>>41917025
>Dismount and climb onto it

>>41917025
>Dismount and climb onto it

>>41917025
>Have Lucky charge at it and couch your mighty lance under your arm
Good thing we invested in a +5 lance of armor piercing.

>>41917025
>>Dismount and climb onto it
This is not our first rodeo

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>>41917025
You spur Lucky and take cover behind a house for a moment, with Amyl and Tanyl scurrying behind you. You throw down your lance. Tanyl rushes to catch it, and it knocks him over. You dismount as Amyl tries to pull the lance off of his brother. "I'm going to climb onto it. Maybe it has a door or something. At least there's likely to be less armor on its roof."

"Yes, mistress, good idea!" says Tanyl, who is still crawling out from under the lance that pinned his weak frame."Very creative. I'll have to tell everyone how creative you are. What shall dear Amyl and I do in the meantime?"

>"Just watch Lucky and my lance and don't get yourselves killed."
>"Distract the tank so I can get behind it. That's an order."
>"Try to prevent these people from going into even more of a panic."

>>41917363
>"Distract the tank so I can get behind it. That's an order."

>>41917363
>>"Try to prevent these people from going into even more of a panic."
They are elves, they can probably use their elf magic to put them to sleep or make them rice krispies treats.

>>41917363
>"Try to prevent these people from going into even more of a panic."

>>41917363
>"Just watch Lucky and my lance and don't get yourselves killed."
They're too scrubby to do anything else.

>>41917363
>>"Try to prevent these people from going into even more of a panic."

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>>41917363
You lift the lance off of the pathetic young elf and stick it tip-down in the dirt. "You two are on crowd control. Keep these people from going into even more of a panic."

"Yes, mistress!" They both salute you. After a moment or two of debating who should take the lead, each advocating for the other, they scamper off to sing songs for the people about how brave the people of Witch's Mill are and how they're much to kind to their neighbors to considering trampling or looting each other. Amyl has to come up with some pretty groan-inducing rhymes. He's really at a loss to come up with anything that rhymes with "trampling."

You circle around the block to come at the steam tank from behind as it's blowing through a mass of peasant crossbowmen. It has a couple of smaller aft cannons, but they're slow to reload, leaving you plenty of time to run up behind the thing and grab its riveted steel plates.

>Roll 1d100 to scale this thing and find a weakness

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>41917886

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>41917886
I fear that the elves attempts to calm the folks will be stymied by their brutally honest natures

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>41917886
HONK HONK IM A TONK

Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>41917886
Perfected wrestling technique: titan scaling maneuver!

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>>41917886
Scaling the horrible thing is a trying affair. Some of its armor plates are scaldingly hot even through your gauntlets, and steam erupts up from closely-woven metal grates near its top. You cough on the black smoke pouring out of its chimney, which is protected at the top by a similar metal grate. Fortunately, you are now on top of it, and it lacks the ability to buck you off as an unbroken stallion might. Its sideways swiveling motions can no longer throw you off.

>You are now at 4/5 Endurance

>Try to drop your knife and other small objects down its chimney. Roll 1d100
>Stab through its steam vents with your sword. Roll 1d100
>Pry loose its armor with your sword or knife in search of a control mechanism. Roll 1d100
>Seal off its chimney by pinching it closed with a mighty bear hug. Roll 1d100. This is almost certainly the most difficult option, a feat of strength worthy of a song.

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>41918230
>Seal off its chimney by pinching it closed with a mighty bear hug. Roll 1d100. This is almost certainly the most difficult option, a feat of strength worthy of a song.

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>41918230
>Pry loose its armor with your sword or knife in search of a control mechanism. Roll 1d100

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>41918230
>>Seal off its chimney by pinching it closed with a mighty bear hug. Roll 1d100. This is almost certainly the most difficult option, a feat of strength worthy of a song.
You've hugged worse

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>41918230
>>Seal off its chimney by pinching it closed with a mighty bear hug. Roll 1d100. This is almost certainly the most difficult option, a feat of strength worthy of a song.

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>41918230
>Seal off its chimney by pinching it closed with a mighty bear hug. Roll 1d100. This is almost certainly the most difficult option, a feat of strength worthy of a song.
Those elf bois gonna be so impressed

>>41918256
>Song alludes to us squeezing our husbands arms off in a hug.

