File: Snakes are fucking adorable.png (584 KB, 590x675)

584 KB PNG

>>47547348
>Battle ends
>We decide to go fight the goblins at their lair in the swamp.
>We get to the lair but there's skeletons and shit everywhere
>Samurai from a couple hundred years ago.
>Goblins barely fended them off, only non-combatants left
>Alchemist throws a firebomb at them
>Alchemist is trying to cut off the ears of live goblins, because, quote
>"There's a bounty on goblin ears. It'd be immoral if we killed them, so we can just tear off their ears."
>Paladin desperately tries to convince him not to
>Cleric is sweating on his neutral-good hankerchief. Says "We can just bring them in as prisoners; we'll bringing the ears with them so we'll get the bounty anyways!"
>Meanwhile I'm sitting here watching a self-confessed cultist trying to massacre a town of non-combatants
>Hate myself for commiting to roleplay so much
>Have my character fall to the ground, crying like a baby and clinging to his cold iron mace
>Ninja spends the entire combat doing nothing but trying to loot bodies
>Finally convince the Alchemist to stop mutilating surrendering children and women
>Go to fight the skeletons
>They're in a cave
>There's chinese coins fucking everywhere
>Skeletons on the ground, fully formed but not conscious
>There's an alter to the Red Bishop
>Obvious trap, cleric goes in to sanctify the area--
>Alchemist runs to the top of the pile of gold
>Pours blood on a scarf
>Sets it on fire
>Speaks in abyssal which no one else understands
>Skeletons start rising
>Ninja desperately grabs a few coins and then leaves us

>>47547384
>Badass skeleton rises
>GM talks about how dust falls off of his armor as he slowly stands up, red glowing eyes, slowly pulling out his katana
>The entire time I'm saying out loud "1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6."
>Eventually he gets mad and asks me why I'm interrupting it
>At this point I've repeated that 5 times
>Tell him "This entire time, my character has been performing full withdrawl actions. I am now 120 feet away."
>Cleric and Paladin run in to save the alchemist because they're lawful stupid
>I have to go home anyways
>Come back next session to hear the alchemist didn't even try and fight the skeletons because he's a fucking retard

>It is time.
>We're traveling to a small town that was massacred a few decades ago
>Castle containing all the big bad cultists
>GM refuses to tell me anything about what it's like because "Your character has repressed memories"
>Psychic casters can open repressed memories, but you have to beat your own will save
>My +10 comes to bite me in the ass.
>I have to roll a nat 20 to unlock the memories
>Can only try once per day
>Takes 15 days to get there, never roll the 20. Party decides to go in anyways
>Go into castle
>There's a fucking c'thuhloid monster in there
>Constant aura of darkness
>Spell resistance 17
>Average 25 damage on a full attack with like 6 tentacles
>can cast scorching ray at will
>Has flight
>has reach
>We're fucking level 3.
>Wizard rolls knowledge check
>Asks for weaknesses
>"none"
>FUCK
>Wizardbro constantly failing SR and cursing a storm
>Finally gets a spell off, 10 fire damage
>"it doesn't have any effect"
>Wizardbro gets madder but keeps his cool
>Aasimar cleric luckily casts light to get rid of darkness
>Alchemist doing nothing, just hiding behind a rock
>Ninja and Paladin can't reach it
>Everyone pissed off that we can't beat it
>GM just has a smug grin, wants us to run away because it's too badass

>>47547449
>Little did this fucker know, I was onto him
>My character is built for battling Great Old ones
>And I have cheap shit up my sleeve for when he pulls cheap shit
>This entire time I've been creating poison from my snake-man venom
>1d2 strength damage per turn for 6 turns
>Distilled it so much that the DC to save is 36
>"it's immune to poison"
>Fuck you.
>After shooting it at him, send constrictor animal companion up to grapple it
>Roll a 23 to grapple
>"it's too low, doesn't meet his CMD"
>Fuck. You.
>Instigate psychic duel
>It tries to resist
>Pass spell resistance by rolling a nat 20
>Tries to beat my DC, rolls a 3 on the die, fails
>Beating the shit out of C'thuhlu on the psychic plane because it didn't come with anti-psychic abilities and my character is minmaxed as fuck for this
>Team heals during this time, gets in position to fuck it up
>Psychic duel ends
>everyone attacks it at once
>Deal like 78 damage
>GM says it's still alive and it begins to flee
>Gets out of sight
>Later we see it
>Paladin grabs Wizardbro
>Throws him as hard as he can at C'thuhlu
>Wizard finishes it with a magic missile
>Later on get mad enough to get the adventure path book and look at what the monster's stats were
>He lied about it's stats to make the fight more difficult
>THe monster was orginally not even supposed to fight you much because it was having a mental breakdown
>The monster also can't run away during this time, must pray to evil god, meaning the GM was so butthurt about us beating it that he broke that rule too
>He also had a weakness against fear effects, which GM also lied about
>It's CMD was exactly 23 so my snake should have grappled it.
Also worth noting, it had a +28 to climb. It can fucking fly.
>Rest and go to next fight
>It's another fucking boss immediately
>This time it has almost all the same qualities, except it's a Oni, and it has dimension door at will, so we can't kill him because he can always run away.

As a wooden carving once said: "help me."

File: hm0c-1432448278-51550-fuller.jpg (87 KB, 871x624)

87 KB JPG

>>47547449
>"This entire time, my character has been performing full withdrawl actions. I am now 120 feet away."

>get invited to 5e campaign
>DM crafts entire setting including a world map, gods, cities, languages and nobility
>we all get golden tickets to visit the local king's castle
>stonewalls our every attempt to enter the castle
>decide to follow our only lead, that the prince has been kidnapped by goblins
>head north where he was last spotted
>fall into a pitfall
>track the footprints to a bugbear encampment
>kill the bugbears, take one as prisoner
>eventually find a ruined keep, all signs point to goblin raid
>set up watch for the night
>we're ambushed
>it's the king's knights
>they think we took over the keep and kidnapped an innocent bugbear
>us four
>even though the knights know the goblins kidnapped the prince in this very area
>logic

Anyway we got put on trial and settled for paying a wrongful death case for the three bugbears. It would have been funny if the campaign lasted longer than the first session.

File: a8291a4841663c7dd4d21cf1e(...).png (165 KB, 267x309)

165 KB PNG

I was once invited into a first-time GM's magical realm in which a player character could deal 60 CON damage per full round attack, fly and reflect all damage onto attackers as racial traits. What I didn't expect was the explicit yiff and godmodding DMPCs.

There's no real history between the GM and me, a friend of a friend, and that's stretching it. Our mutual friend (henceforth Kevin) only really knows him because they're both Australians, and apparently in a Facebook group together. The upcoming GM was openly a furry, and apparently loaded at that, since he commissions a lot of porn of his OC. One day, he decides to suddenly invite Kevin if he'd like to play Pathfinder in a custom setting. Kevin was busy with uni at the time, so he couldn't make the sessions, but knew the campaign would be a trainwreck, so he recommended me to play in his stead. Kevin passed me a copy of the setting notes, and that's when I realized what I was in for.

To be continued, this is a longer one.

File: Mud.png (32 KB, 640x447)

32 KB PNG

>>47548031
My first instinct was to check the races, and it became obvious this was a fanfiction turned into roleplay. I won't specify what fandom the GM was plagiarizing in his setting, but my silence should tell you everything. I should have backed out then, but my masochism was already tickled, so I started browsing the races for a good caster base.

