Welcome back to part 3 of the SUE files, where we all hope the combined mind of /tg/'s WAAAGGHHH!! on Marty (the DM from hell and the Anti-Henderson) will draw enough power from the warp to smite the sunuvabitch wherever he resides. I personally believe he lives in Nyarlahothep's colon, like other festering pieces of shit.I am an apprentice write-fag and I will be summarizing the event's found in:irolledazero dot blogspot dot com>Why won't 4chan let me make actual links? I feel like an idiot and a craigslist whore doing it that way!for the 'enjoyment' of fa/tg/uys everywhere, as a way to raise awareness of just how bad That Guy(s) can really be, and maybe act as a sort of immunization against That Guy behaviors in everybody who reads the blog/these threads.In other words, use this as "Scared Straight" for That Guys.The Schedule of Events:The run-up to the retardation of Marty as he tried to keep his players on his carefully novelized railroad: (Henderson Brand Coffee!)The last session of the group, and the last time they played with Marty, having had enough of his controlfreak shenanigans and idiocy (Cheese Foundries!)What is Marty like on the otherside of the DM screen? (Threatening Magical Girls!)What happens when a Krieger and a Vampire/psion/shapeshifter/Faggot have a pre-boss battle conversation a la the Metal Gear games? (War Economies are the Best economies)And then extra's from the source of this misery, that weren't in the blog. (WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOLPHINS!?!)>STRAP IN MUTHA FUCKAS!
THE FIRE IT DOES RISE
Daily reminder that crossovers are shit and will always be shitSRW Quest and TG Meta Quest was shit, no exceptions, and so will anons' other planned crossovers[/spoilers]If you even need to ask about it, I doubt you can even pull it off at all.
Poor anon, show us here on the doll where the big bad crossover touched you.
>>41355121>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEThe last post of the previous thread was a fucking rush job that I will make up for...now!While the PC's have a VERY IMPORTANT MACGUFFIN, with Marty continually poking them and saying "you should focus on this thing, wink wink nudge nudge" the PC's have had enough and are focusing on capturing a live Dhohanoid for study instead, and tripping over ALL DAS ROADBLOCKS EVAR instead of Marty simply telling them "No you can't"Also, let's not forget that the MacGuffin, which TOTALLY isn't something that rightfully belongs to Marty's self-insert Expy who's a Vampire shapeshift (blah blah blah he's a fucking retard moving on) is a dagger called the "Eye of Mahdi". Meaning Marty's obsession with saying he is a God includes being the "next Mohammed", although knowing him, it's more likely Vamp!Marty killed Allah and will be 'speaking for himself' as Mahdi.Who wants to lay odds that the only reason Marty didn't make a MacGuffin a "Crown of Thorns" is because he's too chickenshit to piss off Christians? Or that people would've caught onto him being nuttier than squirrel-turds even faster than if he used a messiah figure from another religion?So the team has settled for having to use nets to capture a were-Shoggoth and rather than taking the Mahdi plothook, they're using it as bait for Ugly Fookin Half-Poodles.Marty gave them fair warning that with the Underworld being a fairly chaotic place, it might be awhile before they got a bite, and should probably schedule a meeting a week in advance.The party posts the Eye on 2085 Evil Ebay.>"You get a message back 30 seconds after you make the post. >"It says "Clearly you don't know everything you think you do" and they want to meet in 3 days."By this point the Players are aware of Marty's tricks (all 1 of them, it's just a retarded block button) and have no problems with him lying about their timeframe.Right! It's tooltime!
>>41355443>SUETHULHU STORYTIME!Making nets and net guns in the far off future, where all chemicals have been replaced by "Advanced additives" that do the same as the old chemicals "Only better" and can't be homebrewed because there are Nanofabricators for that and the formulas would "Drive the chemist insane".Yes, that's Marty's Cthulhutech, where science degrees come with a free retirement to Happy Acres!So the team has to make net guns and Marty objects because Cael couldn't design a firearm, and guns don't have enough force to launch a net any significant difference.After carefully explaining the intricacies of taking a silencer, boring it open and machining a wider tube for the gun, and thus they weren't "Designing a firearm from scratch", Marty let them make 30 Bluff checks to get silencers and heavy pistols from Blackspire, and just as many Repair checks to make the guns themselves.OP likes to imagine that they had to explain the process vveerrrryyy sssllooowwwllyyy to Marty, so that Mr. "I have an 18 INT IRL!" could understand how modifying an existing weapon is NOT as complex as making one. (Or as complex as basic chemistry or elementary math...)But then came the physics for launching the nets and good lord this is like cracking a diamond via Karate-chops to get it through Marty's head how physics and propellants work.He kept suggesting they use the needler guns (even though those don't have silencers) because their obviously superior to pistols:>"You get more gas pressure from pressurized gas than from fire."...no I can't believe that was a thing a grown-ass man actually said either.So the players use math to calculate how Marty is fucking wrong and he fires back this gem:> "If you need that much pressure to make gas rounds better, obviously pressure can't be the whole story. You're probably overlooking something."Yeah, we're overlooking why you weren't turned into Fetal Research you waste of resources!
>>41355719Someone get that /k/ommando from last night back in here to help me explain how stupid that is.
>>41355233Mecha Godzilla was pretty sick though
>>41355719>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEI've said it before and I'll say it again, the players for Marty's games are/were smarter than me. They took Marty's stupid "Gas iz bettur than fire" shit and calculated the average pressure (With bullet size, barrel length, etc) being 4 gigapascals......OP is looking that up...Pascals is a replacement for pounds-per-square-inch regarding pressure measurement, and a Giga Pascal is a Billion-O_O...4 Billion Pascals of pressure...to use enough compressed CO2 to shoot a net a "significant distance".I don't really need to look up how many pascals it takes to fire other shit, because I'm gonna hazard that Marty is raping physics again. Though the comment from the blog on >because he liked anti-tank pistolsGives a pretty good clue on how that's WAY too much energy for what he's suggesting.Again, OP is over his head, because I think this is about shit like "recoil" and such...or that's my deductions anyway because of lines like this:Marty, naturally, didn't care.>"Well, obviously it works, so presumably everyone just deals with whatever side effects."Side effects like several thousand cubic meters of gas ejected per shot. Yep, obvious.Several thousand...'Kay, any science anon's want to fill the hole in my head where a mental image should go? Somebody pulls the trigger on a gun that releases several thousand cubic meters of gas when it fires. What happens? Instant fogbank, they liquify/are blown to pieces/suffocate, or something else?Whatever your answer, we all know the real right answer is that Marty's a fucking retard.
I'd love to be able to kill a parody/expy of Marty and Blackhawke in those two anon's campaigns.
>>41356307Anti... tank.... pistols.... Does that come with a replacement arm or do you have to buy that separate?
This, this is the thread musichttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zLfCnGVeL4
>>41356307SUETHULHU STORYTIMEMom! Marty's touching science in it's no-no spot!ZeRoller alleviated Marty's ignorance (somewhat) by making him watch Youtube clips of chemically propelled net guns, and the douchebag says:>"Okay, you can have a 2-kilo net fly 10 meters at a reasonable speed"Alright, let's get to work on making some blanks->"Blanks? You can't use blanks! They don't have as much propellant as normal bullets, and it's a lot harder to jury-rig rounds to accept more propellant than it is to overpressure an airgun!"/k/ommandoes? Anyone? Somebody get a few of them in here, cause I want to hear how fucking stupid this is from people who know more than me.(My own assumption being that a blank is a bullet with the actually BULLET taken out so there's no change in how much 'propellant' there is, but I'm prepared to be wrong.)So they make some Engineering checks and make the net guns "slightly more efficient". They'll only fly 9 meters, but they'll take blanks!Which the PC's have to make themselves. Because Blackspire doesn't have any in stock and they can't get them and nobody sells them. Thankfully Cael makes the repair checks to make blanks out of real bullets.At 2 checks per bullet.Assuming my assumption above is correct...jfc Marty, no wonder he thinks sniper rifles are just "large heavy pistols"...All that's left is to get some nets and->"They aren't commercially available"Oh. Okay, then we'll buy some fibers->"Those aren't for sale either"....Whut....
>>41356307>You pull the trigger.>Hyper-compressed gas comes shooting out of the container and down the barrel delivering the 4 GPa to the bolt presumably inserted in the barrel.>Eventually it escapes from the nozzle.>The explosion of so much air in such a short time tears your arm off and punches everything in the area in front of the gun.
>>41356574A blank is a shell with no actual bullet. I have no idea where he is even getting this information. Nets aren't commercially available, and neither is fiber. What. That's not a question, that's my actual state of mind right now. What.
>>41356574in essence yes at its most basic a blank is a live round with the actual projectile removed. Hollywood blanks actually use MORE propellant so that there is enough gas to cycle the action of automatic/semi-automatic weapons without the use of Blank Fire Adapter.
>>41356574>All that's left is to get some nets and->>"They aren't commercially available">Oh. Okay, then we'll buy some fibers->>"Those aren't for sale either"Holy shit, last thread I made a joke that Marty would ban commercial fishing from the universe but I didn't think he would actually do it
Just put up a request on /k/ for people to help explain exactly how retarded Marty is.If get invaded by /k/ommandoes then you know exactly who blame.
>>41356811Eh, /k/ is pretty based. Can't be worse than /v/.
>>41356845Hmm, might need to browse /k/ as well then. Might actually learn something there.
>>41356574>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEIn Marty's version of CT, seamstresses are out of business!Well, not the fun kind from Discworld cause he left THAT little bit of magical realm from the CT corebook intact...at least I think that was canonical...uuugghhh.Anyway, the PC's want fibers to make monster-catching nets and are told the materials they're looking for are unavailable. I'll copy the list:We can't buy the fibers. Not the MWCNT-epoxy ones I wanted; no kind of nanotubes at all, actually. Nor carbon fiber. No Aramid, no Vectran, no proper steel, no silk, no aluminum.The maximum limit of what the PC's could get, in a future where Nanomachines and advanced compounds rule, was 200 MPa. Which is half the strength of human hair.OP: AKA a 4 lbs test fishing line is roughly 178 MPa! I looked it up! I'm helping! ^_^And once again, Marty has to tunnel under the lowered bar of our expectations for his idiocy.>"That ought to be enough for your purposes, anyway; it's much better than what we have now."Will it stop Dhohanoids?>"Of course not, they're much stronger than that."Better than what we have now....my mind is about to swallow a .45 round to save itself from more of this assholes stupidity, and I don't know if I should stop it this time...Trick is, Marty has confirmed that bulletproof vests exist in this setting. And they are made of Kevlar/Aramid. (Tensile strength 3500 MPa) So how about we buy some bullet proof vests?>"No. They don't just have spare bulletproof string lying around. It gets made into vests; that's why it's there, dude. And no they don't have a surplus of the stuff at the moment, the most you'd be able to get is a few dozen yards of string."So where else they gonna get the string? THEFT!That'll be in the next post after we've run through all the way's that the PC's could/SHOULD have gotten the string legitimately, if their DM wasn't a madre-chinga pendejo.No, I don't speak Spanish, obviously lol.
>>41356307Pascal is a pretty small unit, so things like the pressure inside a gun's firing chamber end up being measured in mega- or gigapascals. When dealing with guns or pressurized air, such high pressures are common, but only for a very short amount of time,
>>41356307>Several thousand...'Kay, any science anon's want to fill the hole in my head where a mental image should go? Somebody pulls the trigger on a gun that releases several thousand cubic meters of gas when it fires. What happens? Instant fogbank, they liquify/are blown to pieces/suffocate, or something else?Assuming all the air is released instantly, you'd get an amount of recoil equal to the force of several thousand cubic meters of gas bursting out of the barrel of the gun. Which is a lot. Probably ends up with the gun being flung out of your hand and embedded onto your face. Anything in front of you gets hit by the same force. Depending on how close they are, they'd likely to be kncoeked down by the sudden gust of wind (if further away) or get all the force focused on a relatively small area, which would do much more damage. You know those big tanker trucks they use to move liquid gas? Attach a hose to one and open the valve. That's pretty much what it would ne like.
