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“Doctor, do I really need this dental bib?” you ask.
“No, but it makes me more comfortable. I used to be a dental care bot.”
The medical bot takes the needle out of your arm.
“The nanobots will rearrange your fractured bones. Ready?”
> Maybe’s it better not to do this
> How much will it hurt?
> Yes
> ?

>>41750294
> How much will it hurt? Should I lock my badder control servos?

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>>41750641
“It will feel like someone shoving a giant corkscrew up your arm,” it says.

It suddenly feels like someone shoving a giant corkscrew up your arm.

“Try very hard to relax,” advises the bot. “Conjure up a pleasant memory.”

> DOCTOR I THINK I’M DYING
> RELAX BY THINKING ABOUT [ ]

>>41750294
> Yes

>>41750667
>OHGODTHEPAINWHY!?

>>41750732
It's not nearly as bad as that you lost your legs in that botched play, BUT STILL!

>>41750667
> DOCTOR I THINK I’M DYING
Shit, I'm late!

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>>41750786
>>41750732
>>41750799
You remember yet again the grade school performance of Romeo and Juliet that ruined your life, and the teacher responsible for it all: Commando Destructo. Thoughts of revenge help slightly.

The pain slowly subsides. The bot lets go of your arm, which flops to the ground. You now have control over your LEFT ARM.

“Your first visit to the hospital is free.” The bot pats you on the back. “Have a nice day.”

It ushers you out of the room, yelling “NEXT” into the intercom.

You should meet up with your coach, Applehead. Down the hall, however, a vending machine catches your eye.

> Investigate vending machine
> Hurry to coach

>>41750847
>> Investigate vending machine

>>41750847
> Investigate vending machine
Incredibly suspicious. It's basically our duty to investigate.

>>41750847
>Kick vending machine

>>41750847
Who can we sue for this scandalously short outfit? Our chastity is threatened!

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>>41750970
It's more than a little chilly in the hospital gown, but suing seems out of the question. The only lawyer you know is a bit of a dumbass.

>>41750870
>>41750867
It's full of HATS. You have a little spending money, but are cautious to enter into an another long-term relationship.

>>41750884
You kick the machine. It startles you when it talks.

“Howdy there!” the machine says. “This here contraption is owned by Big Dick’s Small Prices, slowly expanding into both the vending machine game and Big Dick’s Halfway Inns. Try your luck at a hat, partner!”

> Insert coin
> It's too soon

>>41751010
> Insert coin
We must try. It's what Hat would have wanted.

>>41751010
We need the hat to ward away our cloaked form! It could return at any moment!

>>41751010
> Insert coin
It's not committing to anything. You're just testing the waters!

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>>41751082
Not symbolic cloaked form! Anything but that.

>>41751105
>>41751041
“Yeehaw, partner!”

The machine violently shakes, slamming into the wall. The pile of hats are thrown from side to side until one lands down the chute. The machine is still.

You reach in and grab the hat. It's a FEDORA.

You put it on and it feels wrong, so cold and empty. I mean, you kind of look like a mafiaso, but they kill people with guns and shit. You can’t wear this.

You pocket the FEDORA into your inventory.

You back off the machine, still in mourning over your SUNHAT. Is this really what the SUNHAT would have wanted?

>>41751201
Aww man, a fedora? That sucks.
We can always trade it for something else later.

>>41751201
Sunhat wouldn't approve. Fedora is a nice hat, but it's just not for you.

>>41751201
It's just not the same, poor sunhat.

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>>41751222
>>41751274
>>41751323
You hope for a time in the future where the FEDORA will become useful.

You find your coach in the waiting area. You take a seat next to him.

Applehead looks up. “Hey kid, how was the surgery?”

> Act brave
> Act HEROIC
> "It sucked."
> ?

>>41751354
> "It sucked."
Surgery a shit

>>41751354
> Mourn SUNHAT

>>41751354
>How often did -you- gave to go through that?

>>41751354
> Act HEROIC
We're a fucking hero for surviving surgery. A fucking hero.

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>>41751420
You mentally pat yourself on the back, but you mostly feel that...

>>41751386
>>41751413
"Surgery sucks. How often did you have to go through that?"

"Well, after the lab accident I was in the hospital for a month. The doctors couldn't do anything. After a while, my wife stopped visiting."

He slowly puffs his cigar.

“You ready to go?" you ask.

Applehead looks away. “I… um, got approved for the new surgery, thanks to your money.”

“That’s great,” you say. “What’s the catch?”

“Well, there's always the chance it won't do anything like last time. They want to do it today, but I won’t hesitate to turn them down if you need me, kid. I’d hate to leave you around this shitty city by yourself.”
> “Go ahead, I’ll be fine. Who knows when they’ll be open again?”
> “I’m sorry, coach, I don’t think I’ll last on my own without a guide.”

>>41751524
> “Go ahead, I’ll be fine. Who knows when they’ll be open again?”
We'll be fiiiiine!

>>41751524
> “Go ahead, I’ll be fine. Who knows when they’ll be open again?”
He's not a day from retirement I hope.

>>41751524
> “Go ahead, I’ll be fine. Who knows when they’ll be open again?”
No need to worry about us.

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>>41751611
>>41751571
>>41751607
"You're not a day from retirement, right?"

"What retirement?" he asks.

"Nothing... just checking. I'll be fine, go ahead."