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>>41918230
You don't even bother to draw your sword. You see your opening. Its chimney is mostly made of cheap brass, and its soot-stained ruddy sheen calls to you. You seize it with your great arms and clasp your lobster-plated hands together. You squeeze it as hard as you can and give a primal scream. With a groan, the chimney bends and buckles. You start to twist, and the sounds of groaning metal get louder. The tank fires shots into the air, but they can't reach you and crash into buildings a block away. Some peasant militiamen pause from running for their lives to gaze up in awe at you. With a few more heaves, you twist the chimney tightly and completely seal off the flow of smoke. You can't see your squires.

>You are at 3/5 Endurance.

You see smoke emerge from other places on the tank - around the wheel wells of its treads, the apertures from which it aims its guns, even from its steam vents. It rumbles under your feet and ceases its advance.

>Roll 1d100 to get off of this thing before it explodes.

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>41918491

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>41918491
>>Roll 1d100 to get off of this thing before it explodes.

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>41918491

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>41918491
>>41918578
damn these first rolls are amazing
but I'll add my nat 100 just in case

>>41918645
I rolled the 95 too

>>41918631
...........fuck

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>>41918491
You hang off its starboard side, brace your powerful legs against it, and vault off of it. You hit the ground rolling just as you hear a thunderous explosion. One side of you feels intense heat, and some small pieces of shrapnel bounce off your armor. Those townsfolk and men-at-arms who are brave enough to remain out in the open cheer wildly for you.

You dust yourself off and survey the situation. Five of your seven men-at-arms died trying to stall the tank's advance, as no others were valiant enough to stand against it without someone else to hide behind. Your lance is where you left it, but Lucky is nowhere to be seen. You find Amyl and Tanyl hiding in a bakery, singing to a group of human and halfling children taking shelter there. They're singing about their pet parrots, frequently interrupting each other. Amyl thinks that Tanyl's parrot Bloodreaver is the prettiest parrot to ever grace the elven realms, a compliment which Tanyl initially refuses to accept but lets pass on the condition that it be understood that Amyl's parrot Lord Pretty Green Man is much more clever and witty in his utterances.

A noisy crowd is gathering behind you. They wish to lift you and your squires high and carry you in honor to their sheriff.

> Let them
> Refuse them and push through them to look for Lucky
> "I'll walk, thank you. Go find my horse and bring him to me."
> "I will go alone. My squires are cowards and weaklings undeserving of honor."

>>41918844
> "I'll walk, thank you. Go find my horse and bring him to me."

>>41918844
>> "I'll walk, thank you. Go find my horse and bring him to me."

>>41918844
>> "I'll walk, thank you. Go find my horse and bring him to me."

>>41918844
>Let them

>>41918844
> "I'll walk, thank you. Go find my horse and bring him to me."
Was the Nat 1 our men at arms dying? (While we got the 92)

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>>41918844
"I'll walk, thank you. Go find my horse and bring him to me."

"Yes, milady!" Many of the townsfolk scatter in all directions in search of Lucky, no doubt hoping for a reward. You whistle to call your squires to heel as you begin walking to the town hall.

"We're very proud of you, mistress!" says Tanyl. "You must have been frightfully brave to destroy such a machine! We'll tell everyone we can how wonderful you were. I didn't see the greater part of it, but Amyl can fill in the details. He's very creative, you see."
"Oh, but it's a shame that some men-at-arms had to sacrifice themselves," adds Amyl. "It won't be happy news for their families, will it?"
"Careful, now!" says Tanyl. "Such talk may offend our kind and stoutly-thewed mistress. Surely she wouldn't have allowed such sacrifices unless there was no other way. So their deaths were not in vain, and they also will be memorialized in your song, I'm sure."
"Oh, yes,of course, Tanyl!" says Amyl. "Such nobility and chivalry was on display this day. You're very clever to have noticed it. The greatness of it all brings a tear to my eye. It makes me hope that one day I may be a proper knight and bravely send men to lay down their lives in battle and be great heroes."
"Yes, that sounds lovely, Amyl! I hope I can do the same, though of course I'm not as good at telling people things, compared to you, on account of your great creativity."

