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>>36865788
You are Blanc, CPU White Heart, patron goddess of Lowee, a nigh-immortal being of immense power, and you are apparently not allowed to sleep in for one of the first goddamn days in your shitheaded life because someone's knocking quite urgently on your bedroom door.

"Miss Blanc? You've, uh, you've got a visitor." Your head of security knocks on your door again. She doesn't know her own strength, so you're kind of worried she's just going to break the door into splinters one of these days. "Says it's urgent. She won't be dissuaded."

[ ] [GO AWAY] Have your security tell this person to fuck right off. She can wait her turn just like anyone else.
[ ] [.................] Feign sleep. That'll get them ALL to fuck right off. You're the goddess, you can do this kind of shit.
[ ] [OKAY FINE] Well, you're not going to get any goddamn rest, so you might as well shift your skinny ass and see what's so "urgent."
[ ] [GIMME A MINUTE] Stall. You'll take your sweet-ass time getting up. It can't be THAT important.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>36865814
>[x] [.................] Feign sleep. That'll get them ALL to fuck right off. You're the goddess, you can do this kind of shit.

>>36865814
>[ ] [GIMME A MINUTE] Stall. You'll take

>>36865814
>[X] [GIMME A MINUTE] Stall. You'll take your sweet-ass time getting up. It can't be THAT important.

>>36865814
>[ ] [GIMME A MINUTE] Stall. You'll take your sweet-ass time getting up. It can't be THAT important.
Might as well take the time to wake up properly, wash our face, check the news, light breakfast, maybe a quick round of Mario Kart...

>>36865814
>[ ] [GIMME A MINUTE]

Looks like I'll miss this thread but thanks for running!

>>36865814
>[X] [GIMME A MINUTE] Stall. You'll take your sweet-ass time getting up. It can't be THAT important.

If it was that important, they'd be praying wildly for your help in desperate tones. If it's still not at the point they're unwilling to stop calling them a visitor, they can still be made to wait like everyone else.

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>>36865814
>[X] [GIMME A MINUTE]

If someone's going to force you out of bed on a festival day, /after/ you spent the last few nights planning it all out and pitching in yourself (when you can fly, EVERYONE wants you to help put up decorations), then you're damn well going to get up on your own terms.

You don't bother sitting up. You don't even bother turning toward the door, not caring that your pillow and blankets will muffle your voice. You just tell your head of security to give you a minute, and then you'll come and sort this out.

That's enough to get your staff member to back down, and the blessed peace and quiet returns. You breathe a sigh of relief and feel yourself drifting off; it'll be alright. Everything will be fine. Your visitor will get some tea and cookies while he or she waits, you'll have time to indulge in the last of your drowsiness, and then you can go and meet your guest like a normal, RATIONAL person instead of a fashion victim with horrible bedhead. Once that's over, you can go right back to slee-

"BLAAAAAAAAANC~CHUAAAAAAAAAN!"

You had approximately 0.5 seconds to react to /that/ horrifyingly Japanese greeting and the sound of footsteps before your bedroom door slams open, revealing a blinding vision of unprovoked cheeriness that strides right toward you. Bitch's going to tear your sheets clean off your bed!

[ ] [AGGRESS] The best defense is FUCK RIGHT OFF YOU SUNNOVABITCH I'MA KICK YOU FIRST
[ ] [EVADE] Roll off the bed. Use your attacker's moment of confusion to escape your bedroom.
[ ] [TRANSFORM] No holding back. Go all out and turn into your CPU form. Show this fool what it means to pull a goddess out of bed against her will!
[ ] [PILLOW] Shove your head underneath a pillow. In the fullness of time, this shall all pass.

>>36866373
>[ ] [AGGRESS] The best defense is FUCK RIGHT OFF YOU SUNNOVABITCH I'MA KICK YOU FIRST

>>36866373
>[ ] [PILLOW] Shove your head underneath a pillow. In the fullness of time, this shall all pass.

