>>62665559
Should I repost my Inquisitor, OP?

>>62665432
>Wait, what was that crash behind me
>Turn around again, someone in white Terminator armor just crashed to the ground
>see a warp rift close a few feet in the air
>that better not be Belial, he was always mean to my squad for no reason
>the person gets up, it's a woman
>a pretty tall woman
>she's just under my chin, which is fuckhueg for a non-augmented person
>Inquisition symbols all over her, even a neck tattoo
>That means she's Ordo Malleus, psyker fucks
>keep charging after Gwellian, finally catch up to her and grab her by the waist, lift her up with one hand
> turn that Howling Banshee she was charging into something resembling nutri-broth using my blade and my foot
>sprint back into cover, see look of fear in the eyes of the sisters that remained in the alley, to them it's like a Bulldozer chraging them with the speed of a racecar
>put Gwellian down
>something'sdifferent.hereticalimplications
>Well shit, looks we have a triumvirate of big tiddies now, Sister Angela and Sister Mallory might not get envied and/or mocked anymore

>>62665588
Not OP, but I say you should do it. Everybody is welcome on the crazy train.

>>62665611
Oh, yeah. I posted her already near the tail end of the last thread. Not sure if I should do it again. Seems people saw it, though.

>>62665619
I think it's fine if you do but it's not necessary

>>62665559
Just one extra pointless detail

>one ork Warband is acting like imperium forces and assisting them in fighting the foes of the Omnissiah

>>62665624
I'll leave it be, then. I'm sure the Sister of Mammaries saw it

Bump for more greentext, last thread was going so fast, don't let this one die!

>>62665559
The Chaos gods are also watching on Khorne's flat screen tv.

I'm in need of sleep, keep the thread alive everyone.

>>62665665
The thread only needs to be bumped every four hours, be patient anon.

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>>62665588
By all means go right ahead

>>62665604

>Be Me
>Newbie Sororitas Mallory
>Well, today has become completely and utterly insane
>Why is Sister Superior trying to chase down two Eldar without her weapon?
>Thankfully the Deathwatch brother snatched her up and saved her...
>Wait, how did an Inquisitor chick get here?
>When did Sister Gwellian's bust get so big? It's almost as big as mine?!
>TheGod-EmperorGrantsStrangeBlessings?.prayerseal

Reposting

> Am being tossed around by coke-fiend
> Also being chased by numerous large-breasted sister, some of which have the taint of chaos around them
> Gross.Warp
> Thankfully enough we are greatly outpacing them
> We might make it in time for-
> Suddenly;
[HONK HONK]
> An earth-shattering honk is heard
> This can only mean one thing
> Look up
> Yup, Its the craftworld
> It's got a bunch of wierd ships surrounding it, but more to the point;
> We're fucked
> We Dead
> We gon die tonight

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Reposting

>>62665765
Can't delete my fuckup because the site is being a faggot.

>>62665267 #
>Be an Inquisitor of the Ordo Malleus
>I'm duelling a Lord of Change alongside some Exorcists
>He's a tough motherfucker -- keeps flitting out of the way of my attacks
>I pour everything I have psychically into binding him in place, and strain my terminator armor to allow me to slam my daemonhammer into his stupid birdface
>He lets out the most vile screech you've ever heard, and cackles like a little bitch
>Unleashes a warp rift in his death throes that swallows me up. FFS.
>I survive, and it spits me out on some barren backwater that doesn't matter.
>The first thing I see is a SoB with tits the size of my head charging some Eldar
I hate my job.

>>62665697
>"Sister Gwellian, what's happening to y-
[HONK HONK]
>what was that
>even the sound filters of my power armor couldn't dampen that
>check the sky, an eldar Craftworld has appeared
>I haven't seen one of these in my entire life, it's even larger than they looked in the picts the Deathwatch showed us
>apropos large
>"As I was saying, what's happening with you Sister Gwellian? Is there some kind of slaaneshi curse slowly befalling the sisters of this shrine?"
>my oh my, that's heresy
>but I'll allow it

>>62665786
>>62665697
>>62665697
>>62665786
>Spot a Deathwatch Primaris Marine, one of Lord Guilliman's creations
>Thank the fucking Emperor. Someone sa ne!
>Watch as he snatched the batshit sister with giant tits up and carry her off into an alley without saying a thing
>I sigh, pick up my hammer, and follow, only to spot two that are just as busty, if not moreso
>For a few moments, I continued to regret being alive
>"In the name of the God-Emperor, what is going on here, and why do I see Sisters with breasts the size of watermelons?"

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>>62665786
Fucken golden reaction to a craftworld appearing

> Be greatest pirate captain Bruce Slap-Dasha
> 'Avin a space whale of a time
> Eldarr to krump
> They don't even play any of their usual tricks, almost like all thei capable warriors are somewhere else
> Nahh
> Spot some spooky chaos boys
> K'mon, we already did chaos
> There are some rathknight thingies over there
> And there standing next to some important looking glowy thing
> Imma loot it

>>62665604
>>62665771
>>62665786

>Be Sister Superior Gwellian
>Did this Space Marine just assume I'm suffering from a Slaaneshi curse?!
>Did he just assume my entire SHRINE is suffering from a Slaaneshi curse?!
>CEASEYOURHERETICALTHOUGHTS.confession
>"Don't be ridiculous! These are j-just blessings from the God-Emperor! Just because Mallory's always been more top-heavy than a dreadnought doesn't mean we all are! Cease your heretical thoughts! CEASE I SAY!"
>Spots Inquisitor
>HolyTerraI'mBoned.voxcast
>Spot Eldar Again, shove Brother Ephraim out of the way and charge headlong at them while they stare up at-
[HONK HONK]
>Oh great, the knife ears have brought their craftworld out.
>There must be... so many Eldar males there.
>I could just eat them all up...
>Tackles both knife-ears to the ground and grins maliciously
>"Well now, aren't you a couple of naughty little xenos..."
>ThisIsBecomingIncreasinglyHeretical.slaaneshi

>>62665858
>"Well, Inquisitor, I can't answer that but I can't say that I dislike it as long as it's not heretical. You're a psyker, right? You might want to check on the mind of Sister Gwellian here, these uhhhhhmmm blessings (?) are new and came with a big dose of batshit insanity. Mallory and Angela have always been like this and seem to be pure of mind, no need to check on them"
>secretely hope it's not heretical
>it's gonna be fucking slaanesh isn't it
>Gwellian sprints the fuck off and tackles two eldar
>she pins them down and grins pervertedly
>Gwellian please, at least wait for me before you lewd yourself

>>62665918
>>62665901
>>62665901
>>62665918
>"I am a psyker, yes. Perhaps I should examine her, just to be safe.
>Inwardly, I'm screaming. I'm halway convinced I lost my duel and the Birdfuck is just messing with my head
>I find myself glad that I'm an ascetic, since this is probably some fucked Slaaneshi plot. Even though my bits are broke.
I take a step towards the Sister and begin to reach into her soul, probing it for corruption
>The crazed bitch jumps two Eldar and has this look on her face like she's about to fuck them
>Hate my job even more
>"...These aren't blessings. They're unnatural mutations."
>Internally, I'm groaning as I reach over to haul this batshit sister up
>What the fuck is this planet?

>>62665901
> From our original number, we are down to nearly 25 Asurayani soldiers + 1 Drukhari
> A Drukhari which is currently overdosing, might I add
> And now theres a warp tainted sister on me
> Hell no
> She is pushed off
> Good work, soldier
> Grab the DEldar and we'll get outta here

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>>62665267
>I'min.hackers
>Not as much room as I would like, but I can fix that later, right now we've got elf-snacks to catch
>After that, we can turn them into Eldar Women (Female) and then comes the LESBIAN INTERCOURSE for the purposes of reproduction!!!

>>62665432
>>62665771
>Something just dropped out of the Warp
>Is that a hueg Inquisitor chick?
>Did not expect that, but it's a pleasant surprise

>>62665604
>...NOOOOO
>The Elf-snacks are getting away!

>>62665717
>...Well at least I'll get another chance at breeding some...

>>62665901
>>Tackles both knife-ears to the ground and grins maliciously
>YAY!

>>62665981
>>I find myself glad that I'm an ascetic, since this is probably some fucked Slaaneshi plot. Even though my bits are broke.
>These are not the breast you are looking for.mindtrick
>Also I can help you with those bits if you want

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>>62665981
>>62665989
>>62665918
>>62666039

>Be 'probably tainted' Sister Superior Gwellian
>Wait, who in Terra's name is pulling me off these Eldar?! I didn't even get a chance to start 'having fun' yet!
>It's the Inquisitor
>OhFuckMe.voxcast
>swat Inquisitor's arm away and point after the fleeing Eldar
>"What kind of Inquisitor prevents a member of the Imperium from carrying out their righteous duty to purge the xenos of their bodily-I mean, purge the xenos!"
>IAmCompletelySaneAndTotallyNotGoingOffTheDeepEnd.litany
>Chase after the Eldar general, shouting that I'm going to catch his knife-eared ass and slowly drain him of his bodily fluids for invading this Imperial world
>I am so going to end up on a Penitent Engine when this is over. If I live that long anyway.


And with that, I'm gonna call it a night before I fall asleep on the keyboard. See you all in the morning I hope!

>Be me, Tim Ruckus
>Only vet for a few kilometers
>Lotta weird shit happening over in Davis' field
>Red robed clock-men, Angles in well-fitted armor, metal skeletons, many other kinds of nonsense
>Deafening sound announces a new moon in the sky
>The shadow is over Davis' field
>Not my problem yet

>>62666039
>>62666057
>The Sister fucking smacks my arm away
>"The kind that finds it odd when a Sister of Battle appears as if she's about to sexually assault xenos! I'm not stupid, you-"
>Suddenly, I feel something fucking weird
>Realize that I don't really care about this, and that it's probably nothing
>Suddenly find myself wondering how it would feel to be more like that sister
>I don't even realize that I left my body and mind wide open to a daemonette

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>>62666099
>Jump over to the Inquisitor since the Sister Superior is so thirsty for Eldar juice
>So deary, what seems to be the problem?
>Plumbing?
>Non-existent Libido?

>>62666223
(Sleep time. See you guys in a bit. I have plans.)

>>62666231
Fuck it. One last post.
>>62666223
>Great. It's in my brain.
>I'm better than this. I can, uh...
>Realize that my life is literal hell
>I'm an inquisitor with a daemon in their head.
>I'm dead if anyone finds out
>Currently, my problem is that there's a slut daemon in my body.

