The drink shimmers in the dull light and you open your mouth to remind Sayaka about the indirect kiss before asking about Midori and Wendy and Yuma because picking all of the options never goes wrong. Going to need you to edit that last bit out, can’t have them think— “What’s a Sayaka?” It’s—she is your, you know, your blue raspberry cheesecake. “That sounds scrumptious. So they serve these at Wendy’s with that Japanese green sake thing and a Yuma is, what, some sort of drink holder?” No, no, no that is all of the wrong. Let’s try again.You are Chiaki Matsuda, Warmaster of the Ninth Officio and a girl plagued by a staggering number of interpersonal relationship issues. “Did you just call me cheeky? Piss off, you’re the cheeky one. So’s your dad.” That—oh for the love of shit. You? “Me!” You puff up your chest proudly. Must have gone into the wrong room. Look, you mind shoving off? We are in the middle of a very important discussion that could determine the fate of the waifus. “That right? Just leave it to me then. I don’t mind helping out this cheeky Mitsubishi bloke,” it’s a girl, “this cheeky werewolf Mitsubishi lass. Who we talking to now? Give me the run down on this Wendy’s alcoholic cheesecake.” Actually that is just a nickname, and Midori is the Japanese word for green. “Odd, but whatever, give me the rub bub.”(1/5)
Okay, well Chiaki had just met with Sayaka, whose title is Equerry and “They are all queer, I mean they’re werewolves right?” No it’s… it’s a position that “Bored now. My version is better.” Fine. They were talking about the other women who were interested in—“Okay, going to stop you right there. Has she considered stabbing them repeatedly?” You ask looking at your thinking parts. No. “Okay, I will stab them a bit, then see if they like penetration, then probably eat them? Yeah, they like being eaten.” In what capacity? “With my torso mouth.” Okay, you are no longer to be trusted with the waifus.“That’s bollocks and you know it.” It ain’t happening. “Fine. But I got the head voice, so I am going to be the one to do the werewolf things today.” You cross your arms while you object. “You knew what you were getting into. You put the name in sarcastic air quotes and threw on a trip. Trips never happen.” Stay out of my fourth wall.Okay, fuck it. Fine, we can make this work. Hold on. You hear papers shuffle in your head and just sort of take your sweet time. You pull your emergency Swedish Fish supply out of your pants and munch on them while your brain tries to find a place for you in this wide world of meguca. “Hold on like. This a, uh, a sex thing? Because I am the best at those but, like, it’s like bringing a pro to a friendly game. Not fair.” You are bad at this, shut your mouth and let me work. “Kay.” You grumble sitting down.You are uncertain how long the vast sea of silence dominates your senses. Finally, after you finish the Swedish Fish, you hear the voice in your head clear its throat. Okay, let’s do this.You open your eyes with a start. You are Risa Schrödinger, and you are currently in the world of Meguca. You sit up in your bed and look at the strange cat clock, then over at the coat rack with the giant ass war master coat and frown. “What’s all this then?” You demand.(2/5?)
Well, I mean, the world had a version of you already. I just sort of switched you for now. Just roll with it. You throw off your blankets and stretch, the morning light dancing over your naked form. “Piss, it’s bloody hot.” Well yeah, it’s summer. “So where am I then?” You are currently in Australia! Home of the kangaroo and Great Barrier Reef! You are—hold on, why you crying then?You are indeed crying, full on sobbing in fact. Hiccups escape our throat as you weep, and you pull your knees tight against your chest. “What did I do wrong?” You ask. What? “I don’t want to be in Australia! Let me come back to England! Please!” You cough and choke on your own tears as you look up. “I’ve been a good Risa Cat. I swear! I’ve been extra good, Santa said so. I promise I’ll be better. Please! Please!” You beg through your tears.No this isn’t Victorian England. This isn’t a penal colony still. Calm down. You control yourself after a few moments, then take a deep sniffle of your snot and cough it into a bucket. Very lady like. You look up at the brain and ask “So I’m not being punished? This isn’t hell?”No! You are just here because this is where the guy left you. Promise, you have been extra good. “Oh. Okay, so what is there in Australia then?” You wonder.That’s the spirit! Treat it like a vacation to one of Her colonies! Well, there is some really good surfing on the coasts, I know you wanted to learn how to do that and this is a great time to get into it. There are also a lot of natural landmarks to check out, could always go on a range and really take in the joy of nature! You feel sort of empowered by these options and since you want to know more the voice in your head continues. Well, you could always check out the music, hear they have some fantastic orchestras, and their beer is really good too! Or you could go on a nature walk and look at all the animals! “I like animals. What sort do they got?”(3/5)
april fools was 3 days ago deculture you're late
Well, spiders that can kill humans, I know you like spiders, or you can check out the kangaroos! Oh, nearby there are Tasmanian devils, and you do love the cartoons so it might be neat. You could also just wander and see Quoll which are super cute, or Drop Bears, or… and you are already under the bed.“Drop bears!” It is just the name for “Fucking Christ! Holy hell! Drop bears! Where do they drop from?” You wonder. It is just a name that—“From everywhere?” Oh you are having a psychotic break doesn’t matter what I say then does it? “They drop from the sky. From the ground. From everything. Even the bloody bed!” You begin stabbing the mattress with a small knife with a terrified look. Risa it isn’t—“Bears! They are bloody bears! Oh god I am so sorry your Majesty. I won’t rag on the PM anymore. I really won’t Oh god please. Please!” God doesn’t really feel anything about you. Still, since we are continuing with this silliness, I may as well say you are in command of a group of undead sociopaths who you can command to war if you want to go it that way. “So I can declare war on drop bears?” You wonder with a sad, yet hopeful, look.Well, if you really wanted to. “Perfect! Person who serves the warmaster, get in here!” You say and a girl walks in with a strange look about her.“Hey there commander! Here about my recommendation?” Fuck, play it cool.“What recommendation?” You ask, like you don’t know. Because you don’t.She laughs and thrusts out her chest. “To send me to the akashic realm of course! I am super strong, and immortal, and able to out knife fight Wendy, and can outshoot Homura, but I am just so edgy and dark and no one can beat me even though I say I am not OP and claim that I once killed the ultra powerful character and raped/made my lover—“
>>39137481>thinking that's decu
This is some quality writing, keep it up.
You go to your happy place. You and plant bro hop through fields of jasmine and clover, and sing the song of your people that burns the sky. You dance, and play. A small bush offers you some berries that you eat. They are drugs. You sort of killed that chick. “What’s that now?”The girl in front of you looks down at the knife sticking out of her torso. She asks something, but it is lost as she coughs up blood and falls over. “Well, that happened.” You killed that chick! You can’t kill people, this is 100% canon! “It’s fine. She was just a write-up character.” You note kicking the body a bit. Well, I guess as long as her soul gem is intact she will be fine. “Soul gem?” You wonder.The small stone that holds her—that thing you are eating right now. “Again. Write-Up character. Not like they are canon anyway.” One day they might be. “Look at me. Look at me.” You command pointing at your eyes. “I’m the canon now.”The voices say nothing as you glare at your brain parts, then you consider how best to remove the bear threat as you hide the body of the person who doesn’t matter because uguu so cute and randumb and oh you are better and immortal and so edgy and you have sex with everyone and blah blah blah. “You are getting right into it too, ain’t you?” You’re a bad influence.(5/6)
>>39137542come on people. Obvious from the opening even without checking the trip
>>39137574>implying I was being serious
So you have an army of undead fueled by a trinket. You hate bears, and plan on making all bears illegal in Australia. How should you go about it? “Well, you tell me you daft wanka. I ain’t psychic. What can I do then?” You wonder.Well, you could go to the akashic realm. It is sort of like a tear in space and time that The Doctor would mess with to make all bears super dead. You are probably going to end up there anyway if we are being honest. Or you can go to view the Officio “Office. I don’t speak anything but The Queen’s English.” Fine, the office, ugh, and see what events need to be resolved before you go out into the world. Or you could just say fuck it and kill some folks like you are doing now.The blonde girl gurgles, then slumps over and you eat her soul gem with gusto. “She was—“ A write up character. I know. It's fine, we have more important things to take care of. Drop bear things to take care of. Plan, your Warmasterness? Tour the building. Find out what we have to work with here, and generally be awesome. Go find your boss. Warmasters have bosses right? Other, please specify(6/6)(6/6)
>>39137595>Implying I was being serious either.At least we got a good QM. Wonder if decu is going to do his quest - should be fun
>>39137631>[X] Remove bears
>>39137631We need to deal with the bears. And that means we need weapons. I wonder if there is some decent loot in this place.
