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>>43880800
You shake your head, bringing yourself back into the present. Right. So here you are, standing in the hollow interior of a small asteroid, while your allies are keeping watch and shooting the breeze up on the surface. Myrra escaped after taking a beating, and she's bound to report your last known position to her boss, so you've got who knows how many minutes before enemies start swarming this Armok-forsaken plot of land. And on top of THAT, the indigenous wildlife- those things you've taken to calling void sharks and will-o-wisps, and who knows what else- will probably come to take a look-see of their freaking own, because they apparently crave dwarf meat as much as... well, carnivores of ANY size, really.

In the face of all this potential danger, and because you've got your priorities in order, you've decided to mine the heck out of the ores in this asteroid. But because you're not a COMPLETE nincompoop, you're going to speed up the process just a little bit, by summoning minions to help you.

Alright, so maybe you ARE a complete nincompoop, because you haven't been able to properly summon /anything/ since you stepped out of known reality and into this realm.

... look, you- you just hope that there are ores OTHER than Seganium in this freaking craphole.

>Urist Twelfthbay summons miners!
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Taking the best of three!
DC: 65; Bonus: +5

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>>43880800
Time to get Neptunized!

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>43880829

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>43880829
Fffff

Rolled 5 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>43880829

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>43880829

>>43880932
>>43880939
Awww man
At least we passed.

>>43880800
She has already taken away our power to curse? That monster.

>>43880879
Nailed it.

Rolled 66 (1d100)

I hope this works.

>>43880964
Sorry.

>>43880879
Seriously, nailed it.

>>43880851

Soon, URIST will be Venus.

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>>43880829
>[X] [SUMMON MINERS] Bring some extra hands into existence, and have them dig it all out.
>DC: 65 (+5)..........................
>Success!

Okay, so, the first time you summoned something here, you ended up with some terrifying blue demon that chased you right out of house and home. The second time, you and Mojang conjured a twisted combination of the worst of BOTH your realms, a mutated forgotten beast that just so happened to be a creeper.

How's that saying go? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me three times, and the world drowns in lava and fire?

((Wah! Wait! Urist, don't do it!)) Neptune squawks from inside your head, making you flinch on instinct. ((Don't flood the hyperdimensional void in lava and fire! If you do, you'll beat this quest way too easily!))

... you don't know what pisses you off more: the assumption that you failing your summoning is a foregone conclusion, or the fact that she came up with a damn-the-world plan before YOU could.

Ignoring the goddess in your brain, you tap into your powers and draw from the wellspring of your glorious, tortured birthright. Of course, given what your birthright actually consists of, you half expect horrific screams to start echoing up from somewhere deep within your breast, but as it turns out...

After a moment of awkward silence, Neptune pipes up. ((Um, you forgot the rest of their bodies! They're just heads!))

You survey the black-and-white symbols arrayed before you, their eternally smiling faces looking up at you with quiet determination. You didn't quite get it completely right- only one of the seven dwarf minions are miners, the rest are an array of otherwise useless professions- but for all that? They're absolutely perfect, and you proudly tell Neptune as much.

(Cont.)

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>>43881884
((Oh! It's one of those retro things that're becoming popular all over again, right?)) Neptune replies brightly. ((Like disco! And new games with good pixel arts! And also those low-effort pixel art games that indie companies shovel out by the bucketful to pander to nostalgia-starved players!))

... sometimes, you really, really don't know why you even bother talking to her.

((It's totally true, though!))

Look, that's neither here nor there- ugh, whatever! Anyway, you set your minions to start mining out the rest of this dumb space rock. It'll speed up the process by a fair chunk, especially if you pitch in instead of lazing about like some overseer.

... on the other hand, you're starting to have misgivings about leaving Doomgirl and Tiff alone and unsupervised.

>CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
[ ] [SPEED MINE] Pitch in with your minions and scoop out the ores as fast as you possibly can. No dallying!
[ ] [DOOMGIRL AND TIFF] Leave your minions to mine alone, and go check on your psychotic gunbunny allies. Someone's gotta supervise them.
[ ] [THERAPIST] Leave your minions to mine alone, and tinker with Therapist a bit. See if you can't get it to cough up more information about the adventurers you're hoping to rescue in a bit.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

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Found a nice picture posted in another thread, that is another good one for Blorp to use for Tiff.

