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/tg/ - Traditional Games

File: 220px-ArbitesDH.jpg (47 KB, 220x426)
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Greetings, loyal citizens. Have you heard the tale of how the Adeptus Arbites saved the hive city of Canopus Beta?

I have a quite big storytime from about 10 sessions
It started out with our two cadets, Verbal and Tzarine, being called the morning after their Final Exam from Arbites Academy by Lt. Alfonso. Accusations of minor heresy, extreme laziness, criminal degree of looting, lack of arrests could be heard(edited)
Followed by, "Perfoemance Grade: C+. Pass."

Verbal and Tzarine were asked what they wanted to specialize in. Verbal wanted to stusy gun manufacturing and analysis, Tzarine wanted a sniper rifle. A big sniper rifle.

As their personnel files got amended, Lt. Alfonso led the two new Trainee Arbitrators to the garage for their Motorbike training. A trio of bikes were found. "Cadets, follow my lead." Lt. Alfonso straddled the bike and sat. Verbal straddled the bike confidently, facing the wrong way. Tzarine inspected her vehicle, and loudly questioned the design flaw of the opening hatch being too small and unaccommodating
An argument was had and soon Tzarine realized that bikes are to be sat upon versus climbed into, and that the fuel tank hatch was not a door.

Lt. Alfonso gave a quick demo on how to turn on the bike, and rode out in style. Verbal followed, less gracefully. Tzarine stalled her bike. 4 times. A Tech-Priest gave her a new one.

The course was a track, part one was a dirt road with hills, muddy this exact morning, and the second was paved asphalt.
Lt. Alfonso took the first curve of track with the grace of a rhino, sliding out of control and landing in a heap on the grass Verbal took it slower, but his bike started shaking underneath him. Tzarine froze up, and her bike drove itself up the first hill at full speed, voicelessly screaming.
Lt. Alfonso got back up, got back on, and got back to it, except that this time, he lost control again at the top of the hill. Verbal got control back and rocketed off the hill landing atop the next, audibly screaming.

Tzarine watched Verbal Free Willy style over her head and turned around just in time to see Lt. Alfonso careen right down the hill at her. Her jump to get out of the way stumbled with her pitching facedown in the mud. Lt. Alfonso drove over her prone body.

Ahead, Verbal made it over the 3rd hill, but fell down after the third hill. He watched as Lt. Alfonso sped by, finally in control.
Tzarine kept trying to turn her bike back on but it either kept slipping into the mud or stalling. She was on the verge of tears.

Verbal started manually pushing his bike up the fourth hill to ride down and at the top of the hill, he could see Lt. Alfonso reach the pavement part of the track, which looped back. Inspired, Verbal got on his bike, revved it, and went downhill, spinning out of control, off course into the grass.

Lt. Alfonso, distracted by the spectacle, spun out as well, bike sliding out from under him, his carapace armour caught by the kickstand and dragged across the road, collecting scrapes and bruises. Tzarine was able to see that, became bikephobic, and got off her useless steed.

Lt. Alfonso called to her for help, and Tzarine started briskly walking back to the armoury's garage. A wandering Hospitaller, out for her morning stroll, spotted Lt. Alfonso and rushed over to help.
As she knelt over, she heard accelerated screaming, and looked up as Verbal spun out, flipped over twice and used the ground to brake his speed. Then his bike caught fire.
Verbal screamed. It should be obvious why.

The Hospitaller ran to him, stepping on Lt. Alfonso as she did so, don't worry, she didn't do too much damage. She took her outer robes off and started swatting at the fire. By the time she finished, Verbal was unconscious. She got a few Academy Staff members to drag them to the medicae office.

When Verbal came to, he noticed that he was covered in bandages. He panned his gaze over the room. The first thing he noticed were the Sisters of Battle in robes. Then he saw Lt. Alfonso on the next bed over.

Lt. Alfonso turned to him and said, "No worries, we'll be back out there tomorrow morning." Tzarine, sitting in a chair, blanched at this statement and ran out of the room. Verbal said, "What's her problem?" and then turned his attention to the Sister changing his IV drip.
Verbal: "Hey, baby, wanna make out with a hot guy?"
Sister: "You're not hot anymore. You were hot. Then I put out the flames."
She turned up his morphine dose, and Verbal went unconscious.

In the next room, Tzarine was held back by another Hospitaller, who demanded to know why Tzarine was A) causing a ruckus, and B) shaking like a tweaked out Slaaneshi partygoer. When Tzarine mentioned that she was scared of bikes, the Sister sat her down, relaxed her, and then slapped her in the face. Tzarine was cured of her bikephobia. She now suffers from Hospitallerphobia.

Understandably upset, Tzarine bolted out of the room and made it back to the barracks and hid under her bed for the rest of the day. No one found her.
Will take a break to judge interest on continuing. This is merely the beginning of a long tale.
Well, if someone wants more...

In the morning, both Lt. Alfonso and Verbal were cleared from the medicae. Lt. Alfonso ordered, and then dragged Tzarine out from under her bed.

He led them back to the obstacle course.
"Take 2." Tzarine sputtered at this, not wanting to fail miserably and get hit by a Hospitaller again. Verbal looked at his new burn scars and didn't enjoy the prospect of collecting more.
Tzarine: "Sir, can't we just not? We could surely do something else."
Verbal: "Yeah, I'm not ready for this. Not right now."
Lt. Alfonso: "Fine, I guess I could take you on a routine patrol. Let's drive over to the Fair City district and look for malcontents."
Tzarine: "Can't we walk? It's a nice day."
Verbal: "And it's only a 2 mile walk."
Lt. Alfonso: "Okay"

So, our intrepid incompetents took a leisurely stroll over to Fair City, which has a nice breakfast place called Primary Lookout. The smell of pancakes got to Lt. Alfonso. "Guys, this is a cakewalk. Nothing bad happens here, just walk around, look menacing, etc." He ducked inside the restaurant and started scarfing down pancakes.
Tzarine and Verbal shared a look. They took in the sights of watching a sleepy city wake up.
Tzarine: "What do you want to do?"
Verbal: "I need a new suit, there's a tailor around here." Tzarine shrugged, and followed Verbal as he wandered through the active parking lot to get to the store.

It was a near thing, but they made it.
Very near.
Their armour soaked the hits.

And then an alarm sounded. Tzarine could pinpoint the alarm being a bank alarm on the other side of the strip mall. The two Cadets charged through the parking lot at full sprint with their trainee badges out and pistols drawn
It was another near thing, as they didn't have any training in crowd control
It was less near.
Tzarine and Verbal shared a look. They took in the sights of watching a sleepy city wake up.
Tzarine: "What do you want to do?"
Verbal: "I need a new suit, there's a tailor around here."
Tzarine shrugged, and followed Verbal as he wandered through the active parking lot to get to the store.

It was a near thing, but they made it
Very near.
Their armour soaked the hits.

And then an alarm sounded. Tzarine could pinpoint the alarm being a bank alarm on the other side of the strip mall. The two Cadets charged through the parking lot at full sprint with their trainee badges out and pistols drawn
It was another near thing, as they didn't have any training in crowd control
It was still a near thing, but less near.

The Cadets made it to the bank and saw 4 bulky men in sturdy suits carrying duffel bags out of a bank. A car was idling out in front. The Cadets, without any deceit, or stealth, or really any skill that was would've helped them, attempted to sneak up on the criminals.
It was ineffective. One of them noticed the duo crouchwalking in the middle of a driving lane, and shouted, "Cops!" Every one of them dropped their bags and pulled out hand cannons and chainswords.


Both Cadets scrambled into car cover and popped frags. Verbal was able to land a frag grenade right into the midst of the scum, for a total of 6 damage, which they soaked, and Tzarine's bounced off of the car back at her, only the density of the car she was hiding behind saving her from being shred apart
This set the pace of the fight.
A large amount of jams and misses on both sides later, 3 of the criminals had been shot, and the last made a dash for the driver's side door. He faceplanted against the car. Verbal and Tzarine, tattered, on their last wounds, strafed the car and jumped out and tackled the prone man. As Tzarine arrested him, Verbal got up and unjammed his shotgun, and checked the corpses, finding a bunch of thrones. Tzarine asked him if he was tagging them as evidence. Verbal said yes, he was confiscating the evidence, don't get worked up, and don't tell anyone and I'll split it with you.

Criminal handcuffed, the Cadets entered the bank. Inside the corpses of two guards laid on the floor, and a bunch of civilians were huddled in a corner. Verbal looked at the corpses.
"Failure to complete duty. 10 years each."
>I swear to god, this damn eggnog

Verbal turned to the former hostages who were thanking him for saving them.
"Failure to act against evil. 5 years apiece. Failure to act against greed. 5 years consecutive. Failure to die attempting to stop a crime. Penalty of 1 month solitude."
The hostages started murmuring and complaining. Tzarine pleaded with him to stop assigning punishments they didn't have the authority to mete out.
"Resisting arrest. 6 months. Disputing matters of sentencing. 2 years." The hostages got riled up. The situation was diffused as Lt. Alfonso strode into the bank, shock maul out, and eating a donut.

"Good work, Cadets. You stopped these civilians from stealing. I'll handle their punishments."
One hostage piped up. "But we're innocent! It was the four guys they shot outside!"(edited)
As Verbal responded with "There is no such thing as innocence..." Lt. Alfonso looked outside at the pile of corpses behind the car.
"I only count three."
Tzarine shot out the door, and spotted the last guy bolting to a large thoroughfare. Verbal joined her and the two Cadets chased after the limping man, who made it to the road before they caught up with him.
Tzarine shouted "Freeze." The criminal froze. A bus ran him over. Verbal searched the gore pile and found some more thrones, which he confiscated as evidence.
The two Cadets walked back, a team of planetary enforcers and emergency vehicles having arrived. Lt. Alfonso finished speaking to one of the officers and approached the Cadets. "Good work. You've stopped your first crime. Now let's get back to the Academy and I'll treat you to milkshakes."

Verbal and Tzarine, post-escapade, had been quietly graduated and given their travel papers to Canopus Beta. C. Walker didn't attend their cerimony. Lt. Alfonso was also told his 'teaching services' were no longer needed and given his own travel papers and reassigned to Canopus Beta. Lt. Alfonso arrived to the Aphelion Gate Arbites Office, saw a plaque on the officer's door for C. Walker, crossed it out, and sloppily wrote in his own name. He was just about to sit down in a large, comfy, rich, pleather chair when there was a knock at the door. "Come in."

Verbal and Tzarine walked in. Lt. Alfonso cursed his luck.
Over the course of the next week, a dive bar raid went poorly, and a generator malfunction occurred when a jaywalker was being chased. Verbal and Tzarine claimed neither incident was their fault. Verbal had even arrested a bunch of hobos and wrote up a report to prove, infact, that he was not "haphazardly cutting wires" trying to get to the jaywalker. Even though the vagrants had been arrested more than a mile away from said manufactorum.
Verbal and Tzarine had been called into Lt. Alfonso's office. He had the Genatorium explosion report Verbal had written in front of him.

Lt. Alfonso: "So, you were pursuing a jaywalker, who you claimed fled into Genatorium 23."
Tzarine: "Yes."
Lt. Alfonso: "And within the Genatorium 23 complex, which is owned and operated by the Adeptus Mechanicum and who servitorize any unlawful trespassers, there were a roving band of squatting vagrants just, and I'm quoting here, 'chewing upon the wires,' despite the fact that we could determine they were cut by knives. <Verbal nods.> And these hobos then turn from their wire feast to 'eat the heretical jaywalker,' whom you <points to Tzarine> then proceed to manacle?"
Tzarine: "The Emperor's Justice is swift and merciless in the end."
Lt. Alfonso: "..."
Verbal: "And note how I arrested all 12 vagrants."
Lt. Alfonso: "Half a kilometre away, it says here. Why'd you let them run away in the first place?"
Verbal: "Because we had to finish subduing and Marandizing the jaywalker."

Lt. Alfonso sighed, stamped the report, and wedged it into a thick disciplinary folder.
L.A.: "I'm not assigning any of you anymore cases. You were supposed to be hunting the Ork-Man! You're on patrol until further notice."
Verbal and Tzarine leave his office.
V: "Alright, let's go to the armoury and try to get more ammo and gear before we go on patrol."
T: nods
The Armoury Sergeant: "I ain't giving you shit."
V: "Come on, one measely laspistol."
AS: looks them up and down, and slides a clearly untreated laspistol at Verbal.
Verbal thanks the man, picks it up, and the two PCs depart the Arbites Station.