>>41356949So the only kind of fiber that exists is hair or Kevlar. And nothing else. And this is in a world where only a handful of corporations exist, and the free market works primarily by just pumping shit out and waiting for it to sell with no attempt at reaching out to new markets or innovation, but at the same time have literally mind-blowing technology, which the never use because reasons.Okay. Sure.
>>41356811If it means spreading word of the horror/imbecile that is Marty even further, no regrets.>Saw the thread, pretty awesome. Mention the "Sniper rifles are the same as pistols" next! See how many of them do spit-takes at THAT little nugget of retardation!>>41356949>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEA nanofabricator template for kevlar?>"of course not."But this is the perfect time to use a fabber!>"Bullet proof thread is restricted"The THREAD isn't bulletproof you fucking MORON, the VESTS are! How can you WRONG that FUCKING HARD->"Blackspire can't get it for you either, and they can't even get you the feedstock for producing it"Chemistry majors, apparently Kevlar is CHON, and that's another reason Marty's a fucking idiot."what about bad batches sitting in landfills?">"They're destroyed for security purposes""What about Chemical precursors?"(OP: Dafuq?)>"It'd take 3 days to make the fibers, minimum""...Fine, so are their any factories making bullet-proof vests in Chicago?" (AKA CT's version of Washington DC, the capital of the New Earth Government. That's for any /k/ommandoes so they can appreciate how fucking stupid this shit is!)>"Yes, they ship the fiber by an unmarked, unobtrusive flying truck that you can't pick out of the sky. This months' supply is being delivered in 5 minutes, starting...now."Alright then! Jin, hack the trucks autopilot so it lands in an empty bay! We'll unload it before anybody>"What autopilot?".......................................Never gonna wake me up, never gonna wake me up inside, can't wake a lie and hurt you...My brain is on suicide watch now...Every single thing flown into the Chicago Arc is done manually, and furthermore;>"It's all done by CB radio. But better because it's not public access, there's a million channels and it's totally unhackable and-"*PSSHHHTT*OP needs soothing music...or he's gonna climb a clocktower with an AK47...
>>41357309Actually, could you just give me some quotes? I just don't have it in me to read through the thread again.
>>41357309As we all know, CB signals can in no way be affected by anything ever and are completely immune to all jamming or interference.
>>41357309>"What about Chemical precursors?"para-phenylenediamine & terephthaloyl chloride make the repeating monomer units that make the polymers that are called Kevlar.
For any /k/ommandos just joining us who missed last night's story, I'd like to inform you that sniper rifles are the same as pistols. Because they exert the same amount of energy and therefor must do the same amount of damage, ergo sniper rifles are the same as pistols.
>>41355808Still hereYou can already see how dumb it is>No Internal ballistics and uses I assume simply a little gas canister or some shit to shoot little darts>Energy density of fucking nitrocelluloseAirsoft versus a fucking bullet, there's a reason some nailguns can use .22 blanks to get more power behind the nail
Ah, got some therapy music!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8Jyo26kGAQTheme song a buddy picked for a Paladin he made awhile back. Also what the world will scream when Marty is found.>>41357309>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEAh, Blackspire can finally be helpful again and can disconnect the Bay operator's radio and patch the PC's into it.>"Once..."Cael: "Alright then" (uses radio) "Hey, this is Chicago Bay Control; Bay A227 is experiencing technical difficulties. We're going to need you to divert to B227.">"Roll bluff at a -40, cause you're not speaking in Trucker and he's instantly suspicious."Along with everything else that's just plain fucked up in Marty's world (here meaning his creation and his own mind), trucker is apparently it's own language. But then again, they are service persons, and to Marty anybody who 'works' for a living might as well be speaking Ooga-Booga.Jin: (Yanks away the radio) "Ignore him, he's new. [indeciperable] handle [unintelligible] Christmas card [i don't even know, something with bears] B227."That ends up working and as they go plaid to reach the hangar before the real delivery people do, Jin adds "Next time you realize you don't speak the language, don't try lying to them.">Nicholas Cage NO REALLY!?!.jpgThey reach the Bay, the truck is open and the driver isn't watching, (Cause he gives no fucks about extra effort, being a lowly peon and all) and they grab the unmarked 1-meter cardboard boxes. Before they cart the away, Cael scrawls "MASTER BEDROOM" and "ATTIC" in magic marker for the a cover. Jin manages to cover their tracks by playing hell with the security footage from some of the security footage within the hangar so it looks like the truck landed, waited, and took off from its intended destination, while a nearby bay had a bunch of people unpacking a Space U-haul.Bet you're wishing you hadn't specified the trucks as being completely unmarked and unremarkable, eh Marty?Now...WHAT'S IN THE BOX!?!
>>41356307Disregard that shit I said in >>41357537I didn't see this, pic is still very related though
>>41357588I am horribly offended. The ancient language of the truckers has been lost for thousands of years, ever since Imperator Bubba the 4th delivered a shipment of dragon dildos to Nebuchadnezzar from the Medians, and the old prick not being able to take a joke, had him publicly beat to death. Cultural appropriation over here.
>>41357588>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEAnd yes, OP admits he's adlibbing a fair bit less regarding blog content, but it's becoming more rapid paced and I dinnae want to stop now!So how much of this ultra-secure, unmakeable, bullet-proof thread did the PC's steal?1 kilo of thread. Per box. On a single spool amid a LOT of packing peanuts.>"Why are you looking at me like that? It's valuable stuff, and needs to be protected. It's not like it's bulletproof, after all." Can we get more? >"No. The whole air traffic center is on high alert after such a brazen theft."Alright then, time to make some nets. How much time do we have?>"I'm gonna say that took a day, and it'll take you 2 minutes to tie a knot, so it'll take several days to make your nets, if you sleep in shifts."Marty, just because you have to wear your "Special Magic Velcro Shoes!" while at college because you can't handle the complexity of shoelaces, does not mean it takes 2 minutes TO TIE A GODDAMN KNOT!!! YOU ARE SO STUPID YOU COULDN'T POUR PISS OUT OF A BOOT IF THE INSTRUCTIONS WERE WRITTEN ON THE FUCKING HEEL!!!So it's no surprise that the PC's had to find a machine to tie the knots for them, working with the time crunch Marty's shoved them into. Machines to make fishing nets was out because trawling isn't done anymore, (So all fish in the world are caught via poles, hooks and worms? Dafuq...) thought the PC's did get lucky with Marty admitting that Volleyball is still a sport people play and there was one machine left to make volleyball nets in the entirety of the NEG, owned by the Chrysalis corporation in a building about the size of a Highschool gymnasium.So the PC's go down to scope the place out and Marty decides to improv, and it's almost as stupid as when he improved a game of Hangman for the PC's to find a lich's phylactery at 3 in the morning.
>>41357942>There is only one company that makes nets>There is only one group with access to basic military equipment>There is only one group who does anythingDid all the anti-trust commissions in the world also vanish around the same time as the laws of physics, or was that another "glitch"?
>>41355233I'm still gonna do it, mate.
>>41358026The anti-trust commissions stepped on rich peoples' toes so they were banned
>>41358067Oh right I forgot. Only rich people are allowed to do important things, and anyone who questions them is an idiot. Because that's how a stable society works.
I want to do right by ZeRoller and Cael. I wonder if I can make them cameo as helpful, competent NPCs in my campaign.What's ZeRoller's character?
>>41357588>and to Marty anybody who 'works' for a living might as well be speaking Ooga-Booga.Oogabooga? Ooogabooboogaboogaaa! Boo? Ooogagaa!
>>41357942>The thread's bulletproof>It's not like it's bulletproofEvery fucking time
>>41357942>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEMarty improv's! By way of whipping out a pre-made layout he'd clearly intended for a much different facility but was all to happy to apply to what was essentially a warehouse for a single volleyball net making machine."Are there security cameras?">"Of course there are.>"There are cameras on every door, at regular intervals along the walls, and pointing back at the windows.">"There are frames with multiple cameras on them pointing the same way to foil the old spin-the-camera trick.">"There are infrared cameras, ultraviolet cameras, nightvision, radar, and a dozen other systems you all can't even comprehend, all overlapping and looking at each other.">"You count at least two hundred cameras, and those are just the ones you can see--and some of them are turning to stay trained on you with telescopic lenses."Blueprint for Twitch's (AGP) Summerhome?So all approaches are covered with 5 different flavors of Big Brother, except the roof is totally clear. The players get the idea to fly a truck over the building and HALO down, then skyhook back up when they had the nets, although it'd be tricky using parachutes/sails to dodge suburban chimneys on the way down/back up.Marty, rather than saying the PC's couldn't do that because they weren't skilled enough, said:>"Skyhooks and parachutes don't exist anymore. What use could they possibly be when all the intelligence services are unified? James Bond shit like that is for the Cold War, man."CT: All spy agencies became unified under the GIA, so the CIA/KGB/Mossad/MI6 are all buddy-buddy and thus PARACHUTES DON'T EXIST!?!Okay then, we'll have to get a truck and rappel down to the roof, make the nets, and then snag a ride on a different truck and hope we can bluff the driver.">"There's no air traffic over Chicago."Word of advice for people who want to be That Guy: When you want to piss on somebody's leg and tell them "it must be raining", don't do it over SKYPE.
>>41358252>ChenArmsCrossed.png>Posts picture of Patchy
>>41358277I guess Marty is rich enough to get paid through college by his parentsBut not rich enough to go skydiving
>>41358277As we all know, parachutes were invented for spies and the only possible use of a grip hook is espionage. Sky divers and rock climbers are both spies in training.
>>41358277I've never played a tabletop RPG (unfortunately) and even I can tell that this GM is shit. What possessed his players to deal with this bullshit?
>>41358574I assume a combination of bile fascination and sheer inability to comprehend how bad it was going to get. Like when you see a really bad car wreck and you know it was bloody, but you still have to look because it's just that horrific.
So basically why don't they just walk up and ask to use the machine? Oh wait, the all-seeing cumtist information network would instantly connect the Kevlar shipment to someone asking to make a net. Honestly I'd ask the DM to play his own system as a player and let someone else DM. And if he does the "Muh phsycic connection to Vamp!Marty" just tell him he can't have a phsycic connection to a figment of his imagination.
>>41358124ZeRoller is Cael. Irish freedom fighter, one of the Scions of Forever, para-psychic, explosives expert and all around skill monkey.Go to irolledazero blog and find the post "Specialist Snowflake">>41358277>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEMarty get's called out on saying there's no air traffic over Chicago on SKYPE, when there's records on that program of all the times he yammered about the HIVE of air traffic over Chicago.>"Uh, clearly there's no air traffic over Chicago at night. It'd be much too difficult to avoid hitting anything."Sounds like autopilot would be pretty fucking handy instead of everybody settling for a stick-shift in their flying fucking cars, doesn't it Marty?Alright what about tunneling from underneath? If they use the sewers->"The sewer lines don't run that way."Okay then they'll->"And the facility has seismometers."OP:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgsEdU4l8XQIn the end, the only thing the party could do to pull off the 'heist' was have Ian turn invisible (With the implication being it might not have worked. Refer to Ian's castration regarding Magic V. Tech in the SUE system) and walk up to the building and plug in a techno-doodad of Jin's into the building so he could hack and loop the camera-feeds.Apparently, this took a SHITLOAD of security rolls, and a side-bar conference between Jin and Marty alone. It's unknown what Jin said to make Marty back the fuck off of this bullshit. But this humble Writefag imagines it went something like...>"You don't cut us some fucking slack, I'm showing everybody who your REAL Authyr Avatar is!">"You wouldn't!!!">"I WILL! And I wonder how they'd feel, knowing your ultimate picture of yourself as a god is a loli-magical-catgirl!">"YOU LEAVE PRINCESS NYAN-KINA OUT OF THIS!!!"The PC's are in the building, but now Marty's going on about the power supply for the machine. Good thing the group brought batteries!>"You didn't bring enough."FFFFFUUUUUU
>>41358683Did he even ask or was it "not enough, you need more"?Also, I think the blackmail was more along the lines of "I'll show everyone your porn history."
>>41358734"Even the knots Brutus?"