[X] [THERAPIST] Leave your minions to mine alone, and tinker with Therapist a bit. See if you can't get it to cough up more information about the adventurers you're hoping to rescue in a bit.

>>43881935
>[x] [SPEED MINE] Pitch in with your minions and scoop out the ores as fast as you possibly can. No dallying!

>>43881935
>[X] [WRITE-IN] Using good old Dwarven Fuck-it-hold-my-beer-and-watch-this Engineering, find way to propel your current asteroid through space to help you pick up
more adventurers and allow mining at a leisurely pace.

>>43881935
>[x] [SPEED MINE] Pitch in with your minions and scoop out the ores as fast as you possibly can. No dallying!
No lollygagging! Strike the earth!

>>43881935
>[ ] [THERAPIST] Leave your minions to mine alone, and tinker with Therapist a bit. See if you can't get it to cough up more information about the adventurers you're hoping to rescue in a bit.
>[] [NEPTUNE] Ask nep-nep if she has any bright ideas

>>43881935
>[ ] [THERAPIST] Leave your minions to mine alone, and tinker with Therapist a bit. See if you can't get it to cough up more information about the adventurers you're hoping to rescue in a bit.
contact the other two afterwards, perhaps after several gulps of alcohol.

>>43881935
[X] [THERAPIST] Leave your minions to mine alone, and tinker with Therapist a bit. See if you can't get it to cough up more information about the adventurers you're hoping to rescue in a bit.
I guess trying to resque more people is futile, with our location revealed and all.
But this will give us general scouting info.

>>43881974
OH SWEET, that could really help- Heavy was one of the ones I had trouble finding. Thanks, friend!

>>43881935
>[ ] [THERAPIST] Leave your minions to mine alone, and tinker with Therapist a bit. See if you can't get it to cough up more information about the adventurers you're hoping to rescue in a bit.

Better know as much as possible. Maybe we could even rescue 3 Games instead of only 2.

Btw, has Tiff the red or the blue team colors. (Even though it is Blorp, so I have an hydrogenic inkling.)

Everyone see the cheap deals they have for the holidays on the steam sale?

Rebirth 1 for 5.99
Rebirth 2 for 8.99
Rebirth 3 for 11.99

>>43881935
>>43882019
I like your idea anon, it's got pizzazz!

>>43882019
we could also just crash it onto our embark and let Mojang take care of it

>>43882166
Indeed. I wasn't exactly planning to pull it alongside and tie them together.

>>43881935
>>43882019
Sure. Why not.

>>43882019
seconding this

>>43882019
I like the idea of this one. It sounds !FUN!
...can we use lava propulsion?

>>43882205

Well, as long as we don't crash in the wrong stuff or too much velocity..... eventhough, if we can't regulate those, we could just send the Asteroid enroute towards our "Island", while we double time it to the next destination.

>>43881935
>[ ] [THERAPIST] Leave your minions to mine alone, and tinker with Therapist a bit. See if you can't get it to cough up more information about the adventurers you're hoping to rescue in a bit.

[x] [SPEED MINE] Pitch in with your minions and scoop out the ores as fast as you possibly can. No dallying!

Must reinforce the dwarfness in the face of a flood of Neptunium.

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>>43882019
>>43882137
>>43882223
>>43882275
>>43882311
WELL THEN

WRITING

>>43882426

So we get a "ogir plase" 2.0, I presume? Of course with a little bit of tweaking. (Less mecha, more rok)

>>43882019
>>43882426
>MFW we turn the asteroid into a rok
I never realized how much Dorfs have in common with Orks before now.

This pleases me greatly.

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>>43881935
>[X] [WRITE-IN: HOME IMPROVEMENT]

((Urist, aren't you gonna pitch in?))

You turn your attention from your minions- really, it's absolutely wonderful watching dwarven mining at work, especially the PROPER mining that has a 66-75% chance to demolish stone walls down to the molecular level and leave absolutely nothing behind- and spare a moment to reply. She DOES remember that she's starting to experience whatever it is you're doing, right? Does Neptune really want to know what it feels like to do the sort of backbreaking physical labor that comes naturally to being a dwarf?

