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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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>Be Ultramarine squad capitan Manius Domitius Pulcherius
>Supporting Some Combined force of cadians and Praetorians in deffending some backwater agri world from a Chaos incursion
>Shit was going bad
>running out of guardsmen to throw at their guns and blades
>They are pushing our forces back
>there is a daemon prince leading the attack
>get a vox from the inquisitor that some reinforcements have arived
>Currently deffending their landing possition
>The reinforcements have arived!
>Suddenly a bunch of what i assume are kriegers from what theire yelling are rishing the front lines
>Fuckers keep Screaming shit like "BLITZKRIEG" and "FOR THE GREAT FUTHER UPON THE GOLDEN THRONE" in Krieg
>Suddenly the armor devisions arive
>Tanks that if they were bigger they would rival baneblades
>The weird kriegers keep calling them Mice 2k or something
>They are pushing the heretics back
>They are saving the day
>mfw some kriegers suddenly cuck me,my battle brothers and chapter from bringing victory
>Still gonna steal the credit
When did role-playing greentexts become more common than in-game stories?
before you started using this board obviously
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Bump to try sparking back the flame of good old greentext shitposting /tg/
I miss the good old days
The entire setting is already nazi larp subtext, making it nazi larp supertext just defeats the point
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When I made this shitpost I didn't really care if it was natz or shit
I just really like 40k and German tanks
For the quotes of the soldiers I went for the most overglorified quotes just to make it obvious
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>Be me, Commissar Mathias Marc of the 917th Cadian Regiment
>Fighting heretics on some backwater shithole
>Fight is going really bad, had to shoot half my squad just to keep them in line
>Even the Ultramarines we called in are getting stomped
>Thank the fucking emperor reinforcements have arrived
>They're from krieg
>They drop in some kind of shiny new Baneblades and start charging the enemy
>Can't let them steal all the credit
>As one of the tanks charge forwards, I hop on top and yell at the soldiers inside to drive me to the front lines
>Tank rockets forward so fast I drop my sword
>Starting to think this was a bad idea
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Does it even matter to shit post here any more?

The flame is dead, there will be no more cold shoulder like green texts, no more guardsmen adventures as planets fall into a total shit storm, it's all over.

Just let this form of shitposting be laid to rest already, the dead horse is fucking nothing but dried paste splattered against the floor and walls at this point.
I just wanted to have just one last laugh seeing one of these shitposting threads go.
But it seems that shit here just keeps degrading in quality and good material keep getting rarer and rarer
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If we don't keep the flame alive, who will?
Are we just supposed to let fun die and be consumed by this garbage world.
The reason most of us are on here is to find a chance to ignore the shitiness of the outside world. Through anger, humor, or whatever other outlets we have.
As we sink deeper and deeper into melancholy over the state of the board or the website as a whole and how much it reflects the nightmare we collectively live in, we will long for the days when we had these threads.
But those days don't have to come, it's up to us to try and keep the spirit alive, even if a thousand threads fail and wither away, if we are able to rekindle that spark for even a moment, it will be worth it, because it shows that there is still something to look forward to.
If we didn't have that something, then why even get up in the morning?
Why even live?
Ok fine, you do have a good point there.
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>Be me, Traitor Guard
>Fighting with my fellow heretics against the corpse god's lackeys
>Can't aim for shit thanks to my sight and depth perception getting fucked by chaos
>Our Daemon prince that took what felt like a decade to summon leads a charge against the enemy
>Watch in horror as they get slammed and ran over by what looks like a big fuck-off Tank.
>Not too sure if our Daemon prince is still alive
>I somewhat see and hear panic spread through the weaker disciples
>Decide to make a tactical "Withdrawl" and start searching a weapon more suitable for fighting the giant tank plowing right into our lines.
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>Be me, Cultist
>Slaughtering captured guardsman in sacrifice to the primordial truth
>Orgy of bloodshed and violence has already summoned one of the greater dwellers from beyond
>Suddenly a gigantic fucking tank bursts through the lines
>It's bearing right down on fucking top of me
>Try to get out of the way but slip on icor and blood
>last words i ever hear "The Ultramarines Claim this victory"
>Be me, Commissar Mathias Marc
>These kriegers are fucking crazy
>They don't even bother firing the tank guns, all they do is run people over
>Even the enemy's tanks
>Suddenly the tank I'm in makes a 90 degree turn that nearly throws me out
>Tank is heading straight for the Daemon Prince
>Yell at driver to turn the fuck around
>These crazy bastards speed up even faster
>If this is how I die I'm going down swinging
>Pull out my bolt pistol and start taking pot shots at the Daemon Prince
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>Be Ultramarine squad capitan Manius Domitius Pulcherius
>Watching these kriegers wreck the heretics shit
>yell out on a vox speaker
>feel left behind
>Go talk to astropath
>Ask Commander for reinforcements of chad marines
>Hope they bring atleast 1 astraeus
>MFW still claiming credits
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>Be me Commissar Mathias Marc
>Daemon prince has been buried under multiple tanks
>Hear over the vox that the Ultrasmurfs are claiming credit for this victory
>Tell the Kriegers that the Ultracucks are taking our rightfully deserved glory
>Hear them mumble something about juice
>All of the tanks at once stop running over fleeing cultists and head straight for the ultramarine encampment
>Might get court-marshaled for this but it'll be worth it

>Be Traitor Guard
>My tactical retreat to find more suitable weapons against the giant tank have turned up nothing.
>Just more lasguns and inferior slug guns that I can't even use properly
>Hear both a Tank engine roar and a demonic roar
>By Tzeentch the Daemon Prince is still alive
>The tank and the Daemon charge at each other again
>Watch it get run over while a Commissar fires off bolter pistol rounds off on it
>And then watch even more tanks run it over
>Fucking tanks
>Daemon Prince is most definitely dead at this point
>Feel the need to do something as there's fuck all in terms of weapons
>Find some metal chains and hooks
>. . .
>Begin setting up my master plan as fast as I can.
Then at least use the Armageddon Steel legion ,those are the nazi looking guardsmen with a heavy emphasis on tanks and trenchcoats.
Krieger are the WW1 trenchdiggers with the spooky gasmasks.
Don't let this thread die, I need to get some shut eye.
>Be Ultramarine squad capitan Manius Domitius Pulcherius
>be Waiting for battle brother reinforcements
>Is there an earthquake or is the armored support returning to camp to thank us for supporing them via our "best of them all"'ness
>Get run over
>Most bones are now dust
>power armor is crushed
>I am also dead
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>be eldar
>watch from sidelines because fuck monkai and their stupid wars
>realise they are fighting chaos
>including the dark prince
>tfw we probably need to jump in and help at some point, only to be BLAMMED... again
I mean there has been a Could-SHoulder-Esque thread collection 8 months ago called "The Battle for Dominus Pillowus" sadly that shit only emerges once in a blue moon when the stars align.

But yea even just over the last year I see how much shittier /tg/ has become.
sure is summer in here
Remember the cursed shitpost?
None may speak it's name outside of spoilers
Tiddius majoris
Bump for the bump god
Posts for the Thread

Its really become apparently lately how much of /tg/ isn't even about games anymore. I don't even mean off-topic discussion of anime or video game properties, because those at least can be fun in their own way and provoke conversations that toy with the ideas those properties contain.

But take a look at the /tg/ catalog and really notice how many threads are dedicated now to exaggerated gatekeeping and behavior shaming of stuff that obviously doesn't even happen in games in an endless cycle of self-referencing /tg/ memes form 4+ years ago, rather than being anything that indicates any of these people have actually played a traditional game in the last decade.

"player does [THING], god isn't that just the worst?" greentext drivel, on top of the notoriously cancerous "its still cool to hate elves, right? Ha ha, RAPE JOKES" threads in their various forms.

Its becoming increasingly obvious that /tg/ isn't for people that play traditional games anymore. /tg/ is for people that have been on /tg/ since 2007 and don't know how to leave the board, even though they have long since left the hobby.

>Be traitor Guard
>Be finishing my grand plan of metal rope and hooks to latch onto the tanks
>I give a prayer of thanks to Tzeench for the plan he gifted me
>See all the tanks make a U-turn and run directly into their lines and fortifications
>Ummm. . ?
>I'm not complaining, but I really want to board some tanks
>I gather a squad of Khorne worshipers as a part of my boarding party
>Become a part of the counter-attack while the enemy is distracted with their own
>A few Chaos marines leading the assault shout "FOR CHAOS!" and we make our charge into the enemies lines.
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Be me, Tank Commander Diederich Karl-Heinz Kaoskötter
>Driving my big fucking Maus tank at the enemy
>Borrowed it from a cool guy on Armageddon called Hans
>Since I borrowed it, the emperor would never forgive me if I didn't use it to kill heretics
>Lead the charge with my bros
>Fucking Friedrich won't stop blasting loyalist metal over the vox
>Whatever, it's setting the sceen quite well
>Rolling over traitor guardsmen left and right, the treads of my maus now thoroughly drenched in blood
>Laugh loudly as a traitor astartes gets crushed under the treads of my tank
>For some reason, Karsten refuses to fire the gun yet despite me telling him to
>Keeps going on about "Having to find the right target"
>Well I mean he's not wrong, so make sure not to court martial him later
>We picked up a Cadian on our little field trip
>He's hanging on for dear life
>Spot fuckhuge daemon prince
>My dick gets rock fucking solid
>Tune into vox
>Resounding "JAWHOL" from crew and squadron
>Tank speeds up and heads straight for the giant servant of Tzeench
>Can hear Cadian firing his bolt pistol at the fucking thing
>Tell all guns to fire on my mark
>Prepare to fire my fuckhuge canon point blank into the abomination, sending it into the warp screaming
>Ram into it
>Order Karsten to fire
>Before he's able to, every other fucking tank slams into the keeper of secrets
>Everyone else assumes it's crushed, it's still alive however
>Fire point blank into it
>It lets out a shrieking moan as it's dragged back into the warp
>No one notices due to the amount of blood already spewing out of the fucking daemon
>Don't even care, got to kill a daemon prince with my squadron
>Suddenly hear something over the vox
>Something that makes my blood boil
Nah, I think you got it backwards...
It is usually the oldfags that actually try doing new and creative things. They have been on /tg/ long enough that they have seen all of /tg/'s favorite discussions and memes played out dozens of times, and are now bored enough / comfortable enough to try something new.
It is mostly the newfags that keep posting the same old shit over and over again. Some of them fear being ignored so post minor variations of stuff guaranteed to get replies. Others are genuinely new enough that they still enjoy threads on realistic armor, SJWs ruined x, I hate girls, etc.
Pretty much forever since most people don't roleplay
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>"WHAT THE FUCK THEY CAN'T DO THAT" I hear the Cadian blare out
>Indeed Cadian brother, they cannot
>Spotted a couple heretic tanks earlier
>Can easily just say they got ran over when we were killing the daemon
>Literally no one will vouch for the smurfs
>Tune into vox again
>Literally every other tank turns around suddenly
>They rev the fuck up and charge the smurfs
>Decide to join them because a Tank Commander fights with his squadron, whether or not it's the right thing to do
>Before the smurfs have the chance to do shit or dick about it they get crushed by the massess
>take THAT you smurf fucker!
>Astartes reinforcement haven't arrived yet
>Suddenly hear a loud scream
>An inhuman scream
>Oh fuck
>Pop open the hatch of my tank
>See another fuckhuge daemon
>This time a lord of change
>It's stomping its way forward, rallied traitor guardsmen and fucking traitor astartes charging at us
>The bird lets out a shrieking sound
>Realise Tzeench just pulled his keikaku over our eyes
>Oh fuck yes
>Turn tank the around
>Tell Karsten to load up new rounds
>Can hear the Cadian screaming about how fucked we are
>Tune into vox a third time
>Time to kill a greater fucking daemon or die trying

>Be Traitor Guardsman
>Counter attack seems to be going way better than expected
>The Blue Astarties are getting crushed by their own tanks, making it way more easier for our forces to break through their lines
>Hear demonic screeching
>Another Daemon of Tzeentch has come to help
>A tank has also noticed its arrival
>They charge each other
>The Daemon of Tzeentch has latched onto the front of the tank as it gets the wind knocked out of it from an about 50mph gut punch
>Suprised it's still hanging on
>See that this is the perfect moment to board a tank and gain some favor from Tzeentch
>Charge the tank along with my small squad with the intent to board the tank and get its crew very acquainted with the Daemons of Tzeentch.
>Be Captain Victoria Appleton, Praetorian Baneblade Commander
>Sipping tea with my squad mates, inside my tank "Her Majesty's Majestic Lion"
>Vox is on mute since people keep demanding reinforcements
>Not particularly concerned, 11:00 am is tea time, other regiments will just have to pick up the slack until 11:30, lazy buggers
>Some sort of light mortar shell hits the tank, I drop my teacup, breaking it
>Well that is just not proper, that was my great-great-great-great grand uncle's teacup
>Crew rush to their places, barely able to contain their anger and disgust
>Climb up into command cupola, gesture with dueling foil for benefit of anyone watching
>Yell into vox-link
Charge the heathen scum!!! Crush them beneath our treads and scorch them with our flamers, for they are beneath contempt!!! May the Emperor have mercy on their souls for we shall not!!!!
>Be Jasmine Guppen, Slaaneshi Baneblade Commander
>Snorting lines of coke two kilometers from front lines in a pleasure den while my tank Cokey McRape Tank sits in a garage outside
>Technically it is more sitting on top of the garage, or through the garage, depending on who you ask
>Driving a building sized vehicle while high on promethium fumes is difficult
>Vox is constantly alive with demands for reinforcements
>Hahahahaha nope, busy here
>Mortar shell hits tank, causing minor damage
>Nope, still don't care
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>Be Commissar Mathias Marc
>We've run over the smurfs before they could call in reinforcements
>That'll teach those bastards to steal our credit
>Suddenly hear daemonic screeching
>Huge fucking bird daemon shooting lightning everywhere starts blasting the fuck out of everything
>We're so fucked
>The kriegers are undeterred and shout "DER DAMON MUSS STERBEN FOR DER FURHER!"
>Tanks turn in unison to fight the daemon
>Our tank slams into the big bastard knocking the wind out of it
>Still clinging on to the tank
>Try to shoot it with my bolt pistol
>Emperor dammit out of bullets
>Regimental ratling probably ate half of them before we fought
>With nothing better to do, I just start pistol whipping the fucker straight in the eye
>Pray to the emperor these fuckers actually remember to use the main cannon some time this millennium
kriegers are literally based on ww1 Germany
>Be Captain Victoria Appleton, Praetorian Baneblade Commander
>Ram huge bird daemon from other direction, pinning it between the two tanks
>By Jove! The damn thing is still alive!
>Shoot it with dueling revolver until run out of bullets
>Swing wildly at it with dueling foil but can't reach far enough to hit anything from tank cupola
>Well, it was a jolly good effort, but sometimes a different plan is needed
>Order driver to reverse, then ram it again
>As the driver goes in reverse, manage to clip one of its wings with my dueling foil
>Well that has never happened before
>As the driver rams the bird again, I wonder if I should get the chip in my dueling foil fixed, or leave it since it tells a good story
>Be me, Sammos, Imperial Fists Tactical Marine
>Stationed in orbit
>Observing a satellite's view of the battle with my squad
>Hard to make out much on the tiny cogitator screen
>The Kriegers' "Maus" is pretty easy to spot at least
>Watch as it crushes into enemy lines before about facing
>It rams full speed into the blueberries' lines
>Turns around again charges back into the enemy
>Currently engaging a "greater" daemon
>Everyone is confised as to whose side the tank is on
>Orders come down to get in there despite no call for support
>Load into a drop pod
>Watch as a centurion lumbers up to the pod
>He turns to the scout manning the launch controls before climbing in, and tells him...
"Actively target the rogue tank engaging the daemon."
>Two targets, one drop pod
>Try to think of something cool to say when the door pops open planetside
>Something to make Dorn proud
I remember.
I am the one who made sure they were all archived
>Kriegers are literally based on WW1 Germany
>Therefore they should scream for the Führer and Blitzkrieg
Are you retareded Anon?
>be me
>chaos wizard from beyond the stars
>favored by Tzeentch, with His mutagenic power flowing through my veins
>finally summoned a greater daemon Imafuc'king'nerdvirgin
>watch the servants of the corpse emperor fall before its might
>suddenly, a massive tank rams it
>mfw there's a commissar riding on it
>mfw he's pistol whipping the greater daemon in the eye
>suddenly, another tank rams my summoned daemon
>and then it backs up, and rams it again
>mfw i hear a whistling noise somewhere...
Fuck off with your shitty roleplaying threads you insipid freak. Get out and actually roll some dice with your fucking friends. I bet you were a fucking questcunt.
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>Be Me, Cato Sicarius, Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd Company, Master of the Watch, Knight Champion of Macragge, and the Grand Duke of Talassar
>I, Cato Sicarius, am bolstering the defense of the much less illustrious Captain Manius Domitius Pulcherius
>I, Cato Sicarius, am leading a counter attack on the heretic positions, bolstering the morale of the Imperial Guard regiments, by showing them my, Cato Sicarius', bravery in the face of death
>I, Cato Sicarius, face the Daemonic Lord leading these treacherous traitors
>I, Cato Sicarius, am found cleaning my blades whilst sitting on the skull of the daemonic beast that I, Cato Sicarius, have flawlessly defeated in battle by a tank regiment that I, Cato Sicarius, was unaware had joined us in battle.
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>Be me, Lord of Change
>Now my carefully laid plans for this sector that were supposed to lay undetected for another 200 years are all up in flames
>atleast some chaos sorcerer summoned me so i can fix this shit
>Currently trying to deal with the fucking tank that just charged me
>Channel warp energy
>I bet those assholes in the tanks will like four more arms and three flaming mouths
>Wait are those more space marines
>Be Imperial Fist Brother Sammos
>Our drop pod comes hurtling out of the sun
>At least half of the rogue tank is crushed beneath is
>The surrounding melee is almost assuredly killed, injured, or dispersed, by the impact
>Drop the ramp on anything stupid enough to stand its ground
>Advancing fire as we spill out of the drop pod to secure a perimeter

>Be Traitor Guardsmen
>squad catches up to tanks trying to kill the Herald of Tzeentch with tanks
>Me and a few other heretics manage to get our grappling hooks to latch onto the tank
>Whiplash of the tanks continuing to ram the daemon send me to the dirt, dragging along as I try to climb up the chain rope
>I can't see shit with all this dirt and filth flying at my face
>once I feel solid metal I latch on and clear my face of the filth
>See the commissar pistol whipping the daemon as it mutates the tank, giving it multiple limbs
>Notice something comming in from sky
>Oh fuck it's a drop pod!
>I attempt to jump off the tank and into cover, but I still get flung away from the blast
>Hit the dirt and tumble into ditch
>there is more than one broken bone In my body
>Hope a medic happens by to drag my ass out of the ditch soon
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>Be me, still Diederich Karl-Heinz Kaoskötter
>Karsten's still loading the canon
>The other tanks in my unit are beginning to turn around and start firing into the mass of traitors approaching
>My borrowed tank, "Das Eisenlanz" revs up
>Tank speeds forward
>Can practically hear the machine spirit singing as it charges at 50kmph, near our top speed of 55kmph
>Rams square into the Daemon's chest and knock the wind out of it
>It's still holding on to my tank, which is impressive but not unexpected
>As I'm about to order every single fucking gun on this thing to fire, I hear something
>A call in low Gothic
>See Praetorian Baneblade ram into the side of the greater Daemon and ripping it off of my tank
>"...Was zur hölle?" I hear Karsten mumble as the lord of change is knocked to the side
>Order all canons to fire into the lord of change before I notice something
>Commisar yells something as I hear footsteps on my tank
>Also hear screaming
>Sounds like... "HIS WILL IS CHAOS!"
>Oh no
>Tell Tertiary gunner Hermann to fire onto whatever's on my fucking tank
>Unsheath my familial powersword "Kaoskötter"
>Flip open hatch of tank
>Carve a traitor guardsmen right in half as he tries to stab the commisar
>Realise I have my officers powersword in my commanders hatch
>Reach down and throw it to the commisar
>Motherfucker unsheaths it mid air before hacking into the guardsmen
>I guess that's the benifits of going to commisar school
>Two hand powersword and jump out of command hatch, cutting down heretics with the help of the commissar
>Split several heretics in half before spotting chaos space marine charging at my tank
>Terrtiary gunner hoses him down with heavy bolter fire before Mega Canon fires again
>Tank shakes, almost fall off tank but regain my footing
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>Commissar almost falls off but I grab his hand before he's able to
>At the exact same time as the main canon fires, two droppods drop on and around my tank
>They're painted yellow
>Imperial fists?
>Front of tank is crushed, main canon still firing but we can't fucking move
>Still holding on for dear life as I can hear my crew screaming in pain
>Pull commissar up with all my strenght
>Can hear techpriest crying
>God damnit those sons of dorn fucked my tank!
>Ramp drops on remaining heretics
>Oh well, could have been an honest mistake I guess
>Asses rest of damage to tank
>Vox is still alright
>Can hear shouting on the fox about how the imperial fists just fucked my tank
>Also hear shouting for orders
>Respond that I'm still alive but my tank is immobalized
>Cadian is just standing there in awe as the imperial fists start gunning down the heretics
>He suddenly springs from the tank and charges to join them, stabbing a cultist through the neck
>Oh well, I guess that's cool
>Call for someone to come and fix my fucking tank
>As I wait order rest of tank squadron to advance and fuck up the traitors
>Look down to see lord of change writhing in agony as the Praetorian, the Imperial fists and the commissar continue to kick the shit out of it
>Still sad about tank
>Be me, Lord of Change
>I don't even know who's hitting me anymore
>It takes two tanks to make a daemon lose sense of direction
>I'm sure all my limbs are trapped beneath this fucking baneblade
>How do i get out of this one?
>See broken krieger tank
>I've possesed a lot of human beings in my life
>Time to possess a tank
>But first
>The commisar currently carving my face ought to enjoy this stream of warp fire
>Maybe it'll be normal fire or maybe it'll turn his face golden
>Only the Architect of Fate knows
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>Be me, Commissar Mathias Marc
>Pistol whipping this bird fucker is doing nothing
>Thank god another baneblade rammed this fucking thing but it's a tough bastard
>We have this bastard sandwiched between us but that makes us sitting ducks
>Cultists start climbing up the tank's side just as I yell out a warning to the kriegers
>Some fancy krieger in commander's gear hacks a cultist in half and chucks a sheathed power sword at me
>Unsheathe that fucker in midair and cleave a heretic in half just like one of those animated tau vids
>Tank's cannons start firing
>Force of the cannon knocks me off the tank but commander krieger catches my ass just in time
>Suddenly 2 Space Marine drop pods land on out fucking tank
>Charge at the big fucking bird with them and the remaining baneblade since this current tank's fucked
>Kick the shit out of this nerd until he fucks back off to the warp
>Be Captain Victoria Appleton, Praetorian Baneblade Commander
>Feel warp energies try to tear at my sanity
>Shrug it off with the power of the Praetorian stiff upper lip
>Imperial Fist drop pod lands on other tank
>Well that is just wasteful
>Order driver to continue running over the big bird daemon until it dies
>Reload revolver at pick off some of the cultists milling around
>Be me, Inquisitor Zeke The 84th
>Shits going down
>The armored regiment of experimental Baneblades we deployed to test them out are currently destroying everything in sight
>Atleast there are results
>Good ones at that
>One baneblade in perticular crushed a daemon prince and is currently crusshing a lord of change with a Praetorian baneblade supporting it
>Currently its engine was fucked by a space marine drop pod landing on it
>An all out melee is going on around the scene
>Imperial fists, These deffective kriegers (cheapest kriegers you can get that don't have phisical mutations) and The cadian commisar vs some heretics and a lord of change
>There are also some new ultrasmurf reinforcements here
>They are being led by.... OH EMPEROR DAMN IT EVERYTHING BUT HIM
>Emperor damned Cato Sicarius
>Contemplate if deploying the Prototipe is a good idea
>I really need to get Results on all of these
>Ah fuck it we are deploying it incase the enemy deploys some small titan
>Still enjoy the shitshow thats happening
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>Be me, Tankless Tank commander Diederich Karl-Heinz Kaoskötter
>Check my crew to see who's still alive
>Hermann's the Terrtiary gunner is still alive
>Georg the Driver is still alive
>Oswald the Tactical officer is still alive
>Karsten the primary gunner is still alive
>Heinrich the terrtiary loader is still alive
>Tech priest wishesh he wasn't alive
>Everyone else is dead
>Sit around on battlefield
>Watch as lord of change begins channeling warp energy
>Laugh my ass off as an imperial fists wielding a powerfists gutpunches the lord of change so hard it squeels out "CREEEEEEEEEEEED"
>Order tertiary gunner to fire into hordes of oncoming enemies
>Still waiting for repairs
>See techpriest and Oswald comforting eachother
>Spot one tank behind the others
>Spot tank commander fighting for his life with a fucking CHAOS MARINE, several of his traitor bretheran in toe
>Madman held off most of them on this tank
>Order terrtiary gunner to turn and fire on the group
>He's fucking lit up and falls to the ground seconds later
>Order Hermann to continue firing and then to fire at will
>Stand up out of tank
>Tell tactical officer to take over for me for a bit
>Look down at Daemon writhing in pain
>Grip powersword
>Take deep breath
>Let out a warcry of "STIRB IN NAMEN DER GOTT-KAISRE" as I leap into the air
>End up decending from two meters due to height of tank
>Ram blade through the skull of keeper of secrets
>It lets out a final cry of "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED" before it's sucked into the warp
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>Stand up and pant
>Fuck, I am not ment to be a commissar
>Look around for a moment only to spot a deserted macharius tank
>Rush up as the imperial fists start moving on
>Seems like the tank wasn't so deserted after all
>Tank commander got wounded as several heretics tried to board his tank
>Climb into hatch
>Every part of his crew is still alive
>These boys apear to be from the armageddon regiment sent along to help us out with our Maus tank
>Tell them that I, being the Tank Commander, am taking charge of this tank as my own tank has been immobilized
>Crew agrees
>Ride up towards imperial fists moving forward
>See Commisar rallying his regiment
>Raise sword into the air and point forward
>In the best Gothic I can muster, shout:
>"SONS OF DORN! BROTHERS OF CADIA!" Pause for dramatic effect and look forward as Cunto Shitcarius is cowering in the corner as his men get their assess kicked by the force's commander
>Turn back to the two groups
>Hear shouts of encouragement from Cadians, Imperial fists probably listening in but don't make too much of a fuss about it
>Turn around and order driver forward, tell gunner to fire into the crowd of oncomming heretics
>Lead Cadian counterattack with squadron, other armoured elements aiding us as we approach
>Be me, Lord of Change
>All according to plan
>These idiots think they've banished me
>The Creed's really helped seal the deal
>Now time to possess a tank
>Oh shit, i just remembered
>I don't how to ride a tank
>Wait, i think i can rotate the turrets
>Fire a missile at some cluster of marines
>Figuring out how to turn the treads on
>Since those idiots are still killing eachother this can't go wrong
>By Tzeentch i am a genius
>Be Traitor Guardsmen
>Still stuck in ditch with many broken bones
>Doesn't look like I'm getting out of here alive
>Don't really want to die
>Pray to Tzeentch for some sort of help of any kind
>I don't care what kind of help or gift I get, I just want to make it out of here alive and mostly sane.
I know cringe is overused but it gives me a physical reaction when I read .purge and .vox and all that other stupid shit in greentext stories

