>>47715748
>114
lair more newtfag

>>47715748
b&

>>47715748
>114

Get out underage

You need to be at least 250 to post here

>>47715748
Roar.

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>>47715748
Who /wyvern/ here? Forelimbs are for fags.

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>>47715862

What's with all these fucking knights coming to my lair? I ate that princess weeks ago and they still think she's here, alive and well.

Anyone in Europe want to help me stomp whichever castle keeps sending these assholes?

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>>47715748
Guys, I fucked up real bad! I need advice.

I kidnapped the princess, waited for the king to either deliver gold or throw down with some knight. And they were taking their sweet time, the princess and I got to talking...

Six months later and we just found out she's pregnant!

Please tell me the knight's actually a rogue and has been cucking me or something so I can just eat the princess and the kid!

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>mfw faggots still haven't joined the masterrace yet

Polymorphing best day of my life

It's annoying how some of the lesser races speak like we're equals, but not having dragon hunters on your tail 24/7 is damn nice

>tfw ordered a human dildo

>>47715976
to use as a toothpick.....?

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>>47715923
I don't see a problem, human females die like 50% of the time while laying eggs anyways. It'll probably solve itself if you just wait a few years or however long it takes.

>>47715748
Hello my fellow k̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶s̶ dragons! How is everyone today? I sure am feeling especially powerful and not human, seeing as I am, in fact, a might dragon and not some paltry, handsome knight!

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Some fucking aliens after my balls again

>>47716052
Weren't you made by an alien?

>>47716031
Tfw you'll never be a handsome knight that the princess will openly accept as her lover

Why live?

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>>47715965
Look, I might have fucked a human princess, but even I'm not a big enough faggot to just discard my draconic heritage 24/7 just to appease them.

Maybe humans should get on our level, maybe?

>>47715921
Wait, next knight that comes to your place, ask them if they were sent by King Alistair II and if they were, tell them they want the Dragon of the Ashwood mountain. Sorry about the mix up.

>>47715995
Um, that's cool. I guess.

>>47716031
Hey, how's your horde coming?

>>47716052
It's not like you don't have plenty to spare, you weirdo.

>>47716081
Those guys were alright, gave me 7 fucking balls, detachable for convenience obviously. These limpdick weaklings are killing each other over just the power i have in my testes

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>>47715748
I don't know but it's freaking me out.

>>47716120
Wait... Ste'Grea? Is that you?

>>47715923
>willing to be cucked by a human

And you call yourself a dragon. Look, the princess ain't gonna live that long, but the kids will have a few more years than plain humans. Just let any hybrids you end up with establish you as the 'Honored Ancestor' or whatever for their royal lineage. A human generation or two and you'll have a kingdom that worships you with tribute and knights you can command instead of being attacked by.

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I feel appropriated! How insensitive!

>>47715748
FILTHY OVERGROWN LIZARDS
I'LL SKIN YOUR FAT ASSES AND MOUNT YOUR SKULL IN MY FEASTING HALL
HUMANITY STRONK

>>47716194
If I wanted that I would've went to their capital, ate their king or whoever they had along with the knights and told them to worship me and bring me tribute now. Without waiting for their generations to pass.

>>47715921
We're not your personal flock.

>>47715923
>he fell for the princess meme
Peasant girls are objectively superior, pleb.

>>47716313
>peasant girls
>superior

I just want the eyes of that dimwit who first came up with idea tostick your dick in food. So that I could look into them.

>>47716278
Faster, but draws a lot more hassle from those who object. And really, if you can't even take a quick nap and come check on a kingdom later, you've got a lot to learn about patience.

So what's your plan? You don't want the kingdom and you aren't going to risk eating the mother of your spawn. So where do you go from here?

>>47716263
lol who hired the clown
i hope hes bbq flavor

>>47716377
WHORE-EATING WINGED WORM
YOUR HIDE WILL ARMOR MY SOLDIERS
FUCKING REPTILES

>>47716377
*burp*
Nah, it's cheese.

>ywn cause kobolds to go extinct

>>47716439
>disliking based servant race

>>47716409
Your soldiers fuck reptiles?
Great! I know just the dragon to accomodate them! >>47715923

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>>47716165
Uh... Why... No! Definitely not Ste'Grea! He is much too proud to let himself become infatuated with a mere human!

>>47716104
Wanna trade places?

>>47716194
I'm only 260, my horde's value only just broke the one point five million gold mark, I just don't feel ready to be a relationship in any capacity, let alone a parent!

>>47716313
Look, I was expecting her father to add gold and shit to my horde. Or to shake it from knights who come barging into my lair.

>>47716465
Tiamat dammit, and here I thought only humans can be this beta. Or beta at all.

>>47716452
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT YOU OBESE NEWT
GO CHOKE ON A COW, PREFERABLY ONE FROM THAT OTHER KINGDOM

>>47716561
Would you kindly get digested in silence? Thank you.

>>47716465
>only 260
>barely any savings

Well you did a damn fool thing then but at yer age it must be expected to make some mistakes. The good news is that for most kingdoms, you're quite rich. Princess won't use too much (and clever work with other nations can bring in more) and the kid... well, it can go be an Adventurer in a mere two decades. Send them out to gather their own hoard. When the princess dies, put your kid on the throne and leave. "Oh, I am too sad to rule, here is the rightful heir, for I must leave to mourn" or some other nonsense the humans can believe.

>>47716465
That is you isn't it Ste'Grea! You human loving son of Tiamat! How are you? It's me, Gen'Ousoya the Silver dragon. Our parents used to fight over Que'lasto and it's surrounding lands when we were hatchlings. Man, I haven't seen you since our days in college where you were head of the "humanXdragons wishers" club! So you say you've got a kid on the way? Nice to hear! I hope you're treating the mother great! So who's the lucky princess anyways?

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>>47716357
he's not me. For me, geez, I don't know, since I honestly doubt I am getting ninja cucked and the princess seems like she's... liking my lair? (Don't humans have a term for that?) I might just follow your advice and bare with it. I mean this is a temporary situation at worst, and at best it might turn out to be a great opportunity.

>>47716452
Hey, fuck you, buddy.

>>47716263
Yeah, why don't you come say that to our faces and not over the Internet, buddy! See what happens then.

>>47716239
Jeez, getting offended over that? Grow some natural damage reduction, why don't you?

>>47716451
Kobolds are pretty handy as long as you supervise them. I actually got them to set up some 'traps' in my lair to help me collect shit from attacking knights (some humans valuables are really annoyingly tiny and I don't like shapeshifting to pick it up). I had to remind them the 'traps' were for collecting shit, not killing the knights (I can do that well enough on my own) and needed to remind them it doesn't need firespewing cocks.

>>47716550
Do you even know what the hell that means?

>>47716609
That does sound kind of cool...

She did mention having a younger sister, should I got kidnap her for good measure? Is that why the king hasn't been sending assassins after mean?

(Fuck, that's cold. I mean writing off your own kid 'because you have a spare'? That's some messed up mentality humans might have)

>>47715921
Look, her bones ought to be finishing their way through your digestion any day now. Any time a knight shows up, just take a shit on him, and if you see bones in it then let him know you handed over the princess. Then let him leave alive, carry the news back to the castle, and that'll do it. Maybe rough him up, just make sure to keep the legs working.

>>47716573
FUCKING DRAGONS
KEEP YOUR FETISHES OUT OF THIS
LITERAL DEVIL SALAMANDERS

>>47716647
>Yeah, why don't you come say that to our faces and not over the Internet, buddy! See what happens then.
PLAINS TO THE SOUTH OF MOUNT HORACE, FIFTH OF JULY, UPON THE MIDDAY SUN
I'LL BRING MY ENTIRE ARMY YOU FUCKING WORM

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>>47716676

>>47716676
Shit, I'm only a half days walk from there... I might just come watch.

>>47716647
Well it sounds like you're living the dream over there, though I'm saddened to hear about your lack of a horde. If you'd like, I could blgive you some of mine. I must have... oh I don't know. Close to 2.7 billion in just gold coins alone (it's nice being the protector of 2 separate kingdoms), plus I've got a bunch more f magic items that the local knights and adventurers have been trading me for useful info. All you have to do is ask, and I'll be there in 12 days with 14 bags of holding filled with stuff!

>>47716676
"Three old farts with pitchforks" does not count as an army. I know that you don't have anymore left, I'm the one who ate the rest.

Come back when you stick farmers get at least one knight. You'll probably be dead by then, but who knows? I definitely will still be around.
>tfw immortal higher being
>feels good dragon

>>47716761
>>47716765
DON'T LAUGH AT ME YOU GECKOS
I AM STEEL, I AM CONQUEST

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>>47715862

I FUCKING HATE WYVERNS. WYVERNS BURN.

>>47716809
YOU'RE THE BASTARD IGUANA THAT RUINED KING SORIS' ARMY?
HE WAS AN ALLY OF MINE, I WILL END YOU FILTHY SCALED DEMON

>>47716647
Yeah, humans are like that. We're the cold blooded reptiles, and they're just fucking cold.

Yeah, go nab the other princess too, and ask if they have any brothers who might clsim the throne. Hell, tge way humans treat their femsles the two of them might even be happy to go along with taking over since I imagine you have no interest in actually ruling but your two Queens could actually have some power for themselves.

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What's up my Bulletes? Horn head here. Just got my first lair, no cavemates or outstanding fees, all paid for. Just got everything moved in.

Nice place, on an island, not to big, but not so small that a tidal wave will flood my horde room.

So anyway, there are these little guys here, not sure if they're humans or what, the got two arms and legs and no tale, let's just say they are of some variety. Now, after I moved in, they started to, I dunno, worship me or something, offering me tributes and making with the bowing and hullabaloo.

At first it was nice and all- I mean, who doesn't like getting revered and dung- but they've gotten more and more clingy lately and are kind of violating my personal space. I've tried smiting one every once and a while and that seems to fix things for a bit, but they have a short memory span or something and they just start doing it again.

I'd rather not wipe them out cause they are sort of useful. Any ideas how to get them to get the message? They seem rather primitive and I can't really understand their language, and I doubt they'd understand me either.

Why the hell are humans demanding that I have to transform into the form of a young human girl just to join their party?

>>47716858

Pictographs are always good. Draw a circle around a picture of your lair, then draw a picture of the moon in whatever phase you'd like it to be on the occasion when they bring you offerings, then next to it draw a stick figure of a person and a line across the circle around your lair. That should do it if they're not completely retarded.

