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Previous Years Threads

2021: https://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/82682261/
2022: https://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/87105853/ https://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/87131948/
2023: https://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/91312886/

>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>This is my third year on this planet now, and aside from a few skirmishes with the Orks early on, and that strange skirmish last year between our own forces, the Orks, the Slaaneshi, the Khornates, and the Night Lords, not much has happened. (except for a string of weird Candlemas themed hallucinations over the past three years, being teleported into a Slaaneshi cave after the skirmish last year, and that time the governor got killed by a gobbo).
>We have fallen into a routine where we spend a few days chillin, a few days drilling, and a few days driving around the wastes on our snowmobiles, though no Khornates have been seen for eight months, and no Slaaneshi for even longer.
>Not that I am complaining though, garrison duty on a near empty world beats front line meat grinders any day.
>If I was a complainer though, I would definitely complain about the lack of places to go during our downtime.
>The cluster of scrap metal, pre-fab buildings, and trenches and tunnels cut in the ice that passes for the main base hasn’t exactly grown on me even after three years.
>And am I the only one that remembers a lot of the scrap metal used to fortify the base came from that shipwreck that was the site of a major warp anomaly last year?
>And ever since the Kriegers arrived, there has definitely been tension building in the air. This on and off peace treaty with the Orks that we were originally sent here to defeat over three years ago doesn’t seem to sit well with them.
>I guess I do have a lot to complain about...
>Well it has been a long patrol, maybe I will feel better after a hot shower and some of those hot chocolate rations I stole from the major.

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>>94653077
>>94654020
>Be Felinid Commissar Kate
>We're just on the outskirts of the newly constructed city of New Yur in our trenches
>Thanks to the cog boys we now have some artillery which we are just putting the finishing touches on and getting them loaded
>Nothing has attacked us in months but I get the feeling with Candlemas approaching yet again things will get crazy here all over again
BetterSafeThenSorry.pic
>The Valhallan 74465th Recon corp is getting antsy and doing laps around the city
>I don't blame them
ItsQuiet.vox
>Too quiet
>Sergeant Tom comes by and offers my a mug of hot chocolate which I accept
>The warm brown liquid taists amazing as it goes down my throat
Prrr.mp3
>Just as good as I remember from last year
>Maybe I'm just being paranoid?
>The Tallarn 454th Armored are returning from their months long campaign in the south
>I wave at their commander sticking out of the hatch as she passes
>Trooper Chloe then walks by me totally nude
SpitTake.vid

>>94654728
>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>As I head towards the showers, I drive past a group of felinids who are setting up some artillery.
>Odd choice, one would think they would leave that sort of thing to the Kriegers, maybe the cog boys and the Munitorum clerks are worried that the more toys they give to the Kriegers the more likely it is that one of them will try firing at some Orks, or another regiment for that matter.
>Also a lot of the female felinids (which is most of them) aren’t wearing pants, or in some cases clothes at all. It is a bit cold out even by Valhallan standards, but I have been told on several occasions that felinids regulate heat differently than humans, something about blood being restricted to the skin or something like that, and also that they don’t like wearing too much clothes since it restricts their movement.
>Or maybe building “New Yur” with debris collected from a shipwreck tainted by Slaaneshi magic wasn’t such a good idea.
>Well, not my problem.
>I salute to the felinid Commissar, who is also a felinid for some reason (Commissars usually aren’t from the same world as their charges, and are almost never abhumans), and then continue on my way to the shower blocks.
>Hopefully the Candlemas hallucinations aren't too bad this year.

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>Be Seer Delwyn
>Recently I bashed my head very hard and had a bit of a change of personality
>After some recovery, I'm back to my old self and the higher-ups were so excited, they gave us a mission right away!
>We're to observe the creatures of this icy planet and why they aren't fighting each other "until further notice".
>It's a sensitive mission and we might not return or be away for a long time
>Clearly, this means they need to send their best, which means us!
>No sniggering in the back, come on now
>Step out of the Webway portal
>Immediately fall several metres into a snowdrift because it's up in the air and nobody told us
>Promptly be in a big tangle of limbs as the rest of the team also whumps down
>Isha's terrific tits, that's freezing
>Where did I leave my heavy coat?
>Ah, yeah
>In my cabin on Dolthe
>I even had the darn thing embroidered last month
>Look around
>Where in the Warp are we?
>I don't see any mon'keigh, Orks or Chaos-followers anywhere
>Or anything, really
>Just mountains and snow
>Lemallyn calls something out
>A town, you say?
>Twiddle a bit with the wraithnoculars
>Hey, I spotted a town!
>Must be where we're meant to be going
>Guess our observation mission starts down there
>....a long way down there from this mountainside
>The wind picks up and it starts to snow
>I sure hope one of you remembered to pack the hot drinks
>And has anyone seen Greg?

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>Be me.
>Be the Krampus, Lesser Daemon of Slaanesh.
>Slaaneshmas will soon be upon us, and that means Slaanesh will expect most of their followers to be out spreading gifts and joy and happiness instead of pain and nihilistic hedonism, while Slaanesh themselves attends their annual get together with the other Gods.
>But someone has to keep the pain engines running, and ensure all the naughty little men and women get a good lashing or two.... or three millennia worth of lashings.
>That someone is not me though, it is Daemon Prince Cocaine-Bad-Santa, along with his buddies Pinhead, Doomrider, Snowflame, Frank-N-Furter, and Joe.
>This year Cocaine-Bad-Santa told me to come up with something particularly special, so I will call together the first ever meeting of the Council of Subversives, individuals seeking to undermine the spirit of other gift giving type holidays that occur around this time of year, and thus leave Slaaneshmas as the only alternative.
>We got Puspul Coagulus, the Fallen Blood Angel seeking to defile the corpse of Sanguinius in such a complete and total fashion that it stains the memory of Sainguinala forever. Then there is Miser Grinchovach, the corrupt senior Imperial officer leading efforts on a nearby planet to get Candlemas replaced by a double-shift work day in the name of profit. And Snaro Gitcatcha, who has been hunting gretchin revolutionary known as Da Red Gobbo, who has been giving out stolen goods and squigs as a part of “Orksmas”. And then there is Aelderi smut writer Hen-tai Ise’kai, who plans on smearing the holiday of Ishaday by writing and distributing really bad fan fiction about the sexual threesomes of Isha, Nurgle, and Slaanesh. And there are a few hundred other crackpots and henchmen coming as well.
>It is not exactly the A-Team, but I think if we pool all our resources together, we can brainstorm an idea that can work on a galactic scale.

>>94655429
(2/2)
>And I have just the planet to test it on, Nordica II, where Sanguinius, Candlemas, Orksmas, and Ishaday will all be celebrated soon, and where we have a good mix of fanatics, degenerates, idiots, and relatively normal people to practice on.
>With the power of the Warp, I summon the key figures of my schemes to my Boardroom of Evil, in a cave deep beneath the surface of the planet.
>Let us begin.

>Be Felinid Sgt Tom
>still be stuck on this ice ball of a planet
>will also be my second Candlemas here
Yay.jpg
>however it is not all that bad
>with the fighting slowing down it has given me some free time
>I have been able to send some letters home recently
>and this morning, along with some fresh reinforcements, a reply from my sister
>turns out my nephew joined the white shields
>meaning he must have shown up this morning
>how the feth that happen, he is way to young to sign up!?
>well, I guess I'll go looking for him once I bring the commissary her hot chocolate
>wait a minute!?
>why is that felinid guardswoman not wearing anything thing
>my nephew does not need to see that

>>94655305
>Be Ranger Bunni’Viie Lemallyn
>I mean “Ranger” is probably pushing it, we are more like a bunch of misfits from various Craftworlds who hang out with Delwyn since his Craftworld sometimes gives us “missions” out of pity, and that gives some of us a sense of purpose.
>For me, it is more about spending time with comrades who don’t think they are better than me (because they aren’t), or that I am too high-strung, or that my poetry sucks, or that I ran away from several fights during my first (and only) tour of duty as a Guardian. In fact, most of them don’t know anything about me before I joined the group, except Delwyn, who was briefly a Corsair with me where we both learned that neither of us can hold our liquor.
>So now the gang is back together again after a few months of waiting for Delwyn to recover from his head injury.
>We were given another fake mission related to spying on some mon’keigh, orks, and Slaaneshi that have been getting along unusually well.
>As per usual, I am one of the only ones who came even a bit prepared, or is observant enough to notice the nearby mon-keigh town, or who was skilled enough not to fall into a deep pile of snow immediately after exiting the Portal..
>I pretend to do some calisthenics as I contemplate my companion’s lack of skill and preparedness.
>Delwyn brought some wraithnoculars, but his bodysuit’s integrated heating system isn’t working, or perhaps he just forgot how to turn it on. Also, he is clearly got the magnification on the wraithnoculars set way too high, otherwise he would have spotted the plainly visible town by now.
>Meanwhile, Idrontie complains about her ears being cold since she still hasn’t mastered basic biomancy, Eralia is wearing her “tactical swimsuit” again despite being told repeatedly there are no beaches on this planet, or the last few planets we visited for that matter, and Greg has either wandered off or is unconscious in the deep pile of snow.

>>94655602
>Delwyn finally spots the town I told him about, claims the discovery as his own, and says we should go check it out.
>I think we should find Greg first though.
>And yes, I brought spiced herbal tea that can be heated.

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>Be Inquisitor Scrooge
>Wake up to find myself back on this throne-forsaken planet again
>That damned Daemon of Sanguinala Present must have kidnapped me to teach me about "mercy" and "the candlemas spirit"
>Snort to myself as I allow a momentary indulgence
>As if I could ever be corrupted by such base ideas!
>Bah humbug
>Any inconvenience to myself is blessed if it is in service to His holy Throne
>Quickly ensure I am fully equipped before I go marching to find the nearest imperial outpost
>I shall banish this "Daemon of Sanguinala Present" and ensure there is no joy or cheer on this planet!
>For joy is a tool of Slaanesh and we can't have upstanding imperial citizens corrupted by chaos now, can we?
>Bah humbug

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>Be me Lord Morvi Salha of the Night Lords 13th Company
>Something strange has happened recently leading up to Sanguinala
>I've been plagued by visions despite me not being a psyker
>They are of The Night Haunter and some Drukhari woman
>On a snow covered world where rings were exchanged
>Shadows mixed
>I don't know what it means but I'm going to find the Drukhari in the visions
>I've only told Zson, Xuul, Macabre and Ignis about my visions
>They are essentially my inner circle so I trust them to follow me to the end on this
>Our hunt has led us to Nordica II
>Same planet where we had raided the crashed space hulk with the Iron Warriors
>That's was a fun Sanguinala
>To encourage movement I've forgone my Terminator plate and gone for a jump pack
>Daemon units are being held in reserves as I'm mostly only using my bikers and Raptors for this mission
>98th Night Born and Cultists will be securing a front for us to use as a staging ground should tensions escalate
>Thunderhawks are ready as I step into one along with a flock of Raptors lead by its Champion Heartseeker
"It's been too long since I felt the wind on my armour at high velocity. Let us proceed"
>Thunder hawks depart on my command
>1st claw consists of myself, Macabre and Jihzars ten Raptors
>2nd Claw consists of bikers
>3rd claw consists of the 98th and the Cultists
>4th claw are the remaining forces of xuul, the possessed and other non daemonic forces
>The hunt begins

>>94655851
>Be Lord Morvi
>Thunderhawks fly through the relatively dark skies as two of the three land down in a secure area
>Cultists and the 98th pour out to secure the area as do the bikers of 2nd claw
>As our thunderhawk begins to land I am struck by another vision
>It's of father and the Drukhari standing in a specific area of the planet
>I am trying to discern where it is but it's difficult
>Macabre sees this and puts his hand on my shoulder to try and help me out
>Being a Master of Possession this should be up his ball park of guidance
>Where did that meeting take place?
>I don't remember Curze ever coming to this planet during the Great Crusade
>I don't even see First Captain Sevatar with him
>Strange
>With Macabre's guidance I pick out something within the vision
>Two large pillars covered in flayed and dismembered Xenos of various kinds
>Caked in blood and chains
>I eventually come back to reality and step out of the thunderhawk
>Composing myself, I speak to 1st and 2nd claw
"We are to find two pillars on this world, ones that had been used to hang up maimed xenos corpses. 2nd Claw ride out, do not engage with any hostiles focus solely on finding those pillars, myself and 1st Claw shall also be searching for them. 3rd Claw stay here and defend this position"
>With everyone understanding their role, 2nd Claw rides out first and is followed along by 1st Claw, though once we leave the parimeter of the landing zone we split off to cover more ground

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>Be me.
>Lord General of the Nordican 1225th.
>And now also mayor of New Yur (not my choice, but everyone forced it on me).
>The city really is coming along nicely.
>It's amazing what can be built in such a short time when we aren't all attacking each other.
>(Well ok, we did have some raids a couple of months back but nothing too serious.)
>Part of that is helped by the orks and the vast amount of salvage from the space hulk.
>The peace has more or less held, or at least they've been too busy fighting the forces of Khorne to really bother us too much.
>Yeah when you have a whole bunch of berserker space marines running around, a bunch of guardsmen don't really seam like as appealing a target.
>I once asked one of the mek boyz why they were helping us so much and he said something along the lines of "Ef weez don't build stuff every now an again, werez we supoze te fought?"
>" Oh an da bar also helpz."
>We even have a little "Tau Town" for the small Tau population that Rogue Trader left here.
>I've heard the green skins have also taken over the space hulk, smashing any heretical stuff but they kept the arena operational capturing stuff from the snowy wastelands to fight.
>Nothing heretical has spawned in yet and it helps relieve their aggression.

>Anyway currently I'm overseeing an Arvus Lighter from a Rogue Trader in orbit unloading crates worth of hot coco.
>Should be enough for everyone here.
>Looking to my left I see the Tallarns return from campaign and park their vehicles in the refueling station.
>The tech priests found promethium here and have been drilling like crazy.
>After the crates are unloaded my secretary (the guardsman I gave the squig to) says I have a meeting with the warboss to renue the candlemass truce treaty for another year.
>And then tomorrow provided nothing goes wrong, we'll have a gigantic snowball fight in the huge network of trenches the krieg dug.
>Seriously it has to be visible from orbit now.

>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>I decide to kill some time before my shower by taking the long way through town.
>It is a bit more crowded than usual.
>The Tallarn are back from one of their campaigns against the Khornate tribal and World Eater remnants hiding in the pine forests way to the south of here. That is just what this place needs, more sexually suppressed perverts running about complaining about the cold and sniffing my used underwear when I am not around. I make a mental note to start bringing my lucky wrench with me to the shower block, it is just as good at crushing voyeur testicles as it is cracking Tau skulls.
>Speaking of Tau, the Lord General in his never beginning wisdom has allowed some of them to stay in New Yur. Supposedly they are renegades working with one of the Rogue Traders who drop by from time to time, but I call bullshit. Commie scum. One day I will try to find a way to provoke a fight between the Tau and either the Orks or the Krieg, but that would take effort and be moderately dangerous, so maybe not unless the perfect opportunity comes along.
>I do have to admit though that New Yur is looking a lot better than it did a week ago when I started my patrol. A group of merchants managed to clean up a few streets, put up lots of Candlemas decorations, and started selling decorations and various gifts for dirt cheap. Apparently there is a whole warehouse of Candlemas stuff that the last Rogue Trader to visit dropped off for next to nothing.
>There is also lots of construction going on as more and more crude structures made from shipwreck debris are moved to the outskirts and replaced with proper buildings made from imported steel beams, glass panels and wood trim, and granite from the nearby quarry.
>Oh and look, they finally set up a bar that sells something other than Orkish poison. And a strip club to keep the Tallarns distracted. And a specialty tanna shop.
>Nice.

>Be PDF Trooper Joey
>Chief engineer of Firn Station XXXVI
>Built on top of Firn Station XXXV, which was buried in snow since last year
>Well, it's not really Firn Station any more, we're now in the middle of a small town that's sprouted around us
>Called Exmus, it's the chief rival to New Yur around these parts
>Much closer to the mountains, we've got nearly as much as they do
>Houses, shops, slums, a market, a radio station, a small heater manufactorum and some less savory businesses we don't talk about
>One enterprising individual even turned the hot springs outside of town into a series of hot baths
>The snow level is already halfway up the doors and soon new buildings will be being built on top of the last ones
>Such is life in Exmus
>We've even received some reinforcements so we're not the sum total of the PDF any more
>Where they come from I dunno, I thought we were the only permanent residents on the planet
>Maybe some of the newcomers decided to settle down here for whatever Emperor-forsaken reason
>Settle down in the chair in the media studio
>When not fixing things, I found a crate of old records somewhere around Level IV I like to play over the longwave
>Seriously, these things are so ancient I think they were last played when the Emperor walked among us
>Adjust the microphone in front of the equally ancient record player and rummage through the vinyl
>Ah, here's one I haven't put on yet
>Here's Last Sanguinala by.....I think that says Wham! on the box?
>Whoever they were

>>94657487
>>94656975
>>94655829
>>94655606
>>94655305

>Be the Krampus, Lesser Daemon of Slaanesh.
>Our brainstorming session didn’t come up with much, but we did agree that trying to sabotage celebrations in the nearby town of New Yur was a good starting point.
>Step one is to send a few gretchin dressed like the Red Gobbo to sabotage the warehouse filled with Candlemas junk, as well as a few Candlemas shops.
>Step two is to start a cycle of retaliatory violence to ruin the truces and overall feeling of holiday spirit.
>Step three: ????
>Step four is to profit from the ill feelings we created by spiking everyone’s food and drink with happiness drugs, and then getting our friends in the Schlick LXIXth to distribute a bunch of gifts to prove the superiority of Slaaneshmas over other holidays. Where are the Schlick anyways? They usually show up on this planet around this time of year to do a few orgies before doing their gift giving.
>Also, there is an anti-fun Inquisitor wandering around, I bet with a few psychic visions I can make him go on a rampage though New Yur.
>And some Night Lords have arrived too, I can probably lure them into a fight with one of the other factions on the planet, it may be dangerous to do so though.
>And then there are a few Eldar who just showed up. They will be the perfect vector for allowing Hen-tai Ise’kai to reenter Craftworld society.

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>>94654728
>>94657172
>Be Lieutenant Abdul Abby.
>We move past the artillery the felinids set up their commissar giving a quick wave
>We make it into the city taking in the lights and over all spirit of the place
>Many of the more xealous tallarns are frothing at the mouth at humans, abhumans, and xenos sharing a place like this.
>But they recognize its not the time after we're so low on ammo and fuel.
>Our tanks make it to the refuling station by the landing pad where I spy the lord general himself overseeing a shipment of hot chocolate.
>After making sure the tech priests know what they're doing I make my way over to say hello and finally score my hot coco ration I've waited an entire year for.

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>Be Nurgle
>Remember all the fun Khorne and Slaanesh's followers had on Nordica II last year
>Get sad my grandkids couldn't participate
>Decide this year will be different
>Months before Nurglemas I managed to get some followers to the planet to set up a charity
>Now that it's even colder than normal they're going to start passing out blankets to the poor and needy

>MFW everyone will love my gifts!

