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/tg/ - Traditional Games

>Be me
>Sergeant Yuri of the Valhallan 545th armored.
>We are part of a splinter fleet of a splinter fleet of a splinter fleet of the Indomitus Crusade.
>Ship drops us off then leaves to deploy more regiments along its path. Won’t be coming back but at least we have an astropath incase of emergencies.
>Doors open.
>MFW It’s a Frakking Jungle world.
>We are expected to fight Feral Orks.
>Why the frakk are we even here?
>Knowing the Administratum there are probably Catachans fighting Necrons on an ice moon somewhere.
>This place is so humid my coat is soaked in sweat.
>I know what your going to say: “Dumb ass just take off your coat.”
>Would if I could, but my armor is sewn into the weave. Also it’s begun sticking to my flesh.
>Don’t know why we’re even here. This system doesn’t seam to have anything useful.
>Aside from the green and black moon.
>Even then the cog boys would be more interested in that.
>Get ambushed.
>Apparently a Tau ship crashed here.
>Last time i checked, Feral Orks don’t normally shoot blue lasers.
>Get slaughtered. Need to retre—“tactically withdraw”
>Commissar says no and gives a truly inspirational speech about duty, honor, death… great stuff.
>Unfortunately they don’t get to finish as they trip and fall on my bayonet 7 times.
>Order a tactical withdrawal.
>Get boxed in by traps.
>Get to the vox operator and have them patch me into the base camp.
>Ask the astropath to send out a distress signal.
>Ask who they should call?
>I carefully think about it for half a minute before the vox operators head explodes.
>”Fuck it, just anyone who can help us kill these orks.”

