>>50033219
It's been too long, friend. Good to see you. You should visit more often.

Aw yiss!

>About to go to bed when I see this thread
This is complete bullshit!

>>50033219
We've missed you mate, hope you've been well.

>>50033219
This... this is exactly what I needed after we got Brazil'd.

>>50033219
Glad to have you back, and not just for another chapter of the best damn thing on the internet! I hope things are looking up for you; how's the new house?

(Also, it's by your inspiration that I started, and am nearing the end of, the Discworld series. Thanks for the introduction!)

>>50033219
>Sorry for the huge delay, and a pre-emptive apology for the length (and probably quality) of this one. Things have been rather unpleasant over the past summer, and my writing has suffered in more ways than one.

>This isn't going to even be a half chapter, it'll be like a third, but if I don't start posting again it'll never be finished. The back half of this'll be finished before thanksgiving I hope, so if you want a coherent and satisfying tale, you may want to delay reading until then.

>Oh, and the whole intro was just an unholy mess, so these first posts will be slow as I just re-write the damn thing.

>Whining aside, it's great to be back. The previous chapters (which I encourage you to start with if you're new here) can be found on suptg here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=guardsmen+party or in an html archive here http://www.theallguardsmenparty.com/

>>50033219

Shoggy's back!

>>50033333
Hate to hear that m8, but don't worry I did a great job at posting your image and riling up the boys.

Sorry folks, but hey this time it wasn't me trolling c:

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Welcome back!

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>>50033333
>them quints of apologies
It's good to have you back Shoggy!

>>50033333
I think we all know this feeling.
>I was totally going to have this army finished...in Spring. Anyways, here it is half-painted in the fall but at least we can freaking play!

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HELL YES!!!! Good to see you shoggy!

>>50033369
you sick little mon-keigh

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aww shit I saw this earlier on the website and got hyped as fuck. Lets get this train rolling bois.

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>Shoggy's AGP is back

>>50033333
Yaaaaaaay!

It's great to see you back, Shoggy, the AGP never ceases to be a delight.

Nothing like sitting down and getting this nice suprise to sit down to

SHOGGY LIVES

>>50033219
Aww shit, thought you were dead or something Shoggy. Welcome back.

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>>50033333

"WHAT! Let me see that!" the dataslate was abruptly ripped from Tink's hands by Twitch, who began scanning at a far faster pace. "Oh shit shit shit shit shit shit, there's more." All three troopers bent over the dataslate. "No more than twenty kilograms of Munitorum Grade-B explosives?"

"Do you even have any Munitorum-issue 'splosives left?" asked Nubby. Twitch just shook his head and held up the cluster of lasgun power packs he'd been taping together. "Oh well, don' worry, I'm sure I can work somefin out if we can get to a depot... " Nubby paused as Tink and Twitch both pointed at the last line on the dataslate. "No items considered contraband under Administratium edict G-somefin-somefin-stroke-17e, Commissarial decree number… Cogboys… Arbites... 'Quisition... ECCLESIARCHY? What does da 'clesiarchy gotta do wif what I can or can' bring on a mission? Dis is mental! Who's making these rules?"

Tink straightened up and tried to recapture his initial indignant tone. "These are direct orders from Inquisitor Sciscitat."

"Wasn' ee da one who got squished by da bug? Ee get better or somefin?"

"No, the other Inquisitor the one from the stasis cell. He's taking command."

"What? Dat pillock? Does Sarge know about this?"

"He's in on it! They're both down in one of the conference rooms with the diplomacy Adept planning some sort of suicide mission!"

There was a pause while this sank in, followed by Nubby swearing and Twitch abruptly shouting "IT'S HAPPENING! I KNEW IT!", and sprinting out of the room.

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>>50033219
Holy shit catching one of these live!

>>50033417
Pic Related

I've had to buy a new keyboard, my F5 key wore out. Shoggy, you magnificent bastard, never end this story. Legit though, it's fine that this semi-chapter took a while. Writing is hard, I get it.

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>>50033219

SHOGGY I GOTTA GO TO BED AND NOW I HAVE TO STAY UP FOR THIS

>>50033743
>Twitch doesn't have any standard-issue explosives left

It really is happening.

>>50034006
He was buying a house, and then lost his job, and then his grandpa died and he had to deal with that. iirc

>>50033219
YEAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJNz2QgSNsk

>>50034048
Do what any red blooded guardsman would do in this situation. Call in dead to whatever obligations would require you to go sleep, put a pot of recaff on the field stove and bask in the story time.

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>>50033743

Nubby watched the demolitions trooper go, then turned to Tink and asked "So, uh, ou' of curiosity, 'ow exactly did you get dis 'ere list?"

Tink brushed the question aside. "That's not important, what is important is that we get together and make it clear to Sarge that we're not going to have any part in this. We've got to stand up and say NO, we're not going to go off on a mission without proper equipment." Nubby, his self preservation instincts kicking in, took a step backwards, Tink failed to notice. "We're not going to get ourselves killed on some horrible backwater just because of some Inquisitor's ridiculous prejudices.

"Uhhhh, we're not?" Nubby took another step backwards.

"No, we're going to march in there and tell Sarge that either he gets rid of these ridiculous rules, or he goes on his mission alo-URK!" Tink let out a strangled little yelp as a large hand landed on his collar and yanked him backwards.

Somewhere behind Tink, a very deep and angry voice growled, "Guardsman, a word please."

Nubby Sarge drag Tink out of room, and let out a sigh of relief as the door slid shut. After a few seconds of standing around, listening to muffled shouting and thumping sounds coming through the door, he decided it was probably a good idea to figure out where Twitch went, and possibly join him.

You're alive! This makes my shitty day so much better!

>>50034195
*Nubby watched Sarge drag Tink out of the room

Keep going Shoggy, the context'll sort itself out!

>>50034195
I'd follow Sarge into the Eye of Terror, probably turn around before arriving, but still

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>>50034195

>Sarge's Rules About What You Can and Can't Bring on a "Stealth" Mission With Inquisitor Asshat

No Pulse Weapons
Because people notice when lasguns fire little blue balls of plasma, that's why
No Tink's techno-heretical plasma monstrosity
No Spot
Not even if you make him a REALLY GOOD DISGUISE
Nothing, no matter how small, easy to hide, or "awesome", which could be described with the prefix XENO
No, we are NOT bringing Fio. Why would you even ask that?
No more than 20 kg of Munitorum-issue explosives
No piles of ammunition for weapons we don't use
Nothing that is almost but not-quite an explosive
Nothing that came out of Sergeant Gravis
NO CHEMICAL, BIOLOGICAL, OR WARP-BASED WEAPONS PERIOD
No contraband
If you have to ask, it's contraband
Your bags will be checked Nubby
No Fumbles or Aimy
Just because Fumbles can turn invisible sometimes does not mean he's stealthy
Medical patients regrowing their entire scalp are not stealthy either
No Jim, Hannah, or Sister Valerie
Because they're staying on the Occurrence Border
No Occurrence Border
BECAUSE A SPACE HULK IS THE OPPOSITE OF STEALTHY, THAT'S WHY
No detailed plans to kill the Inquisitor, desert, and enlist in the Kulthian Foreign Legion
Because the Emperor hates you, that's why

>The All Guardsmen Party and Inquisitor Asshat's Stupid "Stealth" Mission

>>50034323
hold up, I'm lost, isn't Aimy a player?

>>50034323
well there goes fun... how thye fuck are you supposed to conquer the enemies of man if you dont have specialist gear anymore, how are you supposed to even do it

>>50034323
I've been laughing for the past three minutes straight! Emperor bless you, Shoggy, and thanks for bringing us another spectacular episode.

>>50034323
The whole point of the Occurance Border was to get a ship nobody would expect belonged to the inquisition. As such about a quarter of this list is once again all Nubby's fault.

>>50034365
She's an NPC who was commandeered by the players. Same with fumbles and at one point Jim.

Yessss I did it

>>50034323
>Nothing, no matter how small, easy to hide, or "awesome", which could be described with the prefix XENO

My sides

>>50033219
Shoggy, I love you are still doing this. I have so much to catch up on. Good night!

Fuck yes, finally caught it live!! Praise be to the Emperor!!!!

>>50034323
>Because the Emperor hates you

You know you're pushing the envelope when even a radical will tell you you make god cry.

holy fuck i caught this live. praise be to the emperor and shoggy

>>50034323
that ENTIRE LIST

absolutely priceless

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Well I guess this is the rest of my night now

Excellent! Here's hoping your problems don't plague you for much longer, mate.

So it occurred to me after rereading the last thread, the AGP has to be developing a reputation among space marines by this point. There has been one (1) space marine they have encountered that didn't end up dead/maimed/stranded in the ass end of the galaxy for months on end, and that one went back to his Deathwatch fortress and told his brothers that they killed a chaos marine. Being assigned to assist Interrogator Sargent will soon be a form of punishment, I can feel it.

>Okay, that's out of the way, completely re-writing on the fly doesn't suit me. Unfortunately I'm going to have to do that a few more times tonight, though hopefully they won't take as long. I wasn't kidding when I said that I left this chapter an utter mess back when I was drinking.