The town hall is full of refugees being looked after by a human with a silver sword at his belt and a fine blue silk doublet over his large paunch. "Lady Carine!" he says. "I hear the danger is past. On behalf of our lord Sir Eustace, it is my duty and my pleasure to reward you for your service and your valor in arms in our time of need." He offers you a bag of gold.

> Accept. Keeping all these bloody squires is expensive.
> "Just a bath and rooms for the night, if you please. And an honorable burial for the fallen."

>>41919492
>"Just a bath and rooms for the night, if you please. And an honorable burial for the fallen."

>>41919492
> "Just a bath and rooms for the night, if you please. And an honorable burial for the fallen."

>>41919492
>> Accept. Keeping all these bloody squires is expensive.
Also, replacing 5 man at arm is going to be a PITA

>>41919492
> "Just a bath and rooms for the night, if you please. And an honorable burial for the fallen."
God dam these two, they can't even watch the whole battle.

>>41919492
I'm not sure, how well are we and our husband doing financially?

>>41919492
>"Just a bath and rooms for the night, if you please. And an honorable burial for the fallen."

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>>41919492
"Just a bath and rooms for the night, if you please. And an honorable burial for the fallen."

Amyl gives you a one-elf round of applause. "Such chivalry on display! Look, Tanyl, you'll like this. I know how much you like chivalry. This is a large amount of chivalry."

You are led to a richly-appointed town house with only a small cannon-hole in its second story. A peasant brings Lucky to you, and Amyl and Tanyl ineptly remove his tack and barding and lead him to a nearby livery stable. The master of the house bows to you and points out the rooms being prepared for you and your men and squires.

The red-faced halfling butler approaches you. "We're ah, drawing a bath as you requested, milady. How much, ah, assistance will you be wanting?"

>"What I want is privacy. Just have them fill it and get out."
>"Well, I suppose I could use some help looking good for dinner."
>"That's what I have squires for."
>Write in

>>41919700
You and your husband are surviving but can't outfit as many men-at-arms as you'd like. You can't commit a large force of soldiers in the field and properly defend your home at the same time, especially at this time of year when you cant conscript any peasant levies.

>>41919798
>"Well, I suppose I could use some help looking good for dinner."

>>41919798
>"That's what I have squires for."
Time to put those hot elf bois to use.

>>41919798
>"That's what I have squires for."

>>41919798
>"That's what I have squires for."
Also, we are going to have to yell at them at some point for hiding away from the battle.

>>41919798
>"That's what I have squires for."

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>>41919798
"That's what I have squires for."
The butler looks relieved to have avoided offense. "Yes, of course, milady!"

You whistle again to call Tanyl and Amyl into the master bedroom which the master of the house has graciously let you use for the evening. The squires help you remove your armor. Tanyl complains that one of the buckles pinched his finger and he has to take a little break to "find his center" again. After tugging him back by the ear, you put him back to work.

You have the elven twins help you wash your hair, which is thick with sweat and soot and the smell of smoke, as you bathe. They don't undress or wash themselves because they bravely avoided getting dirty in the battle. You really don't care how much of you they see, but this task is making them blush and whimper.

"Is something the matter back there?" you ask.
"Oh, no, mistress!" says Tanyl. "You have very good hair. Very thick. Amyl says he wished he could have hair like yours, didn't you, Amyl?"

>This will count as your free interaction with them for the day.

>Scold them for hiding from all the danger
>Praise them for thinking of the town's children

>>41920123
>Scold them for hiding from all the danger

>>41920123
>Praise them for thinking of the town's children

>>41920123
>Praise them for thinking of the town's children
I mean... we DID pretty much order them to prevent further panic, didn't we?

>>41920123
>Scold them for hiding from all the danger

>>41920224
Plus the thing rekt our men at arms, who were much better fighters. Them fighting would have been suicide.

>>41920123
>Scold them for hiding from all the danger
Did it really take two of you to do that same job

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>>41920123
When they've mostly sorted out the mess in your hair and have started combing it, you stand up and turn around to face them, naked and dripping, looking down at them sternly. They make a sound like they make when you slap them or twist their ears, but they can't look away. That got their attention. Good.

"I told you to control the panic in the town. I found you hiding in a bakery, hunched down on the floor behind a counter, with a bunch of children in tow. That's what happened wasn't it?" You pause until they nod weakly. They don't know whether to be ashamed until you reach down and pat them on their heads. "Well done. You thought of the smallest and weakest. Very knightly of you."