I had no idea the clusterfuck those words would lead to.
>Be me.
>Arch Magos Explorator
>Be exploring the void in search of lost knowledge for the glory of the Omnissiah.
>Be absolutely bored.
>Suddenly get distress signal from Valhallans on a jungle death world.
Why are they there.cogitator
>Decide "fuck it" got nothing else going on and set a course their.
Exit warp: Play Children of the Omnissiah.MP3
Love doing that.
>Reach visual range of planet.
>Is that a Necron Tomb.. Moon?!
>Decide fuck the meat bags, they can handle themselves and start orbiting the moon.
>Deploy skitarii maniples IV, V, and VII to salvage whatever they can from the moon in the name of the machine god.
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>Be me
>Felinid mercenary captain Scarlet
>Be hired by an ordo xenos inquisitor to keep an eye on some Eldar Exodites.
>been here two weeks, haven't seen any Eldar exodites.
>Out of nowhere a ship lands and spills out a bunch of Valhallans.
>They make their way through the forest, until they get ambushed by feral orks with tau riffles.
>Decide to help out taking pot shots at the orks.
>be me, Novice Inquistor, bit shit at job truth be told
>tailing a sus cog boy whose a little too interested in Xenos tech
>flashing lights, beeps and all that jazz from the ships cognisant apparatus
>our trusty tech priest says this potential heretic might have clocked our shit
>we hear the distress call of some dogsbody fodder of the Emperors war machine
>praise His Might, now we have an excuse to be in the system, we're from the Inquistion and we're here to help!
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>Be Skitarii Marshal Gamma Mu 07
>Magos puts me in charge of three maniples and orders me to begin assaulting a necron space station the size of a moon.
>Lead several arvisis full of Skitarii, tech priests, and servitors to loot whatever we can before they realize we're there.
>The Tmoon is massive, I am very exited to fight/ steal from the necrons again.
>Without gong into too much detail not all of my original libs were removed willingly.
>Now we just need to figure out a way inside.
Be me
Brother-Captain Kyron Antarus of the Angels of Penitence
Astropath receives distress call from Valhalla a fighting on a jungle death world.
Not much information other than Works shooting blue lasers
Bored AF and no <redacted> in sight so what the hell.
Order serfs to change course to rescue Valhallans.
>Be's me
>Skullsmasha, da biggest and da greenest Nob out dere
>Watched some boyz come up right sneaky on some humies
>Da humies ran like de'z wuz scared
>One humie wiff da big hat looked like he was gonna shoot one of dem other humies
>So's they stabbed him, the mad gits
>Ah, dem humies gonna be fun so we let em run off
>But nows me gots a new hat
>Gonna be warboss one day, I is
>Be me.
>Sergeant Yuri.
>Be pinned down by orks.
>Casualties so bad have to start using the dead bodies as cover.
>A few minutes after sending the message look up and see a ark mechanicus.
>Fuck yea, the Skitarii will help us out.
>They immediately go for the moon instead.
>Just then a bunch of Felinids girls with brightly colored hair wearing one piece swimsuits and chameleon cloaks descend from the trees and slice into the green skins.
>Not the back up I had in mind, but I'll take what I can get.
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>Be me.
>Skitarii Marshal Gamma Mu 07.
> Finally find a way into the tmoon.
>They literally left one of the doors open.
>Currently inside of what looks like some kind of Monolith Hanger
pic related
>Land and set up base camp.
>Place is utterly dead (pun intended)
>None of the light are on. No sign of "living" necrons. Not even the scarabs are moving.
>Send in Servo Skulls and Serberys to scout ahead while we set up defenses.
>This feels almost too easy.
>Be me
>Arch Magos Explorator
>Watch my preciouses Skitarii babies fly into the the tmoon.
>Get ping on sensors.
>That noob inquisitor that's been tailing me for weeks is here again.
>Seams he is trying to bring his ship into stealthily.
>Thinks I cant see him.
>Almost cute actually.
>For now decide to play along and act like I don't see his ship.
But valhallans specialize in ork fighting
>Sergeant Yuri here.
>Yes, we do specialize in orks, however:
1. We are an ARMORED regiment, currently without tanks.
2. This is a JUNGLE death world, not a frozen one.
3. The orks have frakking Tau Pulse Riffles.
>Either send assistance or get off this vox channel.
>Yuri over and out.
>cccccccttt boop
>be me
>Necron Overlord Insomnateph
>wake up
>oh right, I was sleeping before
>oh yeah, we were all sleeping
>Looks like the others are still sleeping
>Ponder the situation for a few decades
>hey, the canopteks are still active
>check out what's been happening on this planet for the last few centuries
>fuck all it turns out
>well, doesn't seem like the canopteks are super needed to keep us safe
>take some canopteks from the monolith hangar with me into a storage room to keep me company till the others wake up
>to stave of boredom start teaching the canopteks some neat tricks like jumping through wormholes and balancing resurrection orbs on their pincers
>gradually take out more canopteks from the hangar
>do this for a few centuries
>suddenly get an intruder warning message from the monolith hangar
>remember I only left like 10 scarabs there
> be me
> low level ministorum adept
> apparently some valhallan regiment got their tanks left behind somehow
> someone else on this shithole jungle planet is complaining about lack of supporting fire, no artillery or air
> not sure how these things can be deployed when nobody has cleared a proper armour dropzone or why they didn't file the proper forms for this complaint
> in triplicate
> thinking
> shrug, not really my problem
> some no-name colonel wants to blame me
> whatever
> recaff
> fill out recaff reimbursement form
> in triplicate
> some lord general wants to blame me
> fuck
> thinking harder
> review assets
> in triplicate
> basically no assets left
> some lander still has a few vehicles but wants to bug out
> clear deployment of vehicle units
> but not another landing
> contact navy
> file it
> in triplicate
> congratulate self on expediting deployment of ground assets from space while avoiding the need for other fire support
> wonder idly what sound a xenos makes if you drop a tank on its head from space
> wonder if the vehicles are even tanks
> file thoughts away for later consideration
> in triplicate
> get back to dealing with catachan request for woolly jackets
> stamp some forms
> in triplicate
>Be Skitarii Marshal Gamma Mu 07.
>This is starting to get strange. All the pics I get sent back show that everyone in the tomb is still asleep.
>Usually by now some automated defenses or something would come on, but still nothing.
>Some of the skitarii managed to get a few of the stasis sarcophagi open and started drawing things on the sleeping necrons faces.
>I decide to switch back to my own vision and explore around the hanger a bit.
>Open up random door.
>MFW I find the Overlord and a dozen canopteks just hanging out in the broom closet fully awake.
>be me
>Necron Overlord Insomnateph
>using my incredible processing power to come up with a plan on how to defend the hangar from whatever attacked it
>suddenly the door behind me opens
>turn 540 degrees
>weird creature with robes and metal bits (not even necrodermis, lul), but sensors also register flesh
>accompanied by flying skull
>ngl, pretty cool
>Also has a big gun
>have a great idea
>waggle my arms and emit a shrieking sound (not a scream, it’s an advanced tactical maneuver to confuse the enemy)
>command my canopteks to rush the intruder
>in the confusion escape out of the room
>see a bunch more of the weird creatures tampering with the faces of still sleeping nobles
>decide this situation is becoming to dicey
>remember the planet our tombworld is orbiting used to be a really peaceful place where I could hide
>start running towards the Nightscythe hangar
>hope the weird creatures aren't pursuing me
>Be me.
>Skitarii Marshal Gamma Mu 07
>Overlord suddenly starts to spaz out. Starts flailing his arms up and down rattling his cloak like some kind of bird and REEEEEEEEing at me.
>Does.. does he think I'm some kind of animal that can be scared away if he makes enough noise and makes himself look big?
>Thats honestly a bit hilarious.
>About to try and speak to him when he sicks his pets on me.
>NGL probably shit myself if I still could .
>The things tackle me to the ground and start slicing into me.
>Unable to draw my radium serpenta and it gets kicked away.
>Overlord makes a break for it, but my servo skull manages to trip him.
>Lands flat on his face but I still have the canopteks to deal with.
>Hopefully some of my troops or the other tech priests can stop him from escaping.
>be (You)
>can't stay in your 40K generals for some reason
>quest threads got banned
>unfunny 40k greentext RP is still here
>Be me
>Sergeant Yuri.
>Felinids manage to push back the orks somewhat, we start gaining some ground only for another band to arrive lead by... is that ork wearing a commissar hat?
>Hear whistling.
>Look Up
>Several crates fall from the sky and land on the orks breaking open splattering their guts all over the place.
>Inside the crates are... oh thank you God Emperor.
>We finally have some tanks!
>Leap over to the nearest Leman Russ with whatever whatever surviving crew I can find and hear the engines purr to life.
>Time to show these green skins the might of the God Emperor.
>"Sir, why are our attached Felinid auxiliaries all scantily clad in high cut leotards?
>"It is of utmost tactical importance that our allies are outfitted as such."
no fun fags ruining my storytime gtfo
Quests are explicitly op lead stories so we actually can’t post multiplayer free form there
Not necessarily true. Regardless, this shit is terribly written and cringey.
where do you think you are
>be brain in tube
>formerly AdMc menial until archiotech ship selected me to be captain based upon psychological profile
>trying to fake it as a Rogue Trader
>Realise those abhumans requested transport while I wasn’t paying attention and the ship machine spirit has taken us through the warp without incident again
>clearly it’s not as dangerous as they want us to believe
>remember this would, I shot down a Xeno ship and reported it’s existence to the administration
>they gave me some tanks and cold weather gear but no destination then asked if I still needed my spot in orbit
>the astropath who was with the abhumans tells me a delivery order for those tanks has come in
>points out he’s not under contract with me and asks questions to which “I’m the only organic part of the crew everything else is automated and I have no idea how any of this important people stuff works” is the answer
>I might own this planet since I found it
>provide extra food and some minerals and make my excuse
>bemoan that I can’t enjoy what is by all accounts very good food because I’m a brain in a tube
>order the rest of the recrimination crew to make supply parcels and take the combat vehicles I’ve been building from the ships archives down to join the fighting
>they can drive free as the big O intended or something
>get back to working out how to get my body back
Last time I checked it was explicitly in the sticky but they might have changed it. That 4chan doesn’t enforce the rules it sets would be implicitly allowing it.
As for your argument that this is cringe I doubt there are 3 threads on any board that no one would call cringe.
>be plant
>just chilling on a jungle world
>don't notice anything because I possess no sensory organs
Captcha: MPATH
>Be me
>Private Marban Schwarzis of the 67th Catachan Jungle Fighters
>Due to some administratum fuck up me and all the regiment end up in an ice moon
>Place so damn cold that my nipples can be used as a pair of bayonets
>To make matters worse, we are fighting Necrons, who aren't bothered by the extreme cold
>At least the flame troopers get some warmth
> be me
> newly promoted magos on ark mechanicus
> not sure what I'm doing most of the time so I'm just monitoring sensor readings of the planet below and orbit
> I like sensors they are cooperative machine spirits and don't explode very often
> most of them are concentrated on the moon but we must be alert on all sides
> sensor reports a stray naval lander dropping what seems to be tanks but might be other vehicles
> almost directly on an imperial guard regiment surrounded by orcs
> not sure whether this is desecration of the omnissiah's bounty or a desperate last chance for them to lose enough weight to break orbit
> either way request to send a squad of skitarii and some enginseers to go rescue any tanks that survive
> told it would be a fine chance for me to learn to liaise appropriately with the imperial guard
> whatpleaseno.vox
> told to grab any tau rifles I can find and get back up here before the necrons wake up
> decide to spend as long as I can on the planet > too many stories of mechanicus retrieving necrons without realising they're not done murdering
> they don't tell you this until you're a magos
> reluctantly get my combat loadout and board a storm eagle
> enginseers look nervous
> skitarii look neutral
> I look like my face is made of metal
> let's go
> skitarii look
>Be me.
>Skitarii Ranger Alpha.
>Just finished drawing a dick along the beard of a sleeping cryptek.
>Suddenly an overlord skids across the floor towards me.
>Trying to decide if I should shoot him, or add hair to the testicles I drew.
>Be me.
>Sergeant Yuri
>The green skins are starting to retreat, but a few of them managed to get some of the tanks.
>We cant let these feral orks turn into propper ones so we pursue them deeper into the jungle, with the aim of destroying or capturing any vehicles or tau pulse rifles they have.
>Only reinforcements are still the Felinids, but atleast we have tanks now.
>Hope we can wipe out these orks before they become a bigger threat.
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>Be Trooper Sasha, Valhallan Ice Warriors
>Yet again, we have been sent to the wrong planet, and yet again it is a humid jungle shithole.
>Welcome to the Guard.
>Seeing as Yuri already killed the Commissar and the officers are mostly useless fat drunks, I see no reason not to ditch my flakcoat and hat. Sure the flakcoat has the armor woven into it, but flak won’t do much against Tau weaponry anyways.
>Hopefully no one starts tossing around frag grenades or mortars or whatever.
>Anyways, it looks like the fighting has died down in this particular sector.
>Time to go find some tanna.