I know for a fact several of you aren't dragons and I'm about to start outing you fuckers.

>>47716883
Don't complain, last princess I spoke to expected me to take form of a human prepubescent male when she heard I'm not even 300.

>>47716891
For supposedly being so smart, you dragons have a shit tier understanding of symbolic linguistics.

t. human acedemic

>>47716883
Bahumat the platinum ! GTFO NOW! Bad signs all around!

>>47716918
>acedemic
Ace demic? Do you mean you ace in being a demisentient being? Because it sure looks like that.

You know what fucking blows?

Being from a plane where humans somehow managed to create weapons powerful enough to kill dragons easily. We had to "integrate into society," which was fucking awful.

I used to have a giant horde. Now I work as a banker. Shit sucks.

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>>47716619
Ugh, yes, it's me Gen.

I'm fine, we're both fine. It's Princess Eris, King Alistair II's oldest.

By the way, how's your KOBOLD FETISH going? Impregnated any KOBOLDS?

>>47716673
>Any time a knight shows up, just take a shit on him, and if you see bones in it then let him know you handed over the princess.

Not him, but that's pretty funny. And wow, I misread your post pretty badly first time, thought you suggested eating the next knight alive AFTER he shit on him.

>>47716676
>Bringing your whole army
Oh, this will be fun. You're own, softskin.

>>47716765
I appreciate the offer, but I'm gonna have to decline. My daddy raised me to work for my horde: I sack kingdoms, kill and steal from adventurers, and dig into mountains for gold and silver veins.

And also hold princesses for ransom. As you can guess this is one of my newer ventures. (first two times worked out pretty well)

>>47716816
Hey, leave the Wyverns alone, man! They're not true dragons but they're bros!

>>47716845
Yeah, politics isn't my thing. My mom tried it and... Well, I don't recall the last time I saw her in her dragon form. She seems to have even forgotten she was a dragon last time we talked. (still acknowledge me as her son, however the fuck that worked in her new logic)

>>47716858
>>47716891
pretty much this: humans and humanoids have a thing for getting stuff down in writing, even elves seem to be sticklers for keeping records and my princess is telling me I really should 'catalog' my horde 'to keep better track of it'.

>>47716914
>>47716883
Wow, starting to think I lucked out with Eris, she seems to appreciate my draconic glory fine enough on her own.

>>47716809
>>47716833
whoa, shit, you two know eachother? Do you want to kill Sir No-Indoor-Voice or can I?

>>47717005
Sounds rough, buddy. Ever thought of acquiring those weapons and using them yourself?

For those days when I want to say 'fuck you', I managed to take a pair of cannons and combine their shots with my fire.

>>47716858
Priesthood is a good solution. Articulate that you only desire some of their company, some of the time. Get the ones you like in on it, and they'll pick up fast to preserve their power.

Just don't be like one of those embarrassing silvers and make your liaisons all nubile females or something.

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I'm getting this put on a shirt. Not sure what kind of clothing they're wearing. It's an incredibly old picture I found. It really speaks to me though. Humans are my spirit animal.

>>47715748
At least I can post on dragon /tg/.

Been getting connection errors for the last hour.

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Hey guys. Kinda a newdrag here- sorry for asking what's probably a really redundant question but like:

We're all ancient right? Like thousands of years means nothing to us? Heck I think some of us were actually around to witness the creation of the world or at least the end of the last age? If that's the case then our relationship to Io, Tiamat and Bahamute is less what Mortals and humans would worship and more like... mother/father/child relationships right? Least that's what 'm assuming anyway right?

I mean it's not like any of us are that far removed generationally FROM Io or Tiamat or Bahamute right? Some of us might be the grandchildren of the ones they directly spawned even.

>>47716816
Can you believe they cast a wyvern to play Smaug? SMAUG! Total pandering to SJWyverns.

>>47717065

Ugh are you one of those idiots who thinks that they're ACTUALLY A HUMAN on the inside and that they've just been reincarnated into a dragon or something? Bahamute man get a reality check.

>>47717086
>SJWyverns
Thanks Anon. Thanks.

Now my lair is full of smoke because I laughed too hard.

>kidnap princess
>turned out to actually be a prince
guys help what do I do he's still in my lair

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>>47717086
Total garbage. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the original actor they had, he even shot his scenes in the first movie too.

>>47717100

FUCK YOU I'M A HUMAN

>>47716938
It's a regionel dialect, plese don't bully.

>>47717108

Every hole's a goal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEtvkH56UcU

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>>47717017
You're thinking of my brother Gan'Ousora, who by the way, has 12k kobold wives and 59 children. My fetish is also human woman (I was vice Emperor of the club for bahumets sake!)

>>47717108
Eat him?

Kill all other heirs to that kingdom to demand the highest ransom you can?

I'm not seeing a problem.

>>47717017
>Oh, this will be fun. You're own, softskin.
YOU BET YOUR UGLY WHORE OF A MOTHER I'M ON.
MY KINGDOM WILL MAKE SAUSAGE FROM YOUR GUTS AND PUDDING FROM YOUR BLOOD.

>whoa, shit, you two know eachother? Do you want to kill Sir No-Indoor-Voice or can I?

I'LL TAKE YOU BOTH ON AT THE SAME TIME

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Heya /dragon/! How's everybody doin'?

>>47717108
You could always just eat him. Also get your eyes checked, those cataracts really start setting in after your 3,000th year.

Anyway, I've been having a bit of a "hero" problem as of late. They're always after my head.

All hail.

>No wings to fly with
>No killer horns to wear while I'm out

Being a wyrm is suffering... ;_;

>>47717215
Your pain is noted, brother.

All hail.

Hey, /dragon/. I just finished a simulacrum of a princess from the neighboring kingdom and once the wargame rules guys finish prepping the stats for her, I'm definitely fielding her as a morale-booster in my army next tourney.

You guys get any new royals or heroes to put in your wargame armies?

>solution to every Dragon's problem is "lmao eat it"
Human here, you are a lot of gluttonous bastards and I hope your next meal rips apart your heart from the inside.

>>47717177
I'll be sure to watch. It's still July 5th at midday right?

>>47717146
Sorry connection. Error, damn thing. It was supposed to say "12 wives and 59 kids"

>>47717081
I dont know how old the rest of you are, but I can't easily track my lineage more then 18 generations of silver dragons (with 1 or 2 human ancestors as well as a single copper dragon on my great great great great great great great grand mothers side mixed into the bunch)

>>47717263

I will eat you.

>>47717215
But our passing cleanses the world.

That has to count for something.

>>47717263
>he can't store his most valuable possessions in his stomach

How's it feel being an inferior pauper species, poorfag?

>>47717272
>I'll be sure to watch. It's still July 5th at midday right?
THAT'S RIGHT, PLAINS SOUTH OF MOUNT HORACE
I'LL KILL WHATEVER LEGGED SNAKES SHOW UP TO FIGHT, AND THEN I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU ON THE SIDELINES

>>47717277
HE'LL SHOVE EXPLOSIVE UP HIS ASS AND BLOW OUT YOUR GOD DAMN THROAT

>>47715862

SKREEEEEE GET OUT!

>>47717297
>explosive damage
>dragon

Where do you think you are?

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>>47717146
Oh, fuck. Now I really remember you.

So, did you ever find that perfect human waifu you were talking about?

Also, did you have to out me? Now the princess is trying to find the club roster.

>>47717081
Eh, depends on who you ask. I'm just 260.

I mean if you believe my great grand parents, I'm still only five generations removed from Tiamat herself, but they're kind of glory hounds. Plus, you're thinking our family relations are exactly the same as humans.

Hell, according to Eris even human family relationships can be messed up. I mean, like, seriously messed up.

>>47717108
They're still good for random.

>>47717204
Hail, Hydra and well met.

>>47717242
Sounds fun, I'm sure my princess would love to join once she stops apparently craving elven flesh.

>>47717318
>Where do you think you are?
YOUR SCALES ONLY SAVE YOU FROM THE OUTSIDE, MONSTER

>>47717297
Wait... didn't I help your grandfather slay an aboleth once? Something like.... 60-70 years ago (right after college if I recall)...

>>47717350
>dragon
>not having some kind of magical damage dampening/negation in the horde

No, seriously, where do you think you are?

Hi Dragonborn mercenary here. Are any of you hiring?

>>47717362
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, BEAST

MY GRANDFATHER DIED IN A GLORIOUS BATTLE AGAINST ONE OF YOUR FOUL NESTS; WE LOST TWO THOUSAND MEN THAT DAY, BUT WE SLEW TEN OF YOUR YOUNGLINGS AND SMASHED DOZENS OF EGGS, ONLY FOR YOUR ELDERS TO COWARDLY FLEE!

>>47717378
WE'LL PUT ANTI-MAGIC FIELDS ON THE BOMBS, DAMMIT!

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>>47717330
You as well, brother.

>>47715923
WHORES

TAKE WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS. IF YOU ABSOLUTELY -MUST- COMMIT MISCEGENATION, AT LEAST RAISE YOUR BASTARD SPAWN TO FURTHER YOUR OWN POWER AND PRESTIGE. A GOOD, LOYAL SERVITOR TO WORSHIP YOU, A LIVING PART OF YOUR HOARD.


>>47715965
>I AM TOO WEAK TO DEFEND MYSELF AND SO RESORT TO HIDING FROM THE STEEL OF PATHETIC MORTAL RACES

GET THE FUCK OUT, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL YOURSELF A DRAGON. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE SPECIES THESE DAYS.

>>47716031
>HANDSOME

KNIGHTS DON'T EVEN HAVE SCALES. I WOULD FEEL PITY FOR THEM IF I DIDN'T LAUGH MYSELF TO SLEEP EACH NIGHT AT THEIR WRETCHED FATE. THEY MUST TORTURE THEMSELVES KNOWING, DEEP DOWN, THAT THEY WILL NEVER BE A DRAGON.

>>47716194
THIS GUY HAS THE RIGHT OF IT. GLAD TO SEE THAT THE MODERN GENERATION HASN'T -COMPLETELY- GONE TO SHIT.