He rustles your hair. “I’ll make this up to you, somehow. Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone, especially with that weird Slick bastard."

> Tell him you plan to infiltrate Mr. Bronx’s estate tonight with Slick in a trouble-filled night while he’s gone
> “... you too.”

>>41751677
> “... you too.”
Y-yeah, who would associate with that guy?

>>41751677
>> Tell him you plan to infiltrate Mr. Bronx’s estate tonight with Slick in a trouble-filled night while he’s gone
We are JUSTICE! and JUSTICE is HONEST!

>>41751677
> Tell him you plan to infiltrate Mr. Bronx’s estate tonight with Slick in a trouble-filled night while he’s gone

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>>41751761
>>41751721
"Actually, I was planning to do exactly that."

“Hah, this kid! Always with the bad jokes. See you in about a week, kid.”

You wave him off and exit the hospital.

It’s not a busy day in this part of town, perhaps because of the chill in the air. The wind picks up, freezing you to the bone.

Walking down the street, you see a tree. It’s the only one you seen since you entered Neu-Moskau.
> Examine the tree
> Continue on

>>41751865
Well, he'll probably regret brushing that off sadly.
Oh well.
>Hug tree

>>41751865
> Examine the tree
>Curse the doctor for not giving our clothes back.
>wonder where we're keeping our hat.

>>41751865
>>41751889
Gotta support this.
We better find actual clothes before our heist.

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>>41751889
>>41751914
You're wearing all your clothes right now. Your two-piece wrestler uniform is under your gown.

As for the hat, you have a large amount of storage space in your robo-legs.

There is no denying that clothes must be found before nightfall, however.

>>41751886
You try hugging the tree, but it's pretty uncomfortable. Maybe you're not as much of a nature-lover as you thought you were.

Someone tried to scratch the American flag on the tree. You’re not sure why the Colonial Administration that runs this city uses a new design. That must have made a few people in Washington angry. In fact, since the war’s over, why hasn’t America clamped down on Neu-Moskau yet?

You saw American soldiers marching to battle across the ruins of Europe but never really paid attention to where they were going. The university students like you had more immediate problems to deal with, like daily survival.

But enough of the past. You move on.
(cont in next post)

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You’re stopped by a man with a beard.

“Are you the Unseen?” he asks in a Russian accent.

>Yes
>No
>Yes with a witty line of some sort

>>41751986
>Yes with a witty line of some sort
This can't backfire

>>41751986
>Yes with a witty line of some sort
Only slightly.

>>41751986
>No
Wonder who that is.

>>41751986
>No
See, if we say yes, we'd be a shitty Unseen, just giving away our identity all willy-nilly.
By saying no, we confirm that we're quite the skilled Unseen indeed. A masterstroke.

Someone break the tie!

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>>41752014
>>41752043
>>41752045
>>41752046
“If I was Unseen, could you see me?” you tell the stranger.

You try to crack a wry smile.
(cont in next post)

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He glares, slightly raising your levels of SOCIAL ANXIETY.

“Is that joke? The only ones who like jokes are spineless worms. I am not a worm. Package delivery.”

He hands you a BOMBER JACKET, a FUR HAT, and a NOTE.

> Equip [ ]
> Read NOTE

>>41752214
Nice backgroundarooney there.

>>41752232
> Equip [ ]
Put the jacket on. We need to get to know the hat first.

>>41752232
> Equip [ ]
> Read NOTE
Equip it all! Loot!

>>41752232
> Read NOTE
Must be Slick.

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>>41752234
(I will probably never reach that level of quality ever again :[ )

>>41752254
>>41752319
You eagerly put on the prewar BOMBER JACKET. It feels nice to not be freezing to death.

You cautiously try on the FUR HAT and HOLY SHIT the FUR HAT feels COMFY as fuck.

>>41752329
You are still being glared at as you open the NOTE. You try to forget him as you read.

“Hello, Unseen! I couldn’t find a SUNHAT, so here’s some things I looted a while ago. The BOMBER JACKET comes from some American war pilot I met after the war, the FUR HAT from a Canadian assassin. I hope you’re okay with haunted objects. Ha! That was a joke.

With passion, Nikol Kometa

P.S. Don’t joke with Uncle Stanislav”

> Thank Stanislav
> Apologize to Stanislav

>>41752418
> Apologize to Stanislav
Better stay polite.

>>41752418
>> Apologize to Stanislav

>>41752418
> Thank Stanislav
It cannot replace Sunhat, but...perhaps Fur hat can be a faithful companion in its own right.

>>41752418
> Apologize to Stanislav
>thank Stanislav

>>41752418
> Apologize to Stanislav
So, they're not haunted? Aw.

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>>41752439
>>41752455
>>41752482
>>41752509
>>41752544
"Sorry about the joke... and thanks.”

He lets out a grunt.

“Is fine. Can not blame worm for being worm,” he says. "Have nice day."

He departs. You relax.

Oh, you can level up. How long has that been there?

You can upgrade a skill or gain a new one:

CURRENT SKILLS
GRAPPLE 1
(You can suplex the average human)
KICK 1
(Getting kicked by you delivers a moderate amount of pain)

> Strike a pose
> [insert one-liner]
> Gain skill [ ]

>>41752567
Clearly we must learn a new one! And given our plans, I suggest STEALTH.
> Strike a pose

>>41752567
Consider upgrading robo-legs...

