I love these threads, but I'm not creative enough t come up with anything interesting.

It's going to be good to see what the anons here post.

I just started DMing this game using the resources from 1d4chan and my players are having a blast. Even though everyone dies or gets fired by the end anyways

>>64476922
There is a shotgun under the counter. It's silver shot rather than lead. For those special occasions.

Anyone notice Rival Gas Station just sorta popped out of nowhere? No ads, no construction, but all of the sudden my favorite bakery turned into some gas station chain. The owners never hinted at leaving either. Never even heard of Rival Gas before but apparently they're from outta state. Boss got real nervous when I asked him about it and told me not to go near it when in uniform.

Some dipshit accidentally loaded up with diesel and now his car is screaming and begging for death. Any anons know what the procedure is here? The page in the handbook dealing with suddenly animating objects has been torn out, or burned, I can't tell which.

>clock into shift
>hear soft latin chanting
>find holes in the wall behind the magazine counter
>tfw we have an infestation of monks
>fucking day shift left out a bible under the counter

Fucking hell, we're never gonna get rid of these monks.

>>64480051
You need to fumigate them before they dig in deep. I use a deconsecrated brazier burning arbutus and dried peat from a bog where a murdered person's body lies. Gets them right out.

>>64480017
It got torn out because a couple years ago it was referrenced so much they just laminated the thing and put it in the break room. Look behind all the kickball team signups.

I went to the bathroom for 5 minutes and one of those creepy dolls is missing
I'm fairly certain nobody has ever bought any, what's the fucking deal with them?

>>64480266
Thanks dude! The car's spirit has been exorcised and safely disposed of. I just feel bad for what the guy had to give up, but nothing's free in this world.

>>64476922
a scenario that I used in a campaign I ran

>boss tells them about a sawn-off shotgun he uses to disuade robbers
>says it's loaded with Siberian salt
>robber arrives and Siberian salt turns out to be code for smuggled diamonds
>5 minutes after 911 call an ambulance arrives and takes the diamond filled body of the robber with them
>15 minutes after that police and an accual ambulance arrives

I went to the bathroom for 5 minutes and there's another one of those creepy dolls on display.
I'm fairly certain nobody has ever bought any, what's the fucking deal with them?

>>64480276
>>64480370
A-anon...?

>>64480325
Yeah, sorta unethical to keep part of the builders soul in there but I guess thats how they keep the price down. They're gonna have to update the manual soon for dealing with all the electric cars getting nightmares for being left plugged in at full battery while the driver is in the store.

>>64479879
Boss told me not to go near it WITHOUT uniform. Mumble something about armistice (some kind of coupon?) only being honored if we wear company uniform.

>clock in
>unlock register and sell nothing for 30 minutes
>janitor doesn't show up
>must've fucked something up last night
>don't remember last night
>guess I'm the janitor now
>go to get cleaning supplies
>closet's locked
>ask maintenance guy for master keys
>maintenance guy's not here
>guess I'm maintenance now
>call manager's number on wall phone to ask where the keys are
>my cell phone rings
>guess I'm the manager now
Can anyone recommend some prior employees to get over here? Day shift didn't even clean the slushy machine.

>>64480596
Well the old bakers apparently are still selling their stuff on one of the shelfs inside and I'm not going another day without my sourdough. I'll just go in half my uniform after work and see what happens.

>>64479879
Does Rival Gas Station have mirrored glass? Cause I don't know how else to explain this, but it seems to me the interior it's exactly like ours. Even the clerk, he's... I mean, not precisely, but there's something, I can't see his face properly.
Guys, I need to go out there, back in a bit. Someone man the counter, please.

>>64476922
What's the theme to your Night Shift?
I'd think https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgOgwrAtMOY personally, the strange jauntiness of the beat and lyrics help offset the surreal nightmares and dubious legality. The kind of thing a clerk might play at 4am as he mops the stain bubbling up from the floor near the slushie machine, the one that smells like sulfur and tang.

>>64476922
Christ, this thread makes me feel old.

>>64480187
Nah, it's enough to just fart in a bag and squeeze the farts into the holes. It might be tempting to just fart directly into the holes, but don't do it, monks are very much into sodomy.

>>64481263
Oh you're talking regular human monks? I meant the other kind.

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A pig centaur walked in a couple hours ago and bought some chocolate or some shit. A few hours later I developed this of rash on my right arm. It doesn't hurt though but for some reason I have a really strong hankering for pork rinds. Is it some sort of allergic reaction?

>>64481300
How attached are you to that arm?

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A longboat has just sailed (?) into the yard. They're bigger than me and trying to pay in barter goods. What do I exchange for all of the beef jerky and booze?

>>64481351
As dude that's his 2nd favorite arm.

>>64481390
Seriously just give them money, when it gets in their hold it'll turn into bolts of fabric and some exotic spices. And if you cram their shit in your register it'll turn into money. I don't fucking know either dude just go with it.

>>64480745
You are the prior employee's.
Part of the Shift, Part of the Crew.

>>64481351
Well I grew a couple new ones the other day. Being the vessel for a 5th circle demon has its perks. The ichor is a mess to clean up though.

>>64480051
>>64480187
>>64481263
>>64481299
Guys, they really aren't that bad. The place I work at has practically a whole damned monastery's worth and you know what? We haven't had vampire or demonic possession problems in straight MONTHS.

I went to the bathroom to drop a quicky and it's full of those creepy dolls.
What's the fucking deal with them?

>>64481650
Check your fucking tax reports, anon. The church demands a 12% tithe.

Management left a note for us, apparently some undead socialites rented the ballroom for a gala? The human sacrifices just showed up but the priest can't find his copy of the Necronomicon

>>64481676
Yeah, and I think puking up tiny versions of yourself that speak only in terrible truths and dark secrets is worse than losing some revenue.

>>64481471
The skinny one is offering to pay with a feather. Should I accept?

>>64481759
What colour is the feather?
Did this guy look like he came with the others or is he just trying to blend in?

>>64481779
I think mine are Catholics, but considering the shaved heads and kung fu, I'm not really sure. Is it possible they're from a timeline where Buddha and Jesus are the same guy?

>>64481650
>>64481630
A lot of good they did for me. Can we borrow some of yours?

On second thought nevermind. My buddy Xbuagalabtechthos would probably not appreciate it.

>>64481809
Just leave out some fresh bread, brandy, and a bible or two. Even chance you'll get raccoons or Catholic possums, but it's worth if for some monks hanging around.

>>64481750
Sounds like you don't respect yourself enough, my man. Between me and my dark speakers the rest of the crew are working less than 20 hours each. I'm making a killing not having to pay for benefits. Maybe have a sit down with yours.

>>64481899
Thanks man but no way. As I am now just being around something holy would probably make my skin peel off. Which would be okay since I'm no longer limited to human form and could just regrow it, but it would kind of hurt.

Someone left another aborted demon fetus on the bathroom floor, can one of you guys take care of it? The bite wounds I got from last time are still oozing black ichor.

Nobody has ever died after eating the Crunch bars in the snack aisle. I'm serious, I checked. You know Roadrunner, that old-ass native guy that buys three packs of smokes every Wednesday? I checked the courthouse for his birth records, and they say he was born in 1892. Same with that guy that stuck us up last November. The newspaper said he committed seppuku with a sharpened plastic spoon before trial, but I saw him filling up his Fiero at pump #3 yesterday.

I'd give one a try myself if I wasn't allergic to chocolate.

>>64482238
Sorry about that, but you know how it is, nature calls. I'll just eat if no one else wants it. Gotta regain nutrients and all that shit.

>>64481769
Looks like a goose feather. He was on the boat with the others, he's got the grin of a used car salesman.

