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>>45474381
The landwhale is there, scouring the shelves of rulebooks with her tiny, beady eyes. I pass by with my box and start placing some orks on the shelves. Never got into minifig collecting myself, but I like the various designs.

>Hey, you! Where is the Pathfinder rulebooks?
Ohdeargodshespoke. A stench like raw ham. I fought back the urge to revolt, and told her to check the second shelf from the left.
I should note that this was eight years ago, so I don't remember exactly what it was she was looking for, but I'm pretty sure it was something to do with races.

Either way, she grunted at my response and waddled over, slapping her fat, wet fingers on the book covers.

>I can't find the extended races!
Saying she could speak was an understatement. It was more like shouting. Constant shouting. As much as I dreaded it, I had to put on my best behavior and help the blob of fat out. I moved around the shelf and with a quick glance, found her book.
>Here you go, Extended Races for Pathfinder. Have fun.
>Not this one, I already have it! I need the other one!
I put the book back and told her to wait. We are importers of these rulebooks and hobbies, you see, so the community is a bit slower here than in the USA. I walked back up to the counter and asked the manager (whom I will refer to as Boss from now on) to look it up on the web. Again, I don't quite remember what it was she wanted, so bear with me here.

We couldn't find anything other than that one book, so there wasn't much else I could do. I found her looking through the 3e Shadowrun corebook, water dripping down on the pages, ruining them. That's just mean. Also, that specific book would go on to become something much greater, but that's for another story.

>I'm sorry, but we only have that one. Couldn't find any news of an Extended Races 2 either. Sorry.
>What kind of shit store is this?!
>ufukinwotm8.gif

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>>45474415
Yeah. She had called the only gameshop in three counties radius for a shit store. But this was only the beginning of a shitstorm. I told her again I couldn't help her, and next thing I know she threw the corebook!
It smashed into the minifigs, breaking a box of marines. Shit had hit the fan.
>You better pay for that!
>Fuck you! And fuck this useless store! Nobody is ever nice to me! You just don't want to help me because I'm fat, you skinny rat!

That actually stung a little. I've never been the most athletic person. Frankly, I hated P.E. back at school. So yeah, I'm slim.
I told her to get out and left to pick up the corebook and figs, when another book graced my head, cutting a deep gash in one of the boxed starter sets. The bitch was throwing a tantrum, and with it, books! Screaming and shouting that it was her against the world, etc. Good fucking lord. One actually hit me, and I fell over in surprise and hit my head. No cuts, but it did swell and hurt.

The manager came storming down the stairs, fuming, while I ran over to the book section for protection, trying to put as many walls between her and me as possible. She might have been fat as a whale, but she had a surprisingly mean throw. If she wasn't fat and trained regularly, she might actually have done it decently in baseball. Those boys I mentioned earlier left really quickly, visibly frightened. The landwhale screamed and screamed, tearing books and whatever else she could get her hands on down from the shelves.

So let me talk about my boss for a second. He's Turkish, lanky, fought cancer and won not many years ago. And he has a really mean tongue. Dude speaks like a machinegun when he wants to, real rapid fire. He grabs the landwhale by whatever clothes she was wearing, and shouts angrily at her. In Turkish.

>>45474381
>D&D, Pathfinder, Dark Heresy
>treasures

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>>45474477
What? There were other games there as well. Anyway, on with the story.

>>45474451
She just stood there, staring at him. He then points at the stairs and says: "Get. OUT!" She left, but not without bawling some more about how mean we were and shit. Took her a good ten minutes to get up the stairs as well.
Me and the boss spent the rest of the day cleaning up after her, placing a few boxes in a newly dubbed bargain bin. At least I got a free coke and a bag of ice to enjoy. My parents were just as shocked as I was when I told them. They had never expected to hear something like that from a nerdy hobby like roleplaying.

>>45474451
>So let me talk about my boss for a second. He's Turkish
My condolences.

>>45474524
>>>/pol/

Back to your containment board.

>>45474559
Anon, I'm pretty sure it was a joke.
Calm down.

>>45474451
What I don't get is...why throwing such a tantrum just because a book isn't here? Accept it and move on, or ask somewhere else. Or just look in the magical place called Internet. Bitching around wont help you either.

I just feel bad that apparently fat people in the US are sometimes so terrible. I'm far from skinny myself, but that's nobodies fault but mine.

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>>45474524
A cool Turk. Don't be a faggot.

>>45474559
I have to agree with this anon.

>>45474502
AND YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER? OH HELL NO! MR. BONES WAS JUST GETTING STARTED, FAGGOT! NOW THE REAL RIDE TO HELL BEGINS! For you see, that was not the last time I would see the land whale. Oh, no no no. She returned not long after.

Although with the tracktion this is having, I suppouse you aren't so interested. Well, this will be a That Guy General for now. I only have notes for the next event, so I have to write it down. It'll take a moment.

>>45474614
Oh, dear anon, you have no idea...

>>45474632
We're interested, we're just too horrified and skeptical to answer.

>>45474656
Hah, oh yes. I was terriefied. Eh, I guess I'll risk a spam ban. Should I greentext the rest for you lovely anons, for a faster delivery?

>>45474632

Please continue.

>>45474632
why didn't you call the police?

>>45474614
If these people had self control, they wouldn't be as wide as they are tall. So they act like the overgrown children they are.

I mean, sure, not every fat person is a fucktard stain on the human race. But some? Oh god.

My father was like that. 6' 5" lard ass who would devolve into a screaming ape if things didn't go exactly his way. Combined with a complete inability or desire to tell anyone what exactly he wanted, since he apparently thought everyone else was psychic.

Sorry to blog post. Just saying: Fat and rage go hand in sausage fingered hand.

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>>45474730
I wanted to, but the Boss said it wasn't neccisary. I disagreed, but I wasn't paid enough to bother.

>>45474632
Very well, then. Greentext this for speed.

>A week and a half goes by, relative peace, except a small MtG tournament we held
>New co-worker begins there, is nice company
>And the day after that, the landwhale returned
>It's a warm day, no wind, only the unforgiving sun high in the blue above
>She comes in, wearing a stretched black t-shirt
>T-shirt is soaked with sweat
>She stinks as well
>She brought two friends
>The dude has long greasy hair dyed blue, and asked me where the Sonic comics where
>uh-oh.jpeg
>Other whale is actually dressed properly
>Turns out it was landwhale's MOTHER

>>45474742
That's what I mean. I'm about 270 pounds/5'11" (125kg/175cm) myself, but I wouldn't attack someone over a book. Or anything, for that matter. Being fat doesn't mean you're allowed to be a child whenever you want to.

>>45474820
so she ruins his merchandise, scares away his customers and he's doing nothing?
and then he lets her into the store again?

Keep going OP, this is interesting
Don't worry about greentexting, we are patient

>>45474945
Avoiding trouble is one of the main concerns of any person who owns or manages a bussiness.
Just this morning in my closest supermarket there was some commotion because a guy who has been caught stealing went in to buy something even though he's banned from the store. After a bit or arguing they eventually let him get his shit because it was easier than calling the police or something like that.

