Hoverboard

Just wanted it so my character could be even more lazy, had the credits for it. He thinks I will use it to make sniping even more stupid.

black powder / gunpowder / nitroglycerin

>>42759131
Girdle of Femininity

>>42759188
>He thinks I will use it to make sniping even more stupid.

Ask for a shooting penalty when on the hoverboard.

>>42759131
A bag of holding full of zombie rats.

Decanter of Endless Water

That mktherfucker let someone do kung fu with his dick, but me having rocket fists would be ridiculous

>>42759215
Anon, you can't mention those and not give details

Immovable Rods.

A rope and bag enchanted with Ghost Touch. So I can kidnap ghosts.

>>42759280
And when that didn't work, a type 4 bag of holding full of lead.

>>42759131
Duct tape

>>42759310
Wow, not only would I give you this I want you in my game right now.

Your DM is missing out on a treasure.

>>42759131
A dragon egg

>>42759131
Rod of Lordly Might
It's not even a good weapon, fuck.

Won't let me get the Marble Elephant or any of the figurines of wondrous power, and won't let me get the Seed of War.

>>42759310
do you want it to meme ghostbusters tho

>>42759377
do you want it to make dick jokes tho

>>42759131
Helm of opposite alignment

>Wand of Undress Creature

I tried to argue that armour mattered little. but he won't buy it.

Deck of Many Things

Sword of berserking.

Got a papercut, better kill everyone

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Spaceships and satellites

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Not an item but a spell.

>>42759421
While getting to call myself the Lord of Rodly Might is definitely a perk, I really just want it because it's been my favorite magical item since I first saw it in the 2e DMG, but every edition tries to pitch it as a "high level" item, despite it being pretty mediocre.

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>letting your players have fun items
>ever

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>>42759594
>being a terrible dm.
>ever.
It's like you don't have friends.

>>42759594
Being a good DM necessitates being situational, which means that the exact items of the players aren't that big a deal.

Your post indicates you are a shit DM.

>>42759288
Ditto. GM probably read about someone putting a adamantium nozzle on it and turning it into a water laser. I just want to use it to flood my annoying friend's character's room.

>>42759664
Wait, why would the decanter have that much pressure? Doesn't it just pour when tilted? does it actually spit water out 24/7?

>>42759731

There a couple of settings on it-- the highest of which shoots water with the force of a Geyser. If you want to use 'real world' physics, you could put that pressure through a nozzle for some real damage.

I just want to strap it to a wheelbarrow and zoom around.

>>42759731
How it works, it has three words that have three power settings, the highest power setting gushes out watter, and requires a STR. check in order to hold your ground.

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Ascension.

(phylactery)

>>42759806
Did you have the money to do that, dear anon?

>>42759821

I did indeed. I had been scrimping and saving every thing I could, always siezed the lions share of the loot so I could immediately sell it for cash.

The reason I wasn't allowed to have it in the end was that our elf ranger, dwarf warrior and humie fighter sat down with the DM after the session where I got the last of the gold for it, and flat out said they wouldn't play if I became a Lich.

>>42759932
Why...?

>>42759932
Then you got to talk to your dm and say I will buy you a soda, pizza, and or "favors" out of game.

>>42759932
What a bunch of lamers.

>>42759974
Sounds like they just pissed about caster supremacy.
>>42759978
Just tell him you would like to become a lich at the end of the campaign, then they can't do a thing.

>>42759932
Retire the character and talk all the money with you. Have the gm transition the character into a lich and higher adventurers to hunt down the party for rejecting you.

>>42759131
Rod of Wonder.
DM just hates it. And me.

The Monster Book.

Apparently, creating a Nightmare is "immoral" and "wrong".

>>42760023
This is the most perfect passive-aggressive solution to people being assholes.

