Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>45579585
Teleport to king's throne room.

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>>45579812
Reading over this letter you assume there must be some kind of misunderstanding. You ought to take this complaint straight to the top.

You very quickly draw yourself a magic circle while mumbling angrily about the whole situation. These mumblings activate the circle prematurely, having unintentionally spoken the name of a different location. The circle lights up and you find yourself in a very quaint little town called "Loadarubbish."

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>45579909
"Well thus is a load of Rubbish."

Teleport King Randal here.

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>>45579954
You look around rather confused and ticked off.
"Well this is a load of Rubbish" you mutter to yourself while immediately getting to work preparing another spell.

A villager pipes in saying "As a matter of fact it is Loadarubbish, are you new in town?" before immediately bowing as he sees the great King Randal III appear before him.

He is a tall, powerful looking man in armor. He looks around, confused before meeting eyes with you. He does not seem to happy about this.

Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>45580066
Negotiate calmly about moving the bypass somewhere else. Using a charm spell to really get him to like this idea.

>>45580092
You quickly introduce yourself. You are Mr. Arcanum, you're a wizard with a fondness for wild magic and pointy hats, and you are quite happy with your wizard lair where it is. You think it would be in everyone's interest to move the bypass somewhere else.

While speaking you attempt to cast a charm spell silently, using meticulous hand gestures, hoping the King won't notice. When you finish the King doesn't seem as eager to negotiate as you had hoped.

The villager however is cheering for you, his eyes filled with adoration for you.

The king simply responds to your suggestions with "If you had a problem with the bypass you really should have spoken up sooner. The plans have been on display in your local library for over a year now."

>>45580165
"I'm a wizard! I have my own library!"

Travel back in time to speak up sooner.

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>45580201
Forgot roll.

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>45579585
>> You can use magic to do pretty much anything.
Okay. I kill myself and end this boring, OP quest.

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>>45580214
Not one to resort to violence, you decide bureaucracy must defeat bureaucracy. You apologise to the King and say you really should have spoken up sooner.

You immediately go to work preparing a complex magic circle, searching your bags for the finest reagents you have and triple checking your spell book to make sure you have the process right.

The King and the villager just watch you with puzzled looks.

"What are you doing exactly?" asks Randal.

You just look back at him with a smirk and respond. "Speaking up sooner."

With an immense amount of magical energies you use your hands and your prepared rituals to tear open the very fabric of reality. The world itself trembles at your arcane might. You step through the veils of time and arrive exactly where you were... but everything is in ruins.

You look around to see if you spot any landmarks, like your wizards tower. Instead you see a bypass.

You have accidentally sent yourself an uncertain amount of time into the future.

>>45580297
Overcome with regret and sorrow seeing your tower destroyed, you decide to commit suicide. You swallow a bunch of random ingredients in hopes one is poisonous. Instead you accidentally cure your cancer you didn't know you had. Also your suicidal urges pass.

>>45580376
"Well thus isn't a load of Rubbish."
Teleport King Randal here.

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>45580404
forgot to roll

Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>45580376

Teleport to the nearest town or city.

File: Old king.jpg (163 KB, 900x677)

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>>45580404
>>45580422
"Well this is a load of rubbish."

You get to work preparing the same spell you had many years ago. You prepare it with ease because to you it was like one minute ago.

In a flash of light a confused old man appears. His wrinkles and long grey beard surprise you at first, making you wonder if you made a mistake again, but no, this is definitely the same King, he's just a lot older. It would appear his crown is gone as well.

"After all these years... You survived after all."

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>45580561
Grab him and go back in time.

>>45580614
hah. was saying this

File: Nice town.jpg (662 KB, 1100x682)

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>>45580514
You decide this old broken ruined village is no place to have this conversation, so you decide to bring you and Randal to a nearby town.

Randal's constant coughing and wheezing are very distracting. You try and get him to stop for a moment and you both wind up teleporting to a fairly nice little town of "Shushupwillya".

"Who is in charge of naming these towns?" you wonder to yourself.

Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>45580668

Make Randal young and healthy again.

Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>45580668
grab the king and teleport 1 second after I went forward in time.
>>45580614
also, what is the syntax so that i dont' have to write dice every time?

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>>45580614
You and Randal sit at a park bench in Shushupwillya for a while in silence.

Randal explains that his daughter, Randal IV is the ruler now, and he was actually getting laying in bed for a nice nap when you teleported him. He's awfully sorry about the bypass. If it helps they named it after you.

You decide that this won't do. You're going back in time to the way things were again. But this time Randal is coming. You know, for some extra authority.

You do the same preparations as last time, but this time you remember to check if the eye of newt is past it's expiry date. Sure enough, it's gone bad, which is probably where you went wrong last time. You simply conjure up a new eye because you can do that.

Randal looks at you scared. "You're not going to try using that thing again will you?"

Without a word you grab Randal, pull him into the circle and pull open the veil of time again. Jumping through.

File: MFW when I'm young Randal.gif (1019 KB, 500x282)

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>>45580697
>>45580747

While traveling through the veil of time Randal cannot stop screaming, spinning in and out of reality as time rewinds you decide Randal could use a bit of a rewind himself.

You rub your hands together and prepare some mana. With a touch, Randal the old man becomes Randal the young man once again, right in time to come rolling out of the very same veil you entered many years/a few minutes ago (depending on your perspective)

The result. Two confused Randal's and a villager who can't help but try to figure out if he needs to kneel twice or just twice as long.

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>45580945
I quickly kill the old Randall, screaming
"THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!"

Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>45580967

Our future self appear and slap our present self from doing stupid shit.

>>45580945
Make the two Randal's touch. Cause paradox.

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>45581003

File: Mind blown.gif (2.92 MB, 500x333)

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>>45580967
>>45581003
>>45581021

You see the two Randals looking at each other in confusion. You decide that 2 Randals is twice the bureaucracy, clearly you need to get rid of one. You decide to make the two touch each other and clearly if the paradox doesnt sort things out, leaving only the strongest, you should just kill old Randal, his timeline shouldn't even exist anymore.