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>>45474820
>New guy gets put to the task of helping the fat guy out while I go piss
>Landwhale is relatively quiet this time
>Quiet being conversing with her mother through shouts (how I found out they were related, Landwhale kept referring to the other lardass as "mom")
>She's looking to buy some minifigs this time, anything fantasy related for a campaign she was going to hold
>Well, thank god for Warhammer, then
>She gathers about 300 dollars worth of figs, Momwhale pays
>Fat Sanic fan pays for his comics out of his own pocket
>He's not too bad, had a nice conversation with the New Guy
>They leave without further issue

>>45474945
He doesn't think too highly of us nerds. He tolerates us. To him, it was just a job, and I was a fool for letting her in. I'll admit that. But it was a new job, and I didn't have much experience. I had actually hoped she had gotten better. The actual problem came later.

You see, the landwhale had the glorious idea that she would move her rpg-session from her house to our shop. We have some tables down on the lower floor you can use, no reservations. And back she comes, with friends. No brother tough. She brought three friends, all female whales as well. They were so friggin' LOUD. I know women love to chat, but dear god. Since there was no trouble the second time, I let her in again. Landwhale tells me they are going to the tables below, and off they go. The Boss came up to me shortly after and told me that if they caused any trouble, it was out with them and bans. I ask him if I can call the cops, should it get as bad as last time. He reluctantly agreed.

We could hear everything they were saying, mostly because the rest of the customers had gone silent, staring at the four sacks of fat gathered around the table. It starts to get really annoying after a while, so I went to tell them to pipe down. And that is when I see what they were playing.

>>45475099
>And that is when I see what they were playing.
literal edge of my seat

>>45475085
i get that, but someone that destroys a bunch of expensive books and demolishes store?
and gets zero repercussions from it?
i just can't comprehend behaviour of the store owner

>>45475099
I bet on some furry shit
Oh
Oh
Erotic rpg?
Fatal?
Damn man, what a cliffhanger

>>45475099
Its going to be some furryedgelord shit, right? "Nothin personnel" incarnate, right?

>>45475141
>>45475141
Unnecessary attention, bad reputation, not worth pressing charges, who knows

>>45475141
also i cant wait for the rest of the story

they were playing definitely something erotic

>>45475146
>GURPS

>GURPS VEHICLES

>>45475146
My bet is that the store had to be purged with bleach and fire.

>>45475099
Holy shit I'm scared

Rolled 8 (1d20)

Testing roll

>>45475099
F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5

HURRY UP YOU COLOSSAL FAG

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>>45475099
It's some abomination of a d20 system, gutted from Pathfinder and stitched onto some other system I'm not familiar with. The bizarre thing is just how professionally the whole table is set up. There was a really good-looking worldmap, along with a second map over a city, printed on a grid, with various minifigs placed here and there. I'll admit, I was morbidly curious after seeing this. For a landwhale, she seemed really serious about the whole DM business. The players were listening and acted on their turns, and there seemed to be a sort of control over the whole situation. It actually looked fun. So, I listened in on what they were saying.

>Landwhale: Alright, Blue Whale, you have the stable boy pressed against the wall, what do you do?
>Blue: OH, OH! I pull down his pants and stroke my cock against his!

Let's just say my expression gave Scream a run for its money. Horrified and stunned, I listened to how three women tok advantage of some poor dude in a barn. At least I think they were playing as women... I had to step in and put a stop to this madness!

>Ok, ladies, that's enough! You are being very loud, and there are children here! Take your fapmaterial somewhere private, please.

Landwhale was not happy. In fact, she completely ignored me and kept going on with describing how the stable boy was raped by three /d/-sized cocks!

>>45475131
Sorry, text limit came at the perfect moment.

>>45475099
>"and that is when I see what they were playing"

not strip poker I beg you not strip poker.

>>45475264
...
Do I get to roll my SAN check?

>>45475264
Can I just say that you have a beautiful way with words?

>>45475264
That sounds like a perfect way for them to land themselves on a sex offender list.

>>45475264
I keked

>>45475368
>That sounds like a perfect way for them to land themselves on a sex offender list.
>women
>sex offender list
Yeah no.

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>>45475264

Hold on a second...they were ERP'ing? In a PUBLIC SPACE?

This has gone from 'antisocial wierdos' to 'someone here has a genuine mental disorder'. I fear for OP's safety...and sanity.

>>45475375
The law should reasonably affect both genders equally-ish, but I'll agree that in practice it is biased to the advantage of women.

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>>45475264
Oh... No...

>>45475421
>The law should reasonably affect both genders equally-ish, but I'll agree that in practice it is biased to the advantage of women.
Yes, that was my point. That being said, I don't think this kind of shit should be legit illegal. Just, you know, get you banned from every gaming store for five hundred miles in every direction.

>>45475264
ACK! My personal rule is: no ERP in public. Are these people that socially oblivious? Dear Lord

>>45475421
To wit, however, a judge is unable to avoid putting someone on the offender list if they are found guilty of a sex crime.

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>>45475264
I told them again to pipe down at the very least, but nope. They told me to leave them alone. Oh hell no. Oh nonono, that won't do! So I take drastic measures, and slam my hand down on the table. It hurt. A lot.

>Listen up, lardasses, if you four don't pack your yaoi porn and get the fuck out of dodge, I'm gonna call the cops.
Her response?
>If you don't shut the fuck up and leave us alone, I'm gonna turn you into an NPC!

You know how these kinds of players treat NPCs. And you know EXACTLY what they do when they project people they dislike as NPCs. And then she touches me. Her hand is wet and sticky and covered in red crayon dust. At least I hope it was a red crayon. I jolted back, pulling my hand away and turned. But the warhorn had been blown, and the whales were preparing for war! They howled like animals, trying to establish their fat superiorety as glorious pen&paper roleplaying gamers, over a lowly store clerk like me. I called for the boss to call the cops, which he did.

And with that, Landwhale rose up from her chair, flapping her fins and bellowing like a drunk dog! She screamed at me, telling me how much of a bad person I was for supressing her and her friends, how I was being a sexist loner and probably lusted for people of the same gender as myself. Mind you, this was eight years ago, so it was even more ridiculos then than it would be today. I told her to fuck off. That's when she tried to hit me. Apparently I was too pissed off to notice she had been moving towards me. She swung her sausage of an arm at me, hitting me in the arm. It didn't hurt, but I took great offence to that. Woman or not, I punched her back. Have you ever punched a fat person? It's kind of like hitting a ballon filled with goo. . Boss, who was at the phone with the cops, yelled at them to hurry on over.

>>45475463
Go on, I like where this is going...

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>>45475463
F5ing like I don't need eyes to see.

>>45474451
>Dude speaks like a machinegun when he wants to, real rapid fire.
It's always real interesting to hear them go from immaculate english to heavy fucking turk just like that.

>>45475463
Oh no. You're fucked m8. Unless you live in Saudi Arabia you're fucked.
No wonder you're just now telling this story, you just got out of prison.

>>45475463
Do fat people pops when you hit them ?

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>>45475463
This story is going places.

>>45475568
only if their acne is bad

>>45475568
It's like punching boney bags of too-thick Jello.
You ever buy a cut of ham, take it home, and get the urge to slap it around before slow cooking it for several hours on a low heat? It's not dissimilar, minus the cooking part.