>>42759131
>GM lets me invent shit like airships, magic-powered cannons, guns and force fields for fortresses, personal shields and shipboard systems.
>GM lets me convince him that such things and a host of other magical technologies would just make sense to be long-standing technologies in a world where these spells have been around for centuries, even if the casters who can cast the spells themselves are uncommon.
>We are currently attempting to raid the flying dimension-fortress of a powerful wizard; last session we drove a small swarm of airships into it like it was a Galaxy Crash on the Crown, had golems deploy to deal with the wizard's monster minions, and are riding a mage battery powered tank through to the sanctum so we can (next session) drive it through the portal to his labyrinth dimension and hunt him down.

I pity this thread.

>>42760092
It is not the solution the game needs but the one those players deserve.

>>42760090
How does one make nighrmares?

>>42760138
In DnD? That's all I know. I'm not allowed to know more.

Even thought my character found a book about creating this kind of beasts. No information. Nothing. Then retconned into only including "good" creatures.

So I goggled it. DnD 5e. Torturing a Pegasus.

>>42760193
Any kind of torture?

>>42760225
"Torturous removal of a pegasus's wings, driving that noble creature to evil as it is transformed by dark magic."

>>42760225
Assuming that it has something to do with it's wings.

>>42760253
>>42760262
Oh right, not what I was thinking of then.

A gf

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>>42760193
Lame.

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>>42760116

>>42760295
I think I know what you were thinking, if you were Truely evil you could that stuff before taking its wings off.

a bag of flour.

>>42760427
the fuck?

>>42760368
>No mortal sage knows what dark agreement they make for nightmare's service.
Hehehe

Any ranged weapon that doesn't involve strings, wire or ropes, and ANY quantity of animals.

DM won't let me have a Davy Crocket on my explosives-loving ghoul character in a Fallout RP.

>>42759594
sauce?

>>42760738
They're really rare.

>>42759460
That's probably more because your DM can't fucking shuffle cause he learned it from watching childrens card game tie in anime and less because of the possible OP chances for you.

>>42759731
>>42759771
>>42759774
You forgot to mention that going by the numbers given, the highest setting is sufficient for a human to achieve escape velocity if he points it down

>>42760467
It's a meme about 'creative' usage of mundane stuff.

Not an item, but a couple of feats.

Racial Heritage (Kitsune) so that a human qualifies for abilities normally restricted to kitsune.

Fox Shape, so the human can turn into a fox.

DM is afraid of me using it for some sort of broken, Dex to damage build... when I'm playing an Oracle... and the build my DM fears could just use an item instead of blowing two feats.

>>42761371
To be fair, a Deck of Many Things is the quickest way to make a character unusable.

Either he becomes a lord and will be constantly nagged about his peasants revolting because he's not doing his duties and is constantly off on adventures, or he gets his soul sucked into the Abyss and suddenly the whole party (except him) has to go and piss off Lolth while looking around for whatever random cluttery his soul got trapped inside.

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>>42759295

Shit, son. Are you me? Had a player monk that discussed using his dick as piercing damage. Of course I didn't ask for rocket fists, but being an /m/ fag, I'd kill to at least once yell "ROCKETTO PAAAUNCHU!"

An animate piano to use as a steed/instrument for a bard.

>>42759932
Well then, don't blame the DM, blame the players!

To be fair, I wouldn't want to play with a Lich either.

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>>42759932
>>42759932
Jesus fuck, so you're the only caster in a group full of martials? No wonder they don't want you to have any fun.

It's actually a well documented fact, people who play pure martials in D&D actually hate fun. They hate having fun, they hate it when other people have fun. Really you should just find a new group, these people are obviously psychopaths.

>>42762699
May I ask why? There's literally never been a case where I wouldn't want to play because of someones else's character concept. Sure, sometimes they use the concept as an excuse to be a cunt, but lich isn't especially cunt-enabler.

>>42762032
Being a lord is unplayable? Really?
Being sucked into the Abyss sucks, yep, but the possibility of new plot twists here is enormous. Unless the player in question is a huge pussy. Trying luck with the Deck is a dangerous game and you should be prepared for any outcome.

>>42763004
And 99% of the time it will completely derail everything else that's going on currently.

>>42759131
Deck of Many Things

>>42763058
If the players in question are fine with it and have fun - why the fuck not?

