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Based shoggy

>>46864402
FUCK FUCK YES I CAUGHT AGP LIVE!!!!

>>46864402
Thanks be to Shoggy for giving us our fix of AGP!
Been refreshing the tg page for 14 minutes straight waiting for this.

ITS HERE

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Yesss, caught it live.

Shame I have to go to bed now, thank the Emperor for auto-update.

PRAISE THE EMPEROR, WE ARE LIVE!

>>46864402
Fuck yeah! Storytime!

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>>46864402
I caught one live! Deus Vult!

>>46864402

>If you're not sure what's going on, this is the conclusion of the first portion of The [REDACTED] Conspiracy. You can read the earlier bit, and all the other stuff here:

http://www.theallguardsmenparty.com/redacted.html

>Sorry am late, and will go slow as usual.

>The lore dump at the end sort of sucks, so I may rework it a little on the fly. Expect 20-25 posts total for this thread.

>>46864402
HAPPENING. LET'S GET TO IT.

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I will never point out enough how much I love this series. You rock.

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>>46864402
always nice to catch it live

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>>46864402
<3 Spot

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Following this thread with interest!

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>>46864402
It's time for this tired Guardsman to enjoy some rest and a good storytime. Praise be to you Based Shoggy.

Has anyone ever made the party in xcom before?

>>46864511
I think you're missing the wraithbone shlong for Spot

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>>46864402
Aww yiss, 'ere we go

By the emperor its here

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>>46864563
Fixed

Reporting in

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>>46864402

The fight on the top of the facility had begun with the three Deathwatch marines charging forwards in an attempt to blitz the Daemonthrope. In the opinion of (possibly former) Interrogator Greg Sargent, this was a very stupid idea.

It wasn't that blitzing a Zoanthrope was a bad idea in and of itself. In fact if you look them up in the Tactica, they're defined as "Psychic Artillery" and the preferred methods for dealing with them are generally the same as other varieties of artillery. Ideally you just call in an airstrike, or some (preferably longer ranged) artillery of your own, but if that's not an option then you're going to want to get in close where their big guns can't easily get at you. Of course the tricky part is not getting blown to little pieces while you close the distance, but the Tactica has some good recommendations there too: If you're a Brave Soldier of the Imperium, then you're supposed to just sprint across the killing field, firing wildly and relying on your faith in the Emperor to protect you. If, on the other hand, you're a cowardly dog not fit to wear the Emperor's uniform, then you'll want to make use of cover and sneak around the flanks while all the Brave Soldiers get themselves killed.

So, given that Space Marines are the very definition of Brave Soldiers of the Imperium, (and were wearing enough power armor to survive that sort of foolishness) their choice of attack was tactically sound. Or it would have been, IF THEY WERE ACTUALLY FIGHTING A ZOANTHROPE.

Seriously, it wasn't some frail, slow-moving creature that relied on distance and minions to protect it from harm. IT. WAS. A. DAEMONHOST. You know, those things that can turn frail little cultists into nigh-indestructible killing machines capable of tearing tanks apart with their bare hands? What the Marines thought they were going to accomplish by getting closer to it was a mystery, especially since it was currently flying fifteen meters over the top of a deep crater.

>>46864485
>20-25 posts total for this thread
Short and sweet, cool.
> http://www.theallguardsmenparty.com/redacted.html
Alternatively, there's http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/46600041 for those who want to see /tg/'s running commentary.
Thanks for taking the time to write these up, Shoggy. Can't think of a better way to spend the last couple hours of my birthday.

Holy fuck, I really gotta sleep now (tomorrow I have a DnD game) but I'll read this as soon as I'm able.

FOR THE EMPEROR, EVER ONWARDS!

>>46864679
Hey, happy birthday, may it be filled with triumphant tales of the finest inquisitorial goons this side of Terra!

DAS IT MANG

>>46864679
Happy birthday, anon.

>>46864402
Holy shit, I've caught one live. I've got a 13th Age game tomorrow, but it's not till seven. ONWARDS, FOR THE EMPRAH!

(also, thanks for posting these, Shoggy, they're great)

>>46864622
>>46864511
Saved

>>46864561
Haven't had time to play the second one yet, so no.

>>46864512
God I hope they put out a campaign or custom game builder for that, my DM promised he'd put something together for the Occurrence Border if they do.

>>46864679
happy birfday

>>46864402
I was looking fr something else but I guess this will have to do. YAY GUARDSMAN PARTY WOOOOOOO!!!!!!

>>46864402
SHOGGY missed you

IT IS BETTER TO DIE FOR THE EMPEROR THAN TO LIVE FOR YOURSELF!

The Party: "Um... how about living, so that we can, um, continue to serve the Emperor?"

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PRAISE THE EMPRAH!
I caught it live! This is the most related picture I have!

>>46864736
My only hope is that these make their way to Tink. I've got some other shit in the works too, all inspired by reading the AGP.

>>46864568
The feels when someone keeps reposting a pic I made.


>>46864661
Ahhh, so those boys have been studiously studying the Codex Retardes, eh?

I've got a hot bath, a bottle of Sherry and 2 kilos' worth of a giant mutant croissant stuffed with bacon.

I'm ready for this.

>>46864736
There is some sorta custom game mode in BFG:A already.

By what i saw in the /tg/ thread, you apparently can set up how many and what kind of enemy ships there will be.

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>>46864441
>>46864699
The Emperor gave us recaf for a reason, guys.

>>46864720
>>46864731
>>46864736
Thanks.
>BFG Occurrence Border
Presumably long before it became the infested scrapheap I run cogboys through every Friday, unless a mod or something opens up the ability to melt the front end off.

>>46864810
It's a good pic, and I like it. Thanks for throwing it together.

>>46864679
Happy birthday to you and Shakespeare both.

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>>46864776
Lady, you got wax in those swords you call ears? He clearly said FUCK MON-KEIGH.

Get your armor off, woman! It's time to get DOWN up in here! I'll bring the Power Dildos.

>>46864810
> Codex Retardes

The only Codex that matters!

>>46864884
The one the Alfa Legion follows to the letter!!!

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Thanks and Curses for preventing me from studying for my finals, Shoggy

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>>46864661

Despite the temptation, Sarge and Aimy didn't stand around critiquing the Marines' choice of tactics. This was partially because the situation was too serious to waste time being petty and unhelpful, but mostly they just figured the Daemonthrope would handle do it for them. The two of them slowly advanced behind the Marines, placing aimed shots into the growing number of daemon-tyranid hybrids pouring out of the hole in reality the Daemonthrope was tearing, and waiting to see what was going to happen.

Surprisingly though, what happened was… nothing. The three Astartes charged in (well the Apothecary just jogged), spraying fire and fending off the odd daemonid, but the Daemonthrope just manifested a greenish-black shield and ignored them while it poured more and more juice into the widening warp-rift. Between shots, Sarge and Aimy snickered to themselves as the Marines reached the edge of the crater and then milled around trying to figure out how to respond to being dismissed as non-threats.

Of course the Deathwatch Marines didn't waste too much time standing around. The trio of superhuman warriors drew upon all their centuries of tactical knowledge, and came to the conclusion that they should try shooting the big psychic bug HARDER. As Guardsmen, Sarge and Aimy wholeheartedly approved of this decision, and concentrated on keeping the smaller bugs in check while the Space Marines poured a ludicrous number of bolt rounds into the shield.

Seriously, when I say ludicrous, I mean it. All three marines were firing their bolters on full-auto (the Heart-Marine was actually using his one handed while firing a Plasma Pistol with the other!), and they were reloading faster than seemed physically possible. How much ammo the marines had (or where in the Emperor's name they were keeping it all) was a bit of a mystery, but they Sarge and Aimy both swore that the trio managed to put upwards of two-hundred rounds into the Daemonthrope's shield before it popped.