As you push Old Randal towards Young Randal another traveler exits the veil of time. It's you.

"Sorry dude, it doesn't work out."

Suddenly a blinding white light engulfs everything.

>>45581183
The white light fades. You are now standing in Loadarubbish with only the young Randal and the commoner. The veil is closed.

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>45581311
switch King and commoner's "souls".

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>>45581339
You decide since the commoner is clearly a big fan and the king is not, it'd be a lot easier if you just swapped who you were dealing with.

You snicker to yourself about how clever you are as you prepare an incantation.

Randal just looks at you with a look of confusion. "What exactly are we still doing here? I have a kingdom to run and I've been more than accepting, but I really need to get back."

You assure him this will only be a moment. You complete the magic words and there is a weird feeling that comes over you. Your whole positioning is shifted, you feel shorter than before... malnurished as well. You look to your left and see your self staring back at you.

You have swapped your soul with the commoner.

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>45581451
Submit to mediocrity and give up. Send Randal back to his throne room.

>>45581451
Transform into an anime girl

File: No anime girls pls.jpg (27 KB, 320x320)

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>>45581494
Oh god it's happening again.

>>45581491
Fed up with your own inability to do anything write you half heatedly prepare a spell to send Randal back. He thanks you and you send him on his way. You look over the circle and notice some flaws, ah well, you're sure he made it back fine.

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>45581451
Transform yourself into you previous form

File: danmachi-eina.jpg (16 KB, 345x564)

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Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>45581451

Summon our elven office lady to help us out this shit.

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>45581572
Try out this commoner life for a while, maybe it's not that bad.

Maybe have people roll 2 dice to see if there suggestion is used.

>>45581576
You attempt to transform your commoner body into a duplicate of your original form. You aren't used to your new proportions and you have trouble performing the right actions. You come out of the process somehow looking even dirtier and even poorer.

>>45581578
You think it's about time you call up your elven secretary. You manage to perform the spell perfectly before coming to the realization you don't HAVE an elven secretary... instead you have called someone else's elven secretary.

>>45581589
She seems very confused but you're just too fed up with magic right now to bother explaining anything to her or trying to send her back. You instead look at the Commoner in your body and ask him if he has any tips to being a commoner.

>>45581630
as long as we are giving feedback
i'd say maybe give a larger scale of fail- - -success
1-25, crit fail,
26-50, minor fail
51-75, minor success
76-100, crit success

Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>45581670
go to the nearest pub looking for adventure

>>45581630
With our luck so far this might just stop us from doing anything. It's better to just be more selective with commands in general.

>>45581677
>>45581630
>>45581712

Hmm, I have been thinking of messing with how things work, i think it's more just the distinction of minor and major fails are kind of arbitrary. Currently I'm just doing fails as "opposite intended effect" or "unintended target/destination"

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>45581670
Turn into a girl and start a brothel

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>45581792
... a girl that has three titties

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>45581670
>>45581792
>>45581801

Our elven secretary slap our head before we can do it.

Rolled 9, 28 = 37 (2d100)

>>45581855
pimpslap her back to obedience
and
go looking for the sherif of this fine dirty town

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>>45581692
You go looking for a pub and accidentally walk into a brothel.

>>45581792
Deciding you need cash you snap your fingers and turn yourself into a woman,

>>45581801
You think that two boobs inst enough and you attempt to get some extra in there. You fail and instead you remove the boobs you have. You are male again.

You think about what you were about to do and decide not to do it. It was a moment of weakness, you're looking for an adventure.

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>45581914
Use magic to swap back to our original selves

It has been some time but smug never forgets

File: slap fight.gif (2.45 MB, 500x274)

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>>45581855
>>45581893

The elven secretary you forgot about just looks at you disgusted. You ask what the big deal is and she attempts to slap you, failing to do any harm.

It still bothers you that she tried so you try to slap back, failing miserably. This culminates in a pathetic slap fight with both of you yelling at the other to stop.

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>45581956
Assume your magestic wizardly form once again to intimidate her.

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>45581956

Try to be reasonable and ask the elven secretary if she know how to deal with our tower problem.

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>45581956
>>45581914
challenge the biggest, meanest, thoughest guy in the brothel to fight me for his equipment.

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>45581956
Summon a catgirl to help us.

File: Intimidating magicks.gif (296 KB, 400x300)

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>>45582006
You take a step back and command her to halt as you cover yourself in magical energies, returning to your mighty wizardly form, complete with a new wizardly outfit. You wield magical energies in front of her, and she stops fighting, successfully intimidated.

>>45582012
You take this moment to apologise for essentially kidnapping her and ask what she knows about the Kingdom of Randal's bureaucracy system.

She looks at you confused. "I uh, I mean it depends what you're trying to do."

You explain the whole situation and she thinks it over.

"Well ideally you'd have spoken up much sooner... after all the plans were on display in your local library for almost a year now."

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>45582103
teleport to the library, find the plans and read them.

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>>45582136
You decide to head to the library and see these plans once and for all. but first you need to gather a few things.

>>45582018
You attempt to provoke the largest, toughest guy in the brothel... but he seems disinterested in a fight. So much for taking his equipment.

>>45582059
You'll also need a cat person, you're not sure why, but you're very positive you do. With a quick spell you summon a catfolk. She's very confused.

With that you hold hands with the two women and teleport to the library.

Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>45582269
Send the catgirl home.

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>45582269
>>45582302
bring catgirl's gome to her

Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>45582269
Hold hands some more

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Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>45582269

Use magic to transform ourselves into ninja. Why? Because we can be sneaky... Actually we do it because being ninja wizard is cool.

File: Brilliant.gif (4.58 MB, 500x271)

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>>45582302
You're beginning to regret the catgirl descision. Maybe you should send her back...

