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>>37504213
Has any GM every actually been enough of a dick to do this? The worst I've heard that at least sounded plausible is a GM who kept giving penalties to social tests because the party never said they were washing themselves or changing their clothes and cleaning the armor.

Player: the trains stopped running 2 hours ago. have fun walking home, GM.

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>GM: Your character turns blue, passes-out then dies.
>Player: What? What happened?
>GM: Trapped gases displaced the oxygen from the cavern.

You clean your armor? Roll a dexterity check at -4(+4 chain). You failed? Too bad, you cleaned it so hard that you ground down the magic runes on the links. It's now a +3 chain.

you would start breathing again after you passed out.

>Player: I attack the orc again.
>GM: Since you didn't describe your action, I'm going to assume you attack the orc's dick with your ass.

>>37504270
I've done this before, but I still use the core rules for holding breath/suffocation.
>you feel lightheaded
>you're starting to feel sluggish, your head heavy.

they climbed out of the sunken area and rolled some knowledge checks. Some wanted arcana, some dungeoneering, some nature. The later two got it.

But the whole, "turn blue, fall over and die thing is not only poor GMing, but poor biology as well.

>>37504259
No, unless it was a "game over get the fuck out of my house" kind of thing.

>>37504328
What kind of wuss GM are you playing with? I had one who told me my character died several hours into the adventure BECAUSE I NEVER MENTIONED HIS KIDNEYS WORKED. Granted, it was a joke game, but holy damn.

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>>37504366
When I want someone to get out of my house, I just say "Get out of my house." Such a passive-aggressive roundabout approach is stupid.

>>37504213
>GM: Your character quickly Vomits, passes-out then dies.
>Player: What? What happened?
>GM: I didn't hear you say you were performing peristalsis.

>>37504340
I did something similar once when my players begged me for a "realistic" game several years ago. They left the town in their armor, and very quickly started feeling heavy, cold, itchy and pained. Cue panicked castings of detect magic, wild theories, frantic searches for hidden monsters, etc. etc. etc.

Eventually they returned to the town to gather more supplies, at which point a guardsman mocked them for forgetting to buy padding for their armor.

I admit, it was really, really cheap and it probably wouldn't have worked if we weren't good friends, but I DID manage to make a point about excessive requests for realism and my players agreed that sometimes it's okay to let details pass.

>>37504340
>But the whole, "turn blue, fall over and die thing is not only poor GMing, but poor biology as well.

I agree, I was only responding to OP in kind. I think there's so many little cool rules such as suffocation, exposure, getting lost etc. that get glossed over for the good old "temperate, dry, recently inhabited dungeon or habitat".

>>37504400
It sounds like a dick-move, but it really improves the player's way of thinking about how to deal with things in such a game. Good move

>>37504213
This is fucking retarded.

People pass out before they turn blue, duh!

>>37504498
Not if they have a very, very, very specific and rare skin condition found only among members of a certain Appalachian clan (I shit you not, all the inbreeding somehow turned these folks blue).

>>37504339
>not playing a monk with the Improved Dicking feat

>>37504523
You're thinking about the people that drink silver thinking it has healing properties.

>>37504523
That's argyria you numb-nuts! It's caused by silver poisoning.

>>37504309
But... it's magic. At +1 one dont even need to worry about the maintaining the edge because its fucking magic!

>your palms start to get sweaty
>knees weak
>arms are heavy

Your character pukes up all of moms spaghetti

>>37504400
I think generally, the key implementing realism is judging the tone of the game and not springing it on the players in a "that GM" manner.

>Players camp down for the night
>GM smirks quite Jewishly
>"You are attacked in the night by bandits"
>"You all take penalties for being cold (no tents, no fire only bedrolls), sleeping in armour
>[Smirking intensifies] "The casters won't replenish their spells tonight ;)"
>"You set off at dawn through the woods...oh dear, you're lost. You fail to find North. No ranger, sorry."
>"You take further penalties for being hungry and thirsty, nobody has eaten today"

ad infinitum

that's stretching it OP, but i've had DMs brag about dungeon encounters that went something like this:

Player: I open the door
DM: it doesn't open
P: I check the lock
DM: there isn't any
P: try to push it?
DM: nope
P: pull?
DM: still nothing.
P: ...
DM: haha! you never said you turned the doorknob...

>>37504444
Quadrus has spoken

>>37504572
Fuck, you got me anon, now give me back my sides.

>>37504367
>Player: Touche! I had them replaced with cyberkidneys last time I visited the black market doc!

>>37504585
I hate people that do that. I still have my players occasionally chime in with some intensely obvious detail because of DMs like this.

>I sneak in, I got x on my stealth roll, and y for my notice roll.
>Ok, there's some boxes in the corner, and tracks in the otherwise dusty floor leading down a hall.
>Wait, there's not like an monsters sitting in the middle of the room, is there?

>>37504585
Fuck nigga you also "open the door" when you turn doorknobs. "open the door" is broad as fuck.

Fuck that guy

>>37504672

some people are 2 clever 4 their own good.

>>37504585
DM: it doesn't open
P: I check the lock
DM: there isn't any
P: try to push it?
DM: nope
P: pull?
DM: still nothing.
>P: What is the door made of?
>DM: Wood.
>P: I hack the door down with my axe

Bring a maul and an axe everywhere, if the door is wood, hack it apart, if it is stone smash it, if it is some other material give up and turn around.

I had a GM who did this, BUT ALSO never wanted to kill a PC. Ever.

"Oh, you use a wall of force to prevent the air elemental from attacking you? I'm Sorry, but you clearly didn't notice that the opening in the roof runs DIAGONALLY, so the air elemental just flies over the wall and attacks you.... take... (rolls 30 dice.) oh... uh... take 4 points of damage."

>>37504782
IT WAS TRAPPED WITH SEPIA SNAKE SIGIL! Hahhahahahahaha... your character is now sealed in a amber bubble for a week.

>>37504213
Problem here is that the players should be calling bullshit. If the GM says otherwise, literally take his book and rip a fucking page out of it. See if the fucker tried playing god again.

>>37504259
I have but mostly as friendly banter.

>>37504259
No like that, but yes, I had a GM who distorted everything we said just to kill our PCs, and if we forget something, because it was freaking obvious, he assumed we didn't do it, like for example pee and poop.
>I draw my sword and attack him in the ribs
>Well, you try to punch him but due not being trained in martial arts you fail miserabily
>I attack him with my sword, why do you think I drew it?
>I dunno, you didn't say
Etc

We left in the second session.

>>37504845
He's your GM. You expressly gave him permission to play your god.

>>37504863
Not that guy, but I asked him to be a god of fun and storytelling, not some Old Testament dickweed that tries to screw me over at every turn

>>37504863
No, he is a part of the game. His job is to create scenarios and challenges for the other players to overcome. Not to have a "be a fucking prick" card so he can have a powertrip.

The GM should have less control of the game than the fucking players. Its like saying a building's architect has any say on where the building owners are going to set up their shit. Its fucking stupid, and this mindset needs to end.

>>37504902
>You now know why the Plagues of Egypt happened

>>37504912
No

>>37504922
Guess the Pharaoh didn't want to be railroaded

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>>37504960
Compelling argument you have there.

>>37504966

Actually, it goes worse than that. If you read the text carefully, it's God, not the Pharoh, who "hardens his heart" to resist the plagues.