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>>46864881
Even though I know it's Felicia Tayber from Death or Glory, that pic always reminds me of Melodi from A Fresh Start.

>>46864937
Soldier not holding the line and doing his all to kill the foul enemies of man. Someone call the commissar!

>>46864972
he's checking for burrowers.

>>46864972
It's okay, battulbrothar. Mandatory briefings are a justified cause for unscheduled leave from one's post.

>>46864915
You missspelled Imperial Fists there, buddy.

>>46864985
I don't think he's going to find them by looking into the camera.

>>46864958
It's the best sexy techpriestess I have a picture for that isn't outright lewd.

Pity I don't have the ca$hmonie$ to commission a full-body nude of my covert coglass Factor...

>>46865026
Its the camera that's looking into him.

>>46864985
My mistake then. Carry on soldier and keep up the good work. The Imperium is lucky to have soldiers as vigilant as him

>>46864972
They all look very unfazed for people about to be stomped by 'nids.

>>46864679
Joyeux anniversaire, anon.

>>46865026
That's what they want you to think

>>46865053
>They all look very unfazed for people about to be stomped by 'nids.

Lo, there, do I see a field of men who have not between them one fuck to give.
Lo, they do call to me, to take my place among them. To join them and the Emperor of Mankind in Valhalla, where the brave may fight forever.

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>>46864939

Now this is where the Deathwatch Marines learned the real difference between a Zoanthrope and the unholy creature we'd hauled across the galaxy. When their barrage broke down the Daemonthrope's shield, it didn't fall over dead or try to wriggle away. No, all that a dozen bolt-rounds to the center of mass managed to do was make the thing angry, and daemonhosts can get very, very angry.

The only reason the Astartes weren't vaporized was their superhuman speed and the fact that, despite their initial choice of tactics, they DID have a bit of self-preservation instinct. When the Daemonthrope rounded on them, the three Marines scattered, barely avoiding a psychic tantrum that turned roughly fifty meters of facility roof into a warp-tainted mixture of rubble and molten slag. Sarge and Aimy watched the light show, noting the power of the attacks and the way bits of dead daemonid rose into the air to fill in the Daemonthrope's bolter-wounds, and congratulated themselves on their decision to stick to shooting the little bugs.

Eventually though, the Daemonthrope's tantrum ended and the bug turned back to its now-shrinking portal. It seemed to go pensive for a few seconds, and then with a flap of its wings, the bug entered the portal and its oppressive psychic presence vanished. Sarge and Aimy stayed in their cover waiting to see what horrible thing would happen next, but after a solid minute of nothing, they went back to picking off the daemonids.

A few minutes later the last of the bugs were dead, the Marines had clawed their way out of the rubble at the edge of the destroyed area, and everyone was gathered around the shrinking the warp-portal. As the hole finally disappeared with a little pop, Sarge sighed in relief, then froze as Grumpy-Marine said:

>Hmm, more power than I expected, but far less courage. That was almost too easy.

Aimy got as far as "YOU JUST HAD TO FUC-" before the nearby mountaintop exploded in green light.

>>46865039
Tbh it's better than most of the 2lewd ones. The artist nailed Felicia's curves in all the right places, and dat mechadendrite. I keep expecting to find an edit of it depicting her after the top half of her head gets replaced with metal.

>>46865026
There is a Lictor behind that camera.

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>>46865020

>>46865120
Astartes, Jinxing it since M30.

>>46865153
>Salamanders
>giving a fuck about the Codex
>>46865120
YOU JUST HAD TO FUCKING SAY IT
goddamn I hate the Templars sometimes

All Guardsmen Party Storytime is literally the only reason I'll give 40k the time of day anymore. Fucking 10/10.

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>>46865120
>>That was almost too easy.

God-Emperor, why?

Fucking Black Templars.

You're supposed to be the Anti-Psyker nutcases, and you still jinx it like that?!

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>>46865120

The green light was followed by the familiar psychic screeching and the appearance of a rift in reality large enough to peek over the top of the mountain. Sarge sighed and facepalmed, while Aimy decided it was time to boost morale via friendly insults, specifically ones targeted at the Grumpy-Marine and "whatever retarded chapter of retards spawned your retarded ass." The black-and-white Space Marine didn't seem to take these completely innocent comments very well, but before anything could come of it both Sarge and Aimy were yanked off their feet.

The Apothecary and Heart-Marine tucked the two guardsmen under their arms like fussy children and began running up the mountain at a pace that could be described as "terrifying". Sarge, possibly because he was far less of an asshole, was carried facing forwards, which meant that he was able to watch as the mountaintop grew a layer of flesh-fungus and a tide of mutated gaunts poured over it. He briefly considered picking a few of the bugs off while the Apothecary ran, but gave up after an especially large jump jammed his carbine's scope halfway into his eye socket. Aimy just swore at the Heart-Marine and promised terrible vengeance for such undignified treatment.

The ride ended when the first of the Daemonids came into range. Sarge was placed on a boulder with a good view of the bug-covered slope, Aimy was unceremoniously dumped onto the ground, and the three Deathwatch Marines began advancing towards the glowing mountaintop.

Shoggy, question. Was the GM using errata or non-errata DW rules for the marines?

>>46865120
I have to say, I love the way space marines think and act in your works. Too many depictions of them go straight into power fantasy territory and portray their hardheadedness, isolationism and obsession with personal glory as a good thing.

>>46865280
Looks like even Lamenters have a certain threshold for suicidal tendencies that they won't cross.

>>46865358
well, one of them is a Lamenter...

>>46865335
If they were firing boltguns on fullauto, it'd be core rules. Errata drops them from S/2/4 2d10+5 to S/3/- 1d10+9.

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>>46865280
>running toward the giant hole in reality
Fucking Space Marines

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>>46865280
>whatever retarded chapter of retards spawned your retarded ass
Based Aimy

>>46865393
I thought the Lamenters' shtick was that reality hated them, not that they suffered realistic consequences of being arrogant assholes?

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>>46865280

Once again, it was a matter of Sarge and Aimy providing covering fire while keeping their heads down, but this time the rough terrain and large number of hostiles meant the Astartes' attack was more of a slog than a blitz. Not that the lack of speed made it any less impressive, these ARE the Emperor's Angels of Death we're talking about. All three of the Deathwatch Marines collected more kills that Sarge while simultaneously dealing with enemy attacks and climbing a bloody mountain. If it weren't for the fact that Aimy's sniping skills, not to mention her techno-heretical armament, managed to keep her in the lead on points, Sarge might've had to admit that honest Guardsmen couldn't compete with genetically engineered supersoldiers.

Anyway, the advance to the top of the mountain went off with only two or three sketchy moments. The worst of which was when the Grumpy-Marine let himself get flanked by a bunch of mutated gaunts for some reason. I mean seriously, he just stood there like an idiot pawing at his belt, it was like he forgot how many grenades he had or something. Aimy had to pull off an absolutely amazing barrage of double-kills to keep his stupid ass bug-free.

Aside from that, the time when one of the larger Daemonids almost managed to sneak up on Aimy before Sarge noticed it, and the incident with the looser-than-expected boulder, the advance to the mountaintop went smoothly. Of course, you know what Murphy says about attacks that go really well…

Fucking yes. Shoggy? I hope you know that it just makes my day when you post a thread like this. It really does. Not even sarcasm. Thanks!

>>46865494
Goddamnit, Nubby

>>46865494
> it was like he forgot how many grenades he had or something
ohhh nubby

>>46865335
Not sure, aside from him basing them off Deathwatch in the name of making them feel more OP.

>>46865532
Glad to entertain.

