>Be Inquisitor Elizabeth Durnham
>Striding through battlefield at unhurried pace
>Technically I have ever reason to hurry, but a lady never runs
>Use psychic shield to deflect incoming solid point fire and arrows
>Simply absorb lasfire and meltagun shots with pyromancy the second it hits my skin
>My dress disintegrated into nothingness a while ago as a result
>Luckily, the helmet and daemon weapon are impervious to enemy fire
>I won’t want anyone recognizing me walking around the battlefield wearing nothing but a helmet
>How undignified!
>Disturbingly, the fake tattoos and scales that make up part of my disguise are also impervious to damage
>Try not to think of implications
>See Johanna Biddensworth
>Head towards her
>Suddenly sense massive ball of psychic hate flying at me
>OH SHIT
>How did it get here so fast?

>>64011666
>Be me.
>Be moving Overlord.
>Finally hit the planet’s central band where most of the people are.
>Kinglywave.gauss
>Announce self, ask about hardcases.

>Be me
>Alpharius.
>Templar shrugs
Unaware. She was when I got here.
>I nod.
Ahh, right.
>She must have some fairly good stamina to be going so long.
>She does appear to be very good at it.
>Could she have done this before? Could there be a whole new side to the otherwise ramrod medicae? Oh the scandal.
>Chuckle.
>Think this is a good time.
Templar, I have something for you.
>He turns his helm slowly to face me.
I believe you have been running low on amunition, considering I very much doubt you would otherwise keep your bolt pistol so empty. I managed to access the wreck of my own transport, and whilst my own pistol was damaged, the ammunition was fine.
>I hand him the box. He takes it after a few seconds to consider.
Also, I found this knife in there as well. It's not mine and I thought you would appreciate it.
>Hold up the knife by the blade and offer the hilt to him.
>He takes it more hesitantly this time, turning it gently and studying it in his grip.
I believe that we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, my cousin. I hope that, at some point that will be amended.
>Proffer arm for shake.
>Wait for him to take it.

>>64012712
> be me black templar
> fuck it he's aight
> shake his hand
> he'll be fine for now
> sigh
yes indeed, however there is a more pressing matter to attend to.
> point out the numerous body bags and the surprisingly high number of "death by sand vipers"
the casualty rates are far too high to simply be a coincidence, even for a regiment this undisciplined.

>>64011666
>>64011969

>Be me, Constantine
>that bitches helmet is not for decorative purpouses only
>managed to hit that thing 3 times before she noticed
>now she is hiding behind some kind of barrier
>everyone keeps shooting anyway to make sure she is bussy
>now my father-in-law tries to hit her with a part of the valkyrie
>WhatTheActualFuck.dataslate
>the bitch keeps going backing off
>I would stop shooting to enjoy the show but my father-in-law scares me
>I better go and shoot some heretics in the face somewhere else

>>64012712
>>64012820
>I nod in agreement.
Although, it could simply be the nature of these Sand Vipers that niches well with the lack of camp discipline, but I agree, it warrants investigation.
>Aside form a few major injuries, most woundings come from either exposure, or bites.
>As have nearly all the casualties since the first ork attack seemingly.
If you wish to remain here cousin to watch over the medicae, I shall go off and investigate the nature of these Sand vipers to further clarify the situation. You can question here when she gets down.
>Pause, but think of something else.
And by the way, try not to be too hard on her for deserting her post. Under the circumstances, most mortals would be too stressed to perform such surgeries safely.
>I turn and depart.
>To the administratum tent. I'd imagine they would keep the records of the number of deaths, where they occurred, and hopefully, some information on these Sand Vipers.
>Feels good to be actually working on something concrete now.

>>64013334
> be me black templar
> nod and move to take position by the tent entrance.
> clear field of vision of the entire tent, along with who's entering and exiting.
> cousin says to not be too hard on the medicae
> hmmmm.... what's that canister there near the back?
> it's not labeled
> walk over to investigate.
> it's an oil drum with airholes drilled into the top.
> is that hissing.
> eyenarrow.suspicion
> lift the lid, look inside
> holy fucking shi-
> sand vipers
> thousands of the fucking things
> slam the lid back down.
> by the emperor.
> I suppose I know where the sand viper deaths came from....

>>64011970
>>64006083
>be exotic cactus farmer, currently smelling smoking cactus
>stuff calms me the fuck down
>tastes pretty good in mouth too
>do I mind Sodom burning?
>a little, but not enough to want to go do some good
>also gave some to lizard I'm riding
>we're both calm as fuck
>calm cactus lovers
>hear sudden below from somewhere from the fire
>he sounds very kingly
>did I get the smoking cactus or the get-high cactus?
>maybe not bad mistake

>>64013525
>See dude in the distance.
>Clearly blazed as fuck, might be able to coerce directions.
>Roll up to him, ask about hardcases.
>Also ask him if he wants some Addathes brand designer drugs, endorsed by Vect himself.

>>64013334
>Be me.
>Alpharius.
>Managed to sneak into the adminstratum tent. Adept isn't anywhere.
>Rifled through documents.
>Hoping adept doesn't find me.
>Got hold of the death certificate sheets.
>Skim read through them, about a page a second.
>Faster then I can actually read them, but I just read off memory instead. It was an infiltration technique we got taught.
>Yeah, a good two thirds of these are cases of "Death by Sand Viper." without a location reported of where injured.
>The rest are actual accidents. Failed glider, broken spine and the like.
>And some actual serious looking bites, that were actual accidents it seems.
>So many of these bite cases seem to be...rectal.
>Not a nice way to go.
>Have my suspicions. Although I'm not liking them.
>Are there snake burrows in the latrines?
>Couldn't find anything dedicated about the biology of the snakes though. Will need to find actual snakes to test.
>Shall meet up with Templar to inform him.
>These deaths are suspect.

>>64013642
>woah
>the kingly voice is real
>so is the speaker of the kingly voice
>swallow my cactus in surprise
>SANDSHIT.WAV
>cough that shit out
>gonna need throat healing
>grab and drink cactus juice as I hear something about where 'hardcases' are
>I inquire about 'hardcases'
>"Spiffy Imperial Guardsmen in distress"
>whooosh
>I only came here to sell cactus
>tell him that and show him the special glowing cactus I found from an old temple
>thing is still trying to worm its back to it
>tell him that it's flash-frozen cactus with glow worms inside, a very special lantern for the dark
>the kingly voice owner stares at my special cactus and tells me about his drugs, 'endorsed by Vect himself'
>it seems like a proper trade
What are ya buying, Stranger?
>oh shit my voice sounds 20 years older than I really am

>>64013973
>Dude is clearly blazed, his mind autocorrected “astartes” to “guardsmen”.
>Notevenonce.canoptek
>Trade drugs for special cactus, pat man on the back, and put the vehicle in parking mode.
>I got time, let’s see what he has.

>>64013923
>Be me.
>Alpharius.
>Seem to wave taken a wrong turn somehow.
>Bad side, not at bar.
>Good side, found one of these sand vipers.
>About thirty centimetres long, pale scales, little horns over its head, which looks almost too big on it.
>Absolutely adorable.
>Gently stroke it's soft little head and feel its slick scales.
>It shivers, then bites my finger.
>It's venomous.
>Aww it thinks it can poison an Astartes, adorable.
>Finger is a little bloody, must have an anticoagulant, as I don't stop bleeding as fast.
>Tiny cute tongue laps out at my blood.
>Adorable. I almost feel bad as my knife flashes and severs its head.
>I perform a quick dissection of it to gain information.
>Seems to burrow under sand to keep cool. Omnivorous diet seemingly.
>Eat it's brain. Moderately aggressive, non-territorial when not mating, dislikes high heat or scent of predators.
>Fascinating.
>No biorhythms, use mostly ambush predation.
>Nothing to indicate how they have killed so many people.
>Growingconcern.worry
>At least they are serpents.
>I always liked serpents. Even before I joined the legion, my home planet had serpents. Although, it was a very different planet. Lush with wildlife and possessing day and night cycles.
>One day I will find that place again.
>Stand up, wipe blood onto pant leg.
>Need to find Templar. He was right.

>>64014624
> be me, ladyservant addathes
> what the devil?
> is this man daft?
> howunsightly.disgust
> see my lord speaking with the man
> wait silently, open umbrella and hold it over his head.
> can't have him overheating now can I?

File: Facepalm.gif (499 KB, 354x250)

499 KB GIF

>>64014710
> be me black templar
> hoist oil drum and carry it out of the medicae
> see alpha legionnaire in the distance
> shout to him
Found the cause of the high death toll!
> look at the "don't call me a furry sign"
> barrel was located in the medicae
> ohnofuckingway.vox
> is the head medicae killing people who call her a furry?
> keep it in mind.
> need to speak with the cousin. this shit could be bad.

>>64012999
>>64011969
>Be Inquisitor Elizabeth Durnham
>Dodge out of way last second as a Valkyrie wing get embedded six feet into the ground where I was just standing
>Wait, is that the other commissar? I thought he had a breakdown and was comatose
>Jump backwards to avoid some wild swings
>He is unnaturally fast
>Hit him with a psychic wave that knocks him back 100 feet
>Turn back to Biddensworth
>I am going to give her a little prick with the daemon weapon, just enough to get the fleshchange started
>Then I am getting out of here before the commissar returns….
>Too late
>He comes flying out of nowhere swinging a giant mutant by the ankle
>I dodge out of the way last second as he slams the mutant into the ground where I was just standing, crushing it like a melon, and showering everyone with gore
>Gross
>The commissar recovers before I do and hits me with a quick face punch that I only partially manage to block with my psychic shield and which deforms part of the helmet
>Stumble backwards, stunned
>I almost drop the Knife of Fleshchange
>Realize I would have dropped it, if it weren’t somehow fused to my hand
>Daemon weapon
>Fused to my hand
>OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT
>Hear voice inside my head
Hello little pet……….

>>64014624
>oh shit my cactus life
>the kingly voice is asking me about selling him more cactus
>fall over in surprise
>mygoodsirwhatintheworlddoyouwantwithcactus.WHAT
>crawl back into caravan
>I'm not really ready for this but I gotta sell
>open up the caravan and get the person to look at my wares
>I'm a traveling shop owner of exotic cactus
I got everything and anything yah need in cactus form, except guns and demons
>show him the medical cactus types, stuff that save men from blood loss or feeling pain
>show him the food cactus stuff, sweet jams and spineless leaves that replace fucking cabbages
>show him the house plant cactuses, bloomers and good smellers, and also homes for crazy desert pets
>man doesn't seem satisfied
>tell him to come to other side of caravan
'ere sum odda stuff ya might like
>show him the hardy cactus stuff, the things that you can hurt people with, I mean, defend yourself from attackers
>show him the killer cactus stuff, the things that I sell only to sand lords and soldiers of fortune
>show him the rare black cactus I found in a cave
>Black goop that comes out is able keep my caravan from spliting in half
>what da fuck did I call it?
>uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
>moving on
>show him a great cactus
>it's shorter than my body, but I tell him that this cactus never dies
Ya can't eat it though.
I knew a poor bastard that tried to and he ended up as Spine Mouth
>lucky motherfucker even had a band named after him and a stupid song the cave dwellers sing in passing
>>64014964
>notice lady nearby
>gazzooks she's pretty
>maybe she's with kingly voice
>whisper to king
Ya lady friend moight need a new hat
I got one made of cactus if ya like ta give it to her
Keeps you cool and hostile and pretty
>the king asks me about the price of the...
>>64015289
>hear massive clanging noise
>is that a dust devil?
>hear king ask for my attention
>'what's the price of the black cactus and the cactus that never dies?'
>deep think
125 credits for dah black cactus andd...

>>64015381
anddd 250 credits for the cactus that never dies
Or is 'dere sum thing else ya want?

>>64015037
>>64014710
>Be me.
>Alpharius.
>Hear shouting.
Found the cause of the high death toll.
>It's the Templar.
>He's holding this oil drum,standing by the medicae tent.
>ThathadbetternotbewhatIthinkitis.vox
>Run over.
>Barrel is hissing and perforated.
>Oh no it is.
>Open lid to confirm.
>Fuck.
>Look at Templar.
There is no way those should be in there, where did you find it?
>He just inclines his head to the medicae tent, and sets the barrel down.
>Ideas go through my head.
Call it improper storage for now. Maybe they latch on when they bite, and need to be removed and that was the bin.
>Stupid logic, but the only other option is the head medicae deliberately killing people via rectal viper, which seems stupid.
In any case, I'll take the barrel out a distance away and release the snakes, they're just a hazard in waiting.
>Another thought.
Also cousin, most of the deaths by viper were...rectal. To be certain, would you mind using your autosenses to check the latrine pits for lifesigns?

