of the blood of water cucumbers

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You begin to cross Volgwoor bridge with your faithful gonccubus companion, Khoktees II. As you approach the peak of the bridge's arch, you spot two armored wizards blocking the way forward. They can very clearly see you, but have not acknowledged your presence.

Your inventory consists of five pounds of edible wizard meat, one good condition wizard skeleton, and an amulet depicting the God of Pests, Glunjorr.

What is your next action?

>>121197
Do a "weekend at Bernie's" with the wizard skeleton saying that you want to enter in their mystical laird.

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>>121204

You fit what bits of Widner's skeleton over Khoktwo's slender body, puppeting her arms from behind. Your perfect infiltration act is primed! What will you do to convince the armor wizards of your legitimacy?

>>121240
perform a spooky skeleton dance for the men.
one that only a real skeleton would know.

>>121240
a purple spell?

>>121240
"Hello there armored folks, I've come here to your humble evil lair to do evil things with you"
*proceed to cast black fire out of the skeleton's mouth*

>>121255
Only a real skeleton would know that, not convincing enough

>>121262
not with that attitude

>>121262
we must tap into our inner skeleton

>>121296
we all have one

>>121299
That's exactly what a skeleton with a fleshy disguise would say!

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>>121256

Armor wizards have a reputation of being freshly out-of-magic-and-swords college students who couldn't decide if they wanted to be a knight or a wizard, so their knowledge of actual magic is often rudimentary at best.

You summon a few unimpressive purple balls and make them dance in your bone puppet's hands in the most realistic way possible.

The armor wizards look at each other for a moment, and then part to allow you passage.

You put the skeleton back in your inventory.

You are now standing before Volgwoor Keep. A door with a barred porthole is the first entrance you can see. You can either try the barred door or go around the keep to find another way in.

>>121313
Cast a spell to see through the door

There must be another way around. Barred doors aren't very welcoming, usually.

>>121313
knock politely.

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>>121325

You walk north around the edge of the keep. On the northern side of the keep, you see a guard standing on the ramparts near an archer tower. He has not noticed you. His attention is fixated on the wild adult BELONGO standing next to the keep walls.

>>121372
Use a spell to push the guard onto the animal.

>>121372
have Khokky seduce the Belongo.

Throw one of your wizard meats at the guard, provoking the BELONGO to attack.

>>121372
Pet the BELONGO. MAke it our mount

This >>121381 then this>>121385

>>121393
Seconding

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>>121385

You approach the docile beast. It cranes its head down to meet your palm, and you gently pat its rough-skinned nasal bridge.

The belongo seems to be taking to you quite nicely, but further action is required to gain permission to climb its shoulders. What will you do next?

>Being a wizard and not knowing never to trust or approach or acknowledge a BELONGO. welp, i had more fun when we werent a gored stain on the ground.

>>121412
Give it some wizard meat, let Khokatoo lick its face

>>121412
seduce with flesh. I'll let you pick whose flesh. we have wizard flesh, gonccubus flesh and other wizard flesh.

Perform your world-famous BELONGO call.

>>121412
Conjure some delicious food that BELONGO likes then pet some more

>>121426
guess we're getting sodomized by a belongo now. with that guard and all his buddies watching.

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>>121426

You prepare to put your extensive knowledge of Brooglimbian Animal Husbandry to use once again as you prepare your pitch-perfect impersonation of a belongo call. However, you can't seem to remember which tone will produce the result you desire...

OOOOOORRROOORGH

BIBIBIBIBIBI SNOOOOORRK

FFFFFFFNNIIIIIIIIINK

>>121433
belongo? What are you talking about?

I only see a BELONGO here.

