>>54578358

YAY! Glad to see you back!

>>54578358
The prodigal son returns!

>>54578358
Glad to have you back, Shoggy.

Praise the Emperor I've caught one live!

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Here's hoping they prop another dead psyker in the Inquisitor's starship shitter before all this is over.

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>>54578358

Links!

>Archive
http://www.theallguardsmenparty.com/
>1d4chan with original thread links
https://1d4chan.org/wiki/All_Guardsmen_Party
>Narrated youtube series someone made!
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvXz4ii9fJ82n17FZn1v5AJa_kyGFur3g

>Well, it's been a long, painful break, but I'm back. Thanks so much for the patience, and all the kind words folks have sent my way, I apologize for failing to respond to so many of them.

>The usual caveats about editing and finding images as I go. As always I appreciate any input, and I pre-emptively apologize if there's been a drop in quality since the previous chapters.

>We're not *quite* going to make it to the start of the final chapter today, but we're going to get within spitting distance, and I refuse to delay this anymore. So without further ado, here's:

The All Guardsmen Party and the "Stealth" Mission, Part 3-ish

Going to be a few pieces of really good Art in this round, this one is courtesy of Eversor over in /twgg/

You been through some shit, Shoggy. It's good to see you. You were not forgotten.

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>>54578358
I AM THE EXCITE.

Shoggy, I just want you to know that I value you, and your friends a great deal, and that your escapades and story telling skills, have brought significant amounts of joy into my life. I'm glad that you're back

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Yes!

Yesss. Glad to have you back, shoggy. How are you?

>>54578358
Welcome back!

I am very looking forward to Judge shenanigans.

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How's it going shoggy

I caught one live!

>>54578358
Holy shit yes!

>>54578358
I never asked for this...

>>54578358
Bloimy, I caught a live one

>>54578358
Oh shit! I caught it live, and so early too!

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I love SHOGGY!

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>>54578358

SHOGGY LIVES

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Yay got one live! Long live the Emperor!!

First time catching one live! Glad to be here.

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PRAISE SHOGGY

First one caught live!

Holy shit, I haven't seen this in forever!
Awesome!

How you doing Shoggy? Taking care of yourself?

>>54578358
Awesome. Caught it live.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-48u_uWMHY


Nazareth, I'm fucked up
Homie, you fucked up
But if Shoggy got us, then we gon' be alright

inb4 "PRANKED!!!"

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>>54578358

Another few hours of driving later, we discovered that the target was a "bank" in the same sense that a divisional armory is a "gun rack". Yes, there was something bank-like in there, and that was the part we were going to rob, but it just happened to be situated inside an entire sub-spire belonging to some sort of merchant shipping Cartel. This discovery did not make us very happy, and neither did the painfully long briefing we received from Sciscitat's Interrogator via combead.

A lot of the briefing was just stuff about the Cartel, which mostly boiled down to "think Rogue Traders, except with less megalomania, more bureaucracy, and deep Administratum ties." Not being particularly interested in any of the fine details of the Cartel's sub-sector wide political connections, we strategically muted our combeads and spent most of the lecture getting some absolutely terrible "breakfast flavored" soylens wraps and fuel-station recaff. Eventually, possibly when she realized none of us had said anything for over half an hour, the Interrogator got to the point, which was that strange heavily armed men in shitty vans were not typically allowed on the Cartel's sub-spire. Unless that is, they were a PDF patrol sent to do a sweep for mutants in the sub-spire's sewers.

At first we were fine with this, we could pretend to be a PDF patrol in our sleep. Literally. The part that spoiled what was left of our appetites was where we were expected to actually go out and perform the sewer patrol. Sarge had suggested that the inherent laziness of PDF troopers would give us enough leeway to just sit around in our van for the whole mission without blowing our cover, but the Interrogator insisted that us fighting ravening mutants while wading through waist-deep, er, waste was a critical part of Sciscitat's plan. Unfortunately (for everyone involved) this turned out to be true.

>>54578358
Welcome back Shoggy.

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WE ARE HERE, AND IT IS LIVE. REJOICE, BROTHERS.

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HURGA FLURGA HABEDING


AAAAAHHHHHH

I first time catching one live. Im so glad this is back.

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>>54578682

We entered the Cartel's sub-spire via its lowest vehicular entrance. Sarge handed the Guard in the gate-house a dataslate full of falsified credentials and orders which had been commed to Tink by the Inquisitor. The Guard was a bit surprised to see us, but turned up a previously unnoticed request for a PDF sewer sweep when he checked his cogitator, and accepted Sarge's grunt of "commandeered" as sufficient explanation for our non-regulation vehicle. He was in the process of standing down his security servitors when he suddenly got all thoughtful and asked for Sarge's name again.

Now, our default approach to this sort of thing was to just use our own names, because honestly, why bother? The Imperium's a big place, and it's hard to get more faceless and interchangeable than a guardsman. The Inquisitor didn't see it that way though, and had issued us some "less stupid" names along with our falsified orders, and thankfully Sarge actually remembered his.

As "Sergeant Eastwood" reintroduced himself, the Guard rooted out a piece of paper, which he held up next to the window for a second before snorting and apologising. When Sarge asked what for, the Guard started chuckling and handed him the paper. He said we could keep it, since every Astropath in the hive was handing them out and he had over a hundred.

When Sarge began emitting a high pitched wheeze the rest of us peeked over his shoulder. The paper was headed by the words "Wanted for crimes against the Adeptus Telepathica" and a number with a ludicrous number of zeroes. Below the bounty was the most cartoonishly evil caricature of a man ever seen outside of a Commissarial pamphlet. It was covered with scars, wearing a sinister military uniform with a stupidly oversized hat, and (with the possible exception of its grumpy expression) looked ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like "Rogue Inquisition Agent, 'Interrogator' Greg Sargent".

We were still laughing when the Guard waved us through the gate.

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PRAISE THE FUCKING EMPEROR

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>>54578810
Hey look Sarge! You're famous!

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>>54578810
>"Sergeant Eastwood"

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>>54578810

Admittedly it was impressive (and a bit worrying) that the crazy Choir Master had actually carried through with his threat and sent these wanted posters to every astropath in the sector... But, seriously, who goes through all that trouble and then uses an EDITORIAL CARTOON for the mugshot? Psykers man…

Our high spirits lasted for most of our drive through the (comparatively) clear and clean streets of the sub-spire, but faded as we reached our destination on its lowest level. We parked our trusty vehicle on the curb outside a maintenance station, where a pair of workers in stained coveralls met us. We were guided to a hatch that looked far more vault-like than your average manhole, and the grimier of the two men promised to stay by the hatch for six hours to let us back out. If we weren't back by then, he said, they'd check the filtration system in about a month, and send what was left of us back to the PDF. While Sarge thanked the men and reviewed the few grainy vids of the mutants they supplied, the rest of did a final gear check and made sure our rebreathers were as tight as possible.

When we got the word go, the hatch was opened, and something that looked like a cross between a man, a donkey, and a squid launched itself through the gap. Twitch shot it in what was probably the face, and then swore as the piddly little lasbolt failed to kill it. Fortunately, instead of following up the attack, the slavering mutant let out very human-sounding scream of pain and retreated. This didn't stop Twitch from flinging himself backwards and opening up on full auto, but the hatch-cover soaked the fire just as well as the mutant would've, so he only hit the maintenance man holding it open once. It turned out the guy's hand was already an augmetic so he was fairly understanding about the whole thing.

Sarge made Twitch apologize, the area under the hatch was carefully checked for any more lurking mutants, and one by one we plopped down into the muck.

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aww yeah, favorte time of the year. I've been making the AGP in XCOM, here's sarge

>>54578810
Did the GM make an actual wanted poster?

And I expect Nubby will try to turn Sarge in for the bounty - then break him out and do it again.

>>54578682
>waist-deep in waste
Back to the shitty jobs for them.

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TUT

>>54578885
>Jim Sargent
>Jim


JIIIIIIIMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Here's twitch

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I have a choice between catching shoggy live and watching stella cox scam, and I choose Shoggy!

Why you always gotta update while I'm at work, Shoggy? Great to see you're well, though!

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>>54578883

Now this wasn't our first shit-slog: sewer patrols are a core part of what it means to be a Guardsman, and don't let any highborn stormtrooper fancypants tell you otherwise. It's a widely believed fact, at least among Guardsmen, that sewers magnetically attract enemies of the Imperium, and if none are present to be attracted, will just spontaneously generate them out of thick air. Why this happens is a mystery which eludes even the most unqualified barracks scholars. Maybe it's something to do with the universal vacuum hatred thingy, or maybe there's actually something to that line in the Primer about how "filth breeds filth". In any case, the important part is that leaving a sewer unpatrolled will inevitably wind up biting you in the collective ass, sometimes literally.

Back in the Guard, long standing tradition dictated that the least senior regiment on the battlefield (which always seemed to be ours for some reason) got the fun job of going down there every few days to clear out the latest infestation of greenskins. Or heretical cultists. Or genestealers. Or gangers, carnivorous plants, secessionists, mutated housepets, deserters, rogue servitors, previously unidentified intelligent xenos races, dead gods, or cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers… It was sort of like a lottery: you never knew what you were going to get when you went down, except you sort of did, because nine times out of ten it was Orks.

Fortunately, the Cartel's sewers were one of those rare Ork-free ones, and it turned out that the horrific mutants which did inhabit it were a lot less suicidally aggressive than your average greenskin. Well, at least the humanoid ones were: we did encounter some unusually sized rodents which were, in Twitch's words, "suspiciously similar" to squigs.

>>54578986
Ok, that's clever.

>>54578982
The description of what you find in sewers sound suspiciously like what you find aboard the Occurrence Border...

>>54578982
> We did encounter some unusually sized rodents which were, in Twitch's words, "suspiciously similar" to squigs.


Skaven????

>>54579017
>Implying the Occurence Border isn't just a galactic sewer.

>>54578512
Great to see you back Shoggy, I for one am psyched to see what happens next.

This series inspired me to get into rpgs and 40k

>>54579017
You and I both know that no sewer mutant has anything on the various horrors of the Occurrence Border anon. Fucking ghost-ork-nid's...

>>54578358
You've been missed Shoggy!

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>>54578982

Anyway, the majority of the sewer's occupants wanted to get shot about as much as we wanted to get shivved with a piece of sharpened fecal matter, and we quickly came to a mutual understanding with them. This wasn't anything official mind you, the presence of Cartel security monitors meant we couldn't just announce that we were just passing through on a secret Inquisitorial mission, but we managed to convey the gist of it by making as much noise as possible, waving our lights around, and loudly announcing the complete lack of mutants we were seeing.

