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/tg/ - Traditional Games

Previous Thread: https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2023/88143411/
>Be me.
>Sergeant Yuri of the Valhallan 545th armored.
>The tear in the sky has gotten bigger.
>The warp's influence on this forge world has only increased as time goes on.
>Giant wiggling bio mechanical tentacles are sprouting up on the horizon.
>The smell off smog and smoke is being replaced with the stench of sweat and musk.
>More of those skin archaeopters are visible flying overhead and deploying more corrupt skitarii.
>The daemonette hordes have gotten worse.
>More dead chaos skitarii are rising.
>I don't know what their bodies are trying to make, but all my efforts are focused on blasting them apart before that happens.
>We've lost some kastelans and leman russes.
>I don't know how much longer we can hold out.
>Or how long it will take the indomitus crusade to reach us.
>We're going to need a miracle to get out of this one alive.
>Be arch magos explorator prime.
>The green skins have taken the bait.
>Now I just need to angle my ark in a way to get the orks to ram their half moon in the direction of the rift.
>I have no idea if this will actually close the rift, but it should at least stop anything from getting out.
>Hope the Indomitus Crusade gets here soon.
"On my mark, fire all directional thrusters."
>Issue another challenge to the captain of the half moon once my ark is in position in front of the rift.
cool picture
>Be Trooper Kapkan
>Somehow situation got worse
>More Daemonettes, more chaos Skitarii and it got musky
>Fucking ew
>As I drag Sasha to safety I have to stop occasionally to open fire on incoming enemies
>Eventually arrive at a medic to which I drop her off at
>I grip my lasgun hard and charge out back to the lines being overwhelmed
>Open fire upon the Daemonettes
>Wonder if Space Marines will deploy in order to assist us
>Just got to hope that it isn't one of those super secret ones that don't like being documented
>Be Colonel Farragut of the Imperial Post
>A trooper kindly pointed out the commanding officer
>Now I have someone to sign these delivery papers for the post
>Good thing too, things are starting to look a lot more chaosey around here
>Wait, he looks like a sergeant...
>Whatever, guess I'll count an NCO as highest ranking
>About to walk over and introduce myself when I suddenly come under fire
>It's coming from inside the formation!
>From some fucking felinids?!?
>Aren't they friendly? Why are they shooting at me and no-one else?
>Take cover behind the landraider I arrived in
>What the fuck do those idiots think they're doing? There's cyclonic torpedoes here!
>Fuck it, if they want a fight I'll give them a fight
>Yell at a couple troopers to grab those phosphex guns we're supposed to be delivering
>Be Trooper Kapkan
>Firing upon the Daemonettes
>Any that get too close get a bayonet or metal fist to the face
>Might transfer to a different regiment with the use I'm getting out of my metal arm
>Praying to the Emperor in my head that he sends a solution
>Anything will do
>Punch another Daemonette in the face and blast her with my lasgun
"Emperor's teeth could it get any worse, I'm going to punch whoever made that rift in the sky to begin with"
>I really hate fighting chaos when it's basically almost on its turf
>Daemons just come in big waves only upside is depending on what it is it takes longer to come back
>I hear something coming from above
>I look up to see Space Marine Drop Pods
>They come down fast and land in the back lines of where the Daemonettes come from
>Brown armour with red trim and their icon is some kind of animal
>They burst out of the drop pods and begin to open fire with holy Bolters
>One of them fires a rocket to a horde of Daemonettes taking them out
>Another device drops from the sky
>Lands in the middle of a horde
>It blinks yellow for a few seconds before several squads of terminators with lighting claws emerge from lighting led by what I can only assume is the commander using a curve relic blade and combi melts
>I hear him yell the following
>He then opens fire with his combi melta
>He melts a fiend of Slaanesh and it screams back into the warp as it does
>Thank you Emperor for answering my prayers
Here's the picture without the Valhallan.
>Be Chapter Master Jeguk Sengik of the Hyenas Space Marines chapter
>We arrived at the system and learnt what we could from various garbled vox reports
>Old Hyena Khünbish could smell the stench of corruption from space, so we decided to attack
>Now we are on this forge world which is slowly becoming a Daemonic one
>My battle brothers are descending from the skies in drop pods, teleport homers and stormraven gunships
>I slash at the Daemonic horde with my relic blade Scavenger's Regards and fire upon them with my combi melta Giant's Mockery
>The horde grow somewhat desperate due to our arrival
>They thought they'd only be getting shot at by Valhallans
>Ha the adepts of Slaanesh truly are fools
>Soon we'll deploy our vehicle units, including our relic Javelin Attack Speeder, the Aardwolf
>I grin under my helmet as I slay another fiend and it's companions
>Librarian Kharlgan Nergüi unleashes bolts of thunder down at the daemons as he is joined by Chaplain Khünbish Dogshin who smacks the Daemonettes with his crozius when they get close
>I just hope we can get these Valhallans off of this planet just incase the rift proves incapable of being closed or if this world fully becomes a Daemon world
>Be Sergeant Yuri.
