>>62713930
> be me
> newly female crusader Victoria Samson
> longstorydontask.classified
> be standing in between a very angry canoness and an equally pissed reiver from the marines malevolent chapter of space marines.
> fuckmylife.vox

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>>62713930
>Be Planetary Governor, Fredric Von Gosk
>Be in my office, sipping VERY expensive amasec and listening to VERY expensive music
>How is the music so expensive you ask?
>It must be played by a very rare xenos species of small furry animals
>As they slowly die, they release the most marvelous tune
>Unfortunately, aside from good drink and song, things are not great
>Mainly, the planet below is a burned out husk
>Not great when you rule it
>Luckily, it was a medieval backwater and all the REAL people live on this moon
>Unfortunately, some ruffians have landed their space hulk right outside my office
>On top of a refugee center
>Thank the Emperor for my sturdy foundation
>I open my windows and shout at the hunk of twisted ships
>Some smoke is drifting out
>Those hooligans think they can get me with second hand lho-stick smoke eh?
>Well I'm not having it!
>Take out my own pipe and light up some tobacco
>I've got the real thing assholes
>Not some namely pamby pink crap which is slowly flowing into my room and filling it up
>Wow, that stuff was strong
>I'm feeling light headed
>And bloated in the chest region
>I sit down in my chair, but feel a strange amount of extra padding
>I look down
>Ah
>Well
>I had heard rumors about this happening on the planet before its destruction, but I thought it was nonsense
>I call up my secretary and tell her to bring up some of my late wife's clothing
>And also close the windows
>Some minutes later, I am properly attired in the finest of silks
>If I am to be a woman, I shall be one of great refinement
>I give a little twirl in the mirror
>By the Emperor, I really do look like my mother

>>62713930
>Be me
>Be Guardsman
>Be a 18 year black guy
>So far I manage to survive the warp and get back to where I was, eldar encounter, deamonette encounter, a One thousand son encounter (which I use as a launch pad to leave the warp), and being played like a ping-pong ball when the space hulk got hit with nukes without broken bone nor rupture of blood vessel or organs.
>Cannot move because the warp dust forced me to dance past the point of exhaustion
>Fortunately for me I got save by some astartes and being moved to a safe area

>Be me
>mostly delewdified Autarch Belamyn Ytharl
>>62713728
>40% less lewd thoughts about the Canoness
>100% more thoughts about how I'm one of the last survivors of my Craftworld
>feelsbad.woman
"We need to decide on a course of action. I would suggest that given our animosity we split into two groups, delimited by hatred. One group should go to the moon and try to contain the corruption from spreading further. The other should search for Oxythrone or another means of purifying or destroying Hugiv'safuk."

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>>62713930
> be me
> now female chaplain of the black templars
> be servant to necron pimplord Addathes
> bowdownbitches.pimp
> get up from the crash landing on the moon.
> by the emperor that quite the dreadful landing.
> quickly find my lord and spirit him away from the debris.
> look outside
> by jove
> that is a lovely mansion.
> noble, proud, and quite classy decor
> a perfect place for my lord to call his own.
> begin my journey toward the mansion.

>>62714051 I don't know why, but I laughed hard for a good two minutes after reading this post. Well done anon. You NAILED 'pompous, arrogant aristocrat'.

>>62714051
Wow, the Governor is taking this quite well.

>>62714215
>That's Governess to you young lady!
>If we are going to be using names, we'd better well use the correct one!
>By the way, do you know the female version of Fredric?
>I can't quite think of it off the top of my head
>Francine?
>That doesn't sound quite right
>Hmm... we really will have to change all the stationary, won't we?
>Ah, and the children too
>Thank the Emperor that the missus was barren
>Wait, damn, will I have to be married?
>I do not want to go through childbirth, quite messy I've heard
>Wait, I'm rich. I can just pay those eggheads at the Mechanicus to make me a baby in a tube
>Capital idea!
>About to take a puff on my pipe when I realize that pipes are un-lady like
>I get my secretary to get me one of those long lho-stick holders
>There we go, much more lady-like way to smoke
>Hmm, yes, what else?
>Oh yes, there's people on my property, having crushed those refugees
>I need to force them off my property, but also thank them for getting rid of those refugees
>Terrible pests those things
>What's the proper way to thank somebody like that?
>Cheese and wine?
>No, doesn't pair well with forced removal from the premises
>Oh, I know!
>Wine paired with a cattle prod
>Father taught me well, yes he did
>I call my secretary and send her out to greet the trespassers, give them some wine, then shock them with a cattle prod
>Now then, where's my artist?
>I need to get a portrait done

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>Be Canoness Helga
>Still stupidly hot milf of the Canoness of the convent of the Order of the Golden Light stationed on Tiddius Majoris.
>Well, what's LEFT of the convent. So, Sister Gwyndolin and maybe a few more uncorrupted Sororitas stuck on the Blackstone fortress supposedly stuffed in that space hulk
>Look away from the Reiver Sergeant and give the Crusader a curious look
>Maybe I can 'recruit' that crusader into the order
>It's not like the Order's Canoness doesn't send me all the dregs and schola borderline dropouts anyway
>That bitch Patricia probably wouldn't even notice the difference.
>All it'd take is some numbers fudging right?
>>62714088
>>62713954
>Glance back at the Autarch and nod
>"Agreed. I'll take the survivors from the Space Hulk, xenos filth included, and try to contain the corruption from spreading in the hive while you and what's left of your squad go and search for this Oxythrone. After all, the last thing an Astartes chapter, even one as reviled as the Marines Malevolent wants to be doing is explaining how they managed to lose an entire Administratum Hive due to 'Collateral Damage'."
>I mostly want to stay as far away from that Space Hulk as possible.
>I'm already getting flashbacks to Innocence VI because of that fiasco. Do not want more.

>be the sneekiest git
>the big ship rokk crashed
>time ta figure out wot to do next
>zogg
>wunder if I'll find more boys around here
>as long none o' dem long eared gits
>but if I does I'll be doing the screwey stuff again
>but for now gotta find meself sum scrap
>...lost me shoota too
>atleastIstillhavemechoppa.purple

>>62714383
> be me
> female chaplain
> be carrying my liege towards the mansion.
> see some secretary come out to greet us
> cradle my liege in one hand.
> draw crozius with the other.
> don't think I do not see that cattle prod you wench.
> such poor manners for greeting guests
> I suppose I must teach this lady a lesson.
> and then maybe her boss.
> If this is how the governor greets their guests the I can see why the high Marshal detests dealing with them so much.
> sigh as I move forward, crushing the cattle prod within a fist as I grab the unruly urchin by the collar.
> lift her up to eye level
I request an audience with the governor of this world, if one is not granted then I shall storm the mansion by force and slaughter anyone in my way. Do please make your decision quickly, it has been a long day and I am quite famished.

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>>62714383
> sigh in relief as I hear the canoness' suggestion.
> maybe now we can stop staring daggers at each other and get on with the business of solving things.
> whyisitalwaysaclusterfuck.trend
> Glad that cooler heads are prevailing
> then worry as I see the canoness get a look in her eye.
> I don't like that look
> don't really like sororitas either.
> oh throne why do I feel like she's eyeing me up like a piece of meat.
> please stop looking at me like that.
> it brings up.... unpleasant memories
> fuckingthirstycunts.ptsd.

>>62714466
>>62714354
>be sneekiest git, purple kommando
>movin out of da wreck I can see dat we've landed on sum humie world, which means scrap an' lots of it
>might wanna see if I can make sum trouble to get a foight goin', I now there was sum o' dem crazy space marine gits
>y'know the ones in black
>yea anyway, I gotz some zoggery ta spread
>see big fancy humie house
>might start there

>>62714545
>Be Guardswoman Daisy
>Following the Canoness and her companions because I dont want to be lonely
>See the Governess
>uh oh...
>"Ara ara~ Governess Onee-san is soooo cute! Oh, I could just pick you up and cuddle you for hours!~"
>GODFUCKINGDAMMIT.rage
>Why aren't the others displaying these symptoms? I dont wanna be an airhead!
>at least, not alone...

>>62714649 For the record, the Governoress is still moonside, we haven't actually gotten down there yet.

>>62714666
[Spoiler]oh... Belay my response, then? Please?[/spoiler]

>>62714672
... FUCK

>>62714678
kek

>>62714678
>>62714768
I'mma call it a night. Hope to see you all sometime soon in the morning!

>Be me
>Still living somehow
>I think I've got the support of atleast two chaos gods
>Have tits though
>Definately a fucking woman
>On some fucking moon, alone, in the middle of nowhere
>Start wandering in a random direction

>>62714383
>be me
>wanted to fix this situation with the help of the other Astartes
>they make it worse
>andtheysaythedarkangelsaremean.fuckthemarinesmalevolent
>they blow the hulks warp drive
>the blackstone fortress withstands the blast, but now we're in an unpowered-oxygen-less useless piece of ancient xenotech
>at least the Sororitas I've been keeping as "company" are still with me
>Mallory has a rebreather, Angela seems to have lost hers
>fuckwhatdoIdo.problemsolving
>pull off my helmet and plop it on Angelas head
>Emperor what have I done, they'll see how much of an ugly bastard I am
>The other members of my Kill Team always said I look like Rogue Trader Benitio Affleckian, never knew that meant but I always assumed it was an insult
>hide my face in shame and call for emergency teleport onto the Corvus Blackstar still stationed on Tiddius Majoris' Moon
>just in time to watch the fireworks
>wonder what'll happen to the Blackstone Fortress, those heretics were in there when the rest of the hulk blew
>Is that Ork Warboss still alive? He's gonna be pissed!

>>62714928
Onii-chan, Nooooooooo!

