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Playing a game in the Fallen London setting. Roll to seduce a wickedly avaricious space bat results in a character being imprinted with letters of fire, letters of shame. All their innermost histories seared onto their skin.

Later, he was subsumed into an enormous sea urchin as a little cyst of memory. Good times.

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>Party is in some ruins fighting hobgoblins
>Party mage wants to jump onto a chest high boulder so he can get a better vantage point
>Jump check
>Rolls 1
>Jumps and breaks his face on the rock
>Few turns later manages to slowly climb onto the boulder with a broken face
>Encounter ends, time to jump down
>Jump check
>Rolls 1
>Impact breaks both legs

>>36764433
> rogue with strength dumpstat
> DC10 athletics needed to get up a rocky slope
> rolls: 8, 3, 4, 1
> spend half of battle stumbling over myself on this shitty goddamn cave slope

>>36764866
>a game in the Fallen London setting
Hmmmmmm, yes. I'm inclined to suck your dick, Anon.

Some PDFs? Links to www featuring homebrew rules?

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>>36765353
Sorry, it's all stored on paper back at my house. It's just building off of FATE with some extra rules and whatnot, though.

>>36764433
crit skill fails

not even once

>>36765505
Mechanics is not what I'm interested in.

It's just that I had to leave the game back in times when the Carnival was introduced and since then it became too massive for me. I can't find myself in it. I'd be glad to see it redone in some *.pdf or somethig...

Oh well... At least pass my respect to the Countess next time you'll be visiting her.

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Obligatory.

>>36764433
Monk in fight. Use open the gates of battle. Roll one. " Monk focuses his energy and prepares his charge. His will is steel and the enemy before him will fall. Like a bolt of lighting he runs and jumps. Letting loose a lion like roar he flies past his foe and proceeds to keeping going until he hits his archer teammate knocking both prone.

i forget the details but something about a player accidentally stabbing himself with his own poisoned blade

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>Thief tries to grab bejeweled necklace off of a specific mutated four-armed gargoyle
>Rolls 1
>Ends up grabbing the stone gargoyle's stoney nipples
>Gargoyle moans with pleasure

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>>36765676
Easily one of the best

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>>36765552
Fluff-wise I could do a dump if you'd like. Alternatively I know http://saint-arthur.tumblr.com answers lore questions, and some Sunless Sea backers got digital lorebooks but I don't think they've been leaked. You really have missed a lot, though. Do you know what the Bazaar really is, at least?

>Going to decapitate an enemy PC's necromancer
>Trips on his cape, falls downstairs and chops own head off with the axe.
>Body is later reanimated for the necromancer's amusement.

>>36764866
>Fallen London setting.

Fucking why?

That setting is so... confused?
Several writers have had their go at it and it shows, there's just so much crap in there it doesn't entirely make sense.

I mean if we're counting Sunless Sea as canon now it gets even weirder.

>>36766206
It'd be so much easier to enjoy the setting if the wiki was allowed to have ANY lore information.

>>36764433
>The year of our Lord 2014.
>Believing natural 1s mean critical failure of ability checks and skill checks.
>Believing natural 20s mean critical success of ability checks and skill checks.
>Not going with beating/failing to beat a DC by 20.

>>36766588
So what is a crit fail then?

>>36766644
>beating/failing to beat a DC by 20.
That anon was pretty clear, I think.

>>36766588
That's... just as silly though anon.

>>36766505
>>36766530
OK, I will give you that extracting lore from the game is arduous, but I find it fun to slowly uncover all the bits and piece them together into a cohesive world. And I find the world and its themes fascinating. It's also quite refreshingly original. In Sunless Sea I do notice parts that don't really fit in to me- I.e. Station III and the heartmetal stuff, but overall I still find it enjoyable, and so does most of my group.

>>36765547
This.

Crit fail skill rolls are a clear indicator of That GMs.

>>36766705
You're allowed to enjoy what you want to enjoy.
I just don't see how you could make a setting for any other game out of it.

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>vtm game
>PC goes to a nightclub
>rolls to see if he recognizes anyone there
>botch
>pic related happens
>rolls soak
>botches on all three dice
>he was already wounded
>he would have normally died
>gm rules that he trips and stakes himself off on a chunk of broken wood

later
>be in a vision/dream sequence where the pcs are in their sire's bodies back when they hunted dragons
>jump across a river of lava
>pass strength to clear the distance
>botch dex to land properly
>crash face-first into a pillar
>next pc does the same thing
>almost crushes the first pc

>>36766588
>>36766644
>>36766680
>>36766693
Crits and Fails are meant for attack rolls. But it's k cuz the games are meant to be played as you like them. Adds more flavor with nat 1s on skill checks,

>>36766975
Well there is tons of lore to build on both in and out of London. It's not that hard to come up with a setting-consistent plot that isn't ripped directly from the game.

>>36767027
>intro session for one of the PCs
>he needs to find a haven
>finds an old crypt in a graveyard
>rolls to open it up since the doors are barred
>botches twice
>breaks both arms

>several sessions later, in a firefight
>double-botches to shoot his glock
>barely passes a roll to realize it's about to explode
>throws the glocknade
>botches
>it bounces back at him
>other pc asks what the fuck happened in between waves of enemies
>botches twice when shooting his glock next round
>same thing happens, but he gibs one of the enemies instead

>>36764433

There's a few stories of nat 1's I have with regards to a certain game:

> The GM used it as a justification to kill a plot important NPC, a sort of shepherd of the lost who had helped us for a while. Dude was a bro, and the GM had him die like a dog over a single bad roll.
> Another time he used it as justification for killing yet another important NPC who was our only science officer not having whom completely screwed us over in the later acts of the game.
> He killed off an entire room full of important NPCs who literally defined the game as we were playing it, then killed off the PCs. Don't worry though, he pulled some "grand rewind" bullshit (not for the first time), charged us a heavy tax and let us "undo" the fucked up of an over-leveled encounter he sent us into with our hands and legs chopped off.
> He's killed off the PCs multiple times now on bad rolls, perpetuated the game with this weird pay now AND pay later scheme, and the retcon detritus keeps piling up and strangling the game.