>Be Felinid Sgt Tom
>be finish delivering the officers their hot chocolate
>head to the landing pad where the newbies are being drop off to grab my nephew
>most of them are Whiteshields
>just kids really
>that kinda puts a damper on my Candlemas spirit
>find that nephew of mine
>he appears to be the youngest of 'em all
>hasn't even started growing facial yet
>ask him why he joined the Whiteshields
>turns out my brother-in-law suffered from some injury at the manufactorum
>my sister made no mention of such a thing, why did she not tell me?
>decide to take him into New Yur to buy him a Candlemas gift
>hopefully that will cheer the little guy up
>just need to sign out one of the staff cars from the motor poll
>hopefully enemy doesn't try anything like last year
>i'll damned if the archenemy or xenos ruin it
>my nephew deserves a good candlemas this year

>>94656975
>Be Lord Morvi
>Flying through the air in the Raptor pack searching for those two pillars
>As we fly i get reports from 2nd claw about Imperial towns on the planet
>Seems like they've built themselves up since last we were here
>Might have to send some cultists into their towns to have a look at what's going on
>Though the 98th might be a better call seeing as they can pass off for another guard regiment just as long as they took off some of the more heretical markings on their gear.
>I'm thinking about the visions still
>What was father doing on this world with a woman from the Drukhari?

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>>94657783

>Be Da Fake Red Gobbo
>Sent by da Krumpus ta krump Candamaz an’ Orkamaz an’ all da otha Maz days.
>Me an’ ma boyz gots sacks uv bit’n squigs an’ bombs an’ otha stuff ta make da ‘umiez right propa mad.
>An’ den we gunna burn ‘dat shack full uv Candamaz stuff.
>See a little ‘umiez git, drow a squig at ‘er an it chomps ‘er arm right off.
>See a Candamaz tree an’ drow a fi’rah bomb at it.
>Climb up a build’n an shake ma butt at ‘da ‘umiez.
>Dis iz rlight propa fun stuff diz iz.

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>>94655429
>>94655305
>>94655602
>>94657783
>Be Hen-tai Ise’kai, Greatest Aeldari Story Teller Ever
>Unfortunately my ideas are too radical for my place of birth, the humourless Craftworld of Alaitoc.
>Due to a series of misunderstandings, I have also been banned from Biel-tan, Iyanden, Saim-Hann, Lugganath, the Sunblitz Brotherhood, the Void Dragons, three different Exodite Worlds, and Commorragh, actually pretty much every Aeldari outpost I know how to get to has banned my presence.
>Bunch of sanctimonious philistines, they don’t appreciate how I flawlessly weave tales of love and passion and grand mythology using scenes of extreme sensual nature to underscore the emotions of the characters.
>I mean sure, my latest novel has vivid description of Isha taking it up the ass from Nurgle and Slaanesh at the same time on Ishaday in the opening chapter, and it caused several individuals who read it to violently projectile vomit then swear to never celebrate Ishaday again, but that is a gross oversimplification of the kinds of artistry that appear in my books and animated videos.
>Anyways, after several years of roaming the pitiful worlds of the mon-keigh in disguise, I finally made contact with someone who appreciates my work.
>I mean, sure he is a daemon of She Who Thirsts, the mortal archenemy of our race, but I prefer not to put a label on things.
>My new best friend, Mr. Krampus, has made me an offer I simply can’t refuse.
>He says there are some Eldar Rangers on this world from Dolthe, which is like some secret super liberal Craftworld I never heard of that would totally appreciate my work. All I have to do is befriend the Rangers and they will totally bring me back to Dolthe.

>>94659576
>And if that doesn’t work, Mr. Krampus said he will bring me to Slaanesh’s Realm. He made it sound like a bad thing, but I think spending some time there will be a great inspiration for my next novel. Maybe I will even get to meet Slaanesh, Nurgle, and Isha in person during their holiday get together/orgy.
>Anyways, my plan is simple enough. The Rangers are heading towards New Yur from the nearest Webway Gate, so I figure out what path they are likely to take, pretend to twist my ankle on an icy rock, then call for help until they find me.
>Unfortunately I actually twist my ankle on an icy rock, which totally hurts like a bitch, but that will just add to the authenticity. I can see the Rangers approaching even now, so I call out for help.

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>>94657172
>>94657783
>>94658293
>Be Miser Grinchovach
>Brilliant businessman, investor, banker, and senior Imperial tax official for the sector.
>Not a conflict of interest at all, at least that is what I say publicly.
>I have invested a lot of money into these new promethium refineries being set up on Nordica II, and half the businesses on the planet owe my bank lots of money, except the ones selling Candlemas rubbish and other consumer goods, I gave strict instructions for the bank not to loan money to those sorts of rubes.
>But local officials insist on given workers several days off for Candlemas, just as I was starting to turn a profit!
>Three whole days off! That is almost a 1% reduction in annual work output! Unacceptable!!
>And then there is this whole business with making truces with the xenos. It is bad for business making those sorts of deals because it brings all sorts of unwelcome attention from the Inquisition and the Ministorum, some of which may get focused on my own heretical alliances as well.
>Luckily the daemon I sold my soul to to get rich has a plan that will solve both problems. Stirring up bad blood between the humans and the Orks on Candlemas Eve. That will break both the truce and ruin any desire to celebrate Candlemas. And if you aren’t celebrating a religious holiday, you have to be working, it says right here in the local bylaws that I helped write.
>Already there has been several deaths and injuries caused by our gretchin allies, and a few retaliatory attacks by hot headed Imperials. There has also been a sickness going around the homeless camps and orphan homes, even better.
>I order by refinery overseers to lock the gates of the refineries and get the workers to pull a triple shift. What better way to avoid violence and disease on the streets than to stay indoors and what better way to stay warm in a freezing refinery than to work your guts out?

>>94659743
>I also leave a message with the Nordican Lord General telling him if he doesn’t break the truce and deal with the Orks once and for all, I will lodge a complaint with the Lord Governor of the entire Sector. I have already lodged several complaints, but the Lord General doesn’t know this. They have all been denied due to a clerical error that lists Nordica II as having been lost to the Orks three years ago.
>>94655829
>I also send out an errant girl to approach this "Inquisitor Scrooge" who my master says is approaching the town. If my threats don't frighten the Lord General, maybe having a hardline Inquisitor who is aware of his involvement in heretical truce will.

>>94658293
>>94659354

>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>Enjoying a nice mug of steaming hot tanna mixed with hot chocolate and vodka with some other members of the regiment when suddenly I hear some high pitched screaming and look over and see some posh lady screaming because a squig just bit her leg off and ran away with it. There are also some gretchin up on a roof throwing petrol bombs at pedestrians.
>Alright, truce is over, the Orks probably won’t care if we kill a few gretchin anyways.
>I grab my lasgun and start taking a few potshots at the gretchin on the roof.
>And then I hear some screams coming from the other direction.
>Some homeless guy is trying to eat someone’s dog. He looks pretty rough too, either some sort of skin disease, or he is a Plague Zombie.
>More screams as another rotting looking hobo attacks some off-duty soldiers.
>Okay, Plague Zombies then, I haven’t seen these guys since Damnatum Lutum.
>Why does this stuff always happen on Candlemas and Candlemas Eve?

>>94655305
>>94655602
>>94657742
>>94657783
>>94659576
>Be Seer Delwyn
>Fishing around for Greg
>Suddenly trip over something solid in the snow
>Yank a certain teammate out of the snowdrift by his ankle
>He's mostly conscious, good enough for us
>Start off down the hill
>We're making good time, should be in town before too long
>Have another look in the wraithnoculars
>Huh? There's two towns?
>Which one were we heading for again?
>Probably the closer one, WebMap identifies it as a PDF outpost
>Looks more like a town than a small PDF base
>Also, not sure what's going on but this bodysuit is way too warm now
>Must just be the exercise
>Open top of cloak some to not sweat in the most undignified manner
>Much better
>Huh, the fates are saying something about a great danger up ahead
>Keep walking while pondering this
>Suddenly realise that one foot is going down through air and not stopping
>It's only Lemallyn's hand grabbing my collar that avoids a very long drop
>Ah, yes, mountain edge
>That must have been what the fates were on about
>They haven't shut up though, still harping on about danger
>Would you shut up already?
>There's steep drops everywhere round here, I get it
>Gods, it's like trying to take a flying transport platform with oversensitive proximity alarms between two buildings
>Hmm?
>Is that someone asking for help?
>Wait, that voice is speaking in Eldar
>Oh, there they are
>Good thing they're right where we can see them from the track!
>Come a cropper, have you?
>Hmm. Young female. Heavily swollen ankle, likely badly sprained or broken
>Seems to be no bleeding, no foot injuries, no other injuries
>No, don't remove the boot, we'll never get it back on
>Check for soulstone, soulstone.....soooooulstooooone?
>Where's your soulstone, girl?
>She probably lost it doing.....whatever she was doing up here

>>94660793
>Questions later, I have a couple of spares always on me, take one
>Casualty also at high risk of hypothermia in these conditions given their very light clothing
>.....what are you all looking so incredulous?
>I actually passed all my first aid exams in training and didn't even have to cheat very much unlike in Leadership and Seeing
>Can you walk? No?
>Fine, c'mere, I'll carry you down while we head towards this nearby town to start doing our thing
>You'll catch your death like this, I think my cloak is large enough to wrap around the both of us at once and I'm too warm anyway
>Fates still banging on about danger even louder, quit it already
>So, who are you? How'd you end up all the way up here in that, lady?

>>94657783
>Be Introspective Version of Trainee Cummissar Vanessa Flambeau
>I just spent most of the past year in Slaanesh’s Realm, where the laws of reality are more like guidelines, doing every possible sexual act with every possible type of being and object, while I myself was often being moulded like clay both physically and mentally at the same time.
>But here I am, back in reality, for I don’t know, maybe the fifth time since I was first conscripted into the Schlick LXIXth, they all kind of blur together. All my memories blur together. Probably for the best, if I can remember doing it it isn’t as fun the next time around.
>As per usual, being back in reality is a mixed blessing. Sure not being violated by spiky tentacles and pain hooks 24/7 might seem like a good thing, but reality has its drawbacks too. You get this crazy mood swings and schizophrenic moments where you go from introspective to manic to full nympho to sullen in less than a minute. And your body is rewired to expect constant stimulation, but it doesn’t heal or process intoxicants quite as quickly as it does in Slaanesh’s Realm. And it takes forever to climax when all you have to work with are your own fingers, several crates of sex toys and sensation altering drugs, and a room full of the most degenerate mutant and human-ish perverts to ever blight the galaxy.
>Ugh, I can’t believe I even miss the tentacle pits.
>Focus Vanessa.
>Focus.
>You were sent back for a reason.
>Maybe?
>Oh right, for Candlemas, on the very same world where you first joined the Schlick exactly one year ago.
>Dixie thought it would be fitting for my first mission as Trainee Cummissar to take place here.
>I try to remember where Dixie is, but I feel another personality change coming, so I instead try to remember what I am supposed to be doing here.

>>94661048
>What is a Cummissar you might ask? Good question, it is kind of like the mix between a commander, a cheerleader, and a village bike for the particular group of Schlick LXIX you get assigned to. I make sure everyone is happy, is “happy”, and is provided with some sort of direction.
>I feel I am getting closer. I am supposed to be leading people, and it is Candlemas Eve, how do these go together?
>Oh right, the presents...
>I feel a sudden rush of manic energy, whatever I was trying to do, I am out of time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Be Manic Version of Trainee Cummissar Vanessa Flambeau
>I grab an autopistol off a nearby table and hold the trigger to fire all 35 shots into the ceiling of the ice cave. Damn I love that noise, or any loud noise really.
“HOHOHOHOHOHO you motherfuckers!!!! Get off the YOUR DAMN BUTTS THIS INSTANT! Your Cummissar Lady V is back in the house, and she is so fucking bored of whatever this gift wrapping garbage is that you are doing. Look, I don’t care what Dixie said, or Krampus said, or Slaanesh said. Maybe it is Candlemas tomorrow, maybe it isn’t, I can’t remember and I DON’T FUCKING CARE!!! If someone doesn’t come over here and stick it up my butt while I do these lines of warp dust, I am going to grab ANOTHER FUCKING GUN AND START BLOWING HEADS OFF!!!"
>And with that I put my current gun down.
>It discharges one last time and blows the dick off a femboy.
>Meh, accident happen.

>>94659576
>>94660793
>>94660798
>Be Hen-tai Ise’kai, Greatest Aeldari Story Teller Ever
>Hahahaha, my genius plan worked, and my critics say I don’t understand plots and narratives.
>I decide keep quiet at first and pretend to have hypothermia and a concussion, which wasn’t that hard because I probably do in fact have hypothermia and a concussion.
>It took a lot longer than I thought it would to walk all the way up here, and I hit my head when I fell.
>And why would I wear a bodysuit? Only dumb smelly warriors where bodysuits, whereas I am a genius, far too valuable to risk my life fighting when I have so much art left to give to the universe.
>A coat would have been nice though, I will have to remember to steal one if I see one that is fashionable enough while I am on this crude hellhole of a planet.
>Eventually I get bored of pretending to be in shock and start talking to the Rangers.
>Who am I? I am only the best story teller the Aelderi have ever had. Sure I might be young, but I am going to revolutionize the world of storytelling. You know how the Harlequins do those crazy performances and one minute it is this crazy love story and the next minute some guy gets stabbed in the face, and it looks so real that your like, oh wow, did he actually get stabbed in the face? Now I am really concerned about these fictitious characters. Well my writing is like that. You are like, oh wow, I can’t believe she wrote something that graphic, it really underscores the tragedy of the situation, like how Isha got enslaved by Nurgle and Slaanesh, and her violation is like a metaphorical whatever of how our whole race is getting fucked into submission by the whole galaxy.
>Am I crazy? No, you just don’t appreciate my depth as a writer, how very typical of the older generation.
>How many fingers are you holding up? Two, no wait, three. Do thumbs count?

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>>94655429
>>94657783
>>94659354
>>94660770
>Bez me
>Da one tru only Red Gobbo
>Be on a humie forge world when suddenly I feel a disturbanze in da spirit of squigsmas
>Coming frooooooommmm
>Nordica 2?!?!
>Datz when I drop everyfing an make me way der on me squig slay
EreWeGo.WAAAGH
>Arrive in da dead of night an see an imposter red gobbo blowen stuff up an destroying da place
>Someone ez trying te fraime me DA RED GOBBO! fur crimes against squigmas
NotOnMyWatch.vox
>Lan on a roof next da da impota gobbo
>Moon behind me looken all badazz
>Stan up with one poot on the frunt uv me slay and coat billowing in the night wind

"Jus who da zog da ya think you ez?"

>>94661289
>Where is my coat? Why am I up here alone? Well. Uhm. My latest book is about this young Aelderi maiden who gets tricked into visiting this mon’keigh mythological creature called the Krampus, but the Krampus is like totally real okay, and he keeps her chained up in a freezing cave totally naked for an entire year while he spanks her with a wooden rod and does lots of other stuff to her as well. It is like a metaphor for how the Ancient Aelderi stopped taking the old legends seriously, and now bam! Look at us, we brought Slaanesh into the galaxy because we forgot about the Warp Gods, and we also forgot we had to wipe out the Necron, and now they are back too. So now we are really really screwed right, and maybe even having to consider seeing our enemies as potential lovers, I mean allies, because the alternatives are also really bad. Anyways, that is why I was up here, to find a cold cave, get naked for a while, and experience first hand what I am trying to write. Have any of your guys seen something that could be used as shackles or wooden rod? No? Oh well, I think between the broken ankle and being underdressed in a blizzard for several hours I have enough to work from for the time being. Oh and the coat? Yeah I lost it in a storm earlier today, it is probably under a foot of snow by now. Everything looks the same in a blizzard. You know how it is, too much time in climate controlled environments and you forget the universe doesn’t play by your rules. Hahaha, I know right?
>Where did I come from? Oh. You know. The Webway. Probably from the same Gate you used. I hang out with wanderers like yourselves as I explore the galaxy looking for inspiration. The last group I was with didn’t care much for the climate of this world, they said they will come looking for me in a few weeks if I didn’t make it to Dolthe. Oh, your from Dolthe, small galaxy right?

>>94661296
>Where is my soulstone? It is around my belt. Duh. Keeping you soulstone near your heart or glued to your forehead is so boringly typical. My loins are where I get most of my creative energy from, so I keep it close to there.
>10/10 storytelling, they totally are buying everything that I am saying.
>Their leader is currently carrying me down the mountain, he is stronger than he looks, though lately my fantasies have been about much stronger and much more bestial men, women, and beasts. They seem to be heading to Exmus, instead of New Yur like I thought they would. Not that it matters since all I need to do is convince them to take me with them to Dolthe. Or stay here and have Krampus bring me to his kingdom. Either option is fine really.
>I ask the Rangers what they plan on doing in Exmus.

>>94658574
>Be Lord Morvi
>As we continue to scour the planet, I get voxed from Captain Laskar of The Mourning of Night
>Apparently shits going down in the town of New Yur, Gretchin are being Irish and the homeless are becoming plague zombies.
>Well then seems like the truce isn't going to last this Sanguinala
>Vox to third claw to not go out of the beach head they've established
>Vox to our Master of Executions Jakal Rasar to come down to bolster the 98th and the cultists with our remaining forces of Legionaries, Chosen and Havocs
>Vox to Xuul to be ready to deepstrike with our daemonic forces of warp Talons, possessed and Obliterators on my command
>As I'm giving new orders, Heartseeker spots the pillars I saw in my visions
>We land before them
>They are away from any town and stand tall, I can smell the iron in the blood that stained them
>It might have been multiple thousands of years since they had blood on them but it's still there to me
>I get closer to the pillars and I am struck with another vision
>I grab my head in pain as it all floods into my brain
>It's Father in his last days on Tsagualsa, he's sat in his screaming gallery alone when the same Drukhari woman arrives
>The two converse but I can't make out what they are saying
>Macabre once again helps guide me by placing his hand on my shoulder
>I can make out the words
"Merakryss, have you gotten what is needed?"
"I should have enough, I will leave for Commorragh in the morning. But I want to spend a few more moments with you before it's over"
"Very well, I know a place within this fortress where we can be together without my sons knowing of your presence"
>The vision ends and I bring myself back to reality
>What did she take from Father to take back to Commorragh
>I turn and face my pack
"Brothers we must now search for a Drukhari on this planet named Merakryss, she and father had planned something before his death. We might have to search the Imperium's new towns to find her"

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>Be Magos Navis Shevola Thevagola
>Commander of the “Black Star” of the 00111001th dark Mechanicum Explorator fleet
>As far as we know, we are the last surviving members of the 00111001th fleet after that damn ark mechanicus decimated us over the forge world
>We've exited the immaterium in some no name system and don't have enough fuel to reenter
>Also checking the chrono we see its Candlemas Eve
>Scanning we find imperial signals coming from one planet near the edge of the habitable zone
>Decide fuck it, we're probably dead anyway so we might as well get some revenge
>Get as close to the planet as we can and first deploy as many ancient stalker constructs as we can on the night side keeping our chaos knights in reserve for now
>When those imperials wake up in the morning they're going to be in for a nasty surprise
>Merry Candlemas corpse worshipers!

>>94655851
>>94656975
>>94658574
>>94661353
>>94661407
>Be Ignis.
>Morvi's been having nightmares about Konrad Curze on the ice world we just left and wants to return.
>He decides to take a squad down with jump packs and asks me to join.
>As much as I'm loyal Morvi going would mean leaving behind my heavy flamer Zara so I decline, plus I'd need to take the governor's daughters off my armor spikes.
>Morvi understands and goes down.

...