Verbal and Tzarine stand on an emptyish street. It's real close to shift change, and Verbal realizes that the lack of people moving around is odd. Tzarine does not, as she is preoccupied with wondering why, when they were given carapace armour, they weren't given helmets.
After trying to use Verbal's dataslate to find a shady, but reputable arms dealer, and only finding a man who was last scene being hauled away from the scene of a CCC terrorist attack, the pair decide to go to the Aphelion Gate Docks.

The CCC, the acronym supposedly standing for Corrupting Chaos Coven, is the hive's most recent terrorist organization, but a surprisingly effective one. The group was reported to be behind the destruction of the Aphelion Gate Docks before Emperorsgiving AND the Emperorsgiving Day Parade massacre, among as well other things. The dockworkers' rumors insist that the CCC is actually the good guys.
Verbal and Tzarine didn't pay attention in the briefing room during any morning updates, which is why they walked right past a guy on the street corner distributing CCC literature.
In fact, they were heatedly debating whether they could arrest all of the Hive for celebrating Emperor's Day and not Sanguinala.
As our Enforcers passed a bar, they overheard a conversation inside about the 'spooky shit at the end of the docks.' Verbal was intrigued and entered, finding only 3 patrons, and one bartender, at a time where the bar should've been overflowing. The conversation they had was mostly one-sided, with all dockworkers puked up the suspiciously brown beer they'd been served. Really, the most exciting part of the conversation/interrogation had been how the bartender hadn't been wearing a shirt and Verbal promising the man a visit from the Hive's Health Inspector.

Without a single lead, case thread, or anything particularly biting, Verbal decided to arrest all three for being publicly intoxicated, intent to commit public intoxication, and suspected intent to commit public intoxication. All three were shackled, and dragged outside while puking, where Verbal decided to put pressure on them to say 'anti-Imperial sentiments.' Under concerted pressure, two passed out in large puddles of their own vomit. The third did not.
This third one started ranting and raving about how the Cultist Culling Committee was saving the dockworkers from the encroaching damnation.
Verbal started headbutting him in the head, each whiff causing the man to say things, like: "The mercs on the spooky side of the docks beat us if we get too close," "I don't know what's in the containers, but I fear for my soul," "Please stop hitting me, and "Boy, I hope the CCC wrecks you like they wrecked the docks."
Verbal ingested this new information, and then shot the man for intent to commit unsanctioned murder. Tzarine, who had spent this time clubbing the passed out drunks with her cosh, stopped as Verbal told her that they'd have to go snoop around the docks. Questions were asked whether they should alert Lt. Alfonso.

The same questions were answered with shrugs. The two took a moment to search the bodies for loot, coming up with a few thrones and a brochure for the CCC. Soon, Tzarine and Verbal were standing before the Aphelion Gate docks as the shift change bell rang, which was too loud for their ears. Tzarine complained about tinnitus.

As their ears finished ringing, another Arbitrator, with helm, walked up and told them they weren't allowed anywhere near an actual case. Tzarine convinced him that their patrolling had led them to the docks, and just wanted to check out the seedy part. With a grimace, the man acquiesced and let them in.
As they crept up to a suspiciously dark area, a dock supervisor appeared. "You gonna take care of that creepy stuff? I've sent 3 different requests to the Hive Police Force, and no response."
Verbal and Tzarine pull out their shotguns, and stride menacingly up to the merc guarding dark dock. He was not menaced.

Verbal: "Show me your paperwork."
Merc: shoves a stack of papers into Verbal's hands
Tzarine: reads over Verbal's shoulder
Verbal: "These forms are completely and accurately filed. You are to be commended for your adherence to protocol. However, I am extremely suspicious now, as that rarely occurs. Step aside, and allow me to inspect the shipping containers."
The Merc's facade slips off here.
Merc: "You want to see the contents?"
Tzarine strides past him, and she approaches one of the containers. In her mind, she hears: ++Please free me from this box. I have been trapped in here for days.++
Verbal notices Tzarine is entranced and walking forwards. The merc's eyes have bugged out. He whispers into a mic, "Fall back to the chokepoints now."
Verbal follows the merc as he ducks behind a barricade.
++Please hurry! I cannot breathe!++
Tzarine slowly walks to the container's doors. Her hand rests on the latch.
++Yes! Quick! Free me!++
Verbal shouts: "Get back, you idiot!"
Tzarine clicks out of it and steps back.
A shipping container attached to a crane falls on top of Tzarine, miraculously not crushed or even damaged. But both containers are now physically rent asunder.
Out of one jumps a chitinous beast with 6 talon arms. Its drool melts through the rockcrete of the dock. It leaps away in bounds, not a single shot from the mercs touching it.
The docks are now lit with gun and lasfire, as the klaxons wail. Out of the second container comes a slender, lithe, naked, humanoid figure who psychically screeches at Verbal and the merc as it dashes out. Out containers, now broken, are having their contents spill out as exotic fauna escapes their cages.
Tzarine pulls herself out of the container wreckage as a loudspeaker screams ++Lockdown!++ Verbal's ears stop ringing again, and the two cheese it out of their, deciding that this isn't their fight. The othee Arbites rush to the scene and start performing damage control.
Soon, Tzarine and Verbal are sitting in the nice armchairs in Lt. Alfonso's office.
Lt. Alfonso: "So, you caused a mountain of damage and paperwork again."
Verbal: "It wasn't our fault!"
Tzarine: "Yeah, for once we didn't screw things up!"
Lt. Alfonso took a look at the brochure in front of him. Information meetings at the Church of the Divine Emperor every Thursday and Friday at 7pm.
Lt. Alfonso: "So, let me get this straight. You two were told not to get mixed up in a case and just patrol. And you disobeyed said order to do that and found a lead on the CCC and cracked open a large smuggling ring."
Verbal: "I mean, yes, but creature release was 100% not our fault."

>breaking to gauge more interest
Might as well post, I have it all typed.

Lt Alfonso calls our incompetent duo into his office the next day.
Verbal walks in and sits down. "What's up, Alfonso?"
Tzarine daintly sits down.
Lt. A: "That's LIEUTENANT Alfonso to you."
Verbal: "Pfft, you love us. Haven't we grown closer? As a unit?"
Tzarine: "Marginally."
Lt. A: "I was gonna give you a part of the CCC casefile for you to assist on, but you just sassed yourself to road patrol for today."
Verbal: "But we could be helpful!"
Lt. A: "Yes, you could die. That'd be the best kind of helpful."
Silence. Tzarine exits, shrugging. Verbal, on the verge of tears, exits.

The two spend a moment to calm down from that, and then walk into the Precinct Garage where the Motor Pool Sergeant says hello.
"What do you need?" He squints at their nametags. "Oh no. What do YOU need?"
Verbal: "One squad car, my good man."
Sgt: "I just got a form here to give you two bikes"
Tzarine: "No, we were cleared for a squad car in the meeting, this must be a mistake."
Sgt shrugs. "Believable. One moment."
Verbal and Tzarine high-five. No bike failing today! For sure.

The Sgt returns and tosses a set of keys to Verbal, who misses catching them.
Tzarine heads straight for the passenger door.
Verbal: "Hey, why don't you drive? You're better at it."
Tzarine: "I, a noblewoman, will not drive the peasantry around."
Verbal gets into the driver's seat.
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Both buckle up, and Verbal turns on the siren as he drives out onto the street. Tzarine doesn't pay attention to anything, but Verbal notices vagrants. A lot of vagrants. He pulls over to the side and opens the door, stands up, and yells, "Vagrancy, intent to commit vagrancy, and suspected intent to commit vagrancy carries a combined senten-"

He is interrupted by a giant vehicle speeding by. He gets back in, and WHOOP WHOOP blaring, slams on the accelerator.
What they're chasing is a gargantuan, ramshackle, beast, tank of a vehicle, painted red. There are 0 ident tags/plates/anything.
Tzarine decides to snipe the tires.
As she lowers her window, she sees a tiny green figure clamboring atop the vehicle. She points it to Verbal, who then pulls out his pistol and aims at it. Verbal is driving. As Tzarine moves onto the window ledge for proper seating, the small figure yells loudly, "Gorkamorka, Orkman! Deys coppas behin' us!"

Tzarine: "The fuck's an orkman?"

Tzarine takes aim. The Orkmobile speeds up. Verbal coaxes more power to the engine, and, because he's trying to drive and shoot at the same time, both jams his pistol and loses control.

The car flips. Tzarine, unsecured on the window's ledge, flies out, ragdolling into the middle of a busy street. Verbal, seatbelt on, flips again. And again. And again, crashing into a wall, the force of it lodging part of the squad car into the wall. 6 civilians have been killed by the flipping. In the road, Tzarine, who took only scrapes when she flew, stands up and gets hit by a car, breaking her ribs, and various bones. She crumples to the ground.
Verbal, who took no damage from the crash, pulls himself out of the wreckage, and takes in the crash scene and Tzarine's limp, broken, but still alive body in the street.
Verbal: "I need those safety cones."

As Verbal jimmies and jerks open the crushed trunk of the squad car, Tzarine weakly calls out, "Damn you, Orkman!"
Verbal sets up traffic cones. When he finishes, he takes a moment to admire his handiwork in setting up the cones.

As he does this, he sees a truck driving on the opposite side of the road, with Ecclesiarchy symbols, but off. He runs at the truck, flailing his arms to get the driver's attention, but trips over Tzarine's prone form. The truck gets away. Tzarine yelps in pain and forces herself to stand, as Verbal keeps mucking up.
The squad car's vox blares: +Attention all units. Traffic jammed on Braddock Avenue. All nearby units please clear it.+

Verbal and Tzarine limp their way to the car, not seeing or even acknowledging The Harlequin cackling overhead on a Clown Jetbike.
Verbal gets to the vox first and voxes for a medivac. Soon, an amulance arrives on scene.
A 7/10 muscly EMT gets out. "I'm Jericus. Who needs help?" Verbal points to Tzarine, who sees the 7/10 EMT and swoons.

Jericus scoops up her body and carries her to the gurney in the back of the truck. Verbal asks if he can tag along. The EMT driver, nametag of Eisen, nods. Jericus slips Tzarine some morphine and she slips into unconsciousness while staring at Jericus while smiling.

Verbal spends the ride annoying Eisen, talking his ear off, until the ambulance pulls up to the entrance to Our Lady of Perpetual Big-Breastedness, a quite popular hospital run by the Sororitas. The hospital staff all wear maid outfits and music plays that's reminiscent of ancient East-Terran or even Tau vid-cartoons.
Tzarine gets rushed into the hospital. Verbal tries to hit on the attending receptionist, Blaze, a 7/10.
After some awkward flirting, Verbal takes a leisurely walk to the Precinct House, and knock on Lt. Alfonso's office door. C. Walker is still crossed out on the door.

Lt. Alfonso says "Come in," and his face drops when Verbal throws open the door and poses.
The two have a long conversation, during which Verbal convinces Lt. Alfonso that he and Tzarine are the perfect team to 'track down the Orkman. Lt. Alfonso hands him the entire case file. It consists of a single line: officially does not exist, as no confirmed sightings occur.
Lt. A: "You are the only Arbitators to actually spot him, so it's yours."

Verbal goes back to the hospital, where Tzarine is waking up from emergency surgery. Tzarine woke up to find a Hospitaller named Thakka hovering over her.
Thakka: "Good, you're awake."
Tzarine: "<screaming>"
Tzarine jumps out of her bed, falling down, reopening a few stiches. Thakka gets her back into the bed, handcuffing her to the bed. This is when Verbal walks in. Tzarine's still panicking, being chained up and whatnot. After cleaning and reclosing the stitches, Thakka leaves.

Verbal looks at the medical notepad at the foot of the bed. He reads it, only seeing a date for the next day. "Ouch. You're gonna die tomorrow." Tzarine breaks down. "They're gonna kill me. I knew it."
Verbal leaves the room, and flags down a 9/10 nurse named Trauma. He stares at her figure for a few moments before she directs his eyes to hers. Verbal gets lost in them and only picks up on one phrase: 'bone healing treatment.'
Verbal asks her for his bone getting healed. She walks away. He goes back to Tzarine and convinces her that she's getting a special bone treatment or something, and decides to spend the night to find out what this special bone-healing treatment is. Verbal learns absolutely nothing, but seduces Zekka a 10/10 nurse who heals his boner all night long.

