Excuse me Commissar, I heard one of the fellows from below decks say something about the Gellar field being down, do we have any reason to be conc-auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Calm down guardsman it's just a daemon incursion.
carry on Guardsman
>>36351930Nothing to worry about. Carry on.
Well, this was disappointing.
>>36353515Also report to my office in 20 minutes for mission briefing
we recived a message from ehm,uhr, tomorrow.it says˦ψԄը ףמط࠷Ĕȥ
̕̚̕̚ ̔̕̚̕̚҉ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡human ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̕̚̕̚ ̔̕̚̕̚҉ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ͡҉҉l̔̕̚̕̚҉SԶᑓᙰᔒᘟѾ҂ҊҖҒҎҸԆԶᑓϟᐝЉᙰ҉ Z҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑ ̒̓̔̕̚ᔒѪՁᓁᕰᓿ ̕̚̕̚ ̔̕̚̕̚҉ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ͡҉҉l̔̕̚̕̚҉SᙰᔒѪ
"What do you mean the Geller Fields are down?! Tech-priests, I want an immediate system-assessment ritual done, now! Every second we are unshielded risks our very souls!"
>>36353240hey that admech guy still has a face. I don't think hes in the admech at all.
>>36353822we don't need gellar fields where we're going
>>36354467Well, the thread had little potential, but since you're here, time to abandon ship I guess. get it? Abandon ship? Hahahaha
How do you know for sure that the Gellar Field's down? I mean just because someone SAID it's down̷ d͠o͟e̛s̶n't mean it's really down, right? It just sounds like you're m͇̼̦̜ͅa̝̜͉͖̱̟k̟̻̣̮̹̟͉͞i͉͖͚̙̰n̝̻͖̼̜g̭̘͖͍̬̜͇͝ ̫̟ͅù̺̘͚͖p͈̭̙̟͓̠ ͍̞̙͇̫á̼̦̘̺̬̰̲ ̤̙͚̀b͔̙̳̭̱u̜nc̱̹h͔̩̺ͅ ̶̤̻͙o̡̖̞̮̭̩̖f̣̭͙͜ B̷ͥ̋̊̓̓҉̙͔̕S͓̱ͦ̅ͧͤ̀ ̐̐̿̽̑̔͏̷҉̺̻̱r̵̶̶̫ͯ̎̌͒͆͗̊͌i̅ͩ̑̊̊ͨ̿̄҉̬͍̟͙̘͚g̴̺̼̪͚̗̒͐̑̎̆ͬ͠h̍҉̡̗̺̙͎t̝̻̞͊ͮ̒̎ͥ͋̕͞ ̛̼̇ͬͥ̐̽̊ͤ͊̈́̀n̛̘͙̺̯̱̖̥̓͋ͣ͠oͪ̄͛͘҉͖̳̗̫̦͇̱̬̘w̵̷͍͇͇̯̭̔̍ͦ͆̓.̬̳̺̤̩͙̪ͮͫ͐̀́
>>36354538I think we still have arms though...
>>36354743wuddafukSource? Google is giving me nought.
>>36354743This is pretty cool, whats this from?
>>36354798>>36354826Metachaos. Music video.
You may be onto something there
Excuse me? You speak to a commissar, whelp. *BLAM*
>>36353822THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THE GELLAR FIELD THAT I CAN'T FIX!WITH MY HANDS!
>>36353822Well, Captain, here's a rundown of the situation: Everything is fucked sideways and this holy lubrication oil appears to be calling out for me to smother it upon myself and exalt in the revelation of slaanesh.I'm going to give it a small try. It can't hurt, can it?
>>36356821Oh, and when I say that everything is fucked sideways, I am being absolutely literal.IT IS A GOOD PAIN!
>>36356821Dafuck is this?
>>36354743Sometimes I wonder where these webms come from.
>>36357073The effects of skub upon the uninitiated
>>36353822Don't worry, everything is fine.Just tine
Commisar, I found this female in the sleeping quarters on deck 23 after reports of screaming. She said she could share the knowledge of ecstasy, could help the cogboys with the Gellar field?
>>36357769Commissar threw himself out the airlock, I'm just an asshole who is wearing his hat.She seems legit, though.
