Twitter: @ELHMk1
Normal Run Time: 8pm EST (GMT-5) (Watch Twitter for the day)
Archive Link (includes sup/tg/ & moe links, art & references, and other info):
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZlPV-W2T9xDEzsSxYq8OLHnB7CKfB0eUAQyH4vj2lU8/edit?usp=sharing

Cinder’s Character Sheet:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10H9COxlc2Qaqkx5DTaihQJHazhc-_KKIS-Aon-VxluA/edit?usp=sharing

If you’re a die-hard lover of canon, I suggest you turn away now. Like all things 40k, the gauntlet runs from “worshiping the printed word” to “over the top silliness.” Most of the time it’s somewhere in between. Others it swerves hard to one side and/or breaks this model entirely. You’ve been warned in advance.

Alternatively, if you’re not at all familiar with canon or want more details on something, just ask!

All rolls go against a specified characteristic in the style of Black Crusade. You’ll want to roll under the characteristic value in order to pass the check. The more degrees of success (every multiple of 10 counts as 1), the more awesome of a result. A 1 is a guaranteed success, and a 100 is a guaranteed failure.

Best of three rolls when it’s called for, with a 1 or a 100 instantly taking precedence. If multiple characteristics are being rolled for each 1d100 counts for its respective test. Any rolls prior to the call for one and those not linking said post will be ignored.

IMPORTANT: Your Infamy Burning abilities have been cut off. You only get the one reroll a session and that’s it. Pray to the Dice Gods for low rolls.

I'm only slightly unprepared since we're a day early. Bear with me.

Excessive meta/whining/waifu’ing/etc goes to another thread. Blatant Samefaggotry and overly lewd write-ins will be ignored.

“HAHA! No one expects the FRENCH Inquisition!”

“Oh but I did! That’s why I prepared their one, true weakness!”

“Ah but did you take into account that I equipped them all with multi-meltas?”

“Of course I did, that’s why…”

“Ooo, lil’ Ubri came out? He really shouldn’t boast like that. If he’d actually checked those meltas beforehand he’d know…” Ignitrix laughs as a explosion erupts off to your right. “Well I guess that settles that. How are you doing, Cinder?”

“OH I’M FINE,” you shout back. “NEVER MIND THIS GUY. I’M FINE.”

You’re mostly being facetious. The giant, glimmering, polished, beetle-like daemon engines before you haven’t been all that troublesome thus far. It’s mostly the sheer number of them that’s the issue. One by one you could slaughter them all day, but grouped up like this their massive pincers are a real threat. Right now you and Ignitrix are currently almost back-to-back fending them off.

“Ah good,” she replies. “And here I thought you might be bored.”

“Bored is NOT the word I’d use. Where the fuck is Shiela?”

“Over there. I think she’s having fun~”

You chance a glance over to where Ignitrix’s clawed hand is pointing. There you see a similar mass of daemon engines surrounding a heavily modified Brass Scorpion. Sporting two tails with demolisher cannons a piece, the new Shiela is tearing through her foes as fast as they can group up around her. If you strain your ears, you can even hear her speakers blaring “FIRING MAIN CANNON” over the din.

But you can’t afford to let your attention wander. After all the daemon engines around you have to have an end at some point. ...Right?

(cont)

>>38900986

A screeching snicker echoes from behind the group to your left, “HAHA! I SHALL OVERWHELM THEM ALL! NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!”

Dumb Bird. He’s just painted himself as a target. Unless... Nah. He didn’t plan for a Bloodthirster, right?

> [1] You’re coming up with a 33.3% chance of survival. Repeating of course. (WS x 2, Ag x 2)
> [2] Stay with Iggy and keep her safe (Ag x 2, T x 2)
> [3] See if you can’t get Iggy to handle the problem (Her WP x 2)
> [4] Order Shiela to get her tail(s) over here
> [5] Write in

>>38901007
> [2] Stay with Iggy and keep her safe (Ag x 2, T x 2)
> [4] Order Shiela to get her tail(s) over here

File: Duel-SGX.png (308 KB, 1024x876)

308 KB PNG

>>38900986
>There you see a similar mass of daemon engines surrounding a heavily modified Brass Scorpion. Sporting two tails with demolisher cannons a piece, the new Shiela is tearing through her foes as fast as they can group up around her. If you strain your ears, you can even hear her speakers blaring “FIRING MAIN CANNON” over the din.
wow. Shiela got some upgrades. She look like this? But red with more spikes and skulls?
Also,
> [1] You’re coming up with a 33.3% chance of survival. Repeating of course. (WS x 2, Ag x 2)

>>38901007
> [2] Stay with Iggy and keep her safe (Ag x 2, T x 2)
> [4] Order Shiela to get her tail(s) over here
Also, Yay, highlight of each week (or sometimes less than a week)

>>38901007
> [2] Stay with Iggy and keep her safe (Ag x 2, T x 2)
> [4] Order Shiela to get her tail(s) over here

Gotta keep our birdie safe.

File: Brass-Scorpion.png (503 KB, 438x631)

503 KB PNG

>>38901104

This but with two tails.

>>38901164
Oh. So that's the Canon version of the Brass Scorpion How about we combine >>38901104 with >>38901164. It'll look metal as fuck.

Staying with Ignitrix and having Shiela clear a path it is.

4d100 vs 55 (Ag) and 59 (T)

>>38901307
We go for teh blood and our best bird!

Rolled 82, 42, 6, 69 = 199 (4d100)

>>38901307
Let's see if phone will cooperate.

Rolled 39, 81, 22, 32 = 174 (4d100)

>>38901307
What could possibly go wrong?

Rolled 46, 60, 73, 43 = 222 (4d100)

>>38901307
>>38901325
Derp, forgot the dice.

