An AOL 30-day free trial CDROM

>>52431346
> A filter of liquified dragon, earned from a vinter in the feywilds
> A page from the book of names, stolen from a thief, who stole it from a devil, who stole it from an angel, who stole it from a god
> The cursed mace Windgrinder, made for a knight of courage and bravery

>>52431346
A set of perfect geometric solids, which appear to be perfectly made: all sides are exactly identical and perfectly flat, all angles are perfectly measured, and all edges are exceptionally fine. No mortal can find a flaw in it, and the only spirit that can do so is elsewhere in Isra Abishalim's hoard.

the original scroll a celestial gave to a holy prophet for a dead unknown race, the scroll is all that remains of the entire race. it is undecipherable to all means.

>>52431346
tiny golden lewd statues of the party, the parties family, and the parties nemesis, all arranged among other tiny golden lewd statues in a tableau of debauchery.

>>52431346
A minor god of orgies imprisoned in a golden mansion/ pimp-pad.

>>52431346
>most richest
I jest,but in his hoard,you can find the cristallised soul of the last nephilim,who roamed the earth thousands of aeons ago

>>52431346

A council of men, whose features are instinguishable. They speak to each other by drawing images or scribbling writing

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>>52431346
-The Extended Deck of many Things (This exists)
- A D&D jester to draw whatever he wants from this deck to avoid consequence D&D jesters are fucking overpowered (FR canon, and also exists)
- A mirror that lets him scry into the Demiplane of Dread without being obscured by the Dark Powers
- The Horn of Zargon
- Magical PDA (This also exists)
- Artefacts from the barrier peaks crash site (Listed in Dragon magazine)
- The Book of Vile Darkness
- The Libris Mortis
- All volumes of Van Richten's Guides
- A Word of Power Rune
- Copies of the Ruby Rod of Asmodeus and his Ring
- A Tome containing Lord Soth's Variant of Deathknighthood
- The Instructions on how to create a Dry Lich, Stolen from the Deser Enclave
- A scroll containing the True name of Orcus (This was featured in the Dragon Magazine)
- The Tablet with the inscription of the true name of Mephistopheles
- A large cabinet of Dragoncraft potions
- 3 Minor Artefacts of Vecna, and the Sword of Kaz currently in etheral state, recovered by spelljammer since a banishing ritual by a sect of Vecna.
- Isolated dormant sample of the Shadow Virus, for use in the rare one instance Shadow Lich Ritual
- A Husk Globe, containing the remains of a slain abyssal Infernal
- Boots of Ao
- A bottle of Nondescript Godsblood, used to make a known poison that can kill deities or a Godsblooded creature, or another few things
- Skin, Shedded from Lolth at some point, has magical properties
- Various uncommon spells, Zagig's Gender shift, to list but a many
- A Caged linnorm, a prehistoric Dragon
- An imprisoned Medusa/Marillith crossbreed, possibly a demigoddess. Musclegirl, Lamia, multiarm fetish and medusa fetish all in one, oh baby
- A Moonstone
- Pet Phoenix
- A pool that summons a Nymph of Sirine if bathed in naked
- Bottle of Patriarch Vampire blood (1000 year Old vampire) Unknown what kind of Vampire it belonged to
- A Placenta from the Pale Night Summons pseudonatural creatures

>>52431346

-A dragon which does not kidnap princesses
-A gem which is, in fact, an egg
-An egg which is, in fact, a gem
-A city in a bottle, put there so it would stand eternal
-A secret recipe for curry, which his grandmother gave to him. The recipe itself is quite common, is the amount of love in it that is found nowhere else in the world.

>>52431346
One thing I know for sure he doesnt have is a gf.

>>52431346

A sphinx that eats riddles and speaks food

An ancient dragon and its hoard shrunk and trapped inside a glass bottle. He is still trying to figure out how to get out the hoard without releasing the dragon.

>>52431346

A complete tale of the past, present and future. It is however written in a most boring way, so the sultan never bothered to read it completely

>>52431472
Kek

Your first character sheet. Even if you burned it.
1 army for each major faction of WH40K, each army 40 trillion points, each perfectly painted. They look almost alive.
1:1 scale models of every ship found in EVE Online. Not sure how he got them to float like that.
A Titanium rose, in a vase made of still living flesh.