So, by the standard of armed patrols through ass-deep (or neck-deep in Nubby's unfortunate case) sewage, it was a fairly pleasant experience. Or it would have been if it weren't for the Inquisitor's fetish for overly complicated plans. He'd put together this amazingly complex series of carefully timed infiltrations, misdirections, psychic tricks, and cogitator infiltrations, which was supposed to result in them nicking the doohickey without the Cartel even finding out they'd been robbed. We were fine with all that, it wasn't like we wanted to get into a shooting war with someone who could afford to employ entire goon-battalions, and our part was actually pretty simple. All we had to do was to sneak into one of the sub-spire's auxiliary power stations via the sewers and do something technical to some sort of feed line thingy. Honestly, we were a little hazy on the fine details, but Tink claimed it was all "super simple", which was good enough for the rest of us.

The problem was that, for some reason, the Inquisitor didn't trust us to get our part done unsupervised. Which is why, instead of just giving us a map and the codes to the security doors, we were being guided through the sewers via combead.

By the tech-priest.

The one who hated us.

no orcs? not-quite-suicidal mutants? This means the other shoe is about to drop. This'll be epic.

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>>54578982

>>54579056
>By the tech-priest.
>The one who hated us.

I can foresee imminent disaster of a stupid and easily avoidable nature

>>54579056
This will end well...

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>>54579056

>>54578512
Oh, awesome. Just noticed the image. Now I'm itching to convert some figures.

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>>54579056

We bore the constant stream of insults, slanders, and reminders that our sins against the machine god had damned us to an eternity of torment in the unholy scrapyard of lost souls or whatever without complaint. What was harder to ignore though, was the way our directions seemed to guide us unerringly right through the middle into every single dangerous, disgusting, inconvenient thing in the entire sewer system. Call it the kneejerk paranoia of a bunch of jumped-up jarheads, but by the third time he sent us directly into a nest of mutated rat things, we were fairly certain he was trying to get us all killed.

Of course, consummate professionals that we were, we put up with the tech-priest's shenanigans. After all, it wouldn't do to disrupt the Inquisitor's plan and put both the objectives and our beloved comrades at risk over something as minor as a bit of degradation and danger. Also, the metal bastard had control over the only external channel our combeads could reach from down in the sewers, so our choices were a bit limited. In any case, as guardsmen we were quite familiar with suicidal orders and knew how to deal with them, so it was more of an annoying inconvenience than anything.

Through a combination of lying, paranoia, undisclosed scouting, and creative interpretation, we made it to the section of sewers which paralleled the power substation's maintenance tunnels without any serious cock-ups. Admittedly Tink and Twitch were going to need to need a whole lot of immune-boosters for the scratches they'd received from the second rat nest, and Nubby had been submerged to the point where even he agreed that a bath was needed. Doc was just incredibly thankful for the purge valves on his rebreather after some sort of tentacle thing ripped it off long enough for the smell and subsequent nausea to set in, and Sarge was a simmering pot of barely-contained rage over the whole situation, but we reached the target on schedule and in piece. More or less.

I forget, was Aimy in on this mission?

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Rupert turned out bretty gud

>>54579196

No, she got laid up with a faceful of burns again.

Pretty sure it's just the guardsmen on this one. Fumbles and the rest were left absent too, because the Inquisitor basically

>>54579196
No, she's in the infirmary again

>>54578358
Holy shit I caught a AGP thread! And its still fresh! This is making me feel way too many emotions, what have you done to me Shoggy?

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>>54579148

Getting into the power station's maintenance tunnels turned out to be a bit of a problem. This was partially because the people who ran the place had put quite a lot of effort into separating the vital heart of their sub-spire from the mutant-infested sewers adjacent to it. Mostly though, it was because the tech-priest kept insisting the only possible entrance was located in a chamber which just happened to contain an entire mutant village, complete with hovels, barricades, and what looked to be a sizable militia. When Sarge pointed this out to the tech-priest, he just made a suspiciously snicker-like sound and asked how that was HIS problem.

After a brief debate, we decided that there was no way in hell that we were going to try fighting our way past seventy-ish spear-carrying mutants, and an alternative approach was needed. We spent a bit of time searching the immediate area for likely-looking passages and checking the map Tink had been compiling (so we could navigate our own route back, thank you very much), but weren't making much progress until Doc suggested just asking the Mutants if they'd let us through. The rest of us, especially Twitch, thought this was a bit overly optimistic, but there wasn't any real harm in asking, so Sarge approached to what he felt was just beyond spear-chucking range and committed diplomacy.

To our considerable surprise given Sarge's diplomatic track record and all, things actually went pretty well with the mutants. As it turned out, not only did a few of the mutants know how to speak a sort of horrible gargly version of Gothic, they were also fairly well disposed towards us on account of how much effort we'd gone through not to fight them. "Well disposed" isn't the same as "stupid" though, so they weren't keen on the idea of letting a bunch of armed goons pass through their village, but once Sarge explained our destination they were more than happy to point us towards an alternate entrance to the maintenance tunnels.

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>>54578810

smile sarge!

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>>54579232

Despite Twitch's insistence that the mutants were sending us into a trap, we followed their directions to a small security door without incident. Unfortunately, there was a slight holdup at this point, because when we asked the tech-priest for the access code he immediately figured out we were at a different door, and kept trying to send us back through the mutants to the "correct" one. When Sarge refused to budge without an explanation, the contrary cogboy told him that the door we'd found connected to an entirely different facility. Tink, who'd discovered a dataport next to the door and had (without asking for permission or sparing the slightest bit of thought for all the bad things that might happen) immediately plugged his dataslate into it, announced that he'd found a map of the power station and that we were only three rooms and a short hallway from the target. The tech-priest immediately backpedaled, declaring that the REAL problem was that he didn't have an access code for this door; Sarge told him we'd just cut our way through it then.

After a few more go rounds with the tech-priest, in which he tried to convince us that the door was monitored, booby-trapped, a secret portal to the eye of terror, etc. and we checked his assertions and found them to be a load of bullshit, Tink set his plasma gun to "cut". The home-converted astartes pistol, which had not originally had any such setting, immediately vented a stream of superheated gas in the general direction of Tink's face and was dropped into the ankle-deep muck at his feet. After three more failures, and a lot of complaints about how it'd been working earlier and how much better his Tau-ified weapon had been, Tink admitted defeat and just shot the thick door until a sizeable hole had been slagged through it. After cooling the hole with the readily-available resources, we squeezed our way into the power station.

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>>54578883
>and something that looked like a cross between a man, a donkey, and a squid launched itself through the gap.

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>>54579232

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>>54579308

The room on the far side of the door turned out to be one of those weird mechanicus combination shrine and control room dealies. As we tracked sewage over cogboy-themed religious icons and the occasional piece of delicate machinery, it occurred to us that the tech-priest might've had an actual reason for not wanting us to come this way. Not that any of us particularly cared, but it did shine a bit light on why he was screaming at Sarge loud enough for the rest of us to hear him despite our muted combeads.

Sarge, being aware that there was probably a limit to how many doors we could breach before triggering an alarm, announced a short halt to see if the furious cogboy was going to calm down enough to start giving directions again. Twitch, Nubby, and Doc respectively used this time to barricade the door behind us, nick the candlesticks, and wipe off as much filth as possible at the expense of a tapestry depicting the discovery of a new type of toaster by Tech-Saint Gearface. Despite his personal tendency towards tech-heresy, Tink didn't join the rest of us in desecrating a holy mechanicus shrine. Instead, the techie wandered over to the main control altar, and after a few seconds of translating cogboy glyphs, excitedly informed the rest of us that he could use it to disable a thing, overload another thing, and start some sort of cascade. When the rest of us just stared blankly at him, he explained that this would automatically trigger the thing which the Inquisitor had sent us down here to do.

Sarge was a bit dubious, and claimed to remember our orders involving going to the main transformer room and doing something a bit less catastrophic sounding, but Tink maintained it would have the same end result. Probably. That is, assuming "logical" failsafe design. And good maintenance practices. And none of the capacitors being too full. And no stupid machine spirit shenanigans.

It's never that easy

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>>54579395

Sarge decided to make "potentially blow up the power station we've just infiltrated" Plan B, and informed the tech-priest of it in an attempt to get him to start cooperating with Plan A. The threat didn't have as much effect as we'd hoped: it turned out that while we'd been ignoring him the cogboy had managed to find a vid feed of the shrine and was practically frothing at the lips over our actions. Or, y'know, would've been if he'd had lips. Anyway, he wasn't in the mood to be helpful, but fortunately the Inquisitor chose that moment to join the comm channel and check what our ETA was; Sarge gleefully threw the enraged tech-priest under the proverbial armored personnel carrier.

Showing his usual lack of tact, Sciscitat decided to chew out the tech-priest on the open channel. It'd be a lie to say we didn't enjoy listening, and maybe the tech-priest had enough awe for the Inquisitor's supposed genius that he wasn't going to hold a grudge towards him, but we were fairly certain the experience pushed his irrational hatred of us to whole new levels. For the time being though, the lecture did the trick, and the tech-priest grudgingly began opening doors, disabling vid feeds, warning us of servo-skull patrols, and providing non-bullshit directions. While the route he sent us down was a little less direct than the one Tink's map suggested, there seemed to be actual reasons for the detours this time, so we kept our mouths shut and advanced into the heart of the power station in as professional a manner as possible for five men covered head-to-toe in shit.

Art!

>>54579434
Something must always go wrong. It's a rule of the universe.

>>54579449
Nice art.

>>54578358
Damn, welcome back Shoggy. Hope things are getting better for you.

>>54579395
>assuming "logical" failsafe design.

Never assume logic from any design you didn't take part in.

As in reality, so in RP.

>>54579449
Unfortunately, the station was rigged with explosives. As soon as Sarge entered the power station, they detected him and detonated, killing everyone instantly. As the deafening boom quieted, a figure spoke from the shadows

"Hwee bloowed eet hup fhor Khaos!"

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>>54579449

We eventually entered the target, "Distributor Room C", via a small conduit-filled tunnel and found ourselves on a raised catwalk above a room full of large, occasionally sparking machines which we assumed were the distributors. Thanks to our aerial perspective we didn't have any trouble finding the machine which controlled the power flow to the upper levels of the Cartel's sub-spire, and Tink was easily able to identify the control altar on it that he needed to sabotage. The problem was that said control altar was currently in use.

By another Inquisition team.

It was awkward.