>>41358683I'm out of snarky comments, all that remains is pain.
>>41358778"I'll show everyone your subscription to U.S. Angel Corps, and then I'll show them what it is."
>>41358844Curiosity has killed me once more
>>41358844Do I even want to know?
>>41359024No, you don't.
>>41359024No. No I did not.
>>41358683>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEThe PC's had brought 12 Class-3 D Cells (CthulhuTech 'magic' batteries) which had enough juice to power a car for a couple of weeks.>"this is a major piece of industrial machinery, dude. It takes several kiloamps of current to run."It's a machine FOR TYING NETS!!!Anyway, the calculate the capacity of their D Cells and they actually do have enough->"Barely"[SHUT UP OR I'LL TURN YOU INTO A LEPER!]OP: O_O...thank you Jesus?[Your welcome.]Alright so they plug them into the machine, and discover they don't know how to run it, and look for an operator's manual.Now, OP has a buddy who works a factory job. Very chill dude, self-reliant, and the kinda guy who knows himself. I asked and he says it's SOP to have some kind of manual on hand at all times for heavy machinery. In Martyverse however.>"Nothing of the sort exists; that would be an unforgivable security breach. The operation of these machines is on a need-to-know basis, and Blackspire certainly doesn't need to know. Likewise, spare parts are cheap; why would there be a maintenance or safety thing? A bad worker is more likely to damage himself than the machine."I reiterate, Marty is a fucking KHUNT. (People asked about that, yes it's the same as cunt. Exposition later)So they have to make Skill checks on how to operate the machine without a Manual. Who's gonna take a guess on how many checks it takes for a PC in the SUE System to operate a machine that's basically an industrial loom? 5? 18?Try "Hundreds". And every failure results in HP loss or "Very obvious" tool marks on the machine. 2 hours later, the Kevlar is loaded and they hit "What they think" is the power button.And...
>>41358974>>41359009>>41359024Thankfully I am able to invoke cerebral voiding at will to ignore the effects of what I have seen. Hey, that sounds like a swell power for CoC!>Cerebral VoidingRoll a XDY every time you would have lost Sanity, on a roll of ??? you are able to avoid any Sanity Loss that would have otherwise occurred.You also are unable to remember or observe what would have caused the Sanity Loss.
>>41359024I looked it up and immediately regretted itYou don't
>>41359040Please tell me they quit after Marty makes it explode.
>>41359054I allow this in my games that involve sanity as it's a natural mental health mechanism to be able to carry on after traumatic events
>>41359040So... the stuff to repair a machine of this sort is cheap... therefor they don't need a manual? And also, the making of volleyball nets is such a potent corporate secrete in a world were mega corps are immune to all forms of competition or legislation that having a button labeled ON is a major security risk?
>>41359024http://badwebcomicswiki.shoutwiki.com/wiki/U.S._Angel_CorpsRoll 1D10 for sanity losshttp://g.e-hentai.org/g/793133/f127d247af/Roll EVERYTHING for sanity loss
>>41359156I don't have enough dice for this.
>>41358844I was warnedAnd I did it anywaysWhy
Rolled 1, 8, 10, 6, 18, 18, 11, 1, 2, 19, 19, 1, 12, 1, 15, 12, 3, 6, 7, 7, 1, 20, 5, 4, 1 + 500000 = 500208 (25d20 + 500000)>>41359156Welp, time to see how many dice this thing can handle
Rolled 2, 1, 4, 4, 5, 4, 3, 3, 5, 5, 1, 3, 2, 5, 2, 1, 6, 6, 2, 6, 4, 2, 5, 6, 4 = 91 (25d6)>>41359278OK, that was not what I was trying to roll. Let me try this one more time.
>>41359310You're fucked. Like, Azathoth rejects you from his dream, fucked.
>>41359156I have a Hyper fetish and I'm fucking disgusted by this. Whoever made this sack of bile Should be forced to endure the pain of his creations.
>>41358844...thank God for the SUE files, cause I didn't actually need to make a SAN check when I looked that up.For those who don't want to traumatize themselves, it's a shitty webcomic by a guro-fetishist>>41359040>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEPic Related: Marty doesn't understand how sound works any better than he understands chemistry, biology, physics, materials, his fingernail clippings, etc.Which is why the machine turns on and makes a "Very loud sound, in excess of 300 dB. You are having trouble hearing each other."All told, that's actually pretty generous of him since 300 dB will tear a person limb from limb, rather than -5 penalty to all actions while the machine is running. It takes 2 hours, and that's even with the PC's cutting some of the net-making process short, while Jim goes up to the Supercomputer--Yes, a factory for making nets has a supercomputer. Did you not read about the Black-Level security they had on the place, they obviously need a supercomputer to run everything!and the PC's leave, after going over the building with a fine-tooth comb to make sure there's no trace they were ever there. After they're clear, Marty gives them a warning:>"You all can't keep being so obvious, you know. Chrysalis will figure you out if you keep going, if only because of the pattern emerging from your crimes."The pattern? The PATTERN!? WHAT FUCKING PATTERN!?! A FIGHT AT A CARGO-BAY, A BLOWN UP COFFEE SHOP, A CLERICAL ERROR WITH MISPLACED KEVLAR, AND A BREAK IN AT A NET FACTORY DO NOT MAKE A FUCKING PATTERN YOU INBRED SCUM-SUCKING...Whoo...woooo...okay, OP apologizes, because I'm not too angry about that. I'm angry about what happened next....Marty has broken a commandment of nerds/gamers/geeks and fa/tg/uys across the world.
>>41359156This is some Big Boy Blue shitFor those of you unfamiliar this will force you to take another sanity check
>>41359631I don't think he gives a fuck about any commandments at all. If Jesus himself popped up and tried to tell him to stop being a dick, he'd probably just hide in his fedora until He left.
>>41359681DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE POST THAT ABOMINATION YOU COCK GOBBLING FUCK SUCK.
>>41359681HAHAHAHA! Jokes on you! I already succeeded my SAN check on that! TWICE!And with the "repeated exposure" Feat I no longer have to roll San checks for that thing unless it's complicated with another, more terrible, thing.
>>41359722Oh no, I'm taking you all with me if I'm going to endure all this
>>41359681If getting ugly makes you go insane (according to Marty), do you think going insane makes you ugly?
>>41359722Get a hold of yourself! Use maintenance! Gain brouzouf!
>>41359631>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEMarty wants to be a God. So he made himself a God. He created a system, designed solely to make his players as helpless as possible, and remove their hope so they would welcome his Mary Sue avatar as the 2nd coming of Christ, as he fantasizes all the people in the fictional universes that Vamp!Marty is fixing.Thing is, OP likes to do that too. Occasionally think about what I would have done or would like to do to certain characters from settings/stories that I enjoyed. Mostly I like to think of ways to alleviate or stop in 'verse tragedies or deaths.Marty doesn't just take the universes he likes though. He'll take others. And he will "Fix" them and rape the canon of the setting to add more interesting characters to his Autyst Avatar's entourage.Recall how Vamp!Marty is changing the settings to make things harder on the PC's? After "The Great Net Making Crime", they have a message saying that meeting/trap they were laying has been moved up and they have less time to prep. ZeRoller hung out after session, and Marty justified the change in timeframe, and why he wouldn't allow the players to dispute the tighter time-crunch:>"the Auditors have been taking over the easing of the future, now that the Scions have given up; they left Cael a message saying as much, but I never got around to telling you." Wait. The Auditors of Reality!?! >"[Vamp!Marty] is very persuasive to sufficiently rational people."He...he is...'fixing'...Discworld. He has TOUCHED the ultimate work of the late Sir Terry Pratchett!HE HAS COME INTO OUR HOUSE AND DARES TO SAY THAT DISCWORLD IS IN NEED OF THE GUIDANCE OF A MOTHERFUCKING VAMPIRE WEEABOO SHITHEEL WHO CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO PAY FOR HIS OWN UTILITIES!?!HE THINKS HE IS A BETTER WRITER THAN TERRY GODDAMN PRATCHETT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!SOUND THE CALL TO WAR! AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, MARTY SHALL NEVER SEE ANOTHER SUNRISE!!!AND OUR CRY SHALL BE!FFFFFFUUUUCCCKKKKK YYYYYOOOOUUUU CCUUUNNTTT!!!
>read last thread>"Multiverse setting"No, OP. You CANNOT make me read this. Let it be known that my best wishes go with you, though.
>>41359631He did what?!
>>41359858Oh god please no I don't have enough dice for that amount of SAN damage
>>41359858I am done, broken like a compound fracture of the soul. I am done.
>>41359858OH HELL NO. He fucked with Warhammer.He fucked with Star Wars.He fucked with Call of Cthulhu.But no one. FUCKING NO ONE. FUCKS. WITH. SIR TERRY.
>>41359949>>41359952>>41359972>>41359990FYI, Terry was not dead at this point in time (circa 2013 or so). Doesn't clear him of his crimes, just shifts it from necrophillia and gravedigging, to just rape and murder.
>>41359858How bad would it be if he touched the Long Earth series instead?(it was co-written by Stephen Baxter, but for Pratchett's dignity, the third book seems like Baxter dry humped everything and wrote a haphazard morass that jumps all over. I can't even imagining stomaching book 4 where Baxter pretty much gets a blank check to write)On the other hand, how would an anon's multiverse/setting campaign be palatable if it bases off, Heinlein's last few books (Number of the Beast, Cat that Walks Through Walls, etc) that actually _do_ the multiverse thing?
>>41360025Regardless, that fucking shitbiscuit messed with Discworld.
>>41359952Filename should be: AND THE SCREAMS BEGAN
>>41360025Who the fuck gives a shit? He has the nerve to dare fuck with the life's work of TERRY MOTHERFUCKING PRATCHETT? Who the literal metaphorical metaphysical quantum pan-galactic theoretical shitbird dick fuck does he think he is?
Okay, so my application to the Angry Marines went well. Apparently I've got a real future with them, if I can reign in my more amicable nature. I'll work on that after I've finished here.Always angry. All the time.>>41359858>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEOkay so this was apparently a weird session, as Marty was on could 9 following some exams he was sure he aced.(Aww, he managed to diaper down AND back up after going potty this time? Such a good boy!)Anyway, he was only minimally difficult, and the player's Henderson derailment was taking clearer shape. Cael had gotten ahold of some magnesium for more bombs, and Darya was "bilking" blackspire out of some body armor and grenades, having become accustomed to the Marty system of requisitions."We need 12 suits of body armor.>"You can only have 4""On no. What ever shall I do."Apparently Marty didn't clue into the fact that there were only 3 PC's. Thanks for the Spare you Fuck-nugget!After getting those, Darya Mozambique Drilled the body armor with her sniper rifle (good thing it's the same as a pistol, right?!) and they added all the Machismo they possibly could, and Marty just ate that shit up. (he probably secretly copied what they did for his Vamp!Marty's secret police force) The body armor was made to look "As Alpha as possible", with flames and barbed wire and sharks. And the symbol for their "mercenary" getup was a bunch of crossed katana silhouettes that were kanji for 'made-up bullshit'.Marty thought that was so fucking KEWL!Marty wouldn't know satire if it left teethmarks in his foreskin.Besides that, there was finagling and tricking Marty by doing things like Jin asking for a prisoner transport van, and GIA police support for the fight, which Marty had no problem with whatsoever.Jin: "Their going to be infiltrated aren't they.">"No." with his stupid grin"right then."Ahh, that's what happens when a person with -20 CHA Nat 1's his bluff check.
>>41360108We tried to find a word, but it isn't there. I would have to describe it as him having his head so far up his ass that it doubles back. Infinitely. Like an Ouroboros of asshole.
>>41360324A spine that is both infinitely long and condensed, cubed by the power of stupid multiplied by how rage inducing this faggot is.
>>41360287In the name of all that is holy, let these people have the will of Henderson at their backs, blessed be his wee men, and may they smite the evil of Marty in such a manner that Uther Lightbringer would say, "Yeesh, that's a lot of evil smiting."