>>39137631>[x] Tour the building. Find out what we have to work with here, and generally be awesome.Since we're new here and we're apparently in a senior position of power, it's our responsibility to give ourselves a tour around and introduce ourselves to everyone.
>>39137631[x] Tour the building. Find out what we have to work with here, and generally be awesome.
>>39137631[x] Tour the building. Find out what we have to work with here, and generally be awesome.[x] Go find your boss. Warmasters have bosses right?Kill the boss and take his place as Ultraboss
>>39137631[X] Tour the building. Find out what we have to work with here, and generally be awesome.We must learn more about our resources. Resources to fight the bears.
>>39137710>Ultraboss>Not Big Boss
>>39137631>[x] Tour the building. Find out what we have to work with here, and generally be awesome.And try to refrain from eating the soul gems of your subordinates.
>>39137536It might not be decu, but it has his blessing.https://twitter.com/magicalgirlnoir/status/584484038481543169
>>39137734>It's that guy. I have to beat him no matter what. And make that chair mine...
>>39137631>[x] Tour the building. Find out what we have to work with here, and generally be awesome.
ok, I'm sleep deprived and confused. who are we? just lolrandom or is Risa Schrödinger an established character?
>>39137815Hollow quest redux
>>39137815Risa Schrödinger is both an established character in MGNQ and HQR
>>39137815We are HQR Risa subbing in for MGNQ Risa.
>>39137815We are Naked Snake
>>39137789Don't worry, I am just here for the chaos.Only found the thread because of decu's twitter...I knew all the mistakes in the decu summoning ritual would come back to haunt us.
>>39137852Same character, mate
>>39137631>[x] Tour the building. Find out what we have to work with here, and generally be awesome.We must know what we are working with, in the War Against Drop Bears.
>>39137481There's no reason this would be an april fools prank because this is 1000% canon
>>39137631 Go find your boss. Warmasters have bosses right?
>>39137886>Well, I mean, the world had a version of you already. I just sort of switched you for now. Just roll with it.
>>39137967I think that's too much canon.
>>39138005Except that we're not trapped in chainaxes or something.
>>39138057nope, but I bet chiaki is.
>>39138025you can never have enough canon. Especially when they are firing lasers.
>>39138057Presumably it means this is when Risa was alive.Presumably.
>>39137555>“It’s fine. She was just a write-up character.”>“Again. Write-Up character. Not like they are canon anyway.”
>>39137631> Other, please specifyI've played Riskput all our troops in Australia, including a strong presence in the nearest tip of Asia (to block the mad 7 troop bonus for owning all of Asia) and wait it out
What the fuck is going on?
>>39138124We need to beat the BOSS and become BIG BOSS
>>39137631>[x] Fuck it, kill folks.
>>39138124its just another MGQNwe're just fucking up faster than usual
>>39138134Big Boss isn't around yet. Warmaster didn't meet him for a while.
>>39138182No you silly, we need to beat OUR boss and become BIG boss
We fucked up so fast I thought this was a fake quest?This is fucking unreadable.
Oh. No voting closed guy? I see how it is. Writing now!
>>39138124>[x] Prank call the Ninth. Tell them that they all something something Japanese people are weird then rant about Whale Wars for a bit and then hang up giggling.
>>39138220we need to find another underling and demand she take us to the nearest dickbutt.
>Risa >4th wall in shattered piecesAzurenyan, how drunk are you right now?
I haven't read MGQN since Big Shell. Last thing I remember is turning down Revy's offer of sex.>>39138252I guess I could post Yoruichi and yell at people to stop votingwhat's the time limit? 15 mins?
>>39137631>[X] Go find your boss. Warmasters have bosses right?
>>39138252Sorry, boss! On it, boss!
>>39138360hey! you're not the cat.
>>39138360Cue our new boss complaining about Mumi's Mumis.
“This place has to have something right? We should check our resources and see what we have in our fight against the bears.” You are a crazy person. You know that right? “Yeah. Yeah.” You sigh. “Well, let’s hop to it!” You spin to get changed, realizing that the werewolf wrote up characters in their strange homolust were caught totally off guard by our nudity, then go into the building. Darn werewolves. You take the coat that signifies your station and tie it around your waist, because you are a cool no nonsense cat, and tour the facilities. There are a number of magical girls wandering around talking about waifus, and lesbians, and how they believe in them that believe in the other them, who believes in you, and honestly it makes no bloody sense. You have an army at least.“So you said this replaced the other me, right? What was this world’s Risa like?” You wonder as you look at a shiny thing. Uh, well, she got eaten by a thing, then turned into a jobber who got one shotted. There was a character sheet and it said you had piss poor range but great strength? “Well, that doesn’t make a lick of sense. If you have high strength every object becomes a projectile weapon, thus you are good at ranged. Rest of that is downright distasteful.” I am sure things will get fixed. Besides, I think they character sheet got the canon okay. “Look at me. Look at me!” You shout to a magical girl scrub. “I’m the canon now.” You keep saying that. “I’m the canon now!”The girl sobs. “Okay warmaster! Whatever you say! Just don’t take my blue rose!”“The fuck does that mean?” Werewolves. “Well piss off with yourself then! And don't define your life by a bit of dying plant matter unless it is Hamlet!” You throw her aside.(1/3)
>>39138399Double the reason to kill him/her and take the title of Big Boss
>>39138396The seacat agent-boytoy of the cat is as good as a cat~
She looks confused, but you avoid eating her face because you have more important things to worry about. Bear things. The facility is okay, but there aren’t too many weapons. You break open a file cabinet, and the files inside tell you that this place is full of lich girls. “Unhelpful. Other me really dropped the ball on the bear menace.” You note.The file about the akashic realm is larger, with information about how the witches can replace reality, and how a large witch is controlling all of it in all the timelines and blah blah blah. You skimmed most of it, and doodled over the rest of it. The short of it is that you think if you shoot enough lasers into the time thingy and make the stuff hit the other stuff everything will something something then no more Koala Bears. “Fucking genius. What did the character sheet say about my thinking bits?” You were piss at it. “Well shows what it knows, doesn’t it! Jager! Get me my hat!” You shout and wait with your hand outstretched.You know just because you’re here doesn’t mean—“Here you are warmaster. Please tell me you don’t have some harebrained plan this time.” Oh. Guess she is still here. This character sheet is a character shit!“Nice.” You note. Yeah.“Who are you talking to?” Sergent Jager wonders.“No one. Look, we need to go to the Avacado realm,” that is just totally wrong, though you do love avacados, “assemble an army for me.”(2/3)
>>39138458time to guac and roll
“The Akashic realm? You think that is a good idea? It is full of witches, and honestly it is pretty dangerous even on the best days. You have a good reason for it?” The ablicious, dark skinned magical girl asks.“Yes. It is necessary. I can’t explain too well but, well, things are about to get real.” You say with a grave nod.She seems confused, but walks out to execute your commands. Guess the character sheet was piss wrong. “Why’s that then?” It says Jager is dead before you become warmaster. “Well, I mean, if they are undead then they are already dead right?” I mean dead dead. You narrow your gaze and snarl. “No one kills off my wolfu. Monologue! We are going to change the future!” Ha ha. Terminator. Yeah, sure. Anyway, you clench your fist at the proud declaration, and feel pride surge through you. You can do this!Jager is taking her sweet time to take care of this shit. What should you do while you wait? Prank phone call the other offices. Fuck your fake Latin nonsense. Go bug the incubator of this place. You don’t know what an incubator is, but fuck those guys anyway Other, please specify(3/3)
>>39138502>[X] Go bug the incubator of this place. You don’t know what an incubator is, but fuck those guys anyway
No seriously, what the hell is this?