>Finally some good frakking news.
>The space marines have arrived and are decimating the daemonettes.
>Have no idea what chapter they're from and I don't care.
>They have a brown color scheme which is kind of odd given most SM go for bright colors but whatever.
>After they deal with the current horde or daemonettes and chaos skitarii I was about to go and greet their chapter master when suddenly we hear a loud roar.
>I knight abominant round the street corner and starts charging towards us.
>Im not even surprised at this point.
"Open Fire!"
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>"Finally we are saved"
>Be Jeguk Sengik
>As we cleave the horde suddenly a knight Abominant rounds the corner and begins a charge
>Well then that wasn't something we saw when teleporting or drop podding in
>Mark it down on the tactical display for troops to be aware of
>That's when I look around and see a whole bunch of land raiders, rhinos and stuff that hasn't been seen since the heresy
>Communicate over private vox link for a drop Pod to drop nearby it so we can recover the vehicles as well as put them to good use against the foe
>As much as I'd like to let the guard have fun in a land raider, sometimes it's best to let the professionals use them
>Be sergeant Yuri.
>The space marines charge the chaos knight while we provide fire support from a distance.
>I hear someone shout.
>Just then a group of guardsmen with their own leman russ shows up out of nowhere and starts firing on the knight.
>I have no idea who these guys are, if they were here the whole time or arrived with the marines but at this point, I don't care we need all the help we can get.
"Aim for the head!"
>I order my men.
>Be Kaptain Krunch IV
>Or was it VI?
>That cogboy on the big ship has started making fun of me again
>Something about nah nah nah can't catch me
>That git is going to regret messing with Kaptain Krunch!
>Start throwing grots at the viewscreen in a rage until it breaks
>Wot do you mean the nids are starting to escape? We've got them locked up on dat moon, don't we?
>Da fightin's supposed to make the boyz stronger! That git from Octarius said so.
>Bah, doesn't matter anyway
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>Be Colonel Farragut
>Shot some phospex at those felinids, haven't heard anything shoot back, so I hope that got them
>Things are starting to calm down a bit
>Then some honest-to-Emperor space marines land down and start kicking daemonette ass
>A knight also appears out of nowhere but I'm sure they'll take care of it
>Take this chance to run over to the sergeant seemingly in command of things
>You there! Sergeant! Where is your Commanding Officer? I have a delivery of several tanks and other equipment to make!
>Quickly drone through the list of things I have
>Phosphex weapons, cyclonic torpedoes, land raiders and rhinoes, etc. etc. etc.
>Lean over to a nearby space marine
>By the way, who are the Luna Wolves?
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>Be sergeant Yuri.
>The sky has only gotten crazier, pretty sure I see the half moon from the hive world up there but that could just be warp shenanigans.
> There are still heldrakes and archaeopters with skin wings flying around.
>The sun set shining through the clouds looks like a giant boob.
>I think the tentacles are starting to get long enough to start to grope it.
>Watch as the marines and new guard regiment charge the chaos knight.
>Scarlett gets back to picking off daemonettes with her sniper.
>Impossible to tell how many forces are left in the fog of war.
>I focus on blasting away at anything really, I can't even tell what's real anymore.
"Ummm, excuse me, good sir. Would you be so kind as to sign an order form for some land raiders?"
>I calmly hop down and out of my tank.
>Approach the man.
>Grab his clipboard.
>Look over the forms.
>Then look him dead in the eye, drop it, pull out a broken bottle from my coat and press it to his neck.
"Now you listen here, and you listen good. Me and Imperial bureaucrats aren't exactly on the best of terms right now. I don't know if you're even real, imaginary, or some, warpy in betweeny thing. If you are real I don't think you've fully grasped the situation you're in and what is going on around you. I don't give a flying Fulgrim about your grox shit. I have more important things to do than sign some stupid paper in the middle of a warzone. I'm sure if you are real you're a calm and reasonable person just trying to make his way in this clusterfuck much like myself. I'm trying to make sure as many of my men make it back to Valhalla and their families as possible. So if you are indeed real, then kindly either find someone else to sign your stupid paper and get sucked into whatever shit storm it brings upon them. Or start shooting something!"