>>62666039
>Be me
>Male Sister of Battle Howling Banshee in disguise Enladiel Feanwe
>Have successfully infiltrated the Mon-Keigh warriors
>One of them even put me in an infantry transport to protect me
>Battle seems to be coming down
>Start checking out my new comrades
>One of them has growing breasts
>wat.exarch
>My keen psychic senses detect a Mon-Keigh psyker
>>62666264
>Oh and it's possessed by a Daemonette
>MySoulIsGoingToBeEaten.soulstone

goodnight anons. I'm going to hit the hay

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>>62666264
>How is this a PROBLEM?
>You're Ordo MALLEUS, right?
>What better source of information on Daemonic activity are you going to get than one nested in your bosom?
>Hells, I know there is at least one Bloodletter here we can easily bully into submission

>>62666290
>...Also a cross-dressing space elf, but we can fix the cross-dressing part!

Should turn in as well, but there is LEWDNESS AFOOT!!!

Skitarii TX-24 here, whats going on with my friends in the necron tomb?

>>62665981
>>62666039
>>62666099
>>62666264

>Well shit, it's fucking Slaanesh
>whoknew.curses
>"Can you cleanse her mind Inquisitor? I don't think you'll be able to undo the mutation"
>"Inquisitor? Inquisitooor?? INQUISITOR! Don't daydream damnit, or have you also been corrupted?"
>I am the only sane person around here
>ineveraskedforthis.adamjensen

>>62666264
>>62666223
>>62666057
>>62665697
> Be a bitchin' sister hospitalier, mmm hmm
> Never recognised by regular sisters, no maam
> I convinced sister Mallory to teach those techies what she made of, but do I get thanks? No gurl
> Who do those hoes think keeps their blood in their body?
> Notice some of my sisters have been "larger" than normal.
> And acting real heretical
> Skanky ass hoes
> Is that a Slaanesh Daemon
> Oh hell naw
> Sister hospitalier Trinity ain't got no time fo' dat!
> Grab hospitalier rifle
> Some hoes gon' get purged tonight

>>62666332
We'll have to continue the lewdness in... Six hours. Can you hold on that long? I also got a discord if y'all motherfuckers want it. Archmagos#4363

>>62666400
Sent you a friend request, I'm *Confused Grunt* with a Tim Allen pic

>>62666400
Hello, I'm scared Eldar general as well as african-american sassy sister of battle.
My discord is Probablypixel.

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>>62666400
Never fear, the Aussies are here!

>>62666546
Euros are also here as well, but it's 11am on a weekdays here so most of us are busy

>>62666565
Can confirm since I'm European too

>>62666364
>Be me.
>Be very confused Overlord.
>Order troops to shoot at everyone but the non pointy fleshies and hardcases.
>Stillwantthatduel.crypt
>Sneakin around the battlefeild, lookin for bitches.
>Why does my job suck like this?

Be I, Skitarii TX-24
> The BT carrying me has exited the tomb, at last
> If he takes us back to the mechani-copter, we'll be safe at last
[HONK HONK]
> What was that
> That nearly overloaded my aural circuits
> By the Omnissiah, its a craftworld.
> Seeing as the Magos is a heretek (I think), I wonder what her reaction would be if she ever wakes up.
> Someone should do something about those missing legs.

>>62667031
>be Primaris Brother Ephraim, the only man among a huge group of women with huge tits
>sadly all of them are either too pure of mind to seduce or under a slaaneshi curse
>I just wanted a big tiddy Sister GF so Einarr stops calling me gay, not to become the caretaker of a group of insane women with daemonettes in their heads
>spot a necron overlord lurking across from me on the plaza
>problem is that there's a whole bunch of eldar on the plaza and the sisters are currently trying to withstand urges to have a major lewdness outbreak
>Tell Sisters Mallory and Angela to keep the others in check, especially the Sister superior and the Inquisitor
>step out of the alley, magdump into a handful of knife-ears
>goddamnit 25 rounds for 5 kills is acceptable with orks or chaos or whatever but not for effeminate twinks in light armor
>rush towards the overlord, let out a thunderous warcry amplified by my power armor
>push another eldar to the floor, curbstomp him without slowing down
>"face me, you sneaky metal bastard! You got away from the templars, but if there's one thing I'm good at its dealing with Xeno scum!"

>>62667073
> Be me Ulfric Williams
> be carrying some fucking cultist, a skitarii, and a possible tech heretic out of a necron tomb for reasons unknown, even to me.
> emperorwhy.despair
[HONK HONK]
>dafuq.vox
> look up to see a FUCKING CRAFTWORLD
> dammit.
> as if today couldn't get any worse.
> get denied my duel with a cron overlord, and now there's AN ENTIRE POPULATION OF KNIFEEARS just out of my reach.
> better head towards the city and link up with my brothers.
> speedygonzalez.marine

why is the craftworld Honking.

>>62667579
> be me, chaplain marius Alfred
> spot the brother marine charging my quarry.
> "PRIMARIS, CALM YOURSELF, THE DUEL IS ON HOLD UNTIL THESE ESPECIALLY RUDE ELDAR ARE DEALT WITH."
> dammit
> some people just have no manners nowadays
> don't they know that interrupting duels is just downright unsightly?

>>62667744
Because in craftworld hugiv'sufuk, we have expert sonic weaponry that disorientates and confuses the enemy before the firing begins!

...and because we thought it would be funny.

>>62667579
>>62667750

> The second encounter with the sisters has gone very oddly
> Very oddly indeed.
> The SOB we faced before were exceedingly deadly killing machines (for mon-keigh), and now we're warding off large-breasted animals who are mostly trying to pin us down
> As a matter of fact, the SOB with teh large breasts before now has amongst the smallest
> IbetSlaneshdidthis.warp
> And oh look, the Space Marines are here
> And oh look, i've just been curbstomped
> This is the worst day in all of my many centuries.
> Oh Khaine, the dick crushing SM is here
> GetTheFuckOuttaHere.Soulstone

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>>62667734
> Be I, Skitarii TX-24
> Please, noble marine, may you put me down?
> Being carried is unbeffiting of a warrior of teh machine cult such as I
> Also, the being that is I suggests we go to the mechani-copter, it is much closer to us than the other Astartes
> This is also where we can fix my noble magos.

>>62667945
> still me.
> upon hearing his request he sets the skitarii, and only the skitarii, down.
> "very well then, lead me to this mechani-copter of yours, we shall use it to link up with my brothers, and reinforce the city. Along with healing these two."
> gesture for the skitarii to lead the way.

>>62640215

>>62667878
>>62667031
Be me
>1stLt Harkus Straken of the Catachan II
>Interrupted my group sex party with SoB & Techpristesses by some frakkin’ weak noodle arm necron fag who tunneled through and emerged into my recreation of a goddamn hulking Imperial Fist fortress except it be Imperial Guard version
>Leman Russ Vanquishers on my orders fire upon bith their forces with the main cannons loaded with localized direct-impact HE as well as sponsons of Plasma, Heavy Flamer, Heavy Bolter, Melta, Heavy Stubber, & Hotshot Las
>Catachan Devil’s literally turn to and lay down torrents of fire from an exceedingly varied amount of weapon types (Bolters, Las Guns, Stubbers, Etc) upon both the Necrons & Eldar

>>62668432
>> Be me, Victor Samson
>> fighting FUCKING DAEMONS inside this.... whatever the fuck this is
>> whatstechnology.crusader
>> hear harkus cursing about getting.... interrupted.
>> goddammit harkus not again
>> evenmoreangrybabymammas.baggage
>> why is it always a clusterfuck?
>> for once, just once, I want to visit a planet and not have it erupt into a goddamn all out war.

>>62668003
> Be I, Skitarii TX-24
> Venture forth, noble Astartes! We shall turn the outcome of the day yet!
> Only one problem- theres a retarded number of Necron Cultists in the way.

Even Skitarii must sleep. But I shall return!

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>>62668505
> be me Ulfric Williams
> fucking necron cultists in the way.
> whatsstealthagain.crusader
> hand cultist over to the skitarii,
> don't really trust him not to run off if I hand him the magos.
> reload storm bolter and open fire on the cultists.
> watch as heads pop and bolt shells go flying.
> I love the smell of boltgun in the morning.
> smells like purging.

>>62668667
>>62668505

>Be Metalic Death Cultists
>Metal Behemoth has finally let me out of his grip
>Still have no idea why he absconded with me
>See him killing my people
>Whatthehell!.genocide
>Attempt to stop the behemoth from slaughtering my people but toaster thief is holding me back
>Fellow cultists continue to get killed while I flail around trying to break the grip of a toaster thief
>I miss my Lord

>Be Savorius
>Doing my plans, fucking up the craftworld
>The tzaangors found a button that makes the entire craftworld shake and go "HONK", and they've been pressing it.
>Constantly
>It's only when their stupid plans no longer line up with yours when you realize that the tzaangors are kind of doing their own thing
>Which currently seems to be finding the right frequency of honking to literally drive people insane
>Not the greatest plan, and annoying as hell, but they might succeed
>I however am making my way to the infinity circuit.
>As per the plan, I am to strip it of protections so that incoming Slaaneshi daemons can harvest it of...
>Ugh, "Big Titty Space Elf Energy"
>I hate my fucking allies

>>62668967
> Be Captain Bruce Slap-Dasha
>Listen Up, Kaos Boys!
HONK
> Iz da greatest Ork captain in dis hole galaxy
HONK
> And wez gon chop you ups
HONK
> And den lootz dis hole Kraftworld
HONK
> By Gork, Wot Iz dat?
HONK
> WaaAAAaaAAaAAAAAAaAAaaAaGHH!

>>62668769
>can't seem to find any meat.
>the drugged thing is too fast.
>he lord is dueling the fleshies.
>wait, we smell blood. Much blood!
>nearby scarab confirms blood sightings.
>thanks little friend we would pat you.
>finally we can hunt again. Start bursting out of the ground with my kin.
>the same group from earlier, including the hardcase that crushed me earlier.
>PackScreech.SoiSoiSoi
>ignore the cultists and charge the templar

>>62669424
> be me, Ulfric Williams
> Emperor dammit, more fucking necrons.
> must resist urge to charge them.
> still carrying magos.
> reload storm bolter, empty magazines at the flayed ones.
> bolter clicks.
> can't engage in melee, not with magos still being carried.
> time for the special technique that raven guard taught me.
> grab the skitarii, and the cultist
> make a note to self to dispose of the cultist later.
> tacticalwithdrawl.itsnotretreating.

>Be Daniel MacGregor
>Corporal of the Imperial Guard Drooken Fen Guard 7th "geared bastards" regiment
>Went on a drunken sesh around the the toon and woke un in ere.
>Nae clue wits the frak goin on, ma heeds killin me and ave still got wan bottle af tonic.

>>62669494
>fuck, is it- yeah it's running
>this is torture everyone else's faster.
>so hungry
>need to eat something
>what are my kin doing? Why did they stop the chase?
>oh, they stopped to eat the dead cultists.
>guess it's time to eat!
>this new dress is going to look lovely on my head, what a lovely pink.
>oh look, eyes! I thought I'd lost those!
>this has become the best minute of my lifetime.

>>62669589
>Sees a spooky yin ran the way past me.
>Take a swig af the tonic.
>Hope I get mad wae it.
>Canny be fuck wae this pish and am needing tae kick sum cunt in.