Ring gates

I want to play a halfling rogue with ring gates, because a halfling can reasonably squeeze through them.

>>42759131
For four straight campaigns it was a running joke that me and my friend wanted the Apparatus of the Crab, I just wanted to be a goblin in a crab mech.

>>42763058
The right answer is having less rigid rails. This isn't 80's anymore, you don't write a novella and expect players to play their parts in it all the way through.

>>42763096
Well the thread is about what the poster wants but the DM doesn't let them have, not what every player wants but the DM is a dick and doesn't let them have.

I'm more inclined to think that the DM wants to save the game from getting derailed while everyone is having fun and one guy wants to have a Twilight Zone moment with the Deck of Many Things, instead of the DM being a collossal dick who refuses to let the players have a Deck while every one of them wants to see what zany adventures might be coming.

>>42763218
Tell that to the RPGAs.

>>42763218
So you've never been in a game where everyone was invested in the main plot and defeating the BBEG/stopping a disaster/whatever, but then one guy did something so collosally distracting that you either had to abandon that player or character completely, or you had to let the disaster happen or the BBEG to run free, because that one player insisted on doing something that goes in the opposite direction than anything the other players want to do?

>>42763228
Fair enough.

>>42759131
my dragon egg. he crushed it. it was a red herring but my character was ready to change his alignment to steal that dragon egg.

>>42759131

a megazord equivalent construct/mech for the party

god how I want it

>>42763288
>plot
Shitty GM detected.

>>42763288
>plot
>MAIN plot

If there's a clear plot before the game is over then the DM is a hack.

>>42763583
>>42764116
Out of curiosity:

What is your definition of "main plot"?

>player keeps asking me if he can just major creation potassium
>I tell him no
>he gets mad

>>42763583
>>42764116
Not this fucking argument again. Lets not get starting, it never goes anywhere productive.

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>>42763439
The absolute fuck?

Nigga I would've let you keep that shit and if your character knew what the fuck they were doing (or hired someone who did) you'd have a goddam whelp buddy.

'Course it might've had its own plans depending on its color
>implying D&D
but if you two got along it'd be like fucking Venom Snake and DD.

>>42763439
Aren't dragon eggs fucking enormous most of the time?

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This shit right here, nigga it's the bees knees and would fit awesome with my character, why you gotta hate my love for tragic and fey figures.

>>42764458
Depends on the dragon. D&D's Red dragons hatch as Medium (human) sized creatures with seven Hit Dice, but the Whites hatch at about the size of a house cat.

>>42764458
Fairly certain only Red and Gold dragon Wyrmlings are as big as "Medium" in D&D settings, most other being between tiny and small. So basically, even with the biggest dragon eggs, it wouldn't be much worse than the hog tied bandit chief/princess/noble that most parties have to carry around every now and again.

>>42764116
Then again, we were all new at some point. I remember writing up some loose plots when I was twelve and starting the hobby essentially in a vacuum. Thank god I got better. Some never do.

>CTRL+F "feather token"
>0 results

Huh, surprised I'm the only one. My GM won't let me have anchor feather tokens. Best used in multiples of 10, and they're fun no matter what.

Need to torture someone? Feather token in the mouth ("Mark the treasure on the map or my mates will start guessing the completion word."). Need to ruin an enemy squad's day? Bag of feather tokens released a few hundred feet above them. Aquatic campaign? Feather FUCKING tokens everywhere, and consider replacing some of the anchor ones with tree ones.

>>42764309
give the guy his bananas

>>42764627
My GM won't let me have tree feather tokens because I did the math to figure out how much the tree would weigh.

>>42759131
The most hilariously unbalanced items I'd ever acquired and which nearly all GM's refused to allow in their games were two genuine artifacts... The invulnerable coat of Arnd (1st edition) and the Codex of Infinite Planes (again 1st edition) Both of these used the original Eldritch Wizardry suggested powers/effects because we had the original source material on hand.