>Be Jeguk Sengik
>The drop pods I ordered down towards the vehicles make planet fall, bursting out are tactical marines of the Second company alongside their Captain
>He immediately starts ordering his men to secure the land raiders and Rhinos
>I am aware we are stealing from the post office but hey as mentioned, we know how to operate these things real well
>That's when I notice the mark of the Luna wolves
>Yeah we definitely want those now
>It would be hilarious to use them against the black Legion
>Probably give old Abaddon a heart attack

>Be Captain Urus Cotota of the Hyenas second company
>Chapter master ordered us to secure the vehicles
>The colonel of the post office asks me who the Luna Wolves are
>I am about to respond when the Valhallan's commanding officer pulls out a broken bottle and starts threatening the colonel
>Hey now that's something I respect
>I'll tell him later who the Luna wolves were
>For now I order my marines into the vehicles and send them out
>Notice a couple of cyclone torpedoes amongst the cargo
>These would be better used in orbit than down here
>We've got nothing down here that can fire them
>Mark those for the thunderhawk transport to pick up via the tactical display
>There's also phospex weaponry
>They'll go along with the torpedoes when we pick them up
>Order the land raiders to join up with first company in fucking up the Knight
>Howl the battle cry of the Hyenas at the top of my lungs and begin to charge into the horde with my power fist and bolter
>Be Colonel Farragut
>The valhallan sergeant is threatening me with a broken bottle he pulled from his coat
>I'm not even going to question why or how he keeps that there
>And the space marines seem to be looting my delivery
>Calmly call out to my men
>"This sergeant is in violation of Administratum Order 104845-B, section ii, subparagraph delta, dated 396 M33."
>"If he continues to violate it terminate him with extreme prejudice."
>Watch with pride as they quickly fan out to surround us
>Address the sergeant again
>You will point out the highest ranking officer here or I will have you shot.
>If you continue to threaten me you will be shot.
>Now, I'm sure you understand that I'm not happy sitting round arguing over signing papers in a warzone either, but it's why I get paid.
>So you do what I say right fucking now or we both end up dead.
>And someone get those Space Marines to stop stealing the post!
>Be felinid merc captain Scarlett.
>Be sniping at the postman.
"Hey bitch what's your fetish?"
>I look up and see a daemonett standing over me, I then kick her? in the dick.
>It moans and licks its lips.
"CBT, my favorite."
>I then wrestle with her for a bit trying to get my combat knife into her.
>When I eventually slit its throat I notice their are now space marines looting land raiders, and rhinos, a chaos knight approaching, and a new regiment that wasn't here before, the postman is now closer than ever and Yuri is right in front of him ranting with a bottle pointed at his neck.
>I can't get a clear shot at the postman's head with Yuri in the way.
>The men with the postman then point their guns at Yuri, and the postman has the balls to tell his men to get fucking space marines to stop looting his stuff.
>They make a half hearted attempt, but the marines pointing their bolters buts a stop to that.
>Yuri then starts chuckling.
>Then giggling.
>Then full on laughing at the top of his lungs.
>The turret Im on turns to aim right at the mailman.
>I nimbly climb across the barrel and point my long las right in his face.
>The noise of the laughing draws the attention of the attention of the fighting valhallans, felinids, and skitarii.
>All of them including a few of the marines pointing their guns (or in a few cases tanks) right at the backs of the heads of the mailman's men.
>Yuri leans in close to the post officer's face.
>The broken bottle now drawing blood from his throat.
"Mine's bigger than yours," he whispers.
>Be Captain Urus Cotota
>The mailman has called for his men to surround the Valhallans leader and is trying to stop us from getting these space marine vehicles and weapons from them
>Some of my tactical marines surrounds his men and bring up their bolters, especially the ones trying to stop us from taking these vehicles back
>Oh for The Angel's sake
>Finish up dealing with some Daemonettes and then move over to the scene
>Decide to speak up seeing as I'm probably the only really sensible one here as my chapter master and 1st company are charging the knight
"Alright you lot, quick bickering for Terra's sake. We've got enemy forces all around this area. Daemonettes are still emerging and there's a bloody chaos knight charging. Stop having a measuring contest and focus."
>I then glare at the postman
"As for your cargo, if I was a member of the Inquisition I would have you executed for willingly transporting equipment that is marked with an icon of a traitor legion"
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>Be OP.
>Post these stupid threads over and over again.
>Half the replies are from me.
>So convinced that people enjoy my ceaseless autism that I think they need a link to the last thread.