>>46865493
Exactly. Fate dicking them over at every opportunity has presumably forced them to learn caution.
>>46865543
>>46865544
I don't know what you're talking about. Clearly they were stolen by daemonid Lictors; the Marine should really keep better track of his things around enemy combatants.

>>46865543
>>46865544

According to >46864402, it was Sarge what borrowed that pineapple.

>>46865562
The errata'd profiles were intended as optional rules to speed things up by reducing the number of dice rolled. With you guys automating rolls, there'd be no advantage there, though the higher minimum damage does come into play sometimes.

>>46865562
If any of them had a pre-errata heavy bolter with pre-errata RF rules, the daemonnid would be daemonded.

>>46865584
nah Nubby swiped it when the Templar picked him up.
They wasted it clearing a room with some weird lizard-robot called a Rak-gol or something like that.

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>>46865632
NOT A WASTE. RAK'GOL WARRANT IMMEDIATE APPLICATION OF ANY AND ALL MEANS OF DESTRUCTION.
The whole belt might have been a bit excessive, but reducing the damned lizardbugcyborg to chunky salsa without a fight was a Good Call.

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>>46865494
WHO IS THE NUBBY YOU SPEAK OF AND ... WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY GRENADES FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUU

>>46865578
Or Orks dressed as daemonid Lictors

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YES! GOT IN LIVE!!!

>>46864402
ALL HAIL THE GOD-KING OF /tg/!!!

>>46865750
I played several 1st Ed. DH, and RT campaigns. Where the hell is that from, and all I can say is melta it from a distance.

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Got my homemade burritos and I'm ready for some All Guardsmen Party.

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>>46865494

Okay, well, technically what happened wasn't an ambush, so maybe the old adage isn't perfect, but the end result was about the same.

The top of the mountain was a smallish plateau with a bunch of sciency antennas on it, plus a growing rift in reality and an irritable Daemonthrope. The three Deathwatch Marines advanced right up to the edge of it, cleared out a last wave of gaunts, and then all three prepped grenades and vaulted up over the lip of the plateau. Neither Sarge or Aimy could see what happened next, but at least one of the grenades must have stuck its target, because the Daemonthrope let out a mind-rending screech of pain. Unfortunately, it also let out a blinding blast of green energy which shook the entire mountain, guardsmen included, like an abusive nanny.

Sarge wound up lying on his back, blinking and trying to remember what he'd been doing, and then flinched as something large flew a few meters over his head. He reflexively turned and watched as the object sailed a few dozen more meters, clipped a boulder, cartwheeled up in a short arc, landed with a crunching sound, and finally skidded to a halt. Sarge blinked again and idly wondered why the unidentified crashing object looked so familiar. Then his dazed brain kicked back into gear, put two and two together, got five, decided that was close enough, and signaled his mouth.

>HOLY SHIT IT'S RAINING SPACE MARINES!

Aimy, who was even more out of it than Sarge, moaned and crawled into cover underneath a nearby boulder. Not because she understood a single word of what Sarge had said, but because taking cover was the Guard-issued response to confusion and incoherent orders. She huddled there for a second, clutching her head and wondering why she'd ever left her regiment, and then registered what Sarge had said at about the same time as the dazed noncom realized it himself. Both of them jumped to their feet and ran downhill towards the crumpled form of the Marine formerly known as Grumpy.

>Its 3:30 in the morning here
>I should go to bed
>Currently contemplating if i want to sleep the whole next day and stay a while longer or if i should just read all of this in the morening

>>46865991
Fuck sleep, you've got a live thread by the best writefag of modernity!

>>46866042
But my eyelids are in full insubordination and i think the last commissar inside my brains just got nommed by a sleepynid.

>>46865991
Sucks to be you!! Its 10:30 am here.

>>46866069
As was said in >>46864850, that's what recaf is for.

>>46864429

nigga i've been refreshing /tg/ catalogue every day for the past 2 weeks

>>46866115
I will let you in on a little secret.
I hate that stuff. I dont drink it, i am not planning on drinking it and i am neither going to form a habit of drinking it. Last time i drank it was to honor my grandmothers 80th birthday earlier this year. The taste of that cupful is yet to fully immaterialize.

>>46866146
Go to: http://www.theallguardsmenparty.com/ if you look in the blue box at the top of the screen Shoggy posts the time he'll start his story telling 24 hours before it's supposed to happen.

For those in need of sleep, just remember the thread will still be here in the morning. You'll be able to enjoy the fullness of storytime.

Yes, you don't get to engage in the banter and "Mother of god" at each Shoggy post, but really, it's the story you want, and if you are lulling about in a stupor, you won't be able to enjoy it fully.

Go to bed, knowing that the first thing to greet you in the morning will be more glorious Shoggy story time.

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>>46866146
same

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>>46866180
Tea, then. Or caffeinated chewing gum. I hate coffee too.

>>46866180
Try green tea. It's what I do to get my caffeine fix.

>>46866247
It's too late to get the water boiling, neither have i even tasted tea so im not sure what i would be getting myself into and all stores are closed now.

>>46866241
Funny, i feel like im getting more out of this story time atm, because i feel like how sarge is described to be feeling.

>>46866247
I don't know. I was never big on it my self, and the only things I'd ever buy from places like starbucks were those 90%sugar, milk frappacinos, but i've been drinking coffee lately for work and i don't really mind the taste as much. It's one of those things where it can become a whole lot easier to take down with practice. Also try Macha, that shit is pure energy

>>46866247
Hell, most soft drinks will give you enough caffeine to postpone falling asleep for a couple hours

>>46866335
I feel sorry for Americans, unable to know the true joys of a good cup of coffee.

>>46866314
What about just throwing some cold water on your face?

>>46866335
It's an acquired taste. I just don't want to acquire it.
Tea, Earl Grey, Hot is superior in every way to workplace coffee, and it's not even the best tea.

Aww hell, i gotta call it quits now.
Going off to bed, hopefully i can slay some heretical pink elephants on a cloud island in my sleep.
Good luck to you all.
Leaving some music behind.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfERIz6FkbM

>>46866393
We have real coffee, you just have to look for it.

>>46866393
American here, been drinking it black every morning for 6 years now. Grind the beans myself, French Press, Drip, Aeropress, you name it I've made it. I take my coffee seriously.

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>>46865984

Actually the "former" was premature, when Sarge reached the battered Marine he was still breathing and in possession of over three quarters of his appendages. It was hard to say whether the missing foot was due to the blast, the fall, or the pack of daemonic rippers that had started gnawing at the Astartes while Sarge was staggering around, but it's not like it really mattered. After some initial clearing, Aimy began picking off all nearby bugs, while Sarge propped the wounded Space Marine up against a cover-providing rock and tried to decide what to do next. His thought process was interrupted when the rock exploded.

For the second time in five minutes, Sarge found himself on his ass, wondering what the hell was going on. This time though, the sight of the Daemonthrope drifting down the mountainside shook him out of it. He staggered upright and analyzed his current situation with the speed of the truly desperate.

It was a complex tactical situation. Sarge was bleeding, slightly burned, and had at least one broken rib. The Space Marine was still unconscious, and was now slightly less than three-quarters-intact. Both of them had been flung a few meters down the scree slope, and were now at the top of a twenty-ish meter cliff. Friendlies-wise, Aimy wasn't anywhere to be seen, and neither were the other Deathwatch Marines. As for hostiles, all the little bugs in the area were dead, but the Daemonthrope appeared to focused on the wounded Marine, and was gathering greenish-black electricity for another attack. Finally, the only option for cover was a smallish pile of rocks a few meters away, which was way too far to drag a tonne of power-armored Space Marine.

It was a tricky situation. In fact it was the sort of tactical problem that a tribunal senior Inquisitors might spend an entire day and a half arguing over...

Sarge didn't have that sort of time though, so he responded to the complex tactical situation by pushing the Space Marine off the cliff.