I'm not taking the feather. Fuck this fucking job, I'm not even curious at this point beyond wondering how much small change it would turn into in the till to how bad it would fuck my night up. He'll be disappointed and I don't care because I've got other stuff to sell and a shotgun full of "ruin your shit".

>>64482541
Calm the fuck down and have a Crunch bar.

Anyone else got lockdown orders at work? My boss tells me if I suspect it's doing the rounds, I'm to punch the code into the alarm panels and get into a closet that opens inward. The damn thing keeps banging on the door yelling "Why did you set off the lockdown?" and shit. The most annoying thing is that we're a construction firm and we're going all over the country with our temp buildings, so where the fuck is it hiding when we pack up and go cross-country?

It ain't the boss by the way, last week it was impersonating me while we were both in the closet like a pair of faggots.

>>64482315
What are you fucking half dog? Sorry if you are please don't tell HR
Anyways you might want to contact your local doppelganger union. It sounds like someone is holding on to an Ego way past its expiration date.

>>64483180
What half-dog does or does not fuck is none of your business, cash OR credit.

>>64483180
I might tell them about the robber, but Roadrunner's one of our most consistent customers so I'm not ratting him out.

Why do we keep getting knockoff food in the store? The logos say shit like "Kelogs", "Frost羆s", and have have chinglish all over the ingredients. Throw this away and don't put it on the shelves.

>>64483647
Don't diss Frost羆s, they're great fish food. How do you think the bluegill here got so big? Waste Management just dumps it in the creek.

>>64481089
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD0PTjPlc2g

>>64476922
Did we always have a sub-basement?

>>64484152
Probably not, but if you hear any chanting, try to see if it's Latin. If it's Latin, leave it alone, but if not, spray a bug bomb down there. It'll keep things down until we can call the exterminator.

>>64481089
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AFq0nX5JB8

I think the static and shitty quality really adds to it

Its a pretty nice eclipse out today, Though it is weird that I can still see the moon bright as day on the other side of the sky.

I fucking love these threads. Thanks anons!

>>64484314

Remember, the chanting has to be in Latin. Not Pig-Latin. If it's Pig-Latin, slowly back out of the door, get in your car or hop on your bike, and put as many miles as possible between the station and yourself before sunrise.

Believe me, Stooge Zombies are something you do not want to fuck around with.

Did the window just... Blink?

>>>/qst/

>>64485440

boards.4chan.org/hm/

>>64485417
You have windows at your location?

>>64485470
Do I?

>>64481089
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrkEDe6Ljqs

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GUYS HELP I JUST TRIPPED AND SPILT GASOLINE (WHICH WAS PITCH FUCKING BLACK FOR SOME REASON) ON THE CABLES AND NOW THE TV IS SCREAMING ABOUT CYCLES OR SOME SHIT? HOW DO I FIX THIS?

>>64485812
Put on your PPE, the gloves are insulated. Unplug the TV (it will not stop, this is normal). Apply the white absorbent powder in the blue container to the gas and let it soak it up before you clean the mix with a squeegee and dustpan. Do not use the blue powder in the white container, that is not a good time.

If the TV stops talking, you might just wanna fill out that application for Rival Gas.

>>64485812
Change the channels, adjust the antenna, or just give it a good ol' whack on the side. Also you should probably get a rag of something for the gasoline.

Instructions from the Manager:
>At 1:03am exactly, open the red container in the back office labeled "Do Not Open" and swallow the capsule found inside. Under no circumstances may you consume the capsule found inside.

What the fuck does he want me to do, then?

>>64486023
>What the fuck does he want me to do, then?

He wants you to SWALLOW it and NOT CONSUME it, retard. Swallow the pill, don't chew it, just swallow it. Once you swallow it, make yourself puke it back up.

Jesus Fucking Christ, does everything have to be a picture book with you people?

>>64486023
Swallow but don't chew? Fucker always manages to mess my brain up with his bullshit 'tism wording but I'm starting to get a grasp at what he means.
Also FUCK THE TV IS SPARKING NOW AND EVERYTHING IN THE ROOM IS IN 0G CALL 911 HELP HELP.

>>64486069
How did you know the̸̢̫̩̩̥͈͈̟̜̩͔̬͙͙̯ͬ̈́̂͌́́͛̀͛̍ͧ̕͡ instructions have pictures.

>>64486070
>Fucker always manages to mess my brain up with his bullshit 'tism wording

Using words correctly is autism? Ever think WHY the only job you ever qualified for is this one?

>>64486100
Who let the dayshifter in?

>>64486078
>How did you know the̸̢̫̩̩̥͈͈̟̜̩͔̬͙͙̯ͬ̈́̂͌́́͛̀͛̍ͧ̕͡ instructions have pictures.

Because we wrote the book for the lowest common denominator: You.

>>64486100
HEY, I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKING AEROSPACE ENGINEER BUT THEY BACKED OUT AT THE LAST SECOND NOW I'M STUCK IN THIS MINIMUM WAGE DUMPSTER GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

>>64486120

How to you think you become a dayshifter?

>>64486157
I imagine the blowjobs had to have something to do with it.

>>64486132

Being shot out of cannon as part of a traveling freak show doesn't make you an aerospace engineer, anon. Now go mop out the sub-basement. Ignore the liquid on the WALLS. Just mop the FLOOR.

>>64486220
Anon we don't have a sub-basement.

>>64485924
... there's only grey powder in both though.

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>>64486259
What do you mean!? The door is right there....
What the hell happened to the door?

>>64486304
That dude in the yellow raincoat bought it like an hour ago.

>>64486304
There are no doors here, anon.

>be me
>start night shift at factory
>check roster for when I'm back on after the weekend
>retarted co-worker has spelled it as "Knight Shift"
>OHFUCKNO.jpg
>sprint to locker for my chainmail, shield and polearm
>suddenly hear galloping horses behind me
>line of heavily armoured cavalry charging in through reception
>get my gear on as the other shifties join me in a phalanx
>duty manager screams: "Hold your ground, take out the horses"!
>we take the initial charge head on, taking down three of the horses
>the remaining knights gallop off as we put to the sword the three we managed to take down
>duty manager says: "Phew, third time this week, I really have to talk to Daquan about his spelling mistakes".

>>64481089
Literally perfect imo

>>64486304
Whats a "Door"?

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>>64486354
Aw, come on! There was a sign taped to it specifically saying "NOT FOR SALE."
Plus that was the only fire exit to this whole place.
What happens if we have another accident like last week?!

>>64486468
Boss said that dude in the yellow raincoat can buy whatever he likes no exception. That's why I only have seven fingers.

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>>64476922

>work midnights at an indoor ice rink
>finishing my cleaning in like 3 hours
>it's 2 am, here til 7:30
>other guy I was working with clocks off early cause no reason for him to be here
>try to get some shut eye on the stretcher in the first aid room before the 6 am rental shows up
>alone in a giant 2 rink building
>vent system has constant whistling
>sounds like the eerie noises from the ALIEN trailer
>can only think of xenomorphs crawling through the vents
>all the lights in the building are motion detected
>lights all go out cause laying in stretcher
>wwooooorrreeeeeeeeeeelllllllllll
>wooooorrrrrreeeeeeeelllllllllll

Which hole do you use a gas-up a war elephant? Some guy named hannibal pulled up and he refuses to self-service.

>Ywn you walk in and see that the Coffee machine is broke.

>>64486468
Have you tried the Heart Sutra? I find it works wonders 'round here.

>>64486588
Use whatever hole seems natural. It usually helps.