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>>62669653
> be ulfric Williams,
> see a drunken drooken in the path of the flayers
> offorfuckssake.annoyance
> grab the man too, throw him under arm.
> fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
> RUNAWAY.

>>62669717
>Freak the fuck oot at the sight af this big black bastard that grabbed me.
haw ya bgg mong, get yer frakkin ands aff me noo fore a chib ya!
>Takes another swig aff the tonic.
>Ready tae wreck the hoose.

>>62669779
> be ulfric
> "DON'T CAUSE TROUBLE AND I'LL GET YOU MORE LIQUOR AFTER THIS IS OVER"
> FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
> stillrunning.hussainiusbolt

>>62669797
>Tans the contents of the bottle.
>Gets a heroin like buzz from the mix of caffeine and alcohol.
>Smashes the empty bottle agains the black bastards power armour to make a good chibber.
>"Right mate, let's dae this."

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>>62669862
> Ulfric Williams
> notice he shatters a glass bottle against his armor.
> fucking hell, I want what he's having.
> he nods.
> "once we get back to the city you can go nuts, got it?"
> runboyrun.

>>62669653
>More meat? This one also seems to be applying drugs.
>>62669717
>oh, no, there they go again.
>damm drug addicts ruining out neighborhoods.
>fucking hooligans, they need to cut down on drugs.
>I think I have an app for that?
>CutDown.BootPrompt
>Burrow.Pursue
Screeching.SOISOISOI

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>Be me
>Mandrake currently employed in Kabal of Given Fucks
>The time to get on that world was so long I was considering beheading the Archon and have him replaced with someone more eager to act
>I'm quite sure the Incubi wouldn't even stop me, he looks like he has some serious fight itch to scratch
>Seems the wait has been worth it
>The situation became utter clusterfuck of opponents
>Somehow one of our Wyches is already down there, and I have no idea how
>Knowing that duel-loving Incubi, he'll throw himself at anything that looks duel-worthy, ranging anywhere from Black Templar to a World Eater
>I myself am in a mood of stealth shenanigans with those Catachans
>Time to enter shadows and get behind them

>Be Khornate Lord Savage
>My warband have been calling me Savage for years because they're a bunch of mouthbreathers
>Despite my warband being Khornate, I've retained my sense of tactics, but Khorne has cursed me in that my retarded followers are too angry to ever listen
>whenwillthepainend.warp
>Some marine comes in screaming something about eldar, honking, tits and blood
>Manage to discern that he wants to go to this ass-end of nowhere planet to join some pointless war.
>Might give me a break from their endless screaming
>Give the men a half-hearted speech, mention screaming in it
>They fixate on this and rename the warband The Screamers
>FFS, lets get this over with

>>62669944
>Seeing the wee cunt having a nag at it.
>Gets a empty bottle oot ma 5p bag and fling it at the spooky bastards heed.
>"Back aff ya spooky bitch!"

>>62666332
>>62666361
>The daemonette has a point
>Thought I was a Puritan, but I guess I'm fucking radical now
>Fine, just... Do what you have to do, daemon. Okay?
>"I haven't been corrupted. I'm fine. The Sister's... Tits shouldn't grow as much now, though."

>be me
>dark eldar gurl
>puke from taking too much cocaine
>damn that feels good
>be forcibly teamed up with gay craftworlders
>where am I again?
>>>62666057
>be assaulted by SoB grinning at me
>she grins like a fellow commorite
>why me
>she gets pushed
>>>62665989
>now the craftworlder is carrying me
>his crushed balls seem to be dulled by the need to not die
[HONK]
>honking craftworld?
>this craftworlder is kinda cute
>so was that SoB
>too bad there's too much going on
>shifty deldar appreciates being carried
>especially as she's overdosing
>which is pretty difficult, considering
>>62669979
>good question
>I don't even know how I got here
>rough night must have led me here
>it's only getting rougher


>eldar and deldar leave the others to fight it out
>as usual, why risk out lives when we can be cowardly little shits?

>>62669717
>>62669922
>>62669944

>Be Metalic Death Cultist
>Have no idea what this behemoth is trying to do at this point
>He's now just grabbed some random bum
>I want out of this redundant train of events, but wriggling out of the Behemoths grip is an impossible task
>Dropped the Gauss weapon a while ago so shooting is out of the question
>I don't think those gore covered machines are going to be able to catch up
>Can't even pet the scarab now
>This is the worst part of today so far
>After some scowling, decide to talk to this behemoth
>"So, where are you bringing us metal behemoth?"

>>62670065
>Sees the lanky wee sneaky bastard that's been grabbed beside me speak.
>"Nae frakin clue wits this black bastards dain wae us."
>Offers him some buckfast.
>"Noo drink this ya cunt."

>>62670043
>See the wee fanny as we run past them and grabs another empty bottle oot the bag and hits her over the heed wae it,
>"Get it up ya, cunt!"

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>>62670043
> be Ulfric Williams,
> well damn the guard turned this place into a nice goddamn fortress.
> admiring the fortress, forget to pay attention for a second.
> wind up colliding with something.
> I'm suddenly airborn, everything goes flying.
> "FUCKING DAMMIT"
> whatthefuckinghelldidIhit.confusion
> land next to death cultist.
> look at him as he asks question
> "joining up with my brothers to defend the city, thereby earning the emperor's forgiveness and the omnissiah's approval."
> look over to see an eldar with a crushed codpiece and a dark eldar wytch.
> ohboy.fuckyes
> murderin time.

>>62669995
>Drop out of warp above the planet, start looking for something to attack
>Serf informs me the marines have taken all the transports and gone towards the source of the honking, some Eldar craftworld
>With them gone I might be able to enjoy a battle for once
>Order serfs to battle stations
>Haven't had a naval battle that didn't involve boarding actions in centuries
>Thanks Khorne

>>62670000
>CLANG
>one of us has been struck my glass
>who threw that we were eating.
>damn hard case is lobbing artillery, and the eldar are closer to the bone structure.
>we choose the easy meat, time to Dig.Soi
>at least we all have clothes now it was kinda gross before. Not a total loss.
>wonder is that elf pelvis is still available...

>>62670032
>"Inquisitor! Can you cleanse their taint? Can you undo this mutation? A few fuller-figured women here and there are a blessing but Sister Gwellian is approaching the size of a beachball!"
>The Inquisitor seems to focus, with a changed look compared to earlier, but not the perverted grin of Sister Gwellian

>>62670111
>pointing and screaming at chaser
>oh fuck he can keep up
>THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO
>hit in head by glass bottle shattering
>knocked out cold

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>>62670111
>Intended to play hide and seek with a Catachan, with plan to make him look as if he's taking heads of his own allies in the heat of battle, instead of his enemies
>Notices that our Wych is about to be murdered by a Dark Templar
>KnightlyHeadIsAGoodHead.greenflames
>There's enough shadow to pop out from
>Intends to say "Hello, would you like to hear about our Lord and Saviour, Kheradruak?"
>Being interwinded with shadows makes it sound more like "Hearlaughalos, Kheradruak!"
>Hope it doesn't spook him too much, I want a fight, not a slaughter

>>62670103
>>62670111

>Be Metallic Death Cultist
>The bum offers me some alcohol
>No way in hell I'm drinking that shit
>Not sure what happens next but we're now airborne
>I collide with the ground leg first
>Everything else follows with a Klang
>My legs are bent the wrong way before snapping back in place due to the metal having healing properties
>Still hurts a lot though
>Behemoth then lands right next to me, thought he was going to crush me for a second
>Says something about fighting for forgiveness and some dude called "The Emporer" and "Omnissiah"
>"Who's this Emporer and Omnissiah?"

>>62670255
> Still ulfric.
> see the drooken nail the dark eldar in the head with a fucking bottle.
> impressive.approval
> fucking hell.
> Grab all four people and start running.
> about twenty blocks away now.
> okay... headcount.
> magos is still knocked the fuck out
> skitarii is here
> drooken is still drunk
> dark eldar is-
> wait a second
> ......
> HOLY FUCKING SHI-

>>62670304
>>62670306
>Fuckin shits meself at the spooky cunts sceech.
>Due tae tha lack aff anything being on under the kilt shits flys across the cultist's back.
>Grabs another empty bottle oot the 5p bag and flings another bottle at the spooky cunt.
>"Fukin mon then!"

>>62670324

>Be Metallic Death Cultist
>Behemoth seems to have forgotten about me and took some other random person
>I'm cool with that
>Time to find my Lord and assist him with whatever he needs
>Hear the behemoth shout something in surprise
>Either he got jumped or realized I'm missing
>Start making my way through the alleyways of this shot up city in search of my Lord

>>62670324
>The Inquisitor is apparently caught up in her own thoughts
>look around for help or something to kill
>see a Black Templar decked out in a fuckton of chains and purity seals sprint around the corner like a madman
>he's got a bunch of people tucked under his arms
>that magos from earlier, but badly beaten up
>some shiny metal guy, kinda looks like a cron but also somewhat different
>a man in flak armor and a kilt, he must've come here with the Catachans
>and a knife-ear bitch covered in... shit?
>whatsevenhappeningatthispoint.lostandconfused

>>62670324
>she almost looks cute
>peacefully sleeping with blood dribbling out of her forehead
>also pukes in sleep
>maybe not that cute

>>62670483
> be ulfric.
> oh praise the emperor, astartes.
> drop everyone.
> stop running.
> stop in front of the astartes.
> "sorry I'm late, Champion Ulfric Williams, at your service"
> salutes in greeting.
> kill me now.

>>62665559

>Be Chaos Lord Laranos
>This is bullshit
>How the fuck do fucking topless mere mortal fight off fucking our fucking army?
>Why the fuck isn't Sicarus giving us the reinforcements we need?
>Do we even have portals open?
>Why aren't the HoA and WE giving any fucking news or helping?
>Why are civilians on this planet so fucking useless?
>WHAT KIND OF BLOODLETTER CRIES?!!!

>I think I missed a shitload of stuff happening
>Did I blacked out again?
>Doesn't matter
>I need my sorceror ro contact any force of chaos even fucking remotely capable in this fucking sector
>And I need it for yersterday!

>>62670522
>being dropped wakes her up
>Astartes
>surrounded by Mon'keigh
>pretend to be asleep still
>helps the OD migraine anyway

>>62670483
>"I'm fine. Gwellian needs to be restrained immediately. I suggest you find her a priest to perform an exorcism. That should more than suffice for now."
>I need to clear my head before this sex daemon bullshit starts fucking with it.
>"Has this planet always been an abortive mess, Astartes?"
>Proceed to hate my job even more
>"I'm tempted to declare their sisterhood lost, to be totally frank... But now isn't the time."