Anyway, thanks for the kind words guys, it's great to be posting again. Hopefully this'll get me back on a roll again.

>>50033324
Glad you liked that series, it was a major inspiration for all of us over the years.

>>50033369
You is mean

>>50033377
Yeah... god save me from painting. I have about 80 pages of discards for what is currently a 30 page chapter, I'd be broke if paper cost as much as minis.

>>50033539
Not quite, but I tend to hide from the world when under a lot of pressure, which just wound up making things worse.

>>50034054
Yep, ran completely dry, but we do get a minor resupply before too long.

>>50034062
Yeah, it was a shitshow, nothing world ending, but it just kept building up...

>>50034365
Aimy is like 95% Doc's player. She was brought in as his replacement character and but none of us wanted to give her up when his character recovered, so he just started playing both of them.

>>50034557
It's pretty much all back to normal by this point, it's just a matter of getting back into writing.

>>50034323
>NO CHEMICAL, BIOLOGICAL, OR WARP-BASED WEAPONS PERIOD
It's back

Speaking of Fumbles, how old is the little guy?

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>>50034323

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>>50034323

So, no shit, we'd finally delivered the requested Zoanthrope. It'd taken the crippling, marooning, and deaths of two squads of Space Marines, gratuitous use of heretical xenotech, an assault on a technically-friendly civilian space station, the second worst worst warp voyage in the history of the Imperium, our arrest on trumped up charges by a traitorous Inquisitor, yet another pitched battle when said Inquisitor tried to steal the Zoanthrope for his private collection, and the general maiming of yet another squad of Marines, but we'd FINALLY delivered it.

Admittedly the bug had suffered some wear and tear during transit; what with the theoretically-impossible Daemonic position, and the way it'd been beaten to the very edge of death by a tau drone and a humorously shaped piece of wraithbone wielded by enraged Space Marine. But nowhere in our orders did it say that the thing had to be in good condition. It was Zoanthrope, it was alive (if only barely), and only the most ungrateful, pedantic, asshole would dare complain about the quality of the package after the sheer hell we'd been through to deliver it…

Of course "ungrateful", "pedantic", and "asshole" were just about the perfect words to describe Inquisitor Scisicitat, and if you added "bat-shit insane" it'd cover the Magos that ran the research facility as well.

The first thing the two of them did after the Inquisitor had been released from stasis was hold a meeting with us, the Diplomacy Adept, and a few their own minions. Supposedly, it was to catch everyone up on the overall situation and plan the next move, but it was really just several hours of people yelling, lecturing, and just generally blaming us.

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>>50033219
I HEARD THERE WAS AGP
AND GOT HERE AS QUICK AS I COULD

>>50034583
I don't even care that these are likely wholecloth stories at this point, they're still hilariously amazing stories.

>>50034668
>but it was really just several hours of people yelling, lecturing, and just generally blaming us.
The more things change, the more they stay the same

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>Sarge.jpg

>>50034668
>impossible Daemonic possession
I'll be sad at the end of this lovely adventure

>>50034619
Not sure honestly, I'll have to ask our DM. I think his initial sheet said something a little older, but we treated him like a kid and it just sort of became canon. I think of him as a small 16ish.

>>50034720
Cool, thanks

>>50034668

First worst warp voyage being when they bought the Occurrence Border, right?

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>>50034583
now I'm glad I sent that mail to you Shoggy, I really wish you the best of fortunes for the rest of the year, for what it's worth

yes. it was the discount spaceship arc.

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>>50033743

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>>50034668

Seriously, EVERYTHING was our fault.

It was our fault that several members of Sciscitat's team had died during the battle in the evidence warehouse.

It was our fault that the traitorous Inquisitor had died before he could be questioned.

It was our fault that several extremely rare and valuable xenobiological specimens had escaped, died, or been turned into squigs.

It was even our fault that a several light-year wide shadow had fallen across the warp, disrupting Astropathic communication, causing sub-sector wide political turmoil, and prompting the redeployment of several Imperial fleets to protect against a supposed hive-fleet incursion. (Okay, in retrospect putting the Daemonthrope in an Astropathic Sanctum might not have been the best idea, but how the hell were we supposed to know that? The closest things we had to experts on psi were Fio and Fumbles.)

Oh, and finally, it had apparently been our "inexcusably reckless" actions which finally gave Oak's enemies the ammunition they needed to bring charges of treason against him. So the whole entire current mess: the arrest orders issued for all of Oak's teams, the attacks on his allies under the cover of official investigations, the seizure of the research facility and Sciscitat's own imprisonment, and even Oak being forced to take his battleship into hiding; it was all OUR fault.

Or at least that's what Inquisitor Sciscitat and his minions thought. Personally, we blamed a combination of bad luck, everyone else being stupid, Orks, and the perverse nature of universe itself for at least eighty percent of all that. As for the others, the Magos didn't seem to care about anything other than his specimens, and for all his complaining, he actually seemed very interested in the Daemonthrope. And the Diplomacy adept, who'd inexplicably wound up in charge of the discussion, claimed it didn't matter either way, and encouraged everyone to focus on the next stage of their respective missions.

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>>50034583
OH FUCK IT'S SHOGGGYYYYYY


AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What was the last story? I remember I archived the last three "conspiracy" storylines. Is this a continuation? Did I miss one?

>>50034853
this is technically part 2

>>50034853
wondering the same thing. I am afraid to start reading until i know for sure.

>>50034843
I think my boss has that book somewhere in her desk.

>>50034853
You probably missed the eight. chan exclusive.

>>50034843
Oh, to be a fly on the wall while the GM lectured you.

>>50034843
Welcome to 40k, where everything you do makes everything worse.

>>50034904
You're shitting me.

>>50034853
>>50034888
http://www.theallguardsmenparty.com/

You can thank me by sending your checks to randomanon11111111112@gmail.fake.

>>50034323
>No Fumbles or Aimy
Oh shit
Well, at least everyone's marginally less likely to get slugged in the face
>>50034583
>Aimy is like 95% Doc's player
I'm still annoyed at the anon who blabbed about which character you play in one of the last few threads.
>>50034668
>position
*posession
I'm just gonna keep pointing these out in case it helps with editing later
>>50034904
Seconding >>50034919, Shoggy wouldn't do that to us

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>havent been on /tg/ in months
>been busy, haven't kept up with my hobbies, you know how it is
>come back
>first thread is AGP
>mfw

The emperor is real, folks, and he's watching me

>>50034788
I was placing after the one where all the Space Marines caught a cold and turned evil actually. At least the Occurence Border's maiden voyage was SHORT.

>>50034819
I swear, I'll get around to answering the massive mail backlog soon. It got so large that it just felt easier to ignore it and tell myself that it was better to write first and worry about it later. bleh.

>>50034853
>>50034888
Yeah, continuation. The official Arc per the DM is those three, plus the one I'm going to get 1/3 through or so tonight. I was expecting to finish it close enough to tie it together in a mega-chapter, but failed. I miss the self-contained chapters.

>Fun fact, for some reason google docs gives me double light breaks instead of single when I copy and paste now. Very annoying

>>50034843
So has the party had any word from Oak or any of his people?

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>>50034945
>I was placing after the one where all the Space Marines caught a cold and turned evil actually.
Fucking Death Guard.

>>50034919
Yes, yes he is.

>>50034950
Sciscitat and the magos are Oak's people.

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>>50033219

>All Guardsmen Party Live

I stopped mid-fap, tucked my raging 7 incher into my right trouser sleeve and ran here as fast as I could.

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>>50034843

Our role in these "missions" was that of hapless go-fers.

See, before the arrival of the traitorous Inquisitor and the Daemonthrope's astropathic jamming aura, Oak had sent orders which assigned us to Sciscitat's retinue for the duration of some vaguely-defined investigation. Since the Inquisitor thought of us as "a bunch of juvenile, tactless, indiscreet, and dangerously incompetent meatheads", and we considered him to be a socially inept cogitator weeny with delusions of genius, why we'd been paired up like this was a bit of a mystery, but the orders seemed genuine.

It belatedly occurred to us that our decision, back on our second-ever Inquisitorial assignment, to ever-so-slightly falsify then-Interrogator Scitatat's after-action report might have been a bad idea. Sure, before we'd edited it, the report had been full of accusations of incompetence and obstruction, and it had ended with a recommendation that we all be re-assigned to a penal legion… But maybe that was how all his reports were written, and the way we'd removed all mention of our antics and put our own performance down as "Nearly Adequate" had wound up looking like high praise in comparison. Or maybe, as Twitch now insisted, Oak had seen through the forgery on day one, and this was his punishment.

Anyway, whatever the reason we'd been assigned to the asshole, we had no choice but to stick to our orders. Well actually we could've told Sciscitat and Oak to stuff it and then went off to do our own thing, but there's nothing like knowing that the Inquisition has issued a warrant for your arrest to motivate a cooperative attitude.

So yeah, Inquisitor Sciscitat was our new boss, and his first orders were to "Stay out of my way, and Assist Magos Smith in any way possible." Which is why we spent the next few days fetching, carrying, and occasionally squig-wrangling for a tech-priest who, in a totally unexpected twist of fate, turned out to be completely nuts.

