Previously on Modern Knight Quest: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Modern%20Knight%20QuestCharacter Sheet: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10iCEaALQb3zfIIlg89FMGaJ3WzvHeGX2gkDuYOWKcFU/edit?usp=docslist_apiTwitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/accountYou are Sir Aldrich Brickvelt, Knight errant and humble crusader, and you have been transported, by what you do not know, to the far future and a place called 'New York'. You have found companionship and aid in a maiden, scholar Lisa DeRetti, and a captured saracen warrior that you hope to question, hopefully finding a clue as to your transportation to this strange world. You are now in Lisa's strange home, filled with knowledge of what would have been your future and what is her past. What you learn in this cozy place will shake you to your core, but first a lesson in bathroom ediquet...
>>37667091Linked to the thread for you since you appear to have been too busy sucking dicks to actually link the thread.
>>37667091>but first a lesson in bathroom ediquet...oh god
Guess this session is stillborn or something
>>37667784nah just waiting for OP to finish writing the next bit of the update
>>37667784Nope, OP is fulfilling his homosexual urges as usual. He'll get back to us when hes finished.
>>37667091well this anon is heading to work now, hopefully OP gets things rolling so we can be chivalrous as fuck and waifu Lisa
>>37667289Sorry anon. I'm still learning. Thanks for the assist though.>>37667091 You eye Lisa with equal measures of bewilderment and nervous embarrassment. "Madam? Might I have done something wrong? What ill fate did inflict on your bath room?"She just sighs, "Come here you." beckoning for you to come closer. You shuffle nervously towards her and the bathroom. She points to the taller basin, still slightly stained by your refuse. "That is a sink you wash your hands with it after you do your business." You nod enthusiastically, you figured this bit out. "You do not wash your ass." You stop nodding. She points to the Throne basin, "This is a Toilet. You sit down on it and do your business." You nod slowly. Sit on it...not squat...she points to the bath. "This is a shower. If you could figure out the sink you can figure out the shower." You nod, "Thank you m'lady, I had intuited much but your instruction has corrected many misunderstandings."She smiles, "Well I'm glad. Now what do we do with him?" She says, gesturing vaugly at your Muslim captive>>Toss him out the window>>Wake him question him>>Leave him be for now, do other things>>Write in>>37667784Anon you know I'm slower than the hideous love child of a sloth and a snail trapped in a jar of molasses.>>37667911This anon knows what's up
>>37668266>Leave him be for now, do other thingsFOODTHERE WAS HAM IN THE FRYDGE
>>37668266>Leave him be for now, do other thingsLets find out the state of the papacy and the holy crusade, we have heathens to slay!
>>37668266>leave him for now, do other thingsWe are a man out of time, and the rabble on the street were of many colors. He and we have much to learn about the future.
bump, board is moving fast
>>37668317This. We have not victualed yet.
>>37668266>Toss him out the window?Welcome back Horseman, I look forward to us messing up in the future more.
>>37668266>>Leave him be for now, do other things
>>37668317>>37668367>>37668370 On an actual computer now. Things should go quicker now You wave her towards the kitchen, "Let us not concern ourselves with that backwards primitive," you say urgently, "THIS backwards primitive must feast. We can bother him later." Lisa laughs, "Very well, I see you figured out the refrigerator, picked out the most food-like thing in there too it seems...I'll heat this up." she opens up a drawer, retrieves a large knife and carves up a few pieces of ham and placed them upon a separate plate. She then opens up a hatch on a black metal bow with a glass door, places the ham on a plate inside, shuts the hatch and presses a few numbers on the side of the door. The interior of the the box lights and you can see the plate begin to spin about. You reserve any questions, tis simpler to chalk it all up to future wizardry and conduct research on your own behalf. She picks up the book, "The Origin of America and it's place in Modern History." she reads, "A good one. What...what have you read so far...?" You note her tone but recount to her all that you've learned so far. You see her eying you carefully..."Lady Lisa... Where is New York, exactly?" She swallows hard, but does not answer you. Instead she walks up to a bookshelf and takes out a rolled scroll. She unfurls it on the counter. "Lady Lisa...what is this before me...""A map. Of the whole world." She points to a familiar spot on the ovoid map. "This is your homeland, Aldrich. England.""And w-where is America?" She slides her finger across the body of water labeled THE ATLANTIC OCEAN to a titanic landmass. America.>>Time AND Space?>>How do I get back?>>Holy SHIT this map is amazing! >>I'm ready to question the arab>>I just want to eat>>Write in
>>37669883>>Holy SHIT this map is amazing!>Time AND Space?
>>37669883>>Time AND Space?
>>37669883>>37669883>>Holy SHIT this map is amazing!
Rolled 12 (1d20)>>37669883>>Write in Rolling to whip out my chivalrous dick out and plop it on the table
>>37669883>>Time AND Space?>>Holy SHIT this map is amazing!
>>37670166Because the QM is slower than shit and this quest is fuckin stupid
>>37669883 time and space?
>>37670210Go back to your cancerous princess guard quest then. Sure you are going to spend every session sipping tea and chatting like its a fucking soap opera, but at least the QM updates fast.
>>37670210 oh please now that we got that...admitedly uncomfortable poo joke episode over with we can begin advancing the plot>>37670442it's the cancerous psychic lesbian quest today actually
>>37669883Time and Relative Dimensions in Space?