At first I thought the document was poorly formatted, because the first race's traits seemed to go on forever. I figured it was probably a list of alternate racial traits for the human anologue, but then I took a closer look and saw levels attached to each line. Every race got a laundry list of features that by all accounts should be class features, pic related.

The game was allegedly based on Pathfinder, but clearly the GM had never heard of race points, or balance in general. For reference, this "gain natural armor equal to your level +1" race was underpowered by the other races' standards.

File: Magic.png (39 KB, 641x413)

39 KB PNG

>>47548069
This next race isn't so much overpowered as it is a testament to the GM's unfamiliarity with Pathfinder's grammar, or English for that matter. That is, until you look at what it gets at level 19. Basically, it's Wish as a cantrip with no material cost. Yes, you can create spells an unlimited times daily. No, the GM never elaborated on that.

Worth mentioning is that the GM placed restrictions on what races could play which classes, because he refused to allow anything to deviate from his narrow canon and had no imagination. It isn't mentioned here, but this is the only race that can cast arcane spells. I'll get to how the classes got gutted later, but for now keep that in mind: this is the only kind of wizard or sorcerer you can play.

Start a draw thread.

File: constitution.png (56 KB, 645x541)

56 KB PNG

>>47548120
But I know what you're thinking: when do we get characters that can deal 60 CON damage per turn? Well, here it is. This is possibly the lowlight the system right here. It demonstrates everything wrong with the soon-to-be GM's system. He doesn't understand how attacks are supposed to scale. He doesn't understand what the CON stat does. He doesn't know what an attack of oppurtunity is. And he most certainly did not pass grammar school.

Let's do the math out. Assuming full BAB progression, you get three attacks per turn at level 11. Assuming you were competent in melee, at that level, you could deal 33+3d4 CON damage in a single turn without saves. Hell, even at level 6, that's still 12+2d4 CON damage, enough to kill nearly anything that moves. This limits actual threats to undead, constructs and pretty much nothing else. Need to kill all tension in a campaign? Play this race.

And yes, the stat block is unfinished. He thinks this race needed to be made more powerful.

File: fe19b8736da726d05e34d263f(...).png (82 KB, 140x238)

82 KB PNG

>>47548222
Alright, enough about races. Now we need to talk about classes.

Oh wait! No we can't, because there's even more stupid shit that comes in between. Here are the miscellaneous "homebrew rules" that got stuck in the middle of the document.

>Players naturally regain their Level in Health everyday.

Already covered in RAW, genius, and the term is Hit Dice.

>Natural 20s on Skill and Save checks doubles any bonuses.

Saves should automatically succeed on a 20, but that's at least one take on critical skill checks. I'll allow it.

>Characters start with only their Race’s native languages by default.

Oh, okay. There's no Common in this setting. If the party members don't share a race or coincidentally pick the same bonus languages, the party can't communicate, and the campaign comes to a screeching halt. According to the GM, this was by design. Wonderful gutting of the Linguistics skill.

>Language Skill starts at Base: 0 and each point put into it lets you learn one of these languages.

Yes, good work. That's what the Linguistics skill does.

>Unless it’s at Level one, you still have to ACTUALLY learn the language. And get one point in the language. You have a DC of 20 to effectively communicate with that language. Once per week if you have dedicated time to learning the language or made a successful roll on it you can increase it by 1 to a max of 20.

So to reiterate, you need to spend months or years learning a language before you can speak it, and even after learning it, still need to pass a rather hard check. Or, if you'd like, you can spend a week studying to raise the DC and m a k e i t h a r d e r t o s p e a k.

File: b98522678ccce4f123614abb5(...).png (92 KB, 149x238)

92 KB PNG

>>47548277
I did the math. At level 1, assuming you have 18 in your casting stat (and that he meant "ability modifier" instead of "stat point") and invest in both Spellcraft and Knowledge (Arcana), you have a 23% chance to learn a spell.

Yes, 23% fucking percent. I still am not over that. Right now, flip a coin twice. Did it come up heads both times? No? Fuck you, you can't cast Magic Missle. Didn't roll a 16 on your d20? No Cure Light Wounds for you.

So clearly, you are not intended to actually know any particular spells in this campaign, but that's okay. It turns out only one race is allowed to cast arcane spells anyway, a fact the GM only told us after I made a sorcerer of a different race and had to scrap. This also lead to the GM asking a question in total honesty that I feel summarizes the whole experience for me.

>Are druids divine casters?

Okay, there's that tangent. Now onto classes.

File: come on.png (46 KB, 312x254)

46 KB PNG

>>47547348
>massacred village

>>47548222
This is entirely just proving that liches are the master race.

File: ne3x6trCiW1s2wio8o1_500.gif (1.26 MB, 500x375)

1.26 MB GIF

>>47548315
All classes got the same amount of skill points per level, 5 + INT modifier. While I can understand wanting to give fighters and paladins something to do out of combat (besides being assholes, I mean), this also pretty much destroys the purpose of playing a bard, rogue, or investigator. I asked the GM if this was what he meant, and he confirmed: he was nerfing classes he felt were overpowered.

Divine casters had to worship a specific god. In canon there is one, maybe three gods at most, and all of them are Pure Paragon Goodness mary sues. That meant neutral or evil party members (which the GM encouraged, I'll get to that) were SOL as far as picking gods, and the GM refused to tell us what other gods he was adding to the setting, because it was "a surprise." Get used to hearing that excuse,

But that's not the worst thing to happen to classes. You see, in the d20 system, a fighter is only useful because he gains feats faster than other classes. Well, the GM apparently didn't know that, since he had the brilliant idea of removing feats from the game entirely.

Oh yeah.

File: shagster in heaven.jpg (12 KB, 121x120)

12 KB JPG

>>47548515
In place of feats, we'd have a "Quest" mechanic that would allow us to choose our powers at character creation. No limit was set on this, and it showed. By the time I joined the group, the GM had allowed a player to take a Quest that effectively made him a gunslinger with unlimited grit. It's too bad he's not going to get things like Precise Shot ensuring he can never be useful in a melee.

The GM reasoned that feats were overpowered, and that his new racial traits would be an improvement. I tried reasoning with him that all members of a race would progress the same way, and thus give the player basically no control over his character's growth, but he wouldn't have it. After all, some feats are so essential that everyone takes them anyway, so might as well remove needing to take them. You'd think, then, that he'd remove the penalty for firing into melee, or make Power Attack just another combat maneuver, but apparently he mistook "removing the option" for "removing the necessity".

I silently wrote down "gains feats as a fighter" in my Quest box and tried to move on.

Is anyone actually reading this?

>>47548763
I am indeed reading this, and wondering exactly how deep this rabbit hole goes.

Type onward, OP, as if all the Mary-Sues in hell sought to slice your fingertips with their underpoweredkatanas.

File: o52sfuEijD1qijduu_500.gif (1.17 MB, 400x225)

1.17 MB GIF

>>47548763
Some minutia about races I forgot earlier.

First of all, there's a diminutive race that gets bonuses to hit in melee. Have fun dealing 1 nonlethal damage per attack, jackass.