>>64015381
>Backhand the fucker.
>He’s making a move on my right hand woman, AND he’s blazed enough to think I’m asking prices?
>pimphandstrong.gauss
>Order one of everything in his shop, trade gauss tech as payment.
>Good thing I had those guns in the back seat in an emergency.
>Not like we can’t make more.
>Pack away cacti where the guns were, hop in to transport, order driver to get us the fuck out of here.

>>64015701
> be me black templar
> seems like a smart idea
we should just burn them, but it's your prerogative to release them.
> tell him about my idea
> point out the sign.
> hmmm.....
Maybe you could ask around the medicae and see if any of those who died of rectal viper called the head medicae a furry.
> turn to head over to the latrine.
> ohthronethatsmells.filters.
> how can I smell it through power armor filters
> autosenses pick up one dead sand viper in a latrine.
> wtf.vox
> other than that noting.
> well there goes that idea

>>64015701
>>64015851
>Point out that despite being dangerous, these are just animals, we don't need to just kill them for existing.
>They aren't that dangerous.
>Templar sugests asking around the medicae to see if anyone who died like such called the medicae a furry.
>Good point. If someone was dedicated enough to put up a sign, there has to be merit to it.
>But first, I must release my little bretheren.
>I pick up the barrel and walk out about a kilometre away from camp, before I remove the lid and gently tilt the barrel over.
>Serpents pour out and happily spread around.
Be free little ones.
>Pick up barrel.
>Feel something brush my hand.
>One of the vipers is trying to slither onto my hand.
>Nudge it away.
>It tries again.
>Okay, I am keeping you little guy.
>Carry now lighter barrel under arm, cup serpent in other hand, walk back to camp, letting the others slide under the sand and vanish.
>Now they just need to be turquoise and cobalt.
>Although, their eyes are similar to that colour, which pleases me no end.
>I get back, but before I go to the medicae, I stop by my tent.
>I dump some sand into the bottom of the barrel, leave the lid half off, and place my new fried in there.
>Need to think of a name for him.
>Anyway, off to the medicae.
>Templar is gone, probably to check the latrine pit.
>If there is anything in there, then the barrel was for disposable use to get rid of snakes.
>If he doesn't find anything, then I don't like what this is looking like.
>Get back to the tent.
>Bunch of patients who need a bunch of things treated.
>Onlyindeathdoesdutyend.astartes

>>64011969
>>64012999
>>64015289

>Be me, Catachan ABhuman
>the commissar is bussy with the head cultist
>decide to sneak into the tavern
>as I enter I see two cultist drinking beer
>I break both of their necks and look what they have been drinking
>smells like cactus mixed with something that I can't recognise
>ask myself the question why they were in the tavern and not fighting outside
>decide to go down to the cellar
>there are more of them down here
>it looks like I found their temple
>TimeForSomeIconoclasm.voxcast

>>64015801
>wut
>what did I do to deserve that?
>Son of a legless, spineless, gutless, tasteless...
>take mandatory inventory
>he took 1 of everything
>was I high or something to allow this to happen?
>crap I even gave him the rare black cactus and the cactus that never dies
>what use does he have for performance enhancing cactus juice muscle rub and cactus pear jam?
>he even took a crate of combustible cactus fruit and another full of Saguario cactus spike swords
>if he wanted an army, he got enough to feed and arm 200 men for a day
>and also be a desperado pimp that could literally drink his mates under the table
>good thing I can restock everything within a week, but I feel as if he stole from me
>wait what is this thing?
>glows green and actively makes my hands feel weird
>FIRES.heavyrecoil
>nearby cactus is a stump and has green fire
>marvel at the power I possess
>carefully set down weapon back into caravan
>There's more metal crates inside
>5 of them
>well, time to call it a day because I'm dealing with true weapons of star travelers
>saddling back on my lizard
>boom.idea
>the King has given more money than any other customer in my entire life
>literal king with too much goods to know what to do with them
>it's guns, but I can sell this stuff I'm sure
>find king again and give him what he wants while I get good stuff
>repeat for more profit
>then I can finally buy myself a husband I want
>it's lonely for a saleswoman ya know
>still bad feeling in stomach
>drink sweet sweet cactus juice
>see the King's ride in the distance
>decide to follow him

oh yeah I archived the 1st thread if anyone wants to know:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?searchall=Guardsmen
Sorry if bad description

>>64016055
>Be me.
>Be Alpharius.
>Be elbows deep in a girl who seems to have drunk so much, that her liver is quite literally decaying before my eyes.
>Fortunately didn't have to knock her out, but I have several different pumps in her, to remove alcohol, add water and salt, purity her bloodstream.
>Fortunately, we had some spare organs lying round, and livers are easy to fix.
>Sutured and seared the last few links back together, I hand her off to the orderlies, whom I had been teaching, to sew her up.
>They're improving, this cut won't even leave a ridge.
>Decide that they can finish this without me.
>I go off to another group who are processing dirty equiptment, and start questioning them on the head medicae.
>Good at her job. That was one thing they said.
One would imagine so.
>I want to make them nervous, so they fess up any secrets on their boss.
>Another omes forward, says she has quite a temper, no nonsense, no disrespect.
>I bid him to elaborate, and he very hesitantly says she hates being called a furry.
>Understandable. She is saving their lives often, slurs are poor payment, even if unintended.
>I lean in close.
Then tell me. What is it she does to those who offend her so?
>I can smell the stink of ammonia on him.
>He's pissed himself.
>I take a quick glance at them all, pick out the one everyone likes, an older man, and move onto him, being more threatening now.
Anyone want to answer my questions?
I don't like to be kept waiting, and the blood of an Astartes grows hot quickly.
>I stroke his cheek with the back of my hand, a terror trick, from an old friend.
It would be unfortunate if you were to exhaust my patience by failing to answer.
Come now. Speak.
>I growl the last word slightly and move closer. Transhuman dread is a curious thing to play with, especially with the air of mystery that surrounds astartes.
>Exactly as expected, another cuts in.

>>64017009
S-she has a habit of forcefully bending them over, ordering a prostate exam under her authority to do so, then inserting a live sand viper into the patients rectal passage.
>Okay, literally confirmed my stupidest idea of them all.
>I stand back, stand up straight and give them the warmest smile I can muster.
See? That wasn't so hard was it?
>The orderly who spoke musters her dread again.
Please don't tell her! She will be enraged if she finds out we sold her out like that.
>I nod my head.
Fear not young one. I have disposed of her source of vipers and shall never reveal my sources. She will not harm you, of that I will make sure. For your courage, take the next hour off. The rest of you, as you were.
>She skips out of the tent, the rest get back to work. Cleaning scalpels is boring and can be dangerous work if distracted.
>Need to find the Templar. We know where out source of deaths is.

>>64016616
>Shit.
>Blazed fucker is following me.
>And how did I just notice it was a she?
>Stand on top of ride, shout and ask what the fuck she’s doing.

>>64017393
>traveling behind
>See the king is on top of his ride and is shouting to me
>'Why am I following him?'
Ya seem profitable! Where you go, I follow for extra cash!
>realize how creepy I'm being
What you got from me is enough to feed a militia for war!
and maybe you show me more customers where you go!
If you want, I'll only trade my wares with you once a week!
>keep my foot on the emergency foot peddle just in case he goes hostile
>this has happened before with 3 other business endeavors

>>64017561
>Shit.
>Did I go overboard?
>No Addathes, you got a new buisness endeavor.
>Shout back that I agree and if she wants, I can take her back to my place to seal a deal.
>Stroke faux ancient necrontyr beard and rub ancient phaeron headdress in satisfaction.
>Order driver to head back to base.

>>64017689
>be me, pleasantly surprised exotic cactus farmer
>agree with king with proposal
>realize he is riding away from Sodom
>I thought he was going there
>I have to see what is left at selling location after destruction
>survivors pay well for supplies
Thanks for proposing deal! I will be with you shortly after I see to Sodom's recovery!
>he throws to me some sort of black glowing compass
>handy for directions
>wave back and turn back to Sodom
>take and pour small flask of cactus alcohol into cactus cup
>drink the shot
>the wind picks up and I am glad I wear a face-obscuring hat that protects me from the elements
>customers don't judge as much and order more faithfully when you have no face to show
>recent event as counterexample, but doesn't count
>>64015289
>see Sodom at closer distance
>fire is coming from huts burning or bodies on the ground
>I am glad for my face concealing hat once again because I know it will smell
>stop and observe the battle

>>64017164
>>64015851
>Be me
>Alpharius
>Found the black Templar in the bar again, watching the medicae.
>See how close I can get before he notices.
>Five metres. Not too bad for the situation.
>We stand at the edge of the tent, so we don't have to interact with the still partying people.
>I ask him about the latrines.
>He said there was nothing of note, with a particular level of revulsion.
>He asks me about my findings.
You were correct Templar. She was in fact the cause of the deaths. Apparently she had been exposing people to sand vipers in response to them calling her a furry. She had not even bothered to hide it from her medical staff.
>He nods in confirmation.
>Look back inside now. She must have been dancing for at least an hour now, if not two.
We should probably go and take her down from there, shouldn't we?

>>64018398
> be me black templar
> nod
> raise sword
We're astartes are we not, albeit I'm the one wearing the armor. I am pretty sure in this state if I confront her and order her arrest no one would say a damn thing, not to mention you'd be able to take her place as head medicae.
> consider my words for a moment.
t'would be... most beneficial for you mission, whatever that may be....
> notmyplacetoask.faith
> still got my eye on him. But for now more pressing issues take priority.\
Tell me, the captain told me to ask one of the cadians about something. Does Cadia still stand?

>>64017393
>>64016616
> be me Ladyservant Marietta
> my lord gave her gauss weapons in exchange for cactus.
>......
> YOUWHAT.VOX
> sigh and shake my head, still holding umbrella over him.
> not my place to question my lord.
> however....
My lord, would it not be more beneficial to follow her to sodom, so as to ensure we can control the flow of the weapons that could potentially topple our dominion over this world?

>>64018798
>Right hand woman makes a fair point.
>Cease smug jewelry stroking, follow her to this sodom.
>Soundskinky.crypt
>I did give her gauss weapons, seems astute to do follow up.
>Probably gonna give out more for shits and giggles.

>>64018749
>>64018398
Oh please, I do not believe I would need armour for this most dangerous of missions here.
Although you make a good point about being medicae, it would not do well to tie myself up too much to the job whilst others exist only to do so. I am a healer, but I am also an Astartes.
>Pause for a moment.
But you make a good point there.
Now as for Cadia, the physical planet was destroyed during the latest black crusade. However, the culture, training and people have lived on, and will continue to fight. Additionally, I have been told that the psychic reflection of Cadia in the warp still stands, by some of my psychic friends...
>I can feel him squint past his visor.
...of the librarius.
>He's still squinting.
>I do most definitely not associate with daemons thank you.
>Look back inside. No time like the present to grab her.
>I hold the tent flap open.
Please cousin, after you.

>>64019054
> nod and walk over
> fuck subtlety
> grab her off the table and sling her over one shoulder
> walk out
> thatwaseasy.staplesbutton
so we have her, what do we do now?
> kicking and screaming against armor
> don't even feel it through plates.

>>64019220
>Facepalm.noosphere
>Could he have made an effort at being subtle?
>Ahh well, he is a Templar.
The medicae tent is too full, we'll take her back to my tent, before we decide what to do with her I guess.
>I turn and lead him on, the medicae loudly shouting slurred insults at the pair of us.
>She is quite drunk.
I'm just that tent down there.
>I point it out to him and he sets off. I quickly grab a stake off another tent and a guidewire.
>The tent sags, but now we can make sure she doesn't go anywhere.
>I get back, tie her hands and feet together, then stick the stake in the ground and tie her to that.
>It was one of my best works of restraining a prisoner, I almost felt offended when she passed out halfway.
>I stand up, check on my viper, who is sleeping, and then turn to the Templar.
So, cousin. How shall we go about this next?
Do we give her over to the commissars when they get back or do it ourselves?
>Think on that idea a bit further
Do you know what a suitable punishment is for this kind of behaviour? Countermanding a superior officer, intoxicated on the job, declaration of duty, killing assumedly loyal citizens of the Emperor?
I confess, my knowledge of Guardsman regulations and regimental cultures is rather limited in this area.