Literaly reddit
>Be Tzeentch
>Someone is beseeching me for aid again
>Time to test out some new ideas I have
>Throw tiny ball of mutating energy through time and space so that it lands on traitor guardman's back
>Eight giant tentacles grow out of the traitor guardsman's back
>They can be used as arms, legs, or weapons
>Meh, close enough
Gonna go ahead and bump this thread since I can't contribute at the current moment in time. Keep at it anons.
Were you here for the days of Chapter Master?
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>Be Imperial Fist Sammos
>We've immobilized the rogue tank
>It seems to be avoiding shooting at loyalist forces now
>I assume its attack on the Ultrafags wasn't the crew's fault
>Clearly now, the tank had been possessed by some deamonic forces
>Hear some of the crew crying inside
>The tank commander pops out and finishes off the daemon after one of my brothers gets done pummeling it
>He just jumps in and steals the kill like he thinks he's on our level
>I'm surprised a glory seeker like that hasn't been recruited by the Blueberries yet
>Keep fighting while the tanker makes his little speech
>Me and brothers take position in an enemy defensive line
>It's not even a trench just what looks like a dried up irrigation ditch
>We all take a second to look at each other in shared disgust
>Who built this trench Iron Warriors?
>Equip astartes size shovels and get to work making this a proper Imperial Fist emplacement
>Hold the line here while the tanker leads a charge off in a race to beat Gay-to Shit-carius and his Ultrafags to all the glory

>Be Traitor Guardsmen
>Be in ditch praying to Tzeentch for help
>Feel something hit me in the back
>What was that?
>Feel immense pain as if my back is getting flayed and massive maggots are pushing their way out of my spine
>See and feel a set of 8 tentacles that I now have
>I finish my prayers thanking Tzeentch greatly for his gifts
>I patch myself up as best as I can and begin to tactically fall back to my fellow heretics
>The ditches and holes will keep me safe as I make the trek back to saftey
>Be me, Inquisitor Zeke The 84th
>Shits getting extra heretical
>Tzeench daemon just posessed The Maus 2k
>Go to astropath
>blah blah blah i need Sisters of battle and some grey knights about now
>plan to deploy them with the Prototipe and some armored support from some E-100k's
>the Krieg Tech priest call it blessed for some reason not connected to its size
>They also dubbed thee
>In High gothic "nave terrestre ventitremila"
>hope that the Grey knights can stuff the thing with wards to keep the daemons from possesing it
>For now just watch the shitfest and eat popcorn
>Contenplate if exterminatusing the world is a better idea
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>Be me, Tank Commander Diederich Karl-Heinz Kaoskötter
>Glad the Cadians bought the whole "YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO STEAL OUR GLORY" speech
>Rallying a counter attack in a Macharius might be a bit tricky due to the speed of it, but, it seemed to have worked
>Firing heavy bolter and heavy stubber into the oncoming horde of traitors
>See imperial fists fortifying captured enemy defensive line
>Vox my immobilized tank to cover them
>Hear a mega canon firing as I "speed" along, guardsmen in toe, don't think it belonged to my maus though
>Hear the Cadians shouting as they charge
>This Tank is slow enough the Guardsmen can keep up fine
>Suddenly a missile shoots over my head
>Lands in the middle of a bunch of ultrasmurfs and thousands sons duking it out with one another
>Kills both of them
>Vox artillery commander and tell him to watch his fucking fire, we had, after all, killed enough ultrasmurfs as it was
>Artillery commander replies that they're holding fire
>Smell heresy but don't think too much about it
>Copy and switch channels
>Ask for status report of other units in squadron
>One's damaged but still moving
>Two are moving to engage
>Five are currently engaged
>One just took one enemy vehicle out of action
>All around, doing well
>Order squad to move to my position and join in on the charge
>Look around and spot other vehicles driving ahead, joining in on the charge
>Praetorian Baneblade from earlier driving a little bit away from me
>See Chimeras joining in
>Hear more chatter on Vox, general's encouraging our forces to continue the counter-attack
>Wait, I thought this was just me and some guardsmen
>Look around only to see Guardsmen and more armoured vehicles joining in on the charge behind us and on our flanks
>Reason that the arrival of the imperial fists followed by my charge caused a chain reaction leading to the remaining forces charging
>Most about them haven't even heard my speech and are just charging out of their own volition, or because their commissar is threatening to shoot them if they don't
>Morale is evidently so high they don't need to, despite the fact that they're still getting shot at by HERETIC ASTARTES
>Decide I should bolster morale even further
>See chaos predator rolling up
>Order vanquisher canon to turn around and aim for the predator
>See it aiming its canons towards my tank
>Can practically hear the traitors inside regretting ever exiting the warp (even though I don't really know what that is)
>Fire vanquisher canons while moving
>Direct hit and predator lights the fuck up, out of action
>My already rock solid erection is reaching apocalyptic levels of strenght at this moment as the ancient piece of tech is rendered into scrap metal
>Most of my tank squadron has now rolled up
>Order them to focus fire into the enemies in front of us
>We're making one hell of a breakthrough here
>Hear cheering from the guardsmen as traitor vehicles, astartes and guardsmen are torn apart by our armoured units firing
>Hear vox buzzing as turret turns back forward again
>It's Oswald
>Says he's hearing weird shit and the techpriest is reciting canticles of the omnissiah as more techpriests arrive to help repair the tank
>Says the machine spirit is being fucky
>Uh oh
>Order him to remove all ammunition from the tank
>"But sir-"
>"Do it for Gott-Kaiser's sake!"
>Oswald complies
>Continue counter attack unbothered by my borrowed tank being fucked with
>Be mutated Guardsmen
>Made it back to our trench area relatively unharmed
>Things are not going in our favor
>We're getting pounded by all the fucking armor these assholes brought with them
>Unless we get more potent armor than them or some actual anti-armor weapons we're more fucked than a Slaaneshi whore at happy hour
>At least we're able to keep the fucking infantry at bay for now with our encampments and cover
>I get some medical treatment to keep me from dying anytime soon and then placed at a heavy weapon's emplacement to keep the corpse worshipers at bay
>My eyesight is still fucked from my mutation before the gift from Tzeentch but I'm not suicidal enough to talk back to my ex-commissar commander
>I get the two heavy bolter turrets set up, the tentacles are quite handy and so I don't need a team to help keep them loaded and jam free.
>Still can't see at a distance for shit, so I just aim at the yellow looking targets and whatever's moving along with them.
>Not sure if I'm hitting them, or if they're just ducking into cover
>Pretty sure they're still alive
>I either need glasses or new eyes
>Be Captain Victoria Appleton, Praetorian Baneblade Commander
>My vengeance attack has helped inspire a full on counter attack
>About time we sally forth-ed into these scurvy blighters and taught them a thing or two
>My teacup will be avenged!
For His Royal Majesty, the God Emperor of Mankind!!!!! Advance and Fire!!!
>"Her Majesty's Majestic Lion" rumbles forward, unleashing righteous fury from its eleven cannons
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Bumping this thread dis shit's good
>Be Imperial Fist Sammos
>My brothers and I are making fine work of our captured trenches
>Decide to take a break once the trenches are more up to our standards
>Some cultist has set up bolters, but he has shittier aim than an Iron Warrior
>We take turns poking our heads out of the trench only to duck down when he opens fire
>We all exchange reserved, mono-tonal chuckling before the next battle brother takes his turn
>After our short break we return to digging
>I decide to take a few shots of my own at the cultist gunner
>He's in cover but he's exposing his tentacles to work both bolters on his own
>After a few long distance amputations I decide to return to trench digging
>And people think the Imperial Fists don't know how to have fun
>Be guardsman
>Commissar tells my platoon that we're charging, start sprinting roughly in the direction he's pointing
>He only shot seven people in the five seconds it took for us to stand up and start running
>Apparently we're counter-attacking
>Bunch of kriegers yelling about "DER GOTT-KAISER" and charging their tanks, not firing any of their guns
>Imperial Fists are somehow digging a trench and shooting at the same time
>Tons of rounds coming straight towards us from the traitors
>How the Emperor am I still alive right now, I've been charging for a whole twelve seconds, nobody survives this long
>Maybe I'll get a medal

>Be mutated Guardsman
>Fucking yellow splotches are fucking with me in their trench, popping up and down to make me waste ammo
>Some of my exposed tentacles get shot and shortened substantially
>Who knew bolter rounds hurt that much.
>Some more heretics rushing with gun emplacements and anti-armor emplacements.
>We're being counter-attacked, this can not end well
>I get a pair of cultists to help with reloading my bolters thanks to some asshole Astartes
>I see a wave of blurry humanoids, tanks, bolter and lasfire.
>I unleash my bolters fury upon them, along with several other emplacements we have set up
>It's not enough to repel them, they're going to reach the trenches and it's going to become a clusterfuck
>The Khorn cultists are excidetly chanting for the enemy to bring it on as they prepare their axe bayonets
>I pray to Tzeench that we will make it out somewhat alive at the least.
>Be unmutated, loyal guardsman
>Still charging, still somehow alive for 20 whole seconds
>See weird shape ahead, what the-
>Oh fuck those are tentacles
>Consider trying to turn around, but then the guy next to me explodes while our Commissar laughs maniacally about "another traitor killed"
>I think he's killing more of us than the traitors are
>Charge towards mutated tentacle thing screaming in terrror, stab it in the chest with my bayonet, hope to the emperor that does something

>Be Mutated Guardsmen
>Waiting for other heretics to reload the fucking gun
>See a group of splotches getting close enough to become clearer images
>I try gunning down the mass of now clearly visible guardsmen
>I get stabbed in the chest and pinned to the ground by a clearly terrified Guardsman
>I screech in pain and flail my tentacles trying to get him of
>One wraps around his throat and forces him down to the ground with his lasgun in tow
>I'm pretty sure a lung was pierced since i can hardly breathe now
>Seeing the trenches devolving into a massive melee, I start to crawl away with my good tentacles to find either an alive medic, or a psycher who can hopefully heal my punctured lung, or give me another.
>My gun nest is already a battle of shovels, bayonets, and lasfire
>I just hope some of Nurgles Daemons come on over to "Help us out"
>Last thing I need is flies in my lungs and warts on my eyes
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Shivering away in mud filled trench since the Munitorum couldn't be bothered to issue us with replacement gear for our tropical fatigues after deploying us to this rainy, freezing, muddy excuse of a world
>Wishing for the billionth time that I was back on my comfy paradise world, working my cushy waitress gig, instead of conscripted to fight for this worthless pile of mud on the edge of the sector
>Hear whistles blowing, indicating to the surviving members of the company that we have to make another push
>Climb over trench, surprisingly I don't come under fire right away, apparently the front lines had moved somewhat in the past hour or so
>Commissar yells out that we need to jog to the front lines
>Through a stinking bog of foot deep mud and mashed up bodies
>A couple minutes later we arrive at the front lines, which are nothing but a swirling mass of figures hacking each other to death
>Everyone is so muddy, you can't even tell who is loyalist and who is a traitor
>I hesitate for a bit, but then the Commissar starts shooting anyone who is not moving fast enough, so I blunder forward not really sure what to do
>In the confusion, a burly mutant pulls me into a bear hug, trying to simultaneously crush me and bite my face off
>Someone stabs him in the back of the head with a bayonet,
>Now I am trapped under it, slowly sinking into the mud, while blood and slobber drip all over my face
>Life sucks in the Imperial Guard
For the bumperor

>Be Wounded Mutant Guardsmen
>Be Crawling through the mess that is our defensive trenches
>there's now bodies, mud, blood, and melee combat everywhere
>Get stepped on multiple times by guardsmen and cultists fighting to the death
>have to use a tentacle to cover my chest wound effectively against muddy boots
>Can only tell apart who's who somewhat by armor shape and choice of melee weapon.
>One corpse worshiper Guardsman gets pinned to the ground under the corpse of a mutant next to me
>I look at him and see the same look I had on my face when I was once a loyal Guardsmen
>I fell a sense of pity for the poor fool as he gets lodged in the mud
>Despite my instincts telling me otherwise, I pull the mutant corpse off of him.
>Probably gonna get killed by him, but I couldn't care less at this point, I'm probably already going to die regardless.
Bump to help it get through the night
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>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>Me an duh boyz ar 'avin a right laff 'bout that one tym Mugznuk stepd on 'iz gretchin and cudunt get duh brainz off 'iz stompahz fur two zoggin weekz
>Az Gunfuh detaylz 'ow Mugz left bitz a' gretchin all ovah duh ship, one a' duh grotz runz in an intuhruptz duh story
>Grab duh littul git, 'ee keepz yellin' about "a zoggin big scrap 'tween duh 'umiez nearby"
>Me an duh boyz check duh WAAAAGH Monituh
>Buncha 'umiez beatin duh snot outta eech uvah
>Zoggin 'umies, dey nevuh lern
>'bowt tuh ignore duh fightin, den I see 'em
>I 'ate dose gitz!
>Aym duh rokz at dose blue SPACE MUHREENZ an fire away
NOOOOO! I got sniped! Yours is better though, writing in Orkish makes my brain hurt.
Oh fug, it's going to become a real fight now.
>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>'is landin iz duh best in a weyel
>Me rok duz a ten poynt crash landin' on top a one a dose blue SPACE MUHREEN gitz
>Stomp owta duh rok, tayk in a deep breff to let owt duh biggezt WAAAAGH dese 'umiez av evuh seen
>Az Im gettin redi to WAAAGH, sum SPACE MAHREEN git intuhruptz me WAAAGHin
>"I, Kaytoe Sikarius, shall claim vengeance for..." I dunno I wazunt payin any attention aftuh that
>Even Grinzy duh Grot iznt 'is zoggin rood
>Ah zog it, duh boyz an me ar only 'ere for won reesun
>Give that git a right proppah WAAAAAGH for Gork n Mork, run at 'im lyk in me and duh boyz favuhrut game, WAGHby
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>be me, guardsman
>sneak away from battlefield unnoticed
>find nice soft spot and take a nap away from the carnage.
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>Be me
>Duh grottiest grot in dah whole sektah, Grinzy duh Grot
>Orko an dose uvah big gitz deseyedid to kop some space muhreenz
>Zog that, mez too yung tah get kopd by dose gitz
>Buggah off to feyend sum biggah dakka
>Insted find some sleepy 'umie git leenin on a tree
>Leezt I fink itz a tree
>Itz got eyez and keepz lookin at me all funni lyk
>Yell "U WOT M8?!" at dah planti git
>Start kikin duh sleepi git on duh bak
>'ee juzt rolls ovah, yawnz an sayz "Juzt anovah five minutes commissar sir..."
>Keep kikn duh git, 'eez still a sleepi boy
>Luk to dah boss for morul support
>Yell at 'im "EY BOSS, LUK AT ME, I'M 'ELPFUL YEH?!"
>Duh boss doznt even notiss, too buzy wiv dose space gitz
>mfw duh 'umie git iz still asleep
It's because /tg/ doesn't actually play games. I've had better TTRPG discussions on fucking /v/
Night Time Bump
>be me, Drukhari Archon
>be sitting in orbit watching the shit-show
>maybe it’ll be as good as Cold-Shoulder
>take a sip from my glass of tetra-meth infused blood-wine
>watch as one of those brutish Mon’Keigh tanks road-kills a daemon prince
>laugh hysterically as the guardsmen do the same to a bunch of Astarties
>truly made the correct decision coming here
>take another sip
>life is good
>life is, also, boring
>inhale deeply
last bump before bed, keep it alive dammit!
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>Be me, esteemed and honest Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>Hot on the trail of the dangerous Ork Freeboota "Orko uv Dakkamark"
>His raids on planets and merchant vessels in the sector have not gone unnoticed, and he has accrued a dizzying array of bounties on his head
>Enough money to seriously upgrade my old rustbucket cruiser, the "It's Just Business"
>I've tracked him to the planet.....err.....
>What was it called again?
>Surely even such a crappy ball of fields like this has a name?
>Never mind that - where did he go?
>The plasma trails of Roks entering the atmosphere is kinda a giveaway
>Whoever is down there is about to have a very bad day
>Assemble my team. A handful of my best voidsmen, a pair of Ogryn and an Eldar Outcast.
>Yes, she is handy to have around. Yes, we dress her up a bit when around Imperials. Categorical no to your next question.
>Equip my armoured top hat, special Combat Visibility Leadership Robes (TM), Legitimately Obtained Hellpistol and small Power Blade
>Let's roll, people! Follow me! We've got an Ork to catch!
>As we pile into the shuttle and fly down, I could swear I heard brief cackling in an Eldar accent over the vox, as though someone had sat on the transmit button.
>Well, ain't that an omen?
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>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>Startin' to fink dat maybe I shudda pikd a smalluh 'umie
>Dis Sikariuz git iz a tuff bugguh
>In duh middul uv tryin tuh kop anuvah SPACE MUHREEN 'oo, duh rood blue git chopz me shootah
>Now 'atz just zoggin rood
>Ah zog it, Iz gonna git somfin else fuh thiz
>Punch duh big bloo git in duh noggin and run off to find sum bigguh dakka
>Az I run from duh bloo gitz, spot a fancy-lookin 'umie kikin anovuh 'umie an yellin abowt "Kowudlee 'eresee"
>Spot Grinzy gettin' choked by 'iz 'umie wiv one 'and, an dee ovah 'oldin dis right gud lookin' shootah
>Iz 'avin that!
>Unleezh duh WAAAAAAGH and takul duh fancy 'umie, punch duh git an grab 'iz shootah
>Rip duh trigguh gard off so Iz can akshulee yewz it
>Az I laff at duh cowardlee littul Grot 'oo cudnt even kop a sleepin 'umie, spot a 'umie tank that can only moov itz zoggin big shootah
>Yell intuh me WAAAAGHkee Torkee fuh duh boyz tuh 'elp me get duh 'umiez owt duh tank
>Grab Grinzy an froh 'im at duh tank, den I run aftuh it to get me WAAAAGH on right an proppah
>mfw I fink dere ar tentikulz startin tuh grow on it
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>Be me, counter attacking Tank Commander Diederich Karl-Heinz Kaoskötter
>Holy fuck I love this thing
>See a defiler, aim, BOOM OUT OF ACTION
>See a predator, aim, BOOM OUT OF ACTION
>See a traitor Leman Russ, aim, BOOM OUT OF ACTION
>Starting to wonder whether I should just turn into this tank's official commander
>Then realise that my Maus can do the same thing faster and with bigger guns
>Eh, whatever, it'll do for now
>We're reaching deeper and deeper into the enemies’ defensive lines
>See Armageddon and Krieg boys periodically dismount from their chimeras, clear trenches, and then mount again to continue the attack
>They've got a couple anti-armour emplacements up, can see them firing a las canon at the Praetorian Baneblade next to me and doing fuck all
>See the las canon go up in flames as a Leman Russ a couple meters behind me blows it the fuck up
>Gott-Kaiser I love armoured spearheads
>Starting to wonder whether or not I should have been born on Armageddon so I could do this more often
>Then again, nothing beats Krieg
>Can hear heretics screaming as a hellhound rolls up and fills a forward trench with fire
>Suddenly notice something
>Something falling out of the sky, and it certainly isn't yellow
>It's... green and red?
>Oh no
>Grab and look through my binoculars only to see what looks like a mix between an ancient terran pirate and an ork fighting Cock-o Shitarius
>Are you fucking serious
>He's holding his own too, no surprise as that's a big fucking ork
>See other ultrasmurf knocking his crude ork projectile weapon out of his hand
>Look back to the battlefield
>Tune into vox and order other tanks to focus fire on the enemy’s defences
>Resounding "JAWHOL" from tanks in squadron
>Somehow haven't gotten shot yet despite the fact that we're being hosed down by heavy bolter turrets
>See Mutant running for his life in trench in front of me
>Don't even turn to fire the stubber at him, just watch him run away like a bitch
>See what I think is a chaos obliterator
>Turn, aim, fire
>Thing pops like a fucking water balloon
>Suddenly hear something over vox
>It's Oswald
>He says they're being attacked by a bunch of... orks?
>Oh no
>They were only half finished with unloading the ammo for the heavy bolters
>He also says tentacles are starting to appear on the tank
>"Gott-Kaiser verdammt..."
>"We'll hold the line here sir, it's been an honour serving with you"
>Tell him to get the heavy bolter loaded and operational and to hose down those orks
>Tells me he'll do as I command before I can hear what I can only assume is the revving of a chainsword followed by the sound of footsteps
>Hear shouting in Krieg, Ork and Admech-speak
>This is followed by the sound of a short burst of bolter fire which then, suddenly, goes quiet
>Can hear the treads of the tank moving, though they're busted
>Quickly order remaining crew to sabotage the main gun and all but one tertiary gun
>I know Hans wouldn't want me to let his tank fall into the conniving hands of some Semitic bird deity
>Continue blasting out defences with vanquisher canon before spotting a commissar fighting with his regiment
>Hey that's the commissar from earlier!
>He doesn't seem to have any ammo left for his bolt pistol either
>Remember those bolt pistol rounds the techpriest gave me assuming I even HAD a bolt pistol
>Take out extra clip and throw it to commissar
>Motherfucker catches it in his gun mid air
>By Sanguinius this guy
>This guy fucks
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>Raise sword as Armageddon, Krieger, Cadian and other assorted units charge up the half-crumbled hill
>Point my sword at skull champion rallying counter-counter-attack
>We're close now
>mfw pop Champion like a fucking water balloon and watch as the rest of his squad screams in rage as they're blown the fuck out by other armoured elements or infantry armed with plasma guns
>God I love being a tanker
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>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>Duh rekwizishun uv dis Tank aynt goin so grayt
>Duh 'umiez pilotin' it put up more of a fight than 'ose blue gitz frum erliyuh
>Not like iz care, dey left all duh big Dakka out uv the tank fuh sum reesun
>Grab duh biggist bit a dakka I can see as Bomba duh burna boy feyenulee getz arse intuh gear an startz 'oldin duh 'umiez off fuh me to grab more Dakka
>Spot duh blue gitz runnin ovah, paruntlee dey didunt lern lazt tym
>Frow me one big bit a dakka at 'em, itz duh Sikarius git right in duh bollockz
>Duh git tripz in duh mud, I laff coz 'ee lukz right zoggin angree now
>Anuvah blue git chopz at me wiv hiz shinee 'lektrik choppah
>Duh git braykz me new choppah
>Dese gitz 'av no senz uv fair play
>'it 'im wiv me choppah til an 'umie cuhvuhd in techi gubbinz getz owt duh tank an tryz to grab duh shellz tuh 'elp 'iz 'umie frendz
>Notiss duh sheer amownt uv sharp biyz on his bodee
>Ah zog it, dohnt 'av anyfing bettuh right now
>Grab duh gubbinzy git and 'it duh blue git on duh noggin right an proppah
>Duh blue git getz so stunned 'ee dusunt notiss Bomba az 'ee setz iz Burnah off in duh blue gitz jenerrul deyerekshun
>Duh blue git runz off screemin, musik tuh me eerz
>Az I kop duh gubbinzy git in duh gut tuh sofun 'im up, spot sum mutunt 'umie in anovah trench ahed
>Notiss iz shootah
>Now wat duh we 'av 'ere?
>Burna notissiz it az well, we boff run fuh it
>I club 'umiez wiv dere gubbinzy mayt az me an burna run fuh duh mutunt 'umiez trench