Gellar field failure? Hahaha, there is no gellar field failure.Come, sit with us. Eat something to calm your nerves.There is plenty of foodNo one need ever go hungry again.
>>36357073French performance art. Don't recall the artist's name, sorry.I had a MUCH more terrifying one on my old computer, but I can't find it.
>>36358019Hmm. I feel like. Wow. It. Looks like fun? I guess?
>>36351930Hey guys, who wants to play baseball with this bear and his friend Christopher robin or some shit like that?
>>36358063In the one I'm thinking of, he uses a much thicker layer of something putty-like to terrifyingly reshape his face, slash open bloody red mouths, paint on black splotch eyes, etc. It's a more pale layer, too, not as green.
>>36351930LOOK HERE YA HUMIE GITS! WE'S DA ORKS, AND WE'S GON TAKE DIS SHIP FOR DA WAAGH!
>>36354571Hey commissar, you look kinda different...New haircut... or... no that's not it...
>>36358084Has anyone seen my honeypot? It's small, square shaped and looks a bit like a puzzle box.
>>36358451No ND, Too far too quickly
>>36358451>>36358506Yeah. No offense, but getting so crude so quickly ruins the joke."First, we need you to put this oil up that Techpriest's bum" would have been acceptable, or "First thing's first, I need you to hold that Priestess' hand." Maybe "First thing's first, I need you to take off your pants..." is probably the king, tho.
>>36358451As in games, you gotta ease the thread into your magical realm, anons will reject it if you dump it on them like that but if they only realize they're in it when the look back it's pretty likely they'll find someway to make it fun for them
Hey guys, I'm gonna go try to fix the gellar field. It seems that one of the decks between me and it has turned into an endless frozen wasteland, but this child tells me he knows the way so it should be fine. He seems trustworthy
"We're has this mystery led us now frank?""It looks like the inside of some kind of naval vessel joe"
>>36358506>>36358552>>36358609DOES MAMA NEED TO GET THE WHIP?!?!...Also I already burnt my Commissar Daemonette pics in one of the other threads...
>>36358630If you keep going past the giant screaming stone face in the middle of the glacier on deck D-15, you'll hit deck B-23. No, I don't know how that works either. Don't linger on deck B-23, because there's a whole bunch of these things all up in there and it's getting real sketchy real fast.Also, if you find yourself on a beach, don't step on the holes in the sand. Seriously just don't. Shit gets weird.The kid is trustworthy, but don't give him any food or water, not even if he asks for it.
>>36358797See that? That would have actually been funny a moment ago. Tentacle vaginas just aren't funny on their own, they're too obviously fetish-y. You need more foreplay before you start getting hardcore.
>>36358797Ma'am, the Guardswomen and I are wondering why our new orders have cut the amount of bunks we have by half!As the new commander, can you answer that?
>>36358911>>36358946Monster high is getting classy!
>>36358888Thanks.By the way, have you seen my eyes? I don't know where they've gone.I think I can fix the field without them but I'm not sure.
In light of recent instabilities there have been some changes to the order of command. Commissar Novus will be replaced by Commissar Corgus.Please avoid the bathrooms deck 12 as you can all better overcome this minor incident with your intestines inside.Don't feed the balls of fur on D-21, no it will not make them stop screaming.On a further notice if you or a comrade find themselves with one of these furballs trying to attach itself to you, gently prod it with your bayonet. The sticky fluid it leaves dissolves in warm water.Remain calm as The Emperor protects with or without any Gellar fields.
>>36354467>nurgle earringfucking RUINED
>>36358888Okay, I think I figured out what the problem is. Someone replaced the Gellar Engine with a face with melted eyes.I'm sorry, but I think I need to call in a tech priest for this, I'm not really familiar with how to resolve this issue.