>>62670522
>"Brother Ephraim of Kill Team Gamma-Crucifix, and this here is Inquisitor Chevalier"
>nudge the Inquisitor to snap out of it and say something
>use my Primaris stature and bulk to block the Templars view of the tainted and crazed Sister Gwellian
>she's having trouble standing straight at this point, maybe that'll stop her from doing more stupid shit
>"And this here are Sisters Mallory and Angela, who've been accompanying me since I lost the rest of my Kill Team"
>come to think of it, where are they?

>>62669995
>Still Lord Savage
>Turns out there aren't any sizeable fleets around
>Order my serfs to shoot the marines if they try and come back, take a shitty cruiser
>Going to crash/land it into whatever looks like a sizeable settlement
>No tactical advantage but I'm fucking bored.

>>62670324
>Be me
>Mandrake commonly referred as Hearlaughalos, because nobody but other Mandrakes seems to understand when I want to preach about our glorious leader
>Finally hopes to get a duel with a Black Templar
>He ran away
>He actually ran away
>And he left Necros-tained cultist and ran away with the Wych
>Which is now covered in emptied content of the bowels of the dress-wearing Mon-keigh that seems almost as drugged as the Wych
>Grabs the Necrodermis-covered mortal to potentially use as a bait to get the Wych once I'll have some duel
>Hopefully the Incubi, whatever he might be dueling at the time, won't snatch the fight first

>>62670628
>>62670626
>Sees the fuckin mess before me.
>Looks up at the big man and at the Sister.
>"A ken hoo tae fix er mate."

>>62670116

>Orks shut up out of nowhere
>They're Orks; don't question it
>Realize how bored I am, and that the Ark's raring for a fight
[HONK]
>I sense an opportunity to steal some Xenotech
>Gun the engines, only to find some bitch Khornate in my way
>Some Chaos fuck is in the way of my and my xenotech
>NOBODY gets in the way of me and my xenotech
>Fucking light the sky up with so many lances that those silly bitches on the ground can probably see my lightshow from the ground
I love my job.

>>62670628
> be ulfric...
> glance around at the sororitas trying to go nuts...
> "umm.... brother, why are the sororitas going mad?"
> he then nods to the two seemingly sane ones.
> "a pleasure to meet faithful servants of the emperor"
> he bows politely.
> remembers how marius whacked him over the head with the pimp cane last time.

>>62670705
>Some toasterfucker is shooting my ship
>Ramming speed!
>Abandon ship, death is not a tactical move
>Take my thunderhawk planetside
>Recieve a message from Khorne, some Word Bearer needs help
>Fucking bookfuckers, guess I'll have to help him
>Call my second in command on the craftworld, tell him to get the marines planetside
>Doubt he'll listen, but worth a shot, tell him there's more access to skulls

>>62670706
>"They're, they're uh, praying"
>yeahsurethat'swhatthey'redoing.imabadliar
>"I suppose you have something important to do since you seem to be in such a hurry, who exactly were you carrying there?"

>>62670706
>>62670694
>>62670628
>This corporal, who I think is guard, says something to me
>I can't understand a word of it
>Decide to ignore it after remembering I'm an Inquisitor
>"They appear to have been tainted by warpborn filth, battle brother. We can't be sure that the problem is dealt with until we exorcise the lot."
>Time to do my shit job
>"Either way, we have bigger problems. We don't have the time for any of that, and I still have no idea what planet this is."

>>62670814
Still can't delete posts. Kill me.

>>62670829
It's fine, I suppose you forgot to change to the Inquisitor

>Be Metallic Death Cultists
>Get lost in this giant city
>Can't find my way out nor my Lord
>Not even any cultists
>There's something up in the sky making "HONK" noises'
>fucking annoying
>Maybe I should have stayed with the Behemoth
>Oh well, nothing I can do about it now
>Hopefully I can find someone I know
>I miss my scarab

>>62670849
Yep.

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>>62670814
>Brings oot a full bottle of orange liquid bearing the emblem of the inquisition on it.
>"Mate, this wae set em straight."
>"Cures all hings fram hangovers tae warp fulled cuntish pish."

>>62670809
> be ulfric
> oh shit... how do I explain this.
> "i believe a magos, skitarii, guardsman, a.."
> looks down...
> oh fuck its a dark eldar.
> oh shit....
> "all survivors from the dig site that I could carry."
> don't mention the deldar, don't fucking mention it.
> looks at the sisters 'praying'
> yeahandi'mthefuckingemperor.sarcasm
> turn back to the primaris
> "you would not mind if I.... joined them in prayer, would you?"
> begins to walk past the primaris to confront the sisters.
> directapproachisbestapproach.fuckthecodex.

>>62670534
>Okay then, ritual's all set up for the-
[HONK]
>I said, ritual's all ready for the-
[HONK]
>...
[HONK]
>Ri-
[HONK]
[HONK]
[HONK]
[HONK][HONK]
[HONK][HONK]
[HONK][HONK]
[HONK]
>...I think they're trying to do Campground Races with that thing. They've almost got it down actually.
>Fuck it, tuning them out
>A rubric brings in the catalyst for the summoning, carrying it in a plastic bag, holding it out using one of those claw grabbers.
>I had no idea a rubric could still feel disgust
>I don't like dealing with the neverborn of the other gods, but it's necessary hear. Slaanesh has an affinity for these fuckboy eldar, as well as first dibs on their soul
[HONK]
>Yes... anyways
>I remove the stained porno mag from the bag-
>-Fuck it's dripping-
>Fill it with some psychic power, throw it at the infinity circuit, and then begin to run
[HONK]

>Be me
> Be Armageddon mechanized infantry Sergeant
>Be told to do a low orbit drop on top of necron fight planet side because SoB down there need "us".
>Listen to Doom soundtrack during drop for relaxation purposes.
>Chimera Lands safely on the ground nobody in the Chimera believes it.
>Pop hatch of Chimera to see where we are at and realize chimera landed on top of people
Whoops?!
>FULL SPEED AHEAD!

>>62670907
>>62670814
>"Oh absolutely not, like the Inquisitor said they're currently trying to exorcise Sister Gwellian as she's been tainted by the warp"
>I hope he doesn't kill her, she was so nice before she was possessed
>Also to see a woman with tiddies this big die would make me lamenter-level sad
>I don't think I'll score with her but she was a great fighter and a competent leader

>>62670926
>be Chaos Lord Laranos
>I asked for reports 30 minutes ago
>I don't think I could get angrier atht eh overhaul incompetence of-
[HONK][HONK]
>What the warp?
>"AELDARI CRAFTWORLD HAS ENTERED THE SYSTEM MY LORD!"
>Are you fucking kidding me?
>A fucking whole Craftworld?
>Why does it keep getting worse?
>I have the feeling something bad is about to happe-
[HONK]
>This is alreadys starting to grind my gears.
>Litterally

>>62671081
>Aimlessly flying around, see all kinds of random shit on the ground
>Remember I have a vox on this Thunderhawk
>Send a message out to literally anyone
>"Oi bookfucker, wherever you are, help has arrived"

>>62671151
>Receives message as-
[HONK]
>-as the fucking Tzaangors keep playing with that. Their ways are inscrutable and sometimes very stupid. Incredible intelligence mixed in with bestial savagery
>"I'll have you know that fucking books is a good way to damage them! I would never-"
[HONK] [HONK HONK]
[HONK] [HONK]
[HONK]
>"ugh... anyways, who is this? I just released a slsaaneshi daemon into the craft world and everything is going just as planned."

>shifty dark eldar
>one eye partially open
>see sororitas praying
>my kind of prayers
>howdoijoinwithoutbeingshot
>HMMMM
>pretend to be a callidus?
>yes
>>62671072
>get up casually and dust myself off
>"I am an assassin of the Callidus temple. I have been infiltrating the... Er... Eldar from Commoragh. It was going quite well, I think that more of them are coming as well. I will pretend to be your prisoner and act as bait to lure them into a trap. While that's happening...."
>calmly walk past the primaris all confident in myself
>PRAY
>damn that sister has massive tits
>"Maybe I can be of assistance?"

>>62671213
>"This is Lord Savage of The Screamers, I know those are dumb names, but my warband are a bunch of retards, I let them loose on the craftworld so I could have some peace and quiet, but now I have to bail you faggots out, I'm here now though, so what do you need?"

>>62671263
>"I'd say fire upon the area where my tzaangors are pushing that damnable-"
[HONK]
>"-button, but I still need them. Assist forces on the planet. There's enough orks and daemons on here to stop the craftworld from elf-sterminatusing the planet below."
>Begin to make way to webway gate
>Retrive most of the tzaangors
>A few refuse to leave, claiming that the-
[HONK]
>-button is part of the plan. I don't care, they can stay if they want

>>62671151
>>62671263
>"My lord?"
>"Yes?"
>"We have recieved a message sent on all possible frequency"
>Slave, you better have something worth more than someone just screwing with communications if you wanna live past fifteen on this ship
>I get the record on my vox
>Sounds like some khornate
>It's a miracle they could even get the message with all the honking happening
>At least someone has come to help liberate this fucking planet in the name of Chaos
>About fucking time, we are litterally in a 1 to 10 situation and that was before the fucking honking craftworld invited itself to the party
>Remind me to vox him later, slave, or I swear you'll understand why we don't pronounce "what must not be said" in this faction

>>62670859
>this one seems to be all a one now, not even we can see the overlord or scarabs.
>although they might have just put us on mute, considering they didnt seem interested in meat dresses or bone claws.
>>>62670595
>these meats are far to protected. Got to wait until they are open.
>>62670975
>SOI SOI SOI is that tenderized meats!?
>start clawing toward the surface
>my pack with me, we can all feel the meat drawing nearer as we dart through the earth.
>burst out near the meat, the stench has filled my very being!
>Wait, what is that metal box?
>oh no, is it-
>OhShitItsHeavy.ReanimationProtocals
>now I have to wait for reconstruction as my brothers eat.

>when will my slow ass know death

>>62671072
> be ulfric
> exorcisms?
> “you do realize I’ve worked alongside a chaplain for years right? I’ve exorcised quite a few daemons in that time”
> crazy bowtie wearin bastard.
> damn good guy though.
> shoulda been a salamander.

>>62671072
>>62670907
>>62670896
>Fuck it
>Ignoring everyone else, I grab the bottle, uncork it, and force a few gulps into each of the Sisters
>"Yes, prayer." I roll my eyes.
>Pretty sure this marine either wants to fuck them or kill them
>I decide to see what happens
>This Drukharii starts spouting some bullshit story about being an assassin
>Pretty sure she just wants to fuck the Sisters
>"I can't take you on your word. Prove it."
>Flash my Rosette

>>62671304
>"Luckily for you I happen to be a tactical genius"
>Remember those robots I found a while ago, some toasterfucker didnt want me to have them, screaming something about "steel men"
>Had some hereteks code them to follow my orders, I think
>Tell the serfs in charge of the fleet to send them planetside, tell him to set up a temporary command centre somewhere too
>Fly over to rendezvous

>>62671330
>Be me.
>Be confused.
>Decide to coordinate strikes on the pointies, trying to fuck with things.
>Still running around shooting shit.
>Damn, where are the bitches I saw before? The hardcase ones I mean.