Rolled 34, 36, 91, 5 = 166 (4d100)

>>38901307

>>38901333
>>38901335
>>38901344

39 and 42 means you pass your Agility tests...
6 and 32 means you pass your Toughness ones

Neat. Writing...

>>38901007

A quick shout over the vox is all it takes for Shiela to begin carving a path towards you. Between her two hellmaw-laden claws and the two heavy demolisher cannons it’s quick work, but it still takes her a minute or so to make it over to you. In that time, you have to dodge underneath several prismatic pincers aimed for your head. The “snik” sound they make as they close on nothing turns out to be highly motivating. At least until several get the bright idea to rush you at once, though.

Suddenly you’re pinned to the ground by several of the engines while another lines up its head in preparation to gore you. As it does, you’re “treated” to visions of every poor choice you’ve ever made via the reflective surface of its shell. But you’re Cinder. You’ve only made one poor decision in your life: Not punching Wormbag in his face when he refused you a weapon.

“GET. OFF,” you roar, flinging the daemon engines restraining you aside as if they were nothing. But it’s too late. The pincers are already coming down...

Only to melt in non-existence as warpfire engulfs the beetle in question. Ignitrix continues to pour the energy from her palm with one hand while she literally picks you up with the other. “You alright?”

“FINE. WHERE IS MY TANK.”

You’re answered by a chunk of metal whirling through the air and embedding itself in the ground just to your right. A red claw quickly slams down on it, followed by Shiela saying, “HELLO, WARMISTRESS. HOW MAY I SPILL BLOOD FOR YOU TODAY?”

> [1] Protect this Bird while I go kill that Bird (WSx2)
> [2] Go kill that Bird for me

>>38901681
>[1] Protect this Bird while I go kill that Bird (WSx2)

>>38901681
> [1] Protect this Bird while I go kill that Bird (WSx2)

>>38901681
> [1] Protect this Bird while I go kill that Bird (WSx2)

>>38901681
> [1] Protect this Bird while I go kill that Bird (WSx2)

Let's clip some wings!

>>38901681
>[1] Protect this Bird while I go kill that Bird (WSx2)

Many quests have Best Girl, but only one has Best Tank!

Rolled 88, 18 = 106 (2d100)

2d100 vs 99

You just need to have more DoS than the Lord of Change. Which should be easy since he has a 54 WS, right?

In before I roll two 9s for him

Rolled 20, 30 = 50 (2d100)

>>38901852
Khorne doesn't like him it seems.

Rolled 81, 75 = 156 (2d100)

>>38901852

Rolled 95, 49 = 144 (2d100)

>>38901852

>>38901852
Did the Lord of change just roll warp perils!?

>>38901881
>>38901887
>>38901949

Yeaaaahhh I think you got him.

Writing...

>>38901969
But what of amusing Perils, as Anon >>38901966 noted? And being the number of Khorne! Twice!!

Let's see him plan for that.

>>38902022
Pretty sure he was testing Weapon Skill. No warp perils when a bird's trying to punch you, sadly.

Rolled 99, 10 = 109 (2d100)

>>38902054
Funny how he rolled an 88 though...

>>38902098
Stop rolling.

>>38902098
Yeah Changer of Ways please go. You're not Iggy.

>>38902098
Quite. Khorne may have a hand somewhere in this, which could be funny.

Also, holy crap that was almost bad.

Did we ever attempt to get our own Juggernaut? Nothing say fuck you like riding Khorne's favored beast into glorious melee combat.

>>38901681

You jab a claw at Ignitrix, “Protect this Bird while I go strangle another one.”

“OF COURSE. HELLO MS. SOPH. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?”

Ignitrix opens her mouth to retort, only to dive to the side as a lance of plasma streaks through the air where her head used to be. She quickly recovers, firing back a slew of unholy spells and shouting, “Well go kill it already!”

You don’t have to be told twice. Using one of Shiela’s tails as an anchor, you slingshot yourself with your Warp Chains in the direction of the Lord of Change. Soaring over the multitude of daemon engines is like soaring over a sea of mirrors: you see a hundred reflections of yourself, all awash in various states of fury and bloodlust. They’re so tightly packed together that picking out the Greater Daemon of Tzeentch from them all is actually rather trivial. He’s in the only clearing of them all, next to a portal.

“HEY BIRD,” you yell.

The long, spindly neck swivels as he looks up at you. Just as it starts to squawk in alarm you land, shoving your fist and claws down its neck. Your arm is “swallowed” until you find the daemon’s heart. With a mighty roar you rip it and your arm free from the Lord of Change’s body, sending blue blood and feathers cascading everywhere. Amid the screeching death throes of the dying daemon you also note that his portal and daemon engines are destabilizing. Soon you’re left in a patch of (relatively) clear ground a bit of ways away from Ignitrix and Shiela.

(cont)

>>38902322

“Huh,” remarks Ignitrix as she quickly rejoins your side. “He died rather fast.”

She kicks what’s left of his corpse as it evaporates and shakes her head. “Ah… new one. That explains it. Make sure to crush the heart so he can’t come back.”

You look over at the still beating heart within your claws. “I can do that?”

“You can do that.”

Another burst of blue blood coats your skin as the organ is destroyed. “Awesome.”

“Of course, you won’t get his skull that way, but I’m pretty sure you can still count it as a kill.”

You sniff at her playful tone, “Damn it Iggy. Don’t tempt me like that.”

The Lady of Change shrugs. “Plenty more skulls where that came from anyways. We’ve got another hour to go before the Scribes show up and about two or three large groups to get through if we want to be the first ones they meet.” She pauses, then adds, “We do want to be the first ones to them, right?”

> [1] Well yeah, duh.
> [2] Does it matter? You make it sound like it doesn’t matter.
> [3] What would you suggest?

