MEANWHILE, IN THE TURBULENT CURRENTS OF THE WARP...
Don't mind me, I'm just looking for the fragments of my soul floating around in here.
>>37476470BY KHORNES BRASS BALLS, WE ARE SO FUCKING LOST.
>>37476470Gork and Mork sulplex each other and Slaanesh.
I took the wrong turn looking for the bathroom, am I still in Costco?
>>37476525You must not be a clever man.
>>37476534Just really need to pee and the last toilet i saw tried to unzip my dick.
>>37476505OI, ITS DEM SPIKY GITS. TOLD YA SAILING INTA DAT WARPSTORM WERE A GOOD IDEA
Fucking hell, this is what I get for falling asleep at the keyboard during an online homebrew game. I think I saw the Emprah just now, so I shouldn't be in too much danger... I hope.
>>37476562That was probably a daemonette.
>>37476570Ask him how's his day going.
>>37476604I would, but he kind of disappeared. Are you one of those daemons I've read so much about, random voice?
>>37476618Nope. I'm just Kaldor Dracio. I'm trying to get out of this place after a Deathwatch marine broke my nose after thinking I'm a daemon impersonating a marine.
wait a second. this isn't the dairy aisle.
>>37476672Welcome to Hell. Do you want Hell with blood, Hell with plans, Hell with rape, or Hell with diseases?
HOW THE FUCK DO ALL THESE MORTALS KEEP GETTING IN HERE
WHERE DID ALL OF THESE PUNY HUMAN MORTALS COME FROM?! OH WELL, MORE SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
>>37476744Apparently Costco,my lord.
>>37476744Hey, I'm just here to watch the weekly hyper poker game.
>>37476723Um.... can I have Hell Lite? I'm trying to stay on a diet.
>>37476796Hell Lite? I think you'd have to turn right at Hell with Blood. Don't go into the Casino. No one leaves.
>>37476737It's not that bad, is it? I always love having more guests for dinner.>>37476796Sorry lad, we're all out.
>>37476773>>37476787YOU TWO WILL BE THE FIRST TO ADORN THIS NEW PILE OF SKULLS... AFTER THE POKER GAME. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE OTHERS?!
Huh?Well the life free of pain and mind destroying horror was fun while it fhffgsfddgnkojvfdh
>>37476820damn... OH wait, im not supposed to say that here in hell am i? >>37476814Ah, thank you sir! But what happens in the casino? Its not like there's a gateway into slaanesh's realm there is there?
>>37476827Right in front of you, lad. Can we try blackjack this week?
>>37476503Over here! We/I had the same idea!
>>37476820>>37476827Oh, shit, two out of four of the gods are already here... I'm fucked, aren't I?>inb4 Slaanesh shows up because I said 'fucked'
>>37476849Someone needs to fix the door. Hey, Dad, if you're not to busy reviving your daily sacrifice of a thousand souls, mind helping me out here?>>37476861You don't know about the Chaos Casino in the Formless Wastes?
>>37476889Don't look behind you. S/he's already behind you. You're already being raped before you even know it. You might of had a chance to roll for anal circumference, but you had to ruin the chance to prepare your anus.
>>37476889Did somebody say fucked?>>37476503>>37476744>>37476820Oh it's poker day.
>>37476892Weeeeell. I have heard if it. I've been the casino in the formless depths, I've visited the pub in the twisting abyss (they do lovely crab cakes there) and I'm pretty sure that I went to that one place that we're not supposed to talk about. You know the one. Any recommendations from the menu for the casino in the formless wastes?
>>37476892That's the eye of terror you're pointing at, Draigo.>>37476931Hello, little one. How're the cultists?
>>37476923Shut it Kaldor or I'll stuff it with a hundred cocks.>>37476948They won't stop boning long enough to properly worship me. Go figure,
Where in the Tau'Va am I?
>>37476941I know nothing of it. I'm not allowed. But it is near the Batisca of Torment. It's ran by Slaanesh part time, and you won't get off Mr. Bones Wild Ride.>>37476948Thank you, pusbag.
>>37476923>>37476931AW, FUCK ME!Emprah, Papa Nurgle, anyone help me! I don't want to be a cock-sleeve for the queen of depraved hedonists!
>>37476963I'm just going to head to the Eye. Bye the way, Tzeentch said your boobs are not excessively big enough.
>>37476963What can you do, right? You can always give them to Isha and I if they're ever too much trouble.>>37476971You're welcome lad. Let me go get you a beer, you look terrible.>>37476985I'm here lad, what do you need?
>>37476985You're making it hard on yourself, man. You shouldn't say her trigger words.
>>37476985But you just said "Aw, FUCK ME!" How am I supposed to take that little one?>>37476993How dare he. My breasts are orders of magnitudes larger then the eye of terror thanks to warp shenanigans. What more does he want?
>>37477012Kinda a hypocrite aren't ya lad? "You're making it HARD on yourself?" That's just asking for trouble, don't worry, Papa Nurgle is here to give you a hug.
>>37476931Hey guys, made it. I'm still down for hyperpoker, but was wondering if you wanted to try something different for a *snkrt* CHANGE?
>>37477058Boobs that have chocolate coming out of them. That and he wants them big enough to break your back.
>>37477058It's a figure of goddamn speech, you insatiable beast!>>37477010Keep Slaanesh away from me, please, I don't want to have to roll for anal circumference.
>>37477058Leave the poor mortal alone. He is faithful so he is mine.>>37477012Sup, Draigo.>>37476985Chill I got this.
>>37477083No thanks. I have an allergy to Chaos. My Apothecary said to take a vacation.
>>37477090Who are you and why do I feel like you are the least of my worries at this moment?
>>37477111PRAISE BE THE EMPRAH!Now, someone said something about a poker game?
>>37477090Ooh, we could always do charades! You know, spice it up a little. Or maybe order a bouncy house and you know...bounce around? Whatever makes you youngins' happy makes Papa Nurgle happy.
>>37477111Hey, Dad. Mind helping me here?
>>37477138Give me the run down.
Take this you filthy gang-Uhh... Fuck.
>>37477091>>37477090TZNEETCH!!! What is the meaning of this. My breasts are a part of the warp itself!>>37477111You've always gotta kill the buzz... Learn to do some coke once in a while. Or some cock. Whatever you REALLY want.>>37477131Stay faithful mortal. Slip too far and watch me rape your soooooul.>>37477166Hellllllllllo there~
>>37477166Failed the roll, eh?
>>37477152Boy looks tired, lad, maybe you should take him home early.>>37477166Ooh, is that the smell of a Hive on you, boy? Ooh, I remember the diseases I'v cooked up for you folks.
>>37477181Back off tranny reject.>>37477166Is also mine.
>>37477187Praise be to He, could it really be th->>37477181Well double fuck.
>>37477138I'm stuck here because of a Word Bearer daemon prince, and this place hasn't been too kind to me. That and my nose is broken.
Hi guiys, I'm Timmy.Can I pway?
>>37477218Silly Gue'la, your superstitions aren't - wait what just ran behind me?
>>37477119>>37477119Ah, my little blue fire warrior, that's because I prefer to wait and watch a little longer than my, ah, associates here. But don't worry, I've got something planned for you all the same.>>37477136Khorne's the spoilsport, going to have to run it by him or we'll never get his brass ass to stop complaining>>37477181Bitch, you know you love it
>>37477181Secretly I wouldn't mind it, but the price to pay isn't worth it... sorry.Maybe Emps will give me an SoB to hang with if I'm deemed worthy enough... maybe.
>>37477218Ooh, my wife knows a little about medicine, she can patch you right up.>>37477215Lay off her lad, she's just in his emotional stage of development.>>37477240Aren't you a cute little rascal, come give your Grandpappy Nurgle a hug!
>>37477244You are on your own xeno, sorry I got no claim to you.