>>62670926
>Khornate ship starts ramming us
>Melt the bitch into slag
>It stops, abandoned
>Melt the bitch into slag anyways
>Now I can have my Xenotech
>Kick my Ark into overdrive and speed towards the Craftworld at full speed, guns blazing

>>62671358
> be Ulfric
> be PISSED
> IS THAT A FUCKING INQUISITOR
> WHO BELONGS TO THE SAME INQUISITION WHO TRIED TO MURDER OUR DORN BROS
> INTERNALLYRAGING.MURDEROUS
> plotting her demise.
> "Inquisitor, a.... pleasure to meet you."
> I will leave you to a pack of horny mandrakes if I get the fucking chance.

>>62671425
>Second in commander tells me he has like 200 marines with nothing to do
>Remember theres a toasterfucker somewhere in space
>Give the order
>Prepare for carnage

> Be me
>Be seeing cluster fuck
>Be fastest boi on chimera running over anything that gets in way
>Still listening to Doom soundtrack while feeling the "bumps" on the road.

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>>62666099
>>62666364
>>62666565
>>62667579
>>62671081
>>62671072
>>62671358
>>62671216


>Be "Definitely Tainted By Slaaneshi" Sister Superior Gwellian
>My chestplate is probably going to break from all size of these pretty soon.
>Seriously, how big are these damn things going to get?
[HONK][HONK]
>WhatInTheWarp?!.heretic
>Look up and see there's something going on in the Eldar Craftworld
>Is suddenly forced to drink booze by Inquisitor
>Thanks but I wasn't thirsty
>Dark Eldar pretending to be Callidus walks up, asking if he can be of assistance.
>InMoreWaysThanOneYouKnifeEaredPerv.heresy
>Grab him and pull him against my now massive chest as I gaze at him with an evil leer
[HONK] [HONK] [HONK] [HONK HONK] [HONK HONK]
>"Sure thing. Just get me on that damn craftworld so I can shut off that damn noise!"
>Or turn it up superloud and make everyone enjoy the auditory ecstasy. It's starting to sound a bit too quiet now that I think about it.
>IncreasinglySlaaneshiThoughts.warp

>>62671519
>Be me.
>Be annoyed as fuck Overlord.
>Order my personal spaceship to be readied as I rush over to the nearest tomb entrance.
>I’m gonna shoot the fuck out of it.
>Pewpewmotherfucker.gauss
>Or capture all its bitches, and then shoot the fuck out of it.
>Depends.

>>62671528
> be Ulfric Williams of the black templars.
> "you mean the inquisitor who was never identified and slaughtered the celestial lions whilst they were attempting to take the Mannheim gap? That inquisitor?"
> points to the black cross on the shoulder.
> "let me make one thing clear inquisitor, if you wish to calm my rage, then prove to me that you are not like those fucks. I judge actions, not words, words are cheap, actions are not."

>>62671399
>coming back to life sucks.
>now I'm all alone while my pack gets to eat.
>still have my clothes though so at least I'm fabulous.
>Overlord is sending new orders, something about points.
>is that a reference to the ears.
>by the triarch I'm hungry for ears now.
>maybe I should help that cultist... or should I go back for the elf that seems to be helping the hard cases now.
>AmbushPredator.Soi4Lyfe

>>62671216
>Be Me
>Officer of the Catachan II, Harkus Straken
>View coke whore & torture addict approach and dare to address a hot Space Nun even pretends to be a Calidus assassin walk over while retieing and fastening his blood red bandana Devil’s Claw knife in hand he begins mercilessly pummeling her in the face repeatedly with the reinforced handguard of the Adamantium Catachan Knoife-Sword

>>62671515
>Gonna try to have a "conversation" with that Savage guy
[Calling in progress...]
>I hope he has info on other chaos forces
>I wonder how are my brothers doing in the capital city

>>62671608
>Realize I was spazzing out.
>Wait I’m a head on this guy’s waist.
>Oh hey it’s the classy fucker.
>Mention we should turn that shit off.

>>62671609
>>62671519

>"Fair enough, Templar."
>Really need to stop assuming that every marine that is angry with me is a Space Wolf
>"I mean every Inquisitor that power trips and tries to slaughter obviously loyal chapters. As for action?"
>This Sister Superior is about to fuck a xeno
>Nope.jpg
>Just fucking reach over, haul her up in my gauntlet, and get a faceful of Sister tits
>"You. Start talking and explain yourself. Now."

>>62671613

>Be Metallic Death Cultist
>Still lost
>Haven't seen anyone on a while
>After wandering for who knows how long I finally see one of those machines covered in gore
>Finnally, I can get some directions
>Attempt communication
>"Hey, do you know where our Lord is or how to get back to base?"

>>62671675
> have the necron head strapped to my waist.
> duel... did not turn out as planned. At all.
> approach the guard commander.
> see him punch a deldar in the face.
> well then, he's clearly busy.
> I'll let him have that one.
> notakillstealingfucktard.restraint.
> then notice the massive mammaried sister of battle apparently more aroused than a dark eldar in a choir boy barracks.
> this will not do.
> walk over and grab the sororitas by the ear and drag her away.
> see brother Williams
> "champion, if you would be so kind as to find me a flattened instrument, it would be greatly appreciated."
> looks down at the quite unsightly sister of battle.
> "it would appear that I must instill some.... discipline that the command staff has clearly failed to."

>>62671635
>On way to rendezvous point, get a call from that Bookfucker
>"What the fuck do you want mate"
>Gunship starts shaking
>Alright who the fuck is shooting at me

>>62671776
>Look at Black Templar becokon him over to me with naughty SoB in-hand gesture that the flat blade of the huge Devil Claw Knife will suffice and to bring her over and he can multitask beating in the face of this Deldar and discipline the Sister

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>>62668967
>>Ugh, "Big Titty Space Elf Energy"
>Like it's not the best Space Elf energy...

>>62670032
>>The daemonette has a point
>Good to see you are a Reasonable Inquisitor

>>Thought I was a Puritan, but I guess I'm fucking radical now
>Only lifeless losers remain Puritan their whole lives, but we'll have to save the radical fucking for later

>>Fine, just... Do what you have to do, daemon. Okay?
>>62670626
>>I need to clear my head before this sex daemon bullshit starts fucking with it.
>>62671358
>>Ignoring everyone else, I grab the bottle, uncork it, and force a few gulps into each of the Sisters
>Good, but we need to get these Astartes under control
>Usually I'd just Ka-magick them female, but the tall one is one of those new-fangled Spacer Marines, don't think even Bile has gotten any results messing with them yet
>Safest bet is to diffuse them with muliebrous energies and let the change take it's time.


>>62670926
>>I remove the stained porno mag from the bag-
>>-Fuck it's dripping-
>>Fill it with some psychic power, throw it at the infinity circuit, and then begin to run
>>62671213
>>"ugh... anyways, who is this? I just released a slsaaneshi daemon into the craft world and everything is going just as planned."
>Thankfully one of my sisters has been unleashed into that [HONK]*ing Craftworld's Infinity Circuit, but I fear all this [HONK]*ing Honking is going to attract the attention of the Elf's Clown...

>...Oh no...
[GIANT LESBIAN CLOWN-BOT HONKING INTENSIFIES]

>>62671442
>>62671358
>>62671528
>>62671216
>>62671072
>>62671519
>>62671703

>Be Me
>Newbie Sororitas Mallory
>Am suddenly being forced to have hangover cure by the Inquisitor
>ButImNotDrunk.voxcast
>Sister Superior Gwellian is clearly tainted by the Warp
>I mean, God-Emperor on Terra, her bust is bigger than mine!
>I feel awful! It's probably my fault she's like this! If she lives she'll probably be forced to become a repentia!
>On the other hand...
>WhoseMoreTopHeavyThanADreadnoughtNow?.bitch
>Realize the Inquisitor or Black Templar's probably going to kill her
>Brother Ephriam's clearly not going to
>Turn and look at him
>I think
>It's kinda hard to tell behind their helmets
>Turn back to see a Catachan officer beating the captured Callidus(?) in the face
>The Inquisitor is demanding an explanation from Gwellian before the Sister Superior starts getting dragged off by the ear by a Black Templar chaplain
>See Gwellian still has her flamer on her
>ThisWon'tEndWell.quietpanic

>>62671614
>yup
>fair enough
>kicks him off
>"Oof! Hold your rage! She grabbed me!"
>"I am a wholly loyal member of the callidus temple! Deception is my game and, uh, uh... Vaj... Theos. Yup. Please resist pummeling my loyal visage."

>if I lie hard enough maybe they'll buy it
>"besides if I were REALLY a xenos eldae I would have, you know, done something malicious. Probably while laughing"

>>62671519
>"Sorry, wrong Eldar. You seem busy anyway."
>shouldhavestayedasleep.regret
>must ingratiate with Mon'keigh so I am not killed outright
>why is my life as a wych so damnable
>what have I done to deser-
>well what have I done by DELDAR standar-
>...
>fuck

>>62671776
>stand next to the chaplain, stand as straight as a board to reinforce the fact I'm a little more than a foot taller than him
>imgonnagetsnipedarenti.baddecisions
>"Hello again Chaplain! Remember that time you whacked me with your cane? Ah, good times. Now, why does your exorcism involve a heavy, flat object? If it's for what I think it is, use it sparingly, this Sororita was, despite her *ahem* voluptousness, a mighty fine warrior before she became unwillingly possessed and I wish to see her in her former glory, not as a battered wreck"

>>62671899
>ohsheisfineindeed.deldar

>>62671821
> he sighs and shakes his head
lieutenant, the offer is appreciated, however, that instrument has too small of a handle for me to grip properly for such a task.
> he then notes the flamer and uses his other hand to snatch the weapon from her.
> he then turns to stare at the sororitas, staring at him.
> he turns to see Williams shaking his head.
I see... the cane it is then.
> picks up cane
> tanningtime.discipline
> he then looks at the primaris.
I whacked you with my cane? If so I humbly apologize, and I shall, she must be in fighting shape after I am finished after all.

>>62671885
>Nodding his head dismissively he walks back over Sword-Knoife in hand he continues pummeling her going so far as to when he’s gotten just the right amount of tenderization, places her into a sleeper hold the might and bulwark of Catachan musculature and biceps combined with steel and grit of an the Imperial Guard and an utterly enraged and wholly dedicated Catachan Devil Officer makes her slip from her post-addled druggie state into one of unconsciousness due to lack a lack of oxygen intake in puny Deldar crack hoe

>>62671776
>>62671822
>>62670849
>>62671856

>The Black Templar just fucking grabs the Sister Superior and drags her away
>Fuck it, he can deal with this bullshit. I'm not even Ordo Hereticus
>Daemon's still in my head
>...You want me to help you turn Astartes into women? Why? No!
>What are you going to do, ka-magic me into a slut? Please. We're doing this MY way.
>I point at the Deathwatch Primaris Marine, then at the Obvious Xeno
>"I think you know what to do. As for the rest of you..."
>Turn towards this Sister Mallory
>"You seem sane. Explain what is going on so I can figure out what needs to die."