> Be wounded Mutant Guardsmen
> Still next to the Guardsman Stuck in the mud
> See some odd looking ships touching down from the sky
>What the hell?
>Oh Tzeentch no not that
>Anything but fucking orks
>I see a huge Freeboota charging in my general direction
>I resume crawling away, now terrified with the vigor to not get killed back in me
>Despite the wall of fighting between me and the ork I'm still fucking terrified
>I try calming myself but it goes poorly as a Kreiger stumbles and falls onto me
>Have to actually fight her to keep a shovel from entering my skull
>Tentcles put her in a chokehold as I attempt to take his shovel
>Fucker has a death grip
>End up having to choke them out and pry it from their unconscious hands
>Hear the Ork claim one of the heavy bolters from my gun nest
>See that Giant Ork Has entered the melee
>He's being followed by another who has a flame thrower
>Dammit why can't I crawl away faster
>I notice a group of cultists that have a little fortified area in the middle of the melee
>How the fuck has a Tank not yet driven through these guys
>How it's still standing can only be because of Tzeentch's grand planning
>Make a B-line for what is salvation in this massacre
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>be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>It's not hard to tell where Dakkamark's Rok landed
>It's the one with the most carnage
>There's Orks, there's Guard of several flavours, there's cultists, there's daemons, there's Astartes and Emperor knows what else
>A number of dead Ultramarines appear to have been run over
>Attempting to fly over the confused multi-way melee to spot the pirate gets us shot at several times
>Covering the shuttle in gilt may not have been optimal for stealth
>There he is!
>He appears to be duelling with a Baneblade.....wait a minute, he's charging the Chaos lines!
>What is this crazy bastard doing now!?
>Follow him closely in the shuttle to wait for an opportunity to nail him
>Let's not get killed in the battle - while the Imperal forces winning would be nice, it's not our fight and we only need to be in and out
>After all, the Chaos forces have bigger problems and it's not like he can hurt us right now. Right?
>Weapons at the ready, everyone
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>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>Dis Shootah'z zoggin grayt!
>Yell "DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA" az I feyer intuh anee 'umie dat lookz at me an Bomba funni
>Duh gubbinzi git iz tryin' to crawl off
>Not tuhday ya littul git
>Grab duh 'umie by 'iz legz az 'ee startz to screem abowt tohstuhz
>'ee treyez to crawl off az Bomba 'elpz teye duh git to me bak
>Figuh Ill 'av 'is git just in cayz
>Az I prepair to unleesh duh dakka on sum more blue gitz runnin strayt fuh duh trench, feel duh grownd shayk
>A yelluh SPACE MUHREEN popz owt beneef Bomba'z feet
>Me an 'im start kikin dat git tuh get rid uv 'im
>'ee yelz sumfin lyk "THE ZENOH SCUM INIBIT AR FORTIFIKAYSHUN EFFORTZ!" az more yelluh SPACE MUHREENZ pop out duh erf lyk doze spooki boyz me an duh boyz encowntuhd dat one tym
>Duh grownd collapsiz az me an Bomba fall intuh dis tunnul duh yelluh gitz dug
>Fall on me shootah az it 'appenz, anuvah on beyetz duh dust it seemz
>Ah zog it, still duh bakup
>Grab duh gubbinzy git and yooz 'im as a clubbah til I feyend sumfin bettuh to kop gitz wiv
>Mugznuk an Gunfuh joyn in at lazt, duh tunnul fulla dakka at lazt
>Az me an Gunfuh yooz ar choppahz/clubbah to engayjuh duh Fiztee gitz, eer mor noyz frum beeyend
>Kik bak anuvah 'umie, pop me 'ed up tuh see a desuntlee syzd 'umie shuttul wiv 'umiez gettin owt
>Dey see me an appahruntlee fink Iz iz sum kinduh "mahrorduh"
>Datz freeboota to yoo, gitz
>'owevuh, dat shuttul lukz fun to yooz
>Nudge Bomba in duh bak sinz 'eez owttuh duh trench burnin 'umiez agen
>Dohnt want tuh intuhrupt duh barbuhcyoo, but gettin me mitz on a shuttul taykz prezidunz
>Iz lukz at Bomba
>'ee lukz at duh shuttul
>'ee lukz at me
>We smyl at duh prozpect uv uz becomin Flyboyz
>Run at dohz 'umie gitz yellin ar WAAAAAGH fuh all tuh 'eer az I club anuvah 'umie on duh noggin wiv me gubbinzy 'umie wepun
I cringed pretty hard, why would Krieger yell Blitzkrieg and for the fuhrer when they could yell " trench warfare " and for the kaiser ?
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Some tentacled mutant lifts the corpse off of me
>Play dead, hoping he is just looking for some bodies to loot
>Hear loud bellowing coming from somewhere
>The tentacled mutant scurries away
>Look over, see a bunch of orks heading this way
>When did orks get here? the mission briefing said we were fighting traitors
>Also, they are way bigger then they are shown in the The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer
>Since I can't find my lasgun anyways, decide running in the other direction is a better idea
>To find another lasgun, of course
Op here
Seems you didn't read some of the Zeke posts because you only wanted to post at the original post but to clarify.
Zeek wanted to get cheeper kriegers from krieg.
He got the mentaly estranged ones that like the ww II asthetic
also got some regular kriegers and armagedons it seems.
On the other hand
If anyone else is reading this thread you're welcomed to join in on the shitpost
Theres even some empty spots like the sob and grey knights Zeke called in.
>Be Captain Victoria Appleton, Praetorian Baneblade Commander
>"Her Majesty's Majestic Lion" grinds its way up onto a small ridge and starts shelling chaos reinforcements coming in from the other side
>Take advantage of the view to take stock of the battlefield
>Things have turned into a right little mess
>At least eight regiments of Imperial Guard have now swarmed into the trenches that until recently were held by the enemy, but many pockets of resistance remain, and several waves of enemy reinforcements are already coming in from the other side
>Orks have somehow landed a rok right on top of the Ultramarine position, and are also now swarming the Imperial Fists position
>And some bloke just landed a fancy shuttle dangerously close to the ork swarm
>Oh well, not my problem
>Start picking out some heavy armor for the tank's gunners to target
thanks for clarifying that m8
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>Be me, Oswald Aspdorfer
>Running across the battlefield holding a chainsword I looted from a dead sergeant
>My krieger commander jumped out and commandiered some Macharius Vanquisher my brothers from Armageddon were manning
>Ordered us to sabotage our own tank
>Running to go and kick the shit out of some Ork who stole our techpriest
>The techpriest I'm very good buds with
>Got some Skitarii to support me so we can get the fucking techpriest back to our tank
>Follow the sounds of loud prayer to the omnissiah followed by grunting noises
>That Ork is using Techy as a bludgeon!
>What an asshole!
>Rushing through crowds of guardsmen and heretics killing one another, chop through several heretics with my chainsword to get through
>Get a fair amount of blood on my uniform
>Continue rushing through crowd of dueling individuals, now getting closer and closer to frontline
>Panting like a motherfucker
>Stop for a second to catch my breath
>Survey battlefield as I do
>Spot Ork fighting space marines and using Techy as a bludgeon again
>Oh shit
>Hey those are the Imperial Fists that fucked our tank!
>Run towards trench and suddenly feel someone slamming into me
>It's just some female guardsman
>She looks scared fucking shitless though
>Eyes wide as she crawls back and raises her hands into the air
>"P-please don't shoot me sir! I-I just lost my Lasgun commissar sir!"
>Realise my uniform is now red due to the blood, and the commander gave me a fancy cuirass to get me on his side (which worked)
>Look sort of like a commissar with the chainsword
>Stand up and look around
>Oh hey a lasgun
>Pick it up and hand it to her
>Point at the ork
>Muster my best low gothic
>"Get over there and help me kill that ork!"
>She nervously nods
>Probably gonna run away
>Oh well, whatever
>Turn back only to see that the Ork is gone
>By den imperator is that a rogue traider?
>Yeah it is
>See the ork charging the rogue traider
>Time for a rescue mission
>Charge and intercept the Ork with skitarii
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>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>Dis koppin iz turnin intuh a bit uv a zogterzog
>Sum mor 'umiez av turnd up to get duh gubbinzy git bak
>Me an Bomba alzo need tuh git intuh tuh shuttul
>I getz dis grayt ideeuh in me 'ed
>If grotz can be frohn, weye not gubbinzy gitz?
>Put duh plan intuh akshun an froh duh gubbinzy git at duh 'umiez
>Dey get nokd on dair bumz an me an bomba run fuh duh shuttul
>Duh 'umie in fanseer gettup dan duh ovah 'umiez lukz lyk 'eez abowt to say somfin, not tuhday
>Punch 'im in duh noggin an jump intuh the shuttul
>Bomba meenweyel getz diztraktid wiv duh ovah 'umiez 'oo luk right Orky
>Reeleyez I dunno 'ow tuh pilot 'is fing
>'ow can I be a flyboy if duh flyin fing duznt fly?
>Bomba 'az duh fancy 'umiez buzee, I rush tuh to duh gubbinzy 'umie agen
>Get diztraktid by anuvvah fansee lukin shootah
>Pik it up an shoot lazuh dakka at duh vairius gubbinzy 'umiez az dey start tuh shoot bak wiv uvah lazuh dakka
>mfw duh shootahz ar sprayin duh joy a dakka an lazuh dakka evreewhere I luk
> Be I, Lord Indibagh, totally baller necron
> Just woke up, ready to turn some biological-types into fleshy paste
> Wait, hang on
> We're on the wrong world
> We're on the moon, orbiting the world in which some fighting's going on
> Huh.shard
> Some short fleshy creatures are fighting
> Other short fleshies also, but these ones are corrupted by the empyrean
> Whole lot of malnourished krork too
> Some red necron wannabies too
> Fleet in no state to go anywhere
> Might as well watch the show
> CrackOpenAColdOne.exe
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>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>"The creature is distracted! Brent, Alex, Litilus, Kent; deploy rappel ropes; everyone else fire on my order!"
>They're halfway to the ground when it turns round, says something to a grunt and charges.
>A volley of lasers and shells blasts in the ork's direction
>At this moment, the grunt lobs something at the shuttle.
>It's a bomb.
>That's not good.
>The bomb explodes off the starboard side, knocking two of the voidsmen off their ropes
>Black smoke and flames spew from the right engine and hull, part of the wing is blown off and the shuttle lurches drunkenly
>"Get us out of here!" - no time to see what effect the volley had
>The pilot steers the crippled craft towards the nearby city of Groxbridge as best they can
>Better to crash near the city garrison than be chased across a field by Orks
>Everyone is clinging to the Ogryn to not get thrown out
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>Be me
>Dah grottiest grot in dah whole sektah, Grinzy dah Grot
>Me day aynt goin veree well so far
>Dah boss froo me at sum 'umiez an now am stuk on duh top a dere tank
>Me 'ed urtz lyk buggahree az I try an stand up
>Reeleyez dat one a dah tentikulz on dah side a dis tank iz grabbin me leg
>Remembuh I still 'av me stabbah in me back pokit
>Itz a bit small but itll stab diz tentikul right an proppah
>Start cuttin dah tentikul az mor ov 'em try an grab me legz
>Get dah tentikul off an run fah dah boss 'fore any more tentikul gitz try an grab me
>See dah boss beatin dah snot outta sum mekboy-lookin 'umiez
>Uvah 'umiez ar flyin off wiv a shuttul az dah boss an Bomba yell at it tah get bak 'ere
>Dah boss spotz me again at long lazt
>Eegah to pleez, ask him "Wat can Iz do tah help boss?"
>Orko grabz me zoggin legz and yellz "AFTER 'EM!" az he tosses me agen at duh 'umiez in dah shuttul
>I getz me 'ed stuk in sum wirez inseyed dah shuttul
>mfw I can eer dah 'umiez gettin dere shootahz redy tah kop me
>Be Wounded Mutant Guardsman
>Drag myself into the small stronghold
>It's full of wounded, dead, and equally terrified heretics
>Breathing is still hard and I'm exhausted
>Not all that many medics in here, and there are a nurglings right next to me playing with another cultists intestines to help cheer him up
>I would move elsewhere but the little shits are everywhere here
>I'll just wait and hope I don't die of disease before getting medical treatment
>A few more mutants are in here as well
>Looks like mutations are mostly tentacles today
>Hope my injured ones will grow back.
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>In my valiant search to find a lasgun somewhere far from the advancing orks I run face first into a commissar
>Isn't there some sort of rule against dropping your lasgun? And the punishment is..........oh shit!
P-please don't shoot me sir! I-I just lost my Lasgun commissar sir!
>He seems confused for a bit before handing me a lasgun that was lying on the ground
>He then orders me to help him kill some orks
>Fuck my life
>Charge orks with the commissar and some skitarii
>An ork throws a techpriest at me, knocking me backwards
>I wake up a couple of seconds later with a nasty headache, something sharp embedded in my backside, and several organs that might have been ruptured
>The techpriest is still on top of me, I try to roll him off but he is as heavy as a truck, must be all those metal upgrades he has
>As I wait to see if someone will lift the techpriest off of me I wonder if I am injured enough yet to be sent back to the medic tent
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>Be me, Tactical Officer and Commissar cosplayer Oswald Aspdorfer
>Ow fuck my leg and chest hurt
>I think the air got taken out of my lungs
>Oh god I think I broke a rib
>See lasgun shots tickling the big ork fucker
>Techy's on me now
>Can hear him groaning in confusion and pain as he lays on me
>Recover for a little bit before moving
>Grab my friend and begin crawling away in the confusion, largely unnoticed as the wall of guns approach
>Whisper, "It's ok Techy, it's ok, we'll make it" as I crawl over dead bodies and stand up to not get trampled by guardsmen
>Hear explosion and shit behind me
>Put Techy's arm around my shoulder
>Begin limping away, using the chainsword as a cain
>Breathing heavily
>Guardsmen think I'm a Commissar and move out of the way for me
>Other Commissar looks at me funny
>Hear the footsteps of the skitarii behind me, either running away or following me
>Hear the Ork lumbering forward before being stopped by the human wave of guardsmen
>Gotta find a medic
>Staggering away holding onto my bro for dear life
>Guardsman nearby has voxcaster
>Hear him blurt something out
>Something about them having pushed all the way to the ridge and for the infantry to pick up the pace?
>I don't know, nor do I really care, all that matters is that I managed to save my mechanicus friend

Also hot damn that's a nice get
>Be on one many random Tentacles
>Be latched onto something non-organic that moves periodically
>Feel vibrations of something landing on top of the thing
>Vibrations feel organic
>Move towards whatever it is to ensnare
>As soon as I latch on I get stabbed multiple times by whatever it is
>It flees from the Tank
>Remain on the thing in hopes it or something comes by or onto our non-organic thing

Such is the life of a simple warp creature
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>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>Now evreefinz goin tuh zog
>Duh 'umiez 'av startid frohin moor gitz at uz
>Gunfuh joynd in agen, 'paruntlee Mugznuk got a bit involvd wiv duh SPACE MAHREENZ
>Grinzy got stuk in duh shuttul an didnt even 'ave duh common curtuhsee to froh down a bit a rohp
>Me, Bomba an Gunfuh ar buzy koppin duh 'umiez, see Mugznuk'z body fly ovuh to uz
>Duh git went and korkd it, rest in dakka ya zoggin loony
>Grab 'iz shoota since 'ee wont be needin it any moor
>Suddunlee, duh grownd cuhlapsez agen
>Moor a duh fiztin gitz 'ave bilt a zoggin tunnul unduhneef duh dakkagrownd
>Fall on me shootah agen
>Kop duh neerist yelluh git in duh noggin bere-'anded
>Den bomba tapz me on duh sholduh
>I look back az Gunfuh startz uzin 'iz choppah on duh yelluh gitz
>See duh tunnul leedz intuh a bunkuh
>An itz fullah punchin ba... I meen itz fullah chaoz 'umie boyz!
>I grab Gunfuh to go let off sum steem az Bomba startz iz unduhgrownd barbeecyoo wiv duh SPACE MAHREENZ bein duh mayn gestz
Bumping thread again to help it get through another night, keep at it anons this is going well.
>Be me
>Imperial Fists Tactical Marine, Sammos
>Got a little too engrossed in digging trenches to notice how much everything's gone to shit
>Armoured spearhead has out run the infantry support to the next ridge line
>Multiple pockets of resistance still exist
>Orks landed out of the blue and are currently engaging anything and everything
>Some fat ass ork managed to fall through the tunnels that the brothers from the other drop pod were digging
>That last one can't be true
>Imperial Fists don't build faulty structures
>That ork must be a grotesque blob of green to break through our tunnels
>Decide to climb out of my trench to assist the cleanup effort
>The battle is just a massive three-way brawl in the mud
>Spot a pocket of traitor forces
>A tiny hill covered in sandbags and improvised cover
>A squad or two of exhausted chaos worshipers and some nurglings
>Spot a dead heavy weapons team from Cadia only a few paces from my trench
>Looks like a mortar hit them
>The autocannon they were carrying seems to be in well enough condition
>Sling my own boltgun over my shoulder
>Heft the sizable weapon out of the mud and give it a couple good shakes
>Remove its tripod and gun shield
>Manually cycle the action make sure it works
>Pick up the ammo the assistant gunner was carrying
>Begin dumping rounds from the hip into the small sandbag hill as I advance
>Autocannon shells ripping into it like a pillow fort

>Be Injured Mutant Guardsman
>Hole in my lung got sealed by a medic who happened to be a somewhat ok psyker
But I now have a functioning eye where I got stabbed there, giving some debilitating double vision when it's open
>Can't complain since I can breathe fine now
>Thank him and give him my half-eaten ration pack as thanks
>A spooked Nurgling runs in through the tunnel entrance shouting about a "Big ork with a big gun coming in to get us."
>Well, it's just one, we should be able to take it out
>For maximum safety we gather as much cover worthy items into a hastily built wall That mostly gives us a small sense of safty
>The Nurglings hide in the corpses and in the intestines of a Nurgle cultist
>The stench is making me gag as he positions himself next to me
>Do you have to be right next to me?
>Unfortunately we only have slug guns
>Aim slug gun given to me at the tunnel entrance, ready to open fire
>Mutter a quick prayer as I aim at the entrance, ready to shoot any blurry green figure that comes through
>Please don't let this be like what happened last time
>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>We've winched in the two remaining voidsmen on the ropes. Litlius and Alex will be missed.
>We're losing altitude fast
>Hear a loud bang from the cargo hold, like something struck the ship
>Everyone lets go of the Ogryns and bristles their weapons
>After a few seconds of no noise, they dismiss it as a stray round
>More pressingly, between us and Groxbridge is a small ridge
>It looks like the ridge is swarming with redcoats (and a Baneblade?), and the computer is blaring terrain warnings
>Look out below!
>Everyone grabs the Ogryns again and the redcoats scatter
>The shuttle is still flying, somehow
>Ship feels slightly.....lighter?
>According the the pilot, the top of the ridge ripped off the cargobay. Good thing it was empty.
>Having shed weight, we should be able to reach the city to crash-land. That dastardly pirate hasn't heard the last of Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon yet.....

