YOU are Bellatrix Curis, a Battle-Sister (a novice, technically, but that's beside the point) in an... unusual situation. You were drugged by an Inquisitor, and, next thing you knew, you found yourself lying on the pseudo-sandy soil of whatever planet this is, with an eldar woman to keep you company. Some things happened, you shot a gretchin in its dumb green face, one thing led to another, and you did some rather lewd things involving the eldar's ears until she passed out.

…

After offering a prayer to the Emperor- one asking that He forgive your lewdness and bless you with discretion- and double-checking that you hadn't accidentally killed the eldar (not in that order, mind), you find yourself... inspecting her unconscious form.

Aside from the pointed ears, the shape of the eyes, and her slim-yet-tall build, she's... very human.

…

Also, if her armor is any indication of the shape of the body underneath, she has a very nice bottom.

…

She's unarmed, and, like yourself, lacking a helmet.

She's still fast asleep, and it seems like she won't be waking up for at least a little while longer. You should probably do something to occupy yourself in the meantime.

>Search the immediate area. You have your weapons, so it seems likely that she was left here with hers, too. And, unless eldar weapons are far stranger than you'd expect, it's not like they'd have left this area.
>Scout around a bit. You killed a greenskin not too long ago, after all- and where there's one greenskin, there's at least a dozen more.
>Provide the eldar a pillow in the form of your lap. It might not be too comfy, though, what with your armor and all. Still, though, she's pretty and asleep- because of you. Also you want to touch her hair.
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>37997574
>Search her; the Xenos witch may have lethal weaponry or important missives hidden on her person.
>Search the immediate area. You have your weapons, so it seems likely that she was left here with hers, too. And, unless eldar weapons are far stranger than you'd expect, it's not like they'd have left this area.

>>37997574
>>Scout around a bit. You killed a greenskin not too long ago, after all- and where there's one greenskin, there's at least a dozen more.

>>37997667
seems smart

>>37997667
>>37997948
>Search her, then the immediate area

>>37997696
Scout around

Okay, writing.

>>37998044
Waiting warmly!
Slow start.

>>37998144
Yeah. We're several hours earlier than usual today- I assume that's got something to do with it.

You give the sleeping eldar a final once-over, patting her down and otherwise being as thorough as possible, and find absolutely nothing. If she is hiding something, she's doing a damn fine job of it.

Once you're satisfied you've searched her to the best of your abilities, you stand up and take a look around. You seem to be in of some sort of low-lying clearing- perhaps a dried pond or lake- maybe ten meters from the hill(or is it a bank?) the gretchin came over earlier.

Whatever it is you're inside of, it's concave, less sandy than it looks, and it has some ugly brown shrubbery that seems to get thicker and thicker as it gets closer to the center, where it's dense enough that you'd call it a full-blown thicket.

…

In other words, there's plenty of places for something to be hidden, whether intentionally or not.

>Roll d100 to play find-the-weapon-in-the-bushes

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>37998388
Alrighty

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>37998388

>>37998416
>>37998452
>23

Okay, writing!

>>37998388
Surprisingly non-lewd solution to patting down, for you.

>>37998522
>for you
What's that supposed to mean, anon?
I'm not the lewd one!
I only write lewd stuff when the votes are for lewd stuff!

>>37998563
You're lewder than any anons. I know.

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But is it heresy?

>>37998600
how many anons do u know mate?

You sigh, mentally preparing yourself for what you can only assume will be an hour or more of tromping around in the brush looking for something- and you don't even know what the something you're looking for is.

You offer a quick prayer to the Emperor, asking that He give you patience, then begin making your way towards the center, where the brush is thickest. You don't even bother checking the other, more sparse bushes, because you know the drill.

If you're looking for something, it's always in the least accessible place around. Even if it doesn't make any sense.

In this case, that means that her stuff is almost certainly in the very center of the cluster of shrubs. Shrubs which, upon closer inspection, have nasty-looking barbed thorns the likes of which you've never seen on a plant before.

…

You swear under your breath. You're sure of it, now- for whatever reason, the Inquisitor went to all the trouble of taking you off-world to dump you off in what you can only assume is the middle of nowhere.

Still, though, the Emperor protects- and power armor helps a helluva lot, too. You wade through the thorny bushes, undaunted by their thorniness- they're too short to get at your face, so they're not even remotely a concern.

…

You notice a small, round clearing in the center of the ugly brown mass of plant matter, and, with almost no effort, you use your power-armor augmented strength and speed to hop to the least thorny place this side of ugly-bush-ville, cutting out the last few meters of wading entirely.

[1/2]

You were about to thank the Emperor for power armor, but... maybe it'd be more appropriate to thank the Omnissiah?

After a few moments of consideration, you decide to thank both.

Oh, right, the weapon.

You look down and see that it is, in fact, at your feet. Nice!

As for the weapon itself, it's...

>A fancy-schmancy scabbard, with what you assume is an equally ornate sword in it.
>A weird-lookin' spear thingie. Too big to wield one-handed. It looks like it'd be rather unwieldy in close quarters.
>A... fancy stick? A staff, you guess. Must be a psyker thing.

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>>37998714
have a thing

>>37999000
>>A fancy-schmancy scabbard, with what you assume is an equally ornate sword in it.

>>37999000
>>A fancy-schmancy scabbard, with what you assume is an equally ornate sword in it

>>37999000
>A weird-lookin' spear thingie. Too big to wield one-handed. It looks like it'd be rather unwieldy in close quarters.

>>37999000
>A fancy-schmancy scabbard, with what you assume is an equally ornate sword in it.
I sure goddamn hope this isn't Catachan.