>>50035058
>a tech-priest who, in a totally unexpected twist of fate, turned out to be completely nuts.
DRINK!

Good evening Shoggy, I have a request. I have a youtube channel and was hoping that I could have your permission to record myself reading the AGP and post it to my channel.

>>50035095
>AGP drinking game
This should have been a thing from the start.

>>50035100
I think I've seen someone do the Intro and Episode 1, so it's not unheard of. Permission's good though.

>>50035058
Pratchett seems to have informed your writing as well as your group's characters and playstyle.

So question Shoggy, of all the adventures you've had with this party, which was your favorite?

>>50035141
I think that's pretty obvious, I mean look at Nubby.

>>50035138
It's Shoggy's work, so no way am I going to do it without his permission. I'd be surprised if there isn't already one out there.

>>50035141
Not that that's a bad thing. I'm already yearning for more Vimes stories, and I still have Snuff left to go!

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>>50035058

Well, maybe not COMPLETELY nuts, but that was only because the Magos was so far around the bend that he was re-approaching sanity from the opposite direction.


First of all, it turned out that he wasn't actually the tech-priest that we'd seen walking around with the Inquisitor and Diplomacy Adept. It took a while, but after the third incredibly awkward conversation with the inexplicably unresponsive tech-priest, we finally figured out that it was actually the oversized servo-skull that was calling the shots. The tech-priest-looking body, as well as that giant man-beast we'd seen in the warehouse battle and a fair number of other freakish looking things, were something like a cross between a servitor and a full-body augmetic. He called them "Meat Puppets", which should tell you everything you need to know about the state of his mind.


At first some of us (mostly Tink) were rather curious about how a tech-priest winds up as a disembodied brain flying around controlling a horde of servitors and flesh-sculpted monstrosities. When Tink tried to press the Magos on the why and how of his servo-skulliness though, all he got was a vague comment about having done it to himself for political reasons and an assurance that: "Getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out." Then the Magos flew off cackling, only to return a few minutes later to scream at us (for about the fifteenth time) for killing his prize Eldar test-subject. Or maybe he'd been angry about the death of the lizard thing, or the group Bendies we let escape, or how his entire collection of genestealer cultists had been squigged. It all sort of ran together after a while.

>>50035138
One guy got up to Episode 5 but seems to have bogged down. Understandable as the eps keep getting longer, his last was an hour and a half. I've tried recording the series myself for my own interest and can't get through more than maybe fifteen minutes without cracking up and making some sort of obvious mistake.

>>50035100
Go nuts, there's actually a few people that might be interested in collaborating. If you drop me an email I'll try to go through my mail and point everyone at eachother this week.

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>>50035171
>getting the brain out was the easy part. the hard part was getting the brain out!

>>50035160
Not just the characters, though, his style of writing has strong elements of that British wry understated humour thing. One military series that strongly inspired Pratchett (and Nobby, for that matter) is GM Fraser's McAuslan, and I've been reminded more than once of that by this series, though I don't think Shoggy's read it.

>>50035171
>his entire collection of genestealer cultists had been squigged
Man, that phrasing really hammers home how absolutely insane this place is.
It was so much easier to just ignore it and sidle past when they were all busy killing each other.

>>50035171
btw Shoggy, just wondering, would you like to have a proofreader?
it's a friend of mine, he also does audiobook reads

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SHOGGYS HERE
SHOGGYS HERE
YES YES YES

>>50035202
Okay, thank you. I don't know if I'll send an email or just do this myself, but I'll let you know.

>>50035171
I like this tech priest. Wait...
>meat puppets
My Heretek detector just pinged.

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>>50035171

Putting the Magos' weirdness aside, the reason we were helping the crazy cogboy was that the brainy people had decided that the planet was no longer secure. The whole debatably-heretical research facility needed to be packed up and moved via the first available Imperial vessel. Which is to say, the Occurrence Border.

You can just imagine how thrilled the Captain and Ol' Bill were to find out their ship would be playing host to a xenobiological research lab, completed with an insane Magos Biologis, numerous psychically-gifted specimens, and the damned Daemonthrope they'd only just finally gotten rid of. The only reason they limited their complaints to bitter grumbling (as opposed to orbital strikes), was the Occurrence Border's supply situation and the awkward tactical problem which had resulted from it.

See, after such a long and hard journey without resupply, the Occurrence Border was out of just about everything. So when it finally used the last of its fuel (and the recoil from its macro-turret) to slow down enough to dock with the small refuelling station orbiting above the facility, its Captain was in a rather ruthless state of mind. The ex-naval officer, having had it up to here with politely asking, begging, and (Emperor forbid) paying for supplies that were rightfully his to requisition, had broadcast his ship's Inquisitorial credentials and announced his intention to commandeer EVERYTHING. Not everything as in "everything you can spare", literally everything, as in down to the crew, atmosphere, decks, and bulkheads. Waste not want not and all that...

The locals objected to this of course, complaining loudly that this sort of looting wasn't even remotely within the legal limits of the Captain's Inquisitorial charter, and called for aid from the only other ship in the system: the light cruiser which had brought the recently-squished Inquisitor and his arrest team.

>>50035197
What's worked for me when recording longer stories is pause evert two or three sentences, it makes editing easier and gives you a moment to compose the next bit in your head.

>>50035233
Looks like I'll have something to keep me busy after I finish the next two Discworlds. Thanks for the heads-up!

>>50035238
I might be getting into the whole editing thing again before too long, so sure. Have him drop me a line.

>>50035266
Yeah there's a lot of backstory for that guy which doesn't really apply to us at all. Our DM was a bit miffed about how we just avoided him, cuz you know, crazy.

>>50035233
Ohh, I'll have to check that out.

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>>50035288
>The whole debatably-heretical research facility needed to be packed up and moved via the first available Imperial vessel. Which is to say, the Occurrence Border.
>You can just imagine how thrilled the Captain and Ol' Bill were to find out their ship would be playing host to a xenobiological research lab, completed with an insane Magos Biologis, numerous psychically-gifted specimens, and the damned Daemonthrope they'd only just finally gotten rid of.
Aheh. Ahah. Ahahahahahahahaha
The All Techpriest Party have had their hands full just dealing with the shit that happens when the OB enters Warpspace. This is going to be !!FUN!!

>commandeer EVERYTHING
Oh dear.

>>50035131
starting it,
what should the rules be?
when nubby steals?
when twitch blames orks?
when sarge 'disciplines his team'?
others?

>>50035359
When Sarge facepalms
When Fumbles fumbles

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>>50035359
By Him on Terra, are you trying to kill us?

>>50035355
Is the Techpriest Party still going?
I'd love to hear tales of their antics - Last I heard of them was before the Daemonthrope!

I can only imagine that when this is all over the inquisition have entire case studies based upon what happens with this group of guardsmen. seriously, this stuff will be infamous by the time the inquisition goes through all they've done

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>>50033219
I missed you man.
Bracing myself now

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>>50035379
It's slow going because we play in IRC and I have too much fun with Ship Phenomena to timeskip transit. There'll be a lot left to come, but our chronicler has been busy.

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>>50035288

The light-cruiser was a standard naval vessel that had been commandeered by the traitorous Inquisitor to provide transport and overwhelming fire support for his arrest team. After the initial excitement of its arrival the ship had just sat in orbit, serving as protection, Astropathic communication provider, and storage for items that were too large to fit in the evidence warehouse; such as the facility's shuttles and a small cogitator-filled normal-space vessel that had been in orbit when they'd arrived.

It'd been a nice boring assignment for them right up until their Astropaths lost contact with the rest of galaxy. Then, while they'd been off at the edge of the system, futilely attempting to outrange the Astropathic jamming we'd unknowingly been broadcasting ahead of us, the Occurrence Border had arrived. By the time they managed to get back to the facility their Inquisitor was very dead. Left to their own devices, they probably would have just destroyed the Occurrence Border and blockaded the research facility until the arrival of further orders. Fortunately for us though, the Deathwatch Apothecary had claimed command as the technically-ranking survivor of the dead Inquisitor's retinue, and told the ship to stand down.

The light-cruiser had sat in orbit, waiting for the Apothecary to finish his business on the planet, until the Occurrence Border started its looting spree and the Station requested their aid. The ship's captain, being mindful of all the Inquisitorial bullshit going on, voxed the Apothecary for orders, and the Space Marine kicked the problem over to Scicitat, who probably made some sort of smug "just as planned" comment before voxing the Occurrence Border. The Captain was basically asked whether he'd prefer to transport on the Magos and his lab, or go toe-to-toe with a ship ten times more combat-capable than his own. The Captain went with the former, but it was a close thing.

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>>50033219
YEEEEEES!

>>50034323
>No detailed plans to kill the Inquisitor, desert, and enlist in the Kulthian Foreign Legion
>detailed

Thats some interesting wording there.

>>50035378
well i was gonna include when aimy swears but that wont matter with this story i think

>>50035442
References to the Klatchian Foreign Legion of the Discworld series - Generic band of mercenaries, I think they've enlisted Death himself more than once.

>>50035416
>and a small cogitator-filled normal-space vessel that had been in orbit when they'd arrived.

