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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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>Be me
>Imperial Fists Brother Sammos, Tactical Marine, Second Squad, Fifth Company

>Still engaged with heretical forces on the muddiest planet this side of the materium
>I've been on this planet for little more than a couple of months
>Before we landed on this planet the guard and Ultramarines were slowly being overwhelmed
>The introduction of prototype armor in the hands of Krieg tankers began to turn the tide
>Although, there was an incident of tanks turning on the Ultramarines, which was handled by dropping a pod of marines on it and crushing the taint of heresy from its machine spirit
>After our counter assault claimed the ridge over looking Groxbridge it began losing momentum
>The city of Groxbridge in now a salient in the Heretics' lines
>That is, what's left of Groxbridge is a salient in their lines
>The City has been occupied by chaos forces, lit on fire, shelled, carpet bombed, fire bombed, and assaulted by the Black Templars
>The aforementioned Black Templars have returned to their ship in orbit as it has been boarded by xenos
>Over the last month and a half the planets rainy season has set in
>If by rainy season one means a literal nonstop torrential downpour
>Its as if the atmosphere has decided to drop all of its water at once
>Days are only slightly brighter than the night while the storm blocks out the sun
>The baneblades have sunken up to their demolisher cannons in the mud and have effectively become bunkers
>Leman Russ tanks can barely struggle through as they sink up to the underside of their sponsons
>I sink all the way up to just below my knees, and so do most guardsmen, and that is in the less muddy patches
>The remains of Groxbridge has also sunken slightly as their destroyed foundations can no longer keep them above the mire
>We've gotten reports that some of the forces in orbit have sent in a different prototype with reinforcements
>A tank slightly larger than an alpha pattern leman that sits on sets of airbags to keep from sinking into swampy terrain
>Sounds like a good idea, but who's manning them? Somebody good with swampy mires? Catachan? More Kriegers?
>Tallarn, of course, obviously the best choice for a planet that is the exact opposite of desert at this point
>mfw they've got so many prototypes on one planet they are begging for shit to get stolen
>mfw they choose the worst possible crews for these prototypes
>Be me
>Tank Commander Galbert
>My Baneblade was one of the first to get stuck in the mud.
>That was about 60 days ago.
>Food supplies are running out, but we managed to loot some furniture from a ruined building so at least it's comfortable
>Hopefully support will reach us soon, I really don't want to die out here.
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Still alive
>Not sure if that is a good thing or not anymore
>It has been raining non-stop for the past month and a half
>Don't even remember what feeling dry feels like
>Currently hunkered down in a burnt out wreck that was once a tank
>Not even sure what I am supposed to be doing
>I guess I am waiting for some heretics to come out of those ruins and let me shoot them
>Fat chance that is going to happen, some of those ruins look pretty dry
>Almost makes me think about switching sides
>Would probably just get gunned downed by snipers though the minute I try
>Welp, looks like it is going to be another long day, night, whatever it is right now
> be local Mud Crab
> see big yellow human run through my turf
> I try to claw at his foot
> foot hard, now my claw hurts
> human has the hardest shell, human is the leader
> decide to follow leader from now on.
>Be me
>Chaos Undivided Trooper
>Still stuck in Skullheap, formerly Groxbridge
>Those batshit crazy loyalist marines are gone for now, thank the gods
>It's been raining for weeks
>The city is mostly rubble and mud
>We've been trying to use what supplies we have on site to fortify what remains
>What dry space we have inside is riddled with vermin trying to get out of the rain too
>The tight living seems to hurt everyone but the Nurgle worshipers
>About four of every ten guys gets the shits from the rat stew
>At least lugging wet sandbags have helped build some muscle, some of the Khornate guys have started asking to arm wrestle
>be rock
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>Be me
>Alien Lance of indeterminable origins
>Be stuck in the mud, unmoving sine...ever
>Lonely, nothing can communicate with me
>So lonely
>Be Slaaneshi Commander Brock Scarmeggedon
>Commanding the defense of the northern most quadrant of Skullheap (formerly known as Groxbridge)
>By "commanding the defense" I of course mean hanging around various pleasure dens while occasionally watching live footage captured by our servo-skulls of the corpse worshipers drowning in collapsing trenches, being blown up by landmines, and being cut by the precision fire of our heavy weapons teams and snipers
>The Khornate Commander of course is demanding that I help him "take the fight to the enemy"
>I ignore him, soon enough he will be dead in no-man's land like the previous seven Khornate Commanders, while I slowly build up my forces to crush my enemies in one blow
>Rumor has it we will be getting some noise marines soon, or maybe some more Baneblades
>Then maybe we will venture out from our comfy lairs...
>Sitting on the turret, enjoying my morning recaf
>See something shiny in the mud
>Walk over, takes me about half an hour just to get to it
>It's some kind of spear thing
>Looks pretty cool actually
>Pick it up.
>Be Lance
>Tiny creature tries to lift me
>Forgets I'm 50+ meters tall
>Ignore him
>Fuck this things massive
>Guess I won't be picking it up then
>Tell the vox operator to call it in to the Regiment Commander
>Maybe people will start caring about this location now.
>Be Emperor Battleship Admiral
>Get word from the ground of a Titan scale Bident stand straight out of the mud
>The Toaster fuckers want to get a Titan with hands to pick it up, I would rather get a lifter to get it up here for study
>The Titan idea is far more kickass though
>Be me
>Krieger 143342523
>Managed to survive warp travel without the gellar field on
>Digging a trench on a cargo bay was a better idea than it looked like
>Stuck with the rest of the squad on this muddy planet
>Hear theres another group of guardsmen on the planet
>Hopefully they are good at swamp warfare
>MFW we discover its the Tallarn
>MFW we discover they havent set up trenches
>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos
>Keep getting the feeling I'm being followed
>Constantly turning to see no one there
>All this rain must be messing with me
>The fleet actually acknowledged our vox message
>I guess that means we won't be stuck here forever
>Order the rest of the crew to try and unstick the tank from the mud.
>Be me, Imperial Navy captain.
>Man why do we never use actual boats.
>Here that the planet below is very very wet.
>We should have the parts necessary to build a swampboat down below.
>And the lifepods should be able to carry them down...
>I need some bungee cords.
>Be Commander Galbert's 2nd in Command
>Realize I'll likely see God Machine pick up a huge Xenos Lance
>Maybe my life won't be so boring after all?
>be toaster fucker
>have decades of experience
>thousands of augmentations
>approval from mars itself
>the will of the omnisiah
>and this fucking asshole just asked me to build a swamp boat while he looks for bungee cords.
>be mud
>suck it idiots
>Be me
>Other Techpriest
>Do so anyway because why not?
>Don't get to do this everyday
>Helps keep the mind in shape with new ideas to putt into practice
>We can even 'Discover' a new STC with this vehicle
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>be captain
>one of the tech priests actually did it, and well too.
>Shit's got air conditioning.
>Get a small group of my personal guard + the tech priest to help secure it.
>the group boards the life pod.
>Initiate launch.
>Be me
>Life pod pilot
>Currently hurtling toward the planet wit the everyone else, testing out this damn thing
>Currently lithobraking to bleed speed for reentry, getting toasty
>In atmo, worse part is over, deploy drag plates
>Plates tore off, no biggy, nothing I haven't been through before
>Deploy drag chutes, go off like a charm
>The Guards get whiplash and puke
>Be me
>Chaos Malcador Squadron Commander Victor
>Leading my squadron into Skullheap (formerly Groxbridge)
>It was a tough drive
>Only three of the five tanks managed to struggle through the mud
>My Defender variant, an Annihilator, and one standard Malcador
>The other standard and an Infernus both broke down trying to crawl through the mire
>Pull the tanks onto a patch of rubble to keep from sinking
>Tell second-in-command Liam to only operate defensively, and under no circumstances is he to go gallivanting off
>For someone to claims to be undivided he sure likes to feed those khornate urges
>Pretty sure he secretly fills his canteen with blood, he never shares it with anyone
>Find a high-ish spot in a bombed out building to look over the front with my magnoculars
>Astartes, superheavy armor, standard armor, Tallarn, fucking Kriegers of course, Steel Legion, and other mixed imperial guard forces
>Loyalist Navy appears to be landing fresh troops as well
>Looking for the immobilized prototype tank from two months ago
>Can't see it, it must be beyond the ridge
>Our nefarious mechanicum budies would probably shit themselves if I could capture something like that
>Better yet, they might let my command it if they can get it fixed
>I'll have to find a quicker way across no-man's-land if I want to stand a chance of getting to it though
>Look up to the sky, see something falling from the sky
>Thought it was a rock at first, actually looks like a life pod
>Tell the rest of the crew to keep an eye out for heretics.
>Take my sword and go check out the crash site.
>Be me
>Warsmith Karasseus of the Iron Warriors
>Men are telling me we’ve found an imperial planet
>Tons of mud
>Tons of rain
>There are trenches
>Imperium has sent bloody lemonfuckers to repel some chaos invasion
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Still hanging out in burnt out tank have submerged in mud
>Some sort of shuttle slams into the mud not far from me
>Causes mud tidal waves that floods the burnt out tank I am hiding in with even more mud
>Now neck deep in mud
>I hate mud
>Be Khornate Servoskull
>Objective: Add self to Skull Throne
>Searching for: Skull Throne...
>Location unknown
>Wandering Mode: Enabled
>Whirrr Kachunk
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>Be Ork
>Uv all da starz wiif all da planetz wif all da mud
>Da mek tellyports me onto a pile a grox shit
>Not even on da right planet.
>When I find dat stoopid mek boy, I iz gonna kill him
>Be Slaaneshi Commander Brock Scarmeggedon
>Hear that servo-skulls have located a really big ancient dildo
>Apparently the corpse worshipers are showing an interest in it as well
>Not on my watch!
>Order the Royal Hovercraft Regiment, 3rd Company to sally forth and secure the holy artifact
>Tell the other chaos commanders that now is a good time to launch a preemptive attack before the Imperials can reinforce their lines
>Finally manage to set up trenches with the squad
>Those Tallarn troopers cant dig for shit
>Took as longer than expected due to pesky burrowing fauna
>Worms thick as arms in the mud
>Nothing a few good whacks with our shovels wont fix
>Suddenly recive information about some marines being sighted
>Armour is metal with black and yellow stripes on the pauldron
>Too spiky to be loyalists
>Apparently they are Iron Warriors, experts of siege craft
>Its a siege-off then
>Time to affix shovels and get those Tallarn troopers digging like they are looking for the meaning of life
>Be Chaos Malcador Squadron Leader
>Slaaneshi Commander from the Northern Quadrant is launching a counter attack
>Something about keeping the loyalists away from a big dildo
>Decide the mud is too thick to make a proper charge
>Also, why in the fuck should I risk my tanks so he can get a new sex toy?
>Head back to my Defender and have the crew provide supporting fire with the demolisher cannon
>Be Slaaneshi Gunner Elena Tywick aboard the hovercraft "Gilded Hawk"
>About time the Commander finally let us loose
>Apparently we are securing some sort of holy artifact
>Our hovercraft glides effortlessly over the muddy mire surrounding the city
>See a couple of our heavy tanks huddled on a small patch of rubble
>Why do they even bother trying to drive tanks though this mud?
>Sure they pack a punch, but an immobile target is a dead target
>The twin linked lascannons on the front of the Gilded Hawk can cut through the rear armor of even the heaviest tanks, and it's three pintle mounted heavy stubbers can mow down multiple infantry squads as they wallow through the mud
>Luckily for us, the corpse worshipers are far too stupid to adapt local technology to their needs
>Unfortunately, many of our own commanders are equally narrow minded
>Be me
>Scythes of the Emperor, Primaris Captain Astevan, 2nd Company
>Chapter just recently born anew & along with our remaining Astartes brethren we continue our hunt and investigation into any signs / sightings of the Tyrannid threat
>Aboard the Strike Cruiser Vindication of Sotha our vanguard scout accompaniment chases down a particular promising lead with a burning vengeance
>Arrival after warp jump reveals we’ve come across some mud-slathered imperial backwater of a planet currently locked in a stalemate between loyalist and chaos heretic forces with a hint of green skins in the mix
>Be still fuckass mad about the Ultrasmurfs robbing us of our deserved victory against Hive Fleet Kraken on Ichar IV, decide to take it out on shit-heel Chaos insurgents and any Xenos we can find on this Emperor-forsaken world of mud and blood
>Commence rapid deployment of 2nd Company & accompanying armored support vehicles via the use of Drop Pods & Thunderhawks
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>Be Guardsman Thomas Atkins
>Have spent the past Emperor-knows now many days sitting in a canal that was formerly our trench
>Have taught Sawyer and Dwight how to swim in a shell crated that filled with rainwater
>Hope some Sisters were watching
>Be running low on recaf
>Be running out of lho sticks
>Have mud everywhere.
>Thank the Emperor my Lasgun has like, five moving parts
>Wonder if the Machine Spirit is as fed up as I am
>Be passing the days chatting to people, trading stories and occasionally shooting things on the horizon
>Met this one Astartes in yellow armour. Erudite, but friendly
>Showed us how to pile cargo pallets on the floor of our trench so that they keep our feet dry
>mfw he sinks into the mud by simply standing up
>last saw him buried up to his knees
>was still taller than me
OP here
I know its really early in the afternoon for me to go, but some family is in town from across the country
I should only be gone a handful of hours
Please keep this thread alive for all our sake
>Be Trooper Navid Navar, 45th Tallarn Armored Regiment
>Mark my words, this campaign will be a source of eternal shame for the 45th, the Chadi tribe, and all of Tallarn
>Our tanks were replaced with prototype tanks designed to work in the mud, yet sunk just as quick as normal tanks
>Our three senior most officers were executed for incompetence, despite strongly objecting to the prototype tanks
>Then we demoted to being infantry and sent to spearhead a suicidal attack on Groxbridge
>Half of our regiment was drowned in mud or blown up by landmines
>Most of the rest surrendered without a fight thanks to some foul sorcery
>Now the few survivors have been put under the command of a newcomer Krieg regiment, who have ordered us to dig trenches, apparently not caring that the existing Krieg regiments on this planet have given up on trenches weeks ago
>Be Slaaneshi Gunner Elena Tywick aboard the hovercraft "Gilded Hawk"
>Our hovercraft company has fanned out around the holy artifact unopposed, and are now holding position while the Commander thinks of a way to extract it
>Notice some poor guardswoman buried up to her neck in mud
>Consider getting some of my crew mates to help me dig her up and nail her to the hovercraft along with the other POW we have captured so far
>Unfortunately, at just that moment we get word that an enemy baneblade has been spotted in the area
>Wave goodbye as the hovercraft moves out to confront the new threat
>Be me
>Be Guardsman Charles
>Be on muddy ass fuck planet
>To be honest I actually like how muddy the terrain is
>Make sure my las-gun doesn't get any mud in the barrel
>Watch an Astarte sinks in the mud just by standing up
>Chuckle a bit
>Attempt to help him get out by pushing him up
>Refuse to acknowledge how heavy an Astarte is
>Does not notice the fact that I'm also causing myself to sink into the mud by pushing down on my feet
>be rock
>get caught in nearby planet's gravity
>On my way over to the crash, see something moving towards the baneblade
>Rush back, get into the turret and order the crew to load the main cannon
>The inside of the tank is a mess, gun is taking too long to load
>Order the crew to try and use the secondary weapons
>I really don't want to die here
>be random mechanicus guy
>chilling in orbit
>praising the omnisiah
>chanting litanies
>proximity alarm starts beeping
>big fuckoff asteriod is on a crash course with the planet
>Be Warsmith Karasseus
>Still landing all of our equipment
>The labourers are working at only 87% of their maximum efficiency
>Must remember to decimate them later for this
>The commanders of this invasion all work against each other, and the Khornates are hemorrhaging leaders
>Take some men to survey our lines
> be me, marshal hans of the black templars.
> well fuck.
> by the time we got back to our strike cruiser, the xenos had left, and they took our warp drive with them.
> we're stuck in system for the forseeable future.
> cogbois are fucking furious and we're still fishing bodies out of the water main.
> my boots are still stained with mud. Despite everyone's best efforts it refuses to come off.
> fuck this planet, fuck the xenos, and fuck this damn paperwork I'm doing.
> grab a few squads of brothers and prepare to descend.
> i need to purge SOMETHING.
>Be Slaaneshi Gunner Elena Tywick aboard the hovercraft "Gilded Hawk"
>Slaanesh's Giant Bosom, it is a Baneblade!
>This is going to be a tough fight, even if it is immobile
>Our driver sweeps around to the rear of the Baneblade as it opens fire with its secondary weapons at two of the other hovercraft
>Me and two other crewmen hop on to the back of the Baneblade and start looking for the best place to place some melta bombs
> be me marshall hans
> on my way down to the planet to finish purging
> apparently someone fucked up on the last one.
> still a shitton of cultists left.
> hatredintensifies.vox
> get a call from orbit.
> massive fuckoff asteroid on collision course with the planet.
> well fuck.
> think for a moment before getting an idea
> our strike cruiser is crippled with no warp drive.
> might as well make use of it.
> order him to get everyone and everything useful prepared to evacuate.
> if it passes within fifty clicks of atmosphere, ram it with all speed after abandoning ship.
> click off vox and stare at muddy deckplates.
> i hate my fucking job
> thehighmarshallisgonnakillme.shudder.
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Still stuck in mud
>A Slaaneshi hovercraft drives by, but luckily no one notices me except one woman who waves as it drives away
>Why can't we have hovercraft?
>Frantically start trying to worm my way out of the mud, I definitely don't want to be in the area when that thing comes back
>be rock
>ow fuck what was that
>at least I'm not headed towards that planet now
>it looked lame
>just kind of floating around it now
>Be Karasseus
>These cultists’ excuses for trenches are terrible
>Everything is improperly dug and many of the renegades are now trapped up to their heads in mud, having a staring contest against a similarly afflicted imperial soldier
>Must remember to punish this with decimation later
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Finally worm my way free of the mud
>Hear sounds of heavy fighting nearby
>Guess I will be heading the other way...
>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos
>A trooper is insisting on helping me out of the mud
>Realize he's sinking himself in an effort to lift me
>"I've been wading through this mud for weeks, I don't need assistance."
>Yank the trooper out of the mud as it gets up to his waist
>Set him down on one of the cargo palettes lining the trench floor
>A low flying vehicle zips overhead
>Some heretic hover craft is engaging one of the buried Baneblades
>Two of the crew hop onto the immobile tank
>Pick one of with my bolter, the other ducks into cover behind the turret
>Watching the area around the tank
>Spot a familiar Guradswoman moving away from the Baneblade
>"Trooper, this is not the time or place for an idle walk. Engage the enemy."
>Be Munitorum Field Test Observer
>Sent along to observe and record the test of the hovertank prototypes
>Initial check went well
>The vehicles survived the trip down to the planet
>Went to offload the prototypes
>The Tallarn crews neglected to fully fill the airbags under the tank
>Techpriests warn about ground pressure and a bunch of other jargon
>Tallarn begin arguing in desert-speak while the cogbois start screeching in binary
>Drive the prototype down the offloading ramp
>It sinks like a fucking stone
>Techpriests and Towelheads pointing fingers at each other
>Some Kriegers show up and the crews get folded into their unit
>With me along with them
>Now stuck in a mixed regiment with the Death Kult of Krieg, a tank unit's worth of Habeebs, and a bunch of pissed off Cogbois
>Everyone is issued a shovel and ordered to dig
>Emperor damn it all
>I miss my office back onboard the ship
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Some Space Marine is chastising me for not rushing into combat, can't tell if it is one of the ones I have met before since my eyes are full of mud.
>Mumble something about getting disoriented in the rain
>Actually a true statement, since visibility is less than 10 yards in the downpour, and I don't have any idea which way I am facing right now, though I neglect to mention that I was heading away from the sounds of combat
>Reverse direction and start slowly slogging my way back towards the sound of combat
>Maybe if I fight heroically enough I will get promoted to a desk job or something
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven
>Wake up lying on beach
>I guess this means I am still on the pleasure world known as "Happy Ending"
>Start remembering all the terrible things that happened to me yesterday
>Look up at the sky, see several military grade landing craft taking off from the planet
>Guess some other shit hole planet needs us more
>Wonder if we won or lost
>Look over, see some of those giant tiki statue things roasting people over a bonfire
>One of them waves at me
>I guess we lost...
>Start sprinting for the nearest military base that is likely to have shuttles
>be random mechanicus guy
>some madlad rammed the asteroid into a stable orbit
>decide to scan it because it's technically a moon now
>93% iron
>I should probably warn someone about how much this is going to fuck with the planets tectonics
>I won't though
>it'll be funny
>Be Slaaneshi Gunner Elena Tywick, formerly aboard the hovercraft "Gilded Hawk"
>See Cadman get blown apart by bolter fire
>Duck behind the main turret
>Vox driver to bring the hovercraft around to my side of the baneblade
>Stick my melta bomb to the side of the main turret before hopping back into the hovercraft
>Man my heavy stubber as the hovercraft carefully maneuvers around the back of the baneblade to give us a clear shot at the enemy infantry
>Hesitate for a second when I realize they have a Space Marine with them
>This is really really bad
>All guns on the hovercraft including my own open fire on the Space Marine
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>be normal imperial citizen
>tuning into the prime-time Nuntium Imperialis
>anchors still kvetching about the Exterminatus Holocaustaris from M2
>Israel Prime IV demanding more tax dollars from Terra
>crack open my second Monstarii Imperialii Energatii for the night
>quin-gender formerly male offspring asks to borrow the jetbike
>hear loud explosion outside
>just some cultists holding a peaceful rally
>protesting the Lexicanum that states worshiping chaos is heresy
>see Astra Militarum personnel asking them to vacate the area
>immediately report them to the Adeptus Arbites
>their families are summarily executed
>it gets broadcast across the entire Sol system
>give myself a pat on the back and head out for my next 10 years work straight in the factories
>after two shifts I should be able to rent a larger storage container
>see pilgrims from the planet Africanus Major II
>give them my daughter on the way out the door
>kiss wife and her 3 boyfriends goodbye
>see another menial with a proud liberalis sticker on his jet bike
>wink and smile then carry on with my day
>Enemy hovercraft picks up the surviving crew member
>The gun open up as it speeds away
>Bolter rounds splash into the mud around me
>Get a couple minor flesh wounds in my arms and legs
>Feel a round pierce my third lung
>Muscle through the pain and return fire as it leaves range
>Take a deep breth as my larraman's organ kicks in
>My suit's auto medicae finally releases stimm into my system to dull the pain
Can't believe I forgot

