Attention Everyone......Work Harder. Bye!
Rolled 66 (1d100)I call for liberty, DOWN WITH THE KING! VIVA LA REVOLUTION!
>>45446768It is only 2/3rds successful. Although you no longer have a king or nobles, you now have a ruling class of wealthier individuals intent on keeping others in poverty so that they may live in riches while others are in rags.
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>45446806Fuck that! Reinstate the monarchy!
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>45446806>>45446824COUNTER-REVOLUTION! FOR THE PEOPLE!
>LORDS>KNIGHTS>not noblesse d'épée or noblesse de robe division>no ecclesiastical lords>no god above the King>no place for Yeoman or MerchantsShit image OP.
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>45446850I call for the execution of this individual
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>45446843Playing printerpropaganda for the people with cash
>>45446565>space outside triangle is not marked Here Be WizardsIt's like you think mundanes with a bloodline steer the world.
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>45446891I elect to burn down the printers.
>>45446806Donde es el Anon
Rolled 56 (1d100)I'm making a commune like nation state.
So is there no GM any more or...?
Rolled 44 (1d100)Sup.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>45447052Build a wall to keep out these invaders
>>45446565Is it just stupid and uncreative, or artistic post-trolling?
>>45446565I roll for absolute monarchy
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>45447086>he things a city wall can keep out mongorians
>>45447108BUILD WALL NOW.>>45447123It's fun.
>>45446565Where does a common professional soldier or wealthy-ish merchant fall in this hierarchy?
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>45446996Fuck that hippy shit. We nazis now.
>>45447139OH FACK YOU AND YOUR CITY WARR!
>>45447139City Warrs can beat Mongorians!>>45447146Probably somewhere between the Knights and Vassals
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>45447151>35
If the GM doesn't come back soon I'll take over, sound good?
>>45447193MAN OF STEEL WILL LEAD US TO GLORIOUS NEW REVOLUTION!
>>45447195You got my vote.
Cities are an abomination and an affront to Nature, not to mention unsanitary and unsustainable. Cull the population and reinstate a tribal-based society!
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>45446565You pathetic kingdom will fall to the might of the Galactic Empire!
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>45447193Printer guy:siding with communismprinting little red books and cool propaganda postersroll for industrial success
I counter with anti-xenos infantry.
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>45447274Nope, that won't do. We gotta try something else.Hold my vodka and watch this, comrade. I will now re-distribute Ukraine's food rations. I'm sure this will go swimmingly.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>45447311Shit forgot the dice. Rollan.
>>45447325STALIN CONFIRMED GREATEST PARTY LEADER! ALL SOVIET UNION IS FED!
>>45447311>>45447331Meant to reply to >>45447259COMMANDER ACKBAR!
>>45447393Boo this man.
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>45447325...that went honestly better than I expected. >>45447346I know, I know. Oh well, our propaganda printer is jammed beyond repair, but at least we have loyal space infantrymen and they're not starving to death.Rolling for five-year industrial plan. Soldiers are not good without Mosin, Papasha, and T34.>>45447393>>>/gulag/
Right, I'll start from Mongols after the Monarchy's been reinstated with the force of Propaganda. The nation of (I don't fucking know), while having returned to relative peace, finds itself divided between West and East, with a massive communist revolution splitting the country in two. While public support for the Premier in the West is low, they still control a significant amount of land and industrial power, even if their propaganda is more see through then glass. The Old Monarchy still holds in the East, though its power has significantly waned with the loss of the West's industry>The Mongols have begun an invasion of the Nation!>The Imperials have begun an invasion of the Nation!Thundering hooves pour over the borders, quickly engulfing the countryside of the West into the horde. Pillaging and burning are common sights, with entire towns soon being wiped off the map by tiny bands of warriors. This is compounded by a massive invasion of the East by an interstellar entity known only as "The Empire" with stormtroopers quickly overwhelming defenses all across the nation.>>45447325Meanwhile in the West, Stalin got drunk off his ass and managed to redistribute food from the Ukraine, a land of which only he knows of, into the mouths of his people! Public support has gone through the roof for the communist party, and the situation, at least on the homefront, is relatively stable.>>45447331Still in the East a paramilitary group known as "XCOM" has emerged from the shadows to defend against these hostile xeno invaders, with several initial successes in taking back outposts and farms. Even a few cities are liberated!
>>45447086>>45447108>>45447139Walls were actually very good at keeping out Mongols. When Genghis invaded China he only pushed until he had conquered Peking, which was the capital at the time, and that was after a long and boring siege. The rest of his reign/conquest involved going through Central Asia and sending forces into the Middle East and Eastern Europe to steam roll their militaries and governments, and send all the best siege engineers back to China to aid the very slow conquest of their other castles and walled cities. Temujin much preferred tearing down governments who had not yet developed sophisticated walls. Like Caliphates.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>45447433converting old print staff to work on modernising weaponry
>>45447482damn it! I'm cursed
>>45447482It works exactly as you'd expect of Soviet Weaponry.
>>45447433>Comrade Stalin has emerged as leader of the West!While our Nation's military has more than enough men in it, they're useless without any sort of weapons! The order is given to convert the Nation's factories from civilian production to wartime output, with tanks, machineguns, and the like all being cranked out at a rapid pace by the glorious worker! Even if the weapons are a bit dated...Alright from here on out I'm assuming you guys want to play as the West?>>45447479Huh, didn't know that. Thanks man!
>>45447482The Office of Propaganda saw his beloved poster printers be converted from makers of art to stamps for bullets and machine gun barrels. This was made worse by the fact that you cannot make bullets out of paint and ink. The people manage to catch wind of this, and find themselves slightly peeved at the fact there is an "Office of Propaganda" in the first place.>Propaganda is now less effective!
Rolled 7 (1d100)Taking the advice of >>45447479 we'll go look for some less sophisticated walls.This Constantinople place looks nice.
Rolled 65, 8 = 73 (2d100)>>45447440I thought XCOM was on our side. Earth is our common motherland after all. We're all here to remove ayy and drink vodka.>>45447482What the fuck, comrade. Now Izhevsk plant is jammed too.Rolling one for diplomacy with XCOM commander, and another for how hard I slam Igor into machinery to see if it unjams.>>45447517Comrade you better end that phrase with "inaccurate but cheap and strong" or else you are reassigned as Igor's personal assistant.
>>45447596Well good job you stupid bastard. I'll bet you're not even worshiping the right god. You're Buddhists, aren't you?
>>45447600So I guess our democracy got mixed results, and I only gave Igor a light pat.Igor I forgive you, now fix machine before I change my mind.
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>45447596ALL RIGHT! FUCK IT! BAGHDAD BURNS!>>45447619ALL SHALL BEND TO TENGRI'S WILL! But yes, mistakes were made.
Rolled 86 (1d100)Oh shitWell if we can't control people with propaganda we will with secret serviceroll for kgb (hope is what we have left)
>>45447588Image didn't attach>>45447596Your efforts to find less sophisticated walls are all thwarted by the marauding Mongorians, and several of your scouts accidentally led them back to the Capitol! And from the corpses of your soldiers and heroes the Mongorians have equipped themselves with much of your Nation's arms!>The Mongorians have modernized!>>45447600As it turns out, the XCOM Commander fully supports Comrade Stalin, it's just that Central is located in the East's territory, and he can't exactly pack up and leave the civilians behind, as well as the much more valuable base. If we could find some way to transport him and his operation over, we would not only have protection from the Empire, but more bodi-HEROES FOR THE UNION! In the meantime, Igor finds himself having Stalin lightly caress his forehead.
>>45447658Well shit. I'm not so much Genghis Khan as one of his retarded successor states. Bright side, Islamic learning remains untouched. No current day terrorist nightmare.
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>45447440The only thing these savages understand is absolute strength. Our turbo lasers will strategically destroy the city defenses of the west, leaving the land open for the mongol invasion.
>>45447658Your soldiers are confused as to what to burn, and end up torching some of your villages in the south instead! While they gave their lives for the motherland, you have lost a small amount of your population. >>45447661Igor finds the loving caress of Stalin quite mentally stimulating, and manages to get his act together long enough to establish the KGB! Now if you find yourself with a troubling individual you should be able to deal with them much more effectively than you would have otherwise!Working on a map for you guys.
Rolled 63 (1d100)Searching for ayys in Comrade Stalin's Ukraine.
>>45447733Several Imperial cruisers suddenly appear high over the Capitol, blotting out the sky with their size and leaving imposing sillouetes across the skyline. Laserfire erupts from their batteries, raining down death and obliteration from above with a fiery green vengeance. The city's walls are little more than dust and pebbles after a mere hour of bombardment, and the Mongols have a clear way through to your city!>>45447776An aged looking veteran with an absolutely fabulous looking sweater has stepped forward to search for Imperial forces in the southern reaches of the Nation. While there were a few Xenos across the farms and villages, they were swiftly dealt with and for the most part quietly.
>>45447733>>45447813All right! Pick a city and watch it fall!
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>45447733OH NO YOU FUCKING DIDN'T YOU BLUE FACED FUCKRolling to see how good our KGB really is. I bet they've already infiltrated your imperialist fleet, get ready to see your captains assassinated and your crewmen conscripted. We space fleet now, Cyкa Блять
Starting space rocket project to... You know... going in space and absolutly not destroy things
Constitutional Monarchy master race, reporting in.Democracy is literally for plebs.
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>45447733>>45447813Seeing the Mongorians siding with the ayys, XCOM begins gorilla operations against both parties.GOODUS LUCKUS IMPERATORAMENI'm actually playing against myself as the Mongols :^)
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>45447870forget the roll
I have a couple questions about economics:Can an isolated island with plenty of space eventually develop an advanced economy without outside trade? I'm targeting an economy on the cusp of industrial revolution. Assume plenty of resources and land. If not, why?Also, could a semi-feudal system where the lords own the land work in such an economy? Workers would increasingly work trades such as textiles, manufacturing, etc. but still pay tribute to the lords in money rather than food. Assume the knights and lords in OP's chart are one and the same, installed directly by the king and his predecessors (noble houses being founded by exceptionally loyal knights and cultivating knightly families).