>>64486556
>Ok... Fine! We'll just need to make a new one.
>Pass me that tool kit.
>what do you mean it's not there?
>Last thing I remember was putting it back down stairs.
>... How are we gonna get to that without a bloody door?!

>>64486588
Remember to add the correct lubricant. An aggressive War Elephant isn't good for my anxiety levels.

The milk is spewing blood and bees again. Help.

>>64486674
Well, Rival Gas sells tools.

>>64486588
Mouth, but you must to use a special pump for oats.

>>64486562
Why does an ice rink need a 3rd shift employee?

>>64486710
back in five.
Do they work on a different currency?

>>64486398
Fuckin dayshifters. If it weren't for them, maybe there'd be room in the lockers for something that was made after 1500.

>>64486880
They accepted my debit card the last time I was there, shouldn't be a problem.

>>64476922
Does anyone know where we stock the foreign phrasebooks? A couple of guys in fatigues just pulled up in a Panzer-IV and appear to be asking the cashier for directions in German while shoving a map of what looks to be Eastern Europe in his face.

>>64481089
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yQyjcpnx3g

Man, I really need a break. I’ve been working continuously for forty-seven days without stop, but the boss promised me a sixty thousand dollar bonus if I worked fifty days straight. It’s alright though, I’ve got Steve from 1872 keeping me company, he said so long’s I don’t work for fifty-two days straight I won’t make the same mistake as he did and sell his soul to the company.

>>64487272
Sixty thousand before taxes, Anon, and I don't want to stop you from working my shifts, but it hasn't been forty-seven DAYS, and you have a lot of paperwork to file before April.

>>64486770
The lady underneath the rink gets lonely if she doesn't sense anyone in the building. After ~6hours she comes near the surface looking for people and it freaks out the earlybirds.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>64481089
https://youtu.be/eg4i-fwgBac

>>64487494
First time cleaning the bathrooms? Don't panic, just get the hose and mop out. Don't forget the shotgun and if the mirrors are slow, just give them a whack and that should sort everything out.

Why are all forms for today dated 2019?

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>>64480276
>>64480370

>>64488428
Probably a huge miscalculated misprint, Its 9102 right?

?tey yrotnevni od syug uoy diD .pleh emos esu dluoc syug uoy ekil skool ti tub kcehc ym pu kcip ot ereh tsuj saw I syug yeH

>>64476922
Ever since I started working late nights at Kwik Trip this has spoken to me more

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>>64476922
I'm running a Nightshift game, been working on some visuals for the game and i gotta prepare some shit, wish me luck /tg/.

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Had to ninja delete the original post, but anyway...

I was TV Guy. Me and the other dude (don't remember his handle) wrote the script together back in 2014. I know it was then cause I was still in high school, lol.

Anyway, it's been ~5 years since we wrote it. 5 years of this fabled script being talked about in these threads, and 5 years of me being disappointed in not delivering anything to prove that we wrote this thing, and it was GLORIOUS!

/tg/, forgive me.

Here it is.

Here is Night Shift.

Love,

TV Guy

>>64489212
Will you keep trying, anon?

>>64489488
Of course! My current goal is to try and make an audio play based on this script. But I posted the script here, because of either one of two outcomes.

1 - /tg/ reads this, and I get a few volunteers who'd have decent microphones and would want to be the Night Shift characters

2 - the project falls through (again), but at least I give you guys this script to prove that it is real and that I hope it lives up to your expectations.

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>Be me
>Get transfer to store across town in bad neighborhood
>Get a pay raise to 12 golden hour so fuck
>2 o clock rolls around and I close up shop and prepare to clean
>Walk into men's bathroom
>Pic related
>Suddenly orcish war drums thumping in the night
>Orcs are greeted with a locked door
>I peek around the corner hoping they don't see me
>One starts slowly pulling out a war axe
>Ohfuck.tapestry
The sound of horse hooves of the night Guardsmen in the distance
>Orcs quick flea still blasting their war drums

Fuck this village

>>64489617
Hey at least you got some weed to sell, riiiiiiight? You're not the kind of loser that would smoke such trash?

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>>64476922
>clock in for night shift
>some woman with blood in her face and bandages on her hands and looking 110% fucking crazy comes in
>wants to use the bathroom
>we have no customer bathroom
>tell her
>she goes to the cappuccino slushie machines
>i serve another customer
>do my round to make sure shits in order
>cappuccino slushie machine looks like the aftermath of some cappuccino blood ritual
>that month I get at least four more customers with blood all over their face

>clock in for night shift
>some swole dude twice as wide as me comes in
>dumps three cellphones and 2 sets of keys on the counter
>tell me to hide them cause he gotta fight
>tell him its against store policy
>calls me a woman and decks me in the face
>take roughly 20 seconds to wake up and realize I should be pissed
>bro old taxi driver shows up and tells him to leave
>he does
>he tells me he knows him and that he has a gun on him

>clock in for night shift
>quiet shift
>6:30 in the morning some guy dumps all our daim ice creams into a duffle bag and tries to run off with them
>spend my morning wrestling a wild eyed junkie off his bike infront of 7Eleven and back into the store

>clock in for night shift
>some dude comes him
>wants to borrow the equivalent of a 153 dollars in the local currency
>he needs to finish a deal by he had to dump his stash because the cops stopped him
>tell him I can't let him borrow the store's money
>offers his gun in insurance and tells me its important to make the right friends in this neighborhood
>four months later he comes in and wants to sell me this great new bike he just got a hold of

>clock in for night shift
>some guy spends 20 minutes trying to put his pants back on
>while jumping around in the store trying to hide from his dad
>because he has done nothing but cocaine for the last four days and his dad hates that

>clock in for night shift
>get used as a way for african prostitutes to empty the credit cards of drunk swedes
>again

None of this is made up.

>>64488586
What is the purpose of your screenshot you dumb faggot phoneposter

This guy cam in to ask to use the bathroom and I pointed him to the door. A while later I saw him come back in and ask again. I didn't remember him leaving. Like ten minutes later same guy walks in the front again and asks to use the bathroom. It's been nine minutes and I think I see him walking towards the front door again...

>>64489212
>>64489573
I just finished reading it. Wow! I wish it got made as that tv pilot. I’d gladly help out in the audio play, but my voice sucks and I don’t got a mic that works. But man, good luck! Here’s hoping Night Shift happens one way or another!

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Guys the prehistoric marine reptiles are crawling out of the bathroom toilets AGAIN

I've been on shift for 28 hours, the sun is coming up soon right?

>>64489769
I hear if you acknowledge him he can steal your soul.

>>64489573
It's a fun script! I'd love to see it on film.

No idea if my microphone's good or not but if you do decide to do that radio play thing:
https://vocaroo.com/i/s1hKfqmU2W4Q
https://vocaroo.com/i/s1lplpeCoKHA
https://vocaroo.com/i/s1EpLVtlNJCA

>>64489975
Don't forget
you're here forever.
Or until the Aztec shaman comes back with the sun

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>>64490132
If somebody will be sacrificed, will he become the new God of Sun?

>>64490083
>https://vocaroo.com/i/s1EpLVtlNJCA
I love your voice! I think you'd do a GREAT job as Jenny! The only thing that would need work is the inflection of the voice, to make it more natural. But we can work on that!

By the way, this goes for ANYONE who wants to work on the audio project, email your name and an attached file of your submission to:

nightshiftaudioproject@gmail.com

And yes, Anon, that applies to you too. But your voice matches Jenny perfectly, ESPECIALLY when you deepened it for the "every swinging Dick and Harry" part.

Please send me your auditions so we can FINALLY make Night Shift!

So uh
Has anyone ever had a customer actually come in to pay for gas? Or used the gas pump at all? Ever?

>>64490389
Shh, we don't ask questions like that here.