>>37670543.... oh I hope he wasn't behind this with the green light.... I think the screwdriver(secretly a level 11 wand of lesser chaos magic) is green now it has been a few years
>>37670210I'm sorry you feel that way. I know I'm slow but I try keep a consistent standard of quality. Any recommendations to improve the story and my QMing?>>37670141>>37670109>>37670056>>37669926 For the second time in just under an hour you feel as if you've been hit. "I have been displaced not only from my when but...my where...transported thousands of miles and almost as many years..." you take a moment to appreciate the other details of the map, which is wildly more defined than anything your century would have been able to produce, "By God. It's beautiful! How do your cartographers manage such a feat?""They, uhm, can get very high now..."The box with the ham within makes a screeching beep and Lisa opens it up, taking out seemingly steaming ham.>>Lets eat now>>Eat later, question the arab now>>Eat later, teach me some history>>Eat now+History>>Write In
>>37670721 should probably eat before waking the heratic having loose ham might be an issue while trying to make him responsive to our questioning
>>37670591>>37670543Doctor Who references?>>37670459I didn't mean for the bathroom dilemma to be joke filler, more of an illustration of someone from the distant past dealing with our crazier than shit technology but showing off his mental flexibility. I'll make sure we steer away from poopville, however.
>>37670721>>>Eat now+History>>37670785 this is me and my vote
You'll have to forgive me everyone I must walk the dogs. However feel free to discuss what Aldrich would like to learn about first.
>>37670796Yes, Dr who reference. And voting >eat now+history
>>37670902 england what happened to it since we've been gone... finding out the country had a split with the catholic church is going to be a great surprise as is finding out about the vast empire they had and then lost the fact that therre are a large ammount of muslims living in london and york RIGHT NOW might be a bit much though.... but finding out the whole religious wars sorta ended for Christianity and people are expected to be slightly less insulting...we have to find that one out eventually
>>37670902Probably his first question would be about how the holy war went. Surprised he didn't remark about the clearly marked "Israel" on the map.
>>37671397 he was probably waiting for the french to show up to back them up at the time he was killed(they never did)>>37671377 possibly incorperating some of this in there
>>37671377>>37671397>>37671613Back! Thanks for keeping the thread alive! >>37670805>>37670791>>37670759>>37670785>>37670747>>37671269She hands you the plate and a small, flat fork and knife. She leans back on the counter and begins to tuck in. "I want to know more. You are an expert in my time, yes? May you enlighten me as to what happened after my disappearance. "Okay," She says, mouth still full of food quite unlike a lady, "you might want to sit down for some of this." So the both of you sit down cross legged on the carpeted floor. And so she tells you of what would have been his future.The first thing that comes to your mind is, 'Sod the French.' the more she tells you of the future the worse they seem in your eyes. "They did WHAT to the Knights Templar?!" you exclaim at a point. She nods, "Oh, it gets worse."She goes to continue her lesson but you both hear the Saracen moan and you turn to see him stir.>>Ignore him, you must LEARN>>Well, looks like he's up. Time to get interrogatin'>>Toss the fucker out the window.>>Write in
>>37671923>Knock him out again, its story time.
>>37671923>>Ignore him, you must LEARN
>>37671923>>Well, looks like he's up. Time to get interrogatin'Storytime can wait, if he escapes, things are going to get messy.
>>37671923>>Well, looks like he's up. Time to get interrogatin'
>>37671923>>>Well, looks like he's up. Time to get interrogatin' time for a story of a verry different kind
>>37671923>>>Well, looks like he's up. Time to get interrogatin'
>>37672118>>37672021>>37672019>>37671997 "Looks like where going to have to come back to this history of the world. It's time for me to hear an entirely different story. " You set down the plate and approach the Arab. He eyes you groggily, then you two make eye contact and he is suddenly awake and furious. "Aldrich, what are you going to do?" Lisa asks worried.>>Rip the tape off>>Introduce yourself (In Arabic of course)>>Explain the situation>>Beat him until you get tired. >>Write In
>>37672353>>Introduce yourself (In Arabic of course)>>Explain the situation
>>37672353>>Introduce yourself (In Arabic of course)
>>37672353>>Introduce yourself (In Arabic of course)>>Toss the fucker out the window.
>>37672353>>>Introduce yourself (In Arabic of course)>>>Explain the situation this please
>>37672453>>37672448>>37672432>>37672408>>37672401>>37672399>>37672378 "I'm going formally introduce myself this fellow." you tell her, flatly. "Do you even speak Arabic?" Lisa asks. "Why but of course, what sort of fool do you take me for?"You lean down to his eye level and begin to introduce yourself in arabic, "Well, hello there sire. I am Ser Aldrich Brickvelt, Knight and Crusader. I do believe you where a defender at Acre. Something happened there, when we breached the walls. We have both been thrown across the great gulf of time to the far future. Now I'm goi-" He interrupts you with a swift head butt>>Teach him the error of his ways. With your fists>>Continue on>>Show him what the outside looks like. From outside the window.>>Slap him with the ham>>Write in
>>37672708>>Show him what the outside looks like. From outside the window.
>>37672708>>Continue onMaybe use some kind of modern device to illustrate the point that we're not in Kansas anymore.
>>37672708>>Continue onShow him the room we're in or some high tech devices as proof of our time travel.
>>37672708>>Teach him the error of his ways. With your fistsWe need him to be a bit more... malleable. Ask Lisa if she has a meat tenderizer.
>>37672708>>Slap him with the ham>>Show him what the outside looks like. From outside the window.
>>37672708>restrain him and continue on
>>37672737>>37672788>>37672812>>37672814 You grunt, check to see if anything's broken, and on discovery that all is well you simply continue on. "Bit on the nose you are, eh? Heh, small joke on my expense...Anyways you must understand that this is real. You are not in Heaven nor Hell. There's no seventy two virgins nor is there eternal torment. Now I believe that you might know something about what happened," You notice his gaze shifts, a quick flick to the right, an obvious tell.>>Force the point>>Ignore it for now>>Write in
>>37673007>>Ignore it for nowProbably won't tell us anyway just yet.