>>36358996No, no, start simple. Transformation is a second step. Start with something that's already inherently funny - Butt stuff is good, bellybuttons if you're in a more serious thread. Poke 'em in the butt, blow a raspberry, inherently funny while having that semi-sexual edge. If there's a low-ball breast joke, though, like mentioning the Sororitas has broken out into some sort of volley-ball tournament, though, go for it.Then move onto secondary sexual characteristics - Breasts, feet, hands, ears, all good. Again, the more subtle the better, but it needs to fit into the greater joke unfolding within the thread. "Here, have these foot-long fake breasts" is always fun, but "Take off your shoes and have the Commissar lick them" is better on a lot of angles. If you can play the long game, move onto normal sexual appetites, but still being silly and somewhat improper. You can mention penises and vagoo if you've managed to get accepted making jokes about holding hands and fondling ears by this point, they're ready for it. But if you're impatient, or if the thread is dying, don't be afraid to dive head-first into the really weird shit, the faster the better.Try to be a bit more descriptive than "Tentacle Vagina," as that's too obvious and will only bring up a light chuckle to the right crowd. "A veiny appendage the size of your arm" leaves some room for doubt, as well as describing it second-hand - "Sir, the cooking staff seems to have run out of sandwiches and are insisting on serving something called a 'full course dik ala mode" with a side-order of some sort of noodly thing."
>>36359031Aaah, I think I see the problem. Somebody has stolen your face and evidently made an attempt to fix the Gellar Engine with it, as per >>36359125Maybe it was a future version of yourself. Or perhaps a past version. It's hard to tell, there was a closet just full of you guys a while back. They were playing strip poker, which was a little weird.
>>36358957I'm glad you ask Corporal Hooker!You see, I've decided that sharing bunks will increase the unit's cohesion.Plus... We're picking up some Auxiliaries and are going to need the extra room...
>>36359125Hey, I'm here to help. I lost that child, and I still can't see, and I can't seem to move my arms after those nice people gave me that strange food. But I can instruct you on how to fix the gellar field.Begin by making a small incision just below your ribs on the left.
>>36358996Ma'am, if this is about Private Me'll bust not fitting standard regulation flak armor, rest assured I have filed for a new size for her.
>>36359167Thank you, ma'am.Ma'am, if it's not too much to ask......my father believed in fighting and producing soldiers to fight for the Guard.As his daughter, as feel as though it is my duty to try my hardest to follow in his footsteps and get as many women as I can producing children, will that be acceptable, ma'am?!
>>36359037Commissar Novus is crawling across the front windshield. I think he's screaming... Wait, wait, no, he's laughing about something, and I think I can see a few extra sets of eyes where there definitely shouldn't be any. In light of this, I support the change in leadership.We're not going to make it to Terra, are we, Sir?
>>36359191Not an issue I assure you Corporal Hooker, we should be picking up some better fitting Flak Armor for the whole unit when we get those Auxiliaries from Carlos McConnell.Now, if you have any more issues, please check in with Commissar Corgus. >>36359037
>>36359156This is the most helpful I've ever seen someone be over low-brow humor...Also, thank you very, VERY much for that picture...>>36359191Yeah, we might have to order another one... In a larger size. Don't ask me; I think this warp storm is turning benevolent. Hey, it happens, or so I'm told!>>36359241All things considered, I think our choices are taking our chances this storm's turning benevolent, or dropping out into realspace and risking accidentally getting a sun in the face.All in favour of deciding, "Bugger this nonsense?"
>>36359220That will be excellent.We will need as many children as possible for what is to come.
>>36359274Ma'am, thank you, ma'am!If it's not too much to ask, what kind of Auxiliaries are we getting? Can they help me produce more soldiers for the Guard?
>>36359190Oh fuck, I'm stuck. I can't really move my head, but I can still move my arms. Take a look at this picture and tell me if it's not too bad.
>>36351930*Drop pod docks*Well geez, this looks like a wonderful ship to set up in, wouldn't you agree Dark Apostle?
>>36359324You look fine, soldier!We'll get you some prosthetic s planet side!
>>36359295>We will need as many children as possible for what is to come.Well I found a whole bunch of these things in the mess hall, if you can call them children.
>>36359324You look fine, but work quickly now.Remove your liver an kidneys, we will need them later.Next sever your intestines at the end and begin consuming them until you have reached the stomach.Don't worry brother, we will never go hungry again.