I think we are at five now, and the train shows no signs of slowing down.

>>36767224
>make a tech-savvy PC
>sire is an elder
>botches while doing some research, internet gets cut out
>"THE COMPUTER BOX IS BROKEN"
>rolls to fix it
>botches twice
>the router bursts into flames

>>36764433
>play EotE with buddies
>friend rolls to pickpocket someone in the cantina, because his character is a kleptomaniac
>he rolls a 2
>he gets the wallet but incites a bar fight that escalates into us destroying a star destroyer and getting one of the party killed
>fucking dick ass thieves man

>Sneak into border fort of enemy nation
>CONSCRIPTS, HEAR ME OUT! WE ARE HERE TO LIBERATE YOU FROM YOUR WIZARD OVERLORDS! FIGHT WITH US, AND WE WILL SHOW YOU FREEDOM!
>Nat 1 Diplomacy
>Conscript near the back: "They're actually not that bad!"

>>36767281
>the router bursts into flames
I thought you said it was a PC, not a Mac.

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>>36765299
> Crit fails on skill checks

>>36765676
>At least kick own ass out of door!
My sides!

>Extra pulpy CoC
>PCs botch a heist on a cult-run museum
>They got the artifact they were after but one person was taken hostage by the cult
>Next session they get contacted by the cult and make arrangements to trade the hostage for the artifact
>Meeting place is a random alley downtown
>PCs make plans to ambush the cult, hide on the roofs with rifles and tommy guns while the party face stalls them
>They get set up, hours pass, two cars full of cult members arrive with the hostage
>Once they make they exchange party face gives the signal to shoot
>Four shooters with height advantage firing on unaware targets out in the open, even with low weapon skills they get a huge bonus
>Every single one of them crit fails as they completely lose control of their guns
>Party face, the hostage and a few unlucky cult members get ventilated
>Two drop their tommy guns into the alley
>Surviving PCs run for their lives getting chased by now heavily armed cult thugs

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I've been an on and off forever gm for the past 4 years. this took place with a brand new group of players (and one older player, the rogue) at the entrance to their very first dungeon.

>Describe generic cave opening lit by a single torch as it opens into...
>rogue interrupts me telling me he searches the torch for a hidden lever.
>rolls a 1
>he stuck his face to close to the flame and lights himself on fire. taking 4 damage
>cleric summons a bucket of water and throws it at him
>rolls a 1
>throws the bucket of water at hit and knocking him unconscious
>fighter takes his bedroll to smother the flames
>for sake of general effectiveness i have him roll
>rolls a 1
>the bedroll is now on fire roll a reflex save
>botches.
>fighter catches fire taking 6 damage
>"i throw the bedroll away from the party"
>roll to make sure you dont hit anyone
>rolls 1
>odds for the cleric evens for the wizard
>rolls a 2
>the bedroll lands on the cleric setting him on fire.
>wizard uses magehand to lift the bedroll off the cleric
>roll for concentration.
>Critical fumble
>the bedroll flies off the cleric onto you

mfw I tpk the party with a torch

>Friend of mine is playing a big ass shardmind
>Group goes to the pet shop to see the owner about a quest
>Everyone else is wants to talk to the owner
>Owner is this young girls, very cheery and upbeat, always smiling
>Shardmind keeps chanting "I want to pet the kitties! I want to pet the kitties!"
>I make him roll Dex or Strength (I forget which)
>Nat 1
>Crushes a kitten to death with his massive crystalline fist
>Kitten blood, guts and fur fly everywhere
>Some of it gets into the shop keepers mouth
>Poor girl immediately drops to the floor in tears
>Shardmind tries to apologize but before that can happen, the shop keeps granddad busts in the room from the back
>This fucker is STACKED for an old dude
>Punches the shard mind straight through the door
>Street fight ensues
>Cleric of the team learns that granddad is only mad about money loss
>She offers him most of her money to compensate and to stop beating the shard out of the shard mind
>they all go back inside where the succubus on our team, of all people, is consoling the poor girl

>>36769174

seriously, what.

>>36769480
i ended up having a high level cleric come by and resurrect them all cause i felt sorry for them and didnt plan them all to die

>>36769592
how did they take this sequence of derp?

>>36769622
they could not stop laughing about it. Now one of them tries to build the lulsiest characters possible. giant rouges, halfling midget barbarians, chickenmancers etc

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>>36769174
Holy shit

>>36769174

I was the rogue in this session, he actually isn't making this up.

>>36765547
>>36766811
Diplomacy skill chart drops the target's attitude towards you if you REALLY suck at it.

This call is dependable... depending on details

>>36769174
Maybe you should stop being such a shit DM

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>>36770201
Sounds like a great GM to me

>>36770201
>The players had fun

I can't imagine a worse thing for a DM to let happen.

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>L5R game
>ONI IN THE MARKETPLACE
>mind-controlled thralls trying to drag people off the barricades set up around the marketplace
>cool, I can handle this, I've got a 6k3 grapple roll.
>I'll grapple first round, then second round, hip-toss the dude into the guards behind me so they can safely isolate and subdue!
>guard beats my roll becuase lolstrength
>get dragged off the barricade into HIS mob instead

>>36767388
Then you weren't playing EotE. It would be a 1 on a d12 your gm would have upgraded from a d8 for you to get the despair.