>>46866443
Ok, i read this one and hten head to sleep.

>>46866398
obviously the best tea is real chai

>>46866473
>>46866473
Goodnight, bed marine. Dream well if the Emperor.

>>46866443
kek

>>46866443
> ... he responded to the complex tactical situation by pushing the Space Marine off the cliff.

Good lesson for life: always pick uncertain death over certain death.

>>46866501
I shall slay all heretical dreams my friend, i shall conquer the slumberland in the name of the emperor.

>>46865494
Did the other players get to run the Marines during this sequence, or were they all GM NPCs?

>>46866443
Its not like he'll die from being pushed off a cliff, he'll die from the horrific injury's the Daemonthrope gave him.

>>46866443
>so he responded to the complex tactical situation by pushing the Space Marine off the cliff.

Oh look Daemonthrope, a distraction!

>>46865494
NUBBBBBBBYYYY!!!!!!

>>46866443
>Sarge propped the wounded Space Marine up against a cover-providing rock
It's things like this that make me realize why getting smacked by Sarge tends ro daze the smack-ee.

>>46866443
>Sarge didn't have that sort of time though, so he responded to the complex tactical situation by pushing the Space Marine off the cliff.


God damn Sarge, you are the only man fit lead any unit of the Imperial Guard at this point, THE ONLY. GODDAMNED. ONE.

>>46866443
>The Space Marine was still unconscious, and was now slightly less than three-quarters-intact.

looks like gravis will have a roomie

all traumatically amputated spacemarines party when?

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>>46866443

Despite the apparent retardation of this plan, it worked. The wounded Space Marine flopped over the edge a bare second before the Daemonthrope's attack hit. Instead of being blown to pieces by a bolt of green lightning, the wounded Space Marine merely suffered a bone-shattering fall and downhill tumble. This was unquestionably a win, unfortunately Sarge wasn't in much condition to appreciate it, because it'd taken him just a little too long to shove the heavy Marine over the edge.

The blast caught Sarge in the back as he scrambled for cover, inflicting a few more shrapnel wounds and superficial burns in addition to knocking him prone. He struggled back to his feet as the Daemonthope screeched in rage and, deprived of its original target, turned its metal-covered face towards Sarge. The dazed noncom attempted to stagger the rest of the way into cover, realized he'd never make it in time, and raised his carbine instead. He got off only three shots before the Daemonthrope's eyes flared. An invisible force ripped the gun up and out of Sarge's hands, and then began inexorably pressing in on him from all directions…

It was at this point that Aimy decided it was time to stop sitting around waiting for the Marines to show up, and do something heroic. Over the last minute or two she'd picked herself up from where she'd been thrown, found a nice firing position, and watched the Daemonthrope's attack in a desperate attempt to discover some sort of weakness. Unfortunately, it seemed to lack any giant glowing weak points, and while it had initially sported some nasty-looking wounds on its front, he remains of several daemonids had risen up and filled in the holes in thoroughly disgusting fashion.

So, lacking any ideas for how to kill a continuously regenerating creature that shrugged off bolt-rounds and grenades, she settled for shooting it in the eye and hoping it was easily distracted.

>>46866552
This was interspersed with the other content to fend off boredom, I just didn't feel like switching back and forth constantly while writing it.

>>46866666
>I never get quints like that
Why live?

>>46866727
Good plan - GO AIMY

Dammit Shoggy, why do you always do these while I'm at work?!

>>46866783
To read glorious AGP storytime.
>>46866727
When in doubt, GO FOR THE EYES.

>>46866783
>Why live?

In the name of glory, and the Emperor, of course.

>>46866727
>she settled for shooting it in the eye

wait what about piece of hull wrapped around the head

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>>46866727

The Daemonthrope screeched and released Sarge as the pulse-round punched through the metal plate welded to its face and put out its left eye. It then turned towards Aimy and then turned and caught a shot in its other eye. As Aimy had suspected neither shot did much to incapacitate the creature, but they sure as hell pissed it off.

The rock that the Markswoman had fired from exploded in a shower of semi-molten shrapnel, but by that point she'd already rebased. Aimy popped up from her new position, landed yet another headshot, and then scrambled backwards over a ridge of scree, where she paused for a second before picking out another good-looking rock. She scrambled downhill, keeping the small ridge between her and the enemy, until she reached the rock, where she readied her rifle for another shot. It was then, as Aimy rose up for her third attack, that she realized it'd had been really, really stupid to assume the Daemonthrope would keep hovering around a few meters above ground level while it chased her.

Aimy peeked out of cover to find the Daemonthrope a mere thirty meters above and in front of her, and with a corona of green electricity already gathered around it. The Markswoman reflexively flinched downwards, but it was already too late. There was a flash of green light, a blast of heat, and then… nothing.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of silence and darkness, there came the horribly, horribly familiar pain.

A couple hundred meters away, Sarge paused his search for his dropped carbine, and listened in confusion to what sounded like the bellowing of a stuck Grox. Then after a few seconds the incoherent screaming transitioned into a wail of: "WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE FUCKING FACE". Sarge gave up the search for his weapon, drew his laspistol, and started sprinting.

>>46866727
Aimy and Sarge ship = best ship

>>46866839
Fun fact, it didn't actually have eyes until it got possessed and started manifesting them as a glowy spot on the face-shield.

>>46866841
>"WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE FUCKING FACE"
Poor Aimy :(

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>>46866839
Its glowing eyes manifested through the metal.
Fuckin' Daemonhosts, man.

>>46866841
Pfffft

>>46864939
>Lamenter brought a plasma pistol
He must be the luckiest marine in his Chapter but that's not saying much considering his current position.

>>46866854
Incorrect, the only love purer than the Emperor's is that of Doc and the Hospitaller.

>>46866841
Awesome pic. Gawd she looks pissed.

>>46866825
Chris, don't you have a shift to run???

You know, I think we've reached the point where even some Commisars would retreat. Thats saying something.

>>46866841
Well, it pissed off the sniper. That had to do something right?

>>46866978
I'd look pissed too if I had a hairstyle like that.

>>46864561
I made the party in Wasteland 2.

>>46867022
>implying retreating would help with anything against a demonhost
you'd just die tired

>>46867141
And moderately later than everybody else

>>46867141
>>46867172

Which, when you think about it, would be even worse, because then the Daemonhost can take it's time with you, unlike the others grunts.

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>>46866841

Fortunately, Sarge didn't get a chance to try attacking a daemonically possessed Tyranid psyker with nothing but a laspistol and his guard-issue adamantium balls. I mean, I'm totally sure it would've worked out, but the sheer awesomeness of his inevitable victory probably would've caused the universe to implode or something. So all in all, it was a very good thing that he only got three steps before the Deathwatch Marines finally returned from whatever tea party they'd been having.

Bolter fire erupted from somewhere lower down the mountain, and while it wasn't as perfectly-aimed as Aimy's shots had been, it was still enough to convince the big bug it had better things to do than finish off a slightly-overcooked guardswoman. Not having anything to prove to anyone, Sarge hunkered down behind a rock until the Daemonthrope had finished screeching in rage and launched itself towards the source of the fire, and then followed the sound of incoherent cursing (and also the smell of burned hair) to his markswoman.

It turned out that Sarge was actually the second person to reach Aimy: he arrived to find the Apothecary crouched over the still-smoldering markswoman, spraying her head with what could have either been syth-skin or fire-suppressant. Whatever it was though, judging by the way Aimy was squirming and swearing even louder, it stung like a sonofabitch.

Anyway, as Sarge arrived the Apothecary tucked Aimy under his arm (Sarge thought he remembered the Marine having two of those earlier, but wasn't quite sure) and turned to face him. The Marine started to bellow some sort of order, then paused and gave Sarge a look which managed to convey "Are you retarded?" despite being delivered through a helmet.