The ridiculously all encompassing nature and potency of their powers made them pretty much made anything else the character might have look perfectly fine by comparison (so it could be argued it made it easier to sneak other items by the gm in comparison)

The funny thing was, the GM that was responsible for them being in the character's posession was an RPGA certed DM and one who ran games at gencon and other big cons back in the 80's and 90's and was well known in the org... and even was known as a bit of a bastard stickler for the rules. We (our group) worked like hell to get them (took literally 3 years of weekly gaming back in the 80's before we got them) and I was the last survivor from that group. It was hilarious watching GM's read the sheet for the items and just blanch.

Let's see... Jesus Christ, no, you can not have THAT in the game... oh vorpal weapon +5... whew, in comparison that's just fine...

>>42765154
This is kinda funny to me. The only magical item I've ever had in any game was a pair of flying boots once in a roughly homebrewed game that was kind of bonkers in terms of balance anyway. When I was growing up with AD&D, somebody discovered Barbarians and began playing them every game, with the additional caveat for the rest of the group that nobody could get magic weapons because he'd just smash them. That was kind of a dick move but honestly we never really got that far anyway.

>>42764797
I prefer to do the math to figure out how much crush damage they would do launching someone up through the ceiling of a castle.

A pet Tasmanian Tiger.

>>42765317
>with the additional caveat for the rest of the group that nobody could get magic weapons because he'd just smash them
Why was he such an asshole?

A Robotic Arm. Any system, any setting. I can't even get augmentics in Only fucking War... "mechanicus doesn't have any on the ship" unbefuckinglievable.

>>42765487
Well, the thing was, that was what it actually said about barbarians and magic items in the rulebook. They just don't like magic items, so if you have any, and a barbarian knows about it, they'll try to smash 'em. Like how paladins would fall if they didn't uphold their code, I guess.

Like I said, though, we mostly screwed around. I didn't even know barbarians had to do that until I read it in the rulebook one day. I'm pretty sure it was AD&D, either that or 2e... kinda foggy on the difference.

I don't blame him, he was a good martial for a group who frequently had to bullshit our way out of sticky situations.

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>>42762699
In character we had frequently discussed my goal of ascending to lichhood and razing the wizard college that expelled me for being too cool for school and annihilating the rival noble house that had had my father assassinated, and for they most part everyone was ok with it.

The humie fighter had was most at odds with it because he was ex-military. Everyone else was in the mercenary mindset and since I was from a far off foreign country, my lichy aspirations wouldn't mess with their homes, plus we had history adventuring together.

That's why I don't understand it. The DM was on board with me playing as a lich so long as i worked for it and had a good enough reason, and as the groups trading diplomat everyone didn't mind when I took the biggest cut from our spoils, but then it was just "it's not fair if Matt's a lich, that's bullshit"

>>42762938
we also had an elf priest.

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>>42765487
Do you ever Barbarians?

>>42759246

Sounds like a lazy DM to begin with.

>want to get a magic sword crafted that has the Vicious ability, meaning it deals 2d6 bonus to my enemy and 1d6 to me
>DM insists it makes my PC too broken

I don't even

>>42763583
>>42764116

Obviously nobody's ever going to agree on this because it's both a matter of opinion and shitpost bait, but there's nothing inherently wrong with a plot.
As long as the players are in on it, a DM having a fucking plan, ideas for where things will go, is not a sin. A good DM weaves player decisions into the progress of the plot and can improvise and adjust as needed, but that doesn't mean it's not a problem when some dipshit in the party refuses to do anything productive and just goes "so I go to the brothel and I also want to murder some guards hahaha can I ride a giant spider or something that'd be hilarious haha man ok i'm bored of this character imma reroll."

If all the party likes the sort of sandboxy "get up to whatever" shit, sure, but some players actually like there being something to get invested in. A DM having a plot doesn't automatically mean they're dictating the flow of the story, it often means they've taken a direction the players went in and rolled with it to have something with depth. If a retard player just ADD 180s every other session it's fucking tedious.

>>42759542
I don't let my players use trash from splatbooks whose only purpose is for masturbatory fantasies either.

>>42770138
>Only Purpose

Because you wouldn't totally go around casting this shit at nobles in the middle of their grand speeches addressing their people, travelling the country side, hidden away always, becoming a feared villain who disrobes nobles, until they are too afraid to go out to address their people.