>>36866373
>[X] [AGGRESS] The best defense is FUCK RIGHT OFF YOU SUNNOVABITCH I'MA KICK YOU FIRST

>>36866406
>>36866403
>[ ] [PILLOW] Shove her head underneath a pillow. In the fullness of time, this shall all pass.

>>36866373
>[X][WRITE-IN] OUT-WEABOO THEM. No, screw this. You want to drive in like this is an anime and you're waking up a sleepyhead? FUCK YOUR EXPECTATIONS! Throw the sheet off in a brilliant display of light, and jump-hug the SHIT out of them while you drag their name out of your memory to yell happily at them. Then proceed to be as annoyingly chipper as goddessly possible. That'll teach the fucker.

>>36866373
>[x ] [PILLOW] Shove your head underneath a pillow. In the fullness of time, this shall all pass.

>>36866373
>[ ] [PILLOW]

>>36866373
>[ ] [COUNTER-SUPLEX] Counter-suplex.
COUNTER-SUPLEX!

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>>36866373
>[X] [PILLOW]

No. You refuse to allow this to happen. You will use your immense goddess-ly powers to reshape reality to your specifications, erasing this asshole from your room and allowing you the rest that you truly deserve.

Since that's not actually a thing, you stick your head underneath your pillow and do your best ostrich impression, willing the whole of reality to turn completely pitch-black. Best case scenario, your lack of responsiveness will fool your attacker into believing that you have already died. The worst that could happen is that your clever plan will give your attacker pause, which will give your head of security enough time to get her act together and drag the fucker out of the room.

Your attacker does fling off your sheets, revealing you in all your sleepwear-wearing glory, but fails to press the attack. From the utter silence that follows, you're almost convinced that your ploy is working, but then you hear the sound of a smartphone camera going off.

"Now isn't this going to be a coup? CPU White Heart in her adorable goomba pajamas, with her head underneath a pillow! Score one for Sega!"

You fling off the pillow and sit straight up. Your eternal nemesis, Neptune, CPU Purple Heart, patron goddess of the nation of Planeptune, takes another picture.

"Score two for Sega!"

[ ] [AGGRESS] News flash! Sega does what Nintendon't: FUCKING DIE
[ ] [CONFISCATE] Cite national security concerns. Take that phone away from her.
[ ] [SECURITY] Ha ha ha, great one, good joke, WHERE ARE YOUR GUARDS
[ ] [PILLOW] Shove HER face under your pillow. Clearly, this will be a tragic suicide.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>36866834

[ ] [AGGRESS] News flash! Sega does what Nintendon't: FUCKING DIE

>>36866834
>[X] [PILLOW]

I take it we're still going of the game series's logic that Sega is still manufacturing consoles, and the Sonic series hasn't been made to beg for the sweet release of death?

>>36866834
>[ ] [AGGRESS]
>[ ] [PILLOW]
>[ ] [CONFISCATE]

>>36866834
>[ ] [PILLOW] Shove HER face under your pillow. Clearly, this will be a tragic suicide.

>>36866834
> [CONFISCATE] Cite national security concerns. Take that phone away from her.
> [PILLOW] Shove HER face under your pillow. Clearly, this will be a tragic suicide.
It'll be quick, just be quiet and let it happen.

>>36866834
>[ ] [PILLOW] Shove HER face under your pillow. Clearly, this will be a tragic suicide.

>>36866887
It's a little more complicated than that, and will probably be revealed... this thread, with any luck! It's sort of a mix between the game series' logic and, you know, Sega's current status.

>>36866834
>[x] [CONFISCATE] Cite national security concerns. Take that phone away from her.
>[x] [PILLOW] Shove HER face under your pillow. Clearly, this will be a tragic suicide.

>>36866834
>>36866950

To be completely fair, Sega's been producing good Sonic games lately. It's just that they then decided to outsource their latest one and then uh, Sonic Boom happened.

