>>40679427

Taken from >>40676029 this thread

FamilyHammer 40k
>Dad I spent my entire life around cultists, I have the need for faith, and the desire to share it with others.
>Son, faith is well and good, but the gods you worshiped on your planet seek only the ruination of all.
>I don't want to worship them dad, I want to worship you.
>Don't seek to worship me, we need no gods.
>If you seek something higher, seek to further the future of humanity.
>But dad, we could unite humanity through belief.
>but what price would we pay? By worshiping gods, we empower them to have power over us. For the safety of all we must stop with the pretense of the need for god(s).
>Alright dad, I don't really agree but I see you point, I will stop writing a book about your greatness.
>Thank you son
>Also I will get rid of the shrine in my closet dedicated to you.
>...
>I love you dad
>...
>dad?
>...
>dad?
>I.. love you to son

>>40679457
>>40678965
>The Great crusade was actually a way of family bonding, devised by the emprah to help his kids get close to each other,

>And a big safari, actually.

>hey dad, dad, look at those cool things we killed dead
>oooh that looks interesting. Don't wander off too far though!

>And if you see strange creatures with pointy ears or anything that does not look human, DO NOT follow them into their spaceships. Not even if they have free weaponry? Do you understand me, Horus? This is really important.
>Magnus for the love of me, stop reading and go play with the others.

>>40679057
>Dad, those weird robed people above us said, my hands make me part machine.
>Your my son, and you are human, don't listen to what they say.
>Alright, dad
>Son take a picture.. quick!, I got the void dragon pinned!

>>40679190
>Dad, where do primarchs come from?
>*chokes in his recaf*
>*cough*
>well, when an emperor feels really lonely, sometimes he goes to a lab and... oh fuck it, Malcador, explain it to them.

>>40679249
>Dad, Perturabo called me dumb and worthless again.
>Now, Rogal, you know that isn't true.
>But Daaaad-
>Be nice to your brother and compliment his siege work. Show him you can get along.
>You're the best, Dad.
>C'mere, you!

>>40679427
>Son this is your new room, you need to take car of your pets and take them on walks.
>Wow its huge in here, dad
>You should get to bed Russ, were going on a crusade in the morning.
>Alright I love you dad!
>I love you too son, um thats.. the dog bed, the one with sheets is yours..
>I like this one more
>...

>Malcador, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm trying so hard and all of them has something wrong with them
>What about Roboute sir?
>A cocky asshole
>Sanguinius?
>Thinks he's hiding some vampire bullshit from me
>Horus?
>You know that one bitch on the playground who started shit between two other people because she just wanted some entertainment?
>I can't say I do sir...

>>40679562
A few weeks before that:
>Dad, I want a puppy.
> Russ, we went over this already.
>But daaaaaaaaaad
>*sigh*
>daaaaaaad I promise I will take care of him and I will take him for walks and he will be my bestest friend
>...
>*puppy eyes*
>Alright alright for the love of me, but it is YOUR responsibility, do you hear me?
>I love you dad.

>Konrad, come out of your room
>NO!
>Konrad I can hear you listen to your shitty emo whiny music all the way down to the throne room in the palace. You only wear black. You don't talk to anyone anymore. I know there is something wrong.
>...
>Konrad, you can't just sit there in the dark and listen to depressing stuff all day.
>You don't understand me! Nobody does!
>Son, I was created by ritualistic mass suicide, don't you think I get angst?
> [long pause] Okay I'll let you in.

Bumping.

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This shits funny

>>40682189
The Primarchs Introduce Emps to their kids, what happens?

>>40682286
In the grim darkness of the future, there is only Warhammer High.

>>40679544
>oh fuck it, Malcador, explain it to them.
Well my sides just evaporated.

>>40682189
Someone write something about Emps punching Nurgle in the face, repeatedly, for reasons involving Mortarion.

>>40682286
>Dad, listen I... erm. Yeah. I met a girl.
>Oh thank god Fulgrim, I was afraid it was more than just a phase.
>Yeah. About that. Erm. How does it work, with, you know, child support and alimony.
>Son this shit ain't funny.
>Well you never told us how to avoid it either! With your story of labs and shit. Do you think we'd never figure it out.
>Oh my... me. Where is she?
>The girl? Don't bother it's done already. It's a boy.
> ...
>Dad, are you mad?