>Still Be Injured Mutant Guardsmen
>To make things worse, there's now some asshole firing an autocannon on our position
>We're now trapped an Ork and what we think is an auto-cannon
>Sandbags make a cloud sand and dust as they get torn to shreds, covering us in dirt
>Moral is decreasing and we have nowhere to go
>Best plan seems to be to scatter and fall back to a stronger position, but none of us have the energy nor guts to try that.
>The nurglings seem to be more brave than us as they scatter out of our soon to be grave hole
>We try to think of a plan of escape as what seems to be impending doom comes closer
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Well this completely sucks
>The techpriest and the commissar limp to safety while leaving me behind without a second glance
>Seconds later a wave of guardmen run forward and I get stepped on at least four times
>Then the ground collapses in front of me and a couple of guardsmen drag me down into the hole with them
>Now trying to squirm free of the tangled pile of guardsmen before someone decides to riddle us with bullets
>Be Captain Victoria Appleton, Praetorian Baneblade Commander
>Holding position so that those infantry sluggards can catch up
>The lads from the XVIth Praetorian Guard start fortifying the ridge, but the boys and girls from Krieg, Armageddon, Cadia, Risa, and a couple other worlds are still struggling with the remaining cultists and orks further down the ridge
>Suddenly a damaged shuttle lumbers by, clipping the ridge and leaving a good chunk of itself behind before continuing towards Groxbridge
>Not sure where that bloke thinks he is going
>If he is a loyalist, I hope he realizes that Groxbridge is under enemy occupation
>If not, well hope he crashes into something important
>Be me, Khornate Tanker
> Hear of a fantastic tank fight going down a few planets over
> AbsolutelyRippa.Skulls

> Get all the lads, pile them into the ship, head off
> Arrive at the planet
> Crickey, it's a bloody mad house
> Bunch uv' corpse worshippers
> Bunch uv' choas lads
> Orks too
> Waste no time piling down to the surface
> Get Ol' Bessie the Bloodmobile ready to rumble
> We gunna squanch loads'a lads today
> Might crush some choas lads but hey;
> KhorneCaresNotFromWhereTheBloodFlows.gif
> OnlyThatItDoes.gif

> Sit in the captains chair, take a look around
> The Engineer is vibrating violently
> The Main Gunners are eating each others faces
> The Other Gunners are hooting for death and doom
> The Communications op. is motionless, with all the wonder of the primordial truth coursing through his head
> He smiles

> "Alright boys!" I yell
> Time to face death and dismay! Dread and Distruction. To Victory and to death!
> "AND GAS FOR HIS GEARS!" yell my crew.
> Except the com op, who only shrieks.
> Hit the gas.
>Be me
>Chaos Undivided rearguard trooper
>Garrisoned in the remains of Groxbridge, now Skullheap
>Currently stuck guarding the Khorn followers' "armory"
>Its just a courtyard full of unorganized piles of rusty, bloody, melle weapons with the occasional auto or las weapon
>Taking some time to tape autogun magazines together for quicker reloads
>If I were still in the PDF my commissar would be pissed
>Hear a droning noise
>Load my autogun and look to the source
>A crippled loyalist shuttle hurtling towards the courtyard
>Duck for cover in the nears remain of a building
>It lands with a loud crash
>Rusty swords and axes fly everywhere
>Start blowing on the signal whistle like mad to alert the rest of the garrson
>Suppressing fire at the downed shuttle
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>Be me, Tank Commander Diederich Karl-Heinz Kaoskötter
>Most of the armoured elements have reached the ridge
>I have not
>Despite the fact that I was just given command over a larger section of guardsmen, the speed of my Macharius has not increased
>Not that I'm complaining, this fucking thing doesn't NEED speed
>Looking around the battlefield to see several strongpoints remaining
>See imperial fist firing autocanon at said stronghold and advancing
>Instead focus on enemy in front of me
>Slowly but surely, we're beating them back
>With hard blood, sweat and toil we're winning
>...and also because I called in artillery support on the remaining points of resistance
>Still have small company of Kriegers and Steel Legionnaires in chimeras around me
>Tell 4 tanks to go and help clear out the remaining strongpoints
>Me, the four others and the chimeras continue the advance up the ridge
>Can hear and see traitor guardsmen and traitor astartes dying in the droves up there
>Pretty sure I can also hear Cato Sicarius
>Oh whatever
>Know for a fact that if we manage to kill the guy leading this incursion that we can also rout his men
>Finally get my ass up to the ridge
>They seem to be chaos undivided so far as I can tell, so I'm expecting some big fucker in charge of this horde
>In fairness that's to be expected with all chaos insurgents
>This guy though, he's bigger than average
>Huge fucking chaos champion wearing heavily mutated terminator armour
>And Cuckold Shitarius doesn't seem to want to run away just yet
>Order guardsmen to dismount and they do so
>Vox is buzzing, apparently one tank just collapsed a traitor guardsman trench that was still operational
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>Infantry is beginning to catch up now
>Turn turret towards Terminator Champion
>Order loader to load up regular HE rounds as the Steel Legionnaires and Kriegers charge forward
>Fire just as the Terminator Champion knocks Cuckold Shitarius over
>He flys about ten meters and almost falls down the ridge but the weight of his terminator armour slows him down just at the crest of the hill
>He slowly stands up
>He's still fucking alive
>Can see him turning towards me
>Oh of course he's got a blessing from that plague god
>Why wouldn't he have?
>Sigh and duck instictivley as what I think is a rogue trader vessel clips the ridge
>What the hell...?
>Orks, chaos, and now a rogue trader
>This battle's getting odd
>What next, Dark Eldar?
>Ha! As if
>Hear vox buzzing
>It's one of my squad members
>"Enemy trench destroyed"
>"Copy, continue, over and out"
>Hear Cuckold Shitarius reengage Terminator Champion
>About to fire two more rounds into the terminator before I hear something
>Another battle cry
>See group of rallied astartes charging at us
>Thankfully men from Chimeras charge forward, the Kriegers seem more spirited than the Steel Legionaires
>Fire heavy bolters and stubbers into incoming enemy
>Look around the battlefield
>See more armoured support moving up the other side of the hill
>Holy Sanguinius
>Erection goes BEYOND apocalyptic
>Can barely contain myself
>Turn canon towards it as it drags its ass over the hill
>Order loader to load up two of our special big dick tank destroyer rounds in the meantime
>Fire at the secondary gun of where a regular baneblade might be
>Thank the Gott-Kaiser it's not a tank devoted to Nurgle
>No, it's just devoted to Slaanesh
>Hear the tank moan as it's hit
>Are you fucking serious
>Whatever, one shot burrowed into the hull of the baneblade, the other's a succesful hit, secondary gun is put out of action
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>Slaaneshi tank turns it's turret towards us
>Yeah we're not making it out of this one
>Pray that they miss
>Considering that the very hull of the tank is moaning and what I can only assume to be shaking in pleasure at being hit, I say there's a fair chance that they do
>Other Baneblade in squadron fires square at the tank
>Hits the Slaaneshi on the right
>Superheavy tips over slightly for a moment after being hit
>Fires at the same moment as it IS hit
>Shot flies over tank
>Can practically feel it whizzing past me
>Hear explosion behind me
>Pretty sure that hit either near or on top of those imperial fists
>Oooh, that's bad
>Turret's loaded again and Slaaneshi returns to earth
>Aim for the small open space between the turret and the rest of the chassis
>It's extremely small, at least proportionally
>A Baneblade's a big tank, after all
>Slam boot on the turret
>Point sword towards Slaaneshi baneblade
>Shout, "FEUER!"
>Twin vanquisher cannons open fire
>For a brief moment time slows down for me
>...What am I doing here? What are any of us doing here!? Why am I standing on a tank when I could be down there duelling a chaos space marine with my powersword!?
>Then remember
>Oh yeah, it's to pull off shit like this
>Time speeds up again
>Clean hit
>Turret fucking 'splods into nothing more than scrap metal
>I think I hit the main guns ammo dump
>Entire thing's on fire
>Oh god it's moaning is disgusting
>Still a good kill
>Tanks are advancing
>Infantry is advancing
>See something in the corner of my eye
>Are those khornate tanks?
>I'm going to stab the SHIT out of that heretical Knight-Commander
>Be Imperial Fist Sammos
>Still advancing and firing on the enemy strong point
>Go to take another step forward
>Get staggered by large explosion behind me
>Nearly fall forward before regaining balance
>Look back over my shoulder
>Our trenches took a nearly direct hit from a sizable HE round
>The shock collapsed several tunnels running under the area
>They must be siege tunnels from some point earlier in the conflict
>Wounded marines pull each other from the dirt
>Apothecaries are trying to get to all those too injured to help themselves
>Return to suppressing the mini stronghold
>Wow, ammo sure does go fast when one is purging the enemies of man
>Switch back to my boltgun
>Step into another collapsed tunnel as I advance
>It's mostly filled in with dead guardsmen and traitors
>Spot a struggling trooper pinned in the mess
>Yank them out by the back of their flak armour
>Reach back into the mess of bodies
>Pull out the first weapon I feel
>The armageddon pattern autogun from a deceased steel legionnaire
>Shove it into the trooper's arms along with a bandoleer
"The Emperor isn't done with you yet! Stick by my side and you may yet survive!"
>Cycle the action on my boltgun and climb out of the pit

>Be Mutant Guardsman
>A bunch of corpse worshipers literally just fell into our hole keeping us safe
>We've lost the front trenches by the looks of this
>This revelation gives us a rush or fear-infused adrenaline
>We gather our weapons, ammo, and wounded worth bringing with us
>The newbie Khorne cultist takes the empty role of command and just tells us to scatter and try to make it to the back trenches in one piece
>We then scramble out of the pit like rats and run for the back trenches in a "Tactical retreat" just as the autogun user gets to where the sandbags used to be
>Most get picked off by bolter fire as we run
>There are tanks everywhere, ours and theirs blasting each other to bits and ramming each other with reckless abandon
>A section of trench get blown into an open crater by a massive tank
>Eardrums feel like they got punched by a Ogryn
>At least the ruined tanks give some cover against the crossfire of lasfire and bullets whizzing by
>A lot of us get killed, those wounded to much to run are left to die
>The red colored beacon Khorne cultist has yet to be shot somehow despite his armor being as bright as it can possibly be
>Lucky bastard
>By the grace Of Tzeench, us lucky few heretics manage to make it to the trenches
>After handing off what weapons I could carry to some weaponless comrades, I take a breather and get to treating my few untreated broken bones as best as I can.
>If I'm lucky I can actually get a splint from a medic
>We are very much fucked if more supplies are delayed again
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>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>Still limping towards the Groxbridge in this disintegrating shuttle
>Can't raise the local ATC, chalk it up to shuttle comms damage
>Getting closer, the city appears to have suffered severe battle damage with several parts still burning. It looks eerily deserted.
>Thick smoke from a burning promethium storage facility means our pilot doesn't notice the tower in front until it's too late
>One of the left wings tears through the structure, and the craft enters an uncontrollable dive
>The Ogryns are going to be squeezed sore after this
>Shuttle finally ploughs into a courtyard that appears to be full of dirty bladed weapons, guns and.....Khornate cultists?
>Talk about "out of the frying pan......"
>A couple more voidsmen were injured in the crash; we're now down to four voidsmen, the pilot Danarius, the two Ogryns (nicknamed Dick and Dom) and the Outcast, Tolria.
>Encircling cultists open fire from all sides, pinning us in the wreckage. That's all they can do versus our return fire, since they're terrible shots.
>Notice the damaged tower is teetering above several intact promethium tanks
>Concoct a plan that would make a Sororitas proud. If only they were here to see this.....
>Redirect most of the fire at the sole remaining support pillar, which slowly crumbles away
>Deprived of structural integrity, the remains of the tower slowly topple onto the tanks, which immediately explode violently
>The blastwave knocks everyone on their asses and shatters windows with a fireball visible for miles, and the sky is now raining burning promethium over the entire city district
>Amid the chaos, the Chaos forces dissolve into chaos (oh, the irony) as they dive for cover against the falling sky; and in the carnage.....
>Be Captain Victoria Appleton, Praetorian Baneblade Commander
>Watch as a large tower collapses after being struck by the crashing shuttle
>Hopefully it was something important to the enemy, it won't be long now until we consolidate our position and push further towards the city
>using the x.png/jpeg joke 3 times in a single post
Work on your meme skills buddy
>Be Me, Khornate Tanker King
>Havin' a grand old time
>Bessie the Bloodmobile holding like a beaut
>Squishing gold spangled loyalists left right and dead centre
>Cannon lads havin a whale of a time, blowin shit up
>Engineer seems to be sticking his dick in an engine pipe
>Always did think he was a slaaneshi
>Deal with that later
>Com Op is still screaming, good on 'im
>We've squished an orc or two as well, good fun
>Yet to see a tank though
>Suddenly, Coms Op stops screaming
>"I have seen them! The Space Marines!"
>"Lead by... a being most prideful... Cato Sicarious is he!!!"
>Aw shit, heard that bloke was a right wanka
>A real shit face, Galah head Mongrel ass drongo
>A real cunt.
>Chart the coordinates and we're on our way with the rest of the column
>Also, dunno what the other Khornates're on about, having a psyker is pretty useful
>Just not for fighting with
>Drive over a hill, see a real shit show
>Tanks all over, chaos ones, loyal ones, exploded ones,
>One that seems to be... moaning...
>Also, some yellow space marines are here
>Crikey, is that Cadian bloke pointing at me?
>Didn't we blow those buggers up?
>Bloody Oath, I think he just flicked us off!