>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos

I feel pretty fuckin retarded right about now
>Be Warsmith Karasseus
>See lemonfuckers fighting outside
>Grab our vox-broadcasting gear
>The volume knob isn’t quite on a full number
>Someone’s getting decimated for this
>Start yelling at yellow bastards to come and attack our defences
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>Be me, Imperial Fists Brother Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>We've been stuck on this raining muddy planet for over a month
>Inscribed the names of most astartes on the planet onto it
>Missed a couple Black Templars due to not being in direct contact with them
>As I'm going over fortifications in this muddy trench we established earlier today, I hear the sound of ancient technology
>Turn and see several slaaneshi hovercraft assaulting a baneblade stuck in the mud
>Grab plasma pistol
>"The enemy is within reach brothers! To me!"
>Brother Sammos berates some retreating guardswoman
>Isn't that the same guardswoman who got thrown at Sicarius?
>She turns around and begins walking back
>Rain pattering down on my armour as brother Sammos splatters a heretic on the side of the tank
>Begin slow running towards the hovercraft
>Take aim at a hovercraft pilot zipping around the tank
>Melta on the baneblade explodes
>Out of the trench now, lower plasma pistol and reel back power fist
>Squad approaching
>The hovercraft is hosing me down with heavy stubber and a couple twin-linked lascannon rounds
>My many hours in the pain glove allow me to power through the barrage
>Fist is glowing bright
>Charge towards hovercraft heading our way
>It tries to swerve away
>A little bit too late however
>Slam my powerfist into the underside of the hovercraft, effectively uppercutting it
>mfw heretics tried to escape the power fisting
>be me, Swamp Boat Captain.
>It turns out the swamp boat wasn't made to crash land
>Mechanicus opens up the engine
>thankfully he has like eight arms so it goes quick.
>After about a half hour he kicks the thing and it starts roaring.
>tell my honor guard to get their hot shots and mounted guns ready, we have heritics to kill.
>Be renegade Hal Berreck
>Been sat up to my waist in mud for days
>Hazard-stripe covered traitor marines charge in and force us to beat one in ten of our own to death, screaming about trenches the whole time
>They’ve moved onto their own slaves now for some reason
>I hate this planet
>Be Slaaneshi Gunner Elena Tywick aboard the hovercraft "Gilded Hawk"
>The Space Marines shrugs off a disturbing number of hits and one opens fire with his bolter
>A POW nailed to the hull explodes messily
>Damn, I had plans for her later
>My heavy stubber jams
>Crawl over to man Cadman's heavy stubber
>Starting to get real nervous now
>Luckily the hovercraft commander agrees
>Hear him order the driver to take us out of the immediate area then call for back-up on the vox
>Breath sigh of relief
>Hopefully our next encounter is with a group of lost Tallarns or Risians drowning in mud
>Suddenly hovercraft flips upside down
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>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos
>Just watched Brother Sergeant Paulicus uppercut the enemy hovercraft
>Hear him yell, "I cast fist!"
>It does a rather violent barrel roll
>A few of its crew disappear into the mud in no-man's-land
>It narrowly recovers as returns to Groxbridge
>The Baneblade's main turret was not so lucky
>Remember that despite the lack of pain I am in desperate need of medical attention
>Be Guardsman Charles
>Get suck in the mud almost by the waist down from trying to help the Astarte
>Get yanked out from the mud by the Astarte with ease
>To me it was worth effort
>Watch the Astarte engage some type of heretical hovercraft
>I engage with him
>See mass fire incoming
>mfw an Astarte uppercuts a hovercraft so hard and fact it flips over
>Begins to shoot down the heretics with my lasgun before the Astartes gets all the fun
>Be Swamp Boat Captain.
>Why don't we use boats more often, this is the fuckin' shit.
>Wind in my hair, my medals are all jingling.
>Life is good.
>see a hovercraft with symbols of the unholy through the trees.
>"Why don't we light that ugly thing up."
>The words "I CAST FIST" rip through the forest.
>Holy shit.
>See a few heretics crawling out from below.
>"Light it up for real this time."
>The mud is splashed upwards as a hail of fire comes toward the hovercraft.
>Be Slaaneshi Gunner Elena Tywick aboard the hovercraft "Gilded Hawk"
>Somehow the hovercraft rolls all the way over and rights itself, though we lose a few more crew members
>Driver continues back to Skullheap at full speed
>We will be back bitches!!
>Be traitor marine Sarat
>Slaaneshi raiding party has just limped back behind our lines after their craft was punched by a lemon
>Goddamn yellow bastards
>Receive orders to start shelling the battlefield in hopes of killing some loyalist scum
>Be swampboat captain.
>These assholes think they can get away from me.
>full throttle, mechanicus monitor the engine.
>Be Chaos Undivided Trooper
>Overhear some of our space marines
>They're considering shelling the battlefield
>Not the enemy
>Not a certain target
>Just,"the battlefield"
>Realize that Skullheap is on the battlefield
>Why did I even leave the guard, either way I'd die from friendly artillery
>Be Warsmith Karasseus
>Given the orders to the artillerymen to shell everything
>Anyone who has made insufficient defences should be hit and explode as punishment
>Tell the men to only fire a tenth of the rounds they would
>None can escape decimation
>be krieger general
>Is that a challenge?
>Call in an orbital bombing
>Be Warsmith Karasseus
>The Kriegers have also started bombarding everything, including their own ranks
>They’re hitting their own advancing troops and the goddamn lemons don’t look too happy that both sides are shelling them
I must sleep, don’t let this die
>Be swampboat captain.
>Chasing this hover boat through the mud
>Artillery is firing down
>No worse than the average void battle
>A beam from the sky wipes out a circle of trees to my left.
>Tell the mechanicus to take over driving,
>MFW I have to spend some hard earned favors so we all don't die to the kriegers insanity
>Be me, Imperial Fists Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>Watch the hovercraft fly into the air, lose several of its crew and then proceed to run like a bunch of Tau engaged in melee with Black Templars
>Pretty sure the piece of heresy-era tech is going to overexert itself and explode after that punch
>Their swerve did, however, save them from immediate death, as the uppercut had to be redirected
>My left Pauldron is damaged
>So is my torso
>Black carapace seems to have saved me
>Painfully raise up plasma pistol
>Finish off a traitor guardsman trying to retreat
>"Back to our fortifications, brothers, we did not spend all this time-"
>"IMPERIAL FIST!" I hear an entitlement filled voice blare through the vox
>Well that complicates things
>Good thing we made further fortifications below the poorly constructed trench line
>Reply "No."
>Order everyone, and I do mean everyone, to get underground ASAP
>Question if it was a good idea to inscribe the names of every astartes here outside
>Hear a Krieger voice blare through the vox
>I do not like where this is going
>As I'm moving towards our over a month extra fortified trench, blare into vox
>"No, do not for the love of Dorn!"
>Too late
>Pretty sure the General outranks me
>Vox captain to tell the Kriegers not to do whatever they're about to do
>Limping into fortifications at extreme speeds, helping wounded brothers move
>End up rolling through entrance as the bombardment starts
>May Dorn protect our fortifications
>Be boat swamp captains guard member.
>A bit scared
>never seen him this mad.
>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos
>Narrowly escape bombardment
>Barely stagger into the cover of a month's worth of fortifying
>Listen to the dull hum of the generators and water pumps working to keep this place semi-dry
>Pumps wear out fast, and there's a perpetual six inches of muddy water throughout
>A few guardsmen taking shelter here don't seem to enthusiastic at the sight of one of the Emperor's angels of death in such condition
>Issue a verbal request for an apothecary
>take a seat on a stack of cargo palettes
>Brother Sergeant Paulicus is working away at the vox caster
>Multiple voices are yelling at each other over the channel
>Decide to sit and mediate on my wounds while waiting for medical aid
>Be Chaos Undivided Trooper
>Currently huddled in cover from the rain and artillery shells
>Iron Warriors are "decimating" 1/10 of our own forces because the trenches are getting worn out in the rain
>"Friendly" artillery is killing another 1/10 of our own boys
>Enemy artillery is killing another 1/10
>Add that to the base 7/10 casualty rate and the 2/10 casualty rate from trench-foot, dysentery, and hypothermia from the rain
>120% casualty rate
>Not only am I going to die in this shithole
>I might even die twice
>Odds probably aren't any better for the corpse worshiping guardsmen and women
>See some Imperial dudes skating around the mud in a little boat
>Looks like fun
>Certainly better than being stuck with fucking Iron Warriors
>My uniform hasn't really changed from how it was when i was PDF
>Maybe I can pass myself off as a loyalist so i can ride with them
>But how can i get them to pick me up?
>Be swamp boat captain.
>My admiral is an idiot, regardless of his rank.
>We're all fucked if someone can't smack some sense into someone.
>Of course navy politics has to get in the way of my swamp boat fun.
>Of course it starts just as I leave.
>The nearest place I can get a valkyrie down is atop a tower in the nearby chaos infested city.
>Pick up a few guardsman along the way.
>I'm needed in orbit, time to run through skullheap.
>Good thing this thing is fast.
> be me black templar marshal hans.
> be dragging myself out of a crashed thunderhawk along with my squad and the pilot
> youreprobablywonderinghowigothere.avi
> learn that some fucking krieg general had ordered an orbital bombardment
> ragetoendallrages.fury
> order the fucking cunt shot for what equates to fucking over everyone else to win a pissing contest.
> hell I'll do it myself.
> march towards the trenches
> my robes, armor, weapons, and artifacts are soaked in mud, i lost our strike cruiser saving this mudball, and for our trouble? We get shot out of the fucking sky by some asthmatic wheezing faggot.
> when i get my hands on him.
> by the emperor i will drop him lower than fucking void whale shit.
>Be Chaos Undivided Trooper
>The boat is headed right for Skullheap
>See it pick up a loyalist straggler
>They're collecting strays
>Now's my chance
>Ditch my flak armor and autogun
>Flag down the boat
>They pick me up
>Then they keep heading into Skul- Groxbridge
>I don't want the ride to end as soon as I got on
>Tell them not to engage any targets, and to let me do the talking
>Bullshit our way past any patrols or checkpoints in the city
>Tell the boat crew that I was stuck behind enemy lines, and had to learn how to BS the heretics to survive
>They seem to buy it for now
>Boat Captain says we're headed to a tower for evac via Valkyrie
>Not only am I getting a kickass boat ride
>I might even get a chance to escape off world
>Wander if life in the Imperial Navy is better than the life of a grunt
>If I can get through this I should try enlisting
>Anything to get away from this forsaken planet
>Be swamp boat captain.
>this pdf trooper seems to be an exceptional liar
>he has the city convinced we were infiltrating the imperium
>What they have done to groxbridge disgusts me, but retching would throw my cover.
>Actually there's worshippers of disease here.
>Vomit out my lunch over the side as we pass corpses of guardsmen strung up along walls.
>We finally arrive at the tower.
>We better get prepared before they bring down hell on our valkyrie.
>Order the mechanicus to remove the gunbolt emplacements, and the honor guard to move them up the tower.
>No one notices because of the bombs.
Page 7
We've come too far to let it die now
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> Be me
> Necron Lord
> Have nothing to do with the story
> Still win in the end because everyone else dies of old age
> mfw
>Be Blood Ravens Sargeant Martaeus
>Patrolling back water system in search for heretics that need removing
>Wander into communications bay on the bridge of the cruiser
>Overhear long range vox between walking microwave boys
> Something about titan sized relics
>Tell servitor who received the transmition to delete the fuck out of it
>Immediately set off to tell the squad
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>Managed to get the Tallarn to dig the trenches
>Even got some cogboys to "help"
>They all keep grumbling that "We arent specialized in trench warfare"
>Our Commisar tells them two types of people
>Those who dig and those who are dead
>That seems to get them working
>Heard castered reports of Imperial Fists fighting some Slanneshi cultists or something
>Might be a good idea to move to their position to consolidate forces
>This means we get to dig more trenches
>Is this heaven?
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>Be Guardsman Thomas Atkins
>Managed to spill recaf on myself when a Chaos hovercraft becan swooping over
>Took a few potshots at it with my lasgun and tried to keep my head down
>Was that someone waving from it?
>Watch Charles try to help the big yellow Astartes with the mud
>See some Kriegers approaching
>They're holding entrenching tools
>Oh fuck not again
>Tell me we're advancing and need to dig a new trench network
>I swear they're fucking smiling behind their gas masks
>Complain to myself that I did less digging back when I was a farmer
>Krieger sergeant says something about "work setting me free"
>At least between them and the yellow Astartes we can build a semi-comfortable trench
>With palettes on the floor, and a parapet, and a warm dugout, and-
>Oh fuck I'm becoming like them
>be BUMP
>Be Warsmith Karasseus
>Nobody has stopped the shelling on either side yet, no mans land is near-uncrossable
>The enemy are hiding in trench networks
>They mock us with their inefficient trench layout, and must be decimated
>Order the men to get the drills
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>Be me
>Fuckhuge Bident
>Use my omniscience to see what going on with the little ones on the planet
>They're fighting now
>Makes me... sad is the word/term?
>Can't do anything right now, have to wait till something big enough to lift me pulls me from the mud
>How do I even know that?
>Not sure
>Damn I'm old
>I'm so old I remember when those Toads from long, long ago came a round and just ignored me
>The assholes, glad they're gone
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>be swamp boat captain.
>our ride is here
>the whole city is watching the imperial valkyrie fly towards the tower that a load of suspicious men just carried gun emplacements up to.
>they start to run up the stairs towards our gun line
>the cultists start to get mowed down
>cultists start getting replaced by CSM
>They tank through the shots and continue up the stairs
>Thank the emperor our rides here
>Throw my gun turret down the stairs knocking heretics over
>my guard do the same, and run to the valkyrie
>Be Krieger 143342523
>Managed to get even more people to dig our trenches alongside the Imperial Fists
>Recive report from scout that some chaos space marines are coming towards us with drills
>Aparently theu belive that our trenches are "inefficient"
>Time to get teach them a lesson
>*unzips Shovel Digger Mk 6*
>Be traitor marine Sarat
>Drilling underground to cross the artillery-hell of the surface
>Drills bursts through into open space
>There’s a lot of tunnels down here it seems
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>Be me, Imperial Fists Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>The pumps down here is a bit fragile, but, the walls will hold, and we should have enough power to keep the lights on down here
>Managed to contact Brother-Captain Maluan, told him to please for the love of him on earth make the units in orbit to stop firing on us
>Can hear him and the Krieger debating over the vox
>Got some medical aid in the meantime
>Vox is alive with chatter, screaming, moaning, and taunts exchanged between me and the very angry iron warrior
>Sit around as my other battle brothers receive medical attention
>We've moved pretty deep underground, these fortifications will surely hold
>Moving down tunnel to go see Chaplain Egillmann when I feel the floor below me shaking
>Too deep to be arty
>Doubt it's some form of land-based depth charge
>A siege drill perhaps?
>Most likely Iron Warriors in that case
>Take the convenience stairs we built two floors down
>Can hear entitled yelling as I approach
>Pre-emptively reel back fist
>Just as I'm about to enter the third level of the bunker complex, I end up face to face with an iron warrior
>"OH FU-"
>Slam power fist into his chest
>It's crushed flat and sends the iron warrior flying into the wall behind him
>Traitor guardsman looks horrified as the iron warrior crushes him up against the wall
>Other iron warriors and traitor guardsmen seem surprised by their brother being flung into a wall
>Hear light footsteps behind me, likely guardsmen, followed by Chaplain Egillmann yelling
>Raise plasma pistol
>"You picked the wrong fortified position, traitor."
>Open fire
>Be traitor marine Sarat
>Kanel just got crushed, took a grunt with him
>There are Lemons down here
>One at the front is waving a power fist about at the conscripts
>Me and the lads start firing
>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos
>Meditating on my wounds as an apothecary tends to me
>Feel increasing vibration through the floor
>Too long to be arty
>No way it's something moving above ground
>The enemy is tunneling under us
>Recall hearing a rather immature, whiny voice shouting incoherently through a laud hailer before coming down here to avoid the bombardment
>Fucking Iron Warriors
>A few brothers move to deal with the breach
>I grab my boltgun and go as soon as the apothecary lets me
>Find Brother Sergeant Paulicus engaging the enemy along with Chaplain Egillman and a couple brothers
>One Iron Warrior it crushed laying against the far wall
>Two more, accompanied by traitor guardsmen, are trying to push through the breach
>Where there is one drill there are more
>Gather a small group of marines and guard to watch for the next breach
>When the 2nd drill emerges the hole is filled with as much las, bolt, and flamer fire as we can muster
>Be me, Imperial Fists Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>Hit an iron warrior in the head with a plasma shot
>Literally swatting away traitor guardsmen charging
>Bolter rounds start flying at me, a couple being absorbed by the traitor guardsmen now flying in the air
>Rushing forward as fast as possible
>Autocannon round glances off the backside of my helmet, blowing it off my head
>Singes the skin on the left side and back of my head and leaves my left ear ringing
>Keep charging, bolter round enters my left pauldron and explodes
>Stagger a bit to the right but keep moving
>Left arm may or may not be immobilized
>Slam power fist into the head of an iron warrior,
>Suddenly hear guardsmen screaming behind me followed by lasgun fire
>Hear Chaplain behind me screaming about the glory of he on terra
>I wonder if I can punch a siege drill back up the hole it came from
>Holster plasma pistol
>Grab dead Iron Warrior as best I can
>Use him as a shield and move towards the siege drill
>Reel back fist
>On second thought, I think I will punch that siege drill
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>Be Krieger 143342523
>Seems like traitors have busted out the ground like heretical moles
>Would be a nightmarish situation
>But this traitors have made one fatal flaw
>They are in shovel range
>Here we go again
>Hacking and wacking and smacking
>Hacking and wacking and smacking
>Hacking and wacking and smacking
>Hack, wack, chopping that heretical meat
>Tis a good day
>Be Munitorum Field Test Observer
>Heretics have launched an assault
>Kriegers and Tallarn going to work in hand-to-hand
>Using my laspistol to pop any traitors that get too close
>Only using my shovel for defense
>Now I remember why I volunteered for field work
> be me black templar marshal hans
> hear panicked chatter, taunts, battle cries, and assorted gunfire over the vox.
> sounds like my kind of party.
> from what i can make out, it sounds like the iron warriors are attempting tunnel warfare.
> hum and think.
> enemy is below us.
> tunneling into fortifications.
> turn to the astropath and the navigator from the strike cruiser.
> order them to begin using their sorcerery or whatever the fuck to find the iron warriors, while i begin grabbing blasting charges, shovels, and other entrenching tools.
> if the heretics wish to burrow beneath the ground. Then we shall drag them to the light kicking and screaming.
> astropath says he senses them somewhere beneath us.
> time to get to work.
> hopefully the mud makes the soil easier to move.
> counterdigtime.dorn
>Be Guardsman Thomas Atkins
>Getting into the rhythm of digging our new trenches with the Kriegers and Cogboys when I'm told that the Foe is drilling under the ground to get us
>Lasgun is too large to use properly in the trenches. Take my bayonet off to use as a knife, shoulder my riflle and pull out the stub pistol I keep as a backup (that's totally not for suicide if I'm about to get nom'd by xeons)
>See a Krieger beating the living shit out of a traitor with his shovel
>See the Yellow Astartes firing his bolter one handed into some of the tunnels while readying grenades to toss down them
>Briefly consider trying to pilfer a laspistol or ask someone if I can trade
>Guess 6.2mm has to do
>Say a prayer to the Emperor and get ready
>Tunnel snakes rule
>Be Chaos Malcador Squadron Leader Victor
>Sitting in my Defender variant as my crew shells the enemy with the demolisher
>Not doing much since the gifht seems to have moved underground
>Playing 'I spy' with the driver
>"I spy something brown."
>"I spy something grey."
>"Rain clouds."
>"I spy someth-
>Gods damn it all, I hate siege warfare
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven
>Manage to make it onto one of the last shuttles leaving "Happy Ending"
>May have been better off staying though, everyone who made it to orbit whether they be a guardsman, hotel staff, or wealthy guest, just got conscripted into the 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>Apparently there is a real meat grinder of a campaign going on on some neighboring world called "Damnatum Lutum"
>At least I got to keep my rank once I was able to prove who I was
>Now I just have to train a bunch sobbing heiress and strutting pool boys the basics of combat so they can inevitably die within 10 seconds of entering a firefight
> be me black templar marshal hans.
> by the emperor digging sucks.
> finally place the last blasting charge in the hole.
> mud now coats every templar's armor entirely.
> only thing clear of it are the red lenses on our helmets.
> give a nod to the techmarine to blow the charge.
> the explosion throws up mud and muck. But I'm already through.
> dingdongdickheads.Vox
> the rear guard is in the process of turning round to face me.
> apparently we outflanked them.
> time to do what we do best.
>Be Chaos Malcador Squadron Leader Victor
>Hear an explosion close than usual
>Look through a view slit in the hull
>A small group of loyalist marines tunneled all the way into Skullheap
>They are in the middle of my formation
>Laugh at how out gunned they are
>Have them surrounded by a Defender, Annihilator, and a Battle Cannon
>Three Malcadors, teaming with heavy bolters, lascannons, autocannons, a demolisher, and a battlecannon open up
>Superior firepower
>Interlocking fields of fire
>No solid cover
>Turkey-shoot one-oh-one
>Light up a smoking pipe while my crew does there work
>Gods bless it all, I love being a tank commander
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven
>Our ship arrives three weeks ahead of schedule
>We are actually a week in the past compared to when we left Happy Ending
>Our new Commissar "suggests" we don't think about the implications of this too much
>Pretty much the second we land on the planet, we get thrown right into combat
>My company gets sent to reinforce a bunch Black Templar who are conducting anti-tunneling operations
>Hopefully these Templar will be more sane than the last one I encountered...
> be me black templar Marshal hans
> be in tunnels with the iron warriors doing battle.
> get a contact over the vox
> a small group of my brothers just got blasted to shit by a malcador squadron on some ridge.
> malcadors?
> on this planet.
> apparently more likely than I think.
> astropath pokes his mudstained head out from behind brother Garrus' massive terminator armor.
> he informs me that we're getting some reinforcements, in the form of newly recruited guardsmen from a paradise world called "happy ending"
> something inside of me shivers slightly.
> I can feel a migraine coming on already.
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>be trooper Rushdi el-Qasim from the 35th Specialist Regiment, Recce Company
>Mushira save me, our Captain did not say the planet would be like this
>my kefiya is ruined
>it is as if Mushira himself opened both cheeks and went poo poo all over the planet
>good god it is a lot of poo poo, it does not smell. our captain tells us this is not poo poo but i am not entirely convinced
>how are other Imperials walking around in armor? this stuff gets everywhere, at least we just have to change clothes once every so often
>they say we have to dig trenches to prepare for the incoming armored regiment
>these other soldiers wearing masks have helped us using their "schuvels".
>we tried to make mud huts but the damn traitors blew them up with grenades, the gas mask soldiers just laughed. we tried to make our own trenches but our sabers are of no use
>i offered them pictures of my most fertile wife in exchange for building more trenches for us. they refused.
>how can they refuse Sumaita, she has the best hips! i almost took this as an insult but then as one of my fellow brothers was about to go poo poo, he was lead aside to this device
>they call it a 'loo' and apparently this is where the poo goes
>it is comfy but i do not see the convenience
>they say we will get nurglings if we don't, so I offered another wife but they insisted
>what a strange and hostile planet, Mushira protect us
>Be Krieger 143342523
>Manage to repel the wave of traitors from our trenches
>Some trooper that looked from Tallarn offered as a picture of one of his wives as payment to dig trenches for them
>Politely refuse
>Seems like the tunnels digged by the heretics go way below
>Apparently some trooper from an agri world has gone on a suicide mission inside the tunnels to hunt down the enemy
>Wait, suicide mission?
>Need proper tools though
>Grab my lasgun
>Grab my side arm, bolt pistol ive dubbed "Big Iron"
>Grab my trusty shovel
>Am I under equipped?
>Get a brilliant idea
>Take some patented Krieg Barbed Wire TM and wrap my shovels head in it
>Tell the men were going under ground
>Down, down to heretic town
>Down, down to heretic town
>You go my lad
>Ho ho my lad
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven
>Walk past a traitor marine that has been blown and hacked to pieces
>Shudder at the amount of effort it would take to kill something like that
>It suddenly dawns on me that I have never actually been in real combat
>The next couple hours could suck even more than being chased around by daemonettes for two days straight
>Spot a Black Templar up ahead
>Realize I have no idea how a Guard officer is supposed to address a Marine
I am Captain Hansburg of the Timbukt.........uh, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
And these are my men, and uh women
>I mentally shudder at the fact that I am associated with this sad group of cannon fodder, somehow none of the surviving Guardsmen from Happy Ending were placed into my company
How can we be of assistance?
> be me Initiate Reiger of the Black Templars.
> some woman is greeting me.
> apparently she's the CO of our..... backup.
> immediately vox the marshal to let him know our backup is here.
> get a fuckton of cursing and muttering in response before a curt "handle it" is broadcasted
> Handle it?
> what the fuck does he mean by handle it?
> well....
> I guess I could put them to work widening the hole.
> and we do need more blasting charges and entrenching tools.
> tell them to find shovels and to start digging on the edges of the hole.
> workbitch.litany
>one of the masked men has been eaten by the poo
>scream and yell, fire my lasgun into the poo a few times
>hit nothing but mud crabs
>captain slaps me on the back of the head, tells me they found a tunnel and i am to go with them now
>into the den of poo
>mushira be with me
>the man leading us through the poo den has converted his schuvel into a weapon
>these men are indeed enterprising
>he tells me we are going to flush out the heretics
>i am unfamiliar with this "flushing" concept but he seems to know what to do
>*poo crabs
>Be Munitorum Field Test Observer
>The battle has moved under ground
>Wading through a tunnel up to my waist in cold, murky water
>Using my lighter for light in one hand, laspistol in the other
>It's too easy to get lost down here
>The tunnels are as convoluted as the bowels of a ship, or the lowest levels of a hive city
>There must be tens, if not hundreds, of miles of tunneling in all directions
>We've been separated into squad sized groups
>Each group goes around exploring the tunnels and looking for enemy groups to kill
>Not even sure where I am in relation to the battlefield above anymore
>Be me
>Titan Princeps Orion Lieberwitz of the Emperor Class Titan "Drive For The Stars"
>Called in because there's a fuckhge Xeno Lance weapon that needs to be picked up for study
.Why they couldn't get a grav hauler to do the job is what I asked
>They told me to shove it because getting an Emperor Titan to unsheathe the artifact would show Humanity's/The Omnissiah/The Emperor's might over the rest of the galaxy
>Currently being dropped on world along with my bodyguard Titans just in case something happens
>Will get us a hour or so to et their once we touch down
>Be Guardsman Charles
>Wake up from being knocked
>Wake up deaf
>Wake up mostly covered in mud
>Hear nothing but ringing in the ear
>Grab lasgun
>Look around the battlefield to figure out where the hell is everybody
>Suddenly hear an extremely faint explosion
>Turn around and see artillery bombardment
Oh shit oh fuck, oh fuck oh shit
>Proceed to run back the the trench I came from
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>I guess we are looking for shovels then
>We didn't get much in terms of gear when the new regiment got formed
>Luckily there are plenty of dead bodies lying around just waiting to be looted
>Order everyone to go take shovels off of dead bodies
>More then a few of my soldiers look either sick at the thought or complain how gross that is
>Just do it!!!
>Honestly I wouldn't really be thrilled about the idea either
>Luckily I will be supervising the digging so don't actually need a shovel
>Perks of command
>be the machine spirit of the Gilded Hawk
>some dickhead chinned me
>my forward hull is dented to shit
>I am fucking LIVID
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>Be me, Imperial Fists Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>Power fist slams into the siege drill
>It buckles and bends back as the power field expands into it
>It grinds and whines as it flies back down the mud tunnel it came from with great speed
>Other battle brothers are moving in, assaulting other drills showing up
>Guardsmen running around screaming and engaging in underground melee
>Drop the dead iron warrior and look around
>Traitors with autoguns, shotguns and hellguns firing into allied guardsmen
>The autocannon wielding iron warrior who took out my helmet is busy gunning down guardsmen
>you done fucked up now
>Left shoulder still pretty badly damaged
>Bat traitors out of my way as I advance
>He turns halfway through my run and aims his gun at me
>Before he has the chance to fire, I slam my power fist into the barrel of the autocannon, shattering it and knocking the Iron Warrior up against the wall
>Reel back fist when I suddenly feel it bumping into someone
>Turn around only to catch a glimpse of something metallic flying past my face
>Oh not again
>Narrowly leap away from the explosion
>Stand up and wipe dust and mud from my face
>Order the rest of the squadron to get down here and help us out
>Iron warrior I previously disarmed is now missing a head and a chunk of his torso
>Turn around and see what looks to be a traitor stormtrooper out cold on the ground
>Approach him and barely fire plasma pistol into his head, killing him
>I wonder where the apothecary is right now
>More guardsmen are flooding into our section of the tunnel
>More drills are showing up
>Vox apothecary to come down and help me
>Then switch channel to that one iron warrior
>"You lack conviction. A reminder of the siege of Holy Terra."
>Get incoherent screeching back
>Turn and get greeted by several autoguns, hellguns and shotguns
>mfw Chaplain swoops in and brutally murders them with extreme speed
>be machine spirit of the Gilded Hawk
>impatiently awaiting field repairs back behind our lines
>fuck me that smarts
>there's a brief rumbling before a half-crumpled siege drill explodes out of a nearby mudbank in reverse
>right under me
>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos
>Bother Sergeant Paulicus and Chaplain Egillman's group seem to have their tunnel brech handeled
>A few of my brothers and I, accompanied by various guardsmen, begin pushing into the second breach
