Woo-hoo! (settles down to read out loud, to savor and stretch out the fun.)

Hell yeah

>>42204030
SHOGGY YOU BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL MAN! I HAVE BEEN WATCHING FOR THIS FOR WEEKS! FIRST POST

>>42204030
AGP hype!

>>42204030
Dammit, just as I was planning to go to sleep.

>It's shog time!

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>>42204030

Sergeant Gravis of the Emperor's Scythes Space Marines, or more specifically the upper-half of Sergeant Gravis, twitched as the Tyranid bio-weapon in his veins made another spirited attempt to kill him. The medical cogitator hooked to him requested half a dozen different doses of antidote, which Doc quickly administered.

"We're down to our last vial of Hydroxocobalamin, and he's having nightmares again!" reported Doc.

Sister Valerie didn't look up from her patient as she responded. "The warp's a bad place to be comatose, especially this far from the light of the Emperor, and the way that unholy xenos abomination is tearing apart the ship doesn't help. He's not the only one who'll die if we don't return to normal space soon either."

"I swear honey-"

"Ma'am."

"-Ma'am, Sarge said we'll be reaching the waystation today, then we can request all the aid and supplies we need. Just a little longer and it'll all be over."

As Doc finished stabilizing the Space Marine and made his way back to the table he'd been working at, the medbay's lights reactivated. A second later, the was a clattering crash as the various small items that'd been floating through the air dropped back to the floor, and a meaty thump as Doc's neglected patient was slapped by his own severed arm.

Sister Valerie watched for a second as Doc hastily apologized to the maimed crewman and scrambled under the table for the dropped limb. In a voice too quiet for even her nurses to hear, she muttered, "Emperor… why'd he have to be an optimist?"

>The All Guardsmen Party Interlude: Dewarp

>>42204030
link repository plz

Praise the Emperor, for Shoggy has returned.

>>42204084

Few notes as we get started here

>This is just an interlude, not a full chapter. It's the result of an awkward split between two chapters combined an intro that just grew way too large. So the style will be different (see: Worse), and it's rather short by recent standards.

>linkydoodle (look how purty it is now, I actually have a guide put together for making this sort of archive if anyone wants it)

https://googledrive.com/host/0B3Z9sXPTD9rpN2owNGdVWmdFWXM/agp.html

>Criticism and Questions are always welcome

>I'm doing a little proofing on the fly here, but there's a 0% chance this'll take too long to get through.

>>42204030
Oh fuck yes

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It begins.

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>>42204120

Amelia Delorisista Amanita Trigestrata Zeldana Malifee von Humpeding was on the hunt. The creature that had been haunting the aft tainted areas and attacking unwary crewmen and servitors had eluded them for days, but now she had it.

Aimy readied her pulse-rifle as her bait slowly advanced into the disused cargobay and her spotter scanned the area. It was a perfect example of the classic monster-hunting technique, or it would've been if the bait stopped whining.

"I don' see why I aways gos'ta be da bait" whinged Nubby. "I fink it's discra-, err dissema-, err distra-, err unfair. I fink it's unfair."

Aimy didn't respond, but her goggle-clad spotter suggested that it wasn't discrimination: Nubby just needed to stop picking rock every time.

Nubby's complaints rose in volume as he began arguing with Fumbles over the rules of a game older than the Imperium of Man. "It's not right 'ow paper beats rock. Wrappin around it... where's da sense in dat? Still a rock ainit? Jus' all wif paper n stuff."

Things got even louder when Twitch commed in and began explaining the the game was actually a metaphor for the relationship between the Ecclesiarchy, Administratum, and Mechanicus. Eventually, the argument was cut short as Aimy lost her patience. A few inventive, and highly-personal, death-threats later, the team fell back into silence and Nubby "got on with it".

"Oh woe is me, I am poor an' fenceless 'uman wot 'as lost 'is way in dis 'ere big an spooky cargobay. I sure 'ope dere's not some sor' of ten-ack-ulled warp-mon-strosi'y lurkin down 'ere an' waitin ta eat me."

Fumbles peered into a dark corner of the bay as Nubby monologued. He could sense a malevolent presence that just barely qualified as a mind moving closer, and pointed it out to Aimy. The Markswoman sighted her rifle on the corner, and waited for the creature to make its move. "Still not sure what it is Fumbles?" The psyker sheepishly shook his head.

>>42204120
Glad to see you, Shoggy!

>>42204030

COCK IS HARD COCK IS HARD COCK IS HARD.

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>>42204257

"Well, at least it can't be that smart if it's falling for this" Aimy gestured towards the soliloquizing bait. "Though I gotta say his performance is better than usual. The wig and dress are a nice touch."

Fumbles nodded in agreement. "He says they help him get into character."

"It really says something that I don't find this conversation even remotely weird..." Fumbles just shrugged, and there as a brief silence as Aimy shifted mental gears. "You know, my life was really quite boring before I joined the Inquisition. Mother never let me up on the lines when there was something really interesting to shoot."

Aimy felt a pang of longing that definitely didn't originate from her. "Sounds nice. Wish I'd had parents." muttered the psyker.

Aimy glanced up from her scope. "You can be really fucking depressing, you know."

"Sorry."

"Whatever. You got any idea why this thing isn't coming out? Does it know we're here?"

Fumbles pondered the question before answering, "No, I think it's waiting."

"Waiting for wh-"

Aimy was interrupted by a sudden pain in her head, a panicked scream from Fumbles, and the sudden absence of both light and gravity. In the completely dark cargobay, Nubby's well-honed survival instincts kicked into overdrive as first one, then two, then a dozen chittering screeches rose around him. Before Aimy had even reoriented herself, the be-dressed little trooper, screaming shrilly and propelled by the recoil of his Pulse Carbine, shot past her and slammed into Fumbles.

Nubby, dragging the semi-conscious Fumbles with him, started bouncing his way down the corridor with all the speed provided by his his augmetic legs, leaving Aimy struggling to catch up. As she flew, Aimy shined her rifle's tac-light back towards the cargobay and saw the forms crawling along the floor, walls, and ceiling. She started firing her rifle, just for the little bit of extra speed, and screamed "PLAN B!" into her combead.

At the far end of the corridor, Twitch smiled.

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>>42204030
SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK! UK SIGNING IN UNTIL I'M PASSING OUT.

I haven't been this hype since Heretical Love Quest with Shoggy

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>>42204310

When the ship's lights reactivated a few minutes later, they revealed a shrapnel-pocked corridor filled with a disgusting cloud of limbs and juices. Twitch re-opened the door the four of them had sheltered behind and surveyed the carnage. As Aimy drifted over to join him at the doorway, Twitch felt something shift and flung himself behind the markswoman. A second later, the gory mess hanging in the corridor dropped out of the air with a horrible splash.

Aimy sputtered and swore, Nubby laughed, and Twitch peeked around his human shield. Sure that the coast was clear, the demolitions trooper crept forward. He poked at the horrible slurry, carefully pulled a large chunk out of the mess, and then started giggling. Nubby took a break from checking Fumbles' health using the tried and true Guard technique of gently kicking him in the ribs while muttering "yous okay?" to ask Twitch what was so funny.

Twitch turned a manic smile on Nubby. "These weren't daemons!"

"I swear, if you try to tell us those were Orks, I will cram your delusional little head up your ass," growled Aimy.

Twitch bristled at this. "I don't ALWAYS say it's Orks."

"Yea you do," inserted Nubby.

"Well, I'm not saying it's Orks this time."

Aimy picked an especially large chunk off her armor. "Good, because if you've just covered me with Ork-guts again, I'll have to kill you."

"Deaf frets aside, I fought Fumbles 'stablished dat dese were daemons. Ain' dat right buddy?" Nubby's metal foot prodded Fumbles again, eliciting a pained groan. "E says yes."

Twitch responded by yanking Nubby away from the suffering psyker, and shoving the limb he'd acquired into the trooper's face. Nubby went crosseyed as he stared at the razor-sharp limb, then swore. Aimy came over and swore too.

After a brief silence, Twitch spoke, "We gotta call Sarge."

"E's not gonna like dis…" muttered Nubby, "NOT IT!"

"NOT IT!" echoed Twitch.

*BLARF* added Fumbles.

Aimy glared at them, and keyed Sarge's channel.

>>42204443
>Tyranid infestation

Oh god.