>>45447858Did you really think that would work? I was content with the mongols and you bleeding over your city, but this sort of arrogance requires a personal response.Send in the Dark Troopers to capture Stalin. I don't even want him dead, just tied up will a pretty red ribbon for the mongols.>>45447882top kek>>45447849His capital would be preferable.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>45447948Forgot roll.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>45447871>>45447948With their Man of Steel dead, now Tengri's will be done! Capturing the unwalled city of Moscow!
>>45446565Good damn it Lenny!
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>45447959>20Nice going there, spaceblyat.Rolling to hitch a ride on Igor's spacecraft >>45447893and personally kicking you in your blue space balls. If you have any.>>45447977I was just taking a nap, suka.Enjoy your land-bound cold city, I'm bout to hijack a flying space fortress
>>45447959>20 That fat fuck Mohc and his defective bullshit. I would be better off sending in Chiss strippers over these "elite troops".
Rolled 30 (1d100)trouble comminggoing on a rescue suicide mission with best KGB men to save our comrade the man of steel
>>45447858Attempts to infiltrate the Ayys fleet are often thwarted by the distinct accent your agents speak with, quickly finding themselves ejected out into the cold void of space through the power of opening the airlock doors. On the plus side, you've gotten your first citizen into space! This spurs a sudden interest in space in your nation, leading to the creation of the Cosmonaut Space Agency! Initial results are promising, with repurposed artillery shells finding themselves holding tiny little Comrade Monkeys.>>45447882XCOM's operations against the Mongorians and Ayys have become...mixed. See, their strategy before was "throw X amount of rookies at a problem til it goes away" and they have found themselves fighting against too many opponents on too many fronts, especially considering how close range they have to get to even have a chance against the Ayys. They're holding them, but for how long is the question.>>45447948The Imperials began a bombardment of our GLORIOUS CAPITOL at noon sharp today, and while Union engineering is strong, it is surprising to see how many buildings manage to survive the initial attack. The Capitol building itself seems relatively unharmed, though Comrade Stalin has reported having a massive headache, possibly due to a hangover.>>45447977After the shelling of Moscow, the Mongols attempt to push into the inner city, and find themselves met with a wall of bristling machine guns and vodka! Their horses are nowhere near as effective in the urban area as they were in the farmlands, and though they make gains on the outcroppings, they find it harder to penetrate further into the city.Here's a crappy map.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>45448061>>45447948HA! AYYS IN SIGHT! TIME FOR THE OVERWATCH TRAP MOTHERFUCKER!
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>45448060>>45448071You may try.Tie Squadrons! Turbo-lazers! Shoot down those shitty stone age contraptions.
>>45448104Well, at least we have our shields...
Rolled 91 (1d100)I roll to wake up.
>>45448103OOOOOH SHIT! IT'S RAINING PLASMA! UR FUKD NOW AYY LMAO!
What the actual fuck is going on in this thread?
>>45448144how shit comrades!I think we better leave earth and stay in space
Mongols, Communism, Ayy lmaos, and XCOM with the removal of the aforementioned ayy lmaos. Also a dragon now, seemingly.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>45448103Got my ass kicked, but at least I can count on my allies!>>45448104XAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXA>>45448160Celebrations, comrade! I roll to open a fresh vodka
>>45448204Meant to quote >>45448160
Burn the city!
Rolled 27 (1d100)wait! sending a zoologist to study the dragon
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>45448229We're trying! But they've got machine guns and an endless supply of vodka.Rolling to destroy vodka supply lines.
>>45447346That's basically true given that there wasn't a single famine in Soviet once Stalin's agricultural reforms had been completed.
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>45448104Literal stormtrooper syndrome.>>45448204They haven't beaten me yet.Everyone to battle stations! We are being boarded! Push back the savages!
>>45448243He's ded, Jim.
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>45448209VODKA FOR EVERYONE!>>45448243And there goes our zoologist. DRAGON! ACCEPT THIS VODKA AS SIGN OF FRIENDSHIP! IT GOES GREAT WITH BURNT HUMAN!Rollin' to see if dragon liek vodka
>>45448060>>45448104>>45448103Comrade Stalin decides to just drown the pain in another fifty packs of Vodka, and attaches himself to a shell aimed right at an Imperial Cruiser in an act of drunken bravery. This would make great propaganda material if you had any printers left. The shell flies high into the sky, and Stalin finds himself embedded into a small subsection of the cruiser, judging by the machinery and engine room. The Imperials know full well he's there, as Igor decided to follow right behind him on a rescue mission and fell short by several hundred kilometers, sending bits of the team every which way.In another round, the covert operations of XCOM found the perfect opportunity to use and managed to smuggle themselves aboard with Stalin...somehow. Their use of the "Overwatch Trap" as they call it, not only managed to shoot down TIE Fighters and lasers, but also gave Stalin a personal body guard!>STALIN AND XCOM HAVE BREACHED AN IMPERIAL CRUISER!In the meantime in the countryside an ancient dragon has begun to nom on a few Mongolian patrols, to which Igor sends out a biologist to study and get eaten for the Motherland.Stalin cracks open yet another Vodka as he looks down and sees Ayys and Mongols pillaging the Vodka stores of the Union! Thankfully Soviets have the innate ability to conjure Vodka from acts of heroism, so they never truly run out!Sorry for the wait, dog was being funny>>45448160THE WORKER'S UNITED FURY COMRADE!
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>45448280Deploying Titty-Mecs.
>>45448280The Imperials flood the lower decks of the cruiser with Stormtroopers, cutting off Stalin and XCOM from the rest of the ship and begin to gun down the members of XCOM! Stalin, through the power of full cover, manages to evade many of the shots, though at least half of the bodyguards die in the immediate shoot out!>>45448302The Dragon rejects your gift of vodka, finding that while it does go well with burnt human, it gives him a nasty case of heartburn. That and he's trying to watch his weight in the event any lady Dragons wake up anytime soon.Quick question, when this is all said and done, you guys want to continue with this? Like as its own quest thing?
>>45448378>>45448378Out of the bombed out wreckage that was the shell that carried Stalin and XCOM to the Imperial Ship comes a woman, arms and legs strange and metallic, with a massive, beautiful, fine, and generally good looking Mec suit. That and her tits, those are also pretty damn good. She immediately begins to tear through the Stormtroopers, but as XCOM soldiers stop to gawk at her she begins to punch them into the wall for "Objectifying her" whatever that means.
>>45446824>>45446843Your counter-revolution succeeds and the King is reinstated into power. However he is now answerable to a Chamber of Trade Union representatives.t. Maurras
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>45448259Now that the threat of Stalin is delayed, I would like to discuss terms of your admittance into the Empire. While you would be obliged to follow Imperial laws while your people are in Imperial land, you would otherwise have complete autonomy, you would be supplied with modern weapons, and if your men prove capable, they could even be hired as mercenaries against the newly formed and pathetic Republic.>>45448382Continue to hunt to the fools. (roll is for this)
>>45448444The sheer girth of the Titty-MEC's suit makes it quite hard for your shoulders to get past the enormous obstacles that are her and XCOM. In fact, they cave a little bit, and XCOM finds themselves slowly advancing through the corridors, relying on the Titty-MEC to shield them from the much more advanced Imperial weaponry.
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>45448501Fucking hell, use ion weapons on the mec suit you drooling vat retards!
Begining the construction of a new kind of nuclear weapon!Metal Gear!
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>45448501Researching Plasma Weaponry.Also, gonna say no on the quest thread. Just thought this was funny as a one thread joke.Got to drop though, someone take over the Ayy Lmao removal and the Mongorians.
Rolled 10, 17 = 27 (2d100)>>45448432Alright let's get this rolling.First order of business is to successfully implement an overall reconstruction of our crumbling infrastructure, spearheaded by the Auto constructors, Road Builders, Trainmen and Sewer Workers National trade Unions.Second Order of business is to throughly exterminate toxic Enlightenement values. Church, King and Family, not Nation, Laws and Freedom ok?
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>45448382>questI normally consider quests to be the worst cancer of all, but this is actually kind of fun. Why not.Also roll to see if the dragon likes Borscht soup of beets and chicken. Tasty, easy on the figure, and great for the health of your innards.>>45448421Stop punching my soldiers, Znoynaya. Your war machine and massive bosom are enough motivation to fight, they don't need the help of a Commissar's methods.>>45448444Just see what happens if dragon likes my dinner, suka.
Rolled 81 (1d100)Ruling Prince of the Constitutional Principality of East Unionstan here. We may be occupied, but we'll see if we can get our hands on some of the Ayy's weapons. We'll volunteer our men as a militia to hold ground and skim a few off to ship to XCom and our own resistance.>>45447879 Plato was right; this idea of a constitutional monarchy rocks!
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>45448565
>>45448590Meh, the people aren't ready for the ancient glory of the Monarchy to return. In the meanwhile, I roll to reorganize and rearm our Army into something more presentable.
>>45448591HE DOES NOT LIKE IT. AT ALL.QUICK IOSIF, THINK!...THRAWN COOKED IT, EAT HIM NOT ME! ROLL FOR BLUFF! ROLL FOR BLUFF!
>>45448590>>45448614Oh fuck off pretenders. We've got enough issues without defunct branches of the royal family trying to confuse things!
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>45448643FORGOT TO ROLL. FUCK.>>45448600IGOR YUO ARE MY GREATEST COMRADE
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>45448647Why the hell won't you roll.>>45448644Orleanists pls go, this is a Legitimist area.
>>45448657>Metal Gears>not jobbers
>>45448596Hello there. You seem like a man of worldly interests. If you would prefer, once we conquer this planet, I would be glad to name you the governor of Imperial territory on it. Of course, this is only if you care for your people. I wouldn't dare try and bribe you. though it does come with a significant signing bonus...
>>45448667Haha great successes await our glorious National-Syndicalist Kingdom.Next up is reinstating general 3-year military service. You need to ready for anything these days.
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>45448687*rolls*
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>45448657Actually, I have only the finest Chiss chefs serve me and they definitively don't serve this disgusting food you call "spaghetti". It was definitely Stalin.(Roll persuasion)
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>45448667I'm doing a damn sight better at this than you, 'your majesty'. First you fuck up the infrastructure, then you spend all this time pussy-footing around rather than re-organising the army. Why don't you let the principality do it right?>>45448682Ahh, yes my lord, of course we will be more than willing to assist the occupation in any way. After all, it is only in the best interests of the common people that this goes smoothly and without un-necessary loss of life.It truly is a tragedy that we are so disunited in these trying times. Not only do we have rival monarchists pulling the country in so many different directions, but there are also these reprehensible rebels who reject the benefits your rule could bring!Rolling to make a public statement condemning the resistance and XCom, while privately still funneling them funds and materiel.