>>45582314
Or.... OR

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>45582388
Nevermind that, become an unicorn wizard instead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbra-rKXzk4

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>>45582411
You begin making alterations to the teleportation spell you had prepared. The other two are confused.

>>45582339
They are getting kinda tired of you holding their hands, which may be for the best, as you do need your hands for work.

You take a step back and complete the spell with a powerful magic word.

The library is in chaos as hordes of cat people spill through the portal you have just created. The people of the library are panicking. You think you see King Randal spill out of the gate... I guess your teleportation circle you did a while back failed.

The catgirl runs to her people and begins shouting in another language. The other cats seem to rally behind her as they charge through the library taking people prisoner. The elf runs to you and begs you to do something.

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Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>45582537
turn him into a catburgler

>>45582454
>>45582537

You look at the elf and try to calm her down. You have an idea.

You're thinking of changing your look to be a ninja wizard! A nizard! no wait... winja?

Oh but like what if you had a unicorn horn and rocked out real hard? Thatd be so fucking sick! Oh wait ya people are in danger and its your fault... maybe you should do something about that.

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>45582620
return everyone (beside yourself) to the place they were, 1hour before all this

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>>45582591
So you turn yourself into a cat burglar in an attempt to win favor with the cat army you just summoned.

With a sailormoon esque transformation you become a simple cat burglar. The cats stare at you in confusion. You explain the meaning of cat burglar and how its funny because they are cats. Everyone laughs.

Now the ice is broken and negotiations can begin.

>>45582676
But on second thought. This situation is really beyond repair. You shoot a spell towards the open teleportation portal. The portal begins pulling people into it with a powerful wind like force. It's unclear where its sending people, but it doesn't quite look like your spell worked.

The cat army is quickly swallowed up, and soon so is most of the people in the library. King Randal is barely holding onto a wall to stay put, and the elf is completely off the ground, holding on to you for support.

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>45582801
summon the scroll and look if there are any legal loopholes

>>45582801
Close the portal and continue to attempt to find and read the plans for the bypass.

Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>45582686
Copy our home and put it where the Royal palace is.

File: legal documentation.jpg (18 KB, 300x199)

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>>45582826
Ignoring the chaos around you, you nonchalantly summon the plans to your hands. You read it over.

It seems they need to build a path through your home to allow travel from the Kingdom of Randar (your kingdom) to an allied kingdom, because the current roads are all too treacherous and ruled by barbarian cat people.

There don't seem to be any obvious loopholes, though apparently you will be compensated, which is nice.

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>45582949
Correct your previous spell, send the people to the right places and make them forget the incident. Leave Elf here.

>>45582980
Taking a break from this legal documentation you take note of the elf hanging from your arm. You prepare a simple spell to correct your previous mistake. You cast a bolt of energy into the portal and everything goes white.

When you can see again, all of the people are in the library again, safely. You can assume the cats are back where they belong and so is Randal.

The elf however is still here, still holding on to you screaming with her eyes closed.

Rolled 36 (1d100)

Summon a demon lawyer

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>45582949
create the road for them, such that it does not have to mess with my current home and is safe to pass.

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>>45583034
You assure the elf everything is fine before you get back to business. You attempt to summon some more aid. A lawyer. A DEMON LAWYER.

You create a hellish demonic gate using magic, people stare at it in fear, the doors slowly open and out comes a simple Jurist imp.

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>45583096
Propose to the elf secretary, it was clearly meant to be.

Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>45583096
First get elf to stop screaming. Then propose of course

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>>45583039
You look at the imp and let out a long sigh. All of this bureaucracy is getting real tiring. Why don't you just make a road for them?

Oh hey wait... why don't you just make a road for them?

Using the plans you are able to perfectly figure out exactly what kind of road they want, and how you can create one without damaging your home. After a few drafts, looked over carefully by your legal team comprised of an imp and an elf, you manage to make a new road, one that's better than the old one AND doesnt destroy your home.

You spend all night setting up a proper ritual to make this thing become reality, and then, at midnight, under the full moon, you preform the sacrificial rite and pull the concept of the road into reality, creating it in an instant.

File: Rejected.gif (1.98 MB, 245x164)

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>>45583170
After all this time spent with each other you turn to the elf, and get on one knee. You pull out a ring and she looks shocked. "Will you marry me?"

"No! I mean... you're pretty cool, but you don't even know my name! Plus, I have a boyfriend!"

You take a step back, she apologizes but you just need some room to breathe right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pVT_mvvZLo

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>45583205
Wait, we need a ring.

File: oWMAW6s.gif (838 KB, 500x281)

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>>45583332

Rolled 43 (1d100)

Create one engagement ring to rule them all

>>45583332
Pretend to not be mad/sad. Discreetly curse her to shit herself.

Rolled 76, 66 = 142 (2d100)

>>45583332
>>45583339
>>45583205
>>45583170
get the ring and propose to the imp.
It's clearly meant to be.

File: sxxoYmp.jpg (147 KB, 735x549)

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Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>45583332
We can't give up that easily, surely there must be some way to to seduce her away from her boyfriend and make her forget about him. . . . maybe magic can help with that forgetting issue.

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>45583406

Offer to hire her boyfriend as a member of the newly created magical law firm.

(We can then find ways to make sure he works late all the time and has no time for her.)

>>45583420
>>45583428
This is going to end poorly.

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>>45583339
>>45583399

You quitely fiddle around attempting to make a better engagement ring. Maybe that will make things better.

You attempt to form the most powerful engagement ring ever. Summoning a small star to heat the most powerful metal in the realm, you craft a mighty engagement ring of power. the one to rule them all... however you're like 90% sure it's cursed.

>>45583474
He said it was a discreet curse!

Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>45583488
Reforge the ring into a glorious nippon katana folded over 1000 times

>>45583488
She tries to explain to you it's not about the ring. She's really sorry if she upset you, she had no idea how serious you were about...