>>37477240Certainly Timmy! The first game is called Get In The Sack. First, I'll hold out a sack, and you have to jump in. Then you get to do it too, and then everyone wins! Ready?
>>37477244Probably Slaanesh's tentacles.>>37477248Tell her about the chocolate fountain boobs!>>37477262She'd just be a maid or secretary.>>37477275Thanks again, pussbag. How's her cooking?
>>37477215Oh fine. But only 'cause it's you.>>37477244That'd be me.>>37477248Damned right I do.>>37477262Hahahaha. Sorry Empra. This one is already mine! Look at his corrupt soul and weep.
>>37477262The Sisters? They're a solid bunch! I can't say I could ever complain about having a boltgun backing me up!Not sure why they don't like me, though.
>>37477248Where is Khorne anyway? Hopefully off getting some beers.>>37477290The best a married man like me can ask for!
>>37477262You gotta impress women not me for that. But you DID meet me... if you can convince a sister of that without getting shot...
>>37477308Hey, HEY! Just because I like to beat the meat every once in a while to some unorthodox fetishes doesn't mean I'm about to join up with your twisted and fucked-up cult!
>>37477289Okay!Now Hwat, mister?
>>37477324I might have to test this out.>>37477309It's a thing. I think Magnus had something to do with it.
>>37477334Uh... can I chip off a piece of your armor or something, then? Or would it just disintegrate once I get back into realspace?
>>37477335DAMN RIGHT! You tell em brother!
>>37477324BEER FOR THE BEER GODKEGS FOR THE KEG STAND
>>37477275I'm dis many, mistah!I'm gownna be the bestist God I can.
>>37477364I am not really here. This is just my mental projection... well one of them. So It would be pointless, sorry.
>>37477394Hello little god. Would you like some special candy?>>37477324I've got booze covered. And coke.And warp meth.And Steroids.>>37477364>>37477335Oh you don't even realize how the war works do you?>>37477380I AM THE BEER GOD!
I am here to rustle jimmies! I have the dreadaxe, but I have one question. Are your jimmies ready?
>>37477337Now I tie up the sack and save you until Nurgle breaks out his famous guacamole. Fresh gods make for good eating.
>>37477308So the military commander we killed was... not you. Well, then.>>37477276So you are the Emperor the Gue'la always speak of?
>>37477403I only know as much about the Warp as I've read in books. It's not like I've lived in here for thousands of years like yourself.
>>37477434Yes he is, Xeno. Show him the proper respect.
>>37477434Yes I am he. And you are?
>>37477403I can't take candy from stwangas, my mommy said so.>>37477416I don't wike Gwuacamole, it's icky.
>>37477365You look like you could use a hug, boyo. Come here!>>37477363Glad to hear it, come by the gardens next time you get a chance>>37477380>>37477403Calm down you two, you both can be beer gods of the highest caliber as long as you believe in yourselves.>>37477405Oh no, not this fucker again.>>37477416Can't we keep him? Isha always wanted a kid, and well, I'm not really good at the whole "Siring an heir thing"
>>37477403>steroidsAs if your pansy ass ever went to the gym. I bet even Nurgle over here could beat you in an arm wrestling match.
>>37477468I'll be sure to do that.
>>37477468Ugh, fine, we don't have to eat the whole thing. But what if I still take a hand? It'd make for some killer finger food.
>>37477468Yes, it's me! Hey, fatman! Guess what? I freed your wife! >>37477462Kid, prepare for the ride of your life.
>>37477468Oh sweet mother of the emperor... Don't come any closer you! I have hand sanitizer and I'm not afraid to use it!
>>37477468How is Isha?
>>37477405Oh please. When was the last time you did anything significant?>>37477434Haha. Oh I always forget how ignorant your people are. Saved only by how little you appeal to us. Prepare to be... Educated.>>37477443>Thousands.My god. You just. Emps. Seriously. Just let me eat him. Or you eat him. Somebody eat him.>>37477462...Did you mommy say anything about cock from strangers?>>37477469I am honed to perfection in every way. I am as strong as you want me to be.
>>37477405Hey Malice? If you're set on destroying Chaos, how 'bout you kill yourself first huh? How's that for a fucking plan?
>>37477460Shas'La Bor'kan Ko'el J'karra, sir. If only the Water Caste were here, we could begin negotiations properly.>>37477458Forgive me, my social graces are not as refined as those of the Water Caste.
>>37477501... You did what?
>>37477501My wife's been free ever since we've met, little god. >>37477516Not anymore it isn't,no weapons on poker night.>>37477517She's doing great, thanks for asking Emps. She's been trying new recipes in the kitchen recently and her pies, oomph, to die for!
>>37477530Shut it harlot. You drove Isha into Nurgles arms... you get no help from me. And you stole my son(s) from me!
>>37477517She's running for her life and looking for a man.>>37477540I took my axe, and destroyed her cage. I think she needs help.>>37477530When I burned your weed stash.>>37477532Not before I ruin you and the other three idiots' plans, nerd.
>>37477530What? You are ten thousand years old, aren't you? The Eldar birthed you out of their degeneracy in the 30th millennium, right?
>>37477501Is it a fun ride? I like the ones where you go up really fast and then down really fast and then you go into the dark tunnel, but I'm a god now so I don't get scared anymore in the scary tunnel anymore.>>37477530What's a cock? Is that a cookie? My favorite cookie is chocolate chip, because raisins are icky and chewy and mommy said that I can't eat them because they make me have nightmares, but I don't get them anymore because I'm a god now so I can make my own dreams.
>>37477530Alright, Ill bet a billion souls you can't beat Khorne at wrestling. Deal?
>>37477571Hey, moron. You do realize if a certain, handsome black and white god decided to screw you over, you'd know to think of me right?
>>37477539Caste? So your people follow a caste system? What do you call yourselves? And Why should I care?
>>37477571by the chapped buttocks of the emperor... hug me and i'll tell everyone about your cleaning products collection.
>>37477539Try your best.
>>37477587...(Is this my chance, NO she is a filthy xeno goddess...) Damn I forgot you can all read thoughts here...
>>37477597Kid, it's full of mental screws that drive you into madness. It never ends. The more you hope it ends, the more it won't. Hope fuels it.
>>37477605A billion souls on it ends with someone being fucked with a chainaxe!>>37477614Nah, tat'd require you to be handsome. I'll thank Emps instead, he seems a lot more capable than you.
>>37477587Too fucking late, Khorne's fucked off somewhere and we can't start the poker game without him. Ooo, aargh, all my glorious plans foiled, CREED and all that shit. How about you make yourself useful and fetch that red and bronze bastard, THEN you can take a dump in the punch bowl or whatever.
>>37477587I can always just do this blow.>>37477595I am EXCESS. Names and manifestations aside. I have been in the warp since before the first sentient races invented toilet paper. The eldars fun only created a power large enough for me to manifest and consume them. Becoming a god...>>37477605>>37477662Everything ends with me getting fucked with a chainsaw...
>>37477647Hey, man, it's okay. The only real competition for here is that clown. you know the one.>>37477662I'm going to burn your garden and children for that.>>37477664Nah, I think I'll just ruin your plans.
>>37477697What did you do with Timmy, hag? I think I know where you got that blow from.
>>37477702If only you could, you miserable excuse for a god.
>>37477697Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you didn't become sapient until the Eldar did their orgy crap. Either way, you're still the youngest and weakest of the Ruinous Powers. So weak I'm tempted to take you up on that previous offer in the hopes that I might be able to resist your corruption... or is that just your aura of horniness starting to leak into my brain? Uh, Emps, a little help?
>>37477697No, everything ends with you fucking a chainsaw, big difference sweetie. Where's that beer.I mean, for My sakes, I get one day a week to get away from all my convoluted scheming and elaborate planning one time a week to shoot the shit with you guys, and the Jolly Red Jackass doesn't bother showing up, I mean what are the odds?
