Hello /tg/!I'm fishing for headlines from a world in which stuff is slowly but inexorably crapping out, like Atlas Shrugged, or Interstellar. Something a bit less obvious than CHOCOLATE RATIONS INCREASED TO 19 GRAMS A WEEK.
>>38813543>CHOCOLATE RATIONS INCREASED FROM 22 GRAMS A WEEK TO 19 GRAMS A WEEK.
>>38813557>MATH SCORES AT AN ALL TIME LOW
>>38813543>don't say headlines from any modern day newspaper, don't say headlines from any modern day newspaper, don't say headlines from any modern day newspaper...Just use headlines from any contemporary news site...oh god damn it, that's edgy.
>>38813557lelThe idea is to take all the wharrgarbl from Atlas Shrugged, and with the 150 or so pages that are left out of 2500, make a Gamma World or similar scenario in which there was no big apocalypse, just a giant depression that never recovered.Sort of like the book version of The Postman. The headlines would be to estabilish the mood."Academy Awards slash categories, possibly a private event from next year""Economists optimistic as revised projections show slowing rate of economic decline""Dollar Stores are back - just add a zero"
>>38813543In weather today marks another year without any rainfall. So far the mega drought has lasted 41 years with no end in sight. Your air quality for tomorrow is at an orange, remember to wear those masks. This Dustbowl 2 update was brought to you by....
>>38813673.... Brawndo, it's got electrolytes!
http://emlia.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php?n=IronLegion I got something going. Shall I proceed?
>NATION TECHNICALLY NO LONGER THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY>OBESITY AT ALL-TIME LOW>PLOT TO ASSASSINATE PRESIDENT FAILED; "WON'T FIX ANYTHING ANYWAYS.">NOT ENOUGH MOVIES RELEASED FOR AN ANNUAL TOP-10 LIST>NATION LEADING IN SUICIDE RATE>NOT ENOUGH FUEL TO BRING OVERSEA SOLDIERS BACK
>>38815378oh i like theseespecialy the obesity one
>>38815378>>NOT ENOUGH FUEL TO BRING OVERSEA SOLDIERS BACKThat actually made me a little sad.
> DETROIT AREA DECLARED NATIONAL PARK> LET'S EAT TWO MEALS A DAY! (Real Nork slogan during the 1995 famine)> WoW MIGRATES TO IMAGEBOARD FORMAT: ELECTRICITY ALLOCATION "SUFFICIENT" FOR REFURBISHED SERVERS>
> MISS MEAT? YOU WON'T AFTER THESE 20 FULSOME FILLING CORN RECIPES
>>38815706> LEAD ENTOMOLOGISTS SHARE HOME COOKING SECRETS> FINAL FORMULA ONE WINNERS CELEBRATED; NASCAR TO SWITCH TO ALL-STEAM FORMAT NEXT YEAR
>BEES: FACT OR FICTION?
>>38815706Corn is actually an extremely energy intensive crop to raise. A society on the decline probably wouldn't be able to sustain widespread production.
> Mexican annexation of southwestern territory approved by remaining congressional body>Unemployment down to five year low of 57%>Redefinition of term saves millions from "poverty">Australian government denies all new citizenship, refugee and asylum requests.>Military to begin phasing in corporate sponsors for certain uniforms and armored vehicles.>Federal Reserve to begin latest round of stimulus injections. Expect your $500,000,000 stimulus deposit this Friday!
>>38815942> Australian government's new majority is spiders>>38815917True but there would be a "why feed cows with this corn if we can eat it instead" phase... like in Interstellar.>>38815942These are great!> ATTORNEY GENERAL INTRODUCES "TOO MUCH OVERHEAD TO PROSECUTE" CATEGORY; CANNABIS STILL ON SCHEDULE 1
> "Your town needs YOU POWER! Turn in your solar panels to the nearest hospital, firehouse, or police station to receive a tax voucher and a coupon for a pedal generator. Keep them running!"