>Be Mutated Guardsmen
>Be splinting my broken bones with makeshift materials
>Beggars can't be choosers
>Hear an explosion up high
>Looking up I see our outpost ower get blown to bits
>Well that's not good
>Wait, didn't we keep out tanks of promethium there?
>Next few seconds later, the tanks blow up
>Somewhat blind and deaf from the explosion
>Shokwave nocks me down onto my broken leg
>Blurred vision is replaced with a fiery sky as the air goes hot
>This is definitely going to result in another push
>It's also raining burning fuel
>Without hesitation I scramble for the tunnels to get to either a non-burning gun nest or a semi-sane psyker who can hopefully make my wounded tentacles re-grow
>Or fix my fucked vision
Based emperor.
10/10 speech - would salute
>Be Jasmine Guppen, Former Slaaneshi Baneblade Commander
>Apparently the Arch-Commander wasn't happy when I ignored his summons to battle, so he summoned a daemon to pilot my tank instead
>Now I am stuck watching a bunch of slaves loading supplies into a lorry
>A lady of my breeding should not be wasting her time on tasks such as this
>Suddenly a massive explosion knocks everyone off their feet
>Something must have detonated the fuel storage depot a couple of blocks east
>As I stumble back to my feet, I notice several of the slaves trying to flee as fast as their shackled limbs could carry them
>I pick up my cattle prod, yet another tedious task to deal with
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Get hauled out of pile of struggling bodies and handed an autogun by a frigging Space Marine
>Apparently he wants me to accompany him into battle
>Technically this is just about the highest possible honor for a guardsman
>But it doesn't change the fact that my body feels like I was just run over by a convoy of tanks
>Wobble after the Space Marine as best as I can
>Most of the enemy appear to have fled the area, but there is an enemy Baneblade still causing havoc uncomfortably close by
>I find myself missing my hole in the ground, it was a good hole, with nothing trying to kill me in it
>Be me
>Chaos Undivided Rearguard Trooper
>Barely throw myself into the cover of a bombed house before the burning fuel begins to fall
>Put out a patch of fire on my pant leg
>Some minor burns, but I'm still in fighting shape
>Make a mental note to slow down and aim instead of just dumping ammo
>Can't leave cover while it's literally raining fire
>Fashion some bandages out of my undershirt to cover the burn wounds
>I'll be a Frontline Trooper at the rate this shitshow is going
>be inquisitor Zeke
>Still waiting for the SoB and Grey knight reinforcements
>The plan is to deploy the SoB, Ratte and it's E-100k backup in for support
>The grey knights will be droped behind enemy lines in the areas with most the warp activity
>They are also to hide after they do their mission so they don't get found out
>Currently just watching the battle unfold even more
>It was going well till the attack bogged down into trench warfare
>Tech priest informs me that the Ratte is ready for deployment but might take some time to reach the front lines upon deployment
>Don't really care about that
>Do care about the armament
>The turret is outfitted with 2 long barreled Vulcan bolters, the front hull armament is a massive melta bomb launcher and for the turrets attached all over it are basic tank cannons or dual heavy bolters
>The E-100k's on the other hand
>Pic related
>Just gotta wait like maybe a day or a millennia based on how fucky the warp is in the vicinity of the planet
>For the planets name
>The beurocrats have been trying to agree on a name for it for nearly a millennia
>Just gonna call it Armored vehicle and weapons testing grounds
>Be me
>Imperial Fist Tactical Marine, Sammos
>The enemy's fortified bubble of resistance has been crushed
>Pushing up the slope of the ridge to reunite with the armor
>Moving a little slower than I normally would so the trooper can keep up
>The cultists are all but mopped up on our side of the ridge
>The orks still pose a problem, but there aggressive nature should draw them towards the ridge, and the front, as opposed to our rearguard
>Imperial Troopers and some of the remaining Astartes begin to finally push to the ridge
>Most of the blueberries and my own brothers are tied up with the orks, and recovering from that stray baneblade shell
>This trooper seems to be holding up well
>They do seem a little distracted though
>Probably nerves
>Jump into a deep crater for cover as we near the top of the ridge
>Kneel down to optimize protection and concealment
>Look at the trooper
"There is nothing you or I can do about enemy armor with our current weaponry. Focus on the infantry, and pray that our friendly armor does its job as the Emperor intends."
>Hand them a spare frag
"Now we do what the Emperor knows we do best. We hold this ground until relieved. May his strength of will be your own this day, trooper."
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>be me, sleepy guardsman
>wake up and see all the carnage and destruction has been brought closer to where I was sleeping at
>sneak away even further this time
>go back to sleep
I like this character ark
10/10 character development
> Be Commisar
> Spot sleepy guardsman having a sleep
> Pull out Boltpistol
> ...
> Put it on counter
> Pull up some bed sheets
> Take a nap
> Commisirin's a hard job some days
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>be me, sleepy guardsman
>start tossing and turning mid-sleep
>wake up to a beeping sound
>lean up and look down
>was sleeping on a mine the whole time and activated it
>it explodes, sending me flying through the air
>land on top of a Space Marine's pauldron and get thrown down into a ravine
> Be me, sleepy Commisar
> Dafuk was that
> Who cares, too tired
>Be me, melee charging Tank commander Diederich Karl-Heinz Kaoskötter
>Every fucking gun on this thing is firing
>This is absolutely fantastic
>We're steadily gaining ground now that we've got infantry support
>The wall of guns is pushing like a bunch of motherfuckers, hear Cadians, Praetorians and Steel Legionaries, Risians and other assorted units bellowing out battle cries as they charge
>Practically wading through Guardsmen as we approach, still pushing max speed
>Guardsmen doing their best to avoid the charging Macharius Vanquisher
>See Khornate knight-commander pop his head out of his AT83 Brigand "Super" Tank
>Fuck yeah here we go!
>Yell "GET OVER HERE AND FIGHT ME IN MELEE YOU BASTARD!" as loudly as I can at the heretic in at least understandable Gothic
>we seem to be maybe 100 meters away from each other
>He might still have heard me, don't know
>Oh yeah he heard me
>Motherfucker stands up and takes out a chainaxe
>it's on now
>We're speeding towards one another
>Order Gunner to load HE and fire into chaos space marine in front of us
>A path is cleared and guardsmen get the fuck out of the way for my tank
>Feel like it's going faster
>Oh yes yes it is
>Can hear the Techpriest praying like a motherfucker in there
>Tank is glowing
>I think the machine spirit is in rape mode
>Feel adrenalin pumping like never before
>We're pushing 27kmph in this thing!
>Pretty sure the techpriest is nerviously sweating
>Another heretic tank cuts between us before we engage
>Looks like he's going for a Cadian
>Lock eyes with the commander for a moment
>Guy immediately speeds past
>Focus attention on the first Knight-Commander
>Friedrich is still blasting Loyalist Metal
>Pretty sure it's on every channel now
>Pretty sure the Guardsmen can hear it through their voxcasters
>Currently blasting song I remember hearing before
>Think it's called, "Rex Regis Fortissimus Imperatoris"
>It's about an Astartes called Sigismund and his deeds
>It's mentioned that he used to be an imperial fist
>Pretty sure the imperial fists can hear the song
>Wonder what they think about it
>At the exact moment the song tells of how Sigismund personally slew ten thousand or more heretics in his crusade, our tanks are less than 10 meters away from eachother
>Speed of the fucking things is, for heavy tanks at least, extreme
>As the Knight-Commander raises his axe I bolt out of my commanders hatch
>Grip Kaoskötter with both hands
>Scheißkerl leaps into the air at me axe raised
>Raise Kaoskötter
>Consider blocking his attack
>Actually, you know what? Fuck that
>Narrowly sidestep Knight-Commander
>He slams into the turret of my tank
>He gets up in a flash and slams his axe into my cuirass
>Dents it slightly and sends me staggering back
>Fuck that hurt
>I may have broken something, probably not though, Gott-Kaiser willing
>Fuck it
>Cut his axearm off before seperating his head from his shoulders using Kaoskötter
>He's still smiling a couple seconds after his head flies off, after which his muscles relax
>Right as his head flies off the song kicks into the part where Sigismund duels Abbadon and dies
>Cough a bit as I wipe off my sword and climb back into hatch
>Pretty sure I heard the skull smash into what I can only assume to be a space marines pauldron
>Hear Sigismunds last sick roast be recited as I order my tank to load big dick tank destroyer rounds
>Fuck me that was sick
>The insult, that is
>Ponder for a second whether or not that actually even happened as tank stops glowing and tech priest breaths out a sigh of relief
>Be Mutated Guardsman
>Be watching the ruined city burn from an underpass along with some other cultists
>The heat is nearly unbearable
>It's going to be burning for quite a while
>We go into a small underground room to play cards for a bit
>That plan is quickly shot down once we find the deck of cards is ruined by fire
>Well, guess like we're not doing anything
>After a while one suggests we try performing rituals
>Sounds ok but we don't have shit to do one properly
>So we end up resting and waiting for the fires to die down.
bump for moar
OP/Dead ultrasmurf/Zeke here
I'm going to sleep now.
Also another reminder that you are welcomed to contribute if you want to.
Night OP, have a good sleep
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>The Space Marine has taken an unusual amount of interest in my well-being, to the point where I feel I might be hallucinating the whole thing
>Who know what goes through the head of a literal demi-god angel of death though
>We are currently hunkered down in a crater, waiting to repel the inevitable enemy counter attack
>I am feeling strangely detached, probably because my mind has been overwhelmed by what has occurred since I first charged over the trench
>It also feels strange being in a tactically advantageous position for once
>Who knows, I may finally get the chance to kill something
>Be Mutant Guardsmen
>Have a good rest as the promethium starts to burn out
>Still hot, but safe enough to get to a different building
>We head back to the trenches
>Crispy bodies are scattered everywhere
>Suprised we haven't gotten hit with a massive counter attack
>Guess they're taking a breather as well
>I reach for my canteen and have a drink of some water
>Looking at my tentacles and broken body, I decide to try my luck with getting some more helpful mutations by some Cult Psychers
>As I make my way to where the psykers usually I watch as many mortar and some bolter emplacements get set up
>This trench isn't going to last if we don't get emplacements that can take out a tank or more tanks
>Find the mostly intact building where the psykers tend to do their summonings and such
>A few of them are still in here as well
>They're excited for someone willing to participate in their mutation ritual
>Whatever I need something better than useless broken limbs
>Go along with them and hope for the best as they start
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>be corporal of the Steel Legion mechanized infantry, riding on top of a Cadian Leman Russ command tank
>Chimera destroyed hours ago by a mutilator in a lost battle against the traitors, stuck with a random assortment of surviving soldiers and vehicles
>long since lost contact with Steel Legion regimental HQ
>taking orders from the Cadian tank commander and an incredibly pissed off commissar
>such a clusterfuck it doesn't even matter
>Not even Cadians know where we are or what's going on around us, just trying to move toward the sound of fighting and hopefully find friendlies
>there's fighting all around us
>vox suddenly picks up a transmission on a friendly channel
>someone blasting metal
>tech priests start trying to work out where it's coming from
>suddenly hear a vanguard report in
>we are apparently behind enemy lines, chaos shits are in such poor order we didn't even notice
>enormous mass of traitors coming our way from the east to reinforce some running battle west of us, including vehicles and heretic astartes
>road runs north to south
>tank commander tells drivers to gun it, scouts to come back to the column
>too late
>some scouts reporting contact with the enemy
>others start tearing in at top speed a short amount of time later
>commander rushes us to the top of a hill, orders us to dig foxholes and put vehicles in hull down positions
>commissar wants us to keep trying to join friendlies
>open argument between him and the Cadian commander, they're both yelling so loud half the unit can hear them
>half the unit is digging in, everyone else getting ready to keep driving, everyone listening nervously
>commissar calls the commander an "inexcusable incompetent and a coward" and raises his bolt pistol
>commander pulls his knife
>mfw Crisis in Command
>Be me
>Chaos Undivided Rearguard Trooper
>The rain of fire stopped
>Plenty of stuff still burning, but at least I can leave my cover
>Look around the rubble of the courtyard
>Fuck this I'm going to the front
>It is a surprisingly short walk to our current trench line
>Carve a small shelter for one out of the back wall of the trench
>Leave most of my gear in the hole, only keeping my weapon and ammo on me
>Rest my autogun on the edge of the trench as I watch the ridge
>Light an old lho stick with the flame from a tiny puddle of still burning fuel
>Normally it'd hurt the flavor but these things are nasty to begin with
Imperial Fist Sammos/Chaos Undivided Rearguard Trooper here,
I'm gonna clock out for the night. Hopefully this thread survives a while longer.
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smells like summer
>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>Zoggin 'ell, dis koppin iz grayt!
>Well, not soh much given Iz iz stuk in duh grownd at duh momunt
>Zoggin 'umiez fell on me an the boyz az we wuz abowt to kop dose chaoz boyz
>Finally get me zoggin' 'ed owt duh grownd
>Dakka'z flyin evreewhere
>Away from uz, zoggin 'ell
>Pull bomba out from unduh anuvah ded 'umie, Gunfuh stikz iz 'ed up and we pull 'im owt
>Figuh we shud go tuh where duh dakka iz most
>In uvuh wordz, duh flamin cratuh neerby
>Reeliz I dont 'av a zoggin shootah agen
>Tell Gunfuh an Bomba to start duh WAAAAGH wivowt me, Iz needz a shootah an Iz needz it now
>Bomba an Gunfuh run lyk a buncha speed freekz tuh duh rekij
>Duh 'umiez ar too fohkust on duh chaoz boyz to spot uz
>Notiss a yelluh git an a smalluh 'umie in a dakka 'ohal
>Wayt, dat 'umie az a shootah I cud nik!
>Run fuh duh smalluh 'umie in duh craytuh, but mayk Mork prowd by doin it all sneeki lyk
>Den I do it right Orky by koppin dat git intuh duh mud 'foor dey can do zog 'bowt it
>Grab duh shootah, den remembuh 'ow duruhbul dat gubbinzy git waz
>Ah zog it, backup clubbahz aynt a bad fing
>Grab duh 'umie and hit the yelluh git in duh fays, den run fuh duh boyz an duh big zoggin battul goin on
>Duh 'umiez nevuh expekt duh Orkish freebootaz!
>Frum bee'ind anywayz, dey luk shokd az me an duh boyz run pazt dose gitz
>Iz iz gunna get intuh duh big scrap ahed, an yu gitz aynt stoppin me!
>Spot duh grumpee blue git frum beefor
>Froh duh 'umie at 'im, 'ee onlee notisiz wen duh 'umie itz im on duh bak a duh 'ed
>'owevuh, dat scrap needz to be moor orky
>Keep firin dakka at duh burnin town
>Sum chaos boyz ar in dere
>Dey eevun kept duh mud all nysz an burny fuh Bomba, ow orky uv 'em!
>Me an duh boyz run intuh duh neerist bildin
>Az we preepere to run at duh chaoz boyz singin a song fuh Gork n Mork, Gunfuh yellz "OY BOSS, LOOK AT DIS PLAYZ"
>Me an Gunfuh grab evreefin we can grab az Bomba 'elpz uz teye it tuh me bodee fuh backup dakka
>Can nevuh be too cereful in dis battul
>Az I get a good luk at dis byooti uv a shootah with too dakka magz taypd togevuh. notiss a big zoggin tank a sumfin in duh bak uv duh bildin
>I reed it coz Iz haz duh smartz uv duh boyz
>"Proh... me... fee... um?"
>Bomba lukz tuh me wiv a spark in 'iz eyez
>'ee runz tuh duh tank full uv burny jyooz an startz tryin to pik it up, me an gunfuh laff coz itz too zoggin big fuh dat
>Bomba lukz tuh me an askz iv 'ee can tayk it tuh duh ship wiv the big mek'z telleeportuh
>Tell 'im tuh 'urry up, dis scrap iz right zoggin gud
>'ee grabz iz WAAAGHki Toorki an yellz tuh duh big mek bak on duh ship tuh get him an diz tankuh uv burni jyooz up dere
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>Bomba an duh tank vanish in a flash uv red orky lazuhz
>Wunduh wot me an Gunfuh shud doo in duh meenwyl
>Spot a chaoz boy frum dat bunkuh beefor tryin tuh get intuh anuvah bildin
>'iz leg lukz right zoggin 'urtee
>Me an Gunfuh luk to eech uvah az we step owtsyd duh bildin wiv symlz on ar faysiz
>I get duh rokkit lawnchuh Iz fownd in duh dakka stawrij
>Fyr it intuh duh bildin
>Froh down duh lawnchuh coz it onlee 'ad one bit uv boomi dakka wiv it
>Pull owt me new shootahz, Gunfuh grabz iz new choppahz
>We run fuh duh 'umiez
>Be me
>Dah grottiest grot in dah whole sektah, Grinzy dah Grot
>Me day juz getz bettah an bettah
>An by dat I meen I wish id 'av stayd wiv dah big mek on dah ship
>Manij tah crawl intah dah gubbinz av dis shuttal dah boss frew me at
>Can still 'eer dah 'umiez below me, dey zownd zogd
>Reeleyez me stabbah got dropd when Iz got frohn at dah az I 'eer a zoggin big CRASH
>Dah 'umiez below sownd evan moor zogd now
>Zog it diz koppin aynt worf it
>Kurl intah a ball
>Cry me grotty teerz of pain an suffahrin
>I 'ohp dah 'umiez dont fynd me 'eer
Here comes the thread bump.
>Be me
>Squad leader of the XIVth "Lancasters" Marauder Squadron of the Praetorian airforce, Arthur "Et Ignis in Nocte" Harris
>I and my fellow squadmates are currently sitting around doing bugger all since the battle nearby is too full of tanks and HE rounds for the squad to safely fly in without getting bombed into a pile of scrap
>As I'm enjoying my mid-afternoon cuppa, Charles rushes up to me to deliver the latest news from the front
>Tells me how some nitwit crashed his shuttle into the nearby town of Groxbridge and apparently blew up several tanks of Promethium
>Now that's just not cricket!
>Someone needs to pay for this, and I know exactly
>Summon the rest of the lancaster squadron and order the lot of them to pile into their marauder bombers and load up with as many incendiary bombs as their aircraft can carry
>In a matter of ten minutes everyone has a bomber full of incendiaries
>We pile into our bombers and prepare to make the heretics who wasted that promethium regret the day they came within carpet-bombing distance of the PAF
>As the squad approaches the now shell of a town that was once Groxbridge, I can finally see who was responsible
>A particularly daft rogue trader confused crash landing with an attempt to land his shuttle in the middle of a heretic-infested town
>Not only that, there's a bunch of bally orks down there
>By jove, this'll be two birds with one stone!
>Yell my orders through the vox as the various bomb bays of myself and the lads of the five bombers that made it to the battle open up with menacing intent
>Our payloads drop down and carpet the town in the wondrous flaming light of His majesty the emperor
>Miss several buildings, such as one that I could've sworn was beginning to grow a few tentacles...
>Nigel's bombs go right off and end up landing somewhere near some Kriegers
>I mean they might be loonies but they're on out side you nitwit!
>The squadron moves further away from the battle so that we can get turn around and give those heretic scoundrels the what for
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>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>Make a break for the sewer hatch as the sky starts to fall
>Tolria is first down, and the stream of angry High Tongue suggests there's something nasty down there
>A round ricochets off my top hat and Dom takes one to the leg (he doesn't seem to care) from some brave cultists
>Eugh, my beautiful robes and boots are getting splashed in shit
>Immense relief as Danarius closes the hatch behind us
>Quick headcount.....nine, including me. Good.
>Realise we have no fucking idea where we are in this labyrinth, and it's really dark down here
>Go in the direction we think is towards the spaceport, we need a new shuttle ("theft" is such an ugly word)
>Sewer soon gives way to what appears to be an underground rail line
>Tunnel vibrates every so often, and dust falls and makes my robes even dirtier
>They're probably shelling the city or something to take advantage of the confusion
>Air coming through the vents feels warm, like lots of things are still on fire up above
>To be honest, it's probably safer down here
>Let's keep moving though, we could be being followed but I doubt the cultists are smart enough to do that
You seem lost anon.
Trader anon here. To any lurkers, please do join in! We could always use more factions and characters to make more chaos, and feel free to jump in as one of my retinue as well.

We also need a name for this planet, stat.

Could be archive-worthy later.
op here (didnt even sleep at all since last time (FUCK MY EXISTENSE))
and i agree on getting the panet a name
could be beurokrats actually picking a name or some high ranking person giving it a name
Zeke just calls it Testing Grounds.
>Kinda did some 1d4chan planet generator rolls and the world is average sized with 7 satelites
>more things anons can get creative about
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Everything hurts
>I am just going to lie here and play dead for a while
I fell asleep trying to ensure thread was kept bumped, sheesh good thing it still is. Gave me quite the fright when I woke up.
You are a shining example of true dedication.
>Be Imperial Fists Tactical Marine, Sammos
>Watching the heretics' lines from my crater on the ridge
>Hear someone thunder up the ridge behind me
>Assume it's a fellow marine coming to the front
>A fucking ork tackles the trooper next me
>It disarms them and proceeds to use them and a melee weapon
>The trooper ragdolls off of my armor
>It's like being hit with a stiff pillow full of bones and organs
>Good thing they were wearing flak armour, they're probably only in a deal of pain
>The ork takes off running for the enemy lines
>Watch as it throws the trooper at Cato Sicarius
>When and why did he get in the no-mans-land?
>Hear a low, rumbling, droning sound
>A squadron of Marauders coming in for a pass
>Let the ork run into their path of destruction
>Watch as eruptions of burning white phosphorus riddle the destroyed town
>Others fall on the enemy line and into no-mans-land
>One Marauder was off target
>Listen to the screams of Krieg infantry being burned alive 50m or so along the ridge from my position
>thepenancetheyneedbutnottheone theydeserved.closeairsupport
>At this rate, with how far we pushed the line, we are going to need reinforced and ressupplied
>Luckily the heretics seem to be in equally shit condition
>On the upside the ork incursion does currently seem more interested in the heretics for now
>Hopefully my brothers manage to recover, regroup, and push up to the ridge soon
>Be mutated Guardsman
>Ritual to gain more mutation went about ok I'd say
>Tentacles that were severed somewhat grown back
>One ends in a boney point, another has a mouth that whispers to me in a language I cannot understand, the final one just ends into a ball of eyes
>Teeth went sharp and jagged and are growing around my mouth
>Broken leg snaps open as a new "leg" comes forth to somewhat replace the broken one
>Get covered with some more eyes, all of which that can't see for shit out of
>For last part, my unbroken arm practically melts away and is replaced multiple tentacles that are only good for grabbing a lot of small things at once
>Get branded with the mark of Tzeentch just for good luck
>Pretty sure the blueish burn mark is moving
>Thank them and walk to the trenches to man a bolter gun or two
>Ex-Commisar Captain finds me and stations me at the front of the trenches for when they corpse worshipers arrive
>I hurry off immediately as to not risk the disciplinary action of getting shot he uses so much.
>At the trenches I find a small container of rations for us bastards stuck out here and have a lunch break
>Mortars are firing off a barrage to pepper the enemy infantry at our last position
>Wonder when we'll get more tanks
>Be Steel Legion corporal
>commander just stabbed the commissar, didn't penetrate his carapace armor
>commissar explodes his chest with a bolt round at point blank
>commissar assumes command
>meanwhile shit continues to go down all around us
>a few squadrons of Marauders flew by in the distance and dropped incendiaries somewhere over the horizon, can see the glow of the fires from here
>fighting is moving closer
>basic fighting positions dug out
>commissar takes all of this in for a moment
>"We make our stand here men! Emperor with us, we will send the traitors screaming back into the warp!"
>nothing for it, get back to digging
>much faster now that everyone is working
traitors finally arrive
>huge mob of fomer civvies and random PDF deserters take the lead
>open fire on the exposed heretics with our lasguns, vehicles conserving their ammo
>cry goes up among the heretics, they start taking potshots at us and charging up the hill
>chaos marines and enemy armor coming into view now, Russes blow the frontmost to bits but there's still a shitload of them down there and they're starting to return fire
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>Be me, Imperial fist Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>Rushing across the corpses of guardsmen and traitor astartes with my battle brothers
>Tanks are blowing up around us
>Can see the sky above has become quite cloudy
>Battle Brother Sammos is in a small hole with a wounded guardsman
>Current objective is to eliminate the enemy commander
>Can see glimpses of him and Cockhole Shitcarius duelling
>As I'm running towards him a decapitate skull slams into my left pauldron
>Turn only to see an armoured vehicle painted red driving towards me
>Reel back power fist
>Slam it into the right side of the tank
>See it buckle under the energy field and grind to a halt
>Continue marching on as Kriegers board the tank followed by traitors screaming
>Battle brothers firing on Traitors in front of us
>Sicarius and the Terminator Champion seem to be standing in a small clearing
>No one wants to go near the two superhumans fighting
>As I approach a guardsman, or perhaps, guardswoman flies over my head
>Slams into the back of Sicarius
>He staggers forward a little
>Hear the chaos terminator laughing as he raises his twisted heretical power hammer
>Rush forward with other battle brothers as marauder bombers whizz overhead
>One of us seems to have gotten a bit ahead
>See him strike and lock blades with the Power hammer as Kriegers about 86m away from us are lit on fire
>The Champion fires his storm bolter into the brother’s chest
>He's sent flying back, likely severely wounded
>As I'm perhaps only two meters away from the Champion I see Sicarius stab him through the neck
>The Champion Staggers up and gurgles
>"Aha! I, Cato Sicarius, 2nd Captain of the Ultramarines, Master of the Watch, Knight Champion-"
>As Sicarius is busy gloating see the champion drop his heavy bolter, grip the blade of the power sword and slam his heretical thunder hammer into Sicarius' chest
>Hear Sicarius coughing in surprise as he's sent flying
>The Champion lets out a low gurgling laugh as he rips the blade out of his throat
>Battle Brothers hosing him down with bolter fire
>Charges directly at me
>In response I raise my plasma pistol and fire directly into his helmet
>Hear him grunt in pain as the plasma washes over his left eye
>He raises his hammer and swings it at me
>Grab it by the hilt using my power fist
>Can hardly hold it up
>See him gripping it with both hands
>Can feel the earth behind me begin giving way
>Holster plasma pistol and grab onto handle with both hands
>Still sinking into the earth
>Other battle Brothers charge
>One of them picks up Sicarius' blade
>Chaos Champion lets go of his weapon with his left hand and unleashes a torrent of warp lightning into my battle brothers
>As he does this, notice something
>A Krieger with a krak grenade is running towards the champion
>He attempts to jump up and stick it to the Champions helmet, however, the champion turns and slams his fist into his head, instantly crushing it
>See krak grenade fly out of his hand
>Clearly see that those are magnetic clamps
>Move out of the way of the swing and let go of power hammer
>Attempt to roll away from explosion, succeed
>Hear Terminator Champion screaming in pain as his armour is blasted open
>Currently on the ground
>See Brother Sammos in the distance approaching
>Shout for him to fire into the Chaos Champion
>mfw can hear Commissar shouting for his men to defend their positions and we aren't even there to help them properly fortify
Bump to attract more posters
>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>Dis attak on duh chaoz boyz iz goin bettuh by duh minit!
>Sum 'umie flyboyz popd in tuh say 'ello, an left so mani burni giftz too
>Shame bomba wuznt 'ere tuh see it, I fink 'ee mayv shed uh teer at duh seyet uv it
>Gunfuh meenwyl iz 'avin a right laff choppin up sum right panzy 'umiez wiv wyrd owtfitz
>Az I yooz up me laytist shootah, derez anovah flash uv orky red lyt
>Zoggin' 'ell, dat wuz fazt
>Bomba'z bak an... sweet Mork dat kart 'ee az
>'eez sittin in a kart wiv a burna on duh frunt
>Duh burna jyooz 'az been moovd intuh anuvah smalluh tank connektid tuh duh burna
>An duh kart even 'az an orky bannuh on duh bak
>Pik Reelaytid
>Az me an Gunfuh ar lukin at diz marvul uv orky-ness, Bomba getz ar attenshun
>"Oy ya gitz, diz kart wont shuv itself!"
>Me an duh boyz smyl wen 'ee sayz dat
>Ask Bomba wot 'eez namin 'iz new wepun
>"Duh Barbuhcyoozer!"
>Well itz not duh worzt naym
>Me an gunfuh get bee'ind duh Barbuhcyoozer az we luk fuh anuvah git to get in a skrap wiv
>Find Grinzy cowerin lyk a zoggin eldar in duh rekij uv dohz 'umiez frum beefor
>Grab duh little git an instrukt 'im tuh keep an eye on duh fyool an do refillz when it runz owt
>Wiv ar ontuhrarg in full strenf fuh now, spot anuvah right zoggin tuff git down duh 'ill
>Sum chaoz boy 'ooz fightin wiv dose SPACE MAHREENZ
>Me an duh boyz luk tah eech ovuh
>We all grin lyk a kommando nob 'oo juzt puld a sneeki trik on 'iz warboss
>Me an Gunfuh get behind duh kart, start shovin to the 'illsyd
>We all start rollin down tuhwardz duh SPACE MAHREENZ
>Be Imperial Fist Tactical Marine, Sammos
>Holding out in my crater
>A number of my brothers arrive
>Good now we can fortify this ridge
>They keep charging
>Guess we can fortify later
>Sergeant Brother Gereon Paulicus is leading them
>Ready my boltgun and join them in the advance
>Cato Shitarius just got yeeted on by the enemy champion
>Watch as Paulicus and a few of my brothers engage the champion
>Closing the distance between me and the melee when theres an explosion
>Paulicus is on the ground and the champion is reeling
>Brother Sergeant orders me to fire
>Look back to the champion
>The blast has opened a soft spot in his armor
>Start advancing and firing like I have been doing all day
>Some of my shots crash into his armor
>Others manage to find the weakness, sending out clouds of crimson
>Chuck a frag at his feet
>It staggers him back even further
>Use the chance to relaod and continue my barage
>Dont let up until I'm standing over him and his chest is reduced to a lump of ground groxmeat
>Turn back to recover Brother Sergeant
Sammos here
Sorry I missed/skipped over your Ork post.
Posting and operating a motor vehicle at 80mph is far trickier and time consuming than it sounds.
No worries lad I can work with this.
Trader here. I have two copies of the thread open - one to write in, one I can reload without disrupting the writing. Would strongly recommend for avoiding continuity errors.
I'm on my old ass phone right now.
Would do that if it weren't so slow as is
>be Steel Legion corporal
>pinned down in foxhole taking heavy enemy fire
>cultists aren't doing much, but traitor or not astartes know their business
>Risian private next to me gets her head exploded by a bolter shell
>heavy stubber position a bit farther down the hill nearly zeroed by a chaos predator
>front end of nearby Leman Russ completely slagged, but it's still firing all of its guns nonstop
>its commander has to call out directions for the battle cannon from the top hatch
>lost track of the commissar but can hear him yelling like a Ministorum priest and trying to coordinate the defense
>we are so fucked
>meanwhile the cultist charge faltered
>crazy ones mowed down, survivors now taking whatever cover they can find
>they still can't shoot for shit
>have to focus on them anyway because lasguns won't do shit against power armor
>have to let our armor and few heavy weapons, mostly pintle mounted guns pulled off of tanks, do the work
>traitors know this and focus fire on them
>too many traitors to properly suppress
>they're paying for it, but they're slowly whittling us down
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>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>'oldin on tuh duh kart feelin lyk a Speed Freek
>Me shootahz' firin bitz a dakka intuh duh big chaoz 'umie az Gunfuh frohz sum bomz at any gitz 'oo luk at uz funni
>Bomba meenwyl iz turnin 'umiez intuh burnin mulch wiv iz new an improovd burna
>Az we aprohch duh big chaoz git, on uv duh SPACE MAHREENZ endz up nokin duh git down
>Oy, dat giz wuz myn!
>Duh 'umie turnz arownd
>EHEHEHEHEHEH, now yav dun it, Iz gettin reveng fuh nikin me krumpinz
>Me an gunfuh start sprayin dakka at duh git tuh get iz attenshun
>'ee juzt dukz fuh covuh lyk an eldar
>Az weer abowt tuh get tuh dat git an show 'im wat for, duh big chaoz boy getz up
>Zoggin 'ell, diz gitz a right champ
>Bomba shootz iz flamez intuh duh big chaoz boy
>'ee startz skreemin in duh flaymz az duh kart crashiz intuh 'im
>I jump owtta duh kart intuh dat git an start kikin an punchin 'im right an proppah
>I meen, 'ee wuz alredy beetun by duh 'umiez but 'eez still puttin up a fight!
>'ee punchiz one uv me teef owt az we bohf tussul in duh mud
>Oy! I need dat ya git!
>Punch 'im 'arduh, grab me toof from duh mud an stik it in me mowf agen
>Pull owt a bom an stik it in duh gitz stund mowf
>Shuv duh kart owt duh way az dey keep shootin at duh 'umiez in evree dyrekshun
>Jump off duh chaoz boy az 'iz 'ed explohdz in a showuh uv red
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>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>Still walking in this damnable tunnel
>I'm covered in dust by this point, and the crew is miserable
>Pray to the Emperor for a ride to get us out of here
>Suddenly, the third rail crackles to life and almost electrocutes a voidsman and the Outcast
>I really am picking up a lot of Eldar swearwords from this woman
>Whooshing and thumping noise rises behind
>Promptly replaced by a deafening screech of engaging emergency brakes
>Automated subway train grinds to a stop metres from running us all over
>Who am I to refuse the Emeror's miracle? Climb aboard, while leaving a voidsman in front of the proximity sensors
>Voidsman steps out of the way and jumps on as the train moves forward
>Things are finally looking up a bit
>Soon as I sit down, there's movement a few cars down
>Quite a bit of movement
>Let's investigate, shall we?
Chaptermaster was fun because it was about a game that didn't (and eventually did and then didn't) exist.