>>45475550
We don't need eyes where we're going

>>45475463
Well done

BUT I BET THE RIDE WASN'T OVER

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>>45475463
And so it goes, a fight for the century, like none had ever witnessed before! Storeclerk! VS! Landwhale! She was angry, she was mad! And I wanted her to get the fuck out of my workplace, so I punched her in the face for good measure. She dropped faster than a soccer player, crying for an ambulance and that she was bleeding. God, I wish she was bleeding, that would only have added more to the satisfaction. But she was fine, if a tad bruised. Her friends then ganged up on me, throwing insults and paperballs at me. Yes, paperballs. As in they were tearing apart paper, rolling it up, and throwing at me.

Finally the cops came, and I wasn't very happy when I saw that the head of police was out on patrol today. Why? Let's just say I have a bit of a history with the local police as a wee young lad, having "run away" twice when I was still in kindergarten. So, yes, I was taken in as well. The ladies escorted away, and I got to ride with Uncle Police for the third time in my life. They let me go after I explained the situation to them, though dad had to pick me up. He was less than pleased.

Returning to the shop just before closing hours, I was informed that Landwhale and her friends had been banned from the shop.

And thus ends my tale of >>45475704 DINGDINGFUCKINGDING! IT'S NOT OVER! The landwhale's pride was hurt, and she wanted blood! And she knew just how to get it! You get three guesses while I type up the next part. To be continued in, LANDWHALE 3D!

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>>45475463

>>45475754
Accused you of rape? That seems to be a pretty common response from people like that.

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>>45475754

I'm going with:

A) Rape accusation
B) vandalism against the store
C) camping out your workplace and attacking/harassing you.

...i've read way too many of these.

>>45475754
something to do with the mother?

>>45475754
My money's on suicide threat, or some manner of laughable litigative threat.

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>>45475754
daddy whale starts protesting in front of the store with a sign and fursuit.

>>45475793
My money's on C.

>>45475754
That sanic loving man has to come back in to the story somehow. Did she hound him after you?

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I don't think she was actually a girl

>>45475793
I feel like it's some combination of these. I'll take both B and C.

>>45475754
The answer is always accusations of rape, no doubt backed up by the rest of her pod.

>>45475832
Okay, that fucking killed me.

>>45475870
my moneys on that

>>45474559

It's a fucking joke! What the hell is your problem?

>>45475832
Not quite, that was after Halloween. And totally another guy. That story's for later.

>>45475793
>>45475847
You are both wrong.
Almost done, btw.

>>45475925
I'm wrong?

Then it must have been something worse. I'm out of guesses...

Nice story that is not at all real, OP.

>>45475971
Landwhale detected

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>>45475925

>>45475971
None of these stories are ever real, it's still fun to pretend.

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>>45475979

That's just obnoxious, almost as obnoxious as this story

>>45475997
Man the harpoon!

>>45475971
"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

>>45475754
COME ON MAAAAAAANG NOT EVEN BISMUTH HAS AS MANY EDGES AS MY SEAT RIGHT NOW

>>45475971
>>>/out/

>>45476024

Look at this:

>>45476030

and tell me how you can derive any enjoyment from this when people are making posts like these.

>>45475987
No story is ever entirely real even if it describes a real event.

The imperfections in the human transmission medium render them so.

>>45476085
>He doesn't capslock
Looks like someone just ain't cool
*puts on shades and cruise control*

>>45475971

Well of course not. This is a campfire story, minus campfire.

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>>45475799
As the Nostalgia Critic once said, "There are not enough toilets in the world to hold the shitspewing fear I feel right now".

>>45475754
Imagine, if you will, a calm time. You spend your time milling about in your favourite store, checking out nerdy girls and new games and systems, thinking yourself in your golden age. You rest easy, you smile, and shield your eyes from the RRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE COMES MOMMYWHALE, FOR HER BABY IS A PRECIOUS SNOWFLAKE NOW TARNISHED BY THE HANDS OF THE DEVIL! My mother was a hamster and my father smelled of elderberries (not true, btw). I had assaulted her daughter and had to pay the court a fine. My stolen goods were now forfeit. I just told her to leave, and offered her a free comic that we were handing out at the store (some Marvel event, I believe). But she refused to leave. "Turn yourself in to the police, or else..."

>"Or else what. No, seriously, or else what? Look, lady, I just work here, ok? It's my job to keep it nice and clean for everybody. I'll agree, general dismemberment and random acts of violence is not for everybody, but rape and sex, be it real or imagined, is a very uncomfortable topic for many of us."

God, how I wish I had said that. Ok, I did say the "Or else what" part, but the rest is just embellishment. I just didn't expect her to actually call the cops. Yeah, can you believe it? And you know what's worse? They actually came! To make it short and sweet, this particular cop was having a bad day, and he needed something to get it going. I'm still not sure why they felt the need to send a car, but they did. I was standing there yelling at her for being so dumb as to not see the error of her daughter's way, but it was like talking to a wall. A sentient wall of fat. No, no, kids were meant to explore themselves and develop. It's all natural and a part of growing up. Surely I should know that, right?

Do you have CCTV in your store? If you did i'd have gone down like a premiership footballer and then sued her into oblivion.

>>45474451
>I told her again I couldn't help her, and next thing I know she threw the corebook!
>It smashed into the minifigs, breaking a box of marines. Shit had hit the fan.
>minifigs

This is unforgivable what happened. Pity you didn't make candles out of the Landwhale's blubber.

>>45476110
Must. Know. What. Happens. Next.

>>45476110
Now, to continue on the last sentence, yes, I know we are meant to "explore ourselves and develop", but I don't discuss bending a barwench over a table and raping her! That's insane! Unfortuneatly, it would not be the first time I would be confronted by rape in an d20-setting. So the cop has us each tell the story from our side. Mommywhale went first, and her story included, but was not limited to

>Me namecalling her daughter the moment she came in the door
>Making it uncomfortable and throwing a general tantrum when I couldn't boss Landwhale around
>How brave little innocent Landwhale was in the face of overwhelming odds
>And the aforementioned punching. In plural. Multiple times

My story included
>Security camera footage

I'd like to point to the Nostalgia Critic quote in my previous post. That wasn't about me. That was about Her. She went white in her already pale puffy face. So, long story short (cause there really isn't much more to it now), I got off with a slap on the wrist, and mommywhale left with a fine for wasting the cop's time.

Justice was had that day! At least of the selfrightious kind. I worked at that gameshop for two more years, and wowie, it was a blast. There are more stories to be told. Here are two:

>Magical Realm Shadowrun
>Furry Halloween

Pick one. Only the Shadowrun one has anything to do with the store.

>>45476271
Magical Realm Shadowrun first

>>45476271
Start with Magical Realm Shadowrun, but tell both

>>45476271
>Magical Realm Shadowrun

This one sounds too good to be true.

>>45476271
Furry Halloween, Magical realm has enough threads in this piece

>>45476271
Furry Halloween. Should be good for a larf.

>>45475923
There's been a spike in /pol/ shitposting over the last few weeks from what I've seen. Easy for people to come to conclusions about this shit when there's this much shitposting happening.

>>45476271
>My story included
>>Security camera footage

Haha, get rekked, mommywhale.

>>45476271
"My story included
>Security camera footage"

kek

>>45476271
Why must you make us pick FUCK

I WANT BOTH

Gonna vote furry Halloween because that's my favorite holiday and furries are my favorite internet boogeyman.