You'll notice there's a stat that I blacked out while posting the races. That's because it's a fandom-specific term, but even if I showed you the word it wouldn't give any context; it was the equivalent of making "American" a skill. The GM never gave an answer as to what it actually did, only that it was "a surprise", but the best we could figure it was some stat that measured racial purity. The core races got +2 to it, monster races got 0 to it, and worryingly enough, the races that in canon represent black and indigenous people get a -2 to it. I was too scared to ask.

Finally, when Kevin asked the GM his reasoning for making some races clearly more powerful than others, and limited what classes each could play, his only answer was "despairity". Somehow his typo was more apt than he intended.

>>47548867
Okay dude. You can list the furry races now.

File: carl pooh bear.jpg (109 KB, 1024x569)

109 KB JPG

>>47548069

> Majikul resistance
> Majikul

Jesus and I thought TES 'magicka' was trite

File: daa490786c304109172f84a55(...).png (130 KB, 302x162)

130 KB PNG

>>47548867
A few more things about character creation before I explain the one and only session I actually attended. Sorry for not organizing this beforehand.

You'll recall from >>47548315 that you have a huge chance (73% fucking percent, holy shit) to fail learning a spell. Well, as with all things in this system, the stupid swings both ways. Any caster can learn any spell as long as it is on a scroll. Wizards casting healing spells? Sure thing! Clerics firing magic missiles? No problem! It was all fair game in this trainwreck of a system.

During character creation, we would have to specify a "master" as part of our backstory. The GM never fully explained what this meant, or why we needed it, only that if our characters died, our replacement would need to have the same master. Because if there's one thing I enjoy after losing a character, it's making another one with the exact same class and backstory.

Apparently if PCs had the same master, they could share a backstory, but we were never given a list of masters to choose from and nobody attending the game knew each other beforehand, so you've got me as to how that would work out. I think he just used this as an excuse so, if his girlfriend showed up, he and his DMPC (he had one of those) could hook up.

The GM also told us that we would need to form secret agendas after the first session, ones that would work against the party in some way, but not tell anyone else. I understand wanting to give characters motivations, but making them undermine the party on purpose? And what if your character was good-aligned? Doesn't scheming betrayal kind of run contrary to that? Fortunately, I never saw this come to fruition.

Well, I think that covers the pre-game. I could tell you about the first session, if you'd like.

>>47548277
>>47548315
>>47548515
>>47548763
>>47548867

I'm reading this too, and can practically taste how much this rustled you (for understandable reasons).

I stopped reading OP's post after about the third line, but I digested every post of yours because it was just a wonderful rolling snowball of everything wrong with retards attempting homebrews.

>>47549204
Tell us
TELL US OF THIS FUSTERCLUCK

>>47548936
The creator was a horsefucker, so it was races from that show, even feral ones like manticores (the 60 CON damage one). He also introduced a "half-dragon", whose appearance and origin were mercifully unexplained.

>>47549095
The weird thing is that he never spelled it that way again. I assumed that it was some specific subset of magic, because that's the kind of bullshit that he'd pull, but never found out.

>>47549315

>Joined an mlp rpg

what exactly did you expect

File: first five minutes of the(...).jpg (72 KB, 1100x755)

72 KB JPG

>>47549208
>>47549252
>>47549204
Alright, so I mentioned that Kevin and the GM are Australians, but I'm not. That meant every meeting with the GM had to take place between 3 AM and 6 AM for me.

Before I even met the GM, he had a bone to pick with me. Apparently he had changed his mind about Kevin being allowed to invite people, and resented me for creating a character with his proprietary system before it was finished. I had to feign ignorance, that I was a first-time roleplayer, just to earn enough sympathy to let him keep me in the group.

Since I was on thin ice with the GM from word "go", I didn't have much time to clarify the dumber mechanics, including the limits of our Quest or what the fuck the racial purity skill did, and I sadly didn't get many answers later.

The first session began at 5:30 AM. There were supposed to be 9 players, all of them talking over Skype (originally Discord until the GM's buttbuddy whined about not wanting to download a "dangerous" new program), but thankfully more than half the party didn't even make it to character creation. Kevin couldn't make it, so that left me, Buttbuddy, a player I later dubbed "Yiffmaster", and the GM.

We start by waking up in some kind of Aztec sacrificial chamber with nobody else around. The very first words of the session were
>You wake up in a room you've never been in. You don't remember how you got here.
to which Yiffmaster responds, upon seeing the other two party members
>I look on with a smirk and suspicious but caring eyes and summon two ice crystals.

I knew I was in for a world of hurting.

File: YELLOW FELLOW.png (83 KB, 334x393)

83 KB PNG

>>47549730

>I look on with a smirk and suspicious but caring eyes and summon two ice crystals.

IT BEGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS

>>47548936
>>47549315
'Kevin' here. Races were:
>Earth Pony
>Pegasus
>Unicorn
>Gryphon
>Zedbra
>Changeling
>Manticore
>Half Dragon
>Minotaur
>Buffalo
>Breezie

No, "Zedbra" isn't a typo. He spelt it like that on a consistent basis.
Manticores have never been shown to have higher intelligence in the show.
Half the time he called Half Dragons "Kirins". He never mentioned that this was an alternative name and ended up confusing me.

>>47549860
What is the show reference? I really don't know as I am unenlightened to this. I feel like it might be mlp though.

File: Spoiler Image (307 KB, 432x407)

307 KB PNG

>>47549730
I get up off the altar, trying to remember what happened by drilling the GM for even the slightest bit of context. He gave none, so I concluded that I was simply hungover and needed to excuse myself from the room. I found an exit to the south and attempted to follow it, but the second I announced my plan, the GM told me that all I found was a hallway lined with cells, and it somehow looped back to where I started.

Yiffmaster finally decided to do something besides take a long swig from his hip flask and made his way east. He heard moaning sounds coming down the hallway, and I assumed that it was from some sort of torture, since we were in a prison. The answer was much worse than I anticipated.

He found two furries, a man and a woman, having rough sex against a wall. The woman was straight-up getting plowed in the middle of the evil sacrificial death church. Yiffmaster just stood there and watched as the two tried out a few different positions and had to make a reflex save to avoid being hit by cum as the guy finished on her face. The icon he used was of his and his girlfriend's OCs during sex.

I then decided there was nothing worse salvaging in this campaign, and resolved to ruin it as badly as I could.

>>47549635
Of course I expected something bad, I wanted a story to tell after the fact. I just didn't expect it to be a goldmine like it ended up being.

>>47549886
I re-read some of the posts, and now I know.
>>47549899
You poor soul

File: smug dog.jpg (6 KB, 126x188)

6 KB JPG

>>47549899

> GM actually included shitty OC porn on the grid

Blessed mercy my sides can't withstand this.

>>47549899
>I then decided there was nothing worse salvaging in this campaign, and resolved to ruin it as badly as I could

You are objectively an asshole for doing this. There is no reason to participate in something you don't enjoy for the sole purpose ruining the enjoyment of others.

Creepy fetishes are a reason to leave a game, not to take up a martyr edgelord mantle of vengeance for something no one's forcing you to participate in.

File: a2eec71967b7c09e51f9c4bc9(...).png (478 KB, 493x344)

478 KB PNG

>>47549899
I'm playing a LG oracle, so I decide it's time to go paladin-batshit on everybody and smite anything that seems evil. I start by smashing the altar in the center of the room with my greatsword (proficient because of a trait, no idea how I was holding it given my anatomy). In a few hits it shatters, and reveals a pit of snakes.