>>64490365
>The only thing that would need work is the inflection of the voice, to make it more natural. But we can work on that!
Thanks! I like reading aloud but I'll admit I'm no actor.

Some guy in yellow robes came in then some other guy followed in and started arguing with him, something about lawn gnomes. Should I call the cops or something?

>>64476922
>clock in for shift at 7 PM
>count money
>sit on your ass until 11:55 PM
>close the register before it's midnight
>go to sleep right after that
>wake up during morning delivery at 5:30
>mop the floor
>clock out at 7 AM
>each day, every day
>for 5 years
The true horror of night shifts

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Sharing one of my favourite ideas from past Night Shifts

I worked in a home for the elderly. The graveyard shifts were very odd complete with lights flickering, old people wandering around and empty elevators moving by themselves

>>64491394
>The gas staton has a bookshelf full of cheap used books.
- one of those books is very valuable and four different collectors who arrive on the same day are ready to kill to get it.
- one of those books is a rare reprint of Abdul Alhazred's greatest work. One of the customers pick it up and reads a random part, shit happens.
- graphic novel about gas station attendants dealing with paranormal shit every night, they all die on the last page.

>>64489723
>have visited the same gas station for the past 5 years every single day
>they have seen me in various stages of bloody, wounded in general, stabbed, scorched, a gunfight where I didn't have a gun, fights in general, and one time pimpslapping a pimp on multiple occasions either in the lot, store, or on the other side of the road
>its a decent as fuck neighborhood and they readily admit this shit didn't happen before me
>its to the point nobody even flinches when I walk in dirty, bloody, or smoldering, walk into the bathroom, and come out clean
>they always have my coffee and 3 cheese sticks rung up waiting for me
>about to head there right now because 3 am is when they put new coffee on and my buddy get on shift

There's this fucking kid that always comes in and "discretely" shoplifts the candy bars. If anyone tries to stop him, he reveala hia true form as an eldritch, extradimenaional horror and causes everyone who sees him to tear out their eyes and babble in tounges. Everytime he sees me he calls me a "gay grandpa." I'm fucking twenty and it was for a prank, asshole. By the way, bullets and wards don't work. Our deceased janitors have left that wisdom behind. I'm going to snap any moment now, what do?

>>64493264
Lace the candy bars with laxatives, assuming you can either get away with it or the manager never notices.
Otherwise do as we did back in my time and tease him about eldritch girls being his girlfriends, they usually run off red-faced

>>64493264
If you can get your hands on a boat, try and drive it into his forehead. Failing that, drive his forehead into the boat unwittingly

>>64481650
This is true. Monks are like spiders. Exactly like spiders.

>>64486468
Next time tell the fire it can use the same door as everyone else.

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>>64494663
Yeah but the spiders don't threaten to burn you at the stake if you don't follow their religion. Speaking of spiders, can someone tell the dayshift crew to actually have someone dispose of the 'coon traps before nightfall? The jumping spiders are getting more bold now that food is more or less being served on a platter for them. While I may like the little fuzzy dudes I still need to remind everyone that despite their tolerance of human presence a spider that can reach the size of a guinea pig is a very real threat to small pets and toddlers.

>>64495068
>Yeah but the spiders don't threaten to burn you at the stake if you don't follow their religion

I wish our spiders were as tolerant as yours. I am constantly pulling down cobwebs written with very specific views on homosexuality.

>>64495281
Oh come on man everyone knows the widow spiders are just mad that they're running out of males they can eat after mating.

>>64488784
No you can start with the pop if you want

Does anyone have all the pdfs and tables that we made up? I cant seem to find my stash.

So I know I´m the new guy and everything but the older employees fucking around with me is really annoying. They´re constantly playing pranks on me, like from day one they are always saying weird nonsensical stuff when I´m not looking at them and when I turn around they are pretending they didn´t do it and don´t know what I´m talking about.
It´s really distracting me from my work, so I just stabbed them a few times to teach them a lesson but now they are just lying on the floor pretending to be asleep while I have to do all the work, this really sucks.
Worst thing is they still whisper weird stuff when I´m not looking, so annyoing.

>>64498474
Just do the work well, and you'll prove your worth.
This is much easier than doing inventory. Thanks, idiot.
We all had to deal with this when we were new. Trust me, we all think you're cooler for being such a good sport.
Asshole flips out over a little hazing. I give him a week before he goes home crying.
If you need help with anything, let me know. I just want to see you get comfortable here.
Good luck finding the key to your locker. You'll never find it under my skin.

>>64498474
>The new guy stabbed some of my coworker's barely two weeks into the job
Called it. Timothy owes me fifteen bucks. Can someone tell the guys on the floor to get up already? It's not like we all haven't been fatally stabbed at least twice working in this dump. I'd do it myself but the gas pumps are pumping that weird silvery ooze again and I gotta go fix 'em so those dayshift fuckers don't bitch to management.

>>64500167
This is perfect. This is the exact way the Night Shiftyou should run.

>>64476922
>third month still trapped working in this small college town in the middle of nowhere since dropping out.
>clock in at 11: have to clean up after vomiting college girls again

>midnight: doing inventory early, someone stole from the beer cooler, likely happened during last shift but I'll get the blame

>2 am: weird old lady comes in and tries to buy a pack of cigarettes with food stamps card
>turns in lotto tickets for $2 winnings
>tries to steal from the change dish
>she cusses me out then points at me muttering some nonsense that's barely english
>she digs through the ash tray outside for half smoked butts
>she puts on a ratty old black hat she pulled out of nowhere
>a weird looking cat claws its way up her back and she wanders off into the night

>3am: no customers or cars for the last hour
>tall gangly old hick wanders into the lights over the gas pumps
>he's pushing an old cart covered in rags
>skin is wrinkled and tanned beyond belief, he smells like he's been shoveling shit all day
>so old his face barely seems to move and his eyes are so sunken you can't see them
>he walks to the fridge in the back
>comes back with a bottle of milk
>drinks entire bottle then and there
>drops empty bottle on the floor
>pays with dirty old coins
>take the money and he walks out
>he walks across the street and disappears into the tall grass between the store and farmlands.
>finally start breathing once the smell is gone

>5am: have to run the end of day on registers and count the change
>not supposed to do this with one person but the owner is a cheap ass who doesn't want multiple people running this shift
>register smells like shit because of the tall man's coins
>realize his dirty coins are blank metal pieces and some foreign currency
>have to swap it with my own money so I don't get in trouble.

Fucking typical.

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>>64480370
>>64480276
Anon, this is really simple.

You noticed them, that's your problem. But that's water under the bridge. What you gotta do now, you go back to the r aqaco, it'll be full of dolls again. Now you need to take one home with you. Now it's not in the rack and your time loop is closed.

Put it on an empty shelf at home, it will fill up with dolls, but you just got to forget about them.

>>64504199
>promoting theft of gas station property
Unless you meant to tell anon to buy one of those dolls you and I are going to need to have a brief chat in the back.

>>64504944
Doll? What dolls?

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was bored, made this

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>>64508411
transparent png

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>>64508472
sub sign

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>>64508542
bonus flickering gif

I've been in the cooler for hours trying to stock the drinks, but there's a few shelves that can't seem to be filled no matter how many cans I put in and I can't reach or see the other side when I look through them. What's the process for noneuclidian storage?

>>64508881
Have you tried booting the PoS system into legacy inventory mode? Should explain the basics if you type

/help -noneuc
into the term prompt

>>64482238
Salt the fetus, salt the wound, then wrap it and get it checked out later.
Don't clean it with alcohol, unless it's consecrated wine.