You hear her nervous laughter, and get the inexplicable urge to scratch the back of your head in embarrassment. ((Hahaha! W-Well, you know, I'm the goddess of Planeptune, so I'm more used to a sort of middle management and/or overseer kind of role, you know? Go on! Be free! Don't let me stop you~!))

The blessed silence lasts a little over five seconds- just enough time for you to think about maybe tinkering with Therapist- before Neptune pipes up again. ((Waitasec! How're we gonna lug all of these rocks home? I mean, we ARE taking these all home, right?)) she insists. ((It's Seganium! It's practically my state flower, if my state flower was a rock! It's downright patriotic is what it is!))

Armok preserve you, does she ever stop talking? Of COURSE you can lug all this crap home, you've got one of those bottomless inventories that half of all adventurers seem to have. Weight doesn't seem like it's a problem, either. (Although since weight is actually a THING in Dwarf Fortress, you're not entirely sure if your inventory's working as intended or if it's a glitch, but you're not telling her /that/.)

((Whew, that's a relief!)) The representative personification of all things Sega gushes. ((I mean, for a moment there, I thought we'd be so weighed down with rocks that it'd be easier to just drive this space rock back to our fortress!))

(Cont.)

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>>43883071
You're halfway to reminding her that it's /your/ fortress when you stop to think about what she's actually saying, because holy freaking crap, Neptune's a gosh darn genius.

((Huh? I am!? Wow! Can you say that again and record it for me?)) she replies, tickled pink. ((I want to have proof to show Iffy and Compa when I get back!))

Ignoring the goddess, you scamper back up topside, taking advantage of the screwy gravity to keep a full-tilt running pace the whole way through. Doomgirl and Iffy are immediately visible, because they're the only splashes of color on this gray space rock and also because they're currently elbows-deep in the tattered corpse of an /extremely/ dead void shark.

"No, seriously, get rid of that shit," the doomed marine growls- even from here, you can see the veins popping out on her neck. "You're messing up this baddie's drop rates with useless junk! I gotta have bullets, man, I can't live without my fix!" Even as she says that, she's pulling out entire packs of ammo from the monster's organs, like some edgy version of a stage magician and his hat.

"Now, now, there is more than enough to go around, no?" Tiff soothes. You idly note that the Team Fortress's accent has changed, this time into some sort of French lilt that turns her 'th's into 'z's and extends her 'i's. Even as you think that, her voice shifts yet /again/, quicker and rougher like a semi-Bostonian kid hyped up on caffeine. "And hey, don't knock hats 'til you've tried them! It's a whole other ball game with these things!"

(Cont.)

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>>43883104
You interrupt their brewing argument by clearing your throat, and their heads swivel to face you. Okay, so you've got this idea, see- ((and I helped!)) Neptune chimes in-

"Nice dye job," Tiff interjects apropos of nothing. She sounds completely serious.

"What? Huh? Wait, her hair wasn't always that color?" Doomgirl looks around suspiciously. "And where'd that voice come from?" There's a beat. "No, not /you/ nimrod, I mean the voice outSIDE my head," she growls, rolling her eyes.

... what's this about your hair now?

Doomgirl and Tiff glance at each other, exchange some wordless communication, before turning back to you. "Nothing," the former growls. "So what's this all about, now?"

Right. You put that from your mind for now, because... well, there's absolutely nothing keeping the three of you from just taking this rock for yourselves, right? Why not just /drive/ it wherever you want to go, instead of jumping from place to place?

... from the glint in their eyes, you had them at "take this rock."

(Cont.)

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>>43883117
The three of you (four, if you include Neptune, which no one does) spend the next few minutes hashing out a preliminary plan. Frankly, it'd be a heck of a lot easier if you had someone on hand who actually knows squat about thrust, guided (semi-)zero-gravity propulsion, velocities, and all those other fancy science words. As it is, you're familiar with cave-ins and minecart physics, while Doomgirl and Tiff know all about high-impact gun-related violence and rocket jumping.