>>40682382
>Mortarion, what... what in the name of me are you doing? Are you eating your cooters again?
>But he said it's okay!
>Who's "he"?
>The old grandpa, at the school. He hands out candy and says he loves us a lot and wants to give us the D-sease.
>WHAT
>Dad, why are you angry! I didn't do anything bad. I don't like him that much, he smells and his skin looks weird.
>...
>Dad where are you going?
>
>DAD I'm pretty sure he... oh ouch. Oh dear that looks... oh my god. DAD YOU'RE GOING TO KILL - okay he's not moving - oh crap there's BLOOD EVERYWHERE.

>>40679499
Dubs
>>40679544
Dubs
>>40679555
Trips
>>40682333
Trips
>>40682577
Dubs

The hell is it with this thread?

>>40679427
>Robert, listen I...
>It's Roboute.
>What?
>If Konrad can start writing his name with a K, I can call myself Roboute.
>No. I only agreed to let that so Konrad would stop wearing so much goddamn eyeliner, but I sure as hell will not call you "rowboat".
>I always do everything you want! Why can't I have anything?
>Listen, son, it's not even that. You don't do everything I want, you do everything YOU want and say I wanted it.
>But...
>The school called and they say you are bossing everyone around on the playground and that you beat up Konrad.
>But daaaaaad he sucks.
>Robert, I made each of you, you all have your flaws but I still love you all the same. Even Konrad, and even you, even though I'm angry at you right now. Konrad has problems that you don't have, so be happy about that.
>o....okay.
>Now go apologize to him.

>>40683314
Bumping for dubs and keks.

>>40683768
>Magnus, I found this in your room. What made you think it was a splendid idea to take the tusks of an ancient beast and glue them to a chest plate.
>I... I was just imitating that singer.
>What are you talking about?
>you know that song? *sings* Cuz you are living in a material world, and I'm an Immaterium Girl.
>*mumbles*I am really, really going to have a word with Slaanesh about this.

>>40683045
The strength of family cannot be denied.

But with greater unity, greater sense of purpose, and greater love for one another, the deeper the darkness around them will grow.

Like moths to a torch, they will receive Precambrian insectoid horrors around their bonfire.

Unleash the motherfucking fury.

>>40684152
>Slaanesh, I hate to say this so harshly to you, but your brood has a bad influence on my kids.
>ah come now, Emps, don't be such a sourpuss. What do you think of my new demon prince? I want to call her lady something. Going for Lady Slasla at the moment but it just doesn't roll of the tongue.
>...
>do you want to see what *I* can do with my tongue?
>we went over this already, no, no way, put it out of your head.
>oh Emps, still pining over that white-haired Sister of Babysitting?
>that is none of your business

>>40684249
>daaaad dad there are things in the garden and they hit me and took Jagathai's bike and painted it red!
>Horus stop crying, there is what where?
>they're big and green and they beat us uuuup
>Aaah, I see. Get your brothers inside, I'll deal with it. Malcador! Get my chainsword, we have orks in the garden.

>>40684407
>Sir, I have some bad news, according to the test results your son has a condition, where his body cannot process energy drinks properly, if he ingests them there may be... Complications.
>What kind of complications?
>Well you see-
>Dad check it out! I have wings!
>Sanguinius, how many times do I have to tell you Red bull doesn't give you wings- OH HOLY SHIT!
>Sir, there is a child here!
>MY CHILD HAS WINGS, GET ME A CHAIN SCAPEL I AM FIXING THIS NOW!!
>Run child! your father is in a bad moos, I can only hold him back so long!

>fag gets reminiscent about old retarded mary sue chapter
>suddenly /tg/ starts rehashing its faggotry from half a decade ago

I almost expect Cultist-chan shit to come up.

>>40685584
This board is dominated by WH40k threads, filled with dank memes and screen shots from ancient times, welcome to the Adeptus 4chanicus

>>40685584
All that shall be, has been, and will be again. The wheel is ever turning, and the depths rise as mountains fall.

> Sanguinius what is that noise I hear coming from the garden

> ...well I kinda broke a greater demon's back over my knee and when I got bored stomping it's face in I gave Russ a turn and he hasn't stopped let

>...Dad?