>>45476271
Both, but the furfags are often more cringeworthy

Do you have pictures with Mastodon lyrics for these stories too?
Because you totally should.

>>45475923
>shitpost
>fuck off
>OMG ITS A JOKE WTF IS YOUR PROBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!!!! WAHHHHHH!!!
>>>/lgbt/

Back to YOUR containment board.

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>>45476298
>>45476306
>>45476309
ALRIGHTY THEN, COME ONE, COME ALL! The portal is open...

To everybody else, sorry. Furry Halloween later. Expect cringe. And literal shit.

Ah, Shadowrun. Wonderful cyberpunk with a corebook that is confusing beyond belief. I've played two versions of it, and both just as little. So, after the toss and tumble at the gameshop the year before, I land a fulltime job there. Life was good for a young man. My Turkish boss had finally started to grow a heart for us nerds (meaning I could get some deals out of him regarding playing space, provided strict rules were followed), and I had some friends to hang out with, so I made a deal where he let us use the store after hours to play. I just had to usher my pals out before eleven and close up everything (we usually close at seven). No big deal, I could do that! I had proven myself capable as well, so he wasn't too worried. I had two buddies I used to play with, let's call them Benny and Carl. We had gotten in contact with a group looking for new players, and we were up for the task. Shadowrun, third edition. Our contact was a regular at the shop, a real neckbeard by the name of Daniel. A nice guy. So, it's time for our first session, and everyone is ready.

It's me, the rigger. Benny, the shaman. Carl, the street sam. Daniel, the gunbunny. Ratcunt, the whore. Mongloid, the caveman. And finally, our GM, mister I-Love-Lolis himself. I gave them these names later.

>>45476499
Oh wow, here we go

>>45476499
>mr. I love lolis
Oh man, this is going to hit me directly

>>45476499
>mister I-Love-Lolis himself.
What's wrong with thinking little girls are cu--
>MagicalRealm.png
OH FUCK NO.

>>45476582
My reaction exactly

>>45476499
>Benny and Carl
>Not Lenny and Carl

Triggered

>>45476499
>loli magical realm
oh boy here we go

Im more curious about the ratcunt than the GM

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>>45476499
>Ratcunt, the whore.
Sounds like my kind of magical realm

>>45476499
Now, if those names weren't a clear indicator of what was to come, don't worry. Me and my buddies got to see it first hand. So, we are in Detroit. I pick up some strange waves in the matrix as something tries to hack my rotordrone, Benny felt a disturbance in the force, and Carl and Daniel are looking for a missing shipment of guns. This is how we meet:

>I snatch some co-ordinates out of the hacker, but he escapes.
>Benny follows the spirits call
>Carl and Daniel trail some rival gangbanger to a warehouse
>Me and Benny are lead to the same warehouse

We are all instantly spotted and detained by chromed-up trolls and orks and forced inside. There we meat the leader of the gang, and I'm trying to write this from memory here.

>She's a young elf with charisma out the ass
>In a skimpy, tight dress
>With thighhighs
>And she's covered in blood

That's what I remember, but I know it was worse. Anyway, so we're there, totally trumped by her brilliance and bedazzling beauty. Oh, and she's blowing one of Carl and Daniel's missing gun. I'll leave the rest up to your imaginations, boys. She gives us two choices; Work for her, or die.

>>45476555
>>45476582
Oh, I'm sorry, did I say Mr. I-Love-Lolis? I meant Mr. I-Love-Mutilating-Little-Girls-And-Rape-Their-Corpses.

Also, posting short here, fire alarm is going off. Hang in there, anons, I'll be back!

>>45476749
>Mr. I-Love-Mutilating-Little-Girls-And-Rape-Their-Corpses
THE RIDE HAS BEGUN

>>45476749
I'm sure OP will continue to deliver.

>>45476749
I fap to moe little girls, but that's...
That's going in a cringe dimension of awesomness direction

Someone please cap these for all the world to see

>>45476827
I would wait for OP to finish

>>45474559
>>>reddit
Back to your hug box

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>>45476785
Unless his house burns down.
God Speed, OP

>>45476661
God dammit, golden opportunity right there! SHit! sorry, I'll make it up to you guys later.

>>45476749
So there we are, guns to our heads, and perfect view of what's between her legs. Trust me, the GM was far more descriptive than I was. Even Daniel, who knew the GM personally, was visually disturbed. Benny, who was also our face, tried to talk to her, wanting to know what was going on. She needed us for a mission. But with her own personal army, and all the guns she just stole, wouldn't she be able to do it herself? She giggles creepily (aka the GM was being a creep), and says she doesn't want to sacrifice any of her men. Just remember that for later.

We all agree to work, 'cause this is obviously a plothook, and I take the bait for all it is worth. I do try to see if I couldn't find something about her by scanning her face in the matrix, but nope. Blocked. No white noise, no firewalls, just blocked.
>ismelldmpc.jpeg
Oh, and somehow the loli knows, so she shots me in the knee, destroying it. No dice were rolled, and screw the fact that my legs were already cybernetic. And she laughs again. Our mission was to infiltrate "the mansion of some CEO of a corp and kidnap his daughter". Now, being an avid user of the matrix, I have seen some shit in the shadownet, and this was making my character's inner alarmbells go off (as if they weren't already after being shot at by the questgiver). So we are ushered off, followed by her two "most loyal subjects", Ratcunt and Mongloid.

So, you guys wanted to know about Ratcunt? Well, here's what I had on the guy. He was a skinny, underfed dude. Teeth like a rat and a major case of underbite. He also looked like a rat and was a filthy pervert in the cahoots with the GM. Mongloid was just a chaotic lolrandumb pink mohawk troll. He was also very dumb IRL. Ratcunt got his name after he tried to rape a security guard at the mansion where our mission would take place.

>>45477031
Continue when ready, mate.

This is already beginning to become a horrifying tale of horror filled horrors.

Also, what was on fire? Your stove? Your neighbors who tried to light up too many jounts at once? The landwhale herself fire bombing your place of living with her flaming, screaming rage filled body?

>>45475663
I don't usualy beat my ham, but I'll try.

Now I want to eat some ham

ITT, things that never happened

>>45477211
who cares its better then the 30 quest threads

>>45476499
>I had proven myself capable as well,
At battering women.

Give us more, KTC. My body is ready.

>>45477222
>Muh quest boogeyman
There are three quest threads up on /tg/ right now.

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Lurking this thread. May be worthy of screencaping later.

>>45477268
A six-year low.

>>45477268
3 threads too many

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>>45477031
Alright, so we get in a van provided by the loli, and as the rigger, you'd expect me to drive, right? Too bad my leg was busted. So Ratcunt got to drive. Too bad he was a shit driver then! Off to the mansion we go! So here's the situation. We had
>No plan
>A rigger with a busted leg, but a working rotordrone
>and two idiots in the front seats

Oh, and I forgot to mention that Ratcunt was playing a woman. It's not important, but it kind of is. At least to him, for he would just not shut up about it. So, I decided to play selfish asshole for once, and wanted to get my leg fixed. Nope, shot down by GM Fiat. The abduction had to be done NOW! Daniel protested OOC, saying this was going against their every other move in every game of Shadowrun, ever. Benny was also concerned for my character, and Carl was annoyed because he didn't like being threatened by a little shitstain. He was also above kidnapping kids, and suggested we take the CEO himself. He was promptly ignored by the GM.