>Be fleet based chapter
>Overstrength because fuck you, I do what I want
>Hive world facing a genestealer cult uprising
>Unleash the angels of death
>Start smashing heads
>Main hive fleet arrives
>Defeat it with my fleet but suffer heavy casualties
>About done with the genestealers
>A second hive fleet arrives
>Goddamn that is a huge fucking hive fleet
>Annihilates the rest of my fleet and lands on the planet
>After a long ass battle manage to fully drive the Tyranids off the world with the help of Imperial Guard reinforcements
>Chapter down from 1200 to 63 marines
>95% casualties
>Decide "fuck it" and promote all of the survivors, keeping the 10 companies structure
>10 companies of 6 marines each, chapter master, master of sanctity, and master of the forge
>Claim hive world as my new homeworld since it is fucked and I have no fleet anyway

>Be Mutant Guardsman
>Apparently our counterattack on them is going well so far, and I'm now being placed into a shock troop squad of other fellow mutants
>Good to hear some good news
>Ex-Commisar leads me and a few squads or mutants with varying degrees of mutation back to our armory to get some better weapons and equipment
>Apparently there's also orks there as well
>Be Imperial Fist Tactical Marine, Sammos
>Helping up Brother Sergeant Paulicus
>Take a burst of weapons fire in the back
>Duck into the cover of a nearby crater
>Turn back to see an ork go all out on the still living champion
>They tumble down into another crater and out of sight
>A few seconds later there's an explosion of red
>The ork charges out of the crater
>Watch from cover with Brother Sergeant Paulicus as the headless khornate terminator stands up out of the crater a few moments later
>It is now attacking anything and everything nearby regardless of alliance
>Warp fuckery and blood spurting from its neck
>Double check my boltgun and look to Paulicus
>He's not too scuffed up all things considered
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>Be me, Imperial fists Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>Can hear the Champion gurgling and wheezing after Brother Sammos unloaded into his chest
>He helps me up
>"Good work brother, now-"
>Before I'm able to continue, hear an Orkish warcry
>Hear the Champion attempting to sit up
>Turn around and unholster plasma pistol
>A disgustingly crudely created wagon with an Orkish flamer is charging towards us, spraying their crude ammunition at my battle brothers and the nearby Guardsmen
>For a moment they focus fire at Sammos who moves to cover
>A large Ork with hair squigs resembeling a moustache jumps onto the chaos champion and begins fighting him
>See other battle brothers slowly recovering from warp lightning
>Sammos and I are the only ones here who managed to avoid the warp lightning
>Brothers grab their weapons and open fire on the wagon
>Wagon moves out of the way as the head of the Champion explodes
>If he wasn't dead before he is now
>Ork with hair squigs has a large amount of guns on his body
>Guns that look a bit heretical
>Well, that partially solves the resupply issue
>Oh and his right arm is on fire
>Realise this Ork who seems to be some strange parody of an ancient terran pirate jumped into fire to kill the champion
>He's currently throwing the guns off of him
>He raises his right fist and screams, "SPAAAAAAAAAACE MAHREEEEEEEEEN" at me
>I raise my power fist
>He goes in for a strike to my chest
>I go in for a strike at his burning right arm
>With the sheer force of my powerfist, I compleatly destroy his arm
>Hear him screaming in pain and extacy as he's thrown back into his wagon, which promptly breaks
>Several nearby ammo packs blow up around us as we duel, overheating due to being coated in promethium
>My attention is suddenly caught by Cato Sicarius screaming and for the chaos champion to STAND UP HEADLESS
>"By Dorn..."
>Too distracted to notice Orks running away
>mfw Cato Sicarius stabs the Champion several times
>Be me
>Duh Choppiust choppuh in duh sektuh, Gunfuh duh Choppuh
>I fink duh boss un bomba uv left me tuh get kopd, gitz
>Juzt notisd 'im get iz zuggin arm punchd off by a SPACE MUHREEN
>Zog it, I dunt need dose gitz
>Grab me last choppuh left and jump at duh 'umie pullin uvuh 'umiez up
>Get duh git frum behind lyk Mork wudda wantid
>He kikz me in duh gut
>I swing me choppuh agen
>He punches it in two
>Well zog, datz not gud
Page Seven Bump Activated
Mutant guardsman here, have to go for a bit, keep the thread alive, please.
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>Be me, Chaos Duelling Tank Commander Diederich Karl-Heinz Kaoskötter
>Charge has now stopped, we're waiting for resupply
>Hear explosions around me
>Ordering Tank to blow up heretic tanks in front of me
>Guardsmen have set up a defensive line
>Look around to see an Imperial fist Sergeant PUNCH THE ARM OFF OF AN ORK
>The one-armed Ork and another, smaller Ork then run the fuck off as the now headless Chaos Champion stands up
>See him beginning to attack everyone around him
>Watch as he's engaged by that asshole Sicarius
>See Sicarius stab him several times through open neck wound
>Can see that we're running low on ammo
>Fuck that is a lot of heretics
>Order loader to switch from APHE to HE
>Vox the general and ask him where the fuck the supplies are
>As I do, hear Chimeras driving up behind me
>well that answers that
>Turn around and order tank to fire into incoming horde
>Really hope we're getting backup
>Hear general reply that we should be getting extra space marine support as soon as it's called for
>See the head, the left arm and the torn apart torso of a Nob fly past me
>Hear it splatter on the side of the Praetorian Baneblade next to me
>Turn to see Space Marine Sergeant ordering several of his men over to the trench
>Seems like he's using his vox now
>Turn back, tune into my squads’ channel
>Four other tanks still in backup
>Two Leman Russ tanks
>One Macharius Vulcan
>One Macharius Heavy
>Order One Leman Russ and the Macharius Vulcan to attack from the right flank
>Order Macharius Heavy and One Leman Russ to attack from the left flank
>Leman Russ on the Right is further ahead than Vulcan
>Has a visual on the Chaos Champion
>Tell it to pound a shot into it when Sicarius is far away enough
>Notice that the previously scorching sunrays beaming down from above have dimmed
>Look up and notice entire sky to be cloudy as all hell
>Hear something hit my tank
>**pitter... patter... pitter... patter...**
>A light drizzle has begun falling down on the battlefield
>Continue firing as resuply reaches hill and Skitarii soldiers along with servitors carrying ammo rush out into the frey
>**Pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter**
>The drizzile rappidly increases in strenght, a regular rain has begun falling on us
>Fire into space marine obliterator, sending him flying down the hill
>Rain grows heavy, can see the earth in front of us turning to mud
>It's a soothingly warm summers rain
>Doesn't seem like tank is sinking into the mud, not quite that muddy yet
>Key word being Yet
>Can see imperial fists fortifying trench further
>Hear something loudly slam into a tank on my right
>Vox buzzes
>"This is Schwarzenfaust, Hit confirmed"
>It's from the Leman Russ on the Right
>"Copy, continue flanking mauever, over and out"
>Turn, first notice that those two Cadian and Khornate tanks from earlier are gone
>See large tread marks in the ground
>Did... did they fucking tumble off the hill?
>More importantly however, I can hear Cato Sicarius loudly gloating
>I can then hear what sounds like Cato Sicarius grunting
>Stand up out of Command hatch for better view
>Equip binoculars
>See imperial fist Sergeant and one regular battle brother attack the champion from behind
>See Cato Sicarius stagger back and then procced to finally cut open the champion's terminator armour open
>Armour seems to have taken quite the pounding
>See Champion fall apart into a bloody puddle of crushed Organs, broken bones and torn apart flesh
>His terminator armour now unable to support his broken form, only his legs are left intact
>See Sicarius sit down on remaining part of traitor Champion's helmet and begin cleaning off his sword as if the imperial fists hadn't been there at all
>What an asshole!
>Shrug, turn back to front
>The enemy's slowing their advance
>Their numbers are now working against them, the muddy hill slowing them down greatly and making heretics trip over eachother as they advance
>Can see guardsmen celebrating as they get more ammo
>See the giant corpse of the Slaaneshi baneblade slowly start sliding down the hill
>We still need to bolster Morale
>Tell tactical officer to take over for me for a bit
>Jump down from tank, fuck this thing is slippery
>Not even going to try and jump across different tanks
>Run past servitors and tanks as I bolt across the mud
>Rushing towards the right, I can hear the cannons of my Vulcan Macharius go off into the sloggged down enemy
>Panting a bit as running in mud is quite a combersome task
>Eventually, make it to small, blood and mud covered clearing
>Can see Sicarius gloating to the remaining Ultramarines
>See him tosing the helmet of the now dead champion around
>Most of the front of it is blown the fuck up
>One of its horns is half broken
>As he tells the remainder of his company of how he and he alone killed the Champion I rush up to him
>Jump into the air and snatch it by the intact horn as he throws it up again
>Muster decently understandable low gothic
>"I must borrow this for a minute"
>Hear him notice the helmet's gone
>Hear him complaining as I bolt back to my tank
>Fuck this thing's heavy
>It's weighing me down substantially but it doesn't seem like him or his marines are chasing after me
>Get up on tank
>Sheath Kaoskötter
>Tell Secondary gunner to cease fire
>Grab onto still firing vanquisher cannon
>Tell primary gunner to cease fire
>Move to front of tank so the guardsmen can hear me better
>Raise Champions helmet up by the horns
>Shout as loud as I physically can
>Shout it several times over so the Guardsmen can hear me
>Shout it first in Gothic, then in Krieger so both Kriegers and Steel Legionaries can understand me
>See several traitor guardsmen instantly begin retreating, chaos astartes don't seem to effected
>Move to commanders hatch again
>Unsheath Kaoskötter and drive it into the inside of the broken helmet
>Hold it up and point it towards the enemy so they can clearly see it
>mfw see avalanche of traitor guardsmen start to try running down the muddy hill, only to slip and cause a giant human avalanche down the hill
>mfw pretty sure I saw several vehicle corpses also start sliding down the hill
>mfw all of this while Friederich is still blasting loyalist metal
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>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>Automated rain announcer states the next station is Seraphim Square
>Wait a minute, wasn't that where the "armoury" the shuttle crashed into was?
>We're coming full circle!
>Stop the train, I want to get off!
>Wait, it's all automated. We'll have a chance to sneak off at a station.
>Not this one, though
>First, let's investigate the movement
>It's people - wait, why are they pointing guns? And do I see mutants?
>Cultists! They must have been hitching a ride on the train too.
>We just blink at each other for a few seconds
>Then, one of them fires the first shot
>All dive for cover as bullets, bolts and bursts of all kinds fly everywhere in both directions
>Nobody can move positions now since the train car is a shooting gallery
>Train is taking us closer and closer to where we really don't want to be
Fuck off with your shitty replies you insipid freak. Get out and actually learn board culture. I bet you were a fucking Elfposter.
>be Steel Legion corporal
>what's left of the cultists have started advancing again
>leading enemies have almost reached the front-most friendlies now, under covering fire by the traitor astartes
>who are also now advancing
>have to keep enemy melee specialists away
>swap out lasgun power pack and get back to shooting
>almost immediately catch an autogun round off the helmet
>fall on my ass stunned
>take helmet off
>big dent right where the middle of my forehead would have been
>praise the fucking Emperor
>now have a massive headache though
>throw away the ruined helmet and get back to shooting
>cultists are now engaged in melee with the guys closest to the front, nearby friendlies are falling back
>can't hear the commissar anymore
>traitor astartes aren't even waiting for the front line to be overrun
>a few squads of them fucking vault the whole chaotic melee and start laying into the retreating guardsmen
>situation is fucked
>ready to go down fighting
>suddenly hear a very familiar sound
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>Be me
>Duh orkiest ork in duh sektAAAAAAH ME ZOGGIN ARM DIS URTZ
>Anywayz yeh, be duh orkiest ork in duh sektah, Orko uv Dakkamark
>Curruntlee regretin a fyoo fingz az me arm dripz green blud
>Ah well, I kopd dat big chaoz git right an proppah aftuh duh 'umiez softend 'im up for me
>Bomba'z tellin me we need to get duh zog owt uv 'ere and juzt let duh 'umiez scrap it owt
>I 'ate tuh leev a fight, but zog it I need anuvah arm
>Iz iz finkin duh big mek'll mayk me a niss new power klaw, den I can luk lyk a right proppah Freeboota!
>Den Iz can krump duh uvah 'umiez dat wer chasin me erliuh
>Bomba preperez tuh yooz duh tellyportah an tellz me to wayt a few minitz fuh duh Big Mek to get me off duh planit
>'ee vanishiz agen
>Zog that, Iz still 'av on zoggin arm left!
>Az I figuh owt wot tuh do in duh meenwyl, spot sum SPACE MUHREENZ sittin on dat git wot I krumpd
>Duh blue git iz sittin on duh chaoz gitz body, frohin itz 'ed arownd lyk dat git did sumfin tuh 'elp
>I charg duh big blu git wiv reklus abandun, skreemin me zoggin lungz owt fuh Gork n Mork

Get better bait
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>Duh git iz too buzy aktin lyk 'ee wuz importunt, wot a zoggin kunt
>Az I crash intuh duh blu kunt frum bee'ind, yooz me good arm tuh punch duh git lyk wiv duh chaoz boy frum erliuh
>Diz tym tho, Iz 'az a diffrunt purpus in mynd!
>Punch duh git in duh bollockz til 'iz armuh fallz off
>Grab 'iz bollockz, pretty small fingz tuh be 'onist
>Me tellyportah beekun startz tuh glow az Iz iz jumpin arownd viktoriuz in me konkwezt
>I tellyport intuh... wot iz diz playz? Diz aynt duh HMS Gitkrumpinwagun!
>Am in a short tunnul, luk abowt an notiss a buncha gitz firin dakka at eech uvuh
>Duh 'umiez ar firin bitz uv dakka at eech uvah
>Sum uv 'em ar duh 'umiez dat were tryna get me in duh net erliuh
>Ah well, dah big mek will get me owttuh diz evenchulee
>Run at duh 'umiez to keep meself okypyd in duh meenwyl
You need either better bait or cream for all that asshurt.
Here, this stuff is decent enough: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Relief-Fissures-Hemorrhoids-Eczemas-Pruritus/dp/B019VISDDW

Oh and here's something else that I think you may also enjoy:
>132mm HE shells slam into the ground all around me
>ALL around
>not even sure if it's friendly or enemy arty firing on us
>doesn't matter, just hide in the trench
>barrage goes on for several minutes before finally letting up
>total silence
>carefully stand up and look around
>entire area cratered like the surface of the moon
>shots walked down the hill and all around the low hill the traitors had come over
>remnants of heretic forces retreating or being finished off by surviving friendlies
>tech-priest must have finally managed to get someone on the vox
>still less than half of our original force survived the battle
>not a single vehicle left operational
>flak vest ruined by shrapnel
>adrenaline so high I didn't even realize I'd been hit
>somehow STILL not even injured
>commissar is dead, ranking officer unknown
>traitors most likely just regrouping, could come back at any time
>if we have orders the cogboy hasn't passed them on yet
>whatever they are they still probably won't be good
I vote Planeta Musi (AKA Planet of Mud)
what about
Damnatus Lutum
something akin to "Damned Mud"

>Be Mutant Guardsman
>We reach a train station to catch a ride to the armory
>We hop on and take our seats
>Ex-commisar opens the door to the next cart and we see a squad of corpse worshipers right in front of us
>There's a very awkward pause on both sides
>. . .
>Someone on our side fires a shot and it immediately devolves into a gunfight.
>With very little cover many of the cultists stuck in the middle get gunned down
>Ex-commisar is shot into many pieces
>I'm lucky to get behind a seat along with a few other mutants
>We outnumber them but they outclass us with their weapons
>The Khorne cultist tried to rush but ended up looking like the ex-commissar
>The best thing to do at the moment is to hunker down and keep on firing until we can eventually widdle them down, or drag the fight on till the train stops
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> Be me, black templar marshal
> leader of the Jerusalem crusade
> most of my brothers have taken to screaming imperator vult and charging people with power swords
> weren't those new guys supposedly more "Sane" than the rest of us?
> fuckit.vox
> be roaming around the sector.
> start getting reports of heretics and guardsmen engaged in battle alongside ultramarines on some backwater planet.
> timeforafuckingcrusade.litany
> tell the navigator to make haste for the planet.
> go to pray for battle.
> timetokickassforthelord.hymn
I like this, with just Musi for short
I agree
>Be me
>Duh Orkiest Ork in duh sektah, Freeboota Orko uv Dakkamark
>Me armz still 'urtin sumfin nasti
>But 'ey, I haz deez chaoz boyz tuh unwynd on in duh meenwyl
>Duh uvuh 'umiez notisd me az well, dey start tuh fyr rohpz an uvuh zog at me
>Dey keep mizin dere shotz koz itz right zoggin small in 'ere
>'owevuh, Iz only 'az one arm tuh krump gitz wiv
>Duh wyrd 'umie wiv tentikulz on iz bak iz startin tuh becum a problum in dat reegard
>Grab anuvah shootah and shoot duh gitz tentikulz to keep 'im okyapyd
>Anuvah chaoz 'umie cutz me shootah an braykz it
>Grab duh git tuh strangul 'im
>Anuvah 'umie tryz tuh stab me in duh 'and
>'owevuh, I aynt no slow git
>Yooz me arm tuh lok 'im in an 'edlok
>Iz only 'az one arm an Iz still 'az two 'umiez redy tuh be kopd
>Az I teyetun me 'old on duh gitz, me tellyporta beekun glowz agen
>Wayt a minit Iz iz...!
>End up bak on duh Kroozer, wiv duh Big Mek standin dere wiv a right zoggin nazty luk on 'iz faysuh
>Still 'av duh 'umiez in me arm, so juzt keep dem dere fur a minit
>Alzo notiss me WAAAGH Monituh'z gon off
>Oy, wotz goin on 'ere?
>Duh Mek explaynz dat all duh tellyportin abowt az draynd duh Kroozer'z enujee, an we 'az to let it recharj
>Dunno wot all dat ment but it ment dat we kant go back tuh duh planit unless we aynt zoggin comin bak
>Zog it, an it wuz juzt gettin gud!
>Tighten duh 'old on duh 'umiez a bit mor tuh let off sum anguh
>Da big mek duz say we kan get enuff enujee fazt to 'av duh WAAAGH monituh on
>...And tuh send anuvah few rokz down
>I getz a feendish plot in me 'ed...
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>Be me, So'Ant, Nightmare Daemon
>Times are tough, in a planetary war zone, theres not many people asleep so I can devour their dreams
>kinda hungry desu
>Hehehheh I found perhaps the only sleeping gaurdsman in the system
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>Dis kroozer duznt 'av many Orkz on it, but it duz 'av a lot a zoggin grotz an gretchin an uvah litul gitz
>Tel duh Big Mek tuh orguniz duh litul gitz intuh duh rokz
>In duh meenwyl 'eel mayk me sum new gubbinz fur me arm and duh dakka 'olez in me body
>Tyoon intuh dah WAAAGH Monituh wiv duh kapturd 'umiez az duh chaoz boy town becumz full uv dozunz uv grotz and gretchinz
Damn, didn't manage to avoid that continuity snarl (I posted 90s later). I'll rewrite.
Orknon here, I've left the character of Orko stranded on his near useless ship now, which means that anyway who wants to now invade (Wink Wink Rogue Trader Wink Wink) is now free to do so as I'll be taking a back seat with the thread for the meanwhile. Keep at it anons, this has shaped up great so far.