In the morning, Verbal is 0% rested, and Tzarine is shaky, but healed due to accelerated medicine. As they go off "in search of Orkman," neither is in a state to actually catch any criminal either wants to tackle.
The duo walk by an alley when they hear a bang. A few seconds of searching for its direction later, Tzarine sees a man running down an alley with a corpse lying in the middle of the alley.
Verbal, tired of running, fires his shotgun down the alley, and the runner drops to his knees shouting, "I didn't kill anyone."
Verbal walks up to the criminal, shotgun aimed at him. "Filthy criminal."
Tzarine walks to the corpse, and a 6/10 man in a chef's hat standing in an open doorway.
Chef: "What'cha doin'? Cat'h the thief!"
Tzarine: "Are you, a lowly peasant, ordering a noble around?"
Chef: "Yer ain't a noble, yer ugly!"
Verbal cuffs the thief and drags him to the argument.
Chef: "Ya caught 'im. Great! Sear'h 'im fer me 61 thrones!"
Verbal: "Ordering Arbitrators around. 1 day interrogation. Cuff him, T."
Both men cuffed, they drag them back to the precinct and lock them to chairs in the same interrogation cell.
Both men are sweating profusely, and squirming in their seats.
Verbal: "Let's give 'em the old bad cop, worse cop routine."

This line, compiled with Tzarine's recent bruises/scars, and Verbal's burn scars from bike training terrified the two men.
Thief: "Okay, so maybe I stole the 61 thrones! I didn't kill that guy in the alley."
Tzarine: "I think we should treat this guy real nice."
Verbal: "What do you have in mind?"
Tzarine: "Let's give him some fresh air. Maybe take him for a nice drive in a squad car."
The line was delivered with such malice, the Chef groaned and died from a heart attack.

The thief starts bawling. Verbal strips the chef, and finds, tattooed on his gut, the same symbol he saw on the side of the truck yesterday.
"Intriguing. Tzarine, go fetch Officer Ricardo and transfer the criminal to his custody." Tzarine exits, and comes back with a 9/10 tanned hunk."
Ricardo: "Gracias, mi flor. He is, como se dice, very petite. I shall enjoy taking care of him."

The thief screams as Ricardo manhandles him off. Verbal pushes the Chef's body out of the chair and he sits down in thought. Tzarine sits in the other chair. He tells her about the symbols and the two conclude that something ain't right, and they return to the cafe. The corpse is gone when they arrive.
Tzarine: "You know, this isn't even about the case we're working on. Let's just drop it and move on."
Verbal: "No, I need to arrest more people today."
Having technical problems with this next post.
So here's the paraphrased version:
The waiters are ugly, the remaining kitchen staff is hot. Verbal arrests the kitchen staff as he now believes that anyone above a 5 hotness is somehow relevant to every plot.
Anyways, Verbal takes the barrel of his autopistol off of the girl's head, and begrudgingly goes to the uggo waiters, who say a few things:
"Who's gonna sign our checks now?"
"Can you get us jobs?"
"That busboy spent some time after work hours with our boss."
"Stop waving that shotgun in my face, please."
"Yes, I believe in the Emperor, but the Emperor doesn't do hiring around here."
"Stop hitting me."
With a look, Verbal concludes that the waiters don't know much and like complaining about dumb things like lack of work and broken noses, and the sturdy build of Arbites shotguns. Verbal returns to Tzarine. "This guy right here is a dear friend of his boss."
They drag the busboy in cuffs back to the Arbites Precinct and interrogate him.
"The cook."
"Verbal, let me take over. What can you tell us about this symbol?"
Tzarine points to the cook's belly, whose corpse is still lying in a heap next to the interrogation chairs.
The busboy says, "I can't say."
Tzarine: "Can't or won't?"
Busboy: "Can't."
Verbal: "Suspected intent of lying: 1 month interrogation."
The busboy starts squirming. "I can't say."
Verbal starts counting off all the tools he has. The busboy says, even harder, "I can't say."
Tzarine drags him to the door to another interrogation room, where hot and heavy suave Latin grunting and sobbing and screams can be heard. The busboy breaks down. "Perhaps you'd like to attend service at the Temple of the Helpful Servant?"
Verbal clubs him with a shotgun. "I am very loyal!" The busboy bites down hard, and starts frothing at the mouth. He dies.

Verbal clubs him again. Tzarine stops Verbal's third strike. And then she smacks the new corpse with her nightstick.
Anger vented, the two consider their possible actions. Verbal decides to head back from the bar near the docks to ask about Orkman.

It's not a particularly good use of time, as the bar was mostly drunk and they got various stories about it being an Ork, or a regular Man, some noble with too much money, a halfbreed Mechanicum project, and a ghost. At least Verbal and Tzarine didn't harm anyone or anything. Well, at least Tzarine didn't. Well, at least not badly. The Arbitrators informed the victims that the Arbites would seriously consider paying their medical bills. Well, they thought about saying that.
With nothing else to do, and not wanting to tell Lt. Alfsonso their numerous beatdowns, the two silently reentered the Precinct, stowed their gear, and decided to check out the Church in plainclothes. And don't worry, they took a cab.
Soon, they arrived at the Temple of the Helpful Servant wearing Imperial robes, and their pistols stowed underneath their clothes. The Priest was in the middle of a sermon, and Verbal noticed that he kept referring to the Temple versus the Ecclesiarchy. And he loudly commented on this. The Priest stopped, mid-sermon, and said that this would be a good moment to teach newcomers about what the Emperor wants. And then walked down from his dais to speak to the two.
Tzarine pulled out her compact laspistol as he got close. The Priest pulled out a hand flamer, and doused the pews in flaming promethium. Both Verbal and Tzarine caught on fire and ran out, screaming. However, the only egress to the Temple was now doused in flame. And the fire was spreading. Luckily for our cops, it was another snow day, and the flames were soon extinguished.

The Priest exited the Church through the flames, and Verbal and Tzarine shot him on the Temple's steps, an act which sent him back into the flames, where he caught fire. Our Arbites watched him burn while wondering if the hive had a fire department or if the snow would stop the fire. As they bickered, the Temple burnt, the screams of those trapped inside eventually drowned out by the crackling. Verbal, who hadn't slept the night before, fell unconscious by choice, and then Tzarine followed suite as an enforcer patrol car appeared.
Nicodemus, a 16 year old Psyker-Arbitrator, enters The Aphelion Gate Precinct house.
He is immediately called into Lt. Alfonso's office. Lt Alfonso is unhappy, reading a thick disciplinary file.
Lt. Alfonso: "This is fucking bullshit. Why did they send me another incompetent?"
Nicodemus: "I don't know, DAD !"
Nicodemus says, "Don't worry, I won't let you down!"
Nicodemus leaves.

Nicodemus reenters. "Join who?"
Lt. Alfonso prays for strength.

Nicodemus gets shouted at, and then goes to Our Lady of Perpetual Big-Breastedness where he meets Blaze at the reception desk.
"Hey, sugar, who're you here for?"
Nicodemus can't remember. Nicodemus excuses himself and exits, taking a look at the Wanted posters that Lt. Alfonso handdrew, 'just in case.' He reenters, he forgets. He exits and really studies the names. For 5 minutes.

Satisfied he can remember the names correctly, Nic walks up to the counter and says, "I'm ready now. I'm here to see Verine and Tzarbal."
Blaze's cheery disposition crumbles as she says floor 5. Without thanking her, he heads up.
On Floor 5, Nic flags down Trauma, the Floor's head nurse, and asks for, and I'm quoting here, "I can't remember their names, but I think one starts with a Q. But I'm not sure."
Trauma's face lights up. "Are you going to get rid of them?" Nic shakes his head no. "I am here to join them." Crestfallen, Trauma says 504 and sobs off.
Nic gets to the room, and opens the door to find two beds occupied by fully damaged figures. And Zekka, the 10/10, sobbing next to one of them calling out Verbal's name.
Nic: "Hi, is this the room where Speaking man and T-something are being treated?"
Verbal wakes up. "Yeah, that's me."
Zekka: "Oh, I take care of you for 6 days nonstop, and you wake up to some stranger's voice?"
Verbal: "Who are you?"
Zekka huffs off.
Introductions are made, Verbal throws a hospital shoe at Tzarine who wakes up, and they remove their bandages and egress the hospital without incident. Seriously, for once, they didn't actually cause a problem.

Upon arrival at the precinct, Verbal and Tzarine check ip on their favorite boss. A screaming match is had, and the team is told to go investigate the crime scene due to their constant fuckups.
Nic: "But I haven't done anything wrong yet!"
Lt. Alfonso: Stares
"Please. Just go."
He starts drawing a Wanted poster of Nicodemus, and the team doesn't take the hint and soon run out of resources and computer privileges.
Security gets called, and the trio are ejected from Lt. Alfonso's office.

After a misadventure in the armoury, where the quartermaster gave Tzarine a single dataslate and then closed early when Nicodemus asked for a boltgun and said that the quartermaster didn't have to fill out pesky forms because of how charasmatic they are, they got kicked out of the garage too.
slate: the History of the Horus Heresy, abridged vumes 82-82.2 and "erotic yaoi fanfiction of Inquisitor Skane and Cardinal Azmaruth.
The dataslate was trashed, and the team reassessed their situation. The Temple that burned down is still 2 floors below, but the team wants answers and don't want to sift through 6 day old ashes. The team elects to go to the local library. The closest library is on level 300. They are on the ground floor. They decide to take one of the giant lift shafts.

The 3 Arbites, time being precious stand in line for 3 hours. The lift takes a full 6 hours to descend or ascend.
Tzarine: "Gah, this is slow. We're not peasants. Drive me."
Verbal: "I'm not driving anywhere."
Nicodemus: "I don't have my driver's license yet."

The Arbites wind up in the middle of the platform. I want to say that the trip was uneventful. I want to say that 85% of the teeming throng on that platform didn't die. And it would be nice to say that this non-event was the result of Verbal trying to arrest people or something Arbites related.
But those would be lies. Filthy lies.

You see, the party didn't have any food in their pockets. And Tzarine, a noblewoman, who believed "hunger was for peasants," spotted a '100% Real Authentic Synth Food Product Hot Dog' stand in the corner of the lift.
Now, on this crowded elevater, with upwards of capacity for at least a thousand, there wasn't any room to squirm, not even thrust a knife, as Verbal discovered later.
So, there was Tzarine, hungry, having not eaten in 6 hours.

And there was the cart, just a few scant hundred feet away, with the masses of workers in the way. Tzarine tells Verbal and Nic what she wants to do, and then reaches into her pockets and finds a hand in there. She turned her head and saw the pickpocket, who was a 10/10 peasant boy.
T: "Verbal! I can't turn around, smack him!"

Verbal elects to smack Tzarine, misses of course, and hits the guy. Verbal's pistol smacks across the face, and the crowd around parted slightly, allowing T and V to turn around and face the gorgeous pauper.
Verbal gets that look in his eye. "Attempted theft, suspected intent of attempted theft, failure to confess guilt and suspected intent to fail to confess guilt. Tzarine adds, "Also, touching a noblewoman."

The execution is quick, but the gunshot rings across the platform, causing a mass panic. The lift has no railings, and Nic can see the wretched masses either falling off, or in some cases jumping off. Nic decides to quiet and soothe the crowd. No one hears him.

It takes a few minutes, and the Arbites are content to wait for the people to stomp each other into the metal deck, push off, or tear apart in other fashions, and when the melee clears, only 15% of the crowd remains.

Tzarine: "Awesome. Time to eat."
The group walks over to the cart, and, because the vendor was killed, help themselves.
One of the survivors, a figure in a white robe and hood, approaches them. "You're all monsters. As the Emperor's voice, I deem you heretics! Die!"
Verbal shoots his head off with his shotgun one handed, while eating a synth dog. The trio elect to scarf down hot dogs before checking the body.

They spent a good 30 minutes eating.
Finally, Tzarine starts pulling off the robes of the corpse, which Verbal has identified as the CCC's robes, and found a data slate with a text file open. Step 1: Bomb Genatorium 6 on level 247 at 3pm. Step 2. Attack the Mechanicum Facility on level 280 while the power is out at 315pm.