The GM, apparently pissed off that I ruined his plot device, retaliates. I am immediately hit by a brand on my leg that prevents me from using any magic or supernatural powers, permanently turning me into a sub-NPC class swordsman. I decide that's bullshit and instead choose to sever my own leg, the pain of which knocks me out, but my curse stabilizes me. Content to have at least derailed the plot slightly before passing out, I planned on going to bed.

Then a snake slithered up my stump of a leg and started doing, quote, "things" to my body.

File: 1464148304891.png (271 KB, 423x467)

271 KB PNG

>>47550041
Trolling horsefuckers is always a noble venture, anon.

>>47550041
Who gives a shit? He's being an asshole to someone who just threw pony porn at him out of fucking nowhere while he was expecting to have a game night. They're both assholes.

>>47550101
Damn straight.

File: 7c78f246da234558413014ae5(...).png (199 KB, 317x308)

199 KB PNG

>>47550047
The GM tells me
>you need to roll two things.
I ask what they are and he repeats
>two things.
I roll twice for reasons I still don't understand. My leg then starts
>doing something weird
to which I ask what it is doing.
>you have to roll for perception
On my own leg. Of course.

Somehow my leg reforms, but the snake is still inside of me, apparently as a safety measure to prevent me from acting out of line again. Like I give a shit, I'm never coming back to one of these games, I might as well kamikaze.

Around this time, Yiffmaster suddenly exclaims
>oh, I get why it's called a d20! It has twenty sides.
This was allegedly his third Pathfinder campaign.

>>47550224
That....
That is a new kind of stupid.

>>47548069
>>47548120
>Level cap is 20 unless you buy the DLC

What in god's name was this GM thinking?

File: mal.gif (1.63 MB, 350x197)

1.63 MB GIF

>>47548867
>his only answer was "despairity".
Jesus fuck. That's probably more prescient than he intended.

>>47549204
Could you just tell us what the franchise being ripped off is?

I honestly can't get it

>>47550260
Obviously that his well-written and super-engaging system that wasn't going to have any sort of copyright issues whatsoever was going to be such a runaway hit after this initial playtest that he would be selling both it and future supplements like hotcakes.

Also, that he's a bleach-drinking sperg who's so vidya-addled that he thinks that "supplements" in tabletop RPGs are called "DLC".

>>47550424
>>47549886

Mentioned already during in-between story posts.
>>47549315
>>47549860

>>47550424
mlp

File: fa203929cb2f77bf64d55181d(...).png (255 KB, 494x330)

255 KB PNG

>>47550224
The cumdumpster finally gets done getting railed and introduces herself. Just kidding, she just tells us to follow her without telling us her name, why we should follow her, or where we are. Buttbuddy doesn't bother asking, Yiffmaster instead chooses to flirt with her, and I'm currently waking up from severing my leg. After trading some double entendre with Yiffmaster, she starts leading us north when suddenly a massive orange troll explodes out of the ceiling, shooting debris everywhere. Buttbuddy then asks
>Is this a beast or a creature? I need to know for Knowledge (Bestiary).
I forgot to mention that the GM split the Knowledge skill into 20 subtypes including "water" to prevent it from ever being useful.

I draw my sword and prepare an attack action if it draws near. The troll starts, quote, "running at" me, so as it enters my threatened range I swing at it, hitting with an 18 and dealing sizable damage. It punches me in return. The cumdumster starts screaming and crying but doesn't explain why.

Apparently using the unspoken language of horsefucking, Buttbuddy and Yiffmaster interpret this as "don't attack the massive troll that's mauling you" and stand there watching me. They alluded to the GM private messaging them to let me die, which I was probably asking for anyway.

The GM then tells me
>By the way, if you want to cast a spell, you have to do it on the turn before.
I say that makes no sense, and that most spells take a standard action to cast.
>Yeah, but you have to do that instead of attacking.
I then explain that of course you can't attack and cast a spell if they're both standard actions. He goes silent for a bit. I ask him if he even knows what an action is.
>...what's your armor class?

>>47547348
>striving to become lawful good
The most terrifying part of the story.

>>47549899
>I then decided there was nothing worse salvaging in this campaign, and resolved to ruin it as badly as I could.
At this point, you deserve literally all the misery and then some. Be a goddamn adult, you pussy.

>>47550047
'Kevin' again.

>no idea how I was holding it given my anatomy
When I asked the GM's buttbuddy how horses are meant to hold weapons, he linked a Assassin's Creed - MLP crossover pic. Can't say I expected better.

>>47550544
Keep posting OP, it gives me great pleasure, as does the butthurt postings of horsefuckers ITT

File: 89a6649d8c888981cf8a13f77(...).png (294 KB, 493x342)

294 KB PNG

>>47550544
A few rounds later, the troll is nearly dead and I'm still standing thanks to my bitchin Lay on Hands from being dual-cursed. The cumdumster finally says something besides incoherent sobbing:
>orange trolls are usually guardians to temples and shrines!
Like that gives me any context. I attack again, this time totaling a twenty. I miss, despite hitting with an 18 or lower on all my previous turns.
>In close range it gets a +2, so its armor is 20.
I first call bullshit, since I'd been in "close range" the entire fight, but that it wouldn't matter anyway since I met his AC
>We've homebrewed the rule. If you meet its AC, you have to reroll your attack roll.
Eventually he has to admit that I hit the troll, and it dies. Cumdumpster cries even harder and only now decides to explain why.

The troll was apparently her close friend and a local celebrity. He was, no joke, a kindergarten teacher and a midwife, and I "murdered" him. First of all, that's hot garbage anyway, since the first thing he did was Kool Aid Man his way through the ceiling and punched me, but apparently Buttbuddy and Yiffmaster believe it, the former because he's got the brains of a lobotomized brick and the latter because he desperately wants to ERP with the cumdumpster.

>>47550551
>Not "organized play"
You don't know real horror till you see directly into the eyes of the beast that is PFS.

>>47548069
It's mlp,right?

File: zoinks motherfucker.jpg (11 KB, 184x184)

11 KB JPG

>>47550701
Suddenly the cumdumpster grows ice wings and a super saiyan aura, and her eyes glow white. She tells me that I've committed an unforgivable sin and need to be punished. I waste no time leveling my sword at her, daring her to attack, but instead she walks over to Yiffmaster and, again I wish I was joking, makes out with him for a solid minute. This apparently gives him some superpower that the GM says only works once, but doesn't tell anyone else what it is. She then says something about puny mortals and blah blah blah I get it you're the DMPC.

Seeing this obviously-demonic beast with a pit of snakes and a yeti best friend threatened me, I attempt to cleave her with my greatsword. The GM tells me
>Whatever you do next, you fail to hit her.
I ask him to give some context, to which he helpfully adds
>If you try to cast a spell in melee, you fail automatically
demonstrating that he doesn't know what concentration checks are, or that swords aren't spells. I can't blame him, though, since he once asked Buttbuddy to "cast" diplomacy this session.

I couldn't make this up, but I rolled a nat 20 on the attack roll. I confirmed with a 17. My sword connects squarely with her neck and bounces off her fur, dealing no damage. I should have expected that much, but I have to commend him for having the balls to tell me I couldn't hit his unarmored Mary Sue with a critical. That's some dedication to pulling stuff out of your ass.