No worries Freeboota :)
>Be Imperial Fists Tactical Marine, Sammos
>Brother Sergeant Paulicus and I got the drop on the champion's still fighting body
>Cato Fucking Shitarius lands the final blow and acts like he did all the work
>Fucking prick
>Decide to pull back to our friendly armor and infantry holding the captured ridge
>Spot a familiar trooper lying face down in the mud
>Looks like they're still breathing after being used as a club by an ork
>Good thing it's raining or I was going to start looking like a traitor with my armor covered in blood and mud
>Yank the trooper out of the mire
>Give them a few good shakes to get the mud off
"The battle is not over. If you live you may serve the Emperor yet."
>Carry them by the back of their flak armor up the ridge
>Drop them off by one of the supply laden chimeras
"Equip yourself and return to your unit, quickly."
>Pick up some ammo for my boltgun while I'm at it
>Hopefully the presence of our chapter helps morale
>This heavy rain certainly doesn't help entrenching efforts, I know that
>The defeat of the enemy champion seems to have created another lull in the battle
>Our forces having to resupply means the enemy has time to rally and reformulate
>they may be bringing up reinforcements already
>A bitter truth that I feel means this battle is far from over
> be me black templar Marshal
> finally get in system.
> find a total clusterfuck going on.
> orks, chaos, imperial guard.
> hey imperial fists are here.... and ultramarines.
> dammit why is it always ultramarines?
> pass by the ork ship.
> ready boarding torpedoes.
> it's time to ruin some xenos' day.
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>Be me, once again Tankless Tank Commander Diederich Karl-Heinz Kaoskötter
>After the enemy began routing, it seems that someone who wasn't me called in a fucking artillery strike on this position
>Guardsmen hardly noticed that enemy commander has been slain
>Indeed, the traitor guardsmen in the front didn't seem to notice either
>But I'm pretty sure we managed to take out most of them
>Tank engine is busted; secondary and tertiary ammo dump blew up
>Pretty sure everyone in the turret is alive
>Remember ordering squadron to retreat as artillery fell
>Wonder if they're alive
>Punch open hatch
>Rain is still pouring down
>There are destroyed or heavily damaged tanks all around me
>Several busted chimeras
>And a bunch of space marines
>Step out of commander’s hatch and pull out tactical officer
>Then pull out driver
>Grab both of them and roll off of the hood of our burning heap of a tank
>The two-battle cannon-sized holes and the basilisk cannon-sized hole in the front of my borrowed Macharius is giving me a pretty good idea of what took me out in the confusion
>See the arm of a defiler stuck in the hill
>Remember that we managed to hit that before everything went completely to shit
>Well, for us at least
>Slowly stand up
>Everything hurts
>What hurts even more is that I'm still alive
>Let go of driver and Tactical officer
>See my Kaoskötter lying on the ground, the helmet of the Chaos Champion still on it
>Look up into the sky
>See a sight that reminds me of my Maus
>Astartes Drop pods painted yellow
>A fair amount of them
>Watch as they crash into what remains of the enemy
>Limp towards the trench
>Can see what looks like a helmetless Armageddon corporal standing up
>He looks at me
>I look at him
>He then looks at the helmet I have on my sword
>Raise up the sword and begin shouting for anyone who's still alive to turn towards my voice
>See several guardsmen shifting and turning, slowly sitting up
>Shout, "The enemy is crushed! Our sacrifices have amounted to a victory!"
>Get some small amount of cheering back from the guardsmen
>Commissars are either too dead or too wounded to force them to cheer
>Understand why, I feel like they do after all
>Point sword into the sky, towards the descending drop pods
>"The Angels of the Emperor are here to help us still! Look! They're descending from the heavens! We have won!"
>Several guardsmen turn around
>Substantial amount of cheering now
>I still miss my tank
>Sigh and look down at corporal
>Hey wait a minute
>Is that...?
>Holy shit
>Jump down into trench
>Wipe mud, blood and guts from his face
>That's the Cadian from earlier
>I think he's alive
>Turn to corporal and ask him to help me stand him up
>Corporal does as he's asked and we begin moving out of the trench
>Several Chimeras start driving up
>They've got red crosses on the side
>Call for medic
>Wave Kaoskötter around signifying that I'm an officer
>Two medics rush up with a stretcher
>Gently put down commissar on stretcher
>Look up and notice someone inside
>Is that Oswald?
>Holy Gott-Kaiser he's covered in blood
>I wonder what he was doing this whole time
>Wave at him and he waves back
>Medic about to grab me before I tell him to wait
>Begin limping towards rest of crew, corporal still seems to be helping
>After putting Driver and Tactical officer on stretchers, I turn around towards the space marines
>Pretty sure the corporal ran off to help the rest of his steel legionary brothers
>Remove Champion's helmet from sword
>Slowly move towards remaining imperial fists
>Sergeant is occupied counting the losses
>See white space marines running around helping other space marines
>All but one imperial fist seem to be too busy doing imperial fist stuff
>Approach him, slowly
>Hear Sergeant refer to him as, "Brother Sammos" before I finally reach him
>Muster my painfully gritted through gothic
>"I believe this belongs to you angels of the emperor"
>He turns around and looks down at me
>Hold forward helmet to him
>"You are wounded tanker, you should seek medical attention before giving out trophies."
>"First I must locate a vox so that I may speak to my squadron"
>The imperial fist points to a guardsmen sitting against a busted tank
>Put the helmet in his open left palm and limp my way over to the vox caster
>"Give the helmet to your Kommandierender Offizier"
>Tell unwounded man operating the vox to switch over to my squadrons channel
>Fumbles for a second before finding the right one
>Turn on vox loud speakers
>Get status report
>Everyone's knocked out
>Several tanks outright completely destroyed, others just lost some crew
>Sigh as the emperor clearly wants me to further atone for my sins
>Another day, it seems
>Look around for a moment
>Spot heavily wounded Risian laying next to several dead cultists in the trench
>Limp forward slowly but surely
>Check if she's alive
>Decide to help out the medics
>Thrust sword into mudd
>Slowly kneel down
>With the strenght that remains in my body, pull her out of the trench and put my arm around her shoulder
>Rip sword out of mud and begin using it as a cane
>Limp to chimera supporting the guardswoman
>mfw didn’t even get to die with the other kriegers
>Friedrich’s still blasting astartes metal
[reposting to not interrupt and because I forgot to sign]
>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon and Co.
>Opening volley mows down several cultists trapped in the open and one with a fancy hat
>Some well-placed shots from Tolria's Shuriken Pistol even manage to down a couple through their cover while Dick and Dom fill the carriage with lead and the voidsmen spew lasfire
>The fight is going our way, we might just get out of this one yet
>Suddenly, a massive Ork missing an arm appears in a flash of light in the Chaos carriage
>He charges the cultists unarmed; squashing, strangling and smacking them out the windows
>Nobody can shoot for shit in this tight space
>He ploughs through the cultists and grabs a gun, shooting at the mutant in the back
>He grabs the mutant and teleports out as quickly as he came
>The PA comes to life, apparently nobody noticed that we've arrived at a station
>"This is: Seraphim Square. Please mind the gap between the train and the platform. If you are leaving this service, please make sure you have all personal belongings with you when you depart"
>Doors open and the surviving cultists leg it out of the destroyed carriage into the station
>"Welcome abort this Church Line service calling at: Bankworks - Breadmarket - Auger Street - Packstone - Brannet - Groxbridge Interstellar Spaceport"
>.....Hm. That teleporter was probably going to a ship in orbit.
>That dastardly pirate isn't getting away again. I've had enough of this blasted planet anyways
>Settle down in a seat and pull a copy of the Imperial Times from a bin
>Apparently Tau have been sighted a couple of systems away
>Not our problem.nomad
> Be me, Black Templar Marshall
> Several squads have been deployed to board the ork ship.
> the main prize however, is still the planet.
> Our cousins in the imperial fists are on the planet, and chaos is present as well.
> It is time for us to make our entry.
> decide to land in a thunderhawk with a squad for the time being, no sense in wasting good drop pods.
> the loading ramp lowers for my squad and I.
> take the first step only to sink into my ankles in mud.
> Ignore it and continue forward to what appears to be the main astartes camp.
> Need to find out what the situation is.
>Be Imperial Fists Tactical Marine, Sammos
>Reloading some of my empty magazines
>The Krieg tanker that lost his Maus earlier approaches me
>He holding the remnants of the chaos champion's terminator helmet
>Says it belongs to me and my brothers
"You are wounded tanker, you should seek medical attention before giving out trophies."
>Says he needs to find a vox
>Understandable considering the recent battle
>Set down the magazine I'm holding and take the helmet
>"Give the helmet to your Kommandierender Offizier"
>These humans may not be marines, but they never fail to surprise
>Brother Sergeant Gereon Paulicus should get this
>We can inscribe the names of those that fought this day into it
>Pick up my ammo and take the helmet over to Brother Sergeant
>Present him with the battered terminator helmet
"A trophy gifted to us from a guardsman. It should be yours to scrimshaw."
(deleted original post for continuity

>be Steel Legion corporal
>pulling the dead crew out of the wreckage of a Leman Russ to throw into a mass grave at the base of the hill's north side
>such is life in the Guard
>afterward wander off to try to find a new helmet
>apparently much closer to friendly lines than we thought, a bunch more random guardsmen pull up to the hill
>can hear someone important sounding chewing out the tech priest
>can't really feel sorry for him even though we were about to be overrun
>still looking
>suddenly notice a Death Korps tank commander of all people staring at me
>was definitely not planning on salvaging wargear from the dead
>he just keeps staring
>can't stop looking at his fancy chainsword
>I guessed wrong because he suddenly shouts out to inspire the rest of the men
>not much enthusiasm
>then he mentions that there were space marines nearby
>goddamn tech-priest
>help the Krieger with pulling a wounded Cadian out of the mud, then GTF away from the crazy bastard as soon as possible
>fucking Kriegers
>end up drafted by a medicae for recovering the wounded
>hopefully I'll be able to ride back with them and get the fuck off the front
>Another Steel Legion regiment was in the area
>grabbing all of the uninjured survivors of my regiment to replace the losses in theirs
>the ride never ends
>at least these guys have all their armor
>also wargear, ammunition, and rations
>their captain even promoted me to sergeant to fill out the ranks
>Sergeant Amarus Instantius, never thought I'd see the day
>my squad are good lads, made up from loose guardsmen from both regiments
>even recognize two of them from the battle earlier
>lieutenant explains to me that our unit is going to cover the flanks of the heavy armor's push into Groxbridge
>objective is to prevent Chaos from reinforcing the town by land and securing fire control over the west side
>we move out in three hours

>Be Mutant Guardsman
>Shoot out in the Train is dragging on for a while
>Out of nowhere, a fucking Freebootah Teleports in
>Everyone focuses fire onto the freeboota
>It doesn't do shit as it focuses on us cultist
>It fucking obliterates everyone it got its hand on us
>I just stare like a scared child as I have a traumatic flashback
>I get slammed out this flash back and out of the train window by the ork using another mutant as a meaty weapon
>I hit the ground hard and roll for a while
>I gasp for air after I come to a full stop on the muddied concrete
>I lay there, looking at the dark skies as it starts to rain again, making the place wetter and muddier as I try to regain my energy
>Standing back up I see the train make its stop at the armor an armed culists rush to the station as alarms go off
>Though I'm terrified of the free boota still there, I really want to get better armorand weapons and begin to make my way to the armory
bump for story
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Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>Only have time to read the news headlines before it gets covered in water from a hole in the roof
>How it is raining underground?
>Suppose a stray shot must have hit a water pipe
>Water is also turning the trackside dust and dirt into a foul mud
>To add to the insult my soggy newspaper is then very rudely shot out of my hands
>Hit the deck as a hail of stubber and autogun fire and the occasional lasbolt smashes into what's left of the carriage
>Apparently the fleeing cultists fetched their buddies from the armoury, and they are considerably better armed
>The beeping noise as the doors close and whine from the motors as the train pulls away has never been more welcome
>Next five stations are uneventful
>Only get shot at at three of them
>Train emerges from the tunnels into beautiful countryside for the last leg to the spaceport to the west of town
>Looks like it's rained recently, and the smoke plumes and remaining clouds are turning a brilliant red as the pair of suns slip away, and four of the planet's seven moons are in the sky
>I could get used to surroundings like this
>But I must leave this place, it has done enough damage already and my target still needs "krumping" as they say in their butchered Gothic
>Spaceport is coming into view
>Terminal seems intact, looks like there are even a few PDF troops scattered around
>"This is: Groxbridge Interstellar Spaceport. This train terminates here. All change, please"
>Remember to disguise Tolria as we alight
>We must have looked quite the sight. Four battered voidsmen, two bruised Ogryn, a totally-not-an-Eldar and a man in a filthy, extravagant uniform with a magnificent hat
>One of the PDF on the platform comes running up, looks like he wants to talk to us

That's it from me tonight, keep the thread alive for tomorrow people
P.S. don't feel afraid to jump in too! As I've said before, the more the merrier.
> be me black templar
> where the fuck is everybody?
> we've been walking around here for an hour now and there's no one in this camp.
> turn to look at the banner bearer. He's in conversation with one of the sword brethren and the apothecary, all of whom are looking at a map on the wall.
> apparently we landed near an armory.
> then notice a train roll in.
> finally some people.
> someone gets thrown out the window and lands at my feet.
> it's a guardsman, covered in chaos iconography.
"sire we've figured it out, the pilot landed us near the wrong base"
> fuck this day.
>Be me, Imperial Fists Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>Rounding up total losses so far with the help of one or two tech priests
>First our own, then those of the ultramarines
>We've lost in total 8 battle brothers including those who are too wounded to continue fighting for today
>Second squad took the brunt of the damage, even lost their Brother-Sergeant
>Wonder who's going to get the promotion when Sammos approaches me
>Turn around and see that he's holding a partly destroyed horned terminator helmet in his hands
>"A trophy gifted to us from a guardsman. It should be yours to scrimshaw."
>Nod as Sammos turns and walks away
>Put aside dataslate and place helmet on nearby crate
>I'll have to settle for just writing down the names of battle brothers present at this battle, far too many guardsmen to count
>Turn around and pick up data-slate again
>See what looks like a thunderhawk belonging to the Black Templars flying buy for a moment
>What on earth are our cousins doing here?
>Turn towards vox caster guardsman relaxing against the wreckage of a tank
>Order him to contact the templars
>Vox caster fumbles around for about a minute
>Finally he manages to contact them
>Hear the sound of black templar shouting battle cries and heretics screaming loudly over vox
>Decide it might be a better idea to wait
>Memorize vox adress so I can communicate with these cousins of ours later
>Tell vox caster operator to tune out
>He does so with utmost speed
>Go back to counting losses and waiting for further orders

>Be Mutated Guardsman
>After taking a few step something clicks something in my brain and I stop in my tracks
>. . .
>I turn around and a squad of space marines who were just standing there, looking at a map with the one adorned in black armor staring
>All color in my face disappears as I realized just how fucked I am
>For a second I'm just frozen there, but the next I'm just running as fast as my tentacles can take me
> Be me black templar.
> at this point everyone looks up from the map.
> I'm tapping my foot.
> the squad thunders after him, me in the lead, powersword in one hand, plasma pistol in the other.
> Brother Damocles is roaring with laughter, holding the banner high while still running.
> The apothecary is already firing a bolt pistol at the fucker.
> I couldn't be more proud of their gusto.
I like Musi as the name for the planet, and I think Lutum would make a good name for the system or sector.
not sure how I feel about Musi, depends on the pronunciation
is it pronounced "moo-see" or "moo-sai"?
or is it "muh-see" or "muh-sai"?
I pronounce it myoozee, like muesli. You think it could be better?

>Be Terrified Mutant Guardsman
>Running for my life as a squad of Black Templars chases me
>The legs give me extra speed, but there's no way I can outrun a space marine, let alone a whole squad of them
>One of them blasts off the broken let that had, leaving the new leg free of it broken leg cage
>This puts me off balance sending me to tumble down an incline
>My tentacles help me recover as quickly as possible, the tumble has let them catch up significantly
>All other cultists that can see this and are smart enough to not engage sound off the alarm
>As if things couldn't get worse, I slip on the mud and start sliding forward at what felt like a speeding truck with no control
>I screech in fear as I zoom forward and crash into a sandbag wall
>My legs catch the wall send me crashing into the mud
>I lose all consciousness as my head hits something hard hidden in the mud
"myoozee" or "myoosee" both work fine
definitely sounds better than how my inner tard tried pronouncing it
> be black templar
> did that fucker seriously trip and fall on his face?
> alright, sorta takes the fun out of it, but oh well.
> walk up and look down at the bastard.
> ugh, tentacles.
> why is it always tentacles? Why couldn't it be a bear claw or an insect leg, or something other than slimy friggin' tentacles for once?
> finish the fucker off with a shot to the head.
> other cultists all around us.
> time to clear out this den of degenerates.
> shout orders, squad fans out and begins cutting down cultists.
> one of the sword brothers notes that we were hailed by some guardsmen during our chase.
> well it's about fucking time.
> call them back over the sound of gunfire.
"this is Marshal Hans, what do you require guardsman"
>Be me, Imperial Fists Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus
>Hear guardsman’s vox caster blaring
>Before he has the chance to tell me, I charge over
>Thing's still on full volume
>"this is Marshal Hans, what do you require guardsman"
>"Greetings Black Templars, I am Brother-Sergeant Gereon Paulicus of the imperial fists fifth company."
>Inform them that I saw their thunderhawk flying by some minutes before sunset and assumed that they weren't given a briefing before going planet side
>Get the answer that they came unannounced and received no briefing as they expected to land near friendly troops
>Inform them of the past events of the day, along with the amount of ultramarines and space marines still alive
>Pretty sure I heard a slightly disappointed grunt or two in the background
>Inform them that large amounts of the imperial guard have been wounded or slain and as such they are currently resupplying for a further counterattack
>Hear agreeing grunts from black templars
>"Where is the counterattack headed?"
>"Towards the exact city that you are in."
>Paus as imperial aeronautica forces fly overhead
>"However, watch out for marauder bombers, they accidentally bombed some of the guardsmen here and previously rendered the city a burning husk. It would not surprise me if you get caught in one of their bombing runs"
>"Duly noted."
>Wish Black Templar good luck and have vox caster unit change channels again
>Got orders previously that me and my brothers were to aid the counter attack
>40 more tactical marines, one more centurion, a dreadnought and several rhinos are now present on planet
>We are to leave within an hour
>Order squad to pack up
>Have already engraved names of battle brothers from my squad, the squad we deployed with and centurion into terminator helmet
>Let it rest on a small crate, order rearguard guardsman to watch over it and make sure it isn't lost
>Be Trooper Monica Jernwick, 78th Risian Light Infantry
>Wake up again, this time I am face down in the mud
>It is raining now, I swallow a couple of gulps of water from the puddle my face is partially submerged in, it is refreshingly cold and mercifully free of blood
>For some reason everything is quiet, the battle cannot have ended this quickly, I wonder if I am dead
>I feel something drag me out of the mud
>Pain returns, I black out again
> be me, marshal hans.
> finally know what's going on here.
> call in the entire crusade company from orbit.
> the crusade is in full swing.
> purging occurring left and right.
> pretty sure some of the city is on fire.
> doesn't matter. Purging must be carried out.
> I refuse to have those fucking blueberries steal the credit for all of our work again.
> litanies are howled, throats are slit, bodies explode, and projectiles of all kinds fly through the air in a dance of death.
> it all seems to come together almost like music.
> Smile beneath my helmet.
> this.... this is what I was born to do, and by the emperor I love my job.
>Be Imperial Fists Tactical Marine, Sammos
>Resupplied and ready to follow Brother-Sergeant Paulicus
>Watching the enemy held city erupt into flames fore the third time
>The Templars have always been Dorn's more... enthusiastic sons
>Hopefully I won't have to exchange many words