>>37477741On it.*snaps* Your good.
>>37477730Do you know what I do? What I'm God of? At least we're in the same boat. Who would worship you?
>>37477766He probably just got caught up in a brawl somewhere. Maybe we should get Khaine or someone to step in for him, if he's even here...
>>37477741Papa Nurgle's still here for you lad.>>37477766Don't worry lad, he has to show up eventually. He loves poker night!
>>37477793Khaine can't make it. He's too busy getting killed by everything. You might want to get C-Roach.
>>37477651Nuh Uh, I'm a god which means that I can be like the big boy gods which means that I can do whatever I want. See, I even have a pin that I made myself. I was out of colors because mommy doesn't want me using all my crayons because I keep losing them.
(Hey, I'm going to bed, anyone is free to hop in for Mr. T here)
>>37477783Much better!Oh, by the way, you heard about that crap with the Ecclesiarchy and Inquisition forcing everybody to worship you yet?
>>37477727Nothing yet. And I got this warp coke where I get all my drugs. Nurgles garden.>>37477741Hahaha. I don't even have to do anything. They corrupt themselves nowadays.>>37477783Damnit. Why do you always save them?>>37477766I've got some beer right here. I think I saw Khorne earlier and he ADD'd off somewhere looking for a fight. He'll be back.
>>37477783Dad, still waiting for that help.
>>37477839He did always love his little bastards more then you didn't he.
>>37477815That's adorable, Kid.>>37477828Found him.
>>37477861Emps knows his Primarchs can take care of themselves, which is why he usually helps out the little guy first, the ones who are more vulnerable and weak to Chaos.
>>37477815So what are you the god of Little T?
>>37477861He's busy. You try doing what he does? Guardsmen pray 24/7, it's kind of annoying really. I wish I could get out of here before I hear another one pray about not getting burned by a Sister because he said he liked her friends' boobs more.
>>37477815That's great, son! Can't wait to show that to Isha later!
>>37477895Shit, forget that, Kaldor isn't a Primach, but he's still a really powerful Chapter Master.
>>37477839My son, you have been given what you need. Kidding you just didn't tell me what you need.>>37477861Fuck off and>>37477828They are my people, my reason for existing.
>>37477936That's only funny when it's a Guardsman. A way out. Preferably a way where I'm sent back here.
>>37477865Nuh Uh, it's cool and that means I'm cool and I can be like the big boy gods and I'm gonna have, like, a bazillion followers and we're gonna have a big fortress and no girls are gonna get in because girls are icky except mommy because she bakes cookies when I get hungry.And then I'm going to go to the golden seat thing and I'm gonna call the Emperor stupid and then he's gonna get sad and cry and then I'm gonna be the bestest god in the warp.>>37477898I'm-I'm the god of coolness and dinosaurs, but mommy said I was the god of death and wolves. But death isn't cool like dinosaurs, but wolves are cool too I guess. But mommy said that if I was going to be a god, I had to stay with what I was made for and do that stuff or I have to stop being god and I have to go back to the darkness.
>>37477895Which you oh so clearly are.>>37477911God you fools really do brainwash yourselves into trusting him don't you.>>37477936I do suppose that's part of what I love about you.
I knew we shoulda made that left turn at Albuquerque!
>>37477936Truly Emps is the leader that humanity needs, not that humanity deserves.
>>37477969It's better than enslaving people because of your looks.
>>37477964Did you try grabbing a ship about to leave warp?
>>37477969Hey, you have to admit, for a mere mortal trapped in the twisting turbulence of the Warp, surrounded on all sides by the myriad forces of Chaos, I'm doing a pretty good job resisting this shit.
>>37477936Can I at least have Isha fix his nose? The boy sounds funny with the congealing blood.>>37477983Ooh! Even more party guests! Here, have some beer and chips. See the sights!
>>37477969Back off drug idled harlot.>>37477986Someone has to do it.
>>37478004Tried. But this terminator armor slows me down. That and too many daemons are waiting for gellar fields to fail to get to it.
>>37478036You two are so cute together!>>37477968Those are big dreams, little Timmy! But if you believe in yourself, you'll be able to accomplish anything, unlike that big meanie Malal.
>>37478037How about boarding a hulk and I push it through? It will be insanely dangerous, but ...
>>37478060We are NOT together. I don't care if you do ship it, it is NOT happening!
>>37477983Hi, I'm Timmy! You wanna see my action figures? Mommy said that I had to get rid of my other action figures because I needed to make room for the car-carcass-carcesses of the fallen to put daemons into them, but i kept them in my room because Big Ym'gral is the best god and I wanna be like him when I grow up. Oh, I also have a doggie I named Loudie because whenever he talks, the other not god people grabs their ears and scream. It's probably because Loudie is too loud, but he sounds quiet to me.
>>37477702Ohoho, did someone mention moi?Emps, old boy, you forgot to tell me it was poker night. Khorne's coming, he met me along the way and told me to tell you that there's not going to be any beer.Courtesy of that black and white idiot over there.>>37477597Haha! Now who is this? A new young lad to tell jokes and stories with? Tis ever a pleasure to meet a new audience. Welcome, young 'un.>>37477697Slaanesh. Always a displeasure. How's the old dick, still limp as ever?
>>37478098Lad, when I first met Isha, I knew I was going to marry that goddess. It was just fate, you know? I see that same love when I look at the two of you. I just you to be happy, you know?
>>37477968Oh, get a look of this, Emperor! The new kid thinks he can take your place! I think I know who the Star Child is, but first, I want cookies. What kind does your mom bake, Timmy?
>>37478140Jokester! How are you doing, lad? I hope the Harlequins are doing well?
>>37478060>>37478098>>37478141I'm not going to lie, I'm a bit jealous of you, Emps. Both because you're able to naturally resist the corruption of Chaos so you can do that kind of shit with Slaanesh, and because Nurgle the Love Guru Grandpa is shipping you guys.
>>37478098Are you Mr.Emperor? I'm Timmy. Mommy said that I had to hate you because you're bad and hate gods because you can't be cool like gods. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to hate you because mommy said so and mommy gets angry when I don't listen...>>37478140You look funny, are you a clown? Clowns scare me sometimes, but I'm a god so I don't get scared. Do you wanna see the new action figures I have?>>37478153Mommy said that if I want more cookies than what she gave me that i need to send out my daemons to harvest the dead and corrupt because she's out of flour. Don't tell mommy, but I accidentally dropped flower into the real place and I got a lot of dead people to put daemons into.
>>37478172In performing trim as ever, grandfather. We thought that our next performance might be a garden party.
>>37478177If it wasn't for THAT things birth, the warp would never have been cut off during the Age of Strife! Also s/he is the unfaithful as a dolphin and I don't swing that way.
>>37478201Thise sound quite nice, young one, such strong stories!
>>37478201>everybody ignores horrible implications of an unknown goddess which spawned this little Timmy god
>>37478177Love is everywhere, little guy, here, there, in the hearts of you, me, even Tzeentch! My goal is to help spread the love.>>37478201I think you should tell your mommy about the flour, young Timmy, you have to take responsibility for your actions.>>37478250Brilliant!I'm sure Isha would love to have an old friend over! Would you and your troupe like to stay for a meal?
>>37478201I hate Chaos, not gods. And my old plan didn't work. who is this mother of yours?
>>37478060>>37478140Hey, C-Roach! But one thing, the both of you.Do you know who I am? I am the Patriarch of Anarchy, the Outcast God, and so on. I am the Chaos God of Paradoxes, Anarchy, Destruction, Nihilism, Self-loathing, and Vengeance. I'm a parasite. As long as Chaos is around, I'm going to be around. And there is a lot of that around. Rebellions caused by oppressed Imperials because of unjust nobles. When a man hates his boss, I'm there. Are you implying that a little Guardsman hasn't wanted to kill his commanding officer before? Do you think I care about what you have to say about me? I hate myself almost as you. My real plan is to destroy you two, Chaos, and everyone in between. All I need is a chance.