>>38902348
>> [2] Does it matter? You make it sound like it doesn’t matter.
but
> [3] What would you suggest?

>>38902348
> [1] Well yeah, duh.
> [3] What would you suggest?

Just floating an idea here, as we are pretty much the Anti-Plan, destroyer of Tzeenchian dreams, we might want to be the ones choosing what to do. Best bird's great and all, but if she can plan around the other birds they can do the same to her.

Might be best we ignore her advice? I'm not sure

>>38902348
> [2] Does it matter? You make it sound like it doesn’t matter.
> [3] What would you suggest?

>>38902348
>[2] Does it matter? You make it sound like it doesn’t matter.

You have thoughts, birdy. Give us your thoughts.

>>38900940
>beat off some new assailant

>>38902453
well we can decide that when we hear what she has to say

[2] it is. Writing...

>>38902511
Slaanesh pls.

>>38902348

You raise an eyebrow at her. “You make it sound like it doesn’t matter who actually gets their hands on the book first.”

She nods, but in her typical “this should be obvious” manner. “It’s not like whoever touches it first will suddenly become Master of all Magic. It must be read for that to happen.”

“Couldn’t we just grab it and portal out? Or, rather, why doesn’t some other daemon just do that?”

Two sockpuppets materialize. You quickly swipe them away, much to Ignitrix’s glee. “Alright alright. Just making sure you’re paying attention now that you’re covered in blood. But yes, you’d think it’d be easy just to grab it and run. However there’s a small problem with that: the only way to move with the book itself is through one of two spells.”

She holds up two talons in quick succession. “The first is a random time jump, which is how the Blue Scribes get around. You could end up literally anywhere anywhen. I don’t think I need to cover why that’s a problem. The second is a spell crafted specifically to bring you to Tzeentch’s throne.”

“Don’t you know that one already?” you ask.

“And here I thought you weren’t listening when I told you about that.”

As she smiles, you admit, “Well I did sleep through the maze bit.”

Ignitrix rolls her eyes. “Of course you did. But yeah. If you want to avoid getting hit by battle barges and the like, let’s hang back for a bit. Let the masses slog it out and then we can slip in during the aftermath.”

> [1] B-but that means less skulls! We can’t have that!
> [2] Sounds reasonable to me
> [3] Attempt to come up with a third plan. A Cinder-themed plan. (Int)

>>38902899
>> [3] Attempt to come up with a third plan. A Cinder-themed plan. (Int)

>>38902899
> [3] Attempt to come up with a third plan. A Cinder-themed plan. (Int)

>>38902899
>[2] Sounds reasonable to me

>>38902899
> [3] Attempt to come up with a third plan. A Cinder-themed plan. (Int)

>>38902899
> [3] Attempt to come up with a third plan. A Cinder-themed plan. (Int)

Its TIME

>>38902899
>> [3] Attempt to come up with a third plan. A Cinder-themed plan. (Int)
CHANNEL OUR INNER CREED!

We must have our own keikaku dori moment.

1d100 vs 44

Rolling a 1 or an 8 would be... interesting.

Write-ins are also cool. I'm just using the roll here to see if my personal Just-as-planned idea gets mentioned.

>>38902899
>[3] Attempt to come up with a third plan. A Cinder-themed plan. (Int)

First, we need a maid outfit in my size, a spatula and some vegemite...

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>38903141

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>38903141

Go Go Cinder Keikaku!

>>38903141

Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>38903141

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>38903141
>>38903177

>>38903154
>>38903173
>>38903187

Well you get half of an idea. Writing...

>>38903141
>getting a 1 or an 8 would be... interesting
>anon rolls an 81 >>38903187
kek

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>38903141
CREEEEEED

>>38902899

You rub your chin in thought. “We can go to Tzeentch’s throne room right now, yeah?”

“Yes… but either there will be no one there or he, I, will be.”

“Well if it’s the former, couldn’t we just lie in wait? Maybe summon in a few flesh hounds and bloodletters and what not for support?”

Ignitrix narrows her eyes. “I suppose that MIGHT work, but it’d be a pretty big gamble. We need to keep eyes on the book no matter what we do. And I’m not exactly comfortable leaving you and who knows what else in my front yard.”

You chuckle at that, giving her a slap on the back for good measure. “I suppose that’s fair. I’m liable to paint the walls red and hang up all sorts of trophies.”

“Though… I COULD go wait there myself and let you handle getting your hands on the book.” She bites her lip nervously. “It’s still a huge gamble though and splits us up. I’d much rather play it safe than risk some other daemon ascending.”

> [1] Stick with her plan (Waiting)
> [2] Charge in and be the first
> [3] Convince her how great this new plan is

>>38903426
> [3] Convince her how great this new plan is
If I grab the book you'll know, and if I don't whoever did is going to be too messed up to beat you.

>>38903426
> [1] Stick with her plan (Waiting)

>>38903426
> [1] Stick with her plan (Waiting)

>>38903426
> [2] Charge in and be the first

> [1] Stick with her plan (Waiting)

>>38903426
> [1] Stick with her plan (Waiting)
> [4] Rousing speech to the other birdbrains about how the real book was inside them all along. Let them decide if you are being literal or figurative.

>>38903426
> [3] Convince her how great this new plan is

>>38903426
> [2] Charge in and be the first
> [4] Then swap it out with a book of our doodles and make the others think we didn't get it

Seems your idea was not as awesome as you thought it was. Oh well. [1] it is. Writing...

>>38903426

Her words make sense. And it’s not like your plan was completely foolproof anyways. So you acquiesce and opt to not be one of the first to get your hands on the book. That decided, you still have to get through the next group of “chess pieces” deployed by Ignitrix’s rivals.