>>64489212
Holy shit anon, you have no idea how much I've wanted this. Have a business email we can contact if we want to help out, by the way? I may be able to get my hands on a decent mic and, while nowhere near professional, I wouldn't mind doing some voice work or be writing talent for later episodes.

>>64508920
Fuck, what's the login? I've tried the one on the sticky note next to the machine but I'm pretty sure that just changed the drinks to versions I've never heard of and I'm still locked out. The pasta soda is pretty good, at least.

>>64509075
The default login might be stuffed in the original box with the installation floppies labeled "tesseraction software", be careful with it though. the box is way bigger on the inside.

That new guy spends forever in the bathroom. You figure he's either spanking his monkey, playing on his phone, or smoking, but every time he comes out something is different about him. Like first he had green eyes when his employee file says blue. Then he got taller. Then he walked out and was some teenage girl and not the guy way too old for this job.

>>64503559
Get in touch with your closest redneck relatives, and get a mason jar of Moonshine.
Remember to make it a bigger one, not the ones that you can palm easily, but the next size up at least. You can buy the jar from your grocery store, but don't bother with that store bought moonshine.

Next time he comes in, give him the shine like you're giving a gift to someone you've known your whole life, and he'll start paying in real coins, none of them newer than 1964.
The silver might come in handy.

>>64509407
Yeah that bathroom has been acting up for a while. He'll go back to normal eventually, you only have to worry if he (she?) starts looking like you.

Okay so I managed to clear out the ooze in all of the pumps save for three and seven, the fluid in those two started humming in reverse when I tried so we're just gonna have to have a professional come and deal with that later. Anyone know where the traffic cones are so I can put them down and prevent some chuckle fuck from ruining their engine with the stuff?
Also those fuckoff huge jumping spiders have begun some sort of weird turf war with the ravens nesting on top of the shop in case anyone is interested in starting another betting pool.

>>64509696
>Spiders and Ravens
I've got 10 bucks on Chief Howling Earth. The new moons coming up so he's gonna be popping in for his usual order and ritual soon. Those pesky spiders and birds won't know what hit them.

>>64481126
That's just the broken air vent making you feel that. Don't staff there.

It's a dollar store, not a gas station, but these threads remind me of my own workplace.
I'm convinced that the place is situated over an Indian burial ground, a Civil War battlefield, or quite probably both.

Don't pour the bottled water into paper cups. It keeps turning to blood.

>>64510055
Has an alchemist come into the store lately? Just curious.

>>64510055
I'll keep that in mind if I need blood.
Are the plastic cups alright?

>>64510050
Same here. I find the concept novel and engaging.

I want to write a script for a short film about some dude who works at a gas station in the middle of nowhere and he has to deal with both supernatural and mundane bullshit. Like Clerks, but with vampires and zombies.

If I only had time, money, and friends willing to help.

>>64510150
Can you check? My hands are twitching since I drank that first cup.

>>64510199
Sorry, I don't trust water, fish fuck in it.
And I trust whatever it's going to turn into even less.

>>64510223
Based.

I live off the coffee machine. The water hose has been disconnected for weeks and it's still pumping that sweet brown ichor, so I know it's safe.

>>64510288
But coffee is made with water...

What are you filling your coffeemaker with?

> A little girl walked in before dawn
> Orders twenty kilos of meat
> Never noticed childrens footsteps sound like a huge slithering mound of flesh shifting
> Did everyone else hide for some reason?
> Guess I'll fetch the meat myself
> Nice to have a normal customer for a change
> Next evening day shift made up some shit about red goo being all over the floor
> Fucking day shift

>>64490322
Yes but only for a day.

I had to spend an hour dealing with bullshit to make this post

>>64510402
No ones refilled it with anything in the past few weeks, but it's still brewing the good stuff. I don't know what to tell ya, it just works.

*siiip*

>Working the night shift
>Old man walks in
>Has a cane, a beard, and a parka on
>Asks what town he's in, looks at the donuts as he gets his answer
>Takes aside my coworker, talks to him for 30ish minutes
>Grabs some ketchup packets, then leaves without paying for anything else
>I ask coworker what that was about
>says he has no idea, and the man spoke only in conspiracy theories and song lyrics
>Then says "That's okay though, I'm used to weird stuff. I've been followed by a hiking cult for some time now"

This actually happened to me irl. Fucking night shift

Uh, where the hell are the cctv cameras showing? I don't recognize it.

>>64511234
Seems the back yard has shifted again.
Just store the garbage in the back room until bit goes back. That green thing is not the garbage bin.

>>>/qst/

>>64512220
>>>/lgbt/

>>64512220
Damn, you shitters just take any ounce of interaction as something that should be on qst

>>64510050
I think we need to hear some stories about that dollar store, anon

>>64512485
yeah, that's why quest exists, dumbass, put your trash where it belongs

>>64513556
>all human interaction belongs on /qst/
No wonder you're alone

>>64513698
when it takes the form of this faggy roleplaying shit, yeah, it does

>>64476922
Hello, I just started yesterday and I figured I'd ask you guys for some advice.

The manager told me to only go home at the break of dawn, but it has already been 73 hours and there's this... thing with a hawaiian mask that walks out of the vending machine every two hours and keeps fixing dawn just before it breaks.
I tried to give it the black envelop that was under that red buddha statue out the back as per the instructions on the bathroom mirror, but when I do that I just wake up from a nap behind the counter.

What have I been doing wrong?

>>64513786
Might I suggest hiding the thread and going to one of the generals making up a third of the board instead of bitching about things that offend your delicate sensibilities if you don't like novelty? Better yet, lead by example and make a more board appropriate thread.
>>64510176
Apparently leddit has a series of short stories called tales from the gas station that I believe to be based on the original night shift threads.

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>>64489573
I did a really shit quality voice for Shaun haha.
Go easy on me.
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0sbqV9Y7xXH

>slow shift
>glance at clock
>12:06
>time to restock the shelves
>still 12:06 when I’m done
>maybe I’ll clean the bathrooms too
>still 12:06
>fuck
>guess it’s time to inventory the storeroom
>halfway through, hear a car pull up
>storeroom door won’t open
>agitated customer noises
>eventually drives off
>door finally opens
>stack of old bronze coins by the cash register, coffee pot is empty, half the chips are gone
>time to restock again
>still 12:06
>suddenly, deep rumbling I can feel in my bones
>all the lights start going out
>catch a glimpse of something far down the highway, faster than an person but slower than a car
>follow proper safety procedures, go hide in the storeroom again
>rumbling is now deafening
>feel like someone’s pounding icicles into my soul
>eventually manage to uncurl from fetal position and leave storeroom
>coffee pot is empty again
>neatly stacked pile of finger bones next to the coins
>12:07

And the worst part of it is that I got written up because my register wasn’t balanced. Everyone knows cashiers aren’t allowed to accept tips.

>>64489617
got another one that just happened last night

>be me
>just pulled up
>coworker needs to take out the trash before leaving for the night
>so time passes
>he bolts back saying that the electric room of car wash is overflowing
>what?
>we grab a key and head back
>water is ALL across the back of the station
>unlock the door
>open do-
>SHOES AND PANTS LEG DROWNED IN WATER AS WATER PIPE SHITS OUT WATER TO THE FLOOR AND FILLS AN EMPTY SODA COOLER!
>coworker about to step in
>i stop him
>point out that some 300IQ fucker left a space heater plunged in
>how are we not dead?
>water valve is close
>turn it off
>coworker grabs a broom and pulls the plug on the heater
>i walk in to pull the main switch for the power
>coworker stops me and points out that the switch is RIGHT UNDER THE WATER PIPES!
>how are we still not dead?
>close door and let the manager deal with it
>go to close car was gates for the night
>see wet tire marks and oil aimed right at a caved in water hoes guard

Is someone trying to kill us? i feel like someone tried to "SAW" us

>>64513825
Aw, hell, can’t the people writing these things remember this is a gas station, not a vacuum bubble? Odds are the Day Shift just put the wrong black envelope under the Buddha again. You need to give it the glossy black envelope, and it sounds like you were either passing it the matte black or metallic black one. I’m really hoping for your sake it wasn’t the vantablack. Anyway, go check the filing room, see if you can find it. If not, there’s a semiglossy black envelope taped under one of the shelves. Just make sure your stock clerk knows that you’ve taken it, because if it’s not replaced by the end of your next shift, it’s all your asses.