>>52431346
Two dozen clockwork automatons, modeled after two dozen of the most beautiful women to ever live. They speak in exquisite poetry, but make poor conversation.

>>52431346
-A music box that plays a song that can make the most hardened of men weep in the face of its sheer beauty.
-A sliver of crystallized hope.
-A phoenix that is seen flying in the skies during the birth of a person who will change the world. The sultan still hasn't figured out how it gets out of his treasury to do that.
-The complete Deep Rot schematic. It comes with a fully functioning copy of DOOM.
-A telescope that allows a person to observe everything at once. No one so far has been able to use it without their brain literally imploding.
-A uncut sheet of Magic: the Gathering Alpha edition, signed by Richard Garfield and Urza.
-Ninety-nine bottles of cursed beer sitting on a shelf. If anyone takes even a small sip, they and their companions must down all 99 bottles in one sitting. It can and has been completed in large groups.
-The complete works of Shakespeare.
-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in paperback. Not the book, the actual guide.

>>52431477
>A filter of liquified dragon, earned from a vinter in the feywilds

I get that we're all guilty of using cool words that we don't really understand, but the thing you're describing is probably spelled "philter". Unless you're describing a fine mesh woven from pieces of dragon.

>>52432609
>A music box that plays a song that can make the most hardened of men weep in the face of its sheer beauty.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSi_FE52TAY

>>52432667
My apologies, I did mean the drink. I don't use the word often plus I wasn't really paying attention when I wrote that.

-A detailed explanation of the Far Realm and a completed bestiary of all of its native species.
-A book of CYOAs that warp reality according to the player's choices
-The silver lining of every cloud, painstakingly handpicked by the delicate fingers of a thousand pixies
-The object that Graz'zt most deeply desires
-The Head of Vecna

>>52432112
He has, however, 77 wives and 777 concubines.

The heart of a distant Sun, that died aeons before ours was born.

An IOU. No one knows who it's from

>>52431346
An enchanted jar of swear jars. Every time someone is made to put a coin into a swear jar anywhere in existence, a duplicate coin falls into this jar.
The first gold piece ever struck.
God's toothbrush.
A small, securely locked box labeled "Hope".
A bucket of the Devil's bathwater, perpetually steaming.
A jumble of semiprecious stones and crystals of no particular use. Their edges are smoothed by long handling.
A piece of the True Cross.
The entire run to date of Playboy magazine in mint condition.
Just a fucking shitload of chickens, Jesus.
A collection of shot glasses from various bars, some of which haven't opened yet. One is labeled with a party member's name.
About tree fiddy

>>52431346
>The only existing currency from a land otherwise forgotten, passed down through hordes of conquering armies. The land it was originally plundered from once has been lost and all its people, its language, and its culture forgotten.
>An IOU from the god of lies, deception, and trickery
>An entire village of people petrified by a medusae and shrunken down to the size of chess pieces, used as chess pieces.
>His own private constellation. You need to get the sun god to take you up there.

An orange lantern.

A roughly made wooden box, larger on the inside than it is on the outside. It is not magical, it was simply constructed before the laws of physics were made concrete.

>>52431346
>a petrified branch from the tree of life which has one end growing and one end dying
>a miniature paradox vault which holds the key to unlock it within
>31 year marbles, each one a distilled essence of time itself
>A book of infinity for each page that is filled another is added
>A cursed crown atop a saint's skull resting on a scale of fates kept in perfect balance with nothing on the other side

>>52431346
13 jars containing he mummified bodies of alien monks, still faintly praying.

>seven dragon balls
>several rings of 3 wishes
>a pile of magic lamps

A horde of his halfbreed children from various mothers, who regularly take inventory of his hoard and sometimes are sent out to recollect lost pieces.

>>52431346
>A 140 volume, incredibly in depth biography of a farmer named Claude who lived in 16th century France. Who wrote it and why remains a mystery.

The Machine of Lum the Mad

A 1965 Ford Mustang convertible, bright red.

A ticket stub from the Beatles' last concert

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>>52431346

A collection of exotic and deadly sharp blades, each of which once belonged to the most lethal assassin of their respective timelines.