We considered going down there and asking them if their super secret mission was going to take very long, and if they wouldn't mind if we snuck in ahead of them, but we got the feeling that wouldn't go over well, so in the end we decided to kick the problem upstairs. To nobody's surprise, it took a few tries to get the tech-priest to patch us through. He was a bit leery of our identification of a bunch of random people in our way as a highly trained Inquisition team that just happened to be infiltrating the exact same facility at the exact same time as us, and suggested that they might just be a simple maintenance team and we might just be a bunch of paranoid idiots. Sarge rather sarcastically pointed out that the "maintenance team" consisted of a combat-auged tech-priest with a pair of gun-servitors, a mohawk-sporting underhive Ganger carrying her bodyweight in firearms, and a Sister of Battle in full body armor. Honestly, and some people accuse US of being unsubtle…

The tech-priest was very obviously in the middle of trying to figure out a scenario where we could still be wrong, when the distributor-thing the other team was messing with let off a massive bolt of electricity, the lights went out, and Sciscitat cut into the channel himself with a screech about how we'd reset the thing too early and had nearly killed three of our teammates.

>>54579571
>"Hwee bloowed eet hup fhor Khaos!"
Cultist-chan????

>>54579571
Bad Anon. Respect the Shoggy.

>>54579609
Wait, did somebody impersonate Shoggy???

>>54578883
That's lower hive civies for you! You shoot them with a military-grade assault rifle and:
>Yea, man. Mistakes happen. Fucking Mutants love to surprise, you know?

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>>54579449

huh interestng.

pic related was my mental picture of sciscitat.

>>54579575
Well, this is awkward.

>>54579575
Well at least ass face is listening now...

How much did your GM enjoy playing the unhelpful tech-priest?

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>>54579575
>The problem was that said control altar was currently in use.
>By another Inquisition team.
>It was awkward.

>>54579678
One wonders what would have happened if they had blown up the power station remotely...

>>54579623
That was MY conclusion. Then again, Shoggy might just have been fucking with us. In which case I'll look like a massive prick.

>>54579232
When the horribly disfigured crazy people you're fighting are friendlier than the horribly disfigured crazy guy your fighting for, you know it's time to start plotting friendly fire incidents.

>>54579710
Probably something a lot less complicated than whatever is about to happen. We all know what happened last time Nubby was around a Sister of Battle...

>>54579714
Almost certainly an impersonator. The fake post and Shoggy's real post are less than a minute apart.

>>54579650
Reminder that the Jew was absolutely in the right regarding the AIDS drugs.

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>>54578358
Praise the Emperor and pass the ammunition!

>>54579710 but anon >>54579571 they did

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>>54578358
He's back!

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>>54579623
>Wait, did somebody impersonate Shoggy

with a nat1 no less

>>54579759
If not for the file name, I was wondering for a whole two minutes if that was the shittiest 3d-printed 40k mini I'd ever seen. Looks like my own attempts still hold that title.

Good to have you back, Shoggy!

Yay shoggy

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f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5

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>>54579575

To Sciscitat's credit, he stopped his ranting about how we were the most relentlessly incompetent jackasses to ever enter Inquisitorial service mid-insult when Sarge mentioned the second team. The man shifted mental gears with impressive speed, and began barraging us with questions about what the three people below us were doing, saying, wearing, and whether we recognized them from the dossiers of known Conspiracy agents we'd be shown. Sarge glibly reminded him that we hadn't been shown anything, before ordering Tink, who was the only one of us who could see in the dark without the aid of a flashlight, to peek over the edge of the catwalk.

While Tink and Sarge relayed a whole lot of unhelpful information to an increasingly annoyed Sciscitat, the rest of us fanned out into good firing positions. It wasn't that we *wanted* things to devolve into a bloodbath, it was more about being well prepared, not to mention realistic. Anyway, Tink really did try to give the Inquisitor the intel he wanted, it was just that nothing he reported seemed to be useful to the man. The Ganger's weapon collection didn't interested him, and neither did the fact that the Sister was fucking huge by anything but Space Marine standards (seriously, she probably had a head on Sarge out of her armor). Tink's attempts to convey the techy features of the cogboy didn't go any better, and before long Sciscitat disconnected in a completely unjustified huff, leaving us all standing there with absolutely no idea what to do.

Well, for a few seconds at least. The question of whether the people below us were Conspiracy agents or just another Inquisition team with a terrible sense of timing suddenly became moot as the underhive Ganger below us, who'd been mocking the tech-priest in a very Aimy-like way, asked the big Sister what smelled like the concentrated essence of a thousand asses. Tink and Sarge pulled back as the sniffing Ganger directed her tac-light upwards, but not quite fast enough.

>>54579875
Ah, it begins in earnest at last. Who want's to bet that the SoB puts Nubby through a wall at some point?

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>>54579875
>asked the big Sister what smelled like the concentrated essence of a thousand asses.

>when your natural odor is so pugent, not even a crawl through an underhive mutant-infested sewer can mask your musk

#just nubby things

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>>54579875

Fortunately for Sarge and Tink, the catwalk was a sturdy sheet of metal instead of some flimsy grated surface, and easily withstood the hail of stub rounds sent their way by the Ganger. The Sister and her bolter were another matter though. The pair of troopers sprinted across the catwalk just ahead of a line of shrapnel-spraying craters, only barely managing to make it behind a big support pillar before they were hit. The rest of us unanimously decided that there wasn't any more time for dicking around about whether the people below us were dirty traitors or just misguided homicidal assholes, and opened fire on the two gun-servitors before they could bring their heavy weapons to bear on Sarge and Tink's position.

Despite the relative piddly-ness of standard lasguns, a triple helping of pre-aimed, braced, and full-auto bolts on each was enough to put both servitors down. The one armed with a heavy bolter just keeled over as its metal-filled skull popped, but the plasma-gun armed one went off with a very satisfying bang, tossing the nearby tech-priest backwards and thoroughly wrecking the control altar. This caught the attention of the Ganger and Sister, who both switched to laying down suppressive fire while moving to pick up their damaged cogboy. This was a terrible choice on their part (as any of us could have told them) since even with the Ganger firing a weapon with each hand and them both fanning their fire back and forth in an attempt to cover all of us, it still left their backs open to Sarge and Tink.

>>54579944
Maybe things aren't going so badly after all.

>>54579983
You do realize that by saying that you've retroactively doomed us all, right?

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>>54579944

Despite his efforts to tweak the weapon, Tink's "gifted" plasma pistol didn't have the same range or reliability of his old gun, which is why the Sister survived his opening barrage with only a damaged power-pack and helmet. Sarge might've done better with the Ganger, but the shot he was lining up on her head was interrupted by an ear-splitting shriek from his combead. Sciscitat, who was none too happy that we'd been ignoring him in favor of staying alive, demanded an update and promised us horrible deaths if we failed to take at least one of our opponents alive. Sarge briefly considered how likely the Sister or Tech-Priest were to cooperate with something like that, regretfully shifted his aim downwards, and shot the Ganger in her ammo-filled cargopants.

As the Ganger dropped screaming all five of us focused our fire on the Sororitas. To our considerable surprise given our past experience with crazy battle-nuns, instead of battle-hyming her way to a heroically stupid death, the big Sister just walked out on us. Seriously, she didn't even run, her only concession to our presence was to fire a few scarily well aimed shots in Tink's general direction before grabbing her Tech-Priest by the leg. She tossed the groggy cogboy through the nearest exit, tucked the wounded Ganger under one arm, sprayed a few more shots Tink's way, and then almost nonchalantly WALKED OUT. Just letting her armor soak our lasfire until the hallway blocked our line of sight. It was a bit embarrassing really.

>>54580006
Nah. Tink needs to go out like Slim Pickins, and now is clearly not his time.

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>>54580010

i want her to nonchalantly walk on my dick

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>>54580010

Our embarrased shock at the situation was interrupted by the sound of a heavy security door beginning to close behind the hostile team. Thinking fast, Nubby and Twitch both shot the door's control panel. Thinking a bit less fast, but a whole lot harder, Tink sprinted out from the secure cover he'd been cowering behind and managed to put a pair of shot's into the servos controlling the door, which proved to be a lot more effective. Before the techie could smugly point that out to anyone though, one end the bolter-cratered catwalk he'd run out on gave way with a grinding screech. Lacking any better way to get to ground level, the rest of us scrambled down the makeshift ramp after him.

Sarge made it to the half-closed door first, and sprang back from it with a curse as a pair of autogun rounds hit him in the helmet and chestplate. Neither round penetrated fortunately, at least not much, but it was enough to convince him to wait for the rest of us. A few seconds later Twitch tossed through one of our limited supply of flash grenades and we scrambled into the hallway weapons ready just in time to see a side-door slam shut. Sarge swore as the door's control panel emitted a burst of binary and flashed a bright red cog icon, told Tink and Twitch to either unlock it or breach it, and took a second to address the increasingly angry noises coming from his combead. Doc and Nubby snickered has he told the Inquisitor we were "handling it", asked him to stop bothering us, and suggested that if he wanted us to stand even the slightest chance of catching the other team, much less capturing one of them alive, to have our useless ass tech-priest undo whatever theirs had done to the door.

The Inquisitor didn't enjoy being told to cram a sock in it, but after a few seconds of yelling the door sprang open. This surprised the hell out of Twitch and Tink, who dove into cover on the far side a split second ahead of a hail of bolts, autogun rounds, and bright-blue las-fire.

>>54580010
>and then almost nonchalantly WALKED OUT.

And now the fear-boner sets in.

>>54580014
Not everyone gets to go out a hero like Cutter (Emperor rest his charred soul). Remember Heavy? Two seconds with a retarded pysker and he was gone. And now we apparently have a fucking Space Marine equivalent anyway to deal with.

Good to have you back Shoggy!

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Bookmarking for future reference.

Add me to screen cap

>>54580080
>and bright-blue las-fire.

Oh, it appears someone else has dabbled in the techno-heretical arts. Lucky bastards.

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>>54580080

If you haven't ever had to advance cover-to-cover under fire, rest assured that it isn't a fun experience. The one upside was that the other team was probably having just as miserable a time trying to escape us as we took shots at their backs. Fortunately for both us and them, the hallway was littered with inexplicably convenient cover in the form of pipes, conduits, and doorways.

Chasing the probably-traitors proved remarkably difficult. The Ganger, who was now limping along instead of being carried, poured out a steady stream of heavy stubber, then autogun, then hand-cannon rounds in a poorly aimed barrage. The tall Sororitas calmly walked backwards down the hallway at a leisurely pace, dedicating the entirety of her fire to whichever cover Tink had chosen. The techie still managed to get a few shots off with his modified plasma pistol, but none of them scored more than a glancing hit, and after a particularly near miss sprayed shrapnel across his neck and shoulders, he decided that not dying took priority over pot-shots. The rest of us poured quite a bit of fire into the Sister's power armor while she walked between cover, but it proved frustratingly ineffective. In retrospect, we probably should've focused our fire on the injured tech-priest rolling up the corridor ahead of her.