>be playing 3.x. with gm using triple 20/triple one rules
>joining session late with a new character
>GM reads over backstory with a shit-eating grin on his face

"so Anon, your parents were dragonslayers right? Well as your character is traveling down the well worn road you see a cart being attacked by a dragon!"

>draws weapon and charges forward with a heroic battlecry.
>gets up to the dragon, first swing natural one
>Oh Shit.
>GM smiles "Roll it again anon."
>Natural one again.
>"You know what happens if you roll another one right anon?"
>I roll one last time praying my dice don't want to set a kill record for the group.
>Dice:1 Prayers:0.

The GM then starts describing how the dragon grabs my character by the head and throws him about like a fucking rag-doll...but this isn't the end.

LATER
>Write up a new character, Alchemist
>Be NG.
>Man actively beating a small child about the street with a cane.
>Fisticuffs Engage.
>Approach the man, declare fisticuffs.
>First swing, Nat one.
>At this time everyone at the table is laughing and dogging about how there is no way it could statistically happen again.
>Roll Two: Nat one
>Everyone is flipping out.
>Roll Three, the die gets stuck tilted between where we had shoved two folding tables together.
>Pick up die and pray again to the gods and roll the die.
>Don't look, just hear the other players go batshit.
>GM says that my punch was aimed wrong, pulling the pin on some alchemical ingredients causing an explosion that wiped out the equivalent of several buildings.
>"Well, Anon, at least you killed the Child-beater...and the child...and yourself.

that was the day we stopped using the triple-20/triple-1 houserule.

>>36771767
you're shitting me

>d&d
>The party Psion and the Sorcerer's familiar are guarding the airship cargo bay
>Suddenly an assassin!
>Everyone proceeds to roll 1's and 2's the entire fight
>The psion fails his touch attack and blow out a support pillar
>The assassin moves in to stab and fumbles. dropping his dagger
>The familiar (a frog) leaps and smacks into another pillar
>Psion goes to tackle, plows into a bunch of crates and barrels
>The assassin attempts to throw a barrel, loses his grip, it hits himself on the head
>They both take a turn to get into a better position and trip, plowing into each other head first
>The Familiar attempts a touch attack and hits the Psion
>The assassin attempts a tackle and plows into a support pillar and knocks himself unconscious
>He falls on the familiar, killing it.
>the familiar has some "explode on death" ability. It explodes killing the assassin.
>The explosion knocks the Psion through a support pillar, knocking him unconscious.
>a portion of the deck above collapses due to the damaged pillars.
>Parts of the airship are now structurally unsound and requires time consuming repair
>Everyone involved in this catastrophe was over level 15.

>>36771767
I played with some people who used the double 1 or 20 rule in combat a while back.

If you rolled two ones, crit fail and you kill yourself.

If you roll double 20's, you auto killed whatever you were attacking.

7 characters. I quit after killing myself 7 fucking times.

>>36771767

Well, at least there's one less child-beater out there

>>36771932

>double 20's auto kills

did that apply to end game bosses?

>Over the hill comes a Gargantuan Hell-Beast
>roll to hit
>20
>next turn
>roll to hit
>20
>your two whacks with a longsword have felled the beast, even though you only did like 50 damamge

>Playing Star Wars D6 as the gambling, cocky-as-fuck, face of the party.
>We all start off in an Imperial Prison.
>Power goes out temporarily and we manage to escape.
>Successfully manage to sit aside and do nothing while the rest of the party stealthily handles the few guards posted on the level.
>Eventually guards on another level try to radio the people we just took out a few minutes ago.
>Say, "Don't worry guys, I've got this.", and try to pull a Han Solo.
>End up completely failing to impersonate the guard, to the point they instantly know somethings up.
>Shit-ton of guards immediately appear and engage in a firefight with us.
>Manage to kill most of them, we all take heavy casualties. Well, except my character, who instantly begged for mercy and forgiveness after being cornered by two of them.
>Try to talk down the last remaining guards trying to keep the firefight going.
>Just piss them off, to the point they nearly kill me in a barrage of gun fire.
The entire campaign was notable purely because everytime I tried to talk enemies down, I ended up spending the rest of the ensuing fight crawling around bleeding to death.

Not so much Nat 1 fails, more like pointless Nat 20 wins

>party is in bar
>fighter rolls to seduce barmaid
>20
>takes her in back room for sweet fucking
>rolls for how good the sex is
>20
>DM describes it as "the god of love literally possesses your body and fucks the barmaid's soul out of her body and into the heavens, where she joins the Pantheon as Gretchen, Goddess of Barmaids."
>fucker never rolls higher than a 7 on our next 3 fights

>>36772001
Everything and everyone.

All players had to roll in a box in the middle of the table but not the dm.

I had no problem with the players doing it but when the dm is auto killing one character a combat to keep us having to fund resurrection or kill you for asking questions and us not seeing it rolled gets old pretty quick.

>Playing through the Second Darkness campaign
>In the Winter Council's keep, in one of the upper towers, a demon army is massed outside and only held out by some McGuffin.
>Accordingly, my character recently received an enchanted Cold Iron weapon
>First fight, first time using that new weapon, I win initiative, roll a 1
>Crit-fail card: Throw your weapon 1d6 squares in a random direction
>6 Squares
>Direction: Out the window

Never saw that sword again. Here's hoping it fell on some demon's head down there.

>>36767415
This is how crit fail skill checks should be.

Due to several critical failures on my part, my druid character ended up stuck in bear form as his default. This is just the beginning.