>>36359324Uh-oh, you went to deck E-59, didn't you? The techpriests down there have been getting up to some bizarre and depraved things which may or may not be a blasphemous anathema against the very idea of civilisati-Ah. They found me. This could be a problem. Tell my kid that I'm sor-ALL HAIL THE FATHER OF MACHINES! HIS FILIGREE GAZE CARVES US AND THE SCARS DANCE UPON OUR GRATEFUL FLESH!
>>36359341Eh, i dunmo. Theres not enough warp spawn around, and I feel as if I want a more...balanced ship. I mean, this one seems almost decidedly Slaanesh, with a bit of nurgle thrown in. Maybe if we buy some skulls, and then glue warpstone around the hull..but still.
>>36359406ALRIGHT GUARDSWOMEN, STOP SCREWING AROUND.WE GOT HERETICS.
>>36359278>All in favour of deciding, "Bugger this nonsense?"Eh, I'll take my chances with the storm, hasn't killed me yet
>>36359278Concerning dropping out of the warp. I took a sandwhich from the buffet >>36357946 and took a sip of caffeine while observing the new designated engine. I was overcome with this plan and perhaps it might work?
>>36359220>>36359295Indeed, though I'm certain our new Medicae can help...>>36359297>Can they help me produce more soldiers for the Guard?Well I've heard they are certainly frisky...
>>36359421Guardsman reporting for duty sir! Most of the ship seems to have been corrupted by the warp but so far me and my squad seem to be untouched.
>>36359421Oh, don't mind us space marines. Were just browsing the market, looking for a new ship after our last one was wrecked in the black crusadeBesides, have you heard the good word?
>>36359500See dark Apostle? This ship is crawling with warp spawn! Literally! Theres some on the roof even!
>>36359485That's perfect. I'll fetch some fresh children.Also, might I borrow one of your eyes?
>>36359297>>36359503We are already getting a new Priest with the Auxiliaries, but thank you...
>>36359406DID SOMEBODY ORDER A CRATE FULL OF SKULLS? I GOT A CRATE FULL OF SKULLS HERE FOR A MISTER 'I P FREELY'. CAN I GET AN I P FREELY? NOBODY? HOW ABOUT A 'SEYMOUR BUTTS'? COME ON GUYS DON'T BE SHY, I WANNA SEYMOUR BUTTS, IS HE AROUND?THEY'RE STILL BLOODY AND EVERYTHING. SERIOUSLY YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH OF A MESS I MADE OF THE HALLWAYS WHILE I WAS DRAGGING THIS GIANT CRATE O' SKULLS AROUND.IF THE JANITOR CORP IS STILL ALIVE THEY'RE IN FOR A HELL OF A SURPRISE. HONESTLY THOUGH, FUCK THOSE GUYS ANYWAY, ALWAYS GREASING UP THE FUCKING HALLS FOR GIGGLES.
>>36359485Well, I took four of the >>36359357 plague babies and then twisted the pupil twice and pushed. Hah hah, you got me, goddamn prankster, now I have a tentacle for an arm. Thanks a lot.
>>36359567I believe those are for me.Before i sign for them would you mind Just slowly pouring them over me, slowly?
>>36359489Hold on! I don't trust no techpriest, they lie and say things like "homosexual relations cannot produce children", I don't do "homosexual" whatever that means, just sex with women only.>>36359489PERFECT>>36359500You might want to check with the medic and get some proper armor.>>36359503YOU SEEM REALLY HERETICAL>>36359565New priest? What kind of priest, ma'am?
>>36359485No no no, have you never read Heansam's Fourth Principle of Empyean Drive Mechanics? You need to run a de-polarisation charge through the whole goddamn thing, or we risk losing every left sock on the ship!>>36359565...I am overcome with the urge to pet some ears.Okay, enough of this silliness. You know what this ship needs? A lot more fire, specifically, fire pointed at all the things oozing pus and tentacles. Honestly, am I the only sane man left aboard?Well that's fucking nightmare fuel... Being a man who's only gone a little bit insane on a ship gone utterly mad; unable to grasp just how mad the world is and still thinking he's totally sane and lucid, while setting fire to everything and putting corpses in neat piles in an attempt to "Just do my job."