Unsurprisingly, the solution the three of you come up with involves simply strapping as many guns and explosives as you can to one end of the space rock, arranged in such a manner that it'll probably aim you in the vague direction of wherever you want to go. The Engineer aspect of Tiff's divided mind has just enough moxie in him to make it so that you can actually /steer/ a little, hooking it all up through some method that's far beyond your limited dwarven comprehension (although you suspect that it involves more guns).

You're sure that nothing bad will happen on the space rock's manned, brake-less voyage through a crowded hyperdimensional void, jam-packed full of OTHER space rocks, and you all agree that this is an /excellent/ plan.

>CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
[ ] [STRAIGHT HOME] NO BRAKES ON THE SPACE TRAIN, CHOO CHOO
[ ] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.
[ ] [TEST DRIVE] Let's- let's actually see if this ramshackle mode of propulsion actually WORKS before driving it toward anything squishy and/or irreparably damageable.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>43883104
When did IF get here?

>>43883157
>[ ] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.

You had them at Shenanigans!

>>43883157
>[x] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.

>>43883157
>[ ] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.
YEAAAAAAAAA

I changed my mind since we can just stuff the loot in our inventories.

>>43883157
>[X] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.
Alright! On to stage 2 of our brilliant plan! If we're lucky, they'll be able to contribute to either thrust or steering, and maybe we can pick up another adventurer before throttling uncontrollably towards our base.

>>43883157
>[x] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.
Impress her with our pimped ride.

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>>43883157
>[ ] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.

>>43883157
>[X] [TEST DRIVE] Let's- let's actually see if this ramshackle mode of propulsion actually WORKS before driving it toward anything squishy and/or irreparably damageable.

>>43883157
>[X] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.
It is time.

[ ] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.

>>43883157
>[ ] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.

Onward to someone who knows better. We need a straight Woman to play of. Or atleast a cynic one.

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>>43883157
>[ ] [PICK UP CHICKS]
I love this plan and everything about it

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>>43883157
> [ ] [PICK UP CHICKS]

I'm oddly disappointed that the summoned dwarves aren't pic related.

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Our wild ride!

>>43883305
Neptune doesn't mention the Nepjet that she doesn't turn into?

>>43883157
>[ ] [PICK UP CHICKS] Make a detour to try and find Thravar, like you'd intended to do earlier.

If we make it go fast enough, will we create new unknown minerals from the force of impact?

>>43883643
Well, it is Seganium.
It's well known for going fast.

>>43883731
It's also known for turning into garbage.

>>43883816
Yes, it is also well known for being driven deep into the ground at a moment's notice.

>>43883816
>It's also known for turning into garbage.

Well, what is this asteroid in essentia, especially after all that fighting? A giant mass a floating debrie. So it is already garbage, it can only get better... except if we find Maluminium. That stuff reacts very violent with all other metals.

So what happens if we find an asteroid with Fairinium, Ballium or a variety of ancient ultra rare materials?

>>43883157
>[X] [PICK UP CHICKS]

You really, really can't help but grudgingly reflect that nature is as beautiful as it is mysterious. Because seriously, it's amazing how much ammo and high-caliber firearms (naturally occurring whenever Doomgirl's around, of course) can fit inside one void shark.

"What can I say?" she grunts, an all too enthusiastic grin twisting her red-stained face. She's mucked around so much in that corpse that all that gore is forming entire strata of dried blood. "Nature provides. It's the circle of life and all that shit, so it's our duty to safeguard the environment. For our children's sake."

Doomgirl tugs another gatling gun out of the void shark's much-abused liver, nodding her approval. "Because /they've/ got to get their guns from somewhere too," she adds reverently.

Right. Well, you haven't known her for very long, but you know enough to just nod and smile (or at least nod and grimace). You take the firearm from Doomgirl, stagger a little under the weight, and walk across the asteroid to where Tiff's working over the growing pile of highly hazardous, highly explosive munitions.

In other words, she's repeatedly bashing at it with a wrench.

You dump the gatling gun onto the pile and stand back. Somehow, all these disparate types of guns are melding into one concrete mass that could generously be called a "thruster." And if you squint REALLY hard, it will keep right on looking like a hideous mass of guns all tied together with Seganium thread (no, you don't know why that stuff's treated like raw adamantium, although Neptune has her own darn fool opinions).