After nearly crashing several times (fuck you, Ratcunt) and Mongloid making yo-mama jokes non-stop, we finally arrived. Those that could got out and began their infiltration. Meanwhile, I was left behind to guard the car. Then it hits me.

>"Wait, hold on, we never got our stuff back."
>GM: "Oops, maybe you should have asked? XD LOL"
>MFW

So there we were, four guys without their guns (at least I had my drone and the car), and two idiots. They decided to go ahead with it anyway, the madmen (fucking mohawks, I swear). There are no walls surrounding the mansion (wat), so Benny, Carl and Daniel sneak out onto the grass, but Ratcunt and Mongloid just walk up the maindrive (WAT) and opens the front door (WHAT). The three guys follow. And what do they see? Statues of young nubile girls. The door closed behind them. They had now entered the magical realm...

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I can't help but think of the troll as this

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>>45477308
>They had now entered the magical realm...

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>>45477308

>GM: "Oops, maybe you should have asked? XD LOL"

>>45477308
I know this is the standard question for That Guy/DM stories, but why didn't you leave? Or kick them out?

Also, how did you meet this GM?

>>45477453
>I know this is the standard question for That Guy/DM stories, but why didn't you leave?
Because it never happened. Just like there's no way he'd get away with putting a closed fist to somebody's face on tape. Just sit back and enjoy the story, it's more fun that way.

>>45474415
>Extended Races for Pathfinder
Oh, you mean the Advanced Race Guide? Which was published in 2012? Pathfinder's core book wasn't even published until late 2009. And this is taking place 8 years ago? Faaaake

>>45476499
>>45477453

He met him by...reading the thread!

He didn't leave or kick them out because this was the first session and the sperg out after only just meeting someone is weird

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>>45477510

>>45477532
>He met him by...reading the thread!
Holy shit I'm retarded.

>>45476343
i dont know if it;s a spike, but many people dont want the bullshit to go on

>>45477308
We were all dreading what came next. I got controll of the van in the meantime, ready to either bail like a pussy, or crash it into the mansion itself. Benny scaned the place for any spiritual activity, and was met with, what else, naked, young girls begging for cock. In the statues. Yeah. But they soldier on, my buddies hellbent on doing this stealthily. Try to guess how long that lasted. After getting the car under control, I decided to try and scout the house using my drone. So I remotely controlled the rotordrone and flew it in around the grounds. There were some lit windows here and there, and of course I spotted the target. In her bed. Wide awake. Wearing lingerie. just...
>WHY.png

I inform my pals over the comms that the daughter is on the second floor, but she is awake. I avoided mentioning directly just how lightly she was clothed, instead opting to say that she would need a jacket. The others knew, OOC of course. Oh, and how did we contact each other if we just met and never had time to prepare? Look, if the GM wasn't going to be fair, than neither were we. I'm just happy I got to keep the essentials, like the RCC and datapad.

They move on, the descriptions of the house becoming more and more perverted. We questioned why the hell security was so light, but it was all handwaved by the GM. Oh, jeez, how nice. No challange, huh. Then we finally meet a hindrance. A guard, standing outside the target's bedroom! And she was female. Cue Ratcunt grabbing his dice.

>I roll to seduce the guard.
His roleplaying skills are comparable to a dying fish on land. I decided enough was enough, but not before putting a bullet in the GM's fetish. Ratcunt seduces guard through GM Fiat and the erp begins, and the session ended.

>>45477453
I never knew the GM before the session. That was Daniel, and it's all his fault. He swore up and down that this was a first for him (how apt) and that he had never had any trouble like this before.

>>45477615
Certainly a rise as far as I can tell.

>>45477609
Its okay, we all hurr and/or durr on occasion!

>>45477528
Just enjoy the fucking story, faggot. At least he bothered to entertain us with some below average writefagging. We all know this is fake, but so are our games. Fake, make believe, imagination, FANTASY! So shut the fuck and pass me the goddamn popcorn.

>>45477308
>They had now entered the magical realm...
You must have been very glad that you got your leg wrecked by DM bullshit, if that was the alternative...

>>45477510
You forget this is not in the US

>>45477510
of course you would fagit. Most countries dont have retarded laws like the usa and allow self-defence.

>>45477817
You got it backwards. Remember, Yuropoors can't into firearms.

>>45477817

Many states in the U.S allow self-defense, Anon. That's why "excessive force" is a crime.

Give us the meat, OP, get back to work you nigger.

>>45477817
>allow self-defence.
What's that like? I still remember highschool, when I was attacked unprovoked, with a dozen witnesses and security cameras, but I still caught flak for daring to defend myself.

Including the vice principle flat out telling me I should have just let the fucker beat me.

America is fucked up.

>>45477862
You do know that most european countries allow you to own a gun right? You just need to be tested and in some cases have a reason.

>>45477900
Where i live you are allowed to defende yourself as long as you dont use force greater than what the attacker is using (so you cant pull a knife when he comes at you with his fists, but a baton would probobly pass) and all you do is neutrlize the opponent. So if the guy backs off or is on the ground and pinned any additional voilence would be considered assult

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>>45477626
I passed some notes around to my buddies, and we all agreed that this had to end. So here's a little list of just how quickly this run went to hell

>Ratcunt makes his presence known
>Daniel tackles Ratcunt
>Benny and Carl ganged up on Mongloid
>I started firing upon the mansion to sound any alarms

Dice were rolled, moves made, and fingers flipped at the GM. We also ended it there. I stood up and told the GM to get the fuck out of my store (yes, yes, I know it wasn't mine, but the store was my responsibility).

>Lolwtf y u no play?
>U mad lol?
>GM Fiat stop ur rolls lol

The problem with That Guys is that they can't see their own mistakes. They view themselves as some sort of holier-than-thou beings, whom us mortals should worship just for existing on the same plane of existence as them. Oh, I wish he was on another plane of existence, alright. Now, here is where the corebook I mentioned Landwhale throwing became legendary. Hardbound books makes for surprisingly solid blunt weapons. You should try it once. I was using the corebook for myself, wanting to have an easy way of checking the rules if needed, and we had two more books (privately owned by the GM and Daniel respectively) to share. So I picked up the book and walked around the table to where the GM sat, and lifted it above my head.

>Get the fuck out, or I will knock you the fuck out.

I was not close enough for him to hit me, but I could easily step forward and club him. We then began listing all his faults and why the run wasn't working out, to which he got really pissy. His reason was, get this, you'll love it

>I'm the GM, It's my rules, my story

I almost hit him, stopping just short of planting his face in the book. Benny, Carl and Daniel were already up and packing, and helped me chase the three assholes out. After closing up shop, we drove out to a soccerfield (made of good old gravel and sand, not fancy fake grass like nowadays), and burnt our character sheets.

>>45477900

That's because high school is fucking stupid, and most adults learn that later on in life. Not because of it's intent, but because of shit like that.

I dunno how it is elsewhere, but where I live self defense is allowed whenever you feel that their is a clear and imminent threat to either your, or someone else's, safety from an assailant.