Nic checks his chrono, it's 2:47. They've just passed floor 277. Verbal says they should still go to the library. Tzarine says they can at least find someone on floor 280 to send a message to the Mechanicum facility and Genatorium, warning them both of the imminent danger.
Nic applauded this plan, so when they got to floor 280, the team was ready to find a random enforcer and ask them to do their jobs for them.
The Arbites were not ready for a team of Enforcers to close off the area and do 'police work' That's how our heroes spent ten minutes arguing that this wasn't their fault.
Tzarine was ready to tell the truth, but Verbal shut her up, and tried to blame the cultist, which didn't work when the survivors piped up, complaining about the shoddy police work.
Nic tried to turn one of the cops insane, but, uh, kept failing.
Anyways, eventually Verbal just threatened the cops with delaying Arbitrator business, and exited the lift to emphasize the point. Tzarine and Nic followed him, and then began the arduous task to find somebody with authority to send messages that didn't hate them in... 2 minutes?!?!
The bell toll for 3pm rang, and then the power went out.
Ahead, a bunch of flashlights ran across the street, and Tzarine tried to conceal herself in the dark. 3 of the flashlights lit her up.
The flashlights did nothing else, because then they huddled on one side of the street, and shortly after, a minisun appeared, swallowing up the flashlights.
Nic and Tzarine shielded their eyes in time, Verbal did not and went blind.
A voice shouted, "Alright men! Don't let their sacrifice be in vain! C! C! C! C! C! C!"
Endless chanting of "C!"
The fight that followed went stupidly. The cultists couldn't see the Arbites and the Arbites couldn't hit the cultists with anything. Even Tzarine's sniper rifle just inconvenienced the leader. Nic kept trying to send the cultists insane by forcing flippantly untrue statements into their minds.
Eventually, he settled on one statement, "We are extremely competent friends of the People!"
And spammed that, which never took.
Eventually, after a few grenades mopped up the group, the Arbites entered the slagged building, and found themselves in a small room with a bunch of desks, and a few doors. One door led to a bunch of stairs, one to a locker room, and a 3rd was labelled "Do not enter."
Verbal took that as a suggestion, and soon found himself staring upon a xeno slave breeding facility and marketplace. He closed the door quickly.
The group then looted the locker room for gear, only finding a helmet, and then were happened upon by the merc from the docks a few weeks ago, who ran out. They tried to chase him, they really did, but soon the alarms were blaring, and the group decided to cheese it. Before cheesing it, Nic grabbed a fistful of receipts from a desk, and Verbal found a thick manila envelope. Before they could get out the hole they came through, a lithe figure ran past them into the breeding and bazaar room and psychically shriek, causing our "heroes" to go deaf as they escaped. As they escaped, Tzarine turned around and saw havoc as every xeno was freed and stampeded to freedom.
They spent another 9 hours returning to the station, a trip where they kept themselves next to the lift's vendor cart, where they looked at what they found.
Nic found a receipt featuring the booze purchases of Inquisitor Skane deep in the underhive. Verbal discovered a ton of shipping and billing manifests indicating a large number of the large xenos had been sold in the underhive. Tzarine discovered a few notes detailing issues with the CCC attacking the slaver conveys.
They woke up Lt. Alfonso. Well, they went to his bed. And he wasn't awake, just grunting. The team took that as positive grunting and began compiling a list of gear they'd need for an underhive expedition.
Alright, I've got to take a break. Ask questions or whatever, I'll be back because all that was the buildup to the rest of the story, which spans the length of Emperormas Eve.
Archived the thread if this souffle takes too long
Giving this a bump.
I got distracted by food. Will post again soon.
Alright, back for a few

It's Emperormas Eve in Canopus Beta, Lt. Alfonso is up, whistling, and ready to debrief the squad on their current assignment. He gets to the briefing room. Empty. He gives them 5 minutes. Still waiting. He drinks caffiene and enjoyrs the silence. Minutes pass. The squad hasn't appeared. He goes to the barracks, and finds them all still asleep.
Alfonso screams at them to wake up and that they have 10 minutes to get to the briefing room. Tzarine takes 8 minutes to shower and dress. Nicodemus spends 15 minutes in the shower. Verbal does not shower and stays in bed 9 more minutes.
Party assembled, and being chastised for wasting water, Alfonso begins his briefing with a slideshow on the most important open cases and evidence compiled. The first slide is one of him in a bikini. He is mocked.
Suddenly, Cardinal Azmaruth walks into the room in an Emperor's hat. The explains that the CCC cannot be allowed to interfere wirh the midnight Emperor's Day mass, and should they succeed in bringing the CCC down, they'd be welcome to participate. Tzarine tells him he's smelly.
Alfonso glares at her, Tzarine shrugs, "I call 'em like I see 'em."
The Cardinal says that's just "old man smell and that he hasn't had a moment to shower today. Verbal apologizes for Tzarine. Then the Cardinal leaves. Then Inquisitor Skane enters moments later, and asks why he's read his name come up in a xeno trafficking investigation. Verbal explains that there was a reciept with his name on it in a xenos sex slave bazaar. Skane tells them to exonerate him quickly before his Ordo enemies dig up this connection. Nicodemus idly accuses Skane of heresy, who accuses Nic of obstructing Inquisitorial justice.
Skane leaves, instructing Alfonso to punish them somehow. Alfonso smiles.
Soon after, Governor Canopus enters, and surprisingly, the Arbites don't insult him. At all. He says he has faith in their abilities, with a "true sense of duty and responsibility" that is inspiring. Nicodemus has nodded off in this speech. He awakes to find the Governor gone, and the squad's newest hire, Venris, entering the room.
Alfonso: "You're late."
Venris: "Yeah, sorry, was jacking it."
Alfonso realizes he doesn't really have to punish the squad, they'll do it themselves and wishes them good luck, and exits without finishing the full briefing.
The party does its meet and greet, and heads to the Quartermaster, who they mock, insult, and threaten for more gear. The party is then presented with 3 shotgun shells and an underhive pass.
3 shells total.
The squad grabs bikes, and head down to the Underhive gate.
The party gets cleared to operate, gets on the massive elevator shaft with their bikes and go down to The Underhive Bungalow, a dive bar, to start asking questions. Venris immediately goes to the bar to get drunk, although its now 8am.
Every single employee is an 8/10, except for the bouncer who's a 1/10. Tzarine immediately gets furious that the peasant trash is prettier than her, so she starts trying to pick fights. Verbal meets with the manager, and have a spirited conversation about thieves in the under and lower hive robbing a ton of establishments, and that this wouldn't have happened had all the mercs not gone to Hell's Rot, the furthest down settlement in the hive.
Nicodemus found a booth and napped.
Out in the bar, Venris, a 9/10, starts hitting on everyone around him. Tzarine, having lost to all the arm wrestlers and 40 thrones poorer, walks up to the bouncer, and chats him up.
She learns that a priestess had come by rounding up mercs for a huge job, paying thousands of thrones per merc, to help clean out Hell's Rot, and almost every able bodied merc had gone off with the priestess. Tzarine asks why he stayed. He said he didn't much care for that new Temple cult.
Tzarine almost executes him for heresy. Almost. She accused him of numerous crimes, at least, but though his ugly face was punishment enough.
Venris learned, that the bartender, Joss, an 8/10 girl, wasn't single. He learned this multiple times.
The party wraps it up, and Venris takes a stimm to stop being drunk.
The party drives back to the lift, and as they're waiting for it to arrive, share notes. Then Venris spots a couple of white robed figures trying to nonchalantly enter an alley.
He and Tzarine attempt to sneak up on them, and make a lot of noise. All the robed figures turn and look at them. "Greetings, officers, what can we help you with?"
Tzarine asks them if they know the Orkman. They say no. Tzarine asks them if they're terrorists. They say no. Tzarine draws a blank on questioning. Venris asks what they are doing. He gets non-answers. A lot if them.
Ventris whispers to Tzarine that these men might kill them, so it'd be wise to leave. Because, you know, the Arbites have carapace armour, but there's only two cops versus 3 gangers. Tzarine agrees.
Tzarine: "Carry on, citizens."

Reunited at the elevator, the lift arrives, they ride on, and speak with the 2/10 Arbitrator attending the elevator.
The party asks for directions, learn where the new temple is, which is on the way down to Hell's Rot, and as they get to the floor, ask the guy if he can wait for them, and not move floors.

Verbal: "Come on, can't you stay?"
Guy: "Fuck no, this is the only shaft."
Nic: "Actually, this is another shaft." He undoes his pants, and rolls a 3 for length.
Verbal: Laughs, "No, this is." Pulls down his pants, and rolls a 4.
Guy: "This is the only shaft." He rolls an 11. "Get off my elevator.
Tzarine, obviously, was disgusted.
Venris uses his data slate to message Alfonso to see if he can get transferred to a new squad. Miles above, Alfonso is busy keeping a dockworker riot from destroying the docks.(edited)
On the Temple floor, the squad exits, and Tzarine immediately crashes into a wall, not totalling her bike. Venris lets her ride shotgun, and soon, they're standing before a small gold, metal, and stone structure. A cursory scan is made, the party finds nothing.

Verbal and Nic decide to walk in, and are greeted by a 3/10 priestess, who gives them the spiel that the Attending Temple, name, is a recognized sect on other worlds, but not this one, and that through love and compassion versus drudgery is how to best please the Emperor. Verbal asks a lot of pointed questions, getting measured qnd cultivated responses. Nicodemus asks for a pamphlet. The conversation ends, the priestess says the two are welcome to join the flock, and the two exit. While this is occuring, Venris and Tzarine look through the windows, finding cherubim servitors doing menial work, and Tzarine sees the outline of recessed gun turrets in the temple's ceiling.

Outside, the group reconvenes, and Verbal looks through the pamphlet, discovering that the theology doesn't match the Kinistorum's. At all. The party decides to arrest the priestess, and Tzarine, Verbal, and Venris bicker for 5 minutes trying to create a plan to arrest her without the turrets coming online.
Oddly, Nicodemus, waking up from his smoke break, comes up with a plan. He decides to psyk the priestess from outside. The party stacks up at the door, and Nic channels the warp. A horde of rats scurry on in the open for about 45 seconds, and then disappear. Tzarine stomps at a few, shrieking, and the priestess moves to the door. The squad readies, but Nic hurredly tries again.
++One of the cherubim is an Inquisitorial spy.++
The priestess flies off the handle screaming, "The Temple will rise again!"
Verbal and Ventris stealthy move in and take cover behind pews. The priestess starts beating up a cherub. "Tend to this!" Nic, job done, sits back again the wall and closes his eyes.
Tzarine, done stomping rats, rung into the temple, yet still makes no noise as she runs up and slaps manacles on the Priestess.
Verbal searches the priestess' body, finds a remote, he assumed for the turrets, and drags her kicking and screaming outside. Verbal starts listing off crime after crime.

She squeals, tells them that her Bishop has mentioned a noble as a benefactor, hence the funding for a gold/marble structure with heavy bolter turrets. She keeps blabbing and mentions that the Temple does good work, after all, she decided to use her discretionary funds to stop the dark tidings occuring in Hell's Rot.
The party ingests this information, and then every member of the squad shoots her in the face. They go back to the elevator.
The party reboards the elevator, and heads down to the bottom floor, unable to make eye contact with the elevator man.

The party steps off into a dark, dismal place, lit only by firelight and errant street lights.
The rest of the night was a combat fueled haze as they fought through streets crowded in plaguewalkers, scavenging ammo from dead mercs. Everone got thrown up on, pounced on by rotting corpses and clawed at, grabbed with tongues, and the party was so close to death as they piled into a room and locked the door behind them.
I won't give you a blow by blow, but Tzarine left the party to die twice, Verbal shot Venris 4 times, Nico jammed all of his guns and tried to psyk the undead, which didn't directly help.
They caught their breaths in the small room, finding a few ammo boxes, distributing the ammo accordingly.

The room was coated with graffiti, and an entire thread was dedicated to whether the Cardinal's visit was to blame in the infectous plague starting. Nic put 2+2+2+2 together. And started stuttering uncontrolably, unable to form the words necessary to convey what he deduced.
Just as Verbal told him to write it down on the slate, a gargantuan, muscly monstrosity broke down the door, and it took 6 turns to put it down, almost killing them, then the horde of plaguewalkers hit the room, but thanks to the doorway, the party held on with judicious use of stimms for 40 odd rounds. By the end, every was bleeding, runny, armour broken in places, having blown through most of their ammo. The party realized that they didn't like this place and ended the night plotting a route back to the elevator.
The Arbites pick themselves up, having survived against plaguewalkers in a tiny room and double time it back to the platform station, finding a few Ecclesiarchal icons.