>Where is your weapon, Guardsman?

Sarge blinked, tried to think up a diplomatic response, and then decided that he was too sore and tired for this shit.

>Dunno, where is your arm, Marine?

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>>46867255
savage

>>46867255
>Dunno, where is your arm, Marine?
1d5 E Flame

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>>46867255

>Dunno, where is your arm, Marine?

Adamantine balls aren't tough enough for him, we need some neutronium to backtalk a deathwatch marine after being blown up half a dozen times in the last few minutes

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>>46867255
>Dunno, where is your arm, Marine?

>>46867326
Test Ag at -20 or be ignited

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>>46867255

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>>46867255
pfft

>>46867255

>Dunno, where is your arm, Marine?

Jesus Sarge

>The Marine started to bellow some sort of order, then paused and gave Sarge a look which managed to convey "Are you retarded?" despite being delivered through a helmet.

I see this Apothecary has already had waaayyy too much experience with the Squad, despite just meeting them.

>>46867255
Sides are in space

>>46866953

Is it just me, or does that picture look like the daemonthrope is forcing the Inquisitor's head up his ass?

Because I can't remove that mental image now.

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>>46867255

>>46867456
That's what I got out of it too.
A good first step in wadding a man into a small, mulchy ball.

>>46867456
>Implying the inquisitor's head wasn't already up his ass.

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>>46867255
>

>>46867456
>the Inquisitor's head up his ass
At least it's accurate now

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>>46867255

After a VERY awkward silence the Apothecary sighed and began explaining the tactical situation.

In short, Jim had commed the Marines (ours were still jammed) and informed them the AA guns would be coming online soon. Heart-Marine was distracting the Daemonthrope and drawing it into a good position for all the guns to hit it, while the Apothecary was trying to get him some reinforcements. Unfortunately, the Apothecary had been disarmed (heh) and running on stimms, Grumpy-Marine's diagnostic cogitator was reporting massive trauma and something like fifty broken bones, and Aimy had been temporarily blinded. So Sarge was all there was and he'd LOST HIS BLOODY GUN.

Anyway, there was a bit of yelling, a bit of negotiation, a futile search for wherever Aimy had dropped her weapon, and just maybe a small amount of theft. In the end, Sarge left Aimy and the incredibly battered Grumpy-Marine to the Apothecary, and ran down the mountainside armed with a far-too-large bolter, and an oversized krak-grenade.

As Sarge quickly descended back down to the facility (and desperately tried to avoid faceplanting as he did so) the Heart-Marine was playing hide-and-shoot with the increasingly frustrated Daemonthrope. Sarge couldn't see much of the Marine, who was wildly dodging through the roof-top structures, but it was impossible to miss the lightning blasts, large-scale psychokinetic tantrums, and the occasional more daemonic attack that he was dodging. All-in-all, it looked like an absolutely suicidal fight to get involved in, especially given how poorly Sarge's own attempt to do that sort of thing had gone (his back was absolutely killing him). Still though, Sarge had to do something to help, so when he finally reached the facility's rooftop, he propped the oversized bolter up on a chest-high pipe like it was a heavy stubber.

Sarge planned out his escape path, took careful aim, fired… and completely missed.

By, like, thirty meters. It was pathetic.

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>>46866909
>Fun fact, it didn't actually have eyes until it got possessed and started manifesting them as a glowy spot on the face-shield.

>>46867255
Did your GM give XP for comments like that?

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>>46867255

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>>46867528

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>>46867528

>In the end, Sarge ran down the mountainside armed with a far-too-large bolter,

Hoo boy. Somebody's about to get a broken shoulder or a scope-slap to the face.

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Nice. I just wanted to got to bed...

Ah fuck it. AGP it is!

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>>46867255
BASED NONCOM
A
S
E
D

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>>46867867
We're about halfway done, mate - 12 of approx. 25 posts in. Soon there will be time to sleep.

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>>46867528

In what would've been the most humiliating experience in his life if anyone else had been around to see it, Sarge proceeded to miss two more carefully aimed shots before giving up. He then switched the bolter over to automatic, and attempted to lay down some "ork-style" suppressive fire. The gun, which had doubtlessly been forged by some master artisan and performed flawlessly in centuries of combat, jammed on the second shot.

Swearing like only a noncom can, Sarge picked up the jammed bolter and threw it at the Daemonthrope. The heavy gun sailed a good ten meters below the Daemonthrope, and then bounced off a pipe and over the edge of the roof. When asked what happened to the bolter afterwards, Sarge told the Apothecary that the Daemonthrope had used its telekinetic powers to snatch it from his grip. (He didn't become aware that the rooftop's vid recorders had caught the whole shameful show, including his blatant lie, until far, far later.)

After spending a second cursing the stupidity of what he'd just done, Sarge drew his laspistol and finally scored a hit on the Daemonthrope. Unfortunately, laspistols aren't known for their ability to pierce daemonically-reinforced chitin, and the creature just ignored the pitiful attack as it continued trying to kill the Heart-Marine. Sarge swore some more, tried to draw a bead on one of the warp-fire filled eyeholes that Aimy had punched in the Daeomonthrope's faceplate, and then nearly had a heart attack as twenty-four anti-air guns opened fire from every direction.

>>46867982
Whats up with that image?

Are you implying that the members of the AGP are not touched by the emperor and living saints who shall rise again from death

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>>46868025
fucking glory hound techpriests

>>46867456

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdAwGKk8a4M

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>>46868025
>When asked what happened to the bolter afterwards, Sarge told the Apothecary that the Daemonthrope had used its telekinetic powers to snatch it from his grip. (He didn't become aware that the rooftop's vid recorders had caught the whole shameful show, including his blatant lie, until far, far later.)

>>46868067
If Nubby really had been touched by the Emperor it would have been with a really big stick in the face several times

>>46868025
BIG GUNS NEVER TIRE

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These are the best.

Thank you Shoggy!

>>46868025
>twenty-four anti-air guns opened fire from every direction.

>every direction


Now, I'm no tech-priest, and I'm sure Jim and his cohorts were under a great deal of stress, but I'm also pretty sure that MOST OF THOSE ARE GOING TO MISS. How in the fuck do you not get a nigh on perfect targeting solution on a monster made of HERESY, SUPER HERESY, MIND-RAPE, GROSS SHIT, AND A DECKPLATE? Emprah fucking dammit guys!

>>46868256
if it comes up with any kind of error message in the targeting data, you shoot that location

>>46868256
What are you talking about? The AA guns form a perimeter around the mountain base the Demonthrope is currently in. Off course they're firing from every direction.

Unless you read that as "AA guns firing IN every direction"

>>46868256
iirc they're a network of Hydra Flak Cannons surrounding the landing pad. So we'll see what punches through and hits it - anti-air guns should do a number on a Monstrous Creature, even a possessed one.

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>>46866841
Great, now I've got a new waifu...
>AS IF MY MENTAL LANDSCAPE WASN'T CLUTTERED ENOUGH!!!

>>46867528
Goddamnit, Nubby, Sarge is supposed to be a good influence on you, you're not supposed to be a bad influence on him!

>>46868025
>Swearing like only a noncom can, Sarge picked up the jammed bolter and threw it at the Daemonthrope. The heavy gun sailed a good ten meters below the Daemonthrope, and then bounced off a pipe and over the edge of the roof. When asked what happened to the bolter afterwards, Sarge told the Apothecary that the Daemonthrope had used its telekinetic powers to snatch it from his grip. (He didn't become aware that the rooftop's vid recorders had caught the whole shameful show, including his blatant lie, until far, far later.)

Daamn Sarge, you done fucked up. Notwithstanding the fact that the Marine probably would have done the same if it had jammed on him...

