[ x] Scramble to turn on the light

>>36746401
[ ] Scramble to turn on the light

>>36746401
>[ ] Scramble to turn on the light

>>[ x ] Let's hold hands...
what could go wrong

>>36746401
>[X] Let's hold hands...
Do it! Do it!

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>>36746401
>[X] Let's hold hands...

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>>36746401
>[ x] Scramble to turn on the light

Wait... hands? THAT'S NOT RIGHT. WHAT'S THAT THING MOVING?

Dazed in your completed throes of pleasure, mixing in with a strange dread, the blanket flies off as you scramble to find the lights.

The flash paints everything so white, in a split second.

You examine the pillow. Something's off about that face, a bit dark.. a bit brown... well, the rubber hole's still wet, and so is mister cheeto, worn out and wet.

OH GOD NO.

AND IT'S LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU.

[ ] Smash it! GEDDITOFF!
[ ] Run!
[ ] Slipper, paper, anything!

>>36746577
>Scream like a fucking little girl

[x] Slipper, paper, anything!

Slipper, paper, anything!

Also, squeal like a little girl while doing so.

>>36746667
>>36746719

>Scream like a fucking little girl
[x] Slipper, paper, anything!

You feel your hands reach for something. Like holding hands, except with eight fingers...

AAAAAAHHH NOO GET IT OFFFFFFF!

You flail like a madman at the new sensation, and with a squish the fuzzy eight fingers becomes a dark smear on your palm. Eww.

Your reflexes jump and your hand wipes the smear off on your leg.

Double eww. You try to fix this and rub it off on the wall.

You don't care anymore, you grab the nearest hittable thing and go for the spider. On. Your. Bed.

Whack.

It scrambles.

[ ] Keep whacking
[ ] Shake out the pillow
[ ] No, shake down the WHOLE BED.

>>36746894
>[ ] No, shake down the WHOLE BED.

[x] No, shake down the WHOLE BED.

>>36746894

Light the bed on fire. Only way to be sure.

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>[x] No, shake down the WHOLE BED.
When suddenly, pic related.

>>36746894
One piece at a time gentlemen, chip away it's cover bit by bit.
[x] shake out the pillow

>>36746924
>[x] No, shake down the WHOLE BED.

Oh nonononono, it's trying to scramble for cover! Can't let it... crawl under the covers, find it quickly!

With a firm, confident grip, you grab the edges of your waifu pillow and pound. down. THE WHOLE BED. Don't worry, when this is all over, your waifu will understand, right?

The thunder and rumbling makes that damned spider scurry in and out, but it's not enough to get it out. No, you flap the blanket up and down, corner to corner. You swear you saw more than one speck fall out.

You grab the edges of the bed and heave-ho back and forth, and for good measure, you lift a corner and let it drop.

Thud.

More tiny specks fall out... and start scrambling everywhere.

[ ] Fuck fuck, get outta da room!
[ ] Dance, dance with the little devils in the reddening sunset!
[ ] Jump on the bed for high ground!

>>36747176
>[ ] Jump on the bed for high ground!
GET THE REVOLVER

>>36747176
>[ ] Dance, dance with the little devils in the reddening sunset!
Live a hero or die in glorious combat you cowards!

>>36747176
>Get the FUck out of here. Get some Gasoline and burn this shit down

>>36747196
>>36747219
>>36747234

I require a tiebreaker. If I don't get one in three minutes I'll roll dice among the three choices.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>36747309
>>36747196
SHOOTGUNS

>>36747176
>[ ] Dance, dance with the little devils in the reddening sunset!

>>36747309
>RUN

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>36747309
HONORABU BATORU

>>36747325
>[ ] Dance, dance with the little devils in the reddening sunset!

Tie broken.

>>36747428
BURN THE FUCKING HOUSE DOWN!

THE HOUSE HAS BEEN INVADED. . .

>>36747428
>>[X ] Dance, dance with the little devils in the reddening sunset!

Man, is the floor made of lava or what? More like, the floor is made of spiders right now and you can't decide between trying to dodge them or stamp them down.

Your feet come up and down like a flat-footed tapdance, all stampy. You swear you can feel spiders crawling up between your toes, and the squish of a few underfoot, but there's too many and they're too fast to all keep track of. All the while your moist, shrivelled cheeto is riding this dance like a rodeo.