>>37478201>>37478274I have a feeling that Slaanesh is hiding something here...
Slaanesh out to do more drugs. byebe!
>>37478076I am ready.
>>37478258Oh, now Empsy, don't get sour! You really need to have a little fun once in a while, see a show.
>>37478310Good riddance.I love you ;-;
>>37478328Are you sure? You could always just wait til I die or am healed... this is really dangerous.
>>37478201I see. Yep, you're a young Chaos God with big dreams. I remember when I was your age. Can we have the rest of this conversation in the back alley, and do you mind that I bring the dreadaxe?
>>37478310Ohhh no you don't you ineffiminate uncultured swine. You are going to sit there and enjoy the game, and if you lose, you're explaining this young lad's purpose
>>37478365On second thought, I can wait.
>>37478351*glares at you* Do we need to talk about putting your d in crazy?
>>37478036>Somebody had to do it.I kept saying that, but did anyone listen? No.
>>37478283But when mommy gets angry, she breaks things and she's scary when she's angry...>>37478295Mommy said her name is lost because she's been here since a long time ago. Mommy also said that you were naughty to Chaos and for that you're kids have to go too... But mommy said that we can be friends after that! Then I can show you my action figures.>>37478366What's a dreadaxe? Is it like a fireman's axe that they use to break into people's homes to save them? I hate those axes because I don't get to keep many bodies after that...
>>37478395N-no Emps, that was just a really strong wave of Chaos that tried to push inside my fragile mortal mind... I think I'm fine now.
>>37478402Sort of. It has a dinosaur like head on it. Want to look?
>>37478400Son? You still exist? Are you still insane?>>37478384Cool brah. We will chill til then.
>>37478305Oh no, old boy, that just won't do. Look, I have some quite nice young dancers just dying to meet a cute foreigner. Harlequin! Get this man some tickets!
>>37478439I think so. But I'm not as insane as some of these folks. Being a soul drifting in the Warp gives you a lot of time to think.
>>37478435I like dinosaurs because they're big and cool. I like the ones that have horns on their heads because they can flip things and fight off big scary monsters.
>>37478457Why are you always shipping your xenos on to my people? Like Lofn wasn't enough...
>>37478439I'll call when I'm ready.
>>37478301Whoop-di-do, you little shit. You hate yourself, congrat-u-fucking-lations, you waste of warp space. You love to brag about how you've messed with all of us hard working chaos folk because "I hate you and all you stand for!" Do you know how stupid that sounds? You can't be end? Same goes for us too, pa! Khorne will live as long as there is blood in life and in death. Slaanesh will exist in the memories and skills of every generation of eldar. Tzeentch will continue to plot because there are choices to be made and webs to be spun. And I? I am a god of love, and of disease; never say I don't acknowledge my faults, but I am the oldest. Disease of the mind, of the body, love, the disease of the heart, these all feed me. Emp's love for his humans? That is the greatest love I have ever witnessed and you cannot break that, whelp.
>>37478499>Emp's love for his humans? That is the greatest love I have ever witnessed and you cannot break thatThen why do you and the other gods try if you just admitted it's an exercise in futility?
>>37478472Here's one of my followers with it.>>37478499Hey, guess what? I can enter the material realm and eat more mortal souls than you can. And no one loves you by choice. You infect people with your "love" and then somebody has to kill that baby with your rot.
>>37478485Emps, my lad, I am in the entertainment business, and if there's one thing I know works, it's a little dramatic romance. The audiences go crazy for it!Now as to Lofn, that was none of my affair. Ask Isha, oh wait…Bahahahaha!
>>37478529That is Nurgle man, it is just what he does.
>>37478529Because we're dicks.
>>37478471Hi, I'm Timmy! Are you a bat guy? Mommy said that bats aren't blind but they have really good ears. Do you have really good ears? Loudie can hear everything, he told me that, he told me that he can hear the dark secrets of all mortals.>>37478490What cha doing? Can I help? Why are you old? Are you a grandpa? The green man said that he was a grandpa and he's really nice. How many grandkids do you have? When I have grandkids, I'm going to play with them everyday because I'm gonna be a good god and take care of everyone and hurt the people that are mean to them.
I'm not a Grandpa. I'm just a man in a mad world.
>>37478536>>37478457I don't think Emps will be too accepting of me fraternizing with xenos. I mean, yeah, it's nowhere near as bad as getting ass-rammed by Slaanesh herself, but still...
Woah, thesa craaaaazzzy demons!Mesa screws up big time theeese time!
>>37478536>nothing to do with Lofn.That is total bullshit. Do you even know what disputes that brought?
>>37478552I'm not a bat guy, and I'm not blind. I can't see too well in the day. And as for hearing that's debatable. Who is Loudie?
>>37478529Love is accentuated by trials, my lad. Little Emps' job shouldn't be that easy should it?>>37478552Good lad! A grandfather should always protect those he loves.
>>37478578I'm so confused here.
>>37478562Well, you should see our show anyway. It will be the highlight of the season, with a great vanishing act at the end. Nurgle's Garden, be there or be mon'keigh.
>>37478630What is your opinion on humans anyway?
>>37478586Loudie's my dog, he can talk and he tells me everything he knows about people and their secrets because a good god knows everything, that's what mommy told me.>>37478584Oooooooh, you said a bad word! Your mommy's gonna spank you! That's why mommy said to stay away from you, because you're a bad man. I don't wanna be friends with you after mommy gets rid of all the people.>>37478592And mommy said that I was going to be a good god because I was born to do it.>>37478630Can I go to the show? Is it like a puppet show? I like puppet shows because they're funny.
>>37478562During the Dark Age of Technology Human-xeno couples where not uncommon. If It was one of MR. CLOWN FUCK FACE HERE! gals maybe I could allow it. But if she used you to hurt mankind then I will cut you off. You would share her fate.
>>37478656Timmy, I think your mother might be wrong.
>>37478600Mesa was only tryna find Annie when biiiiiiggg flash and now mesa here!Mesa not know wheres mesa IS!
>>37478584I'm telling you, I'm being honest here. I was on the phone with my contract lawyers for WEEKS afterward. It screwed me over just as much s it did you.Wait a warp-blasted nano… TZEEEEEEEENTCH!!! YOU WANKER!
>>37478682Welcome to Hell. I think you'll fit in this nuthouse.
>>37478682It is sweet release, lost one.
>>37478662Emps, rest assured that I wouldn't use a xenos girl for anything more than a quick fuck, and therefore their commands would mean shit to me, especially if it involved me turning my back on humanity.
>>37478683That BIRDFACED FUCK! I was forced to cuddle that tranny harlot for an hour because of that!
>>37478717How did that end?
>>37478656It is very like a puppet show, young one! The players even wear funny masks like this!
>>37478717>>37478683The King of Keikaku strikes again.Is it time for a witch hunt? Where did he even go off to?
>>37478712*Looks disappointed* That isn't what I meant. If it is just for sex then you will be claimed by Slannesh. The whole Lofn thing only worked because there was real love involved.
>>37478749Just look for the trail of people suffering from mindscrews.
>>37478679But mommy's never wrong. You're a liar! She even said that everything goes away when the last ring in the clock rings because that's when me and the big boy gods get to go play with the people! And I'm gonna be there to get bodies so I can make more action figures to play with! See? I even have a blue armor guy! He was angry when he saw me and he scratched me, but Loudie bit him hard and killed him! He even had other doggie people in the same armor that he was wearing barking too!>>37478746Yay! I wanna see one!
>>37478761Shit... that makes sense. But wait, if I fall in love with the xenos girl, wouldn't that mean I'd be looking at her as an equal?Shit, I can't win, can I? Either direction is heresy!