Our advance up the corridor was interrupted twice, first by a pair of tech-priests who opened a door where Twitch and Doc were taking cover. Twitch shot one of the approaching cog-boys in the gut on reflex, and there was an awkward moment as Doc and the second tech-priest apologized at each other before the door was closed again. The second interruption was far more problematic.

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>>54580139

We'd steadily gained on the enemy team thanks to our innate guardsmanly ability, plus the fact that two of them were wounded and the third seemed dead set on walking everywhere. Sarge was actually entertaining the thought that we were going to be able to pull of our ordered capture, when one of the two doors at the end of the corridor opened to disgorge a pair of servitors and a trio of servo-skulls. The damned tech-priest screeched something and the whole group began lurching and hovering towards us prompting Sarge to declare that Shit Was Fucked: it was time to pop nades and end this, regardless of what the damned Inquisitor wanted.

An expertly-aimed barrage consisting of two frags and a krak sailed forwards to wipe out the enemy team before they could escape; unfortunately, the tech-priest saw them coming. Sarge, Nubby, and Twitch's expressions abruptly changed from grim satisfaction to alarm as their own grenades, gripped firmly in the jaws of the three servo-skulls, zoomed back towards them. The three troopers began frantically backpedalling and firing at the suicide skulls, and then switched to a full panicked sprint as their shots missed and the skulls gained even more speed. It was only a few well-aimed shots from Tink and Doc, who were far enough back to put their full attention into firing, that prevented outright disaster. The two skulls carrying frags were knocked out the air and went off behind some obstructing pipes, while the one with Twitch's shorter-fused krak detonated short of its target. Twitch, Nubby, and Sarge were pelted with a fragments of red-hot metal and bone, but their armor protected them from the majority of it and they climbed back to their feet with only superficial injuries.

>>54580139
Wow, a tech-priest that didn't just start screaming? Someone who actually apologized? That's clear heresy.

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>>54580139
>there was an awkward moment as Doc and the second tech-priest apologized at each other before the door was closed again.

l-lewd!

>>54580179
>suicide skulls
>ganger-Aimy
>beefy/armored leader
>tech-heresy

Are these the Nega-Guardsmen Party?

>>54580208
As an unrelated sidenote, I desperately hope those two have somehow seen the art that clip has spawned.

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>>54580255
Oh?

>>54580274
I saw a few drawings of them cuddling and such on /u/ awhile back, I didn't save them unfortunately. But yeah, I bet their reactions would be phenomenal to say the least.

>>54580255

i was unaware of such art and require immediate sauce for research purposes

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>>54580255
dude

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>>54580179

Unfortunately, that little grenade misfire ate up several crucial seconds of our attention. When the smoke cleared we found the two maintenance servitors blocking our line of sight to the fleeing team. We tried to catch back up while Tink burned down the obstructing servitors, but before we could get a clear shot or reach grenade range again, the three hostile agents staggered through the door the servitors had come from. Sarge and Twitch managed to snap off a few shots as it closed, but failed to hit anyone but the stoic Sister, who didn't even bother turning to return fire (the Ganger however hurled a few amazingly creative insults and flipped us all off).

As the door slid shut with a little *ding* it occurred to us that the room behind it had looked rather elevator-like; Sarge swore and keyed his comm to ask whether our tech-priest could stop the thing while the rest of us climbed over the remains of the servitors and raced towards the second elevator next to it. We were about five meters from it when there was an odd metallic sound from somewhere above us and both elevator doors rattled slightly. We all slowed down and readied our weapons, just based on the theory of general paranoia, but didn't really grasp what had just happened until Tink noticed the rapidly descending floor number. Twenty-five seconds of all-out sprinting got us to the far end of the hallway, through the door, and halfway back to the distributor room before the second freight elevator crashed into the bottom of its shaft at terminal velocity.

In the ringing silence that followed, the Inquisitor finally answered his comm and asked us if we'd caught them yet. He wasn't very happy with our answer.

>>54580307
I'd post them if I had them, trust me. You can probably ask around the general thread on /u/, it's where I found them.

>>54580320
And to think all this could have been avoided if you had waited just a few more seconds before throwing the grenades.

>>54580320
Well, shit.

>>54580189
To be fair, this is the second time they've shot someone who will very probably survive without any negative consequences thanks to augmetics.

>>54580320
>Ganger however hurled a few amazingly creative insults and flipped us all off
She IS related to Aimy!

>>54580331
>he didn't save them
Are you actually a homosexual?

>>54580364
Maybe he's at work?

>>54580364
This was like a year ago anon! I didn't know it would be important! And I just realized how stupid that sounded. Anyway, I'm going to go see if anyone on /u/ can dredge those pics up, wish me luck.

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>>54580320

We got the impression that Inquisitor Sciscitat dearly wanted to strangle us with his bare hands, or failing that, to dedicate a proper few hours to chewing us out. Judging from all the chatter we could overhear on his line though, he was a tad too busy for either. After a few enraged sputters, he bitterly declared that he didn't have the time or crayons to explain the degree to which we'd failed him, told the tech-priest to get us up to the bank before the shooting started, and closed the channel. As the cogboy rather smugly directed us down a side corridor, we overheard the Inquisitor telling the rest of the team that "the idiots have done it again" and to enact Contingency Plan Theta-Seven or something. We made a few choice remarks of our own, but didn't bother transmitting them.

We sprinted through the maintenance tunnels, hurrying to join our comrades up in the bank and regain our lost honor on the field of battle. Well, at least we started to, but then we got to the stairs and realized that we were currently on "Level -57" and our destination was on "Level 184". How either the Inquisitor or the tech-priest expected us to not only climb over two hundred flights in less than thirty minutes (wearing full armor and rebreathers no less) AND THEN go directly into combat… We took one look at those stairs and unanimously decided to go back to the van and just find a way into the bank from the outside.

The tech-priest wasn't happy with our unilateral decision, or what we told him to do with his directions, and loudly declared that he had more important things to do than guide us back through the sewers. Sarge told him that suited us just fine and suggested he go do those better things. The Inquisitor was called in to yell at us, but things were evidently getting hectic upstairs, because he just to told the tech-priest not to waste time "wrestling with pigs" (whatever that meant) and both of them finally stopped bothering us.

>>54580373
>8 or 11 pm
>at work
wew

>>54580378
God speed.

>>54580346
Rule #1 of short-fuse bombs: The 5 second fuse is 3 seconds long. Or as the put it in every manual in every IRL military handbook ever: "DON'T COOK THE GRENADES!"

>>54580346

solving the problem of the moment with a solution that bites them in the ass later is a SOP for the AGP

>>54580363
>She IS related to Aimy!

since her hair wasn't damaged in an AGP firefight, i sincerely doubt that.

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>>54580373
>at work
>on an image board

You deserve to be fired if you're caught.

>>54580378
>pic related with interest

>>54580378
>This was like a year ago anon!
>I didn't know it would be important!
>And I just realized how stupid that sounded.

it's like i'm reading a piece of dialogue from an AGP story.

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>>54580389

As we retraced our path the sub-spire's maintenance tunnels, completely ignoring stealth this time and just pre-emptively shooting any servo-skull patrols we saw, Twitch put forward the question of setting up "distractions". After all, we'd be going right through that fancy control-shrine place, right? Tink's eyes lit up with downright evil light, and he, Nubby, and Twitch all started giggling. Sarge and Doc shared a look, remembering past lectures on collateral damage and keeping a low profile, but didn't raise any objections.

We re-entered the shrine to find it occupied by a tech-priest, who screeched something about "blasphemers" and drew a side-arm, which was the last mistake he ever made. Tink and Twitch shifted the idiot's remains and went to work on the controls, turning pretty much every one of them to either the max or minimum. By the time the rest of us had finished moving our anti-mutant barricade to block any meddling cogboys from entering about seven different alarms were blaring and a small statue of some saint or other was screaming at us in binary. Tink slagged two of the control altars with a last gleeful cackle, we snugged up our rebreathers, and made our way back out into the sewers.

It turned out that the barricade had actually had a purpose, because we found a bunch of those non-confrontational mutants hanging around outside. Twitch nearly shot one, but Sarge and Doc managed to keep things from devolving into a bloodbath and we just sort of awkwardly sidled past them. Tink called back advising them to, in his own words:

>"Get, I dunno, like half a klik away before the first capacitors go. Not EXACTLY sure how long you got, but unless you're fire or electricity-proof, and I'm not ruling that out 'cause you guys are fuckin weird lookin, but I really wouldn't recommend sticking around if you don't got them both covered. Oh, and there's gonna be a lot of REALLY angry cogboys coming down here afterwards, so, uh, have fun with that."

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Tell me... Is it just me or does this picture really capture the spirit of the guardsmen and the entire philosophy of how they deal with cloak and dagger bullshit?

>>54580449
I... I don't know if I find that insulting or not to be honest.

>>54580459
I'd say it's both.

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>>54580454

Using the map we'd compiled ourselves instead of the tech-priest's oh-so-helpful directions, backtracking through the sewers went a hell of a lot smoother. We reached our entrance with only two shots fired, and while we did pick up a fresh coating of muck, it only reached our knees this time, thank the Emperor. We knocked on the hatch and were let in almost immediately by the two maintenance guys, who seemed surprised to see all of us still alive and in possession of all of our limbs. They had a lot of questions about how things had gone and if we'd seen any mutants messing with power conduits, but Sarge told them we'd file an official report when we got back to PDF HQ and led our not-quite-run back out to the van.

When we were about halfway out of the building our combeads finally reconnected to our team's non-boosted channels and we suddenly got a far better idea of how much shit was going down. The tech-priest and Snitch were calling out all sorts of warning about Cartel security movements and the position of the rest of the hostile Inquisition team we'd encountered. Face and the Assassin were halfway into some vault, but were worried about some flier that had just landed. The Cleric and Interrogator were dodging patrols while trying to get to somewhere ahead of the other team. Sciscitat was in the middle of this all, calling out a constant stream of orders intermixed with vague curses about "greedy idiots", "traitors", and "incompetents who couldn't follow an order if their lives depended on it". We assumed the last one was directed at us.

Sarge was debating whether to check in now, or put the inevitable screaming lecture off until we'd driven up to the bank, when he caught sight of the van and stopped dead. The rest of us peeked around him and started swearing as well as we saw the thick papering of traffic tickets covering our vehicle, and the singed, bleeding, vindictively glaring Traffic Officer standing in front of it.