>>62671515
>>62671822
>Something happens to the Craftworld
>My xenotech senses are tingling
>Tingling REALLY fucking hard
>Spot a giant lesbian Harlequin wraith construct on the auspex
>thisismyfetish.jpeg
>Kick back, point my broadside at the thing, and wait

>>62671979
> this inquisitor is acting.... strangely...
> why is she pausing in between actions.
> seemingly staring off into space.
> as if she were speaking with someone.
> there is no crackle of a vox though...
> hmmm...
> suspiciousashell.thought.

>>62671979
>"I think that Catachan is doing a good job dealing with this suspicious suspect, however if you really want them disposed that will not be a problem Inquisitor"
>thank the emperor most Inquisitors forget that a Kill Team is under their command if no higher Deathwatch instance or an Ordo Xenos Inquisitor overrules them
>I wanted to watch the battering and see that coked-up bitch cry, those fuckers raided my village so often when I was little

>>62672030
>Be Screamer marine Rage Rage, very clever name I know
>Got told to go beat up toasters on flying toaster
>Do toasters have skulls?
>Who cares, fire looks cool
>Break open door of transport
>Jump onto bridge window of the ship
>Others follow my lead
>Start hitting the window with my axe

>>62672030
>Ah, lesbian harlequin wraith construct
>Just as planned
>It is of course not something ridiculous and unexpected.
>Nope, not at all
[HONK]
>The Slaaneshi energies around here are quite high
>It is getting to worrying levels
[HONK]

>>62672072
>>62672074
>Rage marines sneak past my point defense and land on the window of my bridge
>These fuckers are badtouching my Ark
>Nobody bad touches my Ark, they should-
>Remember that my Ark is kinda sorta almost sentient
>Remember that it really hates Chaos marines
>Oh no
>It starts vibrating
>Close the armoured shutters behind the window
>Kick the engines into maximum overdrive and start maneuvering like crazy in hopes of knocking the marines off before the Ark goes rage mode

>>62672174
>Flying toaster starts shaking
>Window has metal behind it
>No skulls
>Pull out meltabomb
>Stick it to my brother Skull Murder
>Push him onto the window
>Soon I will have skulls

>>62671856
>>62671822
>>62671899
>>62671939

>Be "Definitely Tainted by Slaanesh" Sister Superior Gwellian
>Owowowowowow.tanningdiscipline
>Being caned by a Black Templar Chaplain in front of my Battlesisters is extremely humiliating
>MyfaceisredderthanBloodAngelarmor.blush
>Even worse, I don't think it's actually helping at the moment
>BDSMisathingyouarmoredbuffoon.kink
>Use my power armor's strength to eventually break free from Chaplain's grasp and whirl around, clutching my rear in pain, my new bust's size changing my center of gravity and nearly making me fall over
>TheCurseCouldn'tHaveMadeMeBetterBalanced?.warpcomplaints
>Snap angrily at Chaplain
>"You DISCIPLINE a member of the Adepta Sororitas?! IN THE MIDDLE OF A WARZONE NO LESS?!!"
[GIANT LESBIAN CLOWN-BOT HONKING]
>Look up
>Craftworld Hugiv'safuk is now a giant female wraith construct
>It's still hungry
>What.xeno
>What.heresy
>WhyDoIFeelSuddenlyHungry?.warptaint
>Look at Chaplain again
>"We need to get up there and take that out that xeno filth! Now are you going to help me, or am I going to have to purge you as a xenos-defending heretic?!"
>Totally not trying to distract from the fact I'm probably being corrupted by the Warp right now
>Nope, all of this is clearly just the God-Emperor's blessing.
>ImNotInDenialYou'reInDenial.prayerseal

>>62671956
>be me
>was doing so well
>until that astartes stole me from my aeldari faggo bf

>trying to tap out
>"but I am trying to... Help...."
>unconscious
>fuck why doesn't anything go right

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>>62671979
>>...You want me to help you turn Astartes into women? Why? No!
>>What are you going to do, ka-magic me into a slut? Please. We're doing this MY way.
>I don't think we've got much choice in the matter...

>>62672030
>>Spot a giant lesbian Harlequin wraith construct on the auspex
>The whole Craftworld just transformed into a lesbian clown robot, and it's given off massive amounts of sapphic energies

>>62672074
>>The Slaaneshi energies around here are quite high
>>It is getting to worrying levels
>If we don't assert control now, we might end up a quivering mess of uncontrollable scissoring!

>>62672216
>>TheCurseCouldn'tHaveMadeMeBetterBalanced?.warpcomplaints
>I'M GETTING TO IT!

>>62672216
> be me.
> by the emperor... these hellions.
> grab boltgun and press it against her forehead.
> "all of you have been corrupted by slaanesh, it is clear from how your armor is so ill fitting for someone of your stature, you shall remain here under my care whilst my brothers dispose of the craftworld, and that is final"
> dig the boltguns barrel into her temple.
> "unless you wish to have the emperor's mercy instead?"
> I have seen FAR too many cases of this to believe that this problem has been solved.
> taintedsistersarealwaystheworst.ptsd

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>>62672294
>>it is clear from how your armor is so ill fitting for someone of your stature,
>Freddie better watch it, she's not the only one who's armor isn't fitting so good...

>>62672275
>Suddenly find myself thinking about DAT ASS
>I feel... Jealous? I mean, I'm not curvy at all, and these stupid sisters get to have these big, fat-
>Wait, no. Bad thoughts!
>...Fine, I'll help you
>Give the daemonette access to my powers.
>Just tell me what I have to do.
>You aren't so bad, yknow.

>>62672351
> be Emperor's Champion Ulfric Williams.
> why is the inquisitor looking at the chaplain so intently?
> wait..... what the hell?
> what?
> something is off here.
Inquisitor something is.... off about you... are you.... well?
> something is going on here.
> I do not know what.
> but nothing will stop me from having this answered, not even an emperor damn war.
> suspicionsintensify.hmmm...

>>62671745
>oh the cultist from the cave. But without a hard case.
>would it understand me? Better try.
>"I AM THE ROYAL TAILOR, ASSIST ME LOWLY WARRIOR. WE SHUFFLE TO THE LEIGE!"
>Does this thing not have a weapon? >Where is its scarab?
>I can spare a finger or two
>"PULL MY FINGER"

>>62672275
>>62672209
>My Ark is telling me that the robot is... Horny?
>wat.jpeg
>Something's still banging on the window
>Please stop
>Meltabomb goes off. It breaks the armaglass, but doesn't crack the shutters
>Call up a bunch of skitarii armsmen with plasma calivers
>Fuck this shit

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>>62671979
>>62672036
>Be Me
>Newbie Sororitas Mallory
>Inquisitor is asking me for explanation
>IAMNOTQUALIFIEDFORTHIS.panic
>"Well, first we were heading to tell a cogbitch Explorator Magos to stop digging up a field obviously searching for xenotech on this newly rediscovered medieval Imperial world. But she managed to dig up an Eldar Webway gate AND a Necron tomb complex, and both of them are active now."
[HONK HONK]
>"I'm pretty sure that's where the eldar thing in orbit honking at us came from. No idea where the Necrons went, although I think I saw some Flayed Ones running around. We're also being attacked by Word Bears last Gwellian said. She's the one with the vox after all. You could always ask her to contact Canoness Helga and see what's going on."

>>62672294
>>62672351

>Look past Inquisitor at the BT Chaplain and the Sister Superior, who now has a boltgun to her head
>Wait, why does the Chaplain's armor look slightly feminine now?
>Ihavesomanyquestions!.confused

>>62672294
>"Chaplain Marius, maybe we should get an actual psyker to do this? I don't think a possession of this intensity can be exorcised my mere beating, especially not if the possessed enjoy the beatings. Maybe you and the Inquisitor can use your combined knowledge to let the corruption to let go off her"
>lean over to Gwellian
>Whisper "You used to be such a loyal servant and a great fighter, don't let your envy of Mallory and Angela drive you to become some overinflated bimbo, you're becoming a caricature of a caricature of a once-honourable sister"
>Pray to the emperor that I inherited to ability to be a charismatic speaker from my Primarch
>Some say the lion could make someone do something that was completely against their previous will with just a few sentences
>losing myself in thoughts again
>I just miss my genefather, if he comes back I'll get to brag to Einarr so much

>>62672263
>Lean down to unconscious Deldar and snap her neck 360 degrees around like a fidget spinner pull out Hellpistol and dump an enter charge pack worth of fire directly into both her head and body search and find the Deldar’s soul stone and crush it underneath my boot
>Pull out a cigar and light it order for a Catachan Devil to come and pour Promethium over her body proceed to Commander Shepherd burn that Deldar bitch MW2 style by flicking the cigar directly onto her corpse setting her alight and immolating her

>be me
>fucked off SoB that's secretly an assassin for hire
>retributor
>my name is Puriah Selios but everyone calls me Purity Seal
>probably still not corrupted
>thanktheEMPRAH.holyscroll
>corrupted sisters being threatened by chaplain

>put purity seal on him
>put purity seal on harkus
>purity seal thr deldar
>purity seal Inquistor
>purity seal on the corrupted sisters
>purity seals make up for my sins
PURITY SEALS
[HONK]

>look for unsealed subjects
>realise i am an unsealed subject
>PURITY SEAL MY FACE
>BETTER

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>>62672485
>>62672216

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Everything has gone to absolute groxshit.
>Giant Eldar robot thing in orbit
>Gwellian's probably possessed/corrupted (as if she wasn't a batshit insane pyromaniac-even by Sororitas standards-before)
>a female Inquisitor drops out of nowhere and is bossing us around like she owns the place
>I mean, she IS an Inquisitor, but she could be nicer about it
>WishIWasASisterOfSilenceRightAboutNow.litany
>Brother Ephriam's still around, so today isn't a complete loss I guess.
>walk over beside him as he tries to keep Gwellian from getting 'BLAM'd and just watch with a smug look on my face and my chainsword resting on my shoulder.
>"Calm your tits Gwellian. You haven't FALLEN so far that you've lost your self-respect, have you?"
>BitchwillprobablygetnailedtoaPenitentEngineanyway.purity
[HONK HONK]
>"She does have a point though. We probably SHOULD figure out a way to get up there and stop that thing from honking over and over. It's an affront to the God-Emperor, and is really REALLY getting on my nerves."