>Be Colonel Farragut
>This bastard of a valhallan sergeant is insane
>Can't really blame him, considering the surroundings, but it sure makes my life difficult
>He's currently got the entire armoured regiment and a few of the space marines pointing their guns at me
>And those felinids too. Damn, must have missed with the phosphex.
>I normally wouldn't mind this but that's a lot of guns no longer pointing at the enemy
>Throne, the idiots I have to deal with sometimes
>A Space Marine Captain approaches and tries to defuse the situation
>I appreciate the voice of reason, but he's currently looting MY delivery and I'm not going to let him get away with that
>"Last I checked the Space Wolves weren't traitors! And you interfere with my delivery and the Administratum is cutting EVERYONE'S supplies! Every last one of you! This is still Imperium Property, belonging to the God-Emperor of Mankind, and you better fucking believe we treat that seriously!"
>Suddenly notice something in the distance
>Poke my head around this idiot of a sergeant to get a better look
>"Is it just me, or is that a horde of daemon engines about to jump the front line?"
>Be Captain Urus Cotota
>Situation is seemingly calming down until the officer tells me that the space wolves are loyalists
>He doesn't know who the Luna wolves are or the difference between their symbol and the space wolves
>I am about to explain to him the differences when he suddenly says that Daemon engines are about to jump the Valhallans front lines
>Immediately order my men aiming their Bolters to target the Daemon engines
>Direct some of the land Raiders and Rhinos to attack them whilst the others assist first company with the knight
>Relay the situation to Jeguk Sengik who starts to growl in anger over the vox
>Yeah he's not very happy with the whole thing, informs me to deal with it
>On it sir
>Order devastator squads to assist the vehicles and front lines in burning through the Daemon engines
>I begin to open fire once more with my bolter and begin to walk over to the front lines
>Rally my battle brothers back to the engagement

>Be Jeguk Sengik, Chapter Master of the Hyenas
>Urus Cotota told me of the situation
>I am not pleased but thankfully we are almost about to reach the knight
>Order all heavy weapons to open fire upon the knight Abominant
>Soon see the Aardwolf race out from the left hand side and begin to fire it's two lascannons into the sides of the knight, it's heavy bolter firing onto some daemons around the knight that would prevent us from getting into a melee engagement with it
>I slash through a fiend and order Kharlgan Nergüi to focus his psychic power to the head of the knight
>He manifests a giant psychic Hyena that latches onto the head of the knight and begins to rip into it allowing for the Aardwolf and our other vehicles to open fire into the cockpit
>The terminator squads clash against the daemons with power fists and lightning claws
>Khünbish keeps Kharlgan protected with his crozius and storm bolter screaming the various litanies of battle to further bolster our men
>Be Felinid Mercenary Nyan Mc Fluffy
>Return to the front lines after eating my ham sandwich
>The sky is now full of boobs and flailing tentacles
>That probably isn’t a good sign
>There is also a bunch of daemon engines coming this way, which are also covered in boobs and flailing tentacles
>And the voices in my head are getting louder and more schizo
>Screw this, I am going to go have another ham sandwich, then snort some warp dust, then go take a nap
I like these threads.
>Be mekboy Gazza
>The Kaptain really wants the humies Darkan that cuts moons in half
>The humie ship is holding it's position so Kaptain Krunch came up with a brutally kunning plan
>me and a bunch of kommandoz snuck on to the humie ship without them noticing
>must be to distracted by the Kaptain and his moon
>truly the Kaptain is kunningly brutal
>or is that brutally kunning?
>shrug my shoulders as I begin sawing off the big gun the Kaptain wants
>Be Arch Magos Explorator Prime
>The half moon fires it’s thrusts.
>It’s coming right at us.
>Wait for it.
>Wait for it.
>Wait for it.
>Fire all thrusters along the right side of my ship.
>Moving just out of the way of the half moon as it barrels in the direction of the tear.
>Be Arch Magos Explorator Prime again.
>While my ship is still moving to the side get report of Ork Kommandos trying to cut off my main gun.
>Once our ship stops moving I’ll deploy a bunch of fighters to put a stop to their thievery.
>Be mekboy Gazza
>Just finished sawing off the big dakka on the humie ship
>Good thing too since they just stopped moving and the hangars have started to open up
>Those metal humies really like their dakka, don't want to be here when they realise we've stolen their gun
>Attach it to our ship and prepare to rejoin the Kaptain
>Fly behind the humies ship
>The Kaptain has flown the moon and the fleet into the giant spikey storm
>The moon is stuck in place and weird things are happening on the surface
>Several ships have disappeared in flashes of light that make my head hurt
>The Kaptain and the rest of the fleet are trying to push the moon through the storm
>The entire thing is starting to crack
>Oh no
>Be Felinid merc captain Scarlett.