>We don't get too far before encountering another wave on enemies
>Any and all infantry weapons are exchanging fire in the tunnel
>My boltgun's magazine runs dry
>Before I can get a new magazine another Iron Warrior forces his way past the smaller traitors
>The marine is barreling down the hallway with a slab shield
>Drop my boltgun and counter-charge
>We collide, our duel taking up the width of the tunnel
>Our allies watch anxiously, hold fire to avoid hitting one of there own, especially one as valuable as a space marine
>I pin his sword to the wall with my forearm as he makes a thrust
>He kicks at my leg
>Knock his sword from his grip as I step back
>He has his shield
>I have his sword
>Holding the sword in my left hand, put my right hand on the flat side of the blade
>Using the sword as a bar I rush into his shield
>We exchange several shoves and hits, throwing elbows and knees at any opportunity
>pic related
>Withdraw my right arm, and pivot back on my left foot
>The Iron Warrior lunges forward without my resistance keeping him in check
>Reengage, pinning him to the wall, keeping trapped behind his shield, we're almost literally face-to-face
>Headbutt the traitorous excuse of a marine
>Headbutt him again
>And again
>No headache could possibly rival the painglove
>He's slowly sinking, sliding down the wall of the tunnel
>As we sink down, our duel coming to an end, heretics and loyalist resume shooting over and around us
>Sweep his shield aside and bury his own sword in his neck
>Slug rounds and lasbolt plinking against my armor
>Give the sword a twist for good measure
>Pull the sword from the fallen astartes and allow my allies around me as I recover my boltgun
> be me marshal hans of the black templars
> hear the sounds of fighting up ahead.
> pick up the pace and break into a full on sprint, my brothers following close behind.
> we turn the corner and catch the rear of the iron warriors assault force in the midst of engaging our fellow sons of dorn.
> draw my power sword
> charge into the fray, swiftly swiping my blade through throats, arms, legs and chest cavities.
> stormtroopers disappear in bloody sprays, menials are decapitated disemboweled and amputated, screaming litanies to their false gods all the while.
> and then an iron warrior stands before me.
> he can't tell what chapter I'm from beneath all the mud.
> doesn't matter at this point.
> raise my plasma pistol and fire a single shot through his head.
> he deftly dodges..... right into the upswing of my blade.
> his helmet and brain is split in two and his momentum carries him to the ground where his head splits open like a cantaloupe.
> press on, my brothers behind me.
> thepurgeisuponus.litany
>Be Warsmith Karasseus
>The Imperials are swarming deep into the tunnels now, in great numbers
>The least efficient tenth of the troops have been pushed suicidally at the loyalists to keep them tied up
>All others have withdraw
>Prepare to detonate the charges and unload our unemptied septic tanks into what remains
>The entire nurglite segment of the chaos forces have been out of combat just to fill these
>Gods have mercy on when Evers down there
>Be rat
>My neighborhood sure has gone to shit lately
>Lots of new piles to live in though
>Lots of explosions though
>Lots of big critters are burrowing to get out of the rain and explosions
>Decide to follow them into their burrow
>They're leaving wires all over the place
>Gnaw on some wires
>Get some friends to come to the big critters' burrow
>Gnawing on wires with my bros
>Mud crabs are pissed, saying they were here first
>Ignore them, wires are meant for gnawing
>Hear big critters fighting
>Me and my friends scatter back to the surface
>Be traitor marine Sarat
>One of the last out of the tunnels
>Poor sods who pissed Karasseus off are still down there
>The plungers are pushed, and the ground shakes
>Techies seem a bit miffed, apparently not all the charges went, even with backup wiring
>Someones getting into the next decimation
>The valves are turned and a near-endless tsunami of nurglite death floods into the tunnels
>I’m going to miss those tunnels
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>Be me, Imperial Fists Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>Apothecary fixed up my left shoulder
>Brother Sammos is wielding a powersword
>There are black templars down here now too
>Odd, the Iron Warriors appear to have retreated
>This is unfitting of them
>I can only imagine them doing this if... oh Primarch-Progenitor, how did I not see this coming?
>The only ones they have left here are all guardsmen and a couple iron warriors stuck in melee
>What could they be using to carry any possible explosives/gasses?
>Not the guardsmen, no, then we would've noticed earlier
>The drills, yes, most likely
>A good try, sons of Perturabo
>But not good enough
>As I'm in the middle of getting my left pauldron put back onto my shoulder I spring up
>Charge towards the nearest drill sticking out from a hole
>Reel back fist and sucker punch the drill back down the hole it came from
>Turn and rush to the closest other drill
>Reel back fist, sucker punch, parting gift delivered
>Blare into vox, "Brothers of the Imperial Fists and the Black Templars, send the drills back down the tunnels as fast as possible, they likely contain deadly weaponry that might be explosive! Destroy any tunnels you can in the process if you wish. If you're unable, retreat! We've been trapped!"
>Order nearby guardsmen to get out as well
>Wading through loyalist and traitor guardsmen as I make my way to the third drill
>Grab onto the drill with power fist
>Shove it down the tunnel
>Almost sinking in as I push it further and further in
>Turn to nearby Krieg engineer with a melta bomb
>"Krieger, on my mark, throw that grenade at this drill."
>He silently nods
>Bolt out of the tunnel and yell for him to chuck it
>It flies through the air, bounces off the tunnel wall and hits the drill
>An explosion rocks out of the tunnel, shortly followed by another, larger explosion
>Grab Krieger and jump to the side of the tunnel to avoid the shockwave from the thing
>Tunnel collapses
>Get up and blare into vox, "This is Brother-Sergeant Paulicus, evacuate the floor now! There are explosives confirmed to be inside the drills!"
>Guardsmen panic on mass and bolt up the various extra sets of stairs we built down here for ease of access
>That may have been a mistake
>Suddenly smell and aboslutely unholy stench
>Grab melta bomb from engineer running past me
>Chuck it down the hall to where one of the drills I was unable to get to is sitting
>Leap into stairwell as uncounted kilos worth of shit flows through the iron warrior's tunnels
>Not even Dorn can save us from this heresy
>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos
>We'v secured the breach and are trying to get a hold of a combat engineer or someone with demolitions explosives to collapse the siege tunnel
>Hear a distant rumbling, rushing sound
>Water, or worse, and it's coming this way en masse
>"We must evacuate immediately! The tunnels are flooding!"
>Throw a couple guardsman that aren't moving fast enough from the tunnel
>Take a krak grenade and enemy tunnel drill
>Shove the grenade in between the engine and fuel tank
>Set it to reverse slowly into the tunnel
>Hopefully the drill exploding will seal that tunnel, other tunnels will still flood, but it buys this area a bit of time
>Regrettably those too injured to evacuate are either given the Emperor's mercy or take it upon themselves
>Can smell the most rancid odor of shit emanating from the Iron Warriors' tunnel
>Oh, Dorn, No.
>Grab a couple of wounded guard troopers
>Hoist them over my shoulders as i double time it for the exit
>Hear the drill explode, accompanied by a tremor equatable to one or two tunnels caving in
>Actually the explosion was a lot more than I anticipated
>Don't look back, just keep running until I get topside
>The troopers frantically egging me on as the smell of shit grow stronger
>Set the troopers down on a cargo palette in the bottom of the trench
>Take account of the state of the battlefield
>The layout of the crater has changed and everything seems to have take some form of damage
>Count survivors, looking in particular for Brother Sergeant Paulicus and Chaplain Egillman and any other recognizable marines
Just re-read that, and realized how many typos I left in there.
> be me marshal hans of the black templars
> oh throne the smell.
> it's fucking everywhere.
> silently praise the emperor for sealed power armor and quick reflexes.
> take a headcount.
> several more brothers were lost in the tunnel.
> including it seems brother garrus and his terminator elites.
> hear a rumbling from behind me, in the tunnel. Turn around weapon raised, only to see a power fist punch through the hole.
> brother garrus' other gauntlet emerges, hauling himself up.
> I move to assist, only to see that several guardsmen and our two mortal psykers, the navigator and the astropath, have latched onto the back of his armor.
> now he's covered in mud and smells like shit.
> at least we've linked up with the fists now.
> go over to one of the fists looking around for something, and attempt to take stock of the situation
>Ne me
>Lieberwitz again
>We finally get to the lance, it's as fuckhuge as the techpriests say it was
.We only lost a Warhound ot a motive malfunction form the mud all things told
>Begin the litanies praising the God Machine and Omnissiah as I direct it to pick up the Lance
>Right as we touch it, everything goes white, black and everything inbetween
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>Be me, Imperial fists 5th company Chaplain Sixtus Egillmann
>Sergeant Paulicus advised that we seal the tunnels as we may be trapped
>That may be so, but I will not yield
>Suddenly feel an absolutely revolting smell
>By Terra no
>Grab several guardsmen and throw them at the conveniance stairs, continue doing this as I move towards them
>Before I'm able to reach them, however, a slosshing sound is picked up by my superhuman ears
>Grab onto the frame of the stairwell as guardsmen and astartes rush up
>Bodyblock as much shit as superhumanly possible
>Hold for as long as necessary before letting go
>Get sloshed up in the shit, slammed up against the wall
>Armour is sealed so none of it can get in, but it's still a lot of shit
>Thanks to several of the iron warrior tunnels being sealed, I'm not instantly crushed under the preasure
>In fact, it's light enough that I may be able to move through it
>Doubt that it's a good idea to attempt to though
>There's enough air in the gasious shit that I may be able to breath it
>Crack knuckles under the sea of shit
>Tune into vox
>"This is Chaplain Egillmann, I am going behind enemy lines, good luck brothers."
>Hook Crozius to thigh and holster my plasma pistol
>Swan dive into the shit
>Begin swimming like a slaaneshi high on warp dust and heresy-juice
>Be Munitorum Field Test Observer
>Wake up topside
>Last thing I remember is the smell of shot before blacking out
>Not sure how I got to the surface
>Have the strong urge to vomit
>Vomit up all I have until I'm heaving up stomach bile
>Notice an immense pain in my right arm
>Look down at it
>A small flesh wound on my hand from an enemy sabre has festered at an ALARMING rate
>Pull a nearby chainsword from tge mud
>Empty canteen cleaning it off
>Pour my own flask of amasec over the chain for good measure
>This is going to hurt
>Use my belt for a tourniquet
>Set the leading edge on my wrist
>Its engine idling menacingly as I try to hype myself up to do it
>Open up full throttle
>My own blood spraying over me as I remove the tainted appendage
>Leave the belt tourniquet on as I use the chainsword the stand myself up
>Take a quick look around
>Start the long walk to the nearest medicae tent
>Be Slaaneshi Gunner Elena Tywick, formerly aboard the hovercraft "Gilded Hawk"
>Hauling some boxes of heavy stubber over to the Gilded Hawk as we wait for some field repairs to get done
>Hauling boxes is heavy, don't we have slaves for this shit?
>Suddenly a burning siege drill pops out of the ground and hits our hovercraft
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>Apparently heretics have flooded the tunnels with sewage
>Luckily I was still near the surface when it happened, but even from up here the smell is beyond terrible
>Struggle not to vomit or black out, that would be unbecoming and undignified for a lady of breeding as well as an officer
>Some idiot projectile vomits on my face and chest while he stumbles by
>So much for dignity
>Rally what is left of my company and head back to the surface
>I figure standing in the heavy rain should wash away the vomit in less than a minute, and the tunnels are becoming increasingly packed as more and more survivors stumble up from the lower tunnels
>Some one else vomits on me as I turn around to head out of the tunnels
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>Be me, Imperial Fists Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>Had to throw Guardsmen forward to allow them to escape the shit
>Thankfully only my boots have shit on them
>It seems that the men in orbit have ceased firing on us
>Iron warriors are still firing
>Lower levels of the bunker complex are filled with shit
>This one is not, only a fourth full, at most
>Nor the one above it
>Nor the one above that
>Nor the one above the second, which just so happens to be the currently bombarded trench
>Immediately rush up to the trench, order guardsmen to stay at the level above the partially shit filled one
>Hear buzzing on the vox
>"This is Chaplain Egillmann, I am going behind enemy lines, good luck brothers."
>"Chaplain, what do you mean? Please clarify."
>No responce
>Well shit
>Literal shit
>Reach the trench, see Sammos, a couple of other fists, several black templars, one of which appears to be a marshal and a fair few guardsmen
>"Quickly brothers, the enemy will increase their shelling, we must move down back into the bunker!"
>"B-but sir, the sme-"
>"Would you prefer to die up here than to survive down there, guardsman?"
>"N-no sir..."
>"Good, then let us move."
>Shuffle everyone back down into the bunker
>Approach the black templars marshal once below the surface
>Several battle brothers are busy trying to repair the A/C system and partially block off the flooded levels
>"Greetings Marshal, I hoped we could meet under better circumstances"
>He recognizes me
>We sit down for a strategical meeting while guardsmen puke around us
>I suggest we hold out in the trench and wait for the iron warriors to run out of ammunition, or to call in a further orbital bombardment on the enemies' artillery and then advance
>Hans suggests we begin digging to reach the enemy and, "Purge the SHIT out of them."
>mfw Captain interrupts the meeting to inform me that I've been promoted to company Lieutenant because my superior died in an explosion during the fight
>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos
>Get a transmission from Chaplain Egillman
>Nor futher transmission
>Well, at least he isn't dead
>Brother Sergeant Paulicus emerges from the bunker
>Has the guardsmen go down into the clear upper levels
>Might as well get out of the rain and artillery fire myself
>While Paulicus chats with the Black Templars I make myself busy
>Helping apothecaries amd medics distribute supplies and aid wounded
>Help the guardsmen fit enough to fight to clean their weapons and kit
>When the artillery lifts we must all be prepared
>The most I can do now is ensure the troops have enough fighting spirit
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>Apparently our orders are to stay in the tunnel network since the bombardment is still going strong
>Well that is juuust fucking fantastic
>Pretty sure hanging out in shit fume filled tunnels with minimum ventilation isn't good for our health either
>Claim a stretch of tunnels for my company and sit down for what will probably be a long wait
>Pass the time watching two rats vigorously hump each other on top of some dead Tallarn guy
>Well at something is enjoying itself in this shit hole
>Be Slaaneshi Commander Brock Scarmeggedon
>Celebrating our great victory over the Imperials by snorting lines of cocaine off of some whore's buttock
>Luring the corpse worshipers into tunnels then drowning them in sewage seems very poetic somehow, if a bit too Nurgle-ly for my tastes
>With these Iron Warrior reinforcements, it is only a matter of time before we break the siege of Skullheap once and for all!
>Just in time too, I was starting to run out of play things
>be imperial citizen
>work as a pig shit farmer
>taken cover in a root cellar since the bombardemnt started
>only noticed when i saw a shell reduce the barn to a smoldering crater
>bombs are falling relentlessly out side
>pretty sure wife and kids are dead
>pretty sure farm is gone too, my whole life has gone up in smoke
>atleast im alive
>Be Guardsman Charles
>Make it back to the trench
>See bunch of fellow Guardsmans and yellow Astartes
By the Emperor, it smells like shit
>See everyone get ready for another attack
>Gets ready as well, maybe this time I won't get lost
>Also pray to the Emperor to regain my sense of hearing
bump, just in case
>Be Imperial propaganda reporter
>observe ALL this shit from WAY behind the lines with a high-end pict-recorder
>"Get a good shot of that one Guardswoman covered in mud."
>"And the Astartes, right?
>"Yeah, yeah, whatever."
>Get mud on the fucking lens, and spend eight minutes fucking cleaning it off.
>Fucking mud
>be pig shit farmer
>still in root cellar
>bombs still raining down out side
>its been days
>all I have to keep me company is a few holy texts
>luckily I the lamp still has power and enough water and a couple turnips to last a me a few days.
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(Preemptive author's note: For backstory on how Orko got where he is, click here https://pastebin.com/2gzk0neQ, otherwise I'd be filling this thread with text walls)
>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektuh, Orko uv Dakkamark
>Me an duh boyz av been 'avin a right zoggin gud tym koppin a kupul a gitz wiv me new fleet a space gitz dedikaytid tuh Mork, an me new kill kroozer, duh MSG BollokzBayn
>'owevuh, I az diz grayt ideeyuh tuh go bak tuh dat muddy zoghole
>I bet dose 'umiez ar still koppin eech uvah even now!
>An wudnt ya know it, wen me an duh boyz arrivd, I wuz ryt! See, I'z iz duh smartist uv duh orkz!
>But dose 'umiez av a buncha kroozers uv dere ohn arownd duh planit, an me an duh boyz kahnt get neer duh bugguhz
>Well, datz wot dose gitz fink!
>See, dere's a rok sirklin rownd duh planit dat waznt dere beefor, an I fink I know just 'ow tuh yooz it
>Get a kwortuh uv me fleet tuh krash dere shipz intuh duh rok 'ed first, frustahz bee'ind
>Me an duh Bigguh Mek laff az abowt firtee kroozerz all krash intuh duh rok, wiv dere frustahz stayin intakt aftuh dey mayk dere Orky landin
>Dey wanna knoh wot tah do now
>Well datz obveeus ya gitz!
>Tell 'em tuh fly duh Space Gitz' new Orkstuhroyd at duh 'umiez fleet wiv anuvah kwortuh uv duh kroozerz
>Meenwyl, me an 'alf uv duh boyz uv duh fleet ar gonna go on dat mud planit an show dose 'umiez 'ow itz zoggin don!
>Me an duh Bigguh Mek watch az duh boyz swarm arownd duh new Orkstuhroyd an cuvah it wiv dakka
>Itz zoggin byootiful, feelz gud bein a kaptin uv duh Space Gitz
>An now itz tym fuh me tuh get bak in duh saddul
>Put my freebootin 'elmet on (pik reelaytid)
>Nuffin will be rong
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>Az me an duh boyz get redy tuh tellyport ontuh duh planit surfiss, Bomba grabz me arm
>'ee tellz me itz right zoggin muddy down dere
>Well no zog Groglok, we wuz dere beefor!
>'ee poyntz at me new-fangled WAAAAGH monituh in me new kokpit, showin 'ow much mud dere iz now
>Zoggin 'ell, I seez wot ya meen
>Wot kud I do tuh fix duh problum?
>I got it!
>Tell duh bigguh mek an 'iz mekboyz tuh start turnin all duh wartrukkz intuh "bohtz" lyk duh on dat on wurld we kopd a munf ago
>Also get 'im tuh moov duh steemboht I nikd frum duh world redy az well, duh Morkmuhbeel
>Well, I suppose itz gonna be a Mudmuhbeel now, hur hur
>Duh mekboyz even say dayz iz gonna stik speedboy propelluhz on duh bak
>Zoggin 'ell, feelz gud bein a kaptin
>Az duh boyz prepare to tellyport wiv ar new Orkbohtz, sum nob askz wot wez iz gonna kall arselvez now, akkordin tuh 'im it wud be zoggin dum tuh kall arselvez space gitz down dere
>Well, he aynt rong... 'ang on, I got it!
>Kop duh mangy git on duh noggin fuh talkin bak, den I get duh boyz attenshun
>"Oy ya gitz, lissun up! When wez iz down on duh mud planit, wez iz gonna yooz anuvah naym! Wez iz gonna call arselves..."
>Wayt a bit tuh mayk duh boyz pay attenshun
>One nob askz "Yeh Kaptin?"
>I finish wiv "Gork'z Akwa Gitz! Itz perfekt innit!"
>Sum mangy littul grot talks bak wiv "But iznt dah planit mud?"
>Shoot duh littul zoggin git fuh talkin bak, den me an duh boyz start payntin ar new naym on duh syd uv duh bohtz
>Tellyport ontuh duh surfiss uv duh planit wiv me an duhzunz uv ovah Orkz an boyz
>Wez iz faysin dat burnin gang uv chaos boy 'owsiz lyk lazt tym, except...
>Duh battulz on duh uvah zoggin syd ov it!
>Yell at duh boyz tuh start up dere enjinz an speed froo duh mud tuh kop duh 'umiez on duh uvah syd, az well az any gitz dat get in duh way
>We all start firin ar shootahz
>Breev in right deep lyk
kek ty /tg/
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>Be me
>Duh Big Mek uv Dakkamark'z krew, suppohz datz Bigguh Mek now
>Watchin Orko an duh boyz charg tuhwardz duh 'umiez wiv rekluss abandun
>Wayt a minit... Oh fuh Morkz sayk!
>Dose gitz went an forgot duh mekboyz gubbinz!
>Dey wer all stuk in duh shipz dat krashd intuh duh Orkstuhroyd!
>Tell duh Orkstuhroyd pilutz tuh send dere drop podz full a akwa-kanz down tuh kop duh 'umiez wiv Orko an Bomba
>pik reelaytid, itz sum uv me best wurk yet!
>Sum uv 'em even 'av shootahz!
>Breev a seye uv reeleef az duh shipz on duh Orkstuhroyd fyr duh drop podz fall intuh duh planit
>Most uv 'em'll land neer Orko an duh ladz, a bit ahed maybe but dey'll work it owt
>Go bak to organizin me Mekboyz an less-big-than-me mekz to get me new stompahz redy fuh duh WAAAAAGH
Orknon here, I won't be doing much in terms of the Ork's space fleet, so if anyone wants to hop in as one of the space gitz feel free.
>Be Krieger 143342523
>Our group has splitted in squad sized parties to be more effective at tunnel searching
>Flashlight in one hand, trusty shovel wrapped in barbed wire on the other
>Should have brought a map
>No clue were we are
>But where ever I am, I must wack my shovel
>Suddenly we hear noises up ahead
>Charge around the corner to find mole people
>Or a bunch of shaved ratlings, cant really tell
>They are as confused as we are
>"So, uh...seen any heretics around here?"
>Mole person says no, but invites us to stay saying theres some lovely mud right here
>"Just to be clear, do you worship the Emperor"
>"Emperor? We are anarcho syndicalist com..."
>Thats as far as he gets before he gets the shovel
>Talk shit, get hit
>All hell breaks lose, close quarters combat ensues
>Its like Krieg all over again
>Das ist güt
Quick bump for the thread's sake until I can post another quick addition.
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>Be me
>Komrad uv dah gretchin-somfin-or-ovah, Grinzy dah grot
>Orko went an left me on dis zoggin mudhole fah a few manfz!
>Well zog 'im, I dont need no Ork tah mayk meself feel accumplishd
>Me an a few uvah disgruntld grotz tuk up dah banner uv dah bestest grot in dah hole wyd galaxy, komrad Red Gobbo
>Wez tuk up a spot on dis 'ere rekd 'umie tank wot they calld a "Lee-man Roos"
>Iz far enuff away from most a dah fightin dat we dont get kopd by dah 'umiez
>Dah 'umiez keep tryin tah get bak on dah tank doh, but we kik dah pink-skind fashistz fah dah revalooshun til dey fell in dah mud an drown, stoopid gitz
>Be 'oldin up a seyen wiv me maytz Glinzy and Krinzy
>Yellin abowt ar oppreshun by dah Orkreearkee
>Dah bombardmant 'az coold off so we aynt stuk in dah tank agen
>Az we kik anuvah drownin 'umie bak intah dah mud, see tonz av red flashiz neerby
>Me an me two komradz luk tah dah flashiz
>Iz dat?
>Zoggin 'ell, it iz! Itz Orko, an he 'az moar boyz dan evah!
>Get dah uvah two grotz still in dah tank tah get owt az we all start yellin an ragin agenzt dah Orkz
>Ork speedboyz in bohtz rush past uz, not evan payin any attenshun to ar koarz
>Notiss Orko'z new steamboht iz gettin right zoggin clohz tah ar 'edkwarterz
>Dis can't be gu....
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>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektuh, Orko uv DakkamaAAAAAH ZOGGIN 'ELL
>Wot dah zog wuz dat krunchy noyz? An wuz dat a bump I felt?
>Ah well, duh Mudmuhbeel iz still goin strong
>mfw I fink I 'erd sum grotz gettin chopd by duh propelluhz az me steemboht keepz plowin on tah dah 'umiez town
>Be me
>Chaos worshipper
>Have just finished my morning pain ritual, going outside to shit in the mud and bath in it to please grandpa nurgle
>Hear odd noise as I reach skullheap's edge
>Is someone screaming about war or somethi...
>Oh dark gods no, please no
>See pic related coming towards skullheap at full tilt
>Proceed to run back inside and pray to the gods that I die a quick death
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Been wandering around the surface lost ever since the fight with the hovercraft ended
>Somehow survive the bombardment and end up wandering to the rear of our lines
>Feel burning sensation and realize I have been hit by shrapnel or debris in several places
>Suddenly worried about infection
>Find a quiet spot and take off almost all my clothes, in order to let the constant rain wash the wounds
>Realize two reporters are standing nearby pointing a camera at me
>Fucking creeps!
>Storm over and demand they delete the footage
>What footage? We are war correspondents, not porn producers, one says fairly convincingly
>Stomp back over to where I left my clothes
>They are missing, naturally
>Sit down on a crate, too emotionally burnt out to care anymore
>Pretty sure the creeps are filming me again, but refuse to acknowledge their presence again
>Be me
>Jus' a good ol' boy, livin' in th' swamp an' not botherin' anyone.
>Hear a mighty loud ruckus gon' on outside over yonder
>Get myself all kitted up, grab my favorite shotgun, and mosey on out to take a gander
>These green punks and some guy covered in shit are tearing up my property!
>Who do they think they are?! Water and swampland don't grow on trees!
>Gather up my resolve, swig some moonshine, and bellow the family battle cry/challenge
On dis epis... epsi... toim on "Nekkid an' 'Fraid"...
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>Be me
>One uv Kaptin Orko'z lot, Nob Gobzog
>Me an sum uv duh ladz av gotten a bit zoggin lozt
>Went off chasin aftuh sum cowardlee chaos boy 'oo seemz tuh 'av zogd 'imself in 'iz feer
>Led me an duh boyz tuh sum hut a bit furvuh frum duh mayn koppinfezt
>'eez tryin tuh run az me mayt Thugzul grabz 'iz leg an startz slammin 'im in duh mud
>Me an duh ladz laff at dat
>'eer sum 'umie yell at uz "WHAT ARE YA DOIN IN MAH SWAMP"
>Luk tuh duh 'umie az 'ee poyntz at sum syn 'ee 'az
>It sayz "Property of John Miller - No Littering"
>'ee stompz up tuh me an duh ladz an tellz uz tuh dump duh chaoz boy elzewhere
>Duh chaoz boy sayz sumfin lyk "I'm not dead yet."
>Duh uvah 'umie tellz 'im to shuddup
>I grab duh chaoz boy an get bak to slammin 'im in duh mud
>'umie tellz me tuh stop agen az 'ee getz iz shootah redy
>I tell him I'll kop 'im fuh dat
>Juzt tellz me "I dowt it."
>Me an duh uvah 'alf a dozun ladz unleesh duh WAAAAAGH an get to shootin 'im right an proppah
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>Be me, Admiral Gregorius Markus Agrippa Falkar
>Commander of Battlefleet Lutum
>We've been sitting here in orbit for a couple months, continually cutting off the enemies' retreat
>The fleet is pretty large, some Battleships, several Battle cruisers, Light Cruisers, Cruisers, a load of Frigates and more Fury-class interceptors than you can shake a stick at
>Also got a couple of big boy astartes ships
>We've been ordered to stay here and wait for the Orkish Admiral, "Orko uv Dakkamark" to reapear
>Boys in the segmentum command think there's a high chance that this pillaging ork might show up here again due to the Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzons' engagement with him
>He hasn't showed up for months, but, there's a chance that he'll still come back
>After having been ordered to bombard the planet, and then to cease bombardment, I notice something on the radar
>By Terra that fleet is pretty big
>And it's got a load of kroozers, a frightening amount actually
>It seems that they're being lead by a Kill Kroozer
>Oh shit it's him
>Order the fleet to get into combat formation
>Motherfuckers ram the gargantuan asteroid with a bunch of their ships
>They're heading straight for us
>Oh uh
>Order every ship to spread out in groups so that we can reposition and nuke those fuckers from the range that we're at
>My Retribution-class Battleship "The Emperors' Glory" drifts out of the flight path of the asteroid with superb grace, the other ships follow suit as best they can
>Turn and aim Nova Cannon at the Asteroid
>By the Emperor are the Orkz currently weaponizing the fucking asteroid?
>Consider calling for backup
>Go, “FUCK IT” and engage the Orkz with Nova cannon anyway
>Lets fuckin’ do this
>mfw battle is going to be 90% drifting around between the two fleets blowing the shit out of each other with fucktons of weaponry as fighters are deployed in the void en masse
>I love my job
>Be Good ol' boy
>This litterin' sumbitch wants to pick a fight, does he?
>Give a sharp whistle as them ugly folk start shootin'.
>They're... well... not very good shots.
>Their hearts are in the right place though, bless them.
>Draw Bessie, rack her slide, and fire right at the big ones ugly mug.
>Golly, I sure do hope the modifications I made for this don't blow up... again...
>Give a smile as dueling banjo's can be heard in the distance
I warned ya, but ya jus' didn't listen.
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>Be me
>Dog of indeterminate heritage
>Excellent stick
>Will fetch
>Extra tail now
>More wag, more fun
>Tail itchy, must scratch
>Be Clyde Miller
>Younger but larger brother of John Miller
>I ain't always been duh brightest feller
>Ma used to tell Johnny to play nice on accounts of my bein' "slow"
>Pop always called me "the lankiest dipshit he'd e'er dun seen."
>I ain't slow, I won me plenty of races when I's in skool
>Not that I could talk to say nuthin'
>Hear John's havin' a party outside without me
>Grab the belt-fed 'eavy stubber I "borrowed" from my time in the PDF
>They always draft us folks first ya know
>Slap on my ol' flak helmet
>Run outside an' start shootin' tresspassers no queest-shuns ask'd
>Darn green immigrants comin' here and rippin' up the place
>We ought ta build a wall in space
>Be me
>Joh Orkliutt, duh singuh uv duh orkiest rokkaz arownd, Deff Squiggoth
>Ar new manijuh Kaptin Orko sent uz wiv duh reguluh boyz tuh offah sum enkurijin musik
>Ar rok krashiz in entree, so Gork Savij iz busy gettin duh geetarz redy fur ar ohpunin performunce
>Meenwyl Mork Orklun iz gettin duh mud off duh zoggin drumz
>Whyd we kum 'eer anywayz? Nuffin but mud, not evun an awdeeunz in syt!
>Wayt a minit, duh rok juzt landid away from duh fyt! I'm 'avin dat mekboy wen I getz bak
>I can still luk at duh lohcul flayvuh I suppohz
>Spot sum boyz chasin a chaoz boy towardz a littul 'umie hut, wiv a 'umie playin sumfin dat lukz lyk a geetar
>Iz 'avin dat!
>Sneek up tuh duh 'ut lyk Mork wud want, get dere wivowt nobudee spottin me
>Grab duh funny-lukin geetar az duh 'umie 'oo ownz it yellz at duh boyz dat wuz chasin duh chaoz boy
>Dey start fightin right an proppah, itz my tym tuh zoggin shyn!
>Start playin me favuhrit song "Fotograff"
>"I'm owta gunz, owta chopz"
>"Gotta fotograff, drawin ov"
>"Proppah Dakka, itz not much"
>"I needz mor dakka at me tuch"
>Kontinyoo playin az anuvah 'umie joynz duh firzt az dey an duh boyz fight eech uvah right an proppah
>Be Eldar Exodite
>The Mon'Keigh down the way are nice enough folk. They don't bother us, we don't bother them.
>Also, their Crawfish boils are fucking amazing.
>Hear that there's a lot of commotion coming from that way today.
>Unmistakable sound of WAAAAAAAAAAGH echoes in my delicate brain.
>Oh shit.
>Thai isn't good.
>Gather up the rest of the settlement and explain what's going on.
>Suggest we try to help our neighbors, since they've been so nice and all.
>Grab our guns, boats, and domesticated aquatic reptiles, and speed on down to lend a neighborly helpin' hand.
>One of the guys brings his Wraithbanjo. It's like a Mon'Keigh banjo, but better. Because it's Eldar made.
Good ol' Clyde. He might not be the brightest tool in the crayon box, but the boys' got heart!
>>Be Me, Cato Sicarius, Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd Company, Master of the Watch, Knight Champion of Macragge, and the Grand Duke of Talassar
>I, Cato Sicarius, was subject to a grievous attack in the previous battle against heretics when the balls of I, Cato Sicarius, were punched off by an Ork wearing a hat that looks like it was stolen from the death korps of krieg
>I, Cato Sicarius, have found new purpose in life in the palace of the genefather, Roboute Guilliman
>I, Cato Sicarius, will no longer be a space marine
>Instead, I, Cato Sicarius, am now a space maid, sweeper of space dust and greeter to visitors of the holy palace
>I, Cato Sicarius, recently purchased a bouquet of fresh flowers from a rather disturbed looking rogue trader
>I, Cato Sicarius, will present these flowers to the gene father of I, Cato Sicarius, in the hopes that he finally notices me
>I, Cato Sicarius, am deeply nervous at this
Oh no...
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But Roboute-senpai, I bought the flowers specially!
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>Be me, Imperial Fists chaplain Sixtus Egillmann
>Swimming through the shit is a challenge, indeed
>My vision is blury, but I can see ahead somewhat