I'm interested in how Sciscitat (back when he was the team's Interrogator) rated his own apparently first-class cogitator ship. Did he have it before he was in the Inquisition? Granted, the AGP have one, but 1) they're just along for the ride and 2) it's the freakin' Occurrence Border.

>>50035463
Nah mate, think French Foreign Legion.

>>50035502
Not mercenaries I mean. Yes Discworld, no mercs.

>>50035359
When a techpriest is/goes mental.

>>50035463
I was referring to the restriction on assassination of inquisitor plans being detailed.

>>50035416

Could someone give me a super basic rundown of what the situation is? It's been so long since the last storytime... weren't they all almost killed by Tyranids?

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>>50035416

So, while shuttle after shuttle carried xenobiological specimens, techno-heretical research equipment, and bizarre servitors into orbit, the Occurrence Border's entire crew flooded into the little station, and under the guidance of Ol' Bill and his engineers, set about looting the place more thoroughly than even the most determined Freeboota could manage. Every scrap of fuel, supplies, and equipment aboard the station was commandeered. The entire crew, down to the dependents, servitors, and family pets, was rounded up by the press-gangs and given a once-in-a-lifetime chance to earn their passage out of the system as an indentured voidsman. Finally, the handful of backwater tech-priests and Administratum scribes that ran the place (and who were technically exempt from naval conscription) were given a choice between "voluntarily" joining the crew or staying behind as Ol' Bill and his engineers sucked out the atmosphere, cut the station into manageable chunks with lance-fire, and then strapped the pieces to the Occurrence Border's hull like hunting trophies.

Of course we weren't personally around to see the entirety of the looting spree: we actually only stayed in the system for a few days before our new boss decided it was time to go, and during that time we were all very busy helping the Magos move his lab. Well, I say "we", but honestly, certain members of the team didn't pull their weight during the whole packing process.

For instance, Aimy dodged her fair share of the work by collapsing in a heap about ten seconds after the Astartes-grade painkillers she'd been given for her MASSIVE scalp wound wore off. She wound up spending the rest of her time in the facility lying around alternately moaning and swearing at the rest of us, and rode up on the first shuttle back to the Occurrence Border.

>>50035556
http://www.theallguardsmenparty.com/

>>50035556
they captured a Tyranid Zoanthrope, and just delivered it after a wild ride through the warp,
now kindly refer to >>50035569

>>50035415
>I have too much fun with Ship Phenomena to timeskip transit
Oh really? I couldn't tell.

>>50035359
When Tink rants.
When Doc goes mushy over his Hospitaller love.
When Doc does or suggests something terrifyingly out of character for him.
Whenever the line "so no shit, there we were" appears.
Whenever the Rupert acts stereotypically Victorian.

>>50035556
In a nutshell:

their job was to do a really dangerous thing, lots of shit happend but they did it.

Now there is shit happening as everyone freaks about how they did it.

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>>50035556
The AGP hauled a daemonically possessed Zoanthrope to a secret Inquisitorial research station. The Inquisitor on site arrested them, accidentally woke up the Zoanthrope (which proceeded to stuff his head up his own ass and then crush him into a tiny ball) and the AGP, with Deathwatch assistance, managed to reconfine it. Then an onsite Magos showed up, and he, the Diplomacy Adept, and the asshat =][= from 'Dude, Where's My Psyker?' revealed that there's a conspiracy of heretical Inquisitors in the thrall of the Ruinous Powers trying to fuck Oak over, and by extension, them and the AGP.

>>50035596
Emperor almighty, I'd be dead already!

>>50035556
>Party is almost killed by tyranids while capturing a Zoanthrope
>Zoanthrope is put in barely-functional psi-suppression for transit, and ship heads towards a nearby space station to refuel before going the rest of the way
>As the ship exits the warp the power goes out and the Zoanthrope winds up getting punted into a holding cell which had been home to a pretty nasty daemon, resulting in an (eventual) daemonthrope.
>Party tries to refuel on station, but gets in trouble due to how their arrival killed a bunch of astropaths, and how their Inquisitorial creditials are "fake"
>Party shoots their way out of station and escapes, accidentally leaving a warp fungus plague behind
>During next warp transit lots of weird shit starts to happen with ghostly tyranids coming out of the walls, but nothing too bad happens before they reach their stop
>Party tries to stop at another station, finds a small hostile imperal fleet waiting for them
>Party says fuck it, no more stops, lets just try to go the whole way to the destination in one go. We can take the ghost-nids right?
>Several weeks of ghost-nid fighting and panicked attempts to suppress the increasingly powerful daemonthrope follow, ending in a desperate solution where they convert the old Astropathic sanctum into a new beefed up holding cell.
>Party reaches destination with absolutely no fuel left, and takes Daemthrope down to some sort of secret research base. Upon landing they are arrested by a traitorous inquisitor who has seized the facility, and a squad of duped deathwatch marines.
>About 5 seconds after the delivery, the Inquisitor (who doesn't beleive in Daemonthropes) sets the thing loose and gets squished by it.
>Party and Deathwatch marines set out to recapture the daemonthrope. It goes... okay.
>In aftermath, party finds the second interrogator they served under in a stasis cell.

>>50035616
im just drinking for this thread but i will make a drinking game outta this

>>50035359
Here is what I propose. Everyone who wants in on the game picks, say, five criteria and posts their selection and drink. When Shoggy calls it a night everyone who is still able to posts their tally for the night. High score takes all.

>>50035710
>>50035749
If you get the rules up during this thread, I'll play it with you during the next part of the chapter!

>>50035763
I've got a few rules to add to the pot then
>Whenever an old interrogator is mentioned
>Whenever the Daemon of the Lift is mentioned
>Every time Doc does something very doctorly and not just field medicy

How long is this gonna go on? It's 1:45

>>50035803
prepare to be up all night

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>>50035564

Doc, no doubt encouraged by Aimy's bad example, announced that he was too busy with medical things to do an honest day's work. At first he insisted that keeping Aimy's head from getting infected and falling off took priority over carrying boxes and herding squigged genestealer cultists. Then he just had to help the Apothecary reattach his arm and get Heart and Grumpy Marine into stasis. And after that it was all "I've got to transfer my information on Sergeant Gravis' condition, and fix the scalpel wound in my face", the lazy bastard.

Sarge wasn't any help either: he kept running off to chat with the Diplomacy and Cogitator Adepts about "conspiracies" and "politics" and "how did you know the Xenology Adept was a traitor before you shot him". This newfound laziness was a perfect example of what promotion over the rank of sergeant does to a guardsman.

The worst of all were Tink and Jim: they were so desperate to avoid some honest work that they actually left the whole planet, taking our shuttle back up to the Occurrence Border before the ship had even finished decelerating. Jim claimed he had to go warn Hannah and the tech-acolytes that someone called "The Fleshsmith" was still alive and would be coming aboard, so he might've had an actual reason, but the only excuse Tink had was that he needed to go hide Fio before the annoying little xenos wound up in the Magos' specimen collection. Of course that turned out to be a load of bullshit. Firstly, the Magos found his super-secret hiding place all of ten minutes after arriving on the ship. Secondly, all the Magos did upon seeing the annoying little xenos was point out that Tau were genetically uninteresting, and ask whether the room was the xenotech garbage dump. He then tossed the battered remains of Spot (sans-wraithbone, he was apparently keeping that for himself) onto the floor and left without waiting for an answer. So yeah, time well spent.

>>50035799
>Six shots/drinks whenever the poker room pops up.
>>50035803
For you, It's only 12:49 here. If ya gotta sleep just bookmark it and come back in the morning when its archived. It's what I tend to do when the hours rage on in these epic of epic threads

>>50035763
>>50035799
sweet if rules keep being added i'll post a list at the end, if i'm not dead by then

>>50035818
one for every dead man

>>50035803
Eesh, you're right. I was unprepared for how much of a proofing mess this is. I think I'll go for another hour or so (call it 2-3 posts) then call it for the night. The question is whether to try to clean up and post 5-10 more tommorrow and maybe more throughout the week, or just get as much as possible in order and dump it all on Friday.

Sorry this has been a bit of a slog, usually I'm just checking that the word-count is right and grabbing an image, not redoing entire paragraphs.

>>50035861
We'll wait for however long it takes! I'd rather a good story than a rushed story, and we've waited this long...
>>50035840
We need a Fumbles Rule.
Psychic Phenomena: 1 drink
Perils of the Warp: Finish your drink?

>>50035859
Dude that's like... several dozen shots a chapter.

>>50035808
>Tau are genetically uninteresting
I like this guy. The AGP are great because they really skirt the line of radical ventures in 40k, which makes for interesting and diverse scenarios. But they never go full heretic, and that's important.

>>50035880
sorry named characters then?

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>>50033219

OH SHIT! I logged on for an All Guardsmen Party thread!

Website update when?

PRAISE THE EMPRAH AND HIS SERVANT SHOGGY

>>50035877
Might as well throw in a drink whenever a team member suffers a mutation or burns fate.
>>50035880
Nonsense, they've only lost about 3 PCs so far.
Heretics don't count as people.

>>50035861
I'd try to keep up the momentum, Shoggy. From what you've said about keeping yourself motivated it might help.

Whatever happens I look forward to more.

>>50035861
Don't apologize Shoggy your story is great

>>50033219
>Comfy intensifies

>>50035892
I'd agree to that.

