Kettle to the Plane of Elemental Ice

A simple blue clay kettle that houses a portal leading directly into the heart of the elemental plane of ice.

If shattered anyone within 30 ft is frozen solid, no save. anyone less than 60 ft away gets a save. If successful they become frosted, movement halved and penalties to attack rolls and AC as well as severe damage, a failed save results in being frozen solid as before. Anyone less than 90 ft must make a save or take minor damage from the cold.

After the initial effects of the shattering the portal will continue to pour ice out into it's surroundings until the portal is shut by an appropriate spell.

Opening the top of the kettle results in an icy gale erupting from inside and having the same effects described above, not affecting everything in a radius but acting similarly to a dragon's breath weapon spewing from the kettle's top.

If Knock or a similar spell is cast on the kettle, a small mist will spew from the kettle's spout and form a "safe" portal to the elemental plane of ice.

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The Book of Meat

A lasagna colored grimoire of devilish origins, in it a single spell to summon a primeval force of meat.

A 1st level spell caster or any similar person may cast this spell with the appropriate components.

-1/2 a ton of meat, any meat boar, deer, human etc
-A circle made of dust from an asteroid, the moon or any similar substance 10 ft in diameter.
(Very expensive, should be found in a very bad part of town and cost a hefty sum.)
-A live dog, pig or similar animal. Must be domesticated.
-A bloody butcher's knife

Once all the components have been assembled, if the ritual is followed the caster must set to work in a horrible manner cutting up meat and doing unspeakable things to the domesticated animal.

Once the ritual is complete and the magic words are spoken a terrible groan will erupt from what the caster has erected an abominable construct of solid meat stinking horribly and letting out low bestial rumblings with every shimmy of its 4 stub legs. Complete with a door, the hinges made of sinew and a full row of windows on each side. At her helm a meaty
captain's wheel and a gear shift.

This mighty bus of meat will move at the same speed as an elephant and has the same HD and AC, the bus is able to float in water and dive on command, if submerged it will provide its own air for up to 6 hours. If the bus is active and moving it will require a source of meat, about 20 lbs worth every 30 hours of travel. If worse comes to the worse the bus is edible and will keep a starving man alive but sour his mood considerably.

>>36682352
The Grimoire of Bard's Charisma, Major artifact.

This book automatically passes all Charisma checks.

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The Sword of Platitudes.

When challenged with moral quandary that requires a dice roll, upon success, those who use this blade find that they are far more deadly in ability to carry out their desires.

Increase damage dice and critical modifier by a factor of one per success made. This effect lasts until the end of combat.

>>36682352
>The Fire Distinguisher - When pointed at an object, tells you if it's Fire or not.
Well if it's just an illusion, then you can walk through it., which is nice to know. It can probably also tell the difference between just a fire and a fire elemental, so that's cool too.
>Amulet of Reverse Gravity - When used, it reverses the gravity of the Amulet, and it flies up to the sky
>wrap around fist
>activate for a moment
>SHORYUKEN

>The Black Amulet: Turns users skin permanently black as tar.
>Amulet of Water Breathing: Insantly fills users lungs with water
>Sword of the Cat: All bits severed with it turn into its own mass in angry housecats.

>cloak of immolation
It just sets you on fire

>>36682352
>chamber pot of endless waters- a chamber pot constantly overflowing with an endless spring of raw sewage

Porcelain Cat

An ominous midnight black house cat that feeds on schadenfreude. This cat will latch on to traveling groups wherever they might be. And will follow them cursing them with bad luck.

Whenever the PC's are in the midst of an important ordeal. The cat will turn the most crucial roll into a critical failure. Up to 3 times a day while watching from a safe distance.

The cat is intelligent and can detect surface thoughts of those up to 200 ft away. It also has
the ability to turn into a perfectly still porcelain statue of itself. The cat is immune to spells but
is somewhat fragile to physical attacks.

Each time the cat is successful in foiling the plans of the party it will appear before the party just out of reach, atop a lamp post or behind a shop's window as a statue and watch them with a sinister smile. Running if the PC's turn hostile. If the PC's do not destroy the cat after this happens the cat will become stronger, faster and more durable. As well as gain another critical failure it can inflict per day.

The cat once destroyed will plague the party no longer. The cat itself is somewhat lonely and is in dire need of some attention. If the PC's were to somehow befriend the cat it would be a powerful companion indeed.

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>Book of Unspeakable Horrors: A book that seems to be bound in the skin of an otherworldly monster. Inside is a truly terrible romance novel.

>Spyglass of Fate: when you look into the spyglass, it will show you exactly where you will be if you walk in the direction you were pointing it

>Cloak of Illusive Night: when you cover your body with this cloak, you think that you are invisible, when in fact you are not

>That One Ring: when you put on this ring, you are reminded of a ring of power, but you can't quite put your finger on which one

>Banjo of Summoning: When you play this instrument, it summons a guy who hates the banjo and tells you to knock it off

>Pistol of San Andreas: When you hold this pistol sideways, you look really cool.