>>47716263
I WAS RAZING KINGDOMS BETTER THAN YOUR PALTRY CIVILISATION WHEN YOU WERE STILL CRAWLING OUT OF THE MUD. COME BACK WHEN YOU CAN BREATHE FIRE HOTTER THAN THE SUN AND HAVE SKIN HARDER THAN FUCKING ADAMANTIUM.

>>47715921
SURE, I'LL COME AND HELP, AND THEN I'LL TAKE YOUR FUCKING HOARD AND MAYBE YOUR LIFE IF I AM FEELING PETTY, YOU WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A DRAGON.

>>47716883
>NOT IMMEDIATELY KILLING THEM ALL AND TAKING WHATEVER PASSES AS TREASURE FROM THEIR WRETCHED BODIES

KIDS THESE DAYS I SWEAR TO FUCKING TIAMAT

>>47717005
GET FUCKING GOOD, OR DIE LIKE THE FAILURE YOU ARE. AND IF YOU'RE BEING 'INTEGRATED INTO SOCIETY', MAKE NO MISTAKE, YOU ARE A FAILURE.

RAZE THEIR FUCKING CIVILISATION YOU LITTLE BITCH LIZARD, AND YOU MIGHT EARN THE RIGHT TO CALL YOURSELF A DRAGON.

Anyone else /6th world/ here?

I'm having trouble hiring good temps because the kids these days refuse to cut a deal. Some new meme they keep spouting.

I mean, I only screw over like, half of them, I'm way better than some of the larger corp owners.

>>47717240
>>47717282

Thanks senpai, I'll keep that in mind next time I attend my weekly "Wingless Serpent" support group.

I went and caught a princess and set up obvious lair on mountain near town. How long until humans come to look for princess?

Also what to feed it? I try pig also cow and it will not eat either.

This is urgent.

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Wènhòu hé liánghǎo mǎnzú. Wǒ yǒu láizì tiānshàng de tiāntǐ zài rénlèi qǐméng de chí xǐzǎo. Rúhé zuò nǐ de rìzi de piào jià, yánjiùyuán lóng?

>>47717428
Oh great

Red is here

And still as salty as ever

>>47717428
>I WAS RAZING KINGDOMS BETTER THAN YOUR PALTRY CIVILISATION WHEN YOU WERE STILL CRAWLING OUT OF THE MUD. COME BACK WHEN YOU CAN BREATHE FIRE HOTTER THAN THE SUN AND HAVE SKIN HARDER THAN FUCKING ADAMANTIUM.

OUR CHEMISTERS HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MOMENTARILY OUTSHINE THE SUN WITH THEIR MACHINATIONS, AND TO SCRATCH ADAMANTINE WITH THEIR CREATIONS.

I WILL END YOU, ANCIENT HORROR

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>>47715921
>What's with all these fucking knights coming to my lair?
i know, right? It's a shitshow all over

>>47717330
I thought I did, about 25 years ago. We dated for a year and a half but it just didn't feel right to get with you know? Good thing too cause it turned out she was a fucking succubi! Haven't really tried since. I've been keeping my attention to my job of handling two kingdoms. Though I've been getting some strange looks from one of the local paladin's of Bahumat lately... not sure what to make of it
Hey! It's not my fault you let your soon to be wife and mother of your child look at your posts! Keep her off!
Eris, I'll send you a copy of it, as well as a picture of what he looked like as we were growing up

>>47717403
Whoa there, slugger. Anti-magic fields? Pffffffffft. Look out, boys. We got ourselves a badass here. You know if you want that field to do anything it'll have to be wide enough to negate whatever magic shit you're wearing, too. Without your fancy magic armor, what's stopping a dragon from just breath weaponing you to death? You know that bomb you've got on you'll probably go up with the flames, right? Fucking humans, man.

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>here's your whelp

>>47717490
YOU THINK OUR MAGICIANS AND THAUMATURGES CANNOT CREATE A SIMPLE TIRGGERED ANTI-MAGIC FIELD?

BAH, DRAGONS! YOU HAVE POWER, BUT NO TACT! INTELLIGENCE, BUT NO WIT!

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>>47717430
You disgust me.

You should be proud to me a Wurm. We're the toughest around.

>>47717428
Wait... is this Sir Tourettes?

>>47717432
Human women (especially those of royal statusare) very picking about what they eat. Their digestive tract s can't easily handle raw meats. You'll need to cook it. Seriously, you chromatic dragons need to learn this stuff :/

>>47717460
YOUR FATHER, YOUR GRANDFATHER, YOUR GREAT GRANDMOTHER AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR ANCESTORS FOR THE LAST FIFTY GENERATIONS HAVE FUCKING TRIED

I'M STILL HERE. THEIR BONES WERE DELICIOUS.

YOU ASSHOLES MIGHT HAVE MORE APTITUDE AT THIS THAN THE REST OF YOUR MISBEGOTTEN KIND, AND BELIEVE ME, FROM MY JAWS THAT IS HIGH FUCKING PRAISE RIGHT THERE, BUT IT HARDLY MEANS ANYTHING WHEN COMPARED TO THE STRENGTH OF A DRAGON WHO HASN'T BEEN TURNED INTO A PANSY BY THESE STUPID FUCKING IDEAS OF CHIVALRY AND, UGH, BENEVOLENCE.

>>47717428
Calm the fuck down Red

You haven't had your morning elephant yet. You're still cranky.

>>47717533
AND SO WE SHALL TRY FOR FIFTY GENERATIONS MORE, AND A HUNDRED AFTER THAT, AND A THOUSAND AFTER STILL, UNTIL EVERY DRAGON'S SKULL IS MOUNTED IN GREAT HULLS, UNTIL EVERY WYRMLING HAS THEIR BRAINS SPILLED, UNTIL EVERY EGG IS SMASHED.

TODAY WE WILL PERHAPS GIVE YOU NOTHING MORE THAN A SCRATCH; TOMMOROW, A SCRAPE; THE DAY AFTER, A CUT.
A WOUND
A GASH
A REND
A LOST TALON
A SHREDDED WING
AND THEN WE WILL DASH YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE GROUND WITH PRODIGIOUS USE OF SIEGE WEAPONS
I SWEAR THIS ON MY ANCESTORS, AND ON MY DESCENDANTS.

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>>47717428
>>47717460
>Red and Sir Shoutsalot

Oh, boy, this is getting good.

>>47717432
Okay, first of all: humans DO eat cows and pigs but not whole. You're going to need to skin them both and roast them in your firebreath on the lowest heat you can manage for about fifteen to twenty minutes (least for me) that should cook them to a safe temperature for consumption.

Also, make sure she has clean, fresh water.

Humans also eat plants, you can get those by raiding a human farm or two.

I did my homework before trying the princess kidnapping scheme.

>>47717399
What rates do you charge? I'm staring down my claws being a bit tied for a few decades and need someone who can help me make money in the meantime.

>>47717476
Well, seeing as Eris does have a little sister who I'll need to kidnap to complete my scheme... Would you like a post order bride?

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>>47717521
Are you feeling alright, chap? Your exterior seems a tad scaley.

>>47717578
>Oh, boy, this is getting good.
YOU'RE NEXT, BASTARD
ALL FUCKING DRAGONS MUST FUCKING DIE

>>47717594
Haven't been getting enough rest. New settlement is trying to get established near my lair. Gotta set the tone, and get them to leave in a hurry.

It'll all shake out though. Desert sands swallow everything after all.

>>47717578
For a dragon, I'll take about 5% of what I earn and the rest is yours....professional respect and all...
Humans I charge, because they're actually pay it

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>>47717600
Cut off one head, two more grow in its place.

Your efforts are perhaps better spent elsewhere. The Fae are probably stealing your children and exchanging them for fetches right now!

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>>47717460
Wretched beast. I have held my tongue until now, but your endless ceaseless spewing of such vile hatred grows tiresome. There are, have been and shall be, great Heroes from the ranks of Man. You are not one of them. You are but a vile parody of those whom you would claim a place among, filthy vermin scrabbling for the crumbs of the truly glorious. You waste your fury on the wind, and when you pass shall have been no more memorable than dust.

>>47717628
>Cut off one head, two more grow in its place.
THEN WE FUCKING WON'T, WE'LL JUST RIP OUT YOUR HEAR

>FAE
FAE
HAH, FUCK THE FAE; WE'VE ALREADY SET FIRE TO ALL THEIR DENS AND GLADES YEARS AGO.

>>47717642
YOU THINK I RAGE FOR THE SAKE OF FURY, NEWT? I RAGE FOR THE SAKE OF ENDING YOUR HORRID RACE.
I DO NOT NEED A FAT, OVERFED, OVERGROWN, POMPOUS, EGOTISTICAL LIZARD TO LECTURE ME ON GLORY OR GREATNESS.

>>47717578
Ste... I know you're a red chromatic dragon, and that sort of shit is fine for you to do, but I'm a SILVER METALIC DRAGON. That sort of stuff just won't fly where I am. though I do appreciate the thought.
No ill just wait another couple of decades. I mean, I'm only 260 after all! I've got another millennium before I die and I go to rejoin bahamat.

>>47715921
Go back to /k/ave

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shit guys i fucked up, i need your advice

>live on a mountain a few wingbeats from humans
>... in every fucking direction, but that's life as a poordrag in the boondocks, humans everywhere
>swoop down every few months and pilfer a sheep, maybe scoop up some merchant's packhorse or burn a hut
>get a few dozen knights sniffing around, figure i'll lay low as usual
>oh, i know, i'll try the old "disguise self as wise magical mortal and advise some backwater chieftain for a few months" trick
>figure i'll go as an "elf," humans can't get enough of "elf"
>don't know what elf looks like
>flip through old half-burned book from some knight's mage i ate, see an ugly pointy-eared thing
>fuck, the writing's burned off
>that's probably an elf, right?
>use it as reference for "elf"
>poof
>walk into village in hooded fancy wise mage-looking robe
>militia approach, villagers rubberneck
>good, more of an audience
>throw back hood to proclaim self a mystic whatever
>"Behold, I am the great Anon, take me to your-"
>everyone immediately screams
>wait what
>"IT'S AN ORC, KILL IT"
>mfw
>mumble and scramble away, spilling spaghetti everywhere
>manage to get away, leaving behind only pride and dignity

What the fuck went wrong? What the hell's the difference between an orc and an elf??

>>47717614
Bummer. Gotta get that beauty sleep in, but I'm sure your human problem will cave in on itself in time. Burrow some tunnels under them and the sinkholes will do the rest.