>>41752567
How mundane do these skills have to be?

Cause I'm in favor of EYE-LASER 1

>>41752567
> Strike a pose
> Gain skill [ ]
HEAD-BUTT 1

>>41752567
Upgrade kick.

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>>41752615
>>41752603
You upgrade your robo-legs with STEALTH 1, making you faster and quieter.

You strike a pose. Looking STYLISH, aren’t you?

You catch your reflection in a nearby window and - shit, Kometa really fucked up your hair. Perhaps you should take some of your winnings to a barber.

> Go get a haircut downtown
> Go get a haircut in the slums

>>41752752
We have a fur hat now. No haircut is needed.

>>41752752
> Go get a haircut downtown

>>41752752
> Go get a haircut in the slums
We cheap as fuck.

>>41752752
>> Go get a haircut in the slums
Downtown will probably turn us away for not being a natural or something...

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>>41752925
>>41752898
You were never told if downtown served Knockoffs, so perhaps it’s better to play it safe.

You arrive at the slums of the lower district. It’s packed, despite your earlier observations. You hear and jostle with a lot of Germans in the streets.

You walk around the block until you find a tiny barbershop.

You find yourself in a room that smells like a chemical plant exploded.

There is another customer in the room, his face covered by a newspaper.

“Why, hello there! Come on in.” You look around for a voice, then realize that it was the machine in the middle. "

> Sit
> Greet
> Run

>>41753016
> Greet
Uuuuh, let's make sure we won't get shaved.

>>41753016
> Greet
Let's... let's let the man finish. No need to crowd him...!

>>41753016
> Greet

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>>41753061
>>41753046
>>41753107
“H-hi.”

“Hello!” it cheerfully says.

…

“Well don’t be so shy, take a seat.”

The barber bot nudges you towards it.

You sit down and take off your FUR HAT. The barber wraps a blanket around you.

"This is a per-request barbershop, dear. Might I recommend cutting your hair to look symmetrical?"

The barber lists off a few recommendations and you picture them in your head.

> 1
> 2
> 3

>>41753169
2

>>41753169
3

>>41753169
3

>>41753169
3

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>>41753209
>>41753214
>>41753286
“I can do that,” says the barber.

You fidget when the barber’s scissors start measuring your hair.

“No need to be so tense, living one. What brings you to Neu-Moskau?” asks the barber.

> Gladiatorial combat
> Running from the past
> Something super broody

3

>>41753420
sumphin broody, supah broody

>>41753420
> Running from the past
No need for brood, comrade!

>>41753420
> Running from the past

>>41753420
> Gladiatorial combat

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>>41753508
>>41753502
"Life sucked, so I came here hoping it would suck less."

"Did something bad happen?" the barber asks.

“Yeah, kind of. But me running from the past just got me into more danger. That danger being a Skullbash.”

The man in the other seat coughs.

“Skullbasher, huh?” he says. “How is it? I was thinking about signing up myself, maybe challenge one of my rivals.”

> Reccomend
> Do not recommend

>>41753658
Do not recommend. why deprive all the other knockoffs of haircuts?

>>41753658
> Do not recommend
Pain in the ass, especially with shady lawyers around.

>>41753658
>> Do not recommend
Sorta feels like an 'in for life' sort of thing...

>>41753658
> Do not recommend
Very dangerous, almost died in the last fight.

>>41753658
> Reccomend
It's totally cool! Alright maybe not but it's work at least.

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>>41753754
>>41753705
>>41753701
>>41753694
The barber starts to take off your blanket, freeing your arms.

“It’s terrifying. In the last fight I went up against a psycho with a bardiche axe-thing. I’m pretty sure that it was bigger than my head. Anyways, that axe is the reason I’m getting this haircut. It’s stupid, dangerous work just so I can stay in this city.”

“I’ve had some danger in my life,” he says. “And your fighting only makes you stronger, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, not really. Just a lot of injuries.”

“You new to fighting?” he asks. “It’s not that hard. Be humble, respect experience, learn from the best, and make friends. You’ll be fine.”

> Ask how to be humble
> Ask how to get experience from the best
> Ask how to make friends

>>41753901
> Ask how to make friends
Halp

>>41753901
> Ask how to get experience from the best

>>41753901
> Ask how to get experience from the best
We have friends, they just suck at fighting.

>>41753978
Do we?
I mean there's coach but he doesn't suck at fighting. And that's about it.

ask how the ribbit knows so much about it

>>41754128
We're talking to the other patron anon, not the robot.

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>>41753978
>>41753974
"So, where do I learn how to fight?"

“You’ll want to sign up with a mercenary company. They’re the only ones that will take in poor and non-American, non-Russian employees. A few prestigious ones are hiring right now, including one run by this dame named Nikol Kometa. If you want, I can mention your name to her," he offers.

“Nope. No thank you. I’ll be fine,” you tell him.

The machine swings a mirror in front of you.

“What do you think, dear?” it asks.

You’re not sure how much to tip the barber, if at all.

> Thank the barber
> Tip the barber [ ]
> Ask the other customer how much you should tip

>>41754113
Yes he does, I don't think he has ever actually won.

>>41754173
By all rights we shouldn't ever have won either, so it's clearly mostly about chance!