>>45583406
>>45583428

She stops mid sentence and quietly lets out a "Oh..." She looks in shock and not entirely sure what to do.

She clears her throat.
"I think I need to uh... go. Right now.

Taking a short break to eat. I'll probably be back in half an hour or so.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Wi8Fv0AJA4

File: whaat.gif (499 KB, 500x264)

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Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>45583542
"i think you just did."
wink
send her away

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>45583542
Start a new music phenomenon that sweeps the kingdom and wins her heart.

Rolled 99, 47, 97, 88, 49 = 380 (5d100)

After she goes in...

1. Magically determine who her boyfriend is.
2. Teleport him to right outside the bathroom door
3. Magically erase his memory of being teleported
4. Cast the need-to-shit curse on him
5. Magically unlock the bathroom door

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>45583542
There's only one way to seize victory from the jaws of defeat now. Let's craft a love potion.

>>45583604
Realize that a Love Potion needs something extra. Add an enhancement on it to be able to turn her into a succubus elf too.

Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>45583624
Err, here's the dice roll. I think I did it right.

>>45583592
Whay does this accomplish other than making him go to the bathroom?

>>45583650
He has his memory of any previous teleporting erased maybe? But yeah, with those rolls I think he just goes to the bathroom wherever he is.

Shitty action at a distance.

>>45583604
Or we learn her name, and remove the boyfriend. She didn't have a problem with US.

Rolled 61, 78, 82 = 221 (3d100)

>>45583604
>>45583575
Alright, now we just need to invite her to a musical performance, slip her the love potion, and propose with our glorious folded 1000 times nippon steel katana engagement ring.

File: YLhmnEO.jpg (363 KB, 1920x1080)

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>>45583700
WCGW?

>>45583700
It's a katana for ants though. But sweet rolls.

Have we considered interacting with the imp yet? What's its deal? What's its gender. Can we have sex with it?

>>45583818
>>45583414
i proposed but i guess the thread was going too fast

>>45583542
We need to get the boyfriend to cheat on her and then show her the evidence.

>>45583909
Cant we make he forget her boyfriend?

>>45584027
I tried that, but I don't think he's gotten to the backfire bit yet.

>>45583420


I was kind of expecting her to spontaneously develop Alzheimers whilst shitting herself.

>>45583566
So I'm back.

Not entirely sure how i should go about doing these suggestions. I'm noticing some older posts that i didnt see before.

>>45583420
>>45583414
>>45583515

And then theres that stuff you guys posted while i was away.

>>45584149
i'd say start from scratch?
we are in the tower, just fixed the road

>>45584149
just spitballing for future, to make the commands a bit more hard:
the spell must be said in the form of a rhyme.

>>45584174
Awww, but then we'd miss out on so much great stuff. We're gonna be the musical sensation that's sweeping the nation, and proposing with the aid of a glorious nippon steel katana and a faulty love potion!

>>45584174
This sounds easier. Feel free to just repost any commands you still want done.

So you are in the tower. The Jurist Imp is attempting to comfort you, the metaphorical stink of rejection fills the air alongside the actual stink of poop. The Elf goes into a washroom and you stare down at the one engagement ring to rule them all...

You're not sure what, but something needs to be done.

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>45584231
Re-rolling for this>>45583575

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>45584231
Well this is a load of rubbish.
Summon elf boyfriend here.

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>45584231
ask about imp's life story

Rolled 100, 64, 78 = 242 (3d100)

>>45583515
>>45583575
>>45583604
in order

File: confused teleportee.gif (3.23 MB, 500x482)

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>>45584269
You start putting together another teleportation circle.

>>45584268
You start throwing some song ideas around in your head, wondering if maybe you can win her heart with music.

>>45584292
For inspiration you decide to ask the imp about it's life story. The imp just looks at you and says "Buddy, trust me, you don't even want to know."

The song doesn't go to well, maybe you'll give it another try later. For now you have a confused elf man in your room who was just teleported here. Magic.

Rolled 47 (1d100)

Let's determine our love interest's True Name.

Names have power after all.

Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>45584362
Ask him where you are, catch him off guard by pretending that YOU in fact were the one teleported and he is the wizard.

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>>45584294
The elf man wanders around confused. You ignore him for a moment while you work on some backup plans.

You take the one ring and begin reforging it. It seemed impossible at first, the magic and metal of the ring being too strong to bend. However with absolute willpower and dominance over the laws of reality you create the perfect katana, folded 10,000 times. The most powerful sword ever. It was forged out of a ring though, so it's about the size of a letter opener.

This gives you a great idea for a song. You channel your creativity and your very magical essence into a beautiful love song. One that is sure to melt hearts.

Not one to be under prepared, you conjure a hair off the elf girl and use it to prepare a potion, one that is sure to drive her madly in love with you, whether she likes it or not. The catch is however, like many great love potions, you need to be the first thing she sees after consuming it.

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>45584471
Perfect! Let's conjure her to a romantic location and propose with our glorious folded 10,000 times nippon steel engagement katana after romancing her with the song. The love potion can be a uh, backup plan.....

>>45584369
You attempt to divine the elf secretaries true name, but you are interupted by her boyfriend.

"Hey buddy, what the hell is going on? Why did you teleport me here?"

>>45584412
You look at him funny. "What do you mean I didn't teleport you, you teleported me. You're the wizard here."

"Seriously, what's going on here?"

Rolled 65 (1d100)

Cast a spell so that we are the only person the elf girl can see. (Not effecting her hearing so she can still do secretarial work however.)

Rolled 62, 85 = 147 (2d100)

Conjure a wizard hat onto the boyfriend's head.
Cause him to grow a gigantic white beard

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>45584528
Magic up a number counter thing like in the deli and tell him to take a number. The number is always zero when he asks why tell him "That's how many fuck I give about your situation"

Continue to insist that the boyfriend is the wizard here.