>>36359567Ah yes. Dark Apostle Izekiel Promethian freely here. Could you unload them near the daemonettes and Warp abominations? Maybe even sew a few in the breasts of those cultists, if you don't mind, that way they produce blood instead of milk. It'd Really make it feel like home.
>>36359586The children must be fresh you fool, if they aren't smelling of human womb fluids anything could've happened!>>36359555That part have been a issue since I was overcome by insperation.
>>36359638Nah. Were cool. The gods showed us the path here, were 100% legit.Anyways, does any one know where the command bridge is? I know this real cool planet juuuust left of the next screaming wall.
>>36359638>New priest? What kind of priest, ma'am?Priest of the Empuurer of course!
>>36359697I only know of one god!And that is the Emperor!Although the new commissar tells me that is might be an Empress, so maybe I'll talk to the new priest about it...
>>36359710Ma'am, some women in the ship have been talking about you praying to an "Empress".Can this new priest clarify this, ma'am?
>>36359649Here, I have the children.Quickly now before more people starve to death.Soon no one will ever go hungry again
>>36359722Corporal, in the spirit of co-operation, with our new auxiliaries, I would request a bunk re-assignment to near their quarters. I believe that in this way, I might better learn how to integrate with their day-to-day operations and assist in the smooth integration of their forces into ours.No, the ears and tails have nothing to do with it. Nor do the cute 'nya' sounds they make when they sleep.
>>36359722You really doubt space marines? THE angles of death?Listen, maybe we could take a little detour to a dark closet and talk about this? i hear you want to make more soldiers right?Lady, have you ever seen a astartes sized lascannon before?
>>36359722Yes, we are here to do the Holy Mother's work for the children!
>>36359778SIR! I am afraid that I follow proper relationships, women only to produce children! None of this "homosexual" or "loving men" business, farther never had sex with a man and neither shall I!
>>36359750>never go hungry againI've heard that one before! Don't trust a word this... Thing... Says, lads!Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, ALSO shame on you, but also shame on me for believing you!
>>36359820THAT'S THE SPIRIT CORPORAL!!!
>>36359820Who said I was a man?
Pardon ME Communist sir, but the lads and I have some complaints about the pictscreen in the lounge
>>36359402GREAT INEFFABLE ONE, WE ARE UNWORTHY OF YOUR GRACE. IN LIFE, IN DEATH, AND IN BETWEEN WE SERVE YOU!
>>36359750Everyone must have full stomachs to fuel this operation, so when we pass that mountain of screaming eyeballs I will toss the children into the engine giving us enough time to feast. By consuming the children we will use their life force to make a completely normal drop out of warp by our common absorption of energy.
>>36359862No, it is true, we have discovered the truth.The food we needed was inside us all along.Here, have some of mine, I have plenty.Taste of it.Become it.Never hunger again.
>>36359916My only problem with that pic us that Kharn has blue hair, not red
>>36359865MA'AM, THANK YOU MA'AM.>>36359875Well...I heard things about the Astartes!If not, then you seem like you would be a fine woman to produce soldiers for the guard!
>>36359940Well she's gotten older...
>>36359940I was told by whatever the hell replaced the machine spirit in the toaster that it was more a delicate shade of cyan.
>>36359927>actually eating >Not just receiving nutrients via osmosis of the warpI mean, you fools are just so barbaric! Mouths are for biting off faces, not eating!
>>36359927Aha! Found the doctor's manual on how to deal with these things:Consumption Virus type W21Should any organism displaying traits consistent with CV-W21 be sighted, then the established protocol requires it be engaged at range with small arms until immobile then dispatched using incendiary weapons and munitions from as great a distance as possible. Any living thing coming in physical contact with an organism infected with CV-W21 is considered expendable and is to be immediately terminated and incinerated. Any persons coming within three meters of CV-W21 infected life are to immediately withdraw from the area, be isolated from the rest of their team, and subjected to medical examination using only remote techniques to determine if infection has occurred and appropriate steps taken based on that determination.Get the SP weapons and flamers.
>>36359985Well jessica is a lying bitch. Every one knows kharns hair a light shade of turquoise. >>36359961*Unzips ???*
>>36360048......I have seen many women in my time......none that weren't mutants had that....You a muuuutant? Cause we got rules about mutants.