>>64019648
> be me black templar
> shrug
From what I see they normally hang them from a tree or shoot them.
> don't really want to waste a bolt round, and there ain't no trees to hang her from
We could just tie her to a post and hang a sign that reads "Furry" around her neck.... or have a sand viper bit her.
> hmmm....
> need to think

>>64016155
>Be Lieutenant Johanna Biddensworth
>It seems like I have been fighting forever, though it probably has only been a few minutes
>Everything is a blur at this point
>At some point I managed to get clear of the main skirmish and get my hands on an autogun
>See the large Catachan slip into a tavern
>Finding some cover, good idea
>Follow him into tavern, there is no one on the ground floor except two dead cultists
>Realize he is probably clearing out the building before using it as a strongpoint
>Smart
>Hear some noises from the basement
>Decide to go check it out……

>>64018930
>>64018060
>be me, exotic cactus farmer
>currently watching burning of Sodom
>Just keep seeing fires and blood explosions
>hear AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAs >and REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>and MMMMUUUUUUH frequently
>I'm thinking this is close to when the survivors are going to come out to ask for healing cactus
>rummage through my caravan for essential supplies
>Lay them out a few meters away in front of my caravan
>Healthy yellow health cactus with carved spouts for easy juice consumption mounted on cactus poles
>fuck whoever tries to suck on the spout because spines are doing their job
>cactus cups
>Only when my cactus cups are pushed against the cactus jugs will juice pour out of the spouts
>a table made of hardened cactus
>a couple of cactus stump chairs, with the spines removed as unsatisfied customers requested
>a sign signed in leftover black cactus ink saying:
HEALING CACTUS JUICE FOR 2 CREDITS A CUP
>on 2nd thought, because I think I might need ammunition for the weaponry I picked up recently
>HEALING CACTUS JUICE FOR 2 AMMO A CUP
>Is that right? I think that's what the survivors are going to be able to find on the ground after the battle is over
>I brought 3 of the big cactus jugs out, so I'm gonna expect at least 15-25 customers showing up
>look at size of sign
>new estimate is 7-15 customers
>maybe I gotta open up my caravan to look more appealing
>while opening up caravan, I see something reflective behind a distant pile of sand
>suspicious
>decide to sit on back of caravan to watch over Sodom for wandering survivors and the pile of sand for anything suspicious
>now time to play the waiting game
>which is me trying to practice juggling with cactus pears for as long as I can
>27 ticks is my best time

>>64019691
>Be me, Alpharius.
>The Furry sign has potential.
Besides, she is a fairly important medical officer, a valuable resource to waste in execution.
>Hmm.
>We really aren't qualified enough to make this decision.
I say we wait for the Commisariat to return. This is their area of expertise. Besides, it will give us time to question here further on her logic.
At least then any execution or punishment will be done when she is of Sanguine mind.
>Speaking of which, where are the Commisars?
The Commisars cousin? Do you know where they are? I haven't seen any around camp, and there really should be at least one for a group this size.

>>64018060
>>64015289
>Be Inquisitor Elizabeth Durnham
>Fighting two battles simultaneously
>Losing both
>In the real world, I am fighting off the commissar, or whatever it is that he has become
>In my mind, I am trying to fight off the daemon that is trying to seize control of my body
>This is too much for me, need to think, need to regroup
Perhaps……….if you were able to go.........somewhere else………..you would have more time to think
>Yes, exactly, that is just what I need
>Realize I just accepted an offer from a daemon
>Without even specifying where "somewhere else" is
>NowaitthatisnotwhatImeant
>Disappear in a flash of warp energy

>>64020939
>Be Thypptyklpt
>Cackle quietly while in invisible, non-corporal form again
>Several days of subtle meddling is finally about to pay off……
>It all started when I planted the suggestion in the mind of several guardsmen that sticking a sand viper up their own rectums was somehow a good idea
>Surprisingly, several of them later got drunk enough to try it
>Unsurprisingly, they died
>It didn’t take long for rumors to start flying around the camp that something was up
>After being called a furry for the billionth time by guardmen trying to provoke her, Mildred had an idle fantasy about using sand viper to rectum as an execution method
>Maybe she carried out that fantasy once or twice, maybe she didn’t, I never really bothered checking
>What was important though is that she got caught for it
>Why, you may ask
>Well, why not
>All I had to do was present a bit of misleading evidence (actually, a lot of evidence, since everyone in the base was either a coward or a moron until the Astartes showed up, and they weren’t to bright either)
>First, I used my psychic powers to lure additional sand vipers into the base (in addition to the ones that were there already due to the local commissar’ poorly designed execution pit, or naturally drawn there by the abundance of vermin to feed on)
>Then, I provoked them to bite even more people than normal
>Altered the casualty report to change the reported location of some of the viper bites
>Had one of my mind-controlled thralls plant an oil drum full of sand vipers in the medicae tent
>Plant suggestion in “Alpharius’s” mind that the snakes were less venomous than they actually were (he has a soft spot for snakes)

>>64022065
>Plant suggestion in Black Templar’s mind that the deaths may be connected to Mildred’s hatred of being called a furry (I still can’t believe that actually worked! Even if it is possibly true, it is extremely unlikely, and even more unlikely that the Black Templar would have come up with it himself)
>And for the grand finale, brainwash some dim witted menials into thinking that they actually saw Midred committing the murders (like she would be dumb enough to commit that sort of crime in front of witnesses)

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>>64021157
>>64020796
>be exotic cactus farmer, currently juggling and watching the caravan
>oh my that's something you don't see on a daily basis
>somebody was here, and then they're not
>that's why I stay away from star traveler culture cuz you're bound to pick something up that'll want ya dead later
>hear stomach grumble
>oh great it's lunch time
>rumage through caravan for supplies
>oh great, not enough cactus to eat
>should have not sold 1 of everything to that guy earlier because I can't sell on low energy
>lizard might even look tasty if I don't do something soon
>now if only there was free meat to eat
>Do I really need to walk into Sodom in the middle of a battle just to find Vete's?
>Yes, yes I do because Vete's has the best roasted grox nearest here than Styx in the 7th frozen district
>about to get off when suddenly...
>grunting noises
>oh shit my cacti
>climb to tallest part of my caravan
>it's a mother fucking giga boar
>hungry bastard must have smelled my cactus
>selling instinct tells me to run or have lizard scare off the boar
>giant lizard already roaring at the boar
>good job lizard
>oh shit the bastard boar isn't backing down
>he really wants my cactus
>his tusks really look sharp and big
>I realize I have a weapon, not just cactus
>unhook lizard from the caravan
>lizard charges at the boar
>keep em busy
>shit where's that glowing thing I shot a cactus with?!
>I keep a lot of cactus out in the open
>gotta use tricky footwork to avoid falling into them
>hear roars
>fuck where is it
>Oh there it is
>still glowing and feeling weird in my hands
>thing is quite long
>drop down and look for the boar
>my lizard is barely dodging charges and the boar is getting really dodgy
>my lizard is already bleeding on the desert
>shit, never should have gave him the smoking cactus
>time to use the thing
>boar is mauling my lizard's front
>wait how do I aim this
>BBWWWAAAAMM
>fall on my ass
>the dust clears
>the boar's front is gone
>oh thank goodness

>>64020939
> be me black templar
> hmmm.....
I haven't really seen any.... anywhere.... I heard that they were apparently going to the dark side of the world for.... some reason.

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>>64022122
>I don't know what it smells like, but I think I shouldn't know
>walk over to my resting lizard
>already eating the boar
>doesn't seem to care about the blood on the sand
>that doesn't look good
>drop the thing and quickly run back to caravan and find the medical cactus stuff
>let's bandage those wounds nice and easy
>run back to the lizard and patch it up
>good then, it'll probably clot with an hour or less
>remember I'm hungry too
>get to the caravan and prepare the cooking spit
>set up the spit and...I can't cut the leg without a knife
>I do not have enough muscle for pull off a chunk
>Wait I still have my cactus swords
>retrieve that and poke the boar corpse's joints
>leg pulls off like mature cactus fruit
>skin pulls off like a bitch
>stick the leg through the spit
>start the fire with some dried cactus
>decide to rearrange my health cactus juice vending station closer to the pig
>Yeah more public appeal
>new sign is placed:
3 POUNDS OF ROASTED BOAR FOR 1 SPOON OF SPICE OR 3 AMMO
>good stuff
>roasted boar is almost done

>>64022368
>Be Noura Eliksop, Former Cultist of Tzeentch
>Been rethinking some of my life choices lately
>With the Prophet of Change missing in action
>And most of the cult either dead or being hunted down
>Being associated with the cult no longer seems such a good idea
I solemnly renounce my faith in Tzeentch, and pledge it to………whoever makes me the best offer……to be determined later…
>Decide to skip town in case one of my fellow cultists gives me up under duress
>Dress up in some non-descript traveling clothes
>Hop onto riding lizard
>Pass exotic cactus / food salesman as head out of town
>Hmmmmmmm, healing cactuses
>They may come in useful when I inevitably have to remove certain tattoos at some point
>I have a few coins with me, but should probably save those for later
>I am briefly tempted to threaten him with the pistol I got stowed in my coat…
>But as he turns to face me, I see he is significantly better armed than me
>What the hell is that thing? Some sort of plasma weapon?
>Growing up in the slums of a feudal city, I know little of these things
>Maybe I can get a bit of a discount in exchange for a blowjob
>Adjust clothes so that cleavage is much more prominent
>As get closer, realize that it may be a woman under all that clothing
>Whatever, like many inhabitants of Sodom, I can go either way
>Especially when currency is involved

>>64022368
>>64022454
>Be Noura Eliksop, Former Cultist of Tzeentch
>Hop off riding lizard
>Walk up to salesman
How much for a healing cactus?

>>64022454
>currently eating chunk of boar meat from cactus spike
>pretty good, but I still prefer cactus
>see hooded girl come to me
>she is really coming to me
>are those tattoos? on her chest?
>how much for a healing cactus?
If ya want a cup, 2 coins or 2 ammo from the battle earlier I saw.
If ya want the whole jug, I'll give tha thing for 18 coins or whatever else you think is good for trading
>she is still coming for me
>mental sigh
Look miss, if ya want ta get some good products, your body isn't worth selling.
Plus, I'm saving my body for...another person in mind.
>relent, poor girl looks poorer than a matchstick seller
>make her an offer
ALright. If you're here for sum odda wares I have, you can do 1 thing for me and I'll give ya 3 chunks of boar and a canteen of juice on da house and a free special cactus of your choosing. I might not have everything, but it doesn't hurt to ask.
>Point the girl to that suspicious pile of sand
Now, if you look behind that pile of sand and come back with what's behind it, I'll give ya what I promised.
>my lizard looks at hooded girl
>wave him off

>>64021157
>>64022454
>Be Trooper Fluffy, abhuman, Buctoo Survivors
>The battle seems to be slowly ending now that the weird psyker leading the cult has disappeared
>Most of the cultists lost heart without their leader and fled the scene
>They are currently being hunted down by packs of surviving guardsmen
>Not that I see any of this, I get told later
>Early in the battle, the Valkyrie I was riding was hit by an RPG
>Luckily it wasn’t too high in the air when it was hit
>Unfortunately, Commissar Alice Lone is knocked unconscious during the crash
>I have been standing watch over her pretty much ever since
>Not sure why, perhaps it was merely because it is safer in here than out in the swirling melee
>Yet, the melee has ended, and still I wait
>The medic says it is just a concussion, that she will probably be awake soon enough
>Lay down and take a nap near her unconscious body, she will probably want to see a familiar face when she wakes up

>>64022725
>Be Noura Eliksop, Former Cultist of Tzeentch
>Look behind a pile of sand for a bunch of free stuff
>Seems easy enough
>I mean, it might be something dangerous for her to offer such a high sum
>But maybe she is just worried that someone will steal her stuff if she leaves her caravan
>Pull out revolver just in case once safe distance from caravan
>Don’t want her realizing I am armed in case I need to get the jump on her later
>Get closer to sand pile
>There is definitely someone behind there
>Did she send me back here to get jumped?
>Bandits can be tricky like that sometimes
>Take cover behind another pile of sand
>Aim revolver
>Yell “Come out with your hands up”
>Hopefully it is just bored kids, or an unarmed petty thief

>>64023032
> be me ladyservant Marietta
> hear someone yell at me to "come out with my hands up
> rush her with superhuman speed
> bend barrel straight up.
> tzeentch cultist from the looks of her.
> well then
sire.... get the paddle, we've got ass to beat.