>>45584528
Hearing the voice of her boyfriend the elf girl starts to poke her head out of the washroom, she seems to have taken off the uh, stained clothes and is covering herself with some towels.

>>45584537
You're quick with a spell though. She looks around and only sees you.

"Huh. I thought i heard someone out here. Where is the Imp?"

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>45584584
You know, we're so busy dealing with the boyfriend, the elf girl, the imp, and all this spellcasting. It's making us kind of hungry, and we wouldn't want to be a lousy host.

Let's conjure up Bhaal and make him make us and our guests sandwiches.

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>45584584
Teleport the king back and ask him for advice, he seems like a wise guy.

File: True wizard revealed.jpg (19 KB, 460x307)

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>>45584528

The boyfriend looks shocked.

"What's she doing here? Is she cheating on me? With a wizard?"

>>45584557
>>45584576

"I'm no wizard though, YOU ARE!"

The boyfriend grows a mighty beard and a pointy hat is conjured onto his hat. He feels magical all over.

"Wait a minute... I was the wizard all along" he says to himself.

Rolled 42 (1d100)

We're missing the excitement of civic planning, having gotten a taste of it with that road building. Let's use a spell to retroactively give ourselves a position in charge of the kingdom's transportation department.

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>45584659
That's right, YOU'RE the wizard, and my wife is cheating on me with YOU! You bastard!

Rolled 71 (1d100)

Summon some number of winged monkeys to draft a relationship advice book about this entitled "I was the wizard all along."

Have the Imp draft up a rights agreement and get it signed by all involved.

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>45584627
>>45584736
>>45584689

You tell the wizard boyfriend that the elf was in fact your wife and she was cheating on you with him.

This upsets the Wizard very much. He calls out the elf by name: "Elfana Secretariate" or elf secretary for short.

You get to work summoning your old pal Randal for some advice, while the elf boyfriend is busy attempting his first spell.

Randal appears infront of you, looks around and sighs. "I was putting my daughter, Randal IV to sleep Mr.Arcanum. What do you want this time?

Rolling for Wizard Boyfriend's spell.

Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>45584817
Quick your highness we have to combine to fight the true evil.

Rolled 21 (1d100)

It's weird that the hat and beard just turned him into an actually magical wizard.

Quick, cast a spell to make our own hat and beard more magnificent!

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>>45584817
> 90 or above was a success, rolled as a joke.

There's a shout from bathroom.
"WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!"

The boyfriend looks at you with a smile. "I made her soil herself. I really AM a wizard!"

>>45584840
Randal just looks at you disgusted. "What's going on here Arcanum."

You try and come up with a reasonable explanation. "Quick, help me kill the girl I love's boyfriend! I mean the evil doer!"

"Arcanum please send me back. I'm not in the mood for these wizardly antics."

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>45584929
Just blow up the boyfriend. Hes gone mad with power.

Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>45584929
Fuck it, teleport the king back before we accidentally blow him up in the crossfire.

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>45584929
Propose to a prostitute to make elf secretary jealous.

At least she won't be able to see her boyfriend die if we end up killing him...

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>45584959
Shit.
>>45584994
Shiiit...

Brace for impact. Magic barrier.

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>>45584851
>>45584959

You straighten out you wizarding outfit, thinking it might be time for an upgrade. You also think about exploding the boyfriend.

You accidentally explode your wizarding outfit.

>>45584994
You reach up from the small crater you made, with only your underwear and ash to cover yourself.

"You can go."

You send Randal away to a small town near the castle. Close enough.

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>45585049
Become Papa wizard. Feel disappointed in son.

>>45585035
The explosion was completely contained around yourself thanks to a magical barrier you made while exploding, protecting your tower and Randal

File: dad.jpg (53 KB, 362x400)

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>>45585049
>>45585070

The elf secretary comes out of the bathroom in new towels to try and figure out whats going on.

>>45585068
She finds you shouting at what appears to be nothing.

"SON, YOU'RE MOTHER AND I ARE VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU."

>>45585107
>You're
>You are mother
Boyfriend: Realise you are your own mother all along.

Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>45585107
Okay, enough is fucking enough. Let's buckle down, get our shit together and become them an Elf Secretary deserves.

Rolled 37 (1d100)

Stealthily summon a son to hide my current embarrassment.

Rolled 23 (1d100)

Teleport Elf Secretary and ourself back in time by whatever our age is plus a couple years.

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>45585107
Forgetting she can't see anyone else. Introduce her to her new son and tell her you're very hurt that she would cheat on you with another wizard.

>>45585132
>become them an Elf Secretary deserves.
wat?

>>45585198
*become the man

File: Moment of clarity.jpg (90 KB, 412x300)

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>>45585132
With a moment of perfect clarity you raise a hand.

The beard and hat disappear from the boyfriend

The Elf is in her proper clothes again, cleaned. She looks at her boyfriend who she can see again. She runs to him.

Your clothes repair themselves around you.

Everyone's shit is together.

You still have your song, katana and love potion.

>>45585243
The boyfriend looks at the elf and asks exactly what's going one between her and you.

"Nothing. I helped him build a road and we hung out a bit.... well then he proposed to me... but I mean, he's a nice guy."

Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>45585243
Play the song, play it with all your heart and truly mean it

>>45585134
>>45585152
>>45585174

100 roll "get your shit together" cancels this clusterfuck of actions from happening.

>>45585306
This is fair.

>>45585306
Thank God.

>>45585306
I figured, a perfect 100 roll is a game changer, kinda glad it wasn't used for something ridiculous.

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>45585287
Wait, we can do better, the imp can help us, and we'll harness the magical powers of our engagement katana.

Rolled 54 (1d100)

Awww, getting our shit together is way less fun.

Cast a spell to trade bodies with the boyfriend.

File: The song.gif (1.1 MB, 320x240)

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>>45585287

You summon an instrument for yourself. You begin to play your heart out.

It starts out pretty good, not nearly as well as you had hoped, but still a good song.