>Sometimes have to manually wipe oculars
>The shit is watery enough that it's like swimming through a thick swamp
>Have had to kill two Iron Warriors in the shit to get ahead
>My pistol is clogged with fecal matter
>The smell is almost nauseating, but the pain glove has given me far, far worse
>Swimming through the canals, it appears that I am unnoticed
>See the outline of a Nurgling swimming through the shit
>I don't think it can see me yet
>Quickly crush it with my bare hands to make sure it doesn't draw any attention towards me
>Praising the emperor with every breath, my superhuman physique allows me to resist the plagues the daemons would otherwise inflict upon me
>Not getting a lot of air, but I'm getting enough
>Can hardly hear anything
>Keep swimming, I'm getting closer, that I at least can tell
>See the outline of a horned, spikey space marine walking away from me in the shit
>Grab Crozius
>Swim closer
>The guy is so rage filled his movements drown out the sound of my own
>Stop swimming a little bit away from him
>Grab one of his horns with my left hand and smash my Crozius into his skull
>It's crushed swiftly and I dehorn the figure
>Scrape some of the stickier shit floating above onto the horns, then proceed to stick them to the sides of my helmet
>Look at least partially like a chaos marine now
>Hook Crozius and keep swimming
>The vibrations in the nurgling-juice are getting stronger and stronger, I must be getting closer to the enemy's artillery
>mfw heretics still don't suspect a thing
>Be John Miller
>All I ever wanted was to sit around my house and drink beer, just like Dad and Granddad did.
>Would have done that today, but noooooooo, some green illegal alien who don't pay no damn taxes has to litter on my property, and now he's shooting at me and my little brother.
Now that just ain't right. Just 'cause he's slow don't mean one can pick on him!
>85% mad
>And now some green asshole just started blastin' that damn cityfolk rock music.
>95% mad
>And to top it all off, the big one managed to somehow shoot my bottle of hooch sittin' on my porch.
>1000% MAD
>Start shooting more and more while little brother Clyde opens up with his "borrowed" heavy stubber.
>Fuckin' should have built that damn space wall, but nooooo, Governor wanted a fucking Beach resort...
No Guilliman-senpai! Not the Cato B-gone!
*Pleasured anime moans*
>Be me
>Joh Orkliutt, duh singuh uv duh orkiest rokkaz arownd, Deff Squiggoth
>Gettin tah duh gud bit uv me song, wen sum eldar panseez show up an cut me off
>"Taste the power of our Hillbilly-Funk lowly orkoid!"
>Dey start singin
>"When I was a young 'dar"
>"Growin in the craftworld"
>"Hangin out with wraith knights"
>"Singin with the banshees"
>I meen, iz riff iz gud
>But it aynt Orky enuff!
>Az I preepar tuh unleesh duh Rokkin on duh eldar, duh band finally rokz up wiv ar boht
>Iz a nice flat stayj wiv propelluhz on bohf sydz, a rokkit enjun on duh bak an lotza speekuhz
>Duh 'umiez look on wiv dizguzt, duh boyz look wiv amayzmunt
>Duh eldar juzt luk shokd
>I grab me geetar frum Orkian Orkbull az we get intuh ar next puhformunz "Squig Fryt"
>Me uvah geetarork Fill Orkun eruptz 'iz geetar shootah in a blayz uv gloree
>Duh geetar riffz cut froo duh swamp lyk lightnin az duh burna on me geetar setz off
>Duh stayj rokkitz off tuh duh battul wiv Kaptin Dakkamark in it
>Be Eldar Exodite
>Just witnessed a brief, if somewhat surprisingly pleasant riff-battle between the guy with his Wraithbanjo and an Ork.
>Not the weirdest thing I've seen.
>Was not, however, expecting to see a swamp-boat dual-purposing as a stage.
>The flamethrowers were a nice touch
>Bil'ly got shot, but he was a tool, so nobody noticed at first.
>With a loud roar, the whole stage takes off to Isha knows where.
Well... That happened.
>Be Clyde Miller
>Tallest, but youngest of the Miller sons
>Got a couple of them there greenskins with my heavy stubber
>John bagged one or two himself
>The rest done piled into a suped up boat and skeedaddled
>Good riddance too, they were uh blarin' some rackit that done hurt my ears
>Been a while since we had a good hootenanny like that one
>The neighbors came to check out all the commoshyun
>They may be immigrants, but they're all right by me
>Buncha good, 'onest, hard workin' folks like me an' John
>The lady folk aren't too hard on the eyes neither
>Not to say third-cousin Molly is an ugly girl, but the family juh-net-icks can only be streched so thin iffin you understand
>Sure am glad I can't speak, don't know what I's say anyhow
Bumping while I'm at work
Quick bump til some more regular posters arrive.
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>Be Adeptus Custodes Tribune Wrath "custard" Joson
>On search for suspected threat to He on the throne
>Warp into backwater system where news of threat was last reported.
>Wall of fire between some Ork ships and Imperial Navy
>More fun than i have guarding the throneworld
Page 8 Bump
Things are spicing up, can't let it die now.
>be pig shit farmer
>still in root cellar
>bombs have been raining for days at this point
>hear weird noises coming from the ground
>what ever, its probably nothing
>what concerns me is that I have ran out of water yester day, so thirsty
>However I have read through each holy text
>I have gained more and more knowledge of the imperial cult and our holy emperor
>im starting to think the emperor is trying to tell me something
>Idk what yet, but I have started reading trough the texts again
>maybe they would help me understand what the emperor is trying to tell me
>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos
>Chaplain Egillman is off on his own solo stealth mission
>Sergeant Paulicus is now Lieutenant Paulicus
>Most of the second squad is new brothers replacing those lost early on in our deployment
>Currently waiting in our bunker for reinforcements
>The units coming in are suffering attrition just getting to the front with all the artillery
>Overheard reports and rumors from the guardsmen that orks have made planetfall for the second time
>The main force seems to have landed in no-man's-land, and is currently using shallow-hulled craft to speed through the mud towards Groxbridge
>Have also heard of some small ork groups landing off target, some landed in a swamp just behind our lines to the East
>Hopefully no locals are in danger
what the fuck was that shit?
>be me, templar marshal hans.
> apparently we need to "fortifiy the shit out of this place before attacking."
> sigh and go out to find our reinforcements and our missing brother.
> walking across the battlefield during the bombardment, shells going off all around me, but not hitting.
> nofucksgiven.litany
> find a nude guardswoman, some pricks spying on her, and just grab the lot of them.
> for shame have some fucking decency woman. Where are your clothes?
> find some dude wandering the fields missing an arm.
> grab him too and haul him over the opposite shoulder.
> here I am, a marshal of the black templars, walking around picking up strays.
> fuck my life.
> I think that's the entrance to the tunnel up ahead.
> Praise the fucking emperor.
Cato became the maid he always wanted to be so Robute-Sempai could finally notice him!
>be valkyrie pilot, Angelus Crass
>evac from Groxbridge successful
>take time to appreciate battlefield
>soldiers and marines still in trenches...
>some new slopes here and there...
>what's that music?
>what's up with that titan and that moon? we have a moon????
>am I seeing waves????????
>turn on vox
>Be me, Imperial Fists chaplain Sixtus Egillmann
>Been swimming for an undefined amount of time now
>The remnants of the nurgling's meals over here are a bit less solid
>Vibrations are increasing in strength significantly
>Rotting traitor and loyalist corpses are just laying around buried in the shit
>Come upon the shattered remnants of a drill
>Looks like it was destroyed from behind, judging by the blast marks on the wall
>I must be close
>Turned off vox so that I don't get distracted
>Up ahead I can see several small ball shaped outlines Frolicking in the shit, likely Nurglings
>A pool of light is shimmering some bit away from them
>They appear to be distracted
>Swim at a slightly slower pace to not be noticed
>After a few minutes, reach the small pool of light, latch onto the side of the tunnel and heave myself over the side
>Wipe small amount of shit off my photolenses so I can see
>Switch back to breathing regular air
>Allow myself to breathe through both of my lungs before removing shit clogging up my hearing-related auto senses
>Still enough shit on me that my chapter colours, helmet shape and wargear are hidden
>There are a few troops here, some traitor guardsmen and hereteks running around
>What catches my attention however are two iron warriors sitting around on boxes of ammunition near the hole I crawled out of
>One of them is leaning on a Multi-Melta
>Slowly approach the two, allow the shit on my armour to dry a little
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>The Guardsmen and hereteks running around have now mostly left the room
>"Greetings Iron Warriors,"
>One of them turns
>"Uh... hi"
>"I have lost my sense of direction in the tunnels. Where is our artillery situated."
>"Did you hit your head? It's right down the southern trench man"
>Unhook Crozius in a flash and crush the iron warriors skull
>The other one attempts to hold me off with his power claw
>Crush his lungs before he has the time to call for help
>Hook Crozius and throw both bodies into the nearby hole with some effort
>"Thank you for the help, heretic filth"
>They sink like a ton of bricks in the shit, it's too murky to see them from above
>Nurglings haven't noticed
>Dip Crozius in shit and hook it back on my thigh
>Grab Multi-Melta
>Walking through enemy lines with the multi melta
>Shit is starting to dry, crack and fall off
>Only some small specs so I'm fine for now
>At a brisker pace than I was before so I don't end up uncovered when I reach the artillery
>Traitor guardsmen steering clear of me, Hereteks have visible erections at the sight of my multi-melta
>I wonder how soft they'll get once I unleash its true destructive potential
>These trenches are quite heavily fortified
>Most of the fortifications are, however, located above ground and not below ground
>A common mistake made by iron warriors
>The non-sinking floor however is a nice touch
>After a minute or so of walking, I reach the enemy gun emplacements
>They appear to be fortified with a large dome made out of what I can only assume to be concrete
>Concrete thick enough to keep the artillery safe during an enemy artillery bombardment
>There are holes in the dome big enough for an artillery piece to aim out of, some of these holes appear to be covered by some kind of alloy (can't tell what it's made of because it's partially drenched in flesh)
>Slowly walk along the rows of artillery emplacements
>There are a couple of ammunition piles near the artillery pieces
>The hereteks pay me no mind as I walk to the back row and gauge the total amount of artillery here
>Quite a few pieces, 50 in this room alone
>Several of them still have the imperial Aquila on them
>Seems like they were stolen from the armouries near Groxbridge
>Take aim at one of the iron warrior basilisks as two enslaved guardsmen load a shell into the barrel
>A satisfyingly big explosion echoes out through the room
>As the first artillery piece's cannon flies through the room, fire a second shot at the artillery piece next to it
>Continue doing this before I hear guardsmen shouting heretical war cries
>Turn and fire at a large ammo pile in the middle of the room
>Shot lands just at the edge of the pile
>Gargantuan ball of fire rockets out on all sides, drop multi-melta and throw myself to the ground to avoid flames
>Dome above me is blown sky high
>Rubble is flying around me
>Guardsmen are being crushed
>Basilisks are now 100% out of action
>Get to my feet and grab the multi melta
>Shoot the larger bits of debris flying down at me
>Shit is now thoroughly shaken off
>Move towards the fortified trench's exit, I'm not satisfied with just this group of basilisks taken out
>Get into trench and see a heretek frantically pushing a large trolley with a crate on top
>Crate is labelled "Baneblade neutralization kit"
>Shot him with the multi melta, place it on top of the box and grab the trolley
>Can feel Hellgun shots hitting my back as I move
>Get to a room a bit similar to the one I was in earlier, however this one is a bit smaller
>Grab multi melta and kick the trolley into the room with great force
>Fire as it rolls past the third row of basilisks
>Explosion rockets out, get knocked to the wall of the trench before turning and beginning to move again
>Bolt towards the other side of the hallway, fire Multi-Melta into traitor stormtroopers
>Discard multi-melta and unhook Crozius
>Charge into the room I first entered through
>A khornate berzerker and two iron warriors are already in the room
>Unholster shit-clogged plasma pistol and chuck it at one of the iron warriors
>Engage with Berzerker
>Pivot to the left as he attempts to hack off my right arm
>Grab his left hand and crush his skull with my Crozius
>Throw him towards iron warrior, grab his sword from his limp hands
>One of the Iron warriors is pinned under the Berzerker
>The other is recovering from the two throws
>Stab one through the torso, crush the head of the other
>Hear the one who was stabbed cough up blood
>No time to finish him off
>Turn on vox
>Hook both weapons as I don't have a sheath
>Swandive into the fecal river
>Swim with all the power my superhuman body is able to produce
>"Brothers, this is Chaplain Egillmann, I have partially taken out the enemies artillery, expect my arrival within 30 minutes."
>Turn off vox before anyone asks any questions
>If they try to kill me by firing into the feces, they'll take the absolute majority of their forces with me in the resulting explosion
>Truly, He on Terra protects
>Be Navy Communications Officer
>Monitoring the chatter between the ground and naval forces
>Lots of calls reporting a surge in sea level
>Check location of the calls
>They are all around the same sector of the planet
>Oh shit
>Cross reference with location of Ork asteroid in orbit
>Immediately relay the information to the fleet admiralty
>We need that rock destroyed or out of orbit as soon as possible
>Pray to the Emperor that top brass aren't too busy circlejerking on the bridge to notice
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Sitting on my crate, in the torrential downpour, wishing I had clothes
>Notice a shredded piece of tarp, full of holes, lying in the mud nearby
>It is a discarded piece of trash, I know that feeling
>I wonder if I tear a hole in the middle I could use it as a crude poncho
>Better than nothing
>Just as I was preparing to put my plan in action, when something insanely strong grabs me from behind
>Panicked shriek
>Play dead for a bit, then hear the two reporters bitching
>Realize that it is one of the Space Marines
>Fuck, he is probably carrying me to the commissar for some infraction I wasn't aware even exists
>Blood turns to ice at thought of facing one of those nut jobs again
>What rule did I break this time? I see men showering in the rain all the time, but maybe there is a rule against women doing it? I still had my gun, but maybe he didn't see it? My platoon commander reported me as missing? didn't even realize he was still alive
>Or maybe seeing female flesh offends his warrior spirit and he is dragging me off to turn into a servitor or use as target practice
>Start having a panic attack
>Can't talk right now since he is squeezing me too hard but fully intend to grovel for my life the moment I get put down
>Be Other Navy Communications Officer
>Get priority request to direct ships to destroy an asteroid that is messing with tidal forces
>Seems urgent, but the Fleet Admiralty is doing that weird thing again where they all jerk off in front of each other to assert their alpha dominance or something
>Tell him to call back in about an hour
>Wonder if all Fleets are this homoerotic or just mine
>Be First Communications Officer
>Told to call back in an hour
>The fucking admiralty is at it a gain
>I hope guys on the ground have boats
>If not, let's hope they have some water tight bunkers they can uses to wait out the flood
>Set a timer with a reminder taped to it for 59 minutes and 45 seconds
>Go back to monitoring the communications channels
>Fucking admiralty and their grox shit
>Be Munitorum Field Test Observer
>Walking to the medicae in the rear to get proper care for my impromptu amputation
>Some astartes walks up carrying a mostly naked woman over his shoulder
>He scoops me up and over his other shoulder
>Mumbling some shit to himself
>MyBrainWhen trying to figure why and where this astartes is taking me, and what the fuck does the naked woman have to do with all of this
>Coming down off the adrenaline of combat
>Too weak from blood loss to fight
>Looks like I'm along for the ride
>Not how I intended to go, but hey it could be worse I guess
>I hope there's a medic where we're headed
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Notice that there is some one armed guy being carried over the Space Marine's other shoulder
>Still can't talk due to mix of panic attack, fear of pissing of the Space Marine, and the fact that most of my body weight is being supported by my ribs, which never really healed after I got thrown at Cato what's-his-face
>Try to get his attention by mouthing out "what is going on?"
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>Be me, Admiral Gregorius Markus Agrippa Falkar
>In the middle of blasting an Ork Kroozer to shit at a range it can't even fucking hit me
>Get a message about something relating to tidal waves and the asteroid currently spitting small arms fire into everything around it, including other Orks
>Fucking thing has Ork ships tethered to it so it can move around in most directions
>Thing's still inaccurate as fuck though, tried ramming into me only to get a bunch of the ships propelling it blasted to hell and back due to my Retributions broadside abilities
>"This is Admiral Falkar, we're busy, call back in an hour
>Fucking grunts thinking they're hot shit
>Fighta-Bomba explodes in front of bridge, followed in hot pursuit by a fury with a single wing painted blue
>Fucking Aces
>Oh well
>Turn ship slowly and fire lances at enemy ship I just crippled
>Watch as the ship explodes and Orks, metal and weaponry fly into space
>Explosions left and right
>Evidently that Asteroid is a problem
>Order One Armageddon-class Two Luna-class and one Dictator-class Cruisers to follow me and wreck the shit out of that big ass asteroid
>A handful of Sword-classes and Cobra-classes accompany us, because the void is no place for four unescorted ladies of death and planetary devastation
>Dictator deploying Starhawks and Furies
>Pull up to the Asteroid after drifting for about 30 minutes, speeds that are, I am sure you would agree, extreme
>Fairly close, maybe a couple hundred meters away from the Asteroid
>Fire torpedos at the Asteroid, taking chunks out of it 20 minutes later
>Armageddon and Luna's line up
>Slowly turn as they begin firing
>Unload broadside straight into that fucker
>Sword-classes and Cobras swirling around in the void fucking up any craft that come too close to us
>Starhawks bombing the shit out of the asteroid
>See Ork Kroozer and some smaller ships moving to engage
>Oh fuck
>Are those Roks?
>Uh oh
>Watch as they're blown the fuck out mid travel by several Gladius-class frigates, some yellow and some blue
>Get a message over the vox
>"Admiral, you should call for more support on your assault on the asteroid, otherwise you might end up dead.”
>Yeah, that sounds like that Imperial fist captain alright
>"Thanks for the advice captain, I'll be sure to repay you later for your help!"
>Watch as Imperial fist and Ultramarines fleets converge and assault the Orks attempting to stop us from destroying the small arms asteroid
>Call for some other ships to join in on the fun
>Torpedos flying into the rock and sending debris flying dangerously close to us, all why the Asteroid is trying to ram us
>Blow out green choky cloud of smoke as I watch Orks splatter into green space paste
>By the God Emperor, I love my job
>Be Munitorum Field Test Observer
>Naked lady is mouthing words as me
>Straining to focus on her face
>Read: "What's so hot?"
>The fuck kinda question is that?
>Go to shrug
>Remember I'm missing half of my right forearm and my hand along with it
>The tourniquet seems to be holding
>Still clutching the chainsword in my off hand
>This might be the blood loss thinking here, but what if..
>Hear me out now, what if..
>What if I replace my hand with a chainsword
>I absolutely have to remember that if I live
>Be first Navy Communications Officer
>Hear reports of ship attacking the asteroid
>Check the timer
>It only took something close to 50 minutes
>The admiralty's jerk sessions are getting faster
>Disgusting, but at least it shouldn't distract them so much if it takes less time
>Emperor, I can't wait for my next two day pass
>Be Necron Lychguard Zaret Thal
>A tomb spyder has just awaken me from the long sleep
>I stare, my robotic eyes slowly reconecting to the great pyramid
>Records of an old mission flood my memories, the lord requesting for an temple to be built in order to collect and house an ancient spear-like weapon
>Soon followed by flashbacks ordering the sleep protocol, soon after completion of the Pyramid temple and the outposts surrounding it
>The data streams fed to me by the reactivating troops and monoliths reporting various chambers covered in mud, most of the temple now in ruins
> Of note is the cell where those afflicted with the flayer virus is contained, as it has reported various prisioners missing and the appearence of various connections to the surface
>I inquire about the cause of awakening to the spyder, and how the Pyramid could have been breached by simple mud and badweather?
>The spyder then shows me live footage of the surface, along with a warnkng of "STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY AT RISK DUE TO OUTSIDE BOMBING ATTACKS"
>Massive explosions rack the battlefield, the rain of artillery fire mixing with the monsoon weather
>Trenches being dug upon layers and layers of mud and filth, hundreds of bodies strew about in kilometers of no man's land
>Footage shows a strange fleshy alien, wearing little to no garbs and being carried alongside an injured trooper by some sort of yellow heavy infantry through the mud
>The footage then detects various outlines underneath them, the code atop each outline reveals their identity
>Seems like the flayed ones will get some new playthings today
>I just hope my noble lord is okay
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>The guy missing an arm isn't much help
>He looks half passed out from blood loss anyways
>Struggling to breath again due to panic and hurt ribs
>At least things can't get much worse than this
>A small voice in the back of my head pipes up
>Sure they can...
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>Still stuck in a tunnel filled with the eye watering, vomit inducing, smell of rancid feces
>Still watching the same two rats fuck each other for the past hour or so
>Now that is stamina
>Not much else to except occasionally ask for updates from command and relay them to my soldiers
>This place really sucks, but at least there is no daemonettes this time
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>Be Slaaneshi Commander Brock Scarmeggedon
>Still pissed off that a good chunk of our artillery got destroyed
>I don't care much about the Iron Warrior's cronies, but some of that artillery and munitions was stuff he commandeered from my armory
>Corpse-worshipers must pay!
>Grab most holy Slaaneshi artifact in my possession, the Rod of Perfection
>Point it towards the Imperial lines
>Find the icon with "Summon Daemonette" written on it and start pushing it vigorously
"Cato Sicarius loses his testicles and suffers a mental breakdown - A Comedy"
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>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektuh, Orko uv Dakkamark
>Dis iz goin grayt allredy!
>Duh town fulla chaos boyz is so full uv mud dat we can move duh bohtz in dere
>Well, me flagship wohnt zoggin fit but datz lyf I suppohz
>Duh chaos boyz are alredy fightin bak, sumfin dat aynt workin zo well sinz we 'az duh numerikul advantij
>See, my taktikz iz duh smartizt!
>Az duh chaoz boyz get kopd right an proppah, me an Bomba set off tuh fynd dose yelluh SPACE MUHREEN gitz wot punchd me zoggin arm off
>'ee speedz ahed lyk sum kinda speedfreek in 'iz new boht, Gork bless 'im
>Pik reelaytid, duh Bigguh Mek reelee owtdid 'imself wiv dis one
>Az I contemplayt if I shudda gotten a fastuh Mudmuhbeel, 'eer duh wonduhful sownd uv Ork Rokkaz 'eddin my way
>Me an duh boyz unleesh a WAAAAAGH az Deff Squiggoth charge forward singin
>....Strayt intuh a small 'ill
>Dey all fly off az duh endin bit uv duh song playz
>"(ORKO) Kaytoe's in a trap!"
>"(DUH FREEBOOTAAAA) Orko'z fizt pullz bak!"
>"(ORKO) Cayto screemz so lowd!"
>"(DUH FREEBOOTAAAA) An Gork iz prowd!"
>Dey land on duh Mudmuhbeel wiv dere instruhmuntz an speekuhz
>Duh staygboht meenwyl flyz intuh duh chaos boyz town an explohdz wiv duh orkiest exploshun Iz evuh seen
>Get duh boyz to 'elp duh band set up duh speekuhz tuh continyoo duh performunz
>Dey get duh show goin agen in fiftee sekundz flat an start playin me favrit song "Comin wiv Dakka"
>See bomba bangin iz 'ed tuh duh beet az 'ee an a few killa kanz joyn uz az we charg duh 'umiez lynz
>Be Vindicare Telius Katar
>Perched on what remains of some tower precariously standing on a rare piece of solid ground
>Fucking rain and artillery
>Had to approach within 1 kilo of potential targets due to poor visibility
>Ordered to eliminate HVTs involved in the battle for what was formerly Groxbridge
>Both enemy and ally
>Whatever, never been one to question orders
>WTF is that an Astarte behind enemy lines
>He appears to be doing a number on enemy artillery
>Not on my list
>Scan Around
>A Black Templar Astarte carrying some people, one of them female and... nude
>None of them are on my list
>Ah there we are
>A Heretic Commander, Brock Scarmeggedon I think
>High on my list
>Appears to be doing a profane ritual of some sort
>Probably a slaaneshi by the looks of it
>Lucky me
>Line up my exitus and prepare to take the shot
Were it not for the Kriegers and Nurgle worshippers declaring this planet some sort of paradise, there'd probably already be a minor chaos god of hating mud
Were it not for the Kriegers and Nurgle worshippers declaring this planet some sort of paradise, there'd probably already be a minor chaos god of hating mud gestating in the warp
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>Be me
>Duh Bigguh Mek uv Dakkamark'z krew
>Aftuh a lotta wurk, Iz haz finulee finishd 'em!
>Ayt, cownt 'em, ayt stompahz!
>Well, suppohz dey aynt stompahz no moor now, wot wiv duh skiz I fixd on sted uv feet
>I meen, wiv all duh mud deyd juzt get stuk uvahwyz
>I even put sum rokkitz in duh bak endz uv me new Mud Skiahz, powerd by all duh zoggin gas dat tendz tuh get duh avrij stompahz belly-'old
>Dat way, deez stompahz iz now fart-powuhd rokkit mud-skiahz!
>An fynuhlee, free uv dese 'ere skiahz even 'avv zoggin big caybul gubbinz
>Aftuh all, dose 'umiez down dere av diz ryt zoggin big garghant uv dere own, an 'ee broht frenz
>Orko wantz duh 'umie garghant diztrakid fuh his WAAAAAGH until wez can get sum proppah dakka down dere
>So dese free skiahz will now be trippin skiahz!
>Iz iz duh beztest bigguh mek arownd and dis zoggin proovz it!
>Get duh mud-skiahz lohdid intuh duh meguh-drop podz
>Az I watch 'em krash intuh duh plannit, get a call frum Orko
>'parruntlee duh band wot 'ee 'az tuh play in duh WAAAGH lozt dere zoggin stayg
>Sowndid ryt orky but theyz need a new one
>Well, I suppohz I waz workin on sumfin dey myt lyk....
>Be John Miller
>Be sitting on my porch drinkin' beer
>Glad the whole tresspasser incident is over. Nice to see the neighbors, too. Except that one tool who done got shot.
>Nobody liked him anyway.
>Hear a rumblin' coming from the sky
>Look up to see a bunch of meteors falling from the sky.
>Shortly after landing, hear a loud sound.
>Sounds like someone letting off one hell of a fart.
>Look at Clyde.
Bro... seriously?
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>Be me
>Duh firzt mayt uv duh fird uv Orko'z rohp skiahz, Slashzi
>Me an duh boyz in duh mud stompah av duh mishun uv trippin up duh right zoggin big gargant wot duh 'umiez 'av
>Duh uvah fyv reguluh Mud-skiahz 'av duh job uv diztrakin duh 'umiez stompahz
>Dey iz kurruntlee doin dat az me an duh uvah firzt maytz ar gettin duh rohp skiahz in puhzishun
>Duh big gargant fuh uz iz now firin down at iz feet at uz
>Mud iz evreewere now but weez iz too fazt fankz tuh duh rokkitz wot duh Bigguh Mek stuk on duh baksydz uv dese fingz
>Weez all fyr at duh 'umiez mega gargant
>Duh uvah too 'it dere targit
>Oh zoggin 'ell! Weez rapd duh caybul on duh
gitz arm! Owz we suppohzd tuh pull it down now?
>Ah well, too layt fuh dat, tym tuh pull
>Get duh gretchinz tuh start usin dere co-ordinating flagz an 'av evreewon pull at duh saym tym
>All duh rohp skiahz start pullin away frum duh mega garghant by pointin away frum it an tryin tuh aktivayd duh rokkitz
>...An nuffin 'appenz, zoggin 'ell
>Get duh gretchin tuh send anuvah messij: Pull duh uvah way ya gitz!
>Weez pull anuvah way and AAAAAAAAAAGH
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>Be me
>Iron warrior
>Currently improving the trenches within this vile mudworld, "Damnatum Lutum"
>Why dark gods why couldn't we just invade another shrine world or something?
>Currently some chatter on the vox about a loyalist chaplain destroying some of our artillery
>Not like I care, that's a ways down the line from me
>Suddenly, hear a very distinct sound from over the trench
>Tzeentch pls no
>Pop my head over the top of the trench just long enough to say the front of one of several Ork boats rush towards me at high speed, only to slam into my face and send my flying backwards into the trench
>Stay awake just long enough to see the waves of mud wash down into the trench, ruining all my hard work
>Fucking Orks
>mfw I'll probably survive this
*see the front
>Be Clyde Miller
>Sitting on the porch justa watchin' the meaty-oar shower
>Cleaning my heavy stubber
>One of them bigger rocks land a short ways away
>Makes a funny sound as it sticks in the mud
>John tries one of them ol' "really now?" jokes thinkin' he's funny
>Glare at him
>Point at the big fuckin' rocks fallin from the sky
>Gesture with my fist slappin' into my palm, immitatin' one uh them meaty-oars crashin' down
>Flip John off and go back to cleanin' my gun
>Fuck you, John
>You is my kin, and I love ya, but still... Fuck you, John
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>Be me, Imperial Fists Lieutenant Gereon Paulicus
>Been stuck waiting in this bunker for some time now, repaired one of the pumps, got rid of some fecal mater, and fortified further
>A/C is once again semi-functional
>Marshal Hans walked off topside
>Considering who I should promote to fill my shoes as Sergeant when the rumbling of basilisk rounds hitting the trench suddenly stop
>A message buzzes through the vox
>"Brothers, this is Chaplain Egillmann, I have taken out the enemies artillery, expect my arrival within 30 minutes"
>"Chaplain, how-"
>He shuts off his vox before I'm able to finish my question
>Alright then
>Begin gathering the men, left pauldron now once more attached to my armour
>Sammos still has that Power sword
>Promote him to Sergeant then and there because he already has the power sword
>Walk outside and see the Black Templars Marshal walking around with a one-armed paper pusher and a naked guardswoman
>Both of them are wounded
>Tell nearby medicae to go help them out
>Waiting for centurion to get here so we can begin the counter attack
>Hear something coming from the other side of the battlefield
>Turn around and see a tide of crude naval equipment manned by Orks moving towards us
>Order guardsmen to get into the bunker complex ASAP
>Look around for any equipment anyone could possibly man
>Abandoned and surprisingly unharmed lascannon
>Heavy bolter knocked off its tripod
>Pick it up, shake the dirt out of it and place it back on its tripod
>Grab bummed out Kriegers slowly moving back into the fortified fortifications, one of them has a shovel covered in barbed wire
>"You must stay here and destroy the enemy."
>Hear happy muffled gasmask noises as the kriegers man the weapons
>Call up other battle brothers to help me defend the trench
>Black Templar Marshal laughing manichaly as he grips his powersword
>"Greetings brother-sergeant, I have returned."
>mfw Daemonettes suddenly appear in front of us
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>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sammos
>Now Brother Sergeant Sammos
>Promoted for "already having the powersword"
>That is a logistically practical choice, but surely there are better
>Move outside to defend the trench with my brothers
>Waiting for the ork forces to get within good effective range
>mfw deamonettes start appearing
>mfw fleshy necrons staring crawling out of the mud
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>Be Skitarii Alpha Primus Sigma-32c, Autokrator commander
>Been stuck in horrific muddy hellhole for four months now
>Dunecrawlers can barely move even with duneshoes, basically fixed AA emplacements at this point
>Scorpius units are the fastest armour the Imperium has going for them at the moment
>Spent the whole campaign scrambling around desperately shoring up holes in the line wherever those bastard Iron Warriors show up
>Lost two of my Disintegrators to a fucking Malcador squadron last week, how the hell they got five superheavies working together in this only the Omnissiah knows
>Skitarii maniples have ditched their cloaks at this point, they just get caught in the mud