>>64023032
>>64018930
>be me, exotic cactus farmer
>currently watching hooded girl stalk towards the suspicious pile of sand
>damn she's really sneaky that not even a fur foot will notice her footsteps
>wish I could sneak like that
>but I don't want to get my clothes dirty again
>I get less customers looking dusty
>hear “Come out with your hands up”
>gotta support her
Listen ta lady and I'll give ya a roasted boar chunk!
>ah shit, that was too gracious of me
>blowing a boar up really feels you with generosity
>must remember to keep myself cold for business at all times after a victory
>drag the blast thing closer to me after 2 ticks has passed

alright finally I can sleep
I'll be ready for tommorrow when I decide to let her stop eating
If she's taken somewhere when I'm gone, she still eating and that lizard and caravan goes with her

>>64023200
>>64023163
>Be Noura Eliksop, Former Cultist of Tzeentch
>Freakishly large woman appears out of no where and bends the barrel of my pistol upwards
>Gulp
>She says something about beating ass with a paddle
>Wait, what?
>Hear the cactus vendor say something about doing what the lady says in return for roasted boar
>Can’t figure out which lady she is referring to
>Am I supposed to do what she wants, or was she supposed to come out with her hands up (which is clearly not going to happen now)
>Need to talk my way out of this
H-h-hey everyone, everyone just came down, I am sure this is all just a big misunderstanding

>>64022171
>>64020939
>Be me.
>Alpharius.
>Dark side of the world for some reason.
>Raid the officers general stuff to see if the orders or at least records are there.
>Speaking of.
By the way cousin, do you know of anyone else of your chapter on this planet? A thought occurs to me, and I would have use for your brothers if they may be so inclined.

>>64023340
> be me black templar
> shrug
Heard something about someone from my chapter being on this planet, but if they are they aren't returning any calls.
> rub back of my neck
> nervous habit from my neophyte days.
For now, I suppose we're on our own, from what I've heard and seen I wouldn't be surprised if this entire quest to the darkside was a bullshit excuse to get out of the heat.

>>64023340
You see, the details of my mission were to execute a notable Chaos lord of the Alpha legion that has been responsable for the loss of many worlds of the Imperium. I have been pursuing him for years through his operatives.
I have successfully managed to interrupt and execute one of his operatives on a mission to take this world by subverting its people, or more specifically, its military might, as reinforcements to his schemes. If I am able to lure him out, I would much appreciate any extra force available. I was intending to infiltrate his forces, hence the tattooed melanin giving me different skin, but if I had a few more bolters, I may be able to execute him as he comes down.
>Oh and he will come down. I might not know his name, but there is much that one learns simply by watching and listening. He may not actually be the demonstrated lord on parade, but he would never miss the opportunity to look on his conquest himself.
>That, and his persistent belief that, just because I haven't tried to kill him yet, and saved him several times despite his actions to me, that I am somehow loyal and trustworthy.
>Big mistake. We are all serpents to the core in the twentieth.
And don't worry, it will be him. What do you say?

>>64023438
> be me black templar
> killing traitors for the emperor?
Do you even need to ask? I'm a black templar, killing shit is what we do best.
> chuckle slightly.

>>64023438
>>64023459
Heh, good to hear it cousin.
Although, I suppose it would be wisest to wait for reinforcements. He has access to terminator plate and several esoteric weapons.
>Let myself grin this time.
Although, I doubt he has anything on my warplate.
Tell me Templar, have you heard of the Lernaean Terminator elite?
Because if all goes according to plan, you will get to see one of the greatest fighting soldiers of the Horus Heresy in action.
>Dark gods there is nothing like a conversion beamer for lethality.
On a related tangent, do you know where the armoury is around here? Might as well make use of it if we do this. Nothing like a krak rocket barrage to kill a Terminator cadre.

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>>64016155
>>64020213
>Be me, Catachan ABhuman
>mfw trying to stealth my way through
>the best kind of stealth
>that kind that involves killing everything
>ItStillCountsAsStealthIfNoOneLivesToTellAboutIt.voxcast
>these are some pathetic heretics
>didn't even got into melee range
>the LT enters just as I finish
Hello Lieutenant
Just taken care of these cultists
No need to thank me

>>64023163
>Ooooohshit.gauss
>She just asked for the paddle.
>Toss her the beating stick and lean back to enjoy the show.

>>64025863
>>64023331
>Be Noura Eliksop, Former Cultist of Tzeentch
>Scary looking skeletal metal man steps out from somewhere and tosses the freakishly large woman a big stick
>Something about the skeletal man strongly reminds me of the gun the cactus vendor has
>So it was a setup after all
>How do I always fall for these too good to be true offers?
>Hey Noura, I will pay you twice your normal rate if you work another week without pay
>Hey Noura, want to buy my riding lizard, it may look a bit sick but I assure you it is perfectly healthy
> Hey Noura, you should join this cult, once they are done taking over the city you will be richer than the king
>Turn around and try running back to my riding lizard

>>64026724
>be me, exotic cactus farmer, currently grasping the thing to shoot something
>see hooded girl get grabbed by something by the sand
>oh great, I really do have competition to deal with
>just when you make deals to get really powerful weaponry, some people always wanna be more powerful than you
>so there must be assassins here already
>also I might have an unkept promise due to bad deal I made
>get to the caravan and grab the combustible and poisonous bandolier under the special place
>I can throw poison cactus darts 2 bullseyes out of 10 throws
>the flaming cactus pear is supposed to combust after I catch its flower on fire and let it break open on something hard
>time to lead my lizard
>grab a boar chunk it was chewing on and throw it at the suspicious pile of sand
>saddle on as my lizard saunters over to the meat
>meat should be where the hooded girl is
>before my lizard gets to the meat, he roars
>I grab a poison dart and then
What in blazing-!
>it's the king's ride I traded recently with
>the hooded girl is crawling fast as fuck towards somewhere far away
>okay maybe I can still give what I promised
>the lady I tried to give a cactus sombrero to is grasping a strange club and advancing towards the hooded girl
>what, is the King gonna set me up or is he doing something else?
>5th fucking time that a client stalks me for purely "innocent" reasons
Alright, what are ya doing here mister!
>grasp flaming cactus and light its flower on fire
>hold it in front of me for intimidation
>really shows my unseen wrath behind my face obscuring hat veil
Are ya guys backstabbers or people I gotta watch for extra weirdness?!
Cuz I'm trying to set up a business fo survivors!
And I can't Have INTERRUPTIONS!

>>64021157
>>64022823
>>64025139
>Be me, Sarge Joshua of the Sodom Sand Vipers 1st
>was waiting for our founding ceremony but the Emperor decided otherwise
>some heretics decided to show up after the sky people landed
>now have to stop those heretics before they deal any serious damage
>order my troops to get their bows and march out
>look through my telecope
>hmm strange
>the cultist seem to be retreating
>order the melee troops to block the passages
>the rest of my troops to go on the rooftops
>order to use burnig cactus oil tipped arrows
OPEN FIRE

>>64029012
>She thinks the fire is going to do anything to necrodermis?
>Chucklesinimmortal.canoptek.
>Explain that this planet is mine and that I’m organizing my subjects as well as attempting to overturn the existing command structure.
>Also ask if she wants more necrontyr technology.

>>64029240
Ah what?
>but I'm just a...
>no wait
>I'm not just a regular exotic cactus farmer when I already have powerful blast things in my caravan
>also, this King is the owner of the planet?
>put out my burning cactus
>but if that's the case...
>see the hooded girl taking a beating
>that's just the wrong kind of beating
'Ey Lady! Quit beating on da girl I sent lookin' for dem backstabbers!
>lady takes a chill pill before giving the hooded girl a final smash on the butt
>poor hooded girl is shaking
>deep breath
>this must be why the king is trying to deal with me
>ah what would my grandparents say
>Do I want more nekron-tear tech?
I think I want ta get some later after I sell what ya gave me in Sodom.
Also I'm not one of your, uh, lords or knight things. I'm just trying ta get some good money out of ya kingness without being a botha.
>put away the cactus and keep the poison dart in hand
>look at the hooded girl
>she looks like she's really in a pickle
>you might not be the only one miss
'Kay Hooded girl! Ya done your job!
Now come with me to get yer rewards, and den you can go off where you like
>look back to the King
Now, please excuse me, uh, King I have a business to run for the survivors. I'm itching for my service to be done.
>lead my lizard back to the boar, where he resumes eating
>ah shit my boar's burned

>>64023512
> be me black templar
> grinning from ear to ear beneath my helmet
I would love to see these soldiers in action
> and to test my blade against them would be pretty nice too I suppose.
> head to the armory.
> whatthefuck.vox
> it's empty save for swords spears and other medieval shit.
> fuckmylife.lament

>>64029636
>be exotic cactus farmer currently fixing new chunks of meat on the cooking spit
>after hiding away the threatening gear, I have to prepare the things for customers
>cactus cups and healing cactus jugs check
>inviting signs and open caravan check
>nice cactus stump chairs and table check
>lizard and killed boar check
>myself after handling the new info of a king of the planet I'm living on check
>>64006083
>wait does the king look like the defenders of our planet long ago?
>can't remember now because of business, so gonna ask him later
>see hooded girl earlier sitting in 1 of my cactus chairs
>oh shit I forgot about her while prepping
>she looks too shifty for the customers to stay here
>gotta give 'er what I promised
>grab a spineless cactus canteen from the caravan and fill it up with healing cactus juice
>use some cactus juice infused cloth to wrap 3 chunks of freshly cooked boar
>walk up to her with the goods then see something in the distance
Here's ya stuff-
>a group of uniforms and helmets are coming
>OHSHITCUSTOMERS.MERCHANTGLEE
>throw the goods at the hooded lady
>hopefully she goes away without scaring off anyone
>am I covering myself properly?
>not showing my face, legs, hands, hair, chest area check
>do I have anything else to check for?
>no
>ExoticCactusFarmer'sWares.Presentation

>>64030695
>>64029636
>>64029240
>>64029012
>>64026724
>Be Noura Eliksop, Former Cultist of Tzeentch
>Well, you really did it this time
>Got yourself lured into some sort of weird sex fetish cult for degenerate wealthy off-worlders probably
>The paddling is extremely painful
>But I know things will probably get much worse
>Suddenly the woman stops laying in with her club after one final smash
>The cactus vendor is here, and apparently convinced her to stop
>Hobble away from the muscular woman shaking from a mix of pain, fear, and adrenaline
>Apparently the metal guy and the cactus vendor are business partners, which may explain how she got the cool gun
>Also the metal guy is a king or something
>Didn’t he say something about taking over the planet earlier?
>I wasn’t really paying attention since I was crawling for my life
>Cactus vendor says I can come collect my rewards
>She asks the king for permission to leave
>That seems like a good idea, if there is one thing I learned being in the cult, it is that megalomaniacs love having their ego stoked
Well, your kingliness, it was a pleasure to make your acquaintance, and that of your, ah, lady friend
But I must be off, to uh, assist your other loyal subject, uh, do what ever it is that she is doing on your behalf
>Hobble after cactus vendor as fast as can with twisted ankle, sore butt, and various bruises from where the big lady was pinning me down
>10 minutes later, get the stuff I was promised
>Now that I have calmed down a bit……….WTF just happened?
>See a bunch of soldiers approaching
>They are probably doing mop up operations, hunting down the remaining cultists
>Like me….
>Shit, need to get off the road
>The only patch of cover is the patch of sand dunes where the “incident” just happened
>Hopefully they have moved on by now
>And maybe I can salvage my revolver…

>>64021157
>>64022823
>>64025139
>>64029217

>Be me, Constantine
>my father-in-law just desintegrated that witch with the power of shear RAGE
>the Catachan went to the tavern
>and I don't know where the krieger is
>the newly founded regiment just showed up and is mowing down the escaping heretics from the rooftops with concentrated arrow fire
>and our surviving troops cut off them from behind
>the city district is like 75% rubble at this point
>this is an achevement
>the ork raids 14 years ago destroyed 60% on average
>I better go and rest
>I'll just sit down somewhere safe
>TooTiredForThisShit.voxcast
>the Emperor must have watched above us this day

>>64031317
>>64029217
>>64025139
>>64020213
>Be Lieutenant Johanna Biddensworth
>Enter tavern basement
>The Catachan is there with like 20 dead cultists
>Fuck he is good
>We are in some sort of chaos temple
>No time to do anything about it now
Good work trooper!
I see a promotion in your near future
If you are done here, we need to secure the rest of the building
>Head upstairs, the ground floor, 2nd, and 3rd, levels are empty except for the two dead guys on the ground floor
>Head up onto the roof
>See local soldiers firing on retreating cultists from other rooftops
>It is about time they showed up
>Mostly just relieved that they are still loyal though, things would be much worse if it had turned out that the whole city was corrupted
>Also relieved that the cultists are retreating, last time I checked, it seemed like we were losing
>Gun down fleeing cultists until I run out of ammo
>Then head back out towards the landing pad to see what the hell just happened

>>64030976
>oh yeah, it's me, the exotic cactus farmer
>start up wind up caravan jingle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eqOSP6IwJM
>PRESENT WARES
>Look at these safe comfy cactus chairs!
>Here's my healthy healing cactus juice!
>drink some
>Delisious!
>Here's my cool lookin caravan of special cactuses!
>You'll be better off with my stuff than any of the other cactus farmer's stuff!
>Here's a giant boar I killed!
>I got some cooked to share for a good price!
>just ignore the giant lizard!
>uniforms and helmets look at me with odd faces after the music finishes
>what's ammo?
>oh um
You guys have any shooty stuff to give?
>they look at each other
>seller instinct is saying they don't have anything to give me
>fuck
>it's bad to be a seller and no willing customers
>let me think
Ok, if you guys don't have those shooty things, then, uh we can trade some things!
>their eyes spark