The last stand lasts 5 minutes, as our Arbites play a Left 4 Dead finale, where the only notable event is Tzarine's rifle jamming 7 times in a row.
The elevator arrived, and all were thrilled, as the elevator guy opened up with a heavy bolter, and the lift's multilas turrets came online.
The horde, which they hadn't yet culled started dying in droves. Our Arbites boarded with full haste with their bikes.

As the lift ascended to safety, away from the rot of Warp plague, our Arbitrators relaxed, relieved their ordeal was over. Tzarine stared at the attendant, with lewd thoughts. Venris started fiddling with his new heavy stubber, and Verbal started trying the vox.
Only Nicodemus saw the figure in the rubble below in Inquisitorial garb on a vox-caster staring at them. He digested this and took a nap.
The elevator rose without event, and after an hour, the Arbites found themselves in the Arbites Underhive Gate. And it was empty of all living personel.

Nicodemus woke up to see the entire party trying to figure out why an Arbites garrison would be empty. Venris suspected genestealers. Nicodemus discovered he could read minds and saw Venris, as a child, watch his parents get rent asunder by genestealers.
Venris got angry at Venris, but took it out on Tzarine.

The tantrumfest continued as Verbal check his slate and located the armoury, empty of 99% of its stock, with only a pile of bolt feeds left. He returns to the group to find them in a farcical slapfest. Verbal took stock of the situation and realized that the lack of proper leadership was what kept them doing shit like this.(edited)
Verbal calmed down, drew his pistol, and shot Nicodemus in the boot, which only dented the carapace plate.

Verbal told them to stop bickering like children or he's shoot them in the head which his meager ammo supplies. No one challenged him. He explained the armoury situation, and told the group they'd need Alfonso's help to figure out why there was apparently 3 heretical cults in the hive that seem to all be run by people in the Spire. And then discovered that Alfonso had not given them any comm-codes that worked.
Verbal threw a tantrum.
Tzarine hacked her slate and found a ton of useful codes, including Alfonso's. She patched it to her microbead and almost went deaf as the sounds of combat and panic came out the other line.
Alfonso: +DAMN [static] GET [static] DOCK-KERS BAC[static] DROP A [static] AINER ON THEM [static] KROOT? YOU RELE [static]+
Second voice: +SIR, THE [static] WORKERS [static] UROUND [static] WHAT DO [static]+
Alfonso: +Emp [static] we ne [static] Walker.+
Tzarine shuts off her bead, the group stands in silence. Finally, Venris lights a lho stick and sighs.
"Maybe we should check out that Temple that heretic mentioned on Sublevel 2?"
The squad agrees, and sit in traffic for a full minute before flipping on their sirens and cutting through the traffic. Within an hour, they're on sublevel 2. Venris scours his slate and finds an article about a recent church burning down. Verbal and Tzarine skim it and share a glance.

As the party bikes over, running over a minimal number of citizens, stopping at each one for Nicodemus to use a marker to draw Chaos signs on them, the party soon stands before the smoldering ashes.
They move into the burnt remains, the hive's noises of constant sirens, shuffling, cars moving, etc, providing an almost serene background to Verbal's and Tzarine's unspoken bond realizing that their "shoot first" attitude is beyond retarded.
Short break to finish with family. Will be back.
+Attention, the Arbitrators known as Verbal, Tzarine, Nicodemus, and Venris have been deemed tratoris. Consider them well-armed and extremely dangerous. Report any sighting of these Arbitrators to your local loyal Arbitrator and Enforcer. En vigiliam victorium.+

It was almost funny the way the party ignored that.

The sirens grew louder. Nicodemus perked up. "Hey, maybe we can get help?"
Verbal: "Good thinking."
The Arbitrators moved out of the ruins and Venris spotted a squad car 8 blocks away.
+Attention, the Arbitrators known as Verbal, Tzarine, Nicodemus, and Venris have been deemed tratoris. Consider them well-armed and extremely dangerous. Report any sighting of these Arbitrators to your local loyal Arbitrator and Enforcer. En vigiliam victorium.+

Verbal blinks. Tzarine holds up a finger. Nicodemus nods off. Venris rubs his chin.
Tzarine: "Huh"

Verbal immediately gets on his bike and tries to start it. Nicodemus gets slapped awake by Tzarine. Venris lights a lho stick. 7 blocks.
The four are blaming each other, and Venris says, "Screw you guys, I'm not going down for this."
Tzarine curses her luck and Verbal and then Verbal again, and drives off into a different direction. Nicodemus runs down an alleyway. Verbal keeps trying to start his bike, but stalls every time.
6 blocks. Venris gets to a bar, hides his bike, walks in and orders a drink.
Nicodemus hides in a dumpster, and tries to stay awake, but fails.

Tzarine finds a pawn shop and hides in an alley across the street.
She sits there, observing, taking in what she now percieves as a hostile city.
She hears a crash behind her and turns, finding Verbal in a heap on the ground, his bike covered in cardboard boxes. Their eyes meet, and they shout at each other.

Nicodemus wakes to the sound of boots pounding in the alley and shouts of "I think he went this way!" and "We'll purge that witch."

He stays silent, and when he can't hear anything, opens the dumpster's lid real quietly, and sees three Arbitrator's standing around the trashed alleyway. He silently lowers the lid and quickly tries to mind influence them. He fails, but in doing so, a ton of rats scurry around the Arbites and then take off further into the alley.
The Arbitrators assume this is a sign and chase down the rats.

Alley cleared, Nic climbs out quickly and dashes through the labyrinth of tiny alleys, and comes to the ruins of the burnt temple. His bike is gone.
Nic, aimlessly wanders, and soon hears heated yelling. He rejoins Verbal and Tzarine.
Venris drinks two Emperor's Brews and feels a gun barrel against the back of his head. "Don't move, copper. There's a bounty on you for alive or dead, and you're worth more alive."
Venris spins around on his bar stool, and comes face to face with Mango Fitt, whose got a sawed off to Venris's head.
Mango fires, yet the pellets don't scratch the carapace armour. Venris attempts to grapple, and fails, Mango fires again, missing, and the pair fall to the ground. Venris pulls out his pistol and fires right at Mango's skull, killing him. He looks up and sees the Orkmobile drive by, and hears, "Com' on, grotboy! We'z gotz ta fin' dose skinkin' heer-tex n' sav' da hive!"

The 2/10 bartender tells Venris he's banned. Venris takes his remaining Emperor's Brew, and walks out, gets on his bike, and goes to the nearest pawn shop, which is coincidentally where 3 other ex-Arbites are. Group reunited, and the catharsis of screaming complete, everyone takes a lho-stick, and enters the pawn shop. Inside, a white hooded and robed man is perusing the demo charges, looks at the Arbites, shrugs, and picks up a few, pays the 1/10 pawn broker, and leaves.
The party lets him go, and Tzarine uses her 4/10 body to convince the pawnbroker to give them a discount. When the party is done buying half off items, and heavy vestments to cover their armour, they exit.

The 4 walked out of the pawn shop, and sighed. Verbal and Tzarine looked at their meager evidence pile, wondering how it all fit together, and what it all meant.
So, at an impasse, they fell back on a tried and tested method of problem solving and bickered.

+Attention. The Arbitrator known as Alfonso has been found guilty of multiple heresies and is to be shot on site. Report any sightings to your local authority figures. En vigilum victorium.+
Verbal laughs, Nicodemus sleeps.
Venris takes a long drag, and the party contemplates the enormity of the recent events.
Tzarine attempts to tip over her bike, but isn't strong enough and spends 10 minutes on it, tiring herself out.

Verbal's vox crackles. +What the fuck did you do? Why've I been blacklisted?+
Verbal flounders for a response, as he can't think with Tzarine trying to yell into his commbead about how dead they are, Venris breathing smoke in his face, and Nic snoring loudly.
Verbal: "I don't really know-"
Alfonso: "Emperorfuckit, just meet me somewhere you guys once planned to go."
Alfonso hangs up.

Verbal and Tzarine didn't know which place he was talking about, as they had attempted to go to many places, but failed miserably to actually arrive anywhere.
Nicodemus woke up and says, "Why do we need him anyway, we can do the research ourselves at the local library, you know, the one 300 floors up."

The light bulbs turn on, and after ditching Tzarine's busted bike, two bikes speed off onto the Spiral Highway. Tzarine rode on Venris' bike, and Nic rode on Verbal's.
As they rode up, swerving the traffic, the Arbitrators talked to each other on their commbeads, and soon discovered why that was bad.
One of the 50 best Arbitrators in the city, the ones assigned to the Spiral Highway, spotted Verbal and drove right behind him yelling, "Citizen! Pull over now!"

Verbal slows down and makes it to the shoulder, Nic starts thinking of a convincing lie. Tzarine and Venris snicker and keep driving.
As the Arbitrator steps off his bike, Nic reaches into his mind and says, ++We aren't the Arbites you're looking for.++

The Arbitrator walks up, and asks Verbal, "Do you know why I pulled you over today? Because I don't remember."
Verbal: "Is it because I'm handsome?"
Arbitrator: shrugs "Move along."

As he walks away, Verbal and Nic high-five, and keep driving, telling Tzarine and Venris to go silent, they all shut off their commbeads.
After a few more uninterrupted driving sequences, Tzarine and Venris notice a truck with odd Ecclesiarchal markings. At this point, Verbal spots the same truck. Nic, waking up from a nap, spots an Arbitrator driving down the other side of the highway.

All watch as the driver of the truck sticks a gun out a window and fires at the Arbitrator. A moment later, the truck's walls slide down, and a bunch of guns stick out the window, firing at the Arbitrator, who deftly weaves through the hail, and jumps the median.
The shooters turn to fire at him, and notice our heroes all on the road, with Arbites gear, and take shots at them too.
Verbal speeds up, and tries to get in close, but spins out of control, and his bike flips over. Nic jumps off, and pirouettes onto a lane marker, safe from oncoming traffic. Verbal is not so unlucky, gets thrown off his bike, and watches it flip again. And again. And again, and once more over the edge of the road. Then Verbal gets hit by a car.

Tzarine slows down, not wanting to get shot. Venris lights another lho stick.
Tzarine's tires are shot out by another hail of bullets and the bike slides down, Venris' smoke flies out of his mouth, and as he lights another, gets hit by a car.

Verbal and Nic make it to the shoulder, catch their breaths, and Nic then tries to enter the mind of a driver, saying ++You stole your vehicle from us and wish to return it now.++
A 40K Ferrari Testarossa pulls up, and the driver, a noble, gets out and apologizes profusely. Verbal high fives Nic, then thanks the noble for returning the car, and assures him it's no big deal. Verbal slides across the hood to enter the driver side door. And Nic takes the passenger seat.

Tzarine avoids getting hit by the Arbitrator, and runs across the road to the Ferrari. Venris stands up from the impact, dusts himself off, takes out another cigarette, lights it, and gets hit by another car. A jam builds up, and allows him to safely walk to the Ferrari after getting up again. Ahead, the Arbites hear blood furdling screams.
Tzarine and Verbal, bickering about seating, look to the noise, and sees the creature from the docks weeks ago emerge from the truck, blood on its talons.
Venris, having arrived, lights another cigarette, pulls out his heavy stubber, and fires, missing. Nic takes a nap. Tzarine decides to grab another car, tapping Venris, who swings his gun around, startling a driver, who immediately exits his Smart Car.
The lictor leaps at the Arbitrator, disemboweling him, and looks right at Verbal. Tzarine jumps out of the way as Verbal floors the accelerator, and as the engine roars, he and Nic, who wakes up, starts bobbing their heads in unison to Surburbia by Kavinsky.

The Lictor runs at the Testarossa. Nic and Verbal keep nodding. Tzarine pulls out her shotgun, firing at the lictor, missing. Venris approaches the driver and puts his lho stick out on the man's forehead.
The lictor and Ferrari meet. Verbal and Nic keep nodding in unison as the lictor gets driven over with a squelch.