Just be sure to keep your scales neat.

>>47717578
Also have you tried investing some of your horde into local businesses and temples? It's how I made my first two million right after college

>>47717706

You dun goofed draganon

>>47717524
All I need is for it to stay alive. Why it cannot do this by itself if provided with valid food source???

Before I catch the princess I did practice with a ogre. Ogre are the same as humans but easier to catch (much bigger) and do not have towns. Ogre eats anything given, defecate on the ground in corner, is silent almost whole time (except when sleeping). Was surprised by how much water it drank though!

Humans the same thing but cannot take care of itself? How does this animal live outside captivity?

>>47717667
How very sad you are. But then, you are flesh and blood and like all such beings, must snap and growl and posture for what frightens you. Perhaps you will live longer than I expect and gain some wisdom. It would be interesting to see such... vigor... properly applied.

As to slaying me; you are welcome to come and try. If you csn find the way that is. I expect that such enlightenment is beyond your grasp, but I applaud the effort to attain it if you are earnest.

>>47717706
One rapes and villages, the other enjoys having it happen to them. Also one is green skined with large tusks and the other is considered beautiful by human standards. Have you really never seen an elf anon?

>>47717762
You're a white dragon aren't you...

>>47717768
YOU THINK THE STARS AND MOON BEYOND OUR GRASP
THE OCEANS AND RIVERS OF THIS WORLD WILL RUN RED WITH DRACONIC BLOOD, AND SO TOO WILL THE HEAVENS ABOVE.
IF WE CANNOT REACH THOSE SHINING JEWELS ABOVE US, THEN WE WILL SMASH THE FIRMAMENT ITSELF AND BRING YOU DOWN TO US

>>47715748
I'm having kind of a problem these days, /dragon/. One of the floor managers for my lair just quit, and I got a few interns to cover until the schedules are stable again. Don't get me wrong. They're great. Really enthusiastic. But their ideas of advertisement are so, I don't know, backward. I mean, do they really think dragons are still demanding little girl sacrifices. Princess moe, my ass. We started taking cash payments instead of princesses as collateral specifically because humans kept sending heroes to take back the princesses before the money could get in and it started looking like we were just in it for the princesses.

It feels like every time one of these damn kids opens their mouth they're talking to my grandfather and not me. I may be running what amounts to a protection racket masquerading as a private security company, but I can at least say I've never taken anyone's daughter as collateral because they couldn't cover a down payment.

Tell me I'm not just imagining things, /dragon/. Tell me that's not what the humans still think of us.

>>47717841
I'm afraid that's how most humans indeed view you chromatic dragons draganon, but I suppose it could be far worse

>>47717575
I ACTUALLY ADMIRE YOUR SPIRIT, YOU PATHETIC LITTLE SACK OF JELLY AND BONES, BUT NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU TAKE YOUR PALTRY FUCKING BLACKSMITHING, NO MATTER HOW POWERFUL YOUR MAGES GROW

YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT ME.

SEND YOUR FUCKING ARMIES. SEND YOUR SONS AND YOUR DAUGHTERS. I WILL TAKE WHAT I PLEASE FROM THEM, AND THEN I WILL DRINK THEIR BLOOD AND GNAW THEIR SKULLS, AND MY HORDE WILL GROW EVER LARGER. YOU WILL BE A TIAMAT-DAMNED FOOTNOTE IN MY LEGEND, ANOTHER PILE OF SKULLS AND COINS FOR ME TO COVET.

AS IS MY RIGHT, AS A BEING OF DIVINE STRENGTH AND WILL, WHO HAS WEATHERED MILLENNIA OF ENMITY FROM THOSE WHO WOULD CONSIDER THEMSELVES MY EQUALS. ALL GONE. I REMAIN.

>>47717795
The stars and moon? Hardly. The names of those who shall breach the great void are carved upon my soul, explorers and men of learning, pioneers of frontiers beyond your wildest dreams. You, however, seem not even to understand the arrangement of reality.

Even then you could not reach me. You assume that I belong to your world. A physical being. But I consumed my hoard and ascended when this universe was but a dream. I am the Quest, the Final Foe, the ultimate challenge that every Hero must face alone. I choose to be slain or not, for only those worthy may claim the wisdom I hold. You are no threat, but again, it would be an impressive feat if you could become such.

>>47717893
YOUR HORDE GROWS, BUT YOU DO NOT
EVERY YEAR YOUR STRENGTH INCREASES EVER MORE SLOWLY
EVERY YEAR SCARS TAKE A LITTLE LONGER TO HEAL
YOU ARE ULTIMATELY LIMITED, AND YOU WILL ONE DAY BE OBSCENELY POWERFUL, BUT NO MORE THAN THAT.
YOUR SPECIES IS STAGNANT BY NATURE
OUR CIVILIZATION IS DYNAMIC, AND GROWS EVERY DAY; ONE DAY WE WILL BE AS STRONG AS YOU, AND EVEN HEAVEN SHALL TREMBLE AT OUR FURY

ENJOY YOUR SUPREMACY WHILE YOU CAN, ANCIENT; I ENJOY YOUR ANGER, AND WE WILL SAVE YOU FOR LAST. WE WILL LET YOU WATCH US SMASH EVERY EGG, SPLATTER THE BRAINS OF CHROMATIC AND METALLIC ALIKE, AND YOU WILL WATCH AS OUR ARMIES, STRETCHING FROM HORIZON TO HORIZON, MARCH UP TO YOU, AND YOU TO YOUR DOOM

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>>47717841
You know how it is. Practice becomes tradition, tradition becomes legend, legend becomes myth, and by the time you've blinked the humans don't understand why they do it anymore. All they remember is that it worked for their parents, and their parents, and THEIR parents before them, and so on.

Short lives make for short memories - and short tempers. Everything has to be "now now now" with them, and it's not that they're impatient - they literally don't have the time to wait for you to finish thinking out the right answer. By the time you "get back to them on it," you're reporting on your findings to their grandchildren, who have since found a slightly less effective solution than yours and left it for THEIR grandchildren to fix.

When they can find /any/ idea that outlasts them, anything they can take for granted, they latch onto it like fleas to a dog.

So a hydra has moved in next door.
She's a total qt and I think I may have a chance with her.
What kinds of carrion do they like to eat?

>>47717927
SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF PUSSY PROPHECY SHIT
TAKE YOUR STRINGS OF FATE AND SHOVE IT, OR WE'LL JUST CUT THEM

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Guys some cross dressing alien asshole just blew up my home planet. Wat do?

>>47717747
Oh, believe me, I know. Have you ever tried running through a forest as a stilted two-legged ape, trying to lose a mob long enough to turn back unnoticed? Shit sucks.

>>47717779
>green skinned
>beautiful by human standards

I'm going to have to stop you there, they all look the same to me: fucking tiny. Eyesight's half fucked too- too much time underground when I was a whelp.

And like I said: around here, it's all humans. ALL humans.

>>47717841
PATHETIC. THEY -SHOULD- FEAR YOU, AND YOU SHOULD -EXALT- IN THAT FEAR. YOU ARE A FUCKING DRAGON, TRYING TO BE CIVILISED IS FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T CRUSH BUILDINGS BETWEEN THEIR TALONS.

HAVE SOME FUCKING SELF-RESPECT. THE SLAVE RACES WORK AROUND YOU, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

>>47717927
FUCKING CELESTIAL DRAGONS, ALWAYS SWANNING ON ABOUT FATE AND WISDOM AND IRRELEVANT BULLSHIT. CONSUMING YOUR HOARD? WHAT KIND OF FUCKING DRAGON ARE YOU? THE KIND THAT TURNS HIS BACK ON DOMINION, THE KIND THAT -GIVES UP-.

WHY MOTHER TIAMAT ALLOWED YOU TO PERSIST IS BEYOND ME, YOU'RE A MOCKERY OF WHAT A DRAGON SHOULD BE. I'D COME AND GUT YOU MYSELF, BUT YOU HIDE YOURSELF IN PLACES THAT I CANNOT REACH, LIKE AN INSECT HIDES IN THE CRACKS OF A WALL.

>>47717950
If you're going to date a hydra, you're going to need three things:

One, carrion of bull or ox properly aged in a bog.
Two, roasted sheep, pig, goat, or horse if that proves unappealing. Just in case.
Three, a way to maintain eye contact with multiple heads at once.

Also, if that's who I think it is you're talking about, she's fond of romantic novels.

>>47718037
If she didn't allow them to persist, she'd have to answer to Father Bahamut.

> Annoying humies capture me while I sleep.
> Feed me cattle and honey.
> Polish away my old scales.
> Hear news of a feast being prepared.
> The Prince is coming.
Feelsgoodman.

>>47717956
Your ignorance saddens me. You do not even understand the cycles by which your heroes rise snd make your species greater than before. You know not the relationship of dragons to heroes nor even how your own rage poisons you.

You lost someone dear to a dragon, didn't you? It ripped a hole in your very being, and the pain yet drives you into this fury.

>>47718063
Do each of the heads have different likes / dislikes, or do I just have to woo the alpha head?

>>47718072
Nigga RUN.

Those are soldiers of the Royal Roseburg family. They eat us Dragons to steal our fucking power. Don't be a dumbass.

>>47718101
That depends on the hydra in question. If you don't notice her arguing with herself in the first ten minutes, it's likely you'll only have the center head to deal with.

If it's who I think it is, they ALL hate violin, don't play it. How many heads has she got?

>>47717940
IF THEY COULD NOT SURVIVE YOUR WRATH THEN THEY ARE NOT WORTHY TO BE CALLED DRAGON. I DO NOT MOURN FOR THEM, OR REGRET THEIR LOSS, MANLING. THE STRONG SURVIVE. THE WEAK DIE. THAT IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A DRAGON.

IF THE DAY SHOULD COME WHEN I AM THE ONLY ONE LEFT? I WILL FUCKING REJOICE, BECAUSE IT WILL MEAN THAT THE AVERAGE EXAMPLE OF MY SPECIES HAS BECOME GREATER THAN EVER BEFORE.

WHEN YOU BRING YOUR ARMIES, YOUR INNUMERABLE HORDES, WHEN YOU THINK YOURSELF 'WORTHY', WHEN YOU FINALLY MARCH TO FACE YOUR FIERY OBLIVION, I WILL DEIGN TO GRACE YOU WITH MY PRESENCE. I WILL RISE, I WILL REACH FORTH, I WILL OPEN MY JAWS AND I WILL DEVOUR THE HORIZON UPON WHICH YOU STRETCH.