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>>52432107
>A secret recipe for curry, which his grandmother gave to him. The recipe itself is quite common, is the amount of love in it that is found nowhere else in the world.

A copy of the Voynich manuscript, translated into Greek, Latin and Egyptian Heiroglypics, with a post script note written in the Indus script.

>>52435636
>about tree giddy
Additional keks

Also I like the first gold piece ever struck, imma use that as the macguffin for a campaign. Just some generic thing that belongs in a museum but everyone wants it.

The only thing not in his massive hoard of infinitely rich shit: standard issue Gold coins.

Vecna's original, handwritten lab notes detailing the development of the ritual used to become a lich. The final page is considerably less aged then the others; Vecna intended to take it with him when he Ascended so that no one could reproduce his work, but the page was taken from him mid-apotheosis through clever use of time travel.

>>52431472
>An AOL 30-day free trial CDROM
That still allows access to 1991's web.

A perfectly square box kept within a perfectly square room. The box and room merely have 5 sides

>>52432112
Well of course not.
Isra is a girl's name.

A pair of parallel lines that intersect.

The last digit of pi.

A hand-crafted set of Escher stairs.

The square root of negative one.

A set of all sets which contains itself. An additional set of all sets that does not contain itself.

A triangle whose angles don't add up to 180 degrees.

The largest prime number. Not the largest known prime; rather the largest one there is period.

>>52432071
>that image
>The only martial needs a fucking automatic weapon to compete
face it, it's hysterical

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>>52431346
A few books

>>52432071
>Boots of Ao
Why did Ao make boots, and/or not destroy them if someone elsemade them

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an ornate puzzle box

>>52431346
>A sliver of infinity, held in a thin crystal bell jar
>The lance of Longinus, still dripping with blood
>the first flower to ever exist, almost wilted
>Nemo's identity
>A lock of Samson's hair, still brimming with power
>A needle which he extracted from an egg, laid by a rabbit

Full-size dice sets made from every material imaginable, first by periodic elements, then metals and minerals, stone and alloys, carved bone sets from every species imaginable, woods, and finally metaphysical concepts.

Each of them can be rolled on the table without denting or damaging the wood.

>>52431346

- The tomb of a foreign king from a land lost to time and the cosmos, with an inscription upon it prophesying his revival should the king's native land need him.

- A rather portly, black-haired man wearing unusual white-jeweled threads, who sings impeccable songs in any language or beat for the sultan in return for food, a place to rest, and companionship.

- A door leading to the fountain of youth.

- An ever-burning torch, the fire never growing dark or dim. The wooden portion of the torch is never consumed, but the grip near the bottom is slightly stained with long-dried blood. Meant to be Prometheus' flame, stolen from the gods.

- A rather hefty boulder, difficult to lift but can be held aloft if you are in decent physical shape. On the bottom of it is some long-dried blood splatter.

- A phone booth, still functional even though there is no power or wires connected to it. Any calls made out to it will reach whomever you are calling, whether this person is alive or dead.

- A little metal box with pointed ends on various sides, wrapped in tin foil and thin sheets of aluminum. A battered, yet still functional gold circle with grooves cut into it is emblazoned upon the side.

>>52433090
My man

>>52432609
>-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in paperback. Not the book, the actual guide.
jesus

>>52438223
Stealing

>>52431346
>The Book of Names, First Edition, First and Only Print. There lay the names of all the gods.
>The only Twelfth-Dimensional object known to stay stable within the Fourth Dimension.
>The protective facescarf of the greatest hero in the Multiverse. It was taken from his tomb at the end of the Multiverse.
>A cloak woven out of pure darkness, plucked from the night itself.
>A chest full of assorted vials of MantaColour. Each vial contains the purest known liquid form of such colour in existence.
>Scalemail armour forged from the corpse of the Ur-Dragon, Paragon of Dragonkind.
>The Primer of the next Universe. It is a pure white ball of light, sitting in the middle of the hoard.

- The unhatched egg of a dying phoenix. It is warm to the touch and grows warmer the longer it is held. Do not hold it for long.

- The skeleton of a giant, encased in amber, clutching a ring.