As our campaign goes along, we bring in a buddy who lives out of town and is visiting for a few nights, and he is handed a pre-made Half-Orc Barbarian character, who is so notorious for his hairy legs that his nickname is Fuzzypants. Me and him hit it off really well, and he takes a liking to my incredibly shy and naive little druid/bear. My character is a cloud cuckoo lander more or less, and has never had alcohol before. I critical fail on a save against attempts to get me to drink for the first time, leading to a round of binge drinking in human form before my wildshape time runs out and I revert to bear form, costing me 10 gold when I drunkenly buy the bar a round.

I woke up the next day, as a bear, snuggled up to Fuzzypants and wearing a rope lead that he is holding on to. The GM informs me off-handedly to add 20 gold to my sheet. I quizically look at him, and he is silent for a moment before revealing that Fuzzypants made tons of money by showing off the drunken bear for laughs, knowing that I wouldn't hurt anyone, and then took me back to the inn, where I lost my virginity to him.

Now everytime I hear from this guy I find a way to drop the phrase "Balls deep in a bear."

>>36772441
>Parading around a drunken bear for shits and giggles

Please continue!

>>36767418
KEK

>>36772441

>fucking a drunk bear after using it to make money

this guy is my hero

>party bardy is giving a rousing speech to a tribe of kobolds, trying to turn them against local dragon & the dickass dragon shaman who rules their tribe
>spoony bard rolls a 1
>mis-applies human gender concepts to kobold society
>accidentally uses insulting pronouns
>we're qligor and k'reeve, not adam and steve, you anthropocentric oppressors!

>playing a swashbuckler
>party is in a demonic/devilish arena
>roll to attack enemy
>natural 1
>roll to not fumble
>natural 1
>DM tells me to roll again
>natural 1
>critically impale myself on my own rapier
>still alive
>"With the rapier still stuck inside me, I take a bow."
>roll Performance to impress
>natural 20

We got some pretty good loot as a reward for that.

>group pauses the game for ten minutes looking up rules before finally adjudicating that I cannot declare Dodge against myself

>party trying to snoop on hired thugs guarding a warehouse and I don't fully understand the rules so they get caught in seconds
>party muscle cyborg cleaves through a good 9 goons armed with fully automatic weapons with his axe
>goon fires a shotgun slug into him
>rolls badly
>really badly
>muscle cyborg is on the ground bleeding out, rest of the party is so slow and soft the last two guys are probably going to gank them without to much trouble
>party rogue rolls to slash at the shotgun goon with their katana
>goon fails their dodge roll, crit fails their soak roll
>rogue decapitates the goon in one hit, last guy surrenders

They got very lucky that game. I wish I'd read the hacking rules more closely, there were some fun surprises inside for them if they weren't caught before they even made it inside.

>shoot own foot with poisoned arrow
>two pirate ships fighting
>want to jump from one ship to the other
>roll a 1
>run and build up momentum and jump straight into the water

>>36765299
>critical fails on simple tasks
>rolls for real simple tasks
Ahit DM

>>36774446
A hit GM indeed, anon.

A hit GM indeed.

>>36774446
As long as everyone agrees to having crit fumbles or not have them in a game it shouldn't really matter or reflect on the DM.

Besides can you jump onto top of a chest high boulder from a dead stop in the middle of combat? Cause i once broke my foot standing still

>>36764433
It wasn't D&D so it wasn't natural one, but the system has two levels of fumbles and my character has had a few interesting ones.

Fumbled dodge attempt on a bridge, PC took a spear to the chest AND got knocked off the bridge. PC spent the rest of that session failing in his swimming tests (even after he managed to pull off his armour with a criticall success) and nearly drowning.

Then the next battle... Both of the combatants were already heavily injured and had horrible wound penalties making things harder but unfortunately PC was the first to roll a catastrophic fumble. When trying to swing his battleaxe at the opponent he missed, spun around and his axe got thrown away... Then he got a sword in the back since the opponent got a free attack. Luckily the other PCs were able to find him lying in the mud after the battle and just barely managed to keep him alive.

>absolute first time I had ever played a tabletop RPG
>players consisted of my cousin, his friend, the GM's 10 year old son and myself
>we were playing 3/3.5 in the Warhammer Fantasy setting
>I was a Battleaxe Fighter, cousin was a Paladin of Sigmar, his friend was a Cleric of Sigmar and finally the kid was a bard

>all of us were in a tavern WHEN SUDDENLY GOBLINS ATTACKED
>the Paladin and I leaped out of the tavern like it was on fire to kill some goblins
>both of us find our own group of goblins and begin fighting
>I take a swing
>20
>confirm crit
>20
>confirm crit
>18
>by the way did I mention I had cleave
>GM says I swung my axe so hard that the first goblin was nothing more than a some red mist
>I hit the second one so hard that I end up cutting his head horizontally in half
>my axe gets stuck in the head of a third goblin for a moment, but I manage to get it unstuck
>there are no more goblins around me so I go off to help the Paladin and Cleric

So far I've only played one session of 5e and the first session of combat went like this
>we're getting our ass kicked by four goblins (four PCs in the party)
>ray of sickness rolls 20 and max damage
>goblin explodes into pus and blood, covering the goblin beside him
>roll 20 on intimidate to get them to surrender
>remaining goblins shit themselves in fear and don't argue when killed one by one

And then
>dwarf rols crit 20 on throwing a hammer at a goblin
>Thor's the hammer into the goblins face, embedding him into the stone face behind him

Bard tries to use diplomacy to scare the bandits into surrendering. *Crit fail* The bandits now believe they have no other choice than to fight to the last man...