>Some time later Captain Laskar reports a Dark Mechanicum signal approaching.
HowManyTimesDoWeHaveToTeachYouThisLessonOldMan.vox
>I send a signal down to Morvi informing him of the situation and whats coming then order the captain to start opening fire while I put together a squad of our remaining marines to board once the time is right.

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>>94661048
>>94661054
>Be Cummissar Hue Jazz of the Schlick XLVIth
>For an entire year realspace time my slut of a sister has done nothing but fuck the brains out of some mortal slut she picked up on slaaneshmas!
>Everysingle night all night long
>I can't get a single minute of sleep
>I know we follow the chaos god of excess but fucking drink some water or something every now and then
Not_Jelly.warp
>Anyway as per slaaneshmas protocol my "regiment" if you could call it that, was selected to spread joy and happiness to the mortals
> Unfortunately Dixie Rekt managed to pul some strings with the higher ups and get her toy the rank of tranee cummissar with this being her first mission
>I'm supposed to babysit my sister's girlfriend and make sure she doesn't die while my sister helps with the annual dark gods feast
LuckyBitch.totallyjelly
>I hop on my seeker and make for the portal to the materium coming out in an ice cave and see already Vanessa has started an orgy
sigh.lungs
>I bring my steed over and smack her on the side of the head with the flat of my chainsword

"Trainee, it is Slaaneshmas DAY if you kindly remember. This is the ONE fucking day in the ENTIRE year where we DON'T do the pleasure thing and instead spread JOY."
"We are here to assist the Imperials in any way we can."
"Do I make myself clear?"

>>94661353
>>94662715
>>94661407
>Be Lord Morvi
>As we search i receive a vox from Ignis
>A dark mechanicus fleet has entered the system
>He's scrambling our remaining forces to form boarding parties
>He's got Xuul, some possessed, Obliterators and Zson
"Ignis go wake up Zson, he'll be a useful force multiplier. Plus it's Sanguinala, though he cannot eat I do like him at our Sanguinala feasts"
>I then vox to Jakal
"Jakal ignore my previous orders, only send down yourself, the havocs and two squads of Legionaries. Give the rest of the Legionaries and the Chosen to Ignis"
"Understood my Lord, we're loading up now so I'll redirect the squads. Ave Dominous Nox my Lord"
>He cuts the vox feed and i turn my attention back to the search
>I have to get to the bottom of my visions
>I have to know what father and this Merakryss had together

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>>94661407
>last surviving members
>>94662715
>A Dark Mechanicum signal


>>94662822
>fleet

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>>94661054
>>94662810
>Be Sullen Version of Trainee Cummissar Vanessa Flambeau
>I find myself in the middle of an orgy.
>Again.
>Dammit Manic Vanessa, or maybe it was Full Nympho Vanessa.
>Why do I always wake up during or after an orgy?
>Aside from the obvious fact that I only manifest when Vanessa is really tired, or frightened but too tired for Terrified Vanessa to appear, or sulky but too tired for Manic Vanessa to appear.
>Ugh, I suck so much, even my split personalities don’t like me.
>So what is it this time? Manic Vanessa had another existential crisis? Nympho Vanessa is unhappy one of her boy toys couldn’t get it up?
>You know, I literally became a jewel thief to avoid having to work in the sex trade, and then being a jewel thief got me mixed up in all of this.
>Stupid karma. Stupid universe.
>Then I glance over at the pile of presents, only a few of which have been wrapped. Really? That is all we have done so far? We have been here for a week, and sure there are like several thousand presents, but there is also about fifty people in the cave and probably a hundred more hanging around somewhere. How long does it take to wrap twenty to thirty odd gifts each?
>I am just starting to wonder how I motivate my troops to finish off the presents when Cummissar Hue Jazz portals into the room on her Steed.
>She looks pissed.
--------------------------------------------------------------
>Be Frightened Version of Trainee Cummissar Vanessa Flambeau
>Get hit in the head with the flat of a chainsword.
>OOOOWWWWWW!!!!
>FUCKFUCKFUCKSHITFUCK
>What did my other personalities to this time? Why is it always me who has to face the music?
>Right, Cummissar Hue Jazz is pissed about the presents.
>Start blabbering until I say all the things I thing Hue wants to hear.

>>94663647
“Yessir, gotit, spreadjoy, wearegoingtospreadlotsofjoy, lotsandlotsandlotsofit, joytotheworldandallthat, wewerejustdoingonelastorgytokeepthetroopsmotivatedyeah, butwegotlotsofpresentslotsofpresentslotsandlotsandlots, anddisguises, andwegotagentsinlocalgovernment, wegotthemtosetupaparadewherewewillbegivingoutthepresentstoday, actuallymultipleparades, oneforeachtownplusafewprivateparties, alsonurglehasagentshereandtheyarespreadinggiftstoo”
>I deliberately leave out any mention of Krampus and his plans, which I agreed to help support. I mean sure, he is also Slaaneshi, but there is all sorts of politics around these things, and I only agreed to his plans because KRAMPUS IS FUCKING TERRIFYING.
>I then unstrap the strap-on I was wearing, leaving it lodged in the femboy I forgot I was pegging during this entire conversation, then take out the vibrator, and the other vibrator, and the other vibrator, and the thigh strap holding the turbocharged batteries and the spare dildos, and then put my special Cummissar hat back on, and run over to one of the tables with presents on it and start wrapping presents frantically.
“Cummonpeopleletsgogogogogogogogogogogo”
>Everyone in the room who can still run, limp, or crawl rushes over to help me.

>>94661300
>>94660798
>>94655606
>Be Ranger Bunni’Viie Lemallyn
>Delwyn locates Greg and we start walking down the mountain.
>At some point Delwyn realizes there are two towns, and heads for the smaller one.
>That is probably the smarter choice, less opportunity for trouble.
>Delwyn is in kind of a strange mood, I think he is getting visions of danger or something, which based on past experience are pretty useless because Delwyn never figures out what they mean in time.
>Also it makes him walk off cliffs, like just now, luckily I was fast enough to grab him and pull him up by his cloak.
>And then we come across a young Eldar woman wearing light clothes, with a twisted ankle, who claims to be some sort of experimental writer.
>She seems kind of dumb, and clearly places very low priority on her personal safety, but that describes everyone in this group except myself, sometimes Delwyn, and maybe occasionally Laering.
>The way she describes her work sounds interesting, but I can see why some people might find it in bad taste. And I think she might be letting her fetishes get into her work perhaps a bit too much, but that might just be my own biases talking. I grew up on the Craftworld of An’Arkayd, which is a pretty liberal place, some might even say parts of it are just glorified Corsair lairs. But my own mentor on the Path of the Poet was a highly decorated traditionalist, and my own work was, according to my critics: “boring, frumpy, and a little sad.”
>But I have seen and done quite a few things in the five years since leaving my Craftworld, so it takes quite a lot to shock me these days.
>Maybe I will get a chance to read some of her work later.
>In the meantime, Delwyn has taken it upon himself to carry her down the mountain, which is kind of funny since he the smallest and thinnest in the group.

>>94664683
>He is probably just doing it to remind the rest of us he is in charge after having so many missteps so early in the mission, but it would be funny if he actually attracted to the girl. So far he has mostly shown interest in taller, more athletic looking types of women like me, usually me specifically, but then again, I am everyone’s type.

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>>94661293
>Be Snaro Gitcatcha
>Hehehe, ‘der’e iz, I gotz’em dis time.
>Da real Red Gobbo.
>Der iz a big price on iz ead on Gorkamorka.
>Lots and lots of teef.
>I grab ma spechul snatcha gun an grab da little bugga an stick ‘em ‘n ma grot sack.
>Merry Orkmas ta me, I iz gonna be a snobby flash git now.

>>94663111
so is the issue that a "fleet" is too large to be "last surviving members"?

it kind of depends on how big the fleet was originally

>>94662822
>>94657742
>Be Lord Morvi
>Continuing to scour the planet
>Curze damn it where the hell is this Drukhari
>Maybe I need to tap into the visions
>Order my flock to land so I can try this
"Macabre I require your assistance in forcing a vision"
>He looks at me tilting his goat skull helmet
"Are you sure my Lord? This might go sideways"
>I give him a nod
"It'll be the only way to find her, we're running low on fuel and I bet you this planet is going to go fubar. Just try it"
>He nods and places a hand on my head
>I close my eyes and try to see a vision
>Can feel the warp surging in Macabre's hand to help guide me
>Recollections of Tsagualsa, Zson's internment into the contemptor dreadnought, Xuul's forced ascension to daemonhood
>Think harder Morvi
>The day i met Ignis
>I feel the warp overtaking me
>Yell out in pain
>Macabre is trying to keep my head from exploding and focusing my thoughts more
>Finally I see something in a miasma of warp energy
>It's the Drukhari
>She's in a mountain town called Exmus
>I grab ahold of Macabre's hand and he begins to pull me out absorbing the warp energy into himself to dispel it
"My Lord are you alright?"
>I regain my senses
"I've found her, she's in a town called Exmus in the mountains. North from our current location"
"Very well my Lord, hopefully once we apprehend her, the visions will end"
"I can only hope they do Macabre"
>I then vox to 2nd claw the directions to Exmus
>Once I get a confirmation, myself and my pack of Raptors soar into the sky and make our way to Exmus
>On streaks of fire in the winter night sky

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>>94659762
>>94655829
>Be Ruella Ville
>I am Senior Overseer of Miser Grinchovach’s business interests on this flyspeck of a world.
>Nothing much ever happens here that would allow me to prove my right to move up the corporate ladder.
>Nothing until recently that is.
>The Krampus himself has reached out and said he wants Candlemas, Orkmas, and all those other silly holidays ended.
>Myself and my dear Lord Grinchovach couldn’t agree more. Why should they get time off when they can be kept busy making us rich?
>So far I haven’t done much, just arranged for some cultists of Slaanesh and Nurgle to distribute some goods in Imperial towns on Candlemas and Candlemas Eve, but working with an Inquisitor, how thrilling.
>A challenge worthy of my skills, as they say.
>It isn’t too hard to locate this “Inquisitor Scrooge”.
>Hairskin coat, lots of skulls, big “I” symbol, that is him for sure.
>I start talking to him, but he keeps mumbling about the “Daemon of Sanguinala Present” and “bah humbug”.
>This is going to be harder than I thought.

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>>94655429
>Be Sergeant Chaddeus, Blood Angels, 3rd Company
>On the Eve of Sainguinala, the Holiest Day of our Chapter, I am here on this in backwater world, hunting for Puspul Coagulus, one of the foulest traitors who ever disgraced the name of the Blood Angels.
>But we have reliable intelligence that he has turned up at last, seeking allies for his filthy heretic scheme to defile the corpse of Holy Sanguinius himself.
>Not on my watch!
>I have taken an Oath to return to Baal with Puspul’s head in a box, and that is exactly what I will do.
>Our intelligence says he will be located up in the mountains somewhere, which isn’t much to go on, but no doubt the will of the Emperor himself will provide us with further guidance now that we are here.

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>>94664968
>Bez me
>Da one tru Red Gobbo
>Az I poze in da moon loight distraking da fake gobbo a gitcatcha comea around one of the chimnez and launches a net at da imposta
>He den makes off wiff da git finking hez got me
JustAsPlanned.Kunnin
>In hez exoitment he don't even notez me
>Afta he left I turn in my sleigh and pull out me Squig Sack™
>Den make fur da nearezt chimne and climb down ta deliva me prezentz
>Toim ta undo da damage done by dat git
>Dere will be a merry Orksmas on Nordica 2

>Or my name isn't DA RED GOBBO!!!

>Be PDF Trooper Joey
>Sipping hot cocoa in the command room of the base
>I had to wear a lot of hats when it was basically just me, so I can operate a radar as well as I can solder a wire
>It's been all quiet for months with no hostile air activity
>Be startled as the radar suddenly pings several times with new contacts
>Spill mug of hot drink over the console and into my lap
>OW OW HOT YOWIE OUCH YOW HOT OW
>Finish extinguishing crotch from hot drink
>Look again at the radar
>Blank screen and sparks
>Aw nuts, guess I've got to fix this now as well
>Go out the hatch on the roof with a set of binoculars to scan the sky because nobody wanted to be on lookout today
>Can't see shit in this snow, don't even know where to look
>Eh, there's no authorised air traffic today and the truce is probably still on
>Can't have been anything important
>Go turn the breaker off and fetch a screwdriver, damp cloth, hairdryer, towel and a spritz bottle to clean the cocoa out of the radar console
>Something else I have to do today on my day off
>Also miss several moving figures on the camera watching the track leading up the valley into the mountains while rooting around in the console
>Slam door shut on the radar console and reboot it
>Nothing, must have just been some ice on the dish
>It's good to be in the PDF

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>>94655522
>>94657883
>>94658293
>>94659354
>>94660770
>>94661407
>Be felinid commissar Kate.
>Grab Chloe by the ear and bring her back to my tent.
> Discipline her about properly maintaining a uniform by paddling her butt.
>(Try not to notice how shes moaning as I spank her.)
>Let her go back to her barracks to get dressed.
>When I finally come out I notice that basically every female trooper is now pantsless or also nude.
>This must be the influence of those slaanesh cultists from last year.
>I pull out my bolt pistol and decide to start performing executions when suddenly a green laser appears from nowhere and blows up a chunk of new Yur.

"ENEMY CONTACT! ALL HANDS BATTLE STATIONS!"

>Getting behind a snow bank I pull out some magnocualrs and see an army of knight sized mechanical spiders lead by larger mechanical spiders
>Start giving orders to load the artillery and start laying fire into the machines
>Where is sergeant Tom?
>Suddenly seemingly unrelated explosions ring out through New Yur and I hear a loud undead scream of a horde of zombies

SoItBegins.holo

>>94667132
>>94657883
>>94657172
>Also forgot to mention I get on the vox and try to contact the Tallarn and lord general for support.

>>94664968
>>94666221
>Be One of Da Otha Fake Red Gobbos
>Dat git Snaro gotz da wrong git!
>Plan B!
>Eshcalate!
>We got lots uv grot bomm launchaz be’n all sneaky like in da mountains.
>Dey fire an’ hit ‘da Candlemas shed an lots uv otha big buildins.
>An’ den we have a moment uv silence for da pilots ‘oo sakraviced demselves for ‘da greata gud.

>>94661289
>>94664683
>>94665083
>Be Seer Delwyn
>Okay, first things first, what in Isha's ever-loving fuck was that?
>First thing we've learned - this woman has an impressive lung capacity behind her motor mouth]
>Second thing we've learned - someone clearly left a stash of good Warp Dust unattended round here
>Third thing we've learned - I no longer feel safe having this brainless lunatic this close to certain vital organs
>I didn't even catch everything she said, I lost track somewhere around the eighth lungful
>For all I complain about being surrounded by fools, it could always be *this" much worse.
>Except Lem, she's one of the only even semi-competent people around here
>She's also very cute, but she doesn't need to know *that* particular thought
>Ahem
>Gently and surreptitiously take a brief peek at the mystery woman's soul
>I've done this successfully at least once since school, it's not difficult
>Hmm, not a Druchii, though something's off here
>Stumble and nearly go flying on a stone
>Yeah, let's not do this while walking around
>It's like trying to cross a high-speed skycar route while staring at your communicator
>Also realise she has apparently snapped out of her delirium and is saying something
>I'm sorry, say again?
>Oh yeah, we're going to do some surveillance in town, nothing special
>You won't make it back to the portal on your own, we'll take you next time we go bac up there
>Also, didn't get your name, missy
>Double-time it towards town
>The sooner we can set up somewhere and I can palm this weirdo off onto someone else, the better
>That and figure out what her real deal is
>Might be related to the feeling of all your hairs standing up like you're about to get struck by lightning
>Reach the outskirts of Exmus
>All right, chameleoline on, everyone
>This is supposed to be covert observation, after all

>>94667318
>Spot an abandoned-looking building outside down that looks perfect
>It's half-buried in snow, but the upper storey window is easily jemmied open
>See movement out of the corner of one eye
>What looks like Astartes flying through the air
>In the distance, what sounds like explosions, possibly from New Yur
>All the more reason to get inside sharpish
>Deposit Weirdo on a chair and start unpacking the mission kit
>Heater? Check.
>Disguises? Check.
>Medkits? Check.
>Tools for skulduggery? Check.
>Food? Errr...
>I could swear I packed enough of those ultracompressed nutrition capsules
>Hmm
>And why are there dozens of pairs of woolly socks in here?

>>94660770
>>94666221
>>94667132
>>94667251
>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>I just spent the past few hours wasting Candlemas Eve gunning down Plague Zombies and feral squigs and putting out fires getting caused by those red clad gretchin scampering over the roof tops.
>That big warehouse full of Candlemas was mostly burned down, but we did salvage some gifts. Also, most of the other arson attacks were targeted at stores selling Candlemas stuff.
>Strange, someone must really hate Candlemas. I wonder if Candlemas offends the Orks somehow. Not that I care how they feel, Greenskins are almost as bad as Tau in my books.
>And now the greenskins are fighting among themselves. Are some of them trying to preserve the truce, or is it just their usual halfwit insanity? Either way, it just seems to be making things worse.
>Missiles piloted by kamikaze gretchin just hit the Candlemas warehouse, the orphanage, the school, and the temple.
>The Plague Zombie outbreak also seems to be getting worse and worse.
>All I wanted was to go hit the shower block like I originally intended to, and then get some sleep.
>It was a long patrol so I was pretty tired even before the fighting started.
>And maybe if I had gotten to sleep quick enough, I would have gotten to skip all the ghosts and other weird hallucinations that always seem to happen this time of year.
>As I am bemoaning my situation, a giant beam of green light come from somewhere far away and cuts the spaceport control tower in half.
>Well that isn’t good, and didn’t seem very Orky either.
>I rush back to my regimental mustering point as more beam of energy burn their way through New Yur, and our own artillery starts firing at maximum pace at God-Emperor knows what.
>As I reach the mustering area, nearly everyone else is already there and ready. Not that the few recon companies still on the planet are going to do a whole lot of good in a shit show like this.

>>94667337
>Preliminary reports say that we are being attacked by a group of Dark Mechanicus, the same group that almost turned a forge world into a Slaaneshi daemon world nearly two years ago, but were stopped when someone rammed a moon into the planet. Or didn’t The rumors don’t agree on that second part, but they do agree on the Slaaneshi daemon world bit.
>God-Emperor damn it, didn’t we just stop some crazy warp ritual last Candlemas?!?

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>Arch Magos Vexia-66 of forge world Delta-Theta 10
>Be on my abeyant working in a mural of the Battle of Blood Snow in the newly constructed town hall of New Yur on the ceiling
>Or I would be if my order of Mephiston Red from Astartezon was here
sigh.noosphere
>This might be heretical, but maybe I should see if the Tau have an equivalent paint?
>I hover my abeyant out the door only to see New Yur is on fire
>There's a horde of pox walkers, orks and grots fighting each other, and in the distance, I can make out the silhouettes of Serperos Overlord Heavy Stalkers through the blizzard
>There seams to be no unit cohesion among anyone
>This won't do at all
>How will I finish my painting if the city gets destroyed?

>I compose myself then send a signal through the local noosphere network to all tech priests and skitarii from various forge worlds here to meet up at the promethium depot next to the space port not far from here
>That seams like a good meeting place with lots of wide open space for us to shoot outward with
>Not to mention it shouldn't have fallen yet thanks to it being roughly in the middle of town
>With the signal sent I turn my abeyant in that direction
>Its only two blocks away so I should be their in no time.