>>37673007>>Force the point
>>37673007>>Ignore it for now
>>37672708continue onwe likely would do much the same in his place
>>37673007ignore it for now ask the bastard his name
>>37673144>>37673029>>37673067 You don't press the issue, but you will not forget it neither. "Bit on the nose you are, eh? Heh, a bit of a joke on my expense you see...You see Saracen, this needn't be ugly. The Holy War is long over, your peoples left to populate the holy land. We needn't be enemies, you and I, there's just no sense in it you see. I do however think that there may be a way back to our time, if we so desire to return and I think we would very much like to see that, wouldn't we?" The captive nods his head slowly, he doesn't seem as infinitely perplexed as you once had not too long ago. Truth be told you recovered remarkably quickly but this Arab hasn't even begun to panic, not even a wince, a shudder. Nothing. "Now how's about I remove this gag and we can talk like civilized people?" The Saracen Nods more enthusiastically this time, and remove the tape gingerly. You are rewarded with attempted biting, spitting and screaming.>>Perfectly Natural Response.>>Perhaps he would like to cool down, perhaps a trip to the toilet and its cool waters are in order?>> Ah yes, he must need some fresh air, I'm sure he would be compliant if you held him ever so generously out the window.>>Maybe He's hungry. There's plenty of HAM for everyone.>>Just beat the fucking heathen >>Write In
>>37673349>>Just beat the fucking heathen (Trap option selected in 3.. 2.. 1..)
>>37673349>>Perhaps he would like to cool down, perhaps a trip to the toilet and its cool waters are in order?Are we waterboarding him? I'm down with waterboarding
>>37673349>>Perfectly Natural Response
>>37673349>>37673427https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9twTtXkQNA>>37673349>>>Perhaps he would like to cool down, perhaps a trip to the toilet and its cool waters are in order?
>>37673427Yes. Well less water boarding and more like actually drowning him. I'll be back, I have to take care of a few things. And why is no one picking the ham option?! Shit's hilarious
>>37673578 you would waste good food on torture? one of gods creatures died to bring us that delicious feast
>>37673626Aren't muslims afraid of ham or something? It can't hurt to try.
>>37673720That's what I had in mind. No I'll be back
37673720 only some modern Arabs believe that nearly coming in contact and touching Pig would result in damnation as opposed to eating itmuch less eating it unwillingly they're just not supposed to eat it and even then there's cleansing rituals they can do(PREtc sure oF that last point)
>>37673829why does my phone hate this siteis there some secret war between Samsung and moot?
>>37673852>tfw moot is gone and you reminded me;_;
>>37673427>>37673455 You sigh, "None of that now!""Die Christian pig! I will gut you and your bitch!" With that you grab him by the head, drag him of the sofa, and through him into the bathroom, "You seem hot headed freind, perhaps I provide some cool relief!" You pick him up by the head again and lift the toilet bowl. "ALDRICH NO!" Lisa shouts. You ignore her, it wounds you but it must be done. You thrust his head into the bowl forcing him under. "Aldrich STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM!" She shrieks. "No. I won't." you say as smoothly as you can. You flush the toilet and pull him up. "TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!" You bellow into his ear. "Such off a horse!" He coughs out, barely breathing. You snarl and put him under again. You keep him under until his kicks become a little weaker, then you bring him back up. "Talk and this shall cease, remain unhelpful and I shall deliver you to the Devil myself!" You see him begin to crack, "Please, no more no more, I beg of you..."You hear Lisa gently weeping, "Aldrich, you don't have to do this, he's had enough..."You are conflicted, should you stop and save face in front of the maiden? But you are so close to getting to what he knows! It may be your last chance!>>Let off him for tonight>>Back into the water it goes>>Dry him off by holding him out the window>>Just start beating him>>Apologize to Lisa but explain that you must press on>>Tell Lisa to Piss off>>Kill Him>>Write in
>>37674258>Apologize to Lisa but explain that you must press on>Just start beating him
>>37674258A funny as>>Just start beating himwould be, >>Apologize to Lisa but explain that you must press onwould probably be the best course of action.Maybe in our explanation we should tell lisa that he knows more about the situation than we do, and that he was probably sent forward by his Master to kill us and any other witnesses.
>>37674258apologize and explainkeep a firm grip well as you do so
Keep the thread alive guys. I'll pick it back up in the morning
>>37674258>>>Apologize to Lisa but explain that you must press on>>Dry him off by holding him out the windowGo big or go home
>>37674451>>37674339>>37674303>>37674332 First thing I do in the morning. I'm just exhausted guys. Keep the thread alive please, and I'll move the thread along in the morning
>>37674258>>Dry him off by holding him out the window
I kind of want her to throw us out at this point its probably her best option. so the impossible happeneD ,this guy appears out of nowhere naturally he's kinda cute he knows about stuff that were interested in. but even then he's from another world, we had to stop him from killing people like 3 times now. he makes us uncomfortable with how racist he is and now he's torturing a man in our bathroom and it looks like he's probably going to kill himthe smart move is to get this guy out of your home and out of your lifenow for sir Guantanamo this poses a problem At moments we own a pair of clothing that doesn't fit, a piece of metal on a stick, a board with a handle,and a set of metal clothing that we can't get to. we are a hoboand ill equipped one at that
>>37674258>>>Apologize to Lisa but explain that you must press on>>37674487I just got home and caught up, thanks for running so far, we'll try and keep it alive for you.>>37674982>I kind of want her to throw us out at this point its probably her best option.What the fuck are you smoking? Don't be retarded.
>>37675002not smoking anything just looking at things from the poor woman's perspective. she has very very little reason to associate with us at all do anything for us. add in the fact it we are dangerous and she is terrified.