>Be Felinid Mercenary Nyan Mc Fluffy
>Stupid Scarlet and her stupid fetish uniforms
>Sure they have landed us a few comfy yet high paying ceremonial jobs, but do we really need to wear them out in the field? It is not like any customers are watching.
>The leotards ride up like a bitch, are way too tight, and don’t breath at all, and for some reason we don’t have shoes. It is like having a permanent wedgie while wearing a tight corset.
>Also in the past hour alone I have stepped in ork scat twice, and sat on at least one mildly poisonous plant or fungi.
>Fuck my life.
>Be me.
>Felinid merc captain Scarlet.
>well that took longer than I wanted.
>We finally managed to push off the green skins when it started raining tanks out of nowhere.
>All of my girls are covered in sweat and exhausted, a few even taking off their cloaks to cool off.
>The commander of these Valhallans wants to press the advantage and pursue them further into the jungle.
>Some of the Ice Warriors however are taking a moment to rest.
>I follow their example and plop my self down at a group that seams to have started brewing tea.
>One offers me some and I take a swig.
>Its very bitter I think I could learn to like the flavor.
>Be me
>Pretending I’m really Rogue Trader Winston De Hullag.
>Hear that the Imperial Guard haven’t received the tanks and food parcels I sent them
>Ask the people I sent down what’s wrong
>They don’t know how to operate the tanks
>They don’t know how to navigate a wooded terrain
>Their landing craft has an Ork problem
>Let the guard know where to find them
>Hope they know how to fix this
>Be me.
>Sergeant Yuri
>Get call over the vox about another shipment of tanks that used landers instead of just dropping them.
>They also have food.
>Send a group over there to secure the landing sight and start bringing the food.
>Things are finally starting to look up actually.
>Be tech priest 11000111
>That menial that somehow got control of sight 002949delta has been making tanks and landing craft of unknown pattern without anyone knowing
>Sent us all off ship to help some guard regiment
>Examined the tanks, weapons have expected performance beyond equivalent weapons of their size
>suddenly orks
>Might have to destroy all these machines before they can serve
>Calculating how much I hate my life
> be newly promoted magos Zeta23 from before
> land with skitarii and enginseers
> pilot immediately fucks off
> what
> order enginseers to make sure any tanks nearby that need repairs are good to go, gather any fallen tau pulse rifles
> is this tech-heresy? whatever we're keeping them out of the hands of the imperial guard before they learn how awesome they are
> have skitarii squad assist imperial guard in securing perimeter
> wander up to only soldier not wearing an armoured coat
> clearly she is in charge as she did not expect to be on the frontlines
> flawless.logic
> ask how the mechanicus can help these beleagured guardsmen
>Be tech priest 11000111
>Hear AdMach forces have landed
>Need to report everything that’s happened
>Access drop ship weapons systems
Didn’t expect that.awesome
>Area is no longer contested
>Order everyone relocate to new location
>Half the vehicles go off in the wrong direction
>Drop ship leaves once everyone’s out
>Have to walk there
>Be me.
>Felinid Merc captain Scarlett.
>After sitting down some mechanicus ships land and start letting out a bunch more tanks, fixing the tanks that landed earlier and broke and snatching up Tau riffles.
>Their apparent leader approaches the Valhallan chick next to me, apparently believing she is their leader since their actual leader left to fight orks.
>Another mechanicus ship then lands, seams to get confused and wonders off after the Valhallans from earlier.
>Also Mc Fluffy is complaining about our uniforms again just because her ass is so fat it gives her a constant wedge.
>Take another sip of the bitter tea.
>This is going to be a loooooong day.

> Be me
> Zeta23
> apparently another techpriest wandered up, blew away nearby orks with dropship remotely then wandered away
> perimeter == secure
> observe felinid merc displaying signs of exasperation
> assure her that I will assist all imperial forces against the orks not just the guard
> valhallan CO still hasn't responded to me
> assume she is processing
> point out that orks will probably take stolen tanks to tau ship, start combing tau weaponry onto them soon
> obviously this is tech heresy
> maybe tech heathenry since orks aren't imperial
> not the time to get bogged down in pedantry though
> request her to order troopers to do something about it, I don't know, I'm not usually on the imperial guard jobs
> my skitarii are on perimeter duty so we're probably fine if any infantry show up
> probability of success against known feral ork forces greater 96%
> 92% when the orks have tau rifles, close to 100 in either case assisted by imperial guard
> probability of success against stolen armour 30%
> increases to 50% assisted by imperial guard
> unacceptable
> nervousness is not something servants of the machine god experience
> but I'd feel a lot better if there was some machinery I could upgrade or maintain
> outofmydepth.vox
>Be tech priest 11000111
>Arrive at intended location
>Managed to wangle a few of the tanks
>Actually a Magos here!
Enthusiastic introduction and explanation.binary
>Tell him about how some menial is now playing rogue trader in an age of technology super battle ship
>Tell him about the possibility AoT era tanks crewed by the remains of the expedition
Hope he doesn’t blame me that that an untrained crew have gone off and may have lost the vehicles to orks.I don’t want to be a servitor
>Tell him about the ship probably having manufacturing capacity and enough fire power to counter anything we have in system
>Wait for the wisdom of a magos to solve all these problems
>Be definitely real Rogue Trader Winston De Hullag
>See the first my tanks and food parcels have located the guard forces
>Send orders for crew to attack targets at their discretion
>Head off to mine those asteroids so I can make more stuff and put some distance between myself and everything else
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> point out that orks will probably take stolen tanks to tau ship, start combing tau weaponry onto them soon

Thats not a bad idea.

>Be Ork Shaman/ Mek Boy.
>Few monfs bak commit krash in vally.
>Odviuz gift from Gork/ Mork.
>Full ov blu boyz (all ded, cept da onz in ice tubez) an boxy stick fingz dat loit up an cut froo fingz.
>Get ta work turning yellow commit temple ta Mork.
>Mor I work, more I feel me brain increezing in size.
>Fine really big sticks dat go boom, but too big for ladz to lift.
>Messing with ice tube wiff frozen blue boy inside. Almost got it open.
>Hear rumbling.
>Go outside.
>See big metal fingz loik ship but boxier and full of loive orks stead of ded blue boys.
>Boys tell me fingz fall out ov sky on top of dem.
>Suddenly get idea.
Big boxy guns from ship + Big boxy fings from sky
>Pull out ruins and ask Mork if ez ok?
>Mork says: "Ya thats fine"
>Gonna need more bones for diz.
>Maybe ask knife ears in next valley? Dey always have bones.
> be Zeta23
> tech priest arrives with tanks
> he explains all of that
> panic.binary
> let him know the orks are probably going to start putting tau weapons onto any stolen tanks and that we need to stop them
> state that whoever started dropping tanks from space is at fault for any lost armour but that's a matter for senior liasons
> request he go after orks, give approximate location of tau ship
> I'm going to report goings on to orbital forces
> crank personal voxcoder to max
> tell valhallans the orks are stealing their tanks and to get after them, they can follow techpriest 11000111
> skitarii forces will accompany you
> encouragement: to victory!
> turn voxcoder back down and go find a vox unit capable of reaching orbit
> hope there's an auspex there for me to tinker with
> always calms me down
breaking character for a moment but
>fat ass cat girls
anon please I can only get so erect
>Be tech priest 11000111
>Get orders from magos Zeta23
>lead guard, skitarii and idiot menials in search for orks
>Find hill and send forces to secure it
>Reach top and look around
>See crashed xeno ship
>Send magos Zeta23 coordinated
>Organise my forces for the attack
>Guard in centre, skitarii on flanks, probably hopeless menials in rare dark age tanks in “reserve”
>Think this through, losing new design of tanks would be bad but the menials don’t know how to operate them but nor does anyone else, if I sent them in first they would just get in the way when the reserves had to go forward anyway, I think this actually makes sense
>Order the attack and hope
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>Be arch Magos explorator.
>That magos I sent down to the planet earlier just to get rid of him calls me back.
>Says something about a DAoT ship dropping tanks on the planet below and the prospect of Orks combining Horus Heresy era vehicles with Tau weapons.
>Decide now is probably a good time to start sending down more Skitarii, vehicles, and maybe some knight or Titians if we have any.
>Send out a sensory sweep.
>Find the archeo ship they were talking about in the asteroid belt gathering materials.
>Is this thing actually capable of making NEW ARCHEO TECH?
>Move ark mechanicus out of orbit of necron moon and closer to asteroid belt.
>Send out a signal with a request to talk with whomever is in charge of the vessel.
>If no one responds, will just send over more skitarii and Tech Priests and hope for the best.
>Be Rogue Trader Winston De Hullag
>AdMech wants to talk about something
>Still brain in tube
New body soon.if I have time to do it
>Send reply
>I just want my dick back but no! It’s always something
>Hopefully we can just vox each other until I can get back to important things
>Be sergeant Yuri.
>Spot the crashed Tau ship in the distance.
>Orks have fortified it making it their strong hold.
>Tech priest arrives with skitarii backup.
>They take the flanks while we make up the spear head.
>He tells me more of his brethren are on the way soon as well.
>Now is the time to wipe these xenos from the face of this world.
>Beginning final charge full seam ahead.
>Be Arch Magos Exporator.
>Receive reply from archeo ship back, thank the Omnissiah it is willing to communicate and we don't need to fight.
>Vox is a bit garbled though, the ship says something about... wanting a dick?
ummm ok?
>Find sexiest servitor I can with the biggest cock and send it over to to the ship in a valkyrie.
>Tell the ship the dick is on its way.
>Be tech priest 11000111
>Guard Sargent has arrived
>Seems to like the plan
>He orders an advance and everyone moves forward
>Send him a warning about the other tanks being an unknown quintile
>Hope he can figure it out if he needs to use them
Reserves don’t get used if everything goes well right.not my job
>Be Rogue Trader Winston De Hullag
>Get reply
>Shit was the vox connection wired to my thoughts?
>Deny everything, set vox to new settings and request signal check
>Ask for refresh of conversation
>Close all shuttle bays
>Be me.
>Skitarii Marshal Gamma Mu 07.
>I honestly don't know how, but some how I was able to fight off a dozen or so canopteks by myself, probably because there were so many of them they couldn't even attack me properly without inuring each other.
>Though I didn't get out unscathed far from it in fact,
>The only thing keeping me upright is my servo skull.
>Limp out of supply closet holding in my guts with my one remaining arm.
>See the overlord is still face down on the floor and everyone is still drawing dicks on the necrons.
>"Really guys? None of you even attem--"
Pass out.