>Everyone is pointing their guns at the postman’s men.
>I would’ve shot him and collected his bounty right now but Yuri is still in the way.
>One of the space marines tries to break up the stand off.
>Mentions how the postman is in possession of traitor legion vehicles.
>Soon enough though some daemon engines appear out of nowhere and everyone goes back to shooting them.
>Everyone expect my mercs and Yuri’s tank.
>Yuri still has his bottle pressed to the postman’s neck and I’m tempted to let him be the one to kill him.
>Wonder where Nyan McFluffy is in all this?

(In hindsight I probably should’ve just made Yuri’s tank and the Felinid mercs point their guns at the postman rather than the entire army.)
>Be Jeguk Sengik, Chapter Master of the Hyenas
>Order all vehicles to fire their heaviest weapons into the Knights exposed cockpit
>The psychic Hyena gets dropped by Kharlgan who then begins to charge up a blast of psychic energy
>Lascannon shots from the Aardwolf and our predator annihilators fire out into the cock out joined by the lasgun fire of the reclaimed land raiders
>The guard forces also join in with their demolisher cannons which follow after the lascannon shots
>Just to be sure Kharlgan finishes up his psychic blast and begins to roar out as he fires it
>A volley of concentrated lascannon fire, demolisher rounds and a final blast of psychic energy causes the top of the knight Abominant to explode
>I immediately order all forces to pull back as to not get crushed by the falling knight Abominant
>Kinda hard to run in terminator armour but thankfully Kharlgan buys us some time by using telekinesis to keep ahold of the knight Abominant
>Once everyone is safe, Kharlgan let's it go and the knight falls ontop of a large horde of Daemonettes causing them to buckle and panic slightly
>I then turn our vehicles attention to the Daemon engines
>Order all vehicles to open fire on them from behind
>Get flanked mother fraggers
>I then look at the horde that made it out from the fallen knight
>We begin our charge
>Terminator squads opening fire with storm bolter and assault cannon
>Devastator squads bringing down heavy bolter and rocket launcher action upon the vile Daemonettes of Slaanesh
>Be Arch Magos Explorator Prime.
>The force of the movement dislodged the main cannon and allowed the orks to make off with it.
>Recall all fighters that were engaged with the dark Mechanicum.
>Launch all remaining void craft from our hangers.
>Prepare Skitarii boarding parties.
>Report the theft to the Indomitus Crusade.
>I will NOT tolerate the sacrilege of that archeo tech cannon in the hands of the green skins.
>I WILL get my cannon back at all costs.
>The ork half moon has started to crack.
>That can’t be good.
>Be Colonel Farragut
>Looks like everyone suddenly remembered to actually watch their six for the enemy
>Most of the valhallans on the front line are already gone but it looks like the Space Marines are handling things
>Now it's just me, this sergeant, my men, and a tank with those felinids
>Quickly point behind the sergeant
>Watch out!
>Hit him in the back of the head when he turns around and catch him before he falls
>Yell out to the Space Marine Captain that the sergeant's been hit
>Kick that bottle he was holding out of his hand
>Start dragging him back to a safer spot that's coincidentally not in sight of those felinids
>Make sure to grab those delivery papers too
>Don't really care about that tank, not like it can fire at me without killing their precious sergeant anyway
>Finally get into cover and wait for him to wake up
>Be Captain Urus Cotota of the Hyenas second company
>Receive back up from first company vehicles
>Jeguk voxes to me that the knight has been slain and that he and 1st company are engaging the horde whilst sending the vehicles to assist in slaying the Daemon engines
>I open fire with my bolter into the Daemon engines as lascannon fire begins to rip and tear into the Daemonic machines
>The post man yells at me that the Valhallans sergeant is knocked out
>Not really my problem currently
>The Daemon engine lines are being reduced however the ones in the sky may pose a problem
>Thankfully storm raven gunships begin to dog fight the heldrakes and dark Mechanicus flyers
>See some dreadnought drop pods begin their descent
>Sweet we'll be getting some assistance from first company's two venerable dreadnoughts
>Their pods burst and immediately I hear over the vox from them two
"Even in death we still serve"
>Their twin linked lascannons fire out into the Daemon engines further bolstering us in destroying the abominable machines
>The Daemon engine lines thin drastically
>Soon we'll have them completely rid of
>Also is that a fucking half of a moon cracking up in the sky?
>Be sergeant Yuri.