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>>42204443

Deep inside the spacefaring pile of scrap known as the Occurrence Border, there is a circular room filled with arcane machinery. In the middle of this room is a bubble of blue light which contains a large xenos that resembles a cross between a snake and a nightmarish fetus. The xenos is a type of potent Tyranid Psyker known as a Zoanthrope, which was captured in a daring Space Marine assisted raid, and is now being transported to an Inquisitorial laboratory for study.

The imprisoned Zoanthrope is being held completely still by a stasis field, but its sheer psychic presence distorts the world around it, and acts as a beacon to the denizens of the warp. The kludged-together Psyker Containment Area is straining to shroud the xenos' presence from the daemons surrounding the ship, and limit the power of the creature's mind. Every single sub-system is on the ragged edge of failing, some are sparking, others are smoking, and the Stasis Unit itself is emitting an ominous hum that steadily rises in pitch.

Two men, one in a filthy Guard uniform and the other sporting the robe and augmetics of the Adeptus Mechanicus, and a Tau of the Earth Caste variety are running around in a constant effort to repair the Containment Area's failing systems. A third man, whose uniform and bearing scream NCO, is standing directly in front of the Zoanthrope, and holding what appears to be a piece of hull-plating like an oversized shield.

The shieldbearer is Interrogator Greg Sargent, and he is not having a good day.

YES I FINALLY CAUGHT IT LIVE

>>42204120
Interlude huh? As in short little piece put on during intermissions to distract the audience from how long it's taking to set up the next scene?

Boy are all you guys going to be dissapointed. I bet half of you die from blueballs when this ends in another two or three posts.

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Ever since Fumbles got Anime eyes I think he looks like this.
>Pic Related

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>>42204618

I'll try to track down an artist before the next chapter and actually get a decent pic together, but you're sorta right. I think of him as a strung-out, unhealthy, neurotic version of pic.

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>>42204506

Sarge tightened his grip on the massive shield as the Stasis Unit's humming reached a painfully high pitch, then went out of the range of human hearing. After a few tense seconds there was deafening *CLANG*, and the blue field around the Zoanthrope disappeared. It was immediately replaced by a corona of green electricity, which gathered in front of the xenos as it turned to face the frantically working Fio. With a scream of effort, Sarge hefted the shield and sprinted across the room, barely managing to intercept the lightning bolt in time.

Without a second of hesitation, the Zoanthrope began gathering another bolt of electricity and twisted around to face the opposite side of the room. Sarge lifted his smoking shield for another sprint, but let it drop back down to the floor as the Stasis Field snapped back into existence. Behind him, the squat Tau scientist complained that Sarge was standing in his light.

At the sound of Sarge grumbling about the "Ungrateful little xenos bastard," Tink looked up from the mess of wires he was digging through.

"Hmm? Oh, nice catch boss, we'd all be dead without you. Truly, you're a master of standing in front of things. Now, since you're just standing there, can you grab me another handful of triplex connectors? Next flicker should be in three minutes, you've got time."

Sarge glared at the techie, but set down his shield and headed off to get the requested parts. On the far side of the room, Chief Enginseer Jim leaned out from behind a glowing blue pylon, and angrily waved a mechadendrite.

"DAMNIT TINK! No more triplex connectors, they anger the machine-spirits, stick to duplex."

Tink scoffed, "Machine spirits my ass, they work FINE! Come on Fio, back me up on this."

The Tau responded without looking up from his work "There's no scientific reason triplex connectors shouldn't work. They're completely compatible with duplex systems, and are, in fact, rated to a much higher capacity."

"See!"

>>42204691
Don't shatter mine vision of a adorable psyker kid following around the living weapon arsenals that are the all guardsmen party.

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>>42204733

Jim returned to his work with a few mutters about his poor, abused machines, and Sarge delivered the controversial parts. As Sarge hefted his massive shield and got into position, the Stasis Unit began making its ominous humming again and Tink rushed to finish his repairs. With a shout of triumph, he reconnected the final component, slammed the panel shut, and ran over to one of the control panels lining the room.

The mental pressure everyone in the room had been feeling quickly decreased. Sarge let out a sigh of relief, Tink cheered again, and Fio asked if anyone else could smell smoke. A second later the panel Tink had just shut was flung across the room by a small explosion, and the mental pressure returned with painful intensity. From behind his pylon, Jim shouted "I TOLD YOU THEY DON'T LIKE TRIPLEX!"

While the three techies ran around in a panic, Sarge stood still and watched the Stasis Unit. He looked down at his shield, up at the green aura that was gathering around the Zoanthrope despite the temporarily-functional Stasis Field, back down at the shield, and reached a decision. Silently counting to himself, Sarge raised the massive slab of metal over his head.

Sarge didn't wait for the Zoanthrope to make the first move: as the Stasis Field cut out, he flung the heavy shield with all his beefy-noncom strength and dove for cover. There was a *CLANG* followed by a *ZAP*, a *THWAP*, and a massive, crackling *BOOM*.

For a split second the room was lit by a blinding green light, and then everything went dark. Sarge hung in the air at the apex of his jump, and blinked in the pitch darkness. He wondered if he'd finally gotten himself killed, and whether the afterlife truly involved fighting by the Emperor's side, or if Twitch was right about the poker room. Then he crashed into the ceiling and the ringing in his ears faded into Jim screaming at Tink about how he'd caused a ship-wide power outage with his damned triplex connectors.

catching it live

can die happy

Oh God-Emperor...

>>42204845

oh god dammit.

these poor fuckers.

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>>42204845

Since he was apparently still alive, Sarge decided it was a good idea to stay that way and turned on his tac-light. He tried to twist around to face the Zoanthrope, but this turned out to be rather difficult, since the Stasis Unit was now empty. After a brief period of panic, Sarge realized that the lack of green lighting bolts meant that the xenos wasn't currently up for a fight, and began carefully scanning the room.

Remembering the meaty thunk he'd heard after throwing the shield, Sarge aimed his light at the far side of the room. It revealed a horrible form made of chitin and metal hanging in the entrance of the debris-clogged cell. A closer look revealed it to be the Zoanthrope, except with a partially-melted shield wrapped around its head. Sarge floated over and scientifically poked it with his gun, took its feeble twitching as a good sign, and began hefting the xenos out of the cell and back towards the Stasis Unit.

While Sarge wrangled the Zoanthrope back into place, Tink, Jim, and Fio climbed around the incredibly deep hole that occupied Sarge's former position. From the very bottom, Fio could be heard complaining that whoever had installed the wiring in his section had not been a sept-certified electrician. Jim, who was patching cables slightly higher up, suggested that the person had probably been either drunk, or insane, or both. At the top of the hole, Tink reconnected a group of wires with a few duplex connectors, and nearly wet himself when the tangled mass started sparking and the room's com-terminal chimed.

At the sight of the familiar contact code on the screen, Tink launched himself out of the hole and flew over to the terminal, ran a hand through his filthy hair, straightened his goggles, and oh-so-casually answered the incoming call.

"Heyyyyyy Hannah, what's up baby?"

Sarge heard the enraged screeching from across the room, but couldn't make out any worlds aside from "stupid" and "insane".

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>>42204030
Whohooo! glad I could catch it live. You have helped me through many a boring night Shoggy.

>AGP at the same time as HQQ
I don't need that resume that urgently anyways.

>>42204030
>Doc automatically turned his shoulder tac-light on, snatched the now-floating severed arm out of the air and instructed his patient to "keep a hand" on it, and drew his sidearm. The minor daemon that clawed out of the medical waste bin, already weakened by the prayer seals, was dispatched with single volley from Doc's las-pistol. That minor annoyance dealt with, he disengaged his mag-boots and launched himself towards the back of the medbay.

Keeping it professional i see

>>42204956

HQQ?

>>42204618
You're not alone, I also thought Fumbly looked like this.

>>42204992
Hive Queen Quest. Probably the best civilization quest I've ever seen.

YES MADE IT!

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>>42204924

Tink continued undeterred, "Why would you assume I had anything to do with this? Is it because you're always thinking about me?"

This time the screeching was accompanied by a short arc of electricity. Cursing and clutching his burned ear, Tink floated away from the terminal, and then crashed to the ground next to the hole as gravity and light returned to the cells. After a feeble attempt to climb to his feet, the techie gave up, leaned over the side of the hole, and groaned "Hey Jim, your sexier counterpart is being all bitchy. You can talk to her."