- A broom which can sweep away illusions of any kind.

- A glass heart stolen from an ancient sorcerer which shatters if the bearer suffers a mortal wound.

- A sealed clay amphora of undiluted ambrosia purchased from a man born before the flood.

- A key that can open any door including those without locks.

- A robe of pure sunlight that is cool to the touch.

>>52435991
Underated post

>>52432667
Why not?

An engine from a ship labeled ' event horizon'

A macaroni picture his kid made him

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>A train used to rob other trains of any size.
>Eric Harris's DOOM II .wads
>A pill that speeds up the evolutionary path to its final stage
>The Holier Chalice
>An extremely creative and skilled automaton that may produce the ending to any cancelled or unfinished piece of media exactly as the creator would have intended it to be viewed, read, or played
>A gilded microphone that, when spoken into, allows the rules of the game system to be changed by whomever speaks into it

>>52435636
>box labeled Hope
Nopenopenopenopenope

>>52443442
>just watched Event Horizon recently
Would legitimately be worried by this.

>>52441722
>Your Phenomenal cosmic powers and being a fucking dragon are comparable to heavy Armour and a fully auto-shotgun in power.

Now that's funny.

>>52431346
>One lich's phylactery, won in a game of cards
>the lich lost the game on purpose, because he knows the sultan wouldn't let anyone lay a finger on his possessions

Majority shares in the SCP Foundation

>>52432071
>Magical PDA
Two wizards that kiss in public!

The last Base Set First Print Charizard holofoil.

In mint condition

A Guinness Book of World Records plaque stating that he's the Richest Man in the Known Universe. Nice.

>A vial of refined black goo of a thousand dragons, fermenting for thousands of years that have been said in legends, to have the properties to dissolve a combinations of two or more metals shaped into the supporting pillars of an indestructible tower

>>52431346

A clay jar of minced words.
The bottled first cry of a newborn child.
A vampire's reflection, kept under velvet.
An ounce of honor in a bell jar.
A whalesong transcribed on vellum.
The ring of keys to his own heart.
A pool of starlight. It's heated.

>>52432049
Anon, is this us?

- The first and only copy of The Christopher Poole Autobiography, which speaks of a man who is unbeknownst to anyone.

-The Memelord's Map. Allows the wielder to detect where the dankest memes are located and where a new one will appear.

-Mozart's Phone Number

-The Cross where Jesus was nailed to.

-a Well-Coded N64 Emulator

-Actually owns Borneo and Singapore. Once owned parts of Australia but sold them back to the government for unknown reasons.

-Owns Disney.

-a bag of M&Ms that melts in your hand but not in your mouth.

>>52431346

A slightly small burlap sack filled with a slightly smaller burlap sack filled with a slightly smaller burlap sack filled with a slightly smaller burlap sack ad infinitum

A large collection of albums that contains a scratch and sniff of every scent imaginable, and some that are not.

The scratch and sniffs are made from increasingly strange materials, from various papers and parchments to ancient stone tablets and thin sheets of mysterious metals to substances derived from mythical creatures and materials unidentifiable by any means.

Each scratch and sniff comes with a description, printed, inscribed or otherwise present on or in the vicinity of the constituent material, of the scent, with the comprehensibility of the languages and scripts used for the description either correlating or being inversely related to the strangeness of the material of the scratch and sniff.

>>52441973
No idea, they supposedly exist, and they work by kicking people in the face to cure them of all ills. Allegedly.

>>52442190
But does he request that you use a coaster?

>>52443857
?

>>52442935

Lolwut.

Nope

>>52431346
A large snow globe with a miniature city inside it that was found by archeologists in an ancient ruin deep in the earth. You can teleport inside of it if you read the ancient magical words scribed around it while touching the globe. The flow of time seems slower inside of it.
The city is populated by the last survivors of a ancient advanced humanoid race that created the globe to survive a great cataclysm that wiped out their species. They lived for so many generations there that they've long forgotten that they're living in a miniature city inside a glass globe and completely lost touch with all the magical knowledge they had in the past. There are vast libraries and many laboratories in the city but they no longer can read their own books or understand their own machinations.

>>52446816
Do you remember the last time when that bitch opened up the hope box?