>>36685862
China cat ruins lifes.

>Guitar crafted on the Plane of Elemental Metal - Nasty thunder damage per stroke.

>Ring of Destiny - The simple wooden ring slowly transforms the wearer into a tree over the course of 24 hours. If the transformation has completed, the ring's crafter is destined to come across the tree and recreate the Ring of Destiny.

Sword of righteous fury- this sword is just a normal longsword. The only odd thing is that it glows with a strong inner light and has a strange coruacating energy around the blade.


Basically its a sword with a fancy light show. Looks impressive.

>>36686664
>Youdon'tevenglow.jpg

>>36686664
I'll take two

>>36686518
So the ring of destiny turns its wearer into the next ring? How terrifying.

>>36686664
I'll take one for my king. The one true king of Westeros, Stannis Baratheon.

>>36682352
I made a power fist for one game

Powerfist
Magical Weapon
Very large and very heavy metal glove of unknown manufacture. When activated it crackles with energy.

When the wielder puts it on, the glove activates and adjusts to fit the wielder's hand. The glove itself weights a good (50lb or so), but when worn, it only exerts a fraction of this mass on the wielder. The glove is self powered via strong electric and force magics, creating an energy field which allows the weapon to tear through most materials like paper. The user can chose to deactivate the energy field while using the glove for normal activities, although not always recommended. It enhances the user's strength in that one hand while retaining fine control for sensitive movements, at least once accustomed to the weapon.

dmg = 1d6 + 1d6elec + 1d6force + 2xstr
Ignores Armour Bonus to AC
(2x str because as DM I always house rule 2 handed is 2xstr rather than 1.5x)
Unwieldy - Reduces number of attacks in a full round attack by 1 to a minimum of 1.

>>36687347
continued

can choose to double strength for other rolls and saves when using the gloved hand.
Counts as gauntlet for the purposes of completing a set of armour

A lizard ring. Its a small iron ring that if taken off and placed on the ground becomes a lizard of the same size made of iron. Said lizard acts like an extension of its owners will. It is surprisingly sturdy but because of its small size cannot lift much.

Basically a animal companion ring.

>>36687697
if you wear the ring and lay your hand on the ground it still becomes a lizard, but now your finger is up its ass

>>36682352
>>36685510
Amulet of Reverse Gravity OP as fuck...

>>36686054
>...truly terrible romance novel. Anyone who reads it to the end becomes violently defensive about its quality. That person must make a will save each time someone states anything about the book that is not utter praise or become enraged, receiving a -6 penalty to all charisma and charisma-based skill checks as well as -4 AC until the offender takes back his insult or becomes dead.

>...but can't quite put your finger on which one. Wearing the ring provides a -4 penalty to your AC, but makes whoever wears it think that it is providing a +4 bonus instead.

>...you look really cool. Receive a -10 on all charisma and charisma-based skill checks when speaking with any Lawful character while wielding it.

>>36687815
I was thinking it was wrapped around your finger longways. But whatever scale lover.

>>36687842
It reverses the amulet's gravity, so imagine holding a pendant in your hand, you can hold that just fine, doesn't pull your arm down, it's really light. Now, reverse gravity, now that little bit of weight it had is now going up. Sorry, it's still just a troll item.

>>36688237
What if I used an increase weight spell on it? Make it weigh a LOT?

>>36688237
Anon, you are giving a PC how MANY ounces of Anti-grav to work with here?
Like life, Gamebreakers WILL find a way...

>>36688385
It'll probably start tearing flesh before providing any lift, assuming you're average weight wearing light armor.

>>36688462
I was thinking of buffing its weight on location. Activating it only when needed.

>>36688385
Well, if you want to get to the point of it reversing enough to pull you up, It would have to be your weight plus equipment +1.
That would be retarded to carry around, and very to hard to take out of a Bag O Holding.
Best you could get with it is to make it around 20-50 pounds and use it to give you a boost on some jump checks.
Also, remember, this is a troll item, meaning that it would most likely have abilities to resist things like increasing weight.
>>36688452
Nah, it's just too dumb to find a legitimately helpful way to use it. There are obviously ways that this can be useful, like tying some arrows to it, and sending it up to your flying ranger dunce. Or a weapon to your flying fighter dunce. It's just so few minor things.

>>36688604
>Attach amulet to scorpion
>Proceed to create most terrifying creature in existence

>>36688604
Levitate a bomb into the roof and bring down the house...

>>36685510
> SHORYUKEN
No. It reverses the geavity of the amulet. How much do you think the inversed gravity of a small amulet is? It would be like trying that shit with a helium balloon tied to your wrist.

>>36688714
Still. A race of levitating metal shelled scorpions? That's terrifying.

I think we should mix in some kind of acid spit too.

>Quill of Poetry
Whoever holds this quill is magically compelled to speak in rhyme.