>>62714624
>be sneekiest git, purple kommando
>I 'are no idea 'of I'm gonna get up an' inta this 'ere mansion
>not ta worry tho because I have a kunnin plan
>plan is to climb up tha side an' jump through wunna da windoes
>planfitformork'imself. Gork
>best part is they won't be seein me comin in
>specially cause I'm purple
>da sneekiest colour
>first step? Climbin do wall
>or at leest figurin out 'of ta get up them tall walls

>be me, still Warboss Silvatoof ar uk Plotdevoice
>zoggin' humies blow up me 'ulk
>mosta me boyz are up dere foightin' wiff Gork 'n Mork now
>spoiky demon gits did some nasty stuff to me 'ulk
>It'll take a more than that to kill me ya zoggin 'umie bastards!
>me best kommando is still out dere
>betta katch up with 'im and get a proppa krumpin' goin!

>>62714950
>step out of the Blackstar, it seems to have landed on the landing pad of some aristocrats mansion
>there's a bunch of dead combat servitors around
>seems like it wasn't welcome
>but the Deathwatch let themselves in if no one answers the knock on the door
>I am a Primaris Astartes not some annoying Ecclesiarchy Reliquary Salesman
>Why am I always treated like shit by aristocrats
>seriously what is it? Is it the gigantic stature? Is it the Black Armor? Is it the Pauldron referring to my chapter of origin? Is it the Inqisition icon on the other Pauldron?
>I will confront this man and I will have him apologize!
>The two Sororitas must surely know how to make a heretic repent, after all mistreating the Astartes is heresy
>Oh emperor they can see my face
>I must look like a freak to them
>Wait why does Angela bite her lip when she looks at me
>surely all the Warpdust in the hulk caused this
>wasn't she wearing my helmet though?
>Ihatewarpfuckery.confusion

>>62715150
>be sneekiest git, purple kommando
>while tryin to get inta that there big house been hearn' things
>good things of course
>been 'earing of the boss
>boss Silvatoof got off the 'ulk rokk
>wunce I deal wit' this 'ere little mischief makin' adventure Ill go lookin' for 'im
>if wez can get back together then the krumpin' can begin
>wot wuz I doin'?
>thats roight, tryin' to get up dis buildin'
>time to find sum rope or maybe even a rokkit to go through a window
>'ere we go

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>>62714916
>Be me
>Not writhing on the floor on pain anymore
>Still feel like shit, but can walk
>I need a new hand (or claw) though
>Since the mist plan isn't going to work, might as well pass into plan B
>Good ol sacrifice
>But how
>Maybe i could get a warband going around the moon
>Wonder if that Khronate, wait now Slaaneshi fellow is still alive
>Time to get out of this hulk
>And engage in wholesome murder-genocide of whomever lives in these ruins

>>62715649
>Remember that other sorcerer from the hulk, maybe I can contact him
>Vox is fucked, guess I'll try something psychic?
"Oi, book boy, you still alive out there?"
>Maybe he can get in contact with the other sorcerer, and by extension, my fleet.

>>62715744
>Recieve psychic message
>Fucking Tzeentch it hurts
"Ah fuck. Yes, i'm still alive,although me and my associate aren't precisely male anymore"
>Send him a psychic "photo" of where i am
>That reminds me
>I hope some chaos marines survived the crash

>>62715791
>Start walking in the rough direction of where I think he is
>Surprised that actually worked
>>62713328
>Try and message Savorius
>Maybe he can get some support down here so we can get shit done.

>>62715649
>the book you secured is looking rather battered
>all the explosions, gunfire and Warp shenanigans it has been around are taking a toll
>at least it is still mostly intact

>>62715791
>Be me.
>Be real fucking pissed Overlord.
>They fucking crashed our shit?
>Place looks nice though.
>Order what remains of my army of hoes and necrons and look for any allies.
>Intercept Savage-bro’s call.
>Looks like I know where we’re going.
>Adventure.canoptek

>>62715791
>Master, Master! I have friends
>summon a bunch of Tzaangors and Blue Horrors
>they fall on top of the Sorceress
>whatthebird.notasplanned
>I guess we're a Tzeentchian Daemonhost now

>>62715913
>Stumble across that Necron again as I wander
>I swear this man is indestructible
>Greet him
>Ask him if he knows whether the Pissmarines survived, or where my Thunderhawk is, or where I can get some better fitting armour.

>>62716092
>Savage-bro is now a chick.
>Why? Why does this always happen?
>Say no to the first two, command scarabs to make necrodermis armour for the third question.

>>62716127
>Not great, but could be worse
>Ask him if he wants to go find my sorcerer friend with me

>>62716147
>Nod, set out.
>Order hoes and necrons to loot any fancy shit they see.
>Still need more.

>>62715410
>ignore the lewd looks I'm getting from my "company"
>for now that is
>walk towards the mansion to complain to it's owner and watch him getting punished like the heretic he is
>hear a loud crash
>someone just broke a window
>turn on auspex
>no contacts
>by the throne, an invisible foe
>I bet the heretics did this

>>62715791
>Finally find the sorcerer, now a sorceress
>I swear is there anyone this dust hasn't affected
>Ask him if he knows anything about the moon we're on.

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>>62716075
>I wonder where the other sorceress went
>Oh hey look a pink horror
>What's it doing
>Wait why do i feel a portal right above me
>A host of Tzaangors appears above me
>Fuckingwhat.tzeentch
>Try to get out of the pile
>One of these fucking assholes is trying to possess me
>Two can play at that game
>Wrestle with the daemon
>Use psker powers
>Oh gods this burns
>It's like i'm getting a flamer off
>Can't stop
>Finally absorb the daemon completly
>Headache's gone
>And i can faintly hear a screaming voice in my head
>Tzeentch what have i gotten myself into now

>>62716203
>>62715410
>be sneekiest git, purple kommando
>after sittin' around doin' nuffin I found a solution
>I thought what would tha boss do?
>and so I smashed in wunna da windows and found sum rope nearby
>in we go
>zogg
>fink some the 'umies 'eard me
>good thing they can't see me, cause I'm purple
>now that im inside lets see what scrap and loot I can get from this fancy 'umie git
>maybe enouff loot for a shoota
>I might try ta sneek up on the fancy 'umie
>might even stab 'im

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>>62716221
>Oh hey, the Slaaneshi Khronate arrived
>I just need a minute to recover from reverse possesing a daemon
>Don't know how that'll turmn out in the long-run
>Meanwhile
>Touch chest
>Still a woman
>Fuckthishit.daemonhost
>Should probably talk to the slaaneshi guy
"So, any ideas on how we can raid the imperials"
>Feel much more attuned with the warp than before
>This might not be as bad as i thought

>>62716403
>Remember I have no more marines
"I've got a fleet somewhere in the system, just can't currently contact it, if we can find a powerful enough vox system though we can get some help"

>>62716428
“Then let’s find it.”
>Beckon blue hardcase bitch to come with.
>Job is pretty good right now, more hoes to collect.

>>62716590
>Follow the Necron for a bit with the sorceress
>Spot a mansion on the horizon
>Is that a Deathwatch ship?
"I think I may have found what we need"

>>62716590
>>62716428
>A vox system
>Where are we supposed to find a vox system
>Idea.portals
>The settlement i saw on the way down probably has a fine fucking vox system
>Turn to the Slaaneshi
"I could try to teleport us into that tower over there."
"It sure as shit must have a quality vox system, and we could at least try to sneak around"
"Besides, we could even kill and torture the governour, for shits and giggles"
>Try to open portal
>Oh yeah i don't have that hand anymore
>Do it with the bad hand
>Portal seems more stable than before
>Bigger too
>Maybe absorving that daemon wasn't a bad idea
>It's still screaming though
>I don't like how that necron looks at me
>Dunno if i should tell him that i was a dude

>>62716755
>Sorceress' plan is better than mine
>Dunno whether the portal's safe
>Step through anyway
>Reappear in some small room, looks tower like.
>Guess it worked?

>>62716755
>Lead troupe through the portal.
>What’s there to lose? We’re immune to warp shit anyway.

>>62716852
>Necron and his army of hoes came through as well
"Guess we should start looking for a vox system"
>Fuck, haven't got a chainaxe anymore, my pistol's gone too
>Draw my combat knife, guess this will have to do.

>The Governess's secretary emerges from the mansion, carrying wine and a cattle prod
>Wearing a rebreather because the pink mist is everywhere
>She greets everyone present, and thanks them for killing all those refugees, but also says to get off the property before she shocks them
>She also states you need to make an appointment 2 weeks in advance to meet with the Governess

>>62716963
>>62716994
>Arrive without problems
>Fuckingfinally.warpfire
>The Slaaneshi pulls her combat knife out
>That reminds me
>Where's my sword?
>Oh yeah, lost it with the hand
>Guess it's time for full on spells
>Wander around the property
>Hear voices
>Tell everyone to stop
>Turn around the corner, real sneaky like
>Well that's more that we've bargained
>The marines are also here
>This pink mist shit is everywhere
>Turn to Slaaneshi
"Do you think we can pull an ambush into the governour's room?"
>Really wish i had some Rubrics with me right now

>>62717054
>>62716852
>Sorceress suggests ambushing the loyalists in the next room
>I can probably take them
>Look at the Necron
"How do you want to handle this?"

>>62716994
> be me former chaplain
> by jove how rude.
> step forward and bat the cattle prod out of the secretary's hand
> grab her by the throat.
> if this is how they treat guests then it would appear they need to be taught a lesson.
No I do not believe we shall wait, you are going to guide us to the governor of this system, and you are going to do so now. I apologize but it has been a long day and I do not feel like waiting on them to finally decide upon a hairstyle.
> somebody needs some disciplining.
> I shall be happy to provide.

>>62717104
>Notice Classy Bitch.
>Order soldiers to avoid firing on her while trying to pin down the loyalists with gauss fire.