One option is to barrel through a mass of Thousand Sons. The spectrally controlled husks of blue power armor shouldn’t be all that hard to deal with aside from their sheer numbers. You suppose there’s also a greater chance of getting hit by a psychic barrage on all sides but you’re immune to that sort of thing, right?

Another option lies with slaying the assembly of flamers and discs that comprise the daemon prince Phokulozortis’ forces. Ignitrix tells you that Phok is likely to deploy time trickery that will supersede your psychic immunities. This prompts a quick back and forth that results in more sockpuppets. In the end you’re left with the sense that the daemon prince will be easy to handle if you can properly deal with his illusions.

The final option is to simply wait. The way you see it, battle barges are going to be dropped onto the first person to get the book anyways. Why not be on one of them? You’d kill two birds with one stone that way.

“You did NOT just make that joke, Cinder.”

“But…!”

Ignitrix “hmphs” and puffs out. But you’re pretty sure she’s okay with the idea in general puns aside.

> [1] Attack the SPESS MARIENS
> [2] Time is bullshit
> [3] Fuklaw time

>>38903919
> [3] Fuklaw time

>>38903919
> [3] Fuklaw time
This means we drop a BB onto them right?

>>38903919
use the puppets you fool

>>38903919
> [3] Fuklaw time

>>38903919
> [1] Attack the SPESS MARIENS

>>38903919
> [4] Use the sock puppets to mimic the action from the sidelines in a play that puts Harlequin's to shame.

>>38903919
>> [3] Fuklaw time

>Ride the battle barge.
There blood ravens anyway, nobody liked them to begin with!

WE BARGE SURFING NOW!

>>38903919

> [4] Sockpuppet time

Because the other two anons might be onto something.

File: When in doubt, drop a bat(...).jpg (737 KB, 445x5000)

737 KB JPG

I believe [3] has it. Writing...

Though I did laugh at the notion of Cinder and Iggy just walking up all nonchalant, busting out sockpuppets, luring them into a false sense of security, then punching them in the face and running away with the book.

But Fuklawing it is funny too.

>>38903919
>[3] Fuklaw time

And while awaiting that moment we should do as Anon >>38904035 suggests.

>>38904183
>Though I did laugh at the notion of Cinder and Iggy just walking up all nonchalant, busting out sockpuppets, luring them into a false sense of security, then punching them in the face and running away with the book.
We should totally do that after Fuklawing it.

Bonus points for Cinder's sockpuppets having teeth from our claws.

>>38903919

“Come on Iggy, you KNOW it’ll work.”

“I’m not saying it won’t! But this means you only get ONE chance to grab it! And if you miss or die in the process then it’ll all be for moot!”

You shrug, then reach out and headpat her until she’s placated. “It’ll work out fine, I promise. It’s me, remember?”

She ducks under your last few pats and huffs, “It’s precisely because it’s you I’m worried. But alright. Did you just want to be on the front like a hood ornament or should I actually teleport you inside somewhere?”

Huh. While the first would be more spectacular, the second would let you personally slay Proditus and the Blood Ravens for betraying you. They’ll die either way but doing it yourself would be so much more satisfying…

> [1] They don’t deserve dying by your hands. Rock out on top of the Barge as it goes down (T x 3, Ag)
> [2] You need their skulls yesterday

>>38904275

> [2] You need their skulls yesterday

>>38904275
Toughest choice in the game...

>>38904275
>>38904275
> [1] They don’t deserve dying by your hands. Rock out on top of the Barge as it goes down (T x 3, Ag)

>>38904275
> [1] They don’t deserve dying by your hands. Rock out on top of the Barge as it goes down (T x 3, Ag)
goddamn this is a hard choice

>>38904275
Tough choice. Uh.... I guess we'll do
> [2] You need their skulls yesterday

>>38904206
>We should totally do that after Fuklawing it.
>
>Bonus points for Cinder's sockpuppets having teeth from our claws.
We should walk out of the crater with the sockpuppets and as everyone wonders what the fuck just happened we should explain it to them with sockpuppets, and then the sockpuppets get teeth and we kill the non-Iggy birds

>>38904275
Well, it appears you are all in the tough position of having a tie... And I so happen to be an undecided voter... what can you anons offer me as incentive to side with you?

>>38904275
> [1] They don’t deserve dying by your hands. Rock out on top of the Barge as it goes down (T x 3, Ag)

Now this is some Khornate rockin'

Oh and I suppose I should say there are sockpuppets involved in [1] here. Sorry, should have mentioned it sooner.

>>38904389
>> [1] They don’t deserve dying by your hands. Rock out on top of the Barge as it goes down (T x 3, Ag)
...Sold! To the QM suffering from the stress induced mental breakdown!

File: ch_direction.jpg (128 KB, 500x635)

128 KB JPG

>>38904403

>>38904275
>[1] They don’t deserve dying by your hands. Rock out on top of the Barge as it goes down (T x 3, Ag)

>>38904389
>Oh and I suppose I should say there are sockpuppets involved in [1] here

Rock out with Socks out!

>>38904275
> [1] They don’t deserve dying by your hands. Rock out on top of the Barge as it goes down (T x 3, Ag)

Full Alucard time?

>>38904464
Bitch, It Puppet Time

>>38904475
...aaand now I'm imagining Hellsing Puppet Pals. Thanks.

[1] it is.

2d100

I'm changing what you're rolling against ever so slightly, so here's the breakdown:

First roll is going to be against Toughness (59). This signifies how quickly you adapt after being teleported and how well you ride the barge down.

Second roll is going to be against Strength (64). This for something awesome that happens after the puppet show.

The third (T) and fourth (Ag) rolls we'll hold off on and do after those two are handled in the next update.