>Mask of Accents
A set of somewhat insensitive masks that cause the wearer to speak in the accent of the people the mask represents.

>Rock of Recollection
A small pebble that, when touched, allows the one who touched it to recall a bit of information that has slipped his mind. Works only if the one who touched the rock is not actively trying to remember said information.

>Totem of Confidence
When touched, makes the user feel very confident that his next action will succeed. Has no actual effect on the outcome of said action.

>Book of the Straw Man
Whenever something is written in the book, the words of a poorly-constructed counterargument appear on the next page.

>>36688787
When you're done home brewing a badass metal levitating scorpion, post it. I'll just drop the virtually useless and needless troll ring from them anyway.

>>36685829
would make for horribly nasty bio-warfare use

>Spear of Destiny
You find a spear of fine workmanship inset with diamonds and gold inlays. There is an inscription on the shaft which states the spear is property of Destiny Williams of Atlanta.

>>36686054
>>36688833
>Put on that one ring
>touch the rock of recollection
>???
>profit

>>36688658
How does the scorpion move anywhere but up?
No matter how much I would like to see this, make it believable, like they can reverse gravity, but sand or dirt comes to act as a platform of sorts.
Then they sting your eyes because you're a faggot.

>>36689136
They use all the hatred they have towards other animals/beings/races to propel themselves.

>>36689136
They jump. Then hover.

Imagine a swarm of them jump hovering off of each other in a cloud. I don't know I'm just making shit up as I go.

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>>36689225
So would they have an alignment of Lawful Evil?
As in they are born with strict codes of kill every living being, even your own kind?
That would be dank.
>>36689294
They rapidly reverse gravity to hover, and they can use that to help dodge enemy attacks.

Where the Scorpion goes, no one knows.

>>36689294
Today's forecast: 80% chance of floating hell scorpions. Good luck everyone.

>>36689294
>Sky colonies of Scorpions
Just imagine it. Your party is questing/murderhoboing/whatever and suddenly just an accumulated mass of dirt and sand crashes near you and you're being torn apart by a bunch of angry levitating scorpions.

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>>36689346
>>36689346
How terrifying someone stat this quick!
What do you call these things?

>>36689441
Floating Hell Scorpions, duh...

>>36689418
All. I can think of is that the armor made from them would be bitchin awesome. Super light, so light you are faster when wearing it. But the amount of hell required to get that many amulets from dead scorpions makes it not really worth it.

>>36689418
>>36689441
>Deepstriking Scorpions
Would they build a mound then immediately channel their hate to catapult said mound across distances?

>>36689441
Well, most people call them "Dragons"...

>>36688714
m-maybe you can use it to send pretty poems to the daughter of sir Thomas up in the tower?

>>36689528
They make a huge communal mound that reaches a scorpion critical mass and starts to levitate because of all the antigrav going on inside. Then when it eventually falls to earth they immediately set out trying to murder anything in the area before rebuilding the mound.

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>>36689441
Scorpions of StingusAssus
Swarm
Hp: Varies (Between 20 and fuckton)
Attacks: Sting (1d4+ 1/3 every scorpion See:Poison) STINGING TO THE EXTREME (3d4+ 1/2 every scorpion See:Poison)
Poison: StingusAssus loves his scorpions, so he gave the scorpions an easy way to multiply. Each sting has a chance of spawning a young scorpion. These grow to full size within 1d2 rounds and join the swarm. DC:8+1/4 every scorpion to resist.
Special
Each Scorpion counts as one point of HP.
The STINGING TO THE EXTREME can only be used when the scorpions either win initiative, or surprise a foe.
Any person who has a scorpion spawn on him from poison has a chance of getting some of the scorpions natural hatred. Will Save: DC:4+ 1/5 every scorpion in the combat. If failed, the character must become hot tempered, and if ailed multiple times, eventually becomes a worshipper of Stingus Assus.

What other combinations of strange items + animals could you get?

>>36689810
Badgers with Holy Avengers.
These Badgers have stark white fur, and their claws have the same effects as a Holy Avenger.
They naturally seek out evil, and evil just can't seem to stop them.

"Hahahaha, my evil plot to summon StingusAssus with scorpions is near completion!"
*Sharp yowls in the distance*
"What the fuck is this bullshit."
*A shining, holy, paragon of a badger bursts through the wall, jamming it's claws into the man' chest*
"AUUGGGHHH what I-"
*The badger proceeds to piss on his corpse, it's holy urine dissolving the evil body*
He he ye

>>36689810
>Ring of Crow
Once a day, summon 1d4 crows. They are just regular crows, and cannot be controlled in any manner.

>>36689899
Can be used to test food for poison. Would have saved me quite a few familiars.

>>36689810
Drop Bear + Ring of Invisibility

Fire Elemental + Energy Immunity (Cold)

Badger + Rage spell (DOUBLE RAGE)

>>36689985
Pretty sure your familiars use your saves.