>>47550809
I'm trying to figure that out as well.
I think it MAY be Thundercats, but I'm not 100% sure.

>>47550747
As OP, I can confirm PFS is a fucking horror

>>47550809
>>47550881
It is, infact mlp

File: Laughing Elves.gif (860 KB, 500x281)

860 KB GIF

>>47550224
>Around this time, Yiffmaster suddenly exclaims
>>oh, I get why it's called a d20! It has twenty sides.
>This was allegedly his third Pathfinder campaign.

File: ringer rin ry rutt.jpg (50 KB, 1280x720)

50 KB JPG

>>47550864
I'm inexplicably turned into a woman for attacking the DMPC, further proving my point that she's some kind of witch and needs to be slain.

Yiffmaster finally hits me with an ice spear after missing four or five times. I have no idea what class he was or how he could cast that often at first level, but apparently nobody told him you shouldn't have a negative DEX modifier if you need to make ranged touch attacks.

The cumdumpster finally gives us her name.
>Her name is Pandora, and her [magic tattoo] is a chained-up box
>I wanna get inside Pandora's box, if ya know what I mean.

I'm unconscious again but stabilize thanks to my curse.
>I search all over anon, including all orifices.
Just some casual sexual abuse between players.


Buttbuddy steals my sword and throws me into the snake pit. The party then resolves to find the police so that I can be arrested for my crimes of being kidnapped, assaulted and robbed. They fuck off to the other side of town while I regain consciousness.

After waking up, the dude that was fucking cumdumpster finally shows back up in the plot and tells me what I already know, that the troll was apparently a model citizen despite kidnapping and punching people a quarter of his size, and that I was a murderer who deserved to rot. I was then left in the pit to fend for myself. A fitting punishment, I suppose, but flawed execution.

Once the party is far enough away from me, they loot the troll's sachel and find a mystical sword and a list of our names, proving this was a premeditated kidnapping.

Sweet Jesus, how have you not just given up on these fuckers and left the session?

Each time I think that the MLP fanbase can't get any worse, it finds a way to get worse.

>>47551041
Because
NOW
IT'S
PERSONAL

File: 247b49a12440f8083ae1f58b0(...).jpg (755 KB, 1164x789)

755 KB JPG

>>47551033
By the way, this is the town. The GM didn't even properly cross out the name of the generic town he was copying.

The party finds a random magical weapon appraiser on the way to the police station, who tells them that the sword was called Lone Star of Rainbow Road, and that unsheathing it gives the wielder phenomenal power. Buttbuddy draws it an is covered in a sheet of golden armor that radiates goodness, and all his ability scores go up by two. The downside is that he can never remove it, because of course that's what the GM considers balance.

I eventually catch up with the party just outside the police station, tell them what had been done to me that day, and out in the middle of the street I'm put on some kangaroo trial where I'm being monitored by some truth detector. I tell the story from my perspective, but apparently the universe decided I was the aggressor, so I register as lying even though I never said anything factually incorrect.

I then declare "fuck this" and cast Obscuring Mist to make a getaway. Suddenly a brigade of winged people that weren't there ten seconds ago all flap their wings simultaneously, blowing my spell away.

I then declared "fuck this" and left the session. That's the last time I spoke to any of them.

File: 1462397491161.png (509 KB, 795x991)

509 KB PNG

>>47551224
I don't know why I was expecting it to end well, shit like this never ends well.

>>47551224
Holy fuck. How the shit do people this asinine find the brainpower to do this shit and breathe at the same time?

File: i have lost the ability t(...).gif (932 KB, 500x375)

932 KB GIF

>>47551224
Some assorted quotes I wrote down that I couldn't find a place to fit in to the story

>She takes off her hoodie and gives you a wink. 'I expect to see you after this room.' She gives you some flirty eyes

>Does the snake have a name?
>No, you can name it.
>I name it Nikki Minaj.

>Someone roll astronomy.
No one has astronomy.
>No one has astronomy?
It's almost like nobody wanted to invest in knowledge skills because you diluted them to the point where they're almost always useless.
>Yeah, but if you invest in it, you get a lower DC

>I would like to cast diplomacy on my girlfriend

>Knowledge (water) can be used to learn more about this sword

>Don't remind me of the time you fed a random character piss.

>It's a big, huge pirate shipping country. They either protect people or they rob them

>It's like going on a date with Bill Cosby. At the end of the night, you get fucked in the ass

File: beesbook.jpg (278 KB, 854x1357)

278 KB JPG

>>47550544
>the unspoken language of horsefucking
Wow. That sounds like a pretty nice novel title

>>47551224
The fuck kind of name is Oomaha?

File: eddie amean.gif (3.59 MB, 298x224)

3.59 MB GIF

>>47547515
but why?

>>47551381
...
What?
>Omaha, Nebraska.
>also, I think that name was supposed to be a horse pun some how

File: the other way around.jpg (6 KB, 250x203)

6 KB JPG

>>47551224
There was one other time I interacted with these chucklefucks. Prior to playing the GM's game, I foolishly invited Buttbuddy to play in my Fallout campaign. I told him it was almost totally compatible with vanilla Pathfinder, and that my only restriction is that you can't pick a class with a caster level (archetypes that remove magic from half and quarter casters are fine).

He shows up as an artificer, a class I was largely unfamiliar with but knew made magical devices. I told him it was fine as long as he refluffed his creations to fit in with the setting, a rule he ignored repeatedly throughout the single session for which he was present, referring to his devices by the spell they replicated and ignoring the sci-fi setting altogether.

Among his smaller crimes, he
>threatened to kill the party's face over petty things
>wasted a day on a timed mission to save 50 gold/caps
>talked up how he could replace the party's face, who had a climb speed, since he had a grappling hook
>did not actually have a grappling hook
>fired at a guard at his first opportunity during a sneaking segment
>detonated several mini-nukes on himself, blowing up a building and killing himself

I almost think he preemptively got revenge on me by sabotaging my session before I could do the same to his.

And that's my story, folks. I'm glad something good came out of all of this.

>>47551409
That doesn't work. Either as a horse related pun or a fantasy name.

>>47551409
OHHHHHHH
this is an MLP thing
Shit, I thought it was The Rescuers

>>47551423
>>47551423
>talked up how he could replace the party's face, who had a climb speed, since he had a grappling hook
>did not actually have a grappling hook
Fuck me, that's funnier than it has any right to be.

>>47551465
I don't get the pun, but I am 90% sure it's there.
anyone?
Also can anyone actually read that?

File: 1463079166575.png (287 KB, 464x550)

287 KB PNG

>>47549860
>manticore
>sapient

File: 1408425281902.jpg (155 KB, 768x506)

155 KB JPG

>>47550107
anon knew exactly what he was getting into

fuck magical realm gms tho I want to pretend i'm a wizard not listen to you cyber with the players

File: 2066acf1e4817fb2dc9a294ae(...).jpg (76 KB, 800x747)

76 KB JPG

>>47551629
MANTICORE
MANTICORE
MANTICORE
MANTICORE
[GUITAR SOLO]

>>47551716
The Manticore invented death
And all things that are bad
He'll kill your sister just for fun
And make out with your dad

File: Prepare your anus.gif (935 KB, 400x292)

935 KB GIF

>>47551326
>>It's like going on a date with Bill Cosby. At the end of the night, you get fucked in the ass

File: worst homebrew ever.png (1.39 MB, 3994x2638)

1.39 MB PNG

>>47548031
>>47548069
>>47548120
>>47548222
>>47548277
>>47548315
>>47548515
>>47548763
>>47548867
>>47549204
>>47549730
>>47549899
>>47550047
>>47550224
>>47550544
>>47550701
>>47550864
>>47551033
>>47551224
>>47551326

Alright guys, after 1000000 hours in MS Paint, I've put together a screencap for posterity. You're welcome. Maybe could use a better filename though.