While Jim climbed out of the hole and began giving a damage report to Hannah, Sarge pushed the Zoanthrope back into the network of grav-plates above the Stasis Unit. Once he was certain the now-metal-faced Xenos wasn't going anywhere, Sarge dragged Tink up off the floor and over to the non-functional Stasis Unit. A few kicks and death threats convinced the techie that getting the Stasis Field back up was more important than eavesdropping on Jim's conversation, and the two guardsmen got to work.

Right as the last fixes were being made, Sarge's combead came to life with the sound of Doc's slightly-panicked voice. "Hey Sarge, the Captain's been trying to reach you over the ship's comms, he says we're there."

With a rare smile, Sarge relayed the good news to the combead-less Tink, who practically collapsed with relief and leaned towards Sarge's headset "Oh thank the Emperor, Doc tell him we'll be ready in five minutes."

On the far side of the combead, Doc's voice grew a little panicked, "Umm, I don't think you've got five minutes, I think he meant we're THERE there, as in we're dewarping RIGHT NOW." Sarge winced as Tink ripped the combead off his head and began screaming into it.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR WARNING DOC? I WAS PROMISED A FIFTEEN MINUTE WARNING!"

I may have Missed Hyper Dimension Dwarf Fortress. But there is no way in hell I am missing AGP.

>>42205048

DOES IT HAVE BEEEES?

>>42205095
In Hive Queen Quest, we ARE the bees. Sorta.

>>42205059
everything keeps going to shit, this is amazing.

>>42204618
Yes. This. Exactly this.

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>>42205059

"How should I know?" responded Doc, "I'm just passing the word along. All I know is that the Captain said your room's comm is busy and asked me try and reach you."

"That's totally not my fault." Tink shot a glare towards the room's com terminal where Jim was chattering about catastrophic system damage with Hannah, and then returned his attention to the combead. "And why didn't he just call us like you did?"

Doc's tone shifted from panicked to annoyed. "Maybe because you helped Twitch encrypt all of our combeads day before yesterday."

"That was just to keep the cogboys from spying on us, and he said he'd share the code with everyone who needed it!"

There was a brief pause as Doc digested this, then the medic exploded. "YOU thought HE'D share the code? This is TWITCH we're talking about you idiot, OF COURSE HE DIDN'T SHARE IT WITH ANYONE!"

Tink began putting together a suitably scathing response, but was interrupted as Sarge wrenched the combead back and spun him around to face the psi-suppressors. "Talking time over, fixing time now! MOVE IT TROOPER!"

Once he was sure Tink was back on task, Sarge turned his attention to Jim. Using his refined oratory and leadership skills, he convinced the techpriest that repairing the cells' various delicate systems before the stress of de-warping blew them into shrapnel took priority over helping Hannah with the ship's power problems. Which is to say: Sarge reached over Jim's shoulder and terminated his call, then picked the hapless Enginseer up by his crimson robes and flung him towards Tink with a shout of "FIX STUFF BEFORE IT EXPLODES!"

As two techies scrambled, and Fio asked what was going on and if anyone could help him out of the hole, Sarge entered the bridge's contact code into the comm terminal. Unfortunately, his plan to yell at the Captain for attempting to get them all killed ran into problems when the ex-navy officer answered the call with a bellow of "WHY IS MY NAVIGATOR UNCONSCIOUS, SARGE?"

>>42204618
>>42205021
>>42205147

The will of the masses has been noted, and this image has been added to the reference list for whenever I find a drawfag looking for a commission.

>>42205190
Oh God-fucking-Emperor this is not going to be good..

>>42205190

It keeps getting worse.

How is this possible. Ahahaha.

>>42204618
Aside from Aimy and Sarge, Fumbles has gotta be one of the best Characters.

>>42205226
yey.

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>>42205190

Back in the aft of the ship, Aimy's combead nearly deafened her as it finally connected to Sarge's. After a few attempts to make herself heard over her boss' shouting match, she removed the earpiece and turned to her companions. "I think he's busy, apparently we're all about to die."

Nubby, seated on Fumbles' curled up form, paused in rummaging through a medkit that appeared to be filled with nothing but lho sticks and suspiciously-unlabeled bags of pills. "Huh… neat. Anyone wanna smoke?" Behind him Twitch reacted a little more strongly, leaping to his feet with his rifle in one hand and grasping for some something inside his jacket with the other.

"I knew it! Have we been boarded? Who's coordinating the defence? Should I blow the ship's plasma reactor before-" His tirade was cut off as Nubby yanked the detonator out of his hand and began dancing backwards down the hall with it.

Aimy listened a little longer, then called after the pair, "No boarders, but he's arguing with the Captain about whether to stay in the warp and risk the Navigator getting possessed, or dewarp and potentially blow up the Cells."

Nubby paused for a second, "Speakin as someone oo's nowhere near da Cells, I vote for dat one." Twitch seized on Nubby's distraction and made another grab for the detonator, but Nubby managed to spin away and crammed it down between the two wads of dirty socks holding up the front of his dress. This did not deter Twitch even slightly. Aimy gagged a little and Fumbles laughed weakly as Twitch tackled Nubby to the ground and began rooting around for the detonator.

As Twitch finally found his prize and withdrew it (along with a handful of crusty socks), a deep vibration came up through the floor and the vox system began blaring the completely-incomprehensible automated de-warping warning. Aimy raised her combead back to her ear, Twitch and Nubby both cheered, Fumbles began whimpering again, and back in the gore-filled hallway something moved.

>>42205226
Magnificent.

Between the Genestealers, the Zoanthrope's disabled accommodations preventing a dewarp without dying, and a lack of anyone to steer the ship, I believe we have finally reached the point of AGP where everyone is on a literal Rapetrain with no brakes.

>>42205303
god dammit twitch.

why did you rig the fucking reactor.

>>42205314

Has anyone rolled to seduce the Zoanthrope yet?

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>>42205303

Tink and Jim worked feverishly. In the background the automated de-warp warning instructed all hands to hold still and pray to the Emperor in thirty-six different variations of Gothic (not to mention Jantine Battle-Cant and what the resident xenologist insisted was Hrud), until Sarge used his carbine to deactivate the nearest speaker. The noise of the de-warp warning was replaced by the pops of overloading psi-suppressors, Fio's demands to be told what was happening, and the sound of Sarge yelling at the Captain to slow down. Inside the inactive Stasis Unit, unnoticed by everyone, the Zoanthrope began twitching.

Doc threw himself across the medbay as Sergeant Gravis went into double-cardiac arrest. While he struggled to fight the increasingly active tyranid bio-weapon, the deep vibration of the ship's Warp Drive grew stronger and stronger.

Aimy, Twitch, and Nubby all flinched as a sensation similar to fiberglass being rubbed on exposed nerves shot through their heads, and automatically turned to face Fumbles. Aimy got as far as "THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU NOW-" before she noticed the way the gore in the corridor had begun to bubble and froth. With remarkable coordination, the three troopers seized Fumbles and started retreating down the now-wildly-shaking corridor. Then, right as they reached the next door and turned back to see what they were running from, the vibrations stopped with a colossal, tooth-rattling *CLANG*.

Archive.

>>42205362
At this point it's only a matter of time. It's incredible how magnificently fucked everyone and everything is.

>>42205392

Nubbie gets a Girlfriend.

>>42205353

As a side note: Twitch THINKS he's rigged the reactor. Everyone else knows that Ol' Bill removed the mines, but they refuse to tell Twitch since thinking he can destroy the entire ship at a moments notice makes him far more calm and easy to work with.

>>42205420
at least it'll be better than his last one

>>42205431
Logic.

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>>42205380

Twitch swore, Nubby screamed, Fumbles started twitching madly, and Aimy looked around in confusion. She got as far as "What the f-" before all the gore, including the portion soaking her armor, suddenly ran together and reformed into familiar insectoid shapes in a sort of reverse-explosion. All three troopers immediately opened fire.

As the *CLANG* reverberated through the medbay, Doc went pale. Sister Valerie met his gaze from across the room and began to ask "What the f-", but her question was interrupted as the ragged edge of Gravis' torso inexplicably burst into green and black flames. Sister Valerie abandoned her current patient and sprinted towards Gravis as Doc screamed "THIS IS NOT HOW POISON IS SUPPOSED WORK!", and grabbed a fire extinguisher off the wall.