>>36689810
Cow and Stoneskin

Legend says that there is a way to get bones harder than iron, just by drinking your milk.
These cows live deep underground, deep enough that some Dwarven cities wouldn't be able to reach them. Their udders are as rough and thick as the rocks themselves, requiring a strength DC of 25 to milk.
By drinking this milk, one can drink a glass to gain a stoneskin effect for 1d4 rounds as a bonus action.
Extra Cool Thing
After drinking the equivalent of 1/2 your body weight in this milk, you get a permanent +1 to your AC. It happens again when you drink your whole weight, for a nat max of +2.
No other bonuses can be gained to AC after that point.

Compass of detect evil
>At any time, will point to the closest thing that will kill you
>Points to your party members most often

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>Mask of OP

you will never be able to love another women unless its a trap or tranny,you also have your penis shrink to 1inch,you will become very ugly and have -2 on any charisma rolls when it is on

upsides?you will learn 1 of any lvl9 spells and have more casts per day if wizard,you will also become very smart and also have an extra 10 atribute points each level,you will also have the power to summon at lest three anons per day

also can someone else make up the stats for the anons?


i made a thread a while back and the people there made my ring of the lazy fuck
it does absolutely nothing =D

pic related,its OP

>>36690007
They have your defenses but it was a running gag in our group. The first time was when our group came across some mysterious stones we thought were alchemical made. Handed one to my familiar to test what it did, turns out they were mini power sources. Little guy didn't stand a chance.

>Chainmail bikini of improbable gainaxing
you know what it does. It also has the improbable ability of keeping the bussom perky and up if used regularly.
>Hotdog of infinite flavor
Cursed item, once eaten everything tastes like the same poorly made hotdog. Forever.
>Ugly seed
Plant it to gain a miniature treant servant. It is weak, evil, mean to everyone and will run away at the first oportunity it has.
>Neverwilthing flower
It is an unremarkable white field flower. So common you do not remember its name or species. Somewhat pretty. Never wilts or decays.
>Small mana batery
Allows to store for a month and recast at any time a level 0 spell stored in it.
>Delicious cat food
It is written in the crude alphabet of the trolls. Summons an incredibly old, fat, somewhat sickly cat to the wearer's hand, then disintegrates in a harmless flash. The cat is real for all purposes and can be kept as a pet but doesn't know how to use a litterbox, and it's stinky and old.
>>36689899
Artifact level ring:
>Ring of fiery bovine vengeance:
Summons a very large quasireal cow with dhiarrea above the head of any creature designated by the caster. The cow is angry and shits acidic dung before, during and after falling on target. It is an artifact because it bypasses all antimagic measures and alarms, even those in sigil, and doesn't admit saving throws or effects to protect against it. after the cow falls, the animal, the target and the dung proceed to catch fire. Because this doesn't admit saves any flammable objects in the vicinity are destroyed.

Nunfucks- these numchucks do more damage the less of a fuck you give about your situation.


Try to defend yourself and they are like toys, but swing them around while bored and you can destroy a building.

>The Worldwalker Stone

>A small black stone, comfortable to hold and carry in a single hand
>Polished extremely smoothly
>When carried against flesh, the carrier will find luck in navigation and trail-finding
>His travels will be safer, and he'll find himself choosing the right path more often when forced with an absolute choice

>The stone keeps a memory of every place it's been taken
>It sees through it's carriers eyes
>When not touching living flesh, it cannot see
>Powerful will or magic is required to tap it's memory

The dagger of worldbinding. If thrust into the ground you guarantee that the world it's touching is staying right where it is.

>>36690181
Want to add

>The stone is believed to have fallen from the heavens
>It's age is unknown, but some think it is thousands of years old
>Others think it is timeless, a permanent piece of matter that exists through the birth and death of universes.

>>36690221
this would be surprisingly useful

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>>36690009
>Stoneskin Cowmilk
>>36690121
>Chainmail bikini of improbable gainaxing
...Are we getting lewd in this thread?

>>36689899
In king of dragon pass, that ring would be worth a small clan of goods. Any peasant could become rich with it, since cows remain and can be traded, or even if they don't remain, a trickster may have a bunch of uses for it.

The Honeyed Queen's Blade

An elegant shortsword in a wooden scabbard with silver fittings sculpted in floral shapes; on closer examination, many of the flowers contain small bees. The sword's handle is waxy to the touch, and fits comfortably in the hand- the blade is difficult to draw, however; a pale, waxy substance around the scabbard's mouth holds it in place. The seal could easily be broken with an application of force, but it prevents the blade from falling out.

While wearing the sword, the bearer can speak with insects, and bees in particular will go out of their way to be helpful. The bearer can also never lost while in sight of growing flowers.

If the bearer breaks the seal and draws the sword, he is guaranteed to deal at least one mortal wound in his next fight, but at the end of the combat he will inevitably die.