This is fucking gold. This is what I come to /tg/ for.

>>47551326
>I name it Nikki Minaj.
At least name it something remotely clever like Snakki Fangaj.

>>47551845
Thanks mate, glad I could entertain.

File: T-Hanks.jpg (70 KB, 405x348)

70 KB JPG

>>47551983

>>47548453
Liches are best.

File: cooee.png (229 KB, 363x516)

229 KB PNG

>>47548031
>>47548069
>>47548120
>>47548222
>>47548277
>>47548315
>>47548515
>>47548763
>>47548867
>>47549204
>>47549730
>>47549899
>>47550224
>>47550544
>>47550701
>>47550864
>>47551033
>>47551224
>>47551326
>>47551423
>>47551845

>>47551423
Congratz, you have both given me a hilarious story, and convinced me that shaggy is one of the greatest fighters in the universe, and possibly a god. Kudos mate.

File: 1457392030468.jpg (59 KB, 701x701)

59 KB JPG

>>47550047
>>47550224
>ancient aztec temple ruins
>snake things in a box
>snake gets absorbed into body
>characters obliviously fucking in vicinity

Oh no...
I hate to inform you shaggy anon but your GM plagiarized some pretty specifically awful shit...

or in other words: I RECOGNIZE THAT FETISH!

>>47551224
All my whys

>>47552896
oh god you just reminded me of that after all these years, yeaaah anon's lucky the story derailed horribly before that fully came into play.

>>47552896
>>47553015

Are you guys talking about that comic where Starfox transforms into a dinosaur penis

File: 1462539432150.png (297 KB, 666x404)

297 KB PNG

>>47553015
I'm honestly relieved that someone else remembers it since I feel less horrible for recognizing it now.

>>47553201
Haha, no.
C-Snakes is like...an order of magnitude worse that Lust Penis because, although both started as self-contained comics, C-Snakes started a fucking fandom.

>>47553326
holy fuck I just went back to them out of morbid curiosity....almost all the BS shit (losing magic, changing gender, immediately healed leg) all lined up with that shit.

Anon didn't just get That DM'd he also played right into part of the DM's magical realm almost off the bat.

>>47553732
Equestrian

I can't top that story. Hell nobody can, but I might as well post my overly long tale that I already posted some time ago in a similar thread.

>3.5. game
>Set in a custom campaign setting where the Player characters are the chosen ones, also in this setting, only those that are deemed chosen can be effected by spells such as resurrection in specific places in the world.
>Party is composed out of a Knight, a swordsage, a cleric, a bard and an archivist
>For the most part things go well, though the knight is being a capital douche, dialing all paladin stereotypes up to eleven and then some, which earns him the ire of the rest of the party
>Whatever the case, they end up in the mansion belonging to an influential duke of a county, sent on a quest from the main city toa sk for his support and the support of his troops in the inevitable invasion that will begin soon
>The mansion is off, stuff attacks the party, animated objects, undead monstrosities and the such
>They find a few members of the family wearing masks that tell the party that a powerful wizard did not take kindly to the duke prohibiting him access to his telescope for some star research. The GM constantly reminded throught alk that it is a strong wizard, and unstable at that. The party is about level 5 at this time.
>Finally, they find the wizard who is actually cordial to them, and says that he will release the people here once his research is done
>Enter the knight. He provokes the unstable wizard by clinking his telescope during the tea affair the man has set upon him, constantly interrupts him and the such. The GM kind of turns a blind eye to him due to the highly diplomatic skills of the party bard
>They get the wizard to take them downstairs to show that the rest of the family is okay. Once they reach one of the common rooms in which the wife and the daughter of the count are situated, knight decides to make his move and use his knight's challenge on the wizard

>>47554113
>Knight's challenge is an offensive action, it's an intimidate that basically forces you to attack him or some such. He failed at that. Mind you, the stalward knight did this in a room with civilians
>Initiative is rolled,a nd of course the wizard that is some 7 levels higher than the party gets to go first
>First round of business is a that he moves out fo the room and casts black tentacles in it
>Party:Herewego.jpg
>Everyone fails against the tentacles grapple check due to level difference. The party and the two defenseless women are strangled round by round. The women expire two rounds in while the party tries to get out of the hold
>The GM does nto want to kill the party entirely due to one person being a dick, so he allows diplomacy checks in combat. Both the archivist and the bard by some stroke of luck roll a 20. It's not an automatic success, but it is enough for the wizard to say he will let them go if they stand down to which they swear they will
>The moment that the wizard releases the hold, the brave and bold knight charges the wizard who stood at the edge of a staircase.
>He actually rolls good, bull rushes the man down the stairs and topples on him and manages to hold him down
>Party:Wtf
>The wizard did not have a lot of health, and he did not have Dimension door for some reason or another escape spell, so the knight held him in a grapple as the rest of the party (not really wanting to but, it was a matter of survival now) went to town on him
>They win somehow and of course, start to argue with the knight who says that he did nothing wrong, that the guy was a psychopath and needed to be put down.
>The party tells him that he's responsible for two innocent women dying, but he ignores that by saying they were already doomed to die anyway

>>47554124
>Party all have a literal … over their heads but say they are in a hurry and will discuss this later. They find the lord of the manor who of course is overjoyed he can now be free and asks for the fate of his family
>Ohshit
>Once they show him the strangled bodies of his wife and daughter, the man naturally breaks down and says he needs to bury them, have some time to grieve
>But the brave knight won't have any of that, no! Time is of the essence. So, he approaches the grieving man and fucking intimidates him into obeying him to rally up his people in going to town,
>Party:what
>He passes the c heck, and now leads the whimpering wreck of a man who lost his family like a dog on a leash down to the town. He says to the rest of the party to wait for him here while he does this job because the rest of the party does not want to have anything to do with this
>Anyway, playing with the knight player, GM leads them to the town. It's been some time since the count was intimidated, so it's effects have passed once he moved to the center stage to rally his people. He rallies them alright. Rallies them against the insurgents that came to his home and possibly had a hand in killing is famly, and now treating him like a slave. Being a beloved figure, the town forms a mob.
>During that time, the knight makes a strategic retreat. Not back to the mansion to warn his „friends“, but rather to his horse outside of town to ride back to the main town.
>The party in the house gets tired of waiting eventually and starts going away from the house as well, only to see pitchforks and torches as the angry mob, led by the count himself. They start accusing the party and the like. Archivist tries his hand at diplomacy, but for his troubles of trying to talk to the mob, he gets a stone lobbed into his face, followed by another and another. The only thing that saves them from the mob is an expeditious retreat cast by someone and running for their lives.

>>47554136
>Naturally, they did not get the fucking support of this town
>What they did get however is the meeting with the knight back in town, obviously pissed. He said he did nothing wrong, and went to accuse them from not supporting him on this, to the poin that he basically ratted them out to the council of the main city. Needless to say, that knight was no longer the desired party member.