Got one live. I liked the implication earlier that the marines are the Deathwatch equivilent of the Guardsman Party, going through Inquisitors the way the Guardsman went through Interrogators.

>>46868354
>All Deathwatch Party

Jesus what would they have to deal with on a regular basis to have as shit luck as Sarge and company?

>>46868354
lol. didn't think about that, but now that you mention it, it fits.

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>>46868333

>>46868383
>Jesus what would they have to deal with on a regular basis to have as shit luck as Sarge and company?

They'd be assigned to the Occurrence Border, of course.

>>46868354
I'm terrified of any marine who behaves anything like Nubby or Twitch

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>>46868025

Sadly, the hail of flak didn't immediately reduce the Deamonthrope to an airborne pile of daemonically-tainted chunky salsa. The creature took several hits, enough to kill anything that could really be called "alive" in the first place, but before was overwhelmed it managed to furl its wings into a sort of shield and drop into the mouth of the crater it'd originally exited the facility from. It didn't drop all the way down the crater though: once out of the AA turrets' line of sight, it spread its wings again and began regenerating its wounds.

Sarge swore at the creature's refusal to just die already, but noticed that it was lot more trouble healing itself than it had previously. He wasn't sure whether it was the lack of nearby Daemonids to cannibalize (the corpses had dissipated after the warp-rift had closed), or if the creature was FINALLY running out of juice, but either way it's regeneration was going slower. Unfortunately, it appeared to be countering for this difficulty by getting even more daemony: some of the wounds were filling in with eyeballs and tentacles instead of chiton, and the local area was getting awfully warpy.

As Sarge moved closer to the crater, in the vague hope that the shorter range would let him use his laspistol or grenade effectively, he crossed through patches of rapidly-growing mutated plants, chittering whispers, frost, and other lesser phenomena. Of course compared to the stuff he'd seen during the warp-voyage with the Daemonthrope, these phenomena were positively mundane. He soldiered through them without any problems more significant than one of the little biting bugs that the Daemonthrope loved so much getting partway up his pant leg before he squished it. Still though, it slowed him down a bit, which meant that only the Heart-Marine was there to keep pressure on the bug while it healed up.

Luckily, the Marine as a big boy who could handle himself, and only suffered a few non-fatal injuries during his wait.

>>46868383
They had a Lamenter. They already had terrible luck.

>>46868333
hands off muh waifu

>>46868383
Imagine if all Twitch's theories were true, something like that. except you might want to replace orks with word bearers or Alpha legion or something

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>>46868416
>Marine that behaves like Nubby

>>46867561
I would, and my group routinely does, because awesomeness deserves to be rewarded.

>>46868428
Forgot your name, Shoggs.

>>46868416

Given the Black Templar anti-psyker tendencies, he's probably their Twitch - always blaming it on the psykers.

Obviously, the Apothecary is the unholy mix of Sarge and Doc, and is just about fucking done with the hijinks that the rest of his Kill-Team gets up to.

>>46868416
>Nubby
Blood Ravens have the thieving down.

>>46868452
that image needs Custodes armour

>>46868155
I'm mean the Emps made the Word Bearers kneel from sectors away, he probably lightly brushed nubby with his might, and then took a very long thorough psyker shower to clean nubby's nubbyness off.

>>46868452
You know this kind of makes perfect sense.
>>46868464
Who's Heart marine. Amy?

>>46868433
that's a distressingly good point.
Poor bastards.

>>46868504
Heart Marine is an unnamed Lamenter Deathwatch member. They are all identified by whatever Chapter symbol they have.

>>46868346
Nubby is like an orc. You can do you're damnedest to contain him, but in the end he'll get his nubby hands on everything, he's nubby spores/filth in everything, and his nubby influence over everything

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>>46868428

So Sarge finally pushed through the last phenomena (a patch of snow and ice that was actually quite refreshing compared to the local scorching temperature) at about the point when Tink finished booting up Spot. He watched with same sense of triumph, then disappointment that the rest of us felt when the Wraithbone-armed drone impaled the Daemonthrope and the thing STILL DIDN'T DIE.

Just like the rest of us he (and the Heart-Marine) decided the only thing to do was keep attacking and hope that Spot was weakening the bug enough for regular weapons to finish the job. Sarge put his laspistol away, spent a good few seconds gauging the distance to the Daemonthrope and the weight of the Astartes-sized krak grenade, and then threw the explosive at the bug's back while it launched one if its green lightning bolts. The grenade flew in a perfect arc, hit the Daemothrope right between the base of its wings, failed to adhere properly, and dropped off...

Fortunately, especially for those of us standing UNDER the Daemonthrope and the grenade, Sarge had let the krak cook a little. It exploded about half a meter under the creature, and pretty much the entire lower quarter of the thing, plus a good chunk of its back, was instantly removed. It writhed in the air, spraying ichor and screeching, and for a second we all thought that between the blast and the small arms fire, we'd finally done it. Then we noticed the damage to Spot.

>>46868536
Yeah, but they're debating which Marines are analogues to which Guardsmen.

>>46868500
>and then took a very long thorough psyker shower to clean nubby's nubbyness off.

>yfw the Emperor is still washing off the taint of Nubby with a thousand psykers every day

>>46868536
Yeah I know, that's why I was asking if Heart marine is the Amy of the Deathwatch due to being a Lamentor.

>>46868548
>Then we noticed the damage to Spot.
NOOOOOOOOO

>>46868548
sounds like his ballistic skill roll failed by <5

>>46868458
I swear, every time I go to shitpost I forget to put it back on...

>>46868548
Aw dude, teamkilling Spot? Not cool man

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>>46864402

So when is Winds of Winter coming out?

>>46868544
>orc
>you're
C'mon anon
>>46868548
>Then we noticed the damage to Spot.
...uh oh.
>>46868568
Nah, he's too nice.

>>46868568
Lamenter is the Tech Priests and fumbles, The long suffering allies who are probably to blame for all this mess

>>46868617
report spam

>>46868548
RIP Spot
>Plays "Nearer, my god, to thee"
Wait...what's holding the Wraithbone dong of doom in the Daemonthrope of Spot is-OH EMPRAH NO!!!

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>>46868548

Down in the facility, Tink swore as Spot reported severe damage to its hover-unit. He desperately tried to use the drone's little manipulator-arm to grab the something, but wasn't fast enough. The drone sank away from where it had been pressed into the Daemonthrope's underbelly, until it was hanging by the, er, spearhead at the end of the Wraithbone psi-suppressor.

Sarge watched in alarm as the Daemonthrope's wings flared larger. Lacking any more useful ideas, he began firing his laspistol as fast as possible while screaming at the Heart-Marine on the opposite side of the crater to kill the thing before the drone fell off. The Astartes responded to these unhelpful instructions by pausing for a second, and then lowering his bolter. Seeing this, Sarge began to scream something impolite, but paused himself as the Space Marine suddenly exploded into a full sprint towards the Daemonthrope.

The yellow-shouldered Deathwatch Marine charged forward, simply ignoring a lightning blast which ripped a large chunk out of his side. He reached the edge of the crater where, with an echoing shout of "WE DIE IN GLORY!", he jumped and hit the Daemonthrope with a literal flying tackle. Then, with one arm and both legs wrapped around the creature, he reached down, ripped Spot loose, and then slammed the Tau drone spike-first into the Daemonthrope's metal-covered face. Repeatedly.

Now THAT was a sight to give us pause.

I mean, who wakes up in the morning expecting to see a Space Marine beat a daemon-possessed Tyranid psyker over the head with a Tau drone and a Wraithbone marital aid?

Seriously, it was single weirdest thing we'd ever seen, and believe you me, that is REALLY saying something.

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>>46868884

>>46868884
WITNESSED!!!

>>46868884
Give that man an Iron Halo.