>>64029217
>>64031317
>>64031447

>Be me, Catachan ABhuman
>the Lieutenant says that I deserve a promotion
>to be honnset I deserve a beer
>I won't drink any of the beer here because it might be infected with some heretical shit
>we go to the roof and stare at how mutch of the city is just in ruins
>seen worse
>look that the remaining heretics are getting killed by the local regiment
>they are using bows
>hmm...
>maybe I should get a bow
>or even better a crossbow
>with as mutch draw weight as possible
>I will be shooting metal rods from the thing
>or I'll use several bolts at once
>crossbow shotgun hybrid
>IWantOne.abs

>>64031470
>be me, exotic cactus farmer
>the soldiers are giving me odd things in exchange for boar or healing cactus juice
>some are dancing to some beat they made up and call that payment
>They have broken knives, books, chest armor, actual coins
>some torn clothes, bottles of weird lookin amsac, etc.
>is that panties and a condom?
>one is even offering me a shovel
>okay
>broken knives get nothing
>books get 2 cups of cactus juice
>chest armor gives 5 chunks of roast boar
>2 coins means a cup of cactus juice
>3 coins means 3 chunks o boar
>torn clothes are 1 cup of cactus juice and 1 chunk o boar
>trying the bottle of weird amsac
>tastes bitter and only psychos would drink that, so no bargain for that
>yes, the panties and condom are higher in value than the rest
>panties means 4 cups of cactus juice or 6 chunks of boar
>condom is 3 cups of cactus juice or 5 chunks of boar
>the 'victory dance' to some beat was not bad, so I gave each of the dancers a cup of juice and a small blooming cactus
>tell them they can't eat it unless they want to be known as Spine Mouth Dos because there's spines inside too
>shovel is 1 cup of cactus juice and 2 chunks of boar
>after trading, the guys are eating
>hear that 'cultists are retreating like the pansies they are'
>a celebratory whoop is yelled
>take everything I got into the caravan and have new inventory
>soon I might have to hit that black market guy with this loot
>and then get good money
>I'mRich.It'sPaydayFellas
>hear knock on my caravan
>open up
>it's 1 of those soldiers eating a chunk
>lizard's head appears
>wave off so not to scare the customer
>What do I have here?
Exotic Cactus fo any use good sir!
Ask me for anything, and I might just have it!

>>64011666
>Be lord Inquisitor high on warpdust
>my asistant just entered my room
>can't execute her because I'm not the only Inquisitor on the ship and explaining myself while on a warpdust high would be impossible
>have to save face
>she says something about the Imperium selling a planet to some necron
>have to take it in
>...
>...
>...
THE IMPERIUM SOLD A PLANET TO THE NECRONS!?
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE!?
HOW MUTCH DID WE SELL IT FOR!?
SEND IN THE INQUISITION!
>"my lord we are the inquisiton"
I KNOW
SEND IN THE BOLTER BITCHES INSTEAD!
AND THE DEATHWATCH!
JUST THROW THERE EVERYTHING AT THEM!
>"my lord isn't that just overkill?"
YOU DARE DOUBT MY ORDERS!?
>"n-no"
GOOD!
NOW CONTACT THE IMPERIAL FORCES

bump

>>64035902
>Be Lord Inquisitor’s Assistant
>Lord Inquisitor is as high as a kite again
>Maybe my lord is experimenting for important research purposes
>Or maybe my lord is just a useless burn out who was forced into a pointless desk job no one else wants
>It is not my place to judge
>But I kind of do anyways
>My lord seems startled to see me despite telling me to be here just two minutes ago
>Sigh, my lordship’s decision-making process is even worse than usual under the influence
>Launch into summary of the activities of Inquisitors subordinate to my lord
>Just finish giving my lord an update on the activities of Inquisitor Elizabeth Durnham
THE IMPERIUM SOLD A PLANET TO THE NECRONS!?
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE!?
HOW MUCH DID WE SELL IT FOR!?
SEND IN THE INQUISITION!
>I….what?….
>What is my lordship talking about?
>That is not what I said
>I had just finished telling my lordship that Durnham had offered to trade the planet for an unknown artefact
>I didn’t even get to the part that the deal fell through, or that Durnham is MIA
>Did my lord just say send in the Inquisition?
>As in us specifically? The ship we are on?
>Ask for clarification
my lord we are the inquisition
I KNOW
SEND IN THE BOLTER BITCHES INSTEAD!
AND THE DEATHWATCH!
JUST THROW THERE EVERYTHING AT THEM!
>Why? Under whose authority? What are they even going to do when they get there?
my lord isn't that just overkill?
YOU DARE DOUBT MY ORDERS!?
>Fuck, my lord is getting more unstable everyday
n-no
GOOD!
NOW CONTACT THE IMPERIAL FORCES
>Bow hastily before heading out of the room
>Looks like it is up to me again to interpret my lord’s orders in a way that doesn’t make us both look like idiots
>This was supposed to be my night off too
>I had just purchased a new dildo, new bath soap, and some fragrant candles

>>64038726
>DesireToPurgeIntensifies.purifyingfire
>Order ship to change heading to Durnham’s last known location
>Order “Bolter Bitches” on board ship to mobilize
>Contact Ordo Xenos vessel “Holy Purge” to also head to planet
>They say that they will be there in within negative 6 to positive 72 hours
>Which means technically they could already be there as I talk to them in their current location
>Fucking warp travel
>Decide there is nothing else I can do
>Maybe I will get a bit of time off tonight after all……….

>>64032758
>>64031447
>>64031317
>>64022823
>Be Lieutenant Johanna Biddensworth
>Have a pounding headache
>With Commissar Lone in hospital, and the other commissar back in a coma, I am now in charge
>I wish I was out with my remaining men and women
>Partying it up, being treated like heroes by the locals
>I gave everyone 12 hours off
>Because 12 hours (16 now) is how long I have been booked to attend meetings, debriefing, and tribunals with local bigshots and off-worlders, mostly Departmento Munitorum scumbags
>All of whom were here for the Founding
>All of whom want someone to blame for the debacle
>Apparently it is just a coincidence that we landed right in the middle of the cult’s stronghold in the city
>Suuuurrrrrrreeee
>All the main landing fields were being used by visiting dignitaries
>So we got diverted to some abandoned landing field in the heart of the city’s worse slum instead
>A couple of local officials are already slated for execution for failing to maintain order in the area
>But now a couple of well connected landlords are pushing to have me charged for “destruction of property”
>Arseholes
>Some Departmento prefect comments on how bad I look and smell
>I ask if I can get changed out of the blood and sweat soaked gear I have been wearing since the combat ended
>He says no
>groan

>>64030976
>>64033980
>>64029240
>>64023163
>Be Noura Eliksop, Former Cultist of Tzeentch
>Damnation, the metal guy and the big lady are still there
>There is no way they didn’t see me coming back up the hill
>Can’t leave now though, if the soldiers catch me, I am getting burned alive for sure
>Decide best option is to pretend I was coming back to see them
Excuse me sire, and your ladyship
I have come to inform you that soldiers loyal to the treacherous king of Sodom come this way
And may interfere with, uhhhh, whatever it is you are doing here
>10/10 bluff, mentally pat self on back
Also, can I have my revolver back?

>>64030489
>Be me.
>Alpharius.
>Just went to armoury.
>Nothing but neolithic stuff.
>Butwaitwhat'sthis.vox
>See poorly hidden canvas flap.
>Armoury guy is raging at us.
>Templar just slowly leans over him and he goes quiet.
>Pull away canvas.
>It's a literal fucking treasure chest with a lock and all.
>Spit on the lock, pull it off and open the crate.
>Fucking explosives.
>Lots of them.
>Ranging from melta charges, to detpacks to frag and krak grenades.
>Mans beard quivers as I stare at him
>Notmadjustdissapointed.adeptus
>Take the whole thing and go back to the landing pad.
>It has a roughly hundred metre processional for people to walk down and the regiment to form up around.
>The stage for my play.
>Make sure I stick a tent up over where I dig, so if my boss is watching, he won't see anything, just some camp maintainance.
>It took a few hours in total to rig the landing pad with melta charges, and to put the twenty lines of assorted goodies in.
>Another hour to link them all up to detonators and then patch them through to coded wavelength signals, then load them into the Templar's wargear. Will load them into mine as soon as I can.
>Next stop, need to conscript some soldiers.
>Where can I find some soldiers?
>Oh wait, I'm already at a base.
>There are benefits to my life.
>Now, how to get them all lined up?
>Actually, wait.
>First things first...
Cousin,
>Can't help the smile
Would you like to see my warplate?

>>64039617
>>64033980
>>64022823
>Be Trooper Felina, abhuman, Buctoo Survivors
>Dirt tired
>Trying to forget about all the scary and bizarre stuff that has happened over the past couple of days
>The LT gave us 12 hours off to do what we wanted
>I spent the first couple in the hospital with my buddy Fluffy watching over the Commissars
>But then he got drunk and started whining about his confused feeling about Alice Lone
>Also something about his penis being bigger ever since the scary pyramid
>Get frustrated that he is always falling for people he has no chance with, while the perfect partner is right in front of him (me, obviously)
>Leave and meet up with some buddies who decided to join some local soldiers setting up a picket outside the city to trap fleeing cultists
>Not my first choice of leave activities but whatever
>End up outside the city haggling with an exotic cactus vendor
>Apparently, they are a big deal on this backwater dump of a world
>End up trading a condom and my last pair of clean panties for a round of drinks and some boar meat
>Supposedly this gal (she is obviously female despite the heavy clothes she wears) has cacti that can do pretty much anything
>Decide to go get something to cheer Fluffy up
>Follow cactus vendor to caravan
>Knock on door
Exotic Cactus fo any use good sir!
Ask me for anything, and I might just have it!
>Annoyed at being called “sir”, but maybe it is a gender-neutral term around here
>Ask if she has any cacti that can do the following:
>End a coma
>Penile reduction
>Increase libido
>Make someone fall hopelessly in love with someone (the romantic kind of love)

>>64040125
> be me black templar
> explosive purging intensifies
> grin underneath my helmet
absolutely.
> he leads me out to a crashed lander.
> hmmm.....
> pulls out alpha legionnaire plate
> whyaminotsurprisded.knewit
> meh fuck it
> I'm probably already considered dead by the chapter.
> along with my entire squad.....
> who are currently dead in the hold of the dark eldar ship....
> with their combat armor
> idea.lumenglobe

>>64040611
>>64040125
>Be me.
>Alpharius.
>Some extra plates here, nothing impressive.
>Get to the big box.
>Place hand on palm scanner.
>Servitor voice grumbles.
Voice confirmation required. State identity.
>Briefly worry about the Templar behind me, who is armed.
I am Alpharius.
>Wait for world to go black.
>Wait...
>It doesn't, and I feel him step back as the box unfurls to reveal its prize beneath.
>Terminator plate is rare in this dark age. Campaigns have been launched just to recover one Indominus pattern suit from where it has been lying for years.
>In comparison, Cataphracti plate was far heavier and more protective. It cost nearly twice as much material wise, and was considerably higher upkeep.
>My wargear is that of the Lernaean Terminator elite.
>I bear custom made, specialised Cataphractii terminator plate. It is even stronger, with superior systems and extra scale armour.
>I step onto the pads of my boots as servo arms clad me quickly and efficiently in my armour.
>I grin, because I know what my cousin must be feeling.
>I feel a kick as each portion of my armour comes online.
>A complex series of displays make themselves known in my gorget as servos delicately fix my conversion beamer onto my right arm.
>An obscenely powerful, yet delicate weapon, it had taken me centuries to earn the right to bear it. I feel the machinery within it spool up, and understand innately the pool of antimatter within.
>My other hand wraps around the weighty power axe, distinctive to our order. This would be impossible to use effectively in battle by a normal astartes, but it's bite is incredible.
>We were the last legion. We got the most developed and refined gear, and it all shows through me.
>I get handed my helmet last as I mag lock my axe to my waist.
>I turn it in my hand as I look into it's lenses.
>It is heavily stylised with a crest and patterned features.
>This mask is what millions of foes have seen in their last moments.
>I put it on.
Hydra dominus

>>64040481
>be me, exotic cactus farmer
>the soldier outlines her request
>oh my goodness
>romance
>she's trying that route
>tried it before, didn't work
>toooo many things happened
>had to pay dearly to fix what could be fixed
>really glad I have face obscuring hat veil because I don't want to know what face I'm showing right now
>fuck you morrison, fuck you...
>but fine
>this is the customer's effort, not mine
>maybe they won't make mistakes
HMMM...Well, sir-
>oh wait she has eyelashes and pretty nails
Miss, sorry for not seeing, but I cannot help with sleeping, lower region reduction, and romance in general.
I can provide an increase in...moments of fancy. Like more...feelings towards another person in a place where they won't hurt you and decide that attempts of courting are actually universal and understandable and not completely against the stupid rules of-
>wait what
>I was monologuing
>right right right stick to business
This cactus will make your fancies...REAL.
Let me get it out then.
>exasperated, but I will retrieve what customer asked for
>Oh shit can't find it here
>there's no substitute to cactus I have to find
>where the fuck is it
>>64010928
>oh I remember where that cactus went now
>shit
>I really need to restock
>look up handmade map of where my special cactus usually grows
>oh thank goodness the loveroot cactus is only 10 tickends aways
>really 3000 ticks away
>go back to customer
Miss...I'm sorry ta inform ya dat I do not have the cactus I can give.
But I know it's only a few hundred meters in that direction!
>point to the left of the suspicious pile of sand
>that king better not stop me when I take my customer to the spot
Come with me to the cactus, and you shall have it for free!
>wait a minute
>being too generous
>no wait this is about love, so I can live with this
So whaddya say?