>>36770012
yeah there are a few skills where it matters but for the most part its just 1+modifier to work out your score

and even then those are usually only if you fail if your modifier is high enough to pass anyway you usualy get away with it

>>36766680
not really that sentence made no sense to me

>>36772282
i cant support crit fails but a failed check should indeed be like that

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>>36764433
Oh boy, do I have a good one:
>in D&D group
>fighter got super op armor from mistake on DM's part
>DM tries to fix mistake by casting 'lay bare' type spell on fighter
>fighter: "so, am I completely naked?"
>DM: "yeah"
>fighter: "I start jacking off while looking the BBEG
>u wot m8
>fighter: "it's a distraction technique"
>DM: "roll a grapple check on your penis"
>fighter rolls because he's surprised the DM let him get away with this
>it's a one
>DM: "You fail to jack off, and in trying to, you accidentally rip your penis off. You take... *rolls dice* 8 damage, and 4 bleed damage for the next 3 rounds.
>everyone but fighter laughing hysterically, who is just giggling
>end game on that high note

>>36767235
>The GM used it as a justification to kill a plot important NPC, a sort of shepherd of the lost who had helped us for a while. Dude was a bro, and the GM had him die like a dog over a single bad roll.
This is not objectively bad unless it really served absolutely no purpose.
If it was "evil dude has just stabbed him through the chest with a fucking lance and he's making a fortitude save to avoid drowning on his own blood, crit-fails and gives the entire party a reason to hate evil guy", then that's just fine.

>>36772001
This is actually an official rule in 3.5
When you roll to hit, you get a crit on a 20. But, you need to do a 2nd roll to hit to ensure that it is a critical hit. If you get a 20 on that, you get a 3rd roll. If you just hit on that, you instakill it. No matter what the weapon.
>Long live monk Ra-En-Gee! He felled the Tarrsaque with an insanely lucky shuriken!

>>36775774
maybe a variant somewhere but i dont think thats core

>>36775799
I'm not entirely certain about the third roll, but he's right about the roll to confirm.

>>36775708
...I've seen this one before.

>>36775805
oh yeah the roll to confirm is core

>>36764433
>EotW.
>Group tries to build droid.
>Roll successful, but full of Threat.
>Droid's name is R2FU.
>Is a dick to party for rest of campaign.

>>36764433
>Playing with critfails on skill checks
>Probably playing with critsuccesses too

>>36772143
Doesn't matter, he hit the important roll.

>>36764433
>Be half dragon
>Fighting a necromancer and a bunch of zombies
>Fighting ogre zombie
>Roll to claw it
>Nat 1
>Accidentially fondle its groin instead

>D20 future, session 1
>Infiltrating a base
>Rubble on the ground
>balance of 10 required to move at normal speed
>Nat 1, fall prone
>Before i can get up, resident "that guy" pulls the pin on four fusion grenades
>stuffs them into robot sentry
>ensuing explosion vaporizes entire party >except one guy who was outside the blast radius.
>The realization washes over that I was spared by a crit fail.
>Lay down my rifle and walk away.
>character becomes NPC running flower shop

>>36775853
>hating fun

>>36770644

Because it's so much fun to gear up for an adventure of high fantasy and quests only to die because of shitty luck and GM fiat.

Fluff out shit however you like but don't give it actual consequences just because YOU think that it'd be funny.

>Party walking along road
>Suddenly baby green dragon
>Fuck dragons
>Dragon still unaware of the party as we all draw ranged weapons to ambush it
>Nobody rolls higher than a 5
>Half fey rolls a nat 1, shooting herself in the foot and nearly killing herself due to iron vulnerability
>Baby dragon breathes acid at us and flies off

>ITT: Shit GMs and a lies

Why do you people continue to make threads like this?

>>36777542

It's only bad GMing if the players don't enjoy it.

If it's a GM pulling bullshit and screwing people over, he's an asshole.

If the entire group is rolling with laughter and totally into it, then it's good GMing.

Context is everything.

I remember there was this evil vampire lord sitting in his throne in a room with a giant ass stainglass window. He gave us a little monologue and I tried to pull a Conan and cut him off mid sentence and whip the holy avenger I had across the room into his chest. My DM did the "you sure?" thing and I just responded with "yeah I know I probably need a 20 to get this off but I gotta try, how bad ass would it be to impale him mid monolouge with a holy sword and just wreck his shit as he dies skewered to his throne."

So I rolled......1.

I limply threw the side way off to the side and it clanged away and my party looked at me like a little girl trying to underhand throw a softball.

And I said "FUCK, GOD DAMNIT, HEY THANKS GOD, LETS ROLL A GOD HATES ME CHECK!"

and I rolled..........20

I was all kinds of mad.

This 1 - 20 thing is just bullshit.

Everytime you do something you should roll the die.
For example: you want to eat a banana, every number you roll is ok;
you roll 1: omfg the banana take life and strangulate you
you roll 20: the banana grants you a unlimited wish.

This is not how thing should work in a "realistic" fantasy setting, unless it's a very crazy specific universe of course.

>>36778190
Except that you wouldn't roll to represent eating a banana. You'd roll to represent something that requires skill, effort, and/or time investment. It's why you don't have to make walking checks constantly.

So, your analogy is shit, your complaint is moot, and you're whining instead of contributing.

>>36777556
>It's only bad GMing if the players don't enjoy it.
Its no rape if victim enjoying it?

>>36778217
define 'enjoying'

involuntary physical response to stimuli 'boners, orgasms) =/= actually enjoying it.

>Rolling to see when rage wears off
>Roll a 1 instantly
>Orc Barbarian rerolls to Orc Monk, after reaching Zen Enlightenment with himself.

>be playing one-shot over internet with chat friends
>our group fully embraces the non-continuity of one-shots and gleefully goes batshit
>session ends with the one capable of flight tossed off a balcony into a river at the bottom of a canyon by the local militia
>another one goes aces a stealth roll, I declare he loses himself because I don't want him to try to rape the princess again
>the last one goes full autist and attacks a count because the count attacked him for coming into his house to read his books

>>36777603
You didn't realize your god wasn't a fan of people interrupting others when they're saying something important?