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>>54580486

>dat art

>>54580486
>Judge returns
I am ready

>>54580486
MOTHER... FUCKER. I'm honestly impressed at this point. And now I want to see Traffic-Arbite and Super-Sister battle to the death for some reason.

>>54580537
You know as well as I do it will just be a contest of stare-downs and sneers.

I want it.

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>>54580486
YOU CANNOT OUTRUN THE LAW!

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>>54580486

Our paralysis only lasted for a moment. Without a word or signal, every one of us reached the same conclusion: there was not time for this shit. Sarge strode forward in a calm, unhurried manner, staring directly into the Officer's visor the entire time. When they were only a pace apart, Sarge wordlessly held out his right hand for the ticket the man had been writing; his left hit the Officer in the jaw with the concentrated force of an entire mission's worth of pent-up frustration. Also, brass knuckles. Spikey ones.

Despite the bone-crushing force of Sarge's sucker punch, between the ex-Arbite's full helmet and his own considerable burliness the man actually managed to stay on his feet and started to reach for his weapons. We'd counted on him being a tough bastard though, and Sarge's hit was followed up by an augmetic leg to the groin and a blow from Tink's shock-wrench. As the Arbite started to crumple Doc and Twitch grabbed him by the arms, heaved him into the rear of our van, and piled in after him.

There was a lot of thumping and cursing from the back of the van as Tink weaved our vehicle steadily upwards through the sub-spire's light traffic. By the time we were approaching the upper levels our "guest" had been relieved of his gear and weapons, jabbed with three syringes of sedative, and covered from mouth to feet with a dozen layers of duct-tape. This was just a temporary solution of course; Nubby suggested a more permanent one involving the nearest edge of the sub-spire, which Doc objected to for silly moral reasons. Twitch insisted that the Officer had some sort of power that would keep him coming back unless we actually watched him die ourselves, and then exploded the body. Sarge quashed further discussion on the subject: as far as he was concerned deciding what to do with the annoying Traffic Officer could be the Inquisitor's problem. For now he could just take a nice relaxing nap in the back of the van until we'd finished our mission.

>>54580486
How the hell.

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>>54580486
>>54580521n oh hell yes pliz

>>54580568
Oh look, the old duct tape cocoon tactic is back.

>>54580568
>Trying to black bag THE LAW
I look forward to how this backfires.

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>>54580568
>As the Arbite started to crumple Doc and Twitch grabbed him by the arms, heaved him into the rear of our van, and piled in after him.

WOT

guys plz what are you doing!!

>>54580521
>>54580529
>>54580537
>>54580553
>>54580565

I'm going to be honest, we didn't appreciate Traffic Officer Dredd nearly enough as he deserved. According to the DM there was this whole complex side-quest we could've done involving him and his return to glory, but, well...

At least he took part in the big final denouement, even if the direct scenes were lacking compared to what they might've been. Oh well.

>>54580601
Well, to each their own. I just love that your DM included him as an option.

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A character that would be pretty hilarious if he showed up would be Inquisitor Obiwan Sherlock Clousseau. Seems fitting for this campaign

>>54580601
Well, that's a little sad actually. But did your DM, glorious Saint-Hero of Storytelling that he is, really expect the AGP to deal with him any other way?

>>54580601
>he expected the team that shot his Eldar waifu to actually pay enough attention to figure that out

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>>54580628
>Inquisitor Obiwan Sherlock Clousseau
>lolsorandumbOCdonutsteel character

how about no, shut up and enjoy AGP storytime

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>>54578358
Thanks for coming back. We missed you. I hope it is a sign that your situation improved.

>>54580601
First the Inquisitorial suites. Then the Slaaneshi lovebunker. Then the Waystation. Now this. You guys are the kings of making a DM cry.

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>>54580568

To nobody's surprise, when we informed the boss that we'd reached the topmost level of the sub-spire and needed directions to our entry-point, we got yelled at for how long it'd taken us. This completely disregarded the fact that if we'd gone up the stairs we'd have still only have been about halfway up, but by that point we'd given up on expecting reasonable reactions. When Sciscitat finished venting, he directed us to the side street where the scan-van was parked. We were told to park our vehicle, meet up with Snitch (who would be both our guide and escortee), and gear ourselves up for a fight.

We got a lot of worried looks from the Cartel merchants and scribes walking the street as we piled out of our van. This wasn't that surprising given that we were in full armor, carrying as much ammo, explosives, and situational toys as we could, and still covered in a not-quite-dry layer of fecal matter. What WAS surprising was that nobody ran screaming or called the Cartel's security force the second they saw us, not that we were complaining, but either they had way too much faith in their outer-perimeter or one of our teammates had done something impressive to explain-away our presence. We tried to ask Snitch which it was as he hopped out of the scan-van and led us to a nearby service door, but greasy little weasel was more interested in complaining about our smell and asking why we kept thinking about some Arbite. We decided that conversation could wait for later, and resolutely thought about other things until the service door slid open and let us into yet another set of maintenance tunnels.

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>>54580660
Except he was an actual stupid thing from Rogue Trader era...

Ya goof.

>>54580662

Did... did that car get get rear-ended while carrying a trunk full of slime eels??? Or is the pic 'shopped or something??

>>54580683
It's Slaaneshi bullshit. Don't think about it too hard.

>>54580683
Hagfish. A whole container full of 'em.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8aVgSIDJjM

>>54579783
Post it

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>>54580683
Just an acident with a truck carrying lots of hagfishes probably meant for some asian restaurant or other. They produce slime when stressed.

That's all, you can trust me.

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>>54580667

The building we'd entered wasn't the Bank, but thanks to the interconnected nature of hive construction and our teammates' apparently total control over all automatic doors in the area, that really wasn't a problem. Snitch led us down several suspiciously empty tunnels and into a familiar massive stairwell, but the whiny psyker was far from fit and we'd only climbed about seven levels when the shit finally hit the proverbial fan.

Snitch was actually the first to notice it, but he was wheezing too hard to get the point across to anyone before the gunfire started. From the sound of things several well armed people were having a heated argument with the local security a few levels above us, and since none of our teammates were screaming, the smart money was on it being the enemy Inquisition team. Not wanting to waste time waiting for orders, Sarge immediately tossed the psyker over his shoulder and we sprinted up the next eight levels (actually we went up ten, because Snitch was a bit slow about telling us when to stop, but we still got there faster than we would've if he'd still been leading us). The door opened for us a little more slowly than the others had, and we found ourselves in a velvet-carpeted hallway full of confused and worried scribes.

In his best authoritative below, Sarge told the Cartel scribes to return to their offices and disregard the sounds of combat which seemed to be coming from roughly three hallways over; nobody needed to call security, because that's obviously what we were. The scribes seemed hesitant at first, but a wave of calming mental energy radiated from Snitch and they cleared the way for us. We congratulated the psyker on actually doing something useful for once, but didn't put him down as we started moving down the hall in combat formation.

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>>54580681

>trying to give "advice" on how to run a campaign
>with one of the best DMs on this side of the Warp
>when the campaign is already finished
>by suggesting some out of place lolsorandumb character for no reason whatsoever

are you serious nigga

>>54580769
Different from the first guy. His suggestion was a goof mentioning a classic stupid thing from Rogue Trader.

Don't get so angry. Shoggy still writes fun stuff that fits 40k. He had a good GM.

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>>54580754

As we advanced Sciscitat finally got his shit together, and ordered us to ignore the battle (duh), avoid engaging any Cartel security forces (also duh), and to meet up with and assist the Interrogator. At his directions jogged down two halls and around a corner until we found ourselves in a window-lined hallway running the bank's entire south side. We kept our weapons ready, but thanks to advanced warning from the Inquisitor and Snitch, managed to dodge into side rooms and avoid two groups of Security troopers heading towards the battle. Once again, a few scribes saw us, but even covered in dried shit and carrying a psyker over one shoulder, Sarge's aura was enough to convince them that we were The Authorities and everything was under control.

Back when the shooting had first started, the Interrogator had found herself being very politely, but firmly escorted out of the gallery she'd been supposedly touring and into a shielded conference room. Her cover was still intact of course, but her unwanted protective detail refused to release her or budge without orders from the very distracted Security chief, leaving her somewhat trapped. She was sipping the rather decent tea that had been fetched for her and debating whether there was any way she could kill all five of her guards before one shot her, when there was a knock on the conference room's heavy wooden door. One of the guards flanking the door asked the other who it could be and reached for the door's handle, then it hit him.

>>54580712
>>54580734


Oh, I'd forgotten that some places eat 'em (hagfish are slime eels, but I couldn't think why someone would be shipping live ones on the road). And wow, do I pity the cleanup crew.

I think they're cute when swimming, but sure wouldn't want to handle one.

>>54580769
>implying any of this happened for real, including the GM exisiting
It's entertaining writefaggotry, but nothing more.

>>54580804
>One of the guards flanking the door asked the other who it could be and reached for the door's handle, then it hit him.

Don't ask what you don't want answered, I guess.

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>>54580781
>Don't get so angry

i posted a mfw showing exasperation i feel. the closest thing i feel to anger is mild irritation at having to reply to someone with such lowtier pleb taste in characters.

and i dont even tabletop games.

>Shoggy still writes fun stuff that fits 40k.

you do realize AGP is not some fan-fiction tale but basically a novelization of a DH campaign? with collaboration with the DM?

>He had a good GM
there's so much wrong with this, i'm just going to believe english isnt your first language.

>>54580835
Who cares, but all prior evidence points to it happening anyway.

>>54580851
You seem like an asshat, bud.

>>54580857

dont be so mad : )

>>54580568
>Twitch insisted that the Officer had some sort of power that would keep him coming back unless we actually watched him die ourselves, and then exploded the body

For a second I thought "Twitch said "...", and then exploded the body, killing the Arbite.

>>54580863
I think we can disregard you now.

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>>54580804

Sarge's shoulder charge blew the door right off it's hinges, flattening the first guard under both it and Sarge's own considerable bulk. The second guard, who'd been standing on the other side of the door, was still staring in disbelief when Tink stepped through the opening and whapped in the stomach with his electrified wrench. The third guard was on the far-left side of the room and started to raise his autogun, only to drop it as Twitch's not-quite-expertly-thrown knife hit him in the eye handle-first. The fourth guard, who'd been in the process of pouring the Interrogator another cup of tea, flinched backwards with a choked shout as the scalding liquid he'd just poured was hurled back into his face. This all just left the final guard standing about a meter behind the Interrogator.