>>37999000
>A weird-lookin' spear thingie. Too big to wield one-handed. It looks like it'd be rather unwieldy in close quarters.

>>37999000
>A weird-lookin' spear thingie. Too big to wield one-handed. It looks like it'd be rather unwieldy in close quarters.

>>37999000
>A weird-lookin' spear thingie. Too big to wield one-handed. It looks like it'd be rather unwieldy in close quarters.

>>37999000
>A weird-lookin' spear thingie. Too big to wield one-handed. It looks like it'd be rather unwieldy in close quarters.
I'm only good with the sword if the hilt is large enough to put a second hand on when needed

>>37999047
>>37999048
>>37999260
Witchblade!

>>37999254
>>37999262
>>37999358
>>37999362
>>37999471
>Singing Spear

Okay! Writng!

If it takes especially long, it's not 'cause I've died- I've gotta go run a quick errand here in a few minutes

>>37997548
I personally find it hilarious but two different people decided to run sisters of battle class in such a close time from each other

>>37999492
If we had gone chainsword and bolter pistol we could have sparred her using the witchblade and shuriken pistol. She could have shown us some of her moves in bed.

>>37999710
I know, anon. That was originally the way you were going to become close.

And then things happened.

>>37999729
I was expecting us to pick chainsword in the first thread too. I don't mind this though.

>>37999729
I for one blame ourselves for this development. Now how the hell are we going to get close to this Eldar?

>>37999876
We already touched her E-spot anon...

Back and writing again!

>>37999876
You found a different way to open that door, anon.

>>38000133
Would you say we went through her back door?

>>37999899
I was not aware that xenos had Emperor's spots

>>38000223
More like you found the key hidden under the mat.

>>38000229
Only the good ones, anon.

You bend over and pick the thing up, taking a moment to be surprised by its heftiness. It feels light to you, of course, because you're an already-strong human in powered armor. But, for an eldar... you can't help but be impressed- she must be tougher than she looks.

Or maybe she's just willing to put up with the weight because of all the pretty gems adorning it?

She'd still be tougher than she looks in that case, you suppose, just... more vain.

With your mission accomplished, you make your way back to where you left the eldar, resting the spear over your shoulder.

…

It's almost funny- you're consorting with an eldar, and even planning to /arm/ her, now. If someone had told you you'd be doing this stuff the other day, you'd have called them crazy.
Or a heretic.

Depends on the situation and their tone, really.

…

Before long, you find yourself standing over the sleeping eldar once more.

She's beautiful, you think.

…

Such a beautiful creature should be shown the Emperor's light, you think.

…

Hmm.

You don't really want to wake her up. She looks so peaceful...

>Wake her up. With both of you armed, you should be able to move safely.
>Let her sleep. It's not like there's any pressing matters to attend to.
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>38000411
>Wake her up. With both of you armed, you should be able to move safely.

>>38000411
>>Wake her up. With both of you armed, you should be able to move safely.

>>38000411
>other
>sling her over our shoulder and get moving. The longer we stay here the more likely we are to be spotted.

We're not going to get bonuses to rolls for writing cringe-worthy speeches like in that other quest, right?

>>38000478 are we strong enough for that? If not wake her
>>38000254

>>38000411
>Prepare a presentation explaining the glory of the Emperor and the justice that is serving him, while waiting for her to wake.

>>38000411
>Wake her up. With both of you armed, you should be able to move safely.

>>38000411
>Wake her up. With both of you armed, you should be able to move safely.

>>38000411
/Gently/ hit her with the staff

>>38000510
Nope. Not unless you somehow weaponise them.

>>38000523
Easily. She's not very heavy.

>>38000545
Rude.
Also, in the future, put your votes in greentext. Makes counting them a lot easier.

>>38000411
>>38000478
Anon's idea is solid. We can gauge the firmness of her bum at the same time. Now that's what I call multitasking!

>>38000510
pretty sure you're thinking of the other sister of battle quest by the Space Marine quest QM

>>38000588
How is that quest? I haven't checked it out yet.

>>38000572
>>38000478

Adding anon's suggestion to my own. It's not heresy if she has a really nice ass right?

>>38000631
It goes nowhere in an entertaining fashion. Eventually, it stops being good, and it wasn't continued.

>>38000572
We accidentally gauge the firmness of her bum. I-it's not like it's on purpose or anything.

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>>38000572
>>38000661

>>37999876

Wrestling

>>38000567
>weaponized cringe-worthyness
You know not what you have wrought

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>>38000572
Rune armor is quite firm, I'm afraid. Your bun-firmness-ometer would get inaccurate readings.

>>38000461
>>38000471
>>38000532
>>38000543
>Wakey wakey!

>>38000478
>>38000523
>>38000572
Carry/molest her

>>38000530
Make like an Age of Empires priest and CONVERT HER WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE

>>38000545
Bully

Okay, writing!
It's best to find shelter before touching butts, anyways.

>>38000757
>Make like an Age of Empires priest and CONVERT HER WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE
Ah, sweet! Does that mean there's a car on this planet?

>>38000786
Do ork trukks count? They're not quite Vipers, but ya gotta make do with what ya got

>>38000809
If we purge all of the orks, would that even keep working?

>>38000830
HA.
Not a chance.

>>38000757
I vote carry/molest.

>>38000757
>Make like an Age of Empires priest and CONVERT HER WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE
Wololo.