> Be Zeta23
> tinkering with auspex
> happyplace.bin
> valhallans have mostly moved out to deal with orks
> techpriest 1100111 seems like he knows what he's doing
> has picked up some kind of capable valhallan tank sergeant, designation yuri
> mentally note to give the tech priest a commendation for taking to the front lines efficiently
> rather him than me
> glad that reinforcements are enroute
> coordinate between mechanicus ship, valhallans, and the techpriest via vox and auspex
> everyone has everyone else's coordinates and approximate force strength and everybody knows what they're supposed to be doing
> someone in space is even getting a new dick
> good for them
> the machine spirits love it when a plan comes together
> auspex starts to ghost
> hmm.binary
> fiddle with it
> that's no ghost
> start getting hard returns
> necron ship approaching planet
> by the omnissiah's shiny metal left testicle
> vox commanders of forces, keep them apprised
> sergeant yuri, techpriest 1100111 and ark mechanicus bridge *only*
> definitely *not* that unarmored CO chick
> no point in panicking the valhallan soldiers at large until necessary
> track probable landing coordinates of necrons
> pray to the omnissiah the reinforcements make it down before the necrons do
> thank the auspex for alerting me to the threat
> weapons check ballistic mechadendrites: fully functional
> continue to pray
>Be arch magos explorator
>Just lost contact with my Marshal and now the archeo ship is acting strange.
>Closed all its shuttle bays and is backing away from the valkyrie.
>Requests clarification of it's earlier broadcast.
>Send signal for the valkyrie to stop then open a much more secure and stable channel with the ship.
>Ship is now claiming to actually be a rogue trader and it just wants a body.
>be techpriest 1100111
>get emergency information from magos
>order these age of technology tanks to relocate to his location since I don’t want them in this battle anyway and their best in the care of a magos anyway
>tell Sargent Yuri a new development requires the tanks
>I’m sure he can still make the plan work
>about to update the Skitarii when some grots ambush me
Connection lost.error
>Definitely be Rogue Trader Winston De Hullag
>Vox still broadcasting some of my thoughts
>Ask Arch Magos what he(?) wants
>Start trying to understand what’s happening regarding communications
>Machine spirit answers
>Not the answer I was expecting but it was trying to help
>Be sergeant Yuri.
>Making our way down hill blasting music from a pre Imperium band called Sabaton from the speakers.
>Get vox call from tech priest telling us to pull out our tanks.
>Get on the horn and ask him if he is insane?
>This is literally the final battle and he wants us to relocate our armor inn the middle of a charge on an enemy strong hold.
>Don't get response back, just static.
>No time to worry about that now a the front of the Tau/ Ork temple/ ship bursts open.
>Out comes an absolute unit of a tank.
>It looks like someone took four tanks, fused them together, then attached tau guns to it and covered the whole thing in animal bones and wraith bone.
>Probably bigger than a baneblade.
>Put away vox and turn up the music even louder.
>Order main cannon to fire.
>This is what we were made for.
> Be Zeta23
> lose connection with 1100111 just as tries to send tanks back
> panic
> sergeant yuri refuses to pull back
> that's good actually
> necron ship is coming down the other side of the tau ship
> and it's just a shuttle
> vox commanders, keep them appraised that a small number of necrons might approach the rear of the orks
> still can't raise 1100111
> enginseers report five more tanks ready to go but no more tank commanders, just crew
> fuck
> processing
> I am the last combat-ready mechanicus representative nearby
> I have to go after him
> I want to sit in my vox-tent
> toobad.binary
> advise ark mechanicus I am going in and to hurry up with those skitarii
> advise new dick rogue trader machine spirit guy if he's got anything to help out now is the time
> not sure what his deal is but bad or insane reinforcements would be better than none
> start throwing pulse rifles at remaining few valhallans and tell them to get moving
> no longer care about tech heresy
> take four in various mechadendrites myself
> jump into tank, link vox to valhallan's "base" vox
> leman russ demolisher machine spirit is surprised to meet me but ready to go
> tell enginseers to take the other tanks and follow me
> tell crew to flank the main approach and cut into the side just ahead of 1100111's last reported location
> tell the valhallans to follow behind us and get ready to rescue anybody from the tanks who needs it
> drive me closer
> I want to shoot them with my looted tau pulse rifles
>Be me.
>Arch Magos Explorator
>The archeo ship that thinks its a rogue trader has just asked me what we want?
>I assume it has never encountered a member of the Cult Mechanicus before.
>Explain how we whish to understand how it is making vehicles of a pattern not seen since before the schism?
>As well as ask why it is just dropping such valuable tech on a seemingly random jungle world with no strategic value whatsoever?
>Also add at the end why it whishes for a body when it is in essence what our cult all strive to become?
>the ship also seams to be talking to itself on some occasions.
>Be brain in tube
>Receive answer from Arch Magos guy
>Might think I’m a Machine spirit might know I’m a brain in a jar
>He wants to know how to make the tanks
Good.I can do this
>He also wants to know why I’m dropping them on planet so I send him a copy of the order from the ministorum adept
>He also wants to know why I want a body
>I just broadcast the plans for the tank and hope that keeps him busy
>Make up something about performing maintenance and cut any other communications while I take stock of the situation
>I miss sleep, first thing I’m doing when I get a body is sleeping
>Who am I kidding, there’s going to be some new problem I have to solve probably involving those strange readings I’m getting from the moon
>Be ork shaman/ mek boy.
>Finally finish big vehicle to carry around big shoota.
>Start it up ony ta accidently krash thro da frant ov da temple
>Wanna try out big cannon thing, luckly weird alien things driving Mork&Gorks's gifts are coming in to give us plenty to shoot at.
>Tell grots to run fasta on der wheels prepare to fire da big gun.
>Whole fing shakes as da big slug is launched at da enmys.
>miss der boss but wow waz dat fun.
>Smack a grot ta get him ta stop gawking an load anotha slug.
>Hear noise
>Look up an see moon shapped fing land behind temple.
>Get up ontop of gun and see shinny lad from old cave paintings get out.
>Be me.
>Skitarii Alpha Primus XI- 999
>Welp Marshal Gamma Mu 07 is lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood behind the Overlord of the tomb.
>Both are probably dead.
>Check chain of command, next in line is... oh shit it's me.
>Suddenly get in load from all the data the Marshal was taking in.
>Mind has expanded.
>Processing power more than trippled.
>Also the lights in the tomb just turned on.
>Apparently killing or knocking out the overlord activated some kind of failsafe in the tmoon.
>Get skitarii to stop drawing dicks and mustaches and form some actual machine god damn firing lines.
pic related
>"Here they come!"
>Be Trazyn the Infinite.
>Orikan's latest prank freed a bunch of my displays.
>I need a way to get a bunch of orks in particular.
>Sannet says their should be some orks on the planet next to the planet of the tomb moon of overlord Insomnateph.
>Take a phalanx of lich guards and a few tesseract labyrinths and dolmen gate over.
>MFW I exit the portal and see a tech priest with arms full of Necron artifacts.