Tzarine rushes to the smart car's drivers seat, and Venris buckles into the passenger seat. They drive over the lictor, which shrieks, and the shriek cuts out as the rear wheels drive over its face.
80 floors of spiralling up, Verbal and Nic come up to an Arbites checkpoint. There's 17 cars between them, with a few trucks, one with NOT!Ministorum markings in the mix. Soon later, only one car behind them, Tzarine drives up. Venris' seat is coated in ash.(edited)
Tzarine uses her sniping and jamming eyes and sees her face on the data-slate of the Arbitrator manning the front of the checkpoint. In the Ferrari, Verbal counts 8 Arbitrators and wakes Nic.

As they sit, two separate plans are made. Both were bad.
But one of the trucks in the front of the line had merc markings Verbal recognized as the mercs from the docks, again, weeks ago.
Nic channels his psychic energy at the lead Arbitrator, ++The Arbites you are looking for are in that box truck.++

The Arbitrator pulls out a shock maul and orders the driver to open the truck. The driver shoots him with a hellpistol and then speeds off. The remaining Arbites fire at the truck, one shot breaking the lock on the truck latch, and a ton of naked female xenos run out to freedom.

The NOT!Ecclesiarchy truck opens up, and a bunch of gilded stormtroopers exit, shooting the Xenos down. Some of the other trucks open as both xenos escape and mercs try to stop their stock from fleeing/getting shot. Tzarine starts hyperventilating. Venris hands her a lho stick.
Verbal and Nic start head bobbing as the chaos unfolds, Verbal having cued up Nightcall, by Kavinsky.

Tzarine and Venris, to Emperormas music, curse as the smart car dies, battery dead.
Venris braces his stubber against the dashboard.
The free for all firefight gets heated, for all but Verbal and Nic, who've found sunglasses in the glove compartment. Still head bobbing in unison, Verbal drives out of the quagmire, past the checkpoint.
Tzarine frantically tries to restart the car, but the engine repeatedly stalls. Venris shoots at the oncoming xenos, only taking down a few before the car gets tipped over.
Crawling out from the wreckage, Venris rebraces and fires at the scene, doing nothing but keeping fire off of them.
Tzarine crawls out and spots a ramshackle red vehicle speeding down the other side of the barrier, right at the mess, a large green figure on top.

"Com' on, grotboy! Dese 'umies iz doin' heresy. An' wot do we do ta heresy?"
"Gorkamorka, Orkman, we's shoot it?"
"Da's rioght, now 'and me mah Ork-dakka-gun."

The Orkman rockitz off the Orkmobile, landing in the midst of the carnage, and spins up a shoulder mounted assault cannon as he spins in place shouting, "I am da WWWWAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

An arbitrator gets shot, his dataslate falls near Venris, who spots the name Dakka on it, before it shatters in pieces. Venris ducks into cover.
Tzarine spots an undamaged, upright 40K Ford Pinto, and motions to Venris to move toward it. The two get in, and drive off, taking quite a few scratches, but nothing major.
Venris soaked it.

Nothing else happens to either party until the library, and I mean that. They made stealth checks, Nic psyked a couple of Arbites, and soon, Verbal was parking in a handicap spot in front of a large, multi-story, marble building, the library.
Nic: "Finally."

Nic and Verbal decide to go incognito, and sit on a bench outside, reading newspapers. Verbal spots an article about the Rogue Trader Yorke Dynasty having built a new Office on floor 425.
Later, Tzarine arrives, and sits in front of a light.

+Hey tomcats and tomboys, it's me, Ol' Kramer, here with the 6pm news. The circus is looking for last minute talent for the Passion of the Heresy ceremony, which kicks off at 10 tonight. Also, Inquisitor Skane has graciously announced a 20,000 throne bounty for the capture of the rogue Arbitrators shooting their way through the hive. And that's per head, so bring all 5 in and that's a whopping 100,000 thrones for all. I wish I could cash that.+

Alfonso slides into the backseat as the announcement ends. "Drive casual."
Tzarine does not drive casual, and the ensuing conversation suffers horribly from it.

Alfonso: "Now we got bounties on our heads. Tell me you've got something."
Tzarine: "We do!"
Alfonso: "Great, what is it!"
Tzarine: "We don't know."
Alfonso: "Can I see it?"
Venris: "Verbal has it."
Alfonso: "And where is Verbal?"
Tzarine: "Dunno."

Alfonso huffs, and as Tzarine brakes hard again, gets out. "Contact me if you find anything. I have to go talk to people."
He blends into the crowd.
Tzarine drives to the lot and parks. Verbal stands up, changes spots, and returns to the bench, getting followed by a plainsclothes enforcer he doesn't notice. Nic notices, and psyks out the cop as Verbal sits down. The cop pulls out a data slate, and stares at a picture of Verbal, and then studies Verbal's face. And then shrugs, walking off. Tzarine and Venris walk right by this, not recognizing their fellows, and enter the library.

The library is multitiered, with miles of bookshelves. There's even a set of terminals for patrons to use, but before Venris can head to one, a multilas turret swings down. +No smoking. Please put out lho-stick. You have 3 seconds to comply.+

Venris puts it out on his gloved hand. Someone coughs elsewhere, and the turret swings away to fire at the cougher.
Tzarine uses a terminal far away and gets distracted looking at Emperormas dresses online. Venris looks up 'Dakka,' finding out it's the name of a head of the merc organization trafficking xenos, and that the Ecclessiarchy has multiple warrants out for him, all quashed by the Inquisition.
Venris: "Woohoo!"

Tzarine looks up right as the turret swivels and fires at Venris, who's desk lights up in lasbolts as he vaults over it for cover.
Tzarine quietly moves to the exit. Outside, Verbal notices the Pinto, and wakes up Nic, and the pair head in.
Tzarine, Verbal, and Nic meet in the lobby as the turret fires at Venris, now zigzagging through the stacks.

The three exit, and catch up outside. Within, Venris takes cover and waits for the turret to ignore him, but jumps when a singsongy voices says, "You, monkeigh, help me find out where the Inquisitor is so I may kill him."
Venris looks up and runs away from a naked Eldaress. The turret shoots her instead, and she acrobats out of the way. Venris makes it outside, and tells the group they need to leave before the authorities arrive. The Eldaress breaks out of the library at that moment, and jumps and parkours away. The cars are reentered and driven away, Verbal leading Tzarine to the Yorke Dynasty's new offices to find an independent lab.

At 8, the Arbites pull up to the front gate of a large manse, large exotic plants extending over the walls. Verbal walks up to the intercom next to the gate. Tzarine stops and takes over. "I'm a noble. This is my people."
Venris: "We know, Princess. You won't shut up, Princess."
She huffs and presses the intercom.
Voice: "This is the pavilion of Janelle Orthesian Cymbri Jonstonne of the Yorke Dynasty. Speak your business, my time is limited."
Tzarine: "Of course, I understand, but we have information which could serve your interests. Please."
"Hmmmmm. Granted." The gate swings open.

The party walks to the door and a butler opens the main door.
"Greetings, I will escort you."
Verbal: "Wonderful, I can't wait to meet Mister Yorke."
Butler: "Pardon, but you may only refer to the Master as Master Orthesian of Yorke."
The party grumbles, but nods their heads.
The party is led through an estate with every surface covered in little figurines. The party is creeped out and soon brought to a large study filled with plush armchairs and ornate bookshelves, but what draws their attention is a 6 ft long pillow with a cartoon of a girl with large eyes imprinted on it. A corpulent man with a ponytail rises. "Greetings, please sit."
Tzarine, in a formal setting for once, rolls with the punches and sits.

Venris: "The fuck is that?" Points to the body pillow.
Janelle stands. "She is a relic from Terra's ancient past, you uncultured swine! And her name is Asuka."
Nicodemus finds a chair and naps.
Verbal sits and pulls out all of the evidence.
Verbal: "We need this all analyzed, and we couldn't use official sources. You may like the information you find."
Yorke: "Jeeves, please take this to the basement lab."
The butler takes it, and the group settles in. Verbal turns to him. "Are you a regicide man?"
Yorke scoffs. "No, you plebian, I am a Parcheesi man."
The parcheesi gets cheesy, and after about 45 minutes, Jeeves returns with a manila envelope.

Nic gets woken up as Tzarine and Yorke look over the file and blanche. Nic reads what they do and starts stuttering. Yorke's facade drops.
Yorke: "Are you shitting me? Are you telling me the Cardinal is a full heretic?"
Nic: <stuttering, but thumbs upping>
Tzarine: "And those receipt paper trails for xenosing all lead to the Inquisitor too."
Yorke: "Give me all your money for this service I've done. Then get out."

The party's remaining thrones are bagged, but then Venris, who's been smoking ancient Terran Indies cigars in the smoking room, reenters the room. "There's a ton of cops outside! This rat sold us out!"
Venris then tackles Yorke. Jeeves panics.
Venris handcuffs Yorke, and takes him hostage, ordering Jeeves to take them to the lab. The Arbites make it as they find a sewer grate, which is electronically padlocked.
A firefight begins against the Arbites, which goes well until an Arbitrator comes down with a Plasma Cannon.

Nic psyks him out, and he turns on his buddies at point blank range with the plasma cannon, enveloping the room, and a fire both electrical and regular starts consuming the building. This whole time, not one Arbitrator has been hacking the sewer grate.
The fire consumes Jeeves and Yorke.
More Arbites, in fire retardent clothing, come down with meltaguns.
Time running out, not one of the Arbites begins the hacking procedure. Nic psyks one of the Arbitrators who shreds his comrades.

Finally, Verbal noticed the grate, and Tzarine hacked it open.
The fires were almost upon them, and Venris, Tzarine, and Nic jumped into a mildly toxic sewer while Verbal covered them.
Then Venris found a console, shut the grate, and shot the console so it couldn't be reopened. Then he remembered Verbal was still upstairs.

Above, Verbal cursed incompetent Arbites, and prepared to sell his life as 4 Arbitrators came through the fire and flames. He raised his shotgun up and jammed. The Arbitrators beat him into unconsciousness.
Venris realized Verbal wasn't there. Nic finished throwing up, and Tzarine freaked out over being in a sewer.
The party does not mourn the loss of Verbal, and attempt to read a sewer map, which goes very poorly. Tzarine finds the route by using Hive Maps on her data slate.
Nic questions if they shouldn't just leave the hive behind forever and live as fugitives.
Tzarine worries that her parents will disown her for real if she gets blacklisted.
Venris lights a lho stick, saying he doesn't really care.
Venris and Tzarine thought about what to do next. They looked at the evidence, and couldn't make heads or tails of it. Nic took a nap.

+This is Inquisitor Chad Walker broadcasting on all open frequencies. All Inquisitorial authority figures are to converge on renegade Inquisitor Skane's fortress and arrest him.+

Venris: "Are we considered Imperial authority figures now?"
Tzarine: "I don't understand why the Inquisition is fighting the Inquisition."
Nic: snores
Venris: "If only Verbal were he to add 2+2 together."

The vox rang and Alfonso's voice yelled at them to follow orders if they wanted to be exonerated.
They debated whether to cut their losses and still flee. Nic sensed Warp energy coalescing above, woke up, and changed his vote to trying to stop whatever was happening.
The sewer map was read again, and Tzarine remembered that the Circus, a large amphitheatre, had an entrance to the Spire that wasn't secured as heavily as other entrances. The problem was that it was on the other side of the hive, and she didn't want to traverse through the sewer.

Venris aimed his heavy stubber at her, explaining that wading through shit was better that wading through shit with open wounds that would get infected. Tzarine cursed the peasantry, and Nic scouted ahead, finding 6 mutants just milling around the next sewer junction. Venris pushes past him, and fires with his heavy stubber. Not a single one of them realized the air was filled with methane gas, and were surprised when they caught on fire.
The mutants, unaffected by the fire, still were affected by some of the bullets, which shred through some of them. Tzarine, choice between being on fire or extinguishing the flames by jumping into sewage, elected to stay on fire. Nic did not have the luxury of choice, and slipped in.
Tzarine put her flames out, and fired at the mutants. Her rifle jammed.
With another trigger pull, Venris, still on fire, killed the rest. Nic got out of the sewage, and Tzarine ordered him not to touch her.

The party advanced through the sewers and fell into a good rhythm of Nic repeatedly slipping back into the sewage, Tzarine jamming, and Venris doing all the work. Soon, they saw the exit ladder, which was guarded by an Arbitrator in heavy riot gear. Tzarine and Nic started thinking of how to talk to the guy. Venris just shot him.