>The postman has his men points their guns at me, stating some BS administratum regulations.
>This guy still doesn’t seam to understand where he is right now.
>Everyone backs me up, pointing their guns at this idiot.
>Does this guy not understand how much my men hate the admin?
>Unfortunately that means no one is watching our flanks and some daemon engines get into our lines.
>Before I can process that though an idea pops into my head.
>This guy works for the admin.
>I’m too distracted to process where the shout came from and get knocked out.

>When I finally come to my bottle is gone and he’s put a pen in my hand trying to get me to sign his stupid papers.
>We’re being some rubble and I don’t see my tank, the Skitarii, space marines, or the felinids.
>I pull out a second broken from my coat and press it to his throat.
“Alright, I’ll sign your stupid paperwork if you can tell me just one thing.”
“Do you know the name of the person that keeps assigning us to jungle and desert death worlds?”
>Be Felinid merc captain Scarlett.
>Still have my gun trained on the postman’s head.
>The chaos knight suddenly explodes distracting me and my girls.
>By the time I look back the heretic mail man and Yuri are gone.
>A horde of daemonettes bigger than the first arrives and the marines charge into it.
>Decide to order my girls to provide fire support for them.
>Will need to look for Yuri and the target later.
>Wonder how my boss is doing in this mess?
>Be Captain Urus Cotota
>The Daemon engines seemingly are getting frustrated as they are fired upon
>Soon enough we wipe them out allowing for the guard front line to be free to assault the Daemonettes again
>Our two venerable dreadnoughts turn their attention to the massive horde and begin to open fire with their storm bolters
>They rip into the horde as I order all units with melee capabilities to charge
>With enough time we should be able to join up 1st company in the melee
>Vox to chapter master Jeguk about the half moon up in orbit beginning to crack up and that this planet is more than likely doomed
>At the very least we can stop it from becoming a Daemon world, at the very least it wouldn't be able to come back once the moon crashes down
>I punch a Daemonette in the face with my power fist as finally we make contact with the charge
>2nd company is on the front whilst 1st company is behind the horde
>We pincer the horde and begin to rip into them
"Rend them apart let none survive"
>The Dreadnoughts begin to lessen the storm bolter fire into the horde and change to firing upon the flying Daemon engines to assist our storm ravens
>Their centuries of experience allows them to be pin point accurate with their lascannons
>Vox over to Jeguk on how we can get the guard off this world as well as any STC tech so the Mechanicus don't get angry
>Be Colonel Farragut
>Finally get this idiot sergeant out of the way
>Now I can properly interrogate him and find someone to sign this damn delivery paper
>Eventually he comes to
>He immediately pulls out a second broken bottle and puts it to my throat, again
>This is getting real annoying
>He says he'll sign the paperwork if I know the guy who assigns these terminally drunk idiots
>Dimly feel a blood vessel pop
>These idiots don't even know why they're here
>They're not even part of a proper formation
>They don't even have a commissar either
>In short, they have no-one commanding them and this guy is asking me who's sending them everywhere
>Feel more blood vessels pop
>"I want your fucking commanding officer! This is an armoured regiment, it should have a colonel, a major, a captain, or even a lieutenant, but the only person here is you, a fucking sergeant!"
>"And as far as I can tell you're the only damn sergeant here!"
>"Your regiment is the most disorganised dysfunctional mess I've ever set eyes on!"
> "And YOU are asking ME who's actually in charge of where you go."
>Step back and take a moment to calm down
>The post must be delivered.jpg
>Approach the Sergeant again
>"Sign the damn paper and I'll make some calls."
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>Be Kaptain Krunch VIIII
>That cogboy moved his ship out of the way before we could hit it
>Me, the moon, and the fleet flew into that spikey storm instead
>The moon got stuck in it
>Ordered engines to full and got the fleet to push it through
>It won't budge
>Da fight's getting away!
>Get told that Gazza's stolen the humie's dakka
>Good lad, knew I could trust him
>About to give up and turn around when the moon starts to crack
>It's also starting to glow
>Start yelling for the weirdboy
>Get told his head exploded 5 minutes ago
>The moon starts to crack even more
>Small chunks break off the front
>It starts to rotate a little on its own
>See the corner of a giant eye glaring at me
>Where did that spikey storm go?