>>64041106
>Be Trooper Felina, abhuman, Buctoo Survivors
>Not entirely following what cactus vendor is saying
>Clearly my request dredged up old memories
>But free stuff in exchange for a bit of a walk
>Why not?
>Accept offer
>Tell squad mates that the vendor is showing me a pretty flower and not to steal anything while we are gone
>They are mostly sweet-hearts, but can get a bit rowdy sometimes
>Also don’t want them knowing about the nature of my request

>>64040916
>Be me.
>Be Alpharius.
>Be quite possibly currently the most dangerous single thing on this planet.
>Feelsgood.png
>Minor trouble, can't get out hole in warplate.
>No matter.
>Bring arm up to brace, hold it perfectly still.
>The energies within are mighty, and the mechanics are fragile. Conversion beamers react poorly to being moved while firing.
>I pull the trigger and release the antimatter within at the far wall.
>There is little to react with in here to provide energy, but there is enough to widen a hole and evaporate sand.
>Pan gun gently to widen hole before I shut the gun off, and stride from the wreckage onto the sands above.
>By the Emperor, this feels so much more right, being within my armour once again.
>Black Templar appears at my side and stops.
>Asks me what we're doing now.
>He has to look up to me now.
>Chuckle.
Now cousin, we form up all the men at camp, and put them on parade.
After all. We will be expecting visitors at any moment. Best we don't disappoint them.

>>64041391
>alright good
>we're on a (short) quest for the loveroot
>time to bring the good stuff
>bring torn cloth and shovel cuz they gon be useful
>bring sacrificial burning cactus and emergency cactus bandolier as insurance
>jump down in readiness
>call out my giant lizard
>communicate through claps, pats, and a snap to
"eat any guy that comes close to the caravan"
>wave the soldier to follow me
>we're on our way
>walk a few hundred meters past the suspicious pile of sand and a black lake
>ah there it is
>just past a few dried brambles and strategically placed flash-frozen cactuses
>the collection of loveroots
>you can tell by the pink flesh and yellow flower
>hear hissing
>oh shit
>my companion's scared
>take out sacrificial burning cactus and begin to light it
>whip out the poison spine darts while waiting
>few dozen sand vipers are coming out
>nested fuckers are now target practice
>DARTTHROWDARTTHROWDARTTHROWDARTTHROWDARTHROW
>oh wait the sand vipers don't die from poison
>they just get groggy
>soldier stomps on few that are too stupid to move
>okay good the sacrificial cactus is burning enough to create smoke
>start fanning out the smoke with torn clothes I brought
BEGONE SLIPPERY BASTARDS!
>the vipers recoil and hide away from the smoke
>good job cactus
>now we can get the cactus
>teaching time because I feel like it
Now this is the loveroot cactus.
It grows like any normal cactus, but it spreads its sperm by appearing as tasty-lookin as a giant pear and exploding when an animal bites into it.
As a strange way of thanks, the dumb loafer should, I mean animal would be put in a gas of...love, when it bites.
When they breathe this gas, they start to...follow their instincts for quite a long time.
I know this because I see poor saps try to eat the thing as food and end up humping each other in the desert.
I try ta not think about seeing them in...unsavory positions later in the shops.

>>64041786
>Be Trooper Felina, abhuman, Buctoo Survivors
>Huh, a cactus that is a powerful aphrodisiac
>Mind begins spinning with possibilities
>Use on Fluffy if we are ever alone somewhere?
>Tempting, but I want our romance to be genuine
>Use on Lone when she is with Fluffy in order to break sexual tension
>Also possible, but there is a chance that Lone will fall in love with Fluffy and/or kill him afterwards
>Use on random squadmates to see what happens
>Definitely
>What if I use some on Fluffy when he is really drunk or otherwise unable to remember what happened
>ThirstyThoughts.vox
So, uh, how much should I give someone to arouse them for 2-3 hours?
Also, do you have anything that causes memory loss?

>Be Thypptyklpt
>Free at last!!!!!!!!!
>My thousand-year banishment has ended
>No one came even close to solving the complex series of riddles required to rebound me
>Almost disappointing really
>Take on invisible, non-corporal form
>Let’s see what mischief I can do with access to my full powers

>>64041786
>soldier seems to be getting bored
But listen my customer, it takes a stupid amount of hitting or poking ta release da gas. Cactus hide is tough and spikey, so you gotta use protection and carefullness when you do the cutting or da hitting.
Got dat?
>the soldier seems keen to remember
Okay good, cuz this is yer effort now.
I gave you the cactus, not start a fuck-fest.
>gas amount? Memory loss?
...lady. You can't control the gas when it comes.
It's like a gas bomb.
1 use, 1 bad poke or hit, KABOOM.
But the gas does last for 3 to 4 hours.
Also ya can't pay for memory loss.
Some black market guy does that,

>>64007835

and I don't know where the fuck he is.
>knock on each of the growing cactus until I find the right one
>got it
>throw the torn cloth around so the small spines don't get into the skin
Alright miss. I'm gonna use da shovel to make the loveroot fall, and you're gonna catch it, SAFELY by touching the torn cloth.
Ya ready?
>see reluctant nod
>nod back and shovel the hard sand out
>the loveroot tips and the soldier girl catches it
>oh wow she can carry it by herself
Are da spines hurting ya?
I can give cactus anti-spine rub to get dem out fo a fair price.
>gives the okay sign
>Okay then, let's move out
>on the way back, trip
>son of a bitch my foot
>what
>it's a glowing cactus
>like the other one I gave to the king for 'drugs' but faint green light color this time
>pick it up
>we're back
>looks like nothing happened at all while we were gone
>my lizard seems to be calm calm too
>give a thumbs up to the soldier girl
Pleasure doing business widya!
Come tell me latuh if anything good or bad happens!
>given a thumbs up
>good sigh
>I think I'll finish cooking and eating the boar and just pack everything up afterwards
>and then follow where the money goes

alright finally I can sleep
If she's taken somewhere when I'm gone, she still eating and that lizard and caravan goes with her

>>64041633
>Be me.
>Alpharius.
>Wandering around camp yelling at people to form up at parade rest along the processional by the landing site.
Yes with your full set of gear guardsman! We are expecting some very important guests coming soon, and we may have to kill them!
>They seem to be confused, I just yell at them more until they get the picture and form up where I want them to be.
>Getting a slow trickle in, about to hit bar.
>Templar is off doing something else.
>That something else being digging a hold behind the platform and covering himself in sand.
>He was very confused.
Easy cousin. When I spring the trap, the prime target will not stay around, but will try to make it back inside the transport. Whilst we have layers of mines, I need you there to take him out discretely. And to do so, I need you hiding in that position.
>So now I have to grab everyone else myself.
>I just wish there was a general alarm of some sort, like a siren.
>Well, if the head of camp put in that much effort, they didn't tell me.
>Walk into bar.
>As expected, a great portion of soldiers are in here, drinking and gambling and taking off their clothes and dacing on tables.
>Itneverseemstoend.slaanesh
>Actually fire my gun off into the vox caster playing music to get them to pay attention.
>Conversion beamers are basically constant explosion lasers. They sound like thunder.
>They also go through vox casters easily.
>I swear I will repair that later.
>Several try to get angry. It's hard when it's against someone twice your size and four times your width, who is more durable then some vehicles.
Parade ground people, now. Bring your weapons.
>They pick themselves up. I yell louder and they hurry up.
>Gone through most of the camp by now, and have a few runners going ahead to grab people and see if the armoury officer actually has anything decently respectable, maybe able to actually go through battle plate, so I decide to walk back to the parade ground.
>Open link with Templar.
How many now?

>>64021157
>>64022823
>>64041956
>Be Cassandra the Unheard
>Thypptyklpt rubik's cube colection was usefull fo once
>now after 1K years I'm finaly free
>now there are some things I have to do
>first I have to punish the Inquisitor for trying to kill my felinid
>angel form and into her mind
>wait is that a daemon inside that weapon?
>would have a nice chat if I had time
>right back to punishing the inquisibitch
For your crimes against the imperium
I will make your fake tattoos real and I will add a few for good measure
have a nice day
>now back to my felinid
>drag him away from the commisslut
>drag him to the corner
>AngelCuddles.warp

>>64043353
>Be Trooper Fluffy, abhuman, Buctoo Survivors
>In the hospital, standing guard over the Commissar
>Suddenly in the corner of the room cuddling with the Angel
>Huh?

File: DVH-mE_UMAAd22e.jpg (180 KB, 1200x675)

180 KB JPG

>>64041633
> be me black templar
> well shit that's some hefty fucking armor
> don't think he'll be too keen on my idea of fixing a suit of regular astartes power armor so people don't accuse him of being a traitor
> still though, at the very least we should make it black templar colors so no one bats an eye.
> mehlater.mentalnote
> call the regiment into parade formation, step back and let the fucker in intimidating terminator armor do the rest.
> after all of this I really should let him know where my brother's armor is at.
> alwaysneedmoreastartes.codex

>>64042533
> be me black templar
> well holy shit that's a lot of people,
> pretty sure that's an entire regiment
>comm back to the terminator that it looks like all of them.
> by the imperium those people look more hungover than a space wolf after a year in a whorehouse.
> fuckmylife.vox
> ask my cousin if he's sure these people can help us.

>>64039617

>Be me, Catachan ABhuman
>finaly the guard is taking the credit for killing the heretics
>and no astartes in sight
>this is how it feels
>AND IT FEELS AWESOME
>got a giftcard for the blacksmith from the locals
>FuckYessss.satisfaction
>go to the blacksmith and order an crossbow worthy of my abs
>go to the open air tavern and get drinking
>BestDayOfMyLife.voxcast

>>64043353
>>64044826

>Be me,Cassandra the Unheard
>be gently scraching behind fluffys ears
>he is so adorable
>sad that I have to leve him for now
>give him another feather and leave a note wih "I'll be back soon"
>have to fuck up Thypptyklpt
>lets see what he is up to
excuse me Thypptyklpt but..
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?

>>64045104
>>64045137
>Be me. Alpharius.
>Templar responds oveer vox
Looks like it's the whole regiment out here.
But none of them look in good shape, are you sure they can be useful to us?
>True, they seem to be definitely not combat ready.
Ahh yes cousin. They may not be able to fight, but I need them yet, as ornamentation. I need to entice our prey down, and ensure that they land where we wish.
>Now we just need to wait.
>Shouldn't be too long now.