In other words when a land whale hits you with books, keeps throwing more books, has hit you before, and then rushes you it's completely within your right to punch said land whale.

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>>45477963
Woops. Forgot my name there for a second. Sorry, I posted on a different thread and wanted to keep the name for here. Anyway, that was... Not as bad as I remembered. I suppouse it is time for the yiffyiff Halloween, yes? You expecting cringe, yesss?

>>45478013
dont ask, just post. This is fun

>>45478013
Better hustle OP, you're losing your audience

>>45478013
Yeah, go for it.

>>45478013
I have already been scared for my life multiple times from these stories, so sure im down for an early halloween!

>>45477904
Which is more reasonable than picking them up at the supermarket.

>>45478013
Last year was a turbulent one for me. Lots of ups and downs that I still feel today. Not that that would stand in the way of some partying! So of I go to a friend's house, dressed up in my best outfit: A zombie noir detective, complete with fake snubnose revolver, make-up and a hipflask filled with something nice. However, on the way, I meet two furries. Now, I've been lurking for a long time, I already know I should stay the fuck away from them. But as it stands, they are going the same way as me. They ask me if I'm going to some guy's house, which happens to be the guy who lives next to my friend. I told them so and they just nodded, their mouths probably full of fake fur. We made our way to our destination, the two of them talking about some horse or something. Pretty sure they were both boys. We split up without a word. One house was filled with discolights and a deep, pumping bass that made the window glass vibrate. The other house was filled with furries. Guess which one I was going to. I was greeted by a chick in a nurse costume, clearly bought at the last minute. Inside, the music pumped loudly and the booze flowed freely. I'm more of a whiskey person than a beer person, honestly. Beer just doesn't taste right for me. There's lots of nice tarts in there, much skin to be viewed. I'm in some good circles, so there's plenty of tail to chase (no pun intended). It gets late, over midnight, and we are all plenty hammered. I was sitting in the sofa with a group of other people. The rest talk, I'm to busy watching a couple get it on in the corner. So a bro gets the bright idea that we should mess with the furries next door. Brilliant! Best idea I had heard all night, let's fucking do it!

Four of us boys leave on the excuse that we need some air. It's freezing outside. There's me, Bro dressed as Hulk Hogan, other bro who's dressed like Sam Jackson from the Avengers, and Spider-man. Right, yeah, we weren't very scary at all.

>>45478311
>So a bro gets the bright idea that we should mess with the furries next door. Brilliant! Best idea I had heard all night, let's fucking do it!


OP you done fucked up hard, don't talk to furries, don't interact with furries, just purge, particularly with fire.

>>45475550
nigga set that shit on auto update

>>45478311
>mess with the furries
That'll go as swimmingly as tumblr trying to raid 4chan.
With possibly the same amount of penises involved as well.

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>>45478311
>>45478350
If I could get away with the murder of a few furries both mentally and lawfully, sure. However, that isn't possible.

The other house is uncomfortably quiet, so we sneak up to the windows facing the front yard. The lights were on inside, and we could easily peer inside since we were taller than the wall. Inside, there's a fucking furpile. Yup. You read that right, a furpile. Also, the house was a fucking mess. Dust and garbage everywhere. Whoever owned that place was not fond of cleaning. Here's where it gets weird

A furry suddenly opens the frontdoor and says

>You guys wanna come in?
Three of us promptly NOPE.avi'ed out of there, but not Hulk Hogan. OOoh, no, nono, Hulk Hogan wanted in. Hulk Hogan was a man, and he wasn't going to pussy out on this. He wanted to film this shit form the best possible angle. Hulk Hogan thought himself a MAN!

I thought this Hulk Hogan was a fucking moron. Me, Jackson and Spidey get out, and leave our clearly drunk bro on his own. Big mistake. Rule #1 of the Brocode, never leave a bro behind! Or was that rule #3? I don't remember. We go back to our booze and music. But after a while, we start to miss our Hogan. Where was he? Had he come back? Maybe he was on the toilet? Nope, there just someone puking in the toilet. Maybe he was in the bedroom? Nope, just the couple I watched earlier taking it to third base. So where was he?

And then the horror dawned upon us...

>>45478569

And then John was a zombie.

>>45478569
HO SHIEEET
having had experiances with furries i know exactly where this is going and i don't like it.
i fear for your friend and i fear the shit got on that unholy abomination of a video tape, may your friend be able to purge that forever with enough alcohol to tranquilize a herd of elephants.

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>>45476343

Oh no people have different opinions to me!


>pic related, It's you.

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>>45478569
>furpile
I'm both curious, and terrified.

>>45478662
I'm afraid that's exactly what it sounds like.

>>45478652
My opinions don't come into it. Fact is, this is /tg/, not /pol/. We don't need every thread to turn into BOY I SURE DO HATE BLACKS GAS THE KIKES RACE WAR NOW. Polite sage for off-topic.

>>45478652
god fucking damn it, and here i thought the /pol/acks would miss it. If you are here for the story stay, if you are here to shitpost fuck back to your containment board

>>45478662
The way i understand it is a bunch of people in fur suits are literally on top of eachother, like a bunch of people dogpiling some guy, except they are just sitting tehre.

>>45478771
i think the suits make it imposible

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>>45478569
>furpile
Horry Sheeet! Those things are real? I thought those were a myth!

>>45478783
What if the person who invented them designed them to prevent furries from breeding?

>>45478771
A sign of responsibility if I ever saw one. You don't want them to produce offspring, right?

>>45478809
. . . you might be on to something

>>45478783
Actually, I'm sure that most suits have zippers or crotch-buttons. Though whether that applied during the time when this happened to OP or. Ot is uncertain

>>45478828
>>45478783
Why was that post removed? Furry mod?

>>45478850
Possibly, /tg/ is the most closet furry of the boards.
>inb4 /mlp/
I said closet, not blatantly open

>>45478850
well if so fuck the furry mode, he will burn in flames of hell that have a higher tempeture than the inside of his fagy little suit

>>45478569
We rushed over to Yiff house like our butts were on fire, and through the window, we saw him. Hulk Hogan wasn't wrestling the furries! Hulk Hogan wasn't dunking some stinking cutboi in the toilet after tearing his fursuit apart! Hulk Hogan was PARTYING with the fucking furries!

AND HE WAS WEARING A FURMASK!

Apparently, our bro Hogan had through his drunken stupor gotten into contact with his inner animal, and that experience had only been strengthened with even more boose provided by the furries (I was genuinely surprised any of them actually had money for beer, knowing how expensive those fursuits can be). We tore the door open and rushed through the hallway, crying out for our bro! Seeing that mask up close was even more terrifying. It was a pink catmask with neon green hair, and large, rainbow colored eyes. I remember because I was there when he burnt that fucking thing a few days later (he kept it, don't ask me why). It was... I had no words to describe it.

He was totally into it, drinking beer with a straw (TEN LASHES WITH THE KNOUT) and yiffing along. When we got to him he was dryhumping some dog (I think) from behind, howling like a drunken man. We tried to speak sense with him (yeah, drunk guys to drunk dude is not a good combination), but everything fell apart when someone shouted that dreadful word

>"FURPILE!"