>>94665083
>>94666503
>Be Lord Morvi
>As we are approaching Exmus I notice how under prepared they seem to be
>Perfect, combine that with the blizzard and we'll find the drukhari woman in no time
>Get a vox from 2nd claw about them arriving soon
>Order pack to land on the rooftops of various buildings in the town so the search can begin
>An individual astartes is hard for mortals to take down so we can split up
>Push comes to shove we have a good vox network and can regroup
>I begin the search trying to look for the signs of a drukhari anywhere
>Use my sense of smell to try and find her
>Utilise prey sight to see the body temperatures of the people within the town
>Drukhari have different body heats to regular mortals owing to being a different race
>Its been a while since I last used stealth
>Feels good

>>94657742
>>94661300
>>94664683
>>94667321
>Be Hen-tai Ise’kai, Greatest Aeldari Story Teller Ever
>Welp, we finally reached our destination, it is some abandoned looking building on the edge of some shitty mon-keigh industrial town.
>Delwyn says he is on a super secret special mission to spy on some Imperials, Orks, and Slaaneshi, and figure out why they aren’t fighting each other.
>Right, sure, just like when I was sent to the Park of a Thousand Sighs to collect “super special” rocks anytime my old mentor on the Path of the Writer got fed up with me.
>Clearly these Rangers aren’t the cream of the crop.
>It doesn’t help that I already got a pretty detailed summary of why the different faction aren’t fighting each other from Krampus a few days ago when he called his “Council of Subversives”, otherwise I would have found the mystery kind of interesting, particularly since Slaaneshi are involved. But even giving the Rangers some hints would probably reveal I know something I don’t so instead.
>So I sit in a chair, bored, and still pretty cold, trying to use some basic psyker abilities to heal my ankle.
>The cold is kind of distracting me though. Being cold sucks.
>What do the Rangers even think they will see in a quiet town in the middle of the night by looking through a window with thick clouds of steam billowing from the outside?
>Then I remember there was a sign outside that said “Hot Springs Closed for Candlemas Break”.
>Oh yes!
>I grab a mon-keigh umbrella and use it as a cane to hobble over to the door leading to the balcony, throw it open, and sure enough, there are several large ponds of steaming, bubbling water, including one directly under the balcony.
>Awesomeness.
>I take off my top, and the boot and sock from my good leg, and hop over the railing and into the water.
>I immediately start feeling better as the warmth soaks right into me.
>Totally awesomeness.

>Be the Krampus
>I have been using my warp fueled crystal ball to keep an eye on the progress of my puppets.
>It has been less than satisfactory.
>Miser and Ruella were able to lay the ground work for the free movement of my puppets and those of Nurgle within the Imperial towns, but they failed to get Candlemas cancelled.
>That oaf Snaro Gitcatcha caught the wrong Red Gobbo, and the right one was able to lift the spirits of the Orks with plentiful gifted squigs for Orksmas. Snaro even had the nerve to insist to me he got the right one. Well off to the Halls of Eternal Punishment for you Snaro, no doubt you will have company soon enough.
>Puspul hasn’t done anything yet, though he insists he has some sort of plan.
>And Hen-tai doesn’t seem to be taking this seriously at all despite the fact her task was by far the easiest. I did find out by spying on her that she dislikes cold, which is too bad for her since the Halls of Eternal Punishment are very, very, very cold.
>On the plus side, Candlemas has been completely ruined by the efforts of the gretchin, plague zombies, and the sudden arrival of the Slaaneshi Dark Mechanicus. I can still maybe salvage this if the Schlick can pull of their end of the deal.
>At the very bottom of each present they will deliver is a card that says “Happy Slaaneshmas” instead of “Happy Candlemas”. It is a simple but effective way to remind the rabble who truly has their best interests at heart, particularly now that most of the actual Candlemas gifts on this planet have been destroyed.
>I send a runner down to remind that pitiful Vanessa creature that if her mob of morons isn't handing out gifts in Exmus in the next two hours there will be hell to pay.

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>>94667251
>>94667337
>>94667420
>>94667694
>Be da real Red Gobbo!
>Finish laying da rapped squigs under a tree and scamper un da chimney
>Once I get up I see onotha uv da imposta gobbos blow up a Candlemas storage warehouse
>Der ez only one creachur I know uv dat hatez orksmas dis much
>Me old rival
>Krampus
>Eff ez ere I'm gonna need zum elp

>Looking off I see some humie tinboyz in mult colared robez gatharen
Idea.Kunnin
>Wiff all da colarz de muz be da strongest gitz ere!
>I slide down da side of da roof and hop on da humie mek boy big bosses hova fingy

"Ezcuse me miss. Would you be interested in saving Orkzmas?"

>>94667601
>Be Lord Morvi
>As i hunt from the roof tops I recieve a vox from Raptor champion Heartseeker
>He's found a bunch of non human heat signatures
>I order him to investigate from afar
>Merakryss might be amongst them
>He confirms and cuts the vox link
>I go back to my search and eventually find another heat signature
>I make my way closer to it, watching as it enters into an alleyway
>It opens a hidden door and goes inside
>I walk off the rooftop i am on and land before the door
>To which i then kick it down and look inside
>Watching the door tumble down some stairs
>I begin to walk down the stairs following the heat signature
>I then notice another one with it
>Its a strange signature compared to who I assume is the Drukhari

>>94667614
>Be Raptor Champion Heartseeker
>Stalking prey
>I want to wet my power fist but Morvi ordered us to simply stalk
>I found some Eldar signatures, one of which is very warm right now
>I think I want a better look at the very warm one which is surrounded by other heat signatures
>I jump over to get a better look and land as quietly as I can for an astartes anyway
>End up turning prey sight off as to not over load my eyes anymore
>I crouch down and observe a naked Eldar
>I tilt my head, she's not a drukhari she's a craftworlder
>By the Night Haunter a dead end
>Well I suppose I could have some fun with her
>I wouldn't mind some new flensed flesh to add to my shoulder pauldron

>green text thread
>not writen like green text
what's even the point?

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>>94662810
>>94663647
>>94663670
>>94667132
>>94667420
>>94668364
>Be Cummissar Hue Jazz of the Schlick XLVIth
>Vanessa start blubbering about how it won't happen again and how she promises to follow my orders from now on
YeaRight.TheseFakeAssBitches
>Honestly if she wasn't my sister's girlfriend I would've executed her for incompetence by now
>We leave the caves and find ourselves in a network of trenches
WhereAreWe.warp
>I direct my seeker along the trenches scouting ahead for any Imps nearby
>If they dug this then they must be nearby
>Find some krieg guardesmen beset by hordes of pox walkers and dark mechanicum constructs
>Pull out chainsword
CHARGE.agony
>Everyone on seekers charge into the melee shredding apart the walking corpses

File: Spoiler Image (1.7 MB, 853x480)

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>Be me.
>Lieutentant Abdul Abby.
>Wait in line for most of the day for a glass of hot chocolate.
>Freezing my socks off.
>Just want the drink so I can go into one of the buildings and warm up.
>Finally its my turn.
>I pick up the nug and bring it to my lips.
>A skitarius ruches by y bumping into me causing me to spill my hot coco on the ground.
GIF related
>Look around for the offender only to notice the city on fire and a horde of pox walkers.
ohhellno.PNG
>No one is getting in the way of me and my hot coco ration.
>Make for my tank which should be filled up by now.
>I then order the nearest group of Tallarn they're now part of my crew.
>Fire the flamer into the horde burning them to a crisp.
>We will purge this city and get our rations even if I have to turn this place into a charcoal forest in the process.

Sorry I haven't really been posting as Abby in this thread.

>>94668495
>Be Lord Morvi
>I observe the two heat signatures
>Seemingly getting ready for me
>I turn off prey sight and enter the room
>Standing before me is the Drukhari woman Merakryss and a boy next to her
>Hes strange to say the least
>Hes pale, dark haired and scrawny
>He kind of looks like father in a strange way
>Merakryss speaks before I can
"Ave Dominous Nox son of Curze. Seems like it wasn't Sevatar who came for me. Though I suppose you'll have to do, Morvi Salha"
>I am taken aback by her seemingly knowing of both my name and that I was coming
"You knew I was coming?"
"I knew someday a son of Curze would come for me. It's what he told me in our last moment together"
>The kid grabs her arm holding it tightly
"I'm guessing the kid is yours and father's"
"Yes, this is Marlow, Curze's legacy. Originally I was going to have more but the Homonculi coven i requested assistance from was only able to make one successful drukhari human crossbreed embryo with what samples of Curze I was able to give them"
"So you were Father's mistress. Not sure what you saw in Curze, to me and my brothers he was nothing more than a lunatic. But I'd still follow him to the end."
"I thought it'd be fun to see if I could fix him. It didn't happen but I like to think I made him happy, he was a change of pace to the Wych cults. But I want to focus on the present. What are you going to do to me and Marlow?"
>I pause, I only really wanted the visions to end, I wasn't really planning on doing anything else
>The kid probably would not survive the ascension to becoming an astartes
>He is no leader to unify the Night Lords again
>No one is
>Decimus is a fool if he thinks he can unite the broken sons of Nostramo
>These two will die if we leave them here and they get discovered
>sigh.bat
"You two will come with us back to the Mourning of Night. On what honour i have, I shall see to it that you two are safe on board"
>She smiles and strokes her son's hair.
>Its cute I suppose

>>94667132

>Be Felinid Sgt Tom
>Be half way to New Yur with nephew
>can only watch as a green laser shoots down from orbit an obliterates half the city
>hit the breaks HARD on the staff car
>WHATTHEFUCK.jpg
>see a bunch spider like war machines
>see a horde of plague zombies
>ohfuckfuckfuck.jpg
>shift the staff car into reverse and floor it
>im getting the fuck outta here
>why can't i just have a normal candlemas for one
>look over to nephew in passenger seat
>he is sobbing
>honestly, i can't blame the little guy
>i cry if i just saw my candlemas go up in smoke like that i was that young
>drive back to base ASAP
>drive staff car over trench glacis as if it were a ramp
>it sends the staff car over the trench and dozen bewildered guardsmen
>after the staff car comes to a stop
>i go looking for commissar Kate, with nephew in tow
>decide to shield his eyes from the undressed guardswomen
>finding Kate is way too important
>finally find her by the basilisk howitzers
KATE! WHAT THE FETH DO WE DO NOW!

>>94670075
>I begin to leave, Merakryss and Marlow following after me
>I get on the vox to speak to 1st and 2nd claw
"Drukhari has been found we must return to 3rd claw and leave, 2nd claw i request to meet up outside Exmus. I require one of your bikes in exchange for my jump pack, the targets are with me."
>I get a confirmation and continue to walk on making sure the two follow
>Heartseeker doesn't seem to respond but he should make his way back at some point hopefully
>I think of contacting Ignis but he's dealing with the Void situation so I best not disturb him whilst he plans with Laskar
>As we walk i feel the boy's hand touch mine
"Brother. What was father like?"
>I turn my head slightly to look at the boy
>I assumed his mother told him everything about Konrad, but I'll humour my 'brother' i suppose
"Father was a strange case. Utterly insane and broken from his childhood yet strangely had a sense of justice about things. Albeit his deliverance of punishment to the guilty was one most would say wasn't effective in the long run"
>I regale to him tales of father during the great crusade and of his final moments as we continue through the blizzaed covered town
>Thankfully no Imperial forces have discovered our presence within the city
>But I decided to hurry us a bit more, better to be safe then sorry

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>>94663670
>>94668988
>Be Frightened Version of Trainee Cummissar Vanessa Flambeau
>This was not the plan, this was not the plan, this was not the plan, this is like the complete opposite of the plan!
>The Plan was drive around in rental trucks in the early hours of the morning to a number of carefully picked parks and parking lots where there was unlikely to be much foot traffic, then drop off big pallets of Candlemas gifts. The people of Exmus and New Yur would assume it is some sort of act of charity and distribute the gifts among themselves, and by the time the authorities realize most of the gifts have “Happy Slaaneshmas” written somewhere on them, we would be long gone, back in our orgy cave, or even all the way back in Slaanesh’s Realm. It wasn’t a particularly interesting plan, or even a good one, but it was safe.
>Instead Hue Jazz decided the best way to spread good will to the Imperials was to sally out and help them fight against the plague zombies and the Dark Mechanicum invaders attacking New Yur (who also seem to be Slaaneshi, but apparently from a different faction from either the Schlick regiments or the Krampus’s followers), on the basis that the truce we had with them last year still holds (maybe).
>Sometimes I swear Hue should have been a Khornate.
>I did manage to convince Hue Jazz to send some trucks to Exmus so part of the original plan is preserved. I also got everyone to dress up similar to last year, by mixing the usual bdsm gear with the Candlemas disguises we were planning on using for the gift delivery.
>I wasn’t able to convince Hue Jazz to let me lead the Exmus mission though, despite the fact that I am pretty sure my lover-groomer-mentor Dixie sent Hue here specifically to keep me alive.

>>94670614
>So instead I got myself the safest job I could think of, driving the big, heavily armored cargo-8 we originally got just because there was nothing else at the rental lot, but now serves as the biggest vehicle in our makeshift assault group, made up of a mix of civilian and PDF trucks, tauroxes, cars, bikes, and snowmobiles that the Schlick have been stockpiling in these mountains for years, supported by some daemonettes on steeds or chariots that Hue summoned for the occasion.
>While the rest of our force disperses to fight small clumps of enemies assaulting the trenches, I drive the cargo-8 directly through the largest group of plague zombies I can see.
>You know, this is actually kind of fun.
>Oh shi-
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Be Manic Version of Trainee Cummissar Vanessa Flambeau
“HOHOHOHOHO you bunch of slimy shit weasels, say hello to 40 tons of bone crushing rape-in-a-can!”
>I do a sharp turn, almost flipping the cargo-8 in the process, and then run over the next biggest group of plague zombies that I can see.
>This is so fucking fun!
>Particularly as the suspension on this truck is terrible, and I still have three dildos in me.

>>94667132
>>94670121
>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>It has never really occurred to me before, but I have never really been in a serious firefight, just minor skirmishes.
>The difference is huge, and also terrifying.
>It seems like it has been days, but it has probably been less than an hour since I really got thrown into the fight.
>The Dark Mechanicum have dug in just outside of our trenches and are absolutely shredding our lines with laser beams and sparkling jets of warp tainted energy.
>I have had to relocate several times now as beams of energy destroyed my cover, and often a few of my comrades with it. Each time I find a new spot, I blast away at the big stalker creatures on full auto, though I have no idea if it is doing anything.
>There are also the “pox-walkers” to watch out for. They are even worse than normal plague zombies since you don’t really die once you get infected, but you body just gets more and more mutated, and all you can do is moan in agony as some minor daemon puppeteers your body. And their numbers keep swelling as they kill more and more civilians and Guard. And they are tougher than normal zombies, and still capable of wielding primitive weapons, and also more infectious supposedly. Fuck.
>Eventually I find myself back in that one artillery dugout with the half naked, or sometimes fully naked, female felinids, plus their Commissar, plus Sergeant Tom.
>A wave of pox-walkers is attacking from one side, and a wave of rather Slaaneshi looking tech-thralls are attacking from the other side.
>I sure hope that wearing less clothes actually makes those felinids fight better, because we are going to need it.

>>94670158
>>94670614
>Be Lord Morvi
>Eventually make it out of Exmus just as some strange trucks with slaanesh worshippers turn up
>One of the bikers gets off and takes my jump pack in exchange
>Hop on the bike as does Merakryss holding onto Marlow as tight as she can whilst making sure she won't fall off
>Best to get out now before the Slaaneshi find out I've got a drukhari with me
>Begin to ride out back into the snow, getting back onto the vox to talk to 3rd claw
>Turns out shits been getting hectic, dark mechanicus sent down some forces and some plague zombies have moved to their location
>Order them to hold steady as both 1st and 2nd claw are on our way back to the landing zone
>Bikes riding through snow with decent ease
>Reving engines and jet packs in the air cause quite a bit of noise
>The Imperials will now we are here but that doesn't matter
>We are getting the hell out as quickly as possible
>Got to help bolster the assault squads to deal with the dark mechanicus ship up in space
>Might get some loot out of it
>But focus on the task at hand Morvi
>Thankfully Merakryss is able to keep ahold of both her son and the bike
>Wonder if she used to be a succubus when in the Wych cults

first bump

>>94671219
>Be Lord Morvi
>As we continue to ride out we end up going past some of the Dark Mechanicus' spider constructs
>Creepy looking things won't lie
>They are ignoring us thankfully and moving towards Imperial positions
>The Imperials who have set up artillery
>Hit the gas to get out of any bombardment zones
>Eventually make it back to third claw and see what they meant by plague zombies
>To the credit of the 98th Night Born and cultists, they are holding off the zombies very well
>Havocs and Legionaries assist with Jakal letting loose bolt pistol fire into the enemy
>Thunderhawk behind him
>Excellent we can all get on and pull out
>Provide assistance by opening fire with the boltguns on the bikes
>Mow down several plague zombies with the overwhelming fire
>Ride through the opening and into the landing zone avoiding hitting the mortals and astartes
>Ride into the open thunderhawk
>Turn off the engine and dismount
>I then look at Merakryss and Marlow
"Find some seats, I'll be back soon. Just have to evacuate the mortals first"
>I heard back out to bolster my forces
>Raptors have joined in with bolt pistols
>Notice that Heartseeker hasn't turned up
>Aw hell where is he
>Get on the vox to grill his arse
"Heartseeker get back to the landing zone I can't evacuate the planet without all of my men"
>Wait for a response
>Finally get one

>>94668495
>Be Raptor Champion Heartseeker
>Prey isn't doing much of anything other than relaxing
>My helmets vox system flares up
>Its Morvi
>Wants me to get back so we can evacuate
>Spoil sport
"This is Heartseeker, falling back now"
>I leap into the air and begin the long flight back to base
>Streaks of fire letting the bathing eldar know that someone was watching them

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>>94668988
>>94670121
>>94670614
>>94670621
>>94670833
>Be Commissar Kate.
>Shit has really hit the fucking fan fast!
>In front of us are the giant enemy spiders of the Dark Mechanicum.
>We've taken down a couple of the smaller knight sized ones with our artillery, but we can't get through the shields of the big titan sized ones.
>They've now also deployed legions of tech thralls.
>To make matters worse there's now pox walkers AND plague zombies coming from New Yur, which is also on fire.
>Thankfully both the tech and diseased undead are getting caught on the barbed wire but some are still getting through by climbing over their fallen.
>I'm currently doing my best to defend the crew of a basilisk that I've ordered to fire on one of the cyclops constructs, supposedly they command the lesser ones.
>I decapitate a zombie, then blast the heads off two more in the head, finally a third lunges at me but I empty the clip into his exposed guts making him slup down.
>As I reload I get shot in the left arm by a tech thrall meaning I can no longer hold my pistol.
Medic.vox
>Sergeant Tom comes barreling in from around the corner in a car.
>"KATE! WHAT THE FETH DO WE DO NOW!" he yells while a felinid kid in a cadian white shield uniform weeps in his lap.
HowTheFuckShouldIKnow.holo
>One of the scout valhallans bumps into my ingured arm making me cry out in pain.
BeepBeep.horn
>Before I can do anything a pink cargo-8 hauler plows through a horde of zombies, revealing a cavalry charge of seekers of slaanesh and various other vibrantly painted stolen Imperial vehicles alongside some Kriegers.
>Great, saved by the goon squad for the second year in a row.
HowHumiliating.pic
>At least they bought enough time for the gun to load and fire
>Emepror willing taking out the cyclopse should throw at least some of the constructs off.
Fire.vox

>>94667339
Wasn't the world falling to Slaanesh the fault of the Night Lords for making a warp jump so close to the planet in that thread?