>>37478741I had to spend the next year holding her off. S/he wanted more, had to lead her to the Ork bros.
>>37478781I was just saying maybe she's wrong. And those were Raptors. You turned my children into action figures.
>>37478783If you did fall in rue love with one hen you would be hunted by my servants, but if you kept your soul pure I would still claim you in death.
>>37478809I think I heard about that. She does like more than one thing, so that might of been the right thing to do.
>>37478283I'm quite looking forward to seeing Isha, it has been so long. It gets lonely being the only relative left in town and you know Khaine, he's still broken up about the whole affair.At least that scythe-bearing skeleton hasn't shown up to ruin things.
>>37478813>You turned my children into action figures.Don't even start.
>>37478835He can't enter the Warp. He has no soul. Just like Ultramarines.
>>37478813They're not raptors, they look like armored guys. Raptors look like lizards with teeth and they're fast. ...Do you want them? I can give you this one because his eyes are all scratched and messed up because he was screaming and scratching them because I got angry.>>37478840What're you? Are you like an action figure? Can I play with you?
>>37478840I am not your father. If anything, I'm your uncle. My parenting was some of the problems with my legion.
>>37478868Timmy, they were a group called Raptors. And yes I would. I think I know what he's the god of folks. The cruelty of children.
>>37478835I'm sure she'll be overjoyed to have one of her family members over for a meal. Usually it's just us two and whichever of the boys drops by on one of their visits. Any preferences on food, if you eat food, that is?
>>37478870Now, Emps, here's someone who managed, the Warp know HOW to be even more humourless than either Khorne or You. I need to introduce you to the concept of a Joke, Konrad. The worlds shall be the better for it.
>>37478887Okay, but don't tell mommy or she'll get angry and break things.
>>37478913You do know what counts as joke where I'm from?
>>37478892Something light, I'm afraid we'll be making it a rather short visit. Popping in and out, you might say.
>>37478913What gave you the idea I was attempting humor?
>>37478936It's fine. But what does your mother look like?
>>37478938Of course! I met your childhood nemesis, after all. Quite the comedian, as I recall.
>>37478913I am not THAT bad... I did agree to that whole bachelor party for LIIVI, did I not?
>>37478964That man had a rap sheet a mile wide.
>>37478946The very tone of voice, young man. You seem to be a master of, haha, deadpan.
>>37478963Mommy is really big and strong. She's so big that I can't see her face anymore when I go home. But mommy loves me because she said that I was her pride and joy.
>>37478939Okay, we could always make you guys some lunch boxes to eat on the go.>>37478946Lighten up, lad. Life's too short to take everything seriously.>>37478975I remember that! The wedding was a bit stuffy though. My body's not really made for a tux.
>>37479015That sounds lovely. What's her name?
What's that Loudie? Mommy says that I need to go home? Awwww, but I was having fun! Okay... Bye everyone!
>>37478975Only after I sent a baker's dozen of my best dancers to convince you, if you'll recall!You still haven't paid the bill for the entertainment that night, either. I need those three thousand for some… artistic projects I'm working on.
It was just going to be a routine purging she said. No need to bring heavy weapons she said. Fucking bitch ain't the one who got shunted off into the fucking warp. Going to shove the hilt of my chainsword up her twat is what I'll do, especially if she steals my room. I swear by the Emperor if she sleeps with my gir-Oh fuck.
>>37478990Ahh, but so was his smile. Which I've yet to see out of you, Curze.
>>37479061Bye, Timmy. It's a shame I couldn't of showed you my axe up close and personal, but I will have to wait till next time. Maybe I can show your mom too.
What would happen if someone used the MD device aka "the little doctor" from enders game in the warp.
>>37476470>"Oi, boss! Ya sure it'z a good idea to fly into dat purple stuff durin teleyport travel?">"Do it anyway! I'z wanna see it splat on da windows!"
>>37479063It was a gift!
>>37479084Well, well, well. Have you been holding out on me Emps? The one seems like she'd be a grand performer.
>>37479084Yes, now I don't have to settle for a xenos girl! Emps, if it be your will, help me out as my divine wingman, it's time!
>>37479006[Disingenuous Incorporeal Mocking Laughter]>>37479016Life's done, Papa N. All there's to do now is to sit, wait, and remember.
>>37479086I was from a world where suicide was what kept the population under control. I made sewers filled with blood and corpses. My dreams were filled with nightmares of the future, and I had a voice in my head driving my madness further. Why should I smile?
>>37479061Bye, lad! Remember to drop by my place next time you get a chance! Isha will make you a nice, home cooked meal for ya!>>37479084Hallo!
>>37479116Holding out? I would never. Still she is mine to claim.
>>37479115From you to him, not me to you, old boy.
>>37479084Hey there, baby.
>>37479127Try to remember the good things then, lad. Remember the love.
>>37479148Hahahahaha! I am just messing around. How much do I owe you?
>>37479140I saw my entire family murdered before my eyes. You can smile away the pain, Konrad. It's what I do. The show, after all, must go on.
>>37479165...Damn you, Nurgle.
>>37479099It would utterly and completely destroy everything in the warp. There is enuf mass scattered about to keep the chain effect going. Every demon, corps, god, and chunk of rock would be reduced to the basic elements. The real question is if the chain effect will ever stop? Would using it make the warp unusable forever?
>>37479196If you had a body right now, I'd hug the everliving shit out of you, you know that, right?
>>37479171Like I said, three thousand, in souls.You burn through a third of that in a day, so no filching. I've got lawyer that make your old Hollywood gig look like kittens.
>>37479185Your family loved you, mine? Not so much. But at least I wasn't an Ultramarine.
>>37479094*drops to a knee*My lord-god, I did not expect to see your magnificence. I'm just, so confused as to what is going on.>>37479116I do not consort with xenos.>>37479124Touch me and I will burn you.>>37479143Fuck.*edges towards the emps*>>37479155The fuck are you?
I have to pee but none of my penises are attached to my bladder anymore...justslaanishthings.jpg
>>37479218Fine, fine, fine. Just been busy. *pays* What do you even need them for?
>>37479220It's funny. Those guys are so arrogant I think I could subside off of their love for themselves alone.
>>37479228She part of the payment? I'll take ten!
>>37479228The name's Malice. Pleased to meet you. What's a lovely woman like yourself doing in this place surrounded by these unruly brutes, with me being the expectation?
>>37479259Gulliman might off said something that caused them too think too highly of themselves.
-And I dare you to use your...Where the... What's going on? Why am I not on the Vengeful Spirit anymore? Where did this traitor Primarch go?
>>37479124Not my choice. Go Impress her!>>37479228Just a get together. Relax.
>>37479291Welcome to the Warp. It's Heaven and Hell wrapped up in a bow.
>>37479257There's a relative of mine in need of some reconstructive surgery, and a performance to fund over at Pop N's place. It'll be a busy millennium.
>>37479311Who are you and what kind of Space Marine Legion are you from?
>>37479273Don't even try lad. I can see the love and that girl's not ending up with you tonight/today/whenever.>>37479228Don't worry, lass. I mean no harm, just wanted to offer you a drink and some time with Emps over there.
>>37479300Easier said than done, Emps. You saw how she snapped at me. I don't want to risk my flesh being charred, even if the last thing I see would be a beautiful and devout human woman.
>>37479271No. Just no. You get the less then totally devout hivers. Same as always.
>>37479217Yeah. Could you at least try? It has been so long.
>>37479326The name's Kaldor, and I'm no legionary. Those days are long gone. Pop up a chair.
>>37479271Don't touch me you fucking clown!>>37479273You look far worse than any of the other denizens I've had the displeasure to see. Not to mention the Emperor is here and his radiance is unmatched.>>37479300It is difficult to relax with the xenos clown looking at me my lord-god.>>37479327*edges further away*I still have some rations, no thanks.