>>38000757
There's never a wrong time to touch butts. Even in combat. Especially in combat.
>ork kommando leaps out of the bushes
Touch his butt.
>tyranid spotted in the ruins of a hive
Touch its butt.
>bloodthirster hops out of a portal
You'd better believe that's a butt-touchin'.

>>38000896
Touch its butt with bolter rounds?

You consider slinging her over your shoulder and carrying her, but you decide against it. You wouldn't be able to feel her butt through that armor of hers, anyways.

Err, that is- what you mean is, um...

She's probably had enough of waking up in unfamiliar places recently. You know you have.

Yeah.

Just ignore the butt thing.

…

You give her a nudge, and she makes a cute noise.

If anything you've done today is heretical, it's this. Waking this eldar.

You grab her shoulder and shake her awake, her eyes flutter open, and, once her eyes have focused on you, she smiles and says something in that pretty-sounding language that you don't understand in the slightest.

You blink. “... come again?”

She smirks. “Once is good enough, thanks.”

>ROLL D100 TO UNDERSTAND INNUENDO

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>>38000896

Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>38001011

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>38001011

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>38001011

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>38001011

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>>38001091
Shit. I tried guys.

>>38001038
>>38001074
>>38001076
>64

I don't even have an appropriate reaction image for this

Dice Gods be praised!

Writing!

>>38001038
>>38001074
>>38001076
Shit, we're fuckin' dense. Or innocent as the driven snow.

>>38001038
>>38001074
>>38001076
>dangerous levels of denseness detected

>>38001031
Oh shit. He's here he heard heresy! HIDE YOURSELVES!

>>38001031
Nothing to she here sir! No heresy of any sort that's for sure! Especially not any kind of xeno lesbianism, definatly not that!

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>>38001202

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>>38001209

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>>38001146
We're more pure than this Starfire.

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>>38001265
>>38001289

>>38001011
>...
>“... come again?”

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>>38001326

File: Chaika! Very Lewd!.webm (2.47 MB, 960x720)

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>>38001383

>>38001324
How can we be pure with all these lewd thoughts? And the ear-molestation?

>>38001407
I'd say harem protagonist levels of lewd thoughts and social denseness.

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>>38001403
this is way too much fun. I fear I will run out of pictures long before this stops being funny.

>>38001443
B-but I don't want to play a harem protagonist...

>>38001407
Ears aren't lewd, anon. Besides, a roll like that this early in the quest is tantamount to an established character trait. We wouldn't know what to do with her eldar bitz if they hit us in the face.

>>38001477
Neither do I.

>>38001477
Hhen let's play a shonen protag. We can make like a pokemon trainer and catchem all!

>>38001488
Could always play it as straight-forward. MC couldn't innuendo her way out of a paper bag, but she knows she wants to touch the butt when she sees it.

She winks lazily, the way you expect she'd do if she had just said something really flirty or sexual.

But... she didn't?

…

You blink.

“Huh?”

She makes a confused face, then says, “You... you didn't get it?”

…

You can feel your cheeks warming as you flush with embarrassment. “S-so what if I didn't?”

She gapes at you, like you're some sort of amazing thing, her face as flushed as yours feels. A bit of blood trickles out of her nose.

“A-are you okay?!”

She shakes her head. “No. I've got a bad case of-” She pauses, then says something in her sing-y language. Then she leans in close to you and whispers, “And there's only one cure~!”

S-something tells you she's not really sick. More importantly, your nose tells you she smells nice.

>Ask her name.
>Introduce yourself.
>Give her the spear.
>Something else? (Write-in!)

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Well I've got to go guys, don't get up no any heresy while I'm gone!

>>38001545
>>Ask her name.
X-xeno scum.

>>38001477
>>38001509
>>38001512
No harem here. Harems aren't pure!
Also there are too many hands to hold. It's just not economical.

>>38001541
That's what I figured, yeah.

Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>38001545
>Give her the spear(innuendo)
Rolling

>>38001545
>Ask if she's already got the cure, or if not, where you could find some. Complement her hair.

>>38001545
>Ask her name.
she backed out before she could tell us

>>38001545
>Ask her name.
I'm pretty sure they don't teach how to recognize innuendo at the Schola Progenium anyways.

>>38001577
>Also there are too many hands to hold. It's just not economical.
Get the AdMech on the phone and tell them to work on this post haste.

>>38001592
>98
Impressive, anon.

>>38001592
We can't into innuendo.

>>38001567
>>38001607
>>38001615
But we already know her name: Flatty McSmallchest of Clan McSmallchest

In the grim future of the 41st millenium there is only social denseness and obliviosness
...and in the Eye of Terror Slaanesh starts to cry
Damn I need someone to draw a comic of that

>>38001545
>Introduce yourself.
>Ask if she has accepted the Emperor as her lord and savior.

>>38001545
>Establish dominance.
"You smell nice. What's your name, witch?"

>>38001567
>>38001607
>>38001615
>>38001769
>QUE ES TU NOMBRE

>>38001592
Further cement your density

>>38001599
Ruin the concept of ever marrying anyone but you for her forever

>>38001675
Hello, I'm Bel- FULL. WOLOLO.

You guys are zany.
Writing!

Oh, right.

Preemptive
>ROLL D100 TO SEE IF YOU CAN SAY HER NAME RIGHT

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>38001837
I want our MC assertive, but I don't mind fumbling this roll at least.

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>38001837

>>38001863
>>38001854
in b4 the 100

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>38001837
Agh, but we signed up for battle, not dialogue!

>>38001876
well you were a 0 off anon

>>38001880
nice!

>>38001854
>>38001863
>>38001880
>10
>competent in all things tongue-related

Ha ha. Very funny, dice gods.
Writan!