>>37675116Who knows what reasons she may have, but I do know one she does have, she works at a museum, we're a living artifact of history, our suit of armor and weapons are already in her office, she would have many reasons based on those alone to keep us around, even beyond just curiosity as a historian.
>>37675122curiosity yeah it's about her only reason but that doesn't balance out against A demonstrably violent man who goes from somewhat polite dinner conversation conversation to torture in about 2 minutes. Lone woman in an apartment with 2 men she just met both of which capable of murderalso she probably hasn't realized it yet but she won't be able to use anyof the things she learns from himto further her career if thats what your thinking. What's she going to do cite her source as she asked the guy who claims he was totally there? Same with the armorit's new anyone who runs the carbon dating on it is going to immediately know thatand if she's trying to pass this off as genuine someone is going to want to do these tests.
>>37675279>curiosity yeah it's about her only reasonUnless you suddenly became Lisa all of a sudden, that argument doesn't hold water.
>>37675279>both of which capable of murderThat's just hilarious, every single human being on the planet is capable of murder unless they have no control over their nervous system.>also she probably hasn't realized it yet but she won't be able to use anyof the things she learns from himto further her career if thats what your thinkingThat's amazingly shortsighted of you, we can tell her exact locations and dates of significant events and items, we can give evidence that can be proven with investigations, she stands to benefit a whole shitload from the first hand knowledge we have.
>>37675279> capable of murderSoldiers and police officers etc are (supposed to be) mentally capable of murder too, what's your point?
>>37675284I don't see you coming up with any ideas other than curiosity and apparently she has our stuff and somehow that's a reason to want to keep A demonstrably violent man in her home.
>>37675361If you can't derive many assumtions in motive for her actions from the evidence at hand, then I feel sorry for you're extremely limited imagination and mental acuity. The fact remains, you are not the maiden Lisa DeRetti, so you can't begin to detail the minutiae of her reasoning for this current situation.And thats completely ignoring the fact that she is a civilian in the modern world, is she suddenly going to stop and analyze the situation like a robot or is she going to be shocked and freeze up and not process things?
>>37675373 that last one has a point and the answer to it is she's likely to either call the cops as she has been trained to do her entire life by that same modern society and or run the f*** away.
>>37675468>she has been trained to do her entire life by that same modern societymodern society doesn't train anyone to do anything...
>>37675334but unless it's a booty call you don't let one you just f****** met and threatened to kill 3 people in front of you, crash at your place
>>37675496speak for yourself anon, not for other people
>>37675474now who's the one being naive?
>>37675554I'm not being naive, modern society does not train you, your environment helps guide your development as a person, but it does not condition you to react specific ways to specific situations, and thinking it does is just retarded, and seriously, don't call me naive when you are the one incapable of comprehending anything other than you're own worldview...
>>37675303and when people ask you to cite your sources when you're trying to set up these expeditions to find this evidence in the middle of nowhere Europe that might not exist anymore?
>>37675599You might want to actually know about what your talking about before opening your mouth anon. How the fuck else do you think people went and discovered all those old relics and locations? They damn well didn't 'cite their sources', they studied circumstantial evidence, drew educated conclusions, and guess fucking what, they INVESTIGATED. If they had sources to cite, they fucking wouldn't need to go on their expeditions for fucks sake.
>>37675617circumstantial evidence that we do not haveall we've got is a dude who claimed he was there
>>37675633Wow, you seriously can't think of anything for yourself can you?Said dude who claimed he was there can tell stories of significant events and locations, landmarks and dates, which will be corroborated with what history says about events, because he was fucking there, which can then be studied, with more guiding from the dude who was there, bringing to light more avenues of investigation, which will uncover and connect evidence to give justification to more intensive search and investigation efforts.It is pretty fucking simple.
>>37675633>pick some unknown fact that through hindsight appears to be deductable from common history knowledge.>bullshit your way to get research grant>find confirmation, become famous>pick next unknown fact
>>37675730...No it's not, its archaeology and deductive reasoning, pretty fucking basic things, so stop acting like a naive child whose been told the planet is indeed round.
>>37675677nothng was there Apparently they built a apartment complex over the siteyour look down upon for wasting company money
>>37675748Just stop anon, accept you were being stupid and move on.
>>37675755I resort to simply claiming victory and callIng people stupid
>>37675775Go away troll.
>>37675748Well start with something that should be easy to confirm, like an exact location of some small but somehow important settlement in the middle of nowhere.
>>37675787yes the museum will surely want to spend money to find that
>>37675787while we're at it we should ask to search for Bigfoot because why the f*** not
>>37675850Sit down, shut up and actually research what you blather on about before making a fool of yourself. That is actually how museums and archaeologists spend their money.>>37675862Now you're just being childish and moronic.
>Tfw made Lisa cryI just want to remove kebab in the name of god, why does that have to make us a bad person? Is there no place for an old dusty crusader such as ourselves in this strange future?
>>37674258>Apologize to Lisa>Let off him for tonight
>people want to apologize for torturing hereticsShe has a Qur'an, she's probably one of them.
>>37676363she had several holy texts, she is a scholar, she also eats ham, use your brain anon.
>>37676363Did you not see the giant HAM in the mystical Frydge? Did you not see her eating it with us? No anon, the only heretic here is you, for trying to deceive us and turn us away from this fair maiden!
>>37674258If this is how poorly she reacted to simple water torture, I can't imagine how offended she would have been if we had proper impliments.Or if we beat the saracean with the ham like I suggested.
they did it...they did it for love...they kept the thread alive! Seeing lady Lisa is far too painful, and as embarrassing as the situation is you must press on. "My lady this man knows something! I must discover what if I want any chance of going home." She just turns her back. "Do what you must." She sniffles. You gtab the saracen by the head again, "No! PLEASE!" He moans but his cries go ignored. "Speak and this shall cease." You put him under again.And againAnd agin. His cries becoming more ragged and weary. "SPEAK!" you bellow shaking him violently."Zahak!" He manages to say, "Z-zahak...">>Pardon?>>GO on>>Keep on torturing >>Let off him for the night>>Write in
>>37677393>GO on good "Sir" Just keep in mind if you're wasting my time I fully intend to make sure you die in a place where people typically put their shit.