>>121450

What fantastic form and execution. This will surely seduce the BELONGO

>>121450
>FFFFFFFNNIIIIIIIIINK

>>121450
>BIBIBIBIBIBI SNOOOOORRK
BIBIBIBIBIBI SNOOOOORRK
>BIBIBIBIBIBI SNOOOOORRK
BIBIBIBIBIBI SNOOOOORRK
>BIBIBIBIBIBI SNOOOOORRK
BIBIBIBIBIBI SNOOOOORRK
>BIBIBIBIBIBI SNOOOOORRK
BIBIBIBIBIBI SNOOOOORRK
>BIBIBIBIBIBI SNOOOOORRK

>>121450
Sassy

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>>121466

Apparently, that was a very violent belongo reverberation, as the now enraged belongo has kicked down a sizeable portion of the keep wall. However, the frenzied animal is kicking up a storm right in front of the newly made entryway, so attempting to progress into the keep would result in getting skewered by one of the belongo's sharp, boney spindles.

Rolled 2 (1d10)

>>121503

I hear grilled BELONGO is delicious.

Wait for the BELONGO to calm down, while enjoying a snack.

>>121503
Quick! Calm it with some wizard meat!

>>121503

this>>121509
and share em with khoktees II

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>>121509
>>121516

You decide to take a well-deserved break. You settle down on the soft grass and share a wizard flank with Khoktowel. An hour passes and the belongo eventually gallops away, still whooping and kicking.

Will you proceed into the keep?

>>121543
take a nap

>>121543
Yes

>>121543

PROCEED into the KEEP

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>>121548

Your slowed pace and full stomach get the best of you as your eyelids grow heavier. Khoktwo wraps around your midriff as you lean against the keep wall, hoping to get some well-deserved sleep.

>>121574
Dream of your childhood endeavours

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>>121580

You are in a dream. You have no teeth. You are back at your familiar childhood playground.

The older kids are yelling at you.

Bring the leaves.

Bring the leaves.

>>121597
Burn it all....

>>121597
Flip them off
Especially Glumpf, that you don't know why he's here, but apparently he's saying something

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>>121604

You try to raise your arms, but your limbs feel numb and lethargic. You can only wave yourself forward at a snail's pace, the screaming children slowly getting quieter behind you.

Around you there is laughter. Cackling, even. A single phrase being repeated over and over.

She's waiting.

>>121618
BRING THE LEAVES TO THEM ALREADY

>>121618
"WHO IS WAITING?"

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>>121629

You are not moving. You twist and thrash but you are stuck in place. You cannot breathe. Pain and static is closing in all around you.

She's not happy.

>>121641
"Khoktees! Oh how I've missed you, how have you been?"

>>121641
This won't end well, will it.

>>121641
khoktees?

THIS IS OUR NEW HOME!!!

>>121641
If this is your dream and you are a wizard, MAKE A BOILED YOGHURT RAIN AND POOL. Just like you remembered

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>>121650

SWALLOW THE DARK MAN

>>121668
I suddenly popped a boner...what dark sorcery is this?

>>121668
I didn't know you had a thing for me Khoktees

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>>121668

It's morning. You awaken with a start on the northern wall of Volgwoor Keep. The dream you had is already starting to fade from your consciousness. However, you still feel an all-encompassing sense of unease.

What will you do now?

>>121684
Walk to the destroyed wall like nothing happened

>>121684
Slide down the hill with the skeleton and make a grand entrance inside the ruins, that will sure lyimpress the people inside the building

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>>121684

Takin anotha break guys. Might be a while before I can post again but the thread will live.

Clean your wizard bible.

>>121732
HAve a good rest DrawWIzard

>>121732
Rest easy wizmaster

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you at da bar an dis fat fuck slap yo gf's ass
wat do????

>>121818
Beg mercy from your gf, you don't want her to be arrested for manslaughter.

>>121842
that thing's no man

>>121894
animal abuse then

>>121818
slap his ass to establish dominance

>>121732
Question: The original khoktees became a demon lord and was removed from your party. You had a spell that made companions immune from disease, and khoktees had dysentary before you learned the spell. Now that khoktees is no longer a companion, doesnt that mean khoktees has dysentary again?