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>>36778244

>>36778214
Well since apparently 1 is critical failure, 20 is critical success., you should roll even on walk checks.

Let me put it another way, let's say you are strongly encumbered, now just to simply walk you need to roll, usually you don't because it would be an automatic success, but now you do.
The we introduce the rule that rolling 1 is just a failure, no matter what, you now have to roll even if you are not encumbered.

Eating a banana can require a survival check with DC 3, sleeping can require a CON check with DC 2 for all it matters, that's why you don't roll constantly for such things.
But if we assume 1 is critical failure then you have to roll for anything because now you have this 5% probability of just failing. And another 5% of just becoming a god.

It's stupid.
I think rolling a 1 should mean having a -5 penality and rolling a 20 should mean something like 25 or so.

>>36778318
I play with a group that plays a homebrew made for websites where each post has a number. They would regularly count each and every post as a roll, so things like walking to a destination would get a 1 or 2 and fail horribly. They stopped this before I joined, though.
Another thing that they would do is wait for the board's post number to get higher into success territory before posting, ensuring regular high rolls. That changed when we got a dice script.

>>36778342
check em XD

>I roll to punch the door open
>Roll a 1
>Injure self.
>Monster on other side of the door busts through and crits me, drops me to 0 and dying

Literally happened twice in the campaign so far. I've stopped punching doors open from then on(usually).

A Nat 20 case...

>Ok, everyone roll Perception
>Nat 20
>Fuck! Ok, you see some ninjas dragging a guy from your ship.
>We give chase "STOP THERE THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!"
>"S-stay back or we'll k-kill the hostag-."
>"HOLDING A HOSTAGE? THAT'S NOT JUSTICE! RIDEEEER KICK!"
>Fight ensues
>Opening Rider Kick nearly flat-out kills one of the bad guys. He's finished off quickly. Start punching other bad guys to death.
>One surrenders. I fly over to him. "COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE."
>Roll 1 on check to take his hand, he slips off the boat into the water.
>Try again next round.
>RECONFIGURE, JUSTICE SPEED MODE
>Fly 700 feet into the air.
>Drop bad guy
>Later interrogate the other guy we captured next to the crater. DM gives us bonuses to intimidate.
>Hostage dies, was one of our resident smart guys. We reincarnate him.
>Roll 1: Bugbear
>We have Beast as an NPC now

>>36772441

That's pretty much the exact opposite of what happened to my bear character in a modern-set DND campaign, in a small solo adventure he ended up killing in one of the underground bars.

Caused a huge traffic accident too.

luckily for him, him and his friends were fucking loaded.

I once turned a treat wound test into a coup de grace by rolling a 1

>>36765299
So anytime you tried jumping in real life you have a 5% chance of horribly crippling yourself or permanently disfiguring your face?

>>36780984
Not to be a stick in the mud, but there's a difference between just jumping onto/off a boulder, and jumping onto/off a boulder with soem hobgoblins actively trying to murder you.

The breaking legs when jumping off was dumb though. The fight was over and the DM should've just assumed he was taking a 10 on that check.

>Playing Meat tank fighter
>roll crib fail while trying to stab a skeleton, succeed in impaling myself
>insane fort save, brush it off
>wiaboo cleric rolls a crit fail next turn while trying to hit a different skeleton, accidentally losing his grip on glorious Nippon steel
>DM asks him to roll 2 D10s to see where the word goes
>impales me again
>Cleric laughs at me
>pull the katana out of my chest wound and proceed to kill skeletons with his sword

>roll to inspect statue
>1
>hit head against statue and get knocked out

>Home-brew setting game using Game of Thrones D20 ruleset
>Party is searching this godawful swamp/jungle
>decide to set up camp for the night
>middle of the night a bunch of assassins attack us, luckily they suck at move silently rolls
>Combat is going pretty well for everyone but our hunter/noble PC
>keeps missing the assassin he's fighting until he rolls a nat 1 and all hell breaks loose
>GoT D20 has a "defect" system where your character can take various defects (i.e. debauched, deformed, etc.) with various levels of each defect for bonus skill points or even feats
>our noble has max level Blind Fury, causing him to fly into a rage if he rolls crib fails in stressful situations, i.e. combat
>fails his will save, begins to try and club the assassin to death with his crossbow.
>every turn he rolls another crit fail on his will save, driving him further into a rage
>the assassin, unnerved by her opponent frothing at the mouth and screaming about elk, notices that her companions are all dead and books it off into the jungle, with the noble following close behind
>My raider chases after them, because there's goddamn tigers out there
>when I catch up he's beating the assassin to death with his bare hands. I attempt to sneak up behind him and knock him out, but fail my Move Silently and step on a twig
>The noble attempts to draw his swords and strike me down, only to roll another fucking crib fail. The DM decides that the strain causes him to pass out.
>I tie him up and drag him back to camp.

>>36766811
You mean the one that enjoys fun and plays with people who also enjoy fun?

>>36775805
>>36775799
No it's core
You can find it in the DM guide

>>36769382
>fifth to last one
You sick fuck, I hope you get banned for posting this vile gore.

Had a great one recently where the DM kept rolling 1s
>Grappling a mercenary captain, he attempts to gain control of the grapple
>crit. fails and I hoist him over my head and then hurl him into a tree
>his pet Cave Lion, seeing that he's clear, pounces from the shadows and attempts to tear me apart
>I get a nat 20 on a grapple check and begin strangling it
>a couple rounds later, I'm still alive and the Lion's having a bad time of it, the rest of the party has it surrounded and are trying to stab it to death (and failing)
>it panics and decides to try and withdraw
>rolls a crit fail on its oppose grapple, I wrench it back into place with terror-fueler strength
I'm gonna turn that damn thing into a good-luck charm.