>>38001880
Geez.
At least she might get flustered from our perfect enunciation.

>not accidentally mispronouncing her name to mean something lewd
aww

>>38001880
We've already established we have the gift of tongues, guys.

>>38001929
At least it's better than barely passing.

>>38001880
See >>38001621
But apparently we're good at it

>>38001977
Innuendo comes from the brain, anon! Oral skills are all tongue (well, 90% tongue).

>>38002011
And there I thought innuendo comes from the groin

>>38002011
Hmm, let's see if we can tie things with it, like cherry stems.

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>>38002011
>TFW as a psyker she can tongue our brain.

>>38002068
>>38002011

You know, I doubt the SoB use a lot of sexual innuendoes. They're probably very straightforward.

>>38002248
Well classic 40k ones probably. MC isn't fully indoctrinated since she's a novice. So she might still have a clue what things like hump time are.

As it is this quest feels like a tongue in cheek parody of classic 40k.

Which I'm completely okay with. 40k is already silly. I don't mind poking fun at it.

You clear your throat. “I, uh- I never got your name...”

She grins again, leans in close, and whispers into your ear. “I am Alirye, a Warlock from [you're pretty sure the last word was a name, too, but you've no idea what she said].”

You're kinda surprised. “You have a pretty name, Alirye.”

“It's /Alirye/. You can break it up like this: UH-LEER-YAY.” She stops, and her cheeks, which had just started to lose some redness, return to crimson with a vengeance. “Wait, you... you didn't mispronounce it?”

You tilt your head, confused. “Why would I?”

“I...” she trails off. “What is your name, human?”

“Bellatrix. Bellatrix Curis. A lot of people just call me Bella.”

She nods, slowly, as if deep in thought. “Bella... it suits you, I think.”

…

You smile at the compliment, until something comes to mind. “Did you call me 'human'? What happened to 'Mon-kay'?”

She coughs. “Uh, n-nothing! M-mon...” she pauses. “Mon-keigh... isn't a particularly nice word.”

>“Oh, okay! Is this spear yours, by the way?”
>“Y-you called me a m-mean word...?” [Pout]
>“So it'd be like calling you 'xenos witch' or something, then?”
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>38002287
>Roll for tongue-in-cheek-ness

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Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>38002367

>>38002367
>“So it'd be like calling you 'xenos witch' or something, then?”

>>38002367
>>“So it'd be like calling you 'xenos witch' or something, then?”

>>38002367
>“So it'd be like calling you 'xenos witch' or something, then?”
but it's completely different, because she really is a xenos witch

>>38002367
>"Oh, Okay! Oh right I went and found this big pointy thing for you!"

Seriously please arm her already and lets go. I'm starting to think lingering this long is a bad idea for some reason.

Though if we keep it up Bella's co-operation stat is going to be through the roof. For a Sister of Battle she is extremely mellow about things.

Seriously if sister superior saw this she'd try and light our butt on fire. with holy promethium.

>>38002367
>>38002550
Anon has the right idea.

I think being called mon-keigh is worth getting yo call her a xenos witch.

>>38002367
>[awkward, drawn out silence]

>>38002367
>"Oh, okay! Is this spear yours, by the way?”

>>38002367
>“Oh, okay! Is this spear yours, by the way?”
>"What would you do to get it back?"

>>38002422
>>38002426
>>38002460
Indifference is go

>>38002550
>>38002572
>>38002606
>>38002671
>Merry Emperormas!

>>38002593
Awkward silences are awkard to write

Okay, writing!

“Oh. Okay.” You don't really mind, but she seems like she feels bad about it.

Oh, right! You have a distraction all ready!

You present her with the spear-thing and smile. “By the way, I found this spear-thingie. Is it yours?”

She accepts it with a nod. “Um. Yes, it is. Thanks, but... where'd you even find it?”

You point to the thicket. “In there. Right in the middle. It was lying on the ground.”

She tilts her head. “How the hell did it end up over there...?”

You shush her and look around to make sure nothing sneaks up on you. “You can't ask questions like that, Alirye! You'll jinx us!”

“... What?”

“The universe is a strange place, y'know? And when you look at it too hard... everything goes to-” You grimace as another greenskin wanders over the crest of the bank- a big one, this time. A proper Ork.

“Shit,” you finish/swear, your pistols already half-way drawn by the time you get the word out.

>Try to kill the greenskin before it realizes what's going on.
>Run like frak!
>Stay completely still...
>Hide!
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>38003068
>>Try to kill the greenskin before it realizes what's going on.

>>38003068
>>Try to kill the greenskin before it realizes what's going on.
Aim for it's eyes! Pocket bolters!

>>38003068
>Try to kill the greenskin before it realizes what's going on.

>>38003068
>Try to kill the greenskin before it realizes what's going on.

>>38003068
>>Try to kill the greenskin before it realizes what's going on.

>>38003068
>Ask the ork why he's mukkin' about.

>>38003118
>>38003191
>>38003212
>>38003231
>>38003255
>ROLL D100 TO PURGE

>>38003279
How insensitive, anon! It's ain't easy, being green.

>>38003432
PURGE

Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>38003432

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Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>38003432
for the emperor!!!!

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>38003432
Rolling
>>38003478
Nice!

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>38003432
BLAM! BLAM BLAM!

>>38003478
>>38003485
>>38003496
>6

Why can't I hold all these degrees of success...?!

Writing!

>>38003534
gotta show the xeno witch who's boss

It's not as if we're trying to impress her or anything

>>38003602
would you say show her who's Big Boss?