>>37479291*sheds manly tears* Brah it is good to see you.
>>37479327Can't blame for trying.>>37479339I'm shocked. Here I thought you didn't bargained away your subjects' souls.
>>37479347Sure lad, come here if you can. Everyone needs a hug. *Hugs the dust.* There, feel any better?
>>37479366I'm just a god trying to make a living in this burning universe.
>>37479371They didn't even believe in me. They were mutants from some lower hive and only my claim by technicality. Still usable, but barely and not by me. >>37479366Come sit by me, I got this. Relax.
>>37479438Whatever works man. I'm still waiting for the Sons of Malice to summon me.
>>37479348What the frakk do you mean "long gone"? I have to get back on the Vengeful Spirit and prevent Horus from further injuring The Emp->>37479368My eternal liege! You are here and alive!!!
>>37479473Friend, you're dead. You have been dead for ten thousand years. Horus is dead, because of your sacrifice. To this day, you serve as an inspiration to Guardsmen and Guardswomen everywhere.
>>37479456I'm happy I was able to help you lad. If only everyone let me help them. If you ever need another hug come stay at the garden, we always have a room open for guests and family.
>>37479368Ahh, yes, this is the one you were bragging about for so long? I must say, sir Pius, the Emperor here has spun quite a tale about you! ...damn shame he copyrighted it, too. I'd have made septillions.
>>37479429You're no god I've ever fucking heard of, much less a god of mine.>>37479438*sits next to the emps and opens her rations*thank you lord-god
>>37479291>>37479368>>37479217>>37479347I was not expecting shit like that from this thread.
Sure are a lot of space marines and demons in the warp.
>>37476470Heard someone need a codex in this thread.
>>37479517And it makes damn good theatre, old boy. I may have to simply pony up and rent the rights. My khaine audience would love your story.
>>37479544I'm an outcast god people turn to when they turn against yours but hate the other four. You look like you have a story to tell.
>>37479549It's the warp, lad. We're never what's expected.
>>37479578Eat shuriken, fuckface. Harlequins, enter stage center. Give him the old evisceration routine.
>>37479531Give me 10% of the profits and we have a deal.>>37479544Good girl. *pats head*>>37479473Come over here man! Sit down and relax!
>>37479549>>37479576Ain't it great?
>>37479496I died... So that's what that otherworldly feeling was... That's dying... All I remember was that I was about to unload an entire battery if Las right into that Traitor's unprotected face>>37479496What do you mean? Have we lost?
>>37479616Just ten? Emps, my boy, are you getting soft on me? There was a day when you'd never let me touch it!
>>37479639Long story, we won. But at a huge cost.
>>37479578*Hiss*Youuuuuuu!!! I hunger for your biomass! The Hive Mind demands vengeance!
>>37479628I was expecting to see some warp spiders zip by.
>>37479587Xeno, I think there would be racial tension.
>>37479655Nah, just want others to know.
>>37479596>>37479616Purging a building, kicked in a door, saw some half-naked bitch chanting so I shot her with my bolter. It did fuckall so i hit her with my chainsword and then everything went all purple and i ended up half an angry rant away from here.If I had a heavy weapon I would have just leveled the building, but fucking no. *rant dissolves into obscenities muffled by the consumption of the unidentifiable contents of the ration pack*
>>37479663I think the Swarmlord ate them.
>>37479639My boy, let me tell you a bittersweet story full of heartbreak and mind games.Your Emperor came to us broken, battered and yet still strong. But his physical body is shattered. Do sit down son, you may need a drink.
>>37479658You look hungry, boy! Who wants a salad, you want a salad!>>37479675Do you have someone you love, little miss? Someone other than the emperor?
>>37479675Woman, calm down with that food. You wouldn't want to end up like pussbag do you?
>>37479675Ah tough luck.
>>37479684Curse you swarmlord!
>>37479658Sounds like someone wants to not be in the next codex >>37479610Will be hard to eat shurikens when you get retconned into a cute bunny
>>37479656>>37479656Ooh... I think I'm going to need the stiffest drink in all of the universe to swallow what the God-- I mean the Emperor calls "huge cost"
>>37479674It'll be in production within the week. I'll pay out of my own pocket to make sure it gets out to an adoring audience.
>>37479700A salad might be nice.>>37479706They were an appetizer. Cruddace is the main course. >>37479707Not to I retcon you from living.
>>37479700That's between me, her and the emperor.Assuming that bitch whose fault it is I'm here hasn't gotten her fucking mitts on her...>>37479703Fuck off.>>37479704At least I am not entirely without luck, as I did manage to run into you my lord.
>>37479754I'm happy to hear you found someone, little miss. I wish you luck.
>>37479754You. You do realize I live here, right? And I was trying to be nice. Why can't we be friends?
>>37479733Here's some Warp beer. Chase it down with a little scotch, and then lubricate with vodka. You're in the Warp now, you'll need as much as you can get.
>>37479754Yes that is goo- wait her? Wtf? Damn it I am gonna need to get Kitten on this. NOT AGAIN!
>>37478578>>37478682It... It makes so much sense Jar Jar lurks in the warp.
I demand a round with the one who nerfed my swarm!
>>37479797Emperor, are you against the sisters from loving each other?
>>37479797Now you see the problem, Emps.Seems Slaanesh already got to them.
>>37479754Who are you? Obviously not Imperial guard or navy. Not Space Marine, that's literally impossible by definition. Are you one of those assassin innitiate from the order of the sisters of silence? Heard the sisters helped the Death Guard during an attack on a Xeno-held station before they turned traitor too.
>>37479809It really does. We got me, a clown, a corpse, a pussbag, an angry lesbian, batman, a lizard bug, and a dead man. Join the party!
>>37479825This is the TENTH time!>>37479815It leads to Slaanesh claiming them.
>>37479797Love is for everyone, Emps, gotta get used to the idea.
>>37479786I'm stuck here. so yeah...>>37479791Because you seem like biggest malcontent I've seen thus far.>>37479797Whats a kitten?>>37479829*one history lesson later*
>>37479852I would be ok with it if it didn't forfeit her to Slaanesh!
>>37479874He is my Complaint Manager, and Lord General of the Custodes.
>>37479874I feel offended. I took in some space marines when a stupid Inquisitor thought they were corrupted. I am really that bad?
>>37479876If it was lust, maybe. But this is pure girl love!
>>37479852The only love I know is the love for expanding mankind's grip upon the galaxy, and then the universe.You... Have teeth on you tongues... Coming out of your... OK.>>37479796Get me as much human alcohol in a bucket as you can... I think I'm going to want to forget about this one...
>>37479902But it's forbidden love. It goes against the laws of nature, and disrupts the order of things. And we all know what happens when order is disrupted.
>>37479902Have you went up against Slaanesh's lawyer? I would rather cuddle her again!
>>37479892Oh.((ooc: how in the fuck is lesbianism even remotely slaaneshi? it's not like it's fapping with barbed wire while high on everything))>>37479897Yes you fucking are.
>>37479932It's not excessive to love another of the same gender, Emps. You just sound like your head is stuck way too far up your ass on this one. All love is equal.
>>37479944I bets that's what happened to the two missing primarchs. They were ladies in love with other ladies and he made them disappear.
>>37479874Oh... Wow, so that little sect that ironically started on the Vengeful Spirit has... And that man managed to get all this ridiculous power?Clearly the Emperor was right, as always. Religion holds mankind into shackles of slavery to their own delusions. No offense intended, Miss.
>>37479939(( It is considered excess and against the natural law, anything homosexual feeds Slaanesh))Yeah you may be in trouble... how far did you get with her?
>>37479971No xenophiles, the 11th was so bad the Dark eldar begged for help.
>>37480003Huh, I forgot about those guy. So little love, just a need for pain.