>....Son I am so proud of you right now, let's go join your brother

>>40684271
>sister of babysitting
Emps I know you're the greatest thing since before basically everything, but you're only at the highest level of "celebrity fuck".

I mean the nice girl had quite the collection of flamethrowers. Not that they really helped in the whole babysitting thing as they did more property damage than damage to the little primarchs but they did curb some of the bad behavior.

>>40683045
Not just dubs
>>40679499
>Magnus
>99
>>40682577
>Mortarion
>77
>>40682486
>Fulgrim
>6

>>40690250
Fucking eerie man

>you don't look okay Robert, what's wrong?
>It's Roboute
>aside from that. Something is bothering you.
>I saw this thing on TV. You know, with the people on boats, trying to cross over and then they get into the Imperium and...
>ah, the Eldar boat people?
>why can't we be nice to them?
>son, it's complicated. We don't have resources or jobs for everyone here. We can't just open up our borders like that and let everyone in. They have their own, backwards planet and they should make it better there instead of coming here. And when we go over there, I can tell you, they're really not nice about us entering their space, but they want to be allowed to enter here as well.
>well, why...
>also, they work like machines for half the price. They are faster and lighter then normal humans and they don't demand the same social benefits as all of us, so they skew everything. That is, if they work. Often they just park their vehicles someplace, steal everything, offer a few gloomy messages about your future and move on.
>some are nice though...
>well yes, there are exceptions but... *eyes narrow* You did something wrong didn't you? I can see it in your face.
>n...no
>spill it.
>okay okay her name is Jain Zar! But dad she's really cool, she can fight like the best!
>*sigh*

>>40690250
Who could possibly be behind this?

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>>40691216

>>40689132
>alright sister, you know how it goes?
>yes, yes, I have your vox number and Malcador's in case something goes wrong, bedtime at 9h30, and Sanguinus is lactose intolerant so he has his special drinks in the fridge.
>alright, sister, good luck

>sister, sister, did you bring the flamethrower
>*wooshes flamethrower* of course! I never go somewhere without it
>yaaay!
>I also brought you guys marshmallows, let's go outside and grill them
>OMG sister you're the best

>>40691288
Dubs confirm

>>40691314
I didn't expect such adorableness when I mentioned the flamethrower as part of a joke.

I'm extremely pleased.

>>40685542
>chain scalpel

I'm reminded of that thread with the chain pauldrons.

>>40691358

Why not just have full on chain power armor and charge into combat forever?

>>40691490
Khorne is pleased by this.

Berserker Science division has a new project.

>>40691496
I'm imagining Kharn wearing a labcoat over his usual armor and glasses over his helmet. Post items in perfect condition aside from the labcoat missing the same armor as his armor does.

>hey, Malc', don't you ever think... you know, about getting another one?
>A 21st? No, Emps, we already went over this. It's just not possible at this time.
>But we could always go down to the labs and "practice"?
>oh you

>dad, can I ask you something? Would you mind moving the spaceship out of the garage dock for a while? Me and my brothers would like to start a garage band.
>alright son? And what would you play?
> It will be awesome dad! We're gonna call ourselves the Horus Heresy. I'll be lead singer...
>good choice
>mortarion on guitar, Fulgrim on synths
>I should have guessed
>Konrad on bass
>...okay
>and Angron on drums
>No.
>But daaaad!
>Not Angron. Find someone else who likes to smash things.
>But nobody else wants to.
>then it's no.
>Daaaaad
>No Horus Heresy in this house!
>you bloody despot! I hate you!

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>>40685584
>I almost expect Cultist-chan shit to come up.
Who do you think is the greatest of the Grey Sensei?

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>>40692076
>Who do you think is the greatest of the Grey Sensei?
No. We do not bring that mess in here.

>>40679427
>Daaaaad.
>Yes Magnus?
>Russ said he was going to beat me up and then you were going to send me far away like you did our brothers who aren't here anymore.
>Wha- no, never. You didn't have any brothers who got sent away.
>Russ smells like a dog.
>I know but he is your brother so you have to be a big boy and turn the other cheek when someone wants to get under your skin. Now go outside and play.
>Yes dad.
>Magnus.
>Yeah?
>I love you. Please be careful when you play, don't mess with magic or it could really hurt you.
>Fiiiine.