>>41360449>How gay am I?>Let's check the Henderson scale, the scale that determines how big of a faggot I am>Whoa! I've got like eight henderson dicks in my mouth! Incredible!Get the fuck out of /tg/ already, you prancing la-la homo.
>>41360500How would he be talking with that many dongs in his mouth?
>>41360500Here's the reaction you want so much.
>>41360500I mean, I'm not denying that I have the dicks of 8 insane old alcoholic godkillers in my mouth right now, but that's entirely beside the point.
>>41360535Didn't you read what he wrote?It's obviously all coming out of his ass.
>>41360569I admit it was cringy, but I ran out of ways to say "fuck this guy" without just saying "fuck this guy".
>>41360554>godkillersNone of that story made any sense.We're talking about leaps of logic that are irreconcilable, spontaneously invented rules, and a lack of understanding of everything from elder gods to basic explosives. Might as well have written a story about how Henderson killed batman because batman only drinks tea that only Henderson knows how to make, and Henderson has a special anti-batman poison that instantly kills batmen, waffle penguin spork lol.Saying Henderson killed anything is only admitting that the story killed the last of your braincells.
>>41360569So he has dicks coming out of his ass to go in his mouth. We are on a roll with the "ouroborous thing.
>>41359631OP was derp. Here's the pic I should have attached to that post.But he also came up with a punishment for Marty. I want to give him a million dollars.Hear me out. I will give him a million dollars, and then challenge him to a game of poker. With the obvious idea being that he could win more money. However, the game will be rigged so that he will lose the money that I have "given" him, and entice him with his ego so that he'll be desperate to get it back, and thus he will begin to gamble his own money.I will wait until he has given me...everything, or as near as I can get of everything, of monetary value in his life. When he has nothing left, and begs me to let him play some more or give him back the money, I will say "no."I will then take all the money, the $1 million I gave him temporarily and what I won off of him (sold car, auctioned house, whatever), and put it all into a large pile. Which I will then douse with gasoline. As I light the match, I will turn to him, and I will say "Nobody. Fixes. Discworld." as I set everything he care's about on fire, and walk away to let him sob into the ashes of what was very briefly, 'his' fortune.--write faggotry over, back to SUETHULHU--
>>41360651Are you suggesting Hastur wasn't defeated in the final battle with that Zamboni and the time bombs in the ice skating rink?
>>41360766No, I'm suggesting you just upgraded yourself to nine Hendersons gay.Keep at it, and you'll fit ten.
>>41360803You didn't even smirk a little when he started shooting up that cult looking for his stolen lawn gnomes? C'mon, that was a fun story.
>>41360820>you didn't lol when he shouted WEE men XD?! SO RANDOM!Congrats on being ten Hendersons gay, I guess.
>>413608611/10 Some schmuck took the bait.
>>41360861What about the part where he just waltzed into a military facility and stole a chopper? Or The Tanker Truck Incident? Do you just have no ability to feel mirth?
One of you niggas don't know what the Henderson scale even is and one of you niggas is bickering back with him
>>41360287>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEMore tricking the inbred troll of a DM with Cael asking for staple guns and barbed wire, with his intent being to staple barbed wire into the Dhohanoids. He say's he'll need 6 miles of barbed wire.>*smile* "Okay, you can have 3"When a man constantly says "I'll meet you half-way", you learn to start off at double your asking price.The PC's are ready, so they head to the "industrial suburbs" outside of the Arc, which is just a bunch of factories and warehouses and other things that shouldn't exist because of nanofabricators but Marty can only think in terms of over-used cliches and tropes. The PC's say they are looking for a warehouse that stores Limburger cheese and Marty says they don't exist anymore. Which is when ZeRoller goes for broke:>"All Limburger warehouses are like that, [Marty]; they need waxing facilities and curding tubs and stuff, because of how cheese is made.">"Oh, okay. Yeah, you find one."Now, Marty has no idea how cheese is made, (I have a good idea thanks to a buddy) whether factory or at home. He does however know how steel is made, and thought "They both need to be kept hot, right? Same difference!"Which is why the Limburger warehouse/cheese factory as a vat of wax that is kept constantly liquid in a gigantic ladle, rows of ladles with full of curds along the back wall, a "cheese forge" in the corner, (I can't believe it either) and chains hanging from the ceiling to move everything around.Apparently Marty thinks cheesewheels are made by pouring the melted cheese into a mold.Marty...you are the specialist of special snowflakes to have ever ridden to their special school on their special bus with their special hat that came with a cup under the chinstrap to catch their special drool.Plus, racks and racks of drying cheeses along the walls, and now the plan comes to fruition. Time to give some dirty cultists a taste of a "couple hundred pounds" of Henderson Brand Coffee!
>>41360901>hey, look how stupid this is!>stupid things are funny, right?You realize you've got to be at least eighteen to post on this site, right?>>41361003Wow, get a load of this ten Hendersons gay fellow.
>>41361023>CheesesmithingThat actually kinda sounds cool.
>>41361023A... a cheese forge? For what? Smiting mighty blades of cheddar to slay those Stormcloak bastards? Is that why there were so many different cheeses in Skyrim?
>>41360048iirc, TG Meta Quest at one point was dangerously close to fucking with Discworld. It could be that, or it may have been one of the many spinoff quests that almost did that faux pas
>>41361092Never got to read that, sorry. Don't really like quest threads.
>>41361023>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEOP's Gotta copy/paste from the blog, not gonna do the set-up to this Henderson justice:-------------Jin tears off to pick up the team and sit in his van. He's going to serve his original purpose: he's gotten all the 911 calls in the area rerouted through his PCPU, and he'll be our responder when someone notices the explosions. Meanwhile, the Tagers finally show up, and I have them handle putting the wire coils on the roof with little coffee bricks behind them, then stapling the end of the reel to the roof and carefully arranging planks as ramps. I never said horrifying confinement was the only thing I wanted it for, after all; as it was rigged, everything was hidden under the edge of the roof, and with a single detonator channel I'd catapult a curtain of wire down the walls. We just stuffed the core of more rolls of the wire with more coffee, and there we go; we covered everything with the remaining black plastic. Horribly uneven shrapnel distribution, but the roof was going to be a very unappealing place to be once we got started. No byakhees were going to crash our party this time, at least in theory.
>>41361186>SUETHULHU STORYTIMESet-up Part 2 from blog----------Almost everything else went inside the cheese. We cut the wheels in half, scooped out the insides into an empty ladle/vat, packed them with coffee, and resealed them; unfortunately, coffee is relatively stable, so we needed to add primer to every single wheel. The big racks also got a lot of powdered magnesium, until two hundred kilos of a 50:50 mix of coffee and magnesium bisected the room. More went elsewhere, as we rigged the ladles. One charge on the side of the ladle and one charge in the bottom to tip over and then explosively belch proto-cheese all over the facility floor. We also set up a little folding card table in the middle of the room, and I taped my net gun under it. The strobes and stereos had been positioned in the corners of the building. The remaining magnesium went into the light fixtures, and everything went to the multichannel radio transmitter Jin had thoughtfully spliced into my Pip-Boy PCPU. We got dressed up and took our places. Darya sat behind the lights on the catwalk around the second floor, sniper rifle handy. Ian stood in the middle of the room, by me at the table.I rolled a literal bucket of dice. Didn't know what they were for. Probably demolitions checks. Marty didn't say.-----------Who's ready!? Henderson in 5, 4, 3,
>>41361236>Coffee based cheese bombsWat
>>41361272>penguin waffle spork XD~!
>>41361272Maybe they can BS Marty in thinking Cheese and Coffee are explosive?
>>41361272They are in a CHEESE FORGE. Logic has no bearing here.
>>41361306Plausible, considering how naive Marty is.
>>41361272If you don't actually have a sense of humor, just say something stupid and smile.
>>41361272"Coffee" was Zeroller's attempt at explosives in the last thread, it worked. Rather than getting what should have been white crystals comparable to TNT, he got "crappy brown stuff" that's comparable to TNT.
>>41361397So they are fighting stupid with explosive bean powder. This hole goes deeper, doesn't it?
>>41361455It isn't actually coffee, I forget the exact mix of what was used, but Marty didn't know what it should look like, so brown chunky crap was what he got.
>>41361513I'm sure it wasn't that, but the deal with the cheese is that it will conceal the explosives to avert suspicion. The magnesium I would assume is to throw off the thermal Suevision.
>>41361557Okay, so it's some sort of bizarro Astrolite in wheels of cheese.
>>41361236>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEThe PC's look like 'Totally alpha' mercenaries, willing to pawn off a doohickey they found for a quick buck. The entire room is setup with coffee that has the strongest kick you could ever imagine. And their DM is an idiot who made himself a God as compensation for the fact that IRL God made his penis an innie instead of an outtie.They get the call, asking where the meeting is going to be. 10 minutes later, Cael is shaking hands with another original concept by Marty, a little guy flanked by 2 shaved gorillas, all 3 wearing dark suits and sunglasses. They walk inside, sit down at the table and proceed to haggle, with the enemies easily spotting Darya and Ian, while the Tagers "are teh uber stealthy" and get into position around the low-rent G-men, and there's is something very significant about the small guy that Darya recognizes.The small guys name is Dick. He has one PC death on his record, Darya's former teammate, a Tager named Tera. He is a lich.So yeah, a lich and 2 Dhohanoids versus 3 PC's and a shitload of "special snowflakes". This will be significant for when the other players find out, after this session. (Darya couldn't tell them IC)While haggling, and finding out that the Eye of Mahdi is actually the Dagger of Trafalgar and ohgodjustshutthefuckupMartynobodycares, the PC's are stalling for time until the Tagers can confirm that the 2 big dudes are Dhohanoids. Confirmation received, Cael gives the IC signal."Well then, just satisfy my curiousity on one more point: 'air eh namblies be keepin' me wee men, ye muckle damned cultists?""What?""I SAID, YE MUCKLE DAMNED CULTISTS, AIR EH NAMBLIES BE KEEPIN ME WEE MEN?!" And everything exploded.
But what happened to ColdSteel or what ever the fuck his name was?
>>41361665>SUETHULHU STORYTIME: SOMEBODY GET ME THE SOUND OF A GLORIOUS CLUSTERFUCK!!!Barbed wire soars across the roof.Wall of magnesium blend coffee lights up like a Christmas tree.The actual lights explode.Limburger flies as cheese wheels explode everywhere.The strobe lights flash.And the stereos blast the March of the King of Laois at double speed and out of sync with each other.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p6zx1lDVoUThe Tagers fail their reflex saves against the "rave from hell" (not my line) and hit the dirt, since ZeRoller/Cael "forgot" to tell them to wait a second.And then Cael pulls the trigger on his net gun underneath the table, which is pointed directly across from him. One order of Bangers and Mash, comin' right up->smirk "He doesn't flinch"Thankfully Darya knows what's up and puts a round through Dick's skull with her sniper rifle (now he flinches), while Ian trips one of the Dhohanoids with his net. The Tager's are as useless as their creator is, IRL.The badguy's turn, it turns out the flash was so bright that the Dhohanoids sunglasses are welded to their faces. Dick tries to magic Darya, giving Cael an AO:"I hit him with my gun.">"You can't. It's loaded with blanks.""I know. It's also ten pounds of metal, apparently. I jump on the table and start pistol-whipping him.">"You can't. You aren't proficient in pistol(club)."From the blog (or source, one of the 2), Cael has Proficiency Pistol, AND Proficiency Club. But apparently that's not enough to qualify for a little mix and match.Uggghh, I wish I could say that'll be the last instance of Marty dickery, but I'd be lying worse than his mother did when she told the doctors "Of course I didn't drink while I was pregnant!"
>>41362068And thus justice was derailed.
>>41362068>"You can't. You aren't proficient in pistol(club)."Who the fuck is "proficient" in pistol whipping a guy?There aren't any sort of fancy techniques or hidden complexity to it It's just smacking a guy with the thick not-shooty part of the gun
>>41362149This is Marty we are talking about.
>>41362149Tell that to Joshua Graham.
>>41362068>"You can't. You aren't proficient in pistol(club).""Oh yes I am!">Actually pistol whip him with a BB gun.