The Cartel security trooper, operating on automatic, brought his autogun to his shoulder and clicked off the safety. He began to draw a bead on Tink, who lacking any real cover, dove for the ground in a spineless attempt to put the Interrogator between himself and the imminent gunfire, while Twitch simultaneously started to draw his laspistol. Seeing that the demolitions trooper was going to be too slow, the Interrogator whistled a command at her rhinestone and pink bow covered cyber-mastiff, and then screamed as something flew over her head.

There was a ringing silence, broken only by the groans and whimpers of the disabled guards. The Interrogator rather shakily climbed to her feet, scanning the area for the jeweled comb that had been yanked from her hair. She paused at the sight of the half-crushed Guard behind her, and then turned to glare at Sarge.

>Who throws a door? Honestly.

>>54580876

i will laugh with the purest mirth if you reply to one of my posts later.

good luck trying to ignore me on an anonymous mongolian opera forum.

fucking genius you are.

>>54580885
Improvised weapons are always the best weapons.

>>54580885

>rhinestone and pink bow covered cyber-mastiff

Okay, someone draw *this* next, please!

>>54580885
Never change Sarge, never change.

>>54580905
>>54580876
Stop wasting posts on this faggotry, you stupid fuckers.

>>54580885
Like (comical) clockwork.

>>54580885
Oh sarge, are you some kind of space marine.

>>54580885
Who let's their cyber-dog roam around the sleeping quarters of a squad of Guardsman after being explicitly warned about the reactions and heightened paranoia of sleeping Guardsmen?

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>>54580885

So, the Breach and Clear went fairly smoothly. Especially considering that, due to Snitch's snitching, we were forced to do it "WITHOUT starting a gunfight with security and getting us in the exact same mess those other idiots are in, by the Emperor how do you even managed to breathe unassisted?"

While we'd been at it, Doc and Snitch successfully kept several scribes and a curious janitor from getting close enough to make out anything but a few muffled thumps. Nubby, who was performing the same duty at the other end of the hallway had a bit more trouble when a pair of servant-types tried to get past him with a snack trolley for their "guest". The servants got a bit fussy when Nubby told them to bugger off but leave the snacks, especially when he started eating the hideously expensive dainties in front of them. Fortunately, before they got around to actually carrying out their threat to call the head of Security, the Interrogator and Snitch came over and were able to convince them all was well. The rest of us grabbed a few bites for ourselves as we passed, because hey, free snacks man.

The Interrogator led us at a brisk run to a maintenance closet, which turned out to be occupied by the Cleric, who'd gotten a bad electrical burn from somewhere and seemed to be grumpy with us for some unspecified reason. Doc helped him with his burn, while the Interrogator seized the bag of gear he'd been carrying and locked herself in the closet. We loitered around, watching the perimeter and trying to gauge how the other team's gunfight was going, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, the Interrogator re-emerged in full combat gear (though her cyber-mastiff still had its bows on). Without a word of explanation, she signaled us to follow, and broke into a run towards the western edge of the bank.

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>>54580885
>as Twitch's not-quite-expertly-thrown knife hit him in the eye handle-first.
>Tink, who lacking any real cover, dove for the ground in a spineless attempt to put the Interrogator between himself and the imminent gunfire

this fucking party mang

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wow I just randomly lucked into the live thread for the return of AGP?

Today is a good day. Welcome back Shoggy you glorious human being.

>>54580665
>>54580635
>>54580650
Actually, by the time the Eldar prisoner showed up he was pretty resigned, and we actually felt bad about skipping the Slaaneshi bunker. Personally, I felt the crowning moment of off-roading for us was the decision to leave an entire space station to the NPCs while we tried to steal an Eldar shuttle. It's rare to see Failer laughing even harder than we are.

>>54580864
Roll credits.

>>54580917
Man, that'd be great. The tarted up cyber-dog had us giggling for a solid ten minutes.

>>54580959
Thanks man, both to you and everyone I've rudely ignored in favor of posting.

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Yeeeees! Caught AGP live!

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>>54580936

Based on the sound of things, we were trying to beat the other team to whatever the hell the objective was; once again, nobody was telling us anything. We just kept our weapons ready and raced through the corridors after the Interrogator and Cleric at a dead, well, jog since even our fitter teammates were a bit slow for our taste (lack of proper daily PT will do that to you). In any case, between the distraction being caused by the other team and our own's control over automatic doors, we managed to avoid getting bogged down and kept up a good pace until we reached our destination: some sort of big fancy office with two guards standing outside of it.

Both guards went down before they knew what hit them: one to a dart from the Interrogator's needlegun, the other more messily to her beribboned dog. She and the Cleric attempted to continue their charge into the office before anyone inside noticed us coming, only to run face-first into the door when it didn't automatically open. Sarge kept a straight face, but the rest of us snickered as we watched the rear and, since it seemed like the Inquisitor was losing control over the building's security systems, preemptively destroyed a pair of ceiling turrets Twitch spotted. After a bit of chatter with the boss about walls and fire and stuff, Tink was called up to plug his dataslate into the door controls, which did the trick.

The Interrogator and Cleric were through the door the second it unlocked, without even giving us a heads up, much less stopping to get our professional opinions on how to do it properly. It was only sheer bloody luck that the Cleric got hit in the shoulder instead of his face, and Sarge was half tempted to wait until the Interrogator had caught a bullet or three herself before he intervened. Good sense won out over spite though: a bit of covering fire and a grenade later, the Security guards were down and Interrogator's cyber-mastif dragged a whimpering senior banker out from under his desk.

>>54581020
>once again, nobody was telling us anything.

when the AGP retires, they could make a fortune being mushroom farmers.

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>>54581020

While the Interrogator interrogated, barking questions about vaults, codes, and artifacts at the terrified banker, we kept an eye on the door and lounged around the front office. Doc gave the Cleric a quick once over, choosing to just throw a bandage on the man's shoulder instead of trying to dig out the autogun round lodged in it. Those of us not on door duty established that the security guards hadn't been carrying any salvageable munitions, and had moved on to checking the banker's office for "important clues" (see: snacks and/or a minibar), when Snitch finally caught up. Upon arrival the huffing and puffing psyker, who was probably regretting his decision not to let Sarge carry him again, was called up to assist with the questioning, while we were told to get out and "go secure the perimeter or something". We found that order to our liking.

On the list of desperate and heroic Imperial Guard defensive actions, this wasn't one. I mean, theoretically the Cartel must have had some real crack troops, they were a sector-wide shipping conglomerate after all, and just holding their sub-spire against the local underworld must've taken at least a few competent troopers. Those guys must've been busy somewhere else though, possibly fighting the other team, because the Security troopers that got sent our way were even more pathetic than raw Guard conscripts given the lack of Commissars to stiffen their resolve. Might've been a different story if all those automated sentry turrets had been working, but since two separate Inquisition teams had infiltrated their systems, someone was probably really regretting skimping on their troops' training budget.

>>54580835
I never understood this doubt. It's not like nobody could make this shit up, because here's the Author and if not the DM, then he had to make it up instead.

It can't be that the rolls are too lucky or the characters acting too savvy. Literally everyone in every game of every type has used the "Apply more explosives" routine to try to solve all or near-all problems in a story.

It's not like any of the scenarios are exactly difficult for a GM to make up on the fly. Take the original Occurance Border mission for example. The Team faces a Knarloc, a Servitor Titan, and a Demoni-Servo-Knarloc Titan. Thing is, I bet the enterprising DM used the same stats for all 3 of those monsters, and just contrived a way to bring the same monster statline back into conflict with the party 3 times over the course of the session, each time with a different look.

So what's the problem? Is the story too coherent for you or something?

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>>54581071

The first Cartel Security patrol sent to rescue the Banker came in along the windowed corridor, ran into a pair of anti-personnel mines, and abruptly decided they had better things to do than find out if there were any more. Sarge popped a few shots over their retreating heads to really drive the point home, and then just left the hallway unwatched in favor of helping Twitch secure the one leading towards the battle with the hostile team.

Doc and Nubby nearly ran into a second security patrol while trying to figure out that most important part of any good perimeter: a good escape route. The two of them had been inspecting a small stairwell that went down five or so levels, when a bunch of Security troopers piled in through one of the lower doors. A few reflexive shots were traded, none of them doing any real damage, just encouraging everyone to get behind some cover, and then Doc got the bright idea to try and convince them that we were PDF reinforcements. The troopers actually bought this, but despite their apparently room-temperature IQs, Doc was having some trouble convincing them not to come up the stairs. Nubby rolled his eyes, grabbed the pair's last frag nade off Doc's belt, and informed the Security troopers that he was just going to toss down a copy of our "orders". Doc glared at Nubby, but helped him keep the survivors pinned down until Tink showed up to seal the stairway door.

>>54581073
Nah, he's just trying to be that one kid from Bedknobs & Broomsticks: all "grown up" and cynical.

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>>54581148
NUBBY WHY MUST YOU PUT MY SIDES IN ORBIT?

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>>54581148

The Inquisitor hadn't managed to close all the work-area doors in the quadrant before he'd been kicked out of the security system, so Tink (with the grudging assistance of the tech-priest) used his dataslate to seal the ones he missed. The tech-priest was not informed that step-two of this process involved frying the closed doors' controls. After assisting Doc and Nubby, Tink was working his way down the last section of offices, near where Sarge and Twitch were building their barricade, when he noticed something on his map and paused to scan the cubicle-filled office area with his goggles. He commed Sarge and asked, just hypothetically, if it'd be worth knocking down a few flimsy walls and giving the hostile team a little surprise right as they reached their destination.

It really was just too good an opportunity to pass up. A few minutes later, during which the big barricade was finished and a rather dubious escape route was planned out, all of us were gathered in a cubicle a few meters away from the door leading to the other team's supposedly-secure left flank. Twitch had just put the finishing touches on the nice fat satchel charge that would be our opener, when the Inquisitor commed us and demanded he and Tink immediately return to the Banker's office. Sarge asked if it could wait, since we were about to sort out the whole "hostile Inquisition team trying to beat us to the objective" problem. What we expected was grudging acceptance and a bit of yelling about not informing him of our plans; what we got was an enraged scream of an order to pull back IMMEDIATELY.

Sarge tried to placate Sciscitat, explaining that whatever it was he needed doing, it could probably wait until the other team was dead. The Inquisitor didn't respond too well to this, just repeatedly screaming "NO" while (judging by the sound) slamming his keyboard against his desk. Sarge's attempts to get an explanation for this odd behavior were interrupted by someone opening the door.

>>54581193
snrk. kek. ahaha.

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>>54581148
>informed the Security troopers that he was just going to toss down a copy of our "orders"

>>54581193
Someone sounds like they just pissed off their ranking officer. And it sure as hell wasn't Sarge.