>>41754156
> Ask the other customer how much you should tip

>>41754156
> Ask the other customer how much you should tip

>>41754156
> Thank the barber

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>>41754239
>>41754198
>>41754269
“I always tip at least 50 cents,” he says. “It’s my style.”

“Thanks, you did a great job,” you tell the barber. You tip the bot fifty cents, unsure what it does with the money.

As you brush some hair off your BOMBER JACKET, the man folds up his newspaper. He gets up.

”Nice chatting with you. I’m 50 Jim. What’s your name?”

> Give wrestler name
> Give real name

>>41754366
> Give wrestler name
Stay safe!

>>41754366
> Give real name

>>41754366
>> Give real name

>>41754366
> Give wrestler name

>>41754366
Give real name
Then give wrestler name.

Also, I KNEW I recognized those suspenders.

Give wrestler name

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>>41754392
>>41754416
>>41754444
>>41754463
>>41754643
>>41754646
"My name's Loveday, the Slightly Unseen."

“Well, I’m pleased to meet you. Don’t give up, alright? We got enough quitters in this city already," he says.

“Thanks. You too.”

The door dings as he leaves.

You are now mafia boss 50 Jim.

Your second-in-command, cousin Tim waits in the car. You get in.

“Are we really doing it?” asks Tim. “It sounds like a trap.”

“Everything sounds like a trap to you.”

“And I’m usually right, Jim. Remember the Batters gang ambush?”

> “Do you want to save our cousins or not?”
> “Sounds to me like you’re a coward.”
> ?

>>41754676
>> “Do you want to save our cousins or not?”
Well do ya punk?

>>41754676
>“Do you want to save our cousins or not?”
People like them don't last long in the orphan mines.

>>41754676
> “Do you want to save our cousins or not?”

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>>41754732
>>41754803
>>41754882
“Of course I do, I just don’t think this is the best way to go about it,” says Tim.

“That’s why I’m the head of the family and you’re not. Besides, Mr. Bronx isn’t the kind of guy to spill blood in his homestead.”

“How can you be so sure?” he asks.

“Call it a criminal’s intuition.”

You start the car and head to Mr. Bronx’s estate.

Tim still seems nervous about you going to meet Mr. Bronx.
> Reassure
> Ignore
> ?

>>41754889
> Reassure
Gotta make sure he's up for it.

>>41754889
> Ignore

>>41754889
> Reassure

>>41754889
> Reassure

>>41754889
> Reassure
It'll be fiiiiiiiiiiine!

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>>41754998
>>41754992
>>41754912
“Listen, I’ll be fine. I swear to God.”

“Whatever you say, Jim,” says Tim.

You roll up to the house gates. A Colonial Administration soldier comes and shines a flashlight into the car.

“Sir, this is private property,” the guard says.
“I have an appointment with the Bronx.”

The guard looks closer. “50 Jim. You attacked two of my friends last night. You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“I know. Now can you please just let me in?”

The guard turns away and talks to the intercom.

Tim asks if you have any orders to give out to the gang.

> Tell the gang to meet up after this for SERIOUS BUSINESS
> Tell the gang to meet up after this for a PARTY
> Tell the gang to stay home and watch TV or whatever

>>41754889
>> Reassure
We weren't born yesterday, we know what we're doing.

>>41755088
>Tell the gang to meet up after this for SERIOUS BUSINESS

>>41755088
> Tell the gang to meet up after this for a PARTY
huge party wooo

>>41755088
> Tell the gang to stay home and watch TV or whatever

>>41755088
>> Tell the gang to meet up after this for SERIOUS BUSINESS

>>41755088
> Tell the gang to stay home and watch TV or whatever

Tell the gang to meet up for serious business

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>>41755385
>>41755180
>>41755105
The intercom crackles behind the guard.

“It’s fine, let them in,” it says.

The guard opens the gates and you get out of the car.

“Pick me up around an hour from now. Get the gang ready for SERIOUS BUSINESS,” you tell Tim.

Tim nods and drives off.

The guard takes you to the front of the mansion. A fellow blonde shakes your hand at the door.

“Welcome to the Bronx estate. I’m Jane, the Administrator’s daughter. The American one, I mean.”

“I’m 50 Jim. I run a business down on Angel Road.”

“Angel Road? Isn’t that where the Batters gang is?”

“Used to be. They’re not so much of a problem anymore.”

(cont in next post)

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“I’m sure you have a lot of stories, but we shouldn’t keep daddy waiting. Please follow me.”

She walks you to her father’s office, the guard following. The mansion’s filled with a lot of American artifacts, like a copy of the Declaration of Independence written word for word on the ceiling.

Jane knocks on the door. “Daddy, someone’s here to see you.”

Mr. Bronx opens the door.

“50 Jim, how are you?” He offers his hand.

> Shake his hand
> Don’t shake his hand

>>41755421
> Shake his hand
Politeness might get us killed, but it's all we've got!

>>41755421
>> Shake his hand
We are his guest - for now - so let's be polite. And try not to wince when he crushes some finger bones with that massive shovel hand of his.

>>41755421
> Shake his hand

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>>41755431
>>41755471
>>41755479
You shake his hand.

“Well, aren’t we off to a pleasant start?” he says.

He motions you in.

Jane starts to follow, but Mr. Bronx stops her. “Go to your room, Jane.”

“But I already finished reading all the treatises on city-state economics.” she says.