They beam with excitement. "Oh, mistress!" Says Tanyl. "Thank you, mistress. I was just, we, we were just trying to help after our own fashion."
"Trying to think what you would do, really," says Amyl. "Well, what you would do if you were a tiny elf without much practice with a sword..."

"Just one thing," you say. "Did it really take two of you to do that? You could have done more good by splitting up." They stammer and try to think of an excuse, but ultimately they lower their gaze and shake their heads. "Well, it just shows that you need some training yet. And that's what you'll be getting. Now see if there are any clean clothes around here that fit me."

> Spend your remaining patience discussing small-unit tactics with them
> Save your remaining patience for matters of state at dinner

>>41920716
>Save your remaining patience for matters of state at dinner

>>41920716
> Save your remaining patience for matters of state at dinner

>>41920716
>Spend your remaining patience discussing small-unit tactics with them

>>41920716
> Save your remaining patience for matters of state at dinner

>>41920716
>> Save your remaining patience for matters of state at dinner

>>41920716
>> Spend your remaining patience discussing small-unit tactics with them

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>>41920716
They find a nice dress for you. You let them braid your hair when they make you the offer, but you spend no further time with them after that, making your way downstairs and preparing to mingle with the important people of this fiefdom. The house's owner is here, as are the sheriff, the lord mayor and his wife, the captain of the militia, and a buxom halfling woman whose position nobody mentions. You politely greet each one of them and listen to each of them go on about themselves, mentioning what was lost in the battle and using that pretense to launch into pointless talk about harvests, business ventures, and the price of crossbow bolts. They seem to enjoy how patient you are with them all.

>You now have 0/3 Patience

When the sheriff pauses to take a large bite of mutton, you find the chance to get a word in edgewise. "So how will this battle affect our alliance with the goblins? Will they believe it started as an accident when the tank went berserk? Can we prevent war?"

The lord mayor looks down and hesitates to answer. "Ahh... well, they'd be taking our word for it. They have a strange culture. Stranger than the orcs, in a way. They take offense very easily and for reasons that aren't always easy to see. And when they are offended, they're never afraid to offend right back. Perhaps if we hide the remains and pretend they never made it to us..."

"Could we haul the scrapped machine back to them?" asks the master of the house. "They have their strange crafts. Perhaps they could tell the tale of what truly happened from what remains of its inner workings!"

"This much we know," says his wife, "their machines are not as strong as we were led to believe. We should just invade them and lay them low."

"That'd be a waste of time," says the mysterious halfling woman. "This whole business was odd from the start. There's something going on in the goblin lands that we're not wise to. We need spies, lots of good spies."

> Write in a suggestion for them

>>41921064
>Take the machine back to them
>But also use spies
Though it'll be tough infiltrating and spying on a different race

>>41921064
Bring it back explain what happened.
Try to get a few spies in but don't hold your breath on them being of any use for a while.

>>41921064
>Tell them about what happened, but leave out the part about the goblins initiating violence, and say that we were just talking. We can just claim that the goblins all died because they were much closer to the machine, and probably inflate the number of our casualties to make it look like we didn't just watch them get slaughtered.
>Offer to help with the "investigation" of the malfunction as allies, taking this opportunity to spy.

>>41921064
Ask the halfling lady who she is.

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>>41921064
"We should haul the machine back to them. Even if we have to roll it on logs the whole way, it will be worth it. It's the one way we have of proving our innocence in all this." You nod back at the halfling. "But you're also right. we should check with the king and see if he has any spies in the area. If not, perhaps Lord Eustace or my lord husband will be able to come up with something..."

You seem to have convinced them, as they are all favorably inclined toward you for hearing out the details of their pointless lives. "I'll get a team of workmen on it as soon as I can find enough to spare," says the lord mayor.
"I'll go to the king," says he halfling. "I must collect a debt from him anyway..."