>Some Space Marine voxes in saying the bombardment's mostly over in the Groxbridge salient, there are bunkers there
>Crest ridge overlooking town with Dunerider
>Trench network surprisingly seems mostly intact, bananas plan good forts
>Omnispex net starts screaming at me in binary
>Curse the heretical fucks, going to have to fight AGAIN in this condition before I can get a new load of plasma ammo and fuel
>Ork hovercraft incoming, warp manifestations outside the bunkers.
>Order Disintegrators to go hull-down on the ridge, start firing down at the Ork craft with ferric cannon and blasting the approaches to the bunkers with energy mortar fire
>Transports scream up to rear trench lines, drift in a half-circle, ramps slam down and the best part of eighty battered, mud-splattered and cloakless Skitarii start running for the front line
>Activate Praetorian servitor bodyguard, pick up transonic sword and phosphor pistol.
>Most senior guy around is what the IFF says is a very muddy Black Templar Marshal next to a couple of wounded mortals and an Imperial Fist
>"Ave Deus Mechanicus, Lord Marshal Astartes, how may we---"
>Get halfway through standard flesh-voice greetings when a fucking Daemonette pops into existence between us and lunges for my throat
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>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektuh, Orko uv Dakkamark
>Me an duh ladz ar barrulin tuhwardz duh SPACE MUHREENZ trenchiz
>Dey seem tuh 'av mayd 'em a lot zoggin bigguh sinz I wuz 'ere lazt
>But deyz still 'avunt mayd it Orky, tym tuh fix dat!
>Az duh Mudmuhbeel getz closuh tuh duh 'umiez lynz, notiss sum ryt zoggin wyrd pink gitz appeer in a flash uv pink lyt
>Dey startz choppin duh 'umiez up an I sweerz I can 'eer 'em moanin as dey do it
>Not dat I can 'eer too well ovuh duh rokkin, not dat Iz complaynin
>Duh 'umiez luk kinda spookd wiv 'em, only duh spahz muhreenz ar fightin bak
>HA! Zoggin 'umiez, dey alwayz iz kowudz
>Allow Orko tuh show yu ow itz dun!
>Jump ontuh duh 'elm uv duh ship az we aprohch duh 'umie lynz
>Spray dakka frum me dakka-'at an me fanzy new shootah 'and at duh pink gitz
>Most uv duh pink gitz go down still mohnin az dey do, tuh eech dere own I suppohz
>Duh uvahz dat dohnt get kopd eevuh run intuh duh 'umiez trenchiz, wiv sum uv 'em suddunlee tellyportin ontuh duh Mudmuhbeel
>Grab on wiv two-finguhd klaw and froh 'em bak off, duh uvahz meet duh boyz an get kopd
>Az I spray down dakka at duh 'umiez in duh mud, notiss sumfin wyrd
>Deyz iz bildin tunnulz!
>Not lyk me or duh ladz iz goin down dere, smellz lyk duh bak end uv a squiggoth, even frum ovah 'ere
>Tell duh landuhz and kroozers in orbit tuh send down sum more grotz in rokz tuh go down duh tunnulz an kop sum 'umiez ryt an proppah
>A grot tawkz bak tuh me, klaymz "itz too dark an skaree down dere!"
>Grab dat littul git an froh 'im ovuhbord, datll show duh uvuh littul gitz not tuh tawk bak
>'av duh ladz moov duh bohtz bak tuhwardz duh chaoz boy'z lynz az a 'umie shootz lazuh dakka at uz an startz blowin up duh bohtz
>Zoggin 'ell, we wuz uzin dose ya git!
>Dey even left markz on me Mudmuhbeel, datz juzt not squig-it!
>Duh Mudmuhbeel barrulz bak tuhwardz duh chaos boyz wiv a few kanz in tow
>Start tuh spot sum rokz krash tuhwardz duh planit, spuhsifikully tuhwardz duh 'umiez trenchiz
>Dey krash intuh duh 'umiez lynz an start swarmin intuh dun tunnulz
>Luk tuh left wen I eerz diz ryt zoggin lowd sownd
>Duh Bigguh Mek'z stompahz av arryvd!
>An deyz iz flyin arownd duh 'umiez mega gargant!
>Dat Bigguh Mek iz ryt zoggin gud at iz job
>Be me, Flayed One
>My thirst for flesh consumes every rational thought
>Finally escape from confinement forced upon me by my disgunting unfleshed brothers
>Plan to finally get a new face so to get rid of this stupid skeleton face
>I am so cold in my robotic body
>Hidden under layers of mud
>Detect movement above
>Finally going to get the closest equivalent to a coat for my "condition"
>Jump through the mud in order to ambush
>The moment I erupt from the ground a disgunting warp spawn latches onto my prey
>Not on my watch
>Tackle the foul immaterium-born
>TFW my other flesh seeking brethren take the chance to erupt and attack that angry looking armored coat-hanger holding stylish meat-coats
>Be me, former swamp boat captain.
>Admiral gregorius keeps ordering us to do "sick drifts"
>This is the same fucking idiot who decided to go along with the kriegers idea to basically exterminatus the planet I was just on.
>Just had to be bailed out by a bunch of smug fucking space marines
>Mfw I just realized I'm ranting this over the loudspeaker
>Mfw the crew actually agrees with me
>They know a good leader, a brave one, one who knows the value of his brothers in arms.
>set ship for ramming speed, towards the admiral's own ship
>one last announcement over the loud speaker
>"Death to the false emperor."
>The prow of my ship tears through the admiral's armor.
>Be me, Admiral Gregorius Markus Agrippa Falkar
>Blasting the shit out of Ork asteroid
>Chunks of it exploding left and right
>Suddenly get a warning from officer on the bridge that something's coming at ramming speed towards us
>It's... one of our ships?
>Wait a minute that's the Cruiser who belonged to that one idiot which wanted to be an actual boat captain
>What in the name of the god emperor is he doi-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
>Nearly fall over as the ship slams into the hull of my own ship
>Divert all fire starboard
>Promote first officer to temporary ship captain as I GTFO, he's been with this ship longer than I have, he deserves to at least be allowed to die with it
>Grab fancy coat and admiral sword, begin running like a motherfucker towards the saviour pods
>A true captain might go down with his ship, but fuck no am I going down to some goddamn up jumped swamp-fetishist heretic!
>While running, take voxcaster with me
>Tune into the traitor captains’ channel
>"You wanna be like that captain? We can be like that, YOU HERETIC!"
>Starboard cannons roaring as ships are ripping each other apart
>Got most of my staff with me as I jump into a saviour pod
>Shed single tear as saviour pods launch from ship
>Still able to issue commands from here
>Request the nearest ship, the Armageddon-class, sends someone over to pick us up
>Hope Furies will protect us in the meantime
>I wonder if anyone brought any champagne
>Be Necron Lychguard Zaret Thal
>Scans show that the Dynasty Lord is nowhere to be seen
>Guess I'm in charge now
>Look back to video feed
>The battlefield is swarming with disgunting, revolting warp spawn and immaterium influence
>Some sort of devolved Krork fight in their savage, unrefined manner
>Some aliens bomb eachother with no regard to friend or foe
>It's an offense to the art of combat and tactic
>At least the aliens appear as disgunted with the greenskin and warpspawn as me
>Maybe I'll focus on them later, plus they can distract the flayed ones for now
>Order the canoptek spiders to start clearing the mud
>Muster the Warrior and Immortal legions, reawaken the cryptechs and Destroyers
>Power up the monoliths
>I'm having this planet cleaned for the Master
>Ponder using the shards of Nyandra 'Zatha to solidify the mud to make for a better battleground
>Perhaps if the situation deserve it
> "Teleport the initial ground forces to the surface, at the location of the Immaterium worshippers camp"
>Let's remove the worst stains first
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>be Alpha Primus Sigma-32c
>Fucking Necron just saved my neck somehow and now there's more of them
>Bring transonic blade up just in time to lock it with a vicious necrodermis claw somehow not covered in mud
>Blade grates, then tunes, grinds through claw and the metal skull above it with an ear-splitting screech
>One on the back of the Imperial Fist, shoot it off with a phosphor double-tap and the Marine stomps on it
>Praetorian shudders as combat stims are dumped into it's systems, it takes a step back and fires its seismic cannon down the vaguely-defined tunnel the things are exploding out of
>Necrons not noticeably deterred by the sonic bombardment, the one that tackled the Daemonette stabs my Servitor through the knee as it crushes another xenos skull with its claw
>Servitor falls forward, lands on one knee in the tunnel mouth as more Necrons leap at it and start slicing away at exposed flesh
>A naked Guardswoman runs past me and dives into one of my Duneriders. Ork boats seem to be retreating, so at least that's going right
>Fellow Skitarii activates arc-bayonet and rams it into the chest of a Flayed One, it staggers and I slice it through the back with my sword
>Stubber fire behind me as the transports open up at whatever they can see
>Be Flayed One
>Try to snatch a piece of one of my enemies
>It's cold and rotting
>This will not serve, I need the heat of true living flesh
>Look around
>Notice a sight of (fleshy) paradise
>A alien, fully unclothed, running slowly and almost playfully away, as if it's taunting me off my need to experiece it's flesh
>This must be a halucination from the virus
>Leap and run after it anyway
>The others are going to be so envious of my new fleshy coat
>Be me, One power fist man-
>I mean, Imperial fists Lieutenant Gereon Paulicus
>Ork land-fleet getting absolutely blasted by Lascannon, Admech weaponry and partially heavy bolter
>They're also absolutely blasting our trench with their small arms
>Daemonettes getting ripped to bits as they approach
>One of them leaps into the air and attempts to stab Krieg gunner in the skull
>Punch the heretical feminine daemon straight back into the warp
>Feel something grabbing onto my foot
>A fleash drenched, mud covered Necron pulls itself out of the ground
>Slam fist into its robotic head, crushing it and sending it back into the dirt again
>Necrons, Orks, Iron Warriors, Daemons and this weather
>Is this a test of my faith?
>I accept this challenge!
>Shake limp necrodermis claw off my foot and turn around to see the Marshal cutting through Necrons, Daemons and... Gretchin?
>Look up and see several Ork Roks flying down towards the trench
>Reel back fist
>Not on my watch
>Punch the Rok once it gets into range, it cracks and shatters into litte more than rubble and Gretchin corpses
>Other Roks landing nearby
>See Gretchin running into fortified fortifications out of fear
>Hear lasguns firing off inside followed by a Pious warcry
>A shit and blood spackled Chaplain Egillmann crashes out into the trench, Power sword stuck through the chest of a Flayed One
>"Greetings Brother-Sergeant. I shall defend the lower levels of our fortifications."
>He just rushes back inside like I wasn't even there
>See Krieger with barbed wire-coated shovel attacking Flayed One
>Bolt in as the Flayed one attempts to slash the Kriegers head into many pieces
>Slam fist into its spine, bending it into a semi-circle and splitting it in two
>Watch as its legs fall down the hole it came from
>Almost fall down as an Admech unit fires straight down into a nearby hole
>Point plasma pistol down hole and open fire
>While firing, turn to nearby Admech Alpha Primus
>Thank them for the help, then tell them that we found structures possibly made from Necrodermis near the lower level as we were fortifying
>Point with power fist at the bunker entrance and tell them that Egillmann is already down there holding off the Necrons
>Also inform them that the lower levels are filled with sewage and for them to please not blow us up
>Turn around and see Flayed one running at great speeds towards the Admech transport supporting us
>I refuse to allow this as that transport is strategically useful
>Fire plasma pistol into its leg, making it stumble forward
>It turns towards me
>Reel back power fist
>Now it’s on
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>Forgot the image
I'm an idiot please excuse me
>Be Imperial Fists Sergeant Sammos
>Obliterating flayed ones with my powersword in one hand
>Popping daemons and orks with my boltgun in the other
>A grueling four-way brawl all around
>Spot a flayed one chasing a naked guardswoman
>Wait, is that the one I pulled from pit of bodies two months ago?
>The same one an ork through at Cato Sicarius?
>I'm a little to occupied to help
>Lieutenant Paulicus intercepts the necron with a shot from his plasma pistol
>Problem solved for now, I guess
>Go back to fending on three different enemies of man at once
>Be me, Sigma-32c, Admech tank maniple commander
>Finally not being mauled by Necrons
>Now have to go fight more Necrons, on foot, in a bunker without incendiaries
>Can't use my pistol, can probably not use Galvanics on bottom floor
>Cant to my dozen remaining Sicarians that the Astartes have told us to go be tunnel rats
>Go back to transport, grab meltabombs for use on Necrodermis and throw the random Guardswoman one of our cloaks while I'm at it because her fleshiness offends the Omnissiah
>Grab squad of melee boys, march into bunker and follow the bellows of rage and sounds of screeching metal
>Really glad I can toggle my nose off right now
Phoneposting, please forgive any perceived autism.
>be traitor guardsman
>in the now heavilly fortified chaos camp in the former city of Groxbridge, now Skullheap
>At least this part is somewhat dry
>Nurgle forgive me, but I need to remove this shit and mud from my clothes or I'd rather die
>Sit and start cleaning
>By Tzeench it is dark in here
>"If only there was some light"
>The moment I say this a soft green glow envelops the room
>I barely have the time to say "Thanks" as a necron monolith teleports ontop of me
>Be Former Chaos Undivided Trooper
>Manage to get off that shithole planet with that boat crew
>The captain is ranting over the vox system
>I don't like where this is going
>ittakesaheretictoknowone.efinitely fuckingheresy
>The he says it
>He fucking says it
>Fuck me
>Right when I thought I had escaped this fucking mess
>I'll never get out of this system, let alone the sector
Fuck my life.
>Be Munitorum Field Test Observer
>Holding off all manner of xenos and worse
>Don't have the strength left in me to do much damage to the metal ones
>Using the chainsword to keep tham at bay
>It does rip on the delaemons quite nocely though
>And tear
>This would be a lot more fun if it weren't for the blood loss
My fucking typos are bad today
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>Be me
>One av dah unlacky gitz dat Orko foht it wud be funni tah send down dis stinkin pit, Grotzy
>I 'aytz dis playz! Derez 'ardly any lyt an ya cahnt breev in 'ere neevah!
>Dah furfuv we get down 'ere, dah wurs dah smell getz
>Az wee wundah wot it eevan iz, Libzy fallz intah a puddul uv... ZOGGIN 'ELL WOT IZ DAT
>Wee tryz tah pull 'im owt, but dah smelli wartah juzt sukz 'im bak in
>Well, we tryd mayt
>Kontinyoo down dah tunnulz wiv dah rezt uv dah ladz, avoydin moor uv dat smelli wartah
>'eer a noyz fram bee'ind
>Wot waz dat?
>Turn arownd an notiss dat Ginzy 'az gon missin, a small 'ohl goin down in iz playz
>Iz iznt goin down dere, sorry mayt
>'eer anuvah noyz, turn arownd an now Tinzy 'az gon down anuvah 'ohl
>Well datz not gud
>See sam fin mehtul klakz eeruhpt fram dah grownd, stab dah grot in front uv me dat I fahgot dah naym uv, an drag 'im down anuvah 'ohl
>Feel rumblin beneef me az anuvah set uv klawz eeruhptz frum beneef me
>Stabz me in dah gut
>Skreem az dey pull me intah dah abiss
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>Be me, Flayed One
>almost reaching my prize
>I can almost feel the heat of the meat, my claws scraping the paint of the enemy transport
>Then it starts
> A superheated bolt of plasma strikes one of my legs, slightly damaging it, but enough so that my target is able to regain distance
> One of the fleshies in a can has just fired his weapon at me
>I see my prey get covered, her skin hidden from my sight and reach
>Prepare to charge at the troblesome yellow trooper, see he is charging some sort of outdated fist weapon
>charge at him
>Have a massive hole in my chest, think one of my legs fell off and my sight receptors are damaged, but at least am now flying through the air near the transport
>Meat-Cape here I come
>Actually somehow fall inside it
>They probably should have placed a roof on it or something
>Hit someone inside with my bulk, swipe at it with a claw
>Hear the sound of scraping metal despite striking flesh
>did I just attack another victim of the flayer curse?
>The red around him must be the skin he recovered
>Do an ancient sign of approval in the form of a clawed thumbs up
>Lose interest and try to find the muscly-prize
>Just swing wildly trying not to hit the other necrontyr
>One should hit the target
>be me
>Chastity, a slaaneshi sorceress
>wait, a sorceress?
>must have been one hell of a party
>unfortunately I have a headache to match
>slowly open my eyes and look around
>looks like a warzone, as usual
>hear the sound of artillery somewhere nearby
>shit, it IS a warzone
>and I really wish I didn't recognize the sound from experience
>man, these hangovers keep getting worse and worse
>stumble to my feet, grab a drink of something I really hope is mostly water, then clean myself thoroughly
>step outside, immediately sink to my knees in mud
>good news: It's a planet. Bad news: I really, REALLY need to get off this planet right now
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>Be Skitarii trooper
>Senior, now mostly augmectics
>Surrounded by other troops in the Dunerider, and a almost naked guardswoman
>Giving covering fire in the general direction of the 4-way melee, hoping not to hit a friendly
>Get distract by a loud noise
>Barely have the time to register as a necron corpse strikes me and some other in the face
>Feel a sharp pain as one of it's claws swipe at my visor and crushes it to pieces
>Great, can barely see now
>Mostly just colors
>See what I believe to be another damaged Skitarii by the red coloration, flaying wildly probably at the living necron artilerry. Think he's lost a leg
> Help him get up, think he just gave me a thumbs up (Hard to see through the glass shards in my eyes)
>Retribute the gesture, and give him a shoulder to lean on as he flays his arms
>Guess he also damaged his visor
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>Be me, Imperial Fists Chaplain Sixtus Egillmann
>Holding the third level while my brothers fight topside
>Two tactical marines by my side, one apothecary and a couple of Kriegers
>First noticed that there were Flayed Ones down here when I arrived, one sprung from the ground and ended up dehorning me
>Grabbed some help from above, with this help I've been able to crush and slash my way through the necrons springing up
>Some Gretchins came down and got crushed to death under my feet
>Currently trying to pump as much shit as we can from the room
>Dual-wielding power sword and maul when several Skitarii rush into the room
>They've got melee weapons and proceed to wreck shit while I'm engaged with a Necron
>Spot several of them carrying melta bombs
>"Greetings Mechanicus allies, are you planning on descending to the lower levels?"
>Get an agreeing sound in responce
>Tell them to follow me, order battle brothers to stay behind and guard the stairs with half the Kriegers, take other half with me
>"While I was swimming around earlier, I noticed that part of the third-floor tunnel was blocked off by rubble."
>Begin moving down the hall as I talk
>"It is highly likely that this part of the tunnel is not yet flooded, we could use it to travel far down enough that you may detonate the meltas at a safe distance from the rest of our forces"
>We reach a set of convenience stairs to the third floor and the Admech reluctantly follow me down
>As I suspected, this part of the floor isn't flooded, however, we cut the lights here to conserve power
>Kriegers fan out and search through the room
>Suddenly one pipes up, calls for the Skitarii to come over and see this
>It appears to be a couple of pumps we installed down here to get rid of some ground water
>One of the Skitarii has a look at it, says they're still getting power but they aren't doing anything
>Wonder what we should do with them before Flayed One pops out of the wall like an agitated skeleton
Bump up the jam
Bump it up, yeah
Bump it
>Be me
>Duh flyeeizt uv duh flyboyz in Kaptin Orko'z fleet, Duh Red Nob
>Wuz givun duh borin job uv gardin duh landuhz insted uv fightin duh 'umiez wiv duh Spayz Gitz
>Oh well, itz ryt zoggin fun flyin me Dakkajet ovah duh 'umie gitz beneef me
>Get an orduh frum Kaptin Orko tuh moov bak tuh duh town fullah chaos boyz
>Ah well, gess dohz SPACE MAHREENZ can wayt
>Az I iz flyin tuhwardz duh town fulla chaos boyz, sum uv dere reemaynin fightahz ar shootin at duh boyz on duh grownd
>Duh boyz ar firin bak but duh chaos boyz iz fastuh
>Lukz lyk yu gitz 'av juzt synd up fuh a ryd on duh Red Nob'z dakka trayn!
>Rokkit tuhwardz 'em wiv full speed, firin every gun I 'az on diss 'ere Dakkajet
>Duh firzt uv duh chaos boy fightahz gohz down, anuvah tryz tuh duk an weev iz way owt
>Get sum altichood abuv duh fightah, den az he tryz to go up an follow me I shoot one uv duh rokkitz I 'az redy fuh dis
>'ee blowz up in a blayz uv burnin skrap
>Duh uvah too chaos boy fightahz tryan get away
>>Be Alpharius
>>Be everyone because we are all Alpharius.
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>be me
>Iron hands techmarine
>mars has decided that it would be worthwhile to reinforces some shitty planet with titans
>iron fathers and the council of ancestors throw a hissy fit to get a detachment consisting of me and 49 of my brothers to come along with them
>spend Emperor knows how long bumbling in the warp
>emerge and the planet that we are supposed to be reinforcing has a tempest covering the entire surface
>fuck it titandrop.stc
>titan lands ONTOP of some kreiger trenches
>titan sinks to its ankles in mud and various kreiger body parts
>imperial titan
>to its ankles
>its ankles
>thats like 20 imperial feet
>meanwhile orks.waaaaagh
>titan comes alive and fires every fucking armament in the general direction of the orks
>the entire horizon is suddenly on fire
>titan tries to trudge through the mud
>Kreigers overjoyed as new trenches are made going directly toward the enemy
>how practical these 20 foot deep trenches are me and my brothers have yet to figure out
>Giant metallic clang
>titan stops
>some giant fucking rod is blocking its path
>some imperial gaurdsmen crawls out from under a destroyed tank and is screaming something
>"Come brothers let us assist these mortals in their squabbles" says Brother Primus Frater
>he gets control of one mission and the ego is already getting to his damn head
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>Be me
>Duh firzt mayt uv duh sekund uv fyv mud-skiahz diztraktin duh 'umiez gargantz, Bugguruh
>Duh uvah boyz av diz well in 'and all fingz konsiderd, an duh rohp-skiahz av eevun figuhd owt 'ow tuh fly!
>Itz so zoggin orky I carnt 'elp but laff
>Notiss an oorinj streek uv lyt cumin frum abuv az anuvah 'umie garghant fallz down intuh duh mud
>Dey start sinkin in duh mud coz itz so zoggin deep in duh playz dat dey landid in
>Yell at duh flag gretchin dat we iz goin aftuh a new targit
>Dey poynt duh mega shootah at duh 'umiez gargant an get redy tuh fyr
>Itz too zoggin far fuh now doh, zo we iz gunna get a bit clohsuh!
>Av duh boyz turn duh mud-skiah tuh duh 'umiez gargant
>Duh rokkitz fyr up and WAAAAAAAAGH
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>Be me
>still Brother Aithne
>Entire horizon is nothing but fire
>titan is holding its position as the martians are trying to dig up the giant metal stick
>camp out on one of the titan's feet
>beats being stuck in a trench
>Brother Primus is still giving his speech about the flesh being weak
>Kriegers have finished making their pillboxes and trenches
>not like anything is going to come after us, anything organic has been burned away
>suddenly Orks
>around 2,000 meters out closing ridiculously fast
>most of them are on fire from the titan's promethium bombs
>trenches start firing simultaneously as thousands of heavy bolters rip into the green tide
>Titan can't shoot its big cannons due to their proximity so uses "small arms"
>martians have given up trying to dig out the rod and have joined the kreigers in the trenches
>"oh hey lets camp out on the foot of the titan, 200 feet away from the trenches" - me paraphrasing Brother Primus
>Primus orders us to flip the landraider and use it as cover and to fire at will into the waaagh hurtling towards us
>I better get a fucking promotion when this is done
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(quick handy dandy map of the situation)
>Be me
>Staff Lackey over in Segmentum Command
>Reading through incoming reports on Damnatum Lutum
>Trying to figure out why so many resources are devoted to engaging so many different enemies all on one shitty ball of mud
>Three chapters of Astates, a few titans, several superheavy armored regiments, imperial guard, skitarii, and even some prototypes being field tested
>All against traitor legions, heretics, orks, and apparently a necron tomb that was just waiting under the mud
>Best possible answer as to why they're all fighting is a big metal stick under the mud, but no one knew it was there until long after the battle started
>Get new reports from a comms officer
>Another ship has entered the segmentum
>More Astartes coming to join the fight
>Waiting to hear as to the chapter name
>Oh shit
>Turn around to face the rest of command room inside segementum command
>Half of everything not bolted down has already vanished
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>be me
>Imperial Titan Pilot
>Ork Stopah approaching
>grab onto the half buried spear
>lift it out of the ground
>damn this shit weights way too much
>yeet it at the Stompah
>direct hit
>what would be the chest of an imperial titan has been punctured straight through
>stomaph pinned to the ground
>30 seconds pass
>suddenly giant fucking multi-colored explosion
>the stompah and everything in a 500 foot radius is vaporized
>spear is still sticking out of the mud
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>Be me
>Rubric marine Dark Apostle
>The other rubrics are dead
>Stuck behind ruins
>Pray to Tzeentch for his blessing
>Use psychic might to launch a big fuckoff beam at the Titan
>Hope my attack works
>Die because I used all of my power
>be me
>imperial titan pilot
>just got whammied by a giant bean of energy
>heavy weapon systems fried
>locomotion systems fried
>can't move
>can't shoot the big guns
>metaphorically piss myself as the WAAAAGH has entered "able to shoot back range"
>every weapons system that hasn't been fried is trying to ensure the titan doesn't become ork scrap metal
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>Be me, Imperial Fists fifth company Lieutenant Gereon Paulicus
>The Necrons on the surface are now mostly gone
>What concernes me, however, is the Titan that just lit the horizone on fire
>Even more so the Iron Warriors camped out in front of it
>Even more so is the giant beam of pure energy that just shot out from behind the titan, overloaded its void shields and caused severe internal damage
>Even if we survive the WAAAAAAAAGH, we've got to deal with those iron warriors
>Skitarii have established defensive line behind our own
>Heavy bolter and Lascannon still operational, firing into oncoming Ork Land-Fleet
>Notice that something looks like it's looming over the clouds
>The outline of it is surprisingly similar to that of the prow of a Retribution-class Battleship
>With frightening speed, the looming object reveals itself to BE the prow of Retribution-class Battleship
>Following it are several crude looking bits of ship wreckage, likely Orkish in origin
>The pieces of Ork wreckage begin raining down on the Orks and the Trench line
>Oh God Emperor of Mankind, protect us
>Turn to Black Templars Marshal, he knows what I'm thinking and nods
>Have to shout for the guardsmen to hear me
>Point with power fist at the Prow of the Battleship on its way to destroy half the Loyalist, Traitor and Ork forces
>Astartes and Medicaes bolt down first carrying the wounded
>Kriegers immediately grab their heavy weapons and move down to the Bunker Complex
>Round up as many Skitarii as I can
>Grab a wounded Guardswoman and skitarii from a transport while I’m at it
>Bolt into bunker complex and make sure the entrance is shut
>The power down here will likely last for some time
>Kriegers have set up turrets on the first level
>As I reach the second level, I can feel the earth around me shake furiously
>Fall down, make sure not to land on the wounded I'm carrying
>"Do not fret, we may still survive."
>All this for a titan-killing bident
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>Be me, Sigma-32c
>Clearing out Necrons with transonic sword and a stubcarbine taken from a dead Infiltrator.
>Enginseer we called manages to bodge the pumps back together, bunkers are draining
>Fought my way down the tunnel with the Chaplain, managed to get half a dozen meltabombs on the Necrodermis gate the Flayed Ones were pouring in from
>Send detonator code, get a much bigger bang than I previously expected and a lot of shouts of WAAAGH
>Hook back into tank comms net, get two dozen camera pictures of the absolute clusterfuck happening on the surface
>Titan firing over our position, Stompa blew up somehow right when I hit the trigger, most of my transports have turned side-on behind the Krieg trenches so my troopers can use their sides as a firing step and cover.
>Meltabombs have opened hole in the side of a hill south-west of the Iron Hands position, charging Ork horde less than sixty out
>Horizon is entirely fire
>Empty stubcarbine mag into the first Ork that hits the tunnel, Chaplain smashes in the chest of the second one, Ruststalkers take care of the next two
>Data-blurt new targeting solution to the Disintegrators, energy mortar fire danger-close around our position and the Landraider
>More Orks, one of the Krieger engineers is pulled down and lets off his demo charge as he falls into the mass
>Vox screaming in binharic about getting under cover
>Enginseer rigging more bombs further back to seal the tunnel
>Run sword through another Nob, headbutt it and tear sword out, run reload protocol on Stubcarbine and keep blasting away
>Tankbusta rocket barely misses the hole, shrapnel pings off the Chaplain next to me
>Skitarii line too far from the bunkers to find cover starts falling back in their hovercraft, the rest are too busy diving for bunker entrances to support us
>Fire again
>Fire again, duck under cleaver swing, gut the Ork that tried it
>be em
>Brother Aithine
>The titan has destroyed the crude orkish titan but the horde doesn't seem to be stopping
>Suddenly Imperial Fist's arrive
>oh great
>last time we fought with these guys they mistook us for the Iron Warriors we were fighting together
>All at once the Kreigers and Imperial Fists start to retreat down into the bunker complex
>the Fist's Company Lieutenant is pointing at the row of battleships in orbit
>oh fuck
>remember somewhere in the tomes back at the Clan Headquaters that the Titan Dies Irae survived orbital bombardment during the Istvaan III atrocity
>detachment is ordered to get inside the Titan's foot and bunker down
>Be Necron Lychguard Zaret Thal
>It appears that the flayed ones have been mostly destroyed
>The warp cultist threat line however seems to be in compete chaos, and the troops have consolidated that position
>No matter, they serve as little more as fodder anyway, at they got to die in battle instead of deactivating inside the tomb
>Video feed shows that the Krork issue is growing at an alarming rate
>It also shows that the ancient spear has finally been found and uncovered
>An ancient artifact, set to rival even the Æonic Orbs in power
>And it's just sitting there in the mud
>Don't mind if I do
>I mean, if those barbarians in the surface are to stupid to use it, guess we'll have to show them
>Plus half the mud is solid now after all the heat and shelling, so that saves me the job
>"Power up the Doomsday monolith, and teleport it and each other heavy support we have to the surface beside it"
>"Get some immortal legions while you're at it too"
>Don't have any way to swing and fire it easily though, the monoliths are only prepared to transport it
>I mean, who would leave a organic deconstructor lying in the mud and not get it out of danger instantly?
>A bored Necrontyr Lychguard with way too many living aliens in the surface
>Guess the C'Tan can swing it with mind powers
>"Final measure, send in the Tesseract Vault of Nyandra'Zatha"
>They are going to see the true meaning of "fire support"
>and with that simple display, a small Shockwave and dust cloud surround where the bolt hit, soon followed by a growing blue bubble dusting any lifeform in it's way
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forgot pic
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>be me
>Inquistor watching this whole mess
>Planetary government has been relocated to the battleship Lanceae
>planetary government has been replaced by a military council that I conveniently lead
>shit is getting out of hand
>Order the entire naval detachment to commence orbital bombardment
>Imperial forces scurry to cover
>fists and Kreigers in their bunkers
>Mechanicum deep in their forge
>iron hands have bunkered down in a... Titans Foot?
>necrons are resurgent using some dumb spear to smite ork lines
>doesn't matter
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>Be me, Admiral Gregorius Markus Agrippa Falkar
>Sipping Champagne as I'm being transported towards the Armaggedon-class still bombing the ever-loving shit out of the small arms asteroid
>Catch a glimpse of my ship's prow
>Shed single manly tear as I watch my ships remains float through the void
>Prow seems to be a bit... floatier than the rest of the debris
>It seems to be... going downward?
>It seems to be picking up speed
>Oh shit
>Seems to be heading in the general direction of the bombed out remains of groxbridge
>Well that's fine I guess
>Continue sipping Champagne n
>A couple minutes later, still looking at the prow that has now split the clouds
>Can see green and blue flashes from the surface, almost completely blocked out by the prow heading straight down for it
>Hear buzzing on the vox, looks like inquisitors are going to further orbitally bombard everything
>It must suck to be a footslogger
>be me
>dead rubric marine
>Tzeentch approaches me
>turns me into a pink horror
>fuck you Tzeentch
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Guess using PROMETHIUM as a bombing material was a bad idea