>>39138502> Prank phone call the other offices. Fuck your fake Latin nonsense.order a pizza in pig latin with extra BUTTS
>>39138549It is a thing
>>39138502>[x] Other, please specifyRefill our Emergency Swedish Fish rations.We are in Australia, the penal colony of the Empire, the seat of Inventory's power. Let us not invoke that dread being here.
>>39137555>>39138427>“Look at me. Look at me.” You command pointing at your eyes. “I’m the canon now.”This whole fucking thread "deculture". You're doing god's work.
>>39138502>[x] Go bug the incubator of this place. You don’t know what an incubator is, but fuck those guys anyway>>39138549The very late April Fools day joke.The real joke is that this is 100% canon.
>>39138502>[X] Prank phone call the other offices. Fuck your fake Latin nonsense.>[X] Summon Der Karuchar, the Moon Lifter, to bless your war on the bears
>>39138502[x] Prank phone call the other offices. Fuck your fake Latin nonsense.
>>39138502>[X] Prank phone call the other offices. Fuck your fake Latin nonsense.this is really weird
>>39138590its a penal colony but we haven't seen a single penis.suspicious
>>39138502>[x] Prank phone call the other offices. Fuck your fake Latin nonsense.
>>39138502> Prank phone call the other offices. Fuck your fake Latin nonsense.
I can't even tell what's happening in the story! Risa(who is she) just killed some people and now she's going to the eye of terror to fuck shit up?thisissoconfusing
we need to stock up on silver bulletsthere be werewolves everywhere in these parts
>>39138396Look at me. Look at me. I'm the cat meow.
>inb4 Risa accidently kills pancakes.
>>39138869waffles are better anywaypancakes with syrup traps
This voting period is over!>>39138882HERESY
>>39138822Risa cats are better
>>39138502Prank call wins!
>>39138918Waffles are thick and fluffy, just like Mami. they are her true spirit animal
>>39138822>Missing the obvious punsYou're losing your touch Attarou.Now look at me. Look at me. I'm the captnyan now.
>>39138958>square and rigidYep, sure are like mamioh wait
>>39138970All I see is an old and busted nyaas-been. I'm the mew hotnyaass here, nyaa.
>>39139026waffle is life waffle is love
>>39138958Waffle>>39139085Pancake with syrup trapsPick One
>>39139106your perception of reality and breakfast are too narrow. you need to think outside the box but first you need to eat your way outwith maple syrup and butter. maybe some fruit topping.with proper training the mind can become like the anus, nightmarishly elastic
>>39138025Rena the Lesbian was also 1000% canon.
>>39138882>>39138958>>39139026>>39139085>>39139106>>39139163REMOVE WAFFLE remove waffleyou are worst cake you are the cake idiot you are the cake smell. return to crepe. to our crepe cousins you may come our bakery, you may live in the trash….ahahahaha ,breadsnia we will never forgeve you. flapjack rascal FUck but fuck asshole cake stink breadsnia sqhipere shqipare..cake genocide best day of my life. take a bath of dead cake..ahahahahahBREADSNIA WE WILL GET YOU!!
Why are the stupid stiff and crunchy waffles so popular anyway?Soft waffle supremacy.
>>39139207>stopping waffleyou can't stop waffle, waffle is spreading across menus and the world like nuclear secrets,hollywood movies and AIDS.
>>39139280much like a penis, its not important if its hard or soft, its just important that you have one.
>>39138502I can't wait until we run into QB. Have you ever seen two strange cats get tossed into a box and shaken around before?F.U.N.
>>39139399> Penis not important if it's hard or softMuch like Waffles, Penises are only good when they are hard. Soft penises just make people sad.
>>39139486Soft waffle supremacy.Crunchy waffles spawn of the devil.
>>39139618>implying you waffle samefags wouldn't just vote to ignore the pancake
“You seem confused adventurers!” You shout poking at your head. No, that’s my job.Risa, as you may or may not know, is the Warmaster of the Australia branch of megucas. She, at some point in the past, got shoved into golden chain axes. What you may, or may not, know is that she is originally from another quest here she ate part of an old one and got ghost lasers in not necessarily that order. She is a crazy person, with a staggering number of mental issues, and crippling social phobias she resolves by murder and song. Mostly murder. And eating. It might be a sex thing, but you don’t actually know what sex is, and you try to play it off but it normally goes terribly bad. “So I am like an old one that can jump inside her echoes in different universes. Also I have legs.” Legs for god damned miles. “Look at me. I’m adorable.” And British. “Also my monologue narrates things in my life and I sometimes talk with it because I get lonely very easily.” Like a Rabbit with social phobias.You grab the phone, then start pushing buttons at random. The speed dial takes you to some menu thing, but you don’t speak Australian so you just choose a number at random. It rings a few times, and then someone picks up. Oh, the voice in your head translates most things for you so you speak everything. Just like The Doctor. “I like The Doctor.” I know you do.“Is this Risa? Going to tell us something like our refrigerator is running?” The American asks.“What? Psh, no,” damn it other RIsa, you are ruining this for us, “I am just calling because, uh, fuck you that’s why!” You hang up. Smooth.“Piss off mate! I panicked!” Try again.(1/3)
>>39139643Hey, pancakefags same fag as well.
>>39139702Not as much as you waffle fags.
You ignore the voices in your head who are ignoring the justice of a right proper English breakfast and call the next one. You get a cool idea for a prank and grab an iron rod then walk outside with the phone. It is hot, the sun scorches every inch of this God forsaken continent, but you press on. Someone answers in Japanese and you smile. “Hi! Hello! Right, this the Ninth something or other?” You wonder.“Asking if fridge is running?” The annoyed voice sighs.You narrow your eyes. “No. I am wondering if you detected that meteorite heading towards Japan right now, you muggy cunt.” You say as you charge the bit of metal with energy.There is the sound of shuffling papers and the sleepy sound of a girl, seriously, just statistically speaking some of these girls have to like blokes, then you hear the woman grumble. “No. No meteor. This a joke? I am not getting it.”You lift the pole, make a guestimate based on gravity, then charge it with energy and throw. It arcs through the air, because again you are sort of an old one type deal, and it flies towards Japan. “Just wait for it.” You say and tap your finger against your bicep. Silence reigns for a few moments, then you hear the telltale sound of an explosion in the distance over the phone. You probably just killed a bunch of people you know.“What was—“ The voice starts but you stop her.“Well you better go catch it!” You shout, then hang up the phone.That wasn’t really a prank as much as you just sort of killed a main character’s parents because you were angry at your other self. “So, what next?” You wonder, avoiding the fact you are a terrible person.Well, it looks like Jager is in danger of dying. This Jager I mean. “What’s that then?” You ask.(2/3?)
>>39139716You take that back you filthy pancakefag, wafflefags never samefag.
>>39139702>>39139643can we just agree on breakfast foods and get back to fucking this quest up like we usually do?
>>39139703> Posting disgusting surrender toastWhy not just start speaking German now.
According to the character sheet which should be called a character shit at this rate, Jager and the squad gets murdered in the Akashic Realm and you get all sad about it like some sort of trollop then maybe golden chain axes happen? Fuck if I know. It says you aren’t lucid because you are a psychopath and—“That makes no sense.” You say. I know! “I’m not lucid because I have schizophrenia and virtually no impulse control.” I know!You order a few dozen pizzas for the different offices, and some marital aids that ask if anyone even likes the phallus, but I mean, you mess it up. For one your idea of marital aid is a therapist trained in couples therapy which makes way less sense, and for another the pizzas were bombs. “Yeah. I am the best at pranks.” You say happily.Well, that’s a thing.You wait for Jager to show up, and when she finally arrives she has a small squad of magical girls. “I asked for volunteers, and this is what I managed to scrape up on last minute. Look, we’re trusting you here, just tell us where to go and we will do it.” She sighs and you nod.You totally know what you’re doing.“So Jager gets murdered on this little outing, does she? We will see about that Ms. The Future Refuses to Change.” You grumble as you lead the group towards the eye of terror, which is oddly enough the same name as your Alt Rock band you made with Sin-Fin and Jager and them. You don’t get much money because you keep accidentally driving your customers insane.The group makes their way to the eye of terror, double timing because of your sudden demand to lead you there, and you look at them. One of them is going to kill Jager. But how do you figure it out? Chill out. Don’t let them know you are on to them. Pick them off one by one. You’re an immortal shapeshifting monster. Just go fuckin batshit chick and kill everyone you don’t want to lick sugar off the abs of. Other, please specify(3/3)
>>39139753I won't, because Decu waifu is clearly pancakes. Pancakes are clearly the canon end. The only reason waffles survived She Who Hungers in Siberia was because of all you waffle samefags.>>39139760NEVER. IT IS TRADITION.