>>64042073
>>64007835
>be me exotic cactus farmer
>starting to pack up stuff and getting ready to trade
>the black market guy I'm looking for should be alive after all the battle
>cactus chairs, table, jugs, and cooking spit all stored
>the signs were burned and the rest of the roasted boar I just left behind
>should be enough for Vete to pick up and sell at a higher price as expected
>if he's still there
>>64039926
>I'm turning around and see hooded girl again
Is it grox luck-
>what is the girl expecting to get out of these 2?
>SHE GON GET INTA BIG PIKLE TALKIN WID DOSE 2.
>ran rabid dog fast to catch her before the king and his lady do something
>clearly going 'what the fuck' with her
>cut in before stupid happens
'EY DERE HOOD GIRL. LOOKS LIKE WE NEED...I NEED...a...FANCY SHAUFFER. THING. TO LEAD MY LIZARD WHILE I'M TRADING WITH BLACK MARKET.
>grasp her and look to the king
>still going 'what the fuck'
I'LL BE WITH YOU IN AN HOUR KING OF MY PLANET TO TALK BUSINESS.
SEEYA
>fast walking back
>what girl has a giant lizard of her own?
>why didn't she leave outta dodge after getting my stuff I gave?
>ah whatever, my seller instincts tell me to think defensive with the King
>common sense is saying this girl has to stay out of our business, so I gotta geter outta here
>lead my lizard and caravan into town
>girl is following along
>looks like her lizard is weaker than mine
>damn sure my lizard, even injured, can still beat hers in a fight
>oh my so many bodies and weird looking bodies
>looks like metal scrappers are gonna have a field day
>maybe the Sodom will move to the iron age soon
>hiya trisha
>hiya Vetes, go check out a dead boar at that direction
>>64039617
>okay there's a bunch of tents and some uniforms here looking busy
>gonna stay out of their way
>hooded girl taking my lead, good
>alright we're here
>you can tell by the crater and dead bodies
>only black market does that

>>64048900
>sky travelers get to do that too, but they up there, not down here
>do I trust leaving hood girl out here?
>no, no I do not
>communicate to the lizards through pats, claps, and a snap to:
"watch the caravan and kill who comes close"
>they understand
>oh shit it dawns on me that I set up a meeting with the king over just following him for extra cash or customers
>I don't think he knows it's just that simple to agree on that
>maybe gonna have meeting on da spot I see him just to say those terms
>and then follow them
>but first black market
>get the hooded girl to help me move the metal crates I got earlier
>do secret knock at the door
>hay there
>black market guy still alive and richer than me
>no he's not a good husband to try to court or buy, for me at least
>push down his gun when he sees the hooded girl
She's safe here. Ya can kill her later. Somewhere else if you want.
>He holsters
>show him the goods
>aw ya, he shitting bricks
>also show him the glowing green cactus I found on accident
>still shitting bricks

>>64048900
>>64049122
>Be me, Sarge Joshua
>managed to contain the heretic bullshit
>now making sure the sky people don't fuck up shit furher
>notice some shiny skeleton with a dick hanging down on from chin
>ask him who the fuck he is
>says something about being the defacto king of this planet
>first I thought that he was joking but the amount of shiny stuff and the green lightning persuaded me otherwise
>he should talk it out with our king because I don't want to turn the rest of the city into gravel
I could organise an audience with our king if you want
>gets mad about it
Listen here I'm in no mood for leading a military coup
Besides I have shit to deal with right now if you didn't notice
I'm just giving you the best option
I will send a messenger to the king so you can just talk it out
Because I have more important shit to deal with
>he grudgingly agrees
>now back to policing duty
>notice some person wearing a hood
>enters into a building
>*knock at the door*
SV OPEN UP

>>64047230
>Hear the distant sounds of warp bullshit.
>Ptsdintesifies.gauss
>Get reports that a Necron tomb got blown the fuck out by something.
>Hop into vehicle, set out to sort this shit before everything goes daemony.

>>64050636
>'SV OPEN UP'
>Oh great not again
>let me handle this guys
I think I know who's yellin
>black market guy is aiming at hooded girl
No, no, she hasn't done anything wrong yet.
>open up the door
Is it already martial law sir-
>oh my goodness it's Joshua
>guy's best buyer of flaming cactus innards
>freeze
>hopefully my face-concealing veil is recognizable and friendly enough

>>64051063
>Be me, Sarge Joshua
>entered the building
>hear a familiar voice
>wait is she the farmer who supplies my squad with burning cactus oil?
>still have to act profesional
I wait for an explanation
>she explains to me what happened
>I feel kinda sorry for her
>but orders are orders
>If they have nothing to hide they will not resist
>the only guy who might pose a danger is the guy with a gun
>I will leave him for now just write down the adres so I can find him later
Cactus farmer and hooded girl are coming with me
I will ignore your secret buisnes
for now
>I will have to put them under observation in the barracks for now
>altho I trust the cactus farmer I'm very suspicious about the other one
>the city is under martial law so I have to ensure law and order
>FuckMyJob.bureaucracy

>>64052726
>be me, exotic cactus farmer, currently being watched by 3 uniforms with bows
>wow this rooms' the least smelly room I've had in the whole of Sodom
>also sharing it with hooded girl
>just gotta cooperate with the SV once more and we can still do our own things
>fuck tho
>I was this close to getting enough money to buying my own husband
>THIS CLOSE TO...SOMETHING GOOD
>but now all of the metal crates I wanted to trade for big moolah are now confiscated 'until innocence of contents is assured'
>yeah right
>Knowing the black market guy, all ties are cut off because he changes location and ties quicker than quicksand
>I won't see him again unless he wants to see me
>dead that is
>also the blast things are too damn powerful for me to hold on
>at least I have the caravan and my lizard being taken into a "vehicle bay" for custody
>a few tickends pass and Joshua is here
>someone else behind him arrives
>wait, I never saw this uniform person before
Ah...Are ya 'nquistor I hear about?
I'm only here because of a trading incident between smoking cactus and drugs I got from a guy.

>>64053451
Also the hood girl with me is...unfortunately involved beyond her control.
She did stuff she didn't know
She followed what she didn't know
She's here because I tried to take her away from that.
And it was doing good.

bump

>>64053590
>>64053451
>>64052726
>Be Noura Eliksop, Former Cultist of Tzeentch
>Bluff did not go as planned…..
>Cactus vendor showed up and offer me a job though
>I wasn’t keen to be near city any longer than I had to be
>But having a job in a field completely different than my past life was probably better cover than showing up in some small town where everyone is related to each other
>Also, was pretty sure she was just doing this to save me from a bad end at the hands of those two weirdos
>Job seemed easy enough
>Until her arms dealer buddy starts pointing a gun at me
>Then getting arrested
>Then being stuck in a cell with an Inquisitor
>FML, I would have been better off if I stayed with the two weirdos
>I would have been better off even if I got caught by soldiers and burned alive
>Start shaking uncontrollably

>>64011666
if this thread was a movie, it would be another terrible sequel to the new star wars.

>>64047230
>Be Trooper Fluffy, abhuman, Buctoo Survivors
>Getting scratched behind ears by felinid angel
>Feels sssssssoooooooooooooooooo good
>Purr for first time in a while
>Suddenly angel is gone
>Holding another feather and note saying “I’ll be back soon”
>Stick it in pocket with first feather
>Notice that unlike last time I physically moved locations
>Try not to think about implications too much

>>64047230
>>64050970
>Be Thypptyklpt
>Finally, back in my Multidimensional Palace of Mindfuckery
>Absolutely nothing is the same as when I left
>Just how I like it
>Flop down on couch made of the fused flesh of still living beings who were dumb enough to break contracts with me
>Pick up smart tablet off of end table
>14 billion unread messages
>Fucking Carl, he was supposed to manage my plots for me while I was banished
>Fine, be that way, good luck finding someone to babysit your cat next time you are on vacation
>Type in “Sodom” just for fun
>Addathes still hasn’t conquered the planet yet?
>How hard can it be to conquer some feudal rock?
>I am not losing that bet!
>Decide to cheat a bit and teleport a squad of Alpha Legionnaires semi-loyal to me to the planet
>Also teleport all the Buktoo Survivors from Desert Camps Beta and Epsilon to the City of Sodom
>The “Alpharius” at Camp Epsilon will just have to use the surviving Stalinvans for his little plot
>Also some daemon dumb enough to get bound into a weapon captured Inquisitor Elizabeth Durnham on my behalf
>She might be useful
>Her flesh anyways
>Email out some psychic messages to various henchmen
>Decide that I deserve a break
>Cassandra probably won’t be back for a couple of hours
>Start sexting a cute daemonette
>She is sharing pics, hot
>Cassandra’s head appears on my shoulder
excuse me Thypptyklpt but..
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?
>Goddamnit siss, have you ever heard of knocking!!!
>Why can’t she share someone else’s house
>And body

>>64057866
>Come to the former sealing grounds of whatever the fuck was bound here before.
>Weird flames and melded corpses.
>Fuckintzeentch.canoptek
>Roll up to tomb, warscythe in hand as other soldiers roll up behind me.
>We even woke up the cleaned ones to rip this shit apart.
>Maybe even a destroyer or two.
>Gently knock on the door. Don’t want to seem rude.

>>64056498
Ha, they only wish they could come up with a script with this many self-insert mary sues and gary stus,incoherent plot twists, and pointless side stories

>>64056447
>be ECF prisoner
>silence doesn't feel safe
>girl is shaking next to me
>aw damn it
>she's reminding me of younger times
>if anyone could look at dis pickle, I'm technically at fault here
>not hers
>do I still have something good to share here?
>at least some wares in my coat
>not smoking cactus
>not those drugs I got earlier
>definitely not the juggling cactus pears
>alright I do have this
>my special mix of cactus gum
>sour chewy fibers aged with calming sugar
>also my cactus liquor and a small cactus cup
>if we're going to be killed here in dis room, might as well have something sweet
>grasp the girl's body to stop her shaking
>give her some gum
>pour her a shot in the cactus cup I placed on the nearby table
>as she looks at me, I show her tha shot I poured
>decide that I should show my face behind this veil to this 'nquistor and see with my own eyes
>remove the hat and face-obscuring veil and let it lay on a table
>face the 'nquisitor
>is it an 'nquisitor? because they would be in my face at this point
Well, if you're not going ta say my charges or crimes before offing me
>raise my cactus liquor
Here's to my husband out dere I could have found
>drink

>>64057940
eh at this point, it's cathartic to write something towards the end goal that maybe the planet is saved by a Feudal war or the black templar scheme. or both
We have...roles. somehow

>>64058064
I wouldn't worry about it too much
These threads are all about people having fun responding to plot twists and bizarre characters introduced by others, and being challenged by the unexpected
Inevitably the thread will die with lots of questions unanswered, just assume whatever endings you like best

>>64057936
>Be Thypptyklpt
>Some one is knocking on one of the near infinite doors leading to my palace
>Hey look, its Addathes
>Just the man I was looking for
>But talking to him directly counts as cheating
>Also too lazy to get off couch
>Teleport expendable flesh puppet to go talk to him instead…

>>64058396
>Be Thypptyklpt’s Fleshpuppet
>Like most of Thypptyklpt’s Fleshpuppets, I am created from the flesh of two siblings who had a love-hate relationship, fused together in surreal ways
>Be teleported to meet Overlord Addathes
>Bow, awkwardly
>Take turns speaking, though both my heads are under Thypptyklpt’s direct control at the moment
Greetings Overlord
We come bearing gifts
Three wishes
Anything you would like
Within reason
Choose wisely though
For the day that you rule all of Sodom
You will be granted six more

>>64058415
And true power will be yours

>>64057963
>>64057866
>Be Fleshfire, half Daemonette, half Horror, formerly the Knife of Fleshchange
>It’s a long story
>Also I am wearing Inquisitor Elizabeth Durnham’s body
>Elizabeth is currently in the Knife
>Karma’s a bitch
>Thypptyklpt has me laying the groundwork of some crazy plot
>Been running around all day in Elizabeth’s body, giving orders
>Now I am supposed to bust some buddy of Addathes out of jail
>She is with some low-level initiate of one of Thypptyklpt’s cults for some reason
>Needless to say cult girl isn’t happy to see a member of the Inquisition
>Start asking some basic questions just for show
>Addathes’s friend gets agitated and takes off her hat and veil
>Well, well, well, what do we have here………..

>>64042073
>>64041943
>>64041786
>Be Trooper Felina, abhuman, Buctoo Survivors
>Deep in thought
>So the cactus is only good for one use
>Not good enough for what I have in mind
>Wait for cactus vendor to leave
>Double back to the black lake
>Start digging out a couple more and putting them in my knapsack
>Here hissing noise
>Sand vipers?
>Don’t see any
>Realize it is coming from the loveroot
>I was just cutting into the base of a loveroot instead of the roots
>Burst of gas
>OH SHI…….