“Even the one on Milan?”

“... no,” she admits.

Mr. Bronx hugs her. “Be a good girl, Jane. I’ll see you in a bit.”

She leaves.

“Smart girl,” you tell him.

“She’s genetically engineered to be hyper intelligent, so she damn well better be. She’s going to be a fine Administrator.” Mr. Bronx claps his hands. “So, what do you drink?”

> ?

>>41755577
MILK!

>>41755577
Some Whiskey or something, fuck if I know.

>>41755577
Our favorite drink, of course.

>>41755577
White russian

>>41755669
You sly dog you

>>41755577
>Whole Milk

>>41755577
a shot of everything

>>41755577
Pure grain alcohol

>>41755577
Exclusively Appletinis

>>41755577
Heavy cream.

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>>41755739
>>41755614
>>41755669
>>41755766
One of your most embarrassing secrets is that you can’t drink alcohol. You sell it, unregulated, all across the poorest districts of the city. But you promised mom to stay away from it yourself.

“Milk, if you please,” you say.

“Boy, a margarita and some milk,” Bronx yells down the hall.

You look around the room, your eye landing on the pre-war flag behind Mr. Bronx.

“It’s a damn shame what happened to our beautiful country,” Mr. Bronx says, noticing your gaze. “Those damn Germans and their war.”

“The war’s over, Bronx. You can relax."

“Those hordes of refugees that came flooding into the city, still can’t even speak a lick of English.”

“We are in Germany, Bronx.”

He puts a hand on your shoulder.

“We are in Neu-Moskau, the last bastion of America on this dead world. Jim, don’t you miss America?”

> “The past is the past. I don’t live in it.”
> “Washington sent soldiers like us to die in the war. We survived, they didn’t.”
> “Of course, who doesn’t miss where they came from? But I’m not having this discussion with you.”

>>41755813
> “The past is the past. I don’t live in it.”

>>41755813
>> “Of course, who doesn’t miss where they came from? But I’m not having this discussion with you.”

>>41755813
> “Of course, who doesn’t miss where they came from? But I’m not having this discussion with you.”

>>41755813
>> “Of course, who doesn’t miss where they came from? But I’m not having this discussion with you.”
Ask instead why he is wearing a hangman's cowl.

>>41755813
> “Of course, who doesn’t miss where they came from? These filthy refugees need to be purged.”

>>41755813
> “The past is the past. I don’t live in it.”
>"How exactly do you do that silhouette thing?"

the past is the past. also why do you like murica so much?

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>>41755915
>"How exactly do you do that silhouette thing?"

You've always assumed that it was just his aura of evil, but something does seem off about it. You have a feeling you'll get your answer very soon.

>>41755864
>>41755876
>>41755893
>> “Of course, who doesn’t miss where they came from? But I’m not having this discussion with you.”

“Heh. You’ve lost sight of what it means to be an American, Jim," Mr. Bronx says.

“And you’ve lost sight of the present. America is dead. Now give me what I came for, my cousins -”

“Boy, where are you?” he yells down the hall.

“I’m coming, shut your trap,” the kid answers.

The kid comes in, balancing a bottle on a small plate.

That’s one of your cousins, Rim! There's no telling when you'll see him again, but do you want to risk blowing your cool?

> Call out to him
> Stay quiet

>>41755999
> Stay quiet
Gotta stay cool.

>>41755999
>> Stay quiet

>>41755999
> Stay quiet

>>41755999
>> Stay quiet

>>41755999
call out to him in a code only he understands

>>41756235
I mean, just contacting at all would probably be suspicious, and it's not like we've had the opportunity to work out anything remotely sophisticated code-wise. We probably don't even know him THAT well.

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>>41756235
You regret not doing this sooner. When you save all of your cousins, you're starting a school for Cousinese.

>>41756263
>>41756033
>>41756049
>>41756114
>>41756197
You consider hugging him right then and there, but think. Do you really want to give him false hope in case you can't get him out today?

It's your fault that they were captured, after all.

You avert your eyes. Now isn’t the time to reveal yourself.

Cousin Rim leaves.

Mr. Bronx chuckles. "What's wrong, Jim? Did you forget your cousins already?"

Something about Mr. Bronx has been unnerving you since the meeting started.

You look a little closer. Is Mr. Bronx... wearing a mask? You always thought that it was an aura of evil, but now you’re not so sure.

> Unmask him
> Pay no mind

>>41756289
> Unmask him
He's our cousin Prim, isn't he?

>>41756289
> Pay no mind
Can't let his mind games win!

>>41756289
>> Unmask him

>>41756289
> Pay no mind

>>41756289
>> Pay no mind
Now now, you don't go touching a lucha's mask.

>>41756289
> Unmask him

>>41756289
> Pay no mind
Why would he be wearing a mask? Either way removing it is unlikely to help.

Unmask the fucker

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>>41756382
>>41756421
>>41756459
>>41756554
You grab the mask while Mr. Bronx is still blathering. It slips off easily to reveal…

(cont in next post)

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He grabs it back, but it’s too late.

“IT’S ME, JIM. IT WAS ME ALL ALONG, JIM,” he yells.

“Who the hell are you?” you ask.

“VINCE MCMAHON, veteran multiverse traveller! I’ve come to this timeline to lead Americans back to true glory.”