>>62717104
>Be Secretary
>Be choked
>Procedure in this case is...
>Retroactive penciling in
>However, that is in the normal case
>These ruffians are poorly dressed
>I sigh
"If you truly wish to meet with the governess, then you must be better dressed. Worry not, we have an auto-tailor to whip something up for you. If you will please follow me to the waiting room, we will provide a more refined selection of clothing."

>>62717164
> I nod
Very well, however you shall not be leaving my side
> throw the secretary over shoulder
provide me directions to the autotailor please, unless you desire a good pounding.
> raise crozius cane to emphasize point.

>>62717145
>Decide to use this fight as a distraction
>Sneak into mansion
>By sneak I mean break a window where nobody is looking
>Start looking around for a vox station

>>62717173
>Be Secretary
>There's really no need for that
>Show them to the auto tailor
>Show them how it works
>This button for old Terran style of dress
>This button for a style of dress that resembles the armor of the sisters of battle
>This button for the current fashion of the rogue traders
>This button for the styles of Ultramar
>Etc.
>Offer some wine or tea as they wait

>>62717197
> nod, and ask for..... hmmm a terran style dress sounds good
> something to move around in during combat, yet also classy.
> very well.
> input commands to give me desired dress.
> politely sip tea as I wait.

>>62717184
>Be Mansion defense system
>Notice break-in
>Investigate with servitors
>Scanning intruder
>Analysis: Huge Tits, Large Ass, bloody armor
>Conclusion: Lady of the night
>Solution: High Pressure Water
"ATTENTION! LEAVE THESE PREMISES! WE HAVE A DRESS CODE AND YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING IT!"
>Spray them back out the window with water cannons
>Pink mist is spilling in from the hole

>Still can not move
>Being carried by an astarte named Chesty
>Tries to get his attention to know what the fuck is going on

>>62717263
>Fucking mansion
>Pink mist is seeping in now
>This could be good
>Remember I can probably use some kind of psychic message
>Tell the serf I left in charge of the fleet to get transport down to the mansion, ASAP
>Start heading back to the Necron and Sorceress.

>>62717304
>Realize guns aren’t firing.
>Shit, they ran out of power.
>Gonna need a bit to recharge.
>Kinda good tho, we didn’t blow it.
>Sneak in with a small force and pointy hardcase bitches.
>I need to get the classy bitch back.
>Noonecantakemyhoes.gauss

>>62717263
>>62717228
>>62717184
>Well that went not as expected
>There's another godsforsaken female space marine discussing dressing ettiquete with the secretary
>And that slaaneshi lady just flew off a window
>Which means the defensive systems are out
>Leg it towards the broken window
>I don't recall being this fast
>Jump into the broken window
>Now how could i get rid of these cannons
>Concentrate
>Cast the good ol bolt of tzeentch
>That came out stronger than expected
>Fried my gauntlet's pain and the walls
>Where to go now

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>>62715349
>>62716203

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Survivor of a planetwide Slaaneshi/xenosorcery plague that made my already curvy figure even more voluptuous, a Slaanesh-tainted space hulk, and now a Space hulk crash
>All thanks to Brother Ephriam
>By the Emperor he's hot
>IWantHimToRideMeLikeAJetbike.LewdThoughts
>Lightly smack my face with my gauntlet to focus on the task at hand
>I can have "Lusty Space Marine" Naughty times later
>Step forward to the landing pad door and hammer my fist on it while shouting in my best Arbites-style Arbites impersonation:
>"INQUISITION ORDO HERETICUS! OPEN UP OR BE DECLARED HERETICS!"
>Sure, none of us are actually Inquisitors
>but the average Administratum menial doesn't know that, and Brother Ephriam has the Inquisitorial seal on his pauldron, sooo...
>Do opens almost immediately and the sound of a panicked voice pleading for clemency for taking so long comes over the vox system
>Tell it not to interfere with our duties and we'll consider it
>Look back at Brother Ephriam with a smug grin
>I might've been a borderline schola dropout, but I was always able to make up for it with "street smarts"
>including when to blatantly lie your face off in order to solve a problem
>Notice Mallory quietly saying a prayer begging the God-Emperor for forgiveness for our deception
>She's probably the only Sister at the Convent who'd do such a thing in this situation
>Look up at Ephriam and smile
>"Shall we Brother Astartes?"

>>62717491

>be walking towards mansion with Sororitas following me
>keep getting lusty looks from them
>clueless why now that they've seen my face
>suddenly Angela does what I can only assume to be an Arbites Impression
>She claims we're the Inquisition
>but we're not the... Oh wait, I actually kinda sorta am if you squint a little
>smug grin from Angela
>Holy Emperor this woman is so hot
>arethesethoughtsheretical.confusion
>vox exclaims a plead for patience as the door opens
>walk cautiously towards the opening door, still wary of what caused the glass to shatter and the alarm to go off
>I bet the fucking traitors did this

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>>62717586
>>62717491
>Hear the front door open
>Shitshitshit
>Don't feel like using another hand
>What can i do
>Infernal Gateway is too risky in such an enclosed space
>Wait
>Idea.heretic
>I just need to take over one of the weaker squad member's minds
>But who
>Notice the sororitas near the marine
>I don't have much time so i have to make the message simple
>Cast Treason of Tzeentch while thinking "just hit the fucking bastards"

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>>62717491
>Be the governess
>Re reclining on couch while official painter does a portrait
>I truly do look stunning
>Do you know how hard it was to get rose petals here?
>Suddenly got a Vox from the secretary
>She's dressing up a huge fucking strong woman
>Ah, that will be the representative from the Adepta Sororitas more than likely
>Now I hear somebody up on the landing pad?
>How did somebody get on the roof?
>Oh, right, the space hulk
>Tell my assistant to bring them in
>I need to get this portrait done
>Hurry up painter, or your family will starve

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>>62717700
> finally it is ready.
> boots? check. Coat? check. Pants? check. Hat? Double check.
> leave the room, feeling like a million gelt.
> damnIlookgood.vox
> strut down the hallway, cane in one hand, bolt pistol in the other.
> come across some sororitas and a deathwatch marine.
Hello there.

>>62717700
>Sorceress friend is dealing with a primaris marine and some sororitas
>Start channelling that pink dust towards them to help her out
>This is going to be very fun

>>62717700
>see heretic cast something towards Sister Mallory
>she smacks me with her bolter
>like one or two times
>then apologizes
>uhm, okay?
>failedsorcery.lmaohereticsamirite
>shoot at the bastard
>upon closer inspection I shot at the bitch
>missed
>fuck
>lunge towards bitch while drawing sword
>want to chop her hand off
>404handnotfound.exe
>attempt the 'ole ribcage-cracker-kick
>the heretics tits cushion the kick
>she's knocked over but nothing else really happens

>>62717788
> Grab the sorceress and the astartes
> slam their heads together
ENOUGH! WE ARE ALL GUESTS HERE! IT IS RUDE TO FIGHT IN ANOTHER'S HOUSE
> thwack them both upside the head with cane.
> youunrulybrats.annoyance.

>>62717739
>>62717788
>>62717700
>Be Planetary Governess's secretary
>These new arrivals are not properly dressed
>I offer them tea and crumpets and tell them to go get new clothing from the auto-tailor

>>62717818
> be chaplain
You are the governess correct?
> well then, she certainly looks the part.
> that is irrelevant however
> immamakeyoumylord'sbitch.plot
> pompous, arrogant, believing she is surrounded by her lessers.
> dear emperor if she were any more stereotypical I'd think she came from a Tau propaganda cartoon.

>>62717842
>Be planetary governess's secretary
>I am offended that you would mix me up with my lady
>Also I've been with you the entire time you've been in here
>How are you mistaking me with the governess?

>>62717870
> look at the woman and shake my head at her
not you.
> point to the governess sitting in a chair getting her portrait done
her.
> yougongetwhoopedforthat.punishment
> by the emperor who the hell came up with that dress, a slaaneshi crack addict?
> it shows everything.

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>>62717788
>>62717800
>Well that didn't go as planned
>Get shot at
>Nothistime.vox
>About to cast when i almost get my hand chopped off
>I swear to Tzeentch i will steal this asshole's hands
>Get kicked
>The mamaries get in the way
>Hurts like warpdust overdose but my ribs are a-ok
>Just as i'm about to fist that fucker down, something grabs me
>Oh god not the face
>Get whacked both times
>Stagger back
>Hear daemon
"Give me control, you know it'll be much easier"
>No
>Not yet at least
>Straighten myself
>Where are my fucking reinforcements

>>62717800
>>62717818
WHO ARE YOU TO ORDER AROUND A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE EMPERORS HOLY INQUISIT-
>wait a second I recognize that face
>it looks a lot more ...womanly than I remember it
Chaplain Marius? My deepest apologies!
>oh holy Emperor he's a woman now
>wearing a both form-fitting and classy dress
>cease my aggression and hope the heretics follow suite
>a woman in a fancy dress shows up
>the chaplain(ess)? adresses her as the governess
>she's ordering me and the sisters accompanying me to get re-dressed by an autotailor
>not sure if it's gonna fit a primaris astartes but ok
>I'm sure one of those "suits" sleazy rogue traders sometimes wear would fit me

>>62717891
>Follow behind blue pointy hardcase.
>See classy bitch.
>Call out to her while sending necrons to axe some fuckers with their Gauss guns because they haven’t finished recharging.
>Personally dual weild warscythe and pimp cane into close quarters.

>>62717891
>Be Planetary Governess
>Portrait's finally done
>Stretches
"Well then, I assume you're my new bodyguard? Good. It's pure Chaos out there. I need you to protect me from heretics, rebels, and poor people."
>She looks Marietta up in down
"Hmm... quite good, quite good. Tall too. Are you from Catachan or something?"