>>50035899
I thought they meant any person they killed, many of which have been uh... "Friendly Fire accidents"

>>50035610

Is there an archive of your stories or something?

>>50035923
obviously they Deliberately And Certainly Not By Accident Purged Heretics Posing As Loyal Imperial Servants

>>50035946
www.theallguardsmenparty.com.

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>>50035946
There's only been one Cog Storytime thus far, but there are others we should probably nag the chronicler to finish up. There are at least two or three more ready to be written that we've played through.
I believe there were plans to link and discuss it after tonight's AGP storytime, but since you asked and it'll serve as a distraction from mashing F5: http://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/44048143

>>50035288
>commandeer EVERYTHING.
Motherfucker, does that mean we have to weld a space depot to the Occurrence Border?

Joining the foreign legion is looking like a good idea right now.

>>50035564
>Finally, the handful of backwater tech-priests and Administratum scribes that ran the place (and who were technically exempt from naval conscription) were given a choice between "voluntarily" joining the crew or staying behind as Ol' Bill and his engineers sucked out the atmosphere, cut the station into manageable chunks with lance-fire, and then strapped the pieces to the Occurrence Border's hull like hunting trophies.
Honestly staying behind on the station and dying of asphyxiation would probably have been a kinder fate than serving aboard the Occurrence Border. Especially now that it's going to be carrying even more psychic xeno fun stuff than ever before.

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>>50036018
>>50035990
I can hardly wait.

>>50035861
It being a slog is good, because it means that clearly, there is that much more story left. Right now you've just about established the premise of the next happening, and it's already been a blast.

Big fan, Shoggy, keep it up.

>>50036029
I'm honestly surprised, what with your... unique DMing, that the party hasn't encountered any Hrud yet.

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by the light of the Emperor, I'm glad I checked tg before going to bed! Farewell sleep, but hello Shoggy!:D

>>50033219
Why u do dis shoggy? I have to go to work man!

>>50035415
>It's slow going because we play in IRC and I have too much fun with Ship Phenomena to timeskip transit.

I have only myself to blame.

>>50035564
>So, while shuttle after shuttle carried xenobiological specimens, techno-heretical research equipment, and bizarre servitors into orbit, the Occurrence Border's entire crew flooded into the little station, and under the guidance of Ol' Bill and his engineers, set about looting the place more thoroughly than even the most determined Freeboota could manage.

Dis gun b gud! I bet Ivan's going to personally lead the looting party on the station's alcohol stores.

>Finally, the handful of backwater tech-priests and Administratum scribes that ran the place (and who were technically exempt from naval conscription) were given a choice between "voluntarily" joining the crew or staying behind as Ol' Bill and his engineers sucked out the atmosphere, cut the station into manageable chunks with lance-fire, and then strapped the pieces to the Occurrence Border's hull like hunting trophies.

>> That face when politely informing the backwater cogboys that their options are to "voluntarily" enlist on the Occurrence Border or suck Vacc probably falls to my character.
>>> Mine is an evil (and slightly unhinged) laugh!
>>> In all fairness, I tell them that if I were given the choice having been on the ship as long as I have been, I'd suck vacc.

>>50035981
Yes, but which would you rather have? Cog Storytime, or Kill la Kill fanfic featuring breathtakingly awkward sistercest baiting and the tiniest, cutest girls doing absolutely brutal things to grown men?

I can only write so much at once!

>>50035949
DRINK!

>>50036081
Were those the bendies in the last chapter? Not much more than a passing mention, but Nubby seemed to like them.

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>>50036081
I've been having too much fun making shit up. Wait until we get to the Squirmies.
Hrud are a bit of a clusterfuck anyway, given that Xenology retconned them from spess Skaven to bendies, but... let's just say I have PLANS on that note.
>>50036113
Cog.
>sistercest
Yeah, DEFINITELY cog.

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>>50035808

The point is that, despite it being our Inquisitorialy-assigned task, the only members of the team that actually did any real Magos-moving were Nubby, Twitch, and Fumbles. While everyone else made up excuses, the three of them slaved away, carrying boxes and recapturing escaped specimens while being screamed at by a crazy cogboy's disembodied head. They even used their own personal free time to collect desperately needed supplies for the team, and did they get thanked for their efforts? No! It was all:
>"We're not going to PAY you for returning our pulse weapons."
>"Deathwatch-issue hand weapons and wargear cannot be claimed as legitimate battlefield salvage."
>"That bolter wasn't 'gifted' to us. 'Gifting' is not, and never has been, an ancient Space Marine tradition. If you know where it landed, go get it and give it back to the Apothecary."
and
>"It doesn't matter if they're not going to need them anymore, we're not taking any of the facility's anti-orbital missiles with us. Even if, no, ESPECIALLY if Twitch says he can convert them to be man-portable."

Anyway, putting aside matters of laziness and ingratitude, after a few days almost everything was packed up and word came down Sciscitat had finished digging through the dead Inquisitor's underwear drawer, or whatever he'd been doing, and it was time to get ready for our mission. Not that we knew what the mission even was: the closest thing to a briefing we'd gotten was our initial meeting with the Inquisitor after we pulled him out of stasis and collected those of his retinue who'd survived the evidence-room battle.

>>50036162
The name for that pic is awesomely in-character.

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Oh, but here's a little greentext from the ACP to tide erryone over.

> Be All Cogbro Party
>> Be informed that our objective is to repair an airlock which occasionally leaks atmo. Simple.
>>> Are not issued spacesuits. Simplicity diminishing; presume that spacesuits will be present near job site.

> Depart to venture to the job site.
>> Our drunken Russian Midget accidentally unleashes some kind of Warpy bullshit smoke-grabby-hand from the ceiling hatch he hammers shut too hard.
>> We get trapped in a room with two different corridors leading away that both lead towards the job we were going to go do anyway.
>>> One corridor is made of MEAT, with waving fronds.
>>> The other corridor contains pic related.
>> Traverse the MEAT CORRIDOR by unanimous decision after fighting and capturing one of these things and welding it in a lunchbox, and beholding THE SWARM approacheth.

>> Fight some warpy heretical bullshit, I dunno, Blue didn't pay attention, she was busy overriding a door.
>>> TFW you've yelled at a Tzeentchian horror "Keep it down back there, I'm working here!"

>> Escape into a wooden closet, and from there, to the general vicinity of our job.
>>> Find that there's no voidsuits and apparently we should have had them all along.
>>> Well, there kind of are some voidsuits, they're a bit... Leaky.
>> Blue takes charge of repairing the voidsuits after the agri-cog tries to stitch them back together the way he'd repair a set of denim overalls.

> Cont.

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>>50036148
>let's just say I have PLANS on that note
>we might see space skaven
Please do this. I want to see Skaven board the Occurence Border, lose half their forces due to the environment, then flee with their tails between their legs, not comprehending how /anyone/ could live in conditions that vile and horrid.

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>>50036162
>>"It doesn't matter if they're not going to need them anymore, we're not taking any of the facility's anti-orbital missiles with us. Even if, no, ESPECIALLY if Twitch says he can convert them to be man-portable."
Well, that sounds like HERESY to me. Waste not, want not.

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>>50036182
>> Assemble two working voidsuits, send two cogboys and Ivan (who has his own) into the airlock.
>>> The source of the airlock's leakiness is that there's a POWER ARMOR LEG jammed in the door. (Human sized, not Astartes sized.)
>>> Unbelievable argument ensues about what to do: chuck it out (Heresy!); use it to patch the door (Impractical AND Heresy!); keep it and try to assemble the full set (Loot!)
>>> Weapons are brandished, threats are made.

>> Say fuck this, proceed to hotbox our saferoom with some weed a few Armsmen share with us.
>>> Blue passes out.
>>> Blue wakes up to find she's in a firefight, Ivan is on his hands and knees with some kind of purple thing attached to his upraised arse attempting HERESY (and failing thanks to HEAVY ARMOR), rolls over, and starts shooting.
>> The purple things are popped with the swiftness by other cogs (Blue can't hit the broadside of a barn with her lascarbine, despite desperately trying to be tactical,) and we go home.

> Be All Cogbro Party, murderously pissed to the point of mutiny.
>> Be convinced our boss tried to kill us in a Uriah Gambit.
>> Be ready to frag the motherfucker, make it look like an Act of Mr. Border, and try to get ourselves attached directly to Hannah.
>>> Find our boss chewing some cogboy the FUCK out for something.
> What's going on, you guys?

>> This asshat lost a lot of equipment.
>> Wot?
>>> It was legit! I was going to haul your voidsuits to you, but then a servitor showed up and I told it to take them to you.
>> A servitor?
>>> Yes, a servitor. It was not very clean, spoke with a very difficult-to-understand speech impediment indicating a poorly-installed vox, had two large but surprisingly well-made augmetic legs instead of t reads, and someone put a giant, dirty coat on it.

> Our faces when we realized what happened.

So of course we beat and terrorized the shit out of the dumbcog, since we knew there was no way we were ever gonna find those Emperor-damned voidsuits.