>>54581193
Either this team is actually working with Asshat without anyone being informed... or Asshat is being an asshat. Anyone want to make a guess?

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>>54581193
Sciscitat is having a baaaaad day.

>>54581230
Oak's gonna walk in. Or the Rupert. Or Bane. Or some other person they've served with who kinda liked them.

>>54581193

Since we'd just received fairly explicit (if a bit unhinged-sounding) orders not to engage, we didn't open fire on the enemy agent who came through the door; unfortunately that didn't stop them from shooting at us. The familiar mohawk-sporting Ganger girl, who'd probably overheard Sarge arguing with the Inquisitor during a lull in the firefight, noticed Doc before he ducked out of sight and with a shout of "NOT YOU ASSHOLES AGAIN" opened up with her heavy stubber.

Fight not being an allowed option, we settled for flight. The fiberboard and fabric walls didn't do much to stop the Ganger's stub rounds, but they did at least break her line of sight, so after the first burst (which left two rounds embedded in Doc's backplate and Twitch with a bleeding arm) she was pretty much just spraying the room at random. We kept low, trying to keep as many desks, cogitators, and scribes as possible between us and her while we worked back towards where we'd cut our way in. Nubby, who was valiantly leading the retreat, had just reached the exit when the Ganger abruptly stopped firing and shouted "but it's the guys who shot me in the ass!" at someone out in the hallway, who replied with an almost Sarge-like bellow of "THEY'RE ON OUR SIDE YOU IDIOT".

Doc, in what definitely wasn't his smartest moment, peeked over a cubicle and asked "We are?", but the Ganger was too busy staring incredulously at the man out in the hallway to shoot him. Twitch told him it was obviously a trick and to get back down, while Tink and Nubby just shrugged at each other. Sarge sighed and silently cursed all Inquisitors as Sciscitat, who'd disconnected his comm channel when the shooting started, came back online to tell us the other team was no longer considered hostile, and we were all to pull back to the Banker's office before any more idiocy occurred.

On the bright side, at least this time we figured it out BEFORE exploding half of the other team. So, ya know, progress.

>>54581230
What's wrong with both?

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>>54581282
/sigh, dropped this.

>>54581154
If he is, he's got several hundred thousand words of grown-up cynicism. Regardless of origin, that sort of dedication to a story like this is worth following.

>>54581282

>shoggy post with no image

this is weird. probably how psychers feel when they chew 5gum for untouchables.

>>54581282
>ganger is basically tank girl
10/10

>>54581303
No no, I meant the guy trying to call all of this "just writefaggotry."

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>>54581282

Honestly, at this point we just gave up trying to understand the overall strategic situation; it was just such a colossal mess and it seemed like we were getting more intel from the guys we'd been shooting at than our own teammates. The important thing was the other team was friendly and running interference for us while we looted the thing from the vault, and we needed to get moving right now to help with that, because a dozen fliers full of enemy reinforcements had just landed. Also, our teammates were in the vault now (somehow), Face and the Assassin were chasing someone on the roof, Snitch needed to do something, the tech-priest was seeing odd power readings, the Cleric had gotten shot (again), and the Inquisitor was going to flay us alive if we didn't get moving RIGHT NOW.

We got back to the office to find it empty except for a now-comatose Banker and a previously hidden passage leading into the vault. The place turned out to be even larger than expected, with thousands of lockboxes lining the walls and a dozen sub-vaults scattered around the room. To all of our disappointment (especially Nubby's) there were no loose piles of easily-pocketable cash, gold, or jewels lying around, just a bunch of dead Cartel security guards, a few potted plants, and a dug-in squad of those Secret Police guys trading fire with our teammates. Sarge reported our arrival and went off with Doc and Nubby to sort out that mess, and sent Tink and Twitch do whatever super important thing the Inquisitor had wanted them for.

>>54581282
>>54581295
Eh, just fix it in post

>>54581295
You know, I'd heard of Tank Girl, but this was the first time I realized her ride was actually an M60.

More on topic, I guess we should have seen that coming. Still hilarious though.

>>54581341
Thanks to your stories, I have actually ordered this patch from Amazon for my backpack.

>>54581341
>Odd power readings
coming back to bit ya?

>>54581020

Wait Shoggy I'm unclear. You've said "she" several times when referring to an interrogator. Do you mean the conspiracy-Interrogator/leader of the other team is a female? Is she the SoB?

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>>54581341

At Scisciat's order, Twitch and Tink followed the Interrogator from cover to cover across the room to one of the sub-vaults, where Snitch had his forehead pressed against the door and was starting to glow. The two guardsmen, who both had far more experience in the perils of warp use than anyone wants, abruptly decided there was too much incoming fire for them to push forward yet. They watched in smug satisfaction when, after all of three seconds, Snitch started convulsing and the Interrogator fell to her knees clutching her head and screaming while her dog lunged and snapped at invisible enemies. Twitch asked Tink whether they should shoot the psyker if his fit lasted for more than a minute, but fortunately the warp-ghosts or whatever dissipated before they reached a decision.

To our considerable surprise, Tink and Twitch weren't ordered to open the vault and collect whatever weird shit was in it. After Snitch and the Interrogator had recovered enough to report their findings, Sciscitat told the two troopers to destroy the vault's contents and ordered the entire team to prepare to pull out the second the charges were set. These wonderful orders were slightly marred by the way he went on to try and explain the best way to do said demolition to us, but he eventually accepted that Tink and Twitch did indeed know how to melt a hole and stick a bomb in it.

Three minutes, two plasma power-packs, and a very delicate insertion of a high explosives through a still-glowing hole later, the bomb was set. Sarge reluctantly used his last grenade to take care of the one Secret Police agent who kept refusing to die, picked up Snitch, and led the withdrawal. Our group paused in the Banker's office, waiting while Sciscitat yelled at various other people and then started a countdown to "Phase 19". He'd only reached eleven when the entire building shook, the lights flickered, and then every cogitator, appliance, and lighting fixture in the bank exploded.

>>54581372
There's the SoB that's leading the other team, and then an interrogator under the Inquisitor that has the robo dog.

>>54581383
Well... shit.

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>>54581282
>"THEY'RE ON OUR SIDE YOU IDIOT".
>Doc, in what definitely wasn't his smartest moment, peeked over a cubicle and asked "We are?"

beautiful.

i like my plot twists the same way i like my anal beads: tangled like a gordian knot.

>>54581383
>He'd only reached eleven when the entire building shook, the lights flickered, and then every cogitator, appliance, and lighting fixture in the bank exploded
Gotta love the plan B

>>54581383
>Sarge reluctantly used his last grenade to take care of the one Secret Police agent who kept refusing to die
That sounds like a very interesting series rolls.

>>54581383
Let me guess:
>YOU IDIOTS SET THE TIMER TO EARLY
>That wasn't our bomb
>*Boom*
>That was our bomb.
And then something bad appears and we have to shoot it more than usual to kill it.

>>54581383
The plan goes off without a hitch once again! It's just not Inquisitor Asshat's plan.

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>>54581372

So just to clarify, since there are like 7 interrogators running around now (not really, but close), the one being talked about in all of this shit has been Sciscitat's second in a command, the social infiltrator chick with all the cyber-dogs.

>>54581154
Well-said, I couldn't have put it better myself.

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>>54581383

Over the next few seconds we realised three things. Firstly, our long range comms were down, cutting us off from the Inquisitor and most of the rest of the team. This bothered the Interrogator and Cleric a lot more than us. Secondly, that hadn't been Twitch's bomb. The demolitions trooper looked at his detonator in confusion for a few seconds before hesitantly clicking it, triggering a much smaller and closer explosion, followed by a burst of painful psychic wailing which sent Snitch into convulsions. Twitch nodded in satisfaction and looked at Tink, who after a few seconds of blank staring, excitedly declared that it must've been the power station overloading. Finally, the entire bank was on fire and the water in its sprinklers had probably been sitting stagnant for the better part of three hundred years. As our teammates, the Interrogator especially, swore and gagged, Doc pointed out that we'd become disturbingly used to these smells. Sarge nodded, clicked his combead a few times to check if it was going to spontaneously start working, and then announced that it was time to make like a tree and jump out of a burning building.

Back before we'd left the van there'd been a discussion about how much gear to bring, aside from a full combat load and our entire limited supply of explosives of course. Twitch had insisted that he wasn't going up in any up-spire deathtrap without a way to get down, which is why he'd be bringing his grav-chute. Tink had chimed in, assuring the rest of us that the chutes were much less bulky now that he'd removed the extra bits (like all the safety features and backups). The two of them had been pretty smug when, after verifying there weren't any less insane options, Doc and Nubby had proposed just jumping out the window as a possible escape route. Of course, that decision had been based on the theory that we'd be alone, but Tink said he was almost positive the chutes could take a little extra weight.

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>>54581496

Snitch wasn't conscious enough to object, but the Cleric and Interrogator were not very happy about being carried down the first five story drop, and there was the stupidest argument about bringing the damn cybernetic murder-dog. Complaints aside though, everyone got down to the adjacent roof just fine, even Doc who had to do it on only one grav-coil on account of the stub round lodged in his left one. From that landing it was just a short run to the next jump with decent cover the whole way. Not that any of the Cartel security forces seemed interested in taking shots at us: they were a bit preoccupied with fleeing the Bank, as well as several other nearby buildings that must have been hooked to that power station too. Even the Secret Police fliers were taking off, possibly because the Bank seemed to be listing slightly to the left now.

Two more drops got us down to where we could see the alley that we'd parked the vans in. It was Nubby who got the edge first; the little trooper peeked over, and after a pause, asked Tink whether our vehicle had been hooked up that power grid thingy. Tink said no, and Nubby suggested it must be on fire for a completely unrelated reason then. We all ran over to verify that, yes our un-trusty steed was on fire. Everyone simultaneously looked at Twitch, who muttered something about anti-theft measures. After a few seconds of pondering this and the fire below, Doc raised the question of who in their right mind would try to steal such a shitty van, and then trailed off. There was an ugly, congealing silence broken only by our teammates asking what was going on and an increasingly loud thumping from the flaming van. We watched in horror as the van's rear door broke open with a bang and tall figure in stepped out of the flames, burning scraps of duct-tape dropping off blackened armor like thematically appropriate snowflakes.

Twitch informed everyone present that he'd told us so.

>>54581496
I was wondering how far this series would go before we referenced "Blood Rites".

>>54581553
He does not feel pity, or remorse, or fear...

Only red-hot boiling RAGE and a the weight of unissued parking tickets.

