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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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Alright, permit me to beg the indulgence of fa/tg/uys everywhere, with a "That Guy" thread.

The reason why I'm begging indulgence is that I hope to boost my writing skills a bit, and spread "That Guy" awareness. Because people don't just learn from the glorious examples of those who came before, we also learn from the rolling dumpster fire's of failure so we can say "Okay, whatever he/she did? Let's not do that!"

To that end, I'm going to be summarizing the tale of the Ultimate That Guy. A DM so bad, with a game so shitty that the only reason he wasn't called out on his behavior straight away is that the University he and his poor, pitiful players went to was such a hellhole, they couldn't discern the stress-induced psychopathy from the homegrown, all-natural bat-shit lunacy.

Just FYI, I am not the man who created the tale of the Ao-Sue, or one of the other players. I am simply a fan of the story, much in the same way that I am a fan of the RE:Monster Manga. (I can't stop reading it, just for how LOLWUT!?! horrifically written it is!)

So I'll be summing up the Sue Files, a bit at a time on this thread. Feel free to throw in your own "That Guy" stories if you want or toss in 2 cents. For now I'll kick things off with this.

The man who is known as "Marty" created a "COMPLETELY UNIQUE AND ORIGINAL" gaming system that would be a "pathfinder killer" (Very very shitty ripoff of D20 Modern and other things) that could supposedly be used with any given setting, though his own was clearly the superior setting as it involved traveling to fantasy/sci-fi/fictional universes.

Probably run out of room, so next post...
I had a player try to make me take back his character dying with an airsoft gun that looked real. Never played with that faggot again. He accentuated his point by firing BBs into his television. One ricocheted and hit me near my eye, on the cheek.

Later I found out he had threatened his sister with it, and that he also came in her underwear and he had to be shipped off to military school.

Still friends with the sister, though we don't talk much anymore.

Alright, to explain the setting, I must explain how it works, how it's dumber than shit, and why it makes Marty an unholy abomination of a "That Guy"


The multiverse that is being used for this setting, rather than being a case where "OMG the Star Wars universe was REAL!?!" and George Lucas just caught a whiff of multi-verse stardust, this multiverse says that the various fictional universes were created by the authors who wrote them. Anytime a writer puts pen-to-paper and scribbles out a world, a story, a setting, etc; it is part of the 7200 realities.

Off the top of the head, that doesn't sound too bad, right?


These people from Reality 1 (ours) are called "Authyrs" and have absolute power within the settings they have written. So they say, it becomes real. However, it is possible for people to travel between these realities, and when they do, they are freed from the control of their Authyr (Never gonna type that without feeling nauseous...) and can see the portals between worlds from that point on. Authyr's can jump through portals too, and still retain their god-like powers in the other universes they travel to.

However, not everybody can be an Authyr, if they do not retain their Exclusivity. This comes from being the sole influence in the world they have created. Everytime another author, or an editor, or an artist get's his hands on somebody's setting, the omnipotence is spread out until the original creator and everyone involved is completely powerless.

So...if you write a setting, and never have it spell-checked or proof-read or etc, and write that you are a god in your setting...and then go there, then you will be a God.

And if you are an Authyr, with ultimate Exclusivity, and the setting you made is actually a compilation of 7200 universes, making you the Authyr of the Multiverse?

Ermahgerd, give me strenght baby jesus....
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I can see where this story is going from a mile away, and I do not a-fucking-pprove.

Now, there is a solution to the aforementioned swarm of Godlings running around and raising hell, and that is the Multiverse Integrity Commission. Their job is to make sure that "Canon" remains pure, and that nothing disturbs the stories/settings that have been created. They aren't appointed by anyone, they aren't being told to do this, there's no outright affect on the Multiverse as a whole from the shenanigans of "Tourists" and the Authyrs are completely unaffected by any changes to their setting. (This becomes important because when Marty gets ahold of Star Wars...fuck me in half with a baseball bat, George Lucas would let out a scream of rage worthy of Vegeta)

So yeah, think Men In Black, except these are the guys who find out some poor shmucks who were on Tyran when it got nomm'ed by the Tyranids managed to escape to somewhere nice (Let's say...the Beverly Hills 90210'verse), they'll find the people who escaped the bugs and say "Sorry, you gotta go back and become DNA Fuel for the unholy swarm of doom" and if the people don't like it, they get 2 shots to the head and an unmarked grave.

And this is the organization that the players start out working for. As in, these are supposed to be the GOOD guys...

But here we get to the reason for this horrific wankery. The rise of Marty, the Ao-Sue, who is a literal Authyr-avatar, and is a vampire-shapeshifter-psionic who dual-wields Lightsaber-Katanas and took control of the Star War's Galactic Empire because he asked Emperor Palpatine nicely, and the Sith lord said "Sure!"

No. I'm not fucking kidding...
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>and the Sith lord said "Sure!"
Somewhere Freedon Nadd is flipping his shit.
>because he asked Emperor Palpatine nicely, and the Sith lord said "Sure!"
Almost expecting a blindside of Palpatine becoming aware of the other expanses that can come under his control, so he plays along and bides his time for the moment when he can cash out.
*Because it turns out that Marty (Here it can refer to the DM or his DMPC because their supposed to be the same guy...apparently...) is really the hero of this entire story, and the Players are supposed to realize that he's the best hope the multiverse has for universal peace and stability and excuse me, my soul has escaped and is trying to commit seppuku. (GET THE FUCK BACK IN ME YOU WEAKLING!!!)

So. Marty. The Ultimate Mary-Sue was made when the DM-Marty woke up to find he'd been kidnapped in his sleep, and through several brilliant deductions, he realizes he's been kidnapped by several people who are resisting the MIC.

The brilliant Deductions are:
>"Hey, this wouldn't be (Continent on a world I've created) Would it?"
>"Why, yes it is! Wow, you must have realized that because you're this worlds Authyr!"
>"What's an Authyr?"
>[Both kidnappers explain EVERY DETAIL about what an Authyr is, and how he's not just an ordinary Authyr, but one with Exclusivity, and has created Multiple worlds to boot!]
>"Wow, that's very interesting!" (This could be a way to get me the power that I crave)
>"So how do you travel between the universes"
>[The 2 most helpful and easily impressed and COMPLETELY RETARDED kidnappers ever show him everything about traveling between multiverses]
>"This is all so wonderfully interesting! Care to let me free of my bindings? And can I borrow a pen and notepad?"
>[Kidnappers do both those things]

And that's where the BBEG/Marty/The Ao-Sue started. He was kidnapped by idiots, who then explained to him that he could do anything he wanted by simply writing it down, and it would become real, and then the gave him things to write with.
To be fair, the first thing Marty wrote wasn't "I IZ A GAWD!!!111!!!ROFL"

Instead, he wrote "When I and my captors reach the next universe, we will be attacked by a vampire that will bite me and transmit the [Marty's Homebrew Strain of Vampirism] to me. Then it will murder my kidnappers and head to the North Pole where it will die and be eaten by a polar bear."

To quote the great Paul Mooney: "I can't make this shit up, I'm not that good."

I get the feeling I'll be saying that a LOT throughout this story...ergh.

Anyway, after comparing himself to Kira from Deathnote (Never saw the series, so I'm assuming he's saying he's a genius, in which case HAHAHAAHA NO!!!), he writes that anything he does in another universe will be foretold in prophecies and timelines so he will be immune to timestream scans. (I don't even know...)

And then...Buddha help me, I can't do anything but copy this part word-for-word.

>"[And after my companions have been killed, and I have been turned into a vampire, a very friendly and intelligent squirrel shall come up to me. This squirrel shall have no means of being tracked back to the {other} reality, and shall take from me the device used to cross realities, and use it to explore the multiverse creating a trail leading away from me.]"

That is a thing that was actually written and not believed to be utter shit the moment it was penned...anybody got dramamine?

God, we ain't done yet.

The idiots don't even bother to check what he scrawled on the notepad before hopping to the next dimension, where everything goes Keikaku Dori, and lo, did Marty pass out and not suffer any kind of mild-discomfort from turning into a vampire. He woke up briefly to hand the portal jumper to the helper squirrel, but otherwise napped through undead-ification.
This is quite possibly the most mary sue I've ever heard of.

Jesus christ making yourself god? Even Stephen King realized when he created the Dark Tower that he would be nothing but a voice. If anything could motivate a writer to create a multiverse setting including his own, him, and every other one ever made it would have to be a god beyond the scope of human imagining. Even the regular deities like Maturin in the Dark Tower have no fucking clue what Gan is like

So, Marty slept through becoming a Vampire (but not just any vampire. His Homebrew version which is just as fucking horrendous as it seems). and when he wakes up, he waffles about how "I seem to be thinner and my eyes are better, and that trick with the helper squirrel should keep people off my trail while I consolidate my power." before pulling out the notepad again.

He creates a mansion. Which hasn't been touched even though it's "Always been there, and unoccupied", and inside will be a BILLION dollars in cash, as well as a fully stocked wardrobe full of clothes that DM-Marty had always imagined for Authyr-Avatar-Marty, as well as every videogame system known to man, with complete libraries of every game ever made for those systems.

Oh, and all utilities, cable, internet etc, will be free due to a glitch in the system that will never be caught. (didn't you just magic up a fortune you douche?)
Whoops, I'm sorry, I meant
>All the utilities, cable television, wired and wireless internet, etc
Das a direct quote. Apparently there's a difference between wired and wireless internet...moving on...

Besides adding a sidenote of how inconvienient it was to write those last bits in drying blood, ("But the power I'm gaining evens things out") Marty writes that there's a laptop in his mansion with infinite battery life and memory/processing power decades in advance of anything available currently, using Moor's Law of Advancement. It will also be running Window's 7 and exactly match his laptop at home.

I'll let more knowledgable people then me explain what Moor's Law of Advancement is, and why the Window's 7 thing is kinda dumb. (Don't understand it myself. Is it because using that on a system that has "Terabytes or even Exabytes of HD Space and comparable RAM/Processing" is like using an Abacus to program Deep Blue?)

My apologies for my own ignorance. Anyway, moving on.
>Moor's Law
After noticing that the capacity and complexity of processors had doubled rapidly since their inception into the public market, Intel founder Gordon Moor predicted that based on current projections, processor power and complexity would double every year. It's been mostly correct. I have no fucking idea how that even relates to anything your batshit crazy DM is talking about unless he's saying that he went to the future, where in they have also apparently discovered a way to violate the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
>( Is it because using that on a system that has "Terabytes or even Exabytes of HD Space and comparable RAM/Processing" is like using an Abacus to program Deep Blue?)
Yes. Getting DOSBox to run on my 8.1 is a bitch because the hardware is far overpowered for what the program requires. Attempting to run Win7 on this theoretical system that is apparently capable of defying the laws of physics is like trying to run Edison's first light bulb on nuclear fusion.
Alright, so I'm just gonna straight quote this next part, as an internal musing from Marty about the fact that he now has to drink blood, being a Vampire and all.

>"And [the blood donor] would be female, wouldn’t it? I suppose it’s probably the relative intimacy of the act of vampiric feeding, but I just can’t imagine having a male civil servant for the job. Sure, I could feed on a guy easily, especially some ghetto jerk no one would miss, as I almost certainly will when the time comes for me to kill, but for now, I’d rather have someone more disposed to such an intimacy."

It should come as no surprise that Marty is a horrible person. But we ain't in the bottom of THIS trough yet, so I'm not gonna go shoveling another one before I'm done here!

So, he writes down that his mansion is staffed by butlers and chefs and maids who will all know his face and have been waiting for his arrival, due to a painting in the attic of the mansion made by a mad artist shortly before his death. All his servants will be ninja's/martial artists/epic combatants and be completely loyal to him, like Hellsing's Butler, or Saiyoko from Code Geass.
>Yes I'm aware my knowing the name makes me a little weeaboo but I'm getting help for that...

Anyway, one of the servants is "Donor" and her job is to let Vamp!Marty drink blood from her daily, which she does happily. Her donations/injuries will run by RPG mechanics rules, where she will take a point of ability damage for the drain, but be fine by the next day as long as he limits himself to 1 cup per day.

And then he plots. He knows Star Wars exists, and is going to take over the Empire pre-A New Hope, and use the Imperial Army/Navy to conquer the Multiverse, with his Generals being Thrawn, and Lelouch vi Britannia. (The latter of which just might become the field marshal of Vamp!Marty's army!)

2B Continued.
This isn't a fucking campaign anymore this is some type of prewritten shit story that makes me hurt, knowing the DM willingly subjected people to this
>This isn't a fucking campaign anymore this is some type of prewritten shit story that makes me hurt, knowing the DM willingly subjected people to this

I'm not even sure wtf I'm reading?

Is this the 'setting' for some maniac's homebrew system?
>and inside will be a BILLION dollars in cash, as well as a fully stocked wardrobe full of clothes that DM-Marty had always imagined for Authyr-Avatar-Marty, as well as every videogame system known to man, with complete libraries of every game ever made for those systems.
>Oh, and all utilities, cable, internet etc, will be free due to a glitch in the system that will never be caught.

And wtf is that shit?

I got a billion dollars, but I'm gonna steal cable?

wtf kind of douchenozzle faggotry is that?

I don't even have an image for my reaction.
If i'm understanding it right, OP was apparently forced to suffer through his DM's fanfiction set in a badly written Inkheart rip off.
If he can write whatever the fuck he wants in the multiverse, why doesn't he just write, "I'm god, also I have several qt3.14, hot girlfriends who are okay with my fetid penis odor".
That's not satisfying enough. He wants a full-on power trip, so he's going through every thing he can think of that any action hero, anime character, or superhero of any kind has ever had that makes them special, and took it all as his own. Some people, including me did the same thing when they're very young, about six or seven years old, but most people grow out of it. That Guy apparently did not.
>If i'm understanding it right, OP was apparently forced to suffer through his DM's fanfiction set in a badly written Inkheart rip off.

But, I mean it's not even a 'game' for the players?

Where the fuck did OP find this DM?

And why am I thinking that the DM in question has a sex offense or two on his record?
>That's not satisfying enough. He wants a full-on power trip, so he's going through every thing he can think of that any action hero, anime character, or superhero of any kind has ever had that makes them special, and took it all as his own. Some people, including me did the same thing when they're very young, about six or seven years old, but most people grow out of it. That Guy apparently did not.

A billion dollars and a free mansion.

>Steals cable
>Steals electric
>Steals gas
>Steals water

Edgy anti-heroes have no time for bills and taxes.

Okay, so I might have exaggerated on Vamp!Marty taking over the Star Wars Empire from Palpatine because he said "Pretty please with Sugar on top?"

It actually took 5 minutes of 'serious discussion'.

Apparently, Vamp!Marty strolled onto the bridge of the 2nd DeathStar Pre-ANH and Palpatine was so intrigued by the audacity that he waved off his royal guards, and had a chat with the Ao-Sue where it took 5 minutes of convincing the Emperor that Vamp!Marty "deserved the Empire more" (apparently there was a touch of mind-rapery involved) and Palpatine gave a speech that amounted to "He's the emperor now! I'm retiring! Sayonara losers!" and headed off for parts unknown.

Things apparently got confusing at this point as Marty's got a weird idea of what's canon and what isn't. If it's not part of the show, within the format of the show, whatever kind of show it is, then it's not canon.

So Star Wars canonicity (and thus multiverse law) only involves the movies, and not any of the books. Which is why the Empire didn't immediately fracture into warring states, as that happened after the battle of Endor, and thus was covered in the books and not the movies. I admit though, I know jack-shit about the Star Wars books, but that makes a bit of sense where the Empire splits as lots of Generals start grabbing everything that isn't nailed down.

Zahn's Heir to the Empire series is an exception to this, cause Vamp!Marty is in love with Thrawn and wanted him in his army at all costs. Otherwise, Extended Universe is not considered Canon. (thus, players can't grab any superweapons that were made after ROTJ)

Oh, bonus round? Vamp!Marty's argument against Palpatine was that the Emperor was "speciesist" and wasn't being fair to great soldiers/generals just because they were aliens.
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>Edgy anti-heroes have no time for bills and taxes.