>>38003602
You really want that forbidden love trait don't you?

>>38003822
O..Of course not, baka!

Neat this is still running. Evening Esper.

>>38003822
Nonsense. We still don't fully trust the xenos witch, but we can appreciate her fair features from an aesthetic point of view. Perhaps one day we might be friends. For now we are allies. It's not our fault she passed out due to our enhanced interrogation techniques...

>>38004022
Such flawless bullshitting.

You're up if an Inquisitor is trying to accuse us of heresy later on!

>>38004022
I know you! Your that fucker who keeps on breaking into the museum to fuck our statues!

The greenskin doesn't even get the chance to inquire, “WOT DA ZOG,” before you bring your boltpistols to bear, and, with two simultaneous trigger-pulls, put one bolt into each side of his face.
The subsequent detonation of said bolts reduces his ugly green mug into an even uglier green-and-red mess.

You take a moment to glance up at the sky while its body crumples to the ground.

The sun's directly overhead, a bright yellow ball of exploding plasma glaring down at you indifferently, bathing everything in its radiation.

Which means it's 'noon'.

You're brought back to reality by the scent of burning flesh- looking down, you see that Alirye is burning the Ork to ash with fire from her hand.

…

She can shoot fire... from her hands?

…

How can one woman be so perfect...?

…

She darts up the bank, and flattens herself against the slope near the top to peek over. After a moment or two, she gestures for you to join her.

You oblige, and find yourself looking at...

Well, greenskins.

Lots and lots of greenskins. Milling about, punching one another, 'maintaining' a couple of trukks, and punching one another some more.

To the left of their encampment is a river that is perhaps fifty or sixty meters across and runs from horizon to horizon. To the right is a spooky-looking forest- the sort of place where things go to die, you think.
The encampment itself seems to be composed mostly of scrap and greenskins, and you really have to wonder how anything they make doesn't just fall apart- let alone how any of it works.
Resolute machine spirts, you guess.

Alirye looks over at you. “Any ideas?”

>“KILL 'EM ALL!”
>“RUN LIKE FRAK!”
>“Maybe we could sneak in and steal a trukk...”
>“... Okay, here's the plan...” (WRITE YOUR PLAN HERE!)
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>38004310
>>“KILL 'EM ALL!”

>>38004310
blow up trukk?

if not then >“Maybe we could sneak in and steal a trukk...”

>>38004310
Population estimate?

>>38004310
>>“KILL 'EM ALL!”

>>38004310
>“Maybe we could sneak in and steal a trukk...”
And THEN we kill em all!

>>38004310
>“KILL 'EM ALL!”

>>38004310
>“Maybe we could sneak in and steal a trukk...”
Only good plan, I think.

>>38004310
>"... I hate these guys."
>Maybe we could sneak in and steal a trukk...”

>>38004310
>“Maybe we could sneak in and steal a trukk...”
And then ride it out A-Team style?

>>38004310
>“KILL 'EM ALL!”

>>38004397
Could be anywhere from fifty to two-hundred-and-fifty. It's hard to tell, what with them all fighting and looking alike and what-not.

>>38004380
this guy, go with steal a trukk, can we have ork waifu to plox

seriously though dont we need an ork nearby for ork tech to work?

>>38004310
>>38004397
For >“Maybe we could sneak in and steal a trukk...”

>>38004523
Not sure we could take that many. Thanks for the info.

>>38004310
>>“KILL 'EM ALL!”

>>38004523
I say ask the eldar what to do. They're the sneaky ones we're the asskicking ones!

Would you like to pray and ask the Emperor for guidance?

>Roll D100 for prayer

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>38004656

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>38004656
Emperor protects!

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>38004656

Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>38004656

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>38004656

>>38004560

Depends. Orc technology doesn't rely entirely on they believing it work. Some of their stuff is working normaly, it just happens that it stands next to what shouldn't work.
>>38004104

You mean testing theis level of details, the correctness of their anatomic proportions and their resistance to repetitive impacts?

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>38004656

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>>38004753
perv

>>38004310
>>“... Okay, here's the plan...”

>You discretly start a fire. If they're distracted enough, we try to grab one of their vehicles. If not, we sneak the farther away from here we can.
>This jungle would be great to sneak in, but if we get the truck we'll have to stay in open space.

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>>38004669
>>38004694
>>38004703
>11

The Emperor asks:
What good is a means of transportation if you've no destination?

And has this to say:
Stirring up trouble for the sake of stirring up trouble is a waste of perfectly good trouble.


>Attack the camp anyways.
>Act as a distraction, send Alirye in to steal a trukk.
>Leave it be, head in the opposite direction.
>Go into the spooky forest.
>Try to ford the river.
>Something else? (Write-in!)

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>38004861
THE EMPEROR HAS SPOKEN!

>Go into the spooky forest.

>>38004861
>>Act as a distraction, send Alirye in to steal a trukk.

>>38004861
>Go into the spooky forest.

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>>38004861
>spooky forest

>>38004861
>Follow the border of the spooky forrest, but don't enter it

>>38004861
>Try to ford the river.
Time for some Oregon Trail flashbacks!

>>38004861
>abuse elf sexually

>>38004861
>Go for the spooky forest
The emperor be praised. And he's right we've no real direction or purpose. we might as well look around for one besides burninating orks.

Maybe on the way ask our eldar friend why the hell we're paired up in this buddy cop movie plot by our insane inquisitor friend

>>38004958
It's not abuse if it's between consenting adults, anon

>>38004958
How would we even do that..? How does one sex?

>>38004861
>Go into the spooky forest.
Methinks that using the orks as a distraction may be a wise course of action in some future event.