>>39139802But Risa, the one to kill Jaeger is you.
>>39139802[X] Impromptu interrogation of entire squad, by soulgem licking
>>39139824This has convinced me to continue reading MGNQ.Last time I read it, I think we were in a science lab in Siberia with a Werewolf? Pretty sure I'm going to have to start from the beginning.
>>39139824I am clearly decu waifu!
>>39139739>Well, it looks like Jager is in danger of dying.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx7-4j_TMx8>>39139802> You’re an immortal shapeshifting monster. Just go fuckin batshit chick and kill everyone you don’t want to lick sugar off the abs of.send Sgt Jager to the store buy elbow grease
>>39139869Yes, but you are honorary pancake, so the point stands.
>>39139802>[x]Show them Jager's abs. Anyone who doesn't salivate is the killer!
>>39139802>[X] Impromptu interrogation of entire squad, by soulgem lickingI can't argue with this.
>>39139869I didn't know waifu was your last name!is that Chinese or Japanese?
>>39139802>[X]Interrogate them all, playing role of good cop and bad cop
>>39139802>>39139929I will support this, if by "Good Cop" you involve soulgem licking.
>>39139802Can we still shapeshift? Can . . . Can we hold up little shapeshifted hand puppets to represent the other cop if we do >>39139929 to act horrified and/or rage in the background smashing stuff?
>>39139911I'll back it.
>>39139802> Chill out. Don’t let them know you are on to them. Pick them off one by one.
>>39139802Link the original post >>39139992 and >>39139964
>>39140040I was just confirming that it involved soulgem licking.
Soul gem licking? Well, I am drinking-- I mean, lifting, and I'm the canon now so it can happen.Look at me. Look at me!
>>39139802>[x] You’re an immortal shapeshifting monster. Just go fuckin batshit chick and kill everyone you don’t want to lick sugar off the abs of.
>>39139870>>39140025>>39140109You watch-wearing dildos. >>39139802[x] In addition to soulgem licking, force them to lick sugar off Jager's abs to prove their loyalty
>>39139802>[X] Soulgem licking
we always hold off on going apeshit when we go to other dimensions
>>39140190Ha ha ha, well this is a thing. Writing now
>>39140053This actually fits in quite well with Risa's concepts of sex. I'm . . . . pretty sure it's going to be risky when she's back in her original world.Or we could try to intensify the situation by making little blades on the edge of our tongues and gently grinding the outsides.
>we have literally eaten about 5 writeup characters soul gems due to poor impulse control and now we are going to put our volunteer soul gems in our mouth ostensibly to lick themthis is the best plan ever
>>39140298>5 writeup charactersWho?
>>39140298I don't see the problem?
>>39140298all it needs is peanut butter
>>39140326Nobody important.>>39140330There isn't one, can't you read?
>>39140326Risa doesn't remember little people.
>>39140240We got a 3rd release charge built up? If this is going to be canon, we may as well go all out. Fuck up the Akkysack Realm and all that.
>>39140298>>39140330>>39140366hey i don't call best plans ever best plans ever because there are things wrong with them as that would be silly
>>39140366So how do you feel that I get you blamed for puns a few threads back (I picked the wrong version of the word)?
>hand to handjob combat
This is no longer confusing. In fact it is the best.
>>39140541Feels good, nyaan.
>>39140556>Snake, try to remember the basics of HHC
operation: put all the soulgems in your mouth is a go
>>39140844Does that mean Pinky is reading the quest too?
>>39140866if by reading you mean fapping then yes
do soulgems go with red or white wine? or just dollar jug brand?
They are right, you should lick their soul gems. “Like… like to eat them?” You ask. No, just lick them and demand they tell you what they know. If they don’t know then you throw them out of the airlock. “Do I have one of those?” Maybe. You narrow your eyes, then nod at the little snacks walking around. They clearly know something, your fractured mind concludes, and you are going to figure it out. One way or… well actually one way. Through torture and murder. You don’t have a very diverse move set. Your group stops in front of a massive rip in space and time. It isn’t that impressive to you, because The Doctor taught you all about it, but your group takes a small break and sits down to recover their strength before they go ass over teakettle in there. You sit down as well, not that you’re tired because you are a ghost cat abomination, but because you are a slave to being trendy. You see one of the girls glancing your way, and you conclude she is probably in on the dark Jager killing plot.You smile at her and walk over. She straightens her back and smiles up at you. “Warmaster! Hi! Uh, Hello I mean! What—you look nice! Your face does! Not that it, you know, doesn’t always! Just your mask isn’t on! And, uh, I didn’t notice how nice you look! I mean, your wolf look is okay, but this is even better!”“Wolf look?” Oh yeah. This Risa is called a wolfish sometimes? “That is just all sorts of inaccurate. Schrodinger is clearly a Cat name” You argue.“W—well can I help you with something? I mean, I want to! I mean, oh gosh! I am so embarrassed.” Just like an Aussie. Probably here in sex crime related charges! And lying to the crown! And tax evasion!(1/3)
“Well, just a small thing.” You say. “Wanted to go talk to you, you know, in private like. Make sure you were doing alright. Why don’t we go for a walk?” You ask.She beams. “Yes! Please do! I mean, I would really like that!” She bounds after you, and you nod. Yes, all according to your highly improvised plan.You talk with her about the importance of Swedish Fish until you lure her to a dark area. You think this is our chance, then you ask her the big question. “Oh yeah. Your soul gem, just, well, is it in a hard to get spot? Can’t have it something in battle.” You note.“Yes!” She pulls up a small necklace, and you snatch it at once.“Ah ha!” You say. “You fell for the classic ruse!” A small jolt of electricity turns it into its egg form. “Don’t ever show Risa Cats something colorful and important! Especially if you don’t want to end up like Ryouichi!”“Who?” She asks terrified.“Silence!” You run your tongue over the gem and she lets out a shaky sound that makes her thighs shake and quiver in joy. “W—warmashter I—“ She starts moving her treacherous tongue, but you are hearing none of it.(2/3)
Why do people like eating soul gems? What do they taste like?
>>39141219jollyranchers that give people orgasms green apple soul gem a bestgrape ain't bad though
>>39141219Like pic related and suffering.
>>39141235>green appleMah nigga
You coil your tongue around the soul gem, then line it with small bumps and wiggling ridges. You pull it around and along the gem, and her pupils shrink to tiny black dots. The slightly warm smoothness of the egg plays against the velvety softness of your undulating organ, and you note the taste is very bitter and almost meaty. Sort of like people, but without having to pick the screams out of your teeth. You experimentally trace your tongue over the intricate, and sensitive it seems, designs around the lip, and watch amused as she bucks and spasms in a similar movement to your hungry tongue. She trembles, then coughs, and then lets out a long moan that is lost to the howls of the warp. She stumbles back against a wall, then twitches and drools down her chin. You keep licking the gem, your tongue pretty much vibrating at this point, and see her let out a few choking words, then just slump over with her hands between her legs. You see a thin liquid trickle down her naked thighs, and her shifting weight back and forth sends a strange smell to your nose. “Poisoned. Just like the blokes who keep the things in their teeth for one reason or another.” You clench your fist while still coiling around the gem, making her twitch like a dead fish on the ground.No, I think—“Traitors! How far down does this rabbit hole go!? Who is behind the Jager murder!?” You demand as you dance your gentle fingertips over the gap in your serpent like tongue. This plan is perfect. Keep interrogating the different girls. This plot goes all the way to the top. Eat the core and move into the eye of whatever. Life man. Clearly this isn't working Other, please specify(3/3)
>>39141248Well I thought the suffering flavor was implied, but thanks.