That's right. It's railroading to the extent of forcing the Pharoh to defy the GM so that he can be punished some more.

>>37504982
>Ancient Jews: "We should totally follow this guy!"

>>37504982
>railroading so hard you even railroad players into thinking they are being railroaded
Fuck

I guess we should've noticed earlier, since he had two Mary Sue DMPCs

>>37505004
He also magical realmed the shit out everything back in the day

>>37504991
What do you think would have happened if Jews didn't? Beaten housewife syndrome.

>>37505018
Yet punished the players when they finally went along with it

>>37505004
t-t-three

>>37505041
"If they didn't"? They DID. Do you know what the Jews themselves call their ultra-Orthodox sect? "Haredim". IT LITERALLY MEANS "FEARFUL ONES". Not as in "they are to be feared", but as in "they live in constant fear".

>"Well, if I find an innocent in these cities you won't strike with heaven's fury?"
>"Yes"
>"Ok"
>Rolls
>"You find noone"
>"None? not even the babies?"
>"Not even the babies"
>"Not even the cattle?"
>"Not even the cattle"
>"Everybody is a sinner, even the unborn children?"
>"Yes"
Yahveh is suck a dick GM

>>37505072
IIRC, they did manage to find one and he still destroyed the cities out of spite. What kind of life did ancient Jews have to develop such a religion?

>>37505059
Who am I missing?
I've got Jesus and Moses

Unless we're counting Mohammed, because it's the same GodGameMaster over multiple campaigns I guess

>>37505069
Well god-fearing is a compliment. Learn to be modest and fearful to be decent. Not like the godless commies that are gonna forget to breathe soon, us god-fearing nation are the protagonist and will get rewarded. In GM we trust.

>>37504912

actually, having been a DM for 18 years, I can tell you that the DM has TOTAL control of the game.

The trick is using the players' input to tell the story, and if you are going to force a result, you have to be clever about it.

Problem is - newbie DMs will often prepare grand, but very narrow designs, that hinge on something specific early on. Like the players guarding a scepter that is SUPPOSED to get stolen.

A bad DM will try to force this result, a good DM will roll with whatever the players come up with.

>>37505072
And this is why orc babies should be killed too.

>>37505093
He found an innocent and told him to find a few more innocents. He didn't. So he told him to run while he fucks the city up, and never look back. His .. wife or daughter did look back I think. They turned to salt statues.

Why the fuck salt? Why not stone?

>>37505069

As an Orthodox Jew, I take issue with calling the Haredim ultra-orthodox.

It's not like they're more observant. They just whine loudly and are essentially welfare queens. And you would expect people who sit and read the Gemarah all day to actually be conversant with a bit of theology, which is extraordinarily rare among them.

>Yeah, my character won't eat that apple, I go tell god about this serpent trying to make me break the rules.
>But you REALLY want to eat it.
>No I don't.
>Yes you do.
>NO I DON'T.
>Roll to resist.
*fails*
>HAHA, now you get periods and painful pregnancies, because the snake was the devil!

So I've been permanent DM'd and I don't mind. The issue is that my players have asked me EXPLICITLY to " throw some weird stuff in, make it interesting." I threw out ideas and one of them reminded me that I had used the term "magical realm" before. After I explained what that was you know what they said? They want it. They WANT me to start getting realmy up in here.

What do /tg/? My DM pride is confused.

>>37505160
I know it isn't quite fitting for the thread but
I figured it's about avoiding being That GM so yeah.

Help

>>37505150
And to hilonim both of you are a sign that Europeans were right.

>>37505093
>>37505072
>>37505142


If you're talking about Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham starts off by bargaining for 50 righteous people, and eventually works his way down to 10, (ten being considered a "community" and not just scattered individuals)

And Lot is hardly innocent. Offering your virgin daughters to a rape mob is..... questionable, even if you go by the interpretation that he knew they weren't going to take him up on it.


And it was his wife who turned to salt, not sure why that and not stone.

>>37505160
You're living the life.

You've won, anon. God bless you.

>>37504259
Here's how to deal with a gm that is butthurt about characters washing (if the players don't wash the gm is entitled to be bitchy.)

Write a short description of your character washing himself and then jerking off. Make the jerking off the focus of the description. Keep describing how you touch your cock and how fast you pump (if you play a female character just describe how hard you jerk yourself off). Keep eye-contact with the gm.

>>37505150
As an orthodox national socialist Aryan, I take issue with posting in the same thread as you.

It's not like Jews are equally valuable. They just whine loudly and are essentially finance queens. And you would expect people who sit and read the Torah all day to actually be conversant with a bit of ethics, which is extraordinarily rare among them.

>>37505195

touche. It was a bit priggish of me to say that, wasn't it?

>>37505195
Careful there you can take someone's eye out with all that edge.

>>37505154
>No, my character doesn't listen to Adam
>Yes you do, he's your husband and boss
>No, he isn't, we were made out of the same clay, I don't have to take orders from him
>Your character is kicked out of the campaign, roll a new one, btw, that new one is compelled to do whatever Adam wants because she comes from one of his ribs

>>37505188
>And Lot is hardly innocent. Offering your virgin daughters to a rape mob is

More than acceptable back then. Like offering bread to the needy.

>>37505190
>Keep eye-contact with the gm.

and a straight face...

>>37504213
>You've ignored the quest you were given at level 1, now it's an 8th Level problem.
>You're level 3.

>>37505188
>Out of two cities not even 2 innocents
Impossible, babies are innocents, unborn children are innocents, or are you telling me there weren't babies and unborns in Sodomy and Gamera?

>>37505220
>"Also your old character is going to appear later an antagonist. She's a demonic mother who is impregnated by masturbators and eats babies".

>>37505097
I'd put Enoch, Abraham, Jacob, David, and Elijah in the YHWH DMPC club also.

>>37505220
>Alright, my char's name is Steve

>>37505222

No, it really wasn't. If anything, it was even less acceptable then than it is now: It was part of a father's duty towards his daughters to make sure that they stayed pure and virginal for their marriage. Just tossing them out in front of an angry mob is the foreshadowing that Lot doesn't care much for sexual morality in his family and the whole episode in the cave with the two of them.

>>37505251
Fun fact about Judaism: they believe sperm "wasted" in masturbation impregnates Lillith, the mother of demons.

Sleep tight.

>>37504259
>Not spending an hour a day at the public baths.

You filthy peasants. Do you know how loose tongued the Nobles' wives get when soaking? I swear, I found out more about army movements in the Civil War comparing bust sizes with them than I ever did with the spy master.

>>37505242
Babies are not automatically innocent. They're a piece of the father's soul. If the father is a sinner so are the babies. That's also the justification for killing an evil man's family members, since they're just a part of him. Like cutting his hand.

>>37505242
If God says there weren't innocents, there weren't innocents.

>>37505222
Pretty sure it's about as shitty back then as it would be now. Just for slightly different reasons.

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>Roll to drive the carriage.
>Okay, that's good. You arrive to your destination. Describe what you do.
>I stop the carriage and let everyone out.
>The carriage crashes into the ground as the horses come unbridled, tripping over themselves, and the carriage itself tips over and splinters at the impact.
>...why?
>You didn't say you slowed down before stopping.

>>37505260
After the flood Noah exited the arc and had an orgy with his male sons.

>>37505242

"Innocent" isn't the proper term. If you look at Genesis 18:24, you get


אוּלַי יֵשׁ חֲמִשִּׁים צַדִּיקִם, בְּתוֹךְ הָעִיר

If there are fifty righteous within the midst of the city.