>>38004310
>>38004656
>>38004861
>give us options
>hates the two most voted options
>forces to vote again.
>heavily hints at a third option
Gosh what a hack.
If it is for us to make a stupid choice and die horribly so be it.

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>>38005057

>>38005057
Are we really that pure?


>>38005027 Care to comment?

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>>38005118
cool i can finally get this thing working

>>38005119
Ooooh it's hugs! W-we won't hug her! Too often... I-it's not like we're used to sleeping with a body pillow or anything!

>>38004881
>>38004890
>>38004906
>>38004967
>>38005072
>Spoopy forest time

>>38004932
What's the matter, Colonel Sanders? CHICKEN?

>>38004885
You live your life a quarter mile at a time...

>>38004947
[Oregon Trail reference here]

>>38004958
Molest Alirye while teasing her by mispronouncing her name



Okay, writing!

Lemme just figure out what's in the forset

>>38005118
It seemed like there was a lot of dissent. It was a situation where going one way or the other would still be going against the majority.

>>38005143
Rude. But I still laughed.

>>38005127
You know how to sex. You just don't tend to get dirty jokes.

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>>38005160
sure

>>38005165
>you know how
So we fooled around with the other trainees a bit then? Or is Alirye going to be dodging bolter rounds when our qt sororitas gf finds out?

>>38005360
I'd be more worried about the sister superior getting word of it. They kinda try to burn folks for it ya know?

Its called forbidden love for a reason.

>>38005360
You've no experience. But sex ed is a thing, even in the grim darkness of the far future.
In fact, in the grim darkness of the far future, sex ed is something you're graded on. There's tests and everything.

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>>38005403

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>38005429
gotta keep those number up and the slannesh experimentation down

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>>38005403

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>38005403
Rolling for test scores.

>>38005457
>>38005403
That makes a surprisingly decent amount of sense.

>>38005540
>Drill abbot draws a diagram of a uterus.
>Asks what it is.
>You panic and flee from the realistic picture of a tyranid

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>38005403
>>38005540
You're bad at rolling

>>38005585
Hey, I thought it was that she got 11 marks wrong?

>>38005608
11 MARKS IS 11 LASHES, CADET! FETCH ME A SWITCH!

>>38005662
switch is wood we need a lash wood be spencive yo

>>38005608
Tests are graded 1-100
She got an 11. That's awful/Shameful in the eyes of the Emperor.

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>>38005662

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why are you all so perverted? I just wanted to purge chaos and serve the Emprah!

>>38005755
Its /tg/ anon what did you expect?

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>>38005820
I-I dunno......heroic knights saving princesses and stuff like that

“... I think we should go into the spooky forest.”

Alirye directs a sidelong glance at you. “... really? You don't wanna, you know, charge in there and shoot every green thing that moves?”

You shrug. “The forest offers concealment. Fighting the greenskins offers very little, especially for the risk involved- even if we were able to kill every one of 'em.” You gesture towards the river. “And I'm hesitant to swim in this outfit, if you catch my meaning.” You rap your armored knuckles on your breastplate for emphasis.

She nods. “And there's no cover that way,” she adds, pointing in the direction opposite the encampment with a thumb.

You can't help but smile a bit. “Which leaves the spooky forest.”

She sighs. “... which leaves the spooky forest... why are you so eager to go into the place you yourself dubbed 'the spooky forest'?”

“I dunno. Adventure? Eagerness to get out of this hole? I think you're afraid and I'm anticipating teasing you the entirety of the time we're in there?”

Your answer earns you an awkward and uncomfortable stare. “... t-the whole time?”

You laugh and pat her on the back. “Of course not. I'm just messin' with ya.”
You have to sleep at some point, after all...

She lets out a deep breath, then looks you in the eyes. “Okay. I'm ready. Let's do this.”

“Right. Do we make a break for the treeline, or take it slow?”

“Let's run for it. I don't want to have time to think about this.”

You hold back a laugh. “Okay, we go on three.”

[1/2]

“One... two... THREE!” You hop over the crest of the hill/bank and break into a full-blown sprint as soon as your feet hit the ground. It seems like it takes forever, but you've crossed the distance and broken through the waist-high shrubbery and into the forest in a matter of seconds. Alirye managed to more or less keep pace with you, until she hit the brush, which she's currently entangled in.

You offer her a hand, which she takes, and, with a good tug, you've yanked her loose of the clingy bushes.

You examine your surroundings, confirm that you are, in fact, in a spooky forest, and turn to your pointy-eared companion. “That wasn't so bad, was it?”

She gives you a Look. “I was attacked by a bush.”

“Yeah, but... you survived, didn't you?”

She crosses her arms and makes a face. “... That's not the point.”

…

>“...What's wrong?”
>“What's got you so uncomfortable?”
>“If things get too bad, you can burn this whole spooky forest down- how's that sound?”
>Pick her up and put her on your shoulders. She has a spear, after all.
>Call dibs, before you forget.
>Wonder aloud what sort of things live in this spooky forest. Tempt Fate
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>38006023
>Pick her up and put her on your shoulders. She has a spear, after all.
>“If things get too bad, you can burn this whole spooky forest down- how's that sound?”
>Wonder aloud what sort of things live in this spooky forest. Tempt Fate


That order.

>>38006023
>>“If things get too bad, you can burn this whole spooky forest down- how's that sound?”
>>Pick her up and put her on your shoulders. She has a spear, after all.
>Wonder aloud what sort of things live in this spooky forest. Tempt Fate

>>38006023
>Wonder aloud what sort of things live in this spooky forest.