>>37677393>Pardon?>Let off him for the night
>>37677393>Pardon?>Let off him for the night.
>>37677426> Threaten to stuff his corpse into a meat processing plant so that his body will be blended together with pork, since you know how much he loves the stuff.
>>37676381>>37676392Fools, that's how they get you, by making people think they aren't heretics. We must kill her before we are damned.
>>37677696I will hear nothing of your lies and slander Saracen pig!
>>37677696If you had your way we'd literally try and DEUS VULT the entire city or something.
>>37677768Manifest destiny bitch! Its clearly gods will us faithful take this city!
>>37677868But what is the faithful have already taken this city and we merely don't know about it?
>>37677426>>37677446>>37677465 You release him from your grip. "Talk." "No, please, they will find me...they will flay my bones And eat my soul!" He pleads. You grab him again, "I will do the same if you do not talk." "I cannot!" He proclaims. "Very well," you sigh and grab him up again, lifting up the lid of the toilet. "No please! Please I beg you! No! No! Fine! We meant to summon the demon Zahak!">>Bullshit>>Go On>>Nah, I'm just gonna torture you some more>>Demon?!>>Write in
>>37677971I'm not positive, but I am pretty sure summoning of demons is extreme heresy in both Islam AND Christianity.
>>37678001Solomon summoned ALL THE DEMONS and is considered bro-tier despite that
>>37678001I know. I'm going somewhere with this. Shush.
>>37677971We should clean him up with a towel and sit him down, he knows what we're willing to do and he's cooperative now.
>>37677971>A daemon?! You are not only a heretic to my llord. You also insulted your prophet moahammed?!> SATANIST! DEVIL WORSHIPPER!
>>37677971"I always knew your kind were heathens but to consort with the devil?! Speak more or I will do gods work with the latrine!"
>>37678178That flew out the window when he decided to put his lot in with devil worshippers and witchcraft I'd wager.If you're expecting us to buddy cop with him to stop magic apocalypse you got one uphill fight anon
>>37678245>If you're expecting us to buddy cop with him to stop magic apocalypse you got one uphill fight anonOh no I'm not, I just want him and Lisa to think we won't throw him out the window at a moments notice and for everyone to calm down.
>>37678245>That flew out the windowIn that case, we have a rather auspicious solution to our Saracean friend, don't we?I'd recommend opening it first. I doubt Lady Lucy will be pleased if we gave this heretic a proper defenestration.
>>37678289Nah, that will cause to many problems for our esteemed host, we don't want to make things worse for her, that would not be chivalrous
I like the premise of this quest very much... Do go on, Horseman.
>>37677768How is that bad? Let Godd sort them out.
>>37678663>GoddWhat kind of heathen god is this madness?!
>>37678663It'd be bad when the cops decided to shoot us. And then whatever fell plot at work succeeds!Also>GoddWhat the HELL HEATHEN?! REPENT!
>>37678663Indeed... Just imagine if our Crusader found himself in LA
This anon needs sleep, stay faithful brothers, but don't be foolish about this, put that 19 Int to good use, and be chivalrous as fuck to get in the fine maiden's pantyhose.
>>37678312>>37678202>>37678136>>37678019>>37678006>>37678202>>37678230>>37678230 "A DEMON?! By Christ's Holy Blood...a demon?" "The Persian spirit Zahak...it was Zaheeri. When your armies came to Acre we began...performing heresy...it was simple at first...moving things with magics, foretelling the future, reading the minds of men...then he summoned a Djinn, bent it to his will...k-killed people...He drew a following after that...""You where amoungst his flock?""Not til the end...not until I saw your armies camped out beyond the walls. I knew it was almost done." "So it was this Zaheeri that cast us out of time...""I do not know if he had such power. But he was powerful enough to bind greater spirits to his will, Djinn, ifrit, even marid...then shaitaan...his ambition grew ever greater as did his power and his Sihir."Sihir. Saracen black magic>>Tell me more about yourself>>Tell me about this sorcerer, Zaheeri >>Tell me about Zahak>>Do you think there's a way back?>>Are you a wizard?>>Write in
>>37678720G'night little anon. Check the archives when you wake up you wake up Captcha: Distance Nobbers
>>37678837>>Tell me about Zahak and ZaheeriKnowing about him is important, but this is some seriously heretical shit going down.
>>37678837>Tell me more about yourself>Are you a wizard?
>>37678837>Tell me about this sorcerer, ZaheeriSorcery sounds like witchcraft to me, and we all know how to deal with witches, if he's lighter than a duck, hes a witch.
>>37679015I'm pretty sure we didn't deal with that stuff, wrong time period I think.
>>37678837>>Tell me about this sorcerer, Zaheeri>>Tell me about Zahak>>Tell me more about yourself
>>37679060How dare you tell us what we did and didn't deal with you foul heretic!
>>37679067This. Info dump time.
>>37679094Stop acting like a 3 Int charlatan you fool.
>>37679167Not him but even with 19 intelligence stat its by our time periods standards. We barely know a damn thing about this era.I can't wait until we discover the talking men in the box and mad apothecaries who strap you into strange metal beasts and suddenly decide you're sick with something and shove weird little balls at you to cure it. Or how they a thing in your ear and say your head is too hot (HOW DARE YOU I AM A CALM MAN INDEED!)And I dread when he finds out how the crusades went and how religions become a waning power for many.And then crusade again when we discover Scientology
>>37679304Lets just hope he doesn't discover reddit or 4chan, I'm pretty sure either would culture shock the shit out of him with their extreme heresy.