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>>46868884
pic definitely related

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>>46868884
>he reached down, ripped Spot loose, and then slammed the Tau drone spike-first into the Daemonthrope's metal-covered face. Repeatedly.

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>>46868884
Fuck yeah, Lamenters!

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>>46868884
The Lamenters are awesome.

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>>46868884
>WE DIE IN GLORY!
>a Space Marine beat a daemon-possessed Tyranid psyker over the head with a Tau drone and a Wraithbone marital aid

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>>46868884
In the name of Malikim Pharos.

FOR THOSE WE CHERISH WE DIE IN GLORY

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>>46868884
>Repeatedly

By the God-Emperor, give that Astartes a Successor Chapter

>>46868884
FOR THOSE WE CHERISH WE DIE IN GLORY

>>46868884
Hey, Shoggy, how much more will you be posting tonight?

>>46869011
>Implying there are ever enough Lamenters around to even get them to full strength for more than a day

Love Marines confirmed best marines

Holy hell he's pulling a cutter! Except with a wraithboner instead of chainsword-chan!

>>46868884
Hm, did you mean marital aid or martial aid?

Either way works.

>>46868884
Oh god, it gets better with every post.
My sides have god extra galactic.

>>46868884
Metal as fuck.

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>>46868884

All of us stopped firing and just watched as the Deathwatch Marine went at it like a giant, hate-fueled anthropomorphic jackhammer. Each blow resulted in a pained screech and a flickering of the Daemonthrope's wings which dropped both it and the Space Marine increasingly large distances. The Heart-Marine didn't let a little thing like gravity deter him though. He kept up his attack until finally, when they were both about sixty meters off the ground, an especially violent blow left Spot well and truly stuck, and the Daemonthrope's wings shrank to little black pinpricks.

We scrambled back as the pair of them slammed into ground, with the Space Marine on the bottom and with enough force to leave a power-armor shaped dent in the floor. Then after waiting a second to see if anything else would happen, Doc ran forward to check on the Space Marine, while Tink ran forward to check on Spot. The prognosis was grim in both cases, Doc was pretty sure that internal organs weren't supposed to be squeezing out through a wound in one's side, and Spot's jury-rigged battery unit burst into flames when Tink touched it. Even worse, when the battery caught fire, the Daemonthrope's wings flared to about the size of a chicken's and the gore that filled the room began flowing towards it.

Tink started running around trying to rig up a new power source, while the rest of us began screaming at each other about whether or not we should try to kick/stab/laspistol the Daemonthrope to death (everyone but Tink was out of ammo) before it regenerated and killed us all. We were so wrapped up in this that it wasn't until Fumbles mentally poked at us that we noticed the two servitors and a slightly oversized servo-skull that had entered the room.

>>46869020
Action is almost done, lore dump will take a while, because parts of it suck and need to be fixed.

>>46869119
quick grab them

>>46869119
How do you make a slightly oversized servo-skull?

>>46869161
Ogryns

>>46869161
Ogryn skull?
Astartes skull?

>>46869161
Use an ogryn skull.

I was 50/50 on a Lamenters tattoo, now I'm sold. Thanks Shoggy.

>>46869161
Ogryns?

>>46869161

with a slightly oversized human-ish skull

>>46869119
Hoo boy. But Emperor FUCKING Damn that Lamentor kicked ass. I think we have another addition to the poker table if he dies.

>>46869119
Oh God two servitors and a skull... what fresh warp-spawned hell is this....

I swear if these things get posessed by the daemon as its next hosts...

>>46869161
2 skulls and one roll of duct tape

I'm twelve and what is this

>>46869188
>tattoos
degenerate

also have fun with your chronic bad luck.

>>46869161
With a slightly oversized skull, naturally. Space Marine, Ogryn, maybe a particularly beefy Catachan, etc.

>>46869227
Oh shut up you puritan

>>46869225
the best story on /tg/

>>46869227
Not emblazoning your body with ideals of your heros
> in 2016

Have fun with your cowardice, heretic

>>46869225

http://www.theallguardsmenparty.com/

you have some reading to do

>>46869178
>>46869179
>>46869182
>>46869195
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ__iaZ4FeY

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>>46868884

>>46869161
Use abhuman remains?

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>>46864402
holy shit first time live
shitposting for the archive

btw I love you shoggy

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>>46869119

As soon as we'd turned (and Twitch had been stopped from snap-shotting anything), the big Servo-skull began transmitting a rather nasal voice. It welcomed us to the lab, informed us we were over two months late delivering the Zoanthrope, and asked if we'd seen the Inquisitor's rosette anywhere, as he needed it for opening the rest of the stasis units and-

Doc (who STILL had the scalpel in his face) seized on the words "Zoanthrope", "my lab", and "stasis", and interrupted the skull. The medic, speaking quickly and rather incoherently, informed whoever was controlling the skull that if they wanted their damned Zoanthrope, we needed: a psi-suppressor equipped stasis unit, whatever parts Tink asked for, and another stasis unit to hold the Heart-Marine until we found the Apothecary. The skull rocked backwards, probably imitating its owner's shocked expression, and began to respond before Doc cut it off again with a shout of "NOW NOW NOW NOW".

This was enough to convince whoever owned the facility that we were serious: the servo-skull fell silent and zipped away. Less than a minute later one of those prison-cell cubes was carried through the hole in the wall by the giant man-beast we'd seen in the middle of the fight. It was followed by some servitors carrying another cube and a wide selection of parts.

With the help of the servitors and the giant (seriously, up close it seemed like a man-shaped bio-titan), the Daemonthrope was secured before its wings grew more than a meter long. The Wraithbone was hooked up to the cell's power supply, and since it was thoroughly embedded in Spot, the whole battered drone was taped to the ceiling just above the cell's stasis field. The Heart-Marine and all the organs Doc could find nearby (some probably weren't his) was put into stasis in time as well, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Then the servo-skull noticed the dead Eldar and started screaming at us, which pretty much set the tone for the next two days.

>>46868884
That Lamenter is all of our heroes forever... holy fuck

Aww yissssssssssss caught it live

>>46869412
We can rebuild him! We have the technology!

>>46869119

DM fuckery right there. They'd been too stupid to use the servitors for power sources earlier so now their DM is throwing them a bone.

>>46869365
>Then the servo-skull noticed the dead Eldar and started screaming at us, which pretty much set the tone for the next two days.


Only good Eldar is a dead Eldar

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>inbf this is all a big intro to a Rogue Trader campaign where Sarge bizarrely gets a warrant of trade somehow

>>46869365
>(seriously, up close it seemed like a man-shaped bio-titan)

Grotesque?

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>>46869365
>it seemed like a man-shaped bio-titan
any thoughts what this is?
Can't be just an Ogryn, they've seen Ogryn.
Is it a Wolfen? It would have fur if that were the case.

>>46869452
I'd read it.

>>46869365
>Then the servo-skull noticed the dead Eldar and started screaming at us, which pretty much set the tone for the next two days.

GODDAMNIT TINK!

>>46869482
maybe an unknown abhuman like the werewolf man Inquisitor Psyker in Guant's ghosts. Or a Bone 'ead

>>46869452
BASED suggestion!

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Sarge was dressed up as a rouge trader at the beginning of interplanetary man of mystery and no one could remember why

>>46869482
The Biologis make vatgrown superlaborers all the time. Dunno if they always have a name for the pattern.

>>46869452
supporting this
>All Guardsmen Only War Quest turns into All Guardsmen Dark Heresy Quest turns into All Guardsmen Rouge Trader Quest

>>46869365
I'm actually kind of relieved they didn't have to kill the Daemonthrope. Be a shame to lose it after the trouble it took to get here.