>>36360035I forget, is the armoury next to the pond of green-bluish liquid and first to the right after the wall speaking about existentialism, or through the forest on D-28 and first to the right after the sign pointing to the floor?
It just occurred to me that these "Excuse me, ____" threads are like a version 2.0 of those shitty Grandpa Dreadnought namefag circlejerk threads years ago.Threads that I was a part of, much to my dishonour.
>>36360091Naaah. All astartes have that. Its considered very feminine amongest space marines. >>36360035Pfft. Just vent the rooms to the warp. Daemons love messing with those bags of meat.
>>36360145I'm going to go check with the doctor to make sure that this is going to be okay.Then I'm going to have a long chat with the priestess about the Empress.
>>36360121It's past the forest and over the big pile of tiny bones. From the boulder shaped like a hemorrhoid, jump up the upside-down venus flytrap to D-29. From there walk towards the bush made of thoughts. Keep going until you reach the blue haired shrew. If you see a giant, yellow pillow, you've gone too far. From the shrew, take a left. The armoury is right through the mumbling bulkhead.
>>36360048>>36360091>>36360145>Naaah. All astartes have that. Its considered very feminine amongest space marines.Indeed!The Vagina Anemone is very important in Space Marine Reproduction!
>>36360236I think I'm going to go smoke a long cigar before I get into this.A loooooong cigar.
>>36360255Here, have one of mine!
>>36360234Yes sir!May I request Commissar Corgus leading this mission through the forest as it appears he may need to be relived of bodily fluids?
>>36360234He's gonna need to bribe the bulkhead with some gum, though. Cherry flavour is it's favourite, but anything that isn't apple should work.Don't give the mumbling bulkhead apple flavoured gum. It will not end well for you.
>>36360309Ma'am! Thank you!I must say, you seem like a mighty fine woman as well, I bet you'd be a real romp. If it's not to improper, ma'am!
>>36360334>I must say, you seem like a mighty fine woman as well, I bet you'd be a real romp. If it's not to improper, ma'am!Not at all!Meet me in my bunk and I'll show you a good time...
>>36360035You fools, millions die every day starving, and billions more live in eternal hunger. Let us bring them the food.Let us bring them salvation.
>>36360310Permission granted. Corgus' well being during this mission is of tantamount importance. If he appears to be in danger, or if his hat starts singing, retrace your steps, then roll around shouting "Nearg" That should take you back to the bridge.
>>36360368Erm. Gonna go with no. >>36360371Krak grenades'll help too. Bring those, but remember to count to tree until throwing. Never three. Ever.
>>36360354Well then troops, it seems our Gellar Field Failure worked out alright!No heresy, no xenos, just servants of the Empress here!
>>36360368Ah, but my meaty friend, you do not realize, that if WE help them, how will they ever learn to feed themselves? Give them time, nobody likes to be rushed! Care for a Margarita on the Warprocks, while we pass through the Bog of Eternal stench? By the way, you must REALLY decide on which god you work for. You seem to be confused between Nurgle and Slaanesh, but trust me, our gods are jealous. You and your kin seem like undivided folks to me.
Well, the incursion is going quite poorly. I mean well. When's that guardsman coming back? We really need those flamers. We could flood the guardswomen's bunks on R-50 through R-56.So goodbye yellow brick roadWhere the dogs of society howlYou can't plant me in your penthouseI'm going back to my ploughBack to the howling old owl in the woodsHunting the horny back toadOh I've finally decided my future liesBeyond the yellow brick roadWhere did that come from?
>>36354832Oh god, that thread.
>>36360696Commissar Corgus successfully deposited his bodily fluids early on during our expedition, I'll let the record show that left unattended surely would have made ruinous powers blush.As we approached the bush made of thought me and the honoured Commissar heard humming from His hat. He assured me that as long as I carried him, crawled backwards and always overvoiced the hat we were fine.So I cried and sang loudly in The Emperor's glory and we prevailed through this challenge, though my voice will need time to recover.We walked for a long time, I would have loved to draw a map though I fear it would be outdated by the time of my return. We did however successfully reach the mumbling bulkhead. It was at this time I realized I had failed to requisition Cherry flavour bubble gum, I scraped the floor and found something I considered equally elastic as gum and offered this to the bulkhead.We were allowed in though as I grabbed the third holy flamer a sound of mighty digestion was heard and loud song was coming from the hat. I heard your wise words and followed your instructions and here I am.