Righteousness implies activity, going out of your way to be helpful, honest, god-fearing, etc.

While a small child might be free of sin, lacking the sort of mental stature to discern between good and evil, they likewise can't be righteous until they're consciously capable of choosing good over evil.

And the number is ten, incidentally, not two.

>>37505282
Didn't know God was such a moron, oh well, original sin, blaming kids for the sin of their fathers and all that stuff, should have imagine.

>>37505265
It must be good to be a jew with a monster girl impregnation fetish.

>>37505311
Dude... it took an all-powerful being SEVEN DAYS to create the universe. If he were really all-powerful, would he have taken that long?

>>37505265
Literal cum dump semen demon.

>"I hate it when people go easy on perception checks."
>"Since I'm now DM, everyone has to declare exactly what you are looking at. You cannot do one for a room, you must do specific walls, and lengths of wall."

>>37505265
Also, cradledeaths are Lillith sneaking into children's rooms at night and killing them because she's that butthurt over only being able to birth demons.

>>37505300
>I want 10 righteous person, like 100 fold Mother Teresa of Calcutta righteous
>B-but the innocent
>lol don't care, I cast obliterate...man, 100d6s this is going to rock

Yeah, god is totally a That Guy

>>37504400
>>37504485
yeah, great move there arbitrarily removing something that is stated as coming with most suits of armour, without telling your players, then acting smug because you *made them think*

You know how I would react if the dm pulled that kind of shit on me?
>so DM, as you have arbitratily removed one part of a fundamental piece of equipment I must ask you
>does my sword still have a blade?
>what about quillions, hilt, and pommel?
>does my bow come with a string?
>do I actually have the 20 arrows that are listed or have you arbitrarily removed some of them?
>do my arrows have heads? fletching? knocks? knock reinforcement?
I would then repeat this for every single piece of equipment listed on my character sheet, and then encourage the other players to do the same.

>>37505317
At least Eru slows down so his kids can do all the work and feel proud.

>>37505317
It took him six days. And it only took him that long because he got a free soda with his seventh sandwich.

>>37505298

That's not true. Genesis 7:13


בְּעֶצֶם הַיּוֹם הַזֶּה בָּא נֹחַ, וְשֵׁם-וְחָם וָיֶפֶת בְּנֵי-נֹחַ; וְאֵשֶׁת נֹחַ, וּשְׁלֹשֶׁת נְשֵׁי-בָנָיו אִתָּם--אֶל-הַתֵּבָה

And on that day, Noah, Shem, Cham, and Yapath, the sons of Noah, and Noah's wife, and the three wives of Noah's sons, went up into the ark (box)

And of course, in one of the big things that everyone "knows" the Bible says when it actually doesn't, there's nothing in the text that states the flood was worldwide.

>>37505288
That's convenient.

>>37505344
And then they became salty
literally

>>37505363
You're telling me that Noah rounded up 2 of every animal and got in a box because there was a flood in his back yard?

>>37505363
Only Pitbull is truly worldwide. So sayeth the LORD.

>>37505374
One of the logical fuckups with omniscience is that if you know something than that something is by definition true. Unless it's not. You also know everything that's untrue.

No wonder God is Buddhist in South Park.

>>37504575
>The Dark Eye is really fun!

>YHWH seriously forty years of random encounters? can we finally get to the actual reconquest of our home land?
>Fine. Well, except you Bob you can't come
>What why?
>Your character told the jews that you gave them food and water.
>Yeah, because I did, I casted create food.
>Nope you are a paladin you get your powers from your god. You betrayed your code and fall.

Jesus is the mightiest dmpc. He got shit stomped by his own party, then came back to life for the DM to make him a god and send him to heaven.

>>37505363
They had an orgy after the flood bra. Read past that.

Also they ended up on some Turkish mountain at the end.

>>37505383

2 of all the "unclean" animals, and seven of all the "clean" ones. And while not worldwide, it does seem to have been a pretty major flood: It wipes out all of the descendents of Adam up to that point, but it had only been 10 generations, so there probably weren't all that many of them. (Adam being the first human being another one of those things that everyone "knows" even though it's never actually said anywhere)


And then of course, when he gets out, he chops most of them up as sacrifices. It wasn't some kind of reseeding the world plan.

>>37505408
Didn't they try and find the remains of the ark?

>>37505400


The 40 years in the wilderness were primarily there to kill off the generation that left Egypt and were shmucks before they got into Israel.

>>37505401
>Not Solomon
You know how people say that wizards are overpowered as fuck?

That was Solomon. Building a flying throne so he can fly over to another plane and bully secrets of magic out of Asmodeus was one of his TAMER exploits.

>>37505401
>And then Jesus died
>Alright I'm tired this game wasn't as fun as I thought it'd be. I'm out
>Alright, I'll take over as the dm
>So, first thing I'm bringing my character back to life, and then...

>>37505432

Lots of people have, and look at any piece of wood they find in the mountains in Turkey as evidence.

I mean, say it's all literally, 100% true. The ark was made out of wood, and was made some 5,100 or so years ago. It would have rotted away into nothingness by now.

This is slightly off-topic, but you know how you've got that
>We only use [surprisingly small] amount of our brain
myth?
I'd love something where someone's got this going on, but since their brain isn't doing something such as, say, working their kidneys and liver, digesting food, having their heart beating, they can only use this enhanced brain power until they start to die from it.

>>37504444
> "temperate, dry, recently inhabited dungeon or habitat".

Wow, that's shitty and bland.

>>37505432
They tried to find it there but even if there's a semblance of historical accuracy (I do believe there was a massive tsunami back then) wood rots. Also I think it's said they took down the ark for construction materials.

>>37505422
Why did God go through so much trouble to make Adam and Eve if they weren't the first?

And if he killed all the descendants of Adam, why do we have original sin?

>>37505400
>And here is your promised land!
>Is full of other people...
>Well, yeah, just kill them all
>Didn't you ask us to walk 40 years in the desert to let our sinners die? and you ask us to kill, therefore sin, again?
>Is not a sin if your god commands you, so shut up and kill everybody, specially the women and their children, rape is also allowed

>>37505463
It's kind of unclear. I learned that at Sunday school, I don't remember the specifics but the bible apparently mentions the creation of man twice, with Adam only being the second one. The first creation of man involved hermaphroditic angelic beings or something like that.

>>37505265
I will cause now I know at least have one kid.

>>37505483
There are two separate creation stories related in two separate writing styles likely originating from two separate oral traditions. For a lark you should check out the "documentary theory." Fun stuff.

>>37505268

Aye this man be speaking the truth.

Knowing the location of the public baths is top priority in my travels.

>>37505463

>Why did God go through so much trouble to make Adam and Eve if they weren't the first?

That I don't have a firm answer for. The section about the whole Garden of Eden sequence is weird, really weird. But I have suspicions that the direct creation of two separate people as opposed to just being part of a set of all the other animals was to create some kind of closer or different connection with the divine.


And they didn't all get wiped out: Noah and family are descendents from Adam. And of course, to Jews, "original sin" doesn't carry the same connotations that it does in Christianity. All we mean by it is that peoples instincts tend more towards evil than they do to good; or at the very least towards physicality as opposed to spirituality. Eating, killing, and fucking come very naturally. The idea of praying and sacrificing and keeping yourself pure, less so. It's not some sort of "falling short of the glory of God" sort of thing.