>>38006023
>Wonder aloud what sort of things live in this spooky forest

>>38006023
>Pick her up and put her on your shoulders. She has a spear, after all.
GATTAI!

>>38006023
>Pick her up and put her on your shoulders. She has a spear, after all.
Clearly while doing this she should be facing behind us! Tell us if anything sneaks up on us!

>>38006023
>“...What's wrong?”

>>38006023
>>“What's got you so uncomfortable?”
She's a space elf. She should be comfortable in the spooky forest.

>>38006094
>eating the elfpussy on our first date
We're not that big of a slut

>>38006023
>“...What's wrong?”
Are these things like dogs? You have to keep reassuring them that they're a good little xeno and ruffle their ears?

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>>38006094
if she can shoot fire out of her feet we're golden

>>38006023
>"what do your elf eyes see? "

>>38006177
10/10

>>38006053
>>38006063
>>38006075
>>38006094
>IN ELDAR CLAD

>>38006053
>>38006063
>>38006065
>>38006067
>Tempt fate

>>38006114
>>38006154
>>38006143
>>38006053
>>38006063
>Attempt to comfort, because that's what those options should probably have been instead

>>38006177
Dangit, anon.


Okay, writing!

>>38006368
Man, why are we comforting someone old enough to be our great^10 grandma?

>>38006389
>implying she's not relatively young
>implying irrational fears are rational

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>>38006389
grandmas are erotic

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>>38006415
>cooker
>not cook

>>38006495
It's a typo auto correct changed it from "hooker."

>>38006547
Ah, I see.
Autocorrect is the one I am disappointed in, then.

>>38006412
She's a warlock, so that means she's gone through one whole path of warrior. Are you saying she's a prodigy on top of being perfect?

Why does she stutter when she speaks? Eldar are super graceful. You're driving this thing all wrong, scoot over! just kidding, I suck even more

>>38006570
I said 'relatively,' anon.

And I didn't realize you had to go through all the way- I thought warlocks were the product of switching mid-way through. Like a college student switching majors or something.

Also, what is this perfection you speak of?
She's the perfect girl for you, not the perfect girl overall.
>Fire
>Cute butt
>other traits go here

That's Bella's basic formula for 'the perfect woman'

Your standards aren't particularly low, nor are they high.
They're just... quirky.

have we tried to convert her to the emperor yet?

>>38006685
You forgot sensitive ears.

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>>38006685
>Fire
>Cute butt
>other traits go here

you don't say?

>>38006733
Those are actually her Achilles' heel, her fatal flaw, not a point in her favor.

>>38006729
Soon, anon, soon.

>>38006758
>heretical threesome inbound

>>38006733
Those are a bonus, I think. I dunno.
They're certainly a plus, but you didn't realize how snazzy they are until you saw it firsthand.

>>38006758
That's not real fire, anon
That's fire caste
It doesn't count if it can't burn stuff!

...

Oi, stop, I gotta write words!

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>>38006729
We'll get it done.

GET ON WITH THE ADVENTURE ALREADY, FUUUUUUUUUUCK.

>>38006729
Is there a reason why you don't have at least some Eldar trying to convert to the Imperial Cult? I mean, almost all of there gods are dead. Are they all just really that stuck up?

>>38006925
*their
Damnit, I'm getting too tired for this.

>>38006925
all the more reason to try!

>>38006944
>>38006925
well all but 3.... only the most fucked of which is available to craftworld elder

>>38006925
Humans kill them on sight.

>>38006925
They're more worried about keeping their souls out of a chaos gods hands. Everything they do is devoted to that task. Literally if they lose the soulstones the souls inside get lost to slaanesh and horrible things happen.

Plus in ancient past times they royally buttfucked humanity. Its left badblood to say the least.

>>38006975
Humans should breed them on sight instead.

>>38006975
Not all of them. Radical inquisitors do all kinds of weird bullshit, surely at least one would be willing to teach them about the light of the glorious god-emperor if asked about it.

>>38006974
Hey, don't forget about the thirsty god.

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You frown. She's being all... weird. Spaced out, maybe? “Alirye...? What's wrong?”

She shudders. “N-nothing. L-let's j-just k-k-keep mo-moving.”

…

Whatever it is, she's clearly not okay. You'll need to do something about this... Ah-ha!

“Hey, spread your legs.”

“W-wha-” She doesn't spread 'em fast enough, so you do it for her, slipping your head between her thighs, grabbing onto her legs with your arms, and then standing up straight.

Okay, there was a whole lot of flailing and panicking involved in the process, but that's not the point.

“B-Bella, wh-what are you do- doing!?”

“Carrying you? You have a spear, after all, even if it is weird and hummy and stuff, and you're freaking out. I don't want you losing your nerve and getting separated.”

“... f-fine.”

You grin. “Good.” You pat her leg, then look around. It's definitely not an excuse to smell her.
Definitely.

…

She smells so nice though!

No, focus!

You've gotta distract yourself somehow...

…

Aren't forests and things usually full of wildlife? “What sorts of things do you think live in the spooky forest, Alirye?”

“... What was that earlier, about questioning things, again?” You don't answer, for several reasons. The first and foremost being that she seems to have calmed down. The second being because you're legitimately curious about the wildlife. The third reason, naturally, is said local wildlife- a shrieking mass of feathers and hatred that's screaming towards you and your passenger.

Alirye voices your thoughts before you can. “What the hell is that thing?”