>>94675389
Ye that was the fault of the Night Lords jumping too close to the Forge world. Probably just a slip up our fellow anon had as its been a while since that thread

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>>94667420
>>94667614
>>94674069
>Be da real Red Gobbo!
>Be plan doezen convensh da humie mek an she kicks me out
literally.squig
>She kicks me an I fall for a really long toim
>Lan en sum got watta
againliterally.squig
>Jump out yelling "ow ow ow!"

>Look around te get me bearengs
>See a pointy ears naked

"Uhhhhh dez ezznt wat et looks loik?"

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>>94657172
>>94667137
>>94667420
>>94675389
>Be me.
>Liutentant Abdul Abby.
>Hellhound is making great work purging the undead from street corners and alleyways.
>The rest of my regiment have gotten into their tanks and began fighting along side the loyalist orks, Nordicans, and newly arrived Delta Theta 10 skitarii.
feelsgoodman.holo
>Once we've cleared the immediate area of enemies and ensured the lord general's survival I get a vox message from commissar Kate requesting backup in the trenches outside the city.
>Looking out I see the giant spiders are getting closer to the city, so I order the vanquishers in my regiment to start opening fire on it.
>The dunecrawlers with neutron lasers soon join in and we manage to take out one of the big walkers that was close to the walls of the city by focussing all our fire.
>It falls crushing several buildings but we still cheer.
>That was the closest one though so we have to move closer to the edge of the city to take more out.
>But first I have assigned a couple leman russes to secure the hot chocolate rations alongside the Nordicans to make sure nothing happens to them.
>With that done we start to move out, our route first taking us into the Tau Town district.

>>94674069
>Be Lord Morvi
>Fighting off hordes of plague zombies when finally I hear a jump pack
>Heartseeker has returned
>He power slams down into the horde knocking them down and then jumping back up again
>He lands over to where I am
"You spoiled my chance of getting more skin"
"Get over yourself Heartseeker, we've got what we came for and now we need to get the hell out of dodge"
>He begrudgingly acknowledges and heads out to provide the 98th and the cultists covering fire
"3rd Claw disengage, retreat to the Thunderhawk and return to the Mourning of Night"
>They obey some still firing some lasgun shots as they get back to the thunderhawk
>Second Thunderhawk lands as the first one takes off
"2nd Claw, get all bikes into the thunderhawk, havocs follow after them and get out"
>Once again the thunderhawk is loaded up and takes off
>The third and final one lands
>Horde has been effectively cleared off
"1st Claw let's get outta here"
>My troops follow the order to a tee and I am the last on board
>The thunderhawk takes off into the sky to join the two others back up to The Mourning of Night
>All we leave behind are some dead plague zombies and our streaks of fire from the thunderhawks as we leave the atmosphere and enter into space
>Open up vox to Captain Laskar
"Laskar this is Morvi, open up the Mourning of Nights hangers and have crews on standby to patch up any injured cultists or 98th"
>She responds quickly
"Very good my lord, it shall be done"
>The vox link ceases and I think about what will happen next for us
>Obviously we have that dark mechanicus vessel to sort out but what do we do from there
>Is it even worth it?
>I'll coordinate with Ignis once we get back

>>94675389
>>94675460
>Probably just a slip up our fellow anon had as its been a while since that thread
I figured it didn't really matter since few people who survived the incident would have known how it got created and Ivana would naturally assume it was a ritual since something similar happened to her last year

>>94675867
Fair point, hell the Arch Magos Explorator thought Morvi's Night Lords were a regular space marine chapter when they did the jump. Plus Inquisition probably stamped really hard on covering up the forgeworld almost turning into a Daemon world

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>>94670614
>>94670621
>>94675389
>Be Manic Version of Trainee Cummissar Vanessa Flambeau
>GGGRRRRR, I am running out of things to run over!!!
>Oh look, there is a big group over by those cannons manned by half-naked felinids.
>I think some of them are a part of that budding new Slaaneshi cult I have been hearing about, might as well show them what they have to look forward too.
>Drive almost straight through the artillery dug out in order to crush the largest group of tech-thralls.
>I spot a felinid Commissar of all things and moon her as I drive by.
>Hehehehe, she looks soo fucking pissed right now, but also ashamed. I hope someone got a picture of her, that is going in my personal fap collection.
>The wave of mounted daemonettes and motor vehicles follows me through the dug out. Some of them dismount to fight the enemy on foot, but I find a new target to try and run over.
>Those strange walker things.
>Clearly Slaaneshi of some sort, but their attractiveness just makes the thought of violence against them sexier.
>I rev the cargo-8’s engine and accelerate full speed at the nearest big one, with one hand flicking my bean, another firing an autopistol out of the window blindly, one knee on the steering wheel (sometimes), and one foot pushing the accelerator down as far as it goes.
>Several smaller faster vehicles race ahead of me, and I notice some naked felinids have climbed aboard a few of them.
>Ha, called it, there is a hidden felinid Slaaneshi cult, welcome to the Schlick.
>Artillery shells are exploding all around me, but that just makes it more exciting.
"I AM CCUUUUUUMMMMING FOR YOU, YOU SEXY SEXY METAL SPIDER!!!!"

>>94675851
>>94662715
>Be Lord Morvi
>Thunderhawks land within the Mourning of Night
>The doors open and I step out making my way over to thunderhawk three where Merakryss and Marlow are
>Spot the Drukhari and her son get off behind some 98th soldiers
>Marlow waves over to me
>I stand before them and take off my helmet
>My dark hair flows out and the air of the ship touches my skin
"You two come with me. We're heading to the bridge"
>I magnetically lock my helmet to my armour and begin the long walk to the bridge
>Merakryss and Marlow following after me
>Notice some of the cultists and 98th staring at the Drukhari and her child
>They'll have to get used to them once I send them down to their town to live with the other mortals
>Behind Merakryss and Marlow walks Macarbe along with the Legionaries and Jakal that came with us down to the planet
>Heartseeker must have already taken his Raptor pack to the Raptors dedicated section of the ship
>Macarbe then moves up and walks beside me, gesturing at me to put my helmet back on
>I do so and see a message on it, that reads
"I sense the blood of Konrad Curze running in the boys veins. Is he the real deal?"
>I send a message back, my helmet scanning my brain for the words and then sending it to Macabre's vox
"Yes, the boy is our little brother and biological offspring of Curze and the Drukhari. I will address this more at the bridge"
>Macarbe then speaks normally
"I understand my Lord"
>We stay quiet for the rest of the journey, walking past squads readying themselves up
>Even see our new Warpsmith Voor preforming the necessary rites to awaken Zson
>Well then, Zson will certainly have many other stories to tell Marlow about his father.
>Eventually we reach the bridge
>Stepping in, I see Laskar and Ignis at the display map coordinating on the ships vox system to crews and barking orders to squads
"Hail brothers, I have returned. I want a full rundown on the situation"

>>94670833
>>94675389
>>94676373
>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>I am not sure how I am even still alive at this point when so many others have fallen.
>Probably just sheer luck I suppose.
>Both the front and the back of the artillery dug out are protected by razor wire, but the sheer number of enemy dead has buried that wire in places. Some of the zombies, pox-walkers, and tech-thralls are getting in from the trenches on either side of us, but luckily those trenches are pretty narrow, and none of our current enemies are particularly fast or agile. But they are tough, and it takes quite a few shots to bring them down.
>I end up fighting back to back with the felinid Commissar. Her. Wildly hacking away at zombies and tech-thralls with her sword. Me. Blasting them at close range with my lasgun.
>I think I bump into her at one point and hear her cry out in pain, but before I can do anything about it, a cargo-8, hastily spray-painted bright pink with lewd graffiti in purple, red, orange, white, yellow, and acid green, drives straight through the artillery dug out, running over a bunch of tech-thralls in the process.
>It is clearly Slaaneshi, but so are the tech-thralls, the insanity of the enemy knows no bounds.
>But then I realize that the lewd graffiti has a distinct Candlemas theme, and I realize it must be from that war band we allied with last year.
>The driver is a young woman wearing bits of a Commissar’s uniform. She waggles her bottom at me, or more likely, the felinid Commissar standing next to me, while her gunner snaps several photos. Then they take off, driving directly at the biggest cluster of enemy walkers. Several other vehicles and mounted daemonettes follow the cargo-8, joined by some of the felinids, usually the ones wearing the least clothes.
>Other Candlemas-type Slaaneshi stay behind to help drive the zombies and tech-thralls out of the dug out.

>>94676571
>The felinid Commissar is clearly less than pleased with this, and I am not that happy either really, but instead of turning on our new allies like I probably would have done, the Commissar orders everyone to man the cannons while the Candlemas-Slaaneshi-scum watch our backs. She says something about the bigger enemy walkers controlling the smaller ones, which makes sense I suppose, but there is no way in hell I am turning my back to a six breasted fat man with a huge erection and a greasy santa hat.
>As I keep an eye on our alleged allies, I notice many other disturbing details I hadn’t noticed in the heat of combat.
>Our defences have clearly been breached in several places, with some of the enemy walkers behind us, standing right at the edge of the town.
>Also, there are several “small” void ships floating in low orbit directly above us. Both factions seem to be made of brightly colored Mechanicus ships, but the lighter colored ones seem to be fighting the darker colored spiky ones. Even worse, the darker colored ones occasionally fire their energy weapons at targets on the surface, delivering massive devastation that would rival even a hit from an Ordinatus weapon.
>I sure hope they are firing randomly. Because if they are picking off strong points in the Imperial defences, well, what I am currently standing in probably counts as a strong point in the Imperial defences.

>>94676529
>Be Ignis
>Dealing with this Dark Mechanicum vessel has been easier than I thought
>They haven't even fired back yet, I likely don't even need to board them
>Morvi then enters the bridge
>"Hail brothers, I have returned. I want a full rundown on the situation"
>As I'm summarizing the events of the last few hours I notice a hybrid creature clutching my lord's leg
"My lord, what is that... thing?"
>He then regales me with how it is our brother and also a xeno hybrid created by the dark eldar
AndIThoughtIWasTheCrazyOne.flayedskin
>I sigh
"Sir with all do respect, you know I have the utmost respect for you and have followed you for centuries. I am frankly disappointed in you for letting your emotions get the better of you and falling victim to such an obvious ruse perpetrated by a race known for both backstabbing and genetic manipulation. While it MAY be true this creature somehow holds the DNA of our primarch I highly doubt it matters all that much since we also all share in his DNA."
>I raise Zara toi dispose of this trash for him

>>94667614
>>94668495
>>94674069
>>94675481
>Be Seer Delwyn
>Right, got the wraithnocular stand set up and the vox interceptor tuned right
>I think anyway, it looks right to me
>There's a lot of Imperial vox traffic going round talking about various Candlemas-themed fighters and zombies
>How strange, this will warrant an in-person inspection
>Might have to sneak into town to swipe some supplies thanks to our, uh, inexplicable and unforseeable lack of food too
>Hm
>Where's that girl?
>Also, there seems to be a lot of humidity in this room
>Look around
>The door's ajar and steam is coming in
>Huh?
>Oh yeah, we should probably sweep and clear the building before kicking back and relaxing
>Pace along the corridors and down the stairs and out back of the building
>What was this place again?
>Looks awfully pool-y
>We don't really do public bathing at home so I haven't been in one of these since the adventure on that Shrine World
>While it was nice, I can't really call it good times after the sewage dunking and near-death experiences though
>Must be closed since there's no hairy Imperials in here
>There is one person in here, however - our missing weirdo
>There you ar---
>Who's that behind the fence?
>Big purple shape with bat wings and a jump pack?
>Hold on, let me get my handy Big Book of Enemies
>Is it big? Yes.
>Does it have an Aquila on it? No.
>What colour is it? Purple.
>Is it light or dark purple? Dark.
>The flowchart makes it....probably a Night Lords Raptor?
>Oh shit
>It starts to takes off on in roar of flames and fumes
>Get back here!
>Draw huge monoblade sword and start running in its direction
>Round the pool corner next to the bathing weirdo
>Feet entirely fail to register the change in direction on the wet tile
>Find self skidding sideways towards the pool
>Slide right over the edge of the pool with a huge splash
>Spit some water
>I bet this must look hilarious if anyone was watching
>Hey, at least it's nice and warm

>
>We're now two for two on ending up in the water when around bathing pools
>Look around other way
>Be right next to Weirdo
>And she's topless
>No, I don't care that this is a bath, that's extra weird!
>You're not getting me today, She-Who-Thirsts!
>Start trying to frantically scrabble out of the pool's high sides
>It's really not very effective in full waterlogged robes that make it difficult enough to float as-is against smooth tiles while carrying a huge sword
>Can you, uh, float over a bit so I can get to the ladder please lady?
>At that point, a small red and green object comes flying into the pool yard and bounces to a stop
>A Gretchin?
>Well, the truce is still on right?
>Being stuck in the pool right now, all I can do is yell and shake a fist at the creature
>Might just charge it when I get out since I'm not sure we're actually covered by that wacky agreement

>>94667614
>>94675481
>>94679171
>Be Randy Rudolph, Beastman Champion of the Schlick LXIXth
>Cummissar Dixie’s scrawny little whore has put me in charge of distributing gifts in Exmus while everyone else gets to have fun saving the Guard’s butts in New Yur.
>Absolute groxshit.
>Damn Vanessa for picking me for this boring milk run, and damn Hue for not letting Vanessa lead this mission herself like she wanted to.
>The town is surprisingly quiet given the huge fight happening at New Yur, the bright flashes of heavy lasers and the thump of artillery can be easily seen and heard even from here.
>Probably everyone is hiding just in case fighting ends up happening here as well.
>Nobody seems interested in asking why several bright red trucks are driving around town and strange figures dressed like Santas and Elves are dumping piles of gifts everywhere.
>I figure it will take about another half an hour to drop off gifts at all the locations Vanessa told us to. No damn idea why we couldn’t just dump them all in one spot.
>After that, we are allowed to change into our real clothes, stick some guns and Slaaneshi markings on the trucks and drive to New Yur to join the fun there.
>I drive to the next location on the map, a parking lot on the edge of town, when I smell something I haven’t smelled in a long time.
>Eldar!
>Screw Vanessa, screw Hue, screw Slaaneshmas kindness groxshit. It has been ages since the war band has had some Eldar slaves.
>I tell everyone to get their best non-lethal weapons and we follow my nose to the hot springs resort, where we spot one mostly naked Eldar woman in the water, and another in heavy robes struggling to get out of the water.
>Also there is a grot at the edge of the pool for some reason.
“Get them!!!!!”

So, you guys wanna make another 40k green text thread come mid-January or later?

Maybe a nice pleasure world exclusively covered tropical islands, and currently filled with slaanesh cultists and Tau rebels?

>>94680250
sounds awesome

we should make it on the planet Happy Ending, which is a tropical resort island planet that has Slaaneshi cults, but it is not very detailed so people can add whatever they want

my Priscilla character ended up back on Happy Ending at the conclusion of the last christmas thread, and walks into a hidden Slaaneshi cult almost right away, so it is a neat little tie in

the only upcoming week where I can't post stuff is the first week of February, when I go on vacation to an actual tropical island

>>94680345

hmmm, maybe mid February then? If so perhaps i can continue with Sgt Tom, or go back to Living Saint of the Church of the Emperor's Holy Gifts?

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>>94676529
>>94679022
>Be Morvi
>As I listen to Ignis report, I feel something clutch my leg
>Turn my head to see Marlow
>Ignis wants to know what the hell he is
>I tell him how it's The Night Haunter's biological son and then he sighs
>"Sir with all do respect, you know I have the utmost respect for you and have followed you for centuries. I am frankly disappointed in you for letting your emotions get the better of you and falling victim to such an obvious ruse perpetrated by a race known for both backstabbing and genetic manipulation. While it MAY be true this creature somehow holds the DNA of our primarch I highly doubt it matters all that much since we also all share in his DNA."
>He then raises his heavy flamer at Marlow
>Perhaps I was being weak for letting my emotions grab ahold of me
>Perhaps I do deep down still miss father and another tie to him is what I want
"Ignis lower Zara. Both the boy and his mother will live amongst the other mortals on board our ship. If this ends up bitting me in the arse so be it. But I'm not letting you destroy a tie to father. Its bad enough most of the relics of The Night Haunter are either destroyed, locked away on Tera or simply missing."
>It may or may not get through to Ignis but at the very least it's my explanation for wanting to keep the hybrid
>The one who is just staring at the heavy flamer
>He isn't scared nor is he gleeful about it
>Merakryss tries to grab Marlow to get him as far away from me and Ignis
>He doesn't budge and instead speaks
"Your future is hazy. I cannot even discern it properly, all I do see is you with your weapon firing it in some sort of panic. Before the haze engulfs you and your weapon"
>I wasn't aware the kid had some limited access to his old man's future sight
>Merakryss then manages to seperate Marlow from my leg and lift him up, holding him tightly almost accepting the end
>I don't want them to die
>I step in front of the two, I'll happily burn if necessary

>>94667614
>>94675481
>>94679165
>>94679171
>Be Ranger Bunni’Viie Lemallyn
>We reach mon’keigh town of “Exmus” and break into some sort of resort building on the edge of town so that we can use it as an observation post.
>I am sure the fact that the resort has hot springs had nothing to do with that selection (sarcasm).
>For those who don’t know, Delwyn has an almost obsessive compulsive attraction to hot water, and will even try to bath in it in the middle of enemy territory.
>I haven’t figured out yet if he just likes seeing the female members of the squad get undressed, or if he has some compulsive need to be clean, or both.
>I generally don’t participate. Not because I am a prude, but because something bad always seems to happen.
>There was the time we almost got mock kidnapped by a rival Corsair band on a prank raid. And the time we got jumped by Slaaneshi cultists on Happy Ending. I think that one time in the jungle also sort of counts, the water was kind of warm, but so was everything else on that world. The most recent time was on shrine world where some random mon’keigh tried to get in a tub with Delwyn, and then a genestealer and a skitarii had an armed stand-off. I had thought he had learned his lessons after that but maybe not.
>And, as per usual, things get weird, though this time it is the weird eldar that jumps in the water first, not Delwyn. And then Delwyn falls in the water fully dressed claiming he saw a Night Lord Raptor. Which is likely true and very alarming. And then a grot falls out of the sky. And then a bunch of Slaaneshi dressed like Santas and Elves show up with shock batons, nets, clubs, and other non-lethal-ish weapons.
>So pretty much par for course for a bath encounter.
>I am not sure if I am allowed to kill any of these guys, so I grab my sword and my webber, leap off the balcony onto the pathway between the pool and the Slaaneshi mob, and go to town.

>>94680819
>Fun fact about mon-keigh, for a war-like race, the majority of them actually really suck at fighting. They are short, weak, dumb, have terrible reflexes and ability to process information, and are as slow as mud. It is basically like fighting a bunch of arthritic, mentally stunted children. They are only really dangerous when a large number of them start shooting at a relatively small area and these ones aren’t even wielding their guns. Back on Damnatum Lutum, I killed at least a dozen with this sword without even an hour of training on how to use a sword.
>I stab the first in the groin and then punch him in the side of the head, the second I trip up and push into the pool, the third tries to turn and run so I stab her in the butt and then cut a hamstring.
>There is actually a lot more of them then I thought there was though, and I belatedly remember the last time I got in a prolonged sword fight it was alongside an army of trained Eldar.
>I start fighting defensively until Delwyn and the woman can get out of the pool, and the others still in the building decide whether to help or not.
>I figure Delwyn will either go all in for the fight or run, either is fine with me.