>>38904492
Now you're imagining Hellsing Ultimate Abridged Puppet Pals. You're welcome.

Rolled 11, 16 = 27 (2d100)

>>38904516
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

REMOVE TZEENTCHIAN KEBAB!

Rolled 27, 51 = 78 (2d100)

>>38904516
glory to Khorne!

Rolled 56, 62 = 118 (2d100)

>>38904516

Rolled 41, 22 = 63 (2d100)

>>38904516

>>38904522
That's even better.

Rolled 92, 61 = 153 (2d100)

>>38904516

Rolled 35, 33 = 68 (2d100)

>>38904516

>>38904525
>>38904533
>>38904536

Yeaahhhh you got it. Writing...

>>38904547
FUCK YEAH! GLORY TO KHORNE! MAY WE CLAIM OUR SKULLS IN HIS NAME! REMOVE TZEETCH KEBAB, 40,000 A.D. WAS BEST YEAR OF LIFE! DEATH TO THE WEAK!

>>38904547
Kebab status: removed with prejudice

>>38904275

“On the front, if you would,” you reply.

Your sister-to-be nods and begins casting a spell. Just before it finishes, she says one final thing, “I’m sending you along with some sockpuppets and will broadcast whatever you say/do to these idiots at large. Oh and Deeuffanir? Please come back to me.”

And then you’re not there anymore. You’re in the void between realities. You linger in such a state for an unknown amount of time, then pop back into existence above the flaming hull of a Battle Barge. Immediately you lash out with your Warp chains, bringing you to the hull proper and giving you purchase upon it. You’re not directly on the bowsprit but you are to where you can see where the Barge is heading. It seems to be making a beeline for a single, shining blue spark far below on the mobius planet, along with several other large space-faring vessels.

Suddenly a pop echoes throughout the area. Then you hear yourself breathing and realize it’s time for your speech. As such, you throw open your arms wide and begin:

“DAEMONS AND MARINES PLEASE, WOULD YOU BRING YOUR ATTENTION TO ME? FOR A FEAST FOR YOUR EYES TO SEE…”

You focus on the mental image of sockpuppets. Lo and behold, a red and blue one materialize into your waiting claws.

“Hi,” says the blue one. “I’m Ignitrix”

“AND I’M CINDER,” adds the red.

“You all have played right into our hands! We knew this would happen!”

“SHE’S FULL OF SHIT, BUT I AM CINDER. I AM THE ANTI-PLAN.”

“It’s true! She’s keeps ruining everything!”

“EXCEPT HEADPATS. WHICH BY THE WAY….”

You toss aside the puppets. They burn up immediately in the flames surrounding you and the Barge. But you don’t care. A thought has struck you: Why not just THROW the barge instead of riding it down?

(cont)

>>38904879

So you do. Your muscles strain, practically bursting, as you wrench your chains back and stall the Barge mid-air. You hang there for a moment, deciding on what best to say. Finally you decide on, “HERE’S AN EXPLOSION OF CATASTROPHE!”

Then you throw the Barge. As it sails by you, you swear you can hear Proditus crying and wetting himself.

> Roll 2d100 vs 59 and 55

I thought it was funny, shut up

Rolled 83, 2 = 85 (2d100)

>>38904898

Rolled 33, 56 = 89 (2d100)

>>38904898
See ya later, jerks!

Rolled 50, 51 = 101 (2d100)

>>38904898
Bastard, You wasted the puppets

>>38904915
>>38904917
>>38904929

Yeah you pass. Writing...

To be fair on the puppets - this is why Cinder shouldn't ever perform.

Rolled 44, 14 = 58 (2d100)

>>38904929
they can always come back better than ever, like those two movie/theater critics from sesame street

>>38904969
>Sesame Street

>>38904943
Hey, she's a very smart Khornate. A Khornate with IDEAS, which should make every bird down there shit themselves.

But no, she's not much of a stand-up comic.

>>38904898

Your thrown weapon is the first vessel to impact the ground so very far below. Even as it unleashes a shattering ball of cleansing fire the others land as well. The ensuing explosion is so great that you see the planetoid break and vaporize beneath you. You yourself are sent flying head over heels into the void of space. Chunks of barge, rock, daemon, and many others besides hurtle past you. Several even hit you, causing you to once lose a good chunk of your tail and your right leg below the knee. Your right arm is also made numb and unresponsive.

But what matters is you survive. You’re able to toughen through the pain and bloodloss as if it were nothing. The perks of being a Khornate, after all. Good thing too - as you notice a book soaring past along with the rest of the debris. A quick flick of your left hand sees the single set of warp chains ensnaring the novel and bringing it into your waiting grasp.

“HA HA! GOT IT!” you shout to no one in particular. It’s hard to say if anything survived that stunt. You even start to worry about Shiela and Ignitrix when a portal open up next to your head. Out of it extends an arm, Ignitrix’s. You gladly take it.

In the time it takes you to blink, you find yourself before an ancient Terran home, complete with a lawn and white picket fence. On the lawn you see Shiela playing with a small, stuffed dog. Ignitrix is nowhere to be seen. Otherwise there’s nothing but a white void surrounding everything.

> [1] Hobble over to the door
> [2] Shout for someone to help you walk

>>38905149
>[1] Hobble over to the door
>implying we require aid

>>38905149
>[1] Hobble over to the door

And be somewhat distracted by a brass scorpion playing with stuffed dog because WTF

>>38905149
>> [1] Hobble over to the door

>>38905149
>> [1] Hobble over to the door

>>38905149
> [2] Shout for someone to help you walk

>>38905149
>> [1] Hobble over to the door

Eh, we're Cinder. We can tank it.
Also, how is our giant scorpion death tank playing with a stuffed poodle. Iggy, what did you do.