>>36769692
>Chickenmancer
This pleases me. Elaborate

>>36770201
Here's your response, tryhard. Now fuck off

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Have one about my friend in a FantasyCraft campaign
>He plays Barbarian
>Brand new great sword, ready to smash something
>Get into combat, first turn swing, roll 1
>Loses grip of sword and throws it a block away lodging it into a wall
>MFW

I got styled on by a kobold recently. First twenty minutes of the game, and I should have been dead from the triple-20 roll. At least the GM was laughing too hard to kill me off. I then proceeded to axe myself in the foot with a 1.

>>36764866
A game in the fallen london setting sounds amazing.

>>36783619
Friend of mine had a similar situation
>Party Fighter
>gets a Vorpal Greatsword after looting the dungeon in the last session
>Next session steps up to use it combat
>rolls a crit fail
>slices off a foot

>>36778217
It's not rape if you both consentualy agree to it before hand, unless you are dumb enough to date feminazis

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I've been waiting for this thead.

>First D&D game I ever played, 3.5e
>DM made us clear a dungeon of kobolds
>we ended up tying up one of the guards outside and interrogating him
>one of our party bards rolls to seduce
>2
>the other bard rolls to seduce
>natural 20
>him and the kobold fall deeply in love and immediately elope to the nearby bushes to have the best sweet lizard sex of their lives, which our DM described in graphic detail
>the next day we enter the dungeon
>the kobold, dubbed "Lizardbutt" leads us into the dungeon but conveniently forgets about a spiked pitfall trap in the dungeon
>he falls in and dies
>we_must_carry_on_for_his_sake.jpg
>later in the dungeon I find a bunch of dire badgers in cages
>I free them and become their god
>then I sacrifice two of them to my god to bring Lizardbutt back
>unfortunately, I forgot to take his body out of the spikes trap before reviving him
>he dies again
>our bard is stricken with grief over the loss of his lover
>MFW

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>>36787448
>unfortunately, I forgot to take his body out of the spikes trap before reviving him
That's a pretty PC moment.

>>36766811

Let me put it this way. Yes, I'm implementing fucking crit fails on 1s. Because the Paladin has a +36 to his diplomacy score.

>>36788163
Why not just make it an auto-fail? And make 20 an auto-pass?

>>36767235
Must be playing Paranoia.

>>36778237
Involuntary laughter =/= actually enjoying it?

This analogy sucks.

Someone archive this, this is great stuff.

>>36788382
__________________Fun________________

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>>36791787
KEKEST OF KEKS OH MY LORD!

>Player: "Fuck it, we'll tell em we're the Menzoberranzan Building Inspection Committee."
>DM: "...roll Bluff."
>Nat 1
>Player: "Shit. Well, I meant to say we're building inspectors, but I guess it comes out wrong because I yell 'WE'RE HERE TO KILL EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING!'"
>takes five minutes for us to pull ourselves together enough to continue

Every campaign since then has had us attempt to gain access to a building while pretending to be building inspectors. It almost never works

>>36791787
>no sense of right and wrong

>DMing Dark Heresy
>Players are in a shootout in an apartment
>Player rolls his pinning fear check
>100
>For funsies make him roll on the fear table
>100
>By the end of the combat he has gained 5 insanity points, lost a fate point, and almost killed the psyker
It was against 5 cultists with las pistols.

Crit-fails/successes on skill checks are one of those things DMs thing are HILAAAARIOUS but are actually extremely tiresome.

They also completely break the logic of skill checks in the first place, outside of very early levels where 1 is likely to fail anyway. Most skill checks are adjustable DCs set to match the difficulty of the task, with the capacity for auto-success or impossible check assumed as part of the system.

Things that don't work with crit fail/success on skill check:

Acrobatics (Failure to jump 1 foot, or success at jumping to the moon)
Ride (need to make DC 5 check to stay on horse when hit in combat)
Climb/Swim (should be pretty obvious, makes it almost impossible to, for example, swim more than a few laps without drowning)
Perception (technically noticing any enemy is a perception check, but the DC is normally in the negatives if they aren't hiding so you would only roll if in severe weather or blinded etc. This means you have a flat 5% chance to not see someone 1 foot away every 6 seconds, or notice the battle you are currently engaged in).

I could continue for a while. Autofail/success on skill check is a sure sign of a novice DM and/or one who hasn't played past early levels.

Not to say you can't still have fun with a novice DM of course... but, this isn't a very good justification for the same reason DMPCs are awful.

>>36781511

Page number please. You're full of shit.

This is the story of the exploding Aston Martin

>GMing 1950's Call of Cthulhu
>Last week everyone except the photographer died in the "Old Dog Massacre"
>A player rolls up a spy with good appearance
>Gives him an Aston Martin for full Bond experience
>Party is investigating weird occurrences in a small town
>Newfangled TVs are driving people insane.
>Party finds the cult leader
>Leaves TV trap
>Preacher (previously Olddog) fails his SAN check
>Sees Azathoth's court
>Loses 95 Sanity in one roll
>glorious karma
>Cultist is escaping with the TVs
>Epic car chase ensues
>Overtakes cultist and kills him
>Cultist's foot is still on pedal
>Asks driver to roll to evade
>rolls a 00
>Doesn't want another massacre after last week
>Car stops teetering over the edge of an overlook
>Soldier wants the TVs, declares he is getting out of the precariously perched car
>everyone glares
>Soldier fails DEX check
>Aston Martin starts to fall
>everyone except the soldier pass checks to jump out
>Car tumbling down hillside
>In CoC when cars tumble, there's a 10% chance of outright explosion
>Guess what fucking happens
>Soldier incinerates in a fiery inferno
>half the party either dead, has several broken bones, or is downright insane
>just another session in the campaign of carnage

>>36778318
Except according to the actual rules you can't fail skill checks, which makes most of these threads just terrible.