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Guys, my manager warned me not to replace or sell the topmost hotdog in the roller, but I couldn't restock in time because I was navigating the rear of the freezer after the mammoth came back.

When I got out, the last hotdog was gone and now there's ketchup and mustard splattered all over the ceiling and the hot dog roller is shrieking and vibrating.

What do I do??

>>64516710
INCLUDE THE SNEEZE GUARD, OH GOD INCLUDE THE SNEEZE GUARD

>>64516710
>>64517183
To clarify here, the sneeze guard isn't to protect the sausages, it's to protect you.

Speaking of hot dogs, does anyone get the feeling that the reason the manuals all suck so bad is that General Managment figured out a bulk order of hot dogs costs way more than a half day of Trainee wages?

>>64517481
At least you could read it, all mine were in German.

>>64509049
>>64515057
Hey guys! Please email your name/how you’d like to be credited, and your voice file/sample work to nightshiftaudioproject@gmail.com. Thanks!

>>64515057
By the way, your Shaun voice is perfect. Do you have a better microphone? Or maybe try moving away from yours a little? The one you used seemed to have a lot of distortion in your voice. Other than that it’s great! Again, please send your stuff to this email. Thanks! >>64518475

Did we not receive the new formula for the ear drops? I had that creepy old lady stare at me and say "You are so lost."
Now it is constantly replaying in my head.

>>64516542
Damn you've just saved my ass right now, thanks man, I've had to use the semiglossy one taped under the shelves. Any reason why there are like three vantablack ones under the shelves too?
But seriously what the hell, I don't even know those day shift guys and I hate them already.

... also, I'm getting paid all those hours, right?

>>64476922
Ah boss some nigerian man left a strange wooden statue behind now i have these red patches on my skin and my leg feels funny

Hey, day shift people! Stop trying to flush the Necronomicon. You thought a little splash was bad, try a tentacle.

>>64521544
It's not my fault we're out of toilet paper, man.

>>64521174
That's Ebola.

>>64521174
Do you know he's Nigerian? Usually they're Ugandan. Could he be lyingd?
If it's Ugandan, you gotta turn to page 111 of the employee handbook, memorize the ritual described there, and then perform it.
Don't close the manual or the description of the ritual won't be there when you open iot again.
DO NOT WRITE DOWN THE RITUAL.

So, there's been this guy wandering the floor for like, half an hour. Hasn't said a word to me or anything. I just caught him vigorously stuffing elephants into his pockets. I didn't know we stocked those, and they don't seem to have a price tag of a SKU in the system. Should I stop him?

>>64521867
Uh, depends. Is he this big trenchcoated and hat dude? With ugly nike sneakers? And is he muttering to himself?

>>64486770

clean the building and do ice maintenance, you have to edge (eg chip away at the build up along the perimeter of the rink as well as dump a bunch of water on the goal zones to build that ice back up because it gets driven over the most durin gthe day

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Guys, I was told to crack packs and restock, but I found this under a shipment of Hydrox cookies. I've seen some weird shit, so I'm genuinely afraid of opening this thing.

>>64522190
Wait wait wait, Hydrox? What happened to the Oreos? The one good thing about this place was it had all those weird Oreo flavors. You know, birthday cake, chocolate peanutbutter, virgin blood, mint?

>>64522272
Well, I'm pretty sure it's from some alternate timeline where Hydrox stayed on top, because we have like six kinds in stock right now. What I'm worried about is the rape box. I'm too afraid to even shake it for fear of pissing something off, either my manager if it breaks or the contents themselves.

>>64522190
>>64522363
Don't worry, it's just rapeseed, the stuff they use to make canola oil (they even call it rapeseed oil in Europe, but I guess it doesn't sell too well under that name around here.)

IIRC the old manager brought it in because of the '15 vampire problem, but it never got used.

>>64522190
>>64522363
Jesus, man, it’s only forty pounds. You’re telling me you can’t deal with forty measly pounds of rape? Now if it’s one of the pallets full of rape, well, that’s when you just pretend you didn’t see it and hope the day shift guy gives up playing Rape Chicken first.

>>64521940
Yes, yes and yes. He also seems to have left his pants in one of the aisles and is scrubbing himself with slushie-liquid, and he just swallowed whole one of the elephants that was trying to crawl out of his pockets. It's not the weirdest thing I've seen this week but he's wigging me out here.

>>64513913
no, leave

>>64522476
Yeah, thought so. That's old Mr Johnson, just let him be. He rarely ever bites anymore. He technically own all the elephants. He isn't allowed to buy tobacco for his wife though, bear that in mind. Also remind him that he has to pay for the slushie mix. Nice fellow, all in all.

>>64513913
no, leave

>64522477
>64522657
No, (you).

Vegetarian steak. It's made from a plant based cow.

Can someone distract the back door? I'm trying to go out for a smoke and it keeps bringing me in the front entrance when I try to go through it.

Fucking dayshift didn't open the new display case of energy shots and now they're all whimpering. Dayshift has to know they get scared of the dark, right? I swear they're doing this shit on purpose.

How do I stop that guy who's stuck in a time loop from turning up? One of the day shift assholes left his pickup in his usual spot but the loop isn't stopping so there's a line of lincoln town cars queuing about a mile back. They are starting to stare at me.

>>64524855
You gotta break the cycle and the butterfly effect will filter them out eventually. Usually just getting them to buy something different will do it, plus management always likes it when you up sell.

>>64524913
Or torch the truck and push it out of the way. It's dayshift, they're not people, it's cool.

>>64524960
Hey Guys, a dude from Rival Gas just walked up carrying a box of donuts for us. He says he's doing a mandatory 'Cultural Exchange Program' and that he and I have to finish each others' shifts. He doesn't seem too happy about it, either. He says I should take a jar of the larger spiders with me.
Should I go? The donuts he brought are way better than ours.

>>64491889
Whats your occupation?

>>64508792
>>64508472
>>64508411
Thats great john, you went to college for graphic design, and now your here.
I HAVE A FUCKING PHD AND IM STILL IN THIS SHITHOLE
THE OTHER DAY SOME SNOOTY VAMPIRE CUNT ACTED LIKE I WASNT GOOD ENOUGH TO RING HER OUT, UH, BITCH, DOCTOR CRAIG DOESNT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE
THE WORST PART IS THAT I CAN DIAGNOSE THE MENTAL ISSUES THAT FUCKING PSYKER GAVE ME,
like bipolar disorder. Im grabbing a dr pepper from the vending machine outside, you want anuthing john?

>>64510775
Goddamit todd, your supposed to fill it every day, the ichor is supposed to be black. You are using the second hand necronomicon pages as filters, right? Azathoth gets pissed when his followers dont drink from the book, and shit flows downhill

>>64476922
Is this the cringe general?

Customers keep compaining about the fuel pumps draining fuel from their vehicles then charging them full price. How am I supposed to turn off temporal reversal on the pumps again? Preferably without another inside out incident like last tuesday.

>>64525580
No, this is Patrick.