>>52447569
The girl FOUND hope at the bottom of an unmarked urn, you fucknard.

>>52431346
>>52431346

A wrought iron brazier, flames eternally flickering. A secret written and burned in it will never be discovered. A hope abandoned will never come to pass, but will not trouble its former holder.

>>52444740
I dont get it.

SCP-001. It is classified Euclid and is kept well contained.

SCP--001. That isn't a typo, it's SCP negative zero zero one. It's classified Thaumiel and doesn't technically exist.

>>52444850
>Owns Disney
The company or the frozen corpse?

An hourglass made of frozen time, its grains made of the reflections of stars in a still lake.

His own hoard, as an entirely distinct item within his hoard. It includes itself. No-one is quite sure how his vault can contain it.

>>52449111
Yes

A portable hole and a bottle of the universal solvent.
No one knows how he can keep them without destroying the vault.

>>52449111
Yes

>>52431346
A library that consists entirely of pre-published manuscripts, first editions, signed copies, rare misprints and low-run print versions of books - including several erroneous bibles as yet unknown to scholars.

The only non-special or otherwise highly valuable book he owns is his very favourite story, which he has 26 copies of - a few are first editions, a couple are signed, but most are just from random print runs. Some are very dog-eared, and at least one has been dropped in the bath.
He considered buying every copy of it, but wanted others to be able to enjoy his favourite story as well.

He has a foil 1996 World Champion.

>>52435991
Even better
>he's not a member of the orange lantern corps

I'm picturing this guy as a bit of a Scrooge McDuck type character, what do you guys think?

Did he personally discover all of these artifacts or did he just buy them with his incredible wealth?

>>52450123
Both.

>>52432667
I'm like to go one better and use "philtre"

It and other words like tincture and poultice really make potion lists sound 10x as cool if also 10x as retarded.

>>52449621
And a Black Lotus masterpiece.

>>52431346
-A magic communicator that lets him speak to, and visit, a man of metal whom he trades various items with.
-a necklace that does nothing, and yet something.
-a sigil of a bloodied raven, which he acquired from a man of large proportions whom he and the metal man have brunch with in occasion
-a cat, an ordinary cat. He likes cats get off his back
-a page ripped from a book that discribes an army, turned to dust

>>52431346
-Slaaneshes virginity

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>pic related

>>52451036
Both is probably the best

I am picturing a larger, heavy set man in Arabian garb with a beard that grows to the ground he wears one of those giant turbans and has numerous piercings and tattoos.

He wears the finest silk garments in vibrant colors and has no less than 2 exotic birds with him at all times.

He spins tales of his grand adventures in his youth and how he found all these post civilizations and relics but also is never afraid to barter or buy the things he desires.

I am not sure if he should follow a code of ethics though like if he would resort to theft from another individual to obtain something he wants or if he would start a war. It seems to me that he would be OK stealing from those with more power or wealth than himself (like gods) but wouldn't want to steal a rare object or item from anow adventurer.

Anyone else that can picture him/her?

>>52453267
I'm thinking that he's not an evil or bad man. Maybe not an altruist or philanthropist, but not a bad person.

An imp that can tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

A Gummi bear. As in an actual, alive, fully-sized bear that is made of gummi. It subsists on living Swedish Fish.

That thing i sentcha, which he got.

>>52453527
>It subsists on living Swedish Fish.

This is my kind of bear.

A lone screw. No one knows what it goes to.

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>>52434647
>The Head of Vecna

>Odin's left eye
>Hepheastus' original anvil
>a wand of one million wonders
>a torch bearing the first fire Prometheus gave to man
>a small collection of pretty rocks in a display case, they are not valuable, he just likes them.

>a talking skull that not only tells bad jokes, but was the first to ever tell those jokes. They're actually quite good when he does them.

> a mimic that entered the horde in hopes of consuming Isra, but has been there for so long that he is convinced he is an actual treasure chest.

> a ball in cup toy of unremarkable make, which he plays with from time to time out of the sheer nostalgia it creates.

> an orb of diamond, once guarded in a cave by a golem made of starlight, said to hold a map of the known universe

> a golem made of starlight who rather likes the change of scenery, and often workshops new jokes with the talking skull.