>>37505483
>Hermaphroditic Angelic Beings
Dulce Report?

God demands sacrifice! And not some fruit, that's gay. I demand MEAT!

>>37505459
>(I do believe there was a massive tsunami back then
Supposedly that's how the Mediterranean was created, a natural dam broke (a link between Africa and Spain I believe) and then a massive flood that lasted for weeks

>YHWH could you please stop trying to have NPCs hook up with my character? It's creepy and she's not that type of person.
>Fine I'll stop.
Later..
>MARY I AM GABRIEL AND I BRING GREAT NEWS.

>>37505160
Well, what have you planned?

>>37505550
It was the Black Sea.
It used to be a lake apparently, way below sea level, and the Mediterranean filled it up.

>>37505260
Didn't Lot do it because the mob yould've instead raped the angels that wanted to look at the city?

>>37505589
The more I read of this thread the more I'm convinced God was a stereotypical That GM, complete with having sick animoo fetishes.

>>37505589
I always understood it as breaking guest right being the greater sin of the two options Lot had in that situation.

>>37504259
Ok, i admit: I did this once.
In my defense, he was a douchebag to everyone.

>>37505605
>>37505589
Lot was a Paladin and the GM wanted him to fall, nomatter what Lot ended doing he was fucked from the begining.

>>37505317
That's actually my main arguement for why the Judeo Christian God is actually that powerful. It took him 7 days to make one universe. Vishnu sneezes and accidentally creates and destroys an infinite number of universes.

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>That GM thread
>becomes a religious thread with god as the GM

Never change, /tg/.

>>37505634
So you're saying that God is powerful because he can safely harness his sneezes?

God's powerful because he had Celestial Tissues?

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>>37505160
They either want to ERP, or they want to have laughs based on piss trees, poop rocks, vaginalike cave entrances, anus doors and booblike hills. Or whatever the fuck.

Google prey orifice doors for inspiration. Pic related.

>>37505268
>public baths.

Top pleb. Real aristocrats have private baths.

>>37505589

Yes, that seems to have been his intention.

It's more his methods that I find horrifying.


Bear in mind, from what I understand, Christainity reveres Lot as a very good man. Judaism tends to think of him as that neerdowell cousin who you always have to bail out of prison after his last idiotic get rich quick scheme.

>>37505634
>>37505653
...isn't*. Although That would make for a good setting. PRevent the divine destruction of the world by making a sacred pilgramige to retrieve the holy sacrament to bless a new box of the tissues for the Lord.

>>37505357

The answer, of course, would be "No, unless you specifically mentioned it."

Because that's exactly the kind of mindset that being mocked here.

>>37505357
So in other words, you'd react like a rabid buttdevastated retard.

>>37504782
>Walk up to metal door.

WELP, IT'S METAL, NO SOLUTIONS HERE, GUESS THE PRINCESS IS FUCKED. Walk away, go bang hoes in the tavern.

My kinda game.

>>37505739
getting pissed and doing exactly what the dm asked for counts as being a rabid buttdevastated retard now?

>>37504845
Nigga I'll make you pay for my books if you damage them. I'll fuckin' mug you if I have to. Treat my shit with respect, or get your ass kicked and possibly stabbed.

Man, I know that street in OP's pic.

>>37505230

Solution: Avoid the problem.

>>37505706
>PRevent the divine destruction of the world by making a sacred pilgramige to retrieve the holy sacrament to bless a new box of the tissues for the Lord.
Wasn't that a joke in Hitchhiker's Guide?

>>37505713
The not washing thing I can at least understand.

Penalising players who forgot to take even one suit of clothes that aren't armour I can also understand.

Penalising players for taking what is written in the book at face value though? That's That GM, and he was mocking the really extreme mindsets and presenting his a an acceptable "realistic" alternative.

>>37505300
>While a small child might be free of sin

I thought original sin meant that no-one, not even the most innocent baby, is free of sin?

>>37504259

My old DM killed our party cause the parties driver kept his eyes closed for too long before the player could open them.

>>37504259
I've had a GM go full retard on me because I wanted to play a thief character.

Basically, he wanted us to roleplay through a simple break-in. I wanted to break into a house, steal something of value (I knew what I was looking for, and where it was supposed to be) and get back out.

>I check the backdoor. Any surviellance and such?
>No
>Cool, I sneak up to the door.
>Roll stealth
>Succeed by a small margin
>Get spotted by a dog

Apparently, a dog wasn't "surviellance systems and such".

>Manage to succeed in calming the dog down.
>Enter the house
>Someones home
>I sneak around them, and towards the room with the valuables
>The person home gets alarmed and knows someone broke in because I hadn't closed the door behind me

>I manage to stay hidden from the owner of the house, and sneak into the trophy room
>Has to unlock a lock. I didn't want to break it.
>Unlocks it, takes the valuables, and lock it again. Put the small earrings in my pocket, and takes the gold crown and glove, and leave
>gets out successfully.
>GM tells me the police now has my fingerprints because I left my gear for unlocking the lock behind - I didn't explicitly say I took it with me

It just kept going like that every. single. fucking. time. I tried to steal shit.

It was fucking horrendous. I was even told I was a pussy when I wanted to retire my character, because I didn't want to deal with his bullshit every time I wanted to do what my character was built to do.

Worst thing was, this only applied to this particular character. He apparently just had a huge hate-boner for thieves.

>>37505785

You play fucking rpgs, Melvin, you're not stabbing anybody.

>>37505867
>Find me an innocent...there aren't innocents in the universe because I made everybody a sinner
God asking for impossibles in a staged enviroment

>>37505867

That's the Christian conception of original sin, that sin is falling short of the glory of God.


Jewish conception of "original sin" is a bit different, essentially that the natural impulses of humanity tend towards evil, not good. But "sin" is something you do, not something you are.

>>37505867
Exactly.

Perfect example of railroading

>>37505891
If that's how you feel, but you'd be surprised.

>>37505827

Most books also include rules for passive perception checks that are ignored when the GM says "But you didn't SAY you were looking for anything!"

>>37505935

I'm sure your character is a real badass, Melvin.

>>37505950

That's because most players start shouting about passive perception and how come they didn't see someone sneaking into the room they stored their gear in when they're on a different floor of the building and couldn't possibly see it.

>>37505884
I hate how he thinks "MASTER THIEVES" are dumb enough to leave doors open and leave tools behind.

>>37505951
I have no reason to validate my ability to stab people on the internet. But if I ever meet you in real life, and you damage my property. You'll find out real quick I wasn't fucking around.

>>37505891

Dude, Vin Diesel plays RPGs. As does Judi Dench and Karl Urban. RPGs may be played by a lot of pencil-necked nerds, but that's not universal.

>>37505979

Because I'm sure the dude on /tg/ saying he would stab someone is actually a badass like Vin Diesel and not just a pussy pretending to be tough.

>>37505978

Where do you live? I'll take all your books and burn them and piss on them to put them out and you won't do a thing about it. You'll sit there and take it like the internet tough guy you are.

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>>37505265
>tfw millions of qt demon daughters

>>37505979
>tfw one of my players (although he doesn't show up very often, for obvious reasons) is literally currently serving in my country's Green Beret equivalent

>>37506028

>Say that to my face and not online fucker and see what happens
>navyseal.jpeg

>>37505978
>>37505978
Out of spite, of course, I wouldn't stab someone over an accident.