>>94667614
>>94675481
>>94679171
>>94679510
>>94680825
>Be Hen-tai Ise’kai, Greatest Aeldari Story Teller Ever
>I doze of for a minute while floating in the warm water.
>Only my face and breasts are above the surface, and both end up slightly cold compared to the rest of my body.
>I completely submerge myself to warm those bits up, and when I resurface, Delwyn is in the water with me, fully dressed for some reason.
>Weird, the Krampus said that Craftworld Dolthe was supposed to be super liberal, and yet this guy can’t even take his robe off when he has a bodysuit underneath.
>He totally panics when he realizes I am floating next to him and tries and fails to climb over the edge of the pool, and then asks me to move so he can use the ladder.
>Before I can respond, a grot flies out of nowhere, and somehow survives the hard landing. From what I remember of the Krampus’s briefing, he is either the Red Gobbo or one of the fake ones.
>As I ponder this, a group of Slaaneshi cultists and mutants dressed in Candlemas costumes charge in from somewhere and one of the other Rangers engages them in a sword fight.
>I am not too worried, I think those are the Schlick that the Krampus told me about, so we are on the same side.
>I pull myself out of the water and start cheering the combatants on. I am careful to make it look like I am cheering on the Ranger, but actually I am cheering for the violence in general.
>That one big beastman looks kind of like the Krampus.
>This is going to be so hot.

>be Plasmancer Khultekh of the Nuthyan Dynasty
>have been sound asleep on some tomb world for the past 60 million years
>suddenly my stasis sarcophagus opens up and I stumble wide awake
>takes a few hours for my mental capacitors to reach full power
>my legs have been replaced with a serpentine tail, with a figurehead on the end that essentially functions as a second Eldritch Lance
>as I look around, I notice that none of the other sarcophagi have opened
>I am most likely the first necron on this planet to awaken
>having not much else to do, I decide to take an expedition to the surface and see if I can make it more suitable for my overlords by killing any settlers or hostile organic life that may have evolved over the eons
>awaken my personal Despotek, Zorynx, along with his squad of immortals
>bring my beloved doomstalker, Ynth and a few dozen scarabs for good measure
>reading some of the data logs from one of the maintenance scarabs, I am apparently many many miles underground
>gather my squad, we proceed to head to the surface

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>>94675766
>Be me.
>Liutenant Abdul Abby.
>We make our way through Tau Town, the Lord General taking the lead since he is the highest ranking guy here.
>The buildings all look Imperial just with the edges smoothed down, I'm guessing none of the "Tau Enginseers" or whatever they call them got dropped off here.
>So far the blue skins are all hiding in their homes.
>Aside from the background explosions it's quite here.
>Still we're waiting for an ambush at any moment.

>>94680250
>>94680345
>>94680365
Sounds great to me, especially since I've basically been the only one who still starts these for the last 2 years. Will be nice to see these return. I wonder if I should bring Yuri, Abby, or just use all new characters. So see you February?

>>94680661
>Be Ignis
>Morvi moved in front of my heavy flamer
"Stand aside sir."
>"Ignis lower Zara. Both the boy and his mother will live amongst the other mortals on board our ship. If this ends up bitting me in the arse so be it. But I'm not letting you destroy a tie to father. Its bad enough most of the relics of The Night Haunter are either destroyed, locked away on Tera or simply missing."
>I don't indulge the words of the puppet
>Instead I kept my eyes locked on the master
>The creature then stepped forward smiling up at me
>Before I can pull the trigger a sword from the right side swung down and separated me from Zara, spilling blood all over the hybrid's face before the stump clotted.
>I drew my power sword and got ready to fend off the surprise attack, only to then recieve a stab in the back
>I turn and get another slash
>This repeated several more times from wherever I was not looking
>Looking around I saw the faces of my brothers
>THey genuenly believed
>They truly buy into this... this HERESY for lack of a better word.
>I look at the ki-- no... the abomination
>It was smiling up at me and my agony, face covered in my blood Zara at it's feet
>I look to Morvi
Et_Tu?.holo
>Morvi stabbed me through my remaining heart
>That hurt the most
>I dropped my sword and inch forward along my former lord's blade
>His eyes widened in shock, as though waking from a trance and realizing what he had just done. It doesn't matter whats going through his mind right now
>Inch by inch the blade went deeper and deeper into my body
>I place my left hand on his shoulder, gritted my teeth, and pulled myself closer to whisper my final words in his ear
"You... have doomed... us all."

>And then I died

>>94682588
So fun fact for those that care:

Originally I planned to have Ignis die within the thread he was first introduced in. He was going to die defending Morvi, but the chance never came up (admittedly that's partially my fault because I thought the fake out bridge would be funny). From there I always debated bringing him back or not every time I did it. However I think its obvious from last year and ESPECIALLY this thread I really don't know what to do with this character anymore. His final moments trying to warn his brothers while being betrayed by them seams like a good memorable death.

Weather or not his last warning fell on deaf ears only time will tell.

>>94680661
>>94682588
>>94682623
>Be Lord Morvi
>Ignis doesn't cooperate
>It pains me to see perhaps my closest friend go through with his vision
>But it was his to make
>As he goes to pull the trigger on Zara, I see one of the Terminators stab Ignis in the back
>When he turns around, Macarbe places a blade into Ignis
>My brothers have betrayed Ignis, but this is going to hurt him just as much as it will me
>As he stares at Marlow I deliver the last blow with my chain glaive
>I do not rev it, i will at least let Ignis remain intact internally
>He slides down my glaive and eventually comes to a stop placing his hand on my shoulder
>"You... have doomed... us all"
>His body goes limp against mine
>I'm using as much strength as I can to keep his Terminator plate from crushing me
>Two Terminators grab Ignis and pull him off
>I drop my chain glaive and stand over Ignis
>In recovering a son of Curze, I've lost another
>My right hand man gone just like that
>The kid looks at me and then at Ignis
>Merakryss brings his head back to her and keeps him held in her arms
>Laskar has her hands covering her mouth and the bridge crew are mortified
>I collect myself somewhat and speak up
"Farewell Ignis, my battle brother who served with me since the great crusade. I'll see to it that your geneseed can live on and that your body will be venerated"
>Macarbe pats my shoulder
"Do you believe his dying words my lord?"
"The future always changes Macarbe isn't that what some of the daemons tell you? We are the 13th Company, tragedy always befells on us eventually."
>Nihilistic I know but it's something I learnt whilst leading my warband
>Ignis was never exactly a die hard Curze loyalist as I but I do think he'll haunt me forever more
"Get him down to the Apothecary and have his armour taken to be repaired. I'll decide on who replaces him in time"
>I look over to the dark mechanicus ship and then to Laskar

>>94682699
"Laskar, get us out of this system. Once we are at the first safe system, inform all the civilians on board that their work schedule is done for the day and to enjoy the Sanguinala feast with their Lords. I'll be with Ignis for the rest of the event"
"Yes my Lord. I'm sure Ign-"
>I give her a cold look under my helmet and she goes quiet
>I turn around and Merakryss follows after me
"I'm sorry for your loss Morvi, I shouldn't have come wi-"
"Keep it quiet harlot. Be thankful that yours and father's legacy didn't get torched to a crisp. As I've said, you'll be living with the humans on the ship, if I hear any reports of contact with other Drukhari, I'm terminating my protection of you and Marlow"
>She tries to speak again but I leave, some of my men following me with Ignis in tow
>Have I doomed us?
>Perhaps I have
>I dunno
>I don't want to think about it any further
>I can't...
>Ignis


I'll miss my right hand man but he's been a fun addition to the 13th. We'll have to see what else is in store for the 13th in the future.

>>94680947
>Be Plasmancer Khultekh
>steadily making it to the surface through miles of tunnels carved countless millenia ago
>thermoreceptors are picking up an extreme lack of temperature
>frost is building up on my ocular
>crank up my internal temperature, can’t have any joints freezing up at the wrong time
>reading the logs from surveillance scarabs about the planet
>some desolate iceball now, remember it having a more tropical atmosphere when I got here
>even worse, other species had claimed it for their own
>unclean filth
>ugly little bipedals, resembling pink hairless apes
>they have named the planet Nordica II
>other lifeforms have been spotted recently, including… Orks and Aeldari
>ugh, thought we were done with those assholes after the War in Heaven
>also readings of… Empyrean activity?
>wait, what? I thought the blackstone pylons we put up would stop that shit
>start a scry for pylon structures across the planet
>almost all of them have been destroyed by the hairless apes
>godfuckingdamnit.jpg
>the ones that didn’t get destroyed are buried under several hundred feet of ice and snow
>in the place of the pylons, they put up massive statues of one of their own, some majestic looking being clad in gold armor
>they refer to him as “The Emperor”
>morons, the only true ruler of the galaxy is OUR SILENT KING, THE EVER MIGHTY SZAREKH
>tell my immortal squad to start firing up their gauss blasters
>it seems we have our work cut out for us

>>94682106

Yeah, February is good

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>Be PDF Trooper Joey
>Back at the comms console again
>Have poured self another mug of hot cocoa
>Made a good one this time
>Phone rings
>Nearly spill cocoa again
>Not this time, motherfucker
>'Allo, you've reached the Baby Linen Counter, how can I help?
>Hold phone away from ear as it explodes
>I know that voice anywhere
>It's the Major
>Oh shit
>What's that, ma'am?
>What do you mean, what are we doing?
>What's this "shit going on outside" you're talking about?
>We ain't heard or seen shit in here
>Or, rather, I
>The entire rest of the base garrison is at the pub getting drunk for Sanguinala, I can't monitor everything myself
>Get them out here?
>Are you sure?
>All right, all right, stop yelling
>Hang up on the horrible bitch
>I always wanted to do this anyway
>Slam the alarm button
>Full red lights flashing, klaxons blaring shebang
>Damn, that felt satisfying
>Now we have to deal with hundreds of drunk idiots stumbling around town and trying to get a handle on whatever this is though
>NotMyProblem.basecontrol
>Sip cocoa and wait for the shitshow to start
>.....huh?
>What's that sound?
>Is there someone moving around further down the Station Stack?
>Can't be, I'm the only one who ever goes down those ladders
>Something else I'm going to have to do, isn't it?
>Who knows what's buried down at Firn Station I's level

>>94679510
>>94680819
>>94680876
>Be Seer Delwyn
>What is it with us and pools?
>Can't I even have a brief accidental dip in peace?
>A mob of Slaaneshi cultists comes storming in (because of course they do), the odd Gretchin is standing around looking bewildered, Lemallyn materialises out of nowhere and starts beating up cultists and, worst of all, Weirdo is giving us a weird look
>I don't like this situation very much
>Mostly because I don't like being stared at like that
>Secondarily, there's a lot of cultists and Lemmy is struggling
>Look, just get out of the damn way
>Just push Weirdo out of the way
>Ick, touching her like that does NOT leave a good feeling
>And that's not just because my mother once told me the only woman I should touch in the nude was my wife
>I'm still working on the last part so sorry to disappoint you again, you prudish old bat
>Honestly, that was part of why I left Dolthe the first time
>And oh yeah, her soul aura just feels a little off to touch
>Another thing to investigate later
>For now, the path to leave and assist my beleaguered friend is open
>Why's she swinging to disable anyway?
>These guys have broken the truce and should be "fair game" as they say
>Pretty sure that was between them and Imperials anyway, not us
>Finally climb out of the pool and draw the sword again
>Pick a mon'keigh cultist and charge
>You see, I kinda suck as a Seer and in a lot of other things besides
>However, one area I very much do not suck in is combat

>>94687076
>I can't interpret Fates to save my life (often literally) most of the time but, in a fight, all that changes
>Micro-Fate instincts give me negative reaction times and I can dance with a sword like a Harlequin performer
>That was perhaps the only thing keeping me from flunking out of training
>It almost seems a waste to use it on stabbing some lowly cultist scum
>Heads, limbs and blood from various cultists soon go flying in all directions
>It would probably impress a Drukhari, but I was trained out of needing a Warmask long ago
>Soon, cultists are having to clamber over parts of their friends to get to the front
>There is a lot of cultists though and for every one we send to their god, three more take its place
>IDRONTIE! GREG! WHERE IS MY BACKUP!?
>Look over to see Laering saunter towards the balcony
>If I get back and find you were all playing poker again, you'd prefer that She-Who-Thirsts had gotten you!
>She looks panicked and goes off in a hurry
>I leave these idiots alone for five minutes.....
>Continue to hack, slash and slowly give ground as cultists continue to pour over the fence and rush us
>They remind me of old-timey human films about these zombie creatures
>Hopefully we don't have any of them round here
>Ahhh, it's been a while since I was in a good fight though
>Really gets your blood going, you know?
>Ol' Weirdo's still giving us that Look though

>>94680250
Give it a break for a bit, Feb sounds good. I look forward to returning to Happy Ending and I don't think the Valhallans series has been to a Paradise World yet, though I do remember the Chocolate and Corruption threads.

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>>94667420
>>94680947
>>94682910
>Be me.
>Lieutenant Abdul Abby.
>We made it through Tau Town without encountering any ambushes surprisingly enough.
>Even picked up a couple of the younger Tau wanting to defend their new home.
>We reach a park almost at the city's edge and find several skeletal metal men with green lasers blasting at the base of a statue of the God Emperor.
>Their leader seams to be the one with a metal snake lower body and they have a smaller version of one of the metal spiders behind it
>Clearly these must be the "tech thralls" I've been hearing so much about over the vox, lead by a "Heretek" as Magos Vexia 66 identifies
>The loyalist orks immediately charge into melee with the metal warriors while the Nordicans take cover behind benches and rubble along side the skitarii rangers.
>The Lord General and Arch Magos charge in to deal with the Heretek.
>For my part I charge the giant spider while its back it turned and try to sweep its legs out from under it with my Hellhound's dozer blade, supported by fire from the dunecrawlers and Leman Russes.
>No infidels are going to defile an image of our God Emperor on MY watch!

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>Be me
>Arch Magos Vexia-66 of forge world Delta-Theta 10
>Somehow a Gretchin in a red trench coat lands on my abeyant from higher up, I swiftly kick it off and hear it plummet down into the hot springs
>My skitarii then get swept along through Tau Town with the Tallarn, Orks, and Nordicans into defending the outside of the city.
>Along the way we encounter an obstacle in the form of some snake heretek defiling a monument to the Omnissiah himself
RageOfTheMachine.binary
>Raising my Omnisian Axe and direct my troops into the optimal firing positions to do the most damage against the forces of the Arch Enemy.
>I do NOT however immediately charge into melee as that would be illogical.
>Instead relying on firing my abeyant's twin melta guns at the Stalker while my volkite targets the Heretek.

>>94682760
>Be Lord Morvi
>After a while, The Mourning of Night's guns go silent and is replaced with the hum of the engines moving the ship
>Once it is a good distance away from the planet, the warp jump begins
>I have brought Ignis to apothecary Corvek to have his progenoid gland removed so that it may be used to raise up a new marine
>The Terminator plate Ignis is donned in is removed with great care by some slaves and Corvek
>I watch as he works using the many tools of his trade to pry apart the body and recover the organ
>Once it is removed, he puts it into a cryogenic container and orders a slave to take it to the geneseed storage
>The slave does as told another slave assisting him in transporting it into the geneseed storage chamber
>Corvek begins to get Ignis ready for interment and asks me a question
"You wouldnt mind me testing the kid to see what exactly we have on-board sir?"
>I glare at him and then down to Ignis, to which my glare dissolves
"I will have to check in with the two but I'm sure the Drukhari will be sucking up as much as possible."
"Very well my lord. Are you going to give me a hand putting Ignis into his coffin?"
"Yes I'll be here with my brother every step of the way"


Think I'll leave it there for Morvi's involvement with the thread, looking forward to the next one.

Also massive props to the recent update to the 1d6 page. Shits pretty tight.

>>94680825
>>94680876
>>94687079
>Be Randy Rudolph, Beastman Champion of the Schlick LXIXth
>I had forgotten how good Eldar are in a fight, usually we had Daemonettes, Fiends, and Space Marines with us when we actually managed to take some alive.
>I decide to hang back and let my lesser followers tire the Eldar out by getting chopped to pieces.
>I also order them to open fire on the armored ones with their sidearms. Eldar armor is good enough that getting shot with autopistols and stubbers will only knock them around and maybe break some bones.
>One of the other gift distribution teams arrives on the far side of the pool and I order them to grab the naked Eldar while the armored ones are distracted fighting.
>Then I summon up a few Daemonettes and Fiends that I know will likely have an obsession with Eldar playthings and an indifference to whether or not fighting Eldar on Slaaneshmas is allowed.
>Lets see if the Eldar are as good at resisting Fiend musk as they are at fighting with swords.

>>94689885
>Also massive props to the recent update to the 1d6 page. Shits pretty tight.
yeah it is pretty impressive how many "origin" threads they managed to track down for certain characters, even I had forgotten about some of those

>>94689029
>>94689360
>Be Krieger Korpsman #1337-88-18
>RRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Everything on this planet is HERESY!! EVERYTHING!!!
>Truces with xenos, truces with chaos worshippers, abhuman regiments, giving the artillery to the abhumans instead of us.
>Our Colonel sends requests multiple times a day to the Inquisition, Ministorum, Subsector Governor, Sector Governor, Commissariat, Lord Commander of the Sector Imperial Guard garrison, Lord Admiral of the Sector Imperial Navy, Krieg, and even Holy Terra itself begging for someone to allow us to purge this world of heretic filth.
>No responses so far, we are beginning to suspect that the astropaths on this planet are heretics.
>However, the Emperor, in his Infinite Mercy, has finally given us an opportunity to Martyr ourselves and perhaps Redeem our Souls after our Unforgivable hesitation at Purging the Abominations that exist all around us.
>Most of my Brothers are defending the trenches around New Yur from the hordes of reanimated heathens and the technological Abominations of the Dark Mechanicus, but my company has fallen back into the town to ensure that the remaining monuments to the Emperor are not defiled by the walking dead, the Dark Mechanicus, or by our so-called allies, the Nordicans, who came up with the truces to begin with, the Tallarns, whose frail piety is fuelled by sexual frustration rather than pious hate, the brightly colored newly arrived Skitarii, no doubt heretics of some sort, and the Orks and Tau who are nominally allied with us, whose races should have been purged long ago to make way for Humanity, as was the Will of the Emperor.
>My platoon makes its way to Tau Town in order to guard the statue of the Emperor that stands on the edge of it.
>No doubt the Tau will try to find an excuse to “accidentally” damage it.
>I wonder if the Tau have found the bodies of their comrades we have been secretly purging over the past few months.

>>94691837
>No matter, when we reach the statue, we find it under assault by what appears to be either deformed Necron or perhaps more Dark Mechanicus.
>Lieutenant tells us to affix bayonets, and have our shovels ready as backups.
>Charge!!!
>Martyrdom awaits!