The boom stands for the sound their stock value made when the game got released.

>>36866950
Well, Sega's current status would have them being demoted from Goddess to mortal. Like Atari.

Is it strange that I imagine Atari and other consoles turned developers from before the crash as Cthulhu-like creatures?

>>36867080
>games

So, you're counting Colors as well as Generations?

>>36866887
The first game sorta has that, with the other three kicking Sega out of vidya heaven for being a worst girl.

>>36867159

Yeah, pretty much. They were really starting to get their shit together and then... Jesus. How do you fuck a Sonic game up so bad as Sonic Boom? At least Sonic '06 was still very much a Sonic game that went fast.

>>36867232
That's right, it went from playable to broken and glitched in record time.

As for how, it's easy: They keep trying to do new things. They never try and build off previous successes, instead trying to make whatever they think the hot new game genre and mechanics are.

>>36867285

I don't particularly mind innovation like Sonic tries to do, and there's parts where it even pays off. But Sonic Boom in particular isn't even a Sonic game, it's a Jak and Daxter clone with horrible scripting, bugs and glitches so ridiculous they make the Sonic '06 Silver campaign look positively playable.

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>>36866834
>[X] [PILLOW]

You don't bother giving her your patent Look (tm). You don't even curse at her, threaten her, or give her any reason to call you an adorable little yappy dog whose bark is worse than her bite.

Instead, you calmly propel yourself forward, pillow clutched in both hands, and spike it against the top of Neptune's head, slamming her face into your bedsheets. You then proceed to roll her over onto her back and shove the pillow against her face, keeping her pinned with a knee to her chest.

And then your head of security rushes into the room, forever shattering your dreams of a witness-less crime scene. "I'm so sorry, Miss Blanc," she rumbles, her black suit mussed and out of sorts- not that it ever fit her large frame well in the first place. "She just sorta rushed past me before I could do a thing, and, y'know, it's /Neptune/-"

Shut up. All will be forgiven if she can help you hide the body. You're only half joking.

To her credit, your head of security takes in the situation at the glance and cracks her knuckles, her expression shifting from apologetic to mock-serious in a heartbeat. "The usual place, then?"

You fancy you can feel Neptune's struggles growing a bit more panicked.

[ ] [YUP] Keep the masquerade going as long as you possibly can. It's all in good fun... probably. At least until you can delete those pictures.
[ ] [RELENT] Fine, fine, Neptune DID claim she was here on urgent business. Besides, you're not THAT at odds with her anymore. Probably.
[ ] [DELETE] Have your head of security delete the pics from Neptune's phone first, THEN release your fellow goddess.
[] [WRITE-IN]

>>36867466
>[ ] [DELETE] Have your head of security delete the pics from Neptune's phone first, THEN release your fellow goddess.

Priorities.

>>36867466
[ ] [YUP] Keep the masquerade going as long as you possibly can. It's all in good fun... probably. At least until you can delete those pictures.

[ ] [DELETE] Have your head of security delete the pics from Neptune's phone first, THEN release your fellow goddess.

>>36867466
>[ ] [YUP]

>>36867466
>[X] [DELETE] Have your head of security delete the pics from Neptune's phone first, THEN release your fellow goddess.

Unlike someone else in our room, we tend to make sensible business decisions. By and large. Look, mistakes were made, okay?

>>36867466
>[ ] [YUP] Keep the masquerade going as long as you possibly can. It's all in good fun... probably. At least until you can delete those pictures.
>[ ] [DELETE] Have your head of security delete the pics from Neptune's phone first, THEN release your fellow goddess.

>>36867466
>[ ] [YUP] Keep the masquerade going as long as you possibly can. It's all in good fun... probably. At least until you can delete those pictures.
Yes, masquerade, of course. Of course. Now what was that business about?

>>36867466
[ ] [DELETE] Have your head of security delete the pics from Neptune's phone first, THEN release your fellow goddess.
Blanc's head of security is a big girl huh.