The Disk of Odin

The Aleph

Several Zahirs

Shakespeare's Memory

The Blue Tigers

The Book of Sand

The Forty Volumes of the First Encyclopedia of Tlön

Love's Labour's Won

>>52432071
>Isolated dormant sample of the Shadow Virus,
>for use in the rare one instance Shadow Lich Ritual
I'm familiar with the Shadow Virus, but what's a Shadow Lich?

>>52431346
The First Three Episodes of MST3K on Betamax, in remarkably good condition.
The Irish Crown Jewels, covered in peat moss.
A complete set of Aeschylus's plays in the original Ancient Greek, three of which are completely unknown to history.

>>52435991
Nice.

>>52443820
>>A pill that speeds up the evolutionary path to its final stage

Evolution is adaptation to one's environment, so it would just turn you into a creature perfectly suited to whatever specific place and situation you're currently in. Losing, of course, any qualities not needed for that specific place and situation, so as not to waste vital biological resources.

Which makes it a pretty good "cursed but in a really dire circumstance you'd use it" item.

>>52444641
IMPOSSIBLE

>>52455339
Double spooky

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Some cursed items got mixed in too.

>a tissue box that doesn't bring up another tissue when you pull one up.
>A succubus golem with the voice of Steve Buscemi
>an HP brand printer
>a dragon ball with nine stars in it
>a wallet that converts currency to Canadian dollars, in $2 coins
>a set of condiments that are perpetually separated and dribble watered down vinegar on your food

>>52431346
A set of Dr. Seuss books that differ wildly from the mass published versions.
"And To Think That I Saw it On Mulberry Street" is about a young boy witnessing a brutal double murder.
"The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins" Is about a young boy who gets addicted to Team Fortress 2 and has to be institutionalized.
"The King's Stilts" The Secret History of how Elvis had short and stubby legs.
"Horton Hatches The Egg" This version features a Xenomorph that quickly consumes the entire forest.
"McElligot's Pool" McElligot gazes into a pool, after learning the secret of seeing into the future from Odin the Allfather. He quickly realizes he is unable to prevent himself from dying during Ragnarok and loses all hope, committing suicide shortly thereafter.

"Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose" Thidwick dies at birth due to Cardiomegaly.


Fuck, there's a lot of these, looks like I'm rewriting them all. Might take me awhile but here's the first batch.

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>>52455339
Ravenloft - Book of Shadows
Only ever one that existed in Ravenloft, Umbran, the Shadow Lich, has a Shadow strength Drain, instead of the paralysis touch, dims light sources in range of fear aura, highly obscure way to destroy, is specialist, Shadow Mage, so opponents have a -1 to saving throws in day, -2, under light or continual light, and -3 under any other conditions against his spells and this is almost constant because of the light dimming fear aura.

>Umbran keeps his life in his shadow, which remains intangible and unable to be affected on the Prime. The process of transformation caused the lich’s flesh to be replaced with shadowstuff, so when enough damage is inflicted on the lich to “kill” it, the shadowstuff around his bones dissipates, causing his skeleton to fall to the ground. His shadow remains unaffected and hides under the bones. When the lich’s life is totally in his shadow, he is said to be in shadowform. While he is in shadowform, he is mobile and should be treated much as a standard shadow, save with its original lich aura and damage capability and greater immaterialness (still takes +1 to hit). After 1d3 days, Umbran manages to accumulate enough shadowstuff to wrap around his bones and reanimate them. If his skeleton is destroyed as well, (Truly destroyed, such as by a disintegrate or wish spell, not simply chopping up the bones—if the bones are simply broken up, the lich can “glue” them back together with shadowstuff) the lich’s shadowform retreats to his lair or some other place of darkness, away from the adventurers that damaged him so. After 1d3 weeks, he regenerates enough of this shadowstuff substance to return to the Prime. There he will search for a new set of bones to wrap his shadowstuff around and reanimate over 1d3 days. The only way to destroy him is to trap his shadowform in an area he cannot slip out of, and use a combination of continual light, bless, and dispel evil to completely dissipate his spirit.