>>45448555Soon a few more competent Imperial soldiers bring a rather large Ion Cannon to the frontlines, targeting the Titty-MEC with an uncanny level of accuracy for their forces. As soon as the electric pulse reaches her the Titty-MEC finds her arms and weapons completely shut down, unable to escape from the suit and being at Imperial mercy. XCOM soldiers soon begin a full retreat!>>45448582Soviet engineers begin efforts to reverse engineer the Imperial weaponry, and, through numerous dead lab assistants, billions of rubles, and enough Vodka to fill a lake, find they cannot for the life of them figure out how these work!>>45448591Got it, thanks man. We'll work out a date and time at the end of this thread.The Dragon is, to put it lightly, absolutely beyond pissed at your offer Borscht soup. So much so it begins to side with the Imperials and ravaging Mongorians! Your anti-air equipment cannot penetrate through the tough red scales of the flying reptile!>>45448596News of Eastern Principality soldiers fighting back against their Imperial masters has reached your Capitol. Apparently though we are divided by politics, we are still brothers in arms. Imperial Weapons have found themselves in the hands of the Easterners, and a few are even sent up to XCOM in the cruiser through the mass-firing of artillery!>You have acquired laser weapons!>>45448600Deep beneath the bombed out wreckage that used to be Moscow, Igor has begun work on a new kind of weapon. A giant, nuclear powered mech the size of a building, capable of crushing tanks beneath its giant metal feet and taking any sort of conventional punishment thrown at it. He dubs it the Metal Gear, in reference to the huge iron gears used to maneuver its various parts around. >You have built a Model 1 Metal Gear!>>45448643The Dragon buys your bluff, and begins to strafe a few Imperial cruisers and occasionally eating up a TIE squadron as it makes a bombing run over the cities of the Union.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>45448724Oh fuck, I stuttered, didn't I? I hate public speeches.Rolling for therapy classes to get more better at public speaking (+10 to future public speaking rolls, if successful)We should probably slow down so the GM has time to catch up...
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>45448701>>45448687>>45448667Superb. Now I use my newly reformed and replenished army to help the apparently useless Trade Union's efforts to improve our country's roads, telephone lines, railroads and sewage systems.
>>45448724>>45448744Alright I swear whoever is doing this is going to get shot. where are all of my funds going? Who's diverting them. I start a purge designed to wipe out the profiteers and incompetent buffoons who are constantly trying to sabotage our glorious Keynesian enterprise of a fully functioning road network.
>>45448614>>45448701The GLORIOUS ARMY OF THE UNION is in a rather poor state, and the officers in charge decide to give the troops a bit of a pick-me-up, in the form of a new, standardized uniform, and the institution of mandatory military service. This creates a fresh looking, reformed, and much less dirty fighting force!>>45448723>LUCKY 69Thrawn is able to communicate to the Dragon through an incredible laser show that it was indeed Stalin who gave him the crappy soup, and now the Dragon has begun to eat up your new army like a Capitalist American at a KFC
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>45448723>glorious Borscht>disgusting food you call "spaghetti"Now you done it. Burn my cities and kill my soldiers, that's fine. It's expected in war.But nobody insults Russian cooking on my watch and lives. I roll to blast with Obrez your stupid face.
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>45448798Alright let's see how effective my purges of the Army, Trade Unions and Engineer Corps are.
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>45448744OH GOD WHAT FUCKERY HAVE YOU INFLICTED UPON OUR INFRASTRUCTURE NOW?!Rolling to try and take over this mess and sort it out so it can be used to support the resis- I mean... Better facilitate the improvements made by our new ruling regime!Fucking Nepotism... THIS is why a CONSTITUTION is needed to ensure the rulers are competent! No wonder the communists took over the west! Well... At least the Mongols aren't a problem anymore...
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>45448818sending metal gear to help our great leader"FOR THE MOTHERLAND!!!"
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>45448818I STILL HAVE FOUR ROUNDSTBOЮ MATЬROLLING TO WORK THE BOLT
>>45448809Forwards for the Fleur-de-Lys! But an army is nothing without a good officer corps. I roll to modernize and improve our National Military Academy, implement the creation several "Hautes Écoles" destined to educate the cream of the crop of our officer corps.Discipline, Order and Faith are the 3 virtues of a good officer.t. the King
>>45448724>>45448741(Agreed we should slow down.)I'll be nice and assume your backwater haplotype has a lack of basic survival instinct. It would be extremely unwise to double-cross me, lest you want those turbo-lasers aimed at your estate, with all your precious loved ones, to have a sudden "malfunction" .Well, you do have a moment to decide.>>45448818With that pathetic attempt of an assassination over, I think it is time to end this. Stormtroopers, smoke out the last of the XCOM in that particular Cruiser of mine. I don't want a single one to escape!
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>45448892*roll*>>45448833Im sure purges will solve everything in due time
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>45448901Forgot to roll again...
>>45448864THANK YOU IGOR>>45448901JUST WAIT UNTIL I MANAGE TO RELOAD THIS THINGTHE GIANT ROBOT SHALL PROVIDE ME COVER
>>45448912>>45448892Godamnit I knew emulating Napoleon would work. At least I have an organized and disciplined army now.
Rolled 59 (1d200)Time to wake up the dead!
>>45448945I must admit, for being a savage that must be exterminated, you have greatly impressed me, unlike that buffoon Stalin. Hat off to you sir!
>>45448724Your attempt at a rallying cry for the people to unite under the Imperialist rule not only falls onto deaf ears, creating a massive P.R. problem for you and the Monarchy, but your attempts to smuggle up resources and rookies to XCOM and the resistance have been found out, namely due to how currently your only way to get to space is through firing shells at the Cruiser and hoping they hit.>>45448741Your therapy classes help you immensely, and you feel much more confident in your speaking abilities!>>45448744Attempts to improve the country's infrastructure are obstructed by the ongoing conflict and general pissy attitude of the people. So much so an Imperial bomber squadron mistakes a strike by the construction workers as a resistance meeting, and utterly destroy much of the Eastern Principality's remaining civilian infrastructure!>>45448818Stalin's gun blows up in his face as he attempt to shoot Thrawn in the face through a wall.>>45448819Your purges are somewhat effective, getting rid of most, but not all, of the idiotic bureacrats who stood in the way of progress, and replacing them with much more right-minded individuals who would better serve the nation.>>45448833>LUCKY 64!A strange foreign plumber has begun to personally fix your nation's infrastructure, namely the sewers and various pipes, restoring them to working order and making an absolutely wonderful turtle soup in the meantime! Hopefully now you will not have to dispose o fyour waste in the streets.>>45448864The Metal Gear hops up into space by power of shooting the ground and riding the explosions, tearing a massive hole in the side of the Imperial Cruiser and blasting apart Stormtroopers!>>45448890The bolt is fixed. You can now fire again!Guys please slow down just a little bit.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>45448945It appears we're rather skilled with Army stuff. After our smashing success in reforming the Officer Corps, the King has decreed that the National Auto Constructors Brotherhood and Confederation of Tractor and Agricultural Equipment Developers should work together with our Army to improve our army's transportation, mechanization and Armour.
>>45447259What If I accept the rule of your Emperor without a fight and pay tribute to it on a regular basis?
what the fuck just happened in this thread?
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>45448912Holy FUCK you actually can do something right!Okay, how about you just take command as Lord Marshal of the Army, while his highness the prince deals with the rest? When you're dealing with the armed forces, you actually do damn good work...>>45448901Yes, yes of course your eminence. I assure you that you have nothing but the utmost loyalty from East Unionstan! Besides, how could I contemplate double-crossing someone who has brought so many advances and so much prosperity to our nation? (Even if they're being... Somewhat ineptly applied).See, we're even launching our first destroyer to contribute to your glorious space nav-Wait, what? Oh no! What a terrible disaster! It seems the perfidious resistance has hijacked the destroyer and intends to ram your flagship! Oh what a calamity! How could this possibly have happened?! I mean, they would have had to have taken the codes from the very offices of the parliament to gain control of its systems! They were under the personal guard of my house troops! Oh woe! Oh the shame! I shall personally see to it the guard is overseen more professionally in future, my lord!Rolling to ram the fuck out of that alien summbitch's ship he's got pointed at my estate. Fucker.
Rolled 75, 6 = 81 (2d100)>>45448988>Guys please slow down just a little bitGlorious patriotic war knows no pauses, comrade.NOW FOR THE ROLLS!METAL GEAR! SEE IF DRAGON SCALES ARE ANY MATCH FOR NUCLEAR RAILGUN!and most of allSHOOT THRAWN AGAIN! ROUND 2 OUTTA 5, CYKA!
>>45449026I am trying to run a country and boost productivity.
Rolled 191 (1d1000)>>45448963
>>45448978Pff, you're no better than any other populist dicator, come back when you've hot the DIVINE MANDATE OF HEAVEN, JESUS, GOD, MARY, JOAN OF ARC, THE SACRÉ-COEUR AND CHARETTE on your side.>>45448988Alright we might have fucked up our infrastructure. Any idea on how to fix it?
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>45448988>>45449014>tributeNatural resources would be required, because I have no use for your shiny tickets, and I would be free to build military bases and separate settlements for colonization.If you agree, I find it a perfectly acceptable solution. >>45448988>Metal GearWell, we'll see how the Dark Troopers do against him. I'm putting the ship on complete lockdown, with an escape pod just nearby enough for me to escape, just in case.>>45449053Why you fucking...
>>45449096Okay. But we could use some stuff to boost productivity.