A cacophany of howls, meows, roars and yiffs filled the dirty living room, and the furries rose like some kind of eldritch abomination summoned by a ritual gone wrong, and they moved with a purpose. One stinking furry was already on the floor, shouting "Yippee!" as the others crashed onto him, including our dear bro Hogan. We couldn't even comprehend what was going on. The furs were... moaning? Were they enjoying this? Was this actually somehow pleasurable to them?

>>45478850
>>45478890
It asked if furries knew about sex or not or if their parents just decided not to let them breed. We'll know if there's a furmod if this post gets deleted as well.

>>45475923
He's a redditor, we got a bunch during fagmod's day.

>>45477963
Purge with fire. I've wanted to hurl a couple of That Guys out myself, but I've never had the authority to do so.

>>45478569
Oh fuck, you LEFT him there?! Dude, going by what you said earlier, DEFCON ONE! Get the furry-beating sticks!

>>45478973
JESUS CHRIST, BURN EVERYTHING!

KTC, I am horrified, yet cannot look away... Continue?

>>45478783
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but most fur suits are, shall we say, anatomically correct.
sweet dreams tonight anon.

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>>45478973
And that's why I stay away from alcohol. Period.

now I kinda wish we had a funny picture of Hulk Hogan in animal ears jumping into a furpile.

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>>45478705

Stay mad.

>>45478973
I thougth my eyes were going to bleed (I don't know, maybe they were. I was certainly reacting to something), and it felt like my brain was going to come out of my ears, melted from not being able to comprehend this ungodly situasion that was unfolding (or rather, piling up) in front of me. I'm pretty sure not even Nurgle himself would touch this shit, even after an orbital drop of pure Holy Purge that has been blessed by our Holy Empror.

Spidey and Jackson were the first to react (I was more drunk than they were), and they began unpiling the unholy abomination. The furries protested and complained, but we were panicking. We wanted our bro back, GIVE ME BACK MY BRO, YOU YIFFING FURRY SHITSTAINS OF HUMAN WASTE!

We pulled him out and hauled ass out of there, but the howling followed us. One of the furries did to! I don't know what he said, something about giving back his face, I don't really remember. We were in a hurry. So back to our party spot, into the bathroom (Hi, Jerry, done hurling alrea- no, still some left in your belly? Sure thing, keep going) and gave Hogan-bro a really fucking cold one. We managed to pull the mask of as well and threw it into a corner. I wouldn't be surprise if it was sticky from semen or some other stuff. I washed my hands with large amounts of soap and rubbed them raw, while Hogan was sitting in the shower, his teeth clattering. Everybody had kind of gathered by the door, wanting to know what all the commotion was about.

this is some messed up stories.

never met a female landwhale.

Though seen a number of people with tails walking around downtown during con season.

wonder what they are like irl.

>>45479215
Holy shit we can derive a RPG system and setting from your adventures. Landwhales, whizzard GMs and furry hordes sound like dreadful monsters to base a campaign on.

>"Driven by the mad, orgiastic rhythm of moans and meowls, the creatures begin to pile up in a lustful, abominable mass, their insane minds merged in a new, dreadful hive mind. The writhing mass turns towards you, protrunding fur-covered pseudopods only barely resembling the limbs they're made of..."
>"We can't leave Hogan in there! With a swift prayer to our all-generous Emperor, I charge and dive in, before he's completely assimilated!"

>>45479215
We didn't say what had happened (how the hell do you explain a fucking furpile in any rational way?), but we did find something left behind later that night (other than the furmask, which I'll talk about later). While everybody was inside, watching the four of us mess about in the bathroom, someone, or something, had left a big, furry shit in front of the door. Like, the biggest shit I have ever seen. Not kidding. Also, used toiletpaper on the window. Probably the guy who'se mask Hogan stole. After getting Hogan some new, dry clothes (and a drunk girl somehow found her way into his arms), we decided to watch a movie. The movie itself is unimportant, the important thing is that we had to put this behind us. Me, Jackson and Spidey made a pact that we would never speak of this ever again, but something happened that made us break the pact. And this, my friends, is where our tale goes from horrifying to downright depressing.

>>45479281
Met one once. He was ok, if weird (I had no idea what a furry was back then). I hope he has put his furry days behind him, but I doubt it.

>>45479281
>wonder what they are like irl.
Do you really want to risk finding out?
Google e621, start your pilgrimage there

>>45479376
>horrifying to outright depressing
That's bad

>>45479376
keep going KTC I believe in you

>>45479351
Holy fuck, that sounds awesome! Are there any drawfags in this thread? I'd love to see a picture made from this scene!

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>>45479376
Good fucking god, they just took a shit o- How do people think this stuff is okay?!

I mean, I know... Let me think... Two furries? They act like normal humans!

Also, oh god... this doesn't sound good. Go on?

>>45479477
I wish. Sorry.

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>>45479351
>>45479477
>"Driven by the mad, orgiastic rhythm of moans and meowls, the creatures begin to pile up in a lustful, abominable mass, their insane minds merged in a new, dreadful hive mind. The writhing mass turns towards you, protrunding fur-covered pseudopods only barely resembling the limbs they're made of..."

> I'd love to see a picture made from this scene!

>>45474381
On a completely different note, that's an awesome song OP. I tip my hat in your general direction for song choice.

>>45479281
They run the gamut of gentle giants to repugnant swine, but occasionally you run into one that's so upped up on self entitlement to the point of utter disbelief.

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>>45479376
We all left when dawn broke, and someone stepped in the shit (that's how we found it). Some days later, Spidey-bro called me up and asked me to join him, Jackson-bro and Hogan-bro at an undisclosed location. I met up, and we watched Hogan-bro burn the furmask. Again, why the fuck had he kept that thing?? Time passed, and with it, Hogan-bro changed. I didn't think of it much at first. It was only when he quit facebook I realized something was wrong. Hogan-bro lived alone in a nice little house with his girlfriend (the drunk chick from last post), and since I was unable to contact him, I contacted her. She told me Hogan-bro had become different, changed.

She told me he had become a furry.
>myworstfears.gif
>gif related, that was Hogan-bro's new fetish according to his ex

Like any good bro, I had to check up on him to see how bad it was. It was bad. Really bad. I wasn't joking when I said he had come into contact with his inner animal. At least Hogan-bro was a clean dude. I talked to him for a while, tried to make him change his mind, but he was set. Hogan-bro had now found his inner yiff, and he would yiff. To yiff, or not to yiff. I left, having lost a bro that day. I thought me how to play soccer. I was actually not that bad at corner shots, thanks to him.

So here we are today. Hogan-bro is still a furry, doing his deviantart stuff. I'm afraid nothing can save him now. Only the sweet embrace of death.

>>45479523
I meant the
>"We can't leave Hogan in there! With a swift prayer to our all-generous Emperor, I charge and dive in, before he's completely assimilated!"

Seeing a Zombie Noir Detective charge a furry abomination, aided by the God-Emperor of Man would really be a nice thing to tick of my "Things I thought I'd never see"-list.

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>>45479676
>Hogan-bro is still a furry, doing his deviantart stuff.
How degenerate.
l-link please?