>>37506028
>$2100 worth of books.
I'll take you to small claims court and get all my money back. Stabbing doesn't solve anything if you destroy my whole collection. But as a player attacking a stranger because you didn't like what I did in a fictional game. I'll cut you.

>>37505978
>I hate how he thinks "MASTER THIEVES" are dumb enough to leave doors open and leave tools behind.
I hate how he assumes the player is a MASTER THIEF and expect him to remember everything such a thief would do.

One thing is expecting people to roleplay social situations. It's another to expect players to have a general idea of how he expects to break into a house and rob the place. This sounds like outright patronizing the player, by explicitly putting him in a situation where he is bound to forget some little detail, and then punish him for it.

The worst part is that the dice are already required to be in your favour. Depending on the system, it's not just a small 5% chance of failure (D&D). If it was, say, 40k, where you easily have a 40 % chance of failure in the first place, then also adding an extra element of failure is purely to be a jerk for no good reason.

>>37505884
>Succeed by a small margin
>Still fail
I feel for you bro.

>>37505950
True, again, it's all just lazy DMing

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>>37506054

>being this much of an internet tough guy

Lol, shut the fuck up, nerd. You're not sueing anybody or stabbing anybody.

>>37506008

Among my players, I have had two cops (one current, one ex-cop), three army dudes, and one Marine. All but one of them have fired shots in anger. At least two that I know of frequent /tg/, maybe more.

Is he exaggerating? probably. Is he exaggerating more than you when you say you'll hunt him down and burnpiss his books? Probably not.

>>37506109
Right, because you haven't damaged my property out of spite, See smart guy, you really do get it.

And who would I sue? No one has destroyed my expensive property. Nothing has happened, so of course I'm not doing anything.

>nerd
O my pride. y u do dis to me anon?

>>37505807
Problem: Party thinks they're supposed to fight it because it exists.

Do I Deus Ex Machina them? Or let them die?

>>37505142
well obviously god had already burned down his home. He still had to take his woman and salt his fields.

>>37506144
This question is important for future.

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>>37504259
Yes. I have had a shit-eating grin DM, and he was exactly like that. I need to screencap that story on here, cause it's like 4 pages long. Some highlights from it, in case you haven't read it:

>On top of a house trying to track foot prints in snow, Footprints lead to roof and then end at edge. Nothing in sky, nothing on ground. Nobody noticed anything until someone had to ask if there was more than one building
>Forced us to almost miss a door in a building because only one of us got a good perception roll
>Never told us his "warehouse" had a second floor until after about 30 real-life minutes of trying to search everywhere, I simply said "I look up?"
>Rolled damage against a player for sticking his hand into a crate because he didn't pause long enough to "look into crate" first.

The worst DM I ever had bar none. Second one was pretty awful about after-market excuses

>Tries to have his DMPC Special Snowflake cleric Res me after beating me down with a Blade Barrier, and when I told him my character would attack, tried to make an argument that he would have kept the barrier up and active. While trying to rez me.

>>37506144
Put lots of encounters between them and the problem. Try to get them up 2 or 3 levels, a level 8 challenge should be difficult/epic for a level 5 or 6 party. Plus it gives you a chance to gauge how effective they'll be against the BBEG.

>>37506082
>True, again, it's all just lazy DMing

I'd say it's more dickish GMing. It's bogging down the story and action because "realism demands X." They may be doing it out of laziness, but most GMs that I know of that pull that kind of bunk do it because they think it's clever. That's what the parody was for: highlighting that obsessing over minutiae wasn't going to make for an enjoyable experience.

>>37506177
I love this idea. Thank you.

on the other hand there's people who forget to do fairly basic things no matter how many times you remind them
like the group that walked into a desert without buying any water what so ever despite mentioning several water merchants in the city, how dry the air is, locals telling them they were unprepared and asking them if they were sure they were ready for the desert

course they eventually complained when I told them they were dehydrating quickly and this desert didn't have any convenient cacti

>>37506198
Glad to help. If you think they'll still be curbstomped, you can have it turn out that the BBEG and his most powerful minions, say, needed one last thing/person/bit of information to complete their evil plan, and leave a track behind for them to follow. That should give you enough room to get them stronger.

>>37506144

Have a GMPC join the party. The more powerful and annoying, the better. Then have the monster eat him in two bites while he screams "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN" at the players.

>>37506225
This is an awful idea. A GMPC is never a good choice, especially if you make them the party prime member. Instead, use an NPC who is more of a guide with specialist knowledge. Instead of having him die in the fight, have him warn the party that they should not fuck with this guy. Then, when they try despite his warning, the party wipes and the NPC goes to find a new group. Your rerolls.

>>37506075
Actually it's more of a social exchange. Consider that the GM is still required to actually know about the process such that the scenario can be more than just a simplistic roll, because that's exactly what the player ordered when he wanted to play thief as at least a significant portion of the campaign. In short, the GM is telling the player to put in the same amount of effort he put in just for that one player.

Of course, he's still a royal dick. There are correct ways to run a heist campaign, and what was described isn't one of those.

>>37505188
Don't forget his daughters spend the day their mother dies getting their father drunk and fucking him until they are pregnant.

>>37506075
Just go back, rob his fucking house, take a dump in his oven and turn it on.

>>37506260
The Mohabites, right?

>>37506082
>>Succeed by a small margin
>>Still fail
>I feel for you bro.
The dog would get a perception check, though. If it succeeds by a larger margin, it stands to reason that it spots him, despite the success.

Though not telling him there was a dog, or even allowing a spot check, is complete bullshit.

>>37504575
>Implying this wasn't how first edition was played

It's like you're really a casual baby in the world of TTRPGs!

>>37506295
He would need to have noticed the dog to know it could have seen him.

Try harder.

>>37505268
I'm pretty sure public baths are more of a gay meet up thing over here

>>37506279
>>37506260

And the Ammonites.

Interesting little bit of trivia. "Moav" in Hebrew, means "From father". Kid must have had a rough childhood.

>>37506252

>Not sure if serious

First off, this is about the only use I can think of for DMPCs: establish them as super powerful, and right when everyone is rolling their eyes and settling in for the Mary Sue bullshit, he gets Samuel L. Jacksoned right the fuck outta there. Subtle it ain't, but if your players aren't the type to figure out when something is too much for them to handle, subtle is bad.

The other solution is to OOC tell them "Not every encounter is beatable. Sometimes through bad planning or luck you will stumble across something that you should count yourself lucky to escape from.

>>37506252
No, I like his idea, especially if the DMPC joins that session, walks them through the dungeon to get to the BBEG, the players are getting bored, sure you are doing the whole special snowflake routine, then DMPC gets eaten and it changes into an escape scene.

DMPC's are bad because they detract from the focus being on the players right, this only takes up about 15-20 minutes, gives the players lots of usefull info they can use later (layout and composition of BBEG's forces etc), tells them they need to step their game up and provides a little light relief.

>>37504213
>that's a man

>>37506351
I'd be a homo for that man. Especially if s/he likes TTRPGs and shit.

>>37506309
it isn't.
od&d was supposed to be epic battles to save the world, living out heroics and saving the princess.
At leas that's how we always played it.

>>37506310
I'm >>37505884

He didn't even tell me to do a perception check. I asked, and instead of telling me to roll, he just said no.

I have stupidly high perception, too, so I should have noticed it.