>>36360471But see, the food allows to feed themselves, for the food is them. They are the eaters and the food.We all feast upon ourselves and when you feast upon yourself there is plenty to go around.Now tell me, which god will allow us to bring this food, this cure, this catharsis to everyone?
>>36360838Guardsman, you are up for an immediate promotion. The incursion can be stopped at the bridge. We must block the door with the servitors and only THEN transition to realspace. When the daemons break through our defenses, we can slaughter them in the bottleneck created by the open bridge doors.
>>36360838Wait. Was Corgus eaten? It's bizarre how I can overlook these things. If we don't hear from him in fifteen billion hummingbird flaps, you've got his job.
>>36361066I can not answer where he is, as to have returned here by rolling and shouting "Nearg" brought me here. Though next to that floating purple eye is the hat of a commissar, outside the window.
>>36360884Hmmm...thats a toughie. Normally, with a mug like yours and coming from the fact that your a horrible warp disease, I'd point yah to Papa nurgle. But the whole hope bringing thing and cure thing ain't all that great for the god of despair. But im sure Tzneetch would really dig the whole "eat your self to live" schtick. If I were you, i would personally go with nurgle, but I'd like to redirect you to a couple of greater Daemons who'll inform you even further>He scribbles some nightmarish symbols onto the wallsThat ones Urthl the Joy bringer, one of nurgles, and the others Tzekejkekeje'lask the Hisophiant, Big daemon of Tzneetch. I'd go with Nurgle first though, hes a bit easier to understand
>>36361171That's Novus'. You can have it once I convince the lieutenant over there that he void-suits are safe despite the colour change.. Commissar, Dariel.
>>36361336Excellent Captain Tiberius. Do we have any devolopments on the dropping out of warp front as the other factors appear to be in place to put this vessel back into proper hands?
This thread is... Indescribable.
>>36361479Chaotic for a thousand
>>36361474The navigator seems to have found a suitable location to translate. The servitors are piled atop one another. The bridge personnel have all been equipped with weapons suitable to combat the incursion. I've sent a squad out to find Corgus, though I have little hope for him. I'm going to retire to my throne and stare in a catatonic trance out the main viewport. You're in command until I wake up. If I don't, put a bullet in me and archive the thread. Actually, do the second part anyways.
>>36361623Psst.Were space marinesCan we help?
>>36361623So it shall be.http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/36351930/>>36361705Yes. You can all step off at that meat orgy happening on that hovering platform 2 billion crippled hummingbird flaps away.
>>36361705Lord, the task is complete.
>>36361887On suptg too. http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/36351930/ Goodnight.
>>36361980Is that so? Well looks like its time to leaveAlpha legion, move out. The plasma bombs will soon activate, destroying all onboard. Including that wretched NiceDaemonette
>>36362059Goodnight. I should sleep as well now but it is too late to have any decent ammount of sleep Good show lads.
>>36359241>We're not going to make it to Terra, are we, Sir?Tell me about the rabbits.
Gentlemen. Since we will all die I have accepted to be comforted by a daemon and taken into a daemon world that is like a resort world on steroids and have coitus in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation while holding hands.It was a honor to meet you guys.
>>36368248This pleases me.
Does anybody really care what time it is?
>>36368995But have you heard about the privileges granted to Emperor Norton I, King of the Homeless?http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/34771534/
>>36360368Wait a minute... I think I know what's happening here...You can't fool me...YOU BASTARDS ARE STEALING ALL THE MEAT RATIONS.
>>36369456Shut up, you'll take your corpsestarch and like it.
>>36369505No, I want a cut or I'm going straight to the commissar!
>>36369540>I want a cut*Cuts open abdomen**Pulls out intestine**Shoves intestine down throat*Now you will never go hungry again...
>>36369540Wait they're...That-Listen to what they're saying, bud. They say we already have all the meat we need to eat. Seem pretty confident about it.
>>36369630Don't worry... I'm a doctor...
