This is not how you envisioned your friday night going.
>>10083Kill Bill ithttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8y9US7ajWo
>>10094Oh fuck that really hurt
>>10157open palm it, mother fucker. you are going to break this board and burrow up to air or you are going to die.
>>10157Check your pockets for any useful shit.
>>10083Picture how you envisioned your Friday night going instead.
>>10175You bang upwards with palms open>>10178your slacks don't seem to have pockets>>10192you were probably going to fall asleep in front of your television set.
Feel around for anything abnormal. ie. Imperfections in the coffin or items buried with you.
>>10238Reflect on how you arrived in such a distasteful predicament, that you may avoid a repeat of the current situation.
>>10254There's this weird protrusion around groin level.
>>10292Stick your dick in it
>>10325you are not erectI drew a flaccid penis, but clicked clear instead of post on accident.
Hmm. Check to see if there's a bell string.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safety_coffin
>>10356Really inspect it. What is it?
>>10356Think of something sexy
>>10325>>10365>>10377>>10379you keep mesing around, and manage to get yourself to half mast, but then you hear a hissing and the door of your tomb makes way.A woman is yelling>WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!?
>>10401Apologize.Ask what's happening.
>>10401ASK WHAT'S HER PROBLEM
>>10407>You started smashing a VR chamber from the inside and nearly destroyed a reelflesh™ custom erotic reactive orifice simulator.
>>10426>stick my arms up in the air and start making wooshing soundsSay: this is the only vr i understand... >cough"How did I get in there?"
>>10407>>10425I'm so sorry, what's going on? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!?>My problem, buddy, is that you're trying to destroy my VR system from the inside, paying particular attention to the Reelflesh™ sexual simulation device.
Whip your dick out and ask if she wants to suck it
>>10445Well, missy, your VR system lacks visual and audio feedback. Unless the virtual reality was being blown by death inside a coffin.
>>10442>I assume you got in here because you paid us three hundred million credits.>>10469>From my reports on your six year stay, that's not what you ordered, and not what you experienced. You're free to check your cog-logs, or exact recordings of your brain function at any time if you doubt that.>>10463she has made you lose your half-mast erection.
Time for bed
>>10481The machine wasn't functioning like a virtual reality just now. I wouldn't have resisted like that if it were. That's something that needs to be fixed. By you, perhaps.
>>11572Well, I wanna fuck something now, and how long I've been in there?
>>11572>I was going to open your chamber the moment you went offline, but I had some important calibrations to attend to.>those forty five seconds must have been absolutely harrowing for you.>>11898(from adjacent room)>once you're done with processing Bartie's one door down should have happy hour in full swing.>and you've still been here for six years.
>>12569Check your brain records.
>>12569I don't believe this bitch. Wearin' her alien helmet. Lookin' like those rock bitches I thought of. That's tha' only logical. This whores lyin, lyin Ted style, and this is in fact a VR sim of a VR sim. Tryin' to scam our ass of the advanced Riot control shit we had.
>>12604>'kay then, here you go.These records seem to detail your six years floundering as a hikkikomori in your mom's basement.>12-3 subject plays videogames>3-5 subject posts on anonymous forum>5-6 subject goes to dinner, is berated by mother for improper handling of garbageIt's page after page of just this.You paid however much money is three hundred million credits just to live like a loser?
>>12785Find out where your real home is.
>>12785>5-6 subject goes to dinner, is berated by mother for improper handling of garbageShow mother berating, then 6-8 mother being fucked by neighbor.
>>10157OH SHIT ANIMATION!?
>>12824noted>>12825it says 1200 X 6732 Y 2370 Z Colonel Kane District is your address in the first page of the binder.>a complimentary car service will be by soon, here are your personal effects.
>>12895Ask her who you are and for some other of your personal information because you can't remember shit. also, where your clothes are.
>>12841Show mother berating>WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU!? WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE YOUR COUSIN RANDALL? WHERE DID I GO WRONG WITH YOU? YOU NEED TO GET A JOB AND START ACTING LIKE AN ADULT! JESUS CHRIST!6-8 mother being fucked by neighbor.You were crying and blasting anime theme songs in your room, if the AI of your mother had passionate sex with 57 year old neighbor Marco Sanchez, his wife Flora, or 42 year old Widower and postman Kent Oliver, you were none the wiser.>>12964>your name's right on the front of your folder, and I just showed you your locker with your clothes.ENTER NAME
>>13025Carter Briggs, Veteran Abusive police officer.Abusive police is a fine industry in this day and age.