>>45479351
Classes for this system:
>White Knight
A re-skinning of paladin,but part of their code is to remain a perma-virgin and always respect a lady. Their shining steel helmets have wide-brimed caps and a distinctly folded top.
>Spergcerer
A caster class that relies on an inborn magical affinity which manifests as both magical ability and a total lack of social skills. Has a base ability to blast foes with blistering-hot wads of spaghetti conjured from his pockets.
>Tardrager
Reskin of barbarian. Invariably has low Int and Wis, uses tardrage and tardstrength to accomplish amazing feats of combat prowess. Can't read, doesn't like wearing clothes, shits himself a lot.
>Whizzard
Another caster class, this one relying on intensive study and the power of fetishes. Most pursue the practice of magic to reshape the world and make their darkest fantasies a reality. Schools of magic include Destruction, Transmutation, Conjuration, and Fucksmithitation.
>Shitposter
These fuckers prance around the battlefield singing bawdy songs and trying to bait their foes into getting mad. They also use their vitriol to inspire greater hatred in their allies and bait them into fighting all the harder. They also cast a few spells just to piss people off.
>Janitors
Powerful casters appointed by the Gods to carry out their will, extending a small amount of their power to the janitor. White Knights get along with these guys well.
>Edgelords
Sneaky faggots with knives.
>Fighters
Not so sneaky faggots with swords.

>>45479676
And that is my last story for today. I might have to tell you next time, about my exploits in D&D or when I was railroaded in Shadowrun in the most literal sense of the word, by being on an actual train!

Now I fade back into obscurity, joining the legion of anons. Take care, everyone, and until next time...

Oh, one last thing? Is this thread worth archiving?

>>45478701
But, I mean, yeah we should

On suptg?
I wouldn't be against it.

Good show, OP

>>45479811
I...I want this...

>>45479822
Oh hell yes. You made my evening.

Somebody screencap this.

>>45479822

Not really.

>>45479822
Archive? Maybe not.
Screencap? Definitely.

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>>45474381
Thank you OP!

>archive
YES. It's been too long since a good storytime actually made it there.

>>45479894
>>45479991
You're both welcome. I had fun as well.

And here's the archived thread, though I fucked up the tags by accident (opps, first time doing this).

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/45474381/

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First part and working on it

>>45480076
oh i fucked up brb god damn paint

>>45478887
There are furries everywhere. You just don't usually notice because only fucking crazy people want everyone to know what they fap to. But, there are some really fucking crazy furries.

>>45480076
I noticed you cut of the ends there. I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to redo it. Thanks for trying though, MVP.

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>>45480076
fixd

>>45480171
My man!

>>45478844
Which seems reasonably, people gotta go the bathroom every now and then, and not having to remove the entire suit when you really really really need to go, seems smart.

>>45479351
So basically a setting that is as Magic realmy as possible, without actually being Magic Realm?

>>45480314
>>45479811
>>45479351

"Drunkards&Degenerates"

>>45479351
I once had an idea for a setting where being over 30 and a virgin actually did give you wizard powers, that could be part of it.

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>>45480171
part 2

>>45480388
iloveit.gif

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>>45480408
and 3

>>45480408
>>45480431
It is people like you that go to heaven on the 99-express. Godspeed, screencap-anon.

Godspeed

>>45480388
Quick quick quick, what races are in this setting?

>>45480533
Humans, Neckbeards, Furries, That Guys as base races. Redditors or Tumblrettes as cosmic horrors/being from another plane.

>>45480533
Zombies, as playable races, obviously. Humans, mutants... uuuhm... Robots? Yeah, we have got to have robots.

>>45480585
Let's not forget hipsters, stoners, rednecks, gypsies or whatever the fuck.

>>45480585
Can /k/omandos be this setting's equivalent of hobgoblins?

>>45480768
It really depends if we're going with Planet 4chan or something else.

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>>45479822
Been a silent reader this whole time.
I think you deserved the archive for this KTC

>>45479081
purged by beer, emperor protect me from furfag invading my drunken dreams

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>>45480768
>hobgoblin /k/omandos

The hobgoblin's cunning, cruelty, and desire to inflict vicious harm paired with the /k/omrade's craftiness, general lack of self preservation instinct and morals, and all around bug-fucking insanity. That's a terrifying enemy anon, you sure you would want to face something like that in a setting? Chances are you'll wander into a forest or town and be faced with a situation like pic related. Worst part is, you'll never know the enemy is coming to add you to the collection until you notice the smell of cosmoline getting stronger. And by then it's already too late.

>>45479676
hey now, that faun is adorable.

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>>45480768
We should be the barbarian class. Have you seen our God?

>>45481570
I just read that pic. How horrifying.
I'm now adding it to my homebrew setting.

>>45479169
Alcohol can help you forget the things you did after consuming alchohol.

>>45479676
So how furry is Hogan-ex-bro? Fursuit-tier? Or just drawing and whacking it to pictures of anthros?

>>45481740
But then that just brings you back to square one, and will cause you to do it all over again

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>>45481656
>barbarians
>proficiency with firearms
Oh /k/omando, you have much to learn

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>>45481906
>he doesn't play a Savage Technologist
I bet you're not even a man-an'a-half

>>45477528
They probably use a different calendar in whatever ex-communist hellhole OP is from. I'm sure he didn't mean 8 of our years.

>>45481906
>Telling a barbarian that they can't learn to use any weapon
>Telling a barbarian that they can't do whatever they please


He isn't the only one that requires more lessons me boyo.

>>45478850
>not knowing the tastes of 4chan's mods

>>45477453
Because people hate confrontation and like to believe that the GM was just being dumb for a little bit and was gonna stop being a shitler.

>>45477528
Well, he did say that he didn't quite remember. He thought it had to do with races, but memory is pretty fuckin' fallible.
Not that the story is real, but it's technically still plausible

>>45478988
>during fagmod's day.
>implying it's a day and not an era and that it's not ongoing

>>45481570
If anything that post just proves /k/ is already populated by hobgoblins.

>>45474415
>Eight years ago
>Advanced Race Guide or Inner Sea Races

>>45479676
>Some days later, Spidey-bro called me up and asked me to join him, Jackson-bro and Hogan-bro at an undisclosed location.
How did you go there if they didn't tell you where it was? Are you just saying random English words that you've read somewhere?

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>>45482486
Sssshhhh... The murder/k/ube is love, life and light.

Just embrace it.

>>45482676
I'm gonna go with the "fancy words" option.

"Gather around the campfire boys, IF YOU DARE!"
"I'm about to tell the chilling, pulse-pounding tale of... The Female Who Was Ugly And Rude!"
"Are you stalwart enough to hear this story, or are you some kinda beta cuck?"

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>>45475264

>>45482676
The location is undisclosed to us as the audience, also implying a surreptitious meeting.

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Just think about it, OP. You have probably once been an NPC in one of the Landwhale's campaigns by now and have been sexually molested to death.

>>45478434
Still quicker to f5

>>45476027
>>>/b/

Thank you for this

>>45480388
Feminists are reskins of Mindflayers. They eat your brain and use strange means to dominate mortals.

So what'll we name the system? Planet 4chan as anon mentioned earlier?

>>45490956
>>45480388
Already named it.

>>45477528
You don't understand, this board (or more like certain group of people in this board) has a deep hatred for pathfinder, so they need to make shit up in order to justify certain preferences they have.

>>45479676
>The real American faces the warp.docx

>>45474381
>things that never happened

Holy shit.

>>45491874
>Expecting stories on 4chan to ever be real

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>>45485629