>>45585367
Then you summon an instrument for the imp and channel the powers of the katana, forged with the emotion of love for the purpose of engagement.

The song is beautiful. There are tears from everyone in the room. Including you.

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>45585423
Quickly while the maiden is wooed propose to Elf Secretary!

>>45585411 followed by >>45585473
I think we have just committed a terrible mistake...

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>>45585423
You finish and take a bow. The elf comes up to you and gives you a kiss on the cheek. She tells you it's beautiful, but she can't just bail on a multi decade relationship just because someone new comes along. What kind of person would that make her?

There are tears all around. The boyfriend comes in with a group hug.

>>45585411
You take this time to steal his body.

The crying stops and is instead replaced by frantic yelling.

"What the hell dude!"

>>45585473
Quickly, you get on one knee and propose to the elf.

The elf looks incredibly confused. "I uh... what is going on?"

You then receive a right hook to your new face from your old fist.

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>>45585530
>tfw you will never marry your elf waifu

Rolled 8 (1d100)

Teleport ourselves and the Elf Secretary to a deserted tropical island.

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>45585530
Go back to your old body and just give up. All is hopeless.

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>45585530
Make the couple incapable of lying. Ask them if what they have is true love.

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>45585530
Let's attemp to fix all of this shit by going back to the source. Don't PUSH THE TWO RANDALS!

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>45585530
Nothing a little polymorphing won't fix, transform our new body into our old body and our new body into our old body but uh, give the boyfriends body a lousy physique and make us a bit tougher.

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>>45585601
In a magical panic you attempt to run away with the elf. You accidentally conjure some sand at her.

>>45585616
You get back into your old body.

>>45585618
You look up at the couple and ask if what they have is true love. You don't get an answer though because you appear to have made a mistake in the body swapping.

The "Boyfriend" is looking around confused asking when everything got so small.

The "Elf Girl" is looking down at "herself" in shock.

The imp is screaming in horror at how tiny and hideous they are.

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>45585730
Let's summon another Demon, and hopefully this should fix everything.

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>45585648
>>45585730
*cracks knunckles* polymorphing can still handle this, probably.

Transform everyone back to their original selves, except make the boyfriend a little fatter, maybe leave his face slightly asymmetrical. That dick.

File: 1407569325078.png (69 KB, 278x184)

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Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>45585730
Challenge the boyfriend to a shadow duel! Surely if you beat him in Childrens card games Elf Secretary will fall at our feet.

File: More demons.jpg (227 KB, 600x900)

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>>45585770
You know what need? MORE DEMONS

Out of the hell portal comes a flaming demon. He looks at the situation and questions what the hell is going on.

The "Boyfriend" waves. "Oh hey Larry."

Rolled 59 (1d100)

reposition the sun (or the earth's tilt, whatever) such that our shadow is much bigger than the boyfriend's, which is small and weak because of the light behind him.

>>45585792
>>45585819

You attempt to turn everyone back, but it doesn't really work out.

The imp gets taller and more feminine features. The boyfriend gets shorter and more demonic looking. The elf girl stops being a girl. Everyone is sort of at an awful halfway point between their right bodies and their new bodies.

The demon looks grossed out by this process.

You decide to challenge the boyfriend, currently in boobless elf girl body, to a childrens card game, he/she/it declines. foiled again.

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>45585934
Hearing the boyfriend call out Larry, gears start to click in place.

>>45585903
You reposition the earth itself in an attempt to intimidate the boyfriend. Everyone is way too distracted with their abomination of forms to even remotely notice or care that your shadow is bigger than his shadow.

Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>45585934
Remember that you're an nearly all-powerful wizard and fix everything immediately, remove the boyfriend and marry Elf waifu.


We're never gonna marry Elf Waifu and it's making me legit sad irl.

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>45585934
Fuck. Clearly we're no good at polymorphing. Summon a Djinn and have it fix everyone's bodies for our first wish, but with a more asymmetrical face for the boyfriend naturally.

File: MORE FUCKING THINGS.jpg (239 KB, 800x571)

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>>45585934
Larry just sort of looks over the group. So uh... Wizard guy, did you call me for a reason or...

>>45585981
You shush him and prepare another summoning spell. You attempt to summon a Djinn, and you get one. A fiery malicious looking Djinn.

Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>45586031
Sell the Djinn's soul to Larry in exchange for returning you all to normal

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>45586031
Smite the boyfriend for he is the devil in secret.

>>45586057
Fucking brilliant!

Rolled 38, 71, 61 = 170 (3d100)

Cast a spell to first make the elf happy with her own monstrous form, then another to make us attracted to her monstrous form and a third to make her attracted to our monstrous form.

The boyfriend's face is already asymmetrical at this point right?

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>>45586057
You act quickly before anyone can make a stupid wish and ruin everything.

"Larry, I want to make a deal, you can have the Djinn's soul, just turn us to normal."

The Djinn lets out a confused "Wait what?" before exploding into fire and being consumed by Larry. With a simple flick of the wrist Larry turns everyone back to normal.

Larry now able to see the imp (who was in the boyfriends body) in his true form recognizes him. "Oh hey, it's you, I haven;t seen you in centuries Rat. How have you been?"

"Oh you know."

"You wanna come back to hell with me? Lucifer is throwing a great party."

The two walk away through a fiery portal leaving only a the confused lovers and you.

>>45586066
>>45585957

Im going to assume you thought i meant that the boyfriend was demonic all along and you wanted to kill him... but really it was just the imp in his body.

If you still want to kill the boyfriend you dont need to reroll or anything

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>45586184
Seemingly tired of the drama we attempt to follow them to hell to party.

>>45586206
Completely meant that, I'll spare the boyfriend for now.

>>45586211
Woot party in Hell

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>45586184
Make the boyfriend explode and make the elf shit herself again. You're done with this shit.

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>45586184
I guess we'll give up on elf waifu for now, but we shall carry a picture of her with us always.