> “What other secrets are you hiding?”
> “What.”
> ?

>>41756587
>> Take off your mask and reveal yourself to be JOHN CENA!

>>41756587
VIIIIIIIINCE!
> “What other secrets are you hiding?”

>>41756587
> “What.”

>>41756587
Riiiiiight.

>>41756587
> “What.”

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>>41756587
Aw sonovabitch.

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>>41756587

>>41756587
Vince is a chump, we can take him.

>>41756587
>What.
>Put the hood back on him

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>>41756660
>>41756681
> “What.”

“Welcome to reality, Jim. I, Vince McMahon, am aware of every professional wrestling organization in every universe. I’ve worked my way up to every one. I run this city, no matter what the weak Russian Administrator thinks. And you’re a threat to my regime of orphan slavery.”

“I don’t care who you are. No one enslaves my cousins and lives. I’m 50 Jim!”

"And just what are you going to do about it, pal?"

> Challenge Mr. Bronx to a Skullbash
> Challenge Mr. Bronx to a Skullbash in a DRAMATIC FLOURISH

>>41756984
>> Challenge Mr. Bronx to a Skullbash in a DRAMATIC FLOURISH

>>41756984
> Challenge Mr. Bronx to a Skullbash in a DRAMATIC FLOURISH
Vince ain't shit but cash and tricks.

>>41756984
>> Challenge Mr. Bronx to a Skullbash in a DRAMATIC FLOURISH
You're going down, pal!

>>41756984
> Challenge Mr. Bronx to a Skullbash in a DRAMATIC FLOURISH

>>41756984
> Challenge Mr. Bronx to a Skullbash in a DRAMATIC FLOURISH

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>>41757009
>>41757031
>>41757045
>>41757081
>>41757106
>> Challenge Mr. Bronx to a Skullbash in a DRAMATIC FLOURISH

“Mr. Bronx, I challenge you to face me in your first daughter’s arena, Emma Lavoie's Neu-Moskau Skullbash!”

“Don’t ever refer to that illegitimate Lavoie as my daughter again,” he says. “And, if you can beat my bodyguard, Commando Destructo, I’ll let you have a chance at me.”

Destructo walks into the room with a calm, bored face.

“I’d consider your next words very carefully,” says Destructo.

"How about it, Jim? Defeat the villain, get the princess, which is me! If princesses were even bigger villains, AHAHAHAHA!" laughs Mr. Bronx.

> Accept
> Deny

>>41757212
> Accept
Sure!

>>41757212
>> Accept
Bring it on, Destructo! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

>>41757212
> Accept

>>41757212
>Accept
Bring it Destructo! Your mother was a sexual deviant, and your father was a drunk!

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>>41757275
>>41757362
>>41757407
>>41757449
“It’s a deal.”

From above, there’s a loud groaning of wood.
Part of the roof caves in and dust fills the room.
The door opens behind you. Jane shouts as she runs in, “Daddy!”

You cough and squint your eyes.

“Hi,” she says.

Hey, isn't that... shit, names were never your strong point.

> Loveday?
> Loveshay?
> Clovernay?
> Diganter Clamp?

>>41757525
> Clovernay?
I'm pretty sure that's right.

>>41757525
> Clovernay?

>>41757525
> Glovesly?

>>41757525
> Carnival?

>>41757525
> Dovelay?

>>41757525
> Landau?

>>41757525
>Jean du frelume?

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>>41757551
>>41757574
>>41757607
>>41757724
>>41757726
>>41757626
>>41757784
You think the hardest you've thought all day. Carnival! It must be Carnival.


---------------------------
15 MINUTES BEFORE

You are Loveday, the Slightly Unseen.

Slick whispers to you. “Do you see anything?”
“They all went inside. Let me down.”

Slick eases you back to Earth.

“Holy shit,” you say, “can you believe that guy pulled out a gun?”

“Exactly my point, partner. Let’s just go home and call it quits,” he says.

> “We’re in over our heads, but that doesn’t mean we should stop. Let’s find a way in.”
> “This is pretty dangerous. Maybe you’re right.”
> “Does the Slick have a tiny dick?”

>>41757525
I thought it would be a cute girl, but it was you, Marginally Notseen!

>>41757805
> “Does the Slick have a tiny dick?”
I bet he does.

>>41757805
> “We’re in over our heads, but that doesn’t mean we should stop. Let’s find a way in.”

>>41757805
> “This is pretty dangerous. Maybe you’re right.”
We know we're going in, where does our mystery encouragement come from?

>>41757805
>> “We’re in over our heads, but that doesn’t mean we should stop. Let’s find a way in.”

>>41757805
> “We’re in over our heads, but that doesn’t mean we should stop. Let’s find a way in.”

>>41757805
>“Does the Slick have a tiny dick?”

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>>41757904
>>41757866
>>41757845
You climb on the wall.

“Come on Slick, this is a chance for us to be heroes of justice.”

He squints his eyes. “Sheesh, I don’t know. Those guards are packing some serious gear.”

> “It’s just bullets. And pain. Come on!”
> “Are you towing the lame truck or what?”

>>41758083
>"What, saying you don't then? Look, it'll be fiiiiine!"

>>41758083
> “Are you towing the lame truck or what?”

>>41758083
>> “It’s just bullets. And pain. Come on!”
We have enough hit points to handle them!