>>62717905
> glare at the man
you and your companions should be, to fight in another's house is to dishonor the owner of the house.
> round on the sorceress.
And you, you are supposed to be a scholar, act like it, you are acting no better than the wolves who burned your home to the ground. You will show respect to the lady of the house or I will make you kiss the ground she walks upon.
> turn back to the trio of troublemakers. and then to her lord
that goes for all of you. NO FIGHTING IN THE MANSION. AM. I. CLEAR.
>>62717942
> realize the governess has addressed me.
I am not your bodyguard madam, I am however going to protect you as fitting of your station. however
> loom over her menacingly
If I hear so much as a word from ANY of the staff about you mistreating them or the people of this planet, then I will take you out front, flip up your skirt and tan your posterior in front of the entire hive. AM. I. CLEAR. I am your tutor, since people in this system CLEARLY have no idea on proper bloody manners.

>>62717904
>Send a message to the sorcerer
"Reinforcements/Transport en route, hope you have a plan"
>Meanwhile, go to auto-tailor and get a fancy dress, still got a knife though.

>>62717981
>Be Governess
>That elicits a little chuckles
>Who is this woman even?
>It matters not, I'll keep her around
"Very good, very good. In that case, I'll grant you a noble title. We lost a few when the planet fell, so there's plenty of empty spots."

>>62717788
>>62717800
>>62717800
>>62717818

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Did that Sorcer... ess... daemonhost... heretical abomination cast a spell on Mallory?
>Jokes on her, Mallory's too pure of heart to be affected very much by such foul blasphemies against the holy god-emperor of Mankind
>Stare dumbfounded as the former Chaplain steps into view in a very nice dress and knocks some heretical heads together before going toward the planetary governess's office
>Wait a sec
>GOVERNESS?!
>Realize pink mist/warp dust is heading toward me
>OhThroneNotThisShitAgain.panic
>backtrack behind Brother Ephriam and shoot a cold stare at the Secretary before snagging Mallory's backup rebreather and putting it on
>"To quote my Canoness: "The God-Emperor will rise from his throne on Holy Terra before I wear a damned dress for that slob of of governor."
>Not that I wouldn't mind wearing a dress, especially with this armor feeling a little too small after all the voluptuous changes that xenos sorcery caused, but I'm not going to risk it while there are CLEARLY heretics (and a batshit insane Black Templar) on the premises.

>>62718014
> look at the woman
> whatthefuck.confusion
> I just threatened to discipline her in front of the entire hive and she just..... lets it go
> wha-
> whatever, works out well for me and my lord.
> I'll go with it.
> bow grandiosely
Thank you madam, you honor me.
> rise
However, do not forget, my lady, that I am watching you, If I hear so much as a rumor of you abusing your power, then I will strip you, put a leash around your neck, and keep you as my pet.

>>62718050
>Oh my dear
>It would be the other way around
>I nod to her
"Tell me your name madam, so I may direct my secretary to enter it into the books of nobility. My secretary also tells me that several other women are seeking audiences."

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>>62717981
>About to burn everything in the room
>The fucking governour is right there
>I just wanted access to the vox systems
>The huge astartes woman turns to face me
>She gives me a speech saying that my behavior is no better than the space wolves
>How dare she, i'll send her to the deepest parts of the warp for such an offense, you'll see you
>Realize i'd be proving her right
>What to fucking do now
>Daemon voice reappears
"Wait you actually aren't going to kill them"
>Answer
"Not yet, but they have commited their greastest mistake, letting a sorcerer plot and plan"
"You mean sorceress"
"Fuck you too"

>>62718072
I am Marietta Alfred, ex chaplain of the black templars chapter of adeptus astartes.
> don't think I wouldn't do it bitch.
Now then, if they are the same women I believe they are, then I am afraid I must instill into them some manners.
>>62718043
> walk out the door.
> sure enough there they are, wearing their filthy armor.
Sister, if even the astartes are obeying the rules of the house, then it would be in best interest to do so as well. As you are now the governess is just as likely to throw you out onto the street.

>>62718099
>Order my troops to quit this shit as I straighten up and preen a bit.
>Gotta be lookin sharp.
>Call out to the classy bitch again.

>>62718132
> turn to see my lord and bow to him
> not the right place or time to fully show my appreciation.
greetings sire, how are you this day.

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>>62717818
>make my way to the auto-tailor
>I'm offered some steaming broth and some little pieces of baked dough
>I haven't had any food other than Astartes standard nutri-broth in 2 centuries
>I'm fairly certain without a preomnor that stuff isn't even edible
>gladly accept the little dough pieces, they look like little more than crumbs in my hands
>the brown broth looks like recaff but doesn't smell like it
>Delicious! I have no idea what it is but it smells like someone boiled all the finest plants of an aristocrats garden and strained it
>step into the auto-tailor
>it requires me to take off my armor
>you can have the ceramite plates but I'm keeping the stab-proof undersuit
>press button for 'sleazy arms salesman rogue trader'
>it whizzes and buzzes, and I emerge in a brand new suit
>I look like an idiot don't I
>whatever, if they question a lord Astartes they're a heretic anyways

>>62718000
>>62718132
>Recive message from Slaaneshi lady
>Finally some reinforcements
>The necron leader is calling to me
>Nothisshit.greatocean
>Think of plan as i walk towards him
>What the fuck does he want
>Hopefully those reinforcements will arrive soon
>And i can get some hostages

>>62718099
>>62718072
>>62718050
>>62717929
>>62717905
>Hear very loud engine noises
>Look out the window
>Is that my fucking thunderhawk?
>Pilot serf waves at me
>Order him to land in the courtyard
>Get properly equipped once he's landed

>>62718171
>Tell classy bitch to stand up.
>Sweep arm out to congregation of bitches, hoes, and a male or two.
>Tell them that I own them and this moon, as well as this bitchin mansion.
>Tell classy bitch and blue pointy hardcase to enforce this.

>>62718192
> nod
> very well
> I mean I am technically a noble now.

>>62718130
>>62718132
>>62718150
>>62718165
>>62718192

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Staring in disbelief as a former Black Templar, a CHAPLAIN no less, taking orders from a foul xenos Necron
>Wot.
>Necron lord declares that it owns me, moon, and the 'bitch in this mansion'
>WHAT?!.heresy
>Stand there on the landing pad in disbelief, very, VERY tempted to bring up my bolter and blow this Necron Lord's head off
>Don't because he's got two corrupted (and re-corrupted? Warp sorcery is weird?) Space Marines on his side
>They do look kinda hot though
>MustResistImpureAndLewdThoughts.voxcast

>>62718192
>Who's this shiny gentleman in the tacky clothing?
>What is this, M39?
>That's been out of fashion for over 1000 years
>Tell him that he doesn't own me, nobody owns me
>Also tell him that he does seem to posses some semblance of class and nobility beneath the tacky clothing
>Grant that pimpin' dude a noble title
>Also appoint him minister of hoes, sure, why not?
>Also invite him to dinner

>>62718192
>>62718179
>>62718244
>Necron fucker wants me to bind everyone to his will
>But why
>More importantly i'm not your fucking hoe
>I wasn't even a woman a few hours ago
>Hear flying engine noises
>Hopefully that'll be reinforcements
>Wait, i have an i d e a
>Check if i still have my book
>Good
>The thing has 0 usable spells, but these imperial mongrels don't know that
>That'll buy me enough time
>While the governess is inviting the necron to dinner (fucking why) i grab the tome
"If someone moves a single muscle, i'll use the magnificent powers of this book to fry you all alive!
"Unless you hand over the governess,of course!"
>Miss my deeper voice, didn't sound half as threatening as i used to

>>62718244
>Calmly switch pimp cane to onhand.
>Those terms are acceptable.
>Still own these hoes though.
>Accept dinner invitation.

>>62718284
>Is this bitch serious?
>Turn back and backhand the fuck out of her.
>Tell her to step off and not to try any warp shit.

>>62718293
> bash the cunt over the head with cane and grab the book
> minenowmotherfucker.bloodraven

>>62718284
>Position Thunderhawk outside window
>Open front door
>Fire off a couple warning shots, shred up the building a bit, make sure I don't hit anyone important
"Hey, sorcerer, need a ride?"

>>62718327
>Spin around and backhand savage bitch.
“STEP THE FUCK DOWN!”

>>62718244
>return to the hall where all the others are still having a politeness-enforced stalemate
>see that neither Angela nor Mallory want to get redressed
>understandable but this is not the right time to be argumentative
>suddenly the necrom claims all the women here are "his bitches"
>notthosetwo.overprotective
>and now the heretic bitch is threatening to fry us all alive
YOU! STOP THAT! EVERYONE EXCEPT YOU IS DOING THEIR BEST TO FIND A POLITE AND HONOURABLE SOLUTION TO THIS AND YOU'RE THREATING US WITH YOUR CHEAP TRICKS! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LOW YOU HERETICS ARE WILLING TO STOOP!

>>62718327
>...
>...
>PURE FUCKING FURY!
>HOW DARE THAT COMMONER DAMAGE MY BUILDING!
>DO THEY KNOW HOW MANY MENIALS DIED IN ITS CONSTRUCTION!?
>BECAUSE I SURE DON'T
>THAT'S NOT A NUMBER I WOULD CONCERN MYSELF WITH!
>BUT IT WOULD PROBABLY BE PRETTY HIGH!
"Lady Alfred! Down that bird!"