>Be Mark of Tzeentch
>Aquire soul from coward after his head becomes non-existent
>Apparently I'm supposed to bring his body back as a sort of daemon spawn
>. . .
>Naw fuck that, cowards don't deserve a second chance
>Feed off his soul and look around with a still intact eye
>There's a lot of mud, like, just mud, a lot of mud and grey skies
>This entire place looks the same
>Put soul energy to better use and start making special plant seeds to give this place some "Greenery"
>Gonna need some psyckers to help grow these seeds fast
>Use rest of soul energy to attempt summoning a heretic psyker or powerful daemon with a ping of psychic energy to plant and grow these seeds somewhere safe
>Stop glowing and become dormant again with multiple seeds inside the muddy cadaver
> be black templar high marshal.
> going room to room clearing out heretics and mutants.
> by room to room I mean clearing out a room, then busting through the wall into the next one.
> doorsareformortals.codex
> something feels off now.
> mortals call it a "gut feeling"
> some of the younger battle brothers refer to it as a "heresy detector"
> probably just all of these mutants and bloodstains on my armor.
> it'll wash off.
> idly hope my brothers aren't too enthusiastic with the purging. The last time we burned down a city, the planety governor sent us a bill.
> A bill?
> naturally we shot him and refused to pay it but the point stands.
>Be random loyalist citizen
>Been hiding in my tiny closet from the cultists
>Survived this far on luck alone
>Hear the traitors screaming about Space Marines
>The Emperor's angels are coming
>I might survive
>Crack open the closet door to watch
>A massive armored soldier busts through my wall
>The door was literally right next to him
>Don't care, I'm saved
>Emerge from hiding to praise this demi-god for my salvation
>mfw met with rapid bolter fire and unintelligible screaming about heretics
>mfw die painfully only for my soul to go to the warp and spend never and forever in unimaginable agony as my soul is ripped to infinite shreds by warp spawn
>Evasive Warfare.Assaulting an Incursion or Planetary Defence Fleet/Caldari Army
>Warpdrive Overlays and other Warp powers
>T1/2 Combat Warp Pulses
>Imperial Agents in low level jobs
>Void Treads
>Imperial Agents in middle-Level jobs
>Eldar, Eldar, Eldar
>The Imperium can afford it
>Noone can escape this shit
>Noone really wants to do it
>All of us want something similar for a reason
>Just for the hell
>The fuck
Just a damn fun game and I'll keep playing it until the fucking thing explodes on this world.
>be Steel Legion corporal, now sergeant, Amarus Instantius
>inhaled an MRE as soon as briefing was over, now sleeping in the compartment of new squad's chimera
>very basic, with just the standard multilaser and lasgun arrays and very neatly painted in the regiment's colors
>probably an untested replacement brought up from reserves
>squad waiting around nearby
>suddenly get orders to move out
>a bunch of Black Templars showed up and immediately engaged the enemy
>command doesn't want to leave them high and dry, so we're moving out early
>squadron's original orders to help encircle the town still stand
>seven guardsmen, a plasma trooper, and a krak missile team pile into the compartment
>tell the driver to hit the gas and fall in with the rest of the squadron
>eager to pay the traitor fucks back
>Be Chaos Undivided Rearguard Trooper
>Now Frontline Trooper
>Things have been going to shit all day
>Narrowly survived the city exploding into flames twice
>More space marines have shown up and the place is on fire again
>Curl up in my little hole in the bottom of the trench just outside Skullheap (formerly Groxbridge)
>Try not to cry
>Pray to the gods for guidance and inspiration
>Pray for Khorne's rage to carry me through the battle
>Pray for Tzeentch for the cunning and luck to take on enemies much large than myself
>Pray for Nurgle and Slaanesh to wish me luck while I'm at it
>It's not like it could hurt my situation any more that it already is
>Grip onto my autogun and wait
>Wait for the gods to reply
>Wait for my chance to drive back the imperial lapdogs
>Be nurgling
>Be wandering about to find some friends
>Find a mortal in a trench praying to the gods
>I can feel the fear emanating off of him as he prays
>Feel bad for him
>Hop on into the trench and give him a hug to make him feel better
>Tell him Papa Nurgle's watching over him along with other gods and that he'll be alright
>Today's been a great rainy day
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>Be me, Aeronautica imperialis Ace Laurentz Foulke
>In charge of thunderbolt Squadron Silber
>Entering atmosphere of a planet called musi to escort some Avengers
>Got some lightnings with us too for good measure
>Backwater agri-world with a chaos incursion
>An odd combination, but I suppose I've been in stranger situations in my many years of service
>Hear there are space marines deployed here
>Neat, I might get to fly alongside a thunderhawk
>As we're flying over the terrain the heavy rainfall that was present when we first made our entry through the atmosphere is fading away
>We missed one hell of an infantry slugfest while another squadron was having dogfights in the sky with traitor PDF
>Crushed blue space marines, what I think are chaos space marines, vehicles and guardsmen of all loyalties are strewn about the muddy terrain
>Blood and guts everywhere
>Pretty sure I see part of a hill randomly flashing for a second
>Vox infantry to go and check that out
>Continue on with my mission
>We're supposed to be continuing the assault on the burning heap of a city
>Going to soften it up just a tiny bit more
>We enter in the cover of night, we're barely visible
>Primary objective is to down any enemy pilots trying to escape the planet or attack our ground forces
>Order sizable squadron to spread out as avengers descend into city
>Spot something near the spaceport
>Think that's a black templars thunderhawk
>Oh hey cool
>But that's not it though, something... something else
>Then, see that familiar red colour scheme
>Oh yes
>Turn on vox
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> "<< Silber 1 to all units, I have a visual on enemy aircraft, engage at will, over and out >>"
>Can see Avengers returning up from the city and beginning their retreat, everything below them now a burning fucking wreck
>Squadron spreads out to engage enemy craft
>Can practically hear the spanish guitar blaring in my ears as I engage a couple Hell Talons taking off
>Pic related
>Take out ones cockpit with autocannons before performing some sick flying manuevers to avoid plasma blasts and other shit flying in my general direction
>See what I can only assume to be several heretical Thunderhawks taking off
>Only got four of these big boy fuck-your-shit-up hellstrike missiles
>Gotta use them carefully
>Seems like the heretics are trying to escape
>These boys don't seem to want to use the warp as an escape
>Huh, wonder why
>Manuever above leading chaos Thunderhawk
>Swoop down and drop bomb at its cockpit
>Boom! Direct hit!
>Ace insticts kick in
>Instinctivley break
>Hunter killer missiles, classic
>Perform U-turn
>Swiftdeath on my tail
>Haven't gotten to duel one of these babies in a while
>Fucker's faster than me
>Doing my best to dodge this fucker
>As we're dogfighting, can see black templar drop pods falling down around me
>The city bellow is burning
>The sky above is filled with drop pods and exploding fighters and transports
>And my erection is so fucking hard I could pierce a gloriana-class battleship
>Gonna teach this speedy son of a bitch a thing or too about friendly fire
>Can see thunderhawks trying to escape
>Narrowly avoiding drop pods as I fly around
>Lighting on swiftdeath's tail
>It's happily breaking away, avoiding fire and trying to get it to hit me
>Oh my traitorous friend, you have no idea how ironic this is going to be
>Detect hunter missile on my tail again
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>Dogfight is moving higher and higher into the air, missiles flying through the sky as imperial infantry are advancing
>Break out of the way for missile, still moving towards thunderhawk
>Break again
>Lean into vox
>50% sure heretic can hear me if I tweak it a bit
>There we go
> "<< This is Silber 1 to Swiftdeath, FEEL THE FURY OF THE EMPEROR YOU ASSHOLE! over and out >>"
>Break out of the way for a final time
>I've ended up above thunderhawk
>broke around in such a way that the missile is now below the thunderhawk
>Luckily enough for me we're on a diagonal path towards one another
>Missile's too close to realise where the target is
>Too dumb to realise it's going to hit a friendly
>Missile slams into the engine of a thunderhawk
>They aren't firing at me it seems
>I think they're out of ammo
>Hear heretic astartes screaming as they fall out of thunderhawk
>Oh yeah, they're out of ammo
>Perform J-Turn
>See more thundebolts approaching thunderhawks
>Also see swiftdeath getting torn to shreds by another lightning approaching from underneath
>Tweak vox
> "<< Silber 1 to Silber Squadron, do not, I repeat, do NOT let those thunderhawks escape through the atmosphere! >>"
>Be Thunderhalk pilot
>Devoted to Slaanesh in pursuit of perfection
>Spent millennia perfecting the art
>Some hotshot loyalist with a few decades under his belt thinks that something as bulky as an astartes transport is an easy target
>No one expects the thunderhalk to pull hard maneuvers at low altitude
>No one expects a thunderhalk to perform the famous immelmann maneuver
>be 118th Grand Company of Iron Warriors
>looking to add our forces to some righteous war
>arrive in system
>ah yeah fuck this we're out.
>be Inquisitor Zeke
>Seems the reinforcement call can be revoked
>Imperials are really fucking over the Heretics and orks
>On the other hand it seems that the imperial forces have themselves gave this place a name before the beurocrats
>Still the beurocrats get to chose it's official name
>But the current one will do
>Feel glad that this will be over soon
>Might go on vacation to a paradise world
>Still gotta explain to the Lord inquisitor that sent me here why I haven't tested out the prototype
>By the 7 moons of this Mudpit I'm gonna love leaving it
> be me black templar
> still murdering our way through chaos and such.
> full scale war going on here
> Get a call from the battle barge.
> something's entering in system.
> something... unidentified.
> what the fuck?
> ask him to explain.
> I don't get a response.
>Be the Great Pilot of Slaanesh, Drugo Fukfistor
>Finish off a line of warp dust before the first lightning make a pass
>Nose down to -45 degrees
>Drop the throttle and apply air-brakes
>Drop a solid 50m before pushing the throttle and leveling off
>The lightning shoots high and rockets past
>Nail his portside engine from underneath with a burst of bolter fire from my cockpit
>Pull gradually back up to my starting altitude as the lightning spirals to a fiery death
>Scratch another kill tally into the fuselage outside my shattered window
>Another fast mover tries its luck
>Pull a tight immelmann
>The rookie pilot tries to pull the turn at full speed
>Laugh as his momentum widens his maneuver and he dives straight into the city below
>Another bites the warp dust
>be Rak’Gol businessman
>get fleet of accountant Rak’Gol
>make way to this system via acquiesced warp drives from a hostile merger
>prepare to audit the system
>the rak’gol Ship fires a boarding torpedo with a team of experts
>Be Heretical Psyker
>Hiding as Space Marines clean house
>Feel a rush of psychic energy ping from close by
>Investigate once shooting dies down
>Find a mutated headless corpse with the mark of Tzeentch
>This is where the ping came from, but I have no idea why
>Investigation reveals nothing special, except for the mark that has a residual psychic energy mark
>Ok then, guess I'll take it to give to the nurglings to play with/eat
>Cut out the skin with the mark of Tzeentch and start dragging the body back to our main base as stealthfully as I can
>Really wish I had some physical prowess
> be me, black templar marshal.
> welp.... house has been mostly cleaned, but the gut feeling hasn't gone away.
> begin to backtrack as brothers continue to clean house.
> On my way back, I try to hail the strike cruiser again.
> apparently they're being.... boarded. While they board another ship.
> what the fuck?
> whoever they are, they're tearing through the serfs and neophytes.
> order the boarding units back up to the ship and do what they can, if all else fails, blow the cores if we can't get there in time.
> make for the thunderhawk.
> we need to get back up there, as soon as possible.
>be Rak’Gol CEO
>be boarding an unliscenced human vessel
>be repossessing all the items of value off these animals who failed to pay their tax
>be clearing through the humans, not a single one has produced a liscence in solid uranium glass
>most untidy operation this quarter
>none of them seem to respond well to screaming and the uranium powered lamyflashandscanny stats machines
>they don’t respond well to particle degradation and it’s insufferably annoying
>Be Heretical Psyker
>Hear heavy footsteps
>Oh fuck space marines
>Stop dragging mutant corpse and lay down among other corpses to stay hidden
>Footsteps come and pass
>Stay there for a while longer
>The rain starts again
>Get back up from the ground
>Robes are all muddied
>Dang it these were new
>Resume dragging the body to reunite with the other psykers and heretics
> be black templar
> screaming onboard the ship gets more frequent.
> apparently they've made it to the engine room
> fuck fuck fuck.
> thunderhawk got shot to pieces during the dogfight going on in orbit.
> we're stuck on the ground.
> dammit. We need to get into orbit. Soon.
Night time bump
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Here comes another bump.
Seems like everyone is asleep
Incase people aren't asleep and have just quit because some of the posts might have gotten repetitive I hope we can just come up with some stupid ending so this thread doesn't need spamy life support to stay alive.
Let there be space for someone else to make their own thread of whatever related to /tg/ (just hope it isn't just some elf poster who sucks dick because he is a faggot)
Most of the posters on here are just gonna be asleep at the moment most likely, the thread will get going again in a few hours or so.
Need to sleep, see yall later
Keep thread alive please
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>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>A groggy Danarius comes stumbling out of the carriage
>In the grim darkness of the 42nd millennium, people still fall asleep on trains
>PDF trooper looks between us and the destroyed train a few times, fortunately he pays Tolria no attention
>Finally he speaks
>"I'm sorry sir, but all scheduled offworld services are currently suspended due to military requirements"
>Try my best to look disappointed, and wander off into the terminal
>Place is a hive of military activity
>Imperial Guard troops streaming into Arrivals, supplies being carted through customs, transport shuttles being unloaded, landing and taking off and the baggage carousel is full soldier packs and lasguns
>This place must be supplying the whole war effort, be a shame if something were to happen to it
>In any case, I need a spacecraft to get back to my ship and go after that pirate
>Slip out a side door onto the spaceport apron
>It's well and truly dusk now, and the smoky haze blowing in from the city deepens the gloom
>Should be easy enough to sneak around
>Let's go jack ourselves the biggest and flashiest shuttle we can find
>I'm sure the Guard won't mind (and probably won't even notice)
>Be me, Imperialis Aeronautica Ace Laurentz Foulke
>Most thunderbolts are now moving towards the thunderhawks, a couple still engaged in dogfighting
>The Lightnings are closer to the ground than we are, they're currently engaging Hell Talons
>See thunderhawk lower than the others
>The craft seems to be a bit... pink
>See him pull an immelman on a lightning and plink off its engines
>Time to have ourselves a good ol' air duel
>...with some friends of course
>Vox wingman to get the fuck over to where I am, he's still alive thank the emperor
>Can't afford to let any heretics escape, and this pilot seems like he's pretty keen on not dying
>Not gonna have it
>Descend with him towards the rapidly moving, turning, breaking and generally manuevering thunderhawk
>Can hear noise cannon firing from thunderhawk
>Fucking Slaaneshi Dubstep
>Absolutely disgusting
>I go in for lag pursuit while wingman performs horizontal slash
>Thunderhawk goes for a rapid climb and then goes full throttle
>It's swooshing around wingman, cutting its engines periodically and trying to get him to overshoot
>See wingman almost overshoot
>He narrowly avoids lascannon and heavy bolter before descending and flying through a sort of gate formed by two hive spires having toppled over one another among the burning wreckage
>Still a fair ways behind thunderhawk
>Don't think the Slaaneshi has noticed me yet
>Full throttle as thunderhawk goes under the gate
>Get a good visual on the engines attached to the wings
>Fire lascannons four times in total
>Motherfucker performs tight 180 degree turn and a climb, completely avoiding lascannon fire
>See stray lascannon shots fly at wingman
>Two outright miss, two hit left wing twice
>God emperor damnit
>See his craft twirling about in the air before dipping
>Hear him through vox
>"<< Silber 2 to Silber 1, I'm hit, losing altitude! >>"
>Might have hit his left side engine
>Pray to the Omnissiah that I haven't
>"<< Silber 1 to Silber 2, crash-land outside the city if you have to >>"
>Vox goes quite for a moment as I hear a small explosion below me
>I think I might have just shot down my own wingman
>Tank short burst of heavy bolter fire before evading lascannon blasts narrowly
>"<< Silber 2 to Silber 1, still alive, I have a visual on target, over >>"
>Wingman just deployed a bomb to temporarily fake his own death
>Might still be visible on auspex though
>Thunderhawk too focused on me to notice that he isn't dead yet
>Now's my chance
>This big boy isn't exactly a lightning when it comes to manoeuvrability, but it'll get the job done
>Alright then slaaneshi, lets pull some air show stunts
>He's behind me now
>Pitch up
>Begin performing slightly wider than average Kulbit to the best of my manoeuvrability
>End up above him halfway through
>See him slowing down and pitching up
>He's still close to full throttle
>Decrease throttle with great speed
>At 1500kmph
>He's at maybe 1750kmph
>He's moving his tech-heresy slaaneshi dubstep cannon to fire
>Nearly there now...
>"<< Fire! >>"
>See two hellstrike missiles fly up
>Pretty sure Slaaneshi noticed it on auspex
>He's forced to break to avoid missiles suddenly flying up at him
>Fire both lascannons twice mid-break
>One shot hit the left wing's flaps
>Three hit his left-wing engine
>Watch as that big fucking engine combusts
>He's losing control of his craft
>Tweak vox
>Pretty sure I'm on his channel considering all that screaming and moaning
>Blast the flamenco going through my cockpit at him via vox
>Hear him begin yelling profanities as one hellstrike flies after and smashes into the bottom of his craft
>Other is unable to reach target and just explodes above his cockpit
>Change channel back to wingman
>"<< Silber 1 to Silber 2, yo buddy, still alive? over >>"
>"<< Silber 2 to Silber 1, landing at spaceport for repairs, over >>"
>"<< Silber 1 to silber 2, copy that, stay alive, over and out >>
>Pretty sure I see a black Templar Thunderhawk emergency landing on muddied field outside of Groxbridge as Slaaneshi Thunderhawk gets grounded
>Increase throttle as rain starts falling down on my cockpit again
I'll see u on reddit faggot
E.M page seven Bump!
>Be Heretical Psyker
>Finally drag body to one of our bunkers
>Be winded after dragging it for that long
>Take it inside and meet up with the other psykers
>They're preparing to summon more daemons to buy time for reinforcements to arrive
>Hand them the mark of Tzeentch and give the body to the little corpse pit the Nurglings have
>Their little squeals of joy are cute
>Start helping summon daemons
>Halfway through the mark starts to glow from the present warp energies
>That's a good sign
>Nurglings are making a commotion at the corpse pile
>Take a glance at what they're doing
>See some weird looking "plant" growing from the mutant corpse
>Nurglings are going wild about new life being born on this planet
>The plants and roots are growing slowly using the corpses as fertilizer and warp energies as fuel to grow
>Summoning daemons turns into growing warp plants as the plants continue to spread through the bunker and to the outside
>We begin doing rituals to let the warp plants spread and grow to increase the hold of chaos on this planet
>Have to keep a distance since one of us got speared and pulled into the brush by a bug like appendages
>The gods will be most pleased with us, especially Tzeentch for turning this boring mud planet into a planet of diverse warp life.
Bump in Hope's of posters return
Im at work, so I don't think I'll be able to post much of anything until close to 5pm EST
Same, I've been checking the thread but no time to write something.
I'm around all day but I don't want to make it all about me or get too far ahead so I'm waiting for others
Should there even be another thread if it's going this slow?
Unless several more people join, I don't think there's enough activity for a second thread after this one hits autosage so we might want to wrap up soon.
I was starting to think about it by couple of posts in this thread.
It was comfy in the first 2, no more than 3 threads.
Krieg Tanker/Aeronautica ace poster here, I am praying that the thread gets a satisfying ending before we hit the post limit. The only thing we can do is wait and see.
Oh yeah and what's up with all the dubs in this thread? I'm pretty sure someone or something has blessed this thread in some way because the amount of dubs on display here isn't normal.

It's probably just because we've been going for 3 days at this point but let me dream damnit
could be a sign that this thread may continue, or that the flame of tg shit posts is still alive.

Who knows, whatever the reason that's a lot of dubs.
>be Ork
>be Stormboy
>Stormboyz go to kill humies
>Runthred bring Gretchin
>Weirdboy comes along
>Gretchin get away from Runthred
>Humies stomp all of them
>Stormboyz die
>Every Ork head explodes
>mfw Weirdboy dies
>mfw all Orks die
Newfag unfamiliar with the lingo here, what's a dub?
Dubs are when the random post number has two of the same number at the end
Welp, the thread's pretty much dead
It was nice while it lasted
Better luck next time :)
>be me Yago Twice-Cursed, renegade Iron Warrior
>never been a very good fighter
>never been very good at planning battles
>really, most of the things i'm involved with turn out disastrous
>a skill very handy when I planned this attack
>no better diversion
>currently breaking atmosphere in thunderhawk transporter
>sky is filled with blazing munitions
>no easy entry, but this was what thunderhawks were made to survive
>hastily touch down in a roughly peaceful location
>special auspex says this is close enough
>disembark with my servants,
>psyker currently encased in a supression hood until he is needed
>Dishonored Necron Lychgaurd, don't really know his deal, but he's proven unusually trustworthy
>what my plasma pistol is largely for
>several human stormtroopers who are truly trustworthy as in I can kill them with my bear hands
>unload the massive burrowing engine the thunderhawk transporter is carrying
>begin drilling down into the muck
>descend underground
>be me Bragon Arrnon-Laurenthal, cheif of Groxbridge on Swordwaise, and soon to be governer of Musi
>In my political career, I have learned that the best way to win, is to not fight your opponents directly, but to be the last one standing
>and as of now the former governors mansion is a pile of mud and bricks being used as a forward base for a regiment of Kreigers
>In fact, I must congratulate myself on requisitioning the Kreigers, any other regiment might of actually won the battle cleanly and efficiently
>also leaving the PDF in its entirety to set a garrison around the new capital, my personal compound.
>colluding with the insurgents was simple enough, but now its time to tie up loose ends
>the templars will be sure to wipe them out without asking too many questions
>time for a relaxing bath i think
Emergency 9th page bump
>inb4 thread gets archived
I archived the Tiddius Majoris threads, I'll get this one when it dies.
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>Be Rogue Trader Stannim Lherzon
>Night has fallen at last, and the spaceport is under blackout conditions to avoid attracting enemy fire
>Makes it all the easier to sneak about
>Spot a largeish, fast-looking Guard cargo craft
>Not as fancy as my old shuttle (damn that Ork!), but it'll do - it's even got a couple of guns on it
>Send Tolria ahead to KO the guards, don't want to kill any Guardsmen now
>I swear, that Eldar woman has been so useful today I could kiss her
>Hear several large incoming troopships
>It looks like the Sororitas have decided to turn up to purge the heresy, and they'll be able to do it much better than these chucklefucks have so far
>Time to go, I don't want to be melted
>All jump on board, and Danarius has us soaring away in seconds
>Tune out the angry yelling of the ATC on the vox
>Damaged Thunderhawk shoots past, coming in hot
>Remaining fighters don't fire at us in Imperial colours
>Returning to the "It's Just Business", we make immediate preparations to leave
>I've had enough of this dangblasted Musi, and there's reports of a lost planet elsewhere in Ludum sector to be contacted
>It's cost me my shuttle, my men and my dignity
>That scurrilous Ork will get away this time; but he's not seen the last of the esteemed and honest Stannim Lherzon, Rogue Trader of the Imperium
>As the ship prepares to break orbit, an Ork Kroozer comes into view
>Take a few passing potshots, but I'm past caring, even on the chance the Freeboota is on board
>Looks like it's being boarded by Space Marines anyway, good luck to you brave, manly boys
>Reality begins to swirl and distort as we enter the Warp
>New adventures await!

I planned to have a dramatic showdown Return Of The Jedi-style with Mr Ork on his bridge as the disintegrating ship fell from orbit and everything burned around us as but, alas, the thread appears to be coming to a close and I'm taking the opportunity to provide an ending.

.....Or is it?
Thanks for playing anons, it's been good shitposting with you. Until next time.

I've been Stannim Lherzon. Fly safe.
Oh, one last word (sorry). I've gotten quite attached to writing Stannim over the course of the thread, and I'm seriously thinking about continuing his story. I've never done writefaggotry before and it'll probably come out terrible, but there's always a first time for everything.
Worst that can happen is that it's shit and we give you feedback.
Sammos/Chaos Undivided Rearguard Trooper/Drugo Fukfistor poster here
All in all I think this thread was a good bit of fun, at the very leas we didn't have people sinking into the degenerate mire like other threads that don't need mentioning
This one was very combat heavy and wasn't as chaotic as the massive 6-way shit shows of some of the better ones, so there is that, but it still seems pretty quality

If there's anything to take away from this thread I'd say it's the teachings of Based-Emps here >>66925256
Hope to see you all (not that I'd recognize you as different people in a different system, but you get the point) in the next thread
I would start it, but I need to leave for work, and I won't be back for eight hours. This shit was great, I hope the next thread is still alive when I get back.
Krieg Tanker/Imperial Ace poster here
I'm tempted as fuck to write short epilogue but, in case you guys want to make another one of these, I won't. This has been fairly fun, a bit combat heavy yes, but fun. I await similar threads from you in the future, OP, and of course one or two writefag posts from the rogue trader anon.

I'd like to get one last thing off my chest before thread 404s. Rogue Trader anon, your edited images are fucking fantastic and give some extra flavour to the thread. If you do indeed become a writefag and continue the adventures of Stannim, I hope you continue your editing, because fuck me it's some good stuff.

One last thing directed at you, archive anon. In case the thread dies and there is no follow up, I'd like to leave you with a small message.

Thanks friend, see you again.
No problem buddy, it warms my heart to see anons having fun with it.
Steel Legion, never really wrote anything before either but this was a good distraction. I honestly wouldn't even know how to end that thread, probably just by dying desu. And while we're at it I especially liked >>66989402 >>66991025 your stuff.
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>Be me, Tar Gwil of the night lords 83rd, derailer of threads
>didnt even see the front lines this time
>feels good man

Good job keeping it wholesome lads. Honestly you could of added MORE weirdness. And a bit of worldbuilding too. Hopefully its not a one off thing.
Dis iz da bess thred on tee gee rite nao I'll smash yer face swear on me squigz
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Orknon here, posting on here has been fun, so here's some quick art I did of none other than the Ork himself, currently stuck in space battling some Black Templars with nothing but his left arm and some chaos cultist flails to show for it. Until the next thread lads, I look forward to seeing you guys again.
Oh, don't worry about him. I'm sure he'll find a way to exit stage left and escape. How else will Stannim and Dakkamark have their final showdown?
Trader anon here - by gallivanting around I was trying to add new locations, draw people away from the battlefield and provide hooks for other people to use or jump in with; but we didn't really have the numbers or time to flesh out the world as much as it could have been.

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