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>>41758276
>>41758212
>>41758134
You pull Slick up after some encouraging words.

You are in the Bronx Estate Courtyard. You both rush behind the cover of a conveniently placed crate.

There’s an AIR VENT on the left side. Those are always sneaky, right? Plus, they’re guaranteed to have loot.

A TREE reaches the third story window if you’re a fan of climbing. The FRONT DOOR is open, but you’re sure you’ll get shot on sight.

“Thanks for letting me use your boots, by the way,” you say.

“No problemo. You looked like you needed some style,” he says.

“By the way, why did you have a woman’s pair of boots?”

“...”

“Are you into women’s clothing or -”

“What, no. I bought the wrong size, so I went to return it for another size. Then when I got home I found out it was a woman’s pair. By that point, I thought it was better to give up. Lawyer business and all, you know,” he explains.

> Use the AIR VENT
> Climb TREE
> Run in through FRONT DOOR

>>41758364
> Use the AIR VENT

>>41758364
> Climb TREE
We climbed the wall so obviously we're good at climbing.

>>41758364
> Use the AIR VENT
For consistency.

>>41758364
> Climb TREE

>>41758364
>> Use the AIR VENT
They're never too small to crawl inside.

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>>41758389
>>41758463
>>41758505
> Use the AIR VENT

You brush your hair back.

You open the AIR VENT and stick your head and arm in.

It’s dark, cramped, dusty and humid.

This looked a lot easier in the movies. On top of that, you only found a quarter. You pocket it.

> Try to cram yourself in
> Get out

>>41758529
>> Get out
Just sneak across the roof with your retooled robo-legs

>>41758529
> Get out
Getting stuck would be bad, better use the window.

>>41758529
> Try to cram yourself in
It's got cash. This place is a gold-mine!

>>41758529
>Try to cram yourself in

>>41758529
>> Try to cram yourself in
And discover our new fetish.

>>41758529
> Get out

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>>41758561
>>41758562
>>41758564
>>41758587
>>41758624
>>41758640
Uh oh.

> Ask Slick for help
> Wiggle

>>41758770
> Wiggle

>>41758770
> Wiggle

>>41758770
>Wiggle
This is the only safe option. The lights were on behind the tree and the front door.

>>41758770
>> Wiggle

>>41758770
> Wiggle
Geez.

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>>41758807
>>41758819
>>41758824
>>41758825
You wiggle like a madman, the noise cascading throughout the mansion.

Good thing you got a STEALTH upgrade.

You hit the duct as you get out. Your FUR HAT prevents you from getting a nasty bump on the head.

You wipe sweat from your forehead.

“How about less theatrics this time around?” whispers Slick.

> Try the TREE
> Run in through FRONT DOOR

>>41758920
> Try the TREE
Sleep for me, thanks for running!

>>41758920
>> Try the TREE

>>41758920
> Try the TREE

>>41758920
>Try the tree

>>41758920
Take a peek in the lower right window. The lights are on, so there might be guards posted.

Although, if the lights are on, then it might be too dark outside for them to see. So I guess we'd actually have better luck than if they were in a dark room.

>>41758920
> Try the TREE

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>>41758945
(Thanks for checking out the quest! Hope to see you for the rest of the ride.)

>>41759026
> Take a peek in the lower right window

It's clear. It's some kind of room with a bunch of words written on the ceiling.

>>41758979
>>41759014
>>41759021
>>41759044
You climb up the TREE, the bark scratching your legs.

You offer your hand to Slick, but he looks concerned.

“Will the branch hold us both up? Not that I’m a coward or anything, I just think there’s too much weight,” he says. “Not that I’m calling you fat.”

> “You’re calling me fat.”
> “Fine, stay down there and get us both caught.”

>>41759113
>> “Fine, stay down there and get us both caught

>>41759113
> “Fine, stay down there and get us both caught.”

>>41759113
> “Fine, stay down there and get us both caught.”

>>41759113
> “You’re calling me fat.”
And we even had the restraint to avoid the prime penis-related insults! For shame!

>>41759113
> “Fine, stay down there and get us both caught.”

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>>41759124
>>41759156
>>41759166
>>41759270
> “Fine, stay down there and get us both caught.”

You pull him up. The branch lightly wiggles, but becomes stable in the windless night.

You do your best passive-aggressive face at Slick.

"Whoo, okay, we're good. Not to say anything, babe, but you're not exactly the lightest woman I've ever met," he says.

> “Okay, seriously?”
> "Slick, you're a dick."
> Gauge distance from TREE to window

>>41759334
> Gauge distance from TREE to window
We do have robo hips.

>>41759334
> Throw Slick through window.

>>41759334
> "Look, I avoid bringing up your haircut or body-odor, least you could do is make the effort towards civility yourself."

>>41759334
> "Slick, you're a dick."
> Gauge distance from TREE to window

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>>41759414
> "Look, I avoid bringing up your haircut or body-odor, least you could do is make the effort towards civility yourself."

"Ooo, someone here's feisty, aren't they?" he says. "... sorry, sweetheart. It's like two in the morning and I get cranky when I'm tired."

>>41759452
>>41759366
It’s definitely a jump.

You look down and - ah, fuck, why did you look down?

"Pssh, it's just a two-story drop. You can do it," says Slick.