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>>50036162

That meeting had been singularly unpleasant. Aside from all the aforementioned yelling, realizing Scisitat was our new boss had come as a nasty shock; he'd been an Interrogator last we'd seen him, back when he'd led our second ever Inquisitorial mission. Back then he'd been a self-important data-analysis weenie, who sat around on a small normal-space corvette stuffed to the bulkheads with cogitators, while his team did the dirty work of gathering intel and executing the over-complex he cooked up. Picture the most arrogant, annoying intellectual you've ever met, then add a fondness for self-praise filled meetings and berating his minions, and finally top it off with just enough analytical genius for him to get away with all this. On our previous mission he'd done a decent enough job of unraveling the mystery we'd been sent to solve, but in our opinion he was a terrible Interrogator, and never should've been allowed to lead field ops.

Of course that had been a while ago, and time changes everyone. He wasn't an arrogant little shit of an Interrogator anymore. Now he was an arrogant moderately-overweight shit of an Inquisitor. Oh, and this time he was convinced that we were dangerously incompetent from the outset.

Along with his charming self, the Inquisitor had also brought some of our former teammates along. The psychic eavesdropper, Snitch, was just as weasel-like and eager to report our thoughts to his boss as we'd remembered, though he'd acquired a nasty skin affliction somewhere along the line, possibly due to way he constantly used his psychic powers. The other psyker to survive that mission, Face, seemed little buffer than we remembered and carried a force-sword now, and he'd added a prissy little mustache to his pretty-boy look. Finally, noble-born social infiltrator chick was just as posh and assassin-y as we'd remembered, but had also acquired a bunch of Cyber-Mastiffs and been promoted to Interrogator.

>>50036293
>Snitch, was just as weasel-like and eager to report our thoughts to his boss as we'd remembered, though he'd acquired a nasty skin affliction somewhere along the line

I'm guessing he caught it from Nubby.

>>50036182
what the fuck was that picture

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>>50036293

On top of the familiar faces, the Inquisitor's retinue included several combat specialists. Well, at least it had before the whole evidence-room battle, now it was down to just a Cleric with a brand-new augmetic arm and a Sororitas-style bolter instead of the usual flamer, and a wiry guy with far too many knives who literally had "Deathcult Assassin" tattooed on his forehead. The final member of the team was the Tech-Priest who maintained the Inquisitor's surveillance toys; his chief distinguishing feature was that he hated us.

Actually, hating us was pretty universal. Snitch, Face, and the Interrogator all shared the Inquisitor's theory that were completely unfit for Inquisitorial service, and the Assassin and Cleric bore a serious grudge over how those of us in the evidence room had just edged around the big battle instead of chipping in. We tried to explain about how important dealing with the Daemonthrope had been, and how we totally would've helped them if we'd known we'd have to actually work with them later, but they didn't seem interested in listening. Their hatred was more of a mix of disgust and resentment though; the Tech-Priest's was the real deal. See, he was one of those hardcore religious types, and our collection of xenotech weapons (especially Tink's Tau-hybrid plasma gun) did NOT go over well with him. He fervently believed that we should all be killed in horrifically violent ways for our blasphemy, and while he wasn't quite crazy enough to act on that belief, he did make sure to regularly remind us that we were all damned to cogboy-hell.

So yeah, these people who respectively thought we were dangerously incompetent, blamed us for the death of their comrades, and wanted to burn us at the stake (or whatever the cogboy equivalent is), were the guys we were supposed to "accompany and assist on their mission". Thanks Oak.

>>50036352
I call them Nope Spiders. The cogs came up with a... different term.
I have the stats I came up with handy, too.

>>50036361
So, this is clearly Oak punishing you guys for accidentally causing the Xenotech Heresy. The real question now is what Scisitat did to piss him off enough to assign him the AGP.

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Okay, it's late and I've just hit one of the spots where there's all sorts of drunk-writing badness (not the fun kind, just incoherent).

Here's what I'm going to do, I'll grab some time during the day tomorrow, and if this thread is up I'll dump posts directly into it as I fix them and get back to the good stuff (There are like 26ish more before I hit the end of what I have typed and am back to super-slow speeds). If that works out, great, but I'm not going to start a new one when this dies.

Either way I'm intending to push through and post the entire front half of this chapter by Friday or Saturday. (I'll figure out then if I should repost these or whatever)

I don't really like doing this all piecemeal, but it's got me moving again, which was sort of the point of all this. Thanks for the turnout and support guys, see you in the morning if the thread's up.

>>50036494

Goodnight Shoggy! Amazing stuff as always.

I look forward the next chapter going up on the site, since I'll definitely miss the continuation.

>>50036473
Alternatively, Oak figured out that Sciscitat is an incompetent lunatic but can't simply get rid of him for no reason. So Oak sends the AGP to accidentally kill/maim/horribly disappear Sciscitat without raising any eyebrows.

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>>50036494
Right then, thanks for the story, bossman.
Halloween's coming up fast, so time to go rest up.

>>50036511

Oh god... The AGP will become the secret assassination tool of Oak. He unleashes them on those Inquisitors unfit for duty, but can't be removed without a long and annoying trial. So he just "assigns" the AGP to bumblefuck everything up, and still somehow accomplish the task... in a sense.

>Justasplannedintensitifes

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>>50036494
Will be waiting warmly.

>>50036494

Thanks Shoggy. Get sleep dude

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>>50036494
Goodnight shoggy! Strength!

>>50033219
I caught one live, shitshitshit first time

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>>50036574
Hate to break it to you, buddy...

>>50036534
Either that, or AGP actually forges them into very competent Inquisitors.
After all, if they survived AGP, they know what it's like to operate under duress and active antagonism.
AGP has become the Inquisitorial Selection force of choice.

also sup Shoggy! Nice to see the former-guardsmen-turned-walking-schadenfreude gang again!

>>50036494
Sleep well, Shoggy!

>>50036494
Goodnight Shoggy

>>50036494
Hey Shig-Shog, are you still doing that policy where you're willing to accept edited drafts over email? Because if you're on the struggle bus for writing, I'm more than willing to offer assistance by editing the stuff on your archive that is labeled "Editing Not Finished."

>>50036494
so the drinking rules so far
when nubby steals
when twitch blames orks
when sarge 'disciplines his team'
When Sarge facepalms
When Fumbles fumbles
When a techpriest is/goes mental.
When Tink rants.
When Doc goes mushy over his Hospitaller love.
When Doc does or suggests something terrifyingly out of character for him.
Whenever the line "so no shit, there we were" appears.
Whenever the Rupert acts stereotypically Victorian.
Whenever an old interrogator is mentioned
Whenever the Daemon of the Lift is mentioned
Every time Doc does something very doctorly and not just field medicy
one drink for every character that shows up in the poker room
Psychic Phenomena have a drink
Perils of the Warp have a drink
whenever a team member suffers a mutation or burns fate drink
Whenever a named character dies

>>50036856
you forgot when upper brass makes a stupid decision

This was amazing Shoggy, keep up the good work!

>>50036902
sarge facepalms everytime that happens though

>>50036917
then it's a double shot

>>50036856
During the Bane Johns chapter, whenever Bane Johns does something impossible.
Whenever Twitch's hunches are right.
Whenever Twitch's paranoia saves the team.

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>>50036494
Just wanted to extend some support, this is a series I'm genuinely waiting for every time I see a new thread announced, and I can't describe how happy it makes me to know I'll have some new AGP goodness to read whenever I get some free time.

Gotta get back to re-writing some commercial letters atm, so I genuinely feel for you.

>>50036162
>>"That bolter wasn't 'gifted' to us. 'Gifting' is not, and never has been, an ancient Space Marine tradition. If you know where it landed, go get it and give it back to the Apothecary."
Looks like someone hasn't been keeping up on his DoW

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>>50037606
thats the joke

>>50036352
We called them "Ofukno" and decided we'd rather fight the LITERAL DAEMONS OF THE WARP than those fucking things again.

We made the right call.

Dang

>>50037623
It was supposed to be a bump, but then someone got in there first.

On that note, would the Ravens be offended at Nubby muscling in on their turf, or would they praise his dedication to gift cataloging?

>>50037887
They'd praise him, 'gift' him some liberated Space Yiff ale, and then empty his stash into a waiting aquila and escape while he's dead drunk. Only to find out that the big, ominous, ticking box is twitch's prototype bomb, blasting off like team rocket with gifts falling to the ground all around them. They'd make great recurring sidestory-villians

>>50037887
Probably make him an honorary Blood Raven/potential rival.
In fact, If it wasn't for the questionability of the human-ness of Nubby's origins, I daresay that they would induct him then and there.

>>50038039
What if it turns out Nubby isn't actually part Ratling, but an aspirant gone wrong and subsequently mind wiped?

>literally counting hours until I return to an area with network coverage so I can check for updates.

12 more to go.

>>50035100
You bastard. I was waiting until I had a better mic to do the same thing.

Hey, thanks to whoever archived this one on suptg. Let's give it some votes!

>>50035891
>The AGP are great because they really skirt the line of radical ventures in 40k, which makes for interesting and diverse scenarios. But they never go full heretic, and that's important.
I dunno about that last part. I'm pretty sure they passed into the heretical line in Season 2 Episode 1 where Tink got an Earthcast Tau-fu and The Whole of the AGP ended up as the main characters of a pro-Tau propaganda Anime.