>>36867466
>[DELETE]
>[TICKLE ATTACK!] We're already holding her down, time for our head of security to get to work!

>>36867466
>[x] [DELETE] Have your head of security delete the pics from Neptune's phone first, THEN release your fellow goddess.

>>36867466
>[x] [DELETE] Have your head of security delete the pics from Neptune's phone first, THEN release your fellow goddess.

>>36867466
>[X] [YUP]
>[X] [DELETE]

You nod at your head of security before remembering that your intended prankee can't actually see it. Yes, the usual place out back. Where you bury the dozens of other goddesses. She knows the one.

Grinning cheekily, your head of security struts on over- or tries to, anyway, she's not nearly smooth enough- while adjusting that ridiculous red tie of hers. "Any other evidence?"

Burn it all, you reply, handing her Neptune's cheerily purple phone. And the photos. ESPECIALLY the photos.

"You got it, boss."

As your head of security fiddles clumsily with the phone, sticking her tongue out as she concentrates, you casually lean your pillow a little harder against Neptune's face. The goddess is well and truly pinned.

Did she really think this was going to end any other way?, you murmur as calmly as you can, leaning in toward her exposed ear. You were, of course, destined to be rivals the moment you laid eyes on each other. And now all these years of peacekeeping would end because a certain purple-haired goddess decided to yank your bedsheets off and take pictures of the resulting bedlam-

You pause your mock-evil monologue because Neptune's stopped struggling. Her shoulders are shaking a little.

Shit. Did- did you go too far?

[ ] [HA HA NOPE] Keep going. It's crocodile tears! Neptune's as good a faker as any, she's just trying to turn the tables.
[ ] [HA HA SHIT] Stop! Stop! Oh goddammit, Neptune's feelings might really be hurt. Or she's legit terrified, either or.
[ ] [WAITASEC] Keep her pinned down, but ask her if she's... y'know. Okay. Or if it's really THAT urgent.
[ ] [PHONE?] Alright, fine, give Neptune back her phone. Maybe she's (rightly?) worried that your head of security might break it...?
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>36868000

>[X] [HA HA SHIT] Stop! Stop! Oh goddammit, Neptune's feelings might really be hurt. Or she's legit terrified, either or.

Uh-oh.

>>36868000
>[ ] [WAITASEC]

>>36868000
>[ ] [WAITASEC] Keep her pinned down, but ask her if she's... y'know. Okay. Or if it's really THAT urgent.

You can't smother a goddess to death, that would just be silly

>>36868000
>[ ] [HA HA NOPE] Keep going. It's crocodile tears! Neptune's as good a faker as any, she's just trying to turn the tables.

Soon

>>36868000
>[ ] [WAITASEC] Keep her pinned down, but ask her if she's... y'know. Okay. Or if it's really THAT urgent.

>>36868000
>[X] [WRITE-IN] Assume instead of tears it's laughter. She's got the joke. Make sure the pictures are deleted and let her up.

>>36868000
[ ] [HA HA NOPE] Keep going. It's crocodile tears! Neptune's as good a faker as any, she's just trying to turn the tables.

>>36868000
>WAITASEC] Keep her pinned down, but ask her if she's... y'know. Okay. Or if it's really THAT urgen

>>36868000
>[ ] [WAITASEC] Keep her pinned down, but ask her if she's... y'know. Okay. Or if it's really THAT urgent.
"Flail wildly if it's really that urgent, otherwise keep still."

>>36868000
>>>36867466
>[ ] [WAITASEC] Keep her pinned down, but ask her if she's... y'know. Okay. Or if it's really THAT urgent.

>>36868000
>[HA HA NOPE]

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>>36868000
>[X] [WAITASEC]

... you've known Neptune for a long time. Long enough to realize that while she's a complete airhead and an idiot who doesn't take anything seriously, she's also not the type who'd start crying over something like this.