>>39141260>[x] This plan is perfect. Keep interrogating the different girls. This plot goes all the way to the top.
[x] This plan is perfect. Keep interrogating the different girls. This plot goes all the way to the top.
>>39141260[x]Lick own soul gem, see if it tastes good
>>39141260>[x] This plan is perfect. Keep interrogating the different girls. This plot goes all the way to the top.>[X] Investigate the mysterious liquid trickling between her thighs. That might be the poison they are trying to use on Jager!
>>39141260> This plan is perfect. Keep interrogating the different girls. This plot goes all the way to the top.they might all be poisoned!
>>39141260> This plan is perfect. Keep interrogating the different girls. This plot goes all the way to the top.
>>39141260>[X] This plan is perfect. Keep interrogating the different girls. This plot goes all the way to the top.
>>39141260>Wait a sec, the fact that we're in Japan means that that bint Death can't reach us here. Fuck this filling in for canon events, let's to Britain since we're only maybe going to be able to go there in our world after we eat God.
>>39141260>[x]Have Jager help you carry out the interrogations. Clearly she can't be part of the plot to murder herself… or can she?!
>>39141260[X] This plan is perfect. Keep interrogating the different girls. This plot goes all the way to the top.No brakes on the lewd train.
>>39141260This guy>>39141327Best plan.
>>39138502>abliciousDoes this mean that she has nice abs, that she's an Abbo, or both?
>>39141260Changing my vote >>39141308 to >>39141327
>>39141347Lewds? No. This must be some sort of psychic poison that's triggered by tactile contact with the soulgem in addition to humid conditions. And what happens the most during combat? The soulgem getting bounced around due to rapid movement, possibly against clothing or other accessories, and being exposed increased humidity due to sweat evaporation in the air.Clearly, there's some superscience mixed with magic villainy afoot.
>>39141303Risa only had plot rocks, no soul gem. D:
>>39141260>>[x]Have Jager help you carry out the interrogations. Clearly she can't be part of the plot to murder herself… or can she?!I don't know what the hell I've walked into here, but . . . this seems like something that should be done.
>>39141376It means pic related
>>39141260>[x]Tell me about myself! Why do I wear the mask? We need to see how loyal our hired megucas are.
I thought Risa was a sexual?
>>39141547I don't know what Abboes look like, is she one?
>>39141588Yes, Risa is sexual. Your point?
>>39141260[x] Other, please specifyTuck the Soulgem into the girl's shirt, then make our way back to the group to go into the Akashic Realm.Hey Risa. Want to know a secret?You kill Jager. You betray her. Because you think it'd be fun. After killing everyone who believed in your teaching abilities and skill as a teacher, proving you are the worst teacher ever.
>>39141588She is. The concept is utterly alien to her and it confuses her.
>>39141260This outcome was obvious.
>>39141504But what do plot rocks taste like?!
>>39141588I don't know about you but I am a sexual. Very much a sexual.I can't imagine someone who is asexual, though.
April's Fool Kong inspired Noir quest?
>>39141597Shit, I meant asexual. My bad.
>>39141598You are a terrible person. The wurst, probably some Sour Kraut who is upset they lost the war and their wolfu to the winning side.
>>39141792I am here to whisper sweet, hurtful truths into Risa's brainmeats.Her failures, her shames, how she will inevitably betray Jager and every attempt she makes to save her beloved wolfu only takes her another step closer to putting a knife in her precious Jager's back, proving once again that she's worse than a filthy Colonial and no good subject of the Crown.
>>39142022Stop fapping Pinky.
>>39142063That's not Pinky.Thats the Queen.Source: White hall officials
>>39142201>implying that the Queen isn't just Pinky in an old woman suit
>>39141611I doubt there are many in this thread, considering the direction this is going.
>>39142063You forget where you are.Where we all are.
>>39142306I didn't know that to begin with.So uh... Where are we?
>>39142340Bint countryWe can't stop here!
>>39142340Australia. At least, the Akashic Realm part of Australia.Imagine Hell.Then imagine the part of Hell that its inhabitants consider to be THEIR version of Australia, the Death Continent. That's where we are.
>>39142413>big spiders >big by Australian standards
>>39142413I am now terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.LETS GO INTERROGATE THOSE TRAITORS BY LICKING THEIR WEAK POINTS!
>>39142431Hey, Australia's not that bad. As long as you stick to the coasts.
>>39142431I don't see the issue.
Who else is in on it? That one? The other one? The one way over there without the pants! The creepy pink think trying to lick your brain, but doesn’t realize you are just as full of poison as all of them!? Bloody hell, how far down does this madness go?! You pop the gem into a mouth you tear open in your torso, then seal up. The gem tumbles and topples over the clinging walls of flesh, and the damned by one of the fallen flexes her abs and thrusts her hips in the air all while letting out a high pitched squeal. Damn her and her demonic rituals! It makes you confused and angry!You go find the next girl, this one a lanky willowy thing talking to another girl. She narrows her eyes at you, and you narrow yours right back. Fuck her anyway! No wait, you have to play it cool. Smile. “Hey there… you.” You don’t even sort of know their names.“Warmaster.” She replies, and her werewolf lover tells her to play nice and walks off. “What do you want? Also why does your face look like you are eating one of those American candies that are super sour?”“I’m smiling. I’m super charming when I smile.” So charming. “You reinforce my bad habits.” You laugh.“What? I didn’t say anything.” The willowy girl says.“Right, sorry. Look, could we talk? In private?” You ask.She sighs and you both walk towards your killing ground. “You don’t like me. Why don’t you like me? People have to like me.” Or you kill them violently, you don’t add.“Honestly? You’re unstable. Kris should have gotten the Warmaster position and you know it. You try to act friendly, but you are only interested in going wild, and your voice sounds like you eat cigarettes wrapped in asbestos and wash it down with cheap gin that you water down with powdered glass. Can I go?” She asks.(1/3)
Yeah, that’s motive to kill wolfu. That’s all of the motives! Also you sound like a charming spring day, don’t listen to her. You hold back your tears and sniff the air. Her gem has a cold sort of feeling to it, and you find it on her person easily. You get behind the building with her and her eyes go wide. “What the fuck?! Hey, you okay Shit, is the realm doing something to you?!” She asks and you tear off her left earlobe.She grunts in pain, and you look at the earring that is actually her soul. You zap it with power until it changes back, and smile too wide while looking at her. “H—hey! Shit, are you crazy! No, wait. Okay, look, whatever you’re thinking it won’t end well. I swear to god, you crazy bitch if you so much as lay a hand on—“ she swears a lot. Also swearing to you is in bad manners.You toss the gem into your mouth, then roll your tongue over it. She goes red in the face and stand up. “You—I’ll tell them on you. I will.” She says and stumbles a bit, but then you send raw angelic energy into the tiny rock. It shimmers in your mouth, then she makes a cute sound and falls to the side. You throw her by the ankle into the other girl who is already in a damp puddle, and stab your palms with your fingernails. Mouths form on the open wounds and they scream. “What is the plan to kill Jager!?”“Wha—“ She starts, but you can tell her tricky lies so you form small ridges on your tongue that give a sticky, clinging sensation to the torture.She tenses up, then curls her toes and also does poison stuff, and you look angrily at her. “Don’t tell me your lies! I know the plot! I know your evil! I know the darkness inside darkness inside. I can smell your hate. I can taste your treachery.” A long tongue shoots out of the palm mouth and coils around her throat as she screams a husky sort of scream and you know it is the scream of a Jezebel. A harlot! A Jager killing, bear hugging harlot.(2/3)
“Hey J, you—“ the girl she was talking to before rounds the corner and looks at you.Your eyes have shifted into insane things, the pupils filled with tiny razor like teeth. You shimmer, and several wiggling lumps press against the underside of your skin and make your right arm pop and crack in several painful places. She looks at her lover and friend on the ground, and at the creature whose legs are sprouting long glowing spider legs out of her calves and makes a choice.-She chose poorly. You wrapped her in tentacles and ripped her gem from her. You added it to your mouth and started clinking them together while you rolled it through your twisting, hot organ. She fell quick, and you tied her against the clear worst girl here, though she doesn’t seem to hate it too much. They are trying to eat each other’s faces, and lick them like candy to get at the bony center. Clearly their suicide attempts have failed and now they are trying to kill each other by melting each other’s faces. Nice try magical girls! You don’t have hooks on your tongues.They scream and shiver, the clear agony of this torture too much for them. “Where is the Jager killer?!” Your hand shouts. “Tell me who is going to kill her now!”They do not answer, so you slip them down a sucking organ in your body and pull and squeeze gently while small tongues from along the tract. They are breaking fast, but not fast enough. Damn them and their secrets!You hear Jager call out. “Hey Risa! You alright? Where are the girls?”What do you do now?! Call Jager over Let her wander aimlessly Other, please specify(3/3)
>>39142745>[x] Call Jager overJager is/was a nazi, she probably knows a thing or two about interrogation
>>39142745[X] Call Jager overWHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG
>>39142745>[X] Call Jager over. She'll understand that this is all to keep her safe.