>LETHAL DISEASE RAVAGES NATIONthe following week:>RATIONS INCREASED>COMMUNICATIONS ARRAY ERECTED TO BROADCAST HUMANITY'S OBITUARY INTO SPACE>OIL TOO SCARCE- HORSE PRIMARY MODE OF TRANSPORT ONCE AGAIN>SPEARS BEING SENT TO TROOPS>TOILET PAPER TO BE RECYCLED>NEW $1000 BILLS TO BE MINTED DUE TO INFLATION>ASTRONAUTS SENT TO FIND HABITABLE PLANET>FIREFIGHTERS NOW USE SEWER WATER TO CONSERVE FRESH WATER>SHOE TO PERSON RATIO INCREASES TO 3:4>GOVERNMENT AUCTIONING OFF TERRITORY>TOO MUCH SMOG FOR SOLAR PANELS TO FUNCTION>TODAY'S CHILDREN WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT THE SKY LOOKS LIKE
>>38816203>SPEARS BEING SENT TO TROOPSThis happened: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_Guard_%28United_Kingdom%29#.22Croft.27s_Pikes.22
>TODAY'S CHILDREN WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT THE SKY LOOKS LIKEthis is happening right now in China
>>38816295A friend of mine went to China last year to visit a colleague, and they ate in the same restaurant all the time. He got to know the serving girl pretty weĺl, and one day she excitedly showed him a picture on her phone; it was the sky over the restaurant, with a gap in the smog showing a small patch of blue. It had been such an unusual sight, she'd taken a picture.
>>38813543Read The Sheep Look Up and Stand on Zanzibar by John Brunner. Available for free on the interwebs, downright prescient, and chock-full of this sort of thing.
>>38819046Wow, same guy who wrote Shockwave Rider? Amazing. Thanks!
Floraphage discovered in madagasgar no land untouched by scourge>government demands food from Canadian Arcadia project >Denial! We can barely feed our own citzens>New GMO's fail to survive floraphage microbes >Greenland seed vault destroyed >"food wars" declared worldwide
>20TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE LAST TRANSMISSION RECEIVED FROM THE OUTER COLONIES.>NATIONAL SUICIDE RATE AT ALL TIME LOW, POPULATION NUMBERS STILL DECLINING.>10TH MUSEUM CLOSED THIS MONTH, "LACK OF INTEREST" CITED AS MAIN CAUSE>LARHE GROUP OF ANCIENT ROMAN EMPIRE RE-ENACTORS LAUNCH SUCCESFUL COUP, FORMS NEW GOVERNMENT.
>>38821699> 5th ANNIVERSARY OF LAST ISS CREW> MACY'S PARADE DRAWS HUNDREDS, MAY FEATURE BALLOONS AGAIN "SOON, BUT NOT NEXT YEAR"> JOE ARPAIO ELECTED, NEW DUKE OF ARIZONA PROMISES STRICTER INDENTURE LAWS> HEAVY WINDS DELAY AID CONVOY. SEAMEN WITH KNOWLEDGE OF SAIL RIGGING STILL AT A PREMIUM> MIT GOES ONLINE-ONLY, BEGINS SHORTWAVE OUTREACH PROGRAM
>>38822144> $1, $5 BILLS NO LONGER ACCEPTED FOR REDENOMINATION: GOVERNMENT RECOMMENDS REUSE AS WALLPAPER> TURN IN YOUR COPPER WIRING FOR A TAX VOUCHER! LAST YEAR BEFORE INDIVIDUAL TURN-IN MANDATE!
Try real world
>>38816203>>TODAY'S CHILDREN WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT THE SKY LOOKS LIKEOkay but can I use my one bullet per life ration on myself?
>>38813543>JURIES ABOLISHED TO SAVE COSTS>CONGRESS TO REINSTATE HOMESTEAD ACT>MAKE WORK PROGRAM DISCONTINUED: LABOR DEPARTMENT BLAMES "INSUFFICIENT APPLICANT NUMBERS"
>In today's news, the death of the last Apollo mission astronaut marks in many eyes the end of an era where man once walked worlds other than our own. will happen eventually
>Just because ocean acidification dissolved the worlds coral reefs that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy them. Click here to download a VR simulation of the Great Barrier Reef. Using archival footage and cutting edge technology our designers have recreated the ecosystem exactly as it was. In full color and immersion you can swim with all the species that are now extinct!