>Be Jeguk Sengik Chapter Master of the Hyenas
>Me and my first company hack, slash and smash our way through the horde
>Terminator armour barely recieving any damage from their rending claws as angry roars from us get released
>Soon enough the second company joins us and I receive messages from Urus about the moon cracking up in the sky as well as questioning me on how we will be getting out of here with the Valhallans, any STCs for the Mechanicus as well as all our stuff
>He then says that the warp storm has cleared up due to the moon
>Good that just leaves us with rendering down this horde which is beginning to buckle back and fall apart due to the lack of energy
>Get on the vox to the third company who are still up in orbit
>Connect to Kepek Arslan, captain of the third company and master of recruits
"Kepek ready several thunderhawk transports and try to get them down here. We are just about done with the Daemonettes of Slaanesh. The moon is cracking up into fragments and will cause devastating damage to all gear down here. Take all the Luna wolf marked gear as well as our own and bring it back up."
"Affirmative Chapter Master, deploying Thunderhawk transports now"
>He then hangs up and I slash a fiend to pieces and hear it scream back into the warp
>I then bellow from the top of my many lungs
>I then impale a fiend with my relic blade and melt it's face with my combi melta
>Be sergeant Yuri.
>"I want your fucking commanding officer! This is an armoured regiment, it should have a colonel, a major, a captain, or even a lieutenant, but the only person here is you, a fucking sergeant!"
“Yea I know, I should’ve at least been promoted a LONG time ago given all the shit shows I’ve been through. I haven’t seen anyone above my rank in a long time.”
>"And as far as I can tell you're the only damn sergeant here!"
>"Your regiment is the most disorganised dysfunctional mess I've ever set eyes on!"
> "And YOU are asking ME who's actually in charge of where you go."
>He steps back and takes a deep breath.
>That nap he gave me cleared my head so I understand how this looks from an outside perspective.
>Feel a tiny bit bad for him.
>He likely had to run a gauntlet of dark Mechanicum ships just to get here only to be met with us.
>"Sign the damn paper and I'll make some calls."
“I’ll hold you to that.”
>I write a name on the paper and give him my personal vox number.
>With that done the warp storm seams to temporary clear up, but I’m not sure how long that will last.
>Perfect chance to leave this shit hole.
>As far as I’m concerned Slaanesh can use this planet as her own personal butt plug for all I care.
>Get up and start looking for my tank, the rest of my men, and a way out of here.
>Be Felinid merc captain Scarlett.
>While providing support for the marines the sky suddenly clears up.
>Look up and see a moon that I’m sure wasn’t there before with an angry face on it covered in glowing cracks.
>The marines order thunder hawks down to evac the Vallhallans, Skitarii, and us while the storm is abated.
>Tell the captain my boss probably also needs transport in sector 16.
>See Yuri in the distance and wave him over.
>Be Colonel Farragut
>The sergeant has finally signed my delivery papers
>Won't even bother checking if it's all been stolen by the space marines yet, it's his problem now
>Now I have to figure out the clusterfuck that is this regiment's administration
>Sadly look up into the sky and see half a moon with a giant face it it
>Pause for a moment to comprehend what I'm looking at before a drunk valhallan bumps into me
>Steal his bottle from him and start drinking it
>Wander over to a landraider and contact the ship
>Access the administratum database
>Valhallan 545th
>Take several healthy gulps from the bottle while I wait
>Search finished!
>Error: No such unit exists
>Throw the bottle against the landraider and start screaming
>Be Jeguk Sengik
>The Thunderhawks have arrived and have begun to transport all vehicles and as many people as we can back into orbit
>I see the postman screaming in anger and a broken glass bottle against a land raider
>Will have to get the servitors to clean that
>Well after it gets converted into being one of our land raiders
>After all can't have the mark of a traitor legion on our vehicles
>Took months to fully convert the Aardwolf from being a Night Lords javelin attack speeder to our most prized possession
>Teleport homers ready onboard our 1st company battle barge but I want to make sure all forces get off world first
>I look up to see the chunks continuing to fall
>At this point all Daemonettes have been purged so we just need to evacuate the others
>I glare at the sky for a bit before I see a thunderhawk pick up the land raider that had a bottle thrown at it
I made the meme more relevant to the thread for you.
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>Be sergeant Yuri.
>Probably should've told him our regiment is the frankenstein remains of the last survivors from emperor only knows how many other Valhallan regiments.
> That's partly why any commissars assigned to us suffers an accident.
>86% sure whoever assigns our deployments is actively trying to get us killed so we don't return home.
>Also I signed his whatever papers under the name of a commissar that tried to have me executed some years ago.
>If that bitch is still alive, she'll have to deal with the fallout of having her name on whatever those papers were.
>Serves her right.
>Scarlett waves to me and I wave back.
>Looking up it seems the moon is coming apart and has an angry face on it.
>Thankfully the marines were nice enough to call in some thunderhawks and are currently evacuating everyone.