Anyone can continue Trazyn if they want to. I just wanted to bring him here.
>Be Trooper Sasha, Valhallan Ice Warriors
>Sipping some tanna when a few cat ladies in high cut leotards come over and help themselves to some.
>Weird, but I have encountered felinids before, and even once fought with the Timbuktu Survivors, so I know they are a bit strange.
>My male squadmates, and even a few of the female ones seem pretty distracted. It is almost like they have never shared a shower block before.
>If it keeps them occupied that is fine with me though.
>We relax for an hour while more supplies are landed.
>Suddenly a creepy looking cogboy shows up (though they are all kind of creepy).
>He asks me how he can be of assistance.
>Don’t say anything because cogboys weird me out.
>Hopefully someone else in the squad will answer him.
>But he keeps talking to me anyways about tactics and such.
>Then another one shows up and they start talking to each other in their strange beeping language.
>Eventually the first one tells me to follow the second one. Get our vox guy to relay the message to Sergeant Yuri since he seems to be de facto in charge of the company. Our captain has gout from massive alcohol consumption, and our lieutenants are: passed out drunk, dead, a literal prostitute, dead, probably got lost on the transport and never disembarked, wounded, and probably writing some dumb revolutionary manifesto again, respectively.
>Yuri gets us to advance on some crashed Tau ship the orks have turned into a fortress.
>Damn, I hate the fighting part of being a soldier.
>We are technically an armored regiment now, since my original regiment got merged with another regiment, which got merged with this one.
>However, since I never learned how to operate a tank, my squad just rides on one of the last tanks in the formation.
>Weird cogboy from earlier arrives and starts handing out Tau weaponry.
>Sure, why not? They hit much harder than a lasgun, and the Commissar is dead anyways.
>We arrive at the Ork fortress.
>Feral orks everywhere, carrying Tau weaponry, being led by some monstrosity made of multiple tanks.
>Necron craft also lands nearby.
>Not good, time to look for opportunities to tactically advance in a rearward direction.
> be Zeta23
> commanding final squad of tanks and driving to catch up to the rest
> probably not a commander guardswoman is chilling on one of the tanks but at least she has a pulse rifle
> arrive from the flank
> see some ork bastard has stuck a bunch of tanks and tau guns and what looks like wraithbone together
> please ominissiah not the eldar too
> see some orks turn to fight something shooting them in the rear
> can't find techpriest 1100111
> I am the only one with a demolisher cannon on the front line
> orks everywhere
> fire three ballistic mechadendrites and four tau pulse rifles held awkwardly in more mechadendrites
> probably not doing this right
> doesn't matter, the orks are everywhere
> order tank crew into demolisher range of that tank-wraithone-tau-gun ork built abomination
> have them fire at it as fast as possible
> need to encourage flagging tank line
> some of the very few infantry clearly do not want to be riding a tank into battle either
> pheremones.icansmellyourfear
> getting flanking support from five whole tanks should be good enough really but that big bastard quad tank would scare a less devoted servant of the omnissiah
> turn personal voxcoder to max again
> privately hope I sounded machine-like and not terrified
> don't want to be here
> where the fuck is 1100111 and why can't I find him

> privately vox ark mechanicus and machine spirit rogue trader dick guy to stop being confused at each other and drop the skitarii and anything else
> we have contact with necrons, possible eldar in the area
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>Be me.
>Felinid Merc captain Scarlett
sigh -.-
>Looks like breaks over.
>Spill out the rest of the tea and gather up the squad.
>Get the lowdown on the plan from the tech priest and the ice warrior lady.
>Decide to provide support by staying hidden in the trees.
>Nyan Mc Fluffy complains about her leotard again, but most of us just ignore her at this point.
>If she just lost some weight it really would be an issue.
>Fighting goes well.
>Hope we can get this over and done quick so I can have my first shower in weeks.
>Suddenly the front of the temple explodes and out rolls an abomination of bone and metal.
>Violet and Cyan have the only AM riffle so order them to get a good firing solution and take the shot when they can.
>They say they have an opening on what is probable one of the tanks front engines.
>Order them to take it.
>Hope this works.
>Be Arch Magos Explorator.
>A newly promoted Alpha Primus just reported the tomb moon is apparently waking up now.
>Need to get back their and provide an evac for my preciouses skitarii babies and their sweet necron tech.
>Also one tech priest says Trazyn is here now for some reason.
>archeo ship suddenly got weird and dodging my questions.
>Get ANOTHER message from that same damn tech priest on the surface I sent just to get rid of him asking for support.
>Check sensors.
>The skitarii, knights, and dune crawlers are not their yet.
>Tell them to go faster so this ahole will stop bugging we.
>They say: ok.
>Get back to talking to archeo ship and trying to get my babies out of the moon.
> Be Zeta23
> receive "bitchIsentthatshitalready.datapacket"
> clearly support is on the way
> demolisher cannon knocks away some of the wraithbone
> other cannons are chipping chunks out of it too
> see one of the tank-abomination engine's explode after detecting felinids in a tree
> cheered by this, proceed to shoot orks even harder
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>Be me.
> Sergeant Yuri
>Music is blasting so loud it can be heard over the fire of Demolisher and Vanquisher cannons.
>Everyone screaming their lungs out as we charge into the ork savages.
>The front right tank on the ork abomination explodes right infront of us stopping the behemoth in it's tracks.
>Just as the the first troops reach bayonet range the sky whistles yet again.
>And down from the heavens descends drop keeps spilling out imperial knights like their space marines.
>Landers dropping tanks fully crewed and charging.
>A few are even the mechanicus variety, Dunecrawlers and Skorpius disintegrators.
>Valkyries full of skitarii.
>Explosions shake the ground.
>It all comes crashing into the orks like a wave of death and destruction swallowing them whole with our momentum.
>This is why I love being in the Guard.