>>45448892>100 BITCHES!Not only has the Officer Corp under gone a massive refitting. Not only have they managed to fix almost every problem within the Eastern Principality Military, be it supply, recruitment, or anything of the sort. Not only those, but they have managed to find a true military genius among your ranks. Surely he will do the Nation proud.>+10 to military rolls while Napoleon is alive!>>45448917XCOM and Stalin have somehow managed to evade your forces, though by all logical reasoning they should be stuck in that tiny corner of the ship, albeit with a bloody huge Metal Gear outside blasting your turbolasers. On the plus side you managed to capture that Titty-MEC, still face down on the floor after her comrades abandoned her.>>45448963Countless corpses have begun to rise from the land, Imperial, Mongol, Eastern, Western, and even a few animals all have breached the ground in an effort to find delicious, succulent, human flesh. This may become a problem.>ZOMBIES!>>4544900760+10The National Auto Constructors Brotherhood and Confederation of Tractor and Agricultural Equipment Developers have managed to create rather awesome looking armored vehicles for the Eastern Principality, seemingly right under the Empire's nose! These tanks pack just as much punch as a small Turbo-Laser cannon, and should be able to break through just about any earthly material!
>>45449064A d1000? I call shenanigans! If you want better rolls, train for it like his highness did!>>45449014Oh fuck, this old asshole's back. Your kingdom's split in two, old man. The principality's in charge of one half now, assisted by our glorious alien lords. The other half's run by Stalin, so good luck with that.Now go back to the retirement home.>>45449084Wait, you're french? I thought our nation was based on Poland/Imperial Germany/Russia?Wait, fuck, are we two different countries? Where's that atlas?
>>45449119We have a supply of blasters and some light vehicles we could give you for the war effort. In exchange for your army's assistance, we would gladly help you industrialize to modern standards.
>>4544906459 sounds fine and dandy, yes? Too bad, I see your ruse. We're usind d100, 59/200 means a pale 29.If you want to try again however, I offer you the many corpses of my fallen troopers as a peace offering.
>>45449157Sounds good to me
Rolled 97224087734 (1d100000000000)>>45449161>>45449134I wonder how many sides of dice 4chan can handle?
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>45449161looking for lenin's corpse
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>45449053Alright, then I decree that to further our success in modernizing our armed forces, the NACB should first and foremost work towards assuring a full motorization of our Army. A fully motorized army will allow us to respond better than ever before to enemy threats.
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>45449130Fuck zombies. Bring Titty-MEC and take her to the bridge, UNDER HEAVY SECURITY AND RESTRAINT.Also, begin bombing both Stalin and areas over-run with the zombies with the other cruisers' turbo-lasers. Be sure to give Eastern Principality's family a special treatment.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>45449161I'll attempt to command them into building an underground dungeon.
>>45449134Im the Kingdom, whatever nationality it is from. It just happens I have huge "French Royalism" folder.
Rolled 48, 77 = 125 (2d100)>>45449198Apparently too many for you to be trusted with.>>45449214See THAT'S what I'm talking about!Rolling to promote this man officially and give him a +10 on all future rolls involving military organisation and logisticsWhile you're at it, can you roll to exterminate those zombies?Further, a second roll to skim the best of our new mechanised corps off to send to XCom, along with as many tanks as can conviniently 'go missing'.
>>45449053The Lone Resistance pilot aboard the E.U.S. FUCK DA EMPIRE forces the ship's engines into overdrive, activating the Hyper-drive in atmosphere, charring the ground and city underneath it, and after a brief disappearance, collides full force with the Imperial cruiser positioned over your home! The subsequent fireworks put almost any 4th of July celebration to shame, blinding more than a few from its sheer size.>>45449057APOLOGIES COMRADE STALIN! I PROMISE TO DO BETTER!>>45449057The Dragon is swatted like a fly under the power of the Metal Gear's nuclear railgun, and your people begin to feast upon its corpse like rats to a...well, a corpse. It tastes slightly radioactive.>>45449096Dark Troopers work surprisingly well against a Metal Gear, and several XCOM rookies find themselves used as weapons against said Mech by the trained hands of the operatives. >THE METAL GEAR IS AT 75 PERCENT HEALTH!
>>45449180If you would kindly help defend both your territory and mine against the zombies, it would be appreciated.
>>45449130*pew pews imperially*
>>45447938Since you didn't bother to define things like 'advanced' economies/ 'plenty' of space, or to associate them with real-world islands, your question doesn't mean very much. In the end, 'advanced' just means 'advanced enough to X' for some value of X.Additionally, everything is isolated if you look at the system as a whole. Even putting that aside, what is it about 'islandness' that you think is so detriment to developing an economy, if the usual defining characteristic of islands, scarcity of land, is removed?If I assume you use 'advanced' to mean 'advanced enough to support something similar to the Industrial Revolution', it depends on whether you think international trade is fundamental to what the Industrial Revolution was or not.Yes, lords could own all the land in such an economy. It would not play out quite like the historical Industrial Revolution, and you could argue that as a land ownership model it is not the best fit for encouraging an industrial revolution (depending on which model of nobility you are assuming), but it could definitely work.Perhaps a better question is, what do you think would NOT work about your scenario? Where would the trouble come from?
>>45446858The rich have been getting a free ride for too long. It's time to change this corrupt gaverment.I'm Bernie Sanders and I only own one poir of underwear
Rolled 69 (1d100)Radioactivity reasearch team to make profit of the dragon's corpse
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>45449265Well to exterminate Zombies we should first start a general draft. With the undead it's always a numbers game.
Rolled 20, 54 = 74 (2d100)>>45449250Feel free to use Moskva's abandoned Metro tunnels, it's overrun by filthy Mongorians anyway.>>45449284ROLL TO UNFUCK MY OBREZ. AGAIN.And to see how squishy Dark Troopers are against missiles, gatling guns, and getting fucking stomped. METAL GEAR, SWITCH TO ANTI-INFANTRY MODE.
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>45449284Continue to send in the Dark Troopers against Metal Gear. As well, send word to the main fleet. We are going to need fucking backup at this point, including the super star destroyer.
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>45449349Sounds good.I'll attempt to construct a skeleton train out of the deceased bones.
>>45449345I don't even own a spellchecker
Rolled 68 + 10 (1d100 + 10)>>45449347Oh my fuck, right when I thought you were good at your job too...Rolling to urge national calm in the face of undead depredations and the national draft.>>45449368OH! However could this happen? It seems the resistance has stolen equipment from your generous shipments to construct a jamming device! Who knows if your call will even get through, my lord!
>>45449347Shit goddamn draft dodgers I knew this wsn't a good idea.Alright if we can't win the numbers game, there's only one way out.First funnel all available money in creating a biochemical weapon that can putrefy the Zombie menace.
>>45449399You do realize I put a tracking device on that equipment, right? Send in the ground forces!
What exactly is going on. Why is Stalin posting in this thread.Isn't he dead?
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>45449428For the love of...
>>45449376Have fun, undead ally.>>45449368This is grand. I let my comrades do the laughing for me.
>>45449436Jesus roll already.
WHAT THE FLYING DUCK
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>45449463alright 3rd time I out it in the email line, the fuck is going on?
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>45449395Isn't there one built into your browser?>>45449463Do you want some help? I'll do some research in abandoned labs.
>>45449214The NACB has spent much of its resources acquired from Imperial interests on modernizing and motorizing your armies, creating a much more cohesive and mobile fighting force. With roads they'd be able to respond to any threat within the kingdom in only a few hours' time, though with them being utter rubbish currently the best they can manage is a day. Still, certainly better response time than before.>>45449243Titty-MEC is brought to the bridge with a bit of a struggle, as several stormtroopers died while attempting to retrieve her through XCOM hit and run attacks. She's brought relatively unharmed though, and now stands alone among your troops, many of whom are distracted by her chest. In the meantime, several Soviet and undead armies are squashed underneath the scientific boot of turbo-lasers, as well as the Eastern Principality Prime Minister's family home.>>45449250What remains of the undead hordes carve out a labyrinth in the Earth beneath the Soviet feet, complete with skeletons, cobwebs, and traps!>>45449265You wonder how you can promote someone anonymously. +5 to rolls by him.Your newest mechanized soldiers and vehicles are snuck aboard the Imperial Cruiser, henceforth coloquially named the I.S.S. Admiral Thrawn, and though they are hard to move about the narrow halls, when they are positioned correctly they tear through Imperial lines!>15% of the Imperial Cruiser is in the hands of XCOM!>>45449346>LUCKY 69!Through the ingestion of the Dragon's meat, you have absorbed its soul and abilities, as well as the radioactivity nestled into its very being. As such, you have managed to concoct what could best be described as a "napalm H-Bomb" from the corpse. Your current resources only allow you to have one of these, and it requires a separate roll to set up then to fire.
>>45449414>>45449463>Bioweapons research>Overseen by General Fuckup over hereThiiis does not bode well...>>45449480Well that went better than expected.>>45449483I can't help but feel we're working at cross-purposes here.Sounds crazy, I know.Alright, time to chill for a bit guys. Poor GM's getting left behind. Take a tea break. Besides, I have my own quest to run.
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>45449480Alright we developed the gas. Now we should produce as much gas-filled shells as humanly possible, gear our entire glorious syndicalist industry towards producing as much of these babies as possible. With Zombies it's a numbers game, so we need as much of that ammo as we can manage to produce.Contact the Trade Unions Chamber of Heavy Industry and tell them to get working!
>>45449506Helping >>45449463 to strip the flesh off of my skeletons doesn't conflict with my interests. If you want to work out some terms for staying under the metro system I'd be game.
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>45449564Jesus, Mary and all the Saints that isn't enough at all. Delay the engagement further to produce more, at the risk of being overrun.
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>45449505Good. Since this is my ship, I have full control over the oxygen supply. I seal off the XCOM controlled areas of the ship, and drain the air from that section.Also, I have some of my female officers dress Titty-MAC in her new garment. Slave Leia's Uniform! Though, I am sure to keep her at a very moderate distance from me. I'm not an idiot like Jabba.Lastly, turn the shields to full power. I have a feeling they are about to try something.
>>45449564I fucking called it!>>45449571Alright, you know what? I'll give it a shot. If you can keep your interests underground and control the formerly-zombie skeletons to not attack anyone, that's enough. Just help out General Cack-hands over there before he rots us all alive!Best part? Your base is in the west. We don't even have to worry about royalist citizens getting in your way! (or getting disturbed by your creations).I've got a plan lined up, mostly to see the scale of the problems we're still facing, but I'll hold onto that until Revo catches up.>>45449648Hey Admiral, I do hope the loss of your flagship to those horrific resistance terrorists isn't impacting your plans too much?