>Ring of Rings
Any ring the wearer touches becomes an exact copy of the Ring of Rings. All non-ring magical items they touch become rings with the same or similar effect to the item that spawned them.

>>36690261
Nah, just funny. Gainaxing is so out there that its ridiculous. I concede that some fa/tg/uys have never touched a boob, but they will someday, just because this isn't /v/

Orb of deceit.

If you use the orb it will show you any location of your description 90% of the time. There's a random 10% chance it will show an enemy or disaster of completely fabricated origins at the location.

>>36690290
Crows, not cows.

>>36690318
Ha, I like that one.

>>36690347
well, a mad king would still pay you a handsome sum for it.

>>36690330
That would be so useful. Make a gigantic enchantment and carve it into stone. Make it into a ring.

>The Bass Cannon

Whenever fired, it transmutes the object in the barrel into a proportionately-sized largemouth bass and propels it at the velocity of the average cannonball from said barrel.

>The Rope of Truths from a Certain Point of View
While tied up by this one will always tell the truth, though it only has to be true in the loosest sense. If a person believes something to be true, or if an argument can be made that something is true from a certain point of view it can be said.

>>36690330
That would be extremely useful, you hit me with your sword. Bam, it's a ring. Oh what's that, you have a golem? Bam, ring. Oh god why do you keep shooting rings at me?! What those are arrows?! Sweet!

Sword of Chaos.

Randomly glows. There is no rhyme or reason behind when it glows.

Stick of Appearances

This stick appears to be a legendary weapon of some type to anyone not wielding it, and each person perceives it differently.

Sword of the magical realm.

Upon attuning to the sword the player must reroll is character to the FATAL ruleset and continue playing.

Sword of True Neutral

Appears to be a sword modeled after the alignment of a character with special abilities, but in reality, is just a really plain shortsword (A paladin may see a glowing 2h sword, where a rogue may think he has a cursed dagger.)

>>36690429
>you defeat the bad guy and take his awesome glowing sword
>it stops glowing
>"dm how do i make it glow again"
>i dunno lol go on an adventure to find out how the item works

related, an item I'm giving my players when they beat four people pretending to be the teenage mutant ninja turtles:

>Headband of Turtle Stealth
While wearing this headband, you are convinced you have a bonus to stealth if you lie on your stomach and crawl like a turtle.

>>36684828
>it says right here you'll suck my dick

>>36690334
Ah but you said it keeps the busom perky and up if used regularly...
This implies it has some sort of busom enhancing effects, ones that could become noticeable after prolonged use.

>>36690403
Dude, never go hunger and be able to lethally pelt your enemies with fish?
Win fucking win right there!

Boots of snail speed
While wearing these boots the soles secrete a oily, slippery substance. Make a dex saving throw on hard surfaces.

>>36690539
I think only the book passes the checks, not the reader/holder.

>>36690330
>Touch McGuffin/Lich's phylactery/evil sword
>Turns into ring-phylactery/mcguffin/of evil
>Touch again
>Turns into RoR
>Sell rings to artificers to disenchant
>Enchant more rings

>>36690221
World instantly stops orbit, momentum flings everything into the depths of space. Way to go, party.

>>36690221
>party finds this already in the ground
>pulls it out
>earth crashes into sun

>>36690334
D-do you really think so, mister?

Sword of Revealing Light
The sword always lets off a bright light revealing holder's location. Sheathing sword does not hide the light.

>>36690221
What would the effect of a world such as earth suddenly stopping in it's orbit be?

>>36690475
FATAL isn't necessarily Magical Realm, just FAR too simulationist for its own good...

I could do Magical Realm items if you really WANTED though...

>>36690616
So basically *CLANG!*

...What the fuck was that?

>>36690636
As the earth hurdles towards the sun, cue
http://youtu.be/H9nPf7w7pDI

>>36690677
Depends on the frame of reference, it could just have Earth acting completely normal while the rest of the universe starts spinning at abnormal rates and the sun flies off into the distance.

>>36690559
You read that part right, you could theoretically have a 90 year old woman wrinkled as a prune with the boobs of a 19 year old girl, in addition to the exaggerated boob movement that comes while actually using the bikini. It's just to add to the ridicule of it, although some guy's funsies is another's magical realm.

>>36690804
Indeed, especially since to work it would have to increase the bust size to fill the bikini...

>>36690662
Well sport, you save up your pocket money and you just might.

>>36690677
Depends if the atmosphere stops with it.

>>36690875
That requires additional magic.
The king doritobeard used to give the bikini to his finest slaves only because the others couldn't fill it properly.

>>36690181
Alternative idea for Worldwalker Stone

>Polished black asteroid rock of ancient origin
>When held, compels the carrier to travel
>Literally to anywhere
>But they cannot turn back for the stone forbids it

>Innocent people who find it on the ground end up walking away forever
>Sometimes they travel hundreds of miles, carrying the stone in a criss-crossing maze across the world
>The stone remembers all that it sees
>It understands the world far deeper than any mortal being
>It uses mortal beings to move from place to place, careless of the fact that they will eventually die

>>36690121
>Neverwilthing flower
Oh boy, that has some great bard uses.
>As long as this flower never wilts, my love for you is still strong (wink). Will you wait for my return, oh fair maiden?