It feels like you'll be swamped in spiders soon.

[ ] Find something downstairs!
[ ] Dance harder, find that big spider somewhere!
[ ] Grab the pillow to whack them too!

>>36747541
>[ ] Find something downstairs!
FLAMMENWERFER, WERF FLAMMEN AT THEM

>>36747541
Bug spray! something. run like a bitch.

>>36747541
>[ ] Find something downstairs!
We're clearly surrounded, best to make a strategic retreat and re-equip.

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>>36747572
Second

>>36747541
>[ X] Find something downstairs!
You throw the door wide open, reeling from red welts from spider-bites that miraculously, seemingly haven't killed you yet! Your legs race you down the corridor as fast as you can... and you see your doggy buddy's stuffed panda squeak-toy in the middle...

...wait, did he ever have a panda squeak-toy?

[ ] Pick it up, save it from the spiders! A safe spot downstairs! Guard it with a flamethrower!
[ ] Vault over it!
[ ] Too bad, it was a necessary loss underfoot.

[ ] Pick it up, save it from the spiders! A safe spot downstairs! Guard it with a flamethrower!

>>36747740
>[ ] Pick it up, save it from the spiders! A safe spot downstairs! Guard it with a flamethrower!

>>36747740
THE SPIDERS ARE TRYING TO BRIBE OUR DOG TO ATTACK US TOO.

THEY'VE BECOME INTELLIGENT. ARGH!

Calling it now, the panda is a spider.

>>36747740
>[ ] Vault over it!
A spider covered toy can be reclaimed. Treading it underfoot may damage it.

>>36747788
Oh god, it's an eggsac.

>>36747740
>[ ] Pick it up, save it from the spiders! A safe spot downstairs! Guard it with a flamethrower!

>>36747740
>[X] Vault over it!

>>36747847
>[X ] Pick it up, save it from the spiders! A safe spot downstairs! Guard it with a flamethrower!

Come on, my buddy's waiting for you! You think as you swipe its fuzzy hide off the floor. Seems a little off with the spots, but you get what you pay for with bargain discounts...Wait... it's still fuzzy in your hand, right?

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>>36748028
No wonder your hand felt funny when you swiped it.

WHAT DO?

[ ] CRUSH IT SO CRUNCHYLY HARD IN YOUR HAND, WITH SUCH ANGER TO KILL IT ALL AND ITS OFFSPRING
[ ] Get it off your hand! All of it!
[ ] Quick stop to the bathroom! Wash it off! Drown it and it's babies!

>>36748083
>[ ] Get it off your hand! All of it!
Don't fuck with momma

>>36748083
Crunch it. I bet the fuckers can swim.

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>36748083
Defaulting...choices in order.

>>36748330
[X] CRUSH IT SO CRUNCHYLY HARD IN YOUR HAND, WITH SUCH ANGER TO KILL IT ALL AND ITS OFFSPRING

Why, why did today have to suck so bad? Your anger at being cockblocked by spiders, and being fooled again with a momma spider... you just can't take it anymore.

In your hand, you clench the momma spider and its clutch of babies. You clench it so hard you can feel their bodies crunch and pop, their fluids spilling out between the cracks of your fingers. As you escape downstairs, your fingers waggle around to crush anything that escaped.

Though something might've bitten you back in the hand for that, they were dead. All dead.

As you clear the stairs you call out to your buddy, a German Shepherd of five months. You stop to check the path behind you, all clear, and nothing following. With your other hand you dust off anything trying to cling to your little buddy. Thankfully he isn't dead from being bitten.

The two of you hurry down to the kitchen, plus mister cheeto between your legs....

>brb, will prompt with next post.

>>36748497
The kitchen is dark all around, and the lights come on. At the edge of your vision do you see more things scurry away. This is where you make your stand.

Outside, the light of neighbors' houses illuminate the yard. You see the faint shapes of webbing strewn across, leading to to the tool shed. Perhaps their leader is there.

You wonder what must've brought this all on you. As you figure out a plan, you try to remember...

[ ] Throw open all the cabinet doors and drawers to the light, scour them hard and good.
[ ] Man your hand's still messy and sticky, time to rinse it off under the sink.
[ ] Brave the cabinet under the sink and get your bug spray, and a lighter. Flamethrower time!

[ ] Man your hand's still messy and sticky, time to rinse it off under the sink.