As the echoes of the *CLANG* died away, Tink leaned out of the cover he had jumped into when the psi-suppressor he'd been working on exploded. "What. The FUCK. Was THAT?" asked the shaken techie. Jim didn't respond, being rather busy rocking back and forth and whimpering to himself, and Fio rather crossly asked how someone stuck in a hole was supposed to know anything about what was going on.

Sarge raised his Carbine with a mutter of "Oh not this shit again," and began scanning the room. Behind him the comm terminal chimed as another person joined the call, and the husky old voice of Ol' Bill temporarily overrode the Captain's demands for information. "Hey guys, know you're busy screamin at eachother, but we've got something big and psychic holdin us in the warp. Either of you seen any major daemons running around? Or is this just your damned bug again Sarge?"

Sarge focused on the twitching Zoanthrope and took a step forward, "I think it might be the..." The xenos psyker snapped its metal-covered face towards him, surrounded itself with a halo of green and black electricity, and a tide of insects began pouring out of every crack in the room. "DEFINITELY THE BUG!" shouted Sarge.

>>42204030
Just when I thought this day couldn't get better!

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>>42205464

>>42204733
>The Tau responded without looking up from his work "There's no scientific reason triplex connectors shouldn't work. They're completely compatible with duplex systems, and are, in fact, rated to a much higher capacity."

When did the scientist learn to speak Imperial?

>>42205431
Twitch works best when his paranoid delusions have some weight, doesn't he?

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>>42205464

Sarge dropped his carbine onto its sling and sprinted for the Stasis Unit, crushing insects under his boots as he ran. For a second the room around him seemed to stretch and warp, but it stopped as Jim snapped out of his funk and plunged his mechadendrites into one of the psi-suppressors. Several small bolts of green and black electricity grounded on Sarge as he finally neared the Stasis Unit, but he ignored them and triumphantly flipped the big switch to ON. Nothing happened. Sarge frantically flipped the switch up and down, and screamed "I THOUGHT WE FIXED THIS, TINK!"

Tink slammed into the unit next to him, slapped his hand away then set the switch to on, and responded with forced calm "Had to replace the capacitors to fix the flicker, they need to char-AGHHHH." Tink's calm tone evaporated as the began slapping at the insects that had just crawled up his pants leg. Sarge sprang to help, then noticed the way the insects were flowing towards the open maintenance panel on the Stasis Unit. He immediately began employing his big, stompy boots in an effort to stem the tide, screaming at Tink as he did so. "WHY DIDN'T WE TURN IT BACK ON AFTER WE FIXED IT?"

"BECAUSE WE'RE IDIOTS SARGE!" responded the techie as his frantic dancing finally dislodged the last bug and he joined Sarge in stomping the on-rushing swarm. Even with two sets of boots, it was obviously a losing battle, but being Guardsmen, neither of them commented on this. They continued in their desperate attempt to Hold The Line, as the tide surrounded them and began climbing both their legs and the Stasis Unit.

Across the room, Jim noticed their predicament and, in a fit of genius, scrambled over to Fio's hole. He very calmly asked the Tau to redirect extra power from the damaged suppressors to the Stasis Unit. There was a flash of blue light behind Sarge and Tink, and both of them collapsed as the universe twisted and what felt like a million barbed legs ripped across their minds.

>>42205065
>Hyper Dimension Dwarf Fortress
What?

>>42205541
He's always spoken imperial. He learned at least as far back as when he was kidnapped by the Rogue Trader.

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>>42205562

"You alive Sarge?"

"Sorta..."

Sarge flinched as Aimy's considerably louder voice joined the conversation. "What the hell happened down there?"

"Tink broke something." muttered Sarge with a halfhearted glare at the prone techie.

Tink stopped moaning about his head, and dug through his gear pouches for his own combead, whining to himself as he searched. "S'not my fault, stupid machine spirits being little bitches. No bloody scientific reason…"

Sarge returned his attention to his combead and summoned up as much professionalism as he could manage. "Everyone still alive? Report."

"I'm fine, and Gravis is still alive, if a little crispy around the edges." replied Doc.

Aimy spoke next. "We're all okay, but the thing hunting people in the aft tainted area turned out to be a swarm of gaunts."

Sarge winced. "Oh, shit."

Aimy began to continue, but Twitch's voice, which sounded dangerously excited to Sarge's experienced ear, overrode her. "I was ready for that though, and we blew them into chunky salsa, except-" There was a brief scuffle in the background as Aimy explained to Twitch that interrupting was very rude.

After a few seconds, Nubby awkwardly cleared his throat and continued the story. "Cept afta dat, all da bits n stuff stahted runnin togever an' dey got back up."

"Oh… shit…"

Aimy's voice returned. "But then we dewarped and they all sort of evaporated. Just POOF, gone. Blood, guts, and everything. So we figure-" Once again Twitch interrupted, "that the nids have formed an alliance with chaos! An unstoppable tide of Daemonids will sweep across the sector and- OW!"

Sarge sighed and rubbed his face as Tink and Nubby both snickered.

"We figure it was just some sort of warp-thingy. So, umm, I guess everything is fine. I mean Fumbles is unconscious, again, but otherwise everything is fine." finished Aimy, sounding rather annoyed over how her story had been spoiled.

I swear that Twitch is going to WEAR Explosive Reactive Armour plating one day....

>>42204423
That was papa n

shoggy m8, I love you. Love.
I've the thread open and refreshing, but I'm busy doing work and wishing I was dead. I want you to know you've at least some lurking assholes who are or will be gleefully reading your thread once it's finished, or we are. Just so you know. Your writeups are the best of thinhgs.

>>42205770
Didn't he wear some explosives on his back that would detonate if someone stabbed/shot him in the back?

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>>42205692

Sarge ran through the whole disjointed report in his head. After a little pondering he held up his hand and began ticking off his fingers. "Okay, I guess we dewarped just in time to avoid that problem, so that's sorted. And it looks like the anti-psyker stuff is holding up fine now that we're out of the warp. And Gravis is still mostly alive right?"

"Right. Mostly." confirmed Doc.

Sarge looked down at his closed hand in surprise, ran through the list again in his head, then shrugged to himself. "So, uh, I guess we made it. I mean, here we are at waystation whatever. All that's left to do is requisition a few parts, drop Gravis off with the local medicae, get a new astropath, and call the Scythes. Then we spend a few leisurely weeks getting everything fixed up, and take a nice safe route back to wherever Oak's lab is." he paused for a second, not quite believing what he was saying, then continued "So yeah, we win, good job people…"

There were a few seconds of shocked disbelief, and then Sarge ripped off his combead as it exploded with cheers. When the volume finally returned to a safe level, he put it back on just in time to catch Doc say "You know, that trip went a lot easier than I expected."

"Oh shut up, you've been hiding in the medbay and sleeping in a nice warm bed every night," responded Tink in his most petulant voice. "I can't remember the last time I got to sleep for more than ten minutes."

Doc continued undeterred, "Okay, yeah, it was a bad week for some of us, I'll admit that, but it wasn't what I'd call 'hellish'. And 'hellish' is sort of the standard for our missions. I mean, when you look at it in comparison to some of our other assignments, this went amazingly well."

The was met with a thoughtful silence, which then slowly congealed as the squad followed the observation out to its logical conclusion. Eventually Twitch broke the uncomfortable silence. "Ohhhh we are sooo screwed. This one's going to be really, really bad."

>>42204030
Oh my, he really is getting used to this.

Also, YES, I CAUGHT ANOTHER ONE LIVE!!

>>42204084
Is this the first time we've heard the Sister's name?

>>42205824
I think so, but I think that as they keep getting in more and more dangerous situations, he'd wear a FULL SUIT of ERA plates.

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>>42205827

"What's going to be bad?" asked Aimy, revealing her inexperience.

"Everything."

"What?"

"It's like da third law of conservation of da fingy." translated Nubby, "Ya know 'Fer everyfing what appens, deres like, a completely dis-pra-portionate re-action'."

Sarge sighed, and translated the translation. "If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush."

"Wait, wait, are you guys seriously suggesting that nothing can possibly go right? That ANYTHING good that happens to us is just a setup for something especially horrible?"

"Yeah." "Yep!" "That's right." "Uh-huh." "It's been scientifically proven" responded the rest of the squad in unison.