>>47717794
My one big horn tells me otherwise!!

>>47718082
WE DON'T NEED DRAGONS TO CREATE HEROES YOU FUCKING BASTARD
WE CAN BECOME GREAT ON OUR OWN, WITHOUT YOUR FILTHY KIND POKING AND CLAWING AT US UNTIL WE HAVE TO PUT YOU DOWN

DAMN STRAIGHT I'VE LOST PEOPLE DEAR TO ME, AND PEOPLE NOT TO DEAR TO ME
I'VE LOSE COUSINS AND UNCLES, SOLDIERS AND CITIZENS
ALL OF THEM HAVE LOST MOTHERS AND FATHER, BROTHERS AND SISTERS, SONS AND DAUGHTERS
I DO THIS FOR ALL OF MAN, NOT MYSELF

>>47718122
THEN WE SHALL MARCH FROM EVERY HORIZON, THE GROUND WILL BE TURNED TO MUD UNDER ARE MARCH, THE FORESTS TO SPLINTERS, AND THE MOUNTAINS TO RUBBLE
WE SHALL BRING DOWN THE VERY HEAVENS UPON YOUR HEAD LIKE A GREAT HAMMER IF NEED BE
I LONG FOR THE DAY THAT YOU ARE THE LAST DRAGON, ANCIENT RED; FOR THEN I SHALL KNOW, OR MY DESCENDENTS SHALL KNOW, OR THEIR DESCENDENTS SHALL KNOW, THAT OUR DUTY IS FINALLY CLOSE TO AN END

>>47718037
Those places you cannot reach are in your own heart, young one. Once, I was a force the likes of which you would have wept in awe and terror to behold. But after outliving a few cycles of this universe, what point is there to 'dominion'? There is greater purpose beyond the limits of flesh and trinkets and time. One day you too shall learn of this.

Is dating a hydra polygamy?

>>47718162
>>47718122
Can you two please stop shouting? It's murder enough on two ears, never mind eighteen.

>>47718190
Yes and no.

Frankly, even we're not entirely sure.

>>47718205
Kiss your other head ya dirty slut.

>>47718196
FUCK YOU HYDRA; WORTHLESS ABDRAGONS ARE EVEN MORE DISGUSTING THAN THE FULL BLOODED ONES

>>47718205
>>47718223
What genre is hydra heads going at it? Selfcest, masturbation?

>>47718162
Yes, you make heroes on your own. No you are not one of them. You're just an angry savage, much like that little Red you keep arguing with. All that a dragon does is test those heroes, make them earn a fortune if such base desire is what they have, or the wisdom of kings before.

Seriously, the whole hoard thing is just bait for heroes. We invite challenge and see who the universe favors any given day.

>>47718264
THEN FUCK HEROES IF THEY ARE NOTHING MORE THAN THE PLAYTHING OF THE UNIVERSE, AND FUCK THE UNIVERSE AND ITS FAVOR IN KIND

WE WILL CRACK WHATEVER GREAT CLOCKWORK IMPARTS MOTIVE ANIMA TO THE WORLDS AND THE STARS, AND WE SHALL REBUILD IT TO SUIT US

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>>47715862
I want whyverns to leave

human posting silly melodrama? While you do this I destroy a caravan

There was even baby human!

>>47718338
WERE THEY EXTREMELY PALE AND WEARING SILLY HATS WITH RED FEATHERS?

Hey, young dragon here. I wanted to build my horde quickly, but am currently not of the "raze a kingdom" size. So I approached some human soldiers and threatened them into serving me. Then I got some more, had them paint me onto their shields, and headed out for the nearest war.

When we got there I offered my human servants as soldiers for hire to the weaker of the two sides in exchange for a massive pile of gold. See, humans are weird. They give gold out in exchange for services. Like I said, weird.

So we head out to battle and the other side is terrified of the "Dragon Knights" and their glorious master, me. I flew around, toasted some archers, ate the enemy general and had a good time.

We were so successful that now I have offers coming from all over the place. Humans throw massive amounts of gold at me and it's getting to the point where when my pets and I show up the other side just runs.

It's unconventional, sure, but my hoard is way bigger than a dragon my age could hope for.

Here's what I need your advice for. My mother is coming to check in with me, she's like that, and I don't know how she'll react to my lifestyle. Especially the parts where I, uhh, pay my pets with a small part of the gold I get. How should I break it to her?

>>47718168
SPOKEN AS ONE WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT POWER TRULY IS: AN END UNTO ITSELF. THE PUREST EXPRESSION OF PURPOSE AND THE ULTIMATE ACT OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

YOUR CLAIM OF GREATER PURPOSE IS AS NEBULOUS AND FALSE AS THE PEACE WHICH YOU BELIEVE TO HAVE FOUND. I CAN BURN AWAY THE DECEIT AND SEE THROUGH YOUR SILVERED WORDS AND LYING TONGUE, FALSE-DRAGON, EVEN IF YOU CANNOT.

FUCKING CELESTIALS, I SWEAR TO TIAMAT.

>>47718162
I WOULD EXPECT NOTHING LESS, WRETCH. WORLDS SHALL BURN AND WITHER BENEATH MY BREATH, CONTINENTS RENT ASUNDER BY MY TALONS THE DAY YOU BRING YOUR PEOPLE TO FACE ME. THEIR DUTY IS TO FACE ME ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE? THEN THEIR DUTY IS TO DIE. TO BE FED INTO A RAGING INFERNO THAT -CANNOT- BE QUELLED, NOT BY THE BLOOD OF A HUNDRED THOUSAND OF YOUR PATHETIC KIND. NOT BY THE BLOOD OF A MILLION, OR A HUNDRED MILLION.

I AM INDESTRUCTIBLE. THE STARS WILL DIE OUT AND CREATION WILL GROW COLD AND STILL, AND I WILL STILL BE HERE, LAUGHING.

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> Join us to find local dragons!
> No sign up required!

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>>47718242
That is entirely unnecessary, sir.

I suppose there's no more need for hiding.

>>47718441
THEN WE SHALL EXTINGUISH YOU WITH THE BLOOD OF A BILLION, OR A HUNDRED BILLION, OR A MILLION WORLDS WORTH OF BLOOD.
NOTHING IS INDESTRUCTABLE, BEAST, IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF FINDING SOMETHING HARDER.
WE WILL FIND SOMETHING HARDER, AND YOU HAD BEST BE PREPARED FOR THE END.

>>47718449
FUCKING DISGUSTING, DEFILING THE HUMAN FORM WITH HORRID DRACONIC FEATURES

>>47718498
Aye boii wan sum fuk? ;)

>>47718292
Even the man who killed my great-grandfather wasn't this full of hot air, and I'm sure you all know who rampaged through Lernea.

>>47718532
NO

>>47718554
THIS HOT AIR WILL SCOUR THE SCALES FROM YOUR FLESH AND THE FLESH FROM YOUR BONES, FOUL WYRM

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>>47715748
Remove lizard. Only good dragon a dead dragon. Wyvern or hydra also.

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Listen, my fellow draconic brethren, I have a conundrum and I come here today hoping that one or many of you may be able to offer advice to aid me in my plight. I am a noble blue dragon situated on the borders of the Great Wastes, the land that my kind rightfully claim as their own, but I am loathe to admit I have been pushed to the far east by my elder siblings. Still, I have carved out a comfortable home here, both with lair and horde, and have even managed to acquire a few mortal servants to aid in making my living more comfortable. Quite impressive for a dragon not quite yet in his second century, don't you think?

The wastes have become the grave to many human "kings" in their short lives, and one in particular seems to have decided death is not quite to his tastes, and risen as a mummy lord. It seems he has taken a liking to tormenting the local mortal populace, which at first I found very amusing, until he started destroying a few of their pitiful villages that had settled around his tomb, and the refugees found safety around *my* lair.

I suppose I am more tolerant of these frail insects than most, and so I accepted them. Do not mistake me for one of those strange human fetishists It was only one time, everyone experiments in college but I find them useful, and the steady supply of gold and fine food is more than welcomed. I suppose I should be flattered that they recognise my sheer strength, but these mortals keep calling me to slay the fiend, and proclaiming me as a hero in their direst hour. Worse still, the dead lord seems to have a grudge towards me. No surprise, really, since I was the one who killed him... oh, just over a hundred years ago?

>>47718648
While slaying the mummy lord, a simple affair of raining down lightning upon his home, would be beneficial to both myself and my subjects, I worry they might start believing their tripe about me being their savior, and I hardly want that kind of reputation to spread amongst my brethren. While I have no doubts about my superior cunning and intelligence compared to my fellow blues, many are far larger than myself, and would certainly see my size and my "generosity towards mortals" as a sign of weakness, and would certainly try to steal my horde. I fear I would not be able to protect it.

I thank you in advance, my kin.

>>47718648
>>47718662
Kill the Undead Lord, start a religion.

They'll hunt your rivals for you, die for you, and most of all keep you fat and wealthy.

>>47718441
So you say, whelp, but you know nothing of power. When last I wore a shell of flesh, my wings swept whole worlds across the void and stars ran like glittering jewels between my claws. My breath is Time itself, and even dragons can be worn down by sands of passing ages.

Have your fun with the loud human, but learn your place and hold your tongue when you address one who calls Tiamat a little cousin.

As for you surviving this universe, I leave it up to your ability to mature. Unlike others, I am willing to bring down those like you, for this world has no need if such monsters attaining a position such as mine. When the stars grow dim, I shall look upon you once again, and should I find you wanting, you shall learn what true, cosmic power is like.

>>47718826
HAVING POWER IS EASY. GIVING IT UP IS EASIER. UNDERSTANDING POWER, THOUGH? THAT'S HARD.

AS YOU SO CLEARLY DEMONSTRATED WITH THE PATH YOU CHOSE.

YOUR WORDS AND PROMISES ARE AS EMPTY AND EPHEMERAL AS YOUR RESOLVE.

>>47718648
have you try to shoot lightning at the humans?

I shoot lightning at the humans and it makes them stop doing whatever thing they are doing that makes me want to shoot lightning at them. When that do not work I sometimes get a big rock and I drop the rock on to the humans while I fly over them.

They stop talking to you about liche once you do that a few times I think.