> Be Zeta23
> By the omnissiah, the reinforcements have finally fucking arrived
> Get on the vox and start coordinating with Sergeant Yuri to get the knights some room to move through us
> Also ask if he's seen techpriest 1100111
> Vox felinids and thank them for stopping the tank abomination from advancing, inform them the knights will rip it apart now
> ask them if they can move up to a viewpoint to see past the ork temple and start shooting necrons if they see any
> point out a promising looking tree, they seem to like trees
> tell them to watch out for ork shaman as well, not sure what happened to him and sometimes those designated "shaman" are psykers
> Still Zeta23
> Remember to get off vox and shoot some orcs
> Fortunately I still have a stupid number of guns
> Tactical data from skitarii and knights flooding my brain
> direct my tank squad to follow in a knight's wake
> actually starting to have fun now that I am behind something bigger and more dangerous than I am
> that might just be the skitarii data
> gretchin charging through knight legs, most get stomped
> nail seven of those that make it through with mechadendrite-held guns and ballistic mechadendrites
> last one lands in front of my heavy stubber and is easily dispatched
> not before I notice that he had some form of primitive explosive
> back on the vox
"All tanks! Be advised: orks attempting swarm tactics with explosives"
> see another ork tank explode
> starting to enjoy this valhallan music.mp4
>Be techpriest 1100111
>Knight steps on grots dragging me
>Misses me by millimetres
>Can’t move limbs or access vox
>Next step bounces me over
>See Zeta23
>Are those xeno weapons he’s using?
>Try to attract attention with vocal output
File: Feral Exodite.png (466 KB, 474x373)
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>Be Eldar Exodite.
>Long have our ancestors dwelt upon this world, for it may be a miserable mud hole, but it least it is ours.
>But the infestations of the brutish green ones and the metal dead have long ago caused many of my people to flee via the Great Web to safer worlds, or to the Worldships of our cousins.
>A few of us remain to monitor our world.
>The dim mon-keigh have arrived recently to try and make contact with us, but we ignore them, for they are not the first, nor will they be the last of their kind.
>However, a three way fight between the invaders, this is worth seeing, at least from a safe hiding spot.
>The green ones have used pieces of wraithbone from the old ruins in the next valley to make another one of their giant talismans, but I ignore this, it will not be the first this has occurred
>I spot a small female trying to discreetly leave the battle
>This is interesting though
>It has been centuries since I have had a pet
> See 1100111
> Emergency stop tank and call for a 180 rotate barrel to catch him
> Looks like it hits him a bit hard but it catches him
> oof.fuck
> have crew rotate the barrel back around
> drag him into the tank and set a spare enginseer to helping him out
> tell him all will likely return to optimal soon
> valhallans have proven more capable than expected and reinforcements are tearing through orks
> arch magos on the ark bridge seems mad at me though
> not that an arch magos experiences anger
> order tank to continue, more slowly
> we need room to shoot to avoid being swarmed
>Be me.
>Ork shaman/ Mek
>Da front metal right box juz xploded.
>Wez cant moove no more.
>Whateva, got da big shoota loaded.
>All dez fingz start fallin from sky.
>So many shiny fings, so little time.
>If only dey wazn't trying ta kill me boyz.
>Big cannon ez stuck.
>Hav ta push it myself inta pozition me self
>Aim at big metal lad infront of metal box with small metal lad on top.
>Gretchins probably get crushed when fing comes down.
>"Fire da big gun ya Gitz!"
>Be 11001111
>Zeta23 sets a engineseer to work aiding me
>Start calculating where the grots were taking me
>Must be a geographical location since they always traveled towards one location
>Really close to where they were taking me
>Disembark and seek out location
>Find ork fungus
>Notice one is divergent
>Take gene sample
>Oh shit it’s a genestealer primarch
>Extract it intact and report live capture
>Orks are approaching
>Probably Hybrids so I run back to Zeta23 with live genestealer primarch mushroom
>All orks subtypes have the same DNA so shit like this probably happens a lot
>So much data to be gained
Bumping for writefag.
> Be Zeta23
> 1100111 gets up and climbs out of the tank after a few minutes of tending
> what.illogical
> returns with ork sample while the shaman is pushing a cannon around physically
> the pulse rifles, they do nothing
> I'm shooting the ork with four of them by the omnissiah
> suspect warpcraft or filthy xenos machine spirit rebellion
> 1100111 catalogues ork sample as tyranid-infested
> don't even have time to curse as knight in front of me explodes thanks to massive cannon on ork abomination tank zaps it to bits
> processing.fuck
> he's definitely looking at me
> processingfaster.overclock
> bring tank about and start crew moving us in an arc around the tank-abomination so the ork will have to push the cannon back the other way
> order tank squad to follow closely, keep shooting the abomination
> not a lot of room to maneuver here, we're weaving through skitarii units who have been relieving frontline valhallans
> good thing we're linked up or this would be a disaster
> hope we're not in the way of fire but we can't let this bastard keep shooting undistracted
> demolisher cannon knocks some more wraithbone and panels loose, another engine is exposed
> hope someone out there is stationary and stable to shoot it
>Be 11001111
>Start calculating source of genestealer infestation
>Option 1 native to world, this would mean potentially lots of hybrids. Option 2 Tau space craft, this would explain primarch being so close to crash site. Option 3 arrived with imperial forces, insufficient time for sample to grow to current status. Option 4 unknown vector, no known unknowns at this time except Necrontyr.
>More hybrid orks show up, I really should acquire a weapon, hopefully I can get off world after this attack but for now I’m stuck requisitioning fallen guard weapons, find dead melta operator and take her weapon.
>Be brain in tube
>Arch Magos Explorator still trying to keep communication with me
>Should I leave the system? I kind of want to see how things work out on the planet
>Head back to planet while trying to work out what went wrong with my new body
>So much data but the ship helps me understand it
>Lots of strange readings coming from the moon
>Make plans to destroy it just in case
>Be me
>Ork shaman/ Mek
>Direct hit.
>Metal lad xploded but didn't fall back on small metal lads like I want.
>Now a second metal lad jumpas onta da metal box an da two start talking in da middle of a fight
>Stare at metal person try to xplode his ead like I did Head Basher's a few days ago.
>Doesn't seam to work and he just reverses his vehcle away.
>Must be too stupid for my powers ta work on him.
>Also fires hiz big gun and breaks off anoter chunk or bone
>Other lad on tank getting really close with his big cannon.
>Be me.
>Sergeant Yuri
>The ork shaman mek made the mistake of firing another shot not at me.
>Took out a knight instead, still a tragic loss, but thanks to the Drop Keeps there are plenty to go around.
>Ork blood is everywhere, our treads are starting to get clogged with the stuff.
>We are getting closer and closer to the abomination.
>I want a nice clean shot to blow that things head off.
>Be me.
>Skitarii Alpha Primus XI- 999
>Managed to set up firing lines in the monolith hanger,
>Don't know what happened (some tech priest probably pushed a button or something somewhere).
>But the entire tomb is now awake and flooding the hanger like a hoard of nids.
>The Overlord's body is still on the floor, don't know why he hasn't teleported away yet.
>On top of that, lych guards from what looks like the Nihilakh dynasty are here now.
>Trying our best to hold the line in the hanger but it's a loosing battle.
>Decide "fuck it" and order everyone to load whatever necron artifacts and weapons we can onto the landers and GTFO.
>Grab the body of the marshal and put him over my shoulder.
>Another skitarii drags the Overlord.
>Don't stop firing as we back up.
>Send and evac signal to the ark and hope it's in range for us to get out of this alive.
>We need a way to deal with this with better weapons.
>Preferably from a nice safe ark mechanicus.