>>42770289
Nice fetish, weirdo.

>>42759131
I was finally given my folding boat... but fuck, the game ended before I got to do shenanigans with it cuz some of my group could not make it for the game anymore.

>>42770289
I hate to tell you this, but you're "That Guy" that people tell stories about. The guy who makes shit super weird for a group of friends.

>>42770494
Hold on.

You really thought that was anything other than a joke, or are you just pulling my leg?

Please tell me there are no players out there who would really do this shit.

>>42769793
I don't see why you'd even want that unless you had more hp than brain cells

>>42770623
Or he has an ability that heals him based on damage dealt.

>>42770494
>>42770316
>>42770565

I don't get what the big deal is. That shit would be hilarious in a non-serious campaign

>>42770673
That'd do it. Never heard of that in 3.5 though.

>>42770565
Yep.

I had players beg me to let them use the splat because they "Just wanted to use the cat race", and then tried to sell me on it further by explaining the STD charts and cross-breeding gestation periods.

>>42770674
As the guy who suggested it, I don't think it could work, unless it was a team effort, because otherwise it's just one guy being weird.

If they all wanted to do something ridicolous though...

I could imagine a group using this to drive paranoid and mad the BBEG who just so happens to be a count someplace.

It could make sense in a Robin Hood/Zorro style campaign.

Doing it to all nobles though, I can't see how that could work.

>>42770775
I think I'm going to buy ice cream for my players next week, for being such good sports now.

Or a pizza, since it's already fall.

>>42770757
Who knows. Maybe is a homebrew thing or something.

>>42770831
I suppose. Alternatively he may have been shapeschanged into a troll. But then still the problem isn't the weapon.

>>42770289
Oh man, now I want to inflict this on my players.

Maybe a group of rival adventurers, who are all misfits, but still frighteningly effective.

I know the fighter would shit himself when all his armor started sliding off just as he gets into melee

>>42770948
Or he could be a troll.

>>42770674
Those three are retarded, its genius.
The combat utility alone makes it worthwhile.

>>42771002
Not always useful depending on what you're up against of course, but it's a solid debuff for the level. And for funsies casting it silenced and stilled in a social setting is worth it.

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>>42759771
so... you want to make Fludd?

Sonic Flight. We only have two meetings left before the campaign ends, and I want my character to be able to go at super fast speeds. Not for combat, or to break anything, just so that if we need someone to play messenger or to beat everyone to the goal and make snacks

But because my character uses wings, the GM says that it's unfair.

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>>42763583
>>42764116

>>42770138
>>42759542

As if that isn't an incredibly useful spell.

Removing an opponent's armor? Great.

Removing the belts, backpacks and quivers that hold all his precious magical items? Even better.

Oh look, he's riding a dragon. I cast disrobe on the dragon. There goes the saddle!

>>42759131

The Hand of Vecna.

I wish to spook my dick.

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>>42759131
Black Iron Torc.

Symbol of leadership and grants pretty hefty def bonuses for the goblin hordes to the North, I wont it fare and square through trickery and dickery (Stole from BG Item, one duel with one magic item, shot him in the back with a gobbo sitting in the crowd) and wasn't allowed it because of the murdering, looting and raping that would of followed.

I got over it, but alas what could of been.

>>42759131
a gaming group

>>42759542
>42770494
>All these people complaining about it
>Not disrobing a barmaid so you can pickpocket the captain of the guard, then leave her an apologetic note telling her it was only business as you go to break out a friend

>>42759131
Multple bags of tricks. I just want to be a pokemon trainer.

>>42759303
*CLANG!*

What the fuck was that?

>>42759246
Or use sustained fire as a means of propulsion whilst on the hoverboard.

This hasn't happened thus far, just be trustworthy and responsible and the DM doesn't have to worry.

>>42770623
>>42770673
The classic trick to vicious was making it merciful too and being an undead (or some other way be immune to nonlethal).