Que giggling girl and her being absolutely shocked when in fact, the flower never wilts, and the bard returns...eventually, surely with a great many lies to tell.

The Horn of Dignity
Blowing this horn during a rough battle will summon allies that arrive just in time to give your corpses a proper burial.

>Saxophone of Invisibility
Turn invisible when using it, but only when you play it really loudly

>Cup of Eternal Youth
Turns you into a baby forever

>Rock of Ages
This one really old rock I found in my yard

>Cowl of Carlos
A realistic mask of a Latino youth. Wearers feel an irresistible urge to tell really shitty puns.

Sword Of Words
It randomly whispers definitions to words that have 13 letters

>Inversed Umbrella
Silk umbrella with crocodile skin handle. Black colour. When water touches the top of the umbrella, it is converted into light of intensity proportional to the amount of water, emitted from inside the umbrella. Whenever natural sunlight hits the top of the umbrella, it is converted into clean rain, at a rate proportional to the intensity of sunlight, once again emanating from the inside of the umbrella. All attempts to invert the Inversed Umbrella fail automatically. All damaged induced to the umbrella or any component thereof reverses itself after exactly 392 seconds.

>The Necronominominominomicon

A tool of necromancy that becomes more powerful as you become more hungry.

>Wunderbruum

An otherwise ordinary oak and horsehair broom, about a foot long. Any task attempted with the broom results in exceptional success, including sword fighting, playing piano, orchestra conducting, coding, chemical purification and origami.

Immediately after use, the details of how the resulting event occured are forgotten, with the exception of the broom being used to physically sweep floors.

>DragonCane Sugarbread.

For 8 hours after consumption, all fecal matter is replaced with stable, but potent high explosive. Other food items consumed during this time are said to have effects on the explosion produced, but none of the stories agree.

No matter where you ask, no-one anywhere knows where this stuff is made. Dragons will even insist that there is no such substance as 'DragonCane'

Clothing of Perfect Fit

This enchanted set of fine clothing always fits its user perfectly. It does so by adjusting the size and shape of the user to match the clothes, including to match its intended gender. This effect is permanent, even when the clothes are later removed.

>>36695705
>Barbarian orc puts on the Colting of Perfect Fit
>It becomes a beautiful pink dress
>"I-I can explain everything !"

>>36682352
Skimmed through some of the earlier bits of the thread. Wouldn't the anti-gravity make the user fly like some anons thought? When it comes to gravity the mass difference between a human sized being and a piece of jewelry is negligible. And if I drop the amulet into a bottomless pit, that shit is gonna constantly speed up and gather more force due to the gravity of earth right? So wouldn't it just be applying that force in the opposite direction since what's it's doing is falling up?

>>36688385
>>36688604
I know a simple way to figure how it could affect you with different amounts of weight. Just pick up a dumbbell or something similarly heavy and imagine it in reverse. See how effective it might be to punch downwards using real life weights and you might have good frame of reference for this thing.

I say something like 20 pounds is a little too risky to your self. Might end up easily dis locating your shoulder. Five might be enough to give that extra oomph.

>>36690007
Well if you even have a familiar chances are your fortitude is rather low anyway.

>Timewalk spellcard
Caster repeats the last action

>>36692453
>>Saxophone of Invisibility
>Turn invisible when using it, but only when you play it really loudly
Just play it in a canyon so it echoes and can't be pinpointed.

>>36688714
>How much do you think the inversed gravity of a small amulet is?
The same as the inversed gravity of any other object. Mass doesn't matter.

>>36685099
I can smell paladins falling from here.

The Fumbling Blade.

The wielder of this mighty weapon must designate a target before rolls to hit. All rolls to hit that achieve a natural 1 are considered applicable to critical hits on that target. When confirming a critical roll, those that use this weapon must roll under their usual hit modifier. Natural 20's are considered critical failures rather than natural 1's if using Critical Fumble tables.

One of my favorites I read in one of these threads was an item that summons 4 ghosts. They seem somewhat nefarious in nature but they each tell you something about the future:
>One can actually tell the future to its utmost accuracy. Mundane or important can be misconstrued.

>One tells something that seems likely, but is usually an action that will start a chain reaction of bad shit.

>One is outright lying, but its a believable thing, not ridiculous.

>One will always Try and mislead you with sincerety in his voice, always like "Dont do what ghost A says! If you die, we will be stuck here!".


No insite rolls as they all believe they are right, and the ghosts never do the same thing twice (i.e, ghost A might be the prophet this time, but the misleader next time). Can only summon them once a week.

>>36699390
Which is activating the card. You get stuck in a loop. Forever.