WoD, btw. Had 4 perception and 4 alertness, I would have had a pretty good chance of spotting the dog.

>>37504213
>Said No GM, Ever

>>37506351
I wouldn't mind fucking a man like that

>>37506374
QFT

>>37504259
The only time I had a GM do anything like that was with a player who had an uncivilized character that was unfamiliar with normal social conventions.

If the player didn't specify for example that his character was wearing clothes he'd leave his home naked, and similar shenanigans.

>>37505188
>And Lot is hardly innocent. Offering your virgin daughters to a rape mob is..... questionable

It's the exact opposite. This is the point where Lot shows what a righteous man he is: having given his guest hospitality he must protect and provide for him even sacrificing himself and his family.

Desert culture hospitality is REALLY fucking important.

>>37504558
Not that this discussion is relevant by now, but he's talking about the Blue Fugates, and the disorder was methemoglobinemia, which causes abnormal levels of methemoglobin in the blood, reducing its capacity to carry oxygen and thus causing blue skin. I say "was" because they've been largely cured by now.

More importantly, don't call people numb-nuts when you're speaking out of ignorance, numb-nuts.

>>37506421
I actually have (he actually looked kind of similar, blonde hair and this kind of face and everything). It... became really weird after a while and while the sex was okay, the relationship crumbled extremely quickly. I haven't slept with a man since then.

>>37506485
I srly doubt it, there's maybe a couple of trannies and traps in the world that look that femenine as the girl in OP's picture.

Also OP's picture has barely makeup, while traps and trannies have to wear tons to deceive us.

>>37505463

A lot of Genesis is an accumulation of really fucking old stories from different peoples. There's a lot of leftovers from different religions so none of it really fits together properly.

Stuff didn't really get sorted out till the Deuteronomists.

>>37506528
I didn't fuck that girl. I don't even know if she (he?) is really a trap. All I mentioned is that I did have sex with a trap who looked very similar.

>>37506528
yeah, because traps and trannies are the same thing, and don't come in the same range of apperance as the rest of the human populace...

>>37506569
Damn it, it should be a law that all trannies and traps need to be marked or something.

Like, with a circle or star symbol so we can identify them from regular people.

>>37506619
and we can make them all take showers together, in specially built shower blocks. Truly it would be the final solution.

>>37506594
They aren't the same thing but they try to look like the same thing, girls, and 99.99% of the time fail horribly.

>>37506619
He told me he's actually a boy about 5 minutes after I hit on him. For someone who made such a huge deal of looking like a hot girl (he'd spend hours and hours and hours each day and god only knows how much money), he was really open about not actually being one if people asked.

>>37506635
>What if Anne Frank was a trannie?

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>>37506651
Damn that's pretty great.

Respect for that gal


>>37506672
Arnold Frank Quest when?

>>37506641
no, just the ones that you notice have failed horribly.

>>37506702
>Failing spot checks
>Not noticing the feminine dick isn't a manly vagina.

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>>37506651
>tfw I will never have a romance with an attractive trap.

>>37504328
Not necessarily. A woman won a Darwin Award because she died by holding her breath. She was getting arrested for drug possession and told the police if they arrested her she'd hold her breath until they let her go. They arrested her, she held her breath, and died from lack of oxygen.

>>37506688
Dude, start a thread later tonight and I'll join in.

I'm all about feminine jewish boys who write in their diaries. Not really, but this sounds amazing.

>>37506798
>Da real mvp

>>37505884
>The person home gets alarmed and knows someone broke in because I hadn't closed the door behind me
Your GM is a shit for the rest of that, but this is actually pretty fair. The door remains in the Open state unless acted upon. Plus, as a GM, I don't know if your player wanted to leave it open or closed as you might want to make a fast escape, or might want to close the door to keep out interlopers, so I have to assume that if you don't mention it, it remains as it was.

>>37506823
If I actually had the time for it, I would.

Sadly I don't.
But one day I will, I swear

I actually don't even have time to post here
help

>>37506798
>This is what police told to the media

>>37506876
This.

>>37506798
It's physically impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath. As soon as you lose consciousness, which is long before any real damage occurs, automatic breathing would kick in.

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>>37506213

>>37506973
I want to pick up after that player with the same character.

This sounds amazing.

>>37506485
>>37506569
>>37506651
Why is /tg/ so full of gay people?

>>37507071
It's trending.

>>37507043
Uh, shit, wasn't expecting that kind of response.

I have half of the adventure written up somewhere. Or at the least a very basic outline of it. I haven't worked on it in ages though. Plus, I made it back when I was still fresh as a creator. I dunno how well I would like it looking back over it, though I still like the ideas in it.

>>37507071
Fantasy draws people with fetishes and repressed sexual desires. People who have been in the closet are drawn to RP because it allows them to be themselves while being someone else.

Not to say that RP doesn't attract people not in this category. LGBT people are just more susceptible because of the level of acceptance of it.

>>37505800
Where is it? Boston?

>>37504213
>They were playing an undead character.

>>37507169
>>37506485
Did your trap lover normally play male or female characters?

>>37504553
Actually there's a family in Kentucky with naturally blue skin.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Fugates

>>37506853
i mostly agree with this, but i think it would have been better if the gm brought it up to the player first (i.e. "do you leave the door ajar, close it behind you, lock it, or leave it wide open") so that it was more a conscious decision on the player's part

>>37507071

>/t/otally /g/ay

>>37506144

Clarify in clear out-of-character terms that the party is not supposed to do that and not everything they can encounter will be level appropriate.

If they do not head that advice, show them no mercy. It will drive home the lesson.

ITT: Why I'm no longer religious

>>37505128
My GM often tells us that while he's fairly detailed stuff what's going to happen (He's pretty good at covering most angles of approach and action) he also frequently makes stuff up on the fly because sometimes we can be a bit unpredictable (Like killing people that would have given us key plot points)

>>37507693
It should be said that were are playing as 40k Inqusitorial agents, with one in the group being an actual Inqusitor. So we can basically do whatever the fuck we want and get away with it, sort of.

>>37504259
Played M:tA once with a shit-GM like that. Our car was stolen by some punks in an effort to teach us to say shit like "we get out of the car, close the doors, lock it and flip on the car alarm."

Haven't played with him since, because seriously? Fucking seriously?

You ever fail a quest because, despite everyone succeeding their checks, nobody could find the guy you were chasing because you didn't specify you looked up?

You ever almost lose a party member for the exact same reason?

>>37506468
...No. That's idiotic, and so is anyone who humors it or otherwise attempts to rationalize it.

>>37508357
Jesus Christ, DMs like this must not have read the books.

I think the only thing you need to be a good DM is reading comprehension. If you can retain a message from a passage of text. You will do just fucking fine. If you have no reading comprehension. Just go play video games and stop shitting up my hobby.

Seriously. Fuck GMs like this. Makes me happy to be a ForeverDM.

>>37505128
You have less control of the game than you think. All you can do is create scenarios and rewards. That's it. The players are the one's who get to choose what they want to do with those scenarios and rewards. This is literally how D&D-like games work.

Sure, you can say that a rock falls and kills the PC who didn't comply to your means of playing your campaign, but then the PC's can tell you to fuck off and keep playing anyways. A GM can't GM shit if they don't have the player's cooperation.