>>40692076
It would explain why the big 4 keep bringing her back...

All her deaths are just some elaborate plot to gain more and more power until one reincarnation where she hits her peak potential and manifests all that power and usurps Abaddon, isn't it?

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>>40692139
Nope, she's already potentially more powerful than Big E, but she'll never USE that power because it comes from HIM.

Chaos just keeps bringing her back to rub it into the Emperors face that they were better parents than he was.

>>40692210
You suck

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>>40692210
>Nope, she's already potentially more powerful than Big E, but she'll never USE that power because it comes from HIM.
>Chaos just keeps bringing her back to rub it into the Emperors face that they were better parents than he was.
Someone already died with the backing of all four Chaos Gods, and why, why do people go on about Big E being a parent? He didn't have to be a parent because his boys were grown men.

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>>40692234
Hey I needed an excuse for Daemonic Magikal Girls...

Reminder that the Emperor didn't need to be a Danny fucking Tanner to the 20(21) greatest men who ever existed. They were grown ass men who conquered their homeworlds by the time he found them.

>>40692262
Op here. Please fuck off, we're having -stop - familyhammertime.

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>>40692275
>Reminder that the Emperor didn't need to be a Danny fucking Tanner to the 20(21) greatest men who ever existed. They were grown ass men who conquered their homeworlds by the time he found them.
This Anon but someone needs to smash this into BL with a thunder hammer.

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>>40692284
Hey I'm not the one denouncing Family Hammer time...

>>40692275
No fun allowed, we know butthur/tg/it

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>>40692293
>Hey I'm not the one denouncing Family Hammer time...
Not that family.
>>40692296
He means in canon.

>>40692291
>photo of a meme that was printed or on someones screen
>not even a screenshot but a photograph of meme
You should delete this post, and delete that image from your computer. Why would you even save that, you idiot?

>>40692304
Why is there no discernible order here?

>>40692275
Except Angron

>>40692262
Get a job loser
>no car middle of nowhere
Get a ride, work at a farm, do chores and labor you soft flabby fuck

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>>40692319
>>photo of a meme that was printed or on someones screen
>>not even a screenshot but a photograph of meme
>You should delete this post, and delete that image from your computer. Why would you even save that, you idiot?
I needed a reaction image. Kill me for it.
>>40692331
No one does that. It's usually one half Chaos and the other traitor.
>>40692342
>Except Angron
That was a case of needed mercy killing for everyone.

>>40692342
>Except Angron
True. And Mortarion.

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>>40692365
>True. And Mortarion.
He someone to take him in. Morty was well adjusted but no, the real problem was Konrad. Forget you Angron, Curze had no one. Why did Captcha showed me dentures?

Not quite related, but I wanted to share it anyway.

If Lion and Russ were teenagers, I always figured Lion would have a scratchy beard and a leather jacket with tons of patches and all around look like a biker. Russ would wear a denim jacket and look more like a metal fan.

More importantly, they'd always butt heads because Russ would want to hang out with his older bro but refuse to admit it. Lion go out for a smoke while dad wasn't looking, Russ would follow. If Lion was about to go for a cruise, Russ would start getting his own bike ready - and then Lion would turn around and grumble something about needing to help fix up Jaghatai's bike.

>>40692391
Lion would be the quiet and sensitive jock in the closet.

>>40679457
srsly Lorgar was probably almost as lost a cause as Angron

>>40692275
>grown

They had adult bodies but were all like fucking 10

>>40692398
Nah, he's too tough and cold to be Wilde-but-sporty. He's trying to pass off like he's in a bike gang even though he's not.

Still totally gay though. Just no reason to let that part of him out.

>>40692621

But only one Primarch had a Mother, and most of the others turned out ok anyway.

>>40692621
Back to your containment board.

Also single dad emps is the best and I'm sure uncle Malcador can help when the emps is having trouble.

>>40692621
ND please go.

They'll be fine. They're good kids, they're bright and with a little help from Dad they'll keep in check. I don't think bringing in some strange woman - that to many of the primarchs may seem like she's trying to replace their father, since few of them actually had a mother-figure - is the right answer.

>>40692731
Seriously, you have a shitty containment board, stay there.

>>40679427
/tg/ already did this. It was called Warhammer High

>>40692795

That one didn't work, so we're trying again.