After dinner, the guests break into threes and fours and share expensive elven wine. The halfling woman finds you alone and not drinking. "You are wise as well as strong, lady Carine."
"Thank you..."
"May the child you are bearing share the same gifts."
You give her a cold look. You know you're not beginning to show; it's barely been a week. You're not even certain that you're pregnant. "You assume that because I'm not drinking."
"I don't have to. I have certain gifts. Gifts I could share with you. It must have been a difficult decision for you, knowing you'd be unable to fight for all those weeks. I can help. Let me put a little dweomer on you, and you'll bear a healthy babe before midwinter." You've never heard of such a spell.

>"Sounds good!"
>"No."
>"Maybe later. I want to lead this mission to return the machine to the goblins."

>>41921496
May I ask why you would do this for me Madam? What would the repurcussions be?

>>41921496
>>"Sounds good!"

>>41921496
>"Maybe later. I want to lead this mission to return the machine to the goblins."
Give's us time to research into this, and hopefully involve our husband in the decision

>>41921496
>"Maybe later. I want to lead this mission to return the machine to the goblins."

>>41921496
>"Maybe later. I want to lead this mission to return the machine to the goblins."

>>41921496
>"No."
DEMON!

>>41921584
>>41921598
>>41921621
>>41921666
>>41921742
Really guys? She's obviously a demon/Possesed/a cultist.

>>41921496
>"Maybe later. I want to lead this mission to return the machine to the goblins."

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>>41921496
"Maybe later. I want to lead this mission to return the machine to the goblins."

She smirks at you. "Don't wait too long, dear. You'l be able to find me right here..."

You ask the lord mayor to summon you when he's gathered all the men to transport the destroyed tank. "Yes, of course!" he says. "As a matter of fact, this afternoon I received several requests from the more well-bred gentlemen about town - even from Sir Eustace's own herald! The folk here are so impressed by your valor and puissance that they want to know if you have any room for more squires in your service. There are some human lads, some halfling lads, even a human lass."

>"Definitely not! I already have more squires than I know what to do with, thank you."
>"Makes no difference to me. Gather them up, I'll find somewhere to put them."
>"Maybe just the girl. I only got to fight because there were demons everywhere and everyone had to fight. It can't be as easy for her."

>>41921844
>"Maybe just the girl. I only got to fight because there were demons everywhere and everyone had to fight. It can't be as easy for her."

>>41921844
>>"Maybe just the girl. I only got to fight because there were demons everywhere and everyone had to fight. It can't be as easy for her."

>>41921844
>"Maybe just the girl. I only got to fight because there were demons everywhere and everyone had to fight. It can't be as easy for her."

>>41921814
I mean, if you need to present that many choices it clearly isn't obvious

>>41921844

>"Definitely not! I already have more squires than I know what to do with, thank you."

Oh man, I just realized. We're gonna come home to our husband hearing stories about how we destroyed a goblin tank...just using our arms.

>>41921970

We didn't even need an ARMy for it, just strongarmed it into submission.

>>41921844
>>"Maybe just the girl. I only got to fight because there were demons everywhere and everyone had to fight. It can't be as easy for her."

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>>41921844
"Maybe just the girl. I only got to fight because there were demons everywhere and everyone had to fight. It can't be as easy for her."

He nods, "I'll give her father the good news."

The next morning the lucky young girl is sent to you, dressed plainly in thick padded armor and a pot helm that makes her blonde bangs almost cover her eyes. She's struggling to carry an oversized pack full of gear. Dressed as she is, she looks just like all the worthless male human squires milling about your husband's halls right now and doing their level best to eat you out of house and home. You feel a slight twinge of regret for agreeing to this.

"She bows before you. At least she's appropriately submissive, unlike certain other squires you could name. "Lady Carine! It's an incredible honor to serve you. My name's Igraine. I hope one day I can become half as strong and renowned as you.

"Rise. Tell me, what brought you here? I didn't have the choices you have when I was your age. I didn't choose the chivalrous life; it chose me."

She wrings her hands. "Do you really want to know?" From the sound if it you know it's not going to be anything good.

>She beat her stepmother within an inch of her life for no good reason, and her family all want her far away
>She has an unhealthy fascination with blood and carnage
>She's disastrously incompetent at everything she's ever tried, so now she's trying martial pursuits to see if she's any good at that, even though she has no experience or interest in combat.

>>41922315
>She beat her stepmother within an inch of her life for no good reason, and her family all want her far away

>>41922315
>She beat her stepmother within an inch of her life for no good reason, and her family all want her far away

>>41922315
>She beat her stepmother within an inch of her life for no good reason, and her family all want her far away
Seems most unlike our other squires

>>41922315
The was born under the wrong stars.