>>37508584
Not that guy, but you should probably think that through a bit more

>>37506351
Image search people...
Nicole Boerner in case you care. More google says XX

>>37505268
>Dwarves
>Going anywhere near water that's not been made beer
Nice try, Nix

>>37504982
First five, he hardens his own heart, final five it gets hardened. Sort of a "well, if you want it the hard way..."

>>37508584

you kind of missed the point mate.

Suppose there is a "boss fight". As soon as the players enter the room, the boss opens a portal to summon aid.

Let's assume, that the players manage to cast dispel magic at it, and somehow stop the portal from forming.

The boss, cursing loudly shouts for help, and the door behind him opens, and his bodyguards enter the room.

The original plan was for the guards to enter through the portal, and the door led to the bosses private chambers (and there were no reinforcements coming through it).

In the end, the players' stopping the portal didn't change a thing. And you know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is that the players walk away THINKING they dodged a bullet there, by closing that portal.

>>37504213
Is that android 18?

>>37504259
I did once, sarcastically. I forget what my player said but it was insanely childish and pedantic so I told him he died cause he didn't tell me his character was breathing/beating his heart. it wasn't cannon, it was just to make a point.

>>37505452
Even if it were all completely true, finding an old big boat wouldn't prove that it was built by Noah to escape a flood that God warned him about. Just that someone made a bigass boat.

>>37504259
I had a friends dm call them out on not properly taking care of their horses and he said they ran them to death.

>>37505769
Oh please. Don't try to pretend you didn't mean that whole thing in the most ass-blasted passive aggressive way possible. Just don't.

What I want to know is how to do this without being a dick, and without being obvious.

For example, if the details of what someone does in a scene matters, you can't just ask 'did you do x' because their first thought is going to be 'I better say yes because that means it's something I was supposed to do'.

But just penalizing them for not mentioning it is stupid, because there's so many things we just automatically associate with a given task.

>>37505950
>>37506082
I think it's more than just lazy DMing in some cases. It's a lot harder to railroad with an ambush you decide cannot fail if you ask for perception or keep track of it yourself.

I think it's more fun to just ask the players for perception checks every few minutes even if there's nothing going on. Keeps them on edge, especially if they're in a dungeon and they're supposed to be nervous. On top of that if there is actually something there and they fail they won't be clued in automatically because it's the first time you've asked for perception in the last hour.

>>37506168
people like that probably think Sierra adventure games are the pinnacle of human achievement

>>37505317
>implying God isn't lazy and just fucking around

>>37504387
They don't have to be exclusive: "Rocks fall, everybody dies, get the fuck out or I'm calling the cops"

>>37504259
A kid at the local game shop wanted to run a game, his first time doing so. Our characters left the stereotypical bar and then had to promptly roll dexterity to cross the street. I failed and was run over by a car.

It was an innocent mistake I guess. The kid must have been 12 if that. I took him aside and explained why this isn't a good way to run games.

But yes, it has happened to me.

>No one has made a Disable Device check joke about the traps.

>>37506260
I fapped to that bible story.

>>37506168

can you give us the screencaps anon? that's fucking retarded, so...

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>>37507071
It was only a short while ago that /tg/ was all but buttbuddies with /d/.

>game starts
>"You're in a tavern. Everyone roll a strength check and an endurance check."
>everyone rolls
>GM is silent for a moment
>"Okay, roll another one everyone."
>everyone rolls again
>"Okay one more time."
>this repeats for about 6 rolls
>suddenly GM's face lights up and he grins like a smug cunt
>someone rolled a 1 on a strength check
>"You critically fail to have your muscles stop your organs from bursting out of your skin. As you are sitting there suddenly your torso just explodes and your guts go all over the room. You die."
>explains that we had to make so many rolls because this is an on-going thing that has to happen technically in every instance, you have to keep doing checks to make sure your muscles don't fail or you will explode
>in practice, this means you have to make an infinite amount of rolls instantaneously, so our characters see every single person in the tavern exploding at the same time as they do before everyone dies
>also the tavern failed all its checks and bursts into flames

>>37505265
What about sperm wasted because it died of old age in your body? Checkmate Jews.

>>37518894
>implying it isn't right now

>>37519118
Those sperm go to heaven. Checkmate, faithiests.

>>37508584
>Sure, you can say that a rock falls and kills the PC who didn't comply to your means of playing your campaign, but then the PC's can tell you to fuck off and keep playing anyways

>"Ok Bob, fuck your shenanigans, rocks fall and you die."
>"Fuck you, GM! We're gonna keep playing!.....So, what happens next?"

The GM is the only single participant in a TTRPG that can single-handedly bring the game to a halt. The players can achieve much the same effect if they all walk out en masse, but even then it's usually harder to find GMs than it is players. The GM has absolute control over the game and the best players can do is go home. Notice they can't even take their ball: that ball was only a figment of the GM's imagination and now reads "FUCK YOU GO HOME" on the side.

>>37505967

Funny thing about perception: it encompasses more than sight. If you hear someone tromping around in the equipment room, then you don't actually have to see them to know that they're there.

I think I remember you, you were the shitty DM who got called out for it by his players and then came to /tg/ to whine about it.

>>37506469
BTFO

>>37505754
AYYY LMAO

AYYY LMAO

>>37520224
I was in that thread too. The players were upset because their shit got stolen when they knew they were in a place where their shit was going to get stolen if they just left it alone in the storage room, which they did anyway. It was stolen by thieves, who usually don't just "tromp around", and it was basically just incredibly unlikely that they would happen to hear some people on the other side of a building taking their things, enough so that it wouldn't even constitute a roll, and even they did roll for perception it wouldn't have mattered because the difficulty of the task would have made it impossible. The players, as I recall, immediately ragequit because their shit was stolen, rather than bother to make any attempt to find the thieves. It's not like the DM was like, "your gear is all gone forever *smugface*".

>>37504213
The most important question is who is the qt in the OP?!
Is she the GM? If yes, I nod, point to my sheet,
>Warforged
Have a hearty chuckle and carry on with the dungeon crawl.

>>37520509
Reverse image search yields literally nothing.

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>>37505222

They probably weren't even virgins anyways.

>>37504259
I'm that much of a dick.
My party has eaten nothing but hardtack for four months of in game time because it's the cheapest food available and they're powergaming faggots. Now they all have scurvy. I've described the symptoms their characters are experiencing and have been applying increasing invisible penalties to their rolls and random damage to them. They think they've been cursed and I doubt they'll ever figure out the true cause before one of them dies.

>>37505884
That sucks man I feel for you. Especially since it seems like you were pretty reasonably on top of things in terms of having a lot of attention to detail.

I can sort of see the door thing but only as like a one time example to just freak a player out so that in the future they'll be sure to elaborate if they leave to door open or closed but in your situation yeah. Seems pretty bs

>>37504387
I always do it in a stupid joking way when I'm starting to get tired I just suddenly describe everyone dying horribly over something trivial and then just disregard it in the next session and deny it ever happened. Basically just the sitcom-y everything is always back to normal next episode regardless

>>37505634

Is it just me, or does Hinduism have the only deities that don't dick mortals over and actively try to helo them?

>>37523379
Depends a lot on the deity.

>>37523379
Pagan gods were dickish as a rule. The point was to provide explanations for natural phenomena ancient people didn't understand, the vast, vast majority of them harmful to their lives. It wouldn't have worked if the gods were anything but a bunch of jackasses.

>>37504259
Dude I'm doing that next game as a joke.