>>62718337
>Did the Necron just fucking slap me
>Oh I'm fucking pissed now
>Grab a bandolier of krak grenades and toss them into the room
>Grab the sorcerer and get back into the Thunderhawk
>Shut the door

>>62718349
> open fire with bolt pistol
> watch as one of the shots connects with an engine.
> bye bye motherfucker.
> nobodyfuckswithmypeople.rage

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>>62718244
>>62718192
>>62718179
>>62718171
>>62718165
>>62718284
>>62718285


>Be me
>newbie Sororitas Mallory
>It's been a wild few days
>Started out rather top heavy, now look extra-voluptuous, was saved from a planet AND a space hulk by Brother Ephriam
>By the God-Emperor's blessed and prodigious anatomy, he looks sooo fucking hot in that suit
>God-EmperorsAngelsIndeed.voxcast
>Stand next Angela with a confused look as the Necron Overlord and ex-Chaplain start beating the dust out of the Sorceress
>Suddenly hear a thunderhawk overhead and also catch the sound of unrest from down below
>Quickly walk over to the edge of the landing pad
>Say rather loudly:
>"Um, not to interrupt or anything, but it seems that good third of the Adminstratum hive is in the middle of a riot right about now."
>And the lower hives are currently drowning in the pink mist stuff
>Great
>Juuuuuuuuuuuust great

Original creator of the whole 'Tiddius Majoris' greentext thread here. I only expected this to make it to thread 2, and I check in and you guys are somehow on thread 5 now. And I'm enjoying every second of it.

>>62718376
>One engine gone, can't take another hit like that
>Semi-crash thunderhawk in the mansion courtyard
>FFS I just want to go home
>Call up the fleet
>Deploy ALL of the militia
>Get a bolter and prepare to fend off some mouth breathers

>>62716403
I'll be honest. The first time I read through this post, I thought it had said : "So, any ideas on how we can rape the Imperials"


>Be me, Eisen Martellus.
>Be apart of the marines malevolent.
>Tempted to simply vent the entire hold, and claim collateral damage, due to them all being corrupted.
>"Everybody gets one"
>God dammit...
>After a moment, our pilot proceeds to relay orders from the Battle-barge', directly to my helmet.
+++All forces are to immediately return to the ship, for deployment to the moon below+++
>Let out a sigh, as I turn my head towards the survivors. A frown upon my face.
>Temptations to vent the entire hold, at immensely growing at this point.
>Decide against it, and order Thunderhawk Forgotten Folly, to return to the ship.

>>62718379
https://discord.gg/AxaeSv

>>62718358
>>62718379
>suddenly a bandolier of krak grenades is thrown
>Mallory runs out to the balcony/landing pad as if she had predicted this
>shove Angela to the floor, hurdle myself in front of her
>I'd do anything for these two
>well maybe not anything but quite a bit
>wait for the bang
>still waiting
>still waiting
>uhm, what?
>Mallory says something about a riot and pink mist
>when the fuck are those 'nades going off so I can have my heroic moment?

>>62718379
>Ah, the Sisters are here.
>Lookin' FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE
>Riots and more of that pink mist?
>Well...
>Hmm...
>Actually, you know, shouldn't those solve each other actually
>The pink mist will stop the riots
>And all the breathing from the riots will deplete the pink mists
>Maybe
>Is that how that works?

>>62718293
>>62718313
>>62718327
>>62718337
>>62718358
>Fucking Necron slaps me
>Get bashed in the head by a cane
>Lose the book
>Nomore.tzeentch
>Punt that skeleton fucker in the leg
>Turn towards the chaplain and improvise some flickering flames
>Hear shots fired
>Like a tzeentchian angel, the slaaneshi's here to save me
"YES, THANK THE GODS"
>Slaaneshi gets fucking slapped
>Everyone is screaming
>Hop onto the thuderhawk
>I bet Ahriman dosen't have to deal with this shit
"Real solid plan there"
"Oh for the eight-pointed star i'm not giving you control"
>Turn to slaaneshi
>Tell her to open the doors at my signal
>Start channeling warp energy
>I swear they'll see the warpfire in Terra

>>62718406
nah, well not until (s)he gets his peenee back, if that ever happens

>>62718435
> fire a bolt round through the sorceresses' hand
>>62718379
> hear the sister and look down.
> welp.
>>62718433
> grab the governess by the throat.
> point her face over the edge of the balcony.
Care to explain? "my lady"
> HATREDISBUILDING.FURY

>>62718430
>Oh fuck those were gas grenades
>Eh, not too bad
>>62718406
>Receive message from fleet
>Pissmarine battle barge in orbit
>Order fleet to engage, keep deploying militia around the governess' mansion
>>62718284
>Check the sorceress is alive

>>62718466
ah, but your forget fair sorceress. It's called reverse rape

>>62718475
>GRK!
"It's not ideal, but if left alone the pink mists would stop the violent riots as everyone breathes it in and does, y'know. All other things considered, the arbites and police should be handling the riots right now! The first briefing I've got of their progress was from that sister just now!"
>Pause
"Now if you will kindly unhandily me Lady Alfred, we have work to do."

>>62718509
> let go of her for now.
> there is work to be done
> look to my lord
Could you mayhaps send your people down to quell this rebellion? They are after all immune to the warp dust.
> see the astartes lying on the ground
> oh for fuck's sake....
> brother astartes get up, those grenades were obviously....
> see the gas seeping up from them.
> welp.
> shit.

Okay, I've been archiving all the threads as they die, go and vote!

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

>>62718475
>>62718484
>Why can't i feel my pinky
>Oh yeah it got shot off
>Slaaneshi checks on me
>Seems to be worried
>How cute
>And quaint
>Still channeling warp energy, so i ask her what's going on
>She informs me in short terms that shit be fucked yo
>Oh it'll be fucked alright
>Once i throw this
>I think my nose is bleeding
>Ignore it, too angry to care

>>62718484
>at this point I'm convinced the nades were duds
>get up and look at the Bandolier
>*poof* and some kind of mist starts streaming from them
>my eyes hurt
>Oh I get it, tear gas
>weird for a heretic but ok
>thank the emperor for the multilung
>but the normal humans aren't doing so well
>grab everyone I can and run into the room with the autotailor

>>62718651
>Be Savorius, Sorceress of the Thousand Sons, watching all of this from my hidey-hole
>Watch as an idiot primaris picks up a bandolier of grenades and holds it close to his face
>Watch as he assumes it's tear gas
>Bitch, there is exactly one gaseous substance around this place at this time
>And it's that sweet ass pink mist

>>62718626
>Inform sorceress that the Thunderhawk has crashlanded in the courtyard, but that help is on the way
>Also that Pissmarines are in orbit, probably sending troops planetside as we speak
>Door opens
>Prepare Bolter, I'm not dying today
>It's one of my militia
>I can see more of them
>They Inform me the perimeter is relatively secure, other than the mansion
>Order them not to enter, just to secure the grounds and make sure nothing gets in or out
>Relax for a moment

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>>62718709
>>62718651
>Thunderhawk just crashed
>Almost make ball of warp explode
>By Tzeentch how didn't i notice it
>Should probably just throw it
>Their too far away to get a clean shot
>Step out of the carrier
>Throw the supercharged Infernal Gateway
>Enjoy burning alive fucking zombie cultists

>>62718697
>my eyes still hurt
>everything looks funny
>get urge to dance and/or fuck someone
>a servo skull appears in my thoughts and swats away the heresy
>Pater Cawls humor is fucking weird
>look around at all the people I grabbed
>Sister Angela is there, she's got a rebreather from earlier
>Chaplainess Marietta is also there
>the Governess' secretary too
>where is the Governess
>oh fuck I left her behind
>in the gas
>well that's bad

>Be me, apprentice inquisitor with a almost new sweat-ass power armor (except for the crotch area) and equipped with a sniper rifle
>It all started simple for me. Me and some friends go to a random planet, kill potential heretics and have fun. Turns out there was real heretics and those asshole cultists were able to summon deamons. Even worse they were able to manifest psykic abilities with the help of a yellow warp gel they consumed. If that wasn't enough they all took some and collectively made a ritual that teleported the entire fucking planet in the warp. If that wasn't enough most of my friends are either dead or completely heretics.
>I don't know how but I landed on a space hulk on the middle of fucking nowhere. I fought deamonettes and got (probably?) raped by them (I don't want tot check my crotch area, at least it doesn't hurt so nothing bad happened). I got rescued by Marines Malevolent and fought with them. Out of exhaustion, traumas and vomitting too much because of the warp dust, I fell unconscious and slept for emperor's know how much.
>Now I'm awake inside the Marines Malevolent thunderhawk and I don't know what to do.
>Would I get promoted if I survived this or get blammed?

>>62718823
>Be Planetary Governess
>Be standing right here, next to dizzy marine
"Astartes, are you doing quite alright? You seem to be quite nauseous and... is your chest straining the front of your clothing or is that just my imagination?"

>be me, Sergeant Eisen Martellus
>Just got promoted to Lieutenant, after the shit show that was the space hulk.
>Disappointed that I have to give up my knife and skull mask.
>Instead, I get a set of Shiney new mark X tacticus armor, and a powersword
>Neat!
>Plans are already being put into motion to clear out the remaining dust on planet, as well as to get rid of the survivors in the most appropriate manner available.
>By the time I get back to the hanger for deployment. My brothers are forceibly stuffing the remaining mortals and the xeno witch, into an arvus lighter.
>At gun point no less.
>Approach the scene with my new helmet on. Where I watch with intrigue.
>As they're about to forcibly push the Crusader inside. I motion for my brothers to wait, before stepping towards her.

>>62718876
>look down
>nope, no tits
>check pants
>no ass, still the same dick
Yes Governess it must be your imagination, Pater Cawl has created this new breed of Astartes to be incorruptible by the powers of Chaos and even if this claim is untrue, it will take more than a little warp dust to do so. Although I can't deny your own dress looks a little *ahem* tight shall I say?
>I hope I don't have another warp dust exposed horde of mortals to take care of

>>62718886
> look at the astartes
> eyes filled with rage
> I FUCKING KNEW IT
> I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA FUCK US!