>>45449620Alright, the ammunitions track is set up, for better or worse. We'll sacrifice a few cities if that means a more through cleansing of the Zombie menace. Now I don't remember ever getting the time to completely update our artillery parks, so let's rush it now. I want 5'5 inch guns to start rolling out of the National Confederation of Ordinance Workers and Laborers factories by tomorrow dawn if they want to keep their lives, paid vacations and over-hours supplements.
>>45449347The Draft is largely rejected by your populace, seen as Imperialist recruitment to be used to send brothers to fight against brothers in a pointless war, even when you point out the incredibly obvious threat of the undead to all of humanity, nevermind the Imperials.>>45449349The Obrez has found itself even more fucked than before, this time on the brink of suicide. In the meantime your Metal Gear switches to "Dakka" as its choice tactic, mowing down wave after wave of Imperial soldiers a la World War One. Only difference being the occasional Wilhelm scream and the numerous bodies falling out of the sky.>>45449368As it turns out Dark Troopers aren't immune to bullets, with the black armor being mixed in with the whites soon after the switch is made. Your attempts to contact the main fleet are in vain, as it appears that your comms array has been sabotaged!>>45449376You move your dungeon into the Moscow Metro, and create a metaphorical Crazy Train out of bones and corpses. It massively boosts undead fighting ability, though drops Soviet morale drastically.>>45449399The people, stupid as they are, heed your warnings of the undead menace looming over them like a mother-in-law at a family reunion. Quarantines and patrols are established to combat outbreaks, though the draft is still as unpopular as ever.>>45449454Through the hail of artillery fire and conscript bodies you land your forces on the planet's surface, unleashing the behemoths that are the AT-ATs on the local military and soon find yourself above XCOM's main base! You blast open the doors, and find yourself with an underground, indoor, dug-in defense. It's going to take quite a bit of work to crack this nut, at least with infantry.
>>45449679I have plenty of carriers. It was mostly because I suspected there might be another... force in the region, but it is good I did so anyways.
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>45449692delaying rolls to post more factory porn is legit.
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>45449707I'll attempt to create a staff to better control the undead, so that they follow orders when I'm not around.>>45449620How do you expect to gas something that doesn't breath?
>>45449721>doesnt post the actual imagefuck me tbqh familia.Anyway we botched this but let's hope all this preparation wasn't in vain.
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>45449707Have the infantry pull out and aim all available turbo-lasers at the XCOM base (roll is for this). Turn it into oblivion! Also, continue the Dark Trooper assault on Metal... actually.Prepare my ship for hyperspeed to the edge of the solar system, and then turn back to the planet. That should deal with Metal Gear.
>>45449692>>45449620Dude, calling the results is the GM's job. Calm your posting.>>45449710If I may make a suggestion, Admiral, the people are not used to your occupation yet and in their misguided nationalism, may have perceived the ship as a threat to their beloved monarchical institutions.Obviously, my loyalty is beyond doubt; I have ever been a supporter of your occupation and the progress it brings to our backward country... Perhaps a lighter hand in the occupation would be beneficial? My own security forces and army are more than sufficient to keep the populace in line and producing machines and weapons for your forces. If the presence of your forces was more discrete, it would do wonders for morale and consequently, productivity?
>>45449740Well there are plenty of ways. Sulfur and Nitrogen mustard, Ethyldichloroarsine, Methyldichloroarsine, etc.anyway with a decent stock of ammo and a half functioning artillery I command to start an anti-Zombie artillery attack on all fronts. Let's transform those walking dead into walking acidic puddles.
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>45449707>though drops Soviet morale drastically.I think I forgot to tell my dudes the skeletons are on our side.Comrades! Thanks to the power of our newfound (if spooky) ally, your fallen brethren are again able to fight against the blue-faced invader! Rejoice, and aid our glorious Metal Gear in taking over those damn Space Triangles, or whatever they're called.Rolling for great inspiration.
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>45449780>>45449789yeah sorry for getting carried away.Alright roll.
>>45449780I have the support of your king, and you have proved to be completely faithless. I have already made the deal with him. Perhaps your statements are right, but that doesn't mean you will live to see them.
>>45449818Alright I give up, if even drafts and chemical bombardements can't save us, we're either out of luck or grossly incompetent.
>>45447675The Mongorians lead the Mongrians back to their capital, equipping themselves with their own arms?
>>45449480>LUCKY 69!Your researchers have come up with a virus that acts as an anti-body to the undead, specifically targeting infected cells then BLAMMING them out of existance. Some individuals are even cured of the virus! Granted much of their flesh is missing and they're completely psychologically destroyed, but hey, it works!>>45449483The psychological bit is ironed out of the cure. Hooray!>>45449564The Trade Unions have managed to get themselves worked up into a rebellious streak, and blatantly reject your orders to manufacture the gas! They say the "risk of leak and worker death" is too high. Bloody peasants. At the very least a few follow through and produce a couple hundred rounds for your guns.>>45449620Your forces, being encased in mechanized suits of armor that are tanks, have a relatively easy time kiting undead hordes away from cities, suffering minimum casualties in the process!>>45449648>LUCKY 69!Countless XCOM rookies die of oxygen deprivation as you shut off the power, with not so much as a peep from the Man of Steel in the meantime Titty-MEC is less than pleased about her current situation, turning a bright tomato red after being stripped then refitted with her current outfit, and a few of your officers even take the chance to grope her a bit.>Smut.webm>>45449740After roughly a week's time of brainstorming you realize attaching a hunk of meat to a giant stick is a pretty damn good way to keep undead in their place, and establish a perimeter of them to keep your armies from wandering off and making more of themselves.>>45449775The XCOM base's upper floors are utterly annihalated, with few if any survivors. The lower floors, consisting of R&D and the barracks, also sustained heavy damage, though not nearly as much as the first few. They appear to have heavy protective plating covering them. Your ship is getting ready to head into hyperdrive when suddenly...
Rolled 44, 75 + 5 = 124 (2d100 + 5)>>45449824The king's an old has-been who commands a pathetic remnant of the old kingdom.And you can hardly hold me responsible for the actions of those terrorists, my lord! I assure you, my forces have always performed to their utmost to curtail the actions of those filthy rebels!>Rolling to convince Thrawn to not depose the collaborator governmentWatch! I shall prove my men's usefulness by taking command and destroying the zombie threat!>Rolling a second time to REMOVE UNDEAD. Adding a +5 for access to laser weapons
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>45449836Skeleton/Stalin all the way.>>45449891Oh shit. I'll try to instruct the zombies to bury themselves to doge the laser weapons and come out later.
>>45449891Fine, your pathetic government may exist, but you definitely won't be receiving any more assistance, and you will answer directly to a general I appoint over you. Is that understood?
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>45449877Should Thrawn fail to escape, I roll to rescue Titty-MECTo me, my Soviets! Aid me, XCOM remains! Our greatest morale officer needs to be freed!
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>45449877Goddamn Syndies always trying to protect workers and other such evil misdeeds. Oh well the last thing we could try is to equip our (quite impressive) Tank Divisions with anti-Z ammo and launch a fully mechanized offensive.
Rolled 78, 35 = 113 (2d100)>>45449965Fuck no. Men, makes sure this pathetic rescue attempt does not work. As well...>>45449877Send in the stormtroopers to clear out the base.
>>45449803"ATTENTION COMRADES! THOUGH OUR FRIENDS MAY BE AS TERRIFYING AS ALL HELL, THEY ARE STILL OUR FRIENDS! EMBRACE THE UNDEAD AND HELP US TURN THE TIDE OF THIS WAR!""COMRADES, FOR THE GLORY OF THE SOVIET UNION, CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!"Stalin and countless Soviet and XCOM soldiers burst through onto the bridge, somehow managing to circumvent the obvious lack of oxygen on your ship. The Metal Gear has managed to clamber onto the windows, crushing innumerable towers along the way. While you managed to avoid being shot and grabbed Titty-MEC on your way to the escape pod, the other officers were not so lucky. The bridge is a mess of bullet holes, laser marks, and corpses. Stalin stands over it all, with a wide, drunken grin on his face, victorious.>The Soviets have acquired a Star Destroyer!You and Titty-MEC get some alone time before you arrive at the next ship over.>>45449789While the fleshy walking corpses succumb to the gas and chemicals rather easily, whatever's making them tick is causing the skeletons that remain to reanimate and come back with a vengeance, being quite spooky and scary in the mean time.>>45449876No, the Soviet Scouts led them back and the Mongorians ripped the equipment off of dead Soviets.>>45449891Thrawn is extremely suspicious of you, given the current situation and all that, and begrudingly agrees to not blow you all to Hell with his extremely big guns. In the meantime you're forces push back against the undead, regaining a rather large amount of farmland from their cold dead hands.
>>45449983(!)I didn't knew we had a tank corps that good.Be sure to give these men a medal. And give pat on the back and more funding to the National Auto Constructors Brotherhood and Confederation of Tractor and Agricultural Equipment Developers.We couldn't do it without them after all.
>>45449965>>45450010Fuck...Sorry guys, I'll rewrite it. My laptop's about to die so give me a couple of minutes to get my desktop up.
>>45450043It's okay m8. Papa Sheev forgives you.
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>45449959I knew that necromancer couldn't be trusted! He's commanding the zombies AND the skeletons!>>45449960Completely understandable, my lord admiral. Given the current situation, I would be suspicious, were I in your situation. I shall endeavor to improve production and support of your troops, so that my loyalty may be shown through deeds, rather than words! I shall also PERSONALLY lead a crackdown on these dissidents who so foolishly oppose your rule!>Rolling to command the resistance to lie low for a while and determine the exact extent of Thrawn's fleet and army, as well as the undead menace that the Soviets seem to be getting a little too cosy with.
Dragons Dogma has me thinkingHow the fuck does a dukedom work? Isn't a duke lower then a king? Does that mean if a king rolls up the duke has to submit to him?
>>45450020>>45450086Instead of a General, Thrawn sends a Sith Inquisitor to oversee the Eastern Principality, disguised as a general.
>>45450026>>45449983Since it's a military action we also get a +10 bonus right?
Back, one moment while I rewrite the thing.