(Cont.)

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>>43884226
"Thanks, you two, that oughta do it," Tiff drawls in that country twang of hers, straightening up and adjusting her bloodstained goggles (it's amazing how much blood one void shark contains). You both ignore Doomgirl's shout about how there can never actually be enough guns. "With how gravity works in these parts, I reckon we got enough power to get us halfway across the hyperdimensional void," she continues, fondly patting the misshapen pile of guns. "And I've even worked out a way to steer this thing! More guns on either side of this rock."

Huh. No kidding?

Tiff's pause tells you all you need to know. And then she opens her mouth to keep talking. "Well, we can steer to the left and to the right one time each," she hazards, scratching her head. "On account of the left and right thruster piles irreversibly exploding into smithereens the moment we activate 'em."

Yeah, you don't see a problem with that. Just so long as you can pull around into a circle that'll shoot you toward your fortress, and if you can find other large creatures to murder for their internally-stored explosives.

"My thoughts exactly," Tiff grins, thumping you on the shoulder. You let her keep her arm, since she's integral to this vehicle taking off. "Now c'mon, let's get this show on the road."

"Where're we going?" Doomgirl grunts, pulling up alongside the both of you.

Picking up one more adventurer, and then heading home.

"Well, if we're all set, then..." Tiff pulls out a remote control that looks suspiciously like a detonator. "Three! Two! One! We have-"

And then you can't hear whatever it is she's trying to say on account of the world exploding.

>Urist Twelfthbay does something extremely dangerous and ill-advised!
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Taking the best of three!
DC: 50, but the higher the better; no bonuses

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>43884268

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>43884268

Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>43884268

Team Dorf Fortress time!

>>43884292
Congratulations, we're not dead.

Also, we're probably moving mostly in the direction we want to go in! Good job!

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>43884268

May the dice gods bless the rolls that matter and give us the useless numbers when we roll late.

Blorp, Tiff has blue colors, right?

So, anyone know any theme music for this?

Obviously the explosions will go off to create music of some sort.

Or there is a musician (probably bag pipes) in one of the summoned dwarves

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>>43884348

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Alright, with a roll of 66, it looks like Urist and company aren't going to die (much)- but I'm afraid that we're going to have to pick up next time, because I'm close to keeling over!

Since this thread was kind of short (and the next one may be as well), we'll pick up next time on MONDAY, 11/30, at 9:30-ish pm EST. As usual, updates will go up on https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest and questions can go here or ask.fm/BlorpQuest.

Thanks for participating, and catch you all next time!

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>>43884348
>Blorp, Tiff has blue colors, right?
>rolls late, gets useful number

Apparently, she's red.

>>43884451

Blorp, was much derailed by the write in?

Or was the dwarfy enough to try?

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>>43884268
I think we have forgot some things...
We need multiple grappling hooks/anchors, an armored prow and probably more.

>>43884495

Really need to panic if we see a moe version of 40k out here.

>>43884487
Well, apparently I get a good number every time I roll, but it is always too late.

>>43884537
Moe 40k's more tragic than scary, she's come to Gamindustri from lands afar in a desperate hope of finding a way to resurrect her older sister, after all.

>>43884451
Thanks for running!

thanks for running! It's a ride to read these in the mornings, as always :)

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>>43886998
> :)
meant pic related

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Dammit, I keep missing these threads.

>>43887824
god I hope it's not that bad yet. I was hoping for more of a slight gradient that slowly consumes the regular hair color.

at 90%, it starts flashing between the 2 colors, BECAUSE HAIR COLOR

>>43887883
It flashes between two colors because of clipping issues between two overlapping character meshes.

>>43887906
>No Oneechan, if you go any more Nep, you'll, you'll-!
>I have to do this. I'm your senpai right?
95% Neptunized
Oneechan!
98%
Noooo-
99%
100%
101%
105%
150%
200% NEPTUNIZED
And thus, the world was saved.
Sniffle, o-oneechan...
I-it's okay Mojang....here, have some pudding!
NOOOOOOOOOOO