>>38905198

Skippy is a corgi, not a poodle.

>>38905149

Trying not to be distracted by the sight of a Brass Scorpion playing fetch with a stuffed animal, you start to hobble forwards. You have to use your Firestorm blade as a makeshift crutch but otherwise you make it to the door without issue. You don’t even ring the doorbell or knock, instead throwing up the door. Inside is a single room containing rows of books, several couches, a TV, a wooden desk, and a large, arched-back chair that’s currently facing towards you. In it is Ignitrix.

“You’re a mess, sis,” she remarks with a smile.

You roll your eyes and toss her the book. “That tends to happen when you actually get your claws dirty instead of having others do it for you.”

“Oh hush. You loved every single second of it. Now let’s see…”

She begins thumbing through the book. At first she seems full of wonder and excitement. But, as time goes on, that all quickly turns to confusion and anger.

“I thought you said you got it?!”

“I… did?”

All at once, her feathers become literally jets of fire. “THEN WHY AM I READING THE ‘TRUE ART OF WAR’ BY KHORNE?!”

You’re taken aback at that. “I… I have no idea. I just grabbed a book that flew past me. I didn’t think any other book could surv-”

A literal inferno now, Ignitrix begins to rant and tear at the book before her. As she does you produce your own copy of the True Art and eye it critically.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!”

“Uhh…” You look back to Ignitrix to see her eyes wide and her mouth agape. “Isn’t this the same book as that one?”

“NO. THAT IS WHAT I NEED.”

Lost beyond belief, you toss her that book as well. She discards the first and hurriedly opens the second. “Where did you… how could YOU have THIS?!”

> [1] Mention the fact you got it back on the Chronos station
> [2] Remain silent and hope she explains
> [3] Try and joke that you were just teasing her with the first book

>>38905427
> [1] Mention the fact you got it back on the Chronos station

>>38905427
> [2] Remain silent and hope she explains
Let's see you figure this out, Birdy

>>38905427
> [2] Remain silent and hope she explains

Birdy needs exercise

>>38905427
> [1] Mention the fact you got it back on the Chronos station

>>38905427

Bring Out the Puppets

>>38905528
This!

>>38905427
>>38905470 here changing to >>38905528

>>38905528
>>38905427
Puppet time
Cinder version

>>38905528

I'll count that as [1]

Which otherwise has won the vote. Writing...

>>38905427

“Well you know back on the Chronos station how you were off making the portals and you said not to touch anything…”

Ignitrix’s fires die down and return to normal feathering. Somehow her chair seems no worse for wear. “You mean to tell me,” she begins slowly. “That THIS was just sitting there this ENTIRE TIME?”

You shrug. “I guess? Maybe? I just thought I’d found a neat book by the Big Guy himself.”

“No… No there’s an illusion on this. Here…”

She speaks a word unknown to you and suddenly the book grows thrice in size. Now half as large as Ignitrix you clearly see its title: “Magic and You: A Definitive Guide for Me.”

“Ah…” you say, not really sure what else to.

Luckily, Ignitrix finds the answer for the both of you. When she flips to the foreword a sockpuppet pops out.

“Hi! I’m you! I actually swapped out the Blue Scribes’ scroll a long time ago! But then past-me kept blowing it up when I tried to leave it out for them! So I put it somewhere my sister would find it and bring it to me!”

“But then why…” whispers Ignitrix.

The puppet continues uninterrupted, “It was right there under my nose all along! And because I’d never suspect the obvious it was the perfect hiding place! Oh and I have no idea what I’m doing, so have fun winging it! It’s your problem now!”

Then the puppet poofs in a shower of feathers. Ignitrix looks like someone just told her she just helped the Corpse God come back to life. You should do or say something.

> [1] Walk over and actively comfort her
> [2] Walk over and just be there for her
> [3] Remain where you are and offer Cinder-like words of wisdom
> [4] Write in

>>38905694
>> [3] Remain where you are and offer Cinder-like words of wisdom

>>38905694
>> [1] Walk over and actively comfort her
We may need to apply hugs to the Bird, but I'm torn between this and just being there.

>>38905694
> [2] Walk over and just be there for her

>>38905694
> [3] Remain where you are and offer Cinder-like words of wisdom

HAH hows it feel to be punked birdbrain?

>>38905694

> [2]

Based on her oneshot form so long ago I believe this will lead to her picking us up and cuddling us like her stuffed dog.

>>38905694
>> [3] Remain where you are and offer Cinder-like words of wisdom

>>38905694
> [1] Walk over and actively comfort her

>>38905694
>> [4] Write in
"...Wanna go collect some skulls with me?"

>>38905694
> [1] Walk over and actively comfort her
HUGS

>>38905795
also this

>>38905694
> [3] Remain where you are and offer Cinder-like words of wisdom

>>38905694
>> [1] Walk over and actively comfort her

>>38905795
"You know what always makes me feel better? Killing things and claiming their skulls."

Actively comfort while offering words of wisdom? Sure let's go with that.

Writing...

>>38905848
man after this we should totally give her piggy back rides on our shoulders while claiming skulls

File: 640px-Omnibus3 (1).png (205 KB, 640x360)

205 KB PNG

>>38905694

>>38905694
>[4] ...YOU OWE ME A FUCKIN' BOOK, IMOUTOOOO!!!

>>38905694

You start to hop over to her. As you do, you say, “I know this is probably the same thing you interfering in Khornate matters but…”

Now beside her, you pick her up with your one good hand. She squeaks in alarm like she once did so very long ago. The remainder of your tail wriggles in delight as you sit down in her place, with her on your lap. “...I figure you need this.”

She buries her face into your chest, clinging to you as if she’s afraid to ever let go. “More than you’ll ever know. Just… just stay here for a bit… please?”