>>94680825
>>94680876
>>94687079
>>94691203
>Be Ranger Bunni’Viie Lemallyn
>Given that Delwyn’s first instinct is usually to run from combat, I sometimes forget he is actually really good at it.
>Also, I guess the truce doesn’t actually apply to us, or at least Delwyn doesn’t think so.
>Well, you are the boss Delwyn, if someone back on Dolthe complains about wrecking this probably-fake observation mission, that is on you.
>There is a nude mon-keigh grappling each of my legs, I believe the official Slaaneshi terms for them are “femboy” and “bimbo-slut” respectively. I stab each of them through the skull, and then reverse my grip to decapitate the large, obese mutant dressed as “Santa” who was trying to get me into a headlock.
>I then kick a female mon-keigh dressed in a highly revealing “Elf” costume into a piece of crude mon-keigh equipment that ends up being some sort of control system for noise making machines.
>”Music” starts blaring from various machines around the hot spring resort, some kind of epic mon-keigh orchestral anthem by the sounds of it.
>It is simplistic and grating, but it does have a certain “oomph” to it. Good fighting music as Idrontie would say.
>The intensity of the fighting starts to synchronize to the music, including my own to my dismay.
>Behead one “elf” with a swipe perfectly timed to the music, and then another. (that is what you get for culturally appropriating my ancestors)
>Everyone strikes a pose as the song reaches a crescendo, and then I do two more decapitations, a delimbing, a castration, a stab through a head, and another through a heart, all timed to the music.

>>94692964
>For the next crescendo I end up in a test of strength with a large mutant trying to use a “candy cane” made of some sort of durable plastic as a club. As the crescendo ends, I realize I can shift the angle of my sword to cut the candy cane in half, and then cut the mutant in half with my freed up sword. Blood sprays everywhere, adding to the considerable amount I am already drenched in.
>Ugh, I forgot how messy sword fights are, particularly when you forget to put on your helmet.
>I start hearing gunshots and realize some of the Slaaneshi have guns after all. Now I really wish I had my helmet.
>I start keeping as low as possible, relying on slides, rolls, dives, and squatting swipe kicks to keep out of view from shooters further back in the mob.
>I fight even dirtier, bringing enemies down by tripping them with kicks or using my sword to cut through feet, ankles, shins, knees, and thighs, or stabbing groins, buttocks, and bellies, and then circling back latter to finish them off by stabbing where ever is most convenient.
>And then I catch a whiff of the familiar musk of a Fiend and really start wishing I had my helmet, not that it always works on Warp-based contaminants.
>I push away the bad thoughts for now, but a few more minutes of that and I will start finding everyone attractive, even the naked morbidly obese pig-faced mutant with never-washed wart and flea infested badly malformed genitals that won’t look out of place on a plaguebearer that I just killed.
>And then alarms start blaring all over town, accompanied by flashing red lights. Clearly someone has finally realized what is going on here and now all the mon-keigh in town are going to come after us.
>Things are starting to escalate pretty quick. I hope someone has a plan.

>>94680876
>>94686769
>>94687076
>>94687079
>>94691203
>>94692964
>>94692985
>Be Hen-tai Ise’kai, Greatest Aeldari Story Teller Ever
>Delwyn and the other Ranger are really starting to go at it hard with the Slaaneshi Cultists.
>Heads and limbs getting cut off, blood shooting everywhere, guns firing like crazy, loud music blaring, some sort of alarm going off in the town, so fricking epic.
>I need to find a way to work a scene like this into my next novel.
>Also, it smells really really nice here for some reason, which turns me on almost as much as the violence for some reason.
>Then several sets of rough hands grab me from behind, and I start yelling for help, and then I realize they are probably more of the Schlick and I shouldn’t be too concerned, and then I remember I am supposed to keep the Eldar from getting too suspicious, so I start screaming for help again and kick a few shins for good measure.
>And then I find out the hard way that my one ankle is still pretty sore despite me doing some healing meditations while in the water.
>Half naked, and crippled, good thing I am not in any actual danger.

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>>94663647
>>94676373

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>Be me Khorne
>Grumpy as fuck because Slaanesh ruined the turkey again
>Nurgle worked hard on that Turkey damn it
>I dont even like Nurgle but really Slaanesh
>Did you have to jam another smaller turkey into the turkey
>Tzeentch got mad because the other turkey was one of his Lords of Change
>Alright thats partially funny because fuck you nerd
>Fuck I feel a grumble coming on
>Only way this could get wor-
>The Great Horned Rat decided to invite himself in
>He immediately pile drives Slaanesh into my platter of lava cakes I made for this year
>ALRIGHT THATS IT
>Get off my throne and go give those two a piece of my mind
>Tzeentch and Cegorach laughing their heads off which causes a warpstorm somewhere, Nurgle crying so much he released a new disease onto some planet in the middle of buttfuck nowhere doesn't even stop despite Isha comforting him and Malice
>Actually he's not doing much of anything right now which is a change
>My rage however has caused Angron to get uppity
>He yells at me that hes off to go murder some people on an Ice planet
>Me damn it, I told that boy to stay in my realm
>This is why Kharn is my favourite

>>94682910
>>94689029
>>94689360
>>94691837
>>94691844
>Be Plasmancer Khultekh
>finally arrive at the surface after what seems like days of travel
>can see various structures and settlements over the horizon
>notice one of those massive statues of their “emperor”
>my interstitial sensors indicate trace amounts of noctilith inside
>it seems they simply built around whatever parts of the pylon they couldn’t destroy
>if I could carve the rest of it out, it would be a very valuable resource to have on hand
>relay orders to my units to begin deconstruction of the statue
>as the scarabs begin breaking down the matter of the statue, I notice a few of them flying to me in a state of alarm
>large amount of lifeforms have been detected approaching our location
>I turn around
>an entire army seems to be focused on us
>zoom in my ocular to analyze them
>large formations of the primates
>some wearing different types of clothing, with different types of weapons, some even seem to be made of mostly mechanical components
>many large vehicles and machines accompany them
>several larger units approaching scarily fast
>its orks
>why in Szarekh’s name they havent already killed the primates is beyond my understanding
>order my troops to engage them
>gauss blasters start tearing and screaming through the air,
>fuck, it seems I may be outnumbered here
>send an internal command, two arms unfold from my back carapace, similiar to the cryptek Szeras
>remembering my teachings, I bend my fingers and form signs in ways that normal flesh and bone would not allow
>start casting interstitial runes and sigils on the ground, even if they were to break through my units, these would surely slow them down enough to be picked off
>I start to frantically rush back into the tunnels, with some of my scarabs accompanying me
>This might come back to bite me in the ass, but I need to get some backup
>I seem to remember a chamber somewhat close to the surface that had a squadron of Lychguard…

>>94689360
>>94691837
>>94691844
>>94697863
>Be Lieutenant Abdul Abby.
>The hovering arch magos fires their melta guns into the mini giant spider burning holes in it and distracting it for long enough four my Hellhound's dozer blade to knock over the heretical construct.
>The orks waist no time in rushing in, bashing it with their coppas and ripping its legs off.
>After it gets knocked over a swarm of even smaller metal spiders rushes towards my Hellhound but our flamers make quick work of it.
>Turning I see the snake bodied heretek fleeing into the sewers like the coward he is just in time to miss the shot of the arch magos's volkite and shoving the Lord General to the ground as he passes.
>A group of Kriegers then arrive in the park and immediately bayonet charge the shield wielding dark mechanicum skitarii causing some to explode into green lightning.
>With their leader gone we make short work of them eventually liberating the park from the enemy.
>With that done, I leave behind the Lord General, the Kiegers, and some of our armor to defend the statue should the heretek return and continue with our mission to the cities edge to help the felinids along side the orks, arch magos and her skitarii, and our new Tau allies.

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>>94695701
>Be Khorne
>Thankfully for me, Ka'bandha and An'ggrath intervened on Angron leaving so I don't have to worry about that boy fucking anything up
>Im already in a foul mood thanks to the ruined turkey and the horned rat destroying my molten chocolate lava cakes
>Im going to belt Angron when I get out of this party
>As of right now I am slamming the Great Horned Rat into Slaanesh over and over again because I grabbed him by the legs
>Tzeentch and Cegorach are still laughing their heads off
>Then some of shards of the C'tan invite themselves in
>Nightbringer, Deciever and Void Dragon shards came for the Warpmas party
>They take one look at this and leave
>Don't blame them to be honest
>The Gork and Mork burst in and immediately join in with the fight
>I am now fending off both the Ork Gods, Slaanesh and The Great Horned Rat
"KHAINE GIVE ME A HAND"
>Khaine looks completely uninterested
"Nah, I'm not here to get jobbered again. I'm sick of constantly losing every single fight I've participated in"
>Hes got a point, yesterday he got beaten by two ratlings that strangled him to death
>Despite the fact he is made of molten magma and brass but who cares am I right
>Malice decides to step in
>Oh Me damn it
>Nurgle and Isha have left at this point
>Malice is just tossing random bullshit at everyone
>He's still salty about not getting any other mention since his space marines took part in Abby's 13th black crusade
>My rage is boiling
>So much so I have caused yet another murder curse
>This murder curse has been sent to Nordica II
>Briefly wonder if that means anything
>Ah well questions for later
>I crack the Great Horned Rat's neck and throw him out of the window
>He'll live, the rat bastard

>>94697863
>>94699876
>be Plasmancer Khultekh
>my expedition to the surface was a complete failure
>one by one I get interstitial alerts of my units falling, even my doomstalker and Despotek
>most of the immortals were retranslated back into the crypts for repairs, but I notice one or two that failed to retranslate
>those ones are now gone. Forever.
>about two miles in I reach the Lychguard chamber
>each one is a masterpiece of craftsmanship, clad in the dynasty colors of white and amber
>as I prepare the awakening protocols, i suddenly have second thoughts
>if the planet’s nemesor finds out about this, I could very well be executed permanently
>and its not like we can call for reinforcements from the crownworld of Carnotite
>ugh… i shudder to think about what fate befell it
>damn that Am-heht, may the void dragon devour his entrails
>perhaps I’m taking this the wrong way
>i consider the teachings of the nemesor Zahndrekh, about how brute force might not solve every battle
>perhaps I’ll try.. something stealthier
>I call for about two dozen scarabs
>i command them to return to the statue to extract the noctilith, but with minimal damage to the exterior so nobody notices
>i then command a few to analyze the battle data and identify potential leaders
>three individuals are singled out
>a well dressed man giving orders, a half mechanical being clad in robes, and one driving a prowed vehicle capable of spewing flame
>its just as Zahndrekh said, “Kill the head, and the body will fall”
>head back to the tunnels, time to find some deathmarks
>stealthy, accurate, and not likely to be missed
>the perfect assassins

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>>94700624
Also pic related, this is what I meant by white and amber colors

>>94686769
>>94691203
>>94692964
>>94695024
>Be Seer Delwyn
>I really should not be enjoying this, but it's been far too long since I got to hack-n'-slash
>Blow it out your ass, Khorne
>The music is kinda catchy, too
>Wait, music?
>I don't remember any music being on, even any human stuff
>I suppose it is an acceptable soundtrack to fighting back to back with a friend
>The rest of the group finally gets their butts to the balcony and opens fire
>None of them come down to help, of course
>Here's hoping they don't hit us as well
>Rotten shots, the lot of them
>Stop for a moment to brush a chunk of scalp off of my face
>Ew, this is the one downside to being this good in melee
>Suddenly duck under a swinging razor-sharp claw
>A daemonette claw attached to a daemonette hand, attached to a daemonette arm, attached to a daemonette.....daemonette.
>The entire rest of the battle falls away into a 1v1 with this aberration
>It swings, it blocks, it ducks, I swing, I block, I duck
>This dance goes on for several rounds and probably looks confusing and blurry to anyone looking
>Eventually though, its head separates from its shoulders and the body fades back into the Warp
>Victory is mine, you titty bitch
>Belatedly realise the battle is still going, even though it's only been a matter of seconds
>There's a klaxon blaring somewhere in town and the number of cultists is still increasing
>We're definitely in imminent danger of being overrun
>As fun as this is, I think it might be time for a tactical withdrawal
>Weirdo is screaming
>Would you shut u--
>She's being manhandled by several cultists that snuck around the back
>Okay, that's a fair reason to be screaming
>Since they move like arthritic mannequins, it doesn't take much to cut them down to Squat size
>All right missy, we are GOING
>Yank her out of the pool by one wrist, since she's still topless and doesn't have a neck scruff to grab
>Eugh, same dirty feeling
>Push it to the side again for now and sling her over one shoulder

>>94701525
>What's that smell I've been smelling, though?
>You know that smell
>The smelly kind of smell that smells.....smelly
>Smells like thirst, if it had a smell
>Not that I'd know that, of course
>Though did Lemallyn always look this radiant?
>The blood spatters, moves and blade mastery add to a sublime red-haired athletic beauty and I should really jump her and grab her hand--
>Mentally cudgel self
>Now is NOT the time for such degeneracy
>But wouldn't she make a wonderful wife and mother and I should stop dancing around after all these years and--
>You have one on your shoulder right now in no state to resist if you went to cuddle and kiss-
>Try and mostly fail to banish further unacceptably lewd thoughts
>Must be something in the air
>I blame our worryingly close proximity to the Slaaneshis
>Pointedly avoid looking at the remaining daemonettes in the back
>Some local militia, PDF and Guardsmen have started turning up outside, presumably responding to the chaos
>A lot of them are staggering around and barely able to hold their weapons
>The lot of them must be rather pickled
>One of the PDF-looking types fires some autogun shots that take a chunk out of the wall
>Are they firing at us or the cultists?
>With aim this bad, who can even tell?
>Either way, the increasing Imperial presence means it's definitely time to go
>Rummage around in a waterlogged cloak pocket
>Find what I'm looking for in the bottom next to the half-chewed gum, several small coins and a huge soggy pile of unpaid Biel-Tan parking tickets
>Some gifts from my Harlequin niece
>Cover your eyes!
>Throw the bomb
>A brilliant flash will have them all blinded and a thick cloud of opaque smoke instantly fills the battlefield
>Everyone with me, let's get the fuck out here!
>And away from these darn intrusive thoughts

>>94701586
not sure what you are asking

Bump

>>94692964
>>94692985
>>94695024
>>94701525
>>94701531
>Be Ranger Bunni’Viie Lemallyn
>Idrontie, Greg, and the rest finally show up and stand up on the balcony, sniping off any Slaaneshi trying to take a shot at me and Delwyn as we cut our way through the mob.
>The number of cultists is really starting to thin out, and those that are left seem to all be either fleeing or stalling.
>But my fighting is starting to get sloppy too as the Musk starts really messing with my mind.
>All those pudgy, stunted mon-keigh are starting to look like sex gods and goddesses now, even the mutant ones.
>I repeatedly find myself distracted for whole seconds by particularly shapely faces or body parts.
>And then I cut them off or stab them with my sword of course.
>And I am still very much mindful of the fact at least one Fiend of Slaanesh as either manifested, or is manifesting somewhere nearby.
>After castrating the fifth mon-keigh since fighting began, I realize I might be developing an unhealthy fetish for it.
>But that doesn’t stop me from doing it to my next opponent, a particularly large and well hung beastman.
>Before I can follow up with a killing blow, a claw comes out of nowhere, grabs my blade, and twists it out of my hands.
>A daemonette, not good.
>While fear and arousal override my brain, the daemonette takes initiative and humiliates me with powerful open hand slaps to the ear, chest, and groin from her non-claw hand, and then she twists me around, and gives me a sharp slap on the rear, followed by a powerful kick that sends me flying to the edge of the pool.
>As I painfully rise to my feet, I see Delwyn carrying the weird lady over one shoulder while fumbling around in his pocket. They are both seem really hot, too bad Delwyn is from a conservative family that only allows anything after marriage, but the weirdo seems like she would be fun.

>>94705022
>My sword lands next to me with a clatter, and it takes me a few seconds to realize that the daemonette tossed it at me so that I can continue to fight her. Oh right, the fight, I had forgotten about that.
>I pick up the sword, steady myself, and turn to face my opponents.
>Three Daemonettes and a Fiend casually stroll towards me, ignoring the bullets, laser beams, and shuriken bursts flying everywhere. One is holding a leash and collar, another a ball gag, and another a bottle of lube and some red ribbon.
>It is the magnificent thing I have ever seen or smelled.
>Why are we fighting again?
>I sheath my sword and start removing the lower half of my bodysuit.
>And then Delwyn says something about covering my eyes and the whole world goes white, and then really smoky.
>The blast of the smoke bombs allows me to clear my head, and I go bright red in the face as I discreetly readjust my bodysuit.
>Hopefully no one saw that.
>cough
>I join Delwyn and the rest in fleeing the scene before things get even more out of hand.

>>94695024
>>94701531
>>94705031
>Be Hen-tai Ise’kai, Greatest Aeldari Story Teller Ever
>Delwyn realizes I have been screaming and rushes back to the pool to rescue me.
>How gallant!
>I squirm free of my captors and fall back into the water so that Delwyn can cut them to pieces.
>I get sprayed with some blood in the process. Yum, I never realized how good mon-keigh blood tastes.
>Delwyn lifts me out of the water and throws me over one shoulder. He is stronger than he looks.
>There isn’t much to look at here with my butt in the air and my upper half dangling over Delwyn’s back.
>I am starting to feel really sleepy at this point. Something about that smell I think.
>Everything is kind of blurry, and the patio stones around the pool are starting to look like moaning faces, twitching genitals, writhing limbs, and lashing tongues.
>Also, I think I can see through Delwyn’s clothes.
>I give his rear a squeeze since I can’t tell if there is a robe there or not, but my fingers feel numb to the results are inconclusive.
>And now Delwyn is running somewhere and my mind is getting slightly clearer.
>Although I am now getting cold, and my ankle is hurting again, I barely notice as I reply the vivid hallucinations in my mind over and over again.
>I wonder if that is what Slaanesh’s Realm looks like? I absolutely MUST capture it somehow for my next novel, and maybe create a few animated scenes of it as well.

>>94700624
>Be Plasmancer Khultekh
>attempting to find some deathmarks
>as I travel deeper, I think back on the fate that had befallen the dynasty
>the Nuthyans didn’t really spread too far due to a lack of power
>the world I’m on is like the only Nuthyan-owned world in the entire sector
>regularly received messages from the crownworld of Carnotite during the closing days of the War in Heaven
>some wandering enclave of psychomancers had arrived, offering their services in exchange for resources
>started doing some crazy shit, especially their star pupil Mentep
>messages start to get increasingly concerning however
>the enclave’s leader, Am-heht, has started doing stranger and more debauched experiments
>one day we receive one final message
>”The warlock has claimed us. The fate he has in store for us shall be worse than anything any star god could plan of. We are damned to an eternity of suffering for our foolishness. DO NOT RETURN.”
>this message was different from the others, as it was actually a DECREE, from none other than Weret-Segh, our phaeron
>messages stop sending from Carnotite after that
>have tried for a few decades to attempt to transceive any signals
>the very rare moments I actually lock onto something, its just a few seconds of heavily garbled and distorted audio
>can almost swear that between the static, I can hear screams of unbearable agony
>I never want to hear those sounds ever again
>have stopped trying to transceive signals, have accepted the fact that the dynasty itself is most likely lost

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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>>94699876
>>94689360
>>94676373
>>94675389
>>94668988
>Be me.
>Lieutenant Abdul Abby.
>My regiments tanks, the orks, tau, krieg, Nordicans, and skitarii arrive at the tranches just in time to see a cargo 8 barrel right into the legs of the biggest Dark Mechanicum walker I've ever seen in a hale of artillery fire provided by the felinids and kriegers.
kaboom.vox
>The explosion consumes the massive stalker and all the smaller stalkers begin convulsing and sparking before falling to the ground limp.
SaluteToWhoeverThatMadBastardWas.Holo
>Up in the sky I notice a ship is burning up in the atmosphere as well breaking apart.
>The tech thralls also appear to be sparking and glitching as well.
>I fire up my flammer and we start purging the trenches of them and the plague zombies with the help of the new Kriegers and the Slaanesh cavalry.
>Soon enough this sector will be cleared of infidels and we can all get back to celebrating Candlemas with some hot coco.
OneFinalPush.pic

I think we are nearing the bump limit, so we should start rapping up plot threads.