(hope I didn't steal map guy's jerb)
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>be the remaining Chaos Cultists on the planet
>be pig shit farmer
>still in root cellar
>bombs still raining down
shouldn't the titan be gone since it was basically destroyed?
>Be Imperial Fists Sergeant Sammos
>We've packed our bunker, and presumably every other bunker in the area, with as many marines, imperial guard, and mechanicus personnel as we could
>Bracing for impact as a crashing voidcraft and orbital bombardment rock the battlefield
>The resulting tremor is so violent that cracks can be seen forming in the bunker walls
>On the up side, I doubt mud will be a problem for a while if we survive
>be me
>God Emperor
>*skeleton noises*
the titan had its void shields, locomotion, and heavy weapons obliterated by the Rubric beam. at this point it is a giant pillbox, but it is still standing
meanwhile in the titan
>"EVERYTHING IS FUCKING FAILING" -Pilot Moris' last words
>*the top 2/3rds of the titan suffers a direct hit from an orbital gun, is completely liquified, crew suffers 80% casualties, Iron Hands are very scared in the foot*
I feel like we're missing the kilometer wide impact of the prow but I guess that could always be added in later.
>Be Clyde Miller
>Sittin' on the porch relaxin' with Jogn and some of the neighbor folk
>They always show up when we're about to make our crawfish boil
>It's like they got a sixth sense for that kinda stuff
>The bombin in the distance got quiet for a second there
>Part of the horizon starts a glowin'
>The bombin' ain't any closer, but sure is a whole heck uvva lot louder
>Even feel a blast of warm air and dust ripple through the trees
>Look at john confused and sicked out like
>How do you like it when someone tries pinnin' a fart on you, smart ass?
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Tried my hand at updating it (last map was made right before prow hit)
>Be John Miller
>Damn these crawfish are good.
>Might make a move on El'lie Jayne, those freckles of hers are cute as hell.
>Wow that breeze is gettin' hot.
>Look over at Clyde and see the accusation in his face.
>Stare back at him and rip ass.
>I am a bit concerned about how close that bombin' is getting, though.
You sure we're safe here?
move those them Iron hands into the titan feet
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Meanwhile onboard the Planetary Capital Ship Lanceae
>council has been convened to discuss the threats to the planet
>Councilors in the military government include:
>Commander Primus Frater (via vox)
>Lieutenant Gereon Paulicus (via vox)
>Krieg General (via vox)
>PDF general
>Fabricator designated to oversee martian interests on the planet
>Former Governor
>Administratium Official
>local ecclesiarchy cardinal
>departum munitorium official
>Some Random Inquisitor named Andreas who has Hijacked the council and is acting as its leader
>Admiral Gregorius Markus Agrippa Falkar (Greg for short)
>"hey inquisitor do you think we should have evacuated the planet before we raped it to death?"
>Sudden random screeching over the imperial vox network
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Being treated for my injuries by a medicae
>This is the first good thing that has happened to me in months...
>Daemonette appears out of thin air and attacks some heavily armed cogboy that just showed up
>Then a weird clawed metal thing bursts out of the ground and attacks the daemonette
>It is almost like some cosmic force is deliberately making my life as horrifying as possible
>Panicked yip
>Run for one of the hovertank thingies the cogboys use
>Look back, one of the clawed metal things is definitely running directly for me
>Make it to the hovertank and don't look back
>The heavily armed cogboy from before gives me a disgusted look and tosses me a cloak
>It is way too big and not really conducive to running away from things
>Clawed metal thing falls down inside the hovertank and starts flailing blindly
>Climb out of tank, a Space Marine tells me I need to get back in the bunker before a spaceship lands on us
>Be me
>Be inquisitor
>Going to some bullshit meeting I don't care about
>Dumbass asks "Do you think we should've evacuated"
>"Absolutely fucking not, they would've died or fallen to chaos anyway"