>>54581553
Dammit Twitch, stop giving the DM ideas

>>54581553
Oh Twitch, you and you're anti-theft measures.

Having the entire van covered in parking tickets probably didn't help matters.

>>54581553

at this point, twitch isn't just always right, he's a legit saint-prophet that speaks with the voice of the god-emperor

>>54581553
By the Emperor he's immortal...

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>>54580981

An original pic would take me weeks, but I managed a quick and dirty photoshop.

>>54581496
>Tink had chimed in, assuring the rest of us that the chutes were much less bulky now that he'd removed the extra bits (like all the safety features and backups).
Is your slogan 'This will end well?

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>>54581553

We wanted to just shoot the guy, we really, REALLY wanted to. If Aimy had been there to guarantee us a kill shot we might've gone for it. As it stood though, it was just too much of a stupid risk to be worth it.

It wasn't that we were in hostile territory, cut off from our superior and half our teammates, and watching our escape vehicle burn to the ground in front of us. Or at least not just that. As the Traffic Officer stepped out of the van, he waved a badge we hadn't seen before in the air. Several specks circling in the smoke above the sub-spire descended and resolved into an entire platoon of jet-bike riding Arbites who, despite the fact that he was wearing a traffic cop's uniform, began following the man's bellowed orders to lock down the entire street. At the back of the alley, the scan-van started to pull out only to stop and return to its spot as two jet-bikes blocked the exit. After a few seconds the tech-priest got out, shot a glare in our direction, and disappeared through a small maintenance hatch before the Arbites started rounding up pedestrians.

Escaping from the sub-spire proved to be more embarrassing than anything else. The initial debate over what to do had involved a lot of totally unjustified criticisms from the Interrogator and Cleric, and possibly few harmless threats of roof-throwing from some of us, but before things escalated Snitch woke up and announced Face was calling him. The psyker and assassin turned up in their little fliers, and while they didn't have nearly enough room to fit us all, at least they got our teammates out of our hair. The fliers also had long range comms, which put us back in contact with Sciscitat, who was very busy with other things and wanted us to hold position for "six to fourteen hours". Sarge told him and the rest of the team where to shove it, and announced our intention to get out on foot.

>>54581648
>Cast summon Arbites
How Dreddful

>>54581367
Doesn't everything they do do that?

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>>54581676

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>>54581648

The Inquisitor had objected of course, as had his toadies, insisting that there was no way we'd get past any of the security checkpoints. Sarge's suggestion that we join up with the tech-priest hadn't worked, since the cogboy wasn't in comm contact, and we were told that any attempt to grav-chute off the sub-spire would get us shot down by Cartel security fliers. There was a bit more arguing, and then Doc raised the question of how the OTHER team had extracted. A short run back into the burning (and now obviously tilting) bank and a bit of grav-chuting down that big stairwell later, we caught sight of a familiar pink mohawk and Sarge nearly got his head shot off as he tried to land in the middle of a trio of incredibly twitchy Inquisition agents.

Of the group, the only one we'd seen before was the Ganger, though we recognized the voice of a grizzled older man in power armor as the one who'd yelled at her. The third agent was a longcoat and wide-brimmed hat wearing man with some sort of fringe-world accent, who seemed to be the least offended by our impressive collection smells. They gave us some very dubious looks when we asked about catching a ride, and the Ganger made a few pointed comments about people who shot other people in the ass expecting favors. Sarge, who'd entirely ran out of fucks to give, told her to shut up and look on the bright side, since he'd been originally aiming for her in the head before Sciscitat decided he wanted a prisoner. This won a laugh from the fringe-worlder and caught the attention of the armored man, who demanded to know if Sciscitat was really commanding the operation in person. Sarge tried to go poker faced, but relented when Nubby cheerfully informed them that "Quisitor Asshat" was sitting up in orbit on his comfy spaceship. As Tink and Twitch chimed in with their own opinions of our commanding officer and teammates, Sarge saluted the ghost of operational security; Doc assured him it was probably for the best.

>>54581697
>Sarge saluted the ghost of operational security
Fucking kek

Also
ART

>>54581697
>impressive collection smells
I think there should be an 'of" in there

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> As Tink and Twitch chimed in with their own opinions of our commanding officer and teammates, Sarge saluted the ghost of operational security; Doc assured him it was probably for the best.

>>54581697
Art!

Also, how's everyone doing on stamina? I've got 31 posts left here, and am strongly considering breaking off for the night and just posting the ensuing clusterfuck tomorrow evening (ideally with pre-selected images).

>>54581744
FUCK YOU KEEP GOING

K E E P
E
E
P

G O I N G
O
I
N
G

>>54581744
On the east coast, and willing to stay up as long as it takes.

NO! KEEP GOING YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!!

>>54581744
I can go on for about another hour, two tops. This seems like an ok place to call it for the evening IMO.

>>54581744

IF SHOGGY STOPS WE RIOT

>>54581744
LAY ON, MACDUFF


Though I'll probably snooze in a little bit. How's yours?

>>54581744
EST reader reporting. I've got a fridge full of caffeine and a lack of responsibilities tomorrow. I'm in for as long as you can go.

I'm LIVING IT UP KEEP GOING FOR THE EMPRUH!!! AND HOT BITCHES

>>54581744
If you're tired break off but PLEASE POST MOAR SHOGGY-KUN

>>54581744
if you're up for it, please keep going. I'm loving the hell out of this.

>>54581744
im f5ing here

>>54581744
go till 12-1

>>54581744

I could sleep, I probably should sleep. On the other hand... it is a Saturday.

Basically do what you want.

>>54581744
I NEED IT

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>>54581697

>nubby's face

that's too perfect to be fiction

>>54581744

*If* you can fit everything into the posts remaining, please continue, but I don't want you to have to cram.

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>>54581744

Shoggy, do it tomorrow. It's been fucking great tho.

>>54581697
I love Sarge's expression. He looks like an idiot at first glance, but you rapidly realize its just exhausted exaspiration.

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>>54581697
SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK AND HERETICAL, SHOGGY!

>>54581744
End it at an appropriate point and continue tomorrow.

>>54581744
Shoggy I love you and I'm glad you're back, but if you don't tell us how the team reacts to Sciscitat being called "inquisitor asshat" I swear to god I'm going to write erotic nubby fanfiction.


Other than the immediate reaction, do what you got to. I want more stories in the long term more than I want you to risk burning out.

>>54581744
Must...Sleep...Can't...Sleep!

Whatever's more fun for you, Shoggy!

>>54581744
I've had enough coffee to kill a bear; carry on. To hell with my stamina, I'll keep reading anything that comes through Auto until I actually die.

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>>54581744
I'm drunk and this is the first thread of this since I've caught live since moving into my new place, who needs sleep or sobriety, keep going if you can man

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>>54581818
>erotic nubby fanfiction
Please no

>>54581818
Frankly this is a win-win situation.

>>54581744
On the one hand, you're a human being who deserves sleep, Shoggy.

On the other hand, I've yet to meet a lion who would be unopposed to more meat, and the ones in this cage seem miiiighty hungry.

Your call.

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>>54581818
>I swear to god I'm going to write erotic nubby fanfiction.

not even nurgle can condone this

>>54581744
Tomorrow's probably for the best. Lots of people weak people will be going to sleep soon, and this is probably a better stopping place than many considering the whole cluster-fuck to come.

Your choice either way of course. Good to have you back.

>>54581818
>81818

Also, I am intrigued and slightly disgusted at the thought of it.

>>54581818
Fucking do it anyways.

>>54581818
DO IT

Sadly (for those voting continue at least) I have just been rather pointed reminded by SOMEONE who must be reading this that I have something family-related I need to be up for bright and early tomorrow morning.

I'll stick around for another 15 minutes, but Storytime is officially paused until 5-6 mountain time tomorrow. I'll start a new thread then, so feel no compunction about killing this one.

I'll also swing by before I leave in the AM and try to answer any questions from after I crash.

>>54581744
Keep going you good man you, it's almost lunchtime here and I AM SHIVERING WITH ANTICI

>>54581744
Don't stop me now!

>>54581926

This >>54581818 is all on you.

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>>54581926

>>54581926
Fffffuuuuuug


Thanks anyways shoggy. Seeya tmr.

>>54581926
>>54581818
HE BAILED, POST THE FANFICTION!

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>>54581926
I'm am saddened by this, but you have provided some quality shit here and many times before so I wish you well to tomorrow night

Also thanks for posting the link to The guy doing the audio-retellings, now I know what I'm doing tonight

>>54581946
>>54581818
And thus did the faggotry of Fanfiction.net descend on the Chans.

The Red Hermits won't like this.

>>54581926
>I'll also swing by before I leave in the AM and try to answer any questions from after I crash.

it's ok, you don't have to lie if you want to check out the nobby ero fanfic, no one's judging.

>>54581955
Stench of Seduction incoming

>>54581926
Oh well, at least the conclusion won't be rushed. See you tomorrow (or I guess later today?) Shoggy.

>>54581979
He had best not be bluffing.

>>54581630
Saved!

>>54581818
Well, our teammates think he's a genius and despise us for using such a disrespectful nickname for such a great man.

The other team thinks he's a colossal asshat and started calling him that immediately.

>>54581992
No writing is happening, just imagine-finding and proofing. We're getting to a pre-determined spot tomorrow and that's that.

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>>54581970
>>54581979

>>54582066
Jesus fuck that's fantastic

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>>54582066
>>54582066
>>54582066
>>54582066
>>54582066

>>54582038

>The other team thinks he's a colossal asshat and started calling him that immediately.

PFFfftAHAHAHAAAaaa! ... I think that's additional evidence that he is not, in fact, a very good Inquisitor.

And I'm glad you liked the pic!

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>>54582066
Perfect.

>>54582038
Question before you ditch!

I saw a The Mummy as an RPG thread like 3? months ago, and thought it was very similar the Pirates of the Caribbean one. was that you too?

And for a brief, wonderful moment, /tg was the greatest thread on 4chan. That moment is over. It was worth the wait! Cannot wait till tomarrow!

>>54581154
Or, you know, cynical like any good channer should be. But I suppose that's a moot point since these threads attract Redditors and other newfags like shit attracts flies.

Shoggy, it's great to have you back. I'm sorry for all the kicks to the wedding tackle life has thrown at you recently, and am thrilled you're back in the saddle again. Thanks for continuing to write these wonderful bits of fiction for us. You're the best Shoggy. Have a good night mate.

>>54580486
>Snitch
Wait, I don't remember this guy.

>>54582699
psyker the Guardsmen have worked with before. He CONSTANTLY read the minds of everybody around him and is kind of an ass about it.