Obstruction cleared, Venris slipped and fell into the sewage. Tzarine plugged her nose.
At the ladder, the team bit the bullet and climbed out, finding themselves at the east end of the Bridge of the Lion's Stride, which was crawling with Arbites and regular enforcers.
A Marshall walked up. "The fuck happened to you?"
Venris and Nic explain how they checked the sewer for those dastardly heretics, but slipped in the sewage and now wanted to hose down. Being covered in waste and excrement, this deception would have worked, had Tzarine not been standing right next to them, and a giant vid screen overlooking the plaza not showing her face.

Nic thought fast, and the Marshall told the three of them to shower with a water cannon, as they smelled bad.
Thus began, as I like to call it, the water level, as all three of them had less than 25 Strength, and couldn't actually hold the hose, even in teams of two.
Another Arbitrator came over and was convinced to assist in showering them. They also got him to clean up the mess, and reported back to the Marshall. I don't know why they did that, as their cover was blown immediately, and only some quick psyking by Nic saved them from being arrested.

The Marshall, who know couldn't remember his first kiss to a Hospitaller novice whom he had married, ordered Tzarine to go begin preparing the plaza checkpoint at the west end of the bridge, pointing to one of the riot vans.

Now, the Bridge of the Lion's Stride was a pedestrian bridge, albiet quite massive enough that 50 cars could drive it side by side. And this being the Emperormas season, it was decorated in wreaths and mistletoe, with throngs of the masses huddled on it, with their loved ones or just contemplating a nice jump off the edge into the chasm below. Tzarine got in the driver seat and decided to drive across at breakneck speed. As she psched herself up for that, Venris opened the back of the van and found armour pieces and lots of ammo. Nic swiped a ton of shotgun shells and manstopper rounds, and Venris grabbed 10 frag grenades. They didn't tell Tzarine.
Nic climed into the passenger seat, while Venris stayed in the back and cleaned his heavy stubber.
Tzarine questioned why Nic was clinking with ammo, Nic psyked her to forget that fact, and Tzarine shrugged, unsure why she was staring at Nic, and floored it.
No one died, or was even maimed for once.

As Tzarine cruised through the bridge, Nic did not nap, and instead started researching the Circus, finding out about it's Passion of the Heresy performance every year was about to begin, and the stadium was sold out. He started worrying about parking spaces.
Tzarine drove to the Circus, with only getting turned around once. And ran over a dog. Or a small child. Nic consoled her that the Arbites logo would shield all questioning.

Soon, the party pulled into a parking space occupied by a motorcycle, destroying it under tire. Tzarine and Nic hopped out, and immediately noticed a heavy Arbites presence. Their heavy leathers having survived the fires in the sewers, the party decided stealth was the best option. Tzarine donned a gas mask and Venris kept his stubber out. Nic decided to keep a wide berth from his compatriots.

The crowds were teeming, again, latecomers trying to pack the building. An Arbitrator walked up to Tzarine, and pulled out his shotgun, ordering her, a member of the CCC, down. Tzarine learned why you don't wear a gas mask and robes that could be construed as heretics' robes when you're on the run from the law. Venris fired at the guy, missing, and killing a few civilians. The Arbitrator called for reinforcements, and Nic, who'd taken cover behind a large car, was the only one who noticed the Arbitrator with a heavy bolter overlooking the lot on a balcony.
Nic and Tzarine rush to Venris, and start healing him, and another Arbitrator approaches them. "Citizens, what is going on here?"
Nic points up to the heavy gunner, now laughing as he cuts down everything.
Tzarine, for some Emperor unknown reason, starts trying to explain how the 3 of them aren't actually heretics and how all of this is a massive misunderstanding.

The Arbitrator looks down at the party, then up at the madman. Down and up. Down and up. He ponders who's the bigger threat. He doesn't make a determination as a hail of bolts coats the squad in his blood. Venris wakes up.
Anyways Venris stands up, pops a stimm, and runs into the stadium. Nic follows. Tzarine wonders why they suck at everything, blames Verbal, and runs into the stadium.
Venris is the first through the vomitorium, and sees the Passion begin.

Entertainer: "10,000 years ago, the Emperor looked out upon the stars and said-"
A robed figure stands up in the front row, and screams "Sic semper hereticus!" And fires at the entertainer.
Nic and Tzarine enter as the crowd panics and the massacre begins. All three can't see anything in the melee, so the trio take cover behind some chairs. The cultist standing right next to them, which they failed to spot, shoots Venris, and misses. Venris blows her apart with his stubber.

Tzarine sees the Arbites flooding the arena, Nic spots the exit to the spire on the other side of the stadium. Venris shoots a path through the crowd.

Tzarine rolls with it, realizing that if they don't clear their names, they're still dead, and fires incindiary shells into the crowd, and a fire spreads. Nic idly wonders if it's dark heresy if everyone's being killed by fire.
Hundreds of dead civilians, Arbites, and robed figures later, the party gets to the Spire exit, and two Arbitrators block their progress. Nic wastes no time in allowing Venris to shoot them, and just psyks one into shooting the other. The other one pulls out a shockmaul, and a scuffle later, one has died, and Tzarine congratulates the survivor with a headshot.

Out in the nobles' parking lot, the party gets into the nearest car, which happens to be a Ford Pinto. Nic gets in the passenger seat and instantly falls asleep, and Venris naps in the backseat. Tzarine sets up Hive Maps to find a route to the Inquisitorial fortress, and drives. Idly looking around, she spots a group of noblewomen dressed in slutty Emperormas outfits, the hottest of them being a 3/10. Tzarine yells "Whores" out the window, and gains a much needed ego boost.

As she was driving, two Inquisitorial fliers idled overhead, and started following her. She yelled at Nic and Venris for help, the two slumbered.
One gets in nice and close, and the side door slides open. Tzarine gets surprised as she sees Alfonso in Inquisitorial carapace armour. He's tapping his ear.

Tzarine pulls off her gas mask to get a better view. Alfonso keeps tapping at his ear. Tzarine taps at hers, mouthing 'what,' all the while dodging traffic. Frstrated, Alfonso picks at his ear, pulling out his combead. Tzarine pulls out hers, and tries to convey 'yes, I have a combead.' Alfonso, fed up, thumbs at his bead, and reequips it. The Emperormas music cuts off as his voice comes over the radio. "TURN YOUR COMMS ON!"
Tzarine turns it on, the radio replays Emperormas music, and Alfonso screams at her for not getting the message, and then calms down and explains that the team will be the distraction for the main Stormtrooper assault. The flier flies away. Tzarine steps on the gas, and soon makes it to the Inquisitorial palace, a structure that jutted out of the hive, outside the walls.

A large, golden, ornate gate decorated in skulls and Emperormas wreaths was the only barrier between them and the building. Tzarine tries to wake up Nic, and fails. Venris wakes up and takes stock of the situation, and tells her to ram the gate. Tzarine says that's stupid, and that they need explosives like frag grenades to break it. Venris takes 45 seconds explaining the difference between frag, krak, and melta bombs with the tone adults use with a petulent child.

All the while, Alfonso keeps voxing the assault's ETA, and Venris notices they've only got ten seconds left to do something. Tzarine turns off the car, adamant that driving into the gate isn't stealthy. The Valkyries appear as Venris screams, "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DISTRACT THEM, NOT BE STEALTHY, YOU STUPID PRINCESS!"

Tzarine's light bulb flips on. "Ohhhhhhhhhh."
And then the fortress' anti-air turrets opened up.

Tzarine sheepishly drives through the gate as the flaming wreckage of military aircraft falls all around. The remaining fliers get nailed and crash into the fortress. On the vox, Alfonso can be heard yelling he should've flunked them and had the lot of them shot.

His vox cuts off with a loud explosion.
The Pinto, post crash, spins and flips into the main wooden door, the ancient wood splintering apart. The car settles into the lobby, and all three, Nic now awake, see an imposing figure in silver power armour, with a thunder hammer in one hand and an ornate, silver hellpistol in the other. He doesn't have a helmet on and his face sports a strong chin and a large, front facing blonde mohawk.

"Hello, I'm Inquisitor Chad Walker. You here to help?"
The Arbites pile out and Nic nods when Venris and Tzarine don't. "Yep."
Chad smiles. "Radical, I'll clear out this floor and work my way to the back. My men are scattered around and regrouping. You guys take the stairs."

And with that, Chad crushes a side door and storms through its remains.
Tzarine loads her remaining incindiary shells, along with Nic, and Venris takes the gilded and plush carpeted grand staircase, stubber out.
A squad of stormtroopers appear at the top of the stairs, aim at the squad, and all but one guy jams, and his bolts force Venris to drop his stubber and retreat down the stairs. Nic and and Tzarine fire, and miss, hitting the walls, paintings, carpeting, and a fire starts. The troopers panic, and all start flailing at the flames, spreading the fire. Except for the one guy with a boltgun, who sends another burst at Tzarine, who's punched off her feet.
Alfonso's vox turns on. +Alright, sir. I'm still alive, but I'm stranded on the top floor, and I think the heretics started a fire. I'll try to get out, if I don't, it's been an honour.+
Tzarine starts crying on the floor, wondering if this is how it all ends. Venris lights a lho stick, ready to die. Nic stares at them, and takes responsibility by shooting the trooper in the head with his autopistol. He rants that he just can't take a nap with these idiots constantly causing problems, a rant that goes on for a few minutes, with the group forgetting they're standing in a burning building. The reverie is broken as Chad bursts through a wall into the lobby, with two of his stormtroopers and orders the Arbites out.
As everyone exits, they see Alfonso repelling down.
Chad hugs Alfonso.

Alfonso sees the Arbites and asks them if they set the fire. Venris lights a new lho-stick. Nic, who's now defaulted back to not wanting responsibility steps back and lets Tzarine take the brunt of the yelling.
A figure runs screaming out of the fire, and dies on the ground in front of the 7.

Chad turns to the squad. "At least you killed a xeno trafficker. Are these the rejects?"
Alfonso nods. Chad sighs.
"You've wasted a lot of my money. The CCC was supposed to complete a series of daring heists and raids that would've destabilized the government without destroying the social structure." He plays a few live vox broadcasts detailing just how bad the overall situation is.
Nic: "So, the CCC were the good guys?"

Chad nods. Tzarine, Venris, and Nic share looks.

Nic: "We did bad?"

Chad nods. The Stormtroopers nod. The smoldering corpse appears to nod. Alfonso repeatedly nods.

Nic: "Can we get our jobs back?"

"I have lost a lot of men and resources. So, you guys actually have a chance to redeem yourselves. By the evidence you have, you know the Cardinal is a heretic. Arrest him and I'll consider reinstating you as Arbites."
Tzarine holds up a finger. "Wait, what about those random temples and all that stuff."
"The Governor and the Temple Tendency is mine. And the reasons why are classified."
A loud bell strikes 11.
"You've got one hour, use it wisely."
Chad, Alfonso, and the Stormtroopers get into a descending Valkyrie and take off into the night.
Venris: "Godfucking-Emperor shit."
Venris, Nic, and Tzarine watch Chad and Alfonso exit the burning Fortress.

Tzarine looks at her watch. 11:01. She uses her data slate to map a route to the Church of the Emperor Ascendant. If they drove, they'd arrive at 11:55. Not good. Nic spots a landing pad with a Guard helicopter sitting on it.
Venris walks over, telling the stupid Princess that the helicopter is the only way to get there quick. Venris enters, and Nic follows, and Tzarine huffs, and boards it.

Venris ascends, but the strong winds take hold, and Verbal fights the controls, and the helo starts drifting closer to the burning wreckage. Venris frantically twists the controls again, sending the helo even closer.
Nic takes a nap, convinced that there's no reason not to.
Tzarine screams at Venris, the flames looming before her.

Venris rights the controls, and restabilizes. He starts ascending up, but soon the turbulence returns.
Venris loses control, and the helo flies into an open landing pad/hangar bay further up the hive. The spinning blades blend 78 people into salsa, and the helo's body does the rest for another 35.

Venris at least keeps the helo from slamming into fuel tanks. But not a wall, the impact of which breaks 6 of Tzarine's ribs, and bruises all of her bones. Nic, body limp from sleeping, takes no damage.
The helo's mangled frame rock back after impact. Tzarine, who hadn't worn her seatbelt, falls out of her seat and crumbles onto the floor, breaking another rib. Venris climbs out, and pulp-fictions Tzarine with a stimm.
Anyone have any questions/comments/etc so far?