The Rod of Seething Desire.
1d6/1d8/×4/4lb./Bludgeoning
This enchanted light mace is a simple metal bar with a leather handle and flat tip. Enchanted to utilize excellent stats above that of a normal mace this weapon nonetheless reacts to his wielder's carnal desires. When a user is stimulated either mentally or physically the weapon begins to glow with a warm red light. The light produced in this manner is equivalent to that of a torch.

>The Sword-less Hilt
It is a hilt without a sword. Maxes the stats of any sword placed in it, then immediately destroys it in a fiery explosion.
>The Hiltless Sword
A sword without a hilt. Extremely sharp, can not be held without cutting hand to the bone, regardless of armor worn. If placed in a hilt the hilt explodes. If combined with the Sword-less Hilt both explode, creating an Earth-shattering kaboom on par with the Uranium Pu-36 Space Modulator.

>>36690064
So how's being 14 working out for ya?

>Ring of Nines
A golden ring engraved with ancient runic characters, the Ring of Nines will create eight rings physically identical to it every nine days. Rings created in this manner do not possess the ability to create rings themselves. The Ring of Nines otherwise has no special powers.

Sword Of Sanic
While using this when not in combat you are 10X faster but if you are in combat you become almost useless

>>36701053
Infinite golden runic rings to sell? Sign me up

>shield of the righteous
an incredibly long, but narrow wooden shield that provides little in the way of protection
he who places the shield in the tumultuous waters of the sea will find he can travel much more quickly, as if he were a fish, and hang ten with the most tubular of dudes

>Ring of strong antigravity
When put on, the ring is pulled up really strongly, pulling it from your finger.

>Box of Chromaticity
Changes color when unobserved.

>Temporal Useless Machine
Pull the lever and it reverses time to the point when you pulled the lever, turning it off.

>>36701943
radical!

>>36682352
Warm Winter Scarf - When worn by [first character to touch it], it has no effect. When worn by anyone else, after an hour it sets them on fire. When this happens, it turns to ash and reforms around [character's] neck.

>>36695883
>tfw no reading comprehension
It says that the clothes change the USER. So if it just so happens that the orc puts on the dress, the dress changes the orc into a woman.

>Implement of Golem summoning
Having many shapes (generally a bracelet or amulet), this item can be activated when in presence of an hostile entity of size Huge or greater. the item summons a golem of size equal to the largest hostile creature present, and faithfully answers to the user's orders
The golem summoned possess a compartment where a creature of Medium size (or smaller) can be put

>>36696314
Actually, this is wrong on every word.

The description says it "reverses the gravity of the amulet". Go outside and hold up the heaviest thing you can. Reversing the gravity of whatever that is will have no more effect on you than just normally holding it, except that you'd have to push down instead of up to keep it from falling up. There's also the fact that terminal velocity and the physical speed limit are a thing, so no, dropping something in a bottomless pit (or reversing it's gravity) wont raise it's speed infinitely. It'll raise it's speed to terminal at least, and no more unless an outside force pushes on it.

The ring of unreliable teleportation.

Roll 1d4, on a 2-4 the ring will teleport you to your destination with impeccable accuracy. On a 1, the ring teleports itself, and only itself to that destination.

Bag of Holding
A bag filled with hands that will hold things and do nothing more. It has frequently been purchased by men out of excitement and returned with disappointment at the discovery of its limited function.

>>36682352
I will post the thing I always post in these kinds of threads:

The Aerarium
A sealed glass box, magically full of air.
Only functions underwater.

The orb of power
The size of a small building, it can restore charges to magical items if given one day. Only works on items that can recharge their uses.

>>36704488
But what is its function?
Can you put your mouth magically through the box and inhale the air or something?

>>36704569
No. It's just a glass box that's magically full of air.

The joke is that it's not magic. It's a completely sealed, but otherwise completely normal, glass box.

>The Ring-a-lator
It rings, really loudly.

>Shield-shaped brooch made of silver with an aquila in mother of pearl inlay- absorbs magic missiles fired in vicinity, but after absorbing 10 releases them at random targets in the room.
>Also in room: Short thick bone wand with a star on the end, shoots magic missiles - 11 charges.

>Gladius of flame-blackened copper, in combat runes begin to glow and the blade begins to heat up, dealing +1 damage each round but dealing this damage bonus to the wielder, heavy gauntlets reduce this damage by 1.

>a jagged steel dagger set with a glass red slitted eye which deals exploding damage. Each damage explosion causes the knife to pulse painfully in the wielder's hand, dealing 1 damage to the wielder.

>Scroll of Party Starter: Everyone’s clothes and armour teleports 10’ to the left

>>36705010
>Scroll of Party Starter: Everyone’s clothes and armour teleports 10’ to the left
Man I should read Hitchhiker's guide again

>Rod of Reversal - The wielder and anyone struck will have all their movements reversed until hit again by the rod

>Draught of Quick Thinking - The imbiber becomes increasingly aware and gains advantage on perception checks and cannot be surprised for 1d4 hours. The draughts side-effects plague the user for 1d3 days with anxiety, insomnia and exhaustion inducing afterthoughts, such as, "did I put out the furnace when I left home, or did I ever mail my family?".