>>45450008Would you like to work on creating space technology, we could use intelligent undead for the pilots, so they don't need air up there!
>>45450115Aha! I can explain this, if Crusader Kings 2 has taught me anything!In order from highest to lowest, the feudal system usually goes...>Emperor>King>Archduke>Prince/Grand Duke>Ruling Prince>Duke>Count/Earl>Viscount>BaronBut of course, there's regional and cultural variances>>45450132It's not logistics or organisation, so... I don't think so. Besides, the promotion was only partially effective. You'd get a +5>>45450178That reminds me, East Unionstan needs to work on its contributions to Thrawn's space navy(Which totally won't be ready to turn traitor the moment we have a chance to liberate our homeworld, honest)
>>45450132Alright It's 0330 here so Imma have to leave you gentlemen. I rest content that the Zombies have been rekt and the 10 hours working day preserved.
>>45450198That didn't explain anything. Does the duke have to bow to all those of a higher rank if they show up?Or is it just a name thing where he has the power of a king but is called a duke? If so why wouldn't he just be called a king?
>>45450198My general immediately blocks the proposal of you helping my navy, giving you the eye.
>>45450132Yep.>>45449965>>45450010Somehow through the torrent of bullets, vodka, and patriotic cheering, Thrawn is able to grab onto Titty-MEC and get to the escape pod. While it takes a significant amount of effort and many, many lives to take the bridge. Thrawn in all likelihood will be able to escape should the need arise, though the ship is firmly in Soviet hands.>>45449983On the ground your tanks and armored cars tear through the undead like cheese to a grater, leaving a black, bloody trail through the countryside as the dead fall by the dozens. Even the skeletons are appearing fewer and fewer, unable to resurrect due to lacking bones and/or a brain.>>45449959Zombies do not have a brain, and therefore have a hard time listening to you, even though you made them.>>45450086Your orders get through quietly and clearly, with resistance operations dropping below the radar within days of your message. Should the need arise you can call them back to arms, but they will need more time to rest and refit to become effective. Just in time too, as about 16 more cruisers the size of the one in the Soviet command arrive, as does a Super Star Destroyer. They bring with them a country's worth of fighters and bombers. The skies are almost blotted out by them, to put it simply.>>45450221Night man. Hopefully I can do another thread of this Friday or Saturday, at like 7.
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>45450323Rolling to see if fleet coming in is actually allied with Thrawn or are from a competing imperial remnant.
>>45450360All Imperial ships look alike to you, though their diplomatic status is easy to figure out via their firing on all faction's positions.
>>45450178If we steal that Star Destroyer we have a nice start for reverse-engineering.Undead pilots and shipbuilders sounds great to me.Fuck it. UNDEAD EVERYTHING. Every Soviet soldier, every citizen. Fucking KILL ME AND RAISE ME BACK.I HEREBY GRANT YOU THE TITLE OF LORD COMMISSAR OF THE SPOOKIET UNION. MAY THE GALAXY KNOW THE JOY OF NO PROPERTY, NO NOBILITY, AND NO SKIN!
Rolled 13, 8 = 21 (2d100)>>45450323Not much that I can do about that. I'll start animating intelligent skeletons and train them above ground, with permission from Stalin.
>>45450397I ROLL TO REVERSE-ENGINEER THE SPACE THING, MASS PRODUCTION TO FOLLOW>>45450399YOU HEARD ME, COMRADE. WE COMMUNIST UNDEAD EMPIRE NOW.
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>45450437MAYBE IF I ACTUALLY ROLL, THINGS WILL GO BETTER
Rolled 60, 61, 90 = 211 (3d100)>>45450397>4 miliseconds apart.After my attempts at skeletons in my dungeon didn't work I'll try it here.Stalin and then the fallen troops and then the rest of the army into skeletons.
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>45450323I let the escape pod jettison, and escape back to my super star destroyer as a swarm of tie advances and tie interceptors guard me. I also give the order to escape to the entire crew of the ship, and leave Stalin a nice gift: overloading the power of the shields, crippling the ship and effectively leaving it helpless for a bombardment from my fleet.Also, I have a quiet moment with Titty-MAC, which involves gently cuddling and intense hand holding.I order the continuation of the XCOM base (the roll).
>>45450458*the assault on the XCOM base
>>45450457Intelligent skeletons of course.
Rolled 8, 1 + 10 = 19 (2d100 + 10)>>45450289Very well, as my lord and his general wish. I shall not longer direct national efforts towards the construction of new vessels, drydock facilities or fleet support.>>45450323Fuck... Good thing the resistance has gone to ground. For now, we'll toe the line and wait for an opportunity to rise again.Rolling to bring industry up to Imperial standard and to fortify the reclaimed land agains->>45450397OH FUCK THAT! Right, I think that's more than enough out of Stalin! He has foolishly forfeited the Soviet Union's greatest advantage: With no organs, his men can no longer drink vodka!CRUSH the Undead Bolshevik, soldiers of the Principality! For our honour! For our traditions and future! For our LIVES!>Rolling for CRIPPLING STRIKE against the Spookiet Union, hitting their centers for production, transport and communication!>Will my august lord Thrawn assist his humble servants in the destruction of the Red Menace?>Also rolling to advise XCom to pull the fuck out and go to ground alongside the resistance.>Thrawn's orbital supremacy is too much to challenge for now and the soviets have clearly lost their minds!
>>45450498G-good thing I forgot my correct name?Right? Th-that doesn't count, right?Oh shit.
>>45450522(We can tell.)Now, with the almost assured destruction of your XCOM base, I think it is about time we talk about XCOM's surrender.
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>45450457>90>>45450498>>45450522Yer spooked now.The Red Scare will try and capture the 'crippling strike' and turn them into zombies.
>>45450458WHO NEEDS A SHIP IN WORKING ORDER, MY WORKERS NOW DON'T EVEN NEED OXYGEN TO DISMANTLE IT AND REBUILD IT A HUNDRED TIMES OVERENJOY BONING (heh) YOUR SLAVE FOR NOW, FOR YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE SOME SPOOKY SHIT>>45450482LORD COMMISSAR, TITTY-MEC IS PRISONER BUT STILL ON OUR SIDE, RIGHT?CAN YOU ZOMBIFY HER TOO? HALF UNDEAD, HALF WARMACHINE, AND CURRENTLY VERY CLOSE TO OUR ENEMY'S DICK
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>45450396>>45450458>thinking I'll let you board my flagshipThink again you blue fuck.Roll to shoot down Thrawn's escape pod.
>>45449301Okay>A few brigades of blaster armed knights are sent out for anti zombie purposes.
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>45450577Will do Glorious Stalin, leader of the spooked world!
>>45450593FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUW-e can negotiate this, r-right?A-at the very least don't kill Titty-MAC!
>>45450399Your attempts at creating an intelligent skeleton have all failed miserably, with countless man hours wasted, innocent lives lost, and, most importantly, many cases of Vodka held in reserve for a celebration that will never come. In addition, your forces are mistaken for mindless Z's by Eastern forces, leading to them becoming fertilizer for the plants.>>45450437>>45450456Soviet Engineers are shot up to the I.S.S. Admiral Thrawn to strip the ship apart and begin reversing its systems for the GLORIOUS UNION'S use. They're relatively successful, managing to rig some of your computers up to theirs in an effort to understand their mechanics. While you don't have access to the shields for some reason, you have control of the ship.>>45450457Stalin embraces death with a loving hug, and comes back as the Leader of the People, even unto death. His army follows him to Hell and back, and find themselves unable to drink enough vodka to die of alcohol poisoning! This is a massive boon for them, and the death rate falls significantly. Namely because everyone's dead already.>>45450458The remainder of the XCOM base is taken through sheer force of will, killing every last soldier and taking each and every scientist and engineer for your army. Maybe they will be of help in finding their hiding comrades. Titty-MEC is still stuck, unable to fight back against you while the ship her comrades have taken is completely exposed.>>45450498The Imperials are too far ahead of you to bring up to standard within a reasonable amount of time, not helped by the panic spreading through your nation at the word of an entire nation of dirty undead Communists sitting on their border. Your efforts to stop them are in vain, as the soldiers simply get back up after being shot and you can do little to stop them.
>>45450612>89GLORIOUS>>45450624FOOOOOOOOL! YOU CANNOT KILL WHAT IS ALREADY DEAD
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>45450559HAH! Our crippling incompetence is saved from the brink of destruction by our enemy's crippling incompetence!I'm not sure anyone deserves praise for this cluster-fuck, but we can at least be thankful our enemy is apparently as brainless as our own commanders!>>45450553Now, uh, my lord, i assure you this is all just a misunderstanding. I had no idea those um- Relocated workers intended for the reclaimed fields were XCom operatives! I'll send my forces immediately to assist in the round-up and have them all deported to work camps! Better to get some use out of them, right?>Rolling to desperately try and hide the XCom leadership and elite forces alongside the concealed resistance cells. We have to save something from this!>>45450593...Uhm...Excellent timing, your imperial majesty! I wasn't aware we'd be honoured with your august presence, or I'd have prepared a proper welcome.
>>45450559Though the soldiers of the East are now undead, they are still loyal to the King, and actively fight against the Soviets whenever they get the chance. The landscape becomes a wasteland of corpses fighting corpses, little remains of what was once a beautiful nation.>>45450577Correct, Titty-MEC is still on your side, but she is out of reach currently.
>>45450689Titty-MAC won't exactly be on anyone's side if the usur--- the Emperor decides to kill me!
>>45450624Tell you what, you and your fleet swear eternal fealty to the Fel Empire and help me deal with that Krayt asshole and I'll let you live for the time being. Hey, prove yourself useful and I might let you be instated as a fleet commander. That or you can be blown up by turbolaser fire, your choice.
>>45450577>>45450612I really need to hit that update button more.>>45450593The escape pod is an easy target, and not only do you shoot it down, but its stuck in a sort of limbo between falling and drifting through space. The engines are disabled for the time being, and if you wanted you'd be able to just go up to it and capture Thrawn and Titty-MEC.>>45450670The XCOM leadership blend in well enough with the crowds, though it'll take some work to keep them from being spotted due to the rather conspicuously good clothes that the men and women are wearing.