>>47718868
Clearly it is you who does not understand. But then, it is to be expected from a child such as you. Either you will learn in time, or corrective action will be taken.

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>>47715748
Sea Serpent masterrace reporting in!

>>47717959
You were insured for that right? If not, just scry out where those assholes live and steal their planet.

>>47718689
I have considered enlightening the mortals and teaching them true worship of dragons, but I have seen them fight, and they truly are pitiful. Perhaps a few of the newcomers show more promise in the hunt, but I doubt they would even be able to land a scratch should I come to blows with another, older dragon. Convincing them to fight would not only lead to my wounded pride and raided lair, but also my mortal servants slain.

...that is, assuming they would not simply slaughter my servants just for pledging themselves to me, which I also do not doubt would happen.

>>47718913
Oh, often, just to remind them who here is properly in control but... I am no red. I appreciate some subtly and courtesy, even when dealing with mortals, and I prefer equal measures of fear and respect in my subjects, rather than indulging in my baser instincts and ruling over them with an iron fist and bloody claw.

I was considering enlisting the aid of some adventurers, perhaps. I would calm those under my rule and have proof that I was contributing to the slaying of the undead creature, by sending out agents of my will to quell the problem, but I would have plausible deniability if my kin questioned it. Of course, I then risk an even greater loss of face, as the others might see me as too weak to solve my own problems, and having to seek outside help to deal with them (Thank Tiamat they are not here to read these messages). Regardless, what is the current rate of a competent adventuring party? Do they only accept payment in gold? Will offering them other mortals as compensation suffice?

>>47719002
AN IMPASSE, THEN. YOU HIDE IN THE LOFTY SPHERES OF HEAVEN, LOOKING DOWN UPON EVERYONE IN SOLEMN JUDGEMENT, HAVING TAKEN THE EASY WAY OUT.

MEANWHILE, I EMBRACE WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A DRAGON. I DO NOT TURN MY BACK UPON MY DESTINY.

WOULD THAT I EVER THOUGHT I WERE BECOMING OF A LIKE MIND TO SOMETHING LIKE YOU, COMPLETELY DEVOID OF THE WILL TO POWER AND YET PLAYING AT WISDOM, I WOULD SIMPLY ALLOW THE BARBARIAN TO SLAY ME OUT OF SHAME. DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO CONCERN YOURSELF.

>>47719130
They're new.

Treat them like they treat cattle. Eventually they will be strong, and by that point so dependent on you there is no way they could rebel.

>>47718389
Dazzle her with your giant pile of shinies. If there's anything between her ears that'll get her attention. Also you can point out that you're getting lots of practice at burning humans for later on.

>>47719139
WHO ARE YOU CALLING BARBARIAN, ANCIENT

YOUR KIND MAY BE POWERFUL, EVIL AS YOU ARE, BUT I DO NOT SEE SIGN OF ART NOR SCIENCE, NOT SO MUCH AS THE MOST MINIMAL OF MASONRY AMONG YOUR EYRIES AND ROOSTS.
WHERE IS YOUR CIVILIZATION, THEN

>>47719130
I think you need to shoot more lightning.

>>47719197
CIVILISATION IS FOR THOSE WHO REQUIRE SAFETY IN NUMBERS. IT IS A CRUTCH.

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>>47719034
I'm never commissioning those goblin painters ever again. Look how small that came out!

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>All these dragons talking about living in caves, ransacking kingdoms, eating people, and stealing gold

Look, I know you all feel deeply inadequate and need to prove your superiority by bulling the lesser races, but you really should try working with them at some point. Yes, they are a bit dim, but if you get them properly fed and don't force them to work in fields all day, some grow to be quite smart.

Anyway, it takes them a while, but if you encourage them to compete on various frontiers they eventually make some pretty cool shit. Even better, they'll let you do this thing where you give them money for a portion of everything they subsequently make! It's difficult to decide who to fund, of course, but with careful planning I've grown my horde to absolutely ludicrous proportions.

Of course, I don't necessarily measure my self-worth by piles of gold, unlike the rest of you. Doing things in this manner also allows me to have interesting conversations with a wide variety of minds over the millennia, and, while I hesitate to consider such creatures "friends", they are quite entertaining. I've also grown to a place of learned respect in their culture, as opposed to being revered because of fear—a reverence the wise can always see through.

But, I suppose, it is up to you to decide if you want to keep acting in such cruel ways. Maybe one day you shall see the light.

>>47719265
WHATEVER YOU MAY PRESUME ABOUT THE STRENGTH, WEAKNESS, AND NATURE OF CIVILIZATION, I AM NO BARBARIAN.

REGARDLESS, A CIVILIZATION IS STRONGER THAN THE SOME OF ITS PARTS.

A MILLION MEN ALONE WILL FIGHT AGAINST EACH OTHER, FRACTURE AND SEEK TO OVERCOME EACH OTHER; THEY ARE IRRELEVENT IN THE WHOLE.

A MILLION MEN TOGETHER WILL SHUDDER A WORLD

>>47719299
I just want to be left alone. Just let me have my desert, sand, and the mountains and I'm content just hanging out minding my own business.

If lesser races start fucking with me, like they have recently again, I'll fuck with them back. But it's a headache and I don't need it in my life.

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>>47719299
> you really should try working with them at some point
Never. No cooperations with treacherous wyrms. Get removed lizrd.

Hey all, so funny story.
I've been running a business for a good 1000 years or so. I've got more wealth than you can shake a stick at. Literally, because my company has spread to every continent on this planet. All in all it's a good gig.
So I was sitting in my mortal sized office the other day reading a book and this guy bursts in and starts yelling in some butchered version of the local language about lizards and pyramids. And then he shanks me with a knife! Well of course it bounced right of my skin so there I am, book in hand with a dagger hanging out of my fluffy robe looking at the guy wonder what in the All-Mother's name this is supposed to be and this idiot shouts some line about "The Truth" and jumps out of the bloody window. I'm not sure what he thought that was going to accomplish but I'm guessing he had time to think about it before he splattered on the ground. Oh and turns out that the knife was poisoned so that's a perfectly good robe ruined.

Now it's not like I've been sleeping for a millennium but I've got no idea what that was about. Anyone experienced anything like this?

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>>47719322
>I just want to be left alone. Just let me have my desert, sand, and the mountains and I'm content just hanging out minding my own business.
Not of happening. When your kind of minding your business it's only time's matter until you decide to get back to burning, pillaging and subjugating.our peoples. Every dragon that is not yet a child-eating monstrosity is a child-eating monstrosity waiting to happen. And it will happen - someday, to someone. It's in your foul nature. Gotta remove, ASAP.

>>47719375
I let the nomads alone. They sometimes leave sacrifices or something for me. A sheep or some other food item usually, but rarely its a human. It's a little awkward to be frank. But I'm getting off topic.

Don't judge me by all the other dragons here that mettle in the affairs of lesser races. Just let me have my little piece of land and I'll let you have yours.

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>>47719363
It's simple. You're about to be removed. It's not happening any times soon, but it's happening. We're of working on it.

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>>47719440
Go to bed, George.

>>47717618
Great, I'll send you the details on a few abandoned dwarven ruins. You might want to bring help though, so long as you collectively take no more than 20%, we'll all be golden.

Heh, because one's an old gold foundry. Get it?

>>47717682
You're loss.

>>47717730
I've considered that but, honestly, I didn't even like the "kidnap princess for ransom" thing too much as getting money is concerned. This kingdom takeover is for my ego really. I live by my dad's motto: "be smarter than the smarties and tougher than the toughies, and make it by fucking shit up yourself."

>>47717706
First of all, elves tend to be on the lithe side of physical builds while orcs are muscular. Also, orcs have skintones which tend to range fron green to ashy.

Also, tusks.

>>47717959
I think it's time to find a new planet, broh. Can you plane travel?

>>47718389
Well, how traditional is your mom? If she's like my dad, who was pretty conservative, he'd call you a faggot for letting your enemies run, not jacking the money out of their coin purses, and serving their remains to your soldiers so "They can be the shit they truly are".

If she's like my mom who is more... Weird. She'd ask you something about 'bottom lines' and 'investments'.

Either way, tell me you've been looting the bodies of your enemies. You can have your pets either sell it, don it if it's better, add it to your horde, etc. and it'll multiply your horde building.

Hey, just because I prefer uphill horde building style doesn't mean I don't know how to do it the other way.

>>47718441
>>47718498
This banter, drakes. This banter. I want to transform them both into dwarves, give them knives, and watch them fight it out.

>>47718648
>>47718662
Yeah, gonna say just kill the mummy lord. That guy's gonna cause problems for you eventually, plus his army has probably built up a lot of awesome stuff to jack from them

I want to fuck a human

>>47719642
Statistically, a human will fuck you first

>>47719440
Cute. I guess it's lawsuit time.

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Why did they ruin my waifu, why'd they have to turn her into a human for the dirty fleshies?

My blue eyes-cum dragon.

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>>47719034
My brother from another mother.

You're like us but wet.

>>47715921
>Europe

You must be talking about the new sand serpent enclosure anon. Fucking animals, coming over to our sacred lands and stealing our females!

I'd fry a few myself but you know how much some of the elder dragons have a stiffy for them right now.

>>47715748
RYUU GA WAGA TEKI WO KURAU

>>47717433
don't speak moon runes to be honorable

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>>47719642
Gross you fucking degenerate, I bet you have a collection of Bad Human toys too!

>>47719952
Sand serpent reporting in.

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>>47719952
>sand serpents

Welcome to my world. They've been here for centuries. You get used to the company after a while.

>>47719958
Oh, not again.

>>47719983
FUCK YOU SAND SERPENT NOBODY LIKES YOU

>>47715987
He could be a small dragon. Dont discriminate.

>>47719569
The very fact that my mother is checking on my progress should tip you off that she isn't very traditional. In any case, she flew in about an hour ago.

I had all of my gold stacked high in the middle of our camp and began sunbathing on it. (I never really had the whole thing in one spot before, turns out its large enough that my minions grew tired climbing to its peak)

She flew down and began scolding me for having all my wealth in the open. I simply pointed out that my forces had grown quite large and experienced, even a dragon of her power would find considerable risk trying to take from my pile.