>>13045>>13059You're Carter Kriggs, king of the clank and crusher of crime- unless it has the capital to keep out of your clutches, that is.You're as dirty as they come and your little "vacation" to this VR facility was no accident.This dystopian urban future has a major problem facing it-"societal truancy", people just checking out of life and deciding to hole up.The last time the crime of societal truancy was this prominent, in the mid twenty-first century, it brought about an extended period of cultural and scientific regression- diminishing the population and their standards of living to the dark ages.Now that you know how a hikke thinks, you'll know how to bag 'em and tag 'em.
>>13165Well son, only one way to solve this shit.Beat up some people, especially people of darker form with a Billy club to get out and work
>>13165See if you can bribe the machine operator to view other people's logs.
>>13225you thrust open the doors to see a dark glimmering city built in strangling labyrinthine layers, this might not be the easiest place to gumshoe about, so until your ride gets here you might as well try>>13234>yeah sure, let us slide next inspection season and my databases are all yours. Are you looking for anything specific?
>>12844the bare minimum required to be classified as such.
>>13421Gotta think what those hikki scum would do.Look for scenes straight out of video games and anime.
>>13539>alright, we have 320 thousand 22 hundred and 16 instances matching your request.
>>13629Start breathing heavily and attempt to pass out so someone comes by and picks you up.
>>13629How the fuck am I supposed to capture 320,000 people myself? Call for backup. Possibly to raid the place.
>>13629shouldn't that be 322 thousand, 2 hundred sixteenalso "and" indicates a decimal
>>13681As you start to black out you hear a voice call out>anybody here call a taxi?at least nobody has to animate your drive home.
>>13868These animations are cracking me up
>>13868Look in your pockets for something to pay cab fare.
>>13935>>12895>a complimentary car service will be by soon>complimentary(Free)
>>13961Hop in and start fingering yourself and ignoring the driver.
>>13868now that you're on the floor, walk the dinosaur
>>13973that's definitely what you would have done if you were conscious.It is some comfort to know that you did pee a little while passes out in the cab, take that cabbie scum.You come to in your obligatorily dark and sleek futuristic apartment.
>>14041Find my computer and Google future porn.
>>14041pour yourself a drink
>>14041have a panic attack and destroy the apartment
>>14041Its been 6 years, check to see if Prequel finally upated
check to see if half life 3 is announced
>>14060In the future all surfaces are a computer.Did you mean:Future relevant to nowFuture relevant to pastFuture relevant to future
>>14399Future relevant to future, obviously.
>>14539as your future cuck porn of xeno dick entering a Terran woman plays, you >>14064pour yourself a drink and >>14114 >>14143 check on matters of import. Of course nothing's come out or been updated! It's only been hundreds of years! >>14067 your panic attack begins.
>>14558Start with that stupid lamp.Is anyone else having problems with the auto-updating in this thread in particular?
>>14581Fuck you, lamp!Oh, hmm... yeah, even the uploading has been weird, I made that double post early on because it refused to post my first attempt for seven whole minutes.
>>14734I am not a clever man
>>14744Use the fire to cook virtual marshmallows to make virtual smoresthen piss on it to put it out
>>14758This minus the piss part.Also, HOLY SHIT MY PC IS POSSESSED
>>14802The first 3 words you find describe you best!
>>14758>>14802nothing can stop the piss part
>>14851Wait, we just started an electrical fire again with our piss, didn't we
>>14851you should search the crime database to see if their is crime that needs to possibly be stopped for the right priceHIT THE STREETS
>>14851Don't we have support lights or something? I thought this was the future.
>>14866it looks like there's a gang of skateboarding hooligans.
>>14940Throw the lamp at Skullkid, and rip Majora's Mask off the one on the right
>>14940get in ur cop spaceshit fly to skateboarders and capture one
>>14940>Throw the lamp at SkullkidOh wait, I still haven't left the apartment.This is just a picture.Shoot shoot darn.>>14960you speed off, but still feel pretty silly.
>>15050Vent out your anger on those fucking kids, it's our job after all.
>>15050Go to the nearest bar and get smashed.