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>45586242
What? no, we've still got the love potion! Let's use it first.

>>45586267
>>45586242
B-b-but the party in hell?

Rolled 96 (1d100)

Try to find sexy demon girl to hook up with whilst in hell

>>45586234
>>45586242
>>45586267
>all these high rolls
This is why nothing productive has happened. +

File: Evil to the core.jpg (152 KB, 800x748)

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>>45586211
>>45586231

You decide to tag along with Rat the imp and Larry the fire guy,

The elf couple asks where you're going. You snap your fingers and the boyfriend explodes into flames. You turn around and tell the girl, screaming in terror, that you're going to party in hell.

You give her a snap and she falls to the ground, crying and losing control of her bowels again.

"Holy fucking shit." says Larry

"You're evil to the core dude. I thought you weren't bad enough for this party, but you're worse than me!" chimes in Rat.

The three of you walk into the portal to hell.

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>45586352
This is it guys, we must become satan.

File: Awkward hell party.gif (497 KB, 500x254)

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>>45586352
The party is nice and all. Theres fire everywhere, but you're a wizard, you're not really sure what to do at parties.

Lucifer seems nice, but a bit of a weirdo, you're not sure, but you think he may have been coming on to you.

>>45586242

You kinda hang out by the tortured souls, looking over a photograph of the elf girl... that was a pretty awful thing you did... like... holy shit, you murdered someone and made the girl you really like shit herself over his dead body.

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>45586424
We must go back, back to the beginning, before it all went bad.

File: Demon girl.jpg (236 KB, 810x1127)

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>>45586424
>>45586303
But then, you see her, a beautiful demon girl, and she's looking back at you.

She heads over you're way.

"Hey, you're new." she says with a smile.

Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>45586470
Contemplate elf waifu or demon waifu/

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>>45586492
You contemplate the two girls you are currently attracted to.

On one hand you have the woman you fought for, the one you've tried so hard to get and poured your heart and soul out for. You have also extremely wronged her.

>>45586441
To the point where time travel might be your only option at this point.

On the other hand
New girl, you know nothing about, is probably evil. Haven't done anything wrong to her yet.

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>45586543
Time Travel!

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>45586543
Take Demon Waifu, travel back in time, get the bypass plans to be prepared, watch all the maddness.

Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>45586543
Do it with the demon then go back to elf and make her forget that you did that shit to her

>>45586543
Ask demon girl her name and about herself.

>>45586575
This pls.

>>45586575
Before or after the time travel?

>>45586598
Before since demon seems dtf

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>45586570
The perfect way to start a harem.

>>45586575
Yes!
>>45586598
Why not both?

For my part, let's seduce demon waifu away from the ways of evil to at least neutrality. . . . with the magic of Tango dancing!

>>45586570
Isn't the bypass taken care of?

>>45586655
We are going BACK in time to start all this maddness.

>>45586673
Ah sounds like fun we could make the elf girl crap herself a few more times

File: TIIIIIIMMMMMMEEEEE.gif (1.99 MB, 500x500)

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>>45586570
You decide maybe you should do some time traveling and fix some things. But you don't want to miss out on what could be a beautiful relationship.

>>45586577
As you set up a time travel ritual you ask the demon about herself. She explains her name is Eve and she's a demon that feeds off of negative emotions. You invite her to time travel with you to see some really negative things.

"Sounds like a date."

You grab her hand and the two of you jump through the veil of time.

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>45586697
Exactly. We are the ones who started the train of derailment, and why we ruin the other magics.
>>45586715
This time we try to land at exactly where we want.

>>45586562
can i get some clarification of exactly when and where you are going and why?

>>45586734
sorry that was directed to you
>>45586570

>>45586747
When the plans were being first submitted. Also to cause the mess. We'll loop around 3 times.

>>45586715
>she's a demon that feeds off of negative emotions.

Shit, she must be our soulmate.

>>45586766
That's 9 times the elf girl will have shit herself
We truly are evil

>>45586766
Not 100% sure i follow, but let's see where this goes.

The two of you arrive in the library where a short man is about to hand over the bypass plans to someone in charge to put it on display.

He stops and stares at the demon woman in fear.

>>45586817
Or wait is it 12?

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>45586819
Shush the man and slip our plans.
>>45586817
We'll also change minor details each loop too.

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>45586819
Calm him into a false sense of security

>>45586819
I didn't expect this quest to last this long, you're great OP I hope you do more similar quests in th future.

>>45586836
You shush the man and hand him your improved bypass plans. He looks them over.

"Wow! This is a mighty improvement! Thank you kindly!"

(If im following this correctly, wont this break everything? Like... youd never be bothered by the bypass... so you'd never leave your lair and the entire quest would have never happened?)

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>45586819
Put a spell on the man so he'll shit himself every time he sees king Randal.

>>45586910
No, we are causing the quest.

>>45586908
Thanks! I've been thinking about trying to run a full fledged quest eventually, but I have so much fun with these that I doubt I'd stop doing them even if i started a more legitimate quest.

>>45586910
No, we just diverged timelines.

>>45586910
Depends on your time travel theory, it makes sense if really this is a new timelines we created just now by changing things and in reality our old timeline is still fucked somewhere.

>>45586910
Well I think we have knowledge of what happened and now a sexy demon from the very slight future, so maybe we weren't completely happy with the way things ended with the bypass, a beautiful spell to magically set the bypass wasn't good enough for us

We are causing the quest, but we are gonna make sure to make 3 nice loops. While changing some of the misc details.

File: weird time travel shit.gif (473 KB, 500x200)

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>>45586927
Oh.... OH so you're submitting the ORIGINAL plans to the library.

Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>45586959
Also I guess we should cast a spell to take care of our other self

>>45586985
YES! We are starting this quest again.

File: Waiting begins.gif (120 KB, 500x270)

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>>45586999
So you and Eve have about a year before the time comes for the bypass to actually be built and for past you to react to this news. What do.