The combination of wealth, ego and direct threats seems to have worked. She left shortly after and didn't seem to concerned upon learning that I payed my minions. Which is a massive relief, I can't imagine what she'd have done if she learned about the Dragon Knights retirement plans and life insurance policies.

Some of you might be scoffing at those ideas, but my system has gotten me a thousand elite soldiers ready to fight to the death for me. They may be humans, but that's still worth a hell of a lot.

>>47720238
Being >>47719363, I can honestly say that there's nothing wrong with what you're doing. Sure there are some diehard traditionalists that'll bitch and moan about it but frankly I can't hear them over this mountain of gold I'm rolling in.

>>47719569
>This banter, drakes. This banter. I want to transform them both into dwarves, give them knives, and watch them fight it out.
AT LEAST DWARVES AINT FUCKING DRAGONS
YOU'RE NEXT, SNAKE

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>>47720238
>>47720315
Yeah, yeah. I know the old ways are dying, but I just still feel like I have to TRY the old ways myself. Live like our forefathers used to and sack towns, take on armies, beat other dragons, and tear the hearts of many a dungeon to make my horde what it is.

Since I'm gonna be a dad soon, maybe it is time to move on and focus more on the treasure itself than the journey of getting said treasure.

>>47719958
Fuck you, man, I decide who I devour!

>>47719642
my advice: you better like them for more than just the sex because, the physical act itself with a human? Kind subpanofeewqt

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WHO /hydra/ HERE

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>>47720480
Hail, fellow Hydra! I've been here for some time.

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>>47720490
Hy ты дaёшь! Surprising to see fellow hydra with the IP ban

you a Yugi?

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>>47720556
Στην πραγματιkότητα, είμαι από την Ελλάδα.

There are few in Hellas these days.

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>>47720577
holy shit, you're stuck in the motherland?

sucks, man

how's the credit?

>>47720587
Getting worse.

What I hear, the humans are taking it the hardest.

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>>47720602
Whoa, not a hydra here but just a regular red dragon: don't you guys have a good horde to fall back on? Do you hydras even horde? And isn't that area loaded with ancient relics you could loot to start off?

>>47720682
I mean, we could, but then they start getting up in arms about their "cultural heritage" and before you know it you're getting your neck-stumps cauterized so you can't regrow your heads.

>>47717005
>banker
>bad

I'm sorry, what? Humans come and give their money to you. You take it. You charge them a fee for keeping it. You charge them interest if they need to borrow some from you.

And in the meantime, you get to build your hoard.

How the fuck is banking not the ultimate in occupations for our race? I reiterate, HUMANS PAY YOU TO TAKE THEIR MONEY.

Hey guys, Bronzy here, got a lair on the bluffs near a cute little human sea-trade kingdom. And boy I got a story for you.

So for the last 200 or so years I've been having this territory dispute with a Red living up in the mountains near my coastline, inland a ways. Pretty sure he didn't browse /dragon/. But yeah, the past tense is proper there because a group of adventurers from the kingdom I live near actually managed to take him down! Mortals and their cheek! Dude must have been at least 500 too! Oh but it gets better. I poke around the kingdom from time to time disguised as a human, mostly to amuse myself watching their silly little antics, but my last trip I almost spat lightning when I saw a new red dragon just traipsing through the streets, getting the awe of the people as he proclaimed himself the kingdom's new protector!

Turns out there was a Wizard in that little adventure party that took the Red down and he used his blood and scales to formulate a spell-ritual that turned him PERMANENTLY into a dragon! None of that Form of Dragon silliness, but literally, like, permanently. I went back recently and he was still there.

A little barbaric, using the old Reds parts like that. But I'm not sure what to make of the situation. I've been hidden since that kingdom was little more than a fishing village. Should I let that wizard have his fun? Or do something about it?

>>47720922
If he becomes a problem, intervene, but then and only then.

>>47720922
KILL THE TRAITOR FOR DARING TO DISCARD THE PERFECTION OF THE HUMAN FORM, AND YOU WILL BE BUMPED DOWN A FEW NOTCHES ON THE "KILL ALL DRAGONS" HIT LIST

>>47720922
What parts in particular did they take? How many times could you perform this with one dragon corpse?

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>>47720922
Maybe I'm bias being a red dragon myself, but I, personally, would like to see that fucker go down.

Fuck, I'm tempted to find that place and fuck his shit up.

Yes, I know he's probably strong enough to just kill me or could bring his adventurer allies to bare on me/ Yes, I know the chaos of the fight and potential collateral damage would mean you'd be obligated to stop me, but fuck man, wizards can't keep getting away with this shit.

I've eaten people, melted people, crushed people, ripped them to shreds. But do I used their blood to fuel rituals to assume myself as one of them? Do I do shit like fuck with a dragoness' mind to convince her she's a princess?

No, I stab people in the face and loot the bodies.

There's shit you don't do and lines you don't cross.

>>47721019
I haven't the foggiest. When I poked around the dead guy's lair after not hearing from him or seeing him on his regular patrols, His body was drained completely of blood and most of his scales gone. Skeleton was intact. Hoard gone, of course. I'll have to do some background work to make sure that kingdom's economy doesn't totally collapse. I haven't seen any other suddenly new dragons about, so I'm assuming it was a one-time thing. I doubt the wizard that did it will be open to sharing his arcane notes, though.

>>47720988
Fuck off you transdracophobic asshole.

>>47721057
I AM AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY HATER
ALL DRAGONS MUST BURN, WHETHER THEY ARE NATURAL OR OTHERWISE

>>47721079
Aw, child, you are cute.

But I doubt you will be for long.

>>47721090
DO NOT 'CHILD' ME!

I AM STEEL, I AM CONQUEST

>>47721079
Is your name Sir ALL CAPS? Because it should be.

Seriously, just use plague or something. You'd be suprised how effective it is at killing things, AND you don't have to get the line of fire.

>>47721114
PLAGUE IS FOR BLACK DRAGONS, AND YOUR KIND ARE UNNATURALLY IMMUNE TO BLIGHT REGARDLESS

>>47721043
I'm not unreasonable. If you DO insist on coming out here to confront him, lure him to the mountains, at least. The little kingdom shows promise and I'd rather you not burn it down.

Also don't try and claim territory or we WILL have problems.

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Human here

What's the purpose of having a horde? Do you sleep in it? Is it for bragging rights?

>>47721141
I'm not a dragon either, I'm just saying that your approach is too suicidal, and I don't like dying.

>>47721114
That's probably not manly enough for him. He's just some edgy teenager hanging out with humans to piss of his parents.

Give 50 years and he'll grow out of it.

>>47721156
Well you see fellow human, steel doesn't necessarily refer only to blade; it can also refer to legions of ballistae with steel bolts.

KILL ALL DRAGONS

>>47721178
Does that include making a metal, mechanical giant and using it to beat the shit out of a dragon?

>>47721178
I want /human/ to leave

>>47721178

Hey, I'm Bronze and I never harmed a hair on any human or humanoid's head! In fact, I'm trying to help this little port kingdom grow and flourish! Why in the Nine Hells would you want to kill me for?

Not that you could anyway.

Eh, actually I shouldn't say that considering what happened to that Red, and I'm at least 100 years or so younger than he was.

>>47721224
Well we're not leaving, deal with it

>>47721144
Thanks for hearing me out on this, I think I will take Eris's advice and sleep on it. Even only because she's adorable being a squishy, semi-spoiled kidnapped princess worried about a motherfucking red dragon getting killed by a lone wizard.

Hahahaha, like I'll let that stop me. I'm killing that fucker and skinning him. I just need to find my antimagic artifacts and find those adamantine chains to load into my cannons.

>>47721152
Bragging rights, collection hobby, sometimes a bed, sometimes a food source even. Hordes are very very multi-purpose and a good idea to have. It's why even supposedly none greedy dragons have a reason to keep one.

>>47720696
Wow, that's laughable since your homelands are getting their culture trashed by the sand people.

But in that respect, eris actually told me what you could do is pose as a cultural heritage protector and safeguard. As a local, native megafauna, and part of a rare breed, she says as long as you present yourself well enough you comight just convince your local human settlement leader.

>>47721199
Abso-fucking-lutely, comrade.

>>47721224
NO

>>47721230
BECAUSE ALL YOUR KIND ARE FILTHY, HORRID SCALED BEASTS; EVEN THE METALLICS, DESPITE BEING "GOOD", ARE NOTHING MORE THAN POMPOUS OAFS WHO SEE THEMSELVES AS SOME KIND OF FINER BREED.
WHERE WERE THE GOLDS AND SILVERS WHEN THAT PAIR OF REDS TORCHED HALF MY KINGDOM, AND SEVERAL MORE BESIDES.
THEY WERE UP IN THERE FUCKING ROOSTS, READING BOOKS, AND LAUGHED AWAY OUR ENVOYS PLEADING FOR HELP.

FUCK THE CHROMATICS
FUCK THE METALLICS
FUCK ALL OF YOU

>>47721178
Do I still count as human if I get turned into a vampire or lich?

>>47721280
AT LEAST YOU AREN'T A DRAGON

A DRACOLICH, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING

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>>47721278
Please calm down.

>>47721329
NO
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

>>47721278
>WHERE WERE THE GOLDS AND SILVERS WHEN THAT PAIR OF REDS TORCHED HALF MY KINGDOM, AND SEVERAL MORE BESIDES.

I cannot say. But where were thou or any other dragonslayer when I was kidnapped and several royals beside?

>>47721422
TRYING TO SAVE THE KINGDOM, IT'S CROPS, IT'S TIMBER, AND IT'S PEOPLE FROM DRAGONFIRE AND THE SUBSEQUENT RECONSTRUCTION YOU DAMN BRAT.

Half of the royals are damn useless bastards anyways, and with how difficult they make governence I -almost-, -ALMOST-, don't mind them being taken by dragons!

I hear those westerners across the green sea have had some success with non-kingdoms, we ought to see how that works out, miss royalty!

>>47721459
I have to say, you burned him pretty bad
Not as bad as the dragons burned your kingdom tho

>>47718648
>not quite yet in his second century
>college

Blue dragon my ass. As if your stupid selfie wasn't enough for anyone to tell you're just a runty drake. No wonder you can't even take on one little mummy lord.

Remove drake

>>47721516
MY RAGE BURNS HOTTER THAN DRAGONFIRE
I WILL END YOU

>>47721527
But how can you burn anything with all those tears?