>>62718886
>Be the rest of Martellus's brothers
>Be pointing these crazy btiches into the argus lighter
>Wait, feeling weird
>Suddenly tits
>Meanwhile in the warp, the alliance between the Emperor and Slaanesh to fuck over the Marines Malevolent for just being the worst ends immediately after it begins

>>62718785
>Order tomb ships to begin assailing pointies.
>Also order some ground troops in this motherfucker to track those cunts down.
>Fuckingnerve.canoptek
>My pimp hand is gonna get some work today.

>Be me apprentice inquisitor with a almost new sweat-ass power armor (except crotch area) and a sniper rifle
>Just woke up and is about to be pushed into a arvus lighter
>Hope it's a bad dream
>CanIgetawaywithcallingthosespacemarinesheretics.inquisition ?

>>62718823
>>62718876

>Be Sororitas Mallory
>Realize the pink mist is spreading INSIDE the mansion now
>Grab the Governess' secretary by the waist and book it after Brothe Ephriam into the safety of the room with the autotailor
>wait, wasn't Canoness Helga bitching about the Governor, not Governess?
>This is probably that heretical xenos/warp sorcery's fault
>Or the warp dust.
>Possibly both
>Takes one look at Governess and smacks her across the face
>"Your just imagining things! Nothing could affect a pure warrior like Brother Ephriam like that!"
>Don't really care that she's a Governess!
>Although his chest IS growing larger
>Maybe more muscle perhaps?
>Oh God-Emperor if he ends up looking like a shirtless depiction of He on Terra from Lusty Space Marine that'd be absolutely amazing!!!

>>62719010
>I'm going to fucking kill that Necron
>Arm and armour up
>Start walking towards the house, militia in tow

>>62719010
> begin to rub his metal shoulder
Calm yourself my lord, this shall all be sorted in due time.
> look towards the primaris.
> huh... well then.
> grab my lord and hoof it down to the auto-tailor
> nope.vox

>>62719049
>Walk out, challenge Savage Bitch to a duel.
>Specifically, single combat.
>Switch cane to offhand and turn it pointy side up for stabbing.
>Get ready to slash shit with my warscythe.

>>62719065
> well fiddlesticks
> I can't exactly stop him.
> he's fighting outside the mansion.
> in single honorable combat
> he had better triumph, we still need to finish our duel as well

>>62719065
>Order militia to form a circle
>Slaaneshi Power Sword from my collection in hand
>Wait for him to make the first move

>>62718969
>Yeah, fuck you, and fuck that. You've done enough warp dust damage already. Find something better or less stupid.

>>62718962
>Be me, Eisen Martellus.
>Stare down at angry crusader woman, glaring daggers of hatred towards me
>How cute... She think she can scare me.
>Literalprimarisboogyman.gif
>Cross my arms over my chest. I speak up

This is you and your friend's way out. You have enough food and water to survive for five days. Make it count...

>Proceed to add insult to injury at this point, and gently pat and rub the top of her head.

You fought well upon the space hulk. I respect your tenacity and strength to overcome all odds and survive. It is for that reason alone, that you have been given the chance to leave.

>He then stops patting her head, and begins walking away. Bedding to prepare for the next battle.

>>62719099
> glare at the space marine
> he patted my head
> emperor fucking damn bullies
> turn and walk into the shuttle.
> grab the controls and fly it out of the hangar.
> head towards the moon.
> hopefully we can find some place there to settle down.
> and I can finally get my submarine sandwich.

>>62719092
>Attempt to disable her hardcase by stabbing wires.

>>62719131
>This little prick is trying to take out my armour
>slaaneshspeed.warp
>Sidestep out the way
>Swing at him

>>62719125
>Sitting upon the main console inside the arvus lighter's cockpit, is an overly large, submarine sandwich.
>Also, it seems that someone has disabled the lighter's controls, that allow one to slow your speed down.
>You litterally have no brakes...

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>>62719125
>Well better be with thos crazy gals than insane space marines I guess.
>At least I have food, didn't eat since I debuted my mission and you can't beleive how worse it is to vomit with an empty stomach
>ll eat and maybe go to sleep

>>62719165

>Well fan-fucking-tastic we're all gonna die

>>62719099
then stop having the fucking marines malevolent being here. You said yourself at the end of last thread that even you weren’t liking them. Just have them pull out. They are literally no fun and act as a constant threat to literally everyone. They don’t mesh with the main themes of the thread and they’re just the worst, there’s no reason for them to be here, please make them leave

>>62719032
>Check again, just to be sure
>Mallory is looking at me with a gleeful expression
>the new suit does feel quite tight
>but it couldn't possibly...
>oh yeah, must be the multilung keeping polluted air away from my real lung
>slap myself on the back
>cough up a little warp dust
>suit still a little tight
>oh yep, that's definitely my pectorals
>that's not supposed to happen
>I'm not sure if this is a corruption or a blessing but I'm not mad
>not sure how this would help or damage me but hey if it's there it's there

>>62719165
> you've gotta be fucking kidding me.
> meh.... I have my sandwich.
> I guess this'll do for now.
> maybe... they aren't so bad.
> then notice the brakes are out
OH COME THE FUCK O-

>>62719151
>Turn lunge into a slide as I slash at the back of the bitch’s knees.

>>62719212
>Knees slashed, fucking prick
>Relatively intact though, armour took a lot of the damage
>Pull out an inferno pistol and just start firing at him as I slowly step backwards

>>62719209
>With your shuttle entering the atmosphere with no real way to possibly slow yourself down, and the outer hull of the lighter heating up, and melting the armor. A malfunction occurs with the shuttle's vox transmitter.
>The following begins playing over the ship's speakers
https://youtu.be/zJ3qtWOz9tE

>>62719203
>Be Governess
>Hidinf in the tailor room with some dudes
>The marine seems to think that not breathing the warp dust through his actual lungs protects him from te literal magic slut dust
>Magic slut dust doesn’t care how many lungs you put it through.
>Absolute chaos outside probably
>I need to do something about this
“Somebody get me a connection to the city wide announcement system!”

>>62719244
>FUCKING COWARD.
>Lunge forwards, dodging fire, going for the jugular.

>>62719286
>Basically have to fall over to avoid getting impaled
>Take the opportunity to stab at him from underneath while he's off balance
>Still firing though

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>Well that failed spectaculary
>Daemon starts to talk
"Alright, your fucking plans are not working, let me take the fucking wheel"
"If my plans aren't working, they your shitty, second grade lesser daemon won't be a fucking pinnacle"
"Besides i have another plan"
"Summoning a mutalith"
>The daemon voice murmurs something about being a fucking idiotic madman
>Now how do i handle such an endeavour
>Hear the sounds of clashing blades
>The slaaneshi is fighting
>Can't throw spells around, that charged one really left me empty
>Guess i'll take a long breather

>>62719310
>Knife missed, Thank you skeleton body.
>Knock the pistol away and stand.
“Get up.”

>>62719284
> attempt to steer the shuttle
> got to find a place to set down.
> huh, that courtyard looks pretty nice
> begin a descent as the floor melts, angling the tip of the lighter up to slow down.
> unwrap submarine sandwich
> if I'm gonna die
> I'm gonna taste this first.
> begin to bite into the sandwich
> ohmyemperor.praise
> it's.... everything I ever dreamed of.
> crash land in the courtyard.
> go flying out the front window....
> slam into.... something.
> face first.
> why does this feel.... squishy.

>>62719284
>be in room with Autotailor
>where I left my armor
>want to put it back on so I can cross the polluted main hall
>but I'd have to bare myself in front of all these people
>realise there's only women present
>Oh Emperor please don't make it too awkward
>take off new suit, start reassembling Power Armor
>turn my back to them as well as I can
>grab rifle and Power Sword
>give vox receiver to Governess, sprint across main hall and towards control room
>hook vox up to announcement system
Speak to your people governess!

>>62719343
>...
>A beautiful woman just flew through the wall and landed in my breasts
>I pat her head

>>62719328
>Jump back onto my feet
>Stick a breaching charge onto the Necron's chest
>Jump back behind the militia, start fucking running

>>62719363
> look up and see the woman patting my head.
> ummmm..... wut
> am I seeing double?
> shriek and back up rapidly...
> ohthronewhy.lament

>>62719376
>Rip off the breaching charge and throw it back.
>Jump right over militia and engage in pursuit.

>>62718886
>>62719209
>>62719262
>>62719165
>>62719343
>>62719361


>Be me, Canoness Helga
>Trying my best not to have a complete breakdown over losing most of my convent down on this backwater hole
>This really is fucking Innocence VI all over again
>Starting to have violent flashbacks
>IHaveSeenALotofDisturbingShit.ptsd
>Forced to focus on the lewdness of all things of my fellow survivors since I can't burn the Marines Malevolent to death with my flamer
>They are giving us a arvus lighter though
>Eyes go wide when I see the brakes are out and we're heading into the moon's limited atmosphere
>Hear the song playing
>"OH FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY TERRA!!"
>Swear that if I survive this I will make it a point to try and get the Eccelesiarchy to put a hit out on this Marines Malevolent Lieutenant for the Assassinorum
>Wrap arms Samson around the shoulders and holds on for dear life as we crash into courtyard
>get sent flying with the Crusader through the front window and land against a large space marine figure, large, milfy-bust hitting him square in the face

gotta go, keep the thread alive

>>62719401
>Detonate breaching mine, hopefully it will slow him down
>Continue running
>fastasfuck.slaanesh
>Ocassionally throwing grenades over my shoulder as the militia fire at this Necron with their shitty lasguns

>>62719361
“Thank you marine.”