>>15050commit a few civil rights violations when u capture one of them. maybe hit one with your vehicle?????maybe the monkey one??hit monkey boy is what im saying
>>15107I thought that was a black girl based on the tits
>>15148i thought that was its feet...... lmaoits still a monkey B)
>>15107>maybe the monkey one??Hmm, pretty sure she has a cat theme, pIFyugPa.I don't know why, exactly, uhh, you would think she was a MONKEY.Anyway, you cleave her into a bloody mess.
>>15303We ought to stick our dick in that bloody mess. We've been putting it off way too long
>>15323Do that, and very fondly regard that lady at the VR clinic. But also get those other kids before they tag the streets and incite gang wars.
>>15323We can leave necrophilia for later, we have work to do. Besides beating up some youngsters will make the blood flow into our dick.
>>15303exactly as planned arrest those scared little shits
Rolled 17 (1d20)>>15303throw her skateboard at Skullkid to get rid of that shame from earlierroll for damage
Panic as the VR equipment goes off again. Awaken from chamber in "not the best" condition
>>15303Did we live?
>>15323>>15332>>15341You stick your dick very shorty, the fear of broken bone and the need to spill more teenage flesh make you return to the task at hand.>>15378you pick up the skateboard and go into a beastmode fury.
>>15597beat up the rest of the kids for police brutality points and cash them in for cool prizes
>>15597Disfigure but don't quite kill the other children.
>>15597mug those little shits then throw them in the back of your car
>>15768We /montage/ now?
>>15613>>15643>>15701you're not quite sure what made you lose control like that but these kids aren't coming back to the station.
>>15783Probably a side effect of using that damn VR machine. Go back over there and complain.
>>15803That's definitely the cause. Our brutality was 10% too high.
>>15803>>15830>Well of course you're going to have some side effects after a six year stay.>Most long-term patients complain about blurred vision and dizzy spells, some nausea, stuff like that. What exactly happened?
>>15873we are now racist, sexist, and slightly more violent.
>>15873WE CRACKED SOME SKULLS
>>15873We're having more psychotic episodes than usual.
>>15873Bouts of rage
>>15886>>15909>>15910>>15922>Wh-what?>I've never heard of anything like that, I mean people come in wanting to run violent sims constantly, but they never show any residual violence.
>>15966call her a roastie kike and demand results
bash her skull in 15966
>>15966I don't care if you never saw something like this before, you have to fix me.
>>15966I NEED TO GO BACK IN. MAKE IT HAPPEN OR YOU'LL HAVE LAWSUITS UP THE ASS
>>15966Demand compensation for you mental impairments.
>>15994You begin shaking her and yelling>>15995Which leads to a piledrive straight into the floor.>>16003>>16029>>16040She doesn't seem very receptive to your requests anymore.
>>16213complain to the manager about their faulty employees.
>>16213look at her titsafter that's finished we need to get our ass to mars
My knuckles ache, gonna stop for tonightMight need to let thread die and pick up later, big paper due.
>>16213Shit, now how are we going to get our money back?>>16260I think it's going to be a while before it dies since the board is still pretty slow. Unless you plan on picking it back up weeks from now or something.
this is really well done op, props
>>16213WHAT DID WE DO?WE KILLED BEST GIRLFIX HER
>>16562thismake her a cyborg badass with a robot brainso she can become our tech-savvy sidekickand what was her name anyway
>>16938>Sassy Tech-savvy sidekick
>>16330I'm not sure whether the auto-sage implements 72 hours after OP post, but that's how I read it.
>>16938Nah, we gotta clone her, then sue her clone so she'll be in debt to us.
bump either way
>>16213Stuff her in a VR bed
>thread's still here/qst/ is pretty cool in my book.I think I'm one of the few folks not directly relocated from /tg/.I actually used to do this kind of thing on /r9k/ when it had more of a focus on original content.Anyway, will be back and ready to rock until I pass out on Monday afternoon.
bump for OP
another bump for golden thread
my lovely lady bumps
last bump before autosage
>>38533I don't get how a thread's supposed to survive after autosage.
>>38657it doesnt, it just slowly dies. I just did that so i could have more time to archive it later on in notatrueending
I'm thinking if you get just three days they better all be free-ish, so I'm going to make some cool shit, come back Thursday with heaps full of content, and hopefully keep things pretty action-packed until Saturday or my hand cramps out.