I can understand someone wanting to play god, and control everything, and be all bad-assed powerful, AND rich, and awesome and and and ....

Fine, I can get most of that.

But the utility theft? wtf man?

That's just lame as shit.

And he WROTE it in specifically.

"FREE due to a glitch"

I wanna punch this dude in the dick.
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You wouldn't happen to know where this Marty lives, do you?
>Oh, bonus round? Vamp!Marty's argument against Palpatine was that the Emperor was "speciesist" and wasn't being fair to great soldiers/generals just because they were alien

And he's got SJW traits? Just when I thought he couldn't get any douchey-er. You raised the bar OP.
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This is why I will never attempt writefagging.
Yep, and I'm ALMOST done with it...because then, it's time for the MECHANICS! OH JOY OF JOYS!!!
MY batshit crazy DM? Uhh...
Really should have made a bigger disclaimer...

I am not a player from this game. I found the blog where a player who is WAY above my paygrade IQ-wise wrote at length about the setting, the system, Marty himself, and the games he and others were forced to endure under this human tripe.

I'm a fan of the story, (In that it's so god-awful horrific) and I'm a write-fag in training, and as a further point, I wanted to "Spread the word" of just how deep the Blackhole of suck that is "That Guy" can extend.

So I'm summarizing (By a HELL OF A LOT) the story of Marty and the SUE system, but I did not suffer under it personally.

I apologize for the confusion...
> Emperor was "speciesist"
Technically only the Empire was pro-human, and only on the grounds that "Humans are vital to the Core Worlds and their governance, ergo humans are the most important". Pappa P was pretty much cool with ayylamos.

Secondly, how the FUCK do you MIND RAPE a fucking SITH LORD. This isn't some dickhead Apprentice who can't even answer Kreia's Conundrum's we're talking about here, this is a MOTHERFUCKING SITH LORD. Just mastering any of the Sith abilities without going batshit is a feat, not to mention he mastered the forbidden Juyo style which is basically "imma go fucking crazy now" . The guy wasn't Naga Sadow, but god fucking damn it you can't use mind tricks on a MOTHERFUCKING SITH LORD.
>So I'm summarizing (By a HELL OF A LOT) the story of Marty and the SUE system, but I did not suffer under it personally.

I actually breathed a sigh of relief for you OP.
Mind linking this blog at some point?
They're immune to Force-induced mind tricks, but what about physiologically induced ones?
You have to link me, because he sounds like the kind of character you want to outwit with your own two hands.

Some humble pie might do him some good.
I mean theoretically, yeah, but breaking a master Force user, let alone a Sith Lord, is almost impossible. It'd have to be something extremely personal and important to them, like Vader seeing his son being tortured the same way Mace was, or Darth Sion realizing that Kreia never cared about him.
I'm hoping that this story ends with one of the players killing the DMPC by tricking him into killing himself
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This is a repost from the 1d4chan page for That Guy, and everyone here should just go read that. Or has something new happened?
>Alright, it took several sessions, I've gone through dozens of character sheets, and years of my life, but I've finally bested you MartyDMPC!
>Actually, I wrote in my magic shitty plot hook book that I would see beforehand any trap sprung on me, so I came up with an excessively convoluted backup plan to defeat you that involves me getting a blowjob from a catgirl maid.

Look in your heart, you know it to be true that this GM would never let himself be defeated.
I suppose I should throw out now that when WH:40K was brought up, Vamp!Marty was declared to be psionic and "Orders of Magnitude more powerful than the Emperor of Man"
irolledazero dot blogspot dot com

I'm summarizing the posts in the blog pretty much in real time and trimming them WAY the hell down. God bless the brave PC' who endured this travesty but GD are they verbose!!!

Anyway, finale of BBEG incoming!
Looks like this is an expanded version of that story.
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>"Orders of Magnitude more powerful than the Emperor of Man"
>horrifically written
I think you mean GENIUSLY written.

since you are virtualoptim I have to automatically not believe you, though because your lack of commas made me think the story is about how a person's character was killed by an airsoft gun, that actually makes it funny instead of just a bingo sheet of a story.

So it's like a shittier version of Amber/Diceless Game about Gods #whatever, but shitty, poorly balanced, and thought out with poor literacy is kewl words?

>Vampire-Shapesifter-Psionic who dual-wields Lightsaber-Katanas
...What annoys me more than the typical nature of this is how fucking redundant it is.

As a weeaboo all of this makes me want to die inside. Just a little. Also take over the multiverse with just Thrawn and Lelouch using the tech of Star Wars...that's pretty pathetic mary sueing.
OP was taking too long, I had to go find it myself.

It's in the April of 2013.
>So, he writes down that his mansion is staffed by butlers and chefs and maids who will all know his face and have been waiting for his arrival, due to a painting in the attic of the mansion made by a mad artist shortly before his death. All his servants will be ninja's/martial artists/epic combatants and be completely loyal to him, like Hellsing's Butler, or Saiyoko from Code Geass.

You missed this little gem.

>Their salaries are also paid by the same glitches that have paid for my utilities.
This shit reads like an even worse version of the old GonterVerse. Any of you guys in here old enough to remember David fucking Gonterman?

Alright, So Vamp!Marty got the Empire. Now what's he gonna do with it? TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORL-*BLAM*

He's gonna take over the Multiverse, by sending the ENTIRE IMPERIAL NAVY across the multiverse. Again, I don't know much about SW outside movies and conversations with buddies, but removing the armada from the setting it was designed for seems...rather butt-fucking retarded, for no other reason than now what's to stop the rebels from taking advantage of the lapse in-

Oh, they're gone? The entire rebellion was eradicated by Vamp!Marty?...okay then...

Anyway, he sends out his fleets according to his master strategy...Remember me mentioning Thrawn and Lelouch above? And how Marty wanted them as Generals in his army? Don't think for a moment that implied they would have any say or control in strategy for Marty's forces. Apparently Marty thinks of Generals as good luck charms who can turn any strategy into a brilliant victory by presence alone, and without actually offering any input.

Now, Marty sucks at strategy games apparently. He played Space Empires V, and had to patch it ludicrously to get to a point where he could win against the computer (and even then, only because he was playing on 2 machines at once and jumping between seats) In regards to strategy, Marty doesn't take into account things like wear-and-tear or ammo or fuel supplies or anything beyond "What makes the biggest and the bestest bang?"

For this reason, while the Imperial Navy is shooting up random universes on his behalf, Marty's TRUE plan is taking shape in the form of several hundred thousand Eclipse Class Star Destroyers, which would be stripped of unnecessary parts like the fighter bays, the point defense systems, the armor and a lot of the Life Support because then it would be "1/3 the cost of a full eclipse, and only need 1/10th the crew"

Alright, next up, I'm going to try to get crunchy with this...
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>He can manipulate Palpatine into giving up the Empire with five minutes of conversation.
>He's "orders of magnitude more powerful than the Emperor of Man".
>He can create servants to his liking with advanced fighting capabilities to do his bidding, and even offer up their blood.
>He still has to pay them to like him.

He's panhandling on Kickstarter now
OP I'm working in a tech support call center and you are making my night. Thank you.
Oh good fucking god.
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>He's gonna take over the Multiverse, by sending the ENTIRE IMPERIAL NAVY across the multiverse

>Apparently Marty thinks of Generals as good luck charms who can turn any strategy into a brilliant victory by presence alone, and without actually offering any input.

>unnecessary parts like the fighter bays, the point defense systems, the armor and a lot of the Life Support because then it would be "1/3 the cost of a full eclipse, and only need 1/10th the crew"
Sorry. "there is nothing new under the sun". I read about this blog about...June of last year, and recent events brought it to my mind again so I went "Hey, I'm trying to be a write-fag and NOT A THAT GUY, so how about I practice and summarize the soul-scarring journey for people who haven't read the blog/don't have the time to go through the whole thing?"
>Trying to shrink so I've got a "1:1 page-to-post ratio" but that's pretty much impossible.
I think I'm helping out, and being 'entertaining' (for the given value of screams of horror at Marty's Sue-ness...I did to guys...I did too.....)
Yeah, I'm summarizing these things in real time, pretty much as I'm posting the write-ups. As I said in the first post, I beg the boards indulgence in this regard.
Hazards of not doing rough-drafts, you miss important tidbits. Thanks!
Alright, so that was the "Setting" (for lack of a better word) where we learned there's a multiverse which is being taken over by a vampire-otaku neckbeard who is a fucking moron, and it's any excuse to throw in a certain setting and then have Marty taking a hot, wet shit all over it.

But this is not just a setting, it's also a system that promises to be a Pathfinder killer (Yeahnope), and there's one thing you must all keep in mind for this system:

"If the players are having fun, or are able to do anything the DM doesn't want, then you aren't using the system right."

Everything about this was designed to be terrible/good in concept but terrible in execution/to take the player's sense of Agency (their actions are having an effect on the world around them) and stomping it's testicles into a find paste.

So, first off the Combat.

Initiative is d20 roll plus reflexes, everybody has a Defense stat which is 10+reflexes+speed+Size modifire and etc.
Fairly straight forward...
>Please make sure your seatbacks and tray tables are in their full, upright and locked positions
Actions in combat are determined by "action points", which are spent on the things your character does when fighting. 4 AP to attack or ready an action, 2 AP to move or have an Attack of Opportunity, 1 AP to block or 5-foot step. Most characters start with 7 AP, and here's where shit get's mental.

See, Marty likes to dangle treats on a string for players to jump for, but never let's them have the biscuit. Vamp!Marty is not DM-Marty's only child, he is simply the MOST favored. In truth, all NPC's are Sue's to some degree or another, and are higher level than the party will ever reach. (in other words, all NPC's are higher than level 2...or 3 maybe...), so he see's nothing wrong with mechanics that are broken as shit at higher levels, because the players will NEVER get that far.

Dammit outta space...combat part 2 next...
>Combat Pt 2, the Revenge!
So, Action points. Start off with 7 and a base movement speed of 30 feet (at a 2 AP cost).

Level up, spend XP, get feats and magic items to boost your speed stat, and get 1AP per Speed point and +5 to your base movement speed. The example given was a Samurai character, who had gotten numerous boosts and items so that at level 12, he had 13 AP per round of combat, and a class feature that let him attack at a cost of 3 AP per attack instead of 4. And inferring from the 7 to 13, he had a base movement speed of 60 feet per round, at a cost of 2 AP...so if this same character chose to spend his entire turn moving, he'd travel 360 ft in a single round...at level 12.


Anyway, with a few other things like "two-handed weapons add 1.5 strength and x1 Speed stat to the damage" means that characters can really stick the boot in....almost.

Hello blocking! Almost didn't see you there!

Blocking works on an AP Barter system. Instead of "I block" and get some kind of boost to defense, the players have to buy/save blocks per attacks made on them. The key there with buy/save is that you can save leftover AP from the previous round to spend on blocks (but only blocks) or you can borrow AP from next round to block incoming strikes at the present. (Micro-managing to me, and my head still hurts from the speed shit above...anyway)

Regarding weapons, Marty 'suffered' from a blatant favoritism for systems he liked and was familiar with. This was exemplified by one of his players in this Multiverse setting being a member of the Death Corp of Krieg, and starting off with a short-pattern lasgun (angry flashlight), and according to Marty's system, did 1d6 of damage per shot. This same system has standard DnD fare like swords and bows, with no changes to those stats, so that means a lasgun does equivalent damage to Shortbow.

Star Wars E-11 Blaster Rifles (standard issue for Storm Troopers) do 4d8 damage.
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And I bet those E-11 fuckers always hit too. Because hot damn, he can't manipulate reality enough.
>Combat Pt 3
So what'd we learn last time, besides that Star Wars Empire technology is so superior to the Imperium of Man's that Blaster rifles do 4d8 damage compared to a lasgun's 1d6?

Well, there's the fact that Thermal detonators did 6d10 AP 1 (Ignore 5 points of DR), but were later changed to 8d6 AP 4, and some kind of Blaster sniper rifle did 4d12 AP 2.

But then there's Grappling, and I'm going to spoil y'all right now, but Marty LUUURRRVVVEEESSS making his players fight things that like to give people hugs. His grappling rules were:
"make a resist grapple roll"
"Now you have to make 2 Grapple rolls, one to get on equal footing with whoever grabbed you, and 1 to break free"

Wait, does that mean a player has to waste their entire round of combat getting something off of them (MAYBE), which means the next round, the enemy who just got friendzoned can glomp them again? How long is combat supposed to LAST in these games!?!

Then, the critical hits. You Nat 20 or whatever the Crit-range? Beautiful, as long as the result is over the opponents Defense or Block score, you successfully critted and will do full damage. Plus the multiplier of your weapons critical hit as "Precision" damage.

Remember how I mentioned Marty loving stuff that wants to "Love him and pet him and call him George!" to the players?

Zombies with Tentacles. Grappling modifiers out the ass, and immune to "Precision Damage".

Yeah, Marty's a fucking dick.

Oh, and if your initial Crit damage doesn't get through an enemies DR, then the precision damage doesn't get through either.
And those poor bastards couldn't find a proper bolter...
Sweet bebe Jesus, I don't know how I'm going to shorthand this, so expect direct quotations in several places. Recall my warning that the SUE System is to castrate the players abilities to do ANYTHING in game? Meet the Skills. Broadly speaking, there's nothing new here: D20+Skill Ranks+Modifier to try and exceed the DC of a task.

Except for the number of skills available.

Which is several hundred.

Quoting directly:
>>>>Knowledge: Chemistry, meet
>K: Organic Chemistry,
>K: Inorganic Chemistry,
>K: High-Energy Chemistry,
>K: Demolitions (as distinct from Demolitions),
>K: Synthetic Chemistry,
>K: Analytical Chemistry,
>K: Chem Safety,
>K: Applied Chemistry,
>K: Pharmaceutical Chemistry,
>K: Materials Science,
>and K: Alchemy

So, who wants to guess how many rolls a character would have to make on this system for black powder? Don't get comfy though, because heres where Extended Skill Checks come into play. It's SUPPOSED to represent a long period of time for somebody to be working on a project (examples were wizards spell-crafting, mad-scientist inventing, student learning a foreign language, etc) and to that end there are 3 DC's a player has to make.

Yes. I said, 3. The SDC (Standard), the PDC (Progress) and the FDC (Failure). If you hit the PDC, then it knocks a fraction off the total DC you're working with. Quoting cause I don't think it's in English...
>you take some amount (2?) off the total DC (TDC) +increment per/10 above PDC
While the SDC simply keeps your head above water, and the FDC....Yeah, start all the way back from the beginning bitch.
"The bullet's are armor piercing and explosive? Oh what the hell, I'll be generous and make them 1d8, even if they're clearly inferior to Star Wars Blaster Rifles. Those are advanced enough to not use metal slugs for ammo."
...It's like someone read the GURPS Cyberpunk skill list and thought "Huh, still not overly elaborate enough".
Elaborate? Oh hunny, you got no idea...
>Skills PT. 2
Now besides the extended checks, what about modifiers to your skills, like having a library on hand, or a teacher to explain shit to you-


What the fuck kinda system do you think this is!? You think you're gonna get POSITIVE skill modifiers to a check!? Oh you poor bastard, all you're gonna get is a reduction to the amount of negatives you'll take to the check. And those negatives are gonna Staaaacckkk like you would not fucking believe!

>Not in a proper lab: -5
>Poor lighting: -2
>Your Character isn't "formally educated" on that subject: -10 or GM fiat: your PC can't do that at all.

And those negatives don't just apply to the skill checks. They will account for actions in combat, and casting spells, and anything else Marty felt like doing, all to make sure the players could NEVER do something that he didn't approve of. He'd pull "roll this check" off the top of his head until he gave up, or the player failed at something and Marty could say "You LOSE! Good day sir!"

The overall justification of this retardation was to make skill checks "realistically difficult" because the players were "Adventurers" and not "Professionals" and thus hadn't kept up on all the latest developments in a given field.

That's the "Overall" justification. The reality is quite different, at least to me. See, the original poor soul who suffered under this idiocy would speak with Marty at length, and get "Lesson's on How to DM" from the troll himself. When asked why he spread penalties all over the place, Marty's answer was:

>"I learned it from banks. See, if you just have one big penalty, people have sticker shock and don't want to try. If you keep adding up little bits, they won't notice and you can make the penalty as high as you want."

He imitated banks...when making a gaming system...there are no words...
And the OP is going to pass out, and do more summing up/ranting in the morning. Hope anybody reading has 'enjoyed' it so far. Good night.
Why would you inflict this horror on us? And why do I want to hear how it ends?
>The overall justification of this retardation was to make skill checks "realistically difficult" because the players were "Adventurers" and not "Professionals" and thus hadn't kept up on all the latest developments in a given field.

>So yeah, think Men In Black, except these are the guys who find out some poor shmucks who were on Tyran when it got nomm'ed by the Tyranids managed to escape to somewhere nice (Let's say...the Beverly Hills 90210'verse), they'll find the people who escaped the bugs and say "Sorry, you gotta go back and become DNA Fuel for the unholy swarm of doom" and if the people don't like it, they get 2 shots to the head and an unmarked grave.

And this is the organization that the players start out working for. As in, these are supposed to be the GOOD guys...

So the PCs aren't professionals despite being hired by an elite corporation tasked with keeping the universe in order
Nope. MIC are MIB crossed with the Inquisition...and all that THAT implies...
>He imitated banks...when making a gaming system...there are no words...

I want this guy dead. Kill him with fire or with aids-infected badgers, just kill him.
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Whenever I run into these situations on /tg/, I remember this panel.
Oh damn, it's been years since I read over this story. If anyone wants to find the original text, just google "I Rolled a Zero" and you'll find it.
Currently he's working on something as an attempt of sorts of salvaging Marty's ideas but he hasn't posted since 2014.
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>Vamp!Marty is not DM-Marty's only child, he is simply the MOST favored
I never thought I would use this gif, but you made me.
>Magic: Arcane

Quick one as I've got a few things to do before the day starts and I can tear into this once again.

SUE system magic works on a "Fatigue Track" for casters, which means every time a sorcerer/wizard casts a spell, they have to make a check to not fall further down the track and start taking penalties for all checks the PC makes while worn out/tired/exhausted/etc. (Ah, there's the stacking penalties again! Thanks for that wonderful mechanic, First Bank of D20!) and if you fail the DC of this check by 10 or more, then you skip a step down the track. This was supposedly done to avoid 15-minute adventuring days. (Why not just admit you want people to waste their lives paying attention to you Marty? We all know that's what you really want from this...)

The Track starts at normal and uses "synonyms for being tired for every step" (Not gonna dignify this shit by making up my own cause I might end up improving this tripe) so I'll just summarize:

Step 1: -1 to all checks (skills/saves/EVERYTHING) and it takes 5 minutes of 'rest' to go from here to Normal
Step 2: -3 to all checks, 2 hours of sleep to go from here to Step 1
Step 3: -5 to all checks, 4 hours of sleep to go from here to Step 2
Step 4: unconscious
Step 5: Dead.

But before you ask, no. This does not apply to the higher level magic. THIS IS FOR ALL MAGIC. Depending on whether your dice love you or want you to die (like mine...) then you can cast anywhere from dozens, to 3-4 spells in a day before passing out or dying. But as your character levels up, (If you put your XP into your primary casting stat, otherwise you're fucked) you can get +3 every 2 levels to make the Fatigue check for casting a spell, +2 more if you take a feat (Keyword: *A* feat.)

The Fatigue DC's are based on spell level, and go up by +4 Per spell level...add in (All DC's start at 20) to the mix and you have a DC 32 to cast Fireball without being tired, or fall into a coma/die.

Good lord...
Ahahaha, hahahaha, No. Marty is not an SJW. That was his argument, not his personal beliefs.

Hope I'm still able to help now that I'm awake again

Marty (and every other Mary-Sue he creates) uses Katana's. The Blasters where there as a weapon to be used by the PC's (One in particular). So no, they don't always hit.

At the Battle of Nagashino, Oda Nobunaga was up against the legendary Takeda cavalry, and turned the battlefield into a mulcher designed to take in heavily armored men on horseback, and spit out chunks of meat and scrap metal.

While it's easy to look at Oda and say "He was a Genius!" and use him as a good example, lets not forget that the Takeda commander, Katsuyori, looked at the first wave of his army being mowed down like nothing and said "WE JUST NEED TO CHARGE HARDER! KEEP SENDING THEM IN!!!" until he had no horsies left to play with.

People need to learn from the smart, and the fucking imbeciles. Marty and the SUE system is a "How NOT TO guide" that has helped me a lot since I discovered it.
>Magic: Arcane PT. 2

Alright, so we've found out that wizards have been castrated with shotguns, as the math (apparently, cause I didn't calculate this) amounts to a 50% chance that anyone who casts the highest level of spell available to them will become "Tired" and then start accruing penalties to further spellcraft.

Also, Nat 1's aren't a failure. The count as -10. Take from that what you will...
>"I Cast a 5th level spell, that has a DC 40 Fatigue Check and I.....rolled a one."

Now, the Spells for the SUE system are from D20 SRD but were hit with the same Nerf-The-Players bat that clubbed the Skill system. Most every spell has a Lesser, Normal and Major Variant, with the "Major" versions being the spells as they are listed in the SRD. Spell effects (I assume this means "Did my Fireball light the spilled oil on fire?") are something you have to ask the GM for approval on, and you can guess how that goes:

>"Are you standing in the spilled oil?"
>"Then Yes, you set yourself in Fi-"
>"Wait, I had that wrong, I'm fine, but all the enemies and this one DMPC who's immune to fire damage were standing in-"
>"The oil doesn't start on fire."

Then Metamagic. Oh god. Metamagic adds +4 to the fatigue check and are "stackable" so that Quicken (Which knocks down the AP spent on casting a spell down to a minimum of 1) can let epic level casters spam lvl 10 spells every round of combat and just rapetrain everything.

3 Guesses what kind of character can become Epic Level, and the first 2 don't count.
>Not a character controlled by a player. Ever.
>Magic: Arcane Pt 3

Counter-spelling. Hi! How'd you like to block an enemies spell at the low low cost of 2 AP and a risk of falling down the fatigue track?! The process is very simple, and then you'll be counter-spelling like a pro!

First, you have to be aware of the spell being cast.
Second, you a select a spell of your own to cast, at whatever spell level you want/are able to cast (As opposed to matching spell levels)
Third, you make a caster level check. (d20+Characters caster levels+level of the spell being cast+your casting stat modifier)
Fourth: ??????
Fifth: You win and the Enemie's spell doesn't go off! Of course it *Helps to be a higher level than your opponent...
>*You ain't +8 Levels above the other guy, you ain't counter-spelling them, OR hitting them with your own magic.

There's also "Rituals" because many spells are no longer "spell-like" and require a large number of participants, all of whom could fail a roll and cause Perils of the Warp shenanigans. (YAY! EVEN MORE PAILS OF DICE!!!).

Then, enchanting. Basically spending 8 hours to stick a magical effect on something, with the DC's so high that a low level player can't do shit, unless they have an "Enchanter's Thurible"

Yes, the pic is related. No, he did not actually mean a thurible. He MEANT a crucible. DM-Marty is a fucking moron.

What inspires a man to spend such a large amount of time creating such an unwieldy and annoying horror and unleash it on the few people he's ever known in his life?
His ego. The belief that this is a legitimately great creation and not the result of a prolonged masturbation session.
>Magic: Arcane Pt 4.

Bits that I forgot to mention regarding the casting system.

The players of caster classes have to buy individual spells/spell-effects/spell adjustments.

Let's use the old Standby, Fireball, as an example. In standard DnD (Which is what Marty used for his Vamp!Marty and any spell-slinging DMPC's), the Fireball spell is a 3rd level spell that does 1d6 per caster level up to a max of 10d6, with a range of 400 + 40 ft per caster level, and explodes in a 20 foot radius.

SUE system Fireball: Buy the 1d6 Fireball, with a range of 30 ft and is single target. Then by the 2d6 version, at an increased XP Cost and DC Check. Then the 3d6 version.
>Rinse and repeat
Oh? Did you want a Fireball with greater Range? Or to explode in a Burst that can effect multiple targets? Then you need to buy the Range and Burst Effects and cast them at the same time you cast the Fireball spell you're going for, at a significant increase to the DC Check to not faint and/or die.

And those aren't metamagic. Those are just "added effects" which take up a caster's other spell slots if they want to use them. And if that caster wants to use Metamagic, it has to be applied to any added effects AND the spell itself

So you can't cast a Fireball that hits more than one person, at more than 30ft, unless you have 2 matching spell slots with the Range and Burst "Spells" in them, and if you want that Maximized, you have to Maximize the Fireball, the Range, and the Burst for it to count as being Maximized. With all the DC's for the Maxing stacking in triplicate.

And you need to do that for every "level" of the spell that you want to cast (1d6 Fireball, 2d6 Fireball, etc)

That's wizardry in the SUE-niverse. Tuck your head between you knees and kiss your robe and wizard hat goodbye.
>Yes I'm aware my knowing the name makes me a little weeaboo but I'm getting help for that...

Now it might sound like I am trying to find an excuse, but reading the original Bram Stroker work lets you know the name

Here the OP is going to admit his woeful ignorance again, and make an assumption based on what this system sounds like to my ears.

All the classes are "Gestalt".

So...all the classes are a bit potpourri/grab-baggy? Like, the wizard can also double as a meat-shield or a trap-detecter, while the fighter can also pick locks and use magic scrolls, and the rogue can use great-swords and brew potions?

That's retarded-wait...
>These are all nerfed in ways intended to “encourage teamwork and party complementarity”,
>I had not seen a class with no base attack bonus until I saw this system, but what do casters need with that, right?

....moving the fuck on...

There are trained classes, and Racial classes, and in defiance of all sense and reasoning, the Racial classes can be switched around all willy-nilly, and the trained classes, your character is stuck with for life. And despite this system being "universal" there's crapload of skills that are exclusive to certain classes which become useless in certain settings. (You're an herbalist? You're now on a spaceship and have become as useless as tits on a frog, have fun.)

And this is where Vamp!Marty's SUE-ness rears it's head once again, by way of choosing his Vampire powers to be based on his own homebrew.

Racial Classes, (Vampire, lich, shapeshifter) are not exclusive, so you can be all 3 of those if you choose to do so.
Racial Classes automatically grant a level, but give an XP debt equal to the level they just jumped from changing to a different species.
And finally, while there are draw-backs to being a non-human (Drinking blood/burning in sunlight), when a character gains enough levels, those drawbacks disappear.

Which is why Vamp!Marty has all the benefits of being a vampire, (Speed/STR/Regen) but no longer fears the sun or drinks blood.
And as a shape-shifter, he is now immune to "anything that effects his physical form." (Slashing/Bludgeoing/Piercing Damage)
OP, if this is some young kid's game design, you should feel like a prick. Because he put some effort into it, misguided and insane as it is.

If this isn't some young kid's design, then, I have no words to express my level of disgust.

I keep saying, "wtf, lol", as I read this.
Pretty sure Marty is in his early 20s (good god).

To the OP, thanks for doing this, love these kinds of threads, will read the blog at some point for sure. I've played with some "that guy" types before, but I have NEVER played in a game this bad. I'd last maybe 3 sessions before never coming back, and even that's a stretch.
It's at University. This guy is at least in his late teens, more likely in his 20s.
>Classes PT. 2

So, racial classes were not "Done" at the time this travesty was recorded for horrific posterity, and for all intents and purposes, the Character Generation process goes as follows.

First off, roll randomly for stats. Anything else is strictly verboten as "Point-buy systems encourage Min-Maxing". There is a caveat to this as Marty does not allow any PC's to have an INT score higher than 18 and will go to ridiculous lengths to make sure that INT boosting magic or items or drugs do not exist across the entirety of the Multiverse. The reason why Marty does this?

Wait for it....

DM-Marty used D20 rules to stat out his IRL INT score at 18, and he doesn't allow PC's to be higher than that, so if a player comes up with an idea or plan or device that DM-Marty doesn't know off the top of his head, he can say
>"That's OOC, because your character is not smart enough to know about that, or even have heard of that."

Why do I think I've just cast a Mass Tasha's Hideous Laughter? Oh well, more quoting from the source regarding the trained classes.

>Agent: kind of FBI or James Bond'ish character. Focus on handguns with high skills.
>Assassin: focuses on precision damage and unusual movement. Assassin's Creed, archetypical sniper, etc.
>Employee: focus on civilian skills, stuff for the common man
>Knight: Melee focus, focuses on armor use and melee damage
>Martial Artist: Specifically unarmed focus, though many assets help in general melee.
>Scholar: high esoteric skills, knowledge-based assets
>Soldier: modern soldier type. Could moonlight as a designated marksman.

Now, the racial classes do apply to humans, but those are "upbringing" instead, with such gem's as "Monk" (Like Friar Tuck) which has the most skills of any other Upbringing, including Knowledge: Physics. So apparently every priest is also an astrophysicist or every scientist can recite the Lords Prayer in his sleep, good to know!
>It's at University. This guy is at least in his late teens, more likely in his 20s.

I....I ......I can't even wtf right now.
If I recall he was one of those kids who got anything they wanted and ended up not having anything left to aspire too
>If I recall he was one of those kids who got anything they wanted and ended up not having anything left to aspire too

I was ready to call you all dickheads, for making fun of some young kid, who put a lot of effort into building a system.

>You cocksmokers need jesus

Now, we find out he's a spoiled rich college faggot?

And I have to live on the same planet with that guy?

>Classes PT. 3
DEAR GOD I'm almost through with the Mechanics! Thank Christ, cause then I can get to the REALLY good bit: STORYTIME!!!

So, then, we got the stats, we got the skills and feats (Mostly ripped wholesale from D20 Modern), now for the Talents and Assets.

Talents are like skills, but are used a hell of a lot more often and are thusly expensive as fucking hell. The Talents are Athletics, Awareness, Deception, Reflexes, Streetwise, Toughness, and you add part of your ECL to all of them, and all of your ECL to a few of them. Everyone get's 2, humans get 3 and with a feat those numbers change to 3/4.

My ignorance: Wait, does this mean you buy a talent, and then you don't have to use a certain skill anymore? Or does it get added to it, or is it a separate roll and why do I suddenly smell copper?

So Talents rise as you level, because as people get more powerful they automatically become stronger/faster/eagle-eyed/able to fence stolen goods/etc. Just more and more micromanaging BS and JFC, but Assets themselves are possibly worse than the Talents.

First off, apparently Marty completely plagiarized West End's Star Wars RPG (might look that up myself later, just to see what's up with this) with the idea of Class-Specific Feats. On it's face it doesn't sound horrible, except his Pathfinder-Killer system was "still in beta" and all the Assets were based on what Marty said a player could have, as he had to make shit up on the fly, but MUCH more often, he had to give a player an "IOU 1 THING (*may not be useful thing)".

So at the end of all this, the final piece to character generation would involve hours of your life you'd never get back because you had to talk to Marty at length to haggle for your Assets (among other things)

Next up: Storytime, part 1! Science! Space-PETA! With Special Guest, DMPC Blackhawke!!! AKA the alpha version of Vamp!Marty!

Might have been the case, my impression was that he was Upper-middle, rather than straight Upper-class.

Though he is a staunch Plutocrat and believes that rich people really should run everything, because if they weren't brilliant, then they wouldn't be successful and wouldn't be rich, and will defend anything a wealthy person does with his dying breath.

Yeah, the SJW Stuff? He's and SJW for the 1% because he thinks he's gonna be in that category someday.

Another cast of Tasha's Hideous Laughter! Where does that keep coming from!?!
Addendum: the microelectronics industry is already late compared to Moore law and things like clock frequency have been plateauing for years.

Also 3/4 of the industry can't follow the shrink rythm.

Alright! Let's start off easy with the first session of the SUE-niverse System and Setting. Now, it should be noted, (as a blackmark on Marty and a bit of an excuse for his players) that he did not tell them "We're testing my homebrew system that I'm deluded enough to believe people will want to pay for and I won't get sued for copyright infringement over!". Instead, it was simply a "setting of the week" kinda thing using a universal system he had laying around.

The kick-start was 2 prequel sessions. The first one started with a scientist and his creation/lab assistant working on genetics in a spaceship somewhere. I shall directly quote.
>For our current purposes, though, think the Joker in a lab coat assisted by a female Alex Mercer, for some reason doing science totally unrelated to space in the middle of space.

So the Scientist wakes up to cries of "Space PETA are attacking!" because the Genetics testing involved rabbits, which the intruders are releasing from their cages. (and yes, these are the rabbits from Monty Python, so this is NOT AS PLANNED for Space PETA). That's when the scientist discovers that this problem is his responsibility, as the commander of the ship but not the captain. So he has to fix it, and the things he can order the ships marines to do amounts to Fuck and All. First response is to open various sections of the ship into the vacuum of space.

Things this "Space Ship" does not have for $500 Alex!
1. Airlocks
2. Fire suppression control systems
3. Area denial defense systems
4. Thermal control systems.
>OP Ignorance: Area denial Defense, as in turrets outside the ship to blast boarders, or wall-mounted turrets to shoot boarders? Either way, fuck off Marty.

So the PC's have to fight the boarders by themselves with hand-held phasers, while Space-PETA have Armor-piercing lasers, (Why shouldn't you bring a .50 rifle onto a submarine again? I forget...) and that's when Blackhawke shows up.


Blackhawke. Picture if you will, the mating call of the filthy neckbeard. Now imagine the prospective mate is accepting of the proposal to make horrific love-craftian sex with his Loli-Waifu body pillow before passing out in a puddle of fluids best left undescribed.

That is how Marty's eyes lit up as he describes Blackhawk, the hard-bitten and gritty DMPC who snarls "I don't have time for you bullshit." and walks away from the PC's, trenchcoat flapping majestically behind him as DM-Marty builds up a good pace to his whacking off his ego in front of an audience.

The PC's try to be useful. Scientist tries to coordinate damage control, Igor sneaks after Blackhawke but is spotted instantly, and 'cooly' ignored save for him mentioning a bomb in the reactor core. So Space-PETA have completely fucked-off the idea of rescuing animals (Which is like IRL PETA, so at least Marty got THAT right...), and HERE'S where I say Zeroller, the original author of the blog and victim of this story, starts to show he's above my IQ frame of reference.

He comes up with solutions: SCRAM if it's fission, or power the reactor down to cool the plasma and limit the explosion if it's fusion.
>Not too clear on Fission/Fusion myself, but assumed that safety features/shut downs would be pretty much identical.
Marty says it's "Not that kind of reactor." and FIATS that the PC's can't just eject the reactor core into space before it blows up. Also, Marty has been quoted as saying nuclear reactors are just "Really slow Nukes"
>Remember folks, 18 INT score!

Which is when Blackhawke walks into the reactor core, grabs the bomb and crushes it in his hands, then walks back out like he just picked up a mocha-latte instead of strolled into holy-fuck-why-you-no-die levels of radiation. Because he's powerful, and thus, completely immune to things like radiation, or killing himself from being created by a fucking moron.
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Blackhawke? Seriously now?
Area denial weapons are traditionally things like caltrops. Weapons like that in this setting would be akin to an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, Kinetic Barrier/Shields or the turrets as you said would work too.
"trenchcoat flapping majestically behind him"
OP pls, my sides
>OP pls, my sides

I'm in shock, seriously.

I understand wanting to create a system. That's cool, hell we all do a bit of that with homebrew rules (sorta).

But this isn't anything approaching a workable system. It's like some kind of writefaggotry, ran by a DM worried that he won't be a god.

I have no words. WTF was marty's motivation here? Why would he do this? It wasn't for fun, because there's nothing fun about this system. It wasn't for ease of play. It wasn't for a more 'realistic' feel. WTF WAS MARTY TRYING TO DO HERE????

It's freaking me out a little.
It's a magical realm.
Yo don't see it's a magical realm, because it isn't
filled with sexual fetishes, but despite that, it is what it is.

He made this world where he can be the god. But that wasn't enough for him. He wanted living people in it, who would realistically struggle, but always remain in his grasp. He wanted live reactions

More than that, If I understand OP correctly, he wanted the players to accept his good character, as some sort of savior.

Grade A magical realm.
>He made this world where he can be the god. But that wasn't enough for him.

Dude, he made himself a rich god, THAT STEALS FUCKING CABLE. WTF?

Was that how he was showing that even though he's all-powerful, he's still got a bit of humanity left? Or what?

Fucking magic realms.

So, Scientist tries to find out how many hostiles are still onboard the ship. But he can't.

Is it because he fails his perception rolls?
Is it because the enemies/NPC's/Blackhawke have an innate/passive sneaking ability so high that they are undetectable?

DAILY DOUBLE on things this "Space Ship" does not have for $1000 Alex!
1. Security Cameras
2. Airflow sensors
3. Thermal imaging
4. Microphones
5. Tripwires.

So Scientist (Player: Zeroller, the creator of the SUE files blog) Resorts to duct-taping laser pointers hooked up to photocells to the walls rather than sitting with his thumb up his ass. Cause that's what happens when a fuckhead DM doesn't let his players interact with his "Perfect" setting.

So a random soldier appears, sees the sensors and bitches out Scientist man before saying "you've showed initiative and impressed us at the MIC, welcome aboard" and explains what the MIC is and does, as well as telling the Scientist that saying "No" to joining the MIC means a memory wipe.

A few quick points:
1. Marty's NPC's all have 2 settings: Grit and Grit with a Vengeance. So have fun 'conversing' with people who only speak "Snarl" as a first tongue. (There are exceptions and they are worse. So much worse.)
2. Marty does not reveal plot or important information via conversation. Ever. He will exposition, and talk at the PC's and by proxy the players until their ears turn black and fall off.
3. Igor was told "you haven't impressed the MIC very much" regarding her enrollment. She jumped through a portal before anyone could stop her, and the MIC went "Oh well, she might as well join then."

Also, Space PETA was a fucking retarded idea, wasn't it? Well good news! That group wasn't Space PETA!


What the actual fuck, Marty.
Kay, I'm just gonna gush here, because I'm pretty much a freaking wanker when it comes to IG.

I love the 40K 'verse for how silly it get's with the grimdark at times, but when it comes to the IG, I stop laughing and I start crying manly tears of joy. I would go gay for Ollanius Pius I swear to fucking god, because moments of THAT level of badassery will never be equaled.

So when the 2nd prequel session involved the 3rd player, who was a Krieger, you know it's going to be good, and that I'm gonna sperg like a freakin' moron. I would want this guy (Player or PC) in any group I'm involved with, I swear to God.

His story starts with his squad being sent to clear out some heretics who'd established a bunker on some planet. This would be the 5th squad sent in, and it looked like a 6th would be needed as the Chimera approached the bunker, the Stormtroopers inside opened up with E-web turrets and melted the front of the cabin (and pilot/driver) to slag.

"Rick" as he is known, managed to bail out with his squad before the Chimera hit the main bunker door and exploded. So now a bunch of Kriegers are pinned down by 4 emplaced weapons (and remember, Star Wars tech, so Marty's SUPERIOR TECH bonus is in effect) and Rick decides to "Fuck this shit" and charges one of the turrets.

He survives, tosses in a Krak grenade, and then jumps into the now clear room filled with dead "heretics" and tech that is "clearly superior" to his own weapons. Making a judgement call that many would say was a good idea, he grabs a Blaster because it's obviously better than what he and his squad are using, despite the Mechanicus rules against using tech that isn't blessed by the Omnissiah.

One of his squadmates, who has X-ray vision and a Spot check of 60, see's Rick touch the gun and screams "TECH HERESY!!!" and the ENTIRE squad tries to murder him, even as the remaining 3 turrets are shooting at THEM. Which is when Rick tossed them a Krak grenade, sans pin.
I'm crying blood. Send help.
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I should feel disgusted and revolted, yet after reading all of this, all I can feel is confusion on why someone would spend time working on this and pity for the poor soul whose life led him to this point.
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Genepool cleansed of defective Kriegers, who didn't know you should get away from live grenades when they land near you, Rick is now alone and has to clear out the bunker by himself.

This is why I love this player, and I love the storytime of the All Guardsman Party with Shoggy. Liberal use of explosives, and SMART sweep-and-clear tactics, with a bit of improvisation. (Using the powerpacks to his effectively useless lasgun as grenades by taping 2 of them end-to-end like 9 volt batteries. Citation from 40K Nerds, is that really a thing?) After causing a hell of a lot of damage and destruction, after figuring out how to work the thermal detonators and dragging a slightly damaged turret into a hallway for little "Hail of Death", he pops back out of the last cleared turret room (He'd been rabbiting in-and-out via the outside rather than through the bunker proper if I'm interpreting it right) and headed for the main doors.

Which were blown of it's hinges as a Cornugon (pic related) steps through. Rick chucks a thermal detonator, and all it does is "Take off some scales, and make a divot in the floor, which makes it easier for the creature to stand upright."

Which is when Blackhawke shows up, because god forbid a Guardsman kill a fucking devil by himself, no that would be genuinely awesome, instead of "He slashes the creatures back with his katana, causing a spray of blood before carving an X into the creature's chest." To make a long story short, Blackhawke is impaled (he get's better) and Rick blows more scales off the devil with another thermal, and when Blackhawke attacks the thing again, Rick kills it by charging it's back, gouging a hole into it with his knife, and stuffing his last detonator into the demon's body.

So Rick is offered a place on the MIC and all's well that ends well, right?

When Marty wrote the summary of the session he wrote that BLACKHAWKE killed the cornugon, not the lowly guardsman PC. I'm not kidding.
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The blood is drying, but I lost an eye. I'll be fine, continue.
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>When Marty wrote the summary of the session he wrote that BLACKHAWKE killed the cornugon, not the lowly guardsman PC. I'm not kidding.

That's just fucking rude
>shit that never happened

That said I can easily imagine someone wanting to shoot you so it at least has internal consistency.

So the last prequel character introduction story ended with a lowly Krieger stuffing a live grenade into a cornugon's open would and disintegrating it, and then being offered a spot on the MIC because he's now a wanted Tech Heretic. (The witnesses were all dead, but the Emperor "Sees and knows all.")

Then Marty wrote that his DMPC Blackhawke killed the devil with a Katana in his DM Notes (novelization) for the session, instead of the Grunt PC.


So the PC's are tossed into MIC headquarters, where they meet the SUE version of a strong female character (In Marty's world, that means she's an Angry Marine with tits) and are sent to be processed.

First is medical, where an Argonian in scrubs checks them for magic or psionic potential, and nothing else. (Measles and Syphilis? What're those?"
Then they get a flatspace ("It takes the 3rd dimension out of a volume of space") implant that is a universal translator and communicator that can't be jammed, blocked or hacked and god just fuck off already.
and then they are given weapons training with a live Blaster and training dummies. Scientist misses, Igor claws, Rick dead-eyes.
THEN the MIC asks the 3 to sign their contracts.

WHICH MARTY CREATED AND PRINTED OUT IRL FOR THE PLAYERS TO READ!!! Supposedly these contracts were ACTUAL goddamn legalese, 10 pages and in a small print.

Don't dry heave yet weaklings, it won't be the last time Marty gleefully brought bureaucracy into an RPG.

After that a tour of the cafeteria with Star Trek style replicators for food, a fighter-bay for craft "X-Wing size and smaller" (Goddamnit Marty...), and other boring shit until they see the door to the Maximum Security Storage Facility. That is only accessible by Black Level agents (Ergo, only Blackhawke) and contains things so terrifying and horrible they could destroy the multiverse.

>Scientist's PC: "We get it, don't touch Blackhawke's Porn Stash."

Marty didn't laugh.
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> Katana
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...A thermal detonator is a fusion reactor made of thermite. Even the shitty little V-1 variant is enough to kill a room full of people. What. In. The. Fuck. Am. I. Reading. God. Fucking. Damn. It.
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>Then they get a flatspace ("It takes the 3rd dimension out of a volume of space") implant that is a universal translator and communicator that can't be jammed, blocked or hacked and god just fuck off already.

I could deal with the other shit but this is what got me. Seriously. He's definitely retarded.
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Look... I like fucking around with in-game bureaucracy and the Chains of Commanding and reasonable authority figures that have a bunch of unreasonable red tape on them and all of that kind of stuff.... but bringing in an ACTUAL FUCKING LEGAL PAPERS. What in the literal fuck is going on?

Also, the porn stash joke was funny, fuck this guy.

Then is the dorms, which are studio apartments with genetically coded locks, and the agents are allowed to have guests in case they meet somebody hot and want to make sweet violation-of-MIC's-supposedly-core-tenets with them. And a VR-simulator Danger-room and the PC's get actual XP from fighing fake grizzly bears (Why the training robots and the live-fire exercises again.), but are pulled away before they can gain levels without any effort. (Guess that's exclusively for Vamp!Marty, eh?)

The get to their rooms, and are asked about requisitions, which is where Scientist has come to terms with the fact that he's a fictional character and started reading up on fictional universes IC to get some ideas.

>"I want an implant."
>"You can't have one, they don't interact well with flatspace implants and are too noticeable."
>"Then make it a flatspace implant, the important bit is that I want it hooked to my optical nerve and loaded with technical diagrams and optical recognition software. That way I can eyeball a machine and have a 3-D model pop up with the parts listed and can make an educated guess on how to work it or find weak points."


Apparently the translators are "Hardwired" and "Mostly ROM" and they've never uploaded direct knowledge, and
> “And why would they do that when you can just call someone and they can read you the relevant part of that reality’s source fiction?”

That out, Scientist asks for a tiny replicator, because he's a very weak telekinetic, and having something that makes itty-bitty razor blades out of graphene to "throw" will be handy. 10 minutes and the implication that such a device is beyond the abilities of Marty's 'totally awesome' agency, he says a bracelet will be made that will extrude a centimeter of graphene every hour, and the bracelet would have to be welded to the PC's skin, because "graphene is unbreakable, and only graphene can stop graphene."
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>Can't transmit information directly despite having a magic translator that does exactly that
>But can make a magic bracelet that makes razors out of magic metal and fuse it to a guy's skin no problem
>Mostly ROM
>Can defy the laws of physics and biology
>Can't figure out data editing
There's so many plot holes in this setting it's giving me trypophobia
one job


can't believe I turned off Mogwai to Google this shit for you

fuck you, /tg/
Clearly, Marty has autysm
>Clearly, Marty has autysm

Marty has issues that there aren't really names for yet.
There's a name for it. It's called "Being a cunt".
Last time, the OP was confused as to what the fuck graphene blades are, save that Scientist's Player was slightly mistaken about some aspect of having graphene shuriken. (and Marty was flagrantly retarded for saying graphene is unbreakable/only stopped by more graphene)

Day 2, the PC's practiced in the VR room, where the difficulty level is determined by a d20 roll, and Rick's character rolled an 18. They died "Like frogs in a blender" (All credit to Shoggy) to Dark Troopers until they get a mission "Of no particular importance" and are sent to meet an Imperator.

Marty's NPC's Type 2 (technically three if you include the Strong Female's): The super important NPC's. They will all have the same personality, down to mannerisms and speech patterns...which will be....laced with...intermittent pauses...to make the NPC sound...refined and dignified, but...since Marty is an ass-slapping...retard, he will forget....what the NPC said...and lose his place....and have to start....over.
Quoting directly from source, cause it's too good.

>The end effect is reminiscent of... William Shatner reading...The Eye of Argon while...high off his ass on morphine.

Anyway, 2 hours of exposition (no, really.) later, the PC's are told that their jobs will be to run down merchants, refugees and tourists and other jobs that are of piddly shit importance to such a degree that if they want, they can slaughter anyone involved with impunity, rather than mind-wipe.

>"by any means you see fit to...employ"

Memorize that fucking phrase cause it got repeated on a loop along with "Obviously this won't be an...important mission" over and over and over again.

Next post, why that last quote is a summary of the MIC as a whole, and then the PC's stop smugglers from selling Star Wars shield generators to the HALO UNSC for tons of gold.

>Paul Mooney
>There's a name for it. It's called "Being a cunt".

I hate to be an argumentative dickhole here, but hasn't he power surged well past the 'being a cunt' label?
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>skills list

Sorry man, even Sarah Lawrence would not be enough to keep me in that game. I would probably file a complaint with the school.

But shit man that is such a typical outlook for a liberal arts undergrad. "SKILLS ARE HARD AND HYPERSPECIALIZED!"

Out here in the real world we learn that there's bullshit and there's bullshit. Just because the former comes from a lawyer and the latter from a con artist doesn't mean they're different.

The difference between Applied Physics and Theoretical Physics is large, yes, but the difference between Organic Chemistry and Pharm Chem is virtually nil.

The Knowledge: Demolitions one fucking tickles my scrote. Dude has clearly never been around someone who blows shit up for a living. Aside from Demolitions, they tend to invest in K: Hold my beer and watch this...

This is...wow. I mean the whole Marty-Stu character is pretty hilarious, but this is just...yeah. This has to be pre-internet. There is no way this can be contemporaneous with Pathfinder. Nobody with access to the internet can be this wrong about this many things.
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It's like someone tried to make Gman from Half-Life, which seems like the most accurate idea of what Marty tried to emulate, but fucked up and made a cross between David Bowie, Shatner, and Ahnold.
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What else would you suggest then? "INFINITY CUNT BAG STORM!"?
>What else would you suggest then? "INFINITY CUNT BAG STORM!"?

I don't know man. Something tho. This may well be the Biggest Douchebag I've ever read about.

And that's a well-defended title.
The MIC is useless.

>[waits for the gasps of shock to die down]

The almighty canon that they are preserving doesn't effect anything at all if it wasn't preserved. When a person of one 'verse travels to another, it doesn't effect the Authy-WRITERS! Goddamnit I'm NOT USING THAT FUCKING WORD ANYMORE!!!

Anyway, the creators aren't effected by the loss of a citizen from their setting, and those people a free from whatever a WRITER might write about them, even if they go back to their home 'verse. The universes themselves aren't effected by the actions of the players or any "tourists" either, because:

>"The butterfly effect is not only false, it's the exact opposite of what happens."

Because what's canon will occur and you cannot fight fate. If you slapped a metal cover on the Death Star's thermal exhaust port before the Rebel attack in ANH, the Death Star will still blow the fuck up, but it'll happen for another reason instead....mull that over in your minds for a moment when you consider how much that Vamp!Marty is able to bend the almighty Canon over and make it spell RUN, even thought it's unstoppable and now my brains leeking uut ma eeers halp.

Okay, found a cork. Anyway, the agency is a placeholder and the missions are even worse. First mission: stop people from Star Wars who are trading shield generators to the HALO UNSC for Gold. How much gold you ask? Calculations lifted from the blog proper:

>Assuming Starships of the Galaxy prices for gold and generators: 1/10th of a credit per gram.
>One capital ship shield generator = 7 1/2 Cubic meters of Gold
AKA: 145 metric tons, which is a little over a metric FUCK-ton.
>The smugglers are moving these generators and the gold back and forth between universes by hand. In carts.
And they've done it enough that by this point, the Pillar of Autumn was fully shielded, with redundant back-ups.

And through it all, the VINPC and Marty say these smugglers are "Brilliant!"

>*sighs heavily*
It's because he fucks with Player Agency too much. If he didn't fuck with that then this story would mostly be a GMPSue story. There would probably just be a line that said "oh and he had a shitty homebrew system" at the end
He is Marty. Chief Circle. The creator of the Ao-Sue. That is how he will be known, as it is the only label which can adequately describe his sins upon humanity and nerd-kind.

>Nothing else measures up. No words...
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After being explained bad/wrong/nope chaos theory and given ODST Ballistic Battle armor and assault rifles, the PC's are dropped into the HALO'verse without any preparation because there's "no time" So they don't know who they're looking for, what might be happening, what the hell is the place we're going to, and "How does my gun work?" (that's the Scientist character, because the MIC thinks handing an unknown weapon to someone who isn't militarily qualified or familiar with that universe is just dandy)

So they land in garbage near a portal, with Marty having fun by describing how disgusting the trash the PC's are now covered in is, and take cover. Scientist decides to tip over a can of paint in front of the portal so whoever comes through will leave a trail. Keyword there, *Tip*, as in the equivalent of a sharp poke via TK. And he's down a notch on the fatigue track. (and missed anyway).

15 minutes later, Snidely Whiplash comes through the portal with 6 absolutely huge dudes who are pushing a 2x2x3 meter crate on platform trucks, covered in a tarp. Because that's "Very inconspicuous", even if they were all armed to the teeth. The PC's decide to stalk the worst smugglers in history, and even though they're following 7 guy's pushing a minivan down a sidewalk, they almost lose them 3 times. (Remember, SUE system DC checks are NOT your friend...)

When they get to the warehouse at the bad part of town, I'll continue in the next post.
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...So they ditched E-11s for IG flashlights, which they then ditched for Halo assault rifles. That's just... that's just great.
Warehouse found, smugglers parleying with their buyers to make a deal, Krieger checking weapons to make sure they're in proper order, Scientist failing his INT checks to figure out how his gun works, and that's when Scientist's PC decides that Blaze of Glory is interchangeable with Batshit lunacy and runs into the warehouse shouting:

>Me: “HALO MPs-“
>Rick: “UNSC MPs, you idiot!”
>Me: “Yes, Them! Us! Anyway! Everyone on the ground; these men have been selling you counterfeit gold!”

Despite all the ways this would never work, (wrong uniforms, covered in garbage, etc) but Marty says "Roll deception". And the Scientist Nat 20's. The Smugglers are pissed, 2 UNSC officers are [(O_O) OH GOD WHATS HAPPENING!?!] and Marty reaffirms that all involved with this retarded scheme are "Geniuses".

Scientist has none of it, and the groups are split off to be grilled, lied to (Ludicrously) and then mind-wiped. The smugglers are told that the system being used (Hand delivered? One at a time? Out in the open?) was retarded and set up drop points for exchanges "Which will be downloaded into your brains by my associates who are on the way."

The UNSC are told "Those are Covenant weapons and you need to call your superiors and jettison ALL of the bloody things, NOW!"
Another nat 20 on deception, but threats are needed to make have one of them "make the call" and Scientist waves his gun at the NPC to make his point. When he refuses, Player says "Okay, I hit him."
>"You hit him? Okay but your gun was pointed at his groin..."
"Yeah? Wait, I meant I CLUB him, not pull the trigger!!!"
>"Sorry, I already rolled the dice."

Needless to say, the 2nd guy made the call after seeing his partner's ballsack turned into bangers and mash. So the players solved the problem, saved the day and did it without causing (a big) bloodbath.

Marty was fucking livid, and guess which character got a knock on his door that night?"
>Marty was fucking livid, and guess which character got a knock on his door that night?"

I seem to recall a "ANY MEANS NECESSARY" clause?

Not that shit like that would matter to Marty.

Not sure what the protocol is for giving a Player in an RPG bad news is, but I'm willing to bet it's not "Sit behind the DM screen, steeple your fingers and look intimidating, and wait until sufficient tension has built up".

Scientist's player: "Okay, so what's wrong? I obviously pissed you off somehow, so what do I do to fix it?"
>"............[your character] is dragged out of his room in the middle of the night and thrown into psychiatric prison."
Insert self-satisfied smirk.

When Zeroller asked if Scientist got a trial, and what he was charged with, Marty....Oh god I'm not gonna be able to handle this. I'm just gonna itemize.

The Scientist (who is forevermore condemned to "Crazy Jail") is dragged in chains to a "Military Court Martial" and charged with:

>High Treason
>Criminal Insanity
>"Countless lesser crimes"
He went off-mission, showed no respect for organizational hierarchy, and "Made excessive use of excessive force" (SO MUCH FOR "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!)

Where does off-mission come from? Marty/MIC hadn't thought about what to do with the shield generators, and since that wasn't in the mission brief, it was "Off Mission." and thus a direct quote:
>“Moreover, it has a detrimental effect on morale to have such junior agents subvert the organizational hierarchy.”

The treason? Not making use of your back-up shows a disrespect for the M. I. C. Hierarchy. As in, Blackhawke was there, and was supposed to help the PC's take out the smugglers once combat started. No combat, no Blackhawke, and thus the valuable time of a senior agent was wasted. Ergo, treason.

After asking what happens now that "Scientist" has been punished for being too successful with his mission, Marty tells Zeroller that the Scientist is gone forever "And you're not making another one like him, I'll tell you that right now!" and if Zeroller want's to play in the campaign anymore, he has to make a new character an apologize.

Zeroller walked da fuq out.
>Zeroller walked da fuq out.
The first rational thing I've seen in the entire story.

Also, if there's an "ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!" clause, why is there even a Military Tribun- I mean "Court Martial" in the first place? If there aren't even set rules, why the hell would you have procedures relating to the breaking of rules which have already been stated to be moot?
I don't even understand Marty at this point.
What is he so pissed off about?
That he didn't get to inject his DMPC into the situation?

If he wanted to, he could have just escalated the situation or hell, have his DMPC start out with the party

The biggest question here though is why would anyone would sit through more than one session of this schlock?
I assume it's some kind of sick fetish.

It think that the entire thing boils down to the fact that Marty is a Control Freak and is using this game as a power trip.
To be fair (*snerrk!*) that was because the players were "In diguise" so they could blend in and not cause unfortunate ripples in the time-stream.
>"Not that your actions will have much effect anyway."

In a perfect world, stupidity would be painful, rather than occasionally fatal.
He came back a year later. Issues with that University from hell he/Marty/others were enrolled in, is that Marty was one of the only people willing to DM. To a man dying of thirst, even an open storm drain can be a life-saver.

And there is one rule: "NO CHANGING THE DM'S PLOT!!!"

The only reason Rick was allowed is cause that was relatively minor, fairly badass, and Marty retconned it away.

Next up, What happens to Rick and Igor?
>It think that the entire thing boils down to the fact that Marty is a Control Freak and is using this game as a power trip.

He's basically a god.....yet steals his cable, and uses a glitch to pay his employees, as he sits in his free mansion, counting his billions, and drinking blood?

It's beyond words.


My head is full of fucks.
I probably don't want to find out. But I will.

Again, it's about power and control. He's showing off how his character doesn't have to pay bills or have the government or any company above him in any way.

So a shitty GM read Grant Morrison's Multiversity and created a shitty setting based on it. WHOOEE.

This bit's gonna be a bit slapdash as I'm adlibbing an ad-lib, so expect a lot of quotes or short bursts.

Marty's war to take over the multiverse was unknown by the players. Save for ZeRoller, how got a lot of exposition dumped on him, which is why he/we know about the "Took over Star Wars and making +100,000 Eclipse Class Star Destroyers with nothing but their biggest guns welded to them."

While working at the MIC, realities started dropping off the grid, agents disappeared, and then HOLY FUCK THE IMPERIAL NAVY IS ATTACKING OUR HQ AND who the fuck is the red-eyed, silver-haired, trenchcoat wearing faggot mincing our forces?

Rick, Player and Character, is a true goddamn guardsman. He didn't give up and instead used every weapon he had available on Marty ("I iz immuun to everything! LAWL") including a hug while wearing a dozen primed Thermal detonators. These are psychically deactivated, Rick is ignored, and Marty walks into Blackhawkes porn stash and leaves with all the multiverse ending horrors within.

After that, the MIC is doomed. (They won the space battle, but it was against a fraction of Marty's infinite military forces) and there's a mass defection (Including Blackhawke to team Ao-Sue) and:
>MIC-approved FLEIJA deployment out of Code Geass into critical Star Wars facilities including the Maw Installation
OP Ignorance: Dafuq is Maw?

Anyway, the facilities staff have been entirely replaced by clones of Vamp!Marty, cause he's the best there is. Also the Storm Troopers are sniper-accurate, and armored like tanks. (Immune to blaster fire), and when the players destroy the Maw facility, Marty tells them he "Made another one" somewhere else. (something about the Maw involving Blackholes and he recreated the same cluster? I don't even know anymore)

Anyway, Rick killed Darth Vader with a fuckton of bombs, cause Marty thought Vader was too "Whiny" and unstable to be of use. Letting a PC kill him was "convenient".

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>Nothing in Canon can be changed
>Luke must kill Vader
>Vader dies to a PC

It's 0430 here and the sun is coming up, but despite that and my face being pic related throughout, I must read on.

The "Final" battle with Marty regarding the MIC was like this campaign and DM-Marty's IRL existence, a meaningless waste of time. He squared off against Rick again, and being immune to damage/crazy regenerative powers meaning he shrugged off hits from a Turbolaser made Marty (DM or Vamp? Unspecified) Cackle with glee about how easy he was taking it on the players, before Vamp!Marty got bored and opened a portal to another Multiverse and said "5 minutes until this facility explodes, you and the surviving MIC people have that long to GTFO with whatever they want/need (Except anything DM-Marty thought could be useful to the PC's)"

Which is how the party found themselves in an open field with 2 starfighters, a lot of handheld weaponry, 150 engineers, and fuck-all else of note.

That was apparently the end of a semester's worth of campaigning.

The pick up from this point, is in another Original Setting of Marty's, which is basically a horrific DnD clone, save for a few points.

1: The best of the "ambitious" humans all live in a Feudal Japan rip-off. (That's getting a separate post, cause jfc)
2: There's a MacGuffin (Portal home) on a Mountain of Fire (gack) and guarded by the Dragons of Eternity (Gack!), which are Marty's favorite things about this setting as these are the best kinds of dragons: Tortured, Angsty and invincible unless you complete a ritual with so many hoops you'll think you shrank and fell into a box of Cheerios (GAAAACCCKKK!!!)

So the Krieger tries to huddle in and get defensive, constructing very simple huts and lean-to's and things like that using the resources of the steppes they are stranded on.

Wrong kind of dirt, wrong kind of grass, no animals in sight, wrong kind of branches and out of 150 engineers, none of them know how to work with mud and wood; because being educated in X-wing Maintenance means you don't know how to prop up a stick to make the most basic of fucking shelters...
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>150 engineers, none of them know how to work with mud and wood; because being educated in X-wing Maintenance means you don't know how to prop up a stick to make the most basic of fucking shelters...

Fucking soft STEM degrees, man.
>OP is Dead fucking tired. more in the morning/tomorrow.
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Good night OP.

I can only pray these nightmares do not haunt your dreams.
Can someone suptg this? I'm on mobile so I can't
Same ;_;
My laptop screen is currently getting repaired.
On the bright side, replacing a laptop screen is pretty easy, so it shouldn't be terribly long.
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>just read through this whole damn thing
tell me this ends with Marty getting stabbed with his own katana IRL, it's the only way I can ever be sane again
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Oh, this deserves a new reaction image in itself.
Bump because I need to know how this ends.
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I'm partial to this one.
Created a suptg archive. Get in and vote.



Okay, so we've got 2 PC's stuck in a shitty fantasy universe with a bunch of useless goddamn NPC's, 2 star cruisers and some weapons and their only choice is to head for a nearby city.

It bears mentioning that Igor (Think Rule 63 Alex Mercer) has gone bye-bye because she'd taken to hunting things like Hobgoblins for sport, and was being generally kill happy. It caused interparty conflict, Marty's too stupid to see it's because the Players were bored outta their fucking skulls, and tells that player to make a new character.

I like to imagine that Igor's PC and probably Igor herself had an interesting battle cry as the carved up monsters for shit and giggles.

And this is where the wheels start to leave the ground on Marty's "My setting is perfect and the PC's aren't allowed to change anything, but I'll never TELL them they can't change it, so I'll just make up pant-shittingly stupid reasons why they can't do it."

"Hey, we don't know WTF we're supposed to be doing, and we've got these starfighters that don't need fuel and are a fuckload faster than anything in this fantasy 'verse, how about we open a shipping service? If we build a boat disguise around them or-Oh Oh, we can be smugglers! Use the disguised starfighter/boat as a submarine and go all:
>20,000 Leagues under Pirates of the Caribbean.

>"No. There's horrible monsters in the ocean, and nobody smuggles anything cause there's no tariffs, and the 150 engineers don't know how to make a submersible out of iron and wood, and merchant ships are too heavily armed to be caught by pirates...and yes, they are immune to having 'holes poked in the bottom'."

In the next post. I will reveal the most flat out goddamn horrifying thing that ANYONE on /tg/ has EVER read before. It's roughly on par with Luke, the Plagueson of Nurgle studying to become a doctor...
But the most important part was left out, optim

Did you fuck his sister?

Alright, so the PC's are trying to do SOMETHING because Marty prefer's to let his player squirm on the railroad tracks like damsels in distress, instead of letting them have fun, or telling them what he wants them to do directly. With fuck-awesome piracy in a starfighter out of the question, the same goes for opening a messenger service.

OP Confusion here: I might not be interpreting this right...
>Yes, everyone with them has an implant that lets them communicate instantaneously over any distance and these still work, but for some reason no one cares to send messages long-distance “except for a few postcards”, and they have the mail for that.
>Because who needs unbreakably encrypted, absolutely reliable, instant communication when you can wait for days for some guy with a horse?

D-does that mean Marty made everyone in this FANTASY SETTING have that flatspace translator implant, just to fuck the player's over? I don't THINK that's what it means...but I have no doubts Marty meant (and did) exactly that. Anyway, when Marty declared:
>"None of the engineers know how to make a printing press, so you can't make a news service."

One of the players finally went "DAFUQ Kind of engineers are these!?!"

The kind that are
>"too used to working with advanced composites and modern machines to working with wood and hand tools"
and are
>"More focused on their job instead of messing with block and sails."

So Marty doesn't think engineers can do ANYTHING outside their fields of expertise, to the point of being absolutely retarded. Keep that in mind, as I reveal the most horrifying statement to ever 'grace' /tg/:

DM-Marty, IRL is studying to be an aeronautics Engineer, and (according to him) had gotten job offers from some very big companies, even though his knowledge of aeronautics is the same as his knowledge of everything else, ever...

>So Marty doesn't think engineers can do ANYTHING outside their fields of expertise
Hey, he's consistent here! Remember the skills system.
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I lived with a Liberal arts student who pretty much only got in because his parents pulled strings, I wouldn't be surprised if its the same for marty
OP please tell me this group left Marty before the end of the campaign. PLEASE!
Got caught up from the post in the archives. The horror that I feel reading this has no words to describe it but it draws my attention at the same time. Its like watching a train-wreck in slow-motion except your watching the previous ten hours of nonstop boring conducting with the players in the back along for a ride.
This group left Marty before the end of the campaign.

Oh wait, did you mean THIS campaign? Sorry, they NOPE-ed the fuck away from Marty and the SUE system after being fucked by him in the 2nd campaign.

OP Notes: When I get to the 2nd campaign, I'm gonna try to parse from the blog proper, and the pre-blog write-up for this story on a board/thread that shall not be named.

Any who find out or know of the board, don't reveal it, ZeRoller intentionally didn't want he/Marty/The University's identity's figured out because backlash. Especially from the UNI as they only continue to exist because students don't find out how horrific it is until the tuition check clears, and the parents NEVER find out the truth about Da Chao U. because the school sues the fuck out of anyone who badmouths them.

If it's revealed who ZeRoller is, and that Marty's antics were partially let slide because the University drive's it's students so fucking NUTS that Marty was still within the threshold for the "Normal" amount of crazy...yeah, bad bad things, so please don't try to find out the IRL stuff about all involved.

But the reason for me going between blog and Source Write-ups is that there's stuff ZeRoller mentioned there that didn't make it into the Blog in any great detail.

Longstory short, the 2nd (and final) Campaign was "set" in CthulhuTech (still used the SUE system, and it was part of the "Multiverse" setting, but the PC's never got far enough to have Vamp!Marty show up.

And in the course of keeping the Players from ruining his plot, Marty banned dolphins.

Once again, my catchphrase courtesy of Paul Mooney
>I can't make this shit up, I'm not that good.

Now let's finish THIS Campaign Storytime!
Don't be ridiculous, you have to roll three consecutive nat 21's first

Alright, so a Krieger and a bunch of engineers from a Sci-Fi setting are dumped into a fantasy world and are not allowed to be useful/have fun by using science due to DM idiocy, and everything they want to make has already been made by the settings gnomes, who don't share their technology with anyone and are able to fulfill all the needs of everyone in the fantasy world, ever.

So anything the players try to do, to not be totally dependent on Marty's plot/dungeons/NPC's for everything, like making in game money outside of looting is thwarted by "It already exists, and in enough quantities that nobody wants it from you."

Instead, he has the players fumble around till the stumble upon the plot (by road-blocking everything they do in game, instead of saying "I don't want you to do that") because that Mountain of Fire and Dragons of Eternity nonsense requires the PC's discover a prophecy. Which is only known (here meaning as one book of one interpretation in one library) by a faceless mook archivist in a city of millions, who points them towards..

A civilization of benevolent undead run by friendly liches. (MORE SUE'S! OH JOY! OH RAPTURE)

Players aren't told the liches are friendly, of course. They make plans to use a starfighter for orbital bombardment/strafing runs on the city to clear out the hordes of the undead, get into the library, grab the book and GTFO.

So the liches detect the PC's via unblockable divination, and instead of warning them off (Like 'friendly' people would) they flood the starfighter with invisible monsters and earthquakes (Earthquakes? Spaceship? Ea-adafjk;fa; MY MIND!-*SNAP*-I'm good.) and breaks it. This is also Par for the course because:

>"I don't believe in shielding the players from their own stupidity. If they want to break their valuable objects, I'm going to let them."

I wish somebody would've shielded the players from Marty's stupidity...
The player's should have left and had one of the three DM long before this

So the PC's are down one starfighter, because Marty's a fucking douchenozzle, and the best summary is a quote from the blog.
>This would be great if he warned the players, but he doesn’t; he just semi-randomly breaks your character’s gear in response to unknown stimuli. It’s like Peewee’s Playhouse as run by vengeful poltergeists: “You said the secret word! Your sword shatters!” This does not apply to plot trinkets, but of course [the PC's] things are useful and so fair game.

Igor's Player has replaced the abomination of science with a crafter/enchantress ice mage, named Lily.

OP Note: While not the description or backstory for Lily, MY mental image is Elsa who repeatedly summons hords of Olaf's because she's too weak to do anything else combatively useful.

She's also GM Fiat'ed as a spy from the 'friendly' lich society, has retrograde amnesia and a magic ring. She and Rick stumble upon the plot, which is to clear out 2 dungeons.

One dungeon is the Tomb of Horrors. Marty sleeps with the ToH book under his pillow, he loves it so much and will do multiple run-throughs if allowed. He didn't do that here. Thankfully Lily summoning swarms of sacrificial Olaf's and Thermal Detonators makes the ToH manageable by 2 players. The 2nd dungeon is Marty's answer to the ToH, which will henceforth be known as the MoonBalls Tower. (because the PC's had to find the Orb of Moonlight at the top)

And dear sweet christ is this thing bad. Recall the SUE system makes combat a chore of micromanagement, regarding the AP and various rules regarding grappling, and how Marty LOVES monsters with no concept of personal space, and aren't effected by Critical hits?

>Welcome to Hell.doc
I'm still trying to figure out why any one returned after one session with this guy, let alone CAMPAIGNS
The Moonballs tower.

A 5-level torodial (OP: Need to google that later...), tower capped by a spherical observatory that was owned by a wizard who is "Totally dead! Yep yep, that wizard is completely and utterly NOT in that tower anymore!"

This is said by the head lich of a society of liches, who is a immortal, nigh-omnipotent and named Arn’gyr Ravenscroft.

Added note, these sessions (Which were every week, for months) took place in conference rooms with blackboards to draw on. Marty wouldn't allow the PC's or Players to see his maps to such a degree that he wouldn't reveal the rooms of the dungeon until the PC's entered them, and once a room was no longer illuminated, he'd erase them from the board. And Marty is such a sensitive crybaby bitch that he drew the maps the same way old people fuck, because god forbid he hear the tiniest squeak of chalk on blackboard or else he'd screech "MEIN EARS!!!".

Now, the tower was effectively a multi-leveled hallway, but the doors were all hidden away, so the PC's would have to explore the tower, 5 foot square by 5 foot square, and every room they entered would have a combat encounter, with the monsters in the tower themed by floor:
>Ground floor: Alchemical stuff
>2nd Floor: Oozes
>3rd Floor: Golems
>4th Floor: Undead
>5th Floor: DM's choice

Hooray for racial grapple bonuses and immunity to critical hits! That includes the zombies by the way, as they have tentacles. (I'm assuming those are homebrewed, but either way, ick.)

And every encounter would go the same way:
"We won! We're alive!"
>"A secret door opens and more monsters come out!"
2nd battle
"We survived that ambush! We're alive-"
>"Some of the monsters from the first fight have gotten back up again!"

Repeat ad nauseum. And that's going into, AND COMING OUT OF THE TOWER WHEN AFTER THEY BEAT THE LICH AT THE TOP!!!

Because of course the "Totally dead wizard" would turn out to be a boss lich.

Not done yet, next post.
Following your paraphrased SUE rules they wouldn't be able to survive more than a single encounter per DAY. How the fuck did they clear 5 floors of rooms?
>cleared an entire tower without dying
>using this system
how the fuck, was Marty Fiating them the whole time to keep them ever so slightly interested?
At this point, I just assumed they were stuck in by Sunk Cost Fallacies in their head.
>op died
>how the fuck, was Marty Fiating them the whole time to keep them ever so slightly interested?

How the fuck did Marty not get a beat down over this shit? I don't take my games with RL seriousness, but still. Someone that would fuck with me and waste my time like Marty did those players? I'd come across the table, and one of use would get an ass kicking. There are limits to how much douchebaggery a person can inflict on another person.
OP I started reading your thread at 8 am. Goddamnit it's been a whole day and I am just trapped by how god awful all this is.
This must be even more of an abomination to actually summarize for the rest of us, so I applaud your dedication. You're doing gods work. Probably tzeentch, maybe slaanesh.

That krieger though. A true servant of the emperor.
You must be facing even more of an abomination.
Though since I can't imagine a human going through all this willingly, who knows,
Fuck, my reading comprehension is shot to hell now. This thread is destroying my ability to compute.
>Op lives: Done shopping
Lily summoning ALL THE SACRIFICIAL OLAF's EVER. Minion-mancy ftw. Also a quote from blog:
>As for the minions, well...apparently an ice fist punching acidic slop is several orders of magnitude more energetic than one would expect, and the ones that didn’t die to that were punched out fairly quickly.
So the minions were basically a wall of ice that kept 2 PC's from dying to this monster guantlet, and...
...and now OP has to leave before he talks about the Room of Acid containing an Acid Kraken, great...

Back in 2 seconds...
>Room of Acid containing an Acid Kraken.
OP is kill
The Moonballs tower. A monster gauntlet only tangentially related to being a magical laboratory with "Glass what-nots" spread around. Most of the tower was laid out with all the originality of a chessboard, except the conservatory, which was a self-contained ecosystem. Except for some feeder tanks full of fish, the trees, the grass, the lake and the intelligent kraken living in the lake were all made of "Super-acid". This FUBAR'ed the minions a lot, but the Kraken was scared off by 8 gallons of Create Water in the lake,
And then they made friends with the Kraken by casting Enlarge Creature on the fish in the feeder tanks.
>And yes, Lily was making Darths and Droids references while doing so. I want to have that player in my group too.

Unfortunately, that gave the lich "time to prepare" and all the monsters respawned. By the end of the dungeon, the PC's had triple digit bodycounts, not counting reanimations. Rick found a Katana that shot little energy blades when swung, using fatigue instead of finite ammo, and thus the Krieger had to multi-class into Knight to become more effective with the "Windblade"
>...the weeaboo is strong with this one...
So the lich fight was no different from every other battle for being an unholy slog, save that the lich was a shitty spellcaster and did less damage than the demon's he summoned as back-up. Oh and the anti-magic field the party trapped him in because of a macguffin artifact from the quest-giver (Otherwise they'd never have beaten him.)

Now, the lich is dead, it's the end of a 10 hour session and the party is tired. Scanning for the phylactery via a necromantic aura doesn't work cause the lich put an illusion on it. Sensing that his players wanted to wrap up and go home, Marty cut his outline short and improvised the only way he knows how.
>"Okay, we're playing hangman!"
That timing though.

How did they get the DM to agree to such inventive desperate solutions?
Was he just that tired of the grind he set up?
How were any of these not TPKs with the way the system he set up?
>Shoots energy bolts
....So he found the Beam Sword from Terraria?
10 hour sessions?
fuck me sideways, 6 hours is too much
So, 2 in the morning, Players are tired, and Marty has them playing hangman to find the lich's phylactery because rolling Knowledge: Arcana or something similar would be, AND I QUOTE
>"Too easy"
So the players had to guess the words "dispel" and "Nystul's" which took a long goddamn time because they HAD TO GUESS THE FUCKING APOSTROPHE! And at the end of that, the lich's phylactery ended up being a pair of +1 gauntlets sitting on a pile of treasure.
>"It's brilliant, cause the lich hid it in plain sight!"
.......Moving. The fuck. On.

The players take the Orb of Moonlight to their latest Mary-Sue, the benevolent lich Arn'gyr Ravenscroft, and is Marty's idea of a Machiavelli/Xanatos/Keikaku Dori Master.

Good lichy is 'Acererak' and apparently the leader of several of the settings nations in various disguises, and leads so many double lives, "he" is spying on "himself" while other "spies" watch the first set of "spies".

Also, keeping in line with Marty's fetish for telling the players "you're not that important or actually doing anything worthwhile", Lichy is powerful enough to kill those Dragons that the PC's have to complete the ultra secret ritual to kill off and can kill a clone of Vamp!Marty in a "fair fight".

Despite all that wankery (and something the blog mentions as Elminster's Problem? Anyway) the lich is more than happy "subtly" manipulate the party into doing a fuck-ton of fetch quests (Rick doesn't like the bastard) and sends them off.

To Fantasy Japan! Where the party will find the Legendary Katana known as Riceball!
>It's either Amegiri/Anigiri/Onigiri, and however you spell it, Marty's a weeaboo fucktard.
From 1d4chan -
>Elminster is an old-ass wizard from Forgotten Realms, oft-cited as one of the main reasons why that setting sucks shit. He's powerful enough to solve any problem that would challenge PCs, and no real reason not to do so which isn't utterly contrived. He's an Urza figure without the apathy or plane-ruining fuckups. Oh, and he's also Ed Greenwood's self-insert, the original Mary Sue of Faerûn from before Drizzt was a thing.
>He's slept with more women than Greenwood ever will, including the goddess of Magic. Just because. Dude's left so many single moms and orphans around that one of the novels is about one of his abandoned daughters robbing his home, and he lures her in to be used as a pawn in fighting a conspiracy of wizards. What a dick.
Time out. Was Nystul a pre-existing character, or did they have to guess that bullshit name from nothing?
Apparently it's SRD though the spell they were guessing isn't spelled the way Marty had them guess for Hangman, in the SRD or even in the SUE system....I guess it was to make the Hangman game just like the RPG game: "Realistically difficult."
>This thread is destroying my ability to compute.

Not since I read some roleplayingconfessions have I been this sickened by what a gamer can do.

I dunno why, but I'm also having a hard time processing all of this information. It's like I can read the words, but for some reason they don't all fit and swim around in my head before I can understand what I'm reading.
Begging indulgence, need to feed. I come back, finish this campaign (hopefully befor thread is closed) and then finish the SUE files in a follow-up thread, when the 2nd and final humiliation against these players at Marty's hands takes place in CthulhuTech, and they make Henderson brand coffee.

Also, anybody do OP a favor and find some kind of Cthulhian reaction image of a Shoggoth or something similar going "DO NOT WANT!!!"? Or however a creature from Lovecraftian mythos would react to him getting a hold of it?
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I just read this all now. I'd actually be fascinated by how much I could fuck with Marty by deliberately going off-track at every opportunity. Just keep forcing the railroad until he basically destroys his own plot. Or he destroys me and every further incarnation of my character using the power of Marty's Homemade 100% GMO Love.

I am not a malicious, malevolent person in any way. Nope.
>I'm not a malicious, malevolent person
If it's against Marty you're at least chaotic good.
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I feel a weird sense of poetic justice in this.
I feel incredibly unhappy that my master pun-making abilities aren't able to reasonably shoehorn in something about being a 'marty-r' or 'marty-rdom' in yet. I do invite anyone to attempt to do it. I feel like the very concept of humour has been drained from OP's brain.
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Being an abusive asshole is fitting for this GM
I think we need a palette-cleanser, something to get our minds away from this sin against existence.

That music video is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
After reading this thread he could have put up a castration porno and I would prefer it over reading more of this thread.
But just like german fetish movies I'll always come back for more until I have watched the entire series.
And another.


Just try to clean your minds of the fact that these event actually occurred. That someone both orchestrated and suffered through this.
So, Fantasy Japan.
Marty knows that everything he likes is Japanese, but has never bothered to research Japan itself or it's history, so he threw all that crap into his generic fantasy setting, and the results are more pathetically weeaboo than 2 neckbeards doing Fingercuffs on a body-pillow of Card Captor Sakura.

Everybody drinks sake, and only eats riceballs and sushi, while the shoguns (yes, plural Shogun), prefects and Daimyo rule over a servant caste of "basically rice farmers" and at the top of the heap sits the Emperor who's life involves endless tea-ceremony's and composing poetry while being fawned over by geisha and courtiers.

Samurai are running around everywhere with their katana's and absolutely no other weapons, unless they slip into their black jumpsuits and sneak around as ninja's, watching other "samurai merchant lord's" activities while the peasants commit seppuku left and right.

And the school system has sailor suit school uniforms, nationally standardized exams, very important clubs and is attended by the samurai and all this makes the system a meritocracy.

>...my inner history geek is going to swallow a bolt pistol...

So everything's in place, even though most of this stuff is attributed to Japan's geography and natural resources and makes no goddamn sense without either of those things. Example: Have access to good quality iron, but still make swords via folding the metal.

Also, we get an idea of Marty's mindset as he creates a Chinese inspired afterlife for fantasy Japan, and fills it full of bureacrats. Because Marty see's himself as a 'perfect bureaucrat' and has actually said, while sober "I get the best choices for room selection because I give good feedback." I.E. he'll bitch and moan to the designated "Complaints Department" and actually believes he's making a difference/helping by doing so.

This is why Marty's systems involve all the bureacracy EVAR; it's the best way to make a difference.
>Example: Have access to good quality iron, but still make swords via folding the metal.
This is the worst thing out of everything. Because it is believable.
I can actually think of a person who hears of Japanese blades being folded as part of their construction but not knowing why assuming that it is simply part of their "culture".

And that is what makes this story so terrible. I can see someone actually doing this instead of it being a feverish hallucination so strong that someone actually thought they spent MONTHS playing this fucktarded system instead of being in an ICU.

P.S. OP, I found the blog where these stories came from, mind if I post the link here or should I wait 'till the end?
The PC's need the Emperor's sword to kill the Dragons of Eternity!

Which is a problem as the legendary Wind-Cutter/Riceball (Depending on the misspelling) never leaves the Emperor's side and no "inferior gaijin pigdog" is worthy of handling a blade that was forged by a God who was then killed by the sword and God fucking dammit can this guy get any fucking dumber?

So the PC's need a way to get the sword, and LO did everybody of importance in the Forbidden city take a nap when an army of psions and mind-flayers appeared on the palace's front lawn. The PC's fight alongside the "samurai and ninja-monks" until they reach the Emperor and defend the throne room. Afterwards they are declared "Minor nobles AKA Shoguns" and the Emperor offers "Any boon he can grant" with DM-Marty doing his fuckery to make sure that the only boon to be granted is the Magic Katana which I will only refer to as RiceFart from here on.

>Immature? Yes. Uncalled for? Have you been READING this thread?! This is the minimum degradation that Marty should have inflicted on him!

Especially when you consider that the PC's were only borrowing the sword, and made them sign a rental agreement for it. In triplicate.

>No, I have no idea if he made the PC's or the Players sign a rental agreement to wield RiceFart, but the latter would not surprise me in the slightest.

And after that, the Players need another prophecy because Marty can never give plot details unless it's in the RPG equivalent of a non-interactive cutscene, and one that is the equivalent of a Final Fantasy Summon a la Knights of the Round: WAY too fucking long and flashy for something that could've been accomplished in 5 seconds.

Also, Marty would have the prophecies written in a made-up language so the players had to translate on their own time. And then get pissy when they did because the PC's weren't smart enough to crack such a "brilliant code". (a 1 for 1 letter swap for made-up symbols/characters)
People have already posted the link up above. Personally I'd rather wait for OPs shortened versions than want to see the actual story.
Must have glazed over it. I blame the sheer "WTF am I reading? Is this real?" of the thread.
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Already been linked several times, but go ahead if you want. Like the title says, this is write-fag practice and raising awareness on how deep this rabbit hole of Fail goes. Speaking of Failure!
Prophecy telling the PC's that they need to go to an island they were already going to, Lily decides to use and Enchanter's Thurible (lawl) to upgrade the Windblade, both of which were loot from Moonballs tower. That plus the Orb giving a +10 to Enchantment (Holy fuck they DO exist in the SUE system!!!) meant the PC's went to town on the Windblade, making it the best weapon in the game, hands fucking down. (Save for RiceFart but that was exclusively for the Dragons, and had a special carrying case to make sure it wasn't used on anything not a Dragon)

With one such enchantment wreathing the Windblade in frostfire, it was re-christened "Winterflame" (MUCH better name) and half of the PC's skill points and feats and upgrades went into making Winterflame even more awesome.

>This is going to be VERY important, because Marty is a FUCKING SYPHILITIC COCKHOLE!!!

Anyway, they face an enemy that conjures the party's worst fears, (So original!) which was a test to receive another prophecy, and the ritual to render the Dragons of Eternity Re-killable (Not killable, but makes it so you could banish them after killing them the first time and FUCK the STUPID BURNS!!!)

Then real life (end of semester) stopped Marty from sending the party on a +100 item fetch quest, and they were able to focus on fighting the Dragons. Which at one point involved the PC's managing to create alcohol-powered V-1's powered by Dwarven Decanters of Endless Booze.
>I love these players.
The battle with the dragons turns out to be (surprisingly) epic, with Lily coordinating the ritual while Rick kills emo-Dragons via RiceFart to the throat.
>Pic related, IE: Epic
Last dragon dead, Portal home is open, RiceFart is thrown at a lich and the PC's jump through..........
Damnit I've been reading this thread for twenty hours now. So youre either a very good writefag already or this whole tale ends in carcossa and we're all fucked.

Keep going.
>They returned to play their final session
>They opened the door
>They got on the floor
>Everybody did the dinosaur
Heh, according to one of the original writers of the SUEpocalypse, the reason Marty fucked up his research so badly on graphene was due in part to his mistrust of wikipedia.

According to his deranged little mind, because wikipedia didn't acknowledge that katanas could slice through tanks, everything they posted was suspect.

I shit you not.
>>half of the PC's skill points and feats and upgrades went into making Winterflame even more awesome.
>This is going to be VERY important, because Marty is a FUCKING SYPHILITIC COCKHOLE!!!

I can already tell what he did and I haven't even looked at the blog.

He says that it gets stuck in some fucking rock or something, right?
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>the reason Marty fucked up his research so badly on graphene was due in part to his mistrust of wikipedia.
Sort-of-understandable, makes this story terrifyingly real.
>According to his deranged little mind, because wikipedia didn't acknowledge that katanas could slice through tanks, everything they posted was suspect.
And we're back in to "this-shit-can't-be-real" territory, thank god!
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I'm imagining something more like this myself
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...to find Vamp!Marty on the other side, who says:
>"Thanks for giving me so much time to take over the multiverse while you were handling this little matter for me.”
while sipping chamomile.
>I'm going to fuck you with a rake.PDF

So it turns out the tea-set was a plot by Rick's player to throw Marty off his guard, and they had a chat about Marty's empire before the big showdown. I'm not going to waste time in this post talking about how Marty fails as a ruler because that's less room to talk about the fight and why Marty needs to die of dick-cancer.

Marty reveals that he set-up the Dragons for the party, making the entire campaign busy-work, when Rick's personnel jump through the portal. Then we have the most Ollanius-worth exchange since Pius told Horus to suck his 10-inch dick.
>Vamp: “It’s time we end this. Before, you were not worth killing.”
>Rick: “Your mistake. You don’t fight a Krieger and not kill him.”
>Vamp: “Quite…which is why I set up this test. Defeating the dragons means you are at least enough of a threat to be worth killing. And while I will regret killing you […] I will at least not feel that I have killed you unfairly.”

So, it ends up being a duel between the IG and the FAG, who is fast enough to "dodge lasers by sight" (thus unhittable) and shreds Rick's armor in one hit.

...Vamp!Marty notes that Winterflame is so weak to be "hardly sporting" against him, and throws Rick one of his Lightsaber-Katanas. To make things more fair.
DM-Marty keeps revising Ricks sword mid-fight, making it better and giving him "a chance". Rick finally lands a hit and Marty has Fast Healing.

A Krieger dies.

The Emperor weeps.

DM-Marty says "Oh hey, it's 6:30, we can still catch dinner!"

And as a final FUCK YOU to his players, it turns out that was a disposable clone of Vamp!Marty. If Rick had won, it'd still have been pointless.

And that was Campaign 1.

It's entirely worse than either of your suggestions.

It made me rage a little, I'm sure it made OP rage also.

Last few posts before this thread Closes will be extra's from the blog to give people an idea of the tripe Marty passes off as "L33T WRITING"

Direct quotations, no ad-libbing from me on this.

Here's the first one, about going to the island:

When Primal Forces stir,
The Cauldron’s Child and Frozen Lily meet.
The promise of return will lure,
Endless Guardians to defeat.

Upon the distant, mystic Isle,
The guardians’ guard shall seek to test.
Through magic, strength, or gift of guile,
To prove your worth: this challenge best.

The seer writes upon the page:
The means to lift both Curse and Boon.
Hidden knowledge of the Never Age,
Sealed in written Rune.

--- (Mercifully shortened, iirc)

But after spell and lock and cage
The final trial still yet awaits
yet raise the Cutter high in rage,
and so sealed is the Soldier's fate.

And here's the second one, the much-abridged version of the summary of the ritual:

Beasts Eternal guard the sacred Rift. What cannot be killed can only be shunned, bound
beyond its means for an eternity. The ritual means, written below, fills this and only this
purpose. Sacrifice will be required, of both the performer and the performee.
>Sacrifice will be required, of both the performer and the performee.
The performer is the one doing the ritual, which makes the performee the ritual. What did the ritual sacrifice, exactly?
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>Campaign 1
Just one more Campaing! Hold on Anon! Hold on fast to your sanity and you WILL make it!
Oh fuck. Marty is doing Cthulhutech? That's already a fucked up enough setting without his help.....

On the plus side, we might be able to power a couple of cities if we hook up Lovecraft's coffin to a dynamo, what with all the spinning he must be doing.
>Even the dead can know no peace from this.jpg

Yes, Captcha, everything with blue water is indeed a waterfall, even when it's a lake.
Well this should be fun, seeing how many posts it takes to list the requirements/ingredients for the Ritual to kill the Dragons of Eternity. And remember kids! If the semester hadn't ended, Marty would've had the players hunt these items as individual fetch quests!

Ingredients Necessary
Twenty-Nine Courics of Crystalline Reality, Pure
Forty-Seven Courics of Matter, Premature
Five Pounds of Dragon Eye, eight in total, of equivalent weight
Ten Pounds of Dust of Diamond, ground within a Basalt mortar with a pestle of Mithril
Three-Hundred Seventy-Eight Candles, Tallow struck through with the Wax of Bees
Forty-Three Gallons of Ichor, taken from a Fuchsian Worm
One Dragon Fang, taken from a still-living dragon of no less than three Millennia in Age
One Mortar, carved from a Fallen Star with a Blade of Adamant
Seventeen Cauldrons, forged of Silver and Hardened with the Blood of Angels
Twenty-Five Obsidian Rods
One Brush, forged of Adamant with head of Phoenix Down, per Participant
Grind the Pure Crystalline Reality within the Starmetal Mortar using the Fang of the
Dragon. Prepare not in advance, or the Reality will begin to deteriorate. Store in Sixteen
of the Angel Blood Cauldrons, evenly distributed.
Mix the Matter Premature and the Wormblood together in the final Cauldron with a
Rod of Black Glass, before adding the mix to the other Cauldrons in turn. Repeat until
supplies are exhausted.
Roll the Dragon Eyes in the Dust of Diamonds. Drop the Eye of Dragon into the
Mixture, one for each of half the Cauldrons. The remaining Dust of Diamond is added to
the self-same Set.
Mix each Cauldron with a Rod of Black Glass, stirring Widdershins against the
currents existent. New Rods will be required to finish mixing the Cauldrons of Dragonic
From Black to Blue of Sky the Lesser Mixture grows, while Black to Red the
Mixture of Power glows.
Place now the Candles within the Cauldrons Lesser, their Wicks without to lift from out.
Allow to soak for Hours Three.
Heat Both with Flames Arcane until the point of Froth and Boil, then Chill until the
Colours mute.
Utter unto Mixtures then, the Phrase
Vers Drilgic, Korinth Yinxirzijic
Fethos Versvesh, Dibelaci Jihai
Upon such Utterance, Black becomes Thy Toil.
Use now the Brushes prepared against Fire and Destruction to construct the Sigils of
Power. Apply the Lesser Mixture to create the Great Circles and Central Runes, and
the Mixture of Power to create the Inner Circles of Runes. Draw first upon the
Lesser’s Power, lest the Greater Power refuse to be Tamed. Once drawn the Lesser
marks, apply the greater under Lesser’s Grip.
A Circle, Nine Paces wide, ascribes the Top. Nine Paces further mark Each of those
that lie Below. The Runes that mark the Intersects painted in the Lesser Mixture, while
those Without are made of That with Power.
Apply the marks in careful time, for limited is the time that the marks will last. Without
the treated vessel contained, the Power quickly burns that which Lasts.
Upon Completion, but not a drop of Mixture before, the Phrase of Binding must be
Uttered, lest the Mixture turn to Bile, and do naught but Poison the lands it touches.
Azarun nomeno Tharm, fogah koli Creafora, vur jikmada wer Dos di Oium vur Tairais
ekess azarun wer Fueryoni malrak waphir. Ini Asta Iejir si azarun Astahi, ini sia Iejir
si azarun nomeno Tharm.
All Assistants must form a circle, evenly spaced, within the Top Circle. The Frozen Lily
must take her place at the foot of the Lonely Rune within the selfsame Circle.
Upon the emergence of the Beasts Eternal, the Ritual itself will Commence. The
Assistants must repeat the Pledge of Binding during the time.
Si majak di sio ihk wer vragul di azarunra wer Fueryoni Ro. Sia mamiss nishka vers wer
Azarunra, sia Geou vur Fedark ui majaktor ekess wer gjahall di wer Sultana Iri, wer
Sargti di wer Salora.
To the Leader of the Ritual goes the power of the Timing. By invoking the Binding
Dictum, the Frozen Lily may seek to seal the Beasts fought, though a sacrifice of both the
Circle and the Dragon must be provided. Only when sufficient Blood has been spilled of
the Beast may the Ritual succeed, for the Beast’s own Blood must be presented against it,
though the Ritual exacts its own tribute upon the invocation of Dictum.
The Binding Dictum must be stated using the Name of that which is invoked to be bound.
The Eternal Beasts, thrice named by Man and God, respond only to their First Names,
those bestowed upon them before the Gods, Abbadon and Tanith.
“I Invoke thy name, ______, and Bind thee. I break thy Curse, and Banish thee to the
Realm that Isn’t. Your Blood bears Witness against Thee, and now this Circle gives of
Itself to Seal thee.”
Only one of the Beasts can be bound with a single Invocation of name, though once bound
naught can escape the grip of the Bonds. Upon both being bound, the final Seal may be
enacted with the final Proclamation of the Keyed Key. The Ritual shall claim its
sacrifice, a the lock to place upon the Beasts’ Prison, a possession of attachment and
investiture to the Invoker.
Once Chosen, the Proclamation must be given.
Persvek wer Boja vin tiselaiw tepohaic sultada,
Vin krunir: wer dos di Tairais jikmadator.
Boga wer Dos, wer Molis vur Stoth nishka wielg,
Sari treskri lowda ini Driki vur Kepesk.
Mrith regipre de wer Hianag di wer Ricin,
Ro Fueryoni nishka jaseve asta Sultana Platohol zara.
Upon this Utterance, the Beasts and their Lock shall be lost, forever gone from the
And with their Absence, so is it Imminent for the Frozen Lily and the Cauldron’s Child.
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Marty IRL

It's from a movie
This is like what would happen if Chris-Chan discovered D&D.
It is amazing, is it not? That my mind has begun to void out what you have written.
I can still look and see what words there are upon each line, but trying to take it all in as a paragraph? Or even sentence? Nope.

In fact, my mind has now begun to obsess over the most trivial of all details in order to keep my mind sane.

For example: What kind of measurement if a "Couric"?
Wasn't there a quest on /tg/ years and years ago that had this sort of content?
If it did, I can't remember it.

Can you remember any details?
Oh, you are going to laugh at that when I finish prepping for the next thread!
I await that moment with slavering orifices.

Wake me up inside. Can't wake me up.

Unfortunately I mus also sleep. Don't forget to make a new thread at 300, we wouldn't want this storytime to be unwittingly lost, now would we?
Page 6.


Yeah, I'm too paranoid to let this fall off the board.
Remember how I said I was gonna parse from the blog and the Original (Will remain unknown...please?) source of this story?

Good fucking Christ on a Trix I forgot how much of this fucking shit-pile was left out of the blog proper and how it makes the crap so much worse.

The ONE TRUE START of this story was ZeRoller asking for advice because his DM (Marty) was being a bit railroady and he wanted to know hot to fix this problem.

This took place during the ChthulhuTech game, and a touch railroady means:

"A secret meeting and our enemies have aerial surveillance? We'll set the meeting in a park and make are way there dodging from tree-to-tree and-"
>"No parks or trees or plants exist in the Arc's"
(Cthulhu tech dome cities)
"Okay, then we'll set up the meeting elsewhere, and later we'll set up a greenhouse and sell plants to Arc citizens as a way to make some extra money-"
>"There are plants everywhere, trees on every street corner and flowers in every window sill. They don't need to buy more plants."

Zeroller was told to talk to Marty about "WhyUDoThis?" and that's when he tripped down the rabbithole of Marty's mind into the SUE-niverse.

The reason for the reality warping? The "psionic" aspect of Vamp!Marty meant he and DM-Marty were psychically connected, and thus Vamp!Marty could use OOC knowledge of what the Players were doing in order to thwart them. He'd do this by traveling back in time of a particular setting, and re-writing reality via changing the past.

Yes. DM-Marty said he was psychically connected to his FICTIONAL avatar....
...This is worse than him being a mother-fucking OTHER-KIN!!!

Fuck me how could this have been left out!? It's too horrible!!! FUCK me in half, this motherfucker is so retarded he had to have an arrow tattooed on his dick so he'd remember which way to piss!!!
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>The reason for the reality warping? The "psionic" aspect of Vamp!Marty meant he and DM-Marty were psychically connected, and thus Vamp!Marty could use OOC knowledge of what the Players were doing in order to thwart them. He'd do this by traveling back in time of a particular setting, and re-writing reality via changing the past.

>Vamp: “Quite…which is why I set up this test. Defeating the dragons means you are at least enough of a threat to be worth killing. And while I will regret killing you […] I will at least not feel that I have killed you unfairly.”

>I will at least not feel that I have killed you unfairly.”

There is literally nothing fair about anything in this story
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>The "psionic" aspect of Vamp!Marty meant he and DM-Marty were psychically connected, and thus Vamp!Marty could use OOC knowledge of what the Players were doing in order to thwart them. He'd do this by traveling back in time of a particular setting, and re-writing reality via changing the past.

>Yes. DM-Marty said he was psychically connected to his FICTIONAL avatar....
>according to one of the original writers of the SUEpocalypse


wuuuut. One of them dudes tortured himself under Marty?


Too bad SUEpocalypse was ruined by HFY and FREEMAN
well i didn't think i would use this word here but this thread has FUCKTUBBLEED MY ANGER

this would be my reaction to this game after 5 min in.

Holy shit, this is narcissism approaching Suggsverse levels of fucktardeness.
Yes. Unlike this, it was actually well done. Metaverse, etc. . .
>Good fucking Christ on a Trix I forgot how much of this fucking shit-pile was left out of the blog proper and how it makes the crap so much worse.

Wait, there's more outside of the blog?! Holy fucking christ fucking shit!

I know that I should be glad that I won't be exposed to the direct SUE, but that same part of my mind that tells me to go crash a KKK dressed as a Black Panther (the animal, not the group) also demands to know exactly how much was left out so I can agonise over how much shit I don't have to sit though.
You know, if it wasn't for all the gibberish and weeaboo reference shit, the whole thing only being a tiny part of the plot, and the context being beyond retarded, this ritual would actually be pretty neat. As in, the whole campaign should be this ritual. Not a small quest of it. The whole campaign.
I think that mentality applies to anything awful really.
>If it wasn't for all the cancer and organ damage, smoking would be great
>If it wasn't for the horrible pain and genital mutilation, sticking my dick in a weed whacker would be fun
>If it wasn't for the death and horrible pain, AIDS would be awesome
I would play in a campaign with the endgoal being the completion of a fucking complicated as fuck ritual with ingredients rarer than the material components of Gleipnir. Possible failures and screw ups due to lacking the whole knowledge of the ritual would make the successful completion at the end all the more sweeter. It's why I like grindy games.

But not if its covered in unironic weeaboo sweatjizz like cheese whiz on a Philly Cheese Steak.
OP is still researching. And becoming more and more horrified as he does so.

The reason for his flagrant cheating vis a vis, his DMPC using OOC knowledge of the players actions by reading DM-Marty's mind, is that in his system, trans-universal communication is possible between 2 people who have psychic class levels.

Keep that in mind as I say the following.
The Players were not allowed to use that cheat for their PC's because
>"None of you are psychic in real life."
...Let that implication sink in for jjjuuuusst a moment.

I'll know when it hits you, because I'll be able to hear the screams.
You should be hearing them.... right... about... now.
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...Okay, while there's posts left, Thread Vote!
Use the Image from this anon as the Thread image for Part 2 of the SUE Files?
Or use the one I picked out?

Either way, something that adequately reflects Marty getting his hands on anything involving a Cthulhu RPG.
The original image, because the image you propose posits that Marty is afraid of a little girl, which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Your pic looks nicer than the shitty photo shopped one I posted. On the other hand, it's also pretty cute.
That one
I need a little cute to bleach my mind
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Yours is good, the cute helps numb the pain
I know this is a story of a story, but only one question comes to mind...

Why hasn't Marty been cockpunched into oblivion yet?
Not even a daedra would want him
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Molag Bal doesn't deserve that, and not even Vivec would touch his cock.
BTW, what's next? New Thread about Suethulhu?
Yes. Tomorrow though. OP iz dead.
See in you in... Actually, have you got an ETA for us?
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What drugs did his mother take when she was gestating him?
>The reason for his flagrant cheating vis a vis, his DMPC using OOC knowledge of the players actions by reading DM-Marty's mind, is that in his system, trans-universal communication is possible between 2 people who have psychic class levels.
>Keep that in mind as I say the following.
>The Players were not allowed to use that cheat for their PC's because
>>"None of you are psychic in real life."

There are mental issues in marty's life.
All of them known to man. And 11 known only to dolphins.
And 3 from the elven kings under the sky
7 from the Dwarf-Lords in their halls of stone...
9 for the mortal men doomed to die...
Ehh...7 hours? Maybe less?

Last thing, might be minor, might not be. At the start of all this was the fact that this was supposed to be a playtest of a beta version of a system that Marty wanted to sell for money. To that end, ZeRoller (and perhaps the other players) were told:
>"Do your worst."

Their "worst" is what saw the system fuck them from all sides...because they'd ask about something and Marty would get so scared he'd change/ban the crucial component.

The Spells aspect of the SUE system? Because of ZeRoller, the D20 SRD spell "Telekinesis" is a level 9 spell, only usable twice a day.

Because Marty based spell levels on what ever idea the Players came up with for a spell that was the most damaging, and then put that spell out of reach and create a shitload of lesser versions.

When ZeRoller came up with ideas for using Telekinesis that got around weight/Mass limits via "Messing with weapon safeties" or "Bouncing grenades back at enemies" Marty declared Telekinesis to be on par with Meteor Swarm.

And the psionic school/Domain/specialty
>(can't remember the word cause fuck off I'm about to pass out)
Telekinesis was split into 3 more...things as well.
And 1 from the Dark Lord on his dark throne...
In the land of /tg/ where the That Guys lie...
One Drug to retard his body, One Drug to retard his brain stem...
One drug to drag them into a bad Inkheart fanfic and deride them
In the land of /tg/ where the That Guys lie.
If you listen closely you can hear Tolkien rolling in his grave.
Considering the fact that I'm hearing a noise that sounds like something rolling off the roof, yes, I can indeed hear Tolkien rolling in his grave.

More importantly, since OP is making a new thread when he wakes up at 7am, or whatever time it is over there, why not fill up this thread with shit-posts/purge ourselves of the warp before it overtakes us?
So who was the best girl in this story so far?
Toss-up between ZeRoller for her Scientist, and Igor for Elsa.

And there's no doubt that worst girl is Marty "Angry Marine w/ Tits" DM.
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Nonon is best girl in any story.
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It's 2:30 in the morning, and the muscles on my face are starting to strain from the expressions I have been involuntary making in response to reading all of this.

And here I thought I was a terrible writefag just because I'm writing fanfiction regarding a multiverse and a fantastic "self-insert" and a canon-protecting organization. I can keep writing without shame since even if I try, I can't even come close to Marty in terms of HOW DO YOU THINK ANYONE WOULD LIKE THIS? and ARE YOU EVEN HUMAN?
If one good thing comes of this, it's that we have a new scale for shitty DM's.
From /tg/ the creators of The Henderson Scale of Plot Derailment comes the new and improved Marty Bad Writing Index.

0 - Acceptable tier
1 - Fanfic tier
2 - MIC tier
3 - Blackhawk tier
4 - Marty tier
5 - Let Chaos win tier
We've got <20 posts before we sage, so final question, directed at all the people who have read through this thread in its entirety, when did you discover your masochistic tendencies?
It's more of a submission fetish, but the two get mixed up a lot so I tend to end up in situations like this.
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Long before this. It's either masochism or I just have a high pain/stress tolerance derived from six years of wrestling and six years of being a middie in lacrosse.

I'd only stay in a game like this just to fuck with Marty the DM lord of darkness via using his own system against him, hoping to get him angry enough for him to get physical.
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12:30 where I am.
It should really go like this.

0 - Acceptable tier
1 - Un-notably mediocre tier
2 - MIC tier
3 - Blackhawk tier
3 - Fanfiction.net tier
4 - Thirteen-year-old regrets tier
5 - Tumblr RP tier
6 - Let us never speak of this again tier
7 - Teenage Freeform tier
8 - 'Sexy' Teenage Freeform RP tier
9 - Banned from Fanfiction.net tier
10 - Got drunk and Freeform RP'd tier
11 - Oh shit son what are you doing tier
12 - Down this path lies madness tier
13 - Banned from Tumblr RP tier
14 - Oh God just stop tier
15 - My Immortal tier
16 - God is dead and we killed Him tier
17 - Marty tier
18 - Let Chaos win tier
19 - I feel the Warp overtaking me tier
20 - HE COMES tier
>My Immortal tier
Are you suggesting that the ingenious character and deep motivations of D'arkness Ebony/Ebboby/Ebnoby Dementia Raven Way wasn't the pinnacle of the Western literary art?
I'm actually laughing right now.
It's kind of creepy, even to myself, to be honest.
You're creeped out by the sound of your own laughter? Jesus, you must really need a hug.
Here everybody, let me fuel your hate-boners with premium SSS-grade RAEG!!!!!!!


In case you don't want to click on that let me tell you what flavour you'll be sucking down tonight: Gay escort was hired secretly by CFO of a business (who had a wife and children), gay escort found out who the CFO was, asked him to help deal with a lawsuit that got him kicked out of his apartment, CFO backed out polite like, escort said if CFO didn't help he would go to a online news site and say that this married man who works at a very high-class business that tried to order a gay escort. And he did.

How's that for a slice of fried anger?
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If you haven't guessed, I'm not laughing out of joy.
I have a really creepy laugh I sometimes do when I'm extremely tired, angry, or nervous, to the point where people verbally ask me to stop.
It's not a genuine laugh, more like a 'This is the sort of thing that inspires villains to destroy humanity' laugh.
A Flashpoint Joker laugh.
And this is the sort of thing that inspires villains to destroy humanity.
He and the university shouldn't be allowed to do this shit. At least get as many disgruntled students and politicians biased enoguh to perform a class action lawsuit against the school if not redirect ISIS to git it
Vocaroo it. For what ever reason I desire to hear this horrific infernal cackling.
Shitty microphone.
For the sake of delivering, here you go.
A-are you laughing or trying to breath through a collapsed wind pipe?
Like I said, shitty microphone.
There are also other people in the house and my mind is shot by both the fact that it is 2:13 in the morning where I am and the knowledge that Marty is an actual person.
That sounds like the laugh of a madmen, who, having impaled his archenemy to the floor by a thousand titanium needles spread throughout their limbs, has just been told by the self-same archenemy that they will pry themselves from the floor and proceed to beat him silly.

It starts off a sort-of, "Is this fucker serious?", then devolves into, "My mind cannot process this," when the archenemy does exactly what he said he'd do.
Remember that spergtastic Ritual Marty made? Here's my attempt to make it more... not-worse.


It'll be gone in a week because I think it looks like shit and the final part sounds like edge-lord territory to me. If you like it, copy it.

And with we are now in sage! AWOOO!
That character had moments were u genuinely felt bad for him, and he was about a 3/10 DM

Marty has no redeeming qualities and is a -25/10 DM
I just woke up and I have a feeling this damnable thread still isn't over
>A Krieger dies.
>The Emperor weeps.
>DM-Marty says "Oh hey, it's 6:30, we can still catch dinner!"

>And that was Campaign 1.
Fuck everything.

My mind doesn't even want to even bother with the prophecies and the ritual.

>The reason for the reality warping? The "psionic" aspect of Vamp!Marty meant he and DM-Marty were psychically connected, and thus Vamp!Marty could use OOC knowledge of what the Players were doing in order to thwart them. He'd do this by traveling back in time of a particular setting, and re-writing reality via changing the past.
Fucking what. This is more of a mindbreak than 'Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?'

And they just sat there? Is this what stockholm syndrome is like?
>I have a feeling this damnable thread isn't over

It's not. Part 2 is coming in when OP wakes up in a few hours.
Then there is truly no salvation.
There is no God. There is no Devil. There is only Marty.
>I got a billion dollars, but I'm gonna steal cable?
That might be for the better. Stealing cable isn't so bad, flooding the economy with fake cash is.
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>mfw reading through the blog

Holy jesus, this is some next level shit. The CONSTANT backpedaling is amazing.

>We got a macguffin, let's run tests on it
>We want to fight the oppressive mega-corporation
>I want to boost my int

This is more than railroading. This is forcing the players into a one-dimensional space.
It's railroading to a bridge that's out.

I hope the players left college and never talked to Marty again.


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