>>46869536
>implying it can be killed

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>>46869365

Well, that's actually getting a little ahead of things. At the time, we just put up with the ranting of the skull's owner (a man identifying himself as "Magos Smith" and the overseer of the facility), because he was the leader of the group of servitors and prisoners that had won the big melee in the warehouse. Having your own army, including a man-beast capable of flipping tanks one-handed, means you're "outspoken and eccentric", as opposed to "annoying and crazy".

Anyway, the Magos got tired of yelling at about the same time Doc finished patching up the rest of us and finally got around to removing the scalpel from his face. The tech-priest announced that he "needed to organize the packing" and would meet us on the surface, and then the oversized servo-skull zipped off as a servitor equipped with an anti-grav pallet drifted into the room. We rode up to the top of the crater in style (a cargo pallet stitched to the augmented husk of a lobotomized criminal is stylish, right?), and met Sarge at the lip. At about the same moment as we disembarked, Jim and the Adepts began climbing through the doors to the elevator shaft.

Jim was the first through the hole; he'd acquired a dozen servo-skulls during his adventure, as well as a few holes that were leaking blood and lubricant (Sarge winced and vowed to avoid Hannah for the next few weeks). Next came the Cogitator Adept, who looked like he'd licked an electrical outlet, and then the Xenologist Adept, or to be more precise, his corpse, was hefted through. Finally the Diplomacy Adept, who was completely fine, climbed out.

Doc immediately ran over to give aid, while Sarge surveyed the ragged group for a few seconds and then asked what had happened. Jim shrugged and just said "turret", and the Cogitator Adept mumbled something about feedback, and the Diplomacy Adept cheerfully announced that he'd shot the Xenologist on account of him being a traitor.

>>46869365
>Then the servo-skull noticed the dead Eldar and started screaming at us
THAT'S what he's screaming about? How about the inquisitor who died? How about a bunch of freaking Space Marines with broken ribs? How about the giant freaking hole in the roof of the base? How about the fact that the Zoanthrope is literally daemonically possessed? How about the fact they're two months late?
But the one thing he's REALLY angry about is the dead eldar who could've died from like a thousand valid reasons over there?
I kinda get the feeling GM was just still angry about her death. I mean, I get it, but that still seems like the weirdest straw to break the camel's back.

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>>46869430
Indeed we can

>>46869490
The Eldar literally said "I would rather let She Who Thirsts ravage my delicious asshole then help you retarded Mon-Keigh shitheads!" That was not their fault for once!

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>>46869518
>>46869534
>rouge

>>46869573
I've always loved that Diplo adept. You guys better have kept him.

>>46869589
It was a magos man

They always obsessed about research

>>46869573
>and the Diplomacy Adept cheerfully announced that he'd shot the Xenologist on account of him being a traitor.

There's always one, isn't there? FUCK

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>>46869634
"research"

>>46869589
Dude, do you have any idea how hard it is to capture Eldar alive?

>>46869610

> Doc starts talking the Eldar into working together.
> Eldar is listening.
> Tink has Spot shoot her in the back.
> Rather understandably upset about being dismembered in the middle of negotiations, she lashes out.

Yes, it definitely was Tink's fault.

Okay, smoke em if you got em, I've got some straightening to do before I post the rest. It might take a while, because re-reading some of this stuff is painful as all hell. Worst case scenario the thread falls off before I get the last one posted, and I have to do like another 3 or 4 post thread, so whatever.

>>46869458
>>46869482
It's not going the match anything specific in the lore, tech-priest who runs the facility is a whacked-out Magos Biologis

>>46869627
You'll love the rest of the chapter then

>>46869549
"We tried to kill it!"
>"Did you use fire?"
"Uhh...no-"
>"Then you weren't REALLY trying too hard, were you?!?"
<moments later>
"We tried fire! It didn't work!"
>"Did you use ENOUGH fire?"
"N-"
>"THEN YOU WEREN'T TRYING HARD ENOUGH TO KILL IT!"
<later>
"We tried all of the fire we had. Didn't kill it."
>"Well then, save a bolt pistol round for yourself, cause we are fucked like an Eldar on Fenris."

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>>46869573
>and the Diplomacy Adept cheerfully announced that he'd shot the Xenologist on account of him being a traitor.
Man do I wanna hear the NPC party's story.

>>46869698
Let's say it was only 90% his fault this time Fair?

>>46869706
Roger roger, we'll be here.
Thread ain't gonn' die, we're at page 1 and /tg/ is a big board.

>>46864827
I'm horrified and aroused.

>>46869634
>>46869694
Oh, I assumed he was someone from inquisition.
I guess the fact that eldar was literally was their most valuable test subject is pretty likely too.
Well, at least they've got a daemonically possessed Zoanthrope now. Literally pushing the boundaries of science and what was thought possible, that's AGP for you.

>>46869698
What really gets me, though...

It's so OOC for Tink.

I mean a naked, hot xenos techie who can SING?
That's like, the kind of thing that you'd expect to make Tink so hard he could penetrate Ceramite power armor with his groin.

>>46869716
>cause we are fucked like an Eldar on Fenris

By a bunch of yiffing furries?

>>46869759
It wasn't a Tau.

>>46869739
90%? Yeah, that's fair. Saying "I'd rather die than x" is an act straight out of the Codex Retardes.

>>46869759
Counter point: She was fucking with Spot. NOBODY fucks with Spot on Tink's watch.

>>46869759
>That's like, the kind of thing that you'd expect to make Tink so hard he could penetrate Ceramite power armor with his groin.
It probably would have been under any other circumstances, but she was messing with Spot. You've got to dance with the one that brought you.

>>46869759
Don't FUCK WITH SPOT

>>46869759
there's really no evidence she's particularly tech savvy apart from messing with the wraithbone, and that was HIS, so it's a different matter.

>>46869778

Neither are any of the coglasses he creeps on. If anything, an Eldar would be more humanlike, and likely more hot, than a blueberry.

It's a joke in the All Cogbro Party that the Emperor will have to help us if we run into Tink. One of our group has a robotic dog, and my Cogless Coglass has no externally-visible augmentations unless she wants to, at which point she can light up like a christmas tree, make her eyes glow, make patterns of lights glow and run down her skin, etc. Also, she's wearing a full set of Mechanicus-red Guard-issued Flak Armor, is nearly 7 feet tall, and has windex-blue hair.


... And our stubby Russian dwarf decided it would be a good idea to raise capital by selling pict-vids of Blue in the shower on the OB's black market. Emprah help us.

>>46869862
>If anything, an Eldar would be more humanlike, and likely more hot, than a blueberry.

You understand nothing about the Xeno fetish.

>>46869759
Tink only gets hard when there's technology involved, and with Eldar it's all wierd pseudomagical animoo bullshit that isn't going to interest a red-blooded robofetishist. I mean, singing to make a brick into a dildo? Come on!

>>46869922
>I mean, singing to make a brick into a dildo? Come on!

If that doesn't give a man a semi chubb, what will?

>>46869968
a nice plump earth caste girl with a plasma gun?

>>46869589
I'm pretty sure that this is the guy who was running the facility as opposed to the Inquisitor and the deathwatch marines who were the ones investigating it. The inquisitor and space marines were irritating distractions impeding his work, and the hole in the roof was easily repairable. The eldar on the other hand was an extremely valuable specimen and one that he's going to have a hard time replacing. Damn right he's going to be pissed about losing such a specimen.

>>46869610
I think he's referring to how Doc had almost talked her down when Tink decided to just activate the psi-suppressor and shoot the crap out of her. Not many people are going to feel terribly helpful after that.

>>46868383
>>46868433
The team consists entirely of Lamenters

So what planet did this sorry bunch come from anyways.

Did it do anything other than barf conscripts?

>>46869968
A nurgling?

>>46870004
It got nommed by Nids?
Or am I mistaken.