Reality itself cries in pain every day she wakes and befoul it with her presence.

Her very existence his a scar upon this world.

>She's disastrously incompetent at everything she's ever tried, so now she's trying martial pursuits to see if she's any good at that, even though she has no experience or interest in combat.

>>41922315
>She beat her stepmother within an inch of her life for no good reason, and her family all want her far away

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>>41922315
"I struck my stepmother. A few times. I have to leave there now."

You crack a smile. You think you like her spirit. "What did she do to you, Igraine? Was she cruel? Did she hit you first? Was she trying to get you you of the way so her own children could take your place? It's all right, dear, you can tell me."

"No, nothing like that. I, uh... I thought that if she showed up all bruised in front of papa, he'd think someone had raped her and have their marriage annulled. I thought he'd never believe her story. He did. The old shit's smarter than I thought."

"Oh. Um..." You're at a loss. "That's not very encouraging. We're going to have to work on your anger problem."

"I wasn't angry. It was fun. I'm only sorry I got caught."

"Right..."

>Spend some patience to beat her to show her who's in charge.
>Deal with it later
>Have her sent back. You don't want a complete monster as a squire.

>>41922632
>Have her sent back. You don't want a complete monster as a squire.

>>41922632
>>Spend some patience to beat her to show her who's in charge.

>>41922632
>Spend some patience to beat her to show her who's in charge.

>>41922632
>Spend some patience to beat her to show her who's in charge.

>>41922632
>Have her sent back. You don't want a complete monster as a squire.

>>41922632
>Spend some patience to beat her to show her who's in charge.
If I catch you doing anything like that under my care? You'll be making your step-mother look like the picture of health and vigor.

>>41922632
>Spend some patience to beat her to show her who's in charge.

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>>41922632
Punching someone somehow feels more satisfying when you don't have gauntlets on. You knock her over with one strike, kick her in the ribs a few times, and set the instep of your boot over her neck. "Let's make something clear, dear. I am not your stepmother. You try anything like that on me and mine, you're going to spend the rest of your very short life regretting it. We're going to teach you to channel all that piss and vinegar you have into fighting your enemies on the field. And off the field, you will be courteous and obedient at all times because you value your life. Do I make myself clear?"

Igraine gasps for air. "Acck... Aaash, maady," she says with a rasping gurgle.

You pres your boot down harder. "Speak up, now! I didn't hear you." You wait until she's beet red and teary-eyed before removing your boot from her windpipe.

"Yes, my lady!" She says with a gasp.

"Good. We'll make a knight of you yet."

>Your Patience is now at 2/3

Amyl and Tanyl are outside getting Lucky ready for the ride home. They've put his saddle on backwards. You whistle for them. "Look here, boys! We've got another squire. This is Igraine.

"Oh! Hello, Igraine!" exlaimed Tanyl. "Welcome to our fellowship o boon companions! We'll be the best of friends in no time, I just know it! Mistress is very good at selecting the best squires, isn't she, Amyl?"
"I was just going to say something to that effect, Tanyl," says Amyl. "Just think, Igraine probably has all sorts of human songs we've never heard, and we'll be able to talk about what we'd do if we had to fight with a sword, and we could do each other's hair, and..."

> "Maybe it's best if you give Igraine a lot of space for now. She's, uh... she's not like you."
>Subject Igraine to them as a test. "Remember, Igraine. Courteous and obedient. Or else you'll rot in a gibbet cage."

>>41922999
>Subject Igraine to them as a test. "Remember, Igraine. Courteous and obedient. Or else you'll rot in a gibbet cage."

>>41922999
>>Subject Igraine to them as a test. "Remember, Igraine. Courteous and obedient. Or else you'll rot in a gibbet cage."
I don't blame her if she fails this test. Everyone gets a lesson then.

>>41922999
>>Subject Igraine to them as a test. "Remember, Igraine. Courteous and obedient. Or else you'll rot in a gibbet cage."
And yes Igraine I fully expect you to fail miserably.

>>41922999
>Subject Igraine to them as a test. "Remember, Igraine. Courteous and obedient. Or else you'll rot in a gibbet cage."