>>45586996
yeah but our other self is our past self so....

>>45587036
Make sure we have two elves this time to be summoned, have three Randals meet, and try to make it loop again.

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>45587036
Make the elf girl shit herself wherever she is

>>45587068
Don't ruin the plan, this time we'll get double elf girl.

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>45587036
Let's put a bigass arch and gate for the road going under our wizard tower, and charge a toll for passing through!

Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>45587054
Hmmm good point let's go explain everything to our old self and suicide

>>45587096
You wanna break the Time Loop m8? Because now shit might really get weird.

>>45587096
Nice
Also, Eve comes along for the ride

>>45587081
I think we can still get double elf girl, she'll just be shitting herself.


We should make her boyfriend our bitch to feed eve.

And this is how you play CE

>>45587096
Wait we're going to kill ourselves, or our old self thus killing us both? Wat.

>>45587081
Wait how does double us give us double everything? I don't follow this plan at all.

>>45587127
Yeah if we delve into too far this we might completely fuck up time

>>45587132
In this time loop, I'll make a second elf girl to be brought with the first elf girl.

>>45587132
Ya, shouldn't this just mean we observe everything again? It doesn't really add new people into the mix. Or are we taking people from our present to the past as well?

>>45587152
>might

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>45587132
There's a better way to get doubles!


We cast an epic working, making a perfect copy of every person in the world!

>>45587152
But we are all powerful d100 wizard we can fix this

>>45587170
More like the us in this time loop doesn't know all this, the present us will make his life more difficult.
>>45587173
>>45587194
But my master plan. It was perfect.

>>45587068
You ask Eve if she wants to see something funny.

You snap your fingers. Eve says she doesn't get it and you explain you just made someone shit themselves.

Eve says shed prefer if you just got on with your weird time travel plan and opens the veil of time up for you again.

You also do some magic so you can observe and interact without being detected for fear of fucking with time.

You find yourself tumbling out of the time veil shortly after another version of you tumbles out of the time veil with a young Randal, staring at a different young Randal

>>45587188
>10
This could get ugly

>>45587188
oops.

>>45587188
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

>>45587205
I still say we double everyone. More waifus

>>45587205
Insert a thrid Randal into the mix.

Rolled 65 (1d100)

Go back in time to when the elf guy proposed to the elf girl. Right as he gets down on one knee, make him shit himself. Then travel forward in time back to where you were, within the SAME dimension.

Rolled 96 (1d100)

2 elf waifus, 1 cup?

Anyway, let's maximize the negative emotions of this bypass by causing the land values of all the land that will have to be bought from farmers and whatnot via eminent domain to mysteriously plummet just before the plan is announced (in a suspicious way).

Magic to manipulate the real estate market!

File: The world is fucked.gif (1.78 MB, 500x200)

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>>45587205

This is your chance! Time to double down on everything, your master plan is coming together! You unleash your most powerful spell yet.

Everyone stops and falls to their knees in pain. Their shadows stretching and deforming into hideous, disfigured and malformed versions of themselves. The two young Randals scream in terror as the two newly formed nightmare Randals attempt to grab them, wheezing and snarling.

You look at Eve and see a nightmarish version of her is wrestling the real one. You can only imagine such a thing is happening to everyone else... EVERYONE

>>45587300
Wait, the only time the elf ever proposed to the elf girl, we were in his body. They were only boyfriend girlfriend before.


You fooooool.

>>45587312
If it wasn't clear this is the result of
>>45587188
sorry buddy.

>>45587326
Oh whoops. Whatever lol

Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>45587311
>>45587333
Well this Loop failed. Back to the beginning! We always have time!

>>45587312
Uh, shouldn't that mean we have what.... 3 or 4 evil shadow twins right now?

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>45587312
Make it so the doubles make love, not war (charm spell?)

Also first roll be gentle

>>45587312
Go back in time, do what the last you did when shit git completely out of hand.
>>45581183

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>45587366
Let's drag eve, one of the Randals, and elf waifu back with us.

Rolled 31 (1d100)

You've had enough of this, and teleport to the moment where the first two randals met, where you first teleported into the future.

You tell yourself it doesnt work out, and cancel the magic before heading back home.

>>45587369
No I think it would be 2 of us Randall and Eve and then every person has a shadow double thing so 4 of is Randall and Eve in total but Eve's 2 others are still in hell

File: Sorry guys.jpg (54 KB, 600x800)

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>>45587378
Think that this shit is way too fucked to fix with such an unreliable casting system. Executive decision for this.

>>45587428
In the end we just accept our towers being torn down, name it after us and just depart to finding a new tower.

>>45587378
Jesus this is getting complicated.

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>45587428
Do it
You are qm after all
Roll just because

Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>45587428
You jump back through the time veil. You arrive right after you and Eve do. You look around and say "Sorry buddy it doesnt work out."

Eve and you were invisible, so to the you who just shoved the two Randals together, this looks like a warning to him, but really, this was always about the shadow clones. You envelop the world in whiteness once more.

>>45587476
No he meant go back to the time wayyyy before this when you tried to make the two randal's touch each other.

>>45587476
Let's stop fucking with time, we already have a bad enough headache. Instead we settle down and marry.

>>45587476
So uh.... where are we now, did we just shove the Randals together?

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>45587476
All right let's summon our elf elf secretary to help sort out this bureaucratic bullshit

Rolled 90 (1d100)

Fuck this. Travel to the 40k universe. Pretend to be librarian.

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>45587510
First, a little legal magic.
Let's legalize polygamy... could be useful.

>>45587542
Uh, let's stick to our starting universe. There are plenty of people to make shit their pants here.

Rolled 41 (1d100)

I try to find who ever is in charge of time and have them set a little more restrictions for time travel.

>>45587571
I like you

>>45587571
Nope, I rolled a 90. 40k universe, here we come!