>>39142745[x] Let her wander aimlesslyYou know you can't let her see this, Risa. You know that she would give you that disapproving glare of the Headmaster disciplining a failure of a teacher.Better that she die not having seen the depths of failure that you have fallen, a disgrace to England and the English education system.
>>39142745[x] Call Jager over
>>39142745> Call Jager overLook how good we've been Jager! We sniffed out the plot!
>>39142745> Call Jager over
>>39142821Fuck you, man, we didn't do anything wrong.
>>39142745> Call Jager over> Let Jager know that they are trying to kill her and you are going to stop it
>>39142745[x] Call Jager over[x] Give her this stupid fucking faggot look
>>39142745> Let her wander aimlesslyWh do we always become maximum terrible whenever we go anywhere else?
>>39142745>[x] Call Jager overUSE THE ILLUSIONS WE NEVER USE ANYMORE! MAKE IT LOOK LIKE EVERYTHING'S FINE
>>39142977>>39142745This is my vote
>>39143038Because the whiny autistic faggots in hqr aren't going to complain about this, so Risa can actually behave in character. Kind of ironic that she can only do so outside of her own quest.
>>39143038the weight and fear of the consequences of our actions fall off like eggs off a hooker's stomach in AU.no chains! no rules! intercourse the local constable and don't call him back!
>>39142745RISA DID NOTHING WRONG
>>39143086last thread was quite peaceful actually. It was nice
>>39143131keep her the hell out of this attarou she has enough brain problems already
>>39138648been awhile since I posted a butt
>>39143143Except AE hated how dead it was and it's making him want to just wrap up the quest as soon as possible
>>39143150That's silly. You can never have enough brain problems.
>>39143282What if we use the JOLLY SKULL OF MAXIMUM FUN?I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
>>39143150she can just get a new brain
>>39143224tfw Ive been following HQR since thread one and while I dont post much I never have really been pissed off at AE for whatever happens in the quest and I rarely if ever get pissed at what the players have us do even
>>39143321Go to bed, Halley
>>39143441Then post more in the threads, talk about stuff. Going like twenty minutes without the thread being bumped is super depressing?
Won’t Jager be so proud of you for what you did? “Y… yes?” You offer the voice in your head, your confusion saturating the entirety of your being. “Yes. She will be super proud of me. In fact? She will probably thank me, and let me touch her abs. Jager!” You shout with a wave. “Jager! Jager!”Jager walks over, and when she rounds the corner to see your pile of sticky magical girls being bound by tentacles sprouting from your arm, and the mouth on your hand speaking blasphemies against reality she pauses, as anyone might be want to do, then opens her mouth. “What the fuck?” That isn’t very lady like. “Risa?! What the hell? How the hell?!” She demands not moving.“I saved you from the evil plot!” You say. “Praise me! They were going to murder you, so I am pressing them for information so they tell me about their secret plot. All of the plots.” One of them moans and gets your weird appendage wet. Gross. “They also seem to be leaking which is, you know, new I think. We should get someone to check on that. It’s weird.” Very weird. “And then they started making weird noises that I can’t translate.”Jager seems to think on it, then slowly raises her hands. “Risa, look. Shit, okay, look. Whatever is going on, just calm down, alright. This… I don’t know what this is, but we can get through it if we just stay calm. Are you witching out? Risa we can stick through this together, okay?” She asks.What is she talking about? It’s like she isn’t proud of you. This makes you irrationally apathetic, because your mental stability is a joke at this point. What should you do. Demand she let you touch her abs to let them go The torture continues! They know what they… did? Other, please specify
>>39143709>[x]Witching out? Is that like a sex thing? I gotta be honest, I really just want to touch your abs, I don't get any of this werewolf shite.
>>39143709>[x] Demand she let you touch her abs to let them go
>>39143709>[X]You're not my Jager
>>39143709>[X] Demand she let you touch her abs to let them go
>>39143709I'll second this: >>39143769All the while casually continuing the interrogation. We're close to a breakthrough here, Risa (and them) can feel it!
>>39143709[x]Do >>39143780Jager would be please with us. She is not pleased. Therefore, she is not Jager.
>>39143709> Demand she let you touch her abs to let them go
>>39143822Jager has been consistently displeased by us for a while now, her disapproval is the closest thing Risa has to a moral compass.
>>39143822Jager's been plenty pissed off at Risa in the past. Like when she was blasted through a wall and landed in her flower garden.
>>39143780>>39143709This, then command your megucas to kill the imposter.
>>39143847But we did a GOOD THING this time. We saved her from an assassination plot! That is undoubtably a good and praiseworthy thing why is she not praising us?
>>39143709"Alright I'm confused. Clearly you seem upset about my genius and non-lethal plan to prevent your horrible death."
>>39143709"I'm perfectly calm. See how evenly my heart is beating?"And then show it to her.
>>39144041Jager is the only one allowed to kill us, that extends to parallel incarnations of her as long as they don't have goatees (which means they're evil doppelgangers).
“This is strange. I was saving you from the terrible assassination plot to kill you and your lickable abs. Why are you not happy?” You wonder.“No. No, I am happy, really.” Jager says raising her hands. “It’s just, look, they are leaking right? You don’t want to get leaked on.”She has a point. “I will let them go, only if you let me touch your abs to my content. Right here and now.” You say as your eye screams. It does that.“Okay, sure. Whatever you say.” She promises with a smile. “Just let them go, give them back their gems and let them go.”You spit the gems back on the girls and warp your twisted body back to humanish shape. It cracks and pops in awkward places, but you hold together long enough to coil around her hips and press your cheek against her exposed chocolate abs. The smell, it fills you with a feeling of life and hope, and the soft flesh covers… covers… hold on a tick. You look at the abs suspiciously, then run a tongue up the middle of them. She pushes on your head with a shriek, but it is too late now. You know the truth. These aren’t your Jager abs. Which means she is not Jager-bombastic. Which means she is an imposter. “Liiiiiiiiies.” You hiss as reality warping energy pools out of your every orifice. “Jager’s abs feel much better than this. They are like the hard mountains you sled down with a gentle lover stabbing you in the ear. They are the song of summer on the lips of a madman. They are the blessed kisses of a black hole moments before it speeds all time into your retinas and shows you all that must never be. Your abs are lies.” Maybe she just skipped a day on crunches—“Jager never slacks off!” You swing your arm and slam her back with a sharp whip crack.(1/2)
Your back splits open and long thin tongues surge out and scrape at the ground. Your eyes scream out twisted energy, and the world screams, the sound like the smell of your best friend’s dead wife he asks you to help him bury. Sharp teeth and nails pour out of your arms, making you look like a monstrous cactus or something.Jager, no she is a fake Jager, pulls out a knife and looks concerned, but resolute. She thought she could trick you! You! Risa “Laughing Genocide” Schrodinger! They’re all in on it! Every god damned last one of them! The evil things, the twisted liars! The harlots and thieves! That is why they didn’t say how they were planning to kill Jager. They already replaced her with a weak abs fake! Everything is on it!The girls you were interrogating get up, seems they are used to torture, and pull out different weapons to. Should… think you should take a chill pill? Fuck you! I am the chill pill! Attack! Grawh Raaaaah! Other, please specify(2/2)
>>39144345> Grawh Raaaaah!meow
>>39144345>[x]You be the chill pill you fake faker fakeypants! Where is the real Jager?!