>>37520393

No, they didn't know that it was a " place where their shit was going to get stolen if they just left it alone in the storage room." It had a seedy reputation, and from that they were apparently supposed to extrapolate that nothing should ever be left in a room that is deliberately supposed to be secure against thievery.

>It was stolen by thieves, who usually don't just "tromp around"

Ever roll a critical fumble on what should be an easy DC? So can NPCs.

>enough so that it wouldn't even constitute a roll
Unless you pull this bullshit, of course.

>The players, as I recall, immediately ragequit because their shit was stolen, rather than bother to make any attempt to find the thieves.

The GM had a history of fucking them over and the players didn't have faith that this chain of events was going to go anywhere interesting instead of just being punishment. "How dare you leave your equipment in a secure room!" Shit like this is why I get players who want to sleep in their fucking armor.

>>37504585
>Player: I open the door
>DM: haha! you never said you turned the doorknob...
ITS IMPLIED YOU FUCK
I'd literally skull fuck my GM to death if he tried this shit with me...

>>37520161
Your players are obviously inexperienced children if you believe the players can't turn on you and keep going without your shitty plot and mechanics.
Even a brain dead monkey could craft a decent campaign and its not like "having the books" is hard.
Its all about will.
I've actually done this to a GM. He was dragging us through some really terrible game and we all just went. Eh. No. And did something else. I was the ring leader. it felt great.

Speaking as a forever-a-GM, that's the sort of shit I love about being a player. Sticking it to a GM that literally is up his own ass so far he thinks he is the only god-king in existence.

So, having had a DM like this once before, anyone else ever played a character specializing in throwing weapons that had to specificly say they were picking up every goddamn thing they threw after each fight? And that they were also remembering to catch Returning weapons?

>>37523529
>Your players are obviously inexperienced children if you believe the players can't turn on you and keep going without your shitty plot and mechanics.

Gee, it's almost like I said
> The GM is the only single participant in a TTRPG that can single-handedly bring the game to a halt [but] The players can achieve much the same effect if they all walk out en masse

We're not disagreeing, here. Only that you seem to think mass player revolts are common against anything but the shittiest of GMs. Most players are playing specifically because they don't want to GM. If they're having a decent time in the game and you're not, chances are they'll stick with the GM they know and wish you luck in finding something more to your taste.

>>37523597
well that's obvious. Not the catching returning weapons, that's dumb, but going out to pick up your weapons after a fight is something you need to tell your DM you do.

Unless you have infinite respawning weapons you are no longer carrying them.

>>37504575
this isn't how everyone plays? i once died of pneumonia, i also accedantally almost killed another player via hypothermia because i forgot i could cast mending on the tent which had earlyer been damaged by bandits and it was pouring cold rain all night long, then we were attacked by gnolls around dawn. i had no spells left the paladin died. it went down hill from there ending in a total party wipe via a guy on a cart, we should have killed him but we collectavely rolled like ass for like six straight turns my oracle blew out his knee failing the acro check to get on the cart while being attacked then got bound in the reigns as i fell and was finally dragged to death when the horse got spooked and ran.

>>37505265
i must have so many hot Damon Daughters, i want to be a good dad hypothetically how would i go about meeting them?

>>37505188
>And it was his wife who turned to salt, not sure why that and not stone.
Pillars of salt was supposed to be an ironic thing. To be a sinner in life turned into something so valuable because salt was really fucking valuable back then.

>>37521991
It's obviously Android 18.

>>37505659
>thinking the aristocrat's wives don't meet in super fancy public baths as a way of socialising

>>37524057
Why do the people on this thread keep assuming that Lilith would birth "hot/qt demon daughters" from their semen and shadowy fanged tentacle abominations or goat legged rapemen or whatever it is Jews believe in?

>>37524431
*and not

>>37505230
Reminds me of Kingmaker.

One time my players didn't realize they had slew a Cyclops Dread Knight. A few days later he regenerated inside their bag, stole some of their loot, and the artifact 'Eye of Abbadon.' Then took off into the night on his horse.

Due to circumstances this Dread Knight came to posses Ovrinbaane, Briar, and the River Nation of Pitax. I ended up having him replace Nyrissa as the final boss.

>>37504259
>I check the room *Rolls high enough*
>You see nothing amiss with the room. It is empty.
>Suddenly an Orc outa fucking nowhere.
>But you said it was empty
>You didn't say you checked under the carpet.
That's just one of many occasions.

Also, he only gives us names and places once and rather then assume our characters remember, we have to write it down because if we forget, our character forgets.

So in retaliation we get overly technical, going out of our way to mention even the most minor of things, keeping a running tally of our day to day activities just to annoy him and we intentionally misname people and places, forcing him to keep up with us on occasion as he tries to remember which noble we have taken to calling Sir Fop, Sir Pompous or Sir Fatso.

>>37504259
there's certainly a time a place for those things, but it shouldn't come from day to day things. For example, say the party just finished clearing out an infested sewer. Immediately after exiting it they head over to the mayor to claim their reward and end up tracking literal shit all over his mansion. that makes sense.

>>37504575
>You fail to find North. No ranger, sorry.
Fuck you. a kindergarten levelled knowledge test (DC 1) on the movement of the sun and moon gets you east, west, north and south accurate within about 30 degrees of the actual cardinal direction.
Make it a Year 1 Astronomy test (DC 2) and you get the Northern Star or the Southern Cross and Pointers. (Or the fantasy world's equivalent. And don't you dare suggest that the worlds OLDEST method of navigation isn't an assumed skill)

>>37504259
In my first session of any PnP ever the DM had me roll to open a door, not a locked door, just a normal door. He had me trip hit the doorknob and get a black eye.

I didn't come back for a second session.

>>37504544
Its the most effective way to play FATAL.

>>37504782
The fate of every chest we came across in our first two dungeons because none of us had lock-picking skills. (Party was 3 Wizards, a Sorcerer and a Druid)
So our DM let us find a book on 'Daily Rituals you Can't! live without' written by 'The! Laziest Wizard this side of The Astral Plane'
It included things like unspoiling meat, purifying water, flicking through pages of a book to get to the page you want, picking locks, setting locks, etc....

>>37505142
It was the side effect of the meteorite that destroyed the city and it wasn't actually salt, but at the time they wouldn't have been able to tell the two apart.

>>37505093
If we go by the Bible itself, they went in cycles where Jews get persecuted to fuck, but then manage to escape slavery. They then proceed to be colossal genocidal pricks for a couple of generations until one of the big boys (Egypt, Assyria, Hittites, Babylonians, Romans etc) gets tired of their shit and steps in to make them behave.

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>>37504213
>be DMing
>player picks something up
>it's some laser thing that's covered in burnt flesh
>he doesn't say he dropped it
>later it starts growing into his flesh
>"Hey what the fuck I thought I dropped that! What type of DM wouldn't understand that I wanted to drop it!"

>player says he runs off into darkness
>I say roll an acrobatics check
>he fails
>"You trip because you can't see shit"
>"I meant to take out a torch, stop being so wordy"

>>37504912
I fall into middleground here : for me, the GM is just another player, with different procedures of play. He is here to have a good time with his friends, and has a role of referee to the rules, arbiter to the possible conflicts in the game, and other stuff, depending on which principles the game/setting demands of the GM. (for exemple, the Computer of Paranoia and the Storyteller of Vampire don't have the same roles at all when it comes down to HOW they play the game).

Also, the GM is not the architect himself, the table is.

>>37524431
Because Lilith is a qt and so am I