You keep your knee on Neptune's chest and pull the edge of the pillow down, revealing her big mournful eyes, staring up at you accusingly while shimmering with unshed tears.

You breathe a sigh of relief. Good, it's just her overly dramatic Anime Style Pretty Crying, not her seriously distraught Actually Ugly Puffy-Eyed Crying. You still ask her if she's okay, or if-

"No! I'm not okay!" Neptune wails. grabbing plaintively at your pajamas. "I came here to borrow your ear and air my worries, and instead I got bad villainous dialogue and goddess-on-goddess action that I can't even take pictures of!"

... well, she SEEMS to have a legitimate problem. Outside of her usual brain problems, you mean.

"That's so mean! Meaner than a malfunction right before the save point! When did you become so /cold/, Blanc!?"

It happened when you had to deal with her unique blend of insanity at least once every weekend. So? What's the problem?

"It's terrible!" Neptune squeezes her eyes shut, bowing her head as if in prayer. "Mff mmmmf mmfmfmmmff!"

... run that by you again?

Neptune lifts her head back up so that the pillow isn't muffling her every word. "I'm not the main character anymore!!" she cries. "I lost my main character-ness! You have to help me get it back!"

[ ] [WAT] what
[ ] [ANNOYANCE] She really woke you up for /this/? What the hell is Neptune even talking about?
[ ] [NOPE] Re-pillow her face. This conversation is over. ALL conversations are over.
[ ] [BREAKFAST] ... alright, maybe the world will start making sense again once you've changed, gotten out of bed, and talk about this over breakfast.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>36868493
>[ ] [BREAKFAST] ... alright, maybe the world will start making sense again once you've changed, gotten out of bed, and talk about this over breakfast.

>>36868493
>[ ] [BREAKFAST] ... alright, maybe the world will start making sense again once you've changed, gotten out of bed, and talk about this over breakfast.
No fun in murderin on an empty stomach.

>>36868493
>[X] [NOPE] Re-pillow her face. This conversation is over. ALL conversations are over.

With her main character status lifted, she might be killable. WE MUST STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT. This is for the Nintendon't comment, bitch!

>>36868493
>[ ] [ANNOYANCE]
and possibly a
>[ ] [NOPE]

>>36868493
[ ] [BREAKFAST] ... alright, maybe the world will start making sense again once you've changed, gotten out of bed, and talk about this over breakfast.

>>36868493
>[ ] [BREAKFAST] ... alright, maybe the world will start making sense again once you've changed, gotten out of bed, and talk about this over breakfast.
We can't help with that, here's a secret, Blanc has your main character-ness right now.

>>36868493
>[ ] [WRITE-IN]
>take a drink

>>36868493
] [BREAKFAST] ... alright, maybe the world will start making sense again once you've changed, gotten out of bed, and talk about this over breakfast.

>>36868493
>[ ] [BREAKFAST] ... alright, maybe the world will start making sense again once you've changed, gotten out of bed, and talk about this over breakfast.
Well, she's not really wrong about that.

>>36868493
>[ ] [BREAKFAST] ... alright, maybe the world will start making sense again once you've changed, gotten out of bed, and talk about this over breakfast.
Ahahaha. Gee, I wonder where it went.

>She learns about Urist and begins to stalk her

>>36868493
>[x] [BREAKFAST] ... alright, maybe the world will start making sense again once you've changed, gotten out of bed, and talk about this over breakfast.

>>36868493
>[ ] [NOPE] Re-pillow her face. This conversation is over. ALL conversations are over.

>>36868493
[ ] [ALCOHOL] Welp. Best get two shots of whiskey in you, it looks like it's going to be one of THOSE days. Again.

>>36868493
>[X] [BREAKFAST]

You get up off of Neptune and toss the pillow back onto the bed. Okay. Here's what you're going to do-

"Thank you, Blanc!" Your eternal rival is back up to her feet in no time flat, all the tears have mysteriously evaporated, and she's suddenly got some sort of medical condition involving sparkly lights suddenly turning on inside her pupils. "I knew you would come through! Even though the normal state of affairs is Nintendoesn't, you're Nintendoing it right now, you wonderful Nintendood!"