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>>41922999
Amyl's comment about doing each other's hair makes Igraine look like she's ready to retch. You look down at her and grab the back of her collar. "Remember, Igraine. Courteous and obedient. Or else you'll rot in a gibbet cage." Then you let go of her and give her a gentle nudge forward.

On the journey home, Amyl and Tanyl pester Igraine with their good-natured questioning and loud Elven poetry nearly constantly. But seeing how close at hand you are, Igraine limits herself to backhanded comments that mostly go over the heads of the two elves. "So you two want to be knigts?" she says. "What, you think you can talk an enemy to death?"
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that, Amyl," says Tanyl. "Do you suppose it's possible? Touching the cold heart of a staunch foeman with sweet poesy until it flows over with sentiment and he passes away in exquisite grief? I don't think I could do it, though. Maybe you cold, Amyl. You're very creative."
"Thank you, Tanyl!" says Amyl. "But I think you have more of a sweet innocence about you that is better suited to touch cold hearts. I think it will remain with you as we grow. It's more a spiritual sort of innocence; it doesn't just come from the fact that we haven't killed anyone yet or done the good touch."
"Or maybe you two are in the same lot as me," says Igraine, though neither elf is listening to her. "Squireship could just be a place to throw garbage children."

>On the journey home, divide your patience evenly among the three squires
>Spend all your patience on Igraine and use only your free interactions with Tanyl and Amyl

>>41923242
>>On the journey home, divide your patience evenly among the three squires

>>41923242
>On the journey home, divide your patience evenly among the three squires

>>41923242
>On the journey home, divide your patience evenly among the three squires

>>41923242
>Spend everything on the elves and ignore Igraine

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>>41923242
On the journey home, you gather all three squires together and drill them in basic swordsmanship. You have the elf boys spar more with each other while Igraine drills directly with you. She's never held a sword before, but she's strong and not afraid of violence. When you let her score the occasional touch against your steel breastplate, sometimes she says unsettling things like "YES! Like a stuck pig!" or "Ha ha, that's the end of YOUR life. Someone's not coming home."

Once you get too annoyed with Igraine, you usually have her help the men-at-arms keep watch over the camp as you tell tales of your exploits in the Goetic War to Amyl and Tanyl. You hope it will give them some idea of what will be expected of them one day. They refer to these as "scary stories" and tend to hide in their bedroll whenever you mention so much as the existence of the enemy forces.

The night after you return home to your husband, you have a dream while sleeping with him in your arms. It's years ago, and you're reliving one of your old war stories. You're by your future husband's side and bracing yourselves against a flying wedge of slavering demons charging at your position. You're wearing ill-fitting mail made for a man, and you're just beginning to understand your natural talent for killing as well as your feelings for this man who is mentoring you in the ways of warcraft. You're exchanging romantic banter with your husband, just like you remember. But then you notice that something is terribly wrong. The man you love is missing his arms, and you are weak and heavy with child. The demons close distance with you and tear both into pieces. You wake up gasping in a cold sweat.

>I'm going to break here. Any jokes you make about your husband's arms at this point will be added to the tally.

>>41923604
Well that was a rather alarming dream. I have to hand it to by subconscious, it left me in a cold sweat rather than up in arms.

>>41923730
booo
Bad situation, any jokes here would be reaching too far and trying too hard

>>41923820
Maybe it's how we cope

>>41923968
I do wonder if it's too late for magic for him. Or construct arms

>>41923968
You missed the joke anon.

>>41923604
thx 4 runin budi gud thred

>>41924024
Magical construct arms are an option, but they'd be clumsy (only taking verbal commands) and very expensive for your house to afford. You may pursue that in the next thread if you want.

>>41924155
Can he learn magic in this setting?

>>41924155
Regeneration magic a thing?

>>41924332
It would be a little late in life for him to begin learning magic. It's a demanding field. Not to mention he'd have to avoid spells with somatic components. You could hire a court wizard, though, for the right price.

>>41924352
Unfortunately not. Magic can clean wounds and speed natural healing, but growing back something that your body can't naturally grow back would involve dabbling in dark and unknown territory. Still, if you're not afraid, it's another thing you could pursue.

>>41924448
Alright getting him into a martial arts of kicks/headbutts it is then.