Nic wakes up, stretches, exits the wreck and watches Tzarine wake up screaming. Venris and Nic flip her til she's no longer crookedly bent, and Tzarine attempts to heal herself. She's able to stabilize herself and shoots herself with a stimm as Venris storms a nearby shuttle, threatening all the civilians with his stubber. Tzarine climbs aboard and takes the pilot's seat.
Nic gets into the copilot's chair.

Now, Nic couldn't fly, much less drive, as he wasn't even old enough to officially have a license. So Venris' decision to stand in the passenger's area instead of assist Tzarine, who needs to pop stimms was not a good decision. Tzarine flew out, incinerating 23 people with the backwash of the engines, before flying back out into the night and angling up. The stimm wore off, and Nic didn't know how to inject a stimm into someone who was flying an aircraft, so Tzarine decided it was time to do both. The shuttle, which had made some good progress, fell. Tzarine didn't regain control.

The shuttle crashed through the exterior wall, with some of the passengers dying on impact, and skidded across a large Spire street, furrowing a great rut in the rockcrete. The shuttle came to a stop. 11:30.
Tzarine went unconscious, and Nic and Venris pulled her out once more. Nic used his last stimm to wake her up. The party, low on time, health, and ammo, made the beautiful decision to find a convience store to raid for meds.
After 2 minutes of arguing, Nic noticed they still needed a car, and informed Venris, who immediately stopped a 40k Delorean whose driver was determined to get around the crash. The driver exited, and Tzarine told him to keep driving as Venris and Nic argued on whether or not to cram her into the trunk.

Nic stopped a miniman, psyking the driver into thinking it was time to beat his kids on the side of the road. I wish I was making this up, but the driver stopped, and ordered his kids to get out. Tzarine thought of doing something, anything, to try to stop hi, but elected to do nothing. Nic was elected the driver as Tzarine needed medical attention, and Venris wanted to brace his stubber against the dash. Nic then got lost trying to navigate the top floors of the Spire, Venris using his gun to keep cars and pedestrians out of the way. By killing them.

They made it to the Church parking lot at 11:53, driving right through the gate as all of the guards' guns jammed at once.

Their luck didn't hold, and Nic crashed into a car backing into a space. Cursing, Venris got out, and spotted a nearby car with a butler in the driver seat. Nic psyked him into believing the trio were his masters.

Tzarine and Nic got in the backseat. Venris got in the front passenger seat, braced his stubber again, and ordered the driver to drive them through the door. The driver drove them to the door, and then said that it would be heresy to commit public desecration of a shrine. Nic pulled out a plasma pistol he'd been hiding and told him he was ready to commit public desecration of a car.

The belltower rang 12 times as the car drove through the doors, the butler dying on impact, and the car swerving, crashing into the pews.
Tzarine got out, sat in a pew, and aimed her rifle at the stage, and was shocked to see Verbal tied up on the altar, with the Cardinal looming over him.
"We commend this soul to The Grandfather, who will bless us with his gifts," and cuts Verbal's throat.

Tzarine fires, for once, hitting her target, a shot which would have killed him, but the ritual had begun, and the pus oozing out of the Cardinal's head wound made her throw up.
Venris fired his stubber, killing a bunch of the Church goears in front of him.
Nic hears Alfonso's voice on his vox as he climbs out of the car, "We'll be there in 20 seconds, how's it going?"

Nic looks at all the Church's deacons/priests/ushers twist and turn into plaguebearers. And then laughs in damned as the Cardinal eises and explodes in size to become a Great Unclean One.


Alfonso curses and hangs up. Nic looks at the everything, the panic, the smoke, the way the Warp was coalescing everywhere, and wondered if they'd last 10 seconds.

Tzarine reevaluated her plans to sit in a pew, and looks around finding scores and scores of balconies around the walls, and the belltower platform, conveniently located right over the daemon. She points these out to Venris and limps her way to the side staircases to climb up. Venris unpacks and follows her, thinking a balcony might be fantastic.
Nic, one turn later, noticed he was all alone. A plaguebearer nearby starts spewing filth, and he fires at that, jamming.
Nic tries to hide in the crowd, but the daemon singles him out. "Join me and become great." Nic ducks behind a pew.

While all of this is going on, the crowd is panicking, dying, some are trying to shoot the daemons, others are shooting themselves.
Nic wonders where his fellows got to (climbing the stairs), and prays for a miracle. A valkyrie crashes through the wall, slamming into civvies and daemons alike. Chad steps out. "Die, foul daemon." Chad charges at the daemon, but pretty far away, and is for now striding through the pews. Alfonso climbs out of the valkyrie with his two stormtroopers, and motions Nic over.

Alfonso tells Nic they've got to close the portals and kill the lesser daemons. And then the GUO fires a bolt of change, and Nic noticed a massive shift in reality as the GUO screamed in agony, and Chad was wreathed in green pestilence.
Venris made it up to the balcony, and asked over the vox why Chad had burning green eyes and decomposing civvies. The GUO starts screaming for an orbital bombardment. Alfonso freaks out and calls for one. Nic realizes a mind-switch had occured.

Venris shrugs and fires at the GUO.
Tzarine keeps running, the stormtroopers put down some daemons, Venris keeps firing. Alfonso pulls out his shock maul and announces his intent to save the Inquisitor. Nic pulls out his plasma pistol and follows.

Venris, not doing much damage, decides to chuck all 10 of those frag grenades off the belltower balcony.
Venris and Tzarine are on the stairs for a full 20 turns.

Alfonso wades over to Chad Walker as orbital strike one hits, striking him with the shock maul, which only infuriates the daemon.
Nic, in a fit of idiocy that turned out well, psyks the Inquisitor's body, ordering the daemon to return to its own form.
It works, bodies switch again, as another orbital lance hits.
Chad realizes his getting hit and looks at Alfonso, who keeps smaking him. Nic decides it's time to hide and slinks away. Another crash breaks, and the Orkmobile drives through, Orkman atop. "Looks loike we'z gotz ta save dese humies again, Grotboy."
He pulls out a big dakka and jams.

Grotboy fires a truly gargantuan amount of missiles, blasting apart lots of corpulent filth. Chad, invigorated, calls off the orbital bombardment, and recharges the daemon, Alfonso in tow. Those stormtroopers keep up the fire again the mini daemons.
Blows trade, daemons die, civvies die, Tzarine and Venris keeping climbing, the daemon unleashes Nurgle rot, Nic shoots the gas, which inflames, burning Chad and Alfonso, the Stormtroopers keep the Nurglings and Plaugebearers at bay.

Alfonso, due to the flames, retreats. And then a high pitched wail returns and the naked Eldaress returns, charges the daemon, gets hit, and jumps away. She runs to Nic, "Monkeigh, what is the plan?" Nic stammers for an answer.
That's when the GUO cut Chad in half, the force of the blow sending Chad's remains right to Nic's, and the Eldaress's feet. Nic asks Chad's corpse if this was part of the plan.
Alfonso loses it, and cries.

The Eldaress' eyes light up and she picks up Chad's thunder hammer, and runs to Orkman, tossing him the hammer. Orkman catches it, and rockits to the daemon. Grotboy runs out of missiles and rushes the daemon with a choppa.
The stormtroopers scream, and Nic turns to see them being eaten by Nurglings. Nic psyks the GUO, telling it it's losing and must kill itself and its daemonic followers to keep its honour. The GUO detonates its Nurglings, and the rot starts spreading through the wooden pews and corpse-strewn rubble. Nic looks at his plasma pistol. The GUO kills Orkman, and soon after, kills Grotboy. This is when Venris made it to the platform.
The GUO attempts to manifest another psychic power, but instead a deafening screech deafens everyone. Venris studies the scene, and serenely pulls out his grenade pouch, pulls one pin, and drops it. The explosion did some good damage, stunned the GUO, and shook Alfonso out of his sadness, and he charged the daemon one more. Then Tzarine made it up the stairs, took aim, and fired at the GUO, missing, and hitting Alfonso, blowing apart his head. Tzarine threw her sniper rifle off the balcony.

The Arbites, the Eldar, and the GUO were the only things left alive in the Church, and the GUO was near dead. Nic fired with his plasma pistol as the Eldaress ran back, asking for a gun. Nic, still deaf, shook his head since he didn't have a hun. The Eldaress points to his pistol, and Nic nods "yes, the pistol is mine."

Venris keeps firing, and Tzarine pulls out her pistol and aims at its eye and hits. Nic's ears stops ringing and hears the Eldaress scream about how to get the skyfire back. Nic informs her that utilising Inquisitorial property was a crime punishable by death. She tells him to just impersonate the Inquisitor. He explained impersonating an Inquisitor is a crime punishable by death. Tzarine screams at him to call it in. Venris also screams at him. Nic and the Eldaress look through the gore pile for his commbead, finding it as Tzarine nails another eye shot.

Nic asks politely for an orbital bombardment, gets yelled at, and tries to explain the situation.
Guy: "I don't believe you. Chad and Alfonso can't be dead. I want to talk to someone can corroborate this farcical tale."
Nic: "I've got someone right here."
Nic hands the Eldaress the commbead.
Eldaress: "Filthy monkeigh, fire the damn energy beam. <pause> Yes, I'm an Eldar, what of it? <pause> Thank you."

She looks at Nic. "He's going to fire it right away."
Nic: "Cool, here's my knife, go charge that thing."
Eldaress: "Why?"
GUO: "Foolish mortals, I could have granted you immortality, instead I have grown hungry."
The Eldaress starts floating towards the daemon.

Eldaress: "Filthy beast! Your skydoom falls!"

Venris remembers their platform is right over the daemon.
Venris: "Nicodemus, did you call for an orbital strike?"
Nic: "Yes."
Venris nods, gears whirring.
The GUO eats the Eldaress, and looks at Nic, who fires his plasma pistol. Venris taps Tzarine's shoulder. "WE HAVE TO GO NOW, STUPID PRINCESS!"

The two slip and fall down the stairs just in time, Tzarine breaking two more ribs.
The daemon is consumed in orbital fire, and ashes into oblivion.
Nic takes a look at all the dead, the destruction, the various vehicles left broken in the conflict. And tries to find a pillow.

Before he can, he hears boots and he looks up to see one lone Arbitrator walking into the ruined Church. A Judge badge sits on her chest.
Judge Hazael, ranking Arbitrator of Canopus Beta, surveys the scene and points at Nic.
"Debrief, officer."
Nic looks around. "Uh, Lt. Alfonso died, and Inquisitor Chad died, and the daemon the Cardinal summoned died. Also, do we get our jobs back?"

Tzarine and Venris finish falling down the stairs.
Tzarine moans in agony, Venris stands up and walks over.
Hazael: "What do you mean, can you get your jobs back?"

She looks at her data slate, and looks up at them and back. Nic does not psyk her.
Hazael: "Your trial begins now."
Nic and Venris explain the whole sorry story from their perspective, giving Hazael all the evidence they collected, lying blatantly about their heroism and how Nic had held Chad's dying body in his arms, trying desperately to stitch him back together. Venris concocts a tale about hos he had to execute all the citizens he did because they were all heretics in disguise. Tzarine moans in pain, saying things like 'damn sniper rifles,' 'worst pilots ever,' 'accidentally killed Alfonso,' etc.
Hazael isn't retarded, and calls Venris and Nic out on the various inconsistencies. She uses Tzarine's well timed moaning to expertly deconstruct just how badly they've done.

"Still, it is Emperormas."

She explains that, despite their many, many flaws, they had still actually exposed corruption, albiet in the most roundabout way possible, and survived an encounter with a greater daemon, and with all the riots currently tearing apart the hive, she needed Arbitrators more than ever, and since she was the last one alive right now, they were all rehired. Tzarine moans that she needs medical attention, and Venris complains that he's extremely tired, and Nic wonders if he can pick up Chad's rosette and take control of the hive. The petulent mewlings convince Hazael they need a break, and one hot chocolate treat later, they are all sound asleep, snug in comfy beds, except for Tzarine, who was transported to Our Lady of Perpetual Big Breastedness, and screamed until Trauma gave her enough morphine to knock her out.

>And that, my dear readers, is how the Arbites saved Emperormas.
I'll still be around tonight, comments/feedback/questions are welcome.

And yes, this was an actual game that I had irl.

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