“Sure.”

And so you do. After a few minutes you hear the unmistakable sound of Ignitrix beginning to cry.

“I thought I knew everything. Or that I’d get here and it’d all make sense. But now I find out it’s all a lie and that it’s all just illusions and… Damn it I’m such a bitch.”

“But you’re you now, right? Tzeentch you I mean?”

She looks up at you, eyes brimming with tears. Whether they’re of rage, sadness, or a mixture of something else entirely you’re not sure. “For it matters I could have been Tzeentch back on Ysai. I’m no better prepared now than I was even back when I first came here. I feel so goddamn lost that I…”

You smile down at her. “Hey, at least you’re not pink, right?”

Her face goes straight back into your chest. Cripes. She’s taking this hard.

“I know this is EXACTLY what I’m supposed to do though. Claim everything is part of some grand plan and dick over everyone in the process. But I HATE that it’s me getting screwed over in this instance. Why am I such a dick?”

> [1] Let her vent
> [2] Hey at least you’re not a pink dick
> [3] Mention that her place needs a bloodbath
> [4] Write in

Cute daemons doing cute things.

>>38906031
> [3] Mention that her place needs a bloodbath

>>38906031
>[4] Hey, why don't I read to you? I'm an avid reader, don'tcha know...

>>38906031
>> [1] Let her vent
I'm thinking humor isn't really our best option right now. But that's just my opinion.

>>38906031
>> [1] Let her vent
then
> [3] Mention that her place needs a bloodbath

ahhhhh fuck salt I got to sleep now, I cnat finish this whole thing......well atleast we have archives.

>>38906031
>[4] Well, have you had about enough of planning sorcery? Cuz if so, we could go make our own skull throne together. I'm on top, of course.

Survey says... I'll do some sort of combining I guess. The important distinction is you're not going for humor I think.

>>38906031

Khornates do one emotion well: anger. Outside of that? Not so much. You don’t know how to properly handle what Ignitrix is going through, let alone how to comfort the Mistress of Fate herself. But maybe you can stick to what’s worked in the past? It’s worth a shot, you guess.

“Hey, Iggy?”

“MMmmrm…”

You pat the top of her head as lightly as you can. “Would you like me to read to you? We could even do it in the bloodbath for old times’ sake. Or you can just keep yelling into my stomach. That’s fine too.”

“You probably enjoy how upset I am, aren’t you?” she retorts.

“Eh… if I have to be honest, I really liked how angry you got with the fire and all. It makes me wonder if you kept a little bit of the failed timeline.”

Suddenly you find yourself being held like a teddy bear. When did you switch places with her?

“I did. I keep all of them. I have to. I have to be in every timeline at once and watch all the strings unfold.” She sounds slightly more confident now. Less upset. “Even if there’s no manual on how to run things I have to pretend I know what I’m doing, right?”

“See, this is why I like being me,” you admit. “No mind games, no fuss. Just kill that guy and take his skull and don’t be a dick in the process. Quick, clean, easy.”

You feel Ignitrix give you a big, warm squeeze. One she should not be capable of. Maybe there’s more to her taking over than either of you previously thought. Before you hardly noticed her presence, but now you feel like there’s something much larger than you nearby. “If the Corpse God fucks everything up again, I’m reincarnating as a Bloodletter. And then you and I can go do whatever the fuck we want together.”

Your tail wriggles. It and the rest of you seem to have healed. There’s definitely something going on here. “That sounds like a great plan. But I’m still the ‘big sis.’”

“Deal.”

(cont)

>>38906485

Ignitrix lets you go, letting you rise from the chair. When you round on her, you realize she’s changed. She’s still smaller than you but she looks more mature. Her hair is longer, and her features more defined. Her feathers are more extravagant too, sporting alternating red and blue patterns that change every few seconds. Even her scaling is more prominent. That settles it. She was a dick to herself but not a total dick. Good for her.

“Now then…” A wave of her hand sees the all-important book soar back into her lap from the floor. “I believe I owe you a weapon. But before I can give it to you, you’re going to need to collect a few things.”

You throw up your hands in mock exasperation. “Really?! After all that?”

She giggles, “Yes. But I promise you’ll have fun getting them.”

You sigh, “Fine… What are they?”

“Only two things, actually. The first is a Leviathan from the Lake of Slaughter. They’re one of the oldest beings in Khorne’s realm, formed at about the same time he did. I’d have you try and kill an Eldar god for the same effect, but I can make do with just a Leviathan.”

You don’t immediately write off something like Khaine being an option. “And the second?”

“The second is something meaningful from the material realm. A piece of the Golden Throne, a relic from days of old, it has to be something with real, measurable value that, once taken, can never be replaced.”

“Metaphysical bullshit…” you mutter.

“That it is. But if Khorne managed it I’m sure you will too.”

“Thanks, Tzeentch.”

“No, Cinder,” she sighs. “I’m always just 'Ignitrix' to you.”

“Fair enough.”

> [1] Go start the fetch quest
> [2] Linger for a little while longer

>>38906495
> [2] Linger for a little while longer
Iggy seriously needs some interior decorating help in here

>>38906495
>> [2] Linger for a little while longer
She also probably needs a shrink or three after that...

>>38906495
>> [1] Go start the fetch quest

>>38906495
>[3] Grab Iggy, perch her on our shoulder like a parrot, and get back to the Engine. Cap'n Cinder's off a-plunderin'.

>>38906495
> [1] Go start the fetch quest
>Before we go, use that phrase we learned on the Weeb Planet:
>"'Sayonara, Imouto.'"

>>38906495
>“The second is something meaningful from the material realm. A piece of the Golden Throne, a relic from days of old, it has to be something with real, measurable value that, once taken, can never be replaced.”
Oh shit, we're doing that Terra heist! And you all said I was an idiot for even considering it! Well who's laughing now? Huh, huh, huh?