>>52456763
Hella fucking useful though, one can only ponder the applications of this lichdom to vassalichdom, spawn creation, and how his shadow worked after the accident that led to his transformation. As for how he was made, he was at the last stages of the Shadow Virus and consumed a potion that he believed would turn him into a different creature, a Shade, being completely immarterial at time of consumpton.

>>52431346

Hymens of the PCs mothers.

>Now Sons and Daughters, you must prove yoruselves worthy of my treasure.

Upon showing they are worth it, the sultan attempts to add them to the collection

>>52431346

"Bartholomew and the Ooblek." Now recovered from his brief jaunt with insanity, Bartholomew realizes that he can now see supernatural creatures from outside of reality. Realizing that it can see him, the Ooblek consumes his very soul and mind while his family watches in mute horror.

"If I ran the Zoo" A young boy ponders the possibility of keeping all of humanity in a breeding program, to please his AI masters.

"Horton Hears a Who" Now entirely hybridized with the Xenomorph, Horton cannot help but hear the approach of the World Health Organization coming to quarantine and dissect him.
"Scrambled Eggs Super" This book, about a superheroine who is infertile, is actually very interesting despite the constant reminders that she can never have children.

"If I ran the Circus" A young boy ponders what it would be like to fleece hundreds of thousands of people of money and abuse elephants for kicks.

"On Beyond Zebra" An anatomical and summoning treatise on the dreaded Beyond Zebra who occupy the savannah between universes.

>>52456852
>"On Beyond Zebra" An anatomical and summoning treatise on the dreaded Beyond Zebra who occupy the savannah between universes.
That's pretty good. If I had more than one universe in my setting I'd stick Beyond Zebras in between them.

The Foundation of Doubt. Or maybe not, I'm having second thoughts.

>>52456894

He drinks only from the Fountain of Assurance though, so he knows the truth.

>>52431346

"The Cat in the Hat" An instructional manual on how best to utilize kitten furs to make hats. Step by Step Pictures are included.

"How the Grinch Stole Christmas" The Grinch, an insidious memetic virus accidentally released by a government laboratory wipes clean any memory of Christmas anyone had. One single Who in Whoville is somehow immune to the virus but no one believes him and he is locked in an insane asylum screaming about how Santa knows when you are naughty.

"Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories" Yertle forms a turtle dictatorship giving him absolute power and demands every turtle take place in the giant turtle pyramid. The regime eventually collapses, both figuratively and literally, killing many turtles.

"The Cat in the Hat Comes Back" A necromantic treatise on how to animate fur clothing and hats to attack the living. Helpful ritual circles are diagrammed and described in Seuss's charming rhymes.

"Happy Birthday to you!" It's the last one you'll have Billy.

"Green Eggs and Ham" An Ecoterrorist Manifesto on how farming and animal husbandry practices must be reformed, by force if necessary.

>>52456852
I imagine Cat in the Hat would look something like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9KZ6DkbZ_M

>>a Typhoon-Class submarine
>>the complete discography of Eminem on vinyl
>>a shiney pidgey
>>Pablo Picasso
>>the iceberg that sunk the Titanic
>>Microsoft shares
>> the patent for electric window lifters
>> a Tiger tank
>> a golden toilet
>> Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, signed first edition
>> the power nine

All those full albums with music videos that Prince made by never were released from his vault.

season 2 of firefly on DVD.

he's never watched it.

>>52433090
oh man

made me shiver

>>52431346
a copy of Half life 3 and 4

>>52444833
I can't distinguish.

>>52431346
SCP-003 - The Missing Number

File: 56ba7b5e68e89722ea057b62c(...).jpg (161 KB, 620x970)

161 KB JPG

>>52453267
I'm just imagining this dude from Neil Gaimans Sandman. Half the book is just describing all his shit.

Neil Gaiman also wrote a short story of a guy in which in his past life he was the king of the universe and had all this cool shit he earned from conquest or adventures then got bored and decided to become David Bowie

>>52460793
I want nothing more than to crush that orb into the lands of my hated enemies. What a glorious mess that would be.

>a hypercube
>The Thing That Should Not Be
>The Thing That Almost Certainly Isn't
>Elvis Presley
>the only copy of Final Fantasy IX HD Remix for PS4