Besides, cute boy primarchs are better then teen waifu girls.

>>40692812
Shotas DO have the best boipussies...fine, I'll allow it.

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>>40692731
Even then, the primarchs were still scattered. And I doubt the big E would just up and marry someone just because.

Come on, we had something nice in this thread.

>>40692731
Are you saying that a single father does not have the capability to raise his sons without a woman?

Mysandryist bull I tell you.

The Emps is a strong, independent man that don't need no women. Just achievements for the advancement of the human race.

>>40692784

Oh, alright. *shuffles dejectedly away*

>>40692304
I love how Omegon is barely visible behind Alpharius in this pic. You actually have to squint to make him out.

>Where do you think you're going?
>Out.
>What, dressed like that?
>All my friends are doing it, dad.
>Lorgar, I know putting spikes on your armour is "hip" and "trendy" right now, but it's not...
>It's not what, dad? You never let me do anything!
>Go up to your room and change right now!
>But Erebus and Kor Phaeron are gonna laugh at me!
>Do as I say, Lorgar! And stop worshiping me, for atheism's sake!
>Fine! I hate you!
*Runs up to his room crying and opens the Book of Lorgar, writing "dear diary"*

>>40693229

Shouldn't that be 'For Science's sake!' or 'Science Q Logic?' or 'Science Damn you?'

>>40692863
>Dad, why don't we have a mom?
>I thought Malcador already told you about that.
>yes yes, I know about the labs and tubes and such, but like, now. Why can't you get us a mom now?
>Son, I'm a single parent with 20 children and an Imperium to rule. I ain't got the time and 20 kids isn't exactly a plus on the dating market.

>>40693457

Oh god now I want to see the Emperor's dating shenanigans.

>>40693526
And the little primarch's oh so helpful suggestions of basically any female that's nice to them, and the Emps having to turn them down due to it being unprofessional as basically every female they've ever met works fairly directly for the Emps, and even if it wasn't a breach of professionalism that most are rather "incompatible" in terms of tastes in that they and the Emps have the same taste.

>>40692391
>Lion, Mortarion, I got you here because Malcador found this in your backpacks *shows packs of cigarettes on the table*
>That fucking nosey...
>SHUT UP! He was packing your lunches. Show some bloody respect or I'll slap you to Mars and back.
>I'm sure Russ snitched, Lion
>Mortarion, do not push my patience. Not only do you smoke too, but on top of that yours are just bloody tar in a stick.
>Who cares, dad, you made us immortal.
>And apparentely retarded to boot. Lion, just how stupid do you think you'll look trailing behind your own sports team, those Dark Angels guys, because you can't run properly anymore?
>I'll have my bike, I don't care.
>No, I'm taking it away for two weeks, and you're grounded.
>DAD NO!
>And Mortarion, if I catch you sniffing or eating glue again, you'll be grounded for a whole month.

>>40691785
>Er... Malcador?
> What sir?
>You know the twentieth zygote?
> Project alpha?
>Yes, well it's now er... two zygotes
> What?!

>>40693526
>>40693584

>Dad?
>What is it, Corvus?
>Why isn't that Sister coming around anymore?
>It's... erm. Complex. It got complicated.
>But I liked her, she brought marshmallows and we did fun stuff together like catching tyrannids in jars and feed them grass. Now you always leave Horus in charge of us and he's a douche.
>*sigh* It just wasn't working anymore son.
>You know, Emps, Corvus might have a point.
>Malcador, don't gang up on me too.
>Well the kids got attached to her. Magnus misses her and Konrad has been rocking back and forth in his room again.
>...
>Emps, what happened exactly?
>Not in front of the kids, Malcador.

>>40693652
I'm surprised the Emps didn't scold Corvus for calling Horus a douche. It must really have been bad.

>>40693652
Earlier
>Hey Konrad
>Leave me alone
>Konrad, it's me, Sister Kathryn.
>*door opens ajar slightly* What do you want?
>The rest is out playing with their bikes and Russ' dog. I just wondered if you would be up for some Tekken with me.
>Dad won't let me play it, he says video games make me violent.
>*winks* We won't tell him.
>Why do you even care?
>Listen Konrad. I'm an orphan, okay. I know shit can get tough. And maybe you just need to take your mind off things instead of wallowing in it. Now turn off that music and come beat shit up with me.