Rolled 18, 8 = 26 (2d100)>>45450689>she is out of reach currentlySTART LOADING OUR LICHES INTO THE TORPEDO BAYS AND AIM DIRECTLY FOR THRAWN'S OFFICEI CANNOT TASTE VODKA ANYMORE, BUT I WILL TASTE REVENGE. ROLL FOR SKELETON MISSILES!>>45450725YOUR "EMPEROR" SOUNDS LIKE A SWELL DUDE. ROLL FOR DIPLOMACY AS WELL, THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS A VALUABLE ASSET
>>45450747Check the autoupdate box.
Rolled 81, 12, 75 = 168 (3d100)>>45450689Oh sweet merciful gods... The bravest and best of our nation, reduced to these monsters. At the very least, we can be thankful they sell their cursed existences dearly to hold back the Red Scare.>>45450747Rolling to covertly recruit them into the military. With the chaos of imperials fighting imperials in orbit, this is the perfect time to do some un-noticed shenanigans planetside.First things first; we need to take back our country from these undead Bolsheviks.>Rolling to get a military lead by XCom veterans to counter-attack, push back and solidify the border against the Spookiet Union>Is there a bonus from a) laser weapons b) using XCom veterans c) using the chaos caused by royalist undead to our advantage?>>45450775>And a final roll to convince his Imperial Majesty that the Skele-Soviets are the real threat and that the Constitutional Principality of Unionstan has always been loyal to his majesty's cause and only awaits the word to throw off the shackles of Thrawn's unjust occupation and declare loyalty to him.(Not that the resistance is going to be disbanding any time soon. One space tyrant or another makes little difference)
>>45450775The Liches you have, or would have if you had enough to mount a worthwhile attack, are surprisingly bad at maintaining themselves at high speeds after being shot out of artillery, and any attempts to launch them into space fail spectacularly. In the same vein your diplomatic efforts are, quite literally, shot down in flames.>>45450776Cпacибo тoвapищy
>>45450742I, uh, yes I will!I, Thrawn of the Chiss Ascendancy, swear eternal loyalty Roan Fel, himself and all his heirs...Now... I am a little stuck here. Wait, what are doing Titty-MAC...*line goes blank for a minute, only to reappear with Titty-MAC in Thrawn's uniform, and Thrawn in hers*Y-yes, I am a little stuck here...
>>45447146I thought those classes were looked down on by the nobility with such intensity for the sole reason that *don't* fit in that hierarchy. They exist, for the most part, outside the system, and that's worrisome for those that exist nearer the top.
>>45450846>Cпacибo тoвapищySorry Google translate isn't working on this.I'm going to have to leave for now, but I might be back in a few hours.
>>45450846Welp, that worked swimmingly.What's the status on the reverse-engineering attempt, and how soon can I start building a fleet of undead triangular space battleships?
>>45450904While I'm gone Stalin can have the necromancer do necromancer things.
>>45450904>Spasibo, tovarisch>Thank you, comradeGoogle Translate's a whore. I had to work that out through some shenanigans myself. It should read Cпacибo, тoвapищ which I know looks the same, but according to google, isn't.Fuck my life.
>>45450843You get a bonus for XCOM, since I can't enjoy it since my computer is a toaster.The XCOM agents are more often than not the ones who come looking for the military rather than the other way around, as they seem to have a bloodlust civilian life just can't satisfy. Ex XCOM agents are soon in high ranking positions within your military, giving a significant advantage against Ayys.+10 against AyysHowever, your soldiers just can't seem to understand the concept of a counter-attack, only adding more to the death and undeath counters. Any semblance of a border changes with the battlefields, marked by the lines of corpses, friend and foe. His Imperial Majesty seems to buy your bluff, even if it does seem odd you'd be loyal to him having only recently discovered him.>>45450904Night man. Next Friday/Saturday at 7 PM EST is the likely time, at least on my end.>>45450908Your engineers have been hard at work, and the schematics for making your own Space Triangles of Doom, however the resources to build one would likely require all of your country's resources, maybe more. At this point it's just not economically feasible.
>>45449327I see a lot of people argue that the Industrial Revolution was dependent on international trade or imperial plunder. An isolated society has access to neither.Similarly, according to Wikipedia at least, a major facet of the Industrial Revolution seems to be the rise of a middle class working in trades as opposed to agriculture, eroding the power of the upper class to some extent.
>>45450855Good to hear. We'll be picking up your pod shortly. Hey, you hate the Yuuzhan Vong right? What do you say after the civil war is finished we launch a war of extermination on them?Oh, and we currently have a strict "No Sith" policy in place, so your inquisitor's gonna have to go.>>45450843>>45450775Sorry guys, but I'm kind of in the middle of my own civil war here. I don't have the time or resources to get involved in another one.Oh by the way, there was some woman in the escape pod with Thrawn. Is she with you guys?
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>45451005How about downscaled Doom Triangles? Just to have a tiny bit of a space presence, and maybe start mining asteroids to fuel the war effort.Also remember we can just take out stuff like life support, food storage, toiletry, etc. It's not like my crew is alive or anything.>>45451028>Oh by the way, there was some woman in the escape pod with Thrawn. Is she with you guys?YES. MINE. GIVE IT BACK. THIS ROLL SHALL CONVINCE YOU.
Rolled 29, 52 = 81 (2d100)>>45451005Crap. We'll consolidate what we have. Obviously counter-attacks against the soviets are doomed. We'll have to fall back on our old strategy...Small forces of insurgent strike-teams. They're undead, so can't heal and repair their bodies naturally... They'll need special facilities for that. If we can take those out, then the Red Scare will eventually just work itself to destruction!>Rolling to locate Spookiet facilities for maintaining their troops and workers>>45451028We found out about your imperial majesty from data-mining the occupier's mainframes. (Yeah, that sounds believable).You know, you're much more reasonable than Thrawn. He had this creepy 'general' in a black robe breathing down my neck all the time.Oh and yeah, that woman's with us. If you could return her, that'd be wonderful. I understand your majesty is busy, so we won't be a concern to you. We'll just be over here, trying to hold our own against very warlike zombies that very soon will have inter-stellar travel and the potential to cause all sorts of mayhem in your own conflicts. But I can see your majesty wouldn't be concerned with such a regional problem.Hmm... I have my own ideas... All this discarded technology from Thrawn's occupation...>Rolling to turn our poor royalist undead into cyborg warriors, their human minds encased in metal bodies. No unholy abominations are these, but a device wrought by human hands, to bring salvation to the lost!Btw, 7pm eastern or western? I'm in the UK here, but like hell would I miss another thread of this!
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>45451028Sure... I hate Vong, and I would be glad to rid help you rid them.And he is all your. However, I don't thinks she is in a position to let me go... Wait a sec, DON'T GIVE HER TO STALIN. She is with XCOM, the friendly fellows and allies of your Empire.
>>45447146mercenaries and merchants are both varieties of commoner, so on the bottom.of course a merchant might very well be richer than the average knight and start dressing in finery and riding horses, but as far as the nobility is concerned this is an aberration and affront to the natural order (until they need to borrow some silver)
Rolled 55 + 10 (1d100 + 10)>>45451122Oh you can fuck RIGHT off! Titty-MEC is loyal to XCom and XCom is with the EAST now!Just ask her yourself, your Imperial Majesty!Or failing that, let THIS roll convince you, backed up by the speechcraft bonus!
Rolled 90 (1d100)A tall man in a business suit and overcoat walks into Stalin's Office and walks up to the nearest desk.>"Hello there, I'd like to meet Mr. Stalin"The man looks up annoyedly to inform him he has no jurisdiction in that area before stopping.He is greeted with a face that is completely pitch black. >"Please for me? It be a huge favor."On closer inspection the "man's" face is tendrils; hundreds of them writhing to form a vaguely human featureless face. The thing offers a hand made of the same tendrils.>"If you are busy could you point me in the direction of Comrade Stalin? His general location would make things slightly easier"
>>45451122Shrinking the ships down to the size of, say, a battleship, would still take months of time and enough resources to supply the army for a year, but it could be done. >>45451122The Imperial Lord is amused with your efforts to get back Titty-MEC.>>45451152Soviet facilities are impossible to find among the ruins of what used to be Moscow and the other various cities. If you were lucky you might find a vodka stash, but little beyond that is available to you. However, with some "borrowed" imperial schematics, you've been able to create crude and expensive robot bodies for your undead soldiers. They are significantly less expendable than the undead, and currently have little in the way of independent thought, but at the very least they look cool.>Robosoldiers invented!Eastern Standard Time my good man.>>45451169>LUCKY NUMBERS!Your soldiers aboard the ship seem entranced by Titty-MEC, and despite her numerous cries, pleas, and insults, they have begun...Well, you may need to console her a bit to put it lightly. On the plus side she's not in Soviet hands.>>45451176What is your call, your majesty?
>>45451178I'M KINDA BUSY HERE. IN SPACE. HERE'S MY PHONE NUMBER.YES? HELLO? YOU RANG?>also everyone is getting +10 bonuses but not me, while my entire army and workforce is full of fearless and tireless undead. How 'bout a malus to diplomacy, and a little buff to engineering and military checks? plz?
>>45451293Uh m8, if you didn't notice, she's not exactly the one in slave chain anymore...
>>45451178>"Of course sir."The man simply nods to a hall on the left. >"First door on the right."He then resumes working.>>45451302Кoнeчнo тoвapищ !
>>45451007idk about that, the bourgeouisie were firmly established well before what we think of as the industrial revolution - think of the kind of wealthy commoner who challenged aristocratic power in the french and american revolutions. Even England wasn't a feudal society at the beginning of the 19th century.The major social impact of the industrial revolution was on the working classes. With the shift to centralising production in mills and factories suddenly all the millions of people that lived the rural lifestyle keeping a few animals and sewing their own clothes were herded into the cities to become a proper proletariat.
>>45451316Precisely. It makes it more fun!
>>45446565What the FUCK is this priest doing in the peasant category? You're missing the essential medieval division of labour - those who pray are exactly as important as the workers and the fighters.
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>45451293Well Fel is going to fucking kill me...I take the chain on my collar and start whipping Fel's men with it in order to get them off of her.I mean, it's heavy metal, it's going to hurt."FEL! GET YOUR KNIGHTS DOWN HERE!"