>>62719379
>Oh, wow, she looks a lot like me
>Maybe we’re related
“Just sit right there puppy, I need to speak to my people.”
>Ahem
>Tell the people across the hive to not be afraid
>Even is many of them are now busty women
>They are still the people of the Emperor
>Tell them to resist heretical thoughts unless they are 100% sure they are not heretical
>Tell then to also consider fashion of course
>We can’t have our people looking like shit of course
>You need to accessories people
>Show off what the Emperor gave you
>Fight against Heresy by being fabulous
>Outside, the people of the hive cheer

>>62719404
> scrape the woman who just landed on my face off and look at her.
Be more careful where you are flying next time ma'am.
> set her down and look over at her companion.
You may wish to check on her however.
> she appears to be hyperventilating.

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>>62719262
>>62719343

>e me apprentice inquisitor with a almost new sweat-ass power armor (except for the crotch are) and equipped with my trusty sniper rifle.
>Is it me or is some kind of unknown force trolling us?
>Well the song is good and I have a sandwich.
>The crusader tries to give the ship a good angle so we'll die a little less
>We're still gonna die but thanks for trying
>Can I do something at all?
>Looking at my pockets: I have my sniper rifle with 1 full magazine, my twin pistols with no bullets, a nice knife, half a sandwich and some of the yellow warp gel infused with a big concentration of warp dust
>That warp gel gave those asshole cultists psykic abilities, they were even able to teleport a fucking planet into the warp. This one has a dose of extra heresy on it
>Well whatever I'm gonna die anyway, might as well try

>Holy shit that is hardcore!
>I can taste colors and see smells! There's so many rainbows around me!
>Gets teleported before the crash somewhere

>>62719404
>as I reach the control room the window shatters
>someone in Sororitas Armor crashes through
>they land square in my face
I can't see, I can't see! I know I've been cursed, first that warp dust makes me look like a gene-bulked primitive and now I turn blind! Curse this day, I don't want to have cybernetic eyes
>the person slides down my torso and lands on the floor
>it's the canoness
>she was covering my eyelenses with her bust
>bythethronewhatishappening.confusion
Canoness! I'm so glad you're alive! We have so many pressing matters at hand! First off all we need the Planetary Governor... Governess to speak to her people
>well shit maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that to her, didn't Angela say something about the Canoness disliking the Governor?

>>62719428
>Running, dodging grenades and lasgun fire.
>Shoot at her knee with warscythe.
>The one I hacked open.

>>62719516
>Fuck it, gonna have to stand my ground
>Suddenly, spin on my feet, attempting to run my sword through him

>>62719343
>>62719361
>>62719404
>>62719451

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Lick lips seductively as I watch brother Emphraim get dressed
>Oh I definitely want to ride him later
>YesInTheLewdWay.ImpureDesires
>Front windows smash open, and suddenly the Governess gets hit in the bust by... the face of a crusader?
>Well that was unexpected
>See Ephraim get a bust to the face seconds later
>Wait... is that the Canoness?
>Oh fuck it IS her
>That Milf hussy is gonna try and take Brother Ephraim for herself, I just know it!
>Fuckingskank.lewd
>Realize the Governess is here.
>Realize she basically just announced to the hive not to panic, resulting in cheering... and likely heretical sexy times
>Within earshot of Canoness Helga
>Damn it! We're all going to get barbecued because of this administratum bimbo!

>>62719558
>Shift to the other side, attempt to stab out power packs or whatever on the back of the armour with my cane.

>>62719651
>Spin out of the way
>Draw combat knife in free hand
>Feint with sword then go for the gut with the knife

>>62719672
>Fall back, attempting to hook her leg with warscythe.

>>62719702
>Didn't see that coming
>I'm fucked
>Sword gone, knife basically useless

>>62719500
>>62719451
>>62719643

>Be me
>Canoness Helga
>A Primaris Marine?
>One that's not an asshole?
>Hug him for a second and nearly break down in tears from relief
>Then push him away and regain my composure
>'Ahem..."
>Mind processes what he just said.
>Wait. Governess?
>That prick Von Gosk is a GOD-EMPEROR DAMNED GOVERNESS now?
>CoolSeethingRageMode.activate
>"Brother Space Marine, would you kindly take me to this... Governess? I have some... words for her..."
>Momma Helga's gonna pimpslap a hoe.

>>62719737
>Step back, switch cane to onhand.
“Get the fuck up. I’m done with you.”
>Walk back to mansion like a goddamn badass.

>>62719702
>Be Savorius, Sorceress
>Yada yada, you know the drill
>The Tzaangors ran out of popcorn
>But not regular corn
>Watching this duel
>It’s dragging on a shit ton of time
>They say Necrons are resistant to warp shit
>But i’ve smited quite a few
>And also a few powers like bolt of chaos and such can turn their leaders into chaos spawn
>I dunno how, but it does mean they’re not 100% immune
>Start dumping change energy from Tzeentch and pink mist energy from Slaanesh into the overlord, just to see what happens

>>62719752
>What a prick, eh, not my problem anymore
>Militia have the area secure
>Compose myself, pick up my sword and call in a transport

>>62719740
>Get hugged by busty Canoness
>thank you but I promised myself to another Sororita
>she seems to get her senses back together
>Canoness Helga seems quite well composed for how much she supposedly dislikes the planetary Governess
No problem. Make sure you have a rebreather or helmet though, the main hall is full of particularly strong warpdust vapor
>Open the door for her, point up the stairs to the room with the Autotailor
Ladies first!

>>62719769
>Try and contact Savorious
"You still alive? If so where are you? I need something to do"

>>62719769
>Mist floods vision as I walk away.
>Then, It dissipates wherever I walk to.
>Eventually make it back to the mansion.
>Grab a seat, sit down, sigh.

>>62719815
>She asks if I’m still alive
“Of course I am! What do you want?”

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>Be me, apprentice inquisitor in a sweat-ass almost new power armor (except for the crotch are) and equipped with a sniper rifle
>I'm somewhere strange, barely any light, metal everywhere and it's cold. I thinnk I'm on the moon.
>Good news, I'm not dead
>Bad news, I'm still fucking lost
>Also I vomitted the gel along with my fucking sandwich. At least I still have half left.
>I feel like I changed somehow. Looking at my hands and feets, no extra fingers or toes. Looking at my crotch were the deamonette (probably) raped me, nothing wrong there. Well I'll look into that later.
>Can't muster the strenght to stand up, so I'll just lay on the ground for a while. At least this seems like a place with no warp dust. I'll rest a little.

>Seems like there's someone coming from a hallway, I wonder who that is? My voice is weak, but it's better than nothing:
Hey, who are you?

if anyone wants to rp without the fight or the lewd things, you go rp with me

>>62719834
"I'm bored, give me something to do"

>>62719922
“Oh, okay.”

>...
>Thinking

“Go turn some people into chicks.”

>>62719451
> shriek and jump to her feet.
> notice the sister getting ready to leave
> might as well follow her.
> still don't trust her though.
> fucking sororitas.
> they go between "I wanna fuck you" and "purge everything" every five minutes.
> why can't they just choose one and stick to that?

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>>62719801
>>62719643
>>62719451

>Be Canoness Helga
>This Primaris is quite the gentleman
>Well he's not Marines Malevolent, so of course he is
>Wait, did he just say the main hall's full of warp dust
>"Oh for Terra's sake..."
>stomp up the stairs, not really caring if you get a nice look at my absolutely delicious derriere while I walk
>I should be able to hold my breath long enough to make it through
>That or my rage should keep me sane
>Take a deep breath and charge at full speed down the hallway to the autotailor room, slamming the doors open and closing them immediately behind me
>"HELLO GOVERNESS VON GOSK! HOW NICE TO SEE YOU!!"
>Cracks knuckles so loud it can be heard through power gauntlets with malicious grin on my face
>She may look as attractive as Crusader, but by the God-Emperor am I going to relish beating her into a bloody pulp.

>>62713930

>Be Reiver Sgt. Chesty Puller
>Leading a squad of Deathwatch marines looking for survivors to extract
>My team and i have killed numerous traitors, Xenos, and Daemons today is not so bad so far
>Wondering if i can get married and still advance in the Deathwatch?

>>62719953
>Ponder for a moment
>Have an idea
"On it"
>Call up a transport and a bunch of warp dust grenades
>Gonna slaaneshbomb the hives.

>>62719879
so none of the fun stuff?
>be me
>be greater daemon of shamwow
>be crushed under a space hulk onna moon
>be very dead
>be in the warp
>facepalming over every bad choice leading up to this

>>62720058
> grab the canoness by her back and pull her backwards
CANONESS NO! WE JUST GOT HERE!
> welp.... desperate times.
If.... you d-don't fight.... I'll...... go out on a date with you.
> fuckmylife.ptsd
> why did I say that
> face goes red.

>>62720064
> be me
> deathwatch Sword Brother Wilhelm Mordred
> nudge my sergeant and point towards the clusterfuck that is the hive.
> look back toward the krieger and other guardsman aboard the blackstar.
> sigh inside of my helmet.
> today is gonna be one of those days isn't it?

>be me
>be titty warp spawn
>be slithering mass of tits and tentacles and shit
>can’t move
>tfw I’m a semi-sentient rape sofa

>>62720058
>Oh hey, this bitch
>She’s looking really good actually.
>Not exactly my type, but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed
“Greetings Canoness, it is a pleaure to see you once again, although we have both changed greatly since our last meeting. I would love to chat, however, there is work to be done. Despite my amazing skills as an orator, my speech did not reach the ears of each and every citizen, and many will continue to riot or slide into depravity as the pink mist seeps out from the space hulk. I must rely on you and your order to help me and the moon in surviving this ordeal.

”>>62720110
>Pets Victoria’s head
“Oh puppy, there’s no need to do that.”

>>62714354

>\\Jump complete\\
>\\Warp drive status: entering sleep mode\\
>\\Plasma drive status: firing primed\\
>\\Plasma drive status: countdown T-minus 300\\
>\\Stationkeeping complete\\
>\\Navigational alignment complete\\
>\\Navigation waypoints set...updating...\\
>\\Gellar field status: power down complete...entering sleep mode\\
>\\System diagnostics running...\\
>\\No system errors detected...saving to log...saved\\
>\\Empyreal reaction threshold: 0.6++\\
>\\Pinging...\\
It is going to scroll for at least another minute.
>Better put a polite call in to the planetary governor and see if I can obtain more reaction mass.