Shit dude. QM sho is making shit heretical
>>37679766Good thing we're a man of GOD and fully willing to lay some holy smite on their asses then.
>>37679167Its called being a man of God you savage.
>>37679067>>37679015>>37678981>>37678937"What about yourself," you ask the sodden arab, "what is your name? Can you perform these acts? Be ye a wizard?""I am Badi-al-Zaram. And no. I am not practiced in Sihir. Such things where a deep heresy to me before the seige.""And after?""I was more willing to allow others to do so. Anything to protect my home.""What can you tell me about this sorcerer, Zaheeri?""I do not know him personally, only that he used to an Imam. He was excommunicated for suspected heretical teachings. He was forced to live with the beggars and madmen, where it is said that he performed miracles, healed the wounded, gave sight to the blind. A week before the Christian armies arrived he re-appered, with a score of the unfortunate at his back. Presented himself as a saviour of sorts. We didn't turn to him till you came in full force. I was part of a militia force he organized.""What of this so called demon? Zahak?""I do not know much about such things, I was only one of hundreds of his supporters That came towards the end. I do not that it has its roots in ancient Persia, a force of darkness and evil. Very powerful.""So why are you here?""I know as much as you do as to why.">>Bullshit, back into the toilet>>Are you sure?>>Ask Lisa what she thinks of the situation >>Ask Badi if he's hungry, try to be more hospitable>>Leave him locked up in the bathroom for know.>>Write In>>37679126Time to wait six hours while I type you mean?
>>37680244>>Ask Badi if he's hungry, try to be more hospitable
>>37680244Ask Lisa what she thinks of the situation,also, apologise to both of them, even if he struck first, we kind of tortured him
>>37680244>Six HoursFucking shit man do you type on a keyboard for ants with toothpicks?!
>>37680244>>Clean him up with a towel>>Ask Badi if he's hungry, try to be more hospitableWhile he's eating,>>Apologize again to Lisa for having to use such methods>>Ask Lisa what she thinks of the situation
>>37680306Seconded, he's as lost as Aldrich, we need to be graceful hosts.
>>37680306This. Even if he is a dirty heretic, he is in the same boat as we are.
>>37680244>>37680304>>37680306>apologise to both of them, even if he struck first, we kind of tortured him.This. We needed the information, but there's no reason for him to remain our enemy. The Crusades are long over, the Holy Land is being shared amongst the religions, and Christianity is coexisting with Islam in a relatively peaceful manner, with some notable exceptions that neither a Christian Knight nor a Saracen warrior holds any obligation to.Also, we have to update Lisa on what's going on. She doesn't speak Arabic, remember?
Rolled 72, 74 = 146 (2d100)>>37680244>>>Are you sure?>>>Ask Lisa what she thinks of the situation
>>37680306>>37680370>>37680383>>37680466heresy, showing kindness to a muslim is something a knight in a crusade never would do
>>37680913>something a knight in a crusade never would doGood thing the crusades are over.
>>37680920you think that's something someone can get over in the time we've been here?
>>37680913>>37680920I really hate to nitpick, I really do, but this is wrong. The Crusades were never about killing all Moslems, only making the Holy Land safe for Christians to live in. The Siege of Jerusalem was simply standard procedure in that time: refuse to surrender and there will be no quarter. When the Crusader States got going, they actually treated the Moslem populace quite fairly. Nothing would have been gained by genocide, and so the Kingdom of Jerusalem lasted for almost ninety years before some asshat named Yusuf Salah-ed-Din swore a certain bloody oath...
>>37680913We stopped having the luxury of that line of thought when we got flung into the future and learned theres a madman magic user behind it. We have to get back to the past and stop him before he can finish his evil plans and turn the future into a world where his word is law!We must undo the future that is Zaheeri! Before it even happens
>>37681126Throwing people who could be slated as killed in the crusades into the future is one thing, in theory that only violates two laws of physics. Going into the past, however, would be a whole other level of fuckery and almost certainly result in some sort of horrific ass paradox of DOOM!
>>37681124yeah but he's not a civilian, he is an enemy soldier and a part of those we we're fighting. it would be unrealistic to just forgive and forget like some kinda hippie faggot when we're a medival christian and a knight
>>37680301>>37680304>>37680306>>37680370>>37680383>>37680466 "If I free you will you swear not to do anything rash?"He nods and you untie his bonds. He rubs his wrists, "Thank you, Knight Brickvelt." You find a rough cloth towel on a hanger on the wall, you take it off and hand it to him, "I'm sorry about that whole busines. It was in passion and fear, I know you'll never forget, but I'll hope you'll forgive me in time." He dries his hair as thoroughly as he could, "I suppose it's only fair. Would our positions reversed I would have done the same.""Are you hungry Saracen?""No." He says simply, his appetite ruined for sure. "Could you give me a moment to speak with our host? This...episode...has upset her greatly." He nods his head slowly, the shock of the situation slowly setting in.You walk out of the bathroom, and you see Lisa sitting on the sofa, face buried in her hands. She hears you come in and sits up with a start, hand covering her mouth, as if stifling a scream, eyeing you like a dangerous animal.>>All is well now>>I'm sorry>>Oh get over it>>It was necessary >>Write In
>>37681499>>Oh get over it>>It was necessary
>>37681323You have a point, he is an enemy combatant, but he's cooperating and not being a Muhammadean shit - swirlies probably being to thank for his attitude adjustment notwithstanding. So a Knight who isn't a psychopath wouldn't kill him any more than a modern US Combat MP would kill a cooperating insurgent. Human decency is not some recent invention.