> Panic
> Ask Slick to jump it

>>41759514
>> Ask Slick to jump it

>>41759334
> Gauge distance from TREE to window
He's not insulting you. You're a fighter, it means you've got muscles.

Though you're not exactly a woman, are you? But that's not really worth bringing up right now.

>>41759514
>> Ask Slick to jump it.

Fuck this guy already.

>>41759514
>Jump to window
Nothing to panic about. We've taken worse than this in the arena.

Alternatively, we could climb up to a higher branch to get more distance on our jump.

And it's sleepytime for me. First time here, it was nice reading through it all, but I gotta go. Thanks for running!

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>>41759630
(Hope to see you again!)

>>41759603
> We've taken worse than this in the arena

You'd rather not have any more nanobot injections, thank you.

>>41759549
>>41759584
“Think you can make it?” you ask with an attempt at an adorable face.

“What, why me? That window sill does not look stable,” says Slick.

> “I’d do it myself, but a member of the team thinks I’m too fat.”
> “Please?”

>>41759660
>It's just a two story drop. You can do it.

>>41759660
> “I’d do it myself, but a member of the team thinks I’m too fat.”
Surely it would immediately break and fall to the ground.

>>41759660
We could also climb to a higher branch and jump on the roof.

>>41759660
> “I’d do it myself, but a member of the team thinks I’m too fat.”
HE DUG HIS OWN GRAVE

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>>41759786
You're on the highest possible branch without getting a face full of leaves.

>>41759739
>>41759752
>>41759854
> “I’d do it myself, but a member of the team thinks I’m too fat. Also, it's just a two story drop. What are you afraid of?”

"Okay, I'm a dick, I admit it. But that doesn't mean..."

You think your pouty face has convinced him.

“Fine,” he says as he gets in position.

He jumps.

He lands and shatters the glass, smashing his foot and arm through the window. He starts to lose his balance.

“Holy shit, you actually did it!” you yell.

“The Slick’s too slick,” he says in a call for help.

If he fell, it would make a lot of noise. Also, he might die or something.

> Tackle him to get you both inside the attic
> Tackle him to get you both inside the attic with a one-liner
> Panic

>>41759944
> Tackle him to get you both inside the attic
No time to think of a one-liner! We've got to act!

>>41759944
> Tackle him to get you both inside the attic with a one-liner
WOOOOOOO!

Maybe not my best.

>>41759944
The Slightly Unseen is slightly too unseen?

>>41759944
> Tackle him to get you both inside the attic

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>>41759989
>>41760082
>>41760184
You tackle him, getting you both inside.

You are in the ATTIC.

You lift Slick up to his feet.

“Thanks,” he pants.

“No problem.”

You walk around, looking for an entrance.

“Could you help me out with my Spanish?” he asks.

“Why now? This is the worst possible time to teach you a foreign language,” you whisper.

“Well, there’s this hot Brazilian chick I keep running into and I wanted to ask her out in the sexiest way I can. How do I say that?”

> “Brazilians don’t speak Spanish.”
> “Tú eres un idiota.”
> “Me cago en todo lo que se menea.”
> ?

>>41760238
You'll want to talk to her in English. If you ask in Spanish, she'll probably try talking to you in Spanish, and you shouldn't start a conversation in another language if you can't finish it.

>>41760238
>ayy bebé quiere un poco de mierda ?

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>>41760287
> "You'll want to talk to her in English. If you ask in Spanish, she'll probably try talking to you in Spanish, and you shouldn't start a conversation in another language if you can't finish it."

"Yeah but I think I sound sexier in Spanish. I am el Gato in the bedo, eh-o?" He grins.

There's no helping this man anymore then you already have.

There’s a groan of wood below your feet.

“The hell was that?” asks Slick.

> “The floor.”
> ?

>>41760493
Sounds like something's happening downstairs. Put your ear to the floor and listen.

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>>41760536
You lower to the floor to eavesdrop. Unfortunately, the old wooden floor gives way.

The floor caves in as a cloud of dust surrounds you.

“Daddy!” you hear as you tumble down.

You cough and open your eyes. You see Mr. Bronx’s real face, the vile Commando Destructo, 50 Jim, and a blonde lady.

“Hi,” you say with a shy smile.

“Who are you?” asks the girl.

> Look to 50 Jim for help
> “A high maintenance girl. Get it… because the ceiling… aha.”
> “If this were home invasion, which it totally isn’t, I’d be the fall guy.”
> "It's Fall and I'm the leaf-blower person... no, wait, I don't even understand that one."
> Some other falling related joke

>>41760710
Nobody, just thought I'd drop in, say hi.
And, oh, look, I've done both of the above.
Well, I best be going then.

>>41760710
>"Oh, I just wandered here from uptown."

>>41760953
>"...and thought I'd drop by."

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>>41760841
>>41760953
>>41761029
You spray out joke after joke, growing increasingly nervous at the lack of laughter.

50 Jim spots your desperation to live.

“That’s Carnival. She’s my bodyguard.”

He winks to you.

“She just broke my ceiling,” says Mr. Bronx.

“That’s just the 50 Jim style,” he says proudly.
https://youtu.be/g5caIjg9UHk

Ending the session here. Have a nice week and thanks for checking out the quest!

Join us next weekend for an action-packed night with 50 Jim’s mafia.

Twitter: https://twitter.com/McLinskeyDaSwag

Archived here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/41750281/