>>122412
Nah, it was cured, plus she's a demon, she can do magic n shiet

>>122412
I for one hope dysentery just so happens to be a demon king's greatest weakness. Well, that and getting your noggin sliced in half. Evidently that will also do it.

>>122418
I think with the power of friendship we can win her over, I mean it was my idea to make her our pet, right anons? r-right?

>>122423
you guys also used her as a makeshift flail, stuffed paper up her arse and sent her through a portal to hell. I'm sure I'm also forgetting a bunch of other stuff.

on the other hand, boiled yogurt.

I'd say your chances are about 50-50.

>>122437
Hey we also got her a sweet ass ski mask!

>>122453
we never checked if it smelled of farts. or flowers or whatever garbage fairies find repulsive. that golem was a dick.

>>122461
She obviously loved it, she was the one that put it on in the first place.

>>121684
I like Khoktees II better than the first one already.

>>122471
We affectionately call her Khokatwo

>>122437
We did cure her DYSENTERY with a HUG as well. So it wasn't all "using you as a blunt instrument".

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Bump
>>122466

>>121115

https://youtu.be/W0QxN6Il6q4

wizmaster come back

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>>127355

Wizard Fact:

It is widely accepted that the first wizard was Snackipark of Imar, an unsuccessful rock merchant who found that he could make rocks dance by thinking at them really hard.

He was born over 5000 years before the events of Wizard Quest.

This has been Wizard Facts: Yesterday's Today, Tomorrow.

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>>121688

You are now inside the walls of Volgwoor keep. You find it odd that nobody's bothered to begin repairing the hole in the wall. You notice a nearby poster, bearing a strange symbol, that has the words "BOOBO BANOOBO" written on it in large, noticeable letters. You do not know what this means.

To the east is the municipal district. To the west is the market square.

>>127637
Search the Keep

>>127637
check behind poster

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>>127640
>>127654

You decide to take a quick look around. Upon closer inspection of your immediate surroundings, you find the guard who was killed by the enraged belongo just yesterday. His body is in good condition, and you manage to scavenge 10 pounds of edible guard meat from him, as well as a small crossbow with 5 bolts.

You lift up the poster and see a message that appears to be hand-written.

"Your hunt begins with the sole servitor."

You roll up the poster and take it with you, just in case.

To the west is the market square, to the east is the municipal district.

>>127694
go north

cast featherfall

>>127694
observe the man who appears to be slip-n-sliding twoards you.

>>127694
West towards the market

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>>127866

You begin to feel comfortable as the familiar sounds of urban hustle and bustle fill your ears. You now stand in the market square. In the center is a simple well. Next to the well is a sparsely dressed SMALL LUG. Behind him is a TAVURN, next to that building is a large abode labeled "REAR" with a heart symbol, and between those two shops is a DARK ALLEYWAY. A MERCHANT has a simple stand set up adjacent to the REAR building.

(Takin' another break now, gang, but will be back on later tonight for more wiz biz.)

>>128002
go down the well.

>>128002
Pick up the LUG and go to the TAVURN, maybe they can trade

>>128002
go up to the peddler and inquire about his BOOBO BANOOBO sign

The "Rear" building is obviously telling you to go around to the back of the building. Since that's worked so well before, why not try it again?

>>128002
Cat a spell on your beard that makes it really long, tie it around the well, then jump in the well which would probably just break your neck in real life

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>>128157

You effortlessly snatch up the lug, his body stiff and unflinching. Lugs are known to face many of life's problems by simply freezing in place, a trait that they evolved from their swamp-based heritage.

You enter the tavern, a well-lit building with a delectable potpourri filling the main room with the scent of booj leaves and kogseed. A well-dressed MUSHMIN is tending the bar, and an OGRO is seated at the far end.

There is a doorway next to the counter with a black teardrop symbol over it.

>>134341
Sell the LUG into slavery in exchange for a drink for yourself

>>134341
go through the doorway.

kinda hoping to sacrifice that lug to some demon or another to get a second pet.