Oh god there's more
>>41362305And then his perceptions of reality slowly melt away before his eyes. Or maybe just wishful thinking.
>>41362068>SUETHULHU STORYTIMECael reloads his net gun, and the non-tripped Dho tries to GTFO, only to be given another order of Henderson brand Coffee courtesy of Barista Cael. Ian is dual-wielding his net gun and his arcane revolver (Apparently he's an Outlaw Star fan and basically made a Caster) and is firing positive energy shots into Dick, while Darya keeps sniping.Then Dick heals his bullet wounds, and gives Darya a bad hit. Cael nets the other Dho and blows the cheese ladle.Ah Marty, will you ever let physics off of your dick in favor of your stupid sense of drama?Rather than flooding the room, the cheese "Geysers" into the air and flash-cooks into string-cheese, and everyone has to make a reflex save to not be caught in the web of curds. Everybody fails the save, though the PC's break out the next round.So it's just the PC's and Dick, with the Dhohanoids netted and covered in cheese, while the Tagers are similarly Limburgered, albiet sans Kevlar. (just as useless though). 2 rounds later, Dick is dead due to a Crit from Darya, bursting into flames and crumbling away while Jin calls and says he's coming in. The Dhohanoids are trying to get up, so Ian and Cael put the boot into the ugly fucks a few times and chuck them into the unexploded cheese ladles, and even succeeded on their cheese-making checks! Good thing Dhohanoids don't need to breathe.(No, I don't know if really made them roll cheese-making checks, but would anyone be surprised?)When Jin arrives, he barrels through the door of the 'asploded cheese factory with a GIA SWAT team, to find Ian and Cael stepdancing amid the burning rubble.
>>41362393Death by gouda? Ouch.
>>41362447Well, I guess that couldn't have cheesed it any better.
>>41362393Fucking munchkins cheesing everything
>>41362561Goddamn, everyone looks mad as hell in that image, and Carlos actually acknowledges it.
>>41362393>SUETHULHU STORYTIMEThe Cops act like the stereotypical "ON THE FLOOR!" goose-steppers until Jin talks them down. The Dho's are curdled, though the police are wary if they're still alive or not. Jin solves that by Tazing their feet, and they get tucked away in the transport cage, still in the cheese ladles. The GIA are giving the stink-eye to the Tagers, though the PC's say they weren't a threat. After all, they'd spent the entire fight lying down. Marco was lifted up and told to shake hands with one of the GIA, though Caels comment that they should "Kiss and make up" wasn't well received.The van leaves, the PC's destroy the evidence by stuffing everything they had left (Speakers, strobes, coffee) into the cheese forge and walking away, taking some souvenir wheels as they go.From the blog:>"Of course you guys know this will be investigated thoroughly. Cheese factories don't just explode.""But fireworks factories do. Don't they, Jin-the-forensic-accountant-with-government-access?""Oh, yes, especially ones with no records of an inspection ever."finding a convenient park, take our helmets off, and Jin pulls out a bottle of vodka and a box of Triscuits. The man is prepared, although I can't say we're in culinary agreement. They start passing it around, and when it gets to me, I think to ask when we can interrogate our captives.We cannot; in fact, we will have no access to them whatsoever and cannot even confirm they exist. Even the bug Jin slipped into the van is useless.Rather than drink, I start stuffing a rag into the neck."D'you guys think Blackspire's compromised?""Doesn't matter; they're about as much help either way.""'K. Have to follow the trail then.">"What trail?""The trail of melted cheese.">"No, you guys solidified all the cheese.""With several kilos of radio-detonatable coffee in the bottom. How many vents were there again?"For the first time that day, he was no longer grinning, and I was laughing out loud.
>>41362530Mine made no sense, but yours, Carlos, GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, I envy your prowess.
I would give away my money to see this guy suffering, and I'm a fucking Jew.
>>41362624>he was no longer grinningYES. LET THE SUFFERING BEGIN.
>>41362624>SUETHULHU STORYTIME, ENDThis is the last of the 'story' of the SUE files, as the party planned out how they were going to "break into a prison" to interrogate their captives. ("Let's bring along the rest of the Limburger for a circumstance bonus") Marty ended the session, and didn't have another one with ZeRoller, (Or Ian or Darya, I think, but don't quote me on that)Oh and when ZeRoller found out they'd killed a fuggin' lich and had only survived by sheer luck without the Tager's help, he asked about Cael and the other character's leveling from the encounter.>"You don't. The Tager's get an equal share of the XP."And he wouldn't hear a word about how they'd contributed fuck-and-all to the fight.That's the end of the blog, though the source might (did) have some more details on the drama bomb that got set-off after this last session. All I know for certain is that Marty was a salty cunt, and ZeRoller had had enough and told the psychotic neckbeard to get professional help.I'll get into that later, cause now I'm going to pass out, and I'm glad I 'finished' the blog before bed. When I wake up, I'll post bits about Marty as a player, then his plans for his Multiverse Empire, and follow by shitposting tidbits from the source of this story.And before you ask. There is a better epilogue to the story than mine. Marty actually asked ZeRoller to write up "what happened to Cael" for his precious novelization.Sir Pratchett would be proud.irolledazero dot blogspot dot com slash 2013 slash 10 slash suethulu-basically-end dot htmlAnd yes, 4chan screws with my attempts to directly link, but in anycase, it's SOO worth a read.
>>41362897Whooo! Ride over, take a breather folks.
>>41362897Thanks. I wonder what are the boundaries with regards to touching Heinlein or EE Smith works? Like, what if chunks of it form up the campaign setting?
>>41362931Does this mean Mr. Bones' Wild Ride has an end?
It is finally overA moment of silence for those anons we have lost along the wayNow rejoice, REJOICE!
>>41363084No anon, some other ignorant power-grabber will take take hold of the wheel. No matter how far information can spread, certain cycles will always continue.I still enjoyed it, and I'm going to be more careful writing my story even though I've read about shit like this before. It might help or it might not, but who knows.
>>41363160Well, shit. It goes on yet more.
>>41362979I know that EE Doc Smith's works show up in GURPS Lensman.
The suffering has ended. The great evil has been vanquished and peace restored to the land of /tg/. Although the light has prevailed, evil yet grows, drawing strength in the dark parts of nerdom, waiting for a new host to corrupt into fulfilling it's sinister agenda. But, for now, peace reigns. All will be forgiven when surrender rises high.
>>41357588>nd to Marty anybody who 'works' for a living might as well be speaking Ooga-Booga.MY REAGISUNCONTAIABLE.pptx
>>41357588>Now...WHAT'S IN THE BOX!?!ORKS!
>>41363482Wrong story mate.
>>41362897>Sir Pratchett would be proud.Indeed he would.
>>41359444What's a Hyper fetish, anyway? I've heard the term before, but have no idea what it means, and based on the context I'm convinced that if I google it I'll end up on no less then three goverment watchlists.
>>41365412Fetish for literally giant or unrealisticly huge genitals
>>41361063>>41361089I'm now imagining a bunch of bearded muscular men working in front of a glowing forge, using huge tongs and hammers to shape molten cheese into wheels and wedges.
>>41361489>>41361455>>41361397It was obviously badly made heroin. So badly it was also explosive.
AHH MARTY IS IN MY CARDS AGINST HUMANITY GAME! HELP!
>>41365633And I really need to remember to turn that name off.
This on the Archive yet?
>>41366553Checked, and yes. Slightly fucked though.http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Mary%20Sue
>>41366598Good,now lets talk about Corruption of Cthulhu.
>>41366903I think that was a sort of extended joke? Don't think it's possible to actually crossover CoC with CoC.
>>41366961Ah,"One does not waifu the Flying Polyp." and all that.
>>41367051Someone made a "Things I am not allowed to to in campaigns." thread, one of them was 'No matter his charisma score, my character cannot seduce the Mi-Go.' I just went from there.
>>41366974>>41367097Which is strange since it is actually possible to at least fuck a Mi-Go/Flying Polyp/Shoggoth, the only problem is communicating that you want recreational intercourse and attaining consent of both parties.
>>41357118>they'd likely to be kncoeked down by the sudden gust of wind (if further away) or get all the force focused on a relatively small area, which would do much more damagePeople have been killed by military-grade blanks.
>>41357531...I'm not even a /k/ommando, and the sheer amount of stupid in that statement confuses me.
>>41367259>the only problem is communicating that you want recreational intercourse and attaining consent of both parties.Mostly because the Mi-Go/Flying Polyp/Shoggoth in question does not speak english, and instead make a noise like Bats in a tin bucket/Crocodiles in a Blender/someone vacuum pumping a pig carcass.
>>41367422But if you are able to communicate with just the right specimen then it should be possible for a person to have intercourse with the Eldritch being.Now, as to whether you would necessarily "enjoy" or even be able to comprehend what is happening as intercourse seeing as their physical forms are completely different to that of humans.But, if forced to guess, I'd say Shoggoths would be the most likely candidates for enjoyable sex. This is based upon their initial servile nature allowing them to be told what is acceptable and what isn't during the sex, and their amorphous nature circumventing any problems of cross-species fucking.
>>41367501>communicate with just the right specimenLike this one?
>>41367720Maybe? The whole reason why Mi-Go are represented as hostile to humans is because in the course of their scientific endeavours they will almost certainly carve out your brain and carry it to Pluto in a jar.Not out of malice but because they can do so much more science then would otherwise be possible.If you can find a Mi-Go that has genuinely abandoned experimentation for experiencing sensations, then you just might be able to convince her/him/it into some rumpy-pumpy.Just don't forget that Mi-Go are alien fungi and their idea of recreational sex may not exist or vary vastly to what you expect.
>>41367897Yeah, but the point is based upon an obscure rule from that game. Specifically, that if a monster can be played as an ally and stuff can join with it, the monsters that have joined with it are also played as allies.
>>41367938So if another Mi-Go joins the first Mi-Go then there will be two Mi-Go with the potential of more Mi-Go, and since all these Mi-Go and any future Mi-Go will be friendly Mi-Go then that means that there will be a Mi-Go orgy!I think I might have failed a SAN check somewhere during this thread.
>>41367971>I think I might have failed a SAN check somewhere during this thread.Are you tasting the color taupermarine with your ears? or feeling the smell of Splunge with your eyeballs?It was during Marty 'fixing' of The Disc, wasn't it.
>>41368003No, I lost it some time ago. Near the start I think when I could not take in the opine that there was a being in this world that actually did this.Doesn't help that I went to the blog these threads are transcribed from and thereby took a big doose of ITITITI to the the mind.
>>41368044>Near the start I think when I could not take in the opine that there was a being in this world that actually did this.I think I lost it when he declared he was psychic irl, so much brainouch.
'kay, I promised little updates, starting with a question somebody had about Marty as a player rather than a DM.>NOT SUETHULHU STORYTIMEMarty's playstyle in RPG is not as different from him as a DM, in regards to him being a simpering little cunt who only wants one thing. To be the best blaster. His sole contribution to any gaming group was to stand in one place, throw white-hot death at the enemies and be otherwise useless. Apparently there are worse powergamers, but to him anything else is sub-optimal.and God forbid you try to get him out of his comfort zone cause then he will be useless. Loudly. With theatrical sighs, eye-rolling, crossed arms and generally being a huffy spoiled 3-year old girl who can't get anyone to join her tea time because their too busy with "grandpa having a heartattack"(OP has never played deadlands and has some tangential idea of what's going on, but if any Anon's want to throw 2 cents in, BMG [be my guest])The example from the blog was a Deadlands campaign, where he played Ziggy, and had a power that would let him make temporary props. He was a Harrowed and this was his Relic and he could use it to summon hankerchiefs, prop swords, guns with blanks, bouquets, etc with successful Sleight of Hand/Spirit checks. A useful item provided the wielder is sufficiently creative.>"Can I pull nitroglycerin out of it?""yes?"And that's all he would do. He leveled up along the Harrowed path that let him throw fireballs and nothing else.That wasn't why it was a mistake to make him Harrowed from game start however. It was because it gave him a bunch of immunities, and the only thing that make him smile more than being able to "blast the bestest" was to say "I'm immune to that" whenever the party was suffering from Drowing, Toxins, Fire, etc.(Harrowed is some kind of demon-possessed corpse, if I understand it right)And he knew that no one gave a shit about him being immune, but that didn't stop him from saying it, every turn.