>>38813543>JELLYFISH BLOOMS STARTING TO DYING OUT, SAY LEADING OCEANOGRAPHERS SAY>CONTINUING DUST BOWL MAY LEAD TO RECLASSIFICATION OF OKLAHOMA, KANSAS AS TERRITORIES DUE TO DECLINING POPULATION>YELLOWSTONE 'BELCHING' NOT SUFFICIENT TO FORESTALL GLOBAL WARMING, SAY SCIENTISTS>BRITISH MERCHANT MARINE TO BE CONVERTED TO WIND POWER>ALGAL-BASED SOLAR 'NOT AS EFFICIENT AS ORIGINALLY PROJECTED'
>>38822318> NASA CLOSED DUE TO WANING INTEREST IN SPACE RESEARCH, GOVERNMENT PROMISES FURTHER CUTS TO UNNECESSARY SCIENTIFIC AGENCIES
>>38819046>Read The Sheep Look UpI've been telling people to do this for at least a decade. This is probably one of my top five favorite books of all time.
>>38815706>6 NEW WAYS TO PREPARE SOY GRUEL THAT MAKE MEALS EXCITING AGAIN!>DIY TIPS FROM OUR TOP TEN URBAN SALVAGERS. LEARN HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN TRIPWIRES, RAINWATER FILTERS, AND MORE!>RAD ZOMBIES HATE HIM! LEARN THIS MAN'S COOL TRICK FOR GETTING A FULL NIGHT'S SLEEP.>>38818771I just started a job in Beijing about two weeks ago, and for the first time yesterday I realized why I was always so weirded out on my walk home.I walk west, and the smog is thick enough that you can stare directly at the sun.
>NEW LIFEFORM DISCOVERED CAPABLE OF SURVIVING AT THE EQUATOR>SUBAQUATIC HABITATION DELAYED ANOTHER SIX MONTHS>CONTACT LOST WITH PROBE NEAR EDGE OF OORT CLOUD>ANDROID RIGHTS BILL REJECTED FOR THIRD TIME IN A ROW>PRESIDENT ASSASSINATED - CLONE AWAITS SECOND INAUGURATION
>>38819046Except the environmental and pollution issues in the US have largely abated. If anything, the book is prescient about China, not the US, except cities in China are only so smog-filled because the Chinese government is trying to uplift a billion people from an agrarian lifestyle to a post-industrial one in the span of, what, 50 years?
>>38825258Yeah, the one big thing about books written in the early 1970s, prior to the EPA, is that it really did seem to the general public like the environment was about to collapse. It's still a great book, just read it as an alt-reality where the environment went to shit.
>>38825293Tbh I'm willing to read it just based on that phenomenal cover art.
>>38825329It's a very 1972 book. Which may or may not be a good thing for you. I loved it, but I love shit from that era.
>>38813543>NEW CLEAN FOOD SOURCE FOUND AT CHERNOBYL
>>38825364>CONGRESS REVEALS NEW THERMAL POWER PLANS FOR CENTRALIA, PA.
>>38822318And now I'm crying for realz.
>New wonder drug to extend life 100 years.>Lifespan drug users warned to avoid pregnancies>Birth rates at an all-time low>Lifespan drug linked to infertility>What it may have been: Children in a Post-Event world
>MAKE YOUR OWN FRESH WATER AT HOME**For novelty use only. Do not consume.
>WIND POWER USED MORE THAN EVER: HERE'S HOW YOU, TOO, CAN USE IT TO MILL YOUR GRAIN.Bump
>SUSPECTED PAPER-HOARDERS TRIED, SHOT>NEW PROOF MAN NEVER WALKED ON MOON>CONGRESS APPROVES USE OF CHILDREN AS TITHES
>>38825479aren't we supposed to launch settlers to Mars soonish? As in people that are now in their mid-forties. I remember there being a world-wide recruiting campaign that I considered joining to.
>>38815942>Military to begin phasing in corporate sponsors for certain uniforms and armored vehicles.what do you think lockheed is, anon?
>>38825258The real stand-out prediction is designer crops and ecological disasters driving global instability. The rest of it you can file under "Rand Paul abolishes the EPA - a what-if".
>COCKROACHES PASS CRICKETS AS MOST CONSUMED MEAT>MIDWEST COAST PREPARES FOR ACIDIC TSUNAMI SEASON>OLDEST LIVING SENATOR (AGE 72) RECALLS FIRST CAFETERIA ZOO>says "I miss tiger bone soup the most, especially when Google was serving.">CHINESE NEWBORN WITH 61% BODY SYMMETRY, OFFICIALS HOPEFUL>LIBRARIES DECLARED FUEL RESOURCE>LAST SEED VAULT FOUND IN INDIA, INTERIOR "LIKE A BONFIRE"
>>38826927>aren't we supposed to launch settlers to Mars soonish?Lol. No.You need an actual investement to pull this off and you wont get any real profit. Even good publicity is nowhere near enough to make it worthwhile. Bombing Venesuela is much cheaper.Besides, nowadays NASA can't even re-create 40-year old Soviet rocket engine.