>Be me Primus Frater
>Iron father from the Clan Raukaan
>been alive for over 1,000 years
>veteran of countless campaigns
>notice that imperial forces have been suffering obscene civilian casualties
>gets a vox call to a military council
>some youngster inquisitor is running around acting like he is running the show
>"hey inquisitor do you think we should have evacuated the planet before we raped it to death?" -me
>Inquisitor calls me a heretic
C'est la vie
>Realize my fuckup
>The inquisition is probably going to actually flay me if he doesnt personally
>Walk out of the room and throw myself into the engines and disintegrate
is the planet still under bombardment?
>Be Imperial Fists Brother Sergeant Sammos
>The shaking has finally stopped
>Volunteer to first out the door
>Step out to see the battlefield all but eradicated
>The mud has dried out hard as rockcrete
>Its surface cracked and dusty
>Tanks and corpses protrude from the desert, even a few titans, all set in their places
>The remains of a Retribtuin-Class Battleship the centerpiece of it all
>Even the rain has stopped, the entry of the vessel ripped the storm asunder
>Sunlight pouring down finally reveals the battlefield as it hasn't been seen in months
>The destruction expands for miles
>Only near the very horizon does the damage seem to lessen
>I'd call it a victory, but at this point there truly is no definitive winner
>Relay an all clear to the people waiting inside
>I hope they brought their tropical uniforms
>Be Clyde Miller
>After the last shock wave I think we're gunna be fine
>John looks a little concered
>Just lift muh hand and wobble in back an' forth, not too sure really
>It does get a bit warmer, and the rain lightens up a little
>Summer must be comin' early this year is all
>Sip on some sweet iced teacaf
>Got to shoot some greenskins today
>The Emprah works in mistery- muhsteer-
>Don't question the Emprah's blessins dammit
>Go sit on my rocking chair out front
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>Be Al-Zahin, one of the few remaining Tallarn on the planet
>after Emperor knows how much time of trench warfare under heavy rain and shelling, the weather is finally turning around
>In fact, it's starting to remind of home, except with more mud instead of sand
>Guess it's not even mud at this point but clay
>Go to some of my peers, notice they are starting to break in a sweat
>Even I will admit it's hot
>Look out in the horizon, appreciating the two suns and the now hardned mud and xeno/traitor corpses that havent been flattened or incinerated to bits
>wait a moment
>Despite being unable to see the sky before, I was pretty sure that in the briefing they said this system only had a single sun
>Ask the boys about it
>Some stragglers from the navy confirm it's supposed to only have a single sun
>It's starting to get hot even for me, see some of the less augmented cogboys becoming heatsick with their heavy robes
>Look back at the Horizon
>Wasn`t one of those suns smaller before?
>In fact, why is it so horizontal, this isn`t supposed to be sunset or sunrise
>Oh Emperor it's definatly getting bigger
>Can feel my skin starting to burn
>I hate this planet
>Be Tzeentch, Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth-Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker Master
>The battle has finally played off
>It took a lot, and I do mean a sizable amount, not gonna lie for once this was a gamble, of planning
>Got this mixed warband of various worshipers, the anathema's pawns, the kroks, and the necrontyr to generate a big anough battle to unleash my new play thing
>All while trying preserve as much power as possible for my next move
>Rip open a hole in the wawrp just big enough to pull this spicybi through
>A few eternities in baby shard jail ought to chill him out
>Leave the rest of my followers on the planet for dead
>They served their purpose and are no longer of use
>Or have they? What will do with my new friend? Or, was this just a pleasant side effect of a larger plan?
>Did this battle even happen? Probably, but does it matter?
>be pig shit farmer
>still in root cellar
>at one point the room started to fill with water
>it looked murky as the pig shit I farm
>but to my luck a water filter floats toward me
>praise the emperor, for he has saved my from dehydration
>also it appears that the raining of the bombs have stopped
>as I slosh through the water to the stairs
>I feel a rumble and then a defining bang
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>be Kriegers
>Imperial fists give the all clear
>emerge from bunkers
>no more trenches
>instant happiness
>the boys start to build a new line of trenches where the old ones used to be
>no more mud so this time the other humans wont be miserable
>hard earth so we can suffer even more
>the Emperor is merciful today
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>Be me, Lieutenant Gereon Paulicus
>Get brought into vox call while sitting in the bunker
>A Primus of the Iron hands asks an inquisitorial agent if they should have evacuated before orbital bombardment
>They're called a heretic and told that of course they shouldn't have
>Hear Primus insult them back, inquisitor audibly angry
>Invite in the marshal as he should also be there for obvious reasons
>Hear the sound of doors flying open over the vox
>"I request that we cease the planetary bombardment immediately, we have an imperator titan deployed, we risk damaging it by doing this."
>That's definitely Brother-Captain Maluan
>In between loud sipping of champagne and smoking of Lho-Stubs, hear Admiral Falkar butt in with, "He's right y'know."
>A second set of heavy footsteps echo over the vox followed by a fanfare
>That's definitely the Ultramarines captain
>Inquisitor grumbles a bit "Very well, we will cease the bombardment."
>The shaking outside, however, is still not gone.
>That must be the Imperator Titan
>Sit back in the tunnels, hear Egillmann encouraging the men for around 10 or so minutes
>Stand up
>It's quiet
>Form up small team of battle brothers to exit out of fortifications
>Brother-Sergeant Sammos signals the all clear for the troops
>In deafening silence and with great efficiency, the troops move out into the now dry landscape
>The sun is shining down on us
>The wind is blowing harshly
>Some Orks are screaming in pain, others are just laying buried in the dirt, loads of corpses everywhere
>The landscape is cratered to a great extent
>Feel like a shadow is being cast over me now
>Turn around and spot the Imperator Titan looming over us
>It has its weapons turned... upwards?
>By Terra what is-
>Tune into vox, all channels
>The weapons on the God-Machine roar to life as it dumps its sheer destructive might into the mockery of a God
>Don't even have to order everyone to get back inside, they just leg it into the bunker
>Still give the order though
>mfw Out of the hellish rainstorm, into the inferno
>Hear inquisitor gloating about how they were right all along
>Pretty sure I heard him from the Fabricator's vox input
>Go into bunker last, thank the emperor for my new helmet as I was not cooked alive like some of the Orks