Well if I count the write in as [1] it's fetch quest time.

Writing...

>>38906518

Boiling down a Chaos God's ascension into words is like trying to describe an Eldar God in 3 dimensions.

>>38906647

Still not a thing.

So, have we ranked up to Daemon Princess yet?

>>38906495
> "You still owe me a book!"

>>38906657
damn...this means no more bestbird there to teleport our asses out of the fire and shoot horrific warpfire at our enemies.......well atleast we still have acerea right? I hope we still have that iggy doll

File: laughing eldar whores.jpg (355 KB, 446x400)

355 KB JPG

>>38906714
>well atleast we still have acerea right?

>>38906495

You point over at the door for emphasis. “Well I guess I’d better get going then. Do I just leave and end up back in the Formless Wastes or…?”

Ignitrix rolls her eyes. “As if I’d be so unhelpful. I’d be happy to deposit you wherever you like, within reason. Though if it’s somewhere in Khorne’s realm you’re liable to be descended upon by every daemon in a rather large radius for spellcrafting.”

“I see… and how should I let you know I’m ready to come back here?”

“Break the crystal. I repurposed it while you were my teddy bear. It no longer tears a parallel me from their universe and supplants them here.”

“Uh huh…”

“Do I have to get the sock-”

You shake your head vigorously. “No. No I’m good.”

“Wonderful. So where would you like to go?”

> [1] The Edge of Khorne’s realm
> [2] Back to the Engine
> [3] Right next to Sytili, wherever she is
> [4] Send me precisely where I need to be, Iggy

>>38906726
> [1] The Edge of Khorne’s realm
We should amass a sizable army to take on this Leviathan. It's high time we got a Khornate Honor Guard anyhow.

>>38906726
>> [3] Right next to Sytili, wherever she is

>>38906726
> [1] The Edge of Khorne’s realm
Let's go say hi to dad, maybe Kharn can help if he's not busy

>>38906657
Might the Blood Ravens have something we can borrow?

>>38906762
Tons of things.

>>38906762

We just threw them at all the Tzeentch daemons, remember?

>>38906726
> [1] The Edge of Khorne’s realm
Bring Shiela too

>>38906770
one of their battle barges, not every blud magpie

>>38906778
yeah, don't forget the brass scorpion in the front lawn

>>38906783

> It turns out she's become a plushie too

God damn it Iggy.

>>38906726
> The Golden Throne
Hey, she said a piece would work, right?

>>38906812
>Emperor's Skull
That's a piece, right?

>>38906812
>>38906820

If you remember, him going is what causes the Ward Effect. I took that to mean Terra is strictly off limits

>>38906726
> [5] The foot of the golden throne

>>38906726
>>38906812
>>38906820
>>38906831
The emperors right testicle...

>>38906829
Let's just have Iggy teleport Betelgeuse where Sol is.

>>38906836
I was thinking his big goofy pauldrons, but a testicle works too.

>>38906836
Less than a raisin by now

>>38906848
How about that sword? You know from the official art?

[1] it is. Writing...

>>38906829 gets it. Though at some point something will have to happen to prevent Big E from shitting the bed. Probably not in this quest though.

You might be able to find his sword or armor or something via the Blood Ravens though.

>>38906726
>"Y'know, it's a bit regrettable that we never got to square off against each other."

>>38906866
Why do you prevent us from going to Terra? Have we angered you in some way?

>>38906726

After weighing all your options you reply, “It’s been forever since I was last ‘home.’ Send me off to the Realm of Brass and Blood.”

Ignitrix nods and waves her hand. “Just step through the door. Oh and make sure you’re touching the Leviathan when you break the crystal. Otherwise it won’t come here with you.”

“Thanks for the tip, I guess.”

“Mhm. Have fun!”

And then she turns her chair to look at the TV. Best you can tell it’s just showing static, yet she seems enthralled by it. At least she’s not crying anymore. Although…

“Hey Iggy?”

“Hm?”

“You sure you’re okay?”

She glances back at you, a weak smile on her face. “No. This is going to take some time to get used to. I’d ask you to stay but I know how you are. Besides, you do have somewhat of a schedule to keep.”

“Right… well find a way to put in a Bloodbath or something by the time I come back. Your taste in decoration is awful.”

She laughs and turns back to her “program.” “Thanks, sis.”

> Housekeeping blah next post

So yeah. Ending early because I am le tired and need to fire missiles in the morning. We'll do #29 in the evening around 7-8pm EST unless I'm literally dying.

Terra's off limits because I don't feel like running Horus Heresy type stuff. One does not simply teleport into the Throne Room or Warp Jump to Terra. Especially as a daemon, even Tzeentch. Hate me for it if you must.

2 more threads to go.

Be kind to the rest of the board and remember to sage.

>>38906987
Thanks for the thread

>2 more threads to go.
damnit, this is why I voted to hang around with Iggy some more

>>38906987
You didn't do the fuckin' weeb speak "Lil' Sis" thing and that makes me mad at you

>>38906987
thanks for running ELH, though I'm real sad theres only 2 threads left, we need more time with the girls

>>38906987
Personally, I'll suggest a piece of the Void Dragon's body. Mars isn't off limits, right?

>>38907276
Sounds like fun!

Sockpuppet demon champions need to be a thing, sentient and subservient sockpuppets who help be apart of our honour guard.

>>38907276
Okay, let's plot a diversionary invasion of Terra, Venus, Europa, Io, Callisto, Ganymede, Titan, and Pluto while we go after Mars and cut off a portion of their vehicles.

>>38906987
Thanks for the fun, boss.

>>38909179
sage your posts friend