>>39144345>[x] 3rd release.>[x] Start charging the biggest most ridiculous laser we canI want to break something.
>>39144345>[X] Right, everyone is getting too worked up! Perhaps you can convince them to stop their plot by giving them all hugs and kisses! Hugs with your large clawed hands and kisses with your razor sharp teeth and mild beatings with your conveniently placed twin axes
>>39144345Do that thing we never use where we can turn ceros into solid weapons.Try to make a chainaxe
>>39144345>[x] Where is the real Jager abs! Where is she?!This conspiracy runs way deeper than I thought.
>>39144345You know what the akakakakakaka realm needs? Owls. Hundreds and hundreds of illusory owls. So many owls that this place chokes on them.
we only have one thread to fuck up more than ChiakiTIME TO GO INTO MAXIMUM OVERFUCK UP
>>39144345I'll second this:>>39144392Casually charge up a highly conspicuous and absurdly powerful laser while we ask.
You can't change it. Everyone dies in this flashback.It's just a matter of time and how funny you can make it.
>>39144345> [X] Grawh Raaaaah!
>>39144477We will never fuck up more than Chiaki.
>>39144539That's a funny way of spelling Lumi.
>>39144526Changing my vote to this: >>39144392
>>39144539Not with that attitude we won't
>>39144345Make lightning everywhere and yell incoherently
>>39144581Grow wings made out of sporks.
>>39144345I knew she was a fake from the beginning. It's so obvious.
>>39144505Well then, let's eat that goddess thing they were blabbing about earlier. Seems like it might give us some precious SPXP.
if everyone is a lesbian in the settingthen where do babies come from?
>>39144795>>39144782Then they lay a magical eggs.
>>39144782Dr Strauss' futa formula.
>>39144836Actually it's Amber Nakajima's futa formula.
>>39144782Only the zombies are lesbians.
>>39144867so, cause/effect, is being a lesbian a requirement for becoming a zombie or does being a zombie turn you into a lesbian?
>>39144895There are straight zombies. They're in the minority, but they do exist.
This sounds like the male population is mute and obsolete in this setting.
>>39144850>>39144737So did Amber ever do it with Heather?
>>39144991but anon, how can that be when this guy exists in this setting
>>39144991there are no men just manly women and that black guy from like 168 chapters ago
>>39145039Who?I'd say no, but none of that's canon anyway~.
I bet fake Jager skips leg day too
>>39145291Fucking fake Jasper
>>39144895Zombie Lesbians or Lesbian Zombies?
>>39145054>>39145061I'm half expecting for some crazy magical girl from the blessed lady church, to commit cleansing on a global scale to have the purest form of love reign supreme.
If we eat the soul gems will they make us fat?
>>39145407The Church of the Blessed Lady frowns on forbidden love. I hope that High Inquisitor Hitomi Shizuki will hear about this heresy and modify religious services to include ingesting semen as a sacrament.
>>39145452It will be extremely painful.
“You be the chill pill you fake fakering fakerton! Where is the real Jager?” You demand as inhuman energy fills your body and sends a song of graceful delight into your bones.“I am the real Jager!” She shouts back, like the liar she is.One of the girls behind you leaps at you, and an overly fluffy tail pops out of the top of your shorts and stabs her in the stomach. You lift her in the air, and hear some screams and stuff, then you send out small needles through the tail inside her body and she leaks red stuff you are more familiar out of her everything. You throw her back at her mates, then spin around and throw out a blast of energy.The power warps reality as it crashes through them, annihilating their bodies and souls completely, and tearing a massive chunk out of the land of Australia. You howl and turn back to Fake Jager, your eyes shifting and your vision swimming. You wiggle your fingers and pant heavily like you are having a panic attack. “Jager. Need Jager. Where is she? My Jager Jager. Her abs, her taste, her touch, her screams Give them back. They’re mine. Mineminemine.” You bite down on your wiggling fingers and try to contain yourself, but the words of need for Jager echo through the world as mouths filled with razor lined eyes open and close all over your body in random positions. You pull your fingers off, the wiggling things coming off with a snap as the tendons and sinews break like elastic bands, then you scream at the top of your lungs summoning a massive violet orb that bathes the entire area in a light brighter than the sun.(1/4?)
“Jager Jager Jager Jager Jager! She is mine! Mine! Mine! Give her back! She is perfect! She accepts us! She is the only one. I murder this planet one person at a time until I get her back! She is pretty! She is nice! She loves me! Us! We need her!” You scream, your already tiny grasp of mental stability becoming unraveled as you place her on an impossible pedestal. That explains a lot really. “If the next words out of your mouth aren’t where the real Jager is I will peel the life from you by layers, and force feed you your own nightmares before I get done with you.”“Please, I’m the real—“ She starts then you swing your arms, but freeze when you hear a gunshot.The fake slumps forward and there, with the smoking gun, is a short mammal with a duck bill and beaver tail. It had red rimmed glasses, and a short almost moppish top. “You wanka! That was my kill! Kill stealing fuck!” You scream“Bweh.” It replies pointing the gun at you.It fired, but your hard skin repels the bullets then you swing down with the insane energy. It tears through the reality of the abracadabra realm, and you see giant monsters form, then vanish as time is damaged from the attack. It explodes, ripping hell a new hell hole, and you frown. A bullet bounces off your temple and you look at the side and see the little annoying creature. Your face cracks and the four violet wings on your back sing to life as you charge your limbs with energy and fly after it.-You chase it through the hell hole, the darkness of the world illuminated by the insanity of your power. You destroy countless buildings, and some girls who want to make girl nookie, but that word scares you and you kill them in a single move. You pant angrily as you look around the deepest reaches of this world, and find you are standing alone. You let out a huff of annoyance and swear, after you kill Koala Prime, that little platypus thing is next. Then the planet.(2/4?)
“Are you really supposed to be here?” A sing song voice tainted with gallons of corruption asks.You turn and skipping through the darkness is a pink haired thing. Where her feet touch the ground flowers made of organs bloom and bleed all over the emptiness, but you don’t really care. She is a person who is not real Jager. “You’re not the boss of me.” You say.“I know! That’s a problem for me!” She says putting her long clawed hands on her hips and showing her sharp teeth. “How did you get here anyway?”“I was chasing a thing.” You say and her face twists into laughter, rage, then despair, and finally something like apathy.“I mean how did you wake up here! You don’t belong here at all.” Racist cunt. “It’s almost like you’re vibrating and wiggling. Like a maggot in someone’s eye.” She says cheerfully.“I walked.” You answer.She slams fingers into your side. “I don’t like lies!” She snarls, her mouth thick with the scent of blood and meat. Chick should brush her teeth more.“I am a hyper dimensional cosmic being that sleeps beyond reality, and my undulations cause ripples that echo through multiverses and sometimes I accidentally ride the eb and flow of unrealities and get shunted into a new place.” You continue as your side wound grows teeth and gnaws on her hand. “Also I walked.”“Hmmm. That’s strange.” She says spinning around and licking your blood, but once it sprouts small tentacles and tries to steal her teeth she just wipes off her hand. “Well, you really should go back! You are making everything scream at me, and it makes my head hurt.”(3/4)
>>39145556man fuck Australia all the animals try to kill you (RIP in piece Steve Irwin. he died for Attarou's sins) and everyone is prison gay 24/7 and they skip leg day
“Only once I kill the Koala prime.” Good job remembering your quest. “From this day forward, I declare Koala Bears illegal!”She looks at you like she wants to say something, then sighs. “That’s a very strange quest. You’re strange.”“I can shoot lasers out of my body and become a nightmare flower made of hooks and knives. I can do whatever I damn well like” You say in reply.“Well, I can lead you to something that might help you accomplish your task, but I might need a teensy favor.” She smiles, and you see rot pour out of the corners of her eyes like tears.Hm. The Drop Bear menace must be stopped, but she is sort of pink. Can you really deal with pink people? Then again your feet are sort of tired, and you want to go back home and watch Doctor Who. Deal? Tell me more Ask her something (wut?) Other, please specify(4/4)
>>39145627> Deal? Tell me moreI hope the favor is murder
>>39145627>[X] Take the dealWords are dumb and stupid and not JagerJust take the deal
>>39145627[x]The Supernatural episode about dropbears starts in 35 minutes, you need that intel
>>39145627[x]Do you like to eat soul gems? What's your favorite flavor?