"So what? There's some sort of all-powerful cosmic entity conspiring to make our lives as dangerous and miserable as possible for its own sick amusement?"

Nubby nodded, "Somfin like dat, or just, ya know, da uni-verse itself."

"I think it's the Orks" muttered Twitch.

Aimy ran the last few months through her mind. "That's... that's... surprisingly believable. Well not the Ork part, that's just retarded, but it makes sense." She paused, and applied this theory to the current situation. "Yeah... now that we've finally reached it, I can totally see this waystation being full of… of…" she trailed off.

"Chaos worshipping psychic mutants," suggested Twitch, "waiting to capture hapless visitors and overwrite their minds with copies of their cult leader's. Or Orks. Or Orks disguised as chaos worship-" Twitch was interrupted as Sarge, recognizing an unproductive line of thought, cleared his throat and rather wearily addressed his troops.

"Paranoia aside, we're just here for a nice, simple supply run. Everyone put together your shopping lists, and grab some rest while the Captain takes care of docking. And let's, PLEASE, just try to get through this without anyone blowing up the station, or being arrested, or assaulting someone, or committing tech-heresy, or... whatever it is you do to screw everything up Doc."

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>>42205824
>>42205915

>>42205990
Shoggy, Now might be a bad time to mention this, but I think your DM's an Ork Player/Commando.

>>42205990
>just try to get through this without anyone blowing up the station, or being arrested, or assaulting someone, or committing tech-heresy, or... whatever it is you do to screw everything up Doc.

I predict every one of these things is going to happen.

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>>42205990
I get it now

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>>42205990

>And that's all folks.

>Like I said, this was just an Interlude: a chunk of the story that had to be told, but didn't fit in well at the end of the last chapter and was too damned long to serve as the intro for the next.

>The next real chapter will be coming along... eventually (I expect to make decent progress now that I'm not trying to write outside of my preferred style). I'll try to get the whole clusterfuck finished before the end of the next month.

>As a final word, if any of you folks know of any artists that want to do a few commissions, please let me know. I really need to finish getting the group drawn up.

>>42206161

Sounds good man. If you're finding it difficult to write outside of your usual style, you can just stick to what you're used to. It's definitely worked well for you so far. That being said, this was very entertaining, and I'm looking forward to the final conclusion next month.

Huzzah! Good work, Shoggy. I agree, the style was different, but certainly not bad. And even a short taste of the All Guardsmen Party is awesome. Thanks for bringing it to us, and I look forward to the next!

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>>42206161
let's just....pretend everything ends happily....

>>42206161
Nifty, good read man. I think you did ok with this different writing style.

>>42206161
why not try the drawthreads, there has been a surge in 40k requests being taken. And if you post with your trip, you will most likely get art out the wazoo

I finally get in to one of these threads in time to read it live, and I have nothing clever to write... Thank you Shoggy, you're doing /tg/ proud.

>>42205913
Yep!

>>42205783
>>42206236
Always nice to hear that.

>>42205547
Yes, and there's actually a whole system for how close his randommer delusions come to reality.

>>42206190
>>42206210
Writing in this style is SLOW more than anything. It makes it much harder to summarize things, and I have to keep calling people to ask what they said four months ago. God help me if I ever decide to rework the ENTIRE thing into "proper" literary style.

>>42206207
Well, happily is a matter of perspective, so I guess... actually I can't think of anyone who wound up being happy about what happened next.

>>42206322
>actually I can't think of anyone who wound up being happy about what happened next.
Shit... Not even Nubby?

>>42206367
Umm, well...
Actually yeah, he came away from it ahead. I mean the overall situation was terrible, but he definitely profited.

Don't forget to archive the thread.

>>42206161
Shoggy,
One simple unrelated question, Biggie or 2Pac?

>>42206432
Donzo: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

Fuck off Shoggy. The wife is mad at me and now you want me to take time on the computer instead of spooning with her and eating ice cream?
Don't you make me choose, dammit.

>>42205990
Is it WayStation 13? Because it had better be WayStation 13.

>>42206699
Well, the captain IS a condom after all.

>>42206534
2Pac on account of having an alphabetically superior name. (Honestly my only experience with hip-hop is Weird Al's occasional parodies of it)

>>42206699
No clowns were harmed in the making of the next chapter.

Just popping in here to say that I'm not really a fan of 40k, but I enjoy the stuff you've written for the Post a Picture Write a Story threads.

You should swing by more often.

>>42206322
Cheers man, always happy to read your stuff.

>>42206322
So Shoggy, did the wounded Scythe ever do anything interesting on this journey?

Did Doc get anything handy statwise for treating him?

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>>42207147
Well, he spontaneously caught on fire, that's interesting right?

Seriously though, he plays a fairly serious part in the rest of the mission.

>>42206992
Glad to hear that people actually read those. I enjoy doing those shorts as a break from writing, but they definitely eat up time I should be using for the next chapter.

Looking forward to seeing how the marine gets around after losing his legs. The techpriests could give him rocket knees or something.

Holy fucking shit.... caught a live All Guardsman Party Storytime

>>42207147

Oh and Doc came out with significantly more medical skill at the end of it. Our GM levels his Medicae ranks separately from the rest of his character, and he's been constantly getting practice between missions since we got our own ship, but this one was a massive EXP boost if that makes sense.

>>42207298

No comment.

>>42206699
>>42206932
CONFIRMERINO!!!!

>>42207344
>
So he's well on his way to becoming an actual doctor?

Also, is Tink getting better at his job, or worse?

>>42204733
>*CLANG*
What the fuck was that?!

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SHOGGY HAS RETUUUUUUUUURNED!

>>42207405
Oh Christ, if it's SS13 I'm going to have to mail Shoggy's GM a bottle of whatever his favorite is.

>>42207467
Yes, but an incredibly specialized Doctor. The sort that's far more equipped for treating symptoms than diagnosing anything.

Tink is progressing, but it's increasingly along what you might call the Tau technological path. He manages not to completely screw everything up for a while after this, which is a nice change.

>>42207717
You mean like a trauma surgeon?

>>42207717
What has twitch advanced down the path of then?

Because he is obviously one of the best characters!

So, Shoggy, I notice there are more guardsmen than players now.

Sarge, Twitch, Nubby, Doc, and Heavy;_;7 started it off, so there were 5 players.
Now there's Aimy and Fumbles. I'm fairly certain Nubby and Fumbles are played by one player, but who's got Aimy? Doc's player?
Or did you get another couple of players are your sessions?

>>42207864
>>42206322
Not to mention, this system sounds interesting. How does it work?

Could work amazingly well in general Dark Heresy/other FFG games.

>>42207405
Oh, put a bangin' donk on it!

>>42207971
iirc Shoggy has confirmed that Aimy is played by Doc's player.

First time seeing one live. LOVE YOUR WORK SHOGGY!

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>>42207737

Yea, but with a fair aptitude for treating poisons, organ degeneration, and any disease with really obvious symptoms that's in his Big Book O Doctorin.

>>42207864

Twitch hasn't really advanced outside of his combat leveling. The side-level stuff was mostly our GM trying to balance things out so the Skill Monkies didn't get left in the dust, and Twitch is the height of cheese.

>>42207971

Adding players has never really been an option, we're rather old and set in our ways (and we play in the middle of fucking nowhere, see pic) so Aimy is handled primarily by Doc, but it's the usual group-effort thing. It's been said that our group resembles a bunch of drunks at a theater more than your usual RPG group, there's a lot of cross chatter and suggestions going on.

It was honestly a massive relief for Doc's player when our GM decided he wasn't going to dump Valerie on him too, and took care of her stuff himself. He'd have gone mad trying to keep track of three characters.

>>42208025

Eh it's a sort of handwave, he more or less partitioned off what he considered to be Trade Skills, and allowed a seperate EXP pool for those, which fills up from using them or doing stuff during downtime. Of course while Doc and Tink are leveling, the rest of the party is getting rather inconsequential stat boosts for dicking around on the ship fighting minor daemons or going through bureaucratic hell. Sarge does not really appreciate the Fel points he has gained.

>>42208156
???

How does that help him sometimes accidentally predict the threat/factors/other things of the month?

>>42208156
>Twitch is the height of cheese
care to give some examples of said cheesy goodness?