Rolled 65, 40, 17 = 122 (3d100)Let's see who the woman would like to be with(First roll is for soviets, second role for XCOM, third for staying with me/thrawn; highest roll wins).
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>45451302Should have trained or specifically developed shit, rather than wasting time fighting on Thrawn's ship, тoвapищ~!I thank you for that though. You were a fine distraction and an ally, before you turned to undeath.>>45451375I can't believe I'm saying this, but "Go Thrawn! Kick their asses!"Hmm... In the meantime...>Rolling to institute educational reforms. We're still mired in the early 20th century here. We need to modernise our science, engineering and technology understanding, before we can hope to catch up with the larger empire>If successful, please gib bonus to future techology/infrastructure upgradesLast post for the night. I'm out. See you next time. This was unexpectedly fun!
Rolled 51 + 10 (1d100 + 10)>>45451323>Кoнeчнo тoвapищ !WONDERFUL!HAVE MY SNEAKIEST SOLDIERS INFILTRATE XCOM'S BASE AND STEAL ALL THE BLUEPRINTS THEY CAN IF I CANNOT HAVE MEC-CHAN, I SHALL MAKE BETTER ONES! UNDEAD ONES! THEIR BOOBS SHALL SPEW PLAGUES AND HORRORS!
>>45451445>implying my soldier's didn't take all the blueprints with themYou really need to try harder.
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>45451375Rolling to get my knights down there.
Rolled 2 (1d8)>>45451323>>45451302Nyarlathotep approaches the room.He opens the door to find a single red telephone.He dials the number Stalin gave him.>"Greetings honorable Comrade Stalin, I have only a humble request. May I assist you in destroying X-COM? They are our true enemy, their blood spilt shall cleanse the threats to this world"
>>45451375The metal chain leaves plenty of dents in Imperial helmets, and the men are extremely confused about why an admiral is dressed in a slave's outfit, but soon realize they have guns, and force you to the ground and pin you. >>45451417Titty-MEC speaks up through the abuse"I have seen XCOM abandon me, your men abuse me like a child's toy, and my people be brought to their knees by Thrawn. I will choose Comrade Stalin."This comes out choked out, but genuine.>Titty-MEC has sided with the Soviets!>>45451424Your educational systems were more than a bit bad in the first place, and the recent wars, bombardments, terrorist actions, more bombardments, occasional raids by the Mongols, and the lack of sanitation, have only made it worse. Little is made in the way of advancement of education.>>45451445Your conscripts have somehow managed to sneak into what used to be XCOM's base of operations and steal the data drives that had the plans for what would become Titty-MEC.>>45451469Your soldiers find themselves having a hard time dealing with the sight before them, and can only gawk.
>>45451498Quick question, is this in any way related to XCOM 2? I'd like to remain somewhat spoiler free.
Just a heads up, I need to pass out in like 15 minutes.
>>45451538No worries. It's not spoilerish.Frankly, an elder god like that, I'd almost be tempted to wish him out of the thread, but if he keeps rolling like that, he can 'help' Stalin all he likes.Just wish I had some better luck. But on well, this isn't supposed to be competitive.>>45451520Noooo! Titty-MEC! And the plans for more as well! Well that's a blow to morale if there ever was one.Oh and the sanitation/education thing... That's bad too. Guess I know what I'm doing next thread.But I need something more... Some counter to the Titty-MEC... A weapon to surpass metal gear!
>>45451538Nope, it is more reference to X-COM Terror of the Deep.
Rolled 15 + 10 (1d100 + 10)>>45451456I DO NOT RECALL THAT EVER BEING SPECIFIED. SURELY THERE'S SOME STUFF LEFT IN A CUPBOARD OR SOMETHING>>45451363QUIET YOU FOOL, THIS IS A SERIOUS DISCUSSION. ABOUT COMMUNISM, SKELETONS, AND SPACE WAR.>>45451498WILL DO. I BRING THE KATYUSHA LAUNCHERS, YOU LOAD THEM WITH SHOGGOTHS. I HOPE THEY'RE BETTER AT WITHSTANDING G-FORCES THAN SKELETONS.>>45451520>>Titty-MEC has sided with the Soviets!WONDERFUL. I SHALL WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS.AND UNDEAD-IFY YOU. IT'S KIND OF A REQUIREMENT AT THIS POINT.FEAR NOT, YOU SHALL BE CAPTAIN OF A LEGION I'M SCULPTING IN YOUR IMAGE.ROLLING TO BUILD LEGIONS OF PLAGUE-BEARING BOOBIE MEC'S
>>45451602Oh thank God, thank you.
>>45451520Knights, would you mind getting these jackasses off of me so they can be court marshaled!>>45451602I have a droid named HK47 on my other cruiser. He is not exactly functional, but it shouldn't take too much to repair him.>>45451561See ya then.
>>45451610>25WELP, THAT WENT LIKE SHIT.MR. NYARLATHOTEP, COULD YOU PLEASE LEND YOUR HELPING HAND TO MY CLUMSY WORKERS? I FIGURED THIS KIND OF ABOMINATION AGAINST SANITY AND NATURE WOULD BE RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY.>>45451561Alrighty then, I should probably do the same. It's been fun, see y'all next time.
>>45451375>Well Fel is going to fucking kill me...If I wanted you dead I wouldn't have brought you on my ship in the first place now would I? I told you I wanted your help dealing with the Sith and I meant it. And you're in no position to be ordering my knights, chiss.>>45451520Technically speaking my men haven't done anything to you, but so be it. Send her down to the planet in a shuttle.>>45451498>Crawling Chaos shows upOh fuck this we're leaving.
>>45451610>Killing Titty-MEC>Raising her as an undead horrorTruly unforgivable. I look forward to grinding your union into the dust of history. If you're the man of steel, well I'm breaking out the kryptonite!>>45451644No, no... It's not enough. I need something that can beat Titty-MEC at her own game... Or at the very least, bring her back to our side (and life).
>>45451606I've played the original and Apocalypse, as well as EU and EW, so thank you for the clarification.Your attempts at remaking a legion of Titty-MECs are, how you say, awful? The machine bits come out poorly fitting and liable to break, and the biological remnants are not at satisfying to look on. They look more bolted on than Kim Kardashian's to be quite honest with you.
>>45446565>Peasants farm the land, but it's the Knights and Lords are the ones "providing food"?Toppest kek.
Right, goodnight then comrades! I will see you either this Friday or Saturday at 7 P.M. Eastern Standard Time!
>>45451688Query: Are you questioning either my programming or my hardware, meatbag?
>>45451694I take solace in the fact that Stalin's Titty-MECs a shit.I have my solution. Next thread, I shall perform the incalculable sin... I shall combine micro-robotics and genetic engineering and create...Cyborg Angel Babes!But after I get my country back into something resembling civilization. There's poop in the streets! Poop!>>45451724No, I'm pointing out your lack of 'software'. Soft, bouncy, round, pillowy, warm -ware.
>>45451724>"No, I am questioning your desire to kill meatbags effectively.">>45451675Nyarlathotep will fix your mistakes next time. And blood shall be spilt.
>>45451677Haven't done anything? Did you watch the holofeed!Unless the DM is somehow implying that they are my men, despite them being on your ship...>Of fuck this we're leavingI would agree at this point, yes.
>>45451688OF STEEL I AM NO LONGER. ONLY BONES, AND HATE.AND IF YOU WANT TO BRING HER BACK TO LIFE NO WORRIES, JUST G- WHOOPS MOST OF HER VITAL ORGANS ACCIDENTALLY FELL INTO A FURNACE. WHAT ARE THE ODDS.>>45451724MY BODY HAS NO MEAT, I AM PROPELLED BY SHEER HATRED FOR ANYTHING LIVING.WE COULD GET ALONG SO NICELY. DO YOU WANT A JOB?
>>45451781Good to see we finally agree on something. I order the combined fleet to jump out and return home. Fel out.>now for the misadventures of Fel and Thrawn, weeknights at 5
>>45451810Query: Are you a former meatbag?Statement:That would be detrimental to our relationship.
>>45451834I HAVE SEEN THE ERROR OF MY WAYS, AND TOSSED MY MEAT INTO THE COMPOST BIN.AND IT WAS GREAT, I'VE BEEN GETTING SO MUCH SHIT DONE SINCE THEN. I STOLE SPACESHIPS, I STOLE BLUEPRINTS, I STOLE MY RIVAL'S GIRLFRIEND, AND THEN MURDERED HER!I'M LESS OF A MEATBAG THAN ANYONE IN THIS CRAZY WAR. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
>>45451819Yes, let's. Now, let me get some actual clothing...>>45451834Oh, I see it is working afterall... you have it Eastern Principality! I'll send it in an escape pod down to you.
>>45451901Statement: The worst thing than a meatbag is a meatbag in denial.Excited Statement: It will positively be delightful to see your non-meatbag parts thrown into the garbage with the rest of them.
>>45451911Nyarlathotep nods to Thrawn with respect
>>45451957>>45451901"Comrade, you know not of this mechanical's bloodlust and utter desire to kill organic life. I suggest creating a Soviet knock off if you desire him."
>>45451973Does your real name start with Gi? I might know you.
>>45451911QUIET YOU, I'M HAVING A LOVELY CONVERSATION WITH THE KILLBOT HERE. WAIT YOUR TURN TO SPEAK!ALSO, YOUR EX SENDS HER REGARDS. MYAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!>>45451957HOLD ON, I HAVE TO FETCH ONE THING. TTYL.
>>45452036Nope, it is more generic & Italian. Pleased to meet ya. Hope you guess my name.
>>45452007Infuriated Threat: You would DARE create an inferior model of me in mockery? Statement: I think I will remove your meatbag flesh as well.
>>45452093HOW DARE YOU THREATEN MY TRUSTED COMRADECOME HERE, YOU
>>45452085Georgio, Alberto, Geovanni for boy namesAdriana, Berta, Elena for girl names
>>45452093>"Kill an Outer God? You must be new to this. I like you, please don't make me force you to become amongst the scrapyard"
>>45452159Statement: I will, after these few short messages.Night m8s.
I'll be off too, I'm about to collapse.See you next time undead comrades, killer bots, elder gods, and blue cunts.
>>45452241Goodbye you murderous toaster
>>45446565But does that one knight have two heads though. What's up with that.