>Dodge! (D100, Higher DC due to elves on shoulders!)
>Hold the line! Stay steady to let Alirye counterattack! (D100 to stand your ground)
>Try to kick the thing when it comes close! (D100, higher difficulty to both connect /and/ maintain balance)
>Something else? (Write-in!)

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>38007129
>>Hold the line! Stay steady to let Alirye counterattack! (D100 to stand your ground)
Steady! Steady!

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>38007129
>Hold the line! Stay steady to let Alirye counterattack! (D100 to stand your ground)

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>38007129
>Hold the line! Stay steady to let Alirye counterattack! (D100 to stand your ground)
We shall know no fear!

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>38007129
hold the line!

Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>38007129
>Hold the line! Stay steady to let Alirye counterattack! (D100 to stand your ground)

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>38007129
>Hold the line! Stay steady to let Alirye counterattack! (D100 to stand your ground)

>>38007129
If Alirye becomes stone with soul, then who was soulstone?

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>38007129
>>Dodge! (D100, Higher DC due to elves on shoulders!)

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>38007129
BY THE EMPEROR, KICK THIS FOUL BEAST.

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>Rolling for Alirye's stabby-stabs

>>38007149
>>38007177
>>38007193
>23 X 2
Cool.


>>38007296
You're a madman.

>>38007149
>>38007177
>>38007193
>>38007218
>>38007254
>>38007268
>Stand your ground!

>>38007301
Evasive maneuvers!

>>38007391
KICK THE CHICKEN

Okay, writing!
>not a word about "Hey, spread your legs"
>no mention of the angry chicken from hell
You guys are stoic in the face of chicken-adversity, huh?

>>38007433
You could say we're stone-faced!

>>38007129
>>spread your legs
>no bulging futacock
>what the fuck?
>oh wait this is not /d/
>my bad go on

>>38007433

If this is a chicken-that-is-not-a-chicken, I'm backtracing your IP and burning your house down, Terry Goodkind.

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>38007433
Combat now. Lewds after. We'll scritch her ears for being a good lil' xeno.

>>38007487
it is however /d/-lite

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>>38007433
Before we make jokes we need to dispatch this fowl beast.

>>38007523
What? I (regrettably) read most of those books, and I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

>>38007523
Right I googled that and got the quote.

“But this was no ordinary chicken. This chicken was evil manifest.”


That doesn't make any fucking sense.

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>>38007537

>>38007594
OH! That's right. Some evil unleashed horror was manifesting itself as a chicken, and causing bullshit to happen in a village. They got warned about it by some spirits in a Native American-esqe ritual, which told them about a "chicken which is not a chicken" or something like that.

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>>38007632
I'm glad you understand.

>>38007470
What if Trazyn the Infinite put this cockatrice here to turn us into stone to serve as pieces for one of his games?

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>38007523
>>38007583
>>38007594
>>38007654

It's an angry chicken, not an evil chicken!
Geez.

>>38007721
Elf-dar roll? She panics locks her thighs around our head and squeals for us to save her?

>>38007791
Jeez, we'll have better luck bringing the chicken along at this rate.

>>38007791
... No, that was a 'the QM forgot to remove the dice from the options field' roll.

My bad.

>>38007811
..............Is it a sexy chicken?

>>38007835
That cock's going to be so meaty and juicy once we get a fire going.

It's like a scene from one of those silly action flicks.

The feathered beast, with its terrible talons and its gaping beak, its frantically-flapping wings and its bloodthirsty crowing, charges at the two of you, undaunted by how absurdly outmatched it is.

You're not sure whether it's crazy, brave, or both.

It comes screaming towards you, screeching for blood and thunder, and, for a moment, you see the past few hours of your life flashing by your eyes.

Apparently your subconscious was of a mind with you- if you were to die to this thing, you'd be undeserving of even those snippets.
It's kind of odd, but these memories... they're probably your fondest ones. You're never telling Alirye that. Ever.
You'd die from embarrassment.

Then again, it might be worth it to see her reaction...

…

Oh, right.
The chicken-thing.

It raises its talons in preparation to rake and claw at your face, and, for a split-second, you think it might get the chance- the split-second ends promptly when a swipe from Alirye's spear splits the thing clean in two. You collect its corpse and stuff it into a nonspecific place separate from the one in which you store your ammo- a specific nonspecific place.

“Good work!”

“Th-thanks...” She sighs. “What the hell was that all about?”

You think for a moment. Nope. Nothing. “I don't have an answer for that question.”

“Fair enough...” She pauses, presumably as she surveys the situation. “...There're a lot of t-trees here...”

“We're in the spooky forest. What did you expect? Pillboxes and Cathedrals?”

“... I'll refrain from asking why pillboxes and cathedrals were the first things that came to your mind as not belonging in forests in favor of asking what our next move is.”

[1/2]

>“We build a nice log cabin, have a few kids, and burn down the rest of the forest for kicks.”
>“We head deeper in, then find or make some shelter.”
>“We keep moving until we find something.”
>“We try to find another river, then follow it.”
>“... Do you have some sort of dislike of trees?”
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>38008098
Man, this eldar has us psyker-whipped. It's when a psyker gets into your mind and tweaks some stuff to where you're super loyal to her.

>>38008130
>>“We head deeper in, then find or make some shelter.”
>>“We keep moving until we find something.”
>>“We try to find another river, then follow it.”


also that first choice, bad qm, bad, naughty

>>38008130
>>“... Do you have some sort of dislike of trees?”
let the silly banter begin

>>38008130
>“We build a nice log cabin, have a few kids, and burn down the rest of the forest for kicks.”
Deadpan until she's embarrassed, then
>...do you have some sort of dislike of trees?