>>47721539
FINE THEN, I'LL BROIL YOU TO DEATH

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>>47721275
most of us left for a fucking reason dranon

remove dirt snakes, remove kebab

>>47720696
I'd say you should move but it's not like it's much better with putin up here

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>>47721545
How you gonna heat up the water?
the charcoal of your dead family?

>>47721545
Listen child. Do you know what a Convocation is? We dragons have those from time to time. It's heavy shit. We can't deny them when they are called together. And I'm going to tell you right now that it's the last thing you want us to do.

Dragonslayers out and about to kill us? Yeah, that's fine. We'll deal with that shit. But the moment your little species gains enough clout to become a legit problem, we WILL ALL get together.

Two red dragons burned down half your kingdom, and so you wanna declare war on all of us. We aren't daft. And we aren't so incorrigibly proud that we won't get together to solve a major problem. That's major on a draconic scale, mind you.

Two red dragons burned down half your kingdom.

You don't wanna see what we'll do if you piss off all of us.

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Fuck, guys, so I've been hanging out with this cute Wyvern chick, and she asked me out today!
But I've never had a GF before, so I have no idea what to do.
Anyone give me some tips before I head over to her cave?

Pic related: Me.

>>47721545
How in bloody Tiamat's name did a human get here? This is supposed to be OUR thread, not yours.

What happened to the 'non-dragons aren't allowed' rules of this site? Bad enough that the lesser subspecies of our glorious race is here, but now, humans too? HUMANS?!? IN THIS THREAD?!

Is the Admin slacking off again? For fuck's sake, fix this shit up.

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>>47721599
>dating a wyvern
holy shit why

it's only a matter of time before she goes back to that bwc

>>47721576
Why are you so cruel

>>47721589
WE KNOW HOW TO KILL YOU
WE'VE BEEN PLANNING FOR A LONG TIME
I KNOW HOW YOUR KIND THINKS AND FEELS, AND YOU WILL NOT COME TOGETHER IN TIME TO STOP OUR MARCH

Do keep in mind, Dragon; I never said it would absolutely be my kingdom; it might not even be the next, or the next after a thousand years. We will cast off your yoke of terror and oppression, and the earth will drink it's fill of your blood.

>>47721619
REMOVE DRAGON REMOVE DRAGON FUCK YOU

/Dragon/, I'm so lonely. I've done everything in my power to spruce up my beautiful swamp - there's animal carcasses in every tree, cute little giant leeches in all the ponds, soft lichens to rest on, and even a temple of Tiamat nearby to set the mood with their soothing chants. I had to do all of this myself, because the pH level of the water is too low for even kobolds to survive out here, but despite my best efforts, I can't get any cutie3.14 dragonettes to wanna come over. Please help a lovelorn black dragon.

>>47721627
Do you have any attractive physical features?

Like, I don't know, man. Showcase some of your hoard around the place out in the open to make it look like you're the boss?

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>>47721625
>Why are you so cruel
Life is cruel

>>47721625
Chill down human. You sound a bit too overheated.

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>>47721627
date a wurm

they have no standards and will live anywhere

>>47721667
Overheated.....
WITH THE FIRES OF HIS LOVED ONES

>>47721660
>Life is cruel
Then I will end the greatest source of that cruelty, Dragons.

>>47721667
NOT AS OVERHEATED AS THE HUNDREDS UPON HUNDREDS UPON HUNDREDS OF ACRES OF FARM, FOREST, AND VILLAGE YOUR KIND TORCHED
FUCKING DRAGONS
GET FUCKED

>>47721620
Hey, at least it's not a hydra.

Imagine the headache to date with a hydra and deal with her eleven split personalities? Fucking insane.

protip: unless you're a hydra, never date one. ever. unless you the masochistic sort, in that case, what the fuck is wrong with you?

>>47721673
Or a particularly fat alligator

>>47721679
On the other claw, if you don't like one personality, you can chop that head off and see if the new ones are any better.

>>47721685
No, you don't understand. It's less about not liking her personality. Rather, it felt like you're DEALING WITH ELEVEN FUCKING DRAGONS SIMULTANEOUSLY! AND DON'T LET ME GET STARTED WHEN THEY STARTED ARGUING, ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE THE JEALOUS SORT!

LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK? YOU ALL SHARE THE SAME BODY! DEAL WITH THAT SHIT YOURSELF!

Are ALL hydras like that? If so, then you have better luck dating with 11 different bitches than a fucking hydra. Shit's so intense and high-maintenance. Almost wasted my entire hoard just to treat her, without getting any of her heads left out. Guess what? THEY DO ANYWAY!

Fucking Hydras.

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>>47721679
Can confirm.

I keep warning them about my sister, but do they listen? Noooo!

>>47721675
Aaaand that was the joke. Can't blame your monkey brain for not getting it though.

>>47721731
Now there are a few where the central head calls the shots, but that just means if she doesn't like you, NONE of them will.

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How many heads is optimal for a hydra?

>>47721737
WE'RE APES DAMMIT
NOT MONKEYS
APES
A P E S

>>47721744
Like, I don't know, man. How the fuck do us dragons differentiate the central head of a hydra from the others anyway? They all look the fucking same to me.

No offense to all hydras, of course. I know there exists a few truly good ones out there. It's just... fuck, I thought she was the love of my life until this shit happened.

>>47721759
No I think you don't understand. We dragons are apex. You are just monkeys. It is not difficult. Now go back to the house you don't have anymore, or to /kng/ or wherever you came from.

>>47721754
Well, the ability to support more heads is an indicator of greater physical and mental strength, and victory in battle, so as many as you can handle.

I've only got seven heads myself.

>>47721056
>>47720922

AHAHAHAHA THAT WAS PRICELESS.

I just watched the Wizard try and fly with his new wings for the first time, and hoooo.

He careened right into the ocean, they had to get the fishing nets to pull him out.

He's fine. He's fine, but it's hilarious that wizards use a spell to fly without wings, and the moment they get real ones they flail about like wyrmlings!

>>47721784
I'LL APEX YOUR FUCKING SKULL DAMMIT
A P E S
WE ARE APES
WE DON'T HAVE TAILS
FUCK YOU

>>47721754
All of them

>>47721797
Report and ignore.

>>47721079
>ALL DRAGONS MUST BURN, WHETHER THEY ARE NATURAL OR OTHERWISE
Truer world were never posted. Dragons are abominations, an insult to the face of every world. There is no purpose for their existence other than subjugating, robbing and tormenting everything they can reach under no justification other than a dragon's desire. Their reason is absolute ego, overblown by tremendous strength. Theirs is the creed of the sword law, taken to it's logical conclusion.

This leviathanic evil... we cannot suffer it to live.

Draganons, i need a suggestion.

I'm not that kind of dragon that likes to be disturbed, but generally humans have not been a problem around my lair.
Unfortunately the ice trolls around my mountain have started migrating, dunno why or where, and with them going away my food supply is depleting.

>inb4 eating trolls
They're delucious, i advise you try them, especially roasted. They remain fat and juicy even when cooked.

Anyway, i figured i'd have to move my lair if i don't want to starve. There is a small human settlement half a day if flight from here, but personally i don't like human meat and killing knights is pretty tiring.
Some dragons i know tell me human meat is an acquired taste, but i'm indecisive.

About a week of flight west there is a huge elven city. Should i try there? I guess the food would be better but moving my hoard ti such a great ristance might left it open to scavengers

>>47721844
Oh fucking hell, not another one.

We might as well rename this thread to /h/umans and create another one for us dragons.

>>47721873
Dragons are bad and you should feel bad for perpetuating your existence as one instead of ramming a mountain headfirst and making world a better place.

>>47721848
Elves are a pain to deal with though. Every fucking one of them seems to be either a peerless archer or some high level wizard. Not that it is not satisfying to get rid of them, but knights are a much easier fight to pick.
Now I have no idea on taste, because after an acid shower pretty much everything has the same taste.

>>47721873
Right? At least cockroaches have the common decency to stay out of sight or flee the moment they get seen. These guys are just embarrassing themselves.

We're close to thread limit anyway, see you guys in another 10 years when the next thread goes up, yeah?

>>47721848
Hmm, I don't know. Elves tend to be a bit riskier than humans. At least for humans, you'll have to deal with a minor annoyance every now and then. Elves however, get all pissy and stuff when we try to settle near their 'territory'. And a lot more tenacious, since we're overstepping their millenia-old law and stuff that I can't care to remember.

Small elven settlement is fine, but for a huge city? I mean, you can try. Just hope that they don't have any powerful artifacts or spellcasters that could actually be a danger to you. Large elven cities usually have more of those stuff than human does.

If you think you're in danger, then get the fuck out. No troubles worth getting your ass beaten by the elves and becoming a laughing stock among your peers.

>>47721848
Have you tried farming? Kidnap some troll kids and raise them to worship you as a god. The area around your lair becomming a holy place and all that so that they stay around. Just engineer their religion to have a figure that can take the blame when you eat some.

I know it's not a solution to the problem at hand, but you have to think in the long run.

>>47721917
Ritual sacrifice is where it is at, dranon.

You lads archiving this?

>>47721924
Eh, mortals tend to bring the same type of sacrifice over and over again.

I like to be spontaneous. Sometimes you just feel like snatching some hunters, but your subjects have already been preparing the temple virgin for 15 years and it would just be a waste.

>>47721935
>lads
>not dranons
>archiving
>not hoarding
Human spotted.

>>47721948
>Not eating both

>>47721950
Sorry, pal, that's what spending five decades as the chief scholar of a human library will do to ya.

At least I get paid in fair maidens.

>>47721987
I hope you were bossing those men around and not just working wih them.

>>47721917
I considered this the first time i moved in my current lair. Every dragon has that god-complex phase, don't bully pls.
Thing is, trolls are basically animals, for what i observed. They don't communicate and when i tried, they either ran away or flung their own dung at me while yelling histerically. I'll try and see if i find why they're migrating, maybe the humans did something, i dunno.

>>47721907
>>47721892
I'll try and snoop around the elven city to see if i can get some safe place where i can snatch some elves without being seen. I'm not a fan of magic but might try and use alter self for this one.

at worst, I'll just settle for the humans, or fly back north and see if i can find some abandoned dwarf hold like the one i hatched in. It was pretty comfy until those fucking stunties brought an army to our door and tried to murder us in our sleep.

Dwarves are a fucking pain, i tell ya.