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>>134384

You hand the paralyzed lug over to the mushish bartender. He listlessly places the small swampkin on a scale and, after some quick calculations, he finds that he can gather 4 pounds of edible lug meat from the critter.

He confirms that the trade is just enough to buy yourself a drink. You recall your personal poisonous picks:

MORKWATER

BLOODNOG

GRAVE OIL

>>134430
>>
>GRAVE OIL

>>134430
>GRAVE OIL

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>>134435
>>134449

The bartender nods and gets to work, preparing your requested Grave Oil, traditionally served in a cursed goblet. Four parts Skunkbane Lager, a dash of Mungk Powder, one part Snagwood Urchin venom, and a garnish of Manfoot for texture.

Voila! A perfectly prepared, traditional-style Grave Oil, foaming and tar-black.

Will you chug it, sip it, or let it sit? Or something else?

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>>134492
CHUG
CHUG
CHUG
CHUG

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>>134504

You deftly raise the goblet into the air and tilt it towards you, letting the dark liquid slide down your gullet. The fluid coats the inside of your mouth and throat, beginning as a warm and somewhat pleasant sensation, then turning into a nightmarishly freezing and numbing cold. The bulk of the drink settles heavily in your stomach, making you feel bloated and uncomfortable.

Finally, a drink that makes you feel dead inside without the liver damage.

While you now only feel mildly aware of your surroundings and the darkness that surrounds you seems to be closing in, you think you can hear the ogro seated at the other end of the bar give you a congratulatory whoop.

Try not to faint.

>>134552
go in the back room.

Rolled 10 (1d10)

>>134552
rolling for how faint we feel

>>134559
Well, I guess it's time to black out for 2 weeks

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>>134555
>>134559

You begin to head towards the back room, bracing yourself against the walls as a darkness unlike any you have ever felt before assaults your senses. You're not even really sure what you're doing anymore.

As you approach the end of the dark hallway, your dulled senses begin to pick up a warmth and humidity that feels somewhat familiar. An acrid stench fills the air as you enter the back room.

Several pits full of GLUNGE are placed throughout the room, a dark purplish muck imported from the deepest reaches of the MURDERBOGG. A few other individuals are in the room, including a dwarf and an elf. They are completely unaware of your presence, their minds being turned as thick as the mud they are immersed in. Glunge is known to contain a colorful variety of hallucinogens that make quick work of even the most sharp of minds.

Your vision is fading at this point, and your sense of judgment is out for lunch. What will you do?

>>134596
take a seat and pass the fuck out because it's time to go on a VISION QUEST

>>134596
Pass out in the glunge

>>134601
and by that I mean inside one of the pits

>>134596
cast Magic Missile at the darkness

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>>134601
>>134605

Your body is pretty much on auto-pilot. Your eyes and brain figure that the best course of action is to just fit in with the rest and hope for the best. Your arms take the hat off your head and the cloak off your torso. Your legs pull the rest of your body over to the pit with the elf, and step into the unsavory substance.

You do not feel long for this world.

You are not at peace.

This is not over.

mind meld with yourself

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>>134640

Hey, that's a good idea, disembodied voice.

Honestly, at this point, you're surprised that you haven't already fai

inb4 Khoktees

>>134678
Split your personality into 2
One being your average silly self
The other being your rational, cold, cynical self
Make a conversation with yourself about all the wrongs of the past and all the plans for the future

>>134690
>The other being your rational, cold, cynical self
We didn't do a single decision based on logic this entire quest, man

>>134701
That's because his logic is being repressed
It only shows in his darkest moments
Example: flinging Khoktees on the ELF

>>134707
sounds more like you have a pretty spacious anal cavity to be able to pull such massive baseless assertions from, anon. he does what we vote him to.