>>41368586Start throwing enemies at him that heard of him and his only attack strategy and brought fire-proof suits. His fireball attack gets reduced to 1 point of damage per turn.
>>41368586>NOT SUETHULHU STORYTIMEAnd the weaknesses of being Harrowed? Like not being able to walk on holy ground? Welcome to Dismissive Marty, who would write off anything he couldn't do as "trivial" and unimportant. Who needs immersion when you can just "Whatever" and open your iPhone and play Angry Birds? (you'll beat 1-1 someday Marty, I promise)Unless it involved in game money or rewards. He wouldn't make "Face" characters, and wouldn't interact with NPC's, but the instant somebody said reward he'd become the party leader and take over negotiations to get "Double what was offered for whatever we did."I love the line ZeRoller threw in, cause apparently he HATES mother-fuckers that do this shit, in game or IRL.>I just have a massive, bottomless chasm of spite right where he tried to peddle his opportunistic tricycle of puerile greed.Plus, since his negotiations for "Whatever else they can raise before we leave wherever we are" would never go well, he would claim discrimination via:Misandry, if they were womenReverse Racism, if they weren't white (He MIGHT have let the shit fly since it's the "Wild West" era by claiming to be Catholic or Irish, but nope)and everyone was Undead-Phobic, even though he said nobody could tell he was Harrowed.And Harrowing involves possibly being taken over by that Demon Hitchhiker at anytime, making a "role" to play one of pseudo-drama and existential crisis.Existential crisis? From Marty, the man who thinks that somewhere in a parallel universe exists a God-like version of himself who's a Vampire that doesn't need to drink blood or fear the sun and controls the Star Wars Empire? Who he's psychically connected to?And yes, that's why he claims Psychic ass-hattery with Vamp!Marty. He doesn't think Vamp!Marty is fictional, but was either made when Marty dreamed him up, or Marty caught a whiff of parallel-dimension dust and wrote about somebody who really exists. Because the "Multi-verse" is real.
>>41368816>NOT SUETHULHU STORYTIMEHarrowing: being brought back from the dead with your original soul, plus a demonic entity that could seize control of your body and do all sorts of horrific things while wearing you as a meat suit.Marty LOVED it.It let him Fireball. It gave him immunities. It let him "ghost form" and pass through solid objects, which he argued made him immune to falling damage, because:>"it clearly makes me massless and therefore inertialess until I move, so I must stop moving relative to the ground."Ugh, why didn't the DM just say "no it doesn't, and now your going to keep falling until you hit the Earth's core" I'll never understand.Add in the fact that there was no force on heaven or earth that could make the egomaniacal fuckstick admit to weakness, and it results in crybaby fits when people suggested he be restrained when he Dark Passenger took over.> "That's not me. That's someone else who uses my body. Restraining me because of what he does isn't fair."Now, apparently the Demon Possession business involves the DM taking over and being a dick while using that players body, which resulted in Fireballs coming a little too close to the cripplingly pyrophobic Blessed child (OP: Da wut?), but that's because Marty re-wrote his characters backstory just "a tad"Ziggy started as a loose, happy-go-lucky con-man.Marty made him a mob boss.>"Because it's more badass"and played him as an evil Magician. So ZeRoller played up the Demonic aspect with antics like:"How about a trick? [hands and eyes ignite] I'll make your skin disappear."Now the Blessed wanted to fix the shenanigans by resurrecting Ziggy (Apparently that's a big deal in Deadlands), and Marty threatened to burn her to death if she tried.Even though the DM said he wouldn't lose ANY EXP from becoming alive again. Nope, he wanted his big flaming balls.
>>41368995>NOT SUETHULHU STORYTIMEMarty's immunities made him basically Useless as a party member, which he loved.Almost as much as he loved becoming ACTUALLY useless as a party member, which happened after the Fuel Truck incident.(Not to be confused with the Henderson Tanker Truck incident. That was awesome. This is retarded)Harrowed can phase through solid matter, but that doesn't apply to Ghost Rock. Which can be made into Spook Juice.Which was in a tanker truck barreling down the highway towards the party.Everybody except Marty get's out of the way. He:>"Ghosts into the cabin and claws the driver in the throat."Remember him being "inertialess" when he ghosts? He took a lot of damage from being hit by a speeding truck, which he bitched about mightily. And he wasn't able to ghost out before the truck hit a wall.*squish*Down to his head and a single arm, Marty would ask "Who's carrying me?" a hundred times a session, and refuse to be cybered or regrow his legs.Then he had another tantrum after the Blessed child just exorcised a haunted building and offered to revive him while the townsfolk were cheering the party.>"I am in control, I am always in control, and if you suggest otherwise I'm burning you until your bones char, you little bastard."That wasn't the Demon talking. Though he got the drivers seat after that outburst.He wasn't killed, as the Party finally said "You're getting fucking cybered or else these people will lynch you!"He accepted, and let himself become a cyborg, which locked down his demon, and even had a disguise built in.He never did anything in game again, except loudly complain >"Oh how helpful I could be if SOMEone hadn't taken all my powers away!"He quit shortly thereafter.And that's Marty, Emprah of That Guy's, as a player.
>>41367971Problem is that you can have at most three mi-go in the deck. They can, however, all join with the scientist, so you can have three mi-go as allies.
>>41369172>NOT SUETHULHU, MARTY'S EMPIRENow before Rick, the Krieger with balls so huge that Ollanius Pius shed a tear of pride before welcoming his son to a seat at the side of the Emperor, died in battle against a Vampire-faggot who was "Immuunn to Evrrrthiin, LAWL!!!", he and Vamp!Marty had a chat IC and OOC about how Marty was going to run his Empire and the Multiverse as a whole.Remember. This is a man who is taking over these settings because he created the Multiverse, which gave him God-like power even over the other Authyrs substantial God-like powers within their own settings.(He believes himself to be a better writer than anybody who's universe he takes over...Discworld.....eeeeeegggghghghda;fdhk;faafkd;jsf)MOTHERFUCKER YOU HAVE UNCORKED A SHITSTORM FOR WHICH THERE IS NO LONGER A BOTTLE! COHEN THE BARBARIAN IS GOING TO WEAR VAMP!MARTY'S SKULL AS A FUCKING JOCKSTRAP YOU UNHOLY SPAWN OF E.L. JAMES AND STEPHANIE MEYER!!!So Marty fixes the worlds he conquers. How?First off, the forces he uses to conquer a setting become an occupying force, with promises to have "Anything the Empire doesn't want" and replace every variety of authority figure. Which means even the Meter-maids are now Storm Troopers. And all the actual soldiers/cops are lined up and "Shot down to the clerks" (which either means bureaucratized, or executed by pencil-pushers, could go either way with this fucknugget), though he does admit that policing this arrangement is> “where a lot of the trouble comes in”NOREALLY?!.jpgThen he cuts out corruption in the existing power structures by making all existing government functionaries "Advisors" to the Fleet officers who will actually be running the worlds he conquers on his behalf. They have no power, and have to report corruption to people who have every reason to hide said corruption and still be held accountable by their constituents/citizens for said corruption.He turned all governments into complaints departments...
>>41369367>NOT SUETHULHU, MARTY'S EMPIREKeep in mind, this is just as much the Player's arguing with Marty as much as it is the PC's Arguing with Vamp!Marty, and all the fun that implies. (A man who never admits being wrong and his debate/argument strategy is 'Filibuster'."So what if a government official doesn't want to become an advisor/a bitch to the Vamp!Marty empire?He get's replaced by a fleet officer.And all his coworkers/employees get mind-raped so they accept and endorse the change. Although Marty said such actions on the entire populace would be>“simply inefficient, and possibly unethical.”Not that that stops him from doing passive scans of the general populace and "only dissidents" end up with Vamp!Marty's psionic cock in their medulla oblongata.Then comes the forced de-militarization. If you have a weapon and you aren't a member of the Vamp!Marty regime, it will be destroyed, as will any "Defense Industries" in existence in whatever 'verse. When asked about how this stops people from just punching each other en-masse, Marty says:>"That's an acceptable level of violence, as it will only be terrorists or those who are just angry at society who would do such things." *Sigh* "The mentally disturbed will always seek to hurt others, cest la vie."So everybody with a mental disorder is violent, and only the only people who'd rebel against a facist regime are the ones who "just wanna see the world burn".I want the power to punch through space and time, so that no matter where I am, somebody I don't like get's an uppercut to the scrotum. Guess who's getting ALL of my training to become the next Fist of the North Star?> “However, having a unified set of laws at least makes it easier to find and remove ""such people"" before they harm others.”The kind of guy who would argue putting an IQ test on voter registration forms, so "Idiots" couldn't vote.Fuck you from every orifice, from every angle, and every multiverse Marty.
>>41369597>Fuck you from every orifice, from every angle, and every multiverse Marty.with what, Emperor Class Imperial Cruisers?
>>41369791With Megastructures of course. Gotta go big or go home.
>>41369597Marty would really like Psycho Pass
>>41369367>MOTHERFUCKER YOU HAVE UNCORKED A SHITSTORM FOR WHICH THERE IS NO LONGER A BOTTLE! COHEN THE BARBARIAN IS GOING TO WEAR VAMP!MARTY'S SKULL AS A FUCKING JOCKSTRAP YOU UNHOLY SPAWN OF E.L. JAMES AND STEPHANIE MEYER!!!I bet one of his 'Fleet Officers' said "Get out of my way you stupid monkeyyyAAARRRGGGHHH!" and was never heard from again.
>>41369973I take it you'll be going from Big, to Bigger, to the worlds Biggest....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lflGK3C8iC8
>>41369597>NOT SUETHULHU, MARTY'S EMPIRENow, Marty admits the unification is going to be a problem because "Certain worlds are literally infinite" which means the War he's proposing is NEVER going to end, in one form or another.To all history buffs out there, prepare yourself, because this next bit is going to be triggering.Players: “And what happens when this empire breaks?”>DM-Marty: “IF it breaks.”Players: [various observations on the inherent transience of political structures]>DM-Marty: “The difficulty with a large empire is in the corruption of those in charge, and with the loss of a charismic [sic] leader. For instance, the Hellenic Empire. Alexander the Great, on most every Earth. With the death of the single unifying charismic[sic] entity, the entire empire split up. Another example: the universe of Star Wars. If I had not intervened there, the single charismic [sodding sic] entity’s death would have caused it to fracture into warlord states.”I can't even wtf at that.>“And, in the case of a great empire falling, it’s rarely worse than what it was before they were unified.”Germany after WWI called Marty. I couldn't understand most of it, but it sounded like they're inviting you to some exciting summer-camps they're in the process of setting up.>“For example, the influence of the Hellenic Empire under Alexander the Great created a unified feeling throughout Europe.”ALEXANDER DIDN'T CONQUER EUROPE!!! Not that that stops him from sucking Alex's dick, saying he made "Byzantium the best city in the ancient world". By that logic, I'm going to plant a flag in Washington D.C. and say it's mine and therefore, I am the creator of American democracy.Here, Rick and Lily argue about unifying SO MANY cultures into one top-down empire and how that's pretty much a nightmare/impossible to happen. Which is when Marty's "Great Man" theory of history pops out once more.
>>41370061No, I mean BLAME! Megastructure.
>>41370089>Here, Rick and Lily argue about unifying SO MANY cultures into one top-down empire and how that's pretty much a nightmare/impossible to happen. Which is when Marty's "Great Man" theory of history pops out once more.It's never impossible if you have Mary Sue level mind control and Grey Goo!
>>41370107oh, good to know, but I'm right about the whole Librarian thing, right?
>>41370122>It's never impossible if you have Mary Sue level mind control and Grey Goo!>Grey Goo!This guy is insane, isn't he?
>>41370089I don't like this story. It's taking too long to get to Marty's final comeuppance.
>>41370180From the Discworld, he really hate being referred to by the M-Word (He's an Orang-Utan, know the bloody difference.), and will stick a banana where the sun don't shine if you call him that to his face, as one of Vamp!Martys 'Feet Officers' would have inevitably found out.