>>94708518
Happy new year to you to Anon.

>>94712703
>Forgot to mention that after Candlemas we're going back to killing the daemonettes.

Also just to clarfy for those confused the ship burning in the atmosphere is the Dark Mechanicum one the Night Lords were fighting.

>>94712703
>I think we are nearing the bump limit, so we should start rapping up plot threads.
I don't think there is a time based bump limit anymore, I was on a thread which was up for over a month before it finally hit the post count based bump limit.

But yeah, if people are losing interest we might as well wrap up the existing plot lines.

>>94676373
>>94712703
>Be Frightened Version of Trainee Cummissar Vanessa Flambeau
>Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!
>What the fuck am I doing?!?!
>How fucking high was I when I decided to ram a giant robot spider with a rental truck?! Crossing a field of robot zombies, small robot spiders, and big robot spiders with powerful lasers in order to do so!?! Not to mention the artillery fire exploding all around us.
>It is a complete miracle I am not already dead.
>I know Hue hates anything resembling desertion, but also it is not like she told me to lead the kamikaze charge to begin with.
>I take a cinder block off the seat beside me, wedge it up against the gas pedal, and jump out of the cargo-8.
>About 30 seconds later, the cargo-8 smashes into the biggest metal spider and creates a massive explosion.
>I am a fair distance away, but the blast still knocks me over.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Be Introspective Version of Trainee Cummissar Vanessa Flambeau
>I wake up on my back in a muddy puddle.
>Up in the sky I can see a Dark Mechanicus ship break up in orbit.
>It is quite beautiful.
>I can’t feel or hear anything, I wonder if I died.
>But then my skin starts burning.
>It is cold and the water I am lying in is already beginning to refreeze.
>Also my ears are ringing.
>No idea why the metal spider didn’t bother trying to shoot something directly in front of it, or how the cargo-8 exploded given there wasn’t supposed to be any explosives in it. Maybe the spider simply ignored the cargo-8 because it shouldn’t have been able to harm it. And then maybe a large shell hit the spider at the same time as the cargo-8.
>I decide to just pretend everything went perfectly as planned. I will make up a good story once I hear some of the speculation from my troops and get a feel for what they would consider plausible.
>I mean, it was pretty cool though, like something out of an Imperial propaganda reel.

>>94713130
>Too bad I feel like I just finished a week long hardcore BDSM session with Dixie.
>All the robot spiders and robot zombies seem to be dead, so that is something.
>I pull out the remaining dildos in me so I can limp easier, and then limp towards the nearest Slaaneshi-looking vehicle.
>It is a pick-up truck with a bright pink paint job and a heavy stubber in the back.
>The beastman driver has pulled over so he can piss into the mouth of a dead robot zombie, while the overweight female in the passenger seat plays with herself, and the two men in the back pig roast one of the new female felinid recruits.
>We all have our little battlefield rituals I suppose.
>Everyone stops what they are doing to salute me, but I ignore them, climb into the back of the truck, and then flop back down on my back.
>I pretend to be asleep and everyone resumes their little rituals
>Eventually someone, probably on Hue’s orders, instructs everyone to return to the trenches to finish of the zombies and poxwalkers.
>Oh joy, I sarcastically think to myself.

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[Encrypted Transmission from the depths of the Mourning of Night]

>”Is the asset aboard?”
“Yes my lord, they even brought along The Mother.”
>”Good. Any complications?”
“Well… one, however it was swiftly dealt with my lord.”
>”Elaborate.”
“One member of the VIIIth, The Target’s right hand man I believe, through unknown means. Appeared both immune to The Asset’s effects and doubted the validity of the story provided by The Mother. However the Target swiftly executed him personally.”
>”Sounds to me like an opportunity to get an agent even closer to The Target. Do what you can to see to it that gets done.”
“Of course my lord”
>”Also report any other VIIIth Legionaries that display signs of doubt or immunity to The Asset’s effects.”
“Yes my lord.”
>”Do not contact us along this channel again. WE will contact YOU on a new channel once you are within range of one of our ships.
”Of course my lord, Hydra Dominatus.”
>”Hydra Dominatus.”

[Transmission Terminated]

Error: Unauthorized viewer detected. Inserting memetic kill bug.
Goodbye

>>94705022
>>94706516
>Be Seer Delwyn
>It's time for the great escape!
>The flash and smoke should have spun most of them around, now I just need to find Le--
>Hrk!
>Stumble and nearly drop Weirdo
>Lemallyn is fumbling trying to do the lower half of her bodysuit back up
>Well, I suppose that answers the question about what the smell was
>Am I the only one here who doesn't need a firm bonk to the head right now?
>I wonder why that is
>But wouldn't you like to see that beautiful sight again as you gently lay her down on the bed on your wedding night, her long red hair flowing over the pillows as you peel off her--
>Vigorously shake head
>Clearly I'm not as unaffected as I might think
>Still, I suspect much of the clear Slaaneshi influence right now is merely about turbocharging the subconcious
>I really shouldn't pretend I don't want any of it too
>Must ask her out properly when we get back home afterwards
>Realise we're all just standing around staring at each other with strange looks
>Race back through the building and out the front with the crew in hot pursuit while the cultists are still getting their bearings
>So long, suckers!
>Don't think I didn't notice you copping a feel either, young lady
>When we get home, we're going to have a talk about appropriate behaviour, complete with some Wraithpoint presentation slides and paperwork
>For now though, the fission has clearly mailed
>The town is in an uproar, the ceasefire might have collapsed, New Yur is definitely on fire as well and we've still got a Slaaneshi mob somewhere nearby
>Still, we at least managed to verify some things and got some SIGINT data so it's not 100% a bust
>It's 95% a bust, though

>>94714483
>Still, I don't think they can (entirely) blame us this time given the shitshow that's happened around us
>Wring out my wet robe as best as possible and put it on my shoulder over Weirdo
>Gods, it's still far too warm in this, did I knock a dial earlier?
>At least the cold wind must be clearing our heads by now, surely. Right?
>Look up the mountain towards where the local Webway gate sits
>Better get trudging
>Still, this planet hasn't seen the last of one Rhenn'eka Delwyn!

A'ight, I'm wrapping things up now since the thread's clearly petering out even if the 7-day autosage got removed. Thank you to everyone for being here this year and a special thanks to whoever's been writing Lemallyn (it's not me, by the way) from back in the Hive World thread to provide someone to bounce off of and hang a lampshade on his antics. Delwyn will appear again but you have my blessing to use her as a character wherever else you like if you wish.

>>94714486
I used Lemallyn as a way to sneak one of my old characters into these threads. In the Damnatum Lutum threads she was Guardian Buni, but the 1d4chan/1d6chan page spelled it Bunni, so I used that spelling by mistake and stuck with it.

I figure she has matured a bit since her Damnatum Lutum days, but on this thread I did manage to make a few references to her being a writer and her fighting on Damnatum Lutum

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>>94676373
>>94712703
>>94713130
>>94713144
>Be Commissar Kate.
>I was in the medic tent getting my shoulder stitched up by a black haired felinid nurse.
>I notice she's touching me in certain places I don't think she really needs to touch.
>Suddenly I hear a massive explosion outside.
ThankTheEmperor.vox
>I rush outside and see the Stalkers are all falling over and the tech thralls are glitching out.
>I grab the nearest soldier (a Nordican) and ask him what the warp just happened?
>He says: "One of the Slaanesh cultists did a suicide charge towards the biggest Dark Mechanicum walker and blew it up by ramming it."
Maybe_I_misjudged_them.commissar
>"Now all the Dark Mechanicum stuff is more fucked then a felinid femboy in a r-- err no offence ma'am..."
>I glare at him then shove him aside to get back to fighting.
>I roll my shoulder and pull out my sword for one last charge to mop up the straglers, I can pull through my injuries till then (though the nurse isn't happy about it and I can hear her shouting after me as I run).
>We just mop up these remnants then finally enjoy the peace and quiet of the Candlemas truce.

It was fun doing another one of these again. See you next thread nyan.

>>94714483
>>94714486
>>94706516
>Be Ranger Bunni’Viie Lemallyn
>It was a long, awkward walk back to the Webway Gate.
>Delwyn alternates between staring at me when he thinks I am not looking and avoiding eye contact.
>Idrontie, Eralia, Laering, and Greg are also being a bit weird.
>And the weirdo has been weird since she joined the party.
>I have been exposed to Fiend Musk before, sometimes it takes a few months for the unwanted erotic thoughts and dreams to fade.
>I am definitely going to need a vacation after this. Maybe find a quiet Exodite world or a Maiden world, or maybe just do a tour of Dolthe’s wilderness domes.
>The weirdo starts talking about her writing again as we near the Webway Gate.
>I am kind of tempted to read some it once I am back on Dolthe, but given the likely nature of the content, I should probably wait a few weeks for the effect of the Musk to fade first.

Happy New Year everyone! Hope to see you in mid-February. Shout-out to Delwyn-anon for sharing my niche interest in light-hearted Eldar characters, and also the Hen-tai and Randy anon(s) for throwing some interesting curveballs.

>>94714731
fug that was her? I always had Buni pegged as a guy (damn elves) and didn't take the hints to draw the link at all - I thought you'd just adopted one of the background extras (though in a sense I suppose you sorta did). After their antics on DL I guess it makes sense for them to wash up in Delwyn's little comedy troupe heh. Even if she is the straight (wo)man of the cast.

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>>94700095
>Be Khorne
>Warpmas party is all over now
>Turns out our antics got the great god James very angry
>I return to my realm and sit on my throne of skulls
>Watching tiny daemons taking down decorations along with bloodletters and skulltaker
>Skarbrand is giving the flesh hounds their walks
>Yearly Warpmas walks before battle starts yet again
>Ah I should have stayed here, would have been more fun then the party
>I'll invite Khaine over
>He might bring over some howling banshees if I do
>A blood cauldron rides up towards me and offers itself up
>Pick up the cauldron and down all the blood inside it
>Seems like the murder curse didn't really do anything but fuck it
>Theres always tomorrow


>>94714103
Happy new years everyone looking forward to the next thread in February. Was not expecting the Alpha Legion twist at the end but I'm sure we can work with this.

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>>94706932
>be Plasmancer Khultekh
>reach my personal chamber where I first awoke
>boot up my personal info-matrix, a device that can be likened to your primitive “computers”
>answer the series of riddles that protects its usage from outsiders
>a holographic display of glyphs and charts fills the chamber
>60 million years worth of alerts and notifications, most of them completely worthless
>except one in particular catches my attention
>an incoming message
>whatthefuck.jpg
>enlarge the notification, its from CARNOTITE
>whatthedoublefuck.webp
>even stranger, it seems to have been sent just a few hours ago, while I was art the surface
>whatthetriplefuck.khet
>with a shaking hand, I press the holographic glyph to open the message
>immediately the entire chamber is filled with a harsh red glow
>an enlarged projection of a necron faceplate floats in front of me
>it is devoid of any oculars, its necrodermis as black as the void itself
>it whispers to me in an unspeakably horrible voice
>”I WILL FIND YOU”
>massive oily black tendrils emerge from the edges of its faceplate, almost reaching out to me
>I literally fall backwards screaming
>suddenly the projection is over as soon as it appeared
>no trace of it even existing in the info-matrix
>as if nothing ever happened
>vision is full of refrenation errors
>calm down, this can’t be real, this can’t be rea-
>suddenly another urgent notification pops up
>barely muster the strength to open it
>oh dead gods no
>its a solar map of Carnotite
>entire planet is just a red glowing orb
>sensors indicate major deviation from its natural orbit
>almost if it’s pulling out of it
>what should take millions of years to happen is taking only a matter of hours
>demand path projectories
>hundreds of speculative paths show up, a large amount showing that it’s heading…
>straight for me
>could arrive in maybe 70, even 50 years
>hit with wave of insurmountable dread
>I have to awaken the Nemesor
>we have to leave, now

>>94706516
>>94714483
>>94714486
>>94714890
>Be Hen-tai Ise’kai, Greatest Aeldari Story Teller Ever
>Dolthe ended up kind of totally sucking.
>Delwyn started giving me all sorts of lectures once we got to the Craftworld, so I cut ties with his clique of Rangers and sought out some fellow followers of the artistic Paths.
>Most of them didn’t much like me either.
>They were a little more easy going than some of the Craftworlds that I have been on, but after my writing started circulating, I got hauled into all sorts of lectures and scolding sessions from every single self-important person in Dolthe.
>I eventually left and made my way back to Nordica II to link up with the Krampus.
>The followers of Slaanesh get a bad rap, but I am sure a trusted ally like myself will find Slaanesh’s Realm quite enjoyable. I never got the dreams out of my head that first started at the hot springs. I think they are visions of Slaanesh’s Realm, the possibilities seem endless.
>Maybe they will make me a demi-goddess.
>Who knows, maybe I will even get invited to meet Slaanesh, Nurgle, and Isha.
>That would be totally awesomeness!

>>94653077
>I'm ACKshully an unstoppable girlbiss in disguise, teehee~
Why is /tg/ so full of AGPs these days?

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>>94676571
>>94676582
>Be Ivana Semenov, 74465th Valhallan, Recon company 32E
>The Imperium is victorious again!
>Actually, it was mostly Chaos fighting Chaos that allowed us to win, but that is because it was how the Emperor wanted things, or something like that.
>I finally got to take my shower, which seemed extra important after fighting rotting daemon zombies and slutty techno zombies up close and personal.
>Then I do join the Candlemas festivities.
>It is surprisingly merry despite the town being in ruins, corpse piles burning everywhere, and the surviving Imperials, Orks, Tau, and “friendly” Slaaneshi all giving each other suspicious side glances every once and a while.
>It helps that the hot chocolate and alcohol storerooms were left unguarded, and now every bonfire or heater that people are huddled around has at least one crate of both.
>I find a fire that has a few female Tallarn and a few Valhallans and Nordicans of both genders.
>They are drinking hot chocolate being warmed on a kettle, while the Valhallans also sip on vodka from time to time.
>I sit down, crack open a vodka, and then start pouring it into the kettle anytime everyone else is distracted.
>Time to get this party started!

>>94717247
>Be Plasmancer Khultekh
>this world does not have much long left, we need to leave immediately
>rush down to the Nemesor's chamber
>when I arrive I see a pair of gross looking machine-primates in shitty red robes
>they bear a symbol of an eight-pointed star
>accompanying them is what appears to be corpses propelled by machines
>absolutelydisgusting.jpg
>firing up both my lance and my tail-staff, I blast all of them into literal ash
>how such filth survived this far into the tomb complex is a mystery
>finally I arrive at the stasis-crypt of the Nemesor Nevoshlokh
>an arrogant and cruel bastard, but a great planner during times of crisis
>with the help of some nearby crypteks I awaken, he awakens successfully
>I help him to his feet, explain the current situation
>the primitives on the surface, the message from Carnotite, our impending doom
>he gives us our orders
>awaken the rest of the tomb world, and have everyone and everything loaded onto the ships of our fleet
>currenly have one Cairn class, two scythe class cruisers, and five shroud class light cruisers
>current estimated time to load the entire tomb world onto the ships is about 3 to 6 decans(one to two months in your primitive time measurements)
>we make it to the utterly MASSIVE caverns holding our relatively small fleet
>I hear a buzzing behind me
>the swarm of scarabs I sent out earlier has returned with the noctilith stored within their bodies
>shame that I was unable to excavate the rest of the pylons, but this will have to do I suppose
>we are going to have to dig out the entire complex of the tomb world and load it onto the ships piece by piece, now lets get moving
>as I follow the Nemesor, I fail to notice one of the scarabs oddly covered in specks of blood and gore....

I guess I'll end here for now, at least until the next thread. Haven't really had much experience writing stories like this until now, hope you enjoyed. Happy new year, primitives!

>Be Inquisitor Scrooge
>Wake up back in my Inquisitorial Fortress
>Hm. I can't remember what happened to that strange ice planet I found myself on.
>Guess I must have defeated the Daemons of Christmas and missed all the celebration.
>Bah humbug.
>Maybe I'll return again next year to purge them once and for all!
>In the meantime I have some heretics to execute, xenos to kill, etc. etc.
>Praise the Emperor.

Totally missed everything due to Christmas/NY celebrations, whoops.

>>94691203
>>94705022
>Be Randy Rudolph, Beastman Champion of the Schlick LXIXth
>Worse Slaaneshmas ever.
>I got my genitals cut off by one of the Eldar even though I was trying to keep away from them.
>And then a bunch of PDF guys showed up and we had to fall back to avoid breaking the Candlemas truce.
>And then it turns out I am the only one in the group who can track Eldar by smell, so we spend the next few hours wandering the mountains following my bright red nose, picking up slight whiffs of Eldar pussy in a blizzard before we finally accept they made it out via a Webway Gate.
>And then I make it back to the lair, where Vanessa rips into me for messing up the Slaaneshmas plan.
>Luckily Hue Jazz wasn’t around, no one has seen her since the fight in the trenches.
>Ugh, I can’t wait to go back to Slaanesh’s Realm.
>I will probably grow another dick or two while I am there, unless someone finds my misfortune particularly amusing.

>>94713144
>>94721311
>Be Sullen Version of Trainee Cummissar Vanessa Flambeau
>Currently deep in thought back at our hidden layer with the remains of the Schlick LXIXth.
>Well that didn’t go at all as planned.
>Our mad charges into and out of the trenches around New Yur probably bought us some goodwill from the locals there.
>But Hue Jazz is MIA, and Randy ruined his cover chasing after some Eldar he couldn’t even catch.
>Some of the gifts dropped off at Exmus were taken by locals, but others were burned by suspicious locals. And we never even had the chance to drop of some gifts at New Yur.
>I am not sure what my superiors will think, they were a little vague in their instructions.
>There is also the Krampus to worry about, I didn’t exactly keep my end of the deal with him, and he seemed pretty keen on getting those gifts distributed.
>Sigh, it is moments like this when I actually look forward to going back to Slaanesh’s Realm. There, there is no introspection or worries, only non-stop sensation, most of which is orgasmic.

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>>94667694
>>94717286
>>94721311
>>94721476
>Be the Krampus
>It seems most of my agents have failed me, but at least I will get some enjoyment out of punishing them.
>Candlemas and various other alternatives to Slaaneshmas were celebrated on Nordica II despite all the violence and distrust.
>The Schlick managed to get a few Slaaneshmas gifts distributed, and their intervention on behalf of the Imperials has helped trick some Imperials into thinking we aren’t that bad. Things may have gone better if some of the Schlick hadn’t started a large brawl with some Eldar.
>And Hen-tai Ise’kai managed to get her latest work distributed to some individuals on the Craftworld Dolthe, and from there a few other Craftworlds, sullying the name of Isha to all who read it, though she probably would have spread her work a bit further if she hadn’t come running back to me at the first sign of trouble. To the Halls of Eternal Punishment for you, you little brat. Since it is technically a part of Slaanesh’s Realm you will get your wish.
>And now I have to report to my superior Cocaine-Bad-Santa. Hopefully I can convince him that the ideas we came up with have some potential, and if we implement them on a larger scale over many worlds next year, some of them are bound to work.