>be big tiddy kriegswoman
>armed with shovel
>some traitorous faggot keeps asking people to pull his finger
>Purity Seal is here
>Biggus dickus is here
>whenyouneedmoreshovels.jpg
>start with the cultist and his finger fetish
>pull his finger>>62672438

>>62672438
>Be Metallic Death Cultist
>This bloody genocide machine is able to talk
>He also knows where the Lord is, finally
>He then holds out his claws and says "Pull my finger."
>Is it being serious right now?
>Decide to lightly tug on one, the sharp finger comes off with a pop
>Oh, alright then, this could be used as a knife
>Hope I can find my scarab on the way to our Lord

>>62672488
>as the body burns fragments of flesh and bone are whipped away
>later a different Deldar will come by and scoop her ashes, burnt bones, etc
>haemonculae will restore her


>only a fragment of her is needed for this
>too bad you stupid Mon'keigh cant come back to life
deldar don't use soulstones

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>>62672429
>>I feel... Jealous? I mean, I'm not curvy at all, and these stupid sisters get to have these big, fat-
>I'll get to you next, but first let's give Gwen some support
>I'll focus our combined energies to biomantically enhance the Sister Superior size over all and her rear specifically...

>>62672482
>>Wait, why does the Chaplain's armor look slightly feminine now?
>...Matching her stature with that of the increasingly voluptuous Black Templars

>>62672653
>"Yes Sister Angela, a whole-heartedly agree, it's so loud that even my power armor can't filter the sound. We should find a way up there to stop that - well, whatever it's supposed to be. But we should either complete Gwellians exorcism or leave her here, because a slaanesh-possessed Sororita with breasts the size of beach balls is the last thing you want to romp around a slaaneshi chaos ship"
>Pray to the Emperor, my genefather and even the Omnissiah that Gwellians soul can be saved, it would be a horific loss otherwise, and I'm not just saying that because I want a big tiddy Sororita GF
>well maybe a little bit for that reason but Angela or Mallory seem to have significantly more bearable personalities

>>62672726
>Why am I doing this?
>Why am I letting you turn Black Templars into busty... Fem-marines?
>I don't care to stop the daemonette
>I pour my biomantic energies into her, fully granting her my power
>She says she'll get to me later
>I should be stopping this, but I'm too curious about what she'll do with me to try
>...You're making me feel things I forgot I could feel.

>>62672482
>>62672653
>>62672429
>>62672485
>Come over from dead executed Deldar and listen intently to the conversation and long-winded explanation given out by the SoB
>Flash her a charismatic smile and asks if she requires a weapon and some back-up until she can meet-up with her fellow Sisters
>Reach with bulging biceps and a strong grasp while stepping forward towering over her hold out and place into her hands & embrace a spare Heavy Bolter
>Look at jealous Inquisitor supped up in power armor, examine the two Lord Astartes of the Deathwatch, take into account the incoming other Battle Sister with a smug sense of her face not to mention the ass holding recently disciplined SoB who just got paddled kinda like how I spanked and rocked that one Sister Hospitaller while serving aboard the Inquisitorial Flagship and alongside Regimental Cannon Fodder
>IWonder&HopeThatRogueTraderDidn’tGetPreganant.thoughtpeocess

>>62672755
>Cock back the mechanism of the Bolt Pistol and look up at the Eldar Craftworld

>>62672719
>You literally got toasted and immolated to ash by being doused and burned by and with Promethium your gone you bimbo ballerina

>>62672755
>gives him a purity seal
>"I think it is likely that she has been lost. If we are to save her we must confine her and subject her to continuous purification. That will take too long, we should get into that craftworld... Also I am getting the feelingd the warp is strong here. My faith acts as a shield to the chaos gods, but how long until their power is all consuming? The EMPEROR wishes us to go from this place."

>>62672670
>waves at big tiddy kriegswoman
>gives her purity seal
>"also hi breezy. Watch out for... Chest region growth"
>PS is almost flat chested herself, making her EXTRA safe

>>62672670
>Be me.
>Be Enginseer.
>Walk our onto surface, plasma gun in hand.
>Necrons, chaos, everyone is here.
>And there’s a Necron.
>Shoot the fuck out of it, pick up a rod of steel and start beating it.
>reeee.vox

>>62672673
>it seems it does speak.
>time to shuffle to the lord.
>this thing probably cannot tunnel.
>but judging by how the ground is being ripped up around us it seems my kin finished dinner.
>look at them all, with their silly hats and bone armor.
>this dress is so freeing though I pity them.
>"DO YOU THINK OUR LORD WOULD LIKE A DRESS OR A HAT?!"

>>62672895
Needles get blood in them and they are scattered everywhere mate; bimbo ballerina will return next time on dragonball Z[/spoilers]

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>>62668505
>>62668667
>>62672294
>>62672435

>Be 'Heretek' Magos Alexia
>was carried/dragged to freedom by Emperor's Champion Ulfric Williams
>Is damaged/half Necrodermized due to spending time 'serving Necron Overlord', no longer have half my legs
>Is groggily woken up by loud honking noise
>See giant Female Eldar construct in the sky
>BytheOmnissiahLetmesleep.binary

>>62671820
>"I demand to know if there's any more Chaos presence in the system, Khornate, Over"
>Slave informs me his most probable destination is the capital city
>Alright, since my brothers seem to decide to be incompetent as one can possibly get...
>Command my terminators to go on the Khornate's future location
>The loyalists will probably try to assault it when they'll see termies and a new arrival there
>Still no portal tho
>I wish Eliphas was there
>He is good with portals, as far as I can remember

>>62672726
> be Ulfric Williams,
> notice my brother changing...
> thiscanonlybewarptaint.slaanesh.
> none of us are psykers though....
> unless.....
> I turn to the inquisitor.
ma'am.... you wouldn't happen to be a psyker. would you?

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>>62672859
>Unfortunately we're not the ones powering the males transformations, it's that giant [HONK]ing Wraith woman in orbit
>She's giving off 6.9 jizzayuri's of girl-on-girl power, at this rate will be lucky if it doesn't transform the planet ITSELF into a girl

>>62672897
>"No-one is ever truly lost, Sister... But I'm relatively certain that spanking a Sister that is tainted by Slaanesh won't help. At all. In fact, I'm relatively certain it won't help at all. Perhaps we should take stock of this situation before anyone does something they'll regret? As for the Sister Superior... I can watch over her. The Aeldari have never been my strong suit."

>>62672954
>What
>What?
>WHAT?
>Look up to the sky
>Oh.
>Maybe we should focus on the ground, and let the Ark Mechanicus deal with... That? I thought you were helping.

>>62672954
>"we really need tk deal with that before-"
>necrons even start growing tits and asses
>"why"

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>>62672897
>slap purity seal to the face
>feelinthepurity.jpg
>gonna drill some heretic ass with this shovel
>>62672954
>female space marines
>topshelfheresy.jpg
>tell the purity seal tossing sister to get the flamer
>all the flamers
>the biggest fucking flamers

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>>62673012
>>Maybe we should focus on the ground, and let the Ark Mechanicus deal with... That?
>Sure, plenty of shitheads to "correct" down here anyways

>>I thought you were helping.
>I am, I'm putting that Sororita on an even footing with the marines!

>>62673026
>>necrons even start growing tits and asses
>>"why"
>You make that sound like it's a BAD thing...

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> be me rogue trader Anne Portia Medici
> finally arrive in orbit above the planet.
> shipment of weapons for the siste-
> what
> the
> fuck?
> dammit....
> why does this always happen?
> gets up and decides to go down to the planet to investigate in person.
> I don't know what the fuck is going on.
> but goddammit I'm getting paid for these boltguns.
> one way or another.

>be me
>Be cruising on chimera full speed plowing through the lines.
>Hear [HONK] in the skies
WE HAVE BEEN CHALLENGED BOYS!
>Pulls out massive vox casters from all ports of the chimera
>Starts pumping out at full volume Doom music track

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>>62672954
>Yeah, getting off this thing
>Me and the other Tzeentch boys teleport down to the planet.
>It’s a good thing we got off that thing before-
[HONK]
>Pink lightning strikes one of the Tzaangors, and suddenly it looks like pic related
>Blue footed booby.jpg
>This is getting out of hand

>...
>spanks chevalier
>slaanesh is taking control
>oh it was just a purity seal
>that's.... Loyal?
>"We really need to solve this. I can feel the fingers of creeping chaos. If we have any hope of not devolving into sex obsessed, drug fiending, sweat goblins we need to focus on that..."
[HONK]
>"THING. And pray to the EMPRAH to see us defeat his enemies."

>>62672916

>Be Metallic Death Cultist
>The bloody machine asks me if our Lord would like either a dress or a hat
>I think a hat would fit him better
>"A nice hat would fit our lord I suppose"
>

>>62673099
>be rouge trader Billy Mays
>see some uppity rouge trader showing up in the system
>perfect I need a new ship
>hail fellow trader
>hope we wont kill each other
>maybe she's not a dominatrix like the last one
>why are all femfatal rouge traders dominatrixes?
>hail the... medici vessel?
>pasta pasta
>"HI BILLY MAYS HERE AND I'M HOPELESSLY STUCK IN THIS ELDAR CRAFTWORLD, COULD YOU LEND ME A HAND FOR A QUICK AND EASY PAYMENT OF 19.99?"

> be me, Victor Samson, crusader....
> leave the.... thing, after the daemon finally fucking died.
> notice the space marine growing tits...
> whatthefuckisthisheresy.slaanesh
> see harkus not growing tits.
> everyone else is. Even the other fucking catachans.
> I bet fucking slaanesh did this.
> god emperor's holy nutsack why is this happening.
> see potentially slaaneshi sisters.
> mustresisturgetostab.purge
HARKUS! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!
> I don't know why. but I feel like he's somehow responsible for this bullshit.

>>62673076
>be me
>my only job is burning heretics
>with a massive flamer
>finally.promethium
>female space marines
>burn the heresy away

>BURN
>BURN
>I AIN'T GOT NO SYMPATHY
>SOLDIER BO-GURL MUTANT DON'T MESS WITH ME
>I CAN DO IT ALL

>>62673092
>>62673126
"We have to act immediately, you're right -- But we're a small group. We stand no chance of doing anything to anything of THAT size. We should-"
>Daemonette's bitching at me again
>I mean, you're right about that, but I really think turning space marines into... That is excessive. If you need to do stuff like that, can't you focus on me instead?
>I nod at the purity seal Sister, sit down, and cross my legs.
>We should meditate. Pray to him for His blessing, before we head into battle. Acting brashly will do nothing to help us."
>Hope they don't realize I'm just as confused as they are

>>62672992
>"Yes Inquisitor, save her soul. If I come back from there and find that corruption has claimed I will personally slaughter every fucking knife ear in this system personally since they're the closest thing to blame for slaanesh shit when the actual gimps aren't showing themselves. Mark my words!"
>I realise things are getting awfully Slaanesh-y now, I'm fairly certain Chaplain Marius' thigh and bottom armor creaked a little, he also seemed to have let out an awfully girly wimper
>The only ones that seem to be free from the influence are champion Ulfric, a few of the Catachans and me, thankyouuncleguilliman.litany
>even Angela and Mallory and seem to be contorting into even more exaggerated figures
>they seem to be in shock rather than enjoyment though, that's good I guess?
>howdoiunfuckthis.vox
>I need someone to home into my position and quickly teleport all available untainted forces off this dirtball
>remember those rogue traders in orbit
>"This is Brother Ephraim of Kill Team Gamma-Crucifix requesting emergency teleport onto any available imperial ship. The Deathwatch will reimburse you well if that's what you were asking!"