>Ancient Stone Mask - A bizarre mask detailing what appears to be the face of a man with fangs. It grants the user no magical effects if donned. If splashed with blood the mask reacts by sprouting spines from the sides that would impale the wearer suggesting that it may be a roundabout method of torture.

>>36705061
Good eye!
One of my players once used this to teleport a dude's way cool magic armour onto another player standing 10' to the left of the guy.

>Ring of Bugs - Putting the ring on causes the wearer to uncontrollably read the surface thoughts of all insects in a ten foot radius.

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>>36705142
>ancient stone mask

>>36705142
>roundabout method of torture

nice

>>36705333
Don't forget
>bizarre mask

Sword Of Fun
If you touch it you immediately shove it and any other vaguely dick shaped objects up your ass

>>36685586
>Amulet of Waterbreathing
>>36685780
>Cloack of Immolation

These sound like the perfect tools for an assassin to frame a wizard of murder

>>36701053
Just come clean and call it Draupnir.

Teethbreaker:
A fondue pot which appears ordinary, but turns anything its contents coat into stone.

Hamburger with Anything on it:
Each time you remove the top bun, a miscellaneous object is found on top of the patty. This can be done as many times as you want after removing the object each time, but the burger starts to smell really bad if left unrefrigerated.

Bag of Many Spiders:
Like a bag of holding, but filled with 500 cubic feet of non-supernatural spiders of various varieties. Can be used to store other things, but chances are there will always be a fair number of spiders still left in there somewhere.

>>36710403
>Bag of Many Spiders
"Oh sweet, a bag of loot. Let's turn it inside out and see whats inside!"

>>36710403
Decanter of Endless Spiders
Its exactly what it sounds like. Once the stopper is removed three command phrases will modify the output, increasing it by a power of 10. Fuck, Stop, and Why Won't It Stop.

This one caused some rather hilarious incidents in our last game:

Hat of Tipping: An unassuming leather hat, with an odd dent in the top. Doesn't appear to be anything magical, and even Detect Magic requires pretty high rolls as it is fairly low magic at all. Once put on, the hat binds itself to the player's head, revealing that it is cursed. The hat has 3 charges of Suggestion per day, which the player can use. However, if the player encounters a female humanoid, the hat casts Suggestion on the player, DC15 Wis save, to tip the hat and say "M'lady." This removes a suggestion charge from the hat, but the hat will do it whether charges remain or not.

The player ended up taking a shitload of WIS shit and proficiency in WIS saves because of the hat. Much shenanigans with goblins ensued.

Ball of the Dragon:
There are seven of them and they emit a strong mystical power. Gathering all seven grants one wish, from the following list:
>You get the world's most comfortable pair of underwear
>A bag of infinite holding appears and contains one gold coin
>You grow a tail, that gives you power on the full moon

Cursed Ring of True Seeing
Renders the user incredibly visible.

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>>36710758

>Fuck, Stop, and Why Won't It Stop.

>>36714214
>bag of infinite holding with one gold coin
Not sure I get this one.

>>36715019
Just needed a third wish, and couldn't think of one. Can replace it with you get a boyfriend/are no longer shy around females.

>The Ball of Remembering
Whenever anyone touches this ball they forget what they were doing. Holding it with some other object does not get around this effect, so,you can not use gloves to pick it up and chuck it at someone.

Charm of Dumb Luck
This item is blessed by a god of chance and trickery. One per day it will randomly change the results of a critical failure into a critical success. But it does so through some ridiculous and improbable occurrence, and often causes some troublesome side effect that may or may not be worse than the benefit of its boon.

Has been known to mysteriously appear in the belongings of those one might deem too serious.

>>36692453
ultimate bard wingman device. when your buddy needs one more push to woo the damsel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izGwDsrQ1eQ

The Fire Distinguisher - When pointed at an object, tells you if it's Fire or not.

Becomes increasingly unsure with uses.
>on fire
>on fire
>not on fire
>on fire, I mean, not on fire
>on fire, but, you know, not really a big fire or anything like that
>not on fire, kinda hot, I wouldn't touch it, might be on fire
>acidic is like on fire? If so, on fire
>I'm not even sure man
>Look, i'm seriously freaking out I mean what even am I? A can of compressed air? A magical lens? I just think I can do more things in my life you know? I wanna find true love, settle down... Also, on fire, don't drink it.

>>36714214
I want the undewear, but I would need a pair so I could wash it and not be deprived of it's confyness

>>36690564
Are you implying this book doesn't have a dick?

>>36705142
THE WORDS WILL MAKE YOU OUT N OUT

>>36710403
>Hamburger with Anything on it:
Sounds pretty good actually