>>64525285
Eh the spiders will be dead soon anyway. Might as well.

>>64525680
Yeah, that was a doozy. Manager made ME clean him up too. Anyway, your going to want to go into the sub-basement and find the vermillion altar, next to the pallets of antifreeze and 10w-30 synthetic. The instructions will burn into your arm, follow them to the letter.

>>64525580
If you're looking for the cringe general, I suggest that you return by daytime, sir. The day shift will fit your criteria perfectly.

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>>64525285
>>64525708
The dude says the others will eat them no matter how healthy the spiders are.

I am Really craving another donut but the dude says the rest are for you guys.

I'm outta here.

I don't believe rival gas exists.

>>64525680
No, that happened Next Tuesday.

I hope you can read Aramaic. Be careful with your pronunciation.

>>64525894
Rival Gas doesn't believe you exist. Who is right?

>>64525887
What a majestic mascot.

>>64525894
Huh that's odd, when I looked out the window as you said that the Rival Gas store disappeared.

O-oh no wait, it just moved a building closer, I hope no one liked that pet store.

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So the inter-species hand to hand combat guide is utter bullshit right? Because I tried to do that solar plexus to spinning piledriver on one those hyborxian fellas that always shoplifting and the fucker walked it off like it was nothing! Any tips?

>>64527155
I think you might be looking in the wrong section of the guide. There is a set of effective moves for earth gravity and a section for effective moves in alternative gravity. Try one of the other chapters!

>>64527155
Alright, this might get a little esoteric, but follow these instructions exactly, in order:
>there is a shotgun
>underneath the counter
What you are looking at is the instruction book to DC Vs. SEGA. The only thing you can pull off out of there is crouching, and the cheat codes aren't worth it.

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>>64527261
But im doing my ninja training on the side ya know and the fuckers hide is as tough as Kevlar and kunai aren't cutting it so I thought a little neck snapping or some strangling could compensate

>>64527315
And you wonder why nobody else would hire your weeaboo ass.
Have fun hugging everyone to death. I'll be sure to give you some pointers after reviewing the security footage.

>>64527403
Is there at least a better shotgun somewhere? I don't think this Winchester is gonna cut it. Something las a Spas-12 maybe?

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>People in White buses came by again this Saturday
>Same time as always
>Most co-workers just avoid talking to them as much as possible
>I don't know why, they seem nice
>QT even gives me her number
>Or at least I think she did
Anyone here know how to dial these symbols from her area code?

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>>64522657
>>64522477
No, be productive.

>>64527426
Holy shit, dude, lose the murder-boner. The dudes are stealing $4.76 worth of trail mix. I would, too. Fuck paying that for nuts.
The point is, nobody wants to eat birdshot for that. Even if they can walk away from it, picking that shit out of their hide is a pain, and the light and noise fucks with them more than the pellets. I scared them off with a video of a Maroon 5 concert.
Management is not going to go full cheeki breeki just so we can figure out exactly where their law enforcement draws their jurisdictional lines. Besides, they're just dumb tourists that think they're invincible and we're just jealous, and you're proving them right.

>>64527535
Your right ever since that red guy came in I've been feeling real blood thirsty.... and a craving for cornflakes

>>64527482
>posting the symbols
>not just describing them
Great, now I love her too. Thanks, dickbag, I just got a girl that doesn't mind dating someone who works nights, and now she looks like a pig carcass to me.

>Clock in for nightshift at a gas station in bumfuck nowhere
>As usual nobody comes here
>Wonder why this place is still open
>Nothing to do so grab a random mag of the shelves and read behind the register
>It's a foreign mag don't understand a single word but the pictures are interesting enough
>Shit's so quiet nearly had a heart attack when the door open suddenly
>Guy walks in and makes a beeline to the restroom
>Comes out after a while and leaves
>Hear noises coming from the restroom
Fucking hell people the sign "Don't flush objects down the toilet" is there for a reason.

Got some good news, pals. My buddy told me that some Night Shift dude in Spokane won a wish from a leprechaun, so everybody gets a free bottle of Elixir. It'll be on the bottom shelf of the cigarette display when you need it.

>>64522738
no, leave

>>64525817
ok so it is, thanks

I don't mind that Jeff smokes a little weed on his breaks. What I do mind is when he decides to rip a page from the Necronomicon to wrap it. Can someone take the mop out and help him? I dealt with this last time.

>>64527502
no, stop roleplaying

I feel like some of y'all are mistaken spooky and wacky.

>>64527821
To be fair have you seen the quality of some old horror movies?

>>64527834
Good point.

>>64489573
An audio play you say? It would be interesting to see Night Shift become a podcast

>>64527821
Since Night Shift is a community creation there isn't an official tone. Some play it more Courage the Cowardly Dog, some play it more Ugly Americans.

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>>64527804
No, produce a better thread worth leaving this one for. Also this is the last (you) you'll be getting, better savor it.

>>64527954
roleplaying is against the rules, go back to qst

>>64485440
>>>/literalretards/

>>64527821
I like to think it can go either way depending on the day. Some night it's some lightly spooky shit and the others you get actual horror. You just have to roll the dice to see what you'll get when you clock in. Would make for a good system mechanic now that I think about it, having a d20 determine the level of fuckery to occur that day.

>>64528059
Making the tone random is bad in a medium where getting the tone you want is one of the priorities.

>Dayshift sold the last bottle of "Franklin's Finest"
>Didn't fucking save it despite several notes
>Despite us keeping a few spares in the back
>It's Friday Night
>Their solution was to just say "we have Ben's Brew instead"
Guys, I'm freaking out here.

>>64528314
What's the problem? Expecting a regular customer?

>>64527821
It's the same thing through jade colored glasses.

At least until you run out of ammo.

>>64528346
>Selling Ben's Brew on a Friday night
Are you trying to cause an alliterive disaster? Last time I was stuck speaking s sayings all week.

>>64528086
You don't have to go full random man, you just have to mix it up a bit to where the players are constantly on their toes and wondering whether it's going to be an easy shift or a delve into lovecraftian horror. Bombard the players with too much of one or the other and they'll eventually adjust or get bored.

>>64529074
They'll eventually adjust
I think that's part of why some people think wacky. Pretty much this whole thread is from the view of the employees who see this all the time, which removes a lot of the potential horror.

There's something In toilet. I have the key with me and I'm scared to open the door.
Should I call an exterminator?

>>64486562

> All of the lights are motion activated
> you lay down
> one by one they all shut off
> a few minutes later the one on the farthest end of the building turns back on

>>64529509
If it's a lot of little somethings that you can guess at a name for, that's the exterminator's job.
If it's one medium to large something, there's a sticky note on the side of the microwave in the breakroom with the number for a specialist. He used to work here when he was fresh out of highschool, so he knows the score.
Until then, lock the bathroom door, keep the broom close, and stay away from drains.

I'm looking at the character sheets, and I'm wondering if the Drifter class(?) would apply to a Jay & Silent Bob character(s)?

Hey guys, has anyone see the cola that Old Man Hatcher likes? All I can find is some off-brand Cyrillic labeled stuff that glows faintly. I really don't want to piss him off after last time.

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It’s a pity that none of the game mechanics for this ever got off the ground - the ones that do exist feel like they’d be good for running a game on the Bridge.

>>64531362
They're more slackers than drifters.

>>64525680
I think the manual is on break, when it comes back, remember, the chicken feet have to be FRESH, not frozen

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>Walk through the doors into the station
>Go to staffroom
>Clock in for shift
>Walk through the doors into the station
>Go to staffroom
>Clock in for shift
>Walk through the doors into the station
>Go to staffroom
>Clock in for shift
>Walk through the doors into the station
>Go to staffroom
>Clock in for shift
>Walk through the doors into the station
>Call the manager and tell him that the temporal leak hasn't been fixed yet.