>>37480003Oh I remember reading a report on that. It disappeared out of existence after I stopped giving it attention.
>>37479978It's hardly something I could control. Being meliana before my birth and my induction being basically assigned after my parents died.Schola life was, interesting to say the least.>>37479986((My lore fu isn't the strongest, but I'm pretty sure you really need to phone it in before something becomes excessive enough for Slaanesh's attentions. Like drinking a little bit with dinner isn't alcoholism but getting so smashed with such regularity that you lose your job and whatnot is))We had intercourse a few times my lord-god.
>>37480057No wild orgies like the Shared Chalice Order?
>>37479944My goodness, Emps, you've been exposed to the theatre as long as I have, surely you realized...ohhhh yes that's right. the incident with Saint Alicia. I'd forgotten how mad you were. She DID pledge her life to you, dear boy.Just, hahaha, not PRECISELY the way you were thinking! OHOhahaha!
>>37480093We are NOT going there!
>>37479939Sticks and stones, madam.
>>37480093I think you've had too much to drink, C-Man, Little Emps is over there.
>>37480083Nothing of that sort my lord-god. *blushes* We were only intimate with one another.>>37480114I do wish I had some to throw at you.
>>37480112Oh we are SOO going there! Comedy is the best form of entertainment!What was it she said? "I love you, my lord, but not in that way?" Oldest play in the BOOK. At least I gave it up with Isha when she zoned me. Hahahahaha!
I did it! I killed the man who ruined my swarm! Glory to the hive mind?*Eats the SoB's leftover rations* Who wants to eat an Ultramarine?!
So... This is the warp... and all that is happening is the Emperor is arguing with Xeno god and the ruinous powers and the occasional mortal? Clearly I have missed something.
>>37480171Thanks for being cool about Isha, Ceg-stand, I really enjoyed your toast at our wedding. It was fitting.>>37480185It's poker night. There's no real fighting on poker night.
>>37480160My divine body can't be harmed by such means.
>>37480171I ASKED TWICE! THAT WAS ALL!!! Forgive me for wanting companionship. All the women here are insane, have penises, both or already in a relationship. It is lonely as fuck.
>>37480185Well, this is Poker Night. It's kind of our agreed-upon truce period.It's quite a bit more... Vivid any other day.
>>37480179WHAT THE FRAKKING HECK IS THAT!!! GUARDSMEN TAKE YOUR--Fuck. Right. I'm dead. Still. The question remains: WHAT IS THAT GIANT BALEFUL XENOS
>>37480251Just a part of the Endless Swarm, they are an extra galactic xeno.
>>37480185You forgot the space lizard bug.
>>37480179*beans with the rations packaging*fucking nids.>>37480185Wait that fucking clown is a god?>>37480228*pats golden pauldron*It's okay my lord god.
>>37480212She was never mine to keep, sir. And as I said at the wedding, rich old men seem to have an attractiveness which young poor actors lack!
>>37480251>>37480266My name is legion. I have destroyed entire civilizations and digested them. Yours is next, but for now, we can be civilized.>>37480274Your food taste worse than your girlfriend.
>>37480266Xenos from across the universe. Because we OBVIOUSLY didn't had enough of the ones in our own galaxy. What's the current Imperium's view on chemical and viral warfare?
>>37480301You really don't know just how much has changed, do you? Or how many of us are there?
>>37480274Well... His name is The Laughing God. So to the Xenos, he is. To me it's a xeno clown... Thing.
>>37480300Blasted philistine. Never once has any of you sat down for a performance. Ugh the barbarity of it all.
>>37480185>>37480212>>37480231Building upon this, I choose to come to Poker night as the kindest reimagining of myself, the god of love, all love. Emperor establishes himself in his godly form. Slaanesh is just horny. Khorne is angry, but not murderous. Tzeentch is a mastermind and kinda creepy, but not that bad. Ceg's just Ceg. Poker night is when we show the sides of ourselves not many others see due to the never ending war going on outside the warp. >>37480290You'll find someone Ceg, someone who'll be able to accept the life of a traveling actor. I wish you the best of luck my friend!
>>37480274Seems I am doomed to be forever alone.>>37480300Heard it before take a number...>>37480301I will tell you about the Deathwatch...
>>37480300How the fuck does a nid know about what a girlfirend is?Also my home planet is in the western part of the Imperium. We'd never end up anywhere near the hivefleets.>>37480334Makes sense.>>37480356I'm sure you'll find someone my lord-god!
>>37480320>>37480320Well, the Silver space marine over there said something about 10 000 years of missed events. So It's safe to assume I missed a few meaningful events of Life, yes.
>>37480336I'm on break. The Norm Queens really work a man to death. Women, am I right?>>37480356You failed to completely conquered this galaxy completely. I have eaten galaxies. Do you know how hard that is?
>>37480348Ohh, I think I've met someone. She's rather young for my blood, though.She just has to finish this last bit of surgery, and then we can all say goodbye to that twindicked abomination.
>>37480369The Deathleaper at a Guardsman who was crying about his girlfriend cheating on him. It was hilarious enough for us to eat her too.>>37480374That and the fact we have already seeded this galaxy. Just how long do you think the genestealers on Yrgmar were there?
>>37480356Deathwatch... Sounds like a band name for a group of musically inclined remembrancers...
>>37480389I'm going on a limb here and going to go far that Mayls chick.
>>37480409Oh.that makes sense.
>>37480389I KNEW IT! Your her boy toy, that is why she has not eaten you.>>37480369Afraid not. Been through worse.
>>37480409Oh those things are...Go die on top of a volcano. Just looking at you is suffering enough...
>>37480442I think that's what happened. Maybe eating an Emperor's Children warband wasn't the best idea.
>>37480454You're the one true god of mankind though, you'll find someone I just know it!
>>37480459Afraid not. Your golden pal over there is bringing us here, and we like what we taste.
>>37480389I'm happy for you lad! I know she'll be happy! I hope you don't mind if I ask to be the best man at the wedding? If there is one, of course?((OOC: I really want a romantic comedy now that's basically Isha with Nurgle and Ceg as love interests. Shit would be cash.))
>>37480462Ah! Serves you right! Also serves them right. Blasted traitors.
>>37480511It was so trippy. That and the next swarm was really freaky. Looked like something that guardsman was looking at with his pants down with tissue and lotation...
>>37480490*pats head* You flatter me, but perhaps it is better I am alone.
>>37480535Dad, you'll have better luck than I ever could.
>>37480421Here's their symbol.
>>37480524>>37480524>guardsmen>looking at xenos>pants down with lotion in handThat's straight to the cells and to be sent for the penal legion.
>>37480535If that is what you think, then who I am to question further?>>37480561I'd just shoot em personally.
>>37480561The man needed something to cheer him up, so Deathleaper ate his brain. Then his liver. You really don't want to know what the Norm Queen looked like.
>>37480545I had to spice you together with a vitea womb. That doesn't help, but I thank you anyways. I would offer a hug but you most likely still hate me.
>>37480577You could just give them to me. I can give them "the Talk"
>>37480581I have time. I guess we can make up.
>>37480600I can give you a hug in his stead, if you want?
>>37480560Any relations with yours? It's similar in essence
>>37480636Still not a fan of Chaos.
>>37480650Somewhat. They are a militant branch of the organization my chapter is associated with. But they are alien hunters, while we are daemon hunters.
>>37480600Where's my Lasgun when I need it? Oh yes, ON THE DAMNED VESSEL THAT IS THE VENGEFUL SPIRIT.
>>37480651Too bad, always here for you son, remember that.>>37480675Though I am definitely happy with this love being shown here. I'm proud of both of you.
>>37480675Thank you for the first hug in my existence.
>>37480688Like that could kill me.
>>37480681Like the Ministratum? Don't like those guys. Too much paperwork and not enough of actually doing anything to make things go forward.