> Be Zeta23
> big shaman ork concentrates really hard at us for a while
> warpcraft.fuck
> organic part of head wants to explode but rest of brain informs it that is illogical
> now I have a headache, haven't had one of those since three sets of upgrades ago
> 1100111 reports more ork genestealer hybrids
> divert some skitarii from the second line to his location
> I_am_a_magos.override
> keep firing on ork abomination tank
> looks like yuri is advancing across where my squad just traversed to get a clean shot on the shaman
> processing
> he should be able to move up quickly since we just diverted a lot of the ork infantry's attention by drving along the line of battle
> massive ork cannon could be a problem
> order crew to keep firing into the damaged areas of the turret mechanism as quickly as possible
> need this thing to start falling off before it takes out yuri, who's really what's holding the guard forces together
> not sure what happens if you're sent to assist the guard and they all die but it can't be good
> keeping pinging at the shaman with small arms, hoping he can't psyk offensively and push the cannon and block shots all at once
> get on the vox as well
> alert felinds to holes in tank leading to particularly volatile areas, not sure if they can see at this range
> alert knights to danger from cannon
> fallen knight belatedly explodes, emphasising my point and taking out some gretchin
> hope other imperial forces got out of there
> really wish 1100111 had taken command instead of getting into a fight with genestealer orks
> hope he manages to lure them into fighting the other orks
> getting distracted again
> concentrate harder on shooting
>Be Felinid Merc captain Scarlett
>Explosions everywhere.
>Constant shouting and WAAAGHING
>Jets landing.
>Drop keeps blaring trumpets
>Metal music
>Tau rail guns
>A knight just exploded.
>Then when I finally get a sec to break, I get a tech priest screeching in my ear about weak points in the tank.
>Vox my squad about concentrating fire in the holes in the tank.
>Not sure if any of them heard me or not through these damn explosions and music.
>Fuck my life, I better get paid extra for this shit.
>Be me
>Tech priest 11001111
>Zeta23 has provided some skitarii to keep me safe
>Give them the Patriarch mushroom and explain that the orks want it back so all they have to do is keep it safe and away from orks
>Examine large xeno vehicle, it has a hole in it
>The enemy can’t attack me if I’m inside the enemy
>Check my melta has plentiful ammunition
>Identify one of the more capable crews of the still undesignated tanks and order them to drive me towards the enemy
>Enter the enemy vehicle and start shooting
>Melt my way to safety
>If any orks come close I’ll shoot them
>Wait until we win and shoot my way out
> be Zeta23
> see 1100111 enter the enemy quad-tank monstrosity hefting a melta
> where did he get that
> ???.what
> felinids sounding confused on the vox, apparently noise is drowning out updates
> yuri still charging
> hop back on the vox and direct everyone, including felinids to fire at the xenos not inside the tank
> remember to adjust my volume this time
> hope that felinid tank sniper person hears me in time
> tell 1100111 to melt whatever's keeping that turret running
> refrain from mentioning he is the craziest tech priest I have ever met and I once met a guy who was mostly made of scavenged chainswords
> continue to strafe around the enemy tank distracting the shaman
> now fully driving on top of orks
> at least they seem to have run out of explosives to stick to us
> wonder what happened to those necrons
>Be 11001111
>Get Orders to “melt whatever's keeping that turret running”
I did not want this.duty
>Start melting my way into the tank thing
>It’s uncomfortably hot
>Think I’ve found it
>A herd of Squigs that are harnessed to what I’m assuming is a collection of dynamos and moving at great speed
Feeling strange.found the magus
>Psychic dual xeno hybrid hits me with mind bullets
>Take cover
>Suddenly speed and sound increases a lot
>Shoot through wall a bit then run
>Hear very loud crashes behind me
>Run! To the jungle forest place I run!
>I just wanted cover
>Believe I can be Rogue Trader Winston De Hullag
>Moon is going NUTS and I’m worried
>Is it really a good idea to destroy a moon?
>Fuck it it’s probably my moon right?
>Apparently Skitarii Alpha Primus XI- 999 is evacuating in large number
>Skitarii are pretty alright and my ships closest
>Unlock hanger doors, I’ll let them in if they ask but let’s not push the issue
>Fire a few weapons at the moon
>Moon not really a moon anymore
> Be Zeta 23
> See 1100111 escape half-melted tank abomination
> Send skitarii to help him again
> Vox everyone to resume firing on the tank since it is now more hole than tank
> How is it still standing.techheresy
> Keep circling it, trying not to get head exploded by ork shaman
>Be me.
>Skitarii Alpha Primus XI-999.
>Got Gamma Mu 07 over my shoulders and am still firing.
>Suddenly whole hanger shakes like someone started cyclonic torpedo's or something at it.
>Pillars and walls start coming down on top of us.
>Chunks of blackstone the size of hab blocks are falling from the ceiling
>The fuck is going on out there?
>Did they really start kicking the hornets nest while WE ARE ALL STILL INSIDE?
>Whole place is shaking now.
>Several entrances to the hanger are sealed but new ones opened up for the necrons to spill in through.
>Oh. My. Omnissiah
>We need to leave NOW.
>Be Rogue Trader Winston De Hullag and definitely not some brain in a tube that’s panicking
>Turns out those skitarii hadn’t fully evacuated yet and the first impact made things difficult
>I actually like the skitarii, they don’t make unreasonable demands as a rule and are usually willing to deal with anything dangerous
>Dam it move closer and send some landing craft to help them evaluate
>Have the ships systems interface with theirs to make things easier
>I’m not panicking
>Realise I don’t have eye lids and should probably stop trying to shut my eyes
*Evacuate not evaluate
>Be me.
>Skitarii Alpha Primus XI- 999
>Finally got into a lander and have the marshal secured in a seat.
>Tell pilot to take off IMMEDIATLY.
>Pilot is a Pteraxii so we should be in safe hands.
>Whole cabin is moving from one direction to another as we dodge rubble and beams from the Seraptek.
>Can't make out whats happening but it looks like the main hanger door has collapsed and now we're trying to find a new way out while the whole tomb comes down around us.
>Hope we make it back to the ark mechanicus without getting crushed or shot down.

>Be me, Sir Dieter Staller, of House Staller.
>Be not me, noble Questoris Knight Virtus Venator, a more loyal companion you will never find.
>Just touched down on the surface of Trucaris, a Jungle World, alongside the valorous soldiers of the Valhallan 545th.
>The drawbridge of the Drop Keep is barely down, as I, astride in Virtus Venator, are already barreling out.
>There is battle to be done.
>Chainblade revving, and Thermal Cannon already glowing with anxious heat, I fall upon the vile foe.
>Feet stomping, Chainsword singing, Thermal Cannon burning I scatter them like the vermin they are.
>Then a member of my Lance, Helmut, astride in the gallant steed Veritas Mortis, explodes.
>My heart aches at the sight of his loss.
>He was a terrible singer, and Veritas Mortis was somewhat grumpy, but they were still Knights Emperor-damnit!
>My eyes locate what I assume to be the culprit, an ugly, twisted mess of what might have passed for an armored vehicle in a Greenskin's mind.
>Barking an order to follow me at the rest of my Lance, I took off charging the mockery of a tank that dared to take the life of a member of the Staller Household.
>Stomping past the valiantly fighting Valhallans and Skitarii, I ignore them and their Vox Chatter, my mind focused on vengeance alone, with Virtus Venator's Machine-Spirit egging me on, like the voice of a lover whispered into my ear, for me to hear alone.
>My Lance, warhorns blaring, breaks through the Orks, like they are but wheat before a peasant's scythe, until we crash into the vehicle's position.
>Without thinking, the Thermal Cannon that is Virtus Venator's left arm roars, its target the tank.
>"You shall pay, foul beasts!"