And that is one of my tales of horror.

bump

>>47554144
I am surprised that they didn't slit his throat during the night.

>>47554144
To my genuine surprise I have actually read this the last time you posted it. That knight was a dick but if he was lawful neutral/evil with a dump in wisdom he'd totally be in character.

>>47555275
Later on they cancelled his water walk when they went over a lake of some kind. He wore full plate. And that was the end of that campaign.

>>47555329
Yeah, I agree. Problem is he saw himself as a paragon of righteousness and law that defended the weak.

bump

File: 69a.jpg (60 KB, 720x477)

60 KB JPG

>>47547348
Last time in my M&M campaign:

Party is a guy in battlesuit armor blasting fools, a raiden who zaps scum with lightning, a robin hood/green arrow Knockout machine and a strongman who can lift a building or two by now.

>investigating a recent bank robbery
>we tail a suspicious limousine-rental company to an abandoned hotel out of the city
>while our robin hood stealthes in to scout, our strongman starts putting girders on the roads that lead into a parking space underneath the hotel
>there is something else down there, but our archer doesn't go further
>the team splits up after some debating
>strongman and battlesuit, archer & raiden
>strongman and battlesuit go in first and land in a corridor with the initials of a supervillain the team hates coming from LED lights on the floor
>the floor shifts and the ceiling opens: both are elevated into an arena
>the announcer announces their presence
>strongman won't let him finish and picks up a piece of concrete and throws it at the blast-proof glass keeping the guests safe
>panic.webm
>the supers that were already in the arena bound forward to fight
>the strongman attacks one, grabs him and then uses him to beat the everliving shit out of the super made of living metal
>even after his motherfucker has already gone unconscious
>he misses his third attack and fluffs it as letting go of the villain he used to beat the other villain mid-swing: he flies back-first into the concrete wall
>meanwhile raiden and not!ironman KO some other guys
>metalguy still standing
>strongman picks up one of the other unconscious people and hits him over the head again
>that's when the police arrives

It's bad, not only for what the strongman did, but also because we are in an area that is not technically our jurisdiction also. But the strongman definitely fucked up the most.

>>47555475
The road to hell is paved with good intentions

File: 1463876695802.jpg (17 KB, 225x240)

17 KB JPG

>>47547348
>Join pathfinder game

What did you expect?

File: edgy hedgy.jpg (26 KB, 300x300)

26 KB JPG

>>47547348
>>Cult instead raised me to be one of the members, and due to fucked upbringing and compulsion spells I massacred an entire small village

>>47557013
So where is the nightamare part?

>>47557483
We are supposed to be the good guys, the superheroes, but the strongman acts like a villain

File: pleased_snake.jpg (46 KB, 720x540)

46 KB JPG

>>47555440
>drowning the insufferable knight by canceling his water walk

Lol, well played.

>>47557111
>I hate the system you use so all games from that are automatically shit even if the GM is good

>>47558798
>GM willingly playing pathfinder
>good
pick 1

__;^)__

File: the_worst.jpg (26 KB, 298x390)

26 KB JPG

>>47551845
Jesus Christ, that was a trip. I haven't heard horror stories about furries this bad since 2008.

I'm getting too old for this shit.

File: FUCK_YOUR_BUSH.jpg (33 KB, 300x239)

33 KB JPG

I have a short one
SO in an only war campaign we had a three man squad with me a psyker and two of the Gm's friends
The first of which was a sniper and the other one was an commisar
We shall name the sniper Bush Wanker
Now the GM wanted the entire sqaud to die in a mission so we wouldn't be able to replace
> Bush wanker starts on trail due to his odd actions (fucking heresy)
> The commisar got an inquisitor with power (luckily it was shit power armour)
> Moving on We put on our disguises and take up a hiding spot for some ambush
> Unfortuanantly I am spotted so I use my mind fuckery powers so the inquistor could save face
> I then stuck by the inquistor (for IC reasons) but bush wanker he had "Distrusted autohrity" so he would not stay near the inquistor
> We went through the area he was dragin attenion to us by sprinting from bush to push
> Time came when we found the enemy leader "Jonny" blessed by nurgle and the such
> Now I was offered off as a sacrifice by the inquistor the bsuh wanker decided to try and Jonny
> I kill the people trying to sacrifice me by taking control of thier minds and causing gravityy to cease
> he argues that the bush holds him to the ground
He didn't try to grab it no he tried to argue he was being held in place by the bush
> After killing my cultists escorts I find he did this there is a battleion that were roused by the gunshot of his rifle
> Space marines responded to the distress call from the inquistor
We each got to control an space marine
> Bush wanker protected himself with his space marine and argued that the enmy could not see him in the bush even though he had been shooting from it
> Evntually it came to the end of the mission and bush wanker was killed by the inquistor for being a dick

My favorite quote from him was "How do you rollplay a human? It is so hard!"

>>47558798

If the GM was actually good, he wouldn't be running PF.

I say this as someone who knows several GM's that were hardcore PF nerds until they moved on to 5e.

File: buzz.jpg (35 KB, 460x230)

35 KB JPG

>>47547850
>innocent bugbear
>innocent
>bugbear
>creatures that drive pleasure, delight, and entrainment not from destruction and death alone, no. They desire destruction and death that will cause the most painful and lasting fear, sadness, and misery to as many people as they can.

I'll say it again.
>innocent bugbear

Those knights must've been brain-dead fucking amoeba to completely lack any sort of reasonable mental faculties.

>>47547850
>>47562942

See, this would make sense if it was a setup. It'd make a good conspiracy, except for the bugbear part.

>DM is letting players Cross class and cross race with conflicting races and classes
>Considers classes like Doctor or Fighter or Scouter to be sub races rather than classes
>If you make puns you get struck by lighting
>Complete weeaboo
>Bleach DND

I'm not going to a game like that ever again. Only did once and thats it

>>47547384
>>There's chinese coins fucking everywhere
Where the hell did those come from?

I think being forever GM has transformed me into a bitter That Guy. Or maybe I just don't fit in with this group.

>get invited to a buddies campaign
> never played with these guys before
>GM says to play whatever.
>I play a rather advanced character with a specific build for supporting the team. (Can boost their stas/give them bonuses to saves.)
>First session, GM comes to me privately and says, "How are you doing this?! Are you cheating?"
>It becomes apparent that he did even read my character sheet and doesn't know about the srd.
>On our first adventure, we hear our voices being echoed in the woods. I ready my crossbow and tell the party to prepare for an ambush from "Bird Men"
>They all ask how I know it's bird men
>I say that the description sounds like a Kenku/tengu
>They all nag at me for "metagaming"
>I say a traveled adventurer may know about a specific type of monster.

>Next session, we go to a cillage with a really annoying gimmick.
>The whole world up until now has seemed really realistic, but everything about this place seems like it's meant to be a joke or pun.
>Everyone else seems to enjoy it. I find it sort've stupid.
>The local king sends us on a journey.
>It doesn't seem like we have a choice.
>I decide to get a few hirelings to help with the job
>GM says, "Now everyone knows about your secret mission, and the king is mad."
>From here on out, every npc we run into is either "clueless and stupid" or "cinical and hateful"

>>47564622
>cinical
???