>I get in the one that has Scarlett, my tank crew, and the local skitarii alpha in it and wait to take off.
>I'm done with this planet.
>The indomitus crusade is here and someone else in it can fight over this place.
>We've earned a rest after everything we've been through these past few days.
>Be arch magos explorator prime.
>Have ork ship that stole my gun surrounded thanks to some backup from the indomitus crusade.
> Nowhere for them to run.
>Order the ships not to fire so they do not damage the archeo cannon.
>Send a transmission to the orks demanding they return my property.
>Get a message the moon now has a face and is plummeting to the planet.
>However the Hyenas chapter are apparently evacuating everyone so they should be fine.
>Hopfully they picked up any STC fragments they could.
>Getting ready to send skitarii boarding parties over to get my cannon back.
>Be Felinid merc captain Scarlett.
>Yuri sees me and walks over.
>A thunderhawk lands nearby and crushes several dead chaos Skitarii.
>Yuri’s men drive up the ramp into it, their leader not far behind.
>I ask him about the postman and he says not to worry.
>I sit beside him in the thunderhawk along with the Skitarii alpha.
>No idea if we’re just taking off and will be back once the moon chunks finish falling or if we’re off for good.
>Rest my head on Yuri’s leg.
>While drifting off to sleep as the engines start I wonder if my boss made it out ok?
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>Be Colonel Farragut
>Finally calmed down after yelling at a landraider for several minutes and scaring some space marines
>It looks like everyone else is leaving which means I better get going too
>Would like to shoot some of those felinids but I really can't be bothered
>The post has been delivered
>But I'm not giving up on finding out what's with these valhallan bastards, oh no
>Make some calls to some buddies who actually work in the administratum
>I want the rundown on these drunk idiots and I want it in full
>The ship is rising into the atmosphere when I finally get a reply
>"Dangerous. Stay away from them. Ordo Thanatos involved. Can't say more."
>Weird. Guess I'll tell that poor sod of a sergeant then.
>About to send it over to him when I get another message
>"Administratum records REDACTED. I don't know who these guys are, but someone at the upper levels has made sure they're very unhealthy to be around."
>"If you really need more there's an archive on a shrine world. So if you want to piss off the ecclesiarchy, be my guest."
>Curioser and curioser. Oh well, not my problem.
>Send over what I've found to that sergeant, I hope he'll figure something out.
>Now to get the hell out of here before that moon starts eating the reinforcement fleet or something
>Be Captain Urus Cotota
>Have been ordering my men to help Valhallans and Mechanicus get their gear and men off planet
>A thunderhawk comes down and takes in a bunch of people
>We've practically wrapped up everything with 1st company braving into the forges to get as much STC tech as possible for the Mechanicus
>I hop onboard one of the thunderhawks that has a felind, some Valhallans and some Ad mech forces onboard
>Thankfully there's alot of room so I take a seat towards the door to the cock out
>Vox to Chapter Master that 2nd company is officially pulling out as we've secured everything
>Hear an affirmative from Jeguk and he cuts the feed
>I then turn to the others onboard and speak up
"We'll be heading to the 2nd company battle barge known as the Prowler. You should be able to return to your designated vessels if you aren't part of the Valhallans. If you are Valhallans we will be taking you back to Valhalla seeing as some of you look like you've been through hell"
>Hope this news is pleasing to them, after all it is a rare treat for guardsmen to return to their homeworlds

>Be Jeguk Sengik
>Currently braving the depths of a forge to recover STC tech
>Urus voxed me that everything has been secured and that the moon chunks will soon crash into the planet
>Tell him it's fine and that everyone in 1st company not in terminator plate has left along with them
>Cut the feed and secure as many STCs as possible
>Have to fend off some chaos Skitarii but we've got enough experience to the point where they aren't a problem
>Get a bunch of hard drives with STCs on them and secure them into boxes
>Hand them out to all my brothers and we then activate the homing beacons
>Teleporting to the 1st company battle barge known as "The Scar of Pride"
>With boxes secured I order the captain to relay a message to the Ark Mechanicus that we've gathered as much STCs as we can and will be sending them over shortly
>Be Kaptain Krunch V
>Or wuz it IV?
>The moon has started laughing while falling into the planet
>Nope. I likes a good fight but I'm not fighting that
>Turn what's left of the fleet around and get ready to leave
>Looks like the humies are leaving too
>Ah well, we can fight another day, been a fun one
>Suddenly get a message from gazza that the humies want their gun back
>OI. That's MY dakka you stupid humies!
>Guess we'll be having a right proper fight after all

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