>>41370089>NOT SUETHULHU, MARTY'S EMPIREWhy unifying 7200 realities is a Non-issue to Vamp!Marty's Empire, with people wanting to govern themselves, courtesy of the Great Man Theory of History.[Previous thread:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/41279526/Post 41340257]>“Just individuals seeking power…It is rarely the people themselves who seek to fragment when an empire falls.”It's the most elitist combination of "winners make their own luck" and "You built that!" you're ever going to find.Way back in the first thread, somebody said Marty has SJW traits for arguing that Emperor Palpatine was speciesist? Ha ha ha, no. Marty is a racist, mysoginist, homophobe. The speciesist bit was what Vamp!Marty used to convince a Sith Lord to retire and let him have the SW Empire.Marty's SJW tendency's only pop out for the 1%. He white-knights for the rich and powerful and he does so because he thinks he's going to be in that category someday.If Marty becomes a statistic, it'll be a cancer statistic. (I hope)But the History lesson's aren't done!>“It was not until the thirteen colonies broke off from Britain that its empire started to collapse”...much as I love me sum 'Murican Historee, we were NOT the reason Britain eventually lost it's other colonies scattered across the world. Mahatma Ghandi want's to rise from the grave and kick you square in the baby-maker Marty. So much for your "Great Man" theory-oh wait, Ghandi was brown, so he doesn't count.“because without them as a precedent, no other colony would have tried to free themselves for perhaps a century or more.”Really? Fucking really?The Players bring up the fact that IRL we can't unify 1 sapient species under a single government. Marty's solution is to have "Selective Laws". I.E. The governments pick what laws to follow.Anybody see a problem with that? Anyone at all?
>>41370286>Anybody see a problem with that? Anyone at all?Oh! Me! Me! I see this obviously a stupid move!
>>41370286According to Heinlein's Number of the Beast there are at least 6^6^(6) universes that can be travelled to with their time-space turner, most of which are worlds of fiction. In that book, it is revealed that everybody is everybody else's fictions and imaginations. Fictionality is mutual.It's an interesting take that isn't "the one true earth!!11oneone" that most multiverse setups do.
>>41370320 (6^6)^6 or 10,314,424,798,490,535,546,171,949,056 INITIALLY. There lies the possibility of much, much more universes that can be accessed.I wonder though, where does Marty get "7200 realities"?
>>41370286>Marty's solution is to have "Selective Laws". I.E. The governments pick what laws to follow."O rly? Let's secede right now!"
>>41370217Actually his preferred method is somewhat Pavlovian. He'll hold the Fleet Officer upsidedown by his ankles and bonk his head on the floor no longer remembers the word Monkey. And possibly his own name. Do it to enough people and soon enough everybody learns. It's like cleaning the vocabulary Gene Pool!>>41370286>NOT SUETHULHU, MARTY'S EMPIREThen comes this next bit, from the blog:>“Without military forces to command, political differences remain in the political arena without escalating into armed conflict.”Players: “Unless, of course, there is a difference of opinion between the military and the civilians.”[ZeRoller] Already planning the rebellion, I see. If my ego were totally out of control, I’d say I rubbed off on them. Seriously though, this is a good sign.>“If it’s a single person who’s upset […], you do not have an uprising.”What about "Great Men" Marty?Oh well, since he's turned all governments into complaints departments, then everyone get's a voice in how they are ruled/run and nobody will want to rise up save for the stupid/insane/petty. (So, other Marty's then?) but he keeps using more examples, and they're just as retarded as everything else, More blog copy-pasta:>“Take the Federation, of Star Trek. There is no internal rebellion.”The Federation doesn’t conquer, Marty. And is deliberately kept a vague utopia by the writing staff.>“And when have you seen a people rebel with peaceful alternatives?”Word association game time: Post the first qualifying rebellion that comes to mind.(OP: Ooh, ooh! Can we do that! Please!?)Then he references his own "Fantasy Japan" in that setting he made up, that I transcribed in thread one, which has no internal rebellion. (And the Emperor owns the holy sword RiceFart. That's never not gonna be funny, fuck-y'all)and then there's catchphrases, like:>“not everyone can be heard, but a people can be heard.”and>"there will always be war"
>>41370466>He'll hold the Fleet Officer upside down by his ankles and bonk his head on the floor no longer remembers the word Monkey. And possibly his own nameIt's that or he grabs the guys ears with his feet and tries, with a great degree of success, to unscrew his head. also good luck disarming the Watch.
>>41370466>>“And when have you seen a people rebel with peaceful alternatives?”Does he include genocide as a "peaceful alternative"?
This thread is still going.Fuck everything.
>>41370603The ride never ends. I suggest masturbating feverishly until the bliss erases this dreck from your mind.Though it might also ruin sex for you since everytime you experience sexual pleasure you will remember Marty.
>>41370466>NOT SUETHULHU, MARTY'S EMPIREPolitics done, let's see Marty spray his retard jizz all over economics!The short-summary, Marty's economic policy is asset realization.TL:DR, he is the Tyranids.and he will be constantly encouraging his people to "make their fortunes on the frontier", which already has people living on it. But that won't be a problem, having a horde of thieves and looters constantly following his fleet of +100,000 Eclipse Class Star Destroyers to strip away his newly conquered worlds because>“Those who join diplomatically never need worry about having their lands burned and their people killed. Whereas those who join by conquest…”Ah, so you'll be committing enough genocide to leave LOTS of open space for everyone! Great plan, worked out wonderfully for America, with absolutely no negative repercussions whatsoever!What about empires/governments that are neutral? Non-hostile but want to remain sovereign?>“Well, a large amount of diplomacy is what begins…however, force may be required if they refuse.”I.E. MINDRAPE AND LASER-SPAM!!!Now remember, this isn't just the Players debating this retard, it's the PC's debating with Vamp!Marty the BBEG. So Lily, who is from a fantasy setting asks what a Federation is.And Marty hits the reset button on his exposition, and does it ALL OVER AGAIN, but this time with more redefining, like:>“A book, or a series of words on pages…”and even better, he talks about Lily's world and brings up what RPG's are>"Games of pretend"he might've had a chance to go Meta about this, but instead he whacks off his ego about how awesome his game works, as a character in his own game.BTW, his military strategy for the Conquering the Multiverse?Warp in Star Destroyers and glass a continent/planet and demand unconditional surrender. If the people of a setting don't comply, he nukes another one.And in Marty's plot. Vamp!Marty and thus himself, are the REAL HEROES.
>>41370653>Warp in Star Destroyers and glass a continent/planet and demand unconditional surrender. If the people of a setting don't comply, he nukes another one.>And in Marty's plot. Vamp!Marty and thus himself, are the REAL HEROES.W-which continent did he whack on the Disc? I HAVE TO KNOW!
>>41370603>>41370639Thread's basically over guys, there's nothing left of a coherent narrative regarding Marty's retardation, save for the source of this misery. I'll shit-post that stuff as it pops up, but otherwise, the story is done.Go outside. Take a breath. And scream "FUCK YOU MARTY!!!" as loud as you can. I'll be joining you.This has been storytime with a write-fag in training, thank you for y'all's patience.And now OP must confess his sins.[NO, the story of Marty is NOT fiction, you're not THAT lucky...]First off, I was the guy who initially edited the 1d4chan page last year to link the irolledazero blog. I wanted the word to be spread further, and I was happy when I checked the page last week on an impulse to the link was still there, along with most of what I'd thrown in regarding how retarded the contents were.Checking out the blog again after that, there was approximately one new comment per post since I'd edited the page, and it struck me as inadequate."More must know of this abomination, and guard their souls against the lure of being a fucking That Guy."So I started the threads, and now I humbly ask forgiveness.Secondly, at some point in the future, (Far future, I'm gonna hash it out a LOT more) I'll be asking TG about a setting I'm creating, which might or might not lead to character generation for a quest thread, and I wanted to make sure my write-faggotry skills were up to snuff so I didn't waste TG's time.Now I will recite the /tg/ prayer, and say 10 "Hail Pratchett's" as I atone for my sins.
>>41370782What quest do you have in mind? Did you check out Editors (via pastebin) or Meta Quest?
>>41370782I can't find the 1d4chan page linking to the irolledazero blog.
If anyone else wishes to test there SAN in the erroneous belief that doing so will strengthen it, please let me direct you to LUKEhttp://1d4chan.org/wiki/Luke
>>41370950THE RIDE NEVER ENDS! IT MERELY CHANGES TRACKS!
>>41370950I think we should add Marty to 1D4chan as the abomination just one step above luke
>>41370836TL:DRAfterlife/Purgatory/Hell on Earth thread, where Demon is just the colloquialism for any type of mythological creature. Chimeras, Oni, Cerberus, Mermaid, Fire Giants, Fairies, Angels, etc are all "Demons" and are humans or animals that were mutated 'magically' by Gods to suit there whims/needs.Bit I'm playing with is that Purgatory/Hell have a kind of 'magical radiation' effect that is INTENDED to make a sinner/damned soul figure out what they did to land in hell, and repent/atone. Instead of a controlled shapeshift according to something else's will, the humans body will SLOWLY mutate and give them powers according to who they are as a person, the actions they take, and the motivations behind those actions.So far I've got shenanigans regarding people who are "Hunters" getting enhanced vision, with different types of vision depending on if they hunt for survival vs sport vs money vs 'just want to kill'.
>>41371071You just know there's going to be a fucker who'll go "Atonement? pssh, FUCK TAHT!! Im going to abe a SAtan!!!!111!!"What's your plan for that?
You guys seem like a cool bunch, how will you folks find me and my quest/campaign setting when I'm ready to go? Maybe I could set up a new Marty thread in the future, to remind folks?
>>41371246Just tripfag and get a Twitter account, post in Weekend Quest General and brush up on your questwriting skills.I think most of us will take your word for it.
>>41371071Tripfag! Tripfag NAOW before someone take your name!And yeah, make a twitter, it'll make it easier to tell Questers when you can and cannot run.Aaah, I remember the times when QM used to use e-mails to update subsribers when they were running. How we adapt to new technology.
>>41371097That's a possibility. The set up I'm leaning towards is multiple demonic lords/kings, and I'm heavily favoring "Earth has become new hell/purgatory" so Atonement isn't wouldn't be an option in that situation. All you can do is suck it up and deal, however that is, and be prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions.Pre-answering 2 questions that pop to my mind.Yes, it's possible to be come a gibbering mouther or a Chaos Spawn, but you have to work REALLY goddamn hard for that to happen, or be a legit "Chewing on the walls/Son of Sam/Marty" level psychopath.Acceptance/resistance of your mutations will change how they affect you as well. An example I used was somebody who slowly turns into a stereotypical wolfman/werewolf (However his personality leads to that)Wolfman A says "OH GOD NO! I'M GONNA BECOME A FURRY!" and has the constant presence of (DO NOT WANT!) Rattling around in his head, his mutations will be far less obvious. Mostly human, save for sharper senses, teeth and slight claws, as well as being a bit hairier, but nothing obvious.Wolfman B says "What's a furry? Oh well, not like I can change it now, just have to deal" will basically become a classic "hollywood" wolfman/werewolf.Wolfman C says: "THIS IS AWESOME! I'M GONNA KICK SO MUCH ASS!!!", his mutations will be more dramatic and make him more wolflike than the other two.Wolfman D Says: "Yeah, this is pretty cool, but Is there a way to stay human and keep these powers?", he'll be able to shift actively between forms.Thinking of how to balance those things out ATM, so far I've got WM: A being the weakest, (Save for D in his completely human form) but he can think clearer than WM: B or C, as the more sensitive nose means more brainpower has to be shunted into 'translating' this more powerful sense so he can comprehend it. (Plus they're becoming more animal-like/instinctual).That's just an example, I don't intend to make "Defined Categories/stereotypes" like that.
>>41371298>>41371343Tripfaggotry like this? (had to look it up, think that's all there is to it)
>>41371518WOOT! Hope this doesn't turn into a rolling dumpster-fire! I'll get the twitter set up soon.