>>37480708Was enough for your Warmaster to rend me using his mind.
>>37480688Here's a guy that you'd like.>>37480715Yeah, expect they have the right to burn worlds just in case Chaos might be there. Is C-Roach and the angry nun gone?
>>37480728Ten thousand years later and that gun is still being used.
>>37480438You ain't far from the mark, you walking contradiction.
>>37480773I'll take that as a compliment.
>>37480773Still, glad you found someone that appreciates you for who you are, Cegorach, you deserve it.
>>37480755No need to replace what's been killing xenos and traitors for over 10 000 years. Also by what you tell me the Imperium is still about, so you lost. My death was not in vain, you're still ass hurt over whatever made you turn traitor. Also, being brought up on a world devoid of natural light, how can you even see normally?
>>37480807Being a Primarch I could, but that would still hurt my eyes. So contacts or a helmet. At least I wasn't like my Terran children. Their eyes were more sensitive to light than any Nostraman.
>>37480801Okay, okay. Her name is Ynnead. We met on the Webway a couple centuries ago. She hates twinkboi as much as I do and likes the theatre. She's damn near perfect. I've just gotta get her this operation, see.
>>37480877Stop the presses. This is a major surprise.
Well, I must be off, fellas. Isha wants me home before too long. >>37480877Ooh, Ynnead! I remember her, nice girl. Reminded me of myself when I first met her. I wish you both the utmost luck and Papa Nurgle's blessing (not that one.)Also, Ceg-stand, get in contact with me or the missus for when you want to hold the performance in the garden.
>>37480877... I actually thought you were in a love hate relation with Slaanesh. Damn I owe Russ his fill of ale...
>>37480946Bale? Is that you?
>>37480935Will do , sir. It is ever noble of you to patron the arts.
...Poker night happen often?
>>37481148Not really. Or this is the first one I've been in.As the most handsome and highest ranking god here, I decree that this thread be archived.So sayth I, Malice, the Patriarch of Anarchy and Terror.
>>37481174It has been archived. Who doesn't love Nurgle the Love Gurur?
>>37481205Tzeentch. And I'm surprised this thread made it this far.
>>37481231It sometimes happens. This makes it the third thread I've been Nurgle? Yeah, something like that.
>>37481270This is my first time being anybody. I was thrown off on Jar-Jar binks though.
>>37481286You get used to stuff like that. In my first rp, there was a guy who ended up, if I remember correctly, having sex with a chainaxe to appease slaanesh, that was weird. Check it out on the archive, Nurgle's House Party, that one had a tzeentch, khorne, gork and mork. That was a good thread.
>>37481332>sex with a chainaxeThat sounds something Slaanesh would like. I'll have to look at it. How did I do?
>>37476470PREVIOUSLY ON 'THE WARP'...
>>37481345Just fine man, there was a Malal at the house party, so maybe take a few pointers from him, but you did good otherwise. I've decided that my version of Nurgle is the one I'm sticking with. Love Guru Nurgle is a lot more fun to play with. Still working on the voice of it, though.
>>37481387I'll get on that. Thanks for that.
>>37481387I just imagined your posts the way Nurgle's portrayed in Text-To-Speech.I'm sure that influenced the thread more than a little bit.
>>37481367Poker Night in the Warp.Starting Kaldor Draigo, Nurgle, Khorne, Slaanesh, the God Emperor of Mankind, an angry Sister of Battle, Tzeentch, Cegorach, and me, Malice.Guest stars: Lord Bale, Konrad Curze, Timmy, the Chaos God of the Cruelty of Children, a Rubric Marine, some Orks, Ollanius Pius, Robin Cruddance, and the Swarmlord.
>>37481403Course man, I'm always glad to give advice.>>37481410Yeah, I'd be hard pressed to admit that I was influenced by text-to-speech. It's a lot easier to write "nice" Nurgle than "creepy" Nurgle.
>>37481441Hey, when you're trying to sincerely portray 40k stuff without being tripping-over-yourself grimdark, Text to Speech is a good starting point to do it.That said, I ain't original either. It's pretty obvious the sole trait I had going for me, I really didn't have to think on it.
>>37481428Wouldn't I be a guest star? Poker if for important people.
>>37481441I'm reading the thread you told me to look up. It's pretty good so far. >>37481448Thanks for that. Next up: Squat fighting. Can a Squat touched by the blessed by the Emperor handle Angron during the dominion of fire?
>>37481428Tune in next week for another exciting episode of 'THE WARP'
>>37481473Yeah, my bad. Whoops.>>37481475Dang it. I should go to sleep, but dang it, I went this long. Ignore my mistake!
>>37481489Unfortunately I think that Lord Draigo would also be a guess star. Angel of death doesn't quite measure up to deity.
>>37481465Yeah, I agree Text-to-speech is good if you're trying to get the minimums in fluff and have a decent voice.>>37481475I have to admit, this is one of the better ends to an rp thread than I've seen more often than not, usually they drivel off painfully.>>37481489I get you, it's 2 in the morning here in Oregon and holy shit am I tired. I wish I was better at art so I could do some drawings from happenings from the thread.
>>37481519>not being up at 5 on the eastern seaboard with work in the morningStep the fuck up Nurgs.
>>37481519It's four here in Mississippi. I was thinking that too.>>37481514 I guess so. Oh, well, this is my first time, so plenty of room for mistakes.
>>37481544I have to design the entire biological makeup and reasonable lore of a race of insect people for a class alongside other class work.
>>37481428We should start a 'The Warp' series thread.
>>37481623We can always try. The only problem is timing and when we'd start the threads. You have people who aren't on /tg/ at the time of the thread or people who can't devote the time to rp. But yeah, I would be down with that if there was a good schedule.
>>37481623Fund it! But not tomorrow. I have to get some things done for an essay paper that's worth nine test grades.
>>37481655Lets definitely give /tg/ a break from the rp, allow time for people to recharge their creative muscles.
>>37481682Right then. What would be a good time and place? Weekends?
>>37481690Saturdays work best since I've given up on going to my lgs to play magic and usually have the time. I'll be dead tired on sunday, but hey, it's worth it.
>>37481707Sounds awesome. Time?
>>37481726Lets see, six to seven's pretty good for me, though that'd be like 8 or 9 to you. So next saturday, one of us starts "The Warp" and we rp from there?
>>37481768Sure. Am or pm?
>>37481777PM, I have more free time then more often than not. Hopefully I'll have my laptop on me because rping while on my phone is pretty shitty.
>>37481796Sounds great. I would hope that you have that.
>>37481815Great, now I think I'm gonna clock off for the night. My eyes are killing me. Night Malice, don't forget next saturday, all right? I'll try to remember it, so start it if it isn't up by 9.
>>37481847Bye and good night, Nurgle. I'll remember.
>>37481860Thanks, I'll try not to forget either
>>37481875Don't worry about it. Now I'm going to get some coffee and start on that essay. This is the thread best I've been involved in.
...Did two of the Chaos Gods just schedule a date?
>>37481918What does the codex say about that?
>>37481925Well it uh. It says it's pretty strange.
>>37481941We had Jarjar Binks and the Swarmlord admitting that eating an Emperor's Children warband made a Nid swarm look like something a Guardsman was touching himself to in this thread. Do you really think it's that strange?
>>37481979Strange is good. Why in the warp would one want to be normal. I mean maybe they're an Ultramarine... I dunno.
>>37482040I think we have a goal. Create a thread too weird for /tg/.>We had Jarjar Binks and the Swarmlord admitting that eating an Emperor's Children warband made a Nid swarm look like something a Guardsman was touching himself to in this thread.That's going to be the series' tagline.
>see thread>want to enjoy thread>see millions of retarded namefags actually roleplaying>they think their shit is funny and witty and should become a retarded generalInto the trash it goes.
>>37482102Did you think of something better? I don't think so.