How comes Knights were mentioned but nobody uses them?
People like ground level stuff, there’s also a swarm of age of technology tanks that no one has done anything with, the archiotech space ship is trying to avoid everyone else in character basically being an objective for the AdMech and nobody wants to play as an ork hybrid.
>Be Rogue Trader Winston De Hullag
>Really don’t like those readings
>Suddenly lots more alerts happen
>Moon starts disappearing
Big whole in space with some ice planet on the other side!
>Oh shit it’s expanding
>Whole solar system is about to be moved to another solar system if I’m reading this right then ice world has six minutes before light from new star makes people very confused
>nothing else for it I ask the explorer magus what we should do
>Be me.
>Arch magos Explorator
>Be concentrating on on getting as many of my babies as possible out of the moon as fast as possible.
>Suddenly archeo ship starts firing dark age weapons at it almost splitting it open.
>I tell him to stop as their are still skitarii and tech priests inside and he does.
>His ordinance seams to have woken up something massive that was inside and is now chasing my alpha primus around.
>Suddenly the archeo ship contacts me.
>Says something about a portal to another solar system with an ice world opening up to swallow this one?
>Have no idea what he's talking about.
>Sensors aren't picking up anything.
>Don't physically see any portals.
>Dont even know if thats possible.
>Ask him to check his sensors again as maybe they are just seeing things.
>Be Rogue Trader Winston De Hullag
>Be panicking
>Arch magos Explorator hasn’t noticed anything unusual
>We’re already in the other solar system
>Check the data like he asked
>Find something
>He’s getting his data at the speed of light
>Keep it simple, tell him what is where and how soon the light will arrive
>be me
>common dude in a hive world far away
>a nurgling has been appearing on my toilet for days.
>he wants to eat my ass.
>keep praying to the God-Emperor to get rid of this curse
>praying so hard my hands hurts
>too afraid of using the toilet
>too afraid of calling the authorities
>too afraid of asking the bald, robed dudes upstairs for help
>too afraid to look for a ritual to banish it myself
>too afraid to flush the toilet
>be me
>felinid auxillia "mercenary" (re: poorly equipped) (ie: we are wearing flak leotards)
>laying in a jungle ditch firing my lasrifle at greenskins
>uniform is right up my ass and chafing the base of my tail
>try to ignore it as greenskins are a bigger problem
>it really is right up there though in a bad way
> * krak krak krak krakalakalaka * goes my lasrifle
> " DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA " scream the orks
> many of them dying , somehow amused by all this gunfire all around
>Valhallan tanks and giant robots are engaged with the ugliest immobilized hunk of metal I have ever seen
> one of the giant robots explodes as the immobilized hunk of metal still has a gun
> another giant robot charges forwards and fires some sort of massive beam
>Be me.
>Arch magos explorator
>My babies are almost all out of the moon and home safe.
>Archeo ship tells me that I'm only seeing things at the speed of light and gives me instructions to compensate and see what is comming.
>Make the modifications and...
>Still don't see anything.
>No portal.
>No ice planet.
>No other solar system.
>The stars are all the same they should be.
>No extra sun or planets that shouldn't be there.
>Must just be the old machine spirit being crazy.
>Like how it wanted a dick super bad for some reason than didnt.
>Get back to guiding my babies out of the moon.
> Be Zeta23
> Observe knight readying to fire thermal cannon at tank-monstrosity
> Clearly avenging his fallen comrade
> Order my tank squad back
> Massive thermal blast, explosions follow
> Not clear what's happening
> Hope the ork shaman didn't somehow survive that
> Hope 1100111 and Yuri did
> Sensors confused by massive amounts of heat and light
> rebooting everything.bin
>Be sergeant Yuri
>I had that bastard ork right in my sights and was about to take the shot when a knight drops down, steps over half the battlefield and one shots the thing.
>I feel cucked worse than an Emperors Children fighting the necrons.
>Atleast the main threat is eliminated.
>All we need to do now is mop up the remaining orks and we can all go home soon.
>Be Rogue Trader Winston De Hullag
>Plot course to ice planet
>Suddenly old solar system disappears
>Check data
>Warp Gate wasn’t going to merge the solar systems ship was just showing me we could try along Necron infrastructure
>Escaped all those people
>Ships capacitors are low on energy from whatever we did
>Change course to mine asteroids while we recharge
>Just me and the astropath the abhumans left behind
>All is peaceful
>Back to restoring my body
>Be 11001111
>Waiting until the explosions stop
>Seems safe so I head over to Zeta23
>Report everything that happened
>Technically didn’t melt target but I don’t think that’s going to be a problem
>Just want to rest
Probably more hybrid orks about
>Xeno ship to secure
>I’m damaged by mind bullets and explosions
>Ask for orders anyway because you don’t annoy the magus if you can avoid it
>Be Sir Dieter Staller, of House Staller.
>The Thermal Cannon turns the mechanical abomination into a molten heap, armor plates and gun barrels twisting like leaves thrown into a campfire.
>Yet it was remarkably resilient, with the projectiles of some of the Orks' crude approximations of Autoguns or Stubbers still bouncing off of my steed's armored carapace after the blast.
>I finish it off by driving the revving blade of Virtus Venator's Chainsword deep into its armor, until I hit what I assumed passed for an engine or fuel storage.
>Fire and fury spread through the crumpled remains of the vehicle, making it shudder under my weapon, until even the last weapon fell silent, and burning Orks and Gretchen fall out, rolling on the ground or flailing their arms.
>My Lancemates finish the miserable beasts off with Bolt Cannons and Heavy Stubbers.
>Panting, I raise Virtus Venator's head towards the sky, warhorns blaring in a triumphant, thundering roar.
>Helmut was avenged. Justice was done.
>Activating the Vox Casters upon Virtus Venator's hull, I speak up.
>"Vile Xenos, know that it was Sir Dieter, of House Staller that brought your doom!"
>Then I turn towards the Imperial lines.
>Noticing the Valhallans staring at me, or, more accurately, my steed and the wrecked Xenos tank it stood upon, I raise my Chainsword towards the Guardsmen in a warrior's salute.
>Valiance deserves to be honored.
>"Well fought, sons of Valhalla, and sons of the Omnissiah. Without your work, I couldn't have avenged my fellow. The glory of this day belongs in part to you"
>Then I turn back towards the fleeing Orks, and charge, my Lancemates in tow.
>"But do not celebrate for too long, there are more foes to be slain!"
>Vengeance might be sated, but there was still work to be done.
> be Zeta23
> tank exploded
> knights apparently taking us after the rest of the orks
> consider just putting 1100111 in charge but he clearly needs either repair or recharge
> tell him to find a space inside the tank until we can get to a place to rest
> remember I'm supposed to be liaising with the guard
> vox sergeant yuri privately and let him know he probably had the shot (86.4%) but we had better all go support the knights
> and that shaman might not be dead, I don't see his body
> reluctantly gather tank squad, fall in behind a knight at the flanks
> hope we can just sit back and watch
> hope nobody takes too much issue with all the valhallans wielding pulse rifles
> hope nobody decides to fight over all these DAOT tanks hanging in reserve
>Be Trooper Sasha, Valhallan Ice Warriors
>Pretending to guard the rear or whatever while the tanks massacre everything.
>Knights arrive to help out, along with more Skitarii.
>Occasionally take pot shots at any gretchin that manage to make it this far back.
>Using a Tau pulse carbine against a grot is fast overkill, you can probably one hit even a relatively large ork with this bad boy... I mean heretic technology.
>Every once and a while think something is watching me, but it is probably just one of those pervy catgirl snipers hiding in the trees.
>Really big explosion happens, but there has been lots of those lately, so I don’t even notice until after the cheering starts that someone blew up the big Ork megatank.
>Look over, the Knight is striking a pose.
>Glad that is over, time for some more tanna, and maybe some vodka.
>Then the Knight turns around and charges after the fleeing orks.
>Start jogging after the Leman Russes, but soon find myself relatively isolated.
>Be me.
>Alpha Primus XI- 999
>Finally escaped the collapsing moon.
>Making our way back to the ark mechanicus's hanger now.
>Time to blow this moon to space dust from the safety or our ship.
>Be me
>Sergeant Yuri.
>The giant bone tau tank thing is defeated.
>Now we can finally purge the ork fortress proper.
>Knights does a pose on top take a bunch of the Valhallans and Skitarii with him to hunt down the orks running away.
>Thats fine, they cant fit inside anyway
>Decide to enter the fortress with the remaining valhallans and Felinid mercenaries.
>Just need to kill every single ork inside and blow the thing to scrap metal like the tank.
>Baring any unexpected surprises this fight is basically over.

(This may or may not be the last thing that gets posted here, so I just wanted to thank everyone that participated. Hope this gets saved. See you all next time.)
>Be 11001111
>Finally some good news, I’m ordered to rest in the nice safe tank
>Drift into sleep
>Suddenly notice that Zeta23 has been calling me 1100111
>Is an 8th digits really too much to ask for?
Set mood to grumpy
See you next time then
> Be Zeta23
> Seems like the battle is wrapping up
> Some skitarii are asking me about the pulse rifles
> I_am_a_magos.override
> Worry about that later.
> Hope I don't get turned into a servitor
> Hope everything in space went okay
> Follow Sergeant Yuri as the knights realise they can't fit inside

(It's been fun lads)
> hope this gets saved
I love these kinds of threads.
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well anons
a toast to another sucessful storytime thread

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