>>64527821
>I feel like some of y'all are mistaken spooky and wacky.

Sort of how like you confused mistaken for mistaking?

There's no "official" tone for Night Shift, Post-Literate Anon, and you would have been aware of that if you'd bothered to even glance at the 1d4chan materials. Some people go for spooky humor much like Courage the Cowardly Dog while others try for a darker feel and channel their inner Lovecraft, Baker, or King.

Read the posts, enjoy the posts, and leave any grading up to the individual readers.

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>>64533523
>Post-Literate Anon
FUCK

>>64533678
>FUCK

Post-literate is a term used in academia referring to the increasing number of functionally literate people who cannot use words correctly, spell words correctly, mistake words for other words, are unable to spell words correctly, and so on. It has to do with people hearing words spoken, plus spoken and used incorrectly, much more often than reading same words being used correctly. People are reading more in aggregate, but they're reading reading small posts or tiny texts poorly written and written by others who are increasingly post-literate too.

You've probably come across someone writing "diamond dozen" rather than "dime a dozen" or doggy dog" rather than "dog eat dog". That's because they've heard those phrases spoken poorly far more often than they've read them written correctly. Hence the other anon's use of mistaken instead of mistaking. Every time he's heard it spoken, speakers tend to drop the final "g" and so he doesn't know the difference.

>>64534299
I find it ironic that you fucked up your grammar and spelling.

>>64534299
>t. Neopostliterate

>>64534599

The post explaining "post-literate" is itself an example of "post-literate". Because it was quickly composed on a phone, it contains a number of errors and those errors are becoming more and more normal.

We're watching the language change profoundly in real time. It's rather exciting.

>>64534299
And that's how American spellings happened.

>>64536805

Sort of. Unlike with German languages, English spelling didn't change in wake of the Great Vowel Change. That means English is "stuck" with a lot of words whose spelling makes little sense compared to their pronunciation. So-called American spellings were a small attempt to solve that, but didn't go far enough.

The Great Vowel Change took centuries while the "post-literate" change we're seeing now may only take decades. Word usage is changing, spelling is changing, and vocabulary is dropping. Like I said, it's really exciting.

>>64536916
irregardless

>>64537027
I will fucking skin you alive you piece of shit.

>>64527670

>Clock into shift
>Minding my own business
>Suddenly some guy wearing a wife beater comes in armed to the teeth with firearms and asks to use the bathroom
>Hand him the key
>Help customers and do usual clerk shit
>Armed guy leaves
>Smell something foul
>Go in and see toilet blown up as well as septic tank ruptured

I am so going to get fired...

>>64525887
>>64526399 Thanks.

Hey Guys, Things here at Rival Gas are mostly OK. The donuts are REALLY great and they let us have as many as we want! It is just as messed up here as our place, but differently.
The bathrooms are much better than ours, almost normal - although there are urinals mounted on the ceiling.
The big difference is that there are no Ravens here. They tell me that each Rival Gas Station has it's own spirit guardian, a Pegasaurus named 'Claire', who eats birds.
The creepiest part about this place is that everyone seems to actually like working here.

>>64537554
>The creepiest part about this place is that everyone seems to actually like working here.
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE

>>64537554
>The creepiest part about this place is that everyone seems to actually like working here.
Get out NOW.

>>64537634
Hey Guys, I just learned the donuts are delivered up by dumbwaiter automatically so we never run low! They are reaallly good! you should come get some!

Hi, day shift here, I think we got one of your regulars today? He/they were an older and younger version of the same guy? He or they or whatever said they were father and son, but like, the similarity was pretty clearly more than hereditary? And they kept doing the same stuff, but like, one shortly after the other? Anyhow, he wanted beer and we don't sell that before noon and then they wanted a brand of cigarettes that we like definitely don't carry, and then he got a hot dog off the rollers for each of them and paid in like, really dirty bills. So could you like remind them of the shift schedule the next time you see him and so forth? Thanks!

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>>64537027

So the crow man came in and he says he wants Walter Co. Sunflower Seeds, but we stopped stocking those last week, any tips?

>>64538515
...did you forget to put out the scarecrows at the beginning of your shift? Because that's gonna be an issue.

>>64538623
Kyle was supposed to, but the scarecrows kept leaking this neon purple fluid and demanding their "tithe"

>>64487075
We haven't needed any since Raul got hired. Go ask him to handle the germans, he's probably still on the second floor checking the pump system.

>>64538666
That's why you nail them down, Satan. Cmon! This was in last weeks meeting and everything.
Just...go toss some of the panko in the lot across the street. And don't forget to wear the aluminum suit like Ted did.

>>64538874
>second floor
No. SO fucking no. You know why no? Because we don't even have a second floor on the outside of the building. I know It's "probably" safe if you stay away from the windows and don't look outside because of "boundary condition rules" or some shit but still no. Sometimes dying is ending ahead of the game.

>>64539045
Oh. OH! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were one of those anchored folks. Right. I'll go get him. There's some bratwursts next to the hotdogs along with a german card. Fry some, show the germans the card and offer the plate - maybe that'll keep them busy until Raul gets here.
>>64538515
I think there's some up on the second floor. I'm going there anyway, so I might as well check.

My pos machine wasn't scanning credit cards, and I got off of support with them and they said the error code was a bad phone line. I plugged the office phone into the post jack and heard the screaming of the damned.

I noped, hung up the phone and called the phone company on the managers office line. They were very polite, and I didnt have to wade through a menu or wait for a representative. She listened to my story and said a tech would be right out. I hung up the phone and heard a car pulling up outside. I look out the second floor window and it looks like pic related, but y'know actually the real trick. The guy that gets out is a mountain of a man, over 6', chipper, smiling, happy, wearing a fucking black business suit with black leather boots. He says howdy, pokes around at some wires, walks around outside the store, poke at some other wires... then he looks out into the distance and looks up at nothing in the sky.

He goes to his truck, gets some huge tool belt thing, and three foot long spikes, walks over to where he was looking up at nothing, straps the spikes to his legs, puts the belt on, and swings another belt around NOTHING in mid air, and clips it onto his took belt thing.


He proceeds to walk straight up NOTHING in MIDAIR. Then he leans back, relaxes and gets his tools out and acts like he's doing something up there too. He has a phone call up there with someone. Like half an hour later he gets down.

Checks the phone for the POS machine and shakes my hand and says "all fixed."

I am kinda shakey at this point because I expect him to consume my spirit or eat my finger or something. I offer him a $5 tip, which he REFUSES.

He buys a pack of Marlboro cigarettes that look older than I do, and a pack of gum. I ring it up and it's only $.20. He pays with a silver quarter and tells me to keep the change with a smile.

I'm still shaking and cant drink my coffee.

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>>64539627
Fug

>>64481089
i start every session with this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrkEDe6Ljqs

Hey is ritualistic human sacrifice actually allowed in the bathrooms? Found a guy in the middle of it and he said that someone on the day shift okayed it. He wasn't rude or anything just seemed genuinely confused

>>64540305
Depends, did he at least buy something? Shits for paying customers only otherwise people just swing in, shit on the floor for free, and fuck off without telling anyone.

so happy to see a night shift thread after so long
did anyone ever work more on a system for this

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>>64540981
this is the closest thing I have, could've sworn management had a bigger book, just for supervisors somewhere in the back room. I wouldn't suggest going back there, new guy just like you tried to go into the manager's office looking for it, against STRICT CORPORATE REGULATION. Never heard from again.

by the way, welcome aboard.