>>134716
No
OP just choses whatever the fuck he wants newfriend
He's a wizard, wizards are technically based on logic whether you want to or not
Due to his logic he was aggressive to Glumpf
Plus, I've been in this quest ever since the beginning, you don't get to talk shit about me newfriend

>>134726
That started to sound like a copypasta at the end

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...

>>134746
well lad
let's just wait it out then shall we?

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>>134726
how long you've been here doesn't matter at all, you peabrained ingrate. there is nothing logical about instantly hating a guy who did nobody anything wrong, or using garbage fairies as a weapon when you can throw fireballs and bolts of lightning. not to mention that wizards are based on whatever the fuck the author says they're based on, because guess what? not every setting is the same.

you've a very narrow and exceedingly retarded idea of what a wizard is, what our particular wizard is, and how seniority privileges work. I recommend you apply a healthy dose of lead to your cranial cavity before you think about posting here again.

here's a little ointment for the pain you seem to be feeling. good day and goodbye.

>>134756
>>134769

Fuck off you two.

>>134769
yeah, those are both extremely illogical. that you can't grasp why is quite telling of how shitbrained you really are.

PROTIP: newfriend is not a magical word that automatically lets you win any debate, newfriend. baseless namecalling rarely is.

>>134792
First of all, congratulations for shitting up the thread
Secondly, it's up to OP to decide what happens with the story
Just because it breaks your feelings for him to have a jokingly dramatic discussion with his more serious version is really fucking low

>>134805
first of all, if this is enough for you to consider the entire thread shat up, you have some really, really thin skin. Seriously, try the balm.
Secondly, no shit, Sherlock. I never stated otherwise.
Thirdly, if you consider the unfiltered pointing out of blatant retardation to be 'low', 4chan is really not the place for you.

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You are a lone Space Marine. You are stranded on the desolate planet of Skellrovonk 12. Your Quanqurondian Death Rifle is out of ammo. The Skellrovonkian Army is closing in on your position.

>>134756
>>134769


A category 12-B SHITSTORM is brewing in the distance.

>>134829
Typical /r9k/ spillover, nothing to worry about

Initiate Protocol: Alpha Ray Fire
Smite those assholes with Space Cannons

>>134828
>implying I ever went to those boards after I hit 14
>not being familiar with the daily heated debates of /tg/, /v/, /co/, /tv/, /lit/...
man, your power level is really low. you need to lurk moar, faget.
>>134829
You must hide in the shitstorm!

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>>134872
yes, I'm the one shitting up the thread here.

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You are a high school janitor. You are a strict bagelvore.

You have to make sure the school is clean by morning, but two giant SHITDEMONS have started wreaking havoc on the auditorium.

>>134883
glad we've come to an understanding

>>134907
Nice one

>>134907
you look down on the puddle and see your reflection.

you were the shitdemons all along, John.

>>134907
Let's get back to the story at hand, shall we OP?
We should play these scenes off as some sort of hallucination or something

>>134907
O-OP?

you guys scared him off

>>137617
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have roused his autism even more...
I take some responsibility for this

>>134907
Attempt to conjure a shit golem out of the puddle

>>121115
The two day bump limit was removed on /news/, so I'm testing to see if the three day bump limit was removed here.
Ignore this post.

WizQM is amazing, he can turn 2 shit flingers into minor plot points and they ignore it, he does it again, they ignore it, they finish up, and we've all had a laugh.

But really, we are having some trip in this tub.

>>139665
Off by one

>>139832
Happens all the time. I'm guessing there's a wizbreak right now. In the future, I want QM just to name more things, I love the names.

>>139836
True
BELONGO
GLUMPF
SKWOXMOGG
Really creative stuff

>>139843
Does our wizard even have a name?

>>139908
No

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YOU WIZ

YOU WIZ

WHY

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>>140542
BAD TRIP, MAN

>>140542
You ok there OP?
The shitstorm has subsided, you can come out now

>>140542
the autists are gone , come baaaack

OP
pls
cum back

rest in pieces bb