Hey that makes me wonder, do you think Tink's Tau-fu is part of that show? Cause that would be adorable.

>>50040493
I mean like Chaos heretic. The Imperium's anti-xenos policy is overzealous. The AGP are extremely liberal by 40k standards but they never go the full way of falling to Chaos.

>>50040626
Some of the character deaths, particularly Cutter and Crisp, have strongly came across to me like they have accumulated far too much corruption by that point, so they agreed to have them go out with a bang, before Cutter falls to Khorne or Crisp actually takes the offer.

The system is pretty lethal, after all. Shoggy had mentioned a shared fate points system that could prevent really unfortuante rolls, but you can't go around corruption points.

>>50040689
And that's the way any good guardsman should go. If I'm too corrupted to stand by the Emperor's side in the afterlife, then I'll STILL take the Spooky Poker Room of the Damned over selling my soul to the Ruinous Powers. A guardsman has standards, damnit.

>>50040689
IIRC, Cutter was pretty much completely insane at that point, not corrupt.

>>50036856
>>50037011

So it's ritual suicide?

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bump

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>shoggy starts posting the day before halloween and its still going

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>>50042668
prepare your anuses sons its about to get

s p o o p y

>>50040689
>Crisp actually takes the offer.
Crisp was a one off while Nubby was out of action, and IC had joined a death cult prior to the mission.
I'm pretty sure he was designed with expendability in mind.

>>50033219
WOOOOOOOOO CAUGHT IT LIVE!

>>50042920
have you?

>>50043023
As soon as Shoggy returns, yes.

>>50043023
Close enough.

>>50034142
love that vid

Shoggy, you magnificent bastard
Long have I longed for your posts, knowing deep down that I never really deserved your blessings, and yet it's spooksday and here I am reading yhe glorious adventures of the most epic guardsmen known to Imperium

Thanks for finding the time for us, based Shoggy

>>50035981
do you have a list page planned for all the stories, or is it just this so far?

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>>50036494

As far as what that mission was, all the Inquisitor was willing to tell us was that he had been sent to investigate an Imperial world that was believed to be a stronghold of The Conspiracy. This wasn't exactly a wealth of information, but it was enough to convince us that we wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with it.

Seriously, he was proposing going to a world that was under control of what had been described to us as cabal of traitorous Inquisitors, you know, those guys who can requisition everything up to and including an EXTERMINATUS? I mean, as nasty as Inquisitors (especially ones mucking around with daemonic powers) can be on their own, it's their massive, almost unquestionable authority that really makes them really scary. Having that on your side is great, not only not having it, but actually going up against it? Not so much. What Sciscitat was proposing wasn't a stealth mission, it was a "if someone even suspects you an entire planet will hunt you down" mission, and that was just the BACKDROP. Emperor knew what sort of crazy shit the actual investigation was supposed to be centered around… oh and let's not forget that our teammates, the only people on the whole planet we could trust to watch our backs, actively hated us.

Okay, maybe that's overselling things a bit, but it really was an unpleasant sounding mission, and we responded to it in the traditional guardsmanly fashion, which is to say that we desperately attempted to weasel our way out of our orders. Sadly, the entire situation turned out to be remarkably weasel-proof. Oak's orders attaching us to Scicitat they were far too simple and direct for us to get away with creatively misinterpreting them, and we didn't have any better luck trying to get Sciscitat to dismiss us: as distasteful as the man found working with us, he seemed to consider a "suggestion" from Oak roughly on par with a divine mandate.

>>50044103
AYOOOOOOOOO HE'S BACK

>>50044101
We'll trust in sup/tg/'s tagging system when the time comes.
>>50044103
HE IS RISEN

Damnit linked the wrong post there, oh well.

Sorry I'm late, they keep making me actually work. I'll see if I can't get a few more posts dumped before I'm dragged off to halloween shenanigans. I'll be popping back in when I can, and we'll see how much I can get posted before the thread dies. After it's dead I'm going to concentrate on getting everything I've got cleaned up and ready for a more efficient (and therefore longer) posting next weekend.

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>>50044199
It's all appreciated, Shoggy.

Don't wear yourself thin on our account.

>>50044103
>>50044199
Shoggy is boss

>>50044199
I love you

I caught one live.Praise the emprah!

>>50044199
Go have fun shoggy if you want, we can wait

>>50036187
This sounds more hilarious than it has any right to be, do Gotrek and Felix make a cameo?

>>50033219
>no more spot
>mfw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OO5y2O_hv3I

>>50036247
GOD DMAN IT NUUUUBBY!

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>>50044103
PLEASE COME BACK, GLORIOUS OVERLORD!

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>>50033219
Fuck YEAH! ALL HAIL SHOGGY!
Fuck you for making us wait this long

just kidding. Worth it.

>>50036856
We are all human here right? No human can survive drinking this much in one sitting, unless they are already in a hospital.
>>50036902
Now that is just straight up suicide.

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>>50034323
>Assaulting a space hulk with regular guardsman weaponry

>>50038147
That...makes too much sense.

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Imperial BUMP

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>>50033219
Hey Shoggy!
Though I didn't know who you were before today I've looked at a bit of your stuff and I really like what you're doing.

You kind of inspired me to put my own stuff up on /tg/, and although it has a bit more of a serious tone to it I'd be grateful if you (or anyone else on this thread who might be interested) could take a look at it and give me some feedback.

>>50045456

>>50044956
must be the Space Wolves edition rules.

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>>50044103

Of course divine mandates tend to be open to a bit of interpretation; while Sciscitat was dead set on bringing us along, he made it clear that he wouldn't trust us to organize a piss-up in a brewery, much less perform an Inquisitorial investigation. This had led to our official designation as dumb muscle, which was just fine with us, but it had also led to The Rules, which were less so. Scicitat had described them to Sarge's face as an attempt to "idiot proof" our part of the mission, and almost gleefully put the tech-priest in charge of writing them. That of course led to a lot of arguing, Tink's little aborted attempt at mutiny, and a desperate scramble to find where all of our old weapons had gotten to, which ended in even more yelling.

All of us had known that our supply of non-rechargeable munitions had been running low for ages: the grenades and detpacks had lasted almost to the end thanks to Twitch's hoarding, but the existence of things like krak-missile launchers was just a vague memory, and Sarge's ammoless grenade launcher had been traded away to some tech-acolyte building a combat servitor long ago. What had been less well-known, was that the hotshot lasguns which had been shelved in favor of our pulse-weapons had been marked as "extra-knee-us" and left in the possession of a certain Ratling black marketeer in favor of more lucrative items. Nubby's justifications about how he'd been planning to just buy us new ones if we ever needed them didn't go over well with any us. Long story short, we wound up armed for our upcoming Inquisitorial mission with nothing but our sidearms and standard-issue lasguns from the Occurrence Border's armory, which sat especially poorly with Tink, who hadn't used one since basic.

Anyway, word came down that the Inquisitor had finished his pre-mission whatever and it was time to move out, so we packed up our measly armament, and for the first time since we'd left Tau space, said goodbye to the Occurrence Border.

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>>50046050

While we weren't going to miss the horrible pile of warp-tainted scrap we'd been riding around on, its crew was another matter, so on our way out we paid a few visits to say goodbye (and make sure all of Twitch's little "surprises" had been disarmed, or at least documented).


The Captain and Ol' Bill were too busy to do more than tell us not to get killed, Jim promised to look after our stuff and make sure nobody dissected Fio, and Hannah thanked us for not trying to bring Jim. The Diplomacy Adept, who'd somehow wound up in charge of everything, asked Sarge to at least TRY to work with Sciscitat, and said he'd take care of our official report to Oak, since the Occurrence Border would be proceeding directly to the Inquisitor's hiding place. As for the other Adepts: the Cogitator Adept wasn't in his room and we didn't actually care enough to try and find him, and the Xenologist was still dead.


When we all visited the medbay Aimy wasn't really coherent enough to say goodbye. Unlike her previous two head injuries, this time every scrap of skin above her nose needed to be regrown, so her head was pretty much this giant pile of bandages and (this being a Sororitas-developed procedure after all) prayer seals. Aimy was too doped up on painkillers to really understand anything, but Sarge tried to fill her in on the situation. The rest of us just stood around speculated on whether the markswoman would still obsess over her hair, since this time her entire scalp would be regrown Sororitas-white, and whether there was some sort of energy-attack-attracting magnet embedded in her skull somewhere (Sister Valerie said she'd check). As for Doc's girlfriend, the two of them had already said their disgustingly sappy goodbyes, and all she had for the rest of us was a promise that returning without our medic would just be a very slow and painful method of suicide.

>>50046050
Didn't use lasgun variable setting rules?

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>>50046100

Our final stop was the poorly-hidden lab where Fio was setting all his gear back up with Fumbles' help. While Tink pulled Fio aside for a final go over of the plans for Spot's third rebuild (being used as a bludgeoning weapon by a Space Marine isn't as bad as a nuclear blast, but it's pretty close), the rest of us said goodbye to our favorite psyker. We'd really wanted to bring the little guy, but the Inquisitor had flatly refused, and we couldn't really argue. When you get down to it, a psyker who uncontrollably broadcasts his emotional state and has problems controlling his powers at even the best of times has no place on a stealth mission. Also, he didn't really get along with the Inquisitor's psykers, especially Snitch, who claimed that Fumbles was like a cross between a painfully-loud Vox unit and an unexploded artillery shell.