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>>42760116
>Like a Galaxy Crash on the Crown.
>Golems. T-totally not Maxsuits
>Mage battery tanks

My mental image is that you managed to somehow get yourself into a Fantasy equivalent of Planetside.

GODSPEED good man.

>>42763583
>>42764116

>Set up plot hooks about ancient lich performing ritual to rain fire on the lands of the living.
>Party decides to ignore it to play D&D trade-sim
>I'm just supposed to magic the lich out of existence because reasons.

Nope.

Eat shit.

Two bags of holding.

He has seen Bagworld.

>>42759131
Anything at all. It sucks having to waddle and cover my junk all the time.

>>42759310
Clickity clack, get in my sack!

>>42759131
Nancy Spumoni Snow Boots

>>42775308
You don't force the lich and the need to kill it into existence in the first place, you silly person. Are you screenwriting cartoons or are you roleplaying? Seriously, rest of us got over this paradigm shift literally last millennium, have you been under a rock all these years? If you want to play old skool, then communicate it to players so they can expect it and play the guess-what-the-GM-expects-us-to-do with you.

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>>42775435

>>42759131
The GM wouldn't let the entire party buy invisibility potions because we were only going to use them to pants the bbeg and his lieutenants while they were addressing their troops

>>42775447

>Having any kind of stakes is verboten, tension is bad GMing, anything of importance happening is dumb.

Nope.

Eat shit.

>>42775881
>>42775447
You two are arguing about completely different things.

>>42759131
Rope.
To be fair, it's not that they think that rope is inherently unbalanced, I just use it to get around his bullshit too often for his liking.

>>42770674
I'm with this nigger. I think that shit would be hilarious. I laughed my ass off just thinkin about it.

>>42761848
HE thinks that YOU thinkYOU can throw HIM off by using two feats instead!

Justasplanned.jpg

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>>42762352

>>42763288
Does anyone have the screen cap of the party that insisted on campaigning for gay rights in the kingdom, ignoring the necromancer building an undead army?

Lesson learned: don't ignore the formation of an undead army.

>>42764627
Isn't there actual errata that just states the tree will not launch things or even show up in an occupied space?

>>42764627
We used to cast grease on the bottom of the swan boat, and ride it through dungeons.

>>42778830

>errata

What the DM doesn't know won't stop me from hurting things.

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>>42759594
you have no idea how to properly wield the leash. giving players good rewards is what makes them endure for your pleasure through all the now more horrible abuse you put them through. My dm gives out loot about twice our normal paygrade, and provides us with bonus abilities and a 30 pt buy, at the same time, we face creatures that most people fight at level 20 at about half of that level.

we have a level of obedience you could only dream of instilling.

>>42759131
A rogue I once had stole the Book of Erotic Fantasy at epic level. He completed it and took Animal Magnetism I believe as his feat. However, as an erotic master I thought it would be nice to pick up one of the items from the actual book, but for some reason my DM wouldn't let me find a staff that made people infertile.

>>42778982
So, yes, rules abusing munchkin asshole. Thank you for proving what was suspected.

Rod of Wonder

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>>42778793

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>>42780938
this always seemed stupid to me, I would have tried to smoozh my way in with the homo haters, and have them serve as human shields in the coming skirmishes with the so dubbed homosex necromancer, who wants to bone all their bottoms with his skeleton army. along the way i would alienate myself from the rest of the populace, coming off as a pompous asshat that served the traditional agendas of people who give a shit about sodomy being wrong, simultaniously earning their praise while turning society against them by proxy. in the end I will "fail" to protect them, the squads will be broken, where in the rest of my party who have been planning and fortifying take on and overturn the undead army, successfully cementing them into the position of being the local heros who's morality will shape political standards and whom the masses will push for their ideals instead of conservative ideals since the latter almost led them to disaster.

basically somefaggot needs to get gud.

anything that wasn't in NGE in Ad Eva

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>>42759131
Jetpacks and grappling hooks. To be fair, the GM is right in assuming that I'll just use them to Inazuma Kick Hive Tyrants.

Bump

>>42765731
That's what you get for whoring the loot fagballs