>>42208156
>I've been climbing for so long
>Both my guides are gone, claimed by the steep cliffs
>A moment of inattentiveness, and they vanishes
>Down the cliff-face
>What will I tell their families?
>That they died for nothing?
>No
>I'll keep climbing
>I'll make it
>And the world will know of what happened here
>The summit is so close
Shoggy, man, what kept ya? You're usually early.
>Sherpas took a tumble
Shit sucks dude. Bring the brews?
>I've got Blue Moon and Budweiser, plus some Sprite for winding things down

>>42208156
So glad to have caught this, and on my birthday too! Thanks Shoggy!

Shoggy, what does your GM think of Shadowrun?
What would you do if after All Guardsmen Campaign ends, he declares it's Shadowrun time?
How would you react?
How would your fellow players react?

>>42206161
Oh, those poor, poor bastards.

I enjoyed this one, with more of the in-character speech and all that.

>>42206932
>No clowns were harmed in the making of the next chapter.

Damn. I'd love to have seen a Chaos Spess Mehrine go ass-over-teakettle because of a flung bananna peel, followed by a thorough robusting with a Power Toolbox attached by jump-leads to a live Zoanthrope.

>>42208917

How about clown motif Night Lords Space Marine

>42208974
With H.O.N.K.-themed Dreadnoughts armed with banana cannons and HONK sirens.

*shudders*

That's the kind of thing that would drive Jim and Hannah to tech-heresy. Like, moreso than they already have been .

Not Tek-Heresy, mind you, because the Ruinous Powers do not fly on this ship, but old-fashioned xeno-tech heresy.

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>>42208230

Twitch's accuracy is based on a d100 roll made at the start of every session, then the GM gives him a note with suggestions he can either follow or ignore. It's shifted so we don't know whether he gets it right or not, but he gets a bonus based on his Insanity and Corruption points. Very handwavy, but immensely enjoyable for us.

>>42208267

Well, it's more a basic mechanic thing than a min-max thing. About a quarter of our encounters have been resolved by Twitch alone (and at least 4 "boss" encounters to boot). He's the reason why all of our serious encounters are now either in dangerously small, high value, or mobile locations, and tend to include a mine-clearing wave or three. Our GM claims to really regret letting us have detpacks and mines, but I think he actually enjoys the challenge.

Anyway, the point is that a large enough pile of detpacks can solve almost any problem, and Twitch has a near-infinite supply of them thanks to Nubby.

>>42208319

It's not quite that bad, but they plow his road like once a week, so twice I've had to sit at the junction and wait for his big ass truck to come get me.

>>42208712

Happy Birthday!

>>42209093
Given the kind of shit that's crawling around, it was either "detpacks, ALL of the detpacks," or have the group inducted into the Astartes.

I wonder how things went completely tits-up, yet Nubby turned a profit. Or did Nubby turn a profit by making things go tits-up? Hrm....

>>42204030
>about to go to bed
>player linked a thread, & it's still live
Sleep is for the dead. Duty to the Emperor is eternal.

>>42209185
Only the dead know rest from this hilarity.

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>>42208860

So wayyyy back when (in bloody highschool) we did a few Shadowrun games, they were quite fun, but we returned to our massive 3.5 thing once we got everyone returned from vacation.

Pic's the only worthwhile excerpt from that, though the whole thing was quite fun.

Anyhow, I'm not sure what we'll play next when the stars align and we all have time again, but Shadowrun is a distinct possibility. At least 2 of us have played the new computer games, and everyone has read the 2D storytimes, and our GM likes the established fluff, so definitely a possibility.

>>42208917
>>42208974
>>42209037

This amuses me greatly. If someone yells at me in the writethreads over next week, I'll take a shot at putting something together on the SS13K subject.
>Find the Cabbage CAPTCHA can just go fuck off.

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>>42205692
>that the nids have formed an alliance with chaos! An unstoppable tide of Daemonids will sweep across the sector and-

I see what he did there.

>>42209093
Oh dear. How's the party's insanity/corruption doing?


Also, we Need those suggestions from the DM now.

>>42209329
>Anyhow, I'm not sure what we'll play next when the stars align and we all have time again
Does this mean your group finished playing Dark Heresy?

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>>42209329
>everyone has read the 2D storytime

>>42209329
>2D storytimes
uhhhh, anyone care to elaborate?

>>42204084
>"Just a little longer and it'll all be over."
Oh zog me.
Doc should really know better by now.

>>42204845
>a ship-wide power outage
Iiinteresting...

>>42209503
The series is simply called Shadowrun Storytime, it's incredibly good and you can read it on suptg here:

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=Shadowrun+Storytime

I've considered setting up a dedicated archive for it like I have for AGP (It's not very hard), but it's not really my story and suptg/moe seem to be doing fine.

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Are we going to Waystation Thirteen?

>>42204924
This post is a beautiful snapshot of AGP.

>>42205353
Presumably he ran out of other things to rig.

>>42206430
That's our Nubby!

>>42205827
>"You know, that trip went a lot easier than I expected."
Doc
Doc no
>>42207717
>He manages not to completely screw everything up for a while after this, which is a nice change.
I don't believe you.

>>42205574
>She's always spoken imperial. She learned at least as far back as when she was kidnapped by the Rogue Trader.
ftfy

>>42209334
I don't. Is it a reference to Ssytili?
>>42209336
iirc they didn't use anything as concrete as points, but the GM was probably tracking it in secret, if Twitch gets bonuses to his delusions' accuracy for it.
>>42209601
So much to read, so little time...
>>42209640
>pic
Uh
What the fuck
I don't think I know what SS13 is

>>42210492
>I don't think I know what SS13 is
Imagine a space station.

Now imagine it is filled with socio-slash-psychopaths.

Now imagine some of them are assholes directive and are traitors on top of it all.

Sometimes imagine aliens.

You have SS13.

>>42209329
>Cabbage
I was having an easy time with that away from /tg/, but as soon as I came back it switched from "hmm, is that a cabbage, a kayak, or a steak?" to "hmm, is that chopped cabbage, chopped broccoli, or chopped asparagus?"
...and it gives me an easy cabbage captcha for this post. Is the Omnissiah trying to tell me something?
>>42206322
I very much enjoy this style, and it's nice to have a manageably-sized serving of AGP goodness once in a while instead of the volumes you usually deliver that leave us emotionally fried and drained of sleep. Not that those aren't wonderful too.
>>42205226
I pictured him somewhat older than either pic, with a slight hunch to his back and a few facial warts. Both pics do seem to suit him, though.

>>42210492
Space station 13 is a space station. Players play the roles of everyone on the station. Head researcher. Chief of engineering. Security. Captain. Lawyer, clown, maintenance tech, janitor, cook, etc.
One person is a traitor. Ostensibly, the station is equipped to handle this. You have your investigators, your repairmen, your janitors, your security personnel, everything should be manageable.

Ideally.

Except, as >>42210557 says, every single one of them, traitor or not, is a socio-slash-psychopath.

I'm told rounds where the escape shuttle isn't called are rarer than when it is.

LET IT BE KNOWN TO ANY WHO ARE INTERESTED THAT THE ALL-TECHPRIEST PARTY NEEDS MORE PLAYERS because life happenings picked off most of them before the GM got his lazy ass in gear and started the campaign.
I intend to post in the 40K RPG thread later this week to post details, because they aren't on this device and I'm tired.


>>42210557
Uncle Google is so helpful.
>>42210594
Sounds like fun.

>>42210642
>Sounds like fun.
can be if you can get people to actually role play. Been in games where people have and haven't role played and the difference was night and day.

>>42210642
What time, baby?
What system, too?
It's been a while since I got to 40krpg.

>>42210492
Check out the SS13 thread here on /tg/ and give it a whirl. It's pretty fun, in that "I have no idea what the fuck is going on but it's all awesome" sort of way.

Sooo are we ever going to get storytime from the All Sisters or the All Dark Eldar parties?

>>42210847

both have probably fallen into degeneracy.

finally caught a fucking live one.

>>42210932
and its already over~

>>42210695
We haven't established a game time yet. The GM hasn't figured that out.
System is Dark Heresy 1e.

The Lathes book is pretty much a must to avoid extremely samey characters, I think.