>>37680305While blindfolded and on fire, yes.
>>37681499>All is well now>I'm sorry>It was necessary
>>37681499>>>All is well now>>>I'm sorry>>It was necessary
Remember to vote in the archives http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Modern%20Knight%20QuestAnd follow the quest on twitter! Horseman @Dread_Horseman
>>37681650>>37681568>>37681556>>37681856 "You can ease thyself now, Lady Lisa. I am sorry for that, I didn't mean to scare you." She shakes her head vigorously, tears welling up in her dark eyes. You approach her, "Lisa please, you must understand, I NEEDED to know. We all did. Did you hear anything between us?" you ask. "A little." She says softly."You speak a arabic?""A little." she repeats flatly."What did you hear?"" Nothing important, what did he...tell you." She says, opening up a little. >>Full disclosure >>Lie tell her you learned nothing>>Leave out the extremely supernatural bits >>Not now, food then talk>>Not now, sleep then talk in the morning, youve lost your appetite.
>>37682351>>Full disclosureShe saw us wink into existance, if anyone from this time would believe his story, it'd be her.
>>37682351>Full disclosureOur knight, being a surely devout man, would know how to do it properly
>>37682351>ShortStack>Jewish>Smarttfw when you subliminally make a character based off of your ex ;_;
>>37682457Don't worry, I know how that is.One time my group had to end a session early because one player had a dead wife in his backstory, and when she invariably was used in the plot, he broke into tears and sobbed the rest of the night because she was based on his wife who had divorced him in the past when he was an alcoholic.
>>37682677Jeeze that's rough...I didn't notice it until now though.Also I'm at work now so this thread is probably dead. Unless you guys can bump it till 11
>>37683076She's jewish-ish.In case you forgot, she eats ham, so I wouldn't be surprised if she's not very religious.It does complete our trifecta though, which is good.
>>37683166More like non-orthodox completely non observant new York jew
>>37683166>trifectaWait, is Lisa a redhead?Then it would be a double-trifecta, assuming that the Saracen is brunette.
Going to try an update as much as I can at work>>37682435>>37682444 You decide to be completely honest. You tell her everything Badi al Zaram had told you. She just sits there for a minute. "What?!""I know. Tis shocking for me as well, I always fancied myself as a man of study, of realism and thought. Now I cannot be sure what is true in the world." Obviously flustered she just gets up, "Holy shit. No. This day is just fuckin' insane. I'm done. Aldrich I'm going to bed. You and Badi can sleep on the couch, there's room for the two of you."Before you have time to object she opens and slams the door to her bed chamber. >>Try and talk to her through the door>>Talk to Badi >>Eat the rest of the ham>>Just go to sleep>>Read some books>>Write in
>>4918eat the rest of the hamthen talk to the Arabit's understandable that Ourjewess hostwould need her rest
>>37684918Eat dat ham and read a book knigga, there are some long days ahead of you.
>>37684918talk to the ham, eat the book, and read the moslam
> Jewish q.t 3.14> Muslim Warrior > Christian CrusaderThis sounds like the best sitcome idea ever. On a more serious note> READ SOME BOOKS
>>37685480A Saracen, a Crusader, and a jewish historian walk into a bar.The Saracen says "Actually, I can't drink alcohol.""Oh," says the Jewish Historian."Well, that makes this a sorry bit of japary then." says the Crusader.
>>37686320The book says they can't drink fermented fruits or grainsIT SAID NOTHING ABOUT TEQUILA THOUGH WOOOOOOO
>>37686390A Saracen, a Crusader, and a slutty college "whoooo!" girl walk into a bar...
>>37686471They all get dosed with Rohypnol.
>>37684918>>Read some books
RISE I COMMAND THEE!I, ZAHEERI, COMMAND YOU BACK TO LIFE!THOUGH YOU HAVE BEEN BATTERED AND INJURED, FALLING TO THE DEPTHS OF THE NINTH PAGE, WITH MY MAGIC YOU SHALL ONCE AGAIN ASCEND TO PAGE ONE!
>>37685313>>37685451>>37685295 You pick up your plate of ham and go to the bathroom to check on Badi. You peer in and the poor sod is cuddling the towel you had gave him, sound asleep. Seems you're the one to burn the midnight oil, as it were. You go back to the book shelf, time to see what you can discover.>>Asian History >>European History >>A book of a great world wide war>>A manual of arms and armours of classical Europe>>a book on something called Nazis?>>Something Entitled "Lord of The Rings">>A book called simply, Dune.>>Go back to the American history book>>Study the map>>Write inI get off work in an hour, so things should be less painful then
>>37690714>>Go back to the American history book
>>37690714>European History>Have map at handPerchance our Crusader can start here to come to a more complete understanding of times, provided the 21st century mode of writing does not confound him
>>37690714>>European History >>Study the map>>37690817this sounds like a good plan.
>>37690714>>European History >>Study the mapTry not to yell and wake everyone up
>European History!With a map!
>>37690714>>37690817this, and now this anon needs to leave for work
>>37692360I just got off! Give me a second to walk the dogs and eat dinner lads
>>37690714>burn the midnight oilThat phrase didn't come into use until the late 16th century at the earliest.
>>37693042eh, we'll allow it. Just as we allow that the Crusader can easily understand modern English.
>>37693109we're putting that 19 int to good use
>>37693042Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuûsssssssse me anon. In all seriousness do you know any where thay I can brush up on my medieval jargon?