... shut the hell up and stop putting words in your mouth. You're going to get dressed, freshen up, and then you're gonna sit down and start eating breakfast. And then, only then, will you allow her to tell you the story of things that you honestly could care less about.

Neptune salutes, her hyperactive cheer not fading one bit. "Yes, ma'am! Roger that! Ready and willing! Just for you, I'll even overlook the fact that only old-fashioned ladies say 'freshen up'!"

... you snap your fingers, and your head of security picks Neptune up like a sack of potatoes and carries her overhead, removing her from your bedroom. The sound of Neptune whining in protest is music to your ears, but that's not nearly as musical as the sound of sweet, sweet silence and solitude. Now, you can get your thoughts together and have a nice quiet breakfast.

(Cont.)

>>36869016
"Garcon~! I'll have a parfait! With extra whipped cream and strawberries, seal-volks-plate!"

Except not, because Neptune has apparently invited herself to your breakfast table, deep in the inner sanctum of your Basilicom, and she's on her fourth dessert item. Your head of security looks properly apologetic under the force of your flat stare. "She made a convincing argument?" she says weakly.

No, you're not mad about her being here, you mutter. You're far too used to that. But letting her have /dessert/ in the morning? Does your head of security have any idea how difficult it'll be to deal with her on a sugar high?

"Compa says I should have more fruit in my diet!" Neptune interjects, her mouth a mess of whipped cream. "Doctor's orders!"

... you should have just re-pillowed Neptune's face. Still, you do your best to ignore her inane chatter and the fact that she's bouncing up and down in her chair, and you devour a piece of toast before you try broaching the subject again. So anyway, what's the-

"That's right! I almost forgot!"

You would have /strangled her/ if she put you through all this trouble to immediately forget it.

"I'm not the main character anymore!" Neptune wails, her tears dribbling into her seventh parfait. "My face is plastered on almost every other part of the franchise, but I'm not the main character of this bit! And it's even worse than that! We're... we're in a different dimension now! The bad fanfiction dimension! We're being WRITTEN! By a random person! On the INTERNET!"

... wow. How horrifying.

"Come o~n, Blanc, you've got to put some more feeling into your reaction to my earth-shattering revelation! This thread's almost over!" Neptune gabbles, stuffing more ice cream into her mouth. "I'm gonna run out of room to explain what's actually going on, and you didn't actually have time to reminisce about our shared past! Wait, I haven't finished this parfait yet, stop, please, just let me-"

[TO BE CONTINUED NEXT THREAD]

>>36869016
>Nintendood
>dood

You are not Nisa, Neptune. Stop pretending you're cool.

We should have killed her.

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ALRIGHT, that's the end of this mini-thread! Gonna try to hold the next one within the next few days, probably going to shoot for Monday, 12/22, at around 9-ish pm EST!

As always, updates to scheduling will be at https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest , and questions can either go here or ask.fm/BlorpQuest . Thanks for participating, guys, and I hope you enjoyed this really strange diversion, I guess!

>>36869043
>"Come o~n, Blanc, you've got to put some more feeling into your reaction to my earth-shattering revelation! This thread's almost over!" Neptune gabbles, stuffing more ice cream into her mouth. "I'm gonna run out of room to explain what's actually going on, and you didn't actually have time to reminisce about our shared past! Wait, I haven't finished this parfait yet, stop, please, just let me-"
Okay I admit, that was pretty funny

>>36869043
>... you should have just re-pillowed Neptune's face.
Soon, Blanc.

Soon

>>36869080
Thanks for the thread Blorp, can't wait for next time.

>>36869043
my brain cant decide if I should be laughing or getting a headache from the absurd meta of this update.

>>36869080
Thanks for running, always fun.