Anyway, it sucked leaving Fumbles behind, but at least he took the news better than we'd expected. There was some initial moping, but he actually seemed pretty relieved not to be going to a heavily populated Imperial world where he'd have to worry about religious fanatics lynching him for having oversized eyes or just being a psyker. Also, he said it would be nice to get a break from constant life-and-death struggles, or at least as close to one as you can get as a psyker on a warp-tainted scrapheap of a ship. We wished the little guy luck, Nubby tried to give him a list of not-quite-legal things to trade for if the ship made any stops, Sarge hit Nubby, and then we rounded up Tink and left the Occurrence Border.

It should've been a happy moment: there were few things we'd wanted more than to leave that horrible deathtrap… But honestly, given a real choice between whatever shit-show of a mission was waiting for us and a five year stint on the Occurrence Border, we probably would've taken the latter. It just goes to show that the Inquisition can, and probably will, ruin anything.

>>50046149

Okay running off to Halloween stuff. Might get some more posted late tonight, we'll see.

>>50046141

If you're referring to the file name, it's just a file name, the lasgun rules that wound up being applied to this mission were a bit of a mess for reasons that will come up much later.

>>50045881

That's great to hear! I'll check it out when I can tonight.

>>50046193
Cheers Shoggy.
Have a nice night, im off to get some shut eye.

>>50046193
Much obliged!
Not sure how far it is from getting archived, though. Hopefully not too far.

>>50046193
Mess in-character or out of character?

>>50046253

Both! Seriously, when the DM start's applying entire new rules and categories to your armaments things get weird.

>>50046336
Were glad you're back and safe m8, be safe out there tonight.

Well then! Hows about that All-Cogbro party we were promised?

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>>50045881
Halloween shenanigans are underway at present, but I'll take a look later.
>>50046193
Have fun, boss.
>>50046838
I'll pester the chronicler.

>>50046193
Love you Shoggy, so glad to see you back.

PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY GOD-EMPEROR OF MANKIND
GODSPEED SHOGGY

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>no pulse weapons
>no heavy weapons
>minimal explosives
>bog standard flashlight
>no Fumbles
>no Aimy
>asshole teammates
>mission objectives vague and terrifying
>a whole planet out for your blood

Nightmare difficulty selected.

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>>50048138
>This next episode's difficulty level.

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>>50033219
The King has returned!

>>50046149
Desperately hoping here that the OB doesn't disappear into the warp, never to be seen again (or gets blown up by antagonists). I'm not sure it's beyond the DM...

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>>50048426
Nah, senpai. The OB causes the PCs too much suffering. He couldn't just make is disappear.

>>50048138
>>50048195
Nah! This is just Heretic Purging, but with an asshole inquisitor and no awesome old ladies. They'll be fine!

>>50048446
Their DM isn't that kind of killer DM. He'll put the characters in hard situations, yes. But he isn't the type to kill party associates offscreen for cheap drama. Hell, if he did it wouldn't even be dramatic. It would just be

>GM: You return to Oaks Ship and learn it's been lost in the warp forever.
>Players: You asshole

So gripping! Except not really.

ooooh sheeznetB

about's postijg... on halloween??

dare i fear the worst?

Dear sweet merciful Emperor, Shoggy is back!

>>50048426

Nah, the DM would at LEAST let the group play a session with the entire team playing as Aimy and working with the honorary guardsmen of the ship (Fumbles, Jim, etc.) to prevent warp shit before he'd outright blow them up.

... Though he might have warp shit happen that leaves requires the team to undergo the NEW 2nd worst adventure on it just to get rid of the shit that made it's way there while the team was off doing something else.

Honestly, if every one of the specimen brought aboard the ship doesn't become daemonically possessed (maybe the damn shrooms as well) I'll be shocked how easy the DM is letting them off.

>>50048457
Remember it was that particular asshole inquisitor's egocentric overly-complicates plans that got Heavy killed. And he wasn't even actively trying to kill them at that point.

>>50048565
Nah, the only reason that the Zoanthrope got possessed is because of Frank, the Occurrence Border's resident demon who possessed the head tech priest. Aside from him, they don't really have any other demons that are capable of possessing people there.

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>>50048457
It's the lack of Old Saucy Adept which has me concerned.

>>50048195
When the plan goes ploin shaped, they'd better be.
>I remember when that game came out....

>>50033219
holy shit im here an its live!

I CAN FINALLY DIE HAPPY

>>50033219
FUCK IM LATE

Perhaps the beneficent Shoggy shall return this evening should we elect to bump this thread.

>>50033219
Looks like I have something to read tomorrow.

bumperuno

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>>50048726
>they don't really have any other demons that are capable of possessing people there.

Bumping for Shoggy

Bump for the bump god.

>>50051061
>>50050757
You do realise that there is no need to bump it until it's at page 10? That way, you also save replies, meaning there's a larger chance of it surviving for longer.

Is this thread archived yet? I'm on s phone and too lazy to check.

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>>50048726
Your new to the OB aren't you.

>>50047027
Cheers!

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Post yfw Shoggy and his group have been taken by the warp to provide entertainment for the Chaos Gods for all eternity and can only cross back into real space for one day on Halloween to continue the AGP among mortals.

I have no idea what this is or who Shoggy is or what, but this is awesome writing.

I love it. Keep it up!

>>50048726
It's the OB.
96% of it's crew are more or less human.
2% are Krootoids
2% are Demons gone native.

>>50053016
>2% are Demons gone native.
... I dont know why but this seems like an awesome idea.

>>50050711
Possessing a 'nid? Seems like a safe enough proclamation. Possessing a humie? Obv not.

>>50053112
I think he is counting the warp fungus on one of the abandoned hangars, as well as any spirits inhabiting it.
And possibly any random nurgling and minor daemon lurking in the hallways.

Also, what do the poker room denizens count as?
Ghosts or warp entities?

>>50053156
warp entities until proven daemons. So far they have been nothing but helpful

>>50052932

>>50053016
"Wait aren't you a nurgling? Like an actual one?"
"Hush, mortal. If I don't finish these repairs *wheeze* Old BI'll will tan my hide"

OH MY GOD, I MISSED IT!? NOOOOOOOO!!!!

>>50053112
>opens door to warp tainted areas
"Hey do you know where i can get to the engines on deck b?"
>Daemon pops out
"Keep going past the tentacle rooms, can't miss it."

>>50054325
It's kinda still on going, so you haven't missed much.
Also we are only down to first third if even that of the story.

>>50053112
It stops being awesome around the time you have had to walk through the 7th hallway with blood rain and accidentally opened the third door that leads to a room full of fecal matter... DEMONIC FECAL MATTER.

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>>50033219
You should record your games like critical role and then post it on youtube.

Say, the planet the All Guardsmen Party is going to doesn't happen to be the All Guardsmen Planet, by any chance?

It'd explain the sudden flashlight rules, and also give interesting oppertunites for Nubby to "aquire" better Guardsmen gear and detpacks for when things go to shit, and it'd also be pretty funny if Twitch encountered people who are actually gratefull for a bomb-fortified firebase to keep out suprise orks.

>>50054382
This campaign is several years old and finished now if I remember correctly.
He's just archiving it for our amusement at this point.

>>50052932
>remembrancer sitting by an fire surrounded by initiates
>gather around my brothers
>and let me tell you about the ancient evil
>known as the all guardsmen party
>collective gasp

>>50054279
>Be Horror
>always get dicked over by the upper brass
>finally have a glorious idea of manipulating a mortal to buy a space hulk
>Papa Tzeentch finds it hilarious
>yay me
>sends me to keep it going for further lulz
>fuck me
>now doing grunt work on board
>fuck Tzeentch
>really, fuck that guy
>damn still two days 'till poker friday with the other demons on board

>>50055611
Could be worse. You could have been that daemon who decided to aquire a "Genuine Space Hulk" for Abbadon, and it turned out to be possibly the most holy ship ever to exsist. Apparently, he had a unfortuante accident with the 20 Loyalist Primarchs Room.

>>50055611
>Be Bloodletter
>I want to get big and strong like Big Daddy Khorne
>Hear about this ship that's filled with the hardest assholes in the materium that deal with chaos from the warp on a regular basis
>Their ship has more warp contamination than a Slaneeshi whore
>Decide to go and spend my time there, training against the mortals
>If I die I can just pop back in

>First encounter
>WHO TURNED ON THE LIGHTS IT BUUUUUURNS

>Second encounter
>Okay assholes time for round two OH KHORNE WHAT'S WITH THE TENTACLES

>Third encounter...
>Lost my fucking sword to some snotling with metal legs
>Can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore

>Time passes
>Eventually end up shooting at a horde of ghost-nids with the mortals
>Managed to stay on the ship without being banished for about a week now
>Wait
>Feel like I'm forgetting something
>IT'S POKER FRIDAY

>>50055806
>demons playing poker with the skeletons

We have reached autosage... too much reckless bumping.