>>62720161

>Be me Reiver Sgt. Chesty Puller
>Look toward where brother Mordred is pointing
>I take point and head that direction ready to purge with my kin
>MP3.Linkinloyalists
>What did i just walk into?

>>62720230
> shake her hand off
please quit patting my head...
> I'm a head taller than you for emperor's sake
> I just wanted to be a hero and save people
> and what do I get for all of my troubles?
> more wounds than I care to name, a pair of tits and some ovaries.
> whyamialive.lament.

>>62720105
> I don't mind if it was only me for like a post or 3 (maybe up to five maximum) but it kinda began awkward for me. I wanna join the fun and rp, not participate on someone's hard-on fetish

>be me apprentice inquisitor with a almost new sweat-ass power armor (except the crotch area) and equipped with a sniper rifle
>It's cold, dark and I'm too hungry to eat my damn sandwich. At least there's no dust. Is this a underground bunker?
>Starting to get nauseous, still feeling some changes happening to me.
>Is there really someone down the hallway? I'll try to contact them again, this time with my junk of a radio

Is someone there?

>>62720074
>Be Khornate cultist in lower levels of Administratum Hive
>Warp take those paper pushers
>My fellow cuItists and I will collect their skulls for Khorne!
>It doesn't matter if we've been turned into women by this pink mist
>Ibetitwasasecretslaaneshcult.voxcast
>damnLITERALskullfuckers.warp
>Entire Khorne cult starts running rampant on the lower levels of the hive, killing anyone they come across
>Many of whom are either engaged in extremely lewd, increasingly disturbing orgies of the skin-flaying variety, or pleasuring themselves
>Slaanesh is fucking weird man.

>>62720271
I mean, to be fair Victor only had one testicle so maybe a symmetrical and fully functional body might be an upgrade actually

>>62720234
>get vox call
>answer
“Yes?”

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>be me
>be hive ganger
>me and the boys are down at the pub when this crazy pink mist rolls in
>some guys start going full homo and get shot
>three guys start beating down the walls
>watch some poor fucker fall madly in love with his bottle
>he starts choking on it
>suddenly tits
>suddenly couple of queers turn into a titty sofa
>whatmagicalrealmisthis.gif
>eldrich abomination walks into the bar through the pink mist
>orders a drink
>he’s followed by this bird thing with tits
>there’s some horrible commotion above in the upper hive levels
>barkeep turns on pictfeed with a tentacle
>it’s so shitty and dark down here none of us noticed a space hulk crashing outside the hive
>grab my pipe gun and run
>my gun isn’t even a gun anymore
>it’s a heart shaped royal septer
>mfw I’m a magical girl
>this shit couldn’t get any weirder
>mfw it gets weirder
>a giant wad of tentacles walks into the bar and orders a drink
>that’s just Dave tho
>there’s some lesbians getting it on over pictfeed
>I’m not even turned on by it
>wtf
>run out of the bar and greeted by purple darkness

>>62720281
>Be tzaangor
>Be last because of Slaanesh magic
>Had adopted children, but they shot at me and drove me away
>Sob
>Oh hey, look, a new child to adopt!

>>62720266
>>62720161
>watching bitchfight
>unexpected but hilarious
>get voxnet notification
>another Kill Team is here
>in the lower hive
>tag my location on their auspex' and hope they respond, we can deal with the masses later but right now we have to solve a major administrative problem

>>62719825
>Be me, Khornate Genestealer marine
>Wake up, hungry, alone
>Marine friend gone
>Big house nearby
>Food inside?
>Go in window, start looking around

>>62720110
>>62720230
>>62720271

>Be Canoness Helga
>Struggling angrily against the Crusader's grasp, rage overriding my common sense
>'I'll... go out on a date with you.'
>Waitwhat.voxcast
>Cheeks burn red and I slowly look back at the Crusader with a shocked expression
>I've been considering hooking up with that Autarch later, but now that she mentions it, she is rather attractive... but wasn't Gwyndolin interested in her before?
>FollowTheLewdnessOrFollowWhatsRight.surprisinglytoughdecisions
>break free from Crusader's grip and strike the Governess with a hard backhanded pimpslap
>"Two things Von Gosk: One, you love the sound of your own voice you don't realize how utterly incompetent you are. Two, my CONVENT'S FUCKING GONE YOU SELF-ABSORBED BITCH! ALL THAT'S LEFT IS ME, SISTER GWYNDOLIN, AND-"
>Pause midrant when I see Angela and Mallory standing there
>run over them and hug them both to my chest, trying hard not to break down in tears
>"I thought I'd lost everyone... It's... It's so good to see you..."
>Never Thought I'd end up so attached to such undisciplined borderline schola dropouts.
>Slowly turn back and look at Victoria.
>"We... We'll discuss things later."

>>62720445
>Be minor Slaaneshi daemon
>floating around
>ducking with some dudes
>See a magical girl running around
>I know what I must do. Jpg
>Posses a cat(or suitable small furry animal)
>warp it a bit, hop down into girl’s path
“You have been bestowed with a great power girl! You must save this hive from destruction using those powers!”

>>62720607
>>62720516

>Be me
>Get a ping of a fellow deathwatch marine
>I lead my team towards the location
>Call up the Brother on the Vox let him know i am on my way
>Walk into the room and see a canoness smack another woman
>Oh my that was quite the backhand 8/10

>>62720607
> nod
> sighing in relief at the fact that she might not have to go on a date with the woman
> thanktheemperor.ptsd.
> Look at the canoness hugging her two subordinates, then look at the governess.
> that was a mighty slap.
> Praise the emperor for small wonders
> go and sit in the far corner of the room away from everyone else.
> I'm gonna stay right here for now.

>>62720607
>Ow that’s smarts
“Gone you say, Canoness? I think not. I sent some of my personal ships down to pick up some survivors before the planet was destroyed. It never hurts to be in the good graces of the ecclisiarchy.”
>And i’d LOVE to be in YOUR good graces, Canoness

>>62720657
> oh hey a dark angel
> damn these are a bunch of well made women
> meh... not really my type though
> toservetheemperorisallIneed.loyalist
> still have to admit that backhand was top notch.

>>62720682
>Reclining on seat.
>Shout to Governess about that dinner we were gonna have.
>Hungry as hell.
>Wait, fuck, I don’t have a digestive tract.

>>62720750
>Witness backhand.
>I like her now.
>She can have the bitches, she deserves them.

>>62720374

>\\Vox uplink...band 3...hold\\
>\\Cipher suite...\\
>\\Vox downlink authorized...band 3...active\\
>The tones of the Governor's voice seem different.
>This database is old anyway.
>\\SHell: mkdir -p /TM/new/Administratum/Gov/bio/

"Mars greets you, Your Honor. I am in need of reactant mass, having expended 68.96% of my primary stores on achieving a 0.77c escape velocity from the last system."

>>62720682
>>62720672
>>62720607

>Be me
>take a few steps forward and speak using my soothing voice
Excuse me Ladies but do any of you need assistance?

File: 4A250776-64C1-40AF-84A6-2(...).png (481 KB, 1920x1080)

481 KB PNG

>>62720615
>this is like one of them horrible tau cartoons
“Oi! Where’s my dick? What’ve ye done ta mah dick? You bob’s kid?”
>fucker was always into Felinid chicks
>haven’t seen him in years
>fucking bob
>the bar gets up onto some bird legs and walks off
>sounds like a lot of cheering is going on in there
>oh fuck the game
“Where’s tha tele you shit I’m missin tha footie!”
>this skirt is too high
>fucking Felinid bitches
>fucking bob
>fucking weird dust in the air
>I want a vaacum
>suddenly have a magic vaccum
>wat
>WAT
>it works
“What is this shit you pussy brat?”

>>62720774
>Why would they even do that?
>Whatever, they want fuel
>I send my secretary to check the logs on that
>What se returns with is slightly unsettling
“Uh, it seems that our fuel stores, while still at a very good capacity, have been slightly tainted by warp dust. They still work, apparently, but if you’d want to use them you’d have to be okay getting some extra ballast on the front of your chest”

>>62720607
>>62720672
>>62720682
>>62720781

>Be me
>Newbie Sororitas Mallory
>currently being hugged by my Canoness
>Holy Terra, Canoness Helga's actually being nice to us?!
>ThankTheEmperorforSmallBlessings.purity
>Also, that was an AMAZING backhand she just gave the Governess
>Look at Crusader woman and tilt head curiously
>Make mental note to give her a hug. She looks like she could use one
>See other deathwatch marines enter room and smile weakly
>Things are looking up!
>"Just... give us a moment sir so our canoness can collect herself."

>>62720657
>>62720714
>Canoness bitchslaps Governess
>8/10 Governess not nosebleeding
>A Reiver in black armor barges in
>he has a very muted silver arm and a deep burgundy shoulderpad
>stealthy, I like
>Deathwatch, Blood Angels
>behind him a regular marine, also Deathwatch
>Black Templars judging by the large sword, can't see his chapter pauldron
Hello Brothers, I'm Ephraim of Kill Team Gamma-Crucifix. Been here since this shitshow started. I've tried my best to keep things under control but to no avail. These here are Sisters Angela and Mallory, we've been keeping each other company.
>I hope they don't respond unkindly, I just want to be with a woman, I haven't been with a woman for centuries and Sister Angela is the hottest woman I have been subjected to
This here is Canoness Helga, and that there is the Planetary Governess, Lady von Gosk. And that is Crusader Victoria Samson, she used to be Victor Samson, long story. Did I miss anyone?