>>64059004

Okay could a mentioned this, but didn't think to elaborate for specificity.
The gas's effects does last for 3-4 hours because it stays in the area for 3-4 hours and is constantly breathed in by a person.
And thankfully, I would say in this case not all of the gas is released at once, just a whiff.
You release all of the gas that sticks for 3-4 hours by sawing it in half.
Now go forth and do unto others

>>64057866
>>64058675
>Be Captain Priscilla Von Hansburg, 4th Baroness of Bluven
>Wake up in soft bed, in palatial stone room
>WTF! Where am I?
>Some Inquisitor chick is leaning on the doorframe leading to my room
>What did I do to deserve this?
>Try to remember yesterday….
>Getting sunburnt
>Scary confrontation with two Astartes
>Going to bar
>blank
>Inquisitor launches into long spiel
>Says not to worry, memory will return
>Says entire regiment has been gathered in Sodom
>Says regiment is on top secret mission
>Says I am in charge of regiment now
>Says I now have acting rank of Major
>Gives complicated series of instructions
>None of them sound too dangerous
>Still terrified by thought that I am working for the Inquisition, even if just temporarily

>>64057866
>>64047460
>Be me
>Alpharius.
>Just finished briefing soldiers, when I sense major influx of warp into realspace.
>I may not be a psyker, but I have spent enough time around the warp to recognise it.
>Feel like something is pushing and pulling at reality.
>All of a sudden, a good portion of my forces disappear, and ten legionaries suddenly appear in the middle of the processional.
>What?
>This could end badly.
>Fortunately, I'm good at handling things.
Brothers!
>They snap their bolters up to me, following their gazes.
>At least they are focused on me.
Put your bolters down brothers, this is friendly territory.
>A few relax, six don't.
>They are persuaded to when I shift slightly, to emphasise my rank and power.
>They don't seem as old as I, but Lernaean terminators are well respected by some in our legion, and feared by the rest.
>It also shows that I very much outrank them.
>I make a private vox channel to the squad and brief them, while they aren't shooting.
Brothers, the legion is laying a trap. We have identified an infiltrator faction that is masquerading effectively as our own. They look and act identically to us, only gene and memory testing found them to be of raven guard stock are using our power and influence to corrupt worlds under our sphere.
I have spent the last hundred years infiltrating this group to orchestrate this moment, where we cut the head off this snake. Or rather, bird.
To put it simply and clearly, at this stage I will not suffer complications. You will either second yourself to my task, and will get the spoils of this planet and it's people, or you are against me, and I will kill you before you can blink.
>I level conversion beamer, and power it up.
You have three seconds to decide.

>>64058675
>>64058675
>be, most likely the ECF
>the 'nquisitor's looking...like she didn't see something surprising
>set down the liquor
Oh.
Wat is it ya see here?
>troopers seem shocked
>girl is in shock mid-drinking shot
>I understand them so much
Tell me...tell dem...who I really am, 'Nquisitor.
Cuz dis face
>point to my face
needs to be explained.

>>64059437
>Be me.
>Alpharius. Who doesn't like curveballs.
>Fortunately, the person who looks like the squad sergeant says they will help me.
>Good thing about Alpha legion, our loyalties are easily swayed with persuasion. Generally.
>One of their number rejects this answer and pulls a gun on me, arguing I am the traitor by working with guardsmen.
>His shots ping off my shield. My gun cuts him in half, and makes the incision explode.
>Right, now that that is sorted out...
You,brother with the heavy bolter. Advance down to the end of the landing pad and exchange your weapon with our brother disguised as a Templar. Do not try to engage him in conversation, he is grouchy.
The rest of you, form up on me and keep watch. When I attack, I want you all to eliminate the other force as expediently as possible.
And someone clear away your fallen brothers remains. His death was unfortunate, but his corpse will blow our cover.
>A veteran would have picked up on the fishiness of the whole deal, but fortunately, they don't seem to be too experienced in this.
>The legion used to be so much better.
>To enforce cameraderie, I start chatting with the squad, asking names and getting information from where they came from.
>Turns out, they were literally plucked off a world from another sector entirely, and just dropped right here.
>Daemons.
>Another good thing about my legion, we don't really like daemons like others. Sure we get them and will use them well enough, but we don't really like them much.
>And being carried away by a foe like that only enforces brotherhood more.
>Of course, I have no way of knowing if this is true or not.
>Keep an eye on them using rear view cameras, and tell the Templar to watch them.
>This feels very suspicious, but at least I have some more marine killing weapons now.
>And now more waiting.

>>64059307
>>64059004
>Be Trooper Felina, abhuman, Buctoo Survivors
>Wrist is extremely sore
>As is another part of my body
>It has been only 10 minutes
>That is some weapon grade aphrodisiacs
>Good thing I have a spare set of panties
>Oh wait, I traded them to the cactus vendor for a round of drinks
>I guess the cactus vendor was wrong though
>The dosages can be controlled
>ScienceThroughExperimentation.vox
>New plan…
> 1. Lure Fluffy into room
> 2. Cut make cut in a loveroot roughly same size
> 3. Fun time
> 4. Somehow induce memory loss
> 5. Repeat
>………Actually, step one would be finding way to induce memory loss

>>64059566
>Be Fleshfire, half Daemonette, half Horror, formerly the Knife of Fleshchange
>Still disguised as Inquisitor Elizabeth Durnham
>Interesting, it is like she doesn’t actually know what she is
>Not sure if she is bluffing or not
>Order soldiers out of room, but to stand by the door once it is closed
My dear lady……
You are a rare gem indeed aren’t you
The Inquisition is always looking to recruit individuals of your……..type
Don’t worry, even one of your nature…..can find redemption in the eyes of the Emperor through service
Will you join us? Will you serve The Immortal Lord of all Mankind?
Perhaps you may even find answers to the questions that so vex you……….

>Be The Harrowmaster
>Good, everything is going as planned
>I never much liked Thypptyklpt
>But nine wishes for a favor
>At first it seemed too good to be true
>But Thypptyklpt always delivers
>Always………

File: soultravelmultimediaface.png (340 KB, 450x486)

340 KB PNG

>>64060233
>be me, ECF
>Redemption?
>immortal lord of mankind?
Isn't dis a face of wut ya call a heretic?
That gun gonna be used or what?
>no answer
>hmm, she really wants to know my answer
>I think if I say no, I'll die
>fine, if I'm going to say yes, might as well put my winning reason why
To be true miss, I don't need that redemption. And some man that can't die?!
Only cactus can do that.
>wait that's not it
>touch my face in thinking
>oh...my skin still feels like nothing
>it feels so wrong
>my face wasn't ready
>what does my god awful nose look like?
>goddamn it why did I remove that hat
>I'm feeling all anxious and truthful
>no wait...
...I do want to be...not alone
>yeah that's it
>grab and drink more of the cactus liquor
>finish and set it down with a smash
Pretending was silly, but it's fucking important if yer like a freak like me.
Regular people can fix themselves when they catch spines in your skin.
But little 'ol me has to watch out because they poke in holes I can't fix.
Do holes heal for ya miss?
>deep slow breath while she watches
Probly.
Others as well, but not me.
You would think I'm like a Lord of the cactus with this ugly mug.
But cactuses get to bloom, grow, spread their sperm-stuff, fart love gas, become tables, become food, become part of nature in good ways.
And I can't do any of that.
People can't accept me without these clothes coverin'.
And dat's...really sad for some reason.
Another big sad reason why I hide my face.
>pause for breath and comfort
But if ya think you can accept my ugly for who I am for this immortal cactus man, I'll gladly accept.
Then maybe, because you guys seem pretty dope with tech, just fucking maybe, I'll be rid of this...
>point to god awful face
disease.
If ya think you can do that for me,
I'll give ya exotic cactus that'll do wonders better than your star-traveler stuff.
It's da best thing I know I can offer odda den my allejence.
>take my hat and put it back on, obscuring my cactus innard face once more

>>64060995
Couldn't really find any face of female nurgle worshippers better than that.
Looked something like dat since sandy childhood, having to deal with ever since.
But finally gonna sleep now.

>>64059621
>Be me.
>Alpharius.
>Been standing here a while now, going over different conversations, telling different stories to each party.
>To the guardsmen I am a senior astartes from a loyalist legion, no, chapter, they do not know. To my brothers I am a faithful Alpha legionare, a roll model and a source of wisdom to look to for my millennia of service.
>To my cousin and oddly close friend, I am a traitor to my legion, but a faithful servant of the Emperor, and guardian to his people.
>Also a roll model of sorts.
>I see a smudge on the sky.
>My optics strain in magnification to pick it out.
>It's a stormbird.
>Haven't seen one of those in a while.
>Oh, the boss has arrived.
>Vox Templar.
Keep you head down, don't move and just wait.
>He acknoleges. Switch to squad.
Keep watch, stay at alert, but don't show it. They do not expect you to be here, so let me talk.
>Stormbird gets close, and begins to get stirred up.
>I feel my hearts begin to pound and adrenaline begin to flow as I prepare myself.
>No idea what to expect, I hope the conversion beamer and the melta gun we have can penetrate anything heavy.
>The main trop bay door clangs open, and I see figures stir in the darkness.
>No turning back now.

>>64061227
>Be me.
>Alpharius.
>Just set up processional with almost half a regiment. A regiment of drunken spear wielders, but till a lot of bodies.
>It seems, my boss finds the flair pleasing, and has responded in kind.
>The procession consists of ten elaborately done marines with shining dark aqua armour, marching in lockstep around the three centre pieces.
>Two terminators, indominous pattern, and one...
>One Cataphractii pattern, with custom armour panels and wargear.
>A Lernaean terminator. One of my close brothers.
>Shit.
>The setup is orderly, simple. An obvious focus around the most magnificent centre piece, the lord, towering in his plate.
>A classic parade pattern, and a front.
>There is a secret second defensive perimeter to the back left of the group, three marines forming a raggard wall around another, so inconspicuous, I would not have noticed did I not know it was there.
>I switched to squad vox.
Look brothers. Note the formation they take also conveniently offers defence for the third marine from the left? This is a classic misdirection, for that marine is our true target, the leader of the infiltrators. When we commence, kill him above all others.
>After hearing acknoledgements, I switch over to the other secure channel.
Cousin, see the third from the right, your perspective? That is the actual Chaos lord, the other is a fake. Target him, when we break, he will run bak s the three closest cover him, basic tactic.
>He clicks an acknoledgement.
>I order the guardsmen to kneel in the face of their lords.
>They do, but they do not take their eyes off their boots, tracking them as I told them.
>Good. They have orders to attack. Jam spears into joints, shoot them with crossbows, bows or lasguns if they have them still.
>I know they probably won't, but the few who shoot, will make good distractions, or at least annoyances.
>Procession stops, five paces away.
>Now I get to lie more.
>I decide to break the silence.
Hail, brother. I have completed my orders.

>>64060233
>>64060340
>>64060995

>Be me, Cassandra the Unheard
>Thypptyklpt is bussy reading his unread messages
>also he is geting nudes from some slaaneshi daemonete
>for fuck sake has he forggot what happened last time he let those slaaneshi fucks get involved?
>i better make best use of the time in which Thypptyklpt is bussy replying to spam
>see that the inquisislut got posesed by one of Thypptyklpts servants
>good to know that the body is still covered with cultist tattoos
>a minor wardrobe malfunction should be enough for the entire town to want to burn her on a stake
>yeah that should be it
>now back to cuddling my favourite felinid
>now I will give him my vox number and another feather
>Cuddles.warp

>>64058415
>Suddenly, a mangled body appears.
>Resist urge to stab, slash or other wise mangle the thing.
>It’s giving me wishes now.
>Say fuck the wishes, I need to see your damn boss.

bump

>>64060233
>>64060995
>be me, now apparently Uniform Exotic Cactus Farmer
>I'm now working fo de space guardsmen, star-traveler, thing, so I won't die
>probably good choice
>the 'nquisitor has me wearing a badge, helmet, some hard vest thing,and this extra garb on my coat
>It's so warm, but I think I might sweat in it
>forget that
>ditch the helmet and vest
>tear the garb to shreds so it can be wrapped around my arms and knees like some band
>keep the badge
>I'mma Initiate? Or something below dat?
>I'm grabbed by the strong hands of the 'nquisitor and forced to follow her somewhere
>remember hooded girl behind me
What about da hooded girl? She's going to a good place, right?
>She's following us now, what do you expect?
>doesn't sound very specific
>but I see hooded girl being handed a helmet
>Don't you do it hooded girl just cuz I did
>space travelers are gonna get ya when you least expect it
>See joshua outside while being pulled out
Hey...don't tell anyone about my face. Alright?
>I'm being taken to some clean place
>no dirt floor or stone walls here
>lots of gray boxes with lights and tubes here and there
>couple of uniforms in bandages and uniforms treating them
>we stop at a bed
>oh my goodness
>>64039617
This man...
>He's sleeping like he went through hell
>bloodiest, dustiest, meanest, deadest man I've ever seen in my entire life
>Hear from da 'nquisitor about how he's in coma, and dat 'we need more leadership in the right places'
So wut?
>'nquisitor tells me what I have to do
>I have to do dat?
>WAITWAITWAITWAIT.WAIT
>I got something in the caravan for dis, but what da lady's askin' is just a side effect!
>he might not be the same after I give it to him
>look at the 'nquisitor again and ask just to be fucking sure
REPEAT WHAT YOU JUST SAID TA ME. CUZ WHAT YOU'RE ASKIN, CAN BE DONE.
I MEAN IT WILL HAPPEN, BUT JUST TELL ME AGAIN, FOR CACTUS' SAKE,
WHAT THE FUCK I'M GOING TO DO.