>>62673164
> be rogue trader Anne Portia Medici
> hear billy mays
> the fucking traveling salesman?
> respond.
I'll get to you in a second hun, I have a delivery of bolters to deliver to the bolter bitches.
> arrive on planet's surface.
> find the catachan second there.
> the.
> catachan
> second.
> mother. fucking. harkus.
> strut down the street.
> damnImakethislookgood.saucy
> see Victor and HARKUS talking to a few... female space marines and the bolter bitches.
> draw laspistols
HARKUS MOTHERFUCKING STRAKKEN!
> MAMABEANGRY.REDRAGE

>>62673297

>Chimera at full speed and at full boom box volume
>Sees Harkus with tits while talking to ... marines with tits
...WE NEED MORE BOOM VOXES!!!
>Blasts Doom music volume to max
>Chimera drifts to get away fullspeedtankdrift.emperorprotects

>>62673289
>"I am pretty sure I am going to have to... Fuck it. Female space marines are too heretical!"

>begins spraying the marines that look feminine with promethium
>intentionally avoids primaris, breezy, and other SoBs because networking/nepotism bias

>"DIR HERETICS, YOU PERVERT THE EMPEROR'S ANGELS WITH YOUR VERY EXISTENCE! AHHHHH"
>yeah at least Purtiy Seal isn't afflicted with Slaanesh yet
>though it may just be because she is totally batshit
>even Astartes armor cannot protect from a heacy flamer blasting promethium
>actually are we sure she isn't khornate?
>"BUUUUURN HERETICS,BUUUUUURN AND REPENT FOR YOUR SINS OF BODY"

>>62672726
>>62672755
>>62672954
>>62672992
>>62673092
>>62673266

>Be "Definitely Corrupted By Slaanesh" Sister Superior Gwellian
>resist urge to gouge Angela's eyes out and stuff them down her throat
>"Yes, the Inquisitor can take care of me."
>Realize my ass is bigger and my center of gravity is 'relatively normal' now.
>Rollwithit.voxcast
>Look at Brother Ephriam and smile nervously.
>"Don't worry, I'll be fine. Really I am."
>Spot Necrons growing tits and asses
>IBetTheKnifeEarsDidThis.heresy?
>grab flamer from the (increasingly feminine(?) Chaplain, get ready to stomp off and burn the nearest group of heretics I can find.
>Stops and grabs Inquisitor by her power-armor
>"You're coming with me damn it."
>Someonehastokeepmecompany.voxcast
>Likelyinmorewaysthanone.heresy

>>62673266
>Send psychic message to the idiot loyalists as the new large busted bird woman becomes increasingly confused
>”Hi there, Savorius of the Thousand Sons here. You may have noticed that everyone is growing tits. I myself am fearing for my manly chest at this point, so could you please deal with it before we all become characters in some porno-slate?”
>The other Tzaangors begin showing off their feathers and muscles to the transformed one
>Literaly peacocking
>Do Tzaangors even have females normally?

>starts blasting the fem marines with pyromethium
>starts blasting everything purple with pyromethium
>be uberferno
>holding the trigger to the flamer in one hand while holding it on her elbow and armpit while tossing frags with the other
>the oxythrone covering the battlefield starts to ignite

> be chaplain Marius Alfred.
> why do I have breasts?
> whatisthisheresy.warp
> how ghastly
> look at the deathwatch
Brother...
> voice is higher now.
> try to walk.
> howdowomenwalkwiththesethings.stumble
everyone stop, it is clear that there is warp trickery afoot, and we are all affected by it in some way. Therefore... our first course of action should be to sort this out.
[HONK HONK]
> see the clown thing in the sky.
this began occuring once the thing in the sky showed up.... therefore that is possibly the source of all th-
> gets rudely interrupted by having to dodge promethium stream.
> HOW RUDE
HOW RUDE YOU RUFFIAN. HAVE AT YOU!
> proceed to lunge forward and repeatedly thrust toward the exposed pressure points with the pointed edge of the cane, intentionally disabling the wrists, fingers, arms, and knees.

>>62673289
>>62673380

>"I'll watch over her. If anyone can save this Sister, it should be me. Watch over your brothers, Astartes, and-"
>The other uncorrupted Sister has lost her patience
>She's done dealing with this
>See her flamer
>Fuckthis
>"They're your Sisters, after all. You... Can decide how to punish them
>I nod at Gwellian. She seems to be regaining her sanity.
>The daemonette seems to be leaving me alone, too. That's goo-
>Sister Superior grabs my hand and tries to pull me with her
>"I'm coming with you of my own choice. Lead the way, Sister Superior
>Decide to tag along with Gwellian, and ignore the Sorceror because fuck Tzeentch
>Seriously, I'm 99% sure that anything he says is a lie

>>62673297
>Look around at the rest of the Catachad Jungle Devil’s, they are immune to this warp sex change, as am I and my Crusader friend who’s accompanied us on a number of crusades, battles, and wars
>Turn my attention from the SoB, the Inquisitor, the Female Astartes and the rest of my men and co. to the RT
>See the Rogue Trader and immediatly fall back into an entranced state of admiring the sway of herself and how she carries herself, goddamn one of the best women I’ve seen and had the privilege of being with
>Be reminiscing about her for quite a bit before realizing she’s baying for my blood and yelling out my name while unholstering her laspistols
>GoddamnI’veMissedHer.BloodRedBandanaOath
>Survival instincts kick and I dive into a solid fully protected cover in the form of a sandbag fortress with camo netting and a stationary Heavy Stubber emplacement
Hey, there Portia... it’s great to see you again, honey. So, how’ve you been since I bought out my contract and left? You still look as frakking beautiful as always my dear!

>>62673464
>Be me.
>Be only person unaffected.
>Start shouting, “QUIT THIS SHIT, I THINK I KNOW WHATS CAUSING THIS. THERES NO NEED FOR INFIGHTING.”

>>62673464
>be kriegswoman
>see SOBuddy going after the fem-chaplain
>chaplain's tits are bigger than mine
>has the nerve to pull some WWE the seal-bearer
>bitchnoyoudidnt.jpg
>jump over the burnt corpse of a fem-marine slam the chaplain over the head with a shovel
>die mutant bitches

>>62673464
>covered in promethium
>maybe trying to get into melee range with of a SoB with a heavy flamer who does not suffer the mutant was a bad idea
>PS is screaming
>"SILENCE HERETIC I WON'T LISTE TO YOU LIES"

>>62673523
>Familiar reeing is heard from around the corner.
>Still hitting it with rebar, hoping I won’t get corrupted by the tech heresy.
>Holyfury.cog

>>62673130
>the cultist has good taste, the lord loves his headdresses.
>says it make him look "fly"
>We are getting closer, so much talking is coming from ahead it HAS to be our lord.
>wait it looks like there is only meat and hard cases ahead.
>"THE LORD IS AHEAD BUT I CANNOT SPOT HIM. HIS HAT IS READY."

>>62673551
> be me, chaplain Marius
> LIFEISPAIN.OW
> covered in promethium
> raise boltgun and fire, striking the promethium canister of the flamer and igniting it.
> stopdropandroll.extinguish.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> SCREAMING CONTINUES.

>>62673546
>Oh, neat, the Imperials are killing each other in an insane catfight
[HONK]
>And there goes another Tzaangor
>At least the others are now split into two groups fighting over their affection instead of just one brawl
>The first one is already capitalizing on it
>I mean, do I have to do anything actually? My psychic defenses are pretty high
>If I just lay low and stay away from direct efforts, I should come out unscathed
[HONK]

>>62673380
>"Gwellian, are you sure you are clean of chaotic influence? I didn't see you spazm or scream or float or whatever, isn't that what an exorcism looks like?"
>at least it did in all those old terran videopicts I watched on mars
>probably made-up bullshit like so many things coming from the cogbrains
>"Well then Gwellian, where do you inted to go? If you stay with the rest of us we might be teleported onto some imperial ship"
>hell at this point I'm willing to take the help from that birdfucker who @everyone'd this planet psychically
>so far I'm not physically turning into a woman but I'm not looking to test out how incorruptible Cawl and Lord Guilliman made us

>>62673546
> be me, marisa Clarion Von Engel.
> helping nice voidsmen unload weapons...
> they're always so helpful and polite.
> I thank them with a smile
> smileofpuresunshine.innocence
> this town looks interesting.
> Maybe i'll go look around.
> wait... why do I smell shit on fire.
> grab boltgun and sprint towards the fighting.
> turn a corner to see....
> harkus?
> Victor?
> wait.... is that?
> breezy?
> internallysqueeing.happiness
BREEZY!~

>>62673557
>Pulls out macrobinoculars while moving at full speed to see this
>thisgunabegud.vox
>Runs over >>62673557 who was fighting another "bump" on the road
>Full blown Doom music sound track makes this entire scene beautiful with all the prometheum around.
>The bumps on the road are now following rhythmically with the drums of the sound track.
>ForTheEmperor.vox

>>62673630
>promethium tank is rapidly leaking
>fire spewing
>take flamer off and throw it at the mutant
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

>it explodes in his face disfiguring him

>>62673713
> take off helmet.
> reduced to molten slag
THAT WAS MY GOOD TOPHAT YOU HOOLIGAN.
> fire boltgun repeatedly at the hellion who dares to attack an astartes.

>>62673379
>>62673289
>>62673546
>>62673538


>Be Me
>Newbie Sororitas Mallory
>Why is my body growing in all the right places?!
>What did I do to deserve such blessings from the Holy God-Emperor of Mankind?
>Wait.purity
>This is that Slaaneshi stuff Brother Ephriam was talking about, isn't it?
>Glance over at Battlesister Angela, who's experiencing similar changes
>Briefly wonder if this such a bad thing
>NotEmprah'sBlessingsSoMustBeBad.heresy
>ButFeelFine?.notheresy
>Look at Chaplain(ette?) Alfred, who's currently dodging an overzealous Purity and... a Kriegswoman hitting him on the helm with a shovel?
>And is his (or is it her?) belt buckle talking?!
>Turn to hear Harkus Straken and Rogue Trader Medici arguing, just as Chaplain Marius blows up Purity's promethium canister
>Ohdear.prayerseal
>Quietly grabs Primaris Brother Ephraim and whispers quietly
>"We should probably follow Gwellian and the Inquisitor. I don't want those two to get lost or anything."
>Totally not trying to avoid getting caught up in the Catachan/Rogue Trader crossfire
>FaceofPureInnocence.purity