Spiders from the faucet? Spiders from the faucet.

>>36748805
>[ ] Man your hand's still messy and sticky, time to rinse it off under the sink.
This must be some crazy fever dream. Try to fly.

>>36748829
>[ X] Man your hand's still messy and sticky, time to rinse it off under the sink.

You wash your hand off the sticky spider-gunk you made of in the bedroom. So far, so good, and no spiders haven't dared to show up yet.

Man, you hate spiders, and boy do you hate them even more today, and hell yeah do you hate them when there's lots of spiders.

You wonder what brought this all on. Maybe it was making a dumb joke in front of that spider-god totem at that South American exhibit the other day.

If there are any spiders hiding, not having them in sight is the best thing --- you can take your time with them.

In a snap do you fish out a bug spray and a barbecue lighter -- you were always too scared about your fingertips getting burnt with matches. You heard that you could make a makeshift flamethrower with an aerosol and a lighter, and here it is in your hands.

What will you do?

[ ] Go upstairs and toast the damn spiders in your bedroom
[ ] Take the fight to the toolshed where the evil makes its nest
[ ] Stand your ground in the kitchen

>>36749310
Clean out the bedroom, save our waifu

>>36749310
>[X] Go upstairs and toast the damn spiders in your bedroom
Save the waifu, save the world.

>>36749310
>[ ] Take the fight to the toolshed where the evil makes its nest

I'm having distinct flashbacks to Anal Prolapse Quest.

>>36749447
>>36749464

>It looks like this vote wins out.

Butt naked and with a "Flamethrower" in both hands, you scream like a motherfucker whose mother got shot, a primal cry like you haven't cried before, harder than the cry of a dying horse.

You stop at the foot of the stairs and breathe deeply again.

That was tough, but that raised your spirits, although it took a bit out of you.

You storm up the stairs and bravely charge into your bedroom, and so does your shriveled mister cheeto, poised and pointed though worn out as he is.

Pressing down on the spray and clicking the barbecue lighter, your two-handed flamethrower roars to life!

Fwoom! Fwoom fwoom! The spiders scatter in fear at your angry flame. Some catch fire and are toasted in seconds, their juicy insides exploding from the sudden heat.

Other spiders are trampled underfoot as you make a wacky show of footwork and aiming prowess.

Whatever could possibly go wrong, with your flamethrower going wild and spiders everywhere? Forward, to victory!

[ ] Take back the room. Torch that big spider, stomp the rest
[ ] Throw your waifu down the stairs, torch everything.
[ ] Go back to your best impression of a drummer with whacky-sticks and stompyfeet.

>>36749809
> Go back to your best impression of a drummer with whacky-sticks and stompyfeet.

Why haven't we called the police?

>>36749809
Put some clothes on then drummer

>>36749809
>>36749896
stay naked then drummer

>>36749809
>[X] Go back to your best impression of a drummer with whacky-sticks and stompyfeet.

The rest was a haze. The whole room was upended in your panic at stomping every last bit of the spider menace. You tried to put on some clothes for dignity, but with spiders among your clothes, it was all for nothing.

After all, who would care if nobody saw you naked?

Covered in bug gore, and wracked out of your mind you head triumphantly down to plop your waifu onto a chair, safe and dusted off from any eight-legged terrors.

In the garden, you saw the many creeping shadows that menaced you.

In an unrelenting frenzy did the flamethrower go to work, as the toolshed's insides were toasted, spiderwebs charred to hell and back. Spiders on fire and panicking for their lives, scattered everywhere, spreading bits of the fire across the yard and to the neighbors. You caught up to some trying to make it to the house, but they were charred just in time...

...for the fire to spread.

What have you done? Grabbing your best buddy and your waifu, you bolt out the front door... only to be seen.

A shriek was heard amidst the commotion and the burning house. It was going to be a long night.

Not long after, word came out about a butt-naked arsonist violating his dog. But you knew the real story. The spiders, they came to destroy it all...

END

>>36750311
...huh.
So that's... Uh... That's a thing, I guess.

>Thanks for coming to this oneshot quest!

>At first I was deciding between this, Naked and Afraid Quest or Eaten Alive Quest, but this won out due to the feedback.

>Things as always could be better, but bulldozing through a oneshot has its own thrills. Hope to see you guys in future quests!