>>41371440Actually, I was considering a mechanic called Feed the Beast for a planned Fantasy Supersoldier Quest.>1/5 damage given feeds into the meter>1/3 damage taken also feeds into the meter>Spend meter to unleash powerful attacks, but lower the maximum until mission's end.>If meter reaches maximum, you will immediately spend meter on frenzied attacks until it reaches a certain point (starts at half, later you'll be able to cut it off earlier), costing you turns.>Spending meter all the time tires you, not spending it makes you go crazy.>Tactical Resource Management Action!
>>41371440You could develop a table of "Traits" tied to certain "Characteristics" or "Atonements". Allow each trait to go the way given by the example Wolfmen (Reject/Accept/Encourage/Discourage) with each path altering the Trait in that way (Weaker w/ advantage/Concentrated/Stronger w/ disadvantage/Diluted).
>>41371832Ooh! That works! More organized than how I was writing the stuff out anyway. That's gonna be for pretty much all the powers, rather than a given "Form" plus it's all dependent on whether the person knows what they're doing that's turning them into a whatever.If they don't know what's causing it, and keep doing what they have been, then that's the end result. If the realize it's based on their behaviors, but they don't know which ones, they'll be cosmetic alterations/power adjustments. If they figure out PRECISELY what is causing the lycanthropy and pull a complete reversal, they can either pull themselves completely into a different skill set (if caught early enough) or become a mix of their previous/next form. Equivalent of switching classes or multiclassing, but the trick is that "magic radiation" is continually building at after a certain point, you're locked.
>>41372026Remember to have multiple "Traits" for each "Atonement" and don't be afraid to keep the Traits distinct from each other in each "Atonement" in order to keep the PC's guessing.e.g. I'm turning into a Succubus! Is it Lust? But my powers don't affect others, only myself! Is it Envy?
>>41372185Succubus would be (broadly) for somebody who uses sex to get what they want, money/power/influence, though succubi-like traits would manifest in somebody who's simply "free and open" regarding sex.This doesn't make the Succubus an automatic gold-digger however, depending on their mindset regarding what they're doing."It's basic trade! I give them something, and they give me something! It's win-win!"Versus"I make people feel good and bring joy into their lives! I'M DOING THE WORK OF CHRIST OVER HERE!!!"Versus"I don't have a lot of other skills to fall back on, and besides, it's really easy. 'Lie back and think of England' right?"Versus"World domination, one drained scrote at a time. All according to Keikaku."Heh, plus a lot of others. Like I said, I'm still organizing and I'll probably create a seperate thread once I've bounced enough around in my own time so I'm not having /tg/ do the work for me.And I will not have 'Magical Realm' shenanigans. Way too creepy for me, even if I didn't know people IRL who're fa/tg/uys.
>>4136858>>41368816>>41368995>>41369172The GM should just have throwm Stone at this asshole at some point.
Here's the blog link for anyone who wants to torture themselves (or others) further. There's not much that OP hasn't covered, but if you want the SUETHULHU directly from someone who saw it, here is where you go.irolledazero blogpostYou'll have to Google that since 4chan is being stupid today.
>>41371298Alright. I'm not a newbie QM, actually. I ran a bunch of really small, "experimental" quests under a bunch of other names.
Who else is planning a Marty-esque BBEG? I'm imagining an incompetent child ruler who somehow managed to gain power through coming across an exceptionally powerful magical artifact. He attempts to "fix" the world by making it the only way he would see fit. He uses awful tactics and does not understand even the slightest bit about ruling. This causes his empire to crumble around him, and leaves the peasants weak and mournful. When the PCs actually find him in person he has some huge guard(s), but is actually just an incredibly annoyingly cocky child. The only reason why the guards stick around is because they swore an oath to their ruler's decent-human-being parents. After all, Marty's parental figures would have had to be beyond patient and kind to actually put up with a kid like that. In the end it would be a moral dilemma as to whether or not the players would murder a child for making stupid, cocky mistakes and basically just being a little kid given far too much power.
>>41375743>>41374778 here.Most of my badguys are pretty much an army of Martys (kind of), but most of them monsterize into faceless Paladins and eldritch-looking horrors.I was thinking though, "what if I incorporate THE, original Marty into the backstory, where hundreds of years ago, his rampage across the multiverse was part of a much bigger catastrophe?"
Marty is not a student, he's a final exam. A test to see how well the players can improvise in the face of impossible and increasingly desperate odds, when all reasonable options have been unreasonably stripped away. And seeing how they react to failing anyway, no matter what they do.Marty is a living Kobayashi Maru test.
Bump. Also, someone should archive this for future generations.
>>41355121Ok op, glad I caught this thread live.With how close it already is to bump limit and how much reading I will have to do, I want to ask this question before I start and apologize if already asked and answeredYou mentioned last thread about some original sources of this tale and wanted to keep a lot secret because of privacy issues an the university being that anal about bad publicity they might go after the players. How is it that you came upon all this information in the first place? Where you just lucky enough to stumble on it? Or was it told to you and you managed to perform some amazing amounts of internet searching? Again sorry if this was mentioned somewhere already.
>>41378577Ya, cause there's a current archive going, but it was labeled the same as Thread 2, so I don't know whether this calls for a resubmit or have to delete the mistake first.
>>41380516Don't remember ALL of the context, it was a RPG forum where That Guy's were brought up, and somebody mentioned a thread from awhile back, when ZeRoller was asking for assistance dealing with a very railroady DM. I got curious and read through it and sweet mother of hell was it bad, but then I found the blog which was a strange mix of "more detailed/better written" than the thread, but with a lot of details nixed.For example, I remember the Strength DC check to break out of the stringcheese was retardely high....I don't THINK it was DC 20...but I'll double check on that.
>>41380788DC 20? What's this, cheese suddenly became rebars?
>>41380788Shitposting source details for fun and Profit!The toolmarks left all over the machine that the PC's had to use to make their nets whenever they fucked up? And the toolmarks left behind when Cael broke into Toby's bar, because he botched a Lockpicking roll and "Marred the solid steel lock"?Yeah, deeper Marty shenanigans with that as to how a brass tensioner could scratch tool-steel.>"Everything is advance nano-composites, and there's no metal that's soft enough to NOT scratch the lock when you slip up, that will be strong enough to lift the pin."Oh holy crap, I just found the bit where ZeRoller got clued into the Haber-Bosch process for making the explosive that got dubbed Henderson Brand Coffee. It ended up coming across a "Holy shit he's actually allowing this!? STRIKE! STRIKE NOW WHILE THE IRON IS HOT!!!" with him planning out the sordid details, like using Katana's for electrodes.Yes he really had to do that, to keep Marty from talking about the electrodes degrading over use, and apparently CT shops had hundreds of the fucking things on hand at any given moment.From the initial calculations, ZeRoller was/should/maybe did make 100 Kilo's of what would become the 5d6 per pack of uncut caffeinated plot derailment.............whut?Something Marty has said...and I can't fathom it.>"The government should make digital art free and then pay the artists per download."Is that a thing? Is that a thing he really just said? He WANTS the government to act as a middle man between artists and consumers?!?DBZ-Abridged>Frieza: "...How do you function!?"
>>41383428Shitposting, Best of Marty.Katana's in Marty's world can ignore armor, nevermind the fact that IRL Katana's are SHIT against heavier armor, and when this was brought up to him:>"Katana's are easier to wield then warhammers. The center of mass is closer to the handle, they don't rely on weight to cause damage, which makes it easier to make them lighter, and the capacity for skills is greater, and it's shorter so it's easier to use."As a joke, somebody asked what he thought about military polearms, like halberds or billhooks. He applied the above statement to those things as well.Oh bonus I forgot about! When the Henderson Coffee was made, Marty made a few comments that chemistry anons will love! (Personally, I just nod politely and smile cause I've got no idea what's up with this shit)>"It's probably unstable as hell so it'll degrade quickly on contact with air."This is what lead to the stuff being vacuum sealed in foil bags>"If it's volatile, it probably stinks like hell."Hence the need for the "disguise" by way of Limburger. How hard did Marty fail Chemistry? We'll find out in a minute! (maybe)And the hits just keep on coming, but I don't know if this is a CthulhuTech or a Marty-verse thing because it's fucking retarded either way. Somebody brought up why coffee is even a thing in this post-apocalyptic setting, as it's a crop that is a BITCH-and-a-half to grow. Apparently all foodstuffs are MADE BY THE NANOFABRICATORS. What. The. F'tagn.Wait wait wait...I just got a nibble on something...Cael got really good rolls on his stats if I remember right, and his CON ended up being 16 or 17. He had 18 hit points at level 3...D-did Marty send a LICH at 3 level 3 players!?! AND SAY THEY DON'T LEVEL CAUSE THE USELESS FUCKING SUE'S GOT AN "EQUAL SHARE"!?!!?!?!What in the actual fuck is WRONG with this retard!?!
>>41383849>What in the actual fuck is WRONG with this retard!?!Apparently everything ever.
>>41383849Man, just the level of clarification on this bullshit is staggering. In SUETHULHU, the PC's were trying to negotiate a treaty/alliance between the GIA and the Tagers, to clear out the Dhohanoids from the government. (and the corporations, and the military, and good luck with that considering what Marty said those fuckers had access to!) So the PC's wanted to capture Dhohanoids, because the GIA hadn't exactly 'checked their fire' regarding Dhohanoids/Tagers in the past. (Kill em all, let Azathoth sort 'em out!)This was considered an "unrelated side mission" to the teams stated goal of "negotiating a treaty/alliance". That's pretty fucking broadly worded by itself, but if they're off-mission, then what IS their mission supposed to be?>"That's on a need-to-know basis, and you don't need to know."They don't have enough security clearance, working for the best-of-the-best-of-the-best of CT's ultra CIA, to access THEIR OWN MISSION BRIEFING!?!God, more isolated wankery, mostly weeaboo jism.Kunai have throwing ranges of 60+ feet, and FUCK me how'd I miss this!? The bit with Warhammers and military polearms, is that he put them and all hafted weapons into a category that amounts to "Basically it's a quarterstaff" and are just defensive weapons for wizards.and when Katana v. European swords are brought up>"Japanese swordsmiths emphasized quality over quantity, so of course they'd make a superior product. And besides, European swords were mass produced for the foot soldiers, and they were just cannon-fodder so they didn't need good quality weapons. Or they were for the knights, who had such a huge advantage on horseback that they could make even second-rate longswords do damage."
>>41384142No, we need better than ants for this.
>>41384108Oh my god these 2 bits are beyond assholish.Somebody made a crack about Excalibur being a katana, but that was just covered up by Euro-centrism.ZeRollers response was"It was worse than that. I only asked him about swords for the Nobility in Europe once, years ago. I haven't asked again. TL:DR, he REALLY underestimates anything European, especially the people."But this part, comes from the guy who played Rick the Krieger in the SUE Files, and Darya in SUEthulhu. He told Marty that a melee character of his would never use a Katana because:A: Using a Katana incorrectly will probably fuck up the guy using it.B: If everybody is using Katana's, then there's nothing special about them.C: The Player has apparently done kendo and fencing IRL and liked the back-and-forth of fencing more.D: He likes European weapons for being more durable and having better armor penetration as a whole.Marty's response to these statements? Focus on B: and boil down Rick's Player's argument/evidence of his insanity to.>"So you're a hipster?"I'm going to bed. Don't know how much more I might get before thread close, but at this point, not THAT big a deal since it's just more sticks to the load of evidence why Marty can't ever be allowed to breed and thus doom the human race through genetic pollution.
>>41384108>>41384214It always baffles me when Weebs love Japan yet don't know a single thing about their history
>>41384232>It always baffles me when Weebs love Japan yet don't know a single thing about their historyAll weebs know is "lol Ketena so edgy XD!!1!!"
>>41384108>That last bit about weeb swords vs European swordsWhat da zog? I hate people like this. European swords are MUCH better that Katanas in almost every circumstance.>>41384214>>Marty's response to these statements? Focus on B: and boil down Rick's Player's argument/evidence of his insanity to.>>"So you're a hipster?">you,six-times.jpg