>>39145627>[x]Will it help me find my Jager?
>>39145627>>[x]Will it help me find my Jager?
>>39145627>[x] Other, please specifyAccuse the pink thing of being Fake Plant Bro.Or maybe she's the REAL plantbro since we've never actually seen plantdoka go all out. Is that you Wilfred?Thank the pink maybe plant for dying for our rap battle and then nuke australia.
>>39145731Risa, your plant is talking to you. I think you might be losing it.
>>39145731Are you kidding me? Plants don't talk!
>>39145627> Ask her something (wut?)Does this involve butt stuff? why not?
>>39145627Kill her to increase our own power.She's too similar to us to be allowed to exist.
>>39145731She's obviously not Plantbro. Look at those shoes! And pointy nail gloves? Bleargh. Francis wouldn't be caught dead wearing those things.
>>39145627> [X] Deal? Tell me more
>>39145765smoke the imouto
>>39145765Then why does the plant look just like her? And why does the plant have weird time powers like her? The plant has flown the pot I saw!>>39145780Maybe it's her sword release. We never did see that. I bet this is why; her sword has awful fashion sense so she never uses it.
>>39145627>x Deal? Tell me moreWe're all a little pink on the inside.
>>39145627> Ask her something (wut?)are you now or have you ever been a plant o adorable?
>>39145627Chiakipuss 10000% canon. Best thread ever.>>39145609SCREW YOU!
>>39146000at least buy me a drink first
“I will never join your dark crusade to werewolf the whole world!” It’s almost time for our shows. “But Doctor Who is almost on, so I can make an exception just this once.”“Werewolf?” She asks.“It means lesbian.’ You say.The pink thing, who isn’t even near as adorable as your plant bro who made you a macaroni picture, pouts a little while furrowing her brow, but she doesn’t go into it. Clever girl. Like a velociraptor. You are suspicious of her once more. “Well, the one you replaced. I’ve been trying to get her to accept a gift of mine but it’s just been a teensy bit hard to make her accept.” She pinches her fingers close to show you. That checks out as a teensy bit. “So if you could maybe put it someplace she will pick it up that would help me out a bunch!”You tap your finger to your chin then nod. “Alright, that sounds easy enough. What you got for me person less adorable than Manfred.”She doesn’t bother objecting and hands you a pair of golden axes. Their edges are lines with something like a chainsaw and you—aww, how cute. She is trying to corrupt your brain parts with them. “Really?” You ask.The girl looks proud, and you feel a bit like a prat. Ah damn. Okay, just act like you are getting corrupted. “What does that look like?” You whisper. Didn’t Ryoko have some comics about that right? Corruption. Just do that.(1/3)
>>39146078>>39146000Oh, I'm totally okay with Attarou.
“Right. Oh, uh, oh no! I can’t control my fluids! My, uh, my hips are moving on their own! It’s like a giant arm is inside me. I can never go back to Japanese men now! What… what would my father think if he saw these videos? I am drooling there just thinking about it?” You ask tilting your head. She looks disappointed. “Sorry, no it isn’t you. You are like, the fifth most terrifying thing I’ve had in my head which is actually saying a lot.” You promise.“I was just hoping for more of a reaction is all.” She kicks a meaty cancerous lump on the ground like it’s a rock, but you shrug.“I said my hips are moving on their own right?” Well, you weren’t dancing. “Oh. Is that what it means? That makes sense.”“Who are you talking to?” She asks looking up at you with black eyes.“Number three on the list.” After Time bears and time devourers. “Anyway, where is this thing I can use?” You reply with eyes that speak of pure void. Yours are so much cooler.She leads you through the realm while you send energy into the axes. Delightful laughter fills them, and you are pretty sure something really, really terrifying is being made a present inside of there. Or not. You don’t know their lives. You finally stop in front of a book bound in pulsing flesh and twisted teeth. “This is ‘The Script of Akash’ in it are false laws of reality that can be supplemented with the real world too—“(2/3)
“Bored now! Shoot it with lasers!” You fire pure laughing energy, and throughout the world of man, your will is made law. Drop bears are seen as a threat to all Magical girls. Pure evil that can never be stopped. Fear, hate, pain, and pure laughter fills the world and all megucas know that drop bears=mega threat. A scar on the souls of all of them. “And now we play the waiting game. After Doctor Who. I have to sort of head back now small ape like creature with pink hair.”“If you go that way it will lead you back to the Officio” She points a clawed finger in a random direction.“You’re not the boss of me. You don’t know my life! Fuck your realm! You shout, then fly out.You encase your body with energy and slam into the ground. You sneak into the base to avoid talking with people, then place the axes where they will slip and fall on other Risa. You send more energy into them, just to be safe, then tear off your clothes and flop in bed. Soon the Koalas will know fear. They all will. You stuff the large coat into inventory before you go to sleep, then sort of pass out. You will probably be where you should be when you wake up. Or you won’t. Who knows?Swear to Gornabrious Bopfrod though, if you miss your shows you steal every left shoe in the world until it fixes itself.
I am being drowned in a biblical flood, and my muscles are trying to eat my head so I will have to call it here!Questions answered before I get destroyed by meteors!
>>39146310is this going to be continued or is this another one off?thanks for runningdid fake Jager skip leg day?
>>39146310What are the repercussions of what Risa has done?
>>39146310If Sayaka's abs rubbed up against Jager's abs, what would happen?
>>39146310Hello, who's butt is that?
>>39146369Mami dies extra hard
>>39146310hey wait a secondguysthis deculture's a FAKE
>>39146444Of course he was, he updated more than once every 2 hours.
>>39146369Reincarnation of Akemi Homura is no longer KoS public enemy #1.That spot is now reserved for drop bears.
>>39146332It is!>>39146346Well, we will see where life takes us all!Thanks for playing!Yeah. She didn't have Jager's thighs!>>39146357Foul beast! From hell's heart I bweh at thee!>>39146369All meguca have a natural hate for drop bears at least probably! Then other risa stumbles on the golden axes and the control her and one day they go to Chiaki!>>39146373You know why.>>39146399Sayaka would put her shirt down, because Jager's abs are too powerful>>39146408BEasts!>>39146410Risa's! Have another!>>39146444But I am lifting really big weights!>>39146465Thank you kindly!
>>39146493>Well, we will see where life takes us all!so its a one off. Tell AE I wish him a Happy Easter !
>>39146465Man someone is going to be weirded the fuck out when they get to this in the archives without getting what's going on.
>>39146528Ha ha ha>>39146538It makes perfect sense!
>>39146538Not just the archive, it's going straight into the eBook as well.
>>39146696Austrillion percent canon.
>>39146493>Sayaka would put her shirt down, because Jager's abs are too powerfulFucking BLASPHEMER
>>39146493Can you do the next one with Hyperdimensional Dwarf Quest?
>>39146493>But I am lifting really big weights!seems legit
>>39146829Look at me. LOOK AT ME.I'm the canon now>>39146878Ah, I don't really know that QM or quest that well! Sorry!>>39146903Ha ha ha
>>39146920they hate Jager because she's black-ish
>>39146493I just wanted to say this was my favorite thread ever. And not just because Australia was finally relevant somehow.
>>39146920how much SPXP is Crocodile Dundee worth?
>>39146920HDDFQ is run by Blorp I believe, of Ogre Civ Quest.
>>39146942She is is our loyal chocolate ab>>39146955Glad you liked it, but not because I wanted you to like it or anything.>>39146977We don't eat their food. You know better than that!
>>39146996Risa is a better cat than Beerus right?we all know boss cat stomps them both
>>39146996Who's Kris and why weren't they promoted?
>>39147162Kris was her lover that got blasted. She lost because Risa has better legs.Werewolves>>39147083Risa cats are best cats
This... this sure is a pile of in-jokes I don't get, I guess