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>>42210847
We've had storytime from the All Sisters. Hadn't heard of an All DEldar game, though a friend of mine is playing a Haemonculus in an RT game where the only human player character is the Rogue Trader.
He got his crew in a bar. Apparently the Kabalite Warrior's player doesn't really 'get' DEldar mindset, though.
>>42210695
Shooting for Friday evenings, but TBD as a group once we have enough to call a group again. tl;gotta sleep version: Dark Heresy 1st ed, make a rank1 Techpriest as per standard chargen rules - you can choose stuff like handedness and homeworld, I don't care, but your Divination and anything like that needs to be rolled. I don't need to verify your stat generation rolls, but if you want me to that's fine. sup/tg/ has a handy character generator if you want to use it, or if you want spare characters (you might end up needing them after a few hours aboard the Occurrence Border). Making backstory is neither discouraged nor encouraged; the players will all be bottom-ranked tech adepts assigned to the Occurrence Border in the 'Xenotech Heresy' episode's aftermath.
>>42210932
Not really.

>>42210847
>>42210887

All Sisters is currently on a Space Hulk being terrorized by the sound of horse hooves and random fucking stairs.

All Dark Eldar is currently raiding a Hive World for slaves and more Not!Starbucks to fund their Drug Cartel.

>>42211056
contact info, m80? Or meetup place?

>>42211026
Lathes is more 'tolerated' than required. It looks fine, bit I still haven't gone over it with a fine-toothed comb. Still, it's not like Crimson Guard are being made playable, so it should be fine. I'd like to have some regular old cogboys, honestly, but I don't mind them standing out. Conferring as a group before spending the XP earned in game may be wise to avoid redundancy, but you get so little XP to start with that I wouldn't worry about it during chargen.

...okay seriously, what is up with the fucking cabbages?

>>42211069
dumb Skype ID: shadowrumble
Game will be either on IRC or Roll20, depending on whether I'm willing to transcribe my floorplan notes into Roll20 to spare us confusing descriptions

Is Nubby a Nobby Nobbs expy from discworld? Because he reminds me of him quite a bit, only more theft/immoral inclined.

>>42211140
The name didn't give it away?
Yeah, he is. The party like to rip off Discworld stuff occasionally, to the point that it's practically a tradition.

OH MY GOD

I literally JUST hit the catalog button and thought, 'I wonder if I'll be lucky, and there'll be the next AGP in progress'

You just made my birthday even more awesome, Shoggy.

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>>42204310
>At the far end of the corridor, Twitch smiled.

>>42211169
Two birthdays, nice.

Techpriest GM signing off while I'm still coherent enough to feed the cats. I'll check my Skype in the morning for prospective players beyond the one I have and try to get a PDF up on the RPF thread by Thursday.

>>42211169

Happy lifeday, child of the Emperor.

Have you venerated the Emperor today?

>>42211105

Use inquisitor's handbook too.

All them toys.

>>42211310
Oh Throne yes. I consider that and the CRB the be core DH, to the point that I sometimes forget it's a supplement.

Felines fed. Sleep now.
Thanks, Shoggy. Night, /tg/.

>>42211105
Should look in the Only War core book and Shield of Humanity splat for some admec gear and talents.

Crimson Guard get ridiculous shit by default in that book an the Chrimson Exemplar gets lite light power armor (Crimson Armor, AP 6 all and grants unnatural strength 1), ballistic or utility mechadendrite, an Omnissian axe, MIU weapon interface, and a best craftsmanship lathe-lasrifle (Basic, 100m, S/2/-, 1d10+6 E pen 2, Tearing, clip and reload of N/A.)

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>>42211404
Also, here is what the Crimson Guard gets.

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>tfw finally catching one of these threads

>>42204030
Woooooo
We love you shoggy! Sign my Man-tits!

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>catching an AGP thread live

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>>42204030
hnnnn, all guardsman partyyyy

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>>42204030
>LIVE SHOGGY

I CAME

so glad I was able to catch one live

Newfag here:
Why is everyone having orgasms? Can somebody explain to me the greatness that appears to be shoggy in a sentence or two?

>>42212941
That google drive link he gave near the top? Read all the stories there.

Even if he was making this up entirely from nothing it would be worth reading.

>>42212969
If its Sci Fi I would be surprised if he wasn't making it up? Thanks though, so everyones going crazy because it's just good reading. Fair enough. I'll check it out

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>>42212941

Using Only War, a group of roleplayers make a a Regiment of Guard, the Gener 99th Medium Infanry, who are over the course of a brutal weekend of Warhammer 40,000ing, reduced to less than 30 men by a combination of Orks, Heretics, Tyranids, Heretics, Orks, Tyranids, and their own fucking incompetent officer corps.

After this is done, the GM hands the players copies of the Dark Heresy core rulebook, and they all get drafted into the =][= by the Inquisitorial equivalent of a Pokémon trainer. Inquisitor Oak then proceeds to pimp these poor bastards out in groups of ~5 to Interrogators whose own Inquisitors don't have any spare goons to give them, but who are ready for them to advance to Inquisitorhood.

These poor, five Guardsmen, now have to survive among the scariest and/or craziest people in the Imperium of Man, most of whom have less than no regard for their lives, whilst attempting to actually accomplish the Interrogators' missions for them when said Interrogators inevitably get themselves incarcerated/maimed/bogged down in bureaucracy/outright turn to Heresy.

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>>42204030
goddamnit, Shoggy, you posted literally 2 minutes after I went to bed.

Actually, that's probably for the best, bank Holiday or no.

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I check /tg/ multiple times a day and still somehow missed this thread. Even though it's an interlude still top notch stuff Shoggy. I still haven't stopped screaming about AGP to anyone remotely interested in 40k so thanks for that.

>Jim's reaction to everything Tink comes into contact with.

>>42212992
Well, it's storytime of what happened when he and the rest of his group played their game. Shoggy makes up his part as he plays it then, but there's four other players and a GM who are doing their own parts to spin this glorious yarn.

Said GM also reposts these stories on reddit, and has gone and spilled the beans on who shoggy actually plays which is actually very carefully concealed elsewhere, so don't go hunting down that stuff unless you're okay with finding that out.

If you do find out, don't be a jerk, keep it to yourself. There's lots of people here who want to not know.

>>42213009
>Inquisitorial equivalent of a Pokémon professor
Fixed for you

We missed you Shoggy.

Also first time catching one liveish.

The first time I have caught one live!

I thought the day would never come.

Shoggy, you are an inspiration to players of tabletop everywhere. One day I hope to be part of a game half as good as yours.

>>42209601
Shoggy, what sort of armor does the AGP have? We all know they're between hot-shot las guns and pulse carbines/rifles, but no word on their defensive kit.

>>42214203

Its obviously carapace already at this point.

Caught a AGP fairly early for once. Love the whole thing to bits and it's a lot of what I throw at people to get them interested in things. Along with various other /tg' things.

>when the zoanthrope gets loose

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>>42214259
>fixed pic

>>42214203
Best quality Carapace (started as poor, but has been worked over by Tink) along with semi-random assortment of wargear. We have Magboots, Rebreathers, and Voidsuits for everyone, Tink has preysense Goggles, and the rest is sort of a crap shoot.

>>42213009
>Inquisitorial equivalent of a Pokémon trainer
Oak is a Pokemon Professor

>captcha
That was brussels sprouts, not cabbage

>>42213311
Check the google doc, he usually mentions when he's going to be posting

>>42214540
Any Tau-tech aside from the guns?

>>42216457
Well there's Spot, and whatever gadgets get strapped onto him by Tink and Fio, but aside from that there's just the markerlights/scopes on everyone's weapons.

>>42216592
So they're just flirting with tech-heresy. Cool.


What role/class is Greg Sargent in now/gunning for? You keep mentioning the beefiness and strength, in addition to speed.

>>42216592
I love you shoggy. Seriously, your write-fagging is some of the best stuff to come out of /tg/ in its history. I routinely check the archive just to make sure I don't miss it.

CAUGHT MY FIRST ONE LIVE!!!
ALL PRAISE BE TO BASED SHOGGY!!!!

OH HOLY FUCK

SHOOGY! WELCOME BACK YOU AMAZING SON OF A BITCH

I'll get right on this, narrations will be up with in the week!

never thought the common swedefag would ever catch it live

glorious

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>finding out Shoggy hasn't been MIA for four months, but I just missed a whole storytime

>>42217175
It's just like Christmas morning, innit?

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>>42217231
You have no idea.

Well, maybe you were behind too, then you might.

Oh wow I never thought I'd catch one of these in the flesh.

Shoggy, you rock, you magnificent bastard!

At long last, catching one live.