>>40693652
>>40693652
>Alright E, what went wrong with that sister?
>Oh like you wouldn't want to know, mister Malcadooooh-look-at-the-Emperor being drunk why don't you help him into bed while I fuck off.
>I'm not leaving until you tell me. She likes you, you like her. So what went wrong?
>Malcador, she works for me. Do you have any idea of the paperwork and the hassle of a sexual harassment complaint?
>You're not harassing her.
>I can't date someone that works for me.
>It's your Imperium, E, you make the rules.
>Also, she's much too young. if you take my age, divide it by two and add seven centuries...
>Emp, that rule is stupid, and especially in your case.
>Alright.
>The truth,E.
>She met Macha.
>ah.

>Hey dad!
> Yes corvus?
>Angron is trying to bite through his bedroom door again
> MALCADOR! Get Fabius! The surgery didn't work! Fucking implants in his head I should have known...

>>40693979
>Angron, did you take your Ritalin this morning?
>FUCK YOU and your stupid shit
>Fabius, can't we do something?
>it's defiant oppositional disorder, it's to be expected. We could try upping his dose.
>*sigh*
>You really fucked up this one, Emperor.
>(from behind) And then they say *I* have problems.
>Konrad son, get out you're not helping.

>>40693847
>she met Macha
I wish to know more.

>>40694038

Well when a woman and a woman love each other very much...

>>40694043
No i mean I want to know the story about how a flamethrower-toting babysitter meets a virgin space-elf who is incapable of getting laid. I'm not sure what situations work.

>>40693847
>>40694038
>Didn't you have a restraining order filed against Macha?
>Did you think that stopped her?
>E, my man, what did I tell you? Never stick your dick in crazy.
>She is STILL A VIRGIN for my sake and she reminds me of it often enough.

>>40694038
>Hey there Emp~y ready to accept my love yet?
>Dammit farseer quit with the creepy stalking already!
>Your resistance makes me want you more Empy.
>For the love of all that is proper please just leave me alone.
>Mmmmmm, no.

>Then Macha decided to try and pry out of my armor.
>Okay, so what then Emperor?
>The sister came in for her daily report.
>That sounds terrifying.
>Malcador, I am the Emperor of makind, a psychic entity built upon the sacrifice of many others.
>Uh huh.
>Okay fine I nearly shat bricks, nobody should ever have to experience that.
>You're going to do some warp fuckery to make me experience it first hand aren't you?


>WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT IS THE MEANING IF THIS!!!
>Why I am Macha, the Emperors bethrothed!
>I-Is this true my lord?
>No, actually I have seven restraining orders on her but she keeps uaing her psyker powers break inside.
>It's because I saw the future Empy, you,me, and all our children TOGETHER!
>I know what I must do now my liege.
>Now sister, calm down and let's be rational about this.
>I SHALL FIGHT YOU FIENDISH ELDAR AND WHOMSOEVER OF US WINS MARRIES THE EMPEROR!!
>Sister please just calm your tits alright?
>Ha and how am I to be sure that you won't go behind my back sister?
>Then let us agree now that while the competition is around, none shall be with the Emperor!
>Fine then have it your way stupid mon'keigh sister.
>sad_emperor.png


>They really did that?
>Malcador I gave you a vision of my memories.
>Oh man tgat's pretty hardcore.
>Yep.
>Did I really have to witness the catfight that happened afterwards?
>It made you shit bricks didn't it?
>I'll be leaving now.

Sister Kathryn's vox bleeps

>yes?
>*silence*
>hello? Who is this?
>*muffled* Dad really misses you
>Horus? Magnus? Who is calling?
>*hangs up*
>sister Kathryn sits there in silence, the vox pressed against her ear, fighting back tears
>"I miss him too" she says, to nobody in particular.

>>40694065
>>40694160
That isn't what I expected at all.

>>40694160
>>40691211
>STAY AWAY FROM MY DADDY
>Ohohohoh, Roboute Guilliman. Protecting your father? How honorable! Well I'm no match for you
>Heh
>Luckly, I brought a friend. JAIN ZAR, KEEL HIM
>WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyy........
>h-hey...
>Umm.....

Let the awkwardness flow through you.