>>37690817>>37690883>>37691374>>37692228You pull out a book on European History. You also gather up the map, so you could study it as well. You set the map down on the smallish table in front of the sofa, as well as your supper. You open to the apendix, and there the the book is divided into centurie, starting at the 1st and ending at the 19th>>Start from the beginning>>Read about the crusades >>Read about the 19th century >>Write in
>>37693659>>Start from the beginning
>>37693659>>Start from the beginningEverything that happened in the world built on what came before it, start from the earliest point the book presents
>>37693659>Go from Crusades onward, taking in the larger scope of things before examining detailSince he is highly intelligent, and presumably well educated, this is the most likely course of action
>>37693716History is written by those who win, may be different from how we remember it
>>37693745History can also present a much larger scope than what is visible on a personal level
>>37693785further supporting to read it from the beginning
>>37693745I know, I'm saying that he should start by reading about the Crusades, and then go on to read about what has happened since.He surely will not be pleased to read how modern history tends to vilify the Crusaders...
>>37693848I also imagine he'll also be fuming about the massive incestuous orgy the catholic church was in the 1600s.
>>37693887Oh yes, he is about to experience extremely painful levels of RAGE and WHY.I'm anxious to see what happens when he talks to some modern day Catholics...
>>37693735>>37693704>>37693697>>37693685 You decide to start from the beginning, mostly out of curiosity. You are pleasantly surprised at how much you learn. You read up until your period, which you promptly skip over since Lisa had already filled you in on the disappointing and rage inducing details. you got to move into the next chapter but you see the skyline begin to change. Almost involuntarily you set the book down and collapse on the sofa.
You are in Acre. Outside the walls, your hordes hungry for war. You are a knight of many hats, siegemaster, tactician, warrior. You have executed your plans to near perfection. Now your prize is near. Victory, so close you can taste it. Your comrades shout and cheer and bellow but you do not hear them, only an ever present ringing in your ears. the wall collapses, the gate caves in, your men seige the city. You charge in with them, mace held high. You swing down, feeling heathen skulls pop like bubbles in a roaring rapid. You slay your way into a square, coated in blood and sweat and offal. A robbed man stands in the center, you cannot see his face, shrouded by a hood and shadow. You see his eyes, light by the fires of hell, impossibly green, or red or yellow. His chest rips asunder, as if cleaved in twain by the swing of a greatsword. Black shadow drips from his wound, black vapours steam from the cavity. Then condense. Coalesce. A black figure born of smoke and shadow towers above you and your men, blacker than sin, with those eyes of no discernable colour but brighter and hotter than the fires of hell. It looses a mournful cry as it swings at your men, ebon fog shredding them to thin strips, like a million razors. The demon turns to you, performs that joyless bellow and begins to make its way toward you.>>Run>>Fight>>Write In
>>37694706>>FightMay God give us strength
>>37694706>FIGHT THE DEMON WITH THE STRENGTH OF CHRIST AND THE AID OF SAINT MICHAEL!
>>37694762>>37694782>>37694845>>37694864 You spur your horse on to charge and smite the foul foe, but you notice you can't move. Your blood turns to ice, your flesh numb, you cannot move, you cannot run, you cannot hide. By God you are going to die. The priests lied! THEY LIED TO YOU! THERE IS NO ABSOLUTION YOU. THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS FOR YOUR SINS. ARE GOING TO DIE AND ROT IN THE PITS OF HELLThe legs of your horse rot away, and you fall to the ground, the world suddenly grayed know, the ringing in your ears replaced by the thunderous groan of the demon. It lurched forward stepping through your horse, it's seemingly rotted corpse churned and chopped into a fine mist. The thing bellows, your heart stopping in your chest.>>Run little crusader>>Run while you still have legs>>Run while you can>>Write In
>>37695017>DEUS VULT! ATTACK!
>>37695017>BEGONE FROM HERE SPAWN OF SATAN!>IN THE NAME OF CHRIST YOU WILL RETURN TO THE ABYSS!>SUCH ARE THE WAYS OF DEMONS TO LIE AND TO MISLEAD! >DESTROYING YOU IS THE ONLY WAY TO END YOUR FOUL INFLUENCE!>DEUS VULT, IN NOMINE PATRIS, ET FILIUS, ET SPIRITUS SANCTUS!>AMEN!
>>37695063>>37695036 You try to raise your mace, ever bold in the face if danger. Ever the fool. Ever the corpse. The thing stares into your soul. It sees your cowardice Crusader. It knows who you are. What petty ambitious you have. What are you compared to real power, Mortal fool? It's shining orbs of light that are it's eyes burn into your soul. Burning. Burning. Burning your being.It raises a smokey fist, your flesh already starting to peel from your bones, your bones beginning to snap and turn to dust. It slams down.>>Die
>>37695195>N-NEVER!>feebly make sign of the cross
>>37695195>I refuse! A true knight doesn't die even if he is killed!
>>37695195>>Utter a prayer to christ with our dying breathHe may grind our life to dust, but our faith stands strong
>>37695195>>37695246A blinding flash of azure light blinds you as you meet eternity. The baleful bellow still in your ears. You wake up in a cold sweat. The room illuminated a deep blue of early dawn. You're shivering but it is not cold. You are not one to have nightmares. Was that a vision? A memory? A vision? Was the hooded man Zaheeri? The thing of smoke Zahak? You make these thoughts to clear your mind. This line of thought will lead you no where. You allow yourself to fall again Into the sweet embrace of sleep. You do not dream.
>>37695354I'm goin to end it here guys. I'll see you tomorrow around 6! Don't forget to vote on the archives and follow the quest twittier Horseman @ Dread_Horseman
>>37695436Awesome, now I get to go to sleep. Thanks for the story, Horseman! I await the next chapter with trepidation!
>>37695466Sleep well little crusader. Don't let the bed Djinni bite
>>37695522Ha! Find the taste of me terribly sour and bitter they will, should they be so bold and foolish...
>>37695436Thanks for the thread OP