>>47564936
cynical probably senpai

>>47564622

>They all nag at me for "metagaming"

Fucking hell, I hate this shit.

I once got accused of meta-gaming because my summoner decided to research information on a megalodon that we had encountered earlier.

Granted, I could've explained "weaknesses" better and I could've also avoided using the term "saving throw" too but christ alive, if I'm in a port city and I'm spending hours researching that shit, I want something quantifiable to help us in further encounters beyond "it's a big shark."

Like, NO FUCKING SHIT NIGGA, A BIG FUCKING SHARK, HOW COULD I HAVE EVER GOTTEN THAT ONE WITHOUT A HIGH FUCKING KNOWLEDGE CHECK, SO GLAD I ROLLED THAT NAT 20 ON THAT ONE!

Goddamn I'm mad!

>>47565726
It pisses me off because I come from an OSR background. In old school games, most of the time, you had to determine that sorr've stuff for yourself, without the use of skill checks (for the most part).

Your megalodon situation would open an opportunity to role play and have a discussion with a scholar, rather than just leaving it up to the GM after each roll.

>>47565895

The thing that pissed me off about the whole situation too is the fact that most of the party looked at me like I'd done something wrong because my character wanted to learn more about the creature that almost sunk our boat a few days prior.

I mean, excuse the fuck outta me for trying to gain a deeper understanding to the wildlife of an area after it almost killed us.

I'm not even sorry half the party died.

Bump

>>47566016
Wait! I don't get it! How was this a problem?

So your boat was sank by an incredibly huge shark fucker, and you just wanted to study it? Why didn't the GM take this as an opportunity to shed some more on the local megashark?

Your group sounds like a bunch of fuckwits.

If I had my boat sank by a giant sea creature, my first response would be "What the fuck was that thing?!"

>>47563901
>>If you make puns you get struck by lighting
The only reasonable part

File: is this worth five dollar(...).jpg (355 KB, 1108x868)

355 KB JPG

Update from Shaggy. Yiffmaster commissioned someone on the tumbling website to draw the party. From left to right: Yiffmaster, GM and Buttbuddy.

And yes, I said commissioned. He paid five dollars for this.

I'm not going to rejoin the campaign, even if I were allowed to. I just want you to know the trio is still happily playing despite my outburst, and you should take that for what it's worth.

>>47557713
>beating villain with another villain
>evil

>>47559502
It's about horsefuckers,though.

>>47550556
>Defending furry magical realms

>>>/mlp/

>>47567516
>is this worth five dollar
Yes, this is about what you get for that piddling amount.
Proper fully detailed picture of three characters would be running into a hundred at least.

Ofc being actual friends with some artists will get you better level sketches for free, but that's a separate thing.

>>47570108
It's about horsefuckers who are ALSO regular furries.

>>47570108
Horsefuckers, furries, same shit, different anus.

>>47570116
>>47570216
>implying

>>47550041
Kill yourself, horsefucker.

>>47570256
I'm implying nothing. I'm stating plainly that bronies and furries are identical in their proliferation and their obnoxiousness.

>>47564158
China

>>47553326
>>47553391

I had to go look it up. It makes even more sense now. Holy crap

>C-Snakes, also known known as Cum Snakes, are fictional, pink, parasitic snakes that reproduce by taking over a host body and using the host infect other potential hosts. They usually do this by consuming the mind and organs of a host victim and using its skin and knowledge to impersonate the host so that they can seduce others into having sex with them. Then they invade the new host body and begin the whole process over again.

>>47570619
I think the worst part is realizing that this also means that even him leaving could easily be worked in with it.
he might've even intentionally set it up so the most problem player could easily get infected so that even if they're booted or leave they have a convenient way to make them into a "friendly" NPC for the party in a way that strokes that magical realm.

>>47555475
That actually fits in even better with a LN Knight who dumped Wis.

Alignment reflects mostly your actions after all, not your intent. I mean, I could kill the innocent children of an evil king and claim it's because Monarchy itself is unjust, and consider ending the line to be the most right thing.

But it doesn't excuse killing innocent kids.

Also, obviously, alignment systems suck when they're anything more than just a descriptive tool.

>>47561322
> Gravity ceased, not inverted

Yeah, I can see a dude tangled in a bush being held in place by it.

Most of your post reads like it was written by someone with limited grasp of the English language however, so I'm not really sure what went on. I think Bush Wanker ruined the ambush by sniping the cult leader/ Did he hit him? Regardless, firing without orders is a dick move.

> Bush wanker protected himself with his space marine and argued that the enmy could not see him in the bush even though he had been shooting from it

Well, yeah. Tracking snipers is a bitch. That's the point of cover. And your GM should never have let you control the SM to that degree unless he expected something like that.

But honestly, not very sure what happened in your game.

>>47565726
>>47566016
>>47566861

This. Did you just say "I research the giant shark thing" and the DM didn't say what you found out?

Same with >>47564622 and the whole Kenku/Tengu thing. It's stupid to just try and toss in "Oh, my guy is an adventurer, he knows things" but if you have a background as a ranger/scholar or someone from the area etc. and can make a reasonable case that it would be a Kenku then you're good.

From how Anon wrote his post though, it does sound like he's bad at communicating, especially from his PCs point of view.

File: 1446509591089.gif (1.87 MB, 255x236)

1.87 MB GIF

>>47547348
Outside your wizard your entire fucking party (including you) sounds like "that guy"

Our "that guy" is guilty of your run of the mill offenses
>Never helps pay for food
>loud and obnoxious
>Is a massive weab and trys to turn all his characters into sue's
>spergs the fuck out when things don't go his way / his char dies
>generally noxious

Hes been excommunicated, finally, after several years.

>>47547515
Dimensional Anchor.

By which I mean remove the cruise ship worthy anchor from your DM's rectum and beat the stupid out of him with it.

>>47567516
Yeah I agree with >>47570152
The price is right because he paid very little
Especially if this is like your job, 5 bucks is less than minimum wage so why even put in over an hour's worth of work?

bump

>>47547348

Not sure if it counts, but there was this time where I tried to heal my party which caused some gods to be pissed and smite the shit out of the tower our party was in.

>>47570803
I have to apologise for that post,honestly it was hastily typed while I was doing other things. But the point of bush wanker was in this bush but not entrenched and the bush itself was a not that thick he was no more than 5 meters from the enemy firing a long las.
Long story short he was running from bush to bush instead of blending in with the other traitors drawing attention to himself which nearly got him killed on three accounts. He did fire at the enemy commander before instructed

And reading over that post congrats for getting any of it.

>>47570099
>beating a villain with another villain that is already unconscious and not a threat anymore, injuring and putting his life further in danger
>is evil

>>47550937
Other anon here, I fucking thought so.

>>47552462
>shaggy is one of the greatest fighters in the universe
Oh yeah, is Shaggy actually fighting somebody?

I'm hosting for this new campaign. We've got this little asian kid who rolled a ladies man and keeps making the most autistic advances towards NPC women. I live in a house with a ceiling as thin as cardboard and a bunch of nice young ladies hear this kid yelling about what he's gonna do to these fictional women.

I'm dying inside but it's summer in my college town and this is the only active campaign I could join.

>>47547515
How old is your fucking DM?

>>47579319
>>47552462
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUmz4JsZD_o

Who knew?

>>47574569

What was the logic behind that one?

Bump