aren't Ctan anathema to the warp? Wouldn't that just end up f*cking both sides of the portal and reality as a whole

Like, a reverse warp storm in one end with extra crispness?

plus isn't this the same dude that set fire to the webway back when it was overseed by the old ones, so some shit is going to happen and I think both gods will fuck eachother, kinda like if a squid tried to remove a frying nugget directly from the oil, it'd end with a burnt tentacle and a soggy nugget on zhe floor and a swearing squid and the nugget would probably be unhappy
>be Brother Aithne of the Iron Hands detachment
>the titan's foot has held up
>all 50 members of the detachment survived
>bombing mostly uneventful other than the horrific nightmare screams of the crew being liquified
>thank goodness I don't feel fear
>only even of note is Venerable Brother Arca Archa fell over and it is very hard to pick up dreadnoughts
>Iron Father Primus was on a vox call throughout the bombardment
>first out the door
>notice 3 things
>1) the ground is now as hard as my armor
>2) the titan is gone above the knees, explains the screams
>3)there is a giant fucking avatar of a humanoid on the horizon, approximately... uh... large
>the crew of the right and left legs flee and scatter
>the 50 hardy boys of the Iron Hands are now, as I speak, turning the left foot into a fortress, using the metal above the ankle as obstacles and defenses
>I hope Iron Father Primus Frater knows what the fuck he is doing
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>be Iron Father Primus Frater
>detachment is too small to stop the C'tan
>ordering the detachment to fortify to offer the false sense of security
>Vox call the Tech Priest in charge of this operation and request extraction
>Vox call my fellow Iron Fathers from clan Raukaan and request that the rest of the clan be sent immediately as aid
>"the entire 3rd Company from the Iron hands will be arriving ASAP"
Sorta, I suppose, but that was all of Nayarda-what-his-face and this only a shard.
As far as C'tan being anathema, I know they were agains the Old Ones in the webway, but the Old Ones were, as far as I know, not quite as powerful as full on gods.
Sure, The Great Old Ones were god-like, but they were just a hyper evolved species afaik.
If you could pull a shard of a C'tan into an isolated area of warp, I don't see how it would escape, if they are that powerful how were they contained in the first place ya know?
Alternatively, seeing how the shard was contained earlier in an even further weakened state, why not just suck him into the war and then spam expendable melee bois at him
Let him expend all that energy killing melee dudes where there's no firepower in use for him to feed on

Better yet, just fucking teleport him to some big fucking ice world to sap his heat from him there.

I've been having a plague of typos to day, and I don't really know why.
>Be Sigma-32c
>be somehow alive
>Left leg nonfunctional, gun lost somewhere around the eighty-second Ork and sword is so smashed up it may as well be blunt steel rather than a transonic at this point
>Vox-unit removed along with remaining fleshy ear
>No idea where the chaplain is, lost him in the meltabomb-flash and the impact shockwaves from the ship
>Haul myself halfway out of the bunker
>Hear Imperial Fist yelling so loudly that I can hear him through both our helmets with no vox
>Hear thump of Titan fire
>Confused images received through the tattered remnants of the Maniple noosphere confirm that enemy forces are far beyond the meaningful intervention of one fucked Primus and a few dozen Skitarii
>Flashing internal trauma warnings have faded into background noise at this point, if there's a medic around he's probably busy at the moment
>Haul self up against bunker wall with a couple of wounded Guardsmen, start running damage control functions, try to get the emergency vox-implant working or find someone who can drag me to my tank on the maniple net
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>Daemonette appears directly in front of me
>Way to fucking jinx it Prissy
>Tactical retreat in other direction
>Naturally the thing appeared between me and my company
>Run down tunnel which is strangely empty
>Turn around the corner, a Flayed One appears
>When did Necrons get here?
>Run in opposite direction
>Daemonette is still chasing me
>Run down side tunnel
>See a grot
>When did orks get here?
>Turn to run away again
>Wait, why am I running from a grot?
>Pull out laspistol and pop it right in between the eyes
>Whole pack of gretchin start swarming out of various side tunnels
>Start running away again
>Also it still smells absolutely terrible down here
Okay, I flicked around a bit online.
No deep search or anything, just basic glazing over.
I think I get what >>67298908 is trying to get at.
The two trains of thought I saw were either A: They can't exist in the warp and cease to exist or B: They are completely isolated and powerless as they begin to starve without feeding on energy

I did try to delete >>67298741 for posterity, but the post is too old by now
The lore around C'tan never really interested me, so this has definitely become an interesting scenario for me to ponder while i sit here.
le bump
I think that would make the most sense to just send it to fuck knows nowhere, as trying to contain a C'tan is hard, like really hard
The Tesseract Vaults need a full team of crypteks and stacks and stacks of energy, necron super-tech and necrodermis to continue to hold a shard, as the vault decays rapidly without care. I think the best options would be A: Warp it to fuck knows where, but that's risky as if it manages to garner enough power the shards can space travel (At least the deceiver, nightbringer and that one inside the world engine could) B: Hope you can damage jt enough so it can be recontained, or force it to expend enough of it's energy to deactivate C: Warp yourself to fuck knows where and pray

Most Necrons follow plan B or C

speaking of that:

>be Necron Lychguard Zaret Thal
>as always, utilizing a shard has backfired
>but the mission remains a sucess, the bident has been recovered and most of the Pyramid tomb systems have been reawakened
>Data shows that the atsmosphere is overheating
>Plus I think that shard overestimates it's power, while transcendant it is nowhere near enough tobalance superheating the planet, growing in size and protecting itself from the "humans" and their incessant taste for shelling and orbital bombardament
>Translated tapped comunications suggest they are thinking of throwing another ship at the problem, annihilate the surface or both
>Anyway the Shard will have to lose interest and teleport away soon
>if we remain underground it should be safe at least
>What even is the melting point of necrodermis?
>Must inquire one of the high-ranking Crypteks about it later
>At least the planet will look more suitable for the gracious lord when he reawakens
>I hope he does soon
>His sarcophagus has been found and moved to the center of the tomb, right next to the obliterating spear
>I've placed mine beside his
>I will return to my sleep, and only reawaken to the sound of my overlords gratitude
>A victory has been achievied, if only I had someone to present it to
>Eternity is lonely
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>Be Chaos Undivided Trooper
>name: Harold
>Skullheap simply no longer exists above ground
>every building, every structure is gone
>assumed that if the loyalists are duking and covering in their bunkers something bad is gonna happen
>15% of Chaos Troops are able to escape into the sewer system before the bombing
>of that only 5% of the chaos troops before the bombing survive
>entire high command has collapsed as all leaders have been killed
>since we are a progressive bunch we hold a vote on who will become the new leader of Chaotic forces
>somehow I win
>have to come up with a way to salvage this horrific situation we have found ourselves in
>give orders to have all the survivors dress up in their civilian clothing and to infiltrate society
>apart from their civies the only other belongs they can take out of the sewers are:
>a single vox unit, directly encrypted to mine as to give orders
>a single laspistol
>I keep 5 hardy boys with me in the depths of the Sewers to make a command center
Sammos / Former Chaos Undivided Trooper / Munitorum Field Test Observer/ Clyde / Navy Communications Officer #1 here

Thread's been up nearly four days now.
Would be nice to wrap this up soon, if it stays up too long these kinds of thread start to lose their spark.
Not that I don't like these threads, I love them deeply, but if a thread goes too long I fell that it can hurt the odds of another good thread coming along.
I'd be happy to reach another checkpoint and continue the story of Damnatum Lutum later on.
I figure if we wait three weeks or more, so about a thread once or twice a week, then we can avoid burnout.
The time gap also gives people time to think up new material, this way threads don't slow down as easily.
So long as we don't wrap up on "C'tan farts, everyone dies." I think we could pick this up come August.
I think if we had it stop with:
1) C'tan wakes up
2) fists and titans try to stop it
3) Iron Hands Bunker down with reinforcements inbound
4) Chaos still exists
5) politics in space
6) orks????
7) iron warriors ????
8) Krieg trenches

i feel like we are almost at a checkpoint, just have to wrap up a few loose ends

what about that pig shit farmer?
I think it's pretty wrapped up, surface is glassed, necrons are happy, loyalists survived and regrouped, chaos did some wacky stuff and thats mostly it

The shard will have to recharge it's AA bateries at one point and go away, everyone is at this point watching the double sunrise in a way and wainting for it to be over while underground, and cheering on the inside that the greatest enemy of all forces and most hated foe AKA the Mud and Rain has been dealt with. That probably makes the surviving troops happy, in that the planet got the boot

Plus the imperium and chaos will probably rebuild after things cool down (ha), as now the planet is actually capable of sustaining hive fundations and buildings/factories, there's a big mechanicus presence already plus interest due to necron artifacts and titan/ship remains. I think it's well on it's to become a factory world with some secret chaos cults from the traitor surviving forces (that now appear to be in disguises and or hiding)

It ended somewhat well
Pig shit: farmed
Admiral and Chaplainposter here, we've reached the bump limit. Archiveanon, you beautiful bastard, I really hope you're lurking in here. I guess I'll write up a little air battle to sort of end the thread with? It'll tie up this particular thread nice and easy while leaving an opertunity for us to continue later. If it leaves you disatisfied, feel free to send child pornography and computer destroying viruses to linkingthisemailwasamistake@gmail.com
Maybe have the checkpoint be the ship crashing that seemed like a pretty good stopping point. Most of the plot points wrapped up and every group is waiting for the results of this one event

It probably end with the now desert world rebuilding, the necrons back to sleep now that they did what they wanted, the orks had a good scrap and are now pretty much vaporized by one thing or another (but they will grow back some day). Kriegers now are trading the shovels for pickaxes and the Tallarn troopers are now surprisingly happy with the current state of things

The navy will probably keep shelling the C'Tan till it goes away, but the mechanicus will probably make them not comit exterminatus due to the existance of a massive archaotech ship remains and some shiny new pair of titan legs, along with some scatered necron technology.

Pig shit farmer is now probably the one worse off as all the shit has dried solid, and he has little to no fertile land left
>Be me, Wing Commander and Aeronautica Ace Laurentz Foulke
>Admiral had me promoted after last engagement, mainly because one of my superiors died, but partially because I performed some sick tricks in the air despite being in a Thunderbolt
>Fighting up here in the void is mostly over, a couple frigates and a Kroozer left but hey not my battlegroup, I think the others can deal with them
>Got orders from Admiral Falkar to, "FUCK THAT C'TAN INTO THE DIRT"
>Every single functioning Aeronautica craft on my Dictator-class is being deployed
>In fact, this can be said for what seems to be every single Craft in the fleet
>Wonder if this is going to be the biggest engagement I get deployed in
>Really hope so, because I don't think anything's gonna top fighting a God
>Go through flight checks, wingmen by my sides
>Once everyone's operational, we deploy
>There's a gargantuan hole in the clouds
>The atmosphere is being filled by fighters
>Oh my god emperor of mankind it's beautiful
>Valkyries, Sky Talons, Thunderbolts, Lightnings, Vultures, Vendettas, Avengers, Marauders of all kinds and so much more are filling the sky
>Even Space Marine Aircraft are flushing in
>This may be a bit overkill
>Remember we're fighting a God
>I changed my mind
>"<< This is Silber 1 to all units, squadron command, report, over. >>"
>Everyone seems to be ready to engage
>"<< Silber 1 to all units, may the god emperor protect you, over. >>"
>Begin moving towards giant flaming humanoid in the sky throwing rays of flame and specks of black matter at an IMPERATOR TITAN
>Aircraft begin spreading out
>Missiles, Lascannon shots, Heavy Bolter rounds and much, much more are flying through the sky at the C'tan from all directions
>It's zipping around, attempting to avoid as much fire as it can
>Eventually it stops and just begins sending out huge waves of Cosmic fire at the crafts attacking it
>Giant chunks of Squadrons obliterated in seconds
>Some aircraft blowing their Lascannons up mid-air when too close to the thing
>Everyone's flying around frantically, bombarding the C'tan as best they can, shots hitting it and barely grazing it
>Imperator Titan has stopped firing
>Get a bright idea
>"<< Silber 1 to all units, keep bombarding the C'tan, but give the Titan enough space to fire, lead this xeno bastard towards it! over and out >>"
>Other Wing Commanders issuing similar orders, likely we all got the same idea
>Eventually, the hundreds of aircrafts in the sky are spread out enough that the Titan can clearly see the C'tan
>It's fairly close now
>It's been zipping around the sky for quite some time, manipulating the flow of time to avoid our attacks and it seems like my cockpit is getting hotter and hotter
>Fire is fucking falling from the sky
>We’re taking grievous casualties
>We're still filling the sky with fire, blowing the shit out of this motherfucker with no reaction from him
>Come on you big flaming son of a xeno, just get a biiiit closer to that imperator...
>Specks of flaming black matter come flying at me
>Get the fuck out of the way as fast as possible
>Black matter strikes down Wingman from the sky
>"<< Silber 2! Damnit! No!" >>"
>That son of a bitch is going to pay
>Increase throttle to maximum
>Order my remaining aircraft to follow me
>Request the other wing commanders follow along
>This C'tan is clearly angered now
>The amount of aircraft flying around are starting to form a wall of flying death
>Meteorites are trailing us, destroying those aircraft lagging behind
>We're moving towards the Imperator titan at full speed
>Already voxed the Principe, it knows what I plan to do
>Can see it moving its giant weaponry towards us
>"<< Silber 1 to all units, on my mark, break >>"
Yeah. Now's a fair point.
I just didn't want to come in like a big dick in a locker room saying it's time to cut it

Hopefully Archiveanon is here to work his magic

If the hicks survive it would be amusing to see them adjusting to the modernization
40k-White-Trash was a a very entertaining sideshow in threa
>Imperator is powering up its guns
>We aren't even close to where we need to be
>It might fire on us if we don't break ASAP
>Come on Thunderbolt don't fail me now!
>Say a prayer to the Omnissiah as Aircraft get torn to shreads around me from C'tan blasting
>Entire fleet's worth of Aircraft breaks suddenly and violently, revealing the Imperator Titan to the C'tan
>It doesn't waste any time in opening fire
>In opening fire, it swats a couple Aircraft that were too close down
>Every fucking weapon on it point blank smashing into the C'tan at such speed and with such power that it's like watching the wrath of an angry God
>Every Aircraft that isn't already dead moves out of the way ASAP
>The only aircraft between the C'tan and the Imperator Titan
>Feel the very metal of my thunderbolt giving way Left wing is disintegrated within a second, next is the right, engines on the wings are gone
>Get blasted to the ground as C'tan unleashes a scream of pain
>...Is this the way I die?
>Suddenly, feel something
>Something lifting me
>What in the name of-
>Thunderbolt is glowing
>How am I flying?
>Machine spirit is running wild
>C'tan still screaming as it's blasted with so much firepower it could make an exterminatus spammer proud
>Watch as it suddenly dissapears and sends out a giant wave of energy at everything around it
>Get thrown to the ground, crash land safely near Krieg trench
>Almost black out
>I've definitely broken several bones
>After laying there a while, what looks to be a tech-priest brute forces open the cockpit of my Thunderbolt
>Roaring chears around me from Guardsmen
>Looks like we did it... I think?
>Black out from the damage I’ve sustained and spend next several months in a medical ward

no! NO CP!
If Neckbeardia is watching, please make a note to leave out >>67298741 as it is a point of contention and was retracted by its poster (me)
I'm at least 80% sure you're watching this thread, so hopefully you catch this note.
And now, we pray to archive anon in order to make sure he actually shows up to archive our thread.

Neckberdia barely posts 40k green text anymore

we keep bumping until he does
Beautifully done anon, especially with the admiral so happy that he murdered a bunch of people but got to prove his point
lets make an official date to make the sequel

how does AUGUST 1st sound anons?
I mean, he picked up the first Damnatum Lutum thread, and that that about weeks ago.
Part of that is the Cold Shoulder guys have a discord, so my bet is he watches quietly for links to threads for content.
I don't hate on him for it, having the stuff shared is kinda neat. Just that it seems like he copypastes without much editing.
ahem, August 1 sounds nice

Thread Archive ( I think it's like this)

How about the evening of August 2nd?
That is a Friday, so we can have the weekend for the thread to run.
Sounds good to me, a fine enough time for our brains to calm down and to think up new ideas. I wonder what the original OP is doing in all of this, hope he gets back so we can have some more weird prototypes showing up.
*that was about three weeks ago

Still plagued by typos. fml
I was continuing the prototype theme from the Inquisitor of the first thread.
First thread had "Maus" superheavies, and there was also mention of additional prototypes (E100's and Rattes)
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven, 1st Happy Ending Regiment
>Got thoroughly lost being chased around tunnels
>Who knew that several regiments of men could make such a maze of tunnels in just a few months?
>Stop to take a breather
>Something tears my kilt off in one sharp tug
>Turn around
>Several daemonettes directly behind me
>Not this again
>Start running....
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Blessed compliments, thanks fren, glad you enjoyed it.

And yeah, that works. Though I think there's a more specific thread Archive with actually labled threads right here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html
I know archive anon was here for part 1, and I know the beach episode thread was archived on there, so lets hope it gets archived there too.
I am not usually the guy who archives stuff on sup/tg/, but I know how to
Any special requests regarding description, tags, etc.?
what about
Damnatum Lutum Chapter 2: Might Muddy Boogaloo
Title should probably just be "the battle of Damnatum Lutum, part 2", and the description might be "giant mud drenched, raining stalemate between Chaos and Imperium Forces. Then a 50 meter lance shows up. Things escalate dramatically."
I wonder what the next massive, war-induced climate change will be
thread has been archived on sug/tg/, it should be the most recent post you find after searching "40k" or "writefaggotry".
Not sure if it continues saving posts made after the archive request was sent.
OP, here to sign off.
I had a great time, hope to see you guys in a few weeks come August.
Until then, may all your warp jumps be safe, and may none of your admiralty circle-jerk to prove dominance in the middle of a void battle.
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Orknon here, slightly miffed I didn't get to more properly finish off Orko's side of the plot, but that's life I suppose.
As for what he's doing right now, he and bomba are most likely back on the kill kroozer BollokzBayn after being teleported there by the Bigguh Mek, currently shaking their fists saying "We'll get dose gitz next time!"

Until the next thread anons, I look forward to the next time that Kaptin Orko and his krew can unleash the joy of dakka on another world.

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