>>38826927Are you talking about Mars One? That is not connected to NASA and recent articles report it being a scam and very unlikely to get anywhere.
>>38827671you sure? Not long ago I saw an interview on national TV with a guy that was supposedly selected. Not saying you are wrong, I really do not know.It' still a shame
>>38827781See >>38827673Maybe I wouldn't completely trust wikipedia on this, but the criticism section certainly seems fairly convincing.
>>38813712It's what plants crave!
>>38827781Here is an article about someone who claims he is one of the 100 finalists.>http://www.techspot.com/news/60071-mars-one-finalist-breaks-silence-claims-organization-total.html?google_editors_picks=true
>>38827781There might even be people and stuff. The problem is you can't simply buy a rocket, hire some people and expect everything to work out. You need years of research, testing, research, and even more testing, before you get anywhere. There are too many things that can go wrong.You'll need access to real nation's resources (and nation-wide commitment) to pull off something like this. Not some quasi-state like Netherlands (which does not even vouch for Mars One), but something on the level of (at the very least) Germany. And I'm not sure if Germany is enough. Even China didn't get their own moon rocks (yet).Basically, come back when we'll have kickstarter-funded nuclear reactors built.
Bump>>38827485Moar like this.
http://www.foodnavigator-usa.com/R-D/Tiny-Farms-Edible-insects-will-be-be-mainstream-in-future Real article.
>LAST HORSESHOE CRAB DIES IN CAPTIVITY>DISNEY WORLD TO AUCTION OFF MEMORABILIA PRIOR TO DEMOLITION>OLYMPIC MEDALS SHIFT TO GOLD, SILVER AND BRONZE PAINT ON CLAY BACKING AS PART OF METAL CONSERVATION EFFORTS>STAR EXPECTED TO BE VISIBLE IN NIGHT SKY TOMORROW>STATUE OF LIBERTY COLLAPSES FROM LACK OF MAINTENANCE>MISSISSIPPI RIVER FAILS TO REACH GULF OF MEXICO FOR SIXTH STRAIGHT YEAR>LESS THAN FIFTEEN PERCENT OF ADULT MALE POPULATION, THREE PERCENT OF ADULT FEMALE POPULATION CAN BE CONSIDERED FUNCTIONALLY LITERATE, NEW STUDY FINDS
>>38829594>OLYMPIC MEDALS SHIFT TO GOLD, SILVER AND BRONZE PAINT ON CLAY BACKING AS PART OF METAL CONSERVATION EFFORTSI rather think Olympics would be cancelled entirely far before that.
>>38829663Countries still need ways to wave their dicks around.But yeah, that would probably be from the last or next-to-last Olympiad before the whole thing ended from lack of money.
>>38816203>shoe to person ratiooh ha ha, it's been a while, hasn't it?
I would like more.
>>38824999Wow, that's heartbreaking.I feel like I should *DO* something...Like... invent a carbon-nanotube cylindrical tower that reached into the atmosphere attached to a vacuum unit with heavy air filtration at the base... just Suck smog *down* and purify it *here*... then Clean the damn filters every few minutes until the air was better...
>>38827858It's got electrolytes!
>All national governments collapse, 4chan /pol/ declared new leaders of Earth
>>38813543DON'T WASTE FUEL! WALKING IS GOOD FOR HEALTH!RIVER BURNS DOWN, TOWN LEFT WITHOUT WATER SUPPLY!Smoggy with a chance of acid rain. Goverment advises citizens wear gas masks.LAST CAT, MR. TIDDLES, DIES IN CAPTIVITY AT THE AGE OF 12>>38815842Insects are actually good eating, and we should use them more.>>38825293I knew one faggot who talked about how we don't need environmental protection. At no point could he explain how the free market would be able to deal with rivers catching on fire.
>Tumblr Declared a Sovereign Nation>iPhone 98 Revealed, Loftily Promises to Deliver Actual Connectivity on Occasion>Age of Majority Increased to 35>National Institute of Mental Health: As Many as "1 in 600" Children Now Born Without Autism>State of Massachusetts to Consider Legalizing Marriage>Taylor Swift Wins Every Grammy For 46th Consecutive Year
>>38813641Might be worthwhile to look at headlines from the Great Depression. The real problem is that this sort of world isn't shown in the headlines, it's shown in the details.