>>36369698No, no, I'm on to you "scholar" types. Your research desecrates human purity! Your ideas are unclean!
>>36359421The corruption here gas gotten out of hand! heresy is rampant in this ship!Now get in line for I shall purge the evil out of you and add your skulls to the Emperor's throne!
I COULD turn the geller field back on.I COULD reverse all the demonic possessionsHowever the stupid admech tell me they lost my copy of Event Horizon, so I'mma just keep watching this. Its close enough
Hello, but excuse me. I was just wondering if any of you fine... gentlemen? Had perchance spied a fellow in dark armor with wings on his pauldrons? Hooded or robed in some such manner?
>>36370896A Night Lord you mean? He's right behind you. Has been for ten minutes. I thought it weird that you hadn't noticed but since you're holding a bolter...
>>36370921Mmm, yes indeed good eye. Have a good day loyal servant of the Imperium!
>>36370949Yeah about that. I'm kinda more a daemon these days but it's cool. Night Lords are dicks to everyone. As are Blood Ravens.
>>36370966Daemon you say? Well if you don't mind. I've got to purge you. Sanctity of the Empire and all that.
>>36369089>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/34771534/that threadI remember helping birth that shit-storm.
SECURITY? THIS IS SECURITY. I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE TO CALM DOWN.
>>36360751I remember that fucking thingit all started with a random guy entering a space wolves' dinner with one of the guys holding a severed ork's heador was it the room full of denuding sororitas?
>>36371057BUT THE FIGHTING IS ONLY JUST STARTING!
*Caestus ram slams through bulkhead*BROTHERS!!! THE INFESTATION OF TRAITORS AND WARP SPAWN IS WORSE THAN THE AUSPEX DIVINED!!!! CLEANSE, PURGE, KILL!!! IN THE EMPEROR'S HOLY NAME, LET NONE SURVIVE!!!!!ARE THERE ANY LOYAL SERVANTS REMAINING?!
>>36371203I'm still here... I don't know for how much longer tho. I get the ship ready to exit warp, I think if that helps.
>>36371252When we exit I don't have a clue where or when, we will be. Are there any navigators left that are still human?
>>36371203Oh yes, there are still loyalists aboard.But soon there won't be.
>>36371203YES! I STAND!I just have no idea how long I will be.
>>36371203do dead loyalists still count as loyalists being here?because I'm not sure death is a limitation here
>>36371252BOARD THE RAM, THIS SHIP IS LOST!!! ALL THAT REMAINS IS TO COLLECT ANY IRREPLACEABLE DATA AND HARDWARE, AS WELL AS ANY STILL FIGHTING!! YOU WILL BE EXAMINED FOR TAINT ABOARD MY BATTLE BARGE, AND BE DISPOSED OF IF FOUND LACKING!!!! >>36371229WHAT BUSINESS DID THE ULTRAMARINES HAVE HERE??!!!
>>36371364Okay! I am NOT ONE to argue with an escape route. And I have idea what's up with them. I'm just a security responder. The, now, I think...
>>36371318WITH THE TECHPRIEST, ARMSMAN!!!>>36371304>>36371338TRAITORS!!! COME FEEL THE BITE OF OUR SWORDS, AND THE EMBRACE OF OUR HAMMERS!!!!
>>36371364What business- Why would you question our intent? There are traitors to purge!
>>36371426Actually, the Marine here makes a valid point. Why even question that? Are you corrupt too? One of them? Going to cut me open the second I get away, is that it?
>>36371426HMM... VERILY, THERE ARE!!! VERY WELL, SON OF GUILLIMAN, STAND WITH US!!!! WE CAN HAVE ANSWERS LATER!!! TECHMARINE!!! REPLENISH THEIR AMMUNITION!!!!
>>36371454ARE YOU QUESTIONING YOUR BETTERS?!!!! BAH, IF IT PUTS YOUR MIND AT EASE, A TRUE SERVANT IS SUSPICIOUS BY NATURE, CLEARLY, THE ULTRAMARINES INTERCEPTED THE DISTRESS CALL, SAME AS WE HAVE!!!!
>>36358630I would play the fuck out of a game simply called "Fix the Gellar Field!", where