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>mfw Shoggy says he likes my narration and will put it on the wiki

>>42217382
Links?

>>42205464
>"THIS IS NOT HOW POISON IS SUPPOSED WORK!", and grabbed a fire extinguisher off the wall
And once again I'm wishing I could draw.

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>So, uh, somehow I managed to misplace a post between
>>42205562
>and
>>42205692
>That's actually very embarrassing. Don't think I've ever done that before... here it is anyway.

For the second time that day Sarge wondered if he'd been killed, but as the empty ringing in his head was replaced by what felt like the universe's worst hangover, he decided that he was probably still alive. He just wished he wasn't.

Moving with the extreme care of someone with a near-terminal headache, Sarge sat up and looked around the Cells. Surprisingly, things looked more-or-less stable. The bugs were gone, though his legs felt like they'd been worked over with a wire brush, and a certain feeling in his gut told him the Occurrence Border had finally exited the warp. It seemed that without the strain of traveling through that hellish realm, the few still-functional psi-suppressors were holding up fine. Well, as far as he could tell they were fine... at least none of them were on fire, and whatever Tink had done to the Stasis Unit had fixed that damned flicker. Sarge eyed the stationary Zoanthrope and its creepy new metal-covered face, then flipped it off and turned his attention to his team.

Tink was curled up nearby, clutching at his head and alternating between crying and swearing. Jim was already back on his feet and doing techpriest things, and Fio had finally hauled himself out of the hole in the floor. The annoying little xenos looked rather confused about what had happened, but had just enough self preservation instinct to go help Jim instead of bothering Sarge or Tink with questions. Sarge decided that the situation was stable enough for the time being, and carefully lowered himself back down to the floor, only to be jerked back upright as a something drove a red-hot poker into his head via his ear. He frantically reduced the volume on his combead until the voice coming through it changed from a horrible daemonic screech made of pure agony, to Doc's rather worried tone.

>>42217675
Heh. Somehow, it made sense even without it!

Ah well, everyone goofs up sooner or later.

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>>42209601
If anyone's interested, instead of going through several threads, have this conveniently edited and proofread pdf of the complete 2D storytime.

Woohoo! Found it! Reddit represent!

>>42218480
Kill yourself.

>>42218480

Why did shoggy have to post on Reddit, GITP and all the other places

>>42218811
Actually, I think his DM posted it to Reddit.

>>42218480
You really don't want to advertise that you're from Reddit when browsing 4chan. You see, we don't like Reddit.
Just keep it to yourself and otherwise observe local etiquette, and we'll all have a much better time.
>>42218811
His GM is Redditor or whatever they're called, which is evidence enough that Reddit isn't the shithole people make it out to be any more than /tg/ is. I mean, they're both shitholes of course, but it's not very difficult to sift through the sewage to find gems.

>>42216592
Also, Shoggy, for the sake of character sheets, how much older than Doc is Valerie (if at all)? Is she a kind of all-around doctor?

Shoggy, you alone are responsible for introducing me to both wh40k and the Dark Heresy system. Your group's quality of rapport and role playing is truly inspiring.

Because of you and your writing, I'm planning on running a Rogue Trader campaign soon. Here's hoping that it'll at least approach the level of quality that your group has achieved.

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>>42220021
Doc is in 24ish if I got my math right, Valerie is two or three years older.

She is a highly skilled generalist (her previous career consisted primarily of refugee-aid work, so a lot of experience with plagues, industrial poisonings, malnutrition etc.), and is capable of handling every stage of a patient's treatment. She also posesses and knows how to use some of the fancier pieces of medical technology available in the Imperium.

The only field where Doc has her beat is quick and dirty field aid and trauma surgery, and that's only by a thin margin, Also, while she's trained in combat and possesses Sororitas armor, Valerie is not as good in a fight as any of the guardsmen, and has a rather poor grasp of tactics.

>>42220178
Good luck! Do please let us know how it goes, it's always great to hear peoples stories, especially about their first games in a system.

>>42220437
Hey, Shoggy, did you like the Random Shittiness tables I made up for the Occurrence Border? The ones found here: http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Occurrence_Border_Random_Encounters

>>42221026
Yes! It's awesome!

You really put a whole lot of effort into it, and I'd love to hear about someone using it in a campaign.

Please give me a shout if you ever need to bounce ideas off someone for those tables, I'd love to help.

>>42221174
>Yes! It's awesome!
>You really put a whole lot of effort into it, and I'd love to hear about someone using it in a campaign.

Heh, I'm really glad to hear that. I made them for the All Cogboy Party. Just waiting on the GM to get around to the formal Call to Players and work out game-day and such. (It's been so long since I read the books and made the character, I don't even remember much of it.)

I'm kind of afraid to see those tables in actual use, to be honest, especially with a party of new characters. I think running away may be the default solution to a lot of those things for characters who intend to survive. I mean, when "Plan B!" isn't an option, anyway.

>Please give me a shout if you ever need to bounce ideas off someone for those tables, I'd love to help.
How do we get ahold of you when there isn't an AGP Storytime thread in progress?

My email is in the FAQ on the HTML, so that's the best way.

I also keep an eye out for posts with keywords related to my stuff, and pop in if I have anything to add.

>>42221442
>My email is in the FAQ on the HTML, so that's the best way.

Wow. I've seen that email a dozen times, and that still didn't click.

I can be a real moron sometimes. Thanks.

>>42210847
As a player in All Sisters, I am going to attempt to do justice to our game via text starting this week.

However I am terrible with grammar and spelling and... well everything concerning English. It will definitely be a trial run.

>>42220437
Cool. That they're both so good at their jobs probably helps make the age difference a non-issue.


What about Sarge and his skills?

>What role/class is Greg Sargent in now/gunning for? You keep mentioning the beefiness and strength, in addition to speed.

>>42221972
>Cool. That they're both so good at their jobs probably helps make the age difference a non-issue.

Three years isn't a huge age difference, even if the woman is older...

> Captcha: Choose the pies
>> Pizza pie... Actually, yeah, that one works.

>>42221972

You know, I'm not sure. I'll dig out my books when I get back from this thing.

>>42222044
I say that because I've heard otherwise somewhere.
...Also, I keep picturing Sarge as a big salt-and-pepper guy in his 40s or early 50s, despite hearing Somewhere that he's in his 30s.

This series is honestly the best thing that's been on /tg/ for a good while, if not forever; equal parts awesome and hilarious. Many thanks to Shoggy for taking the time to write them up, and to the rest of his group for contributing to these entertaining tales.

>>42216954
Care to share a link?

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>>42218480
>Reddit represent!

mah nigga. This is the best story ever produced, loving every minute.

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>>42218480
>>42222687

>>42217675
Awkward... hopefully people will remember to include it in the shortened version (with just the story posts).

>>42223239
the whole thing gets edited when it gets put on the doc anyway.

>>42222058
Thing?

Soon, I hope.

>>42221972

Okay, so I went through my notes, and we started hitting Ascension levels at the start of the the Tyranid Chapter (We all officially picked Stormtrooper, because what else were we going to do?) but it's all sort of a confused jumble of house-ruling at this point.

Anyhow, I know for sure that at this point Sarge had the Only War tier 3 talents True Grit, Target Selection, and Sprint (Everyone but Tink and Aimy had sprint at this point and we made them get it by the end of the mission, because running away is important). I believe that this was the point where he was really dithering over going for Indomitable Fortitude or Heroic Leadership. (He wound up snap-deciding Leadership half way through the next chapter, which amused the hell out of us)

Really he's settled into the Tank and Face roles for the party, he's got enough CQC to hold his own and enough ranged to contribute serious damage, but he's mostly there to organize and soak.

>I'm hoping that all made sense, I'm not entirely sober right now, vendor meetings do that to a person...

>(He wound up snap-deciding Leadership half way through the next chapter, which amused the hell out of us)

Did he by any chance have another "HANDLE IT" moment? : V

>>42226808

Not sayin

This is really great Shoggy. When can we expect to see Waystation13?

>>42221174
>I'd love to hear about someone using it in a campaign.
I'm torn. On the one hand, I want to use the tables I made and continue hoarding them like a selfish git until campaign's end to preserve surprise for the players.
On the other hand, he made far more involved and overall better tables.

I'll probably be using both. I may even be able to keep logs and polish them up for storytime like you and Shas do.

>>42229044
Read the thread.