> Homeless Bounty vouchers reduced by 25% as surplus population problem finally abates> "The People's State of Guatemala," said the newspapers on January 26, "declines the request of the United States for the loan of a thousand tons of steel." (This is actually from Atlas Shrugged)
>>38838322Yeah. But I'm trying to put together a Fallout-style intro. The game takes place in 1975-1980 with things having gone to shit for 15-20 years already.http://emlia.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php?n=IronLegion.IronLegion Not a lot of content just yet.
>No new homes built for 10th straight year.
>>38836258>Age of Majority Increased to 35Lol. Make it 50.
You cannot die on me. Not yet.
>>38836258>Tumblr Declared a Sovereign NationAm I the only one who thinks this might make for an interesting setting for a game? Sort of bioshock-ish.
RIOTS AT THE MEXICO - CANADIAN BORDERCOCKROACHES DEEMED AN ENDANGERED SPECIESSCORCHING THE SKY IS THE BEST WAY TO STOP SOLAR-POWERED MACHINES - SCIENTISTS SAYSPAIN UNDER ATTACK BY ISLAMIST EXTREMISTS - FRENCH CALIPHATE DENIES THE ACCUSATIONS
>>38847927>SCORCHING THE SKY IS THE BEST WAY TO STOP SOLAR-POWERED MACHINES - SCIENTISTS SAYBrilliant!
>PHOTOGRAPH OF PRESIDENT: FIRST SIGHTING IN 6 YEARS>"BERLIN QUARANTINE CRITICALLY UNDERSTAFFED" SAYS U.N.>JOVIAN COLONIES DECLARE INDEPENDANCE, "Who cares?" Says Vice-President>LAST AUSTRALIAN DIES IN PRISON>NEW PLANTLIFE SPOTTED IN AMAZON DUSTBOWL>FIRST JAPANESE CHILD BORN AFTER 10 YEARS
>>38835862>This thread is for headlines during a collapse. /pol/ ending up with any kind of social power would be the cause of a collapse, not a side effect of one.
>>38821699>LARHE GROUP OF ANCIENT ROMAN EMPIRE RE-ENACTORS LAUNCH SUCCESFUL COUP, FORMS NEW GOVERNMENT.I'm ok with this.
>>38849011Lol. Ukrainians aren't.Donbass uprising was started by a re-enactor/LARPer, big fan of Russian Empire. Seriously.
>>38815900Oh my god this is good.
>>38847818Scary....>>38848968... not scary at all!> Good news for astronomy enthusiasts: due to high winds, there's a rare offline stargazing opportunity coming, so leave your VR goggles at home tomorrow night! Power conservation measures are in effect, so get ready to experience the constellations with unaided eyes!
> BAN ON SMOG MASKS DURING DEMONSTRATIONS PASSES CONSTITUTIONAL MUSTER, STATE SUPREME COURT SAYS. PROTESTS DRAWS HUNDREDS, DOZENS HOSPITALIZED
>>38826927What, you mean that fucking reality TV scam bullshit? No. No, men will, not walk on Mars before the decade is out.
>>38813543There's some I'd like. I'd be particularly interested in the transition period, as things begin to backslide, but the Old World is still trying to gamely hang on.>Amtrak ticket sales exceed airline tickets for the first time in history>New steam-sail hybrid vessels take over shipping market>Desperately needed GPS-Galileo satellites languish on the ground>Franco-German Confederation narrowly votes against going to gold standard>Report reveals portions of US now "effectively ungoverned"
>>38853518Same here. Now for a bit of optimism:> Statewide road narrowing to provide tarmac for use as power plant fuel, widening of horse lanes> EPA shutting down, final report cites "industrial capability under homeostatic levels"> Boeing 1016 locomotive promises 88MPH average speed> Strategic arms reduction treaty to result in "terawatt-hours" of nuclear fuel being released for infrastructure use> Private car ownership rights upheld by Supreme Court; campaign supporters warn of fuel rationing laws making ruling moot> Agricultural Amnesty program reverses "agritech" trend> Monsanto forced to open-source their IP in the wake of bankruptcy> Non-vegetarian options at McDonalds coming back "next year", says new VP of Entomology