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>>36792536
I'm not that guy, but here you go. Page 140

>>36793248

>Status:
>[ ] Told
>[ ] Not Told
>[x] Knights of the Told Republic

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>>36793248
By the way that one was from Player's Handbook


This one is from the DM's guide

>>36767415
Massively underrated post, I'm picturing an Oglaf comic

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>>36793282
And this is the one specially about the Variant rule, which is the one mostly in question.

>>36793275
I'm getting around to it, jeez. I'm just covering all the bases. Since people were listing 1's as super fails earlier I figured I'd just post the things on fumbles and crits.

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>>36792975

>Erry CoC game ever

>>36765547
I only did it once. When my player rolled a 1 with a -2 to a skill. He got a total of negative 1 and so failed at a "trivial" level task. This includes forming coherent not abusive sentences.

>>36793335

You have no idea, at least 2-4 people died each week in that game. Interestingly, the photographer never died till the finale.

Other fun stories if you want to hear them include:

-The Olddog Massacre
-Never get on the boat
-The King in Yellow 3D!!

>>36769382
>all these shit dices
holy fuck have you people any taste?!

> you see a suspicious mark in the wall across the shithole
> roll to search
> fumble
>rogue slips and nearly dives head first in century old shit
> warrior reflexively saves her
>wizard goes"lemme show ya how it’s dun"
> fumble
> monk saves from feces bath
> wizard destroys the wall out of frustration and reveals a secret hallway
>"just as planned"

>>36783175
1) Mage w/telekinesis or druid.

2) Use starting gold to buy 1 bag of holding, and as many chickens as possible.

3) Kill enemies with chickens.

>rogue has to open a really simple trapdoor
>rolls 1
>rolls1 again
>rolls 1 a third time
>DM rules out he menage to hurt his cheek and has a permanent scar
>finally menage to roll a 4 and open that damn shit
>he ends up dying to the final boss, a warmage lvl 12 guarded by few demons, shooting every damn thing,possible empowered, at a party of poor lvl 7 fucks.

>>36793987
Imagine that combined with the bag of shit combo.

>>36795723
The forbidden art of Cropomancy!

>>36791787
Fucking. Wizards.

Playing D&d 3.5 with a new group
> everyone is new except me and the DM
> DM trys to make rules as simple as possible, just to make stuff easier to explain (1=crit fail 20=crit etc)
> party is A human paladin (who showed up late) a half-elf cleric, a half-orc babarian and a warforge babarian (me)
>DM starts us off in an arena
>" there is roughly 10 malnourished orcs on the other side with shitty weapons"
> My warforge is massive (8ft, 400lbs) and for shits and giggles the DM lets me use great swords and wot not as one handed weapons
start of combat
>New guys are trying to sneak up on the orcs
>I lob one of my great swords at the orcs and charge in,
> roll a 24 (after modifiers) for throwing the sword, hitting one of the orcs right between the eyes,
>imagine a bigger version of alphonse from FMA become a whirlwind of great sword strikes
> skip turns in combat, Our paladin shows up late
> DM says he is behind on of the gates to the arena (by gate he meant a solid brick door or some shit)
> last ork is now wedged on the end of one of my great swords, i lob it at the gate
Due to the weapons size the DM makes me roll a strength test before hand (i forgot to memtion thst the first time)
>solid 20s on all rolls before the modifiers
>The wall is crushed instantly,
> our paladin then has to take saves for the apparently still airborn orc on a stick
> all ones
> the party had human for diner that night

>>36777445
>You're having fun all wrong!

>Cyberpunk 2020
>We get dropped in the boonies to investigate why whole town went missing
>Getting through a overgrown field
>I botch a throw and fell down an old well
>Another throw, turns out I broke my legs
>10 meters underground, well is connected to some tunnels
>Party considers what to do with me
>Suddenly horrible mutants noises, I try to shoot them, but there's too many of them
>Party can't get down fast enough
>They can hear my horrible screams and chewing noises
>They consider throwing down a granade, but apparently they don't have too many of them
>At least they know what happened to the towns people
T-thanks guys

>>36767680
>Similiar situation in CoC
>Rich guy wants us to save his daughter from some asshole cutist
>Long story short, investigator finds her in a safehouse
>Cultist guy uses her as a human shield
>"Fear not, I've got 80% pistol!"
>Aims for cultist head
>Shoots girl's head instead
>She lives, but left side of her face is obliterated, almost dies anyway from bloodlost and shock
>Cultist on the other hand shoots detective in his eye
In the end we managed to save her, but neither her or her father were happy about the results

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>Party enters a dungeon room with a bunch of huge sharks swimming around and one HUGE shark threatening the water below.
>Everything goes normally until the platforms start to crumble because the party's idea of a clever strategy ended up with tearing some of the platforms down
>Bard decides he'll take one for the team and kill the Megalodon.
>He JUMPS INTO ITS MOUTH and tries to attack it.
>Nat 1
>Fumbles and flounders, basically giving the shark free food.
>Is unable to hurt the shark inside and drowns
>The Party eventually manages to kill the giant shark, but it's too late.
Note to adventurers. Leaping into a 20 foot shark is not inherently a good idea.
No. "Taking it out from the inside" is not a good idea either.

>>36800599
Should have thrown his instrument in and rolled for the strings constricting the intestines to kill it

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>>36800599
Vorephillia is one hell of a drug.