>>40694207
>So, Sister Kathryn, thanks so much for watching them for the night. I trust all went well?
>Yeah, Angron got in a bit of a fight but nothing unusual. And you can call me Kathryn. Just Kathryn.
>"Alright just Kathryn", Emp says as he smiles
>She smiles back "Aren't you hilarious?"
>"Well I'm the Emperor of Mankind, nobody ever dares to tell me when my jokes suck"
>She lingers a bit on the porch
>E leans in ever so slightly, but suddenly seems to think against it
>"Anyhow, it's getting late. Should I call someone from the taxi nobilite?"
>No, I'm with my own vehicle, I'll be fine.
>Goodnight Kathryn

>Green eyes have witnessed the scene from the bushes
>"I will... end you"

>In the rear view mirror, Kathryn can see a lone vehicle following her own
>notreassured.jpg
>Suddenly she's being taken over and the vehicle stops in front of her
>slams on the brake, screeching tires
>Out walks an Eldar with red stripes on her cheek, in a hospital gown
>dafuq
>Slams on the hood
>"HE IS MINE YOU BITCH"
>crazy detected
>"I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE! He and I belong together."
>oh crap pointy ears it's one of the Eldar gypsies
>THEY stuck me in a hospital and they try to put things in my mind but I KNOW WE ARE MEANT TO BE. They're not doctors! They're the inquisition! They're the thought police! I'm not crazy! My maidenhood belongs to HIM! He belongs with me.
>notdealingwiththisshit.png
>gets back in vehicle
>YOU WON'T ESCAPE ME
>Macha throws herself in front of Kathryn's vehicle
>Runs her over by accident
>panics
>flees the crimescene
>sits at home in the convent crying and shaking

>>40694681
whoa what the fuck guy
this is no place for that kind of fucked up shit
this is full house, not days of our lives

>>40695278
Well that's why E said that he could not talk about it in front of the kids.

>>40695322
Dubs confirm. Again. (Man the dubbing is strong in this thread)

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>>40692342
>work at a farm
Anon have you ever worked a farm?
I'm sorry, but I've shoveled enough maggot infested animal shit for one lifetime...

>>40692662
>ND please go.
Hey I'd just make the Emperor a woman...

Single Female Emperor, doing it on her own~!

>>40695671
Dude, stop sexualizing single mothers. Not to sound like an 'ess jay double-you' but, it's kind of creepy.
>inb4 'go back to tumblr'

At night, in the Emperor's bedroom.

>d...dad?
>mm huh? Konrad? Are you okay?
>I had a nightmare.
>Poor you, again? Do you want to tell me about it?
>*shakes no*
>it's okay. Let's get you back to bed. I'll stay with you till you fall asleep again.

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>>40679427

Wheres gork and mork my mane?

>>40696229
Do really you really think Orks would make good parents at all? They literally pop up fully grown from mushrooms.

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>>40695869
>it's okay. Let's get you back to bed. I'll stay with you till you fall asleep again.
hhhnngnnggg Ack!

>Hey dad, you seen Corvus around?
>No, Russ. Why?
>Well, we've been playing hide and seek, and I found everyone else, even the twins-
>We were a chair and hassock/His nose is too powerful
>-Shaddup, I'm talkin' to dad! Anyway, he's the only one I ain't found yet. It's been three days...
>You sure he didn't sneak off somewhere off the property?
>Yeah, I can smell 'im, so he's gotta be close.
>No idea.
>Shyit. Alright, then. Gonna check around the bird feeders again.
>You do that...
As Russ turns to leave, Emps spots Corvus perched on Russ' backpack, finger to his lips in a "ssshhhhh" motion.
>*sigh* Primarchs...

>>40696410
Damn that's adorable...

>>40696276
I don't really get it? Is it something lewd I am unaware of?

>>40696611
I was having a heart attack at the cute, you dumbass. I ain't Scrapper.

>Sister Kathryn?
>Yes, Lorgar?
>Do you never look up at the stars and wonder why we're here?
>I think everyone does that once in a while, Lorgar. I know I do. And you? Have you found your answer?
>*long pause* Not really. What is yours?
>I can't really know Lorgar. I think nobody knows why we are here and where we go. But I am sure happy I met you, your brothers and your father along the way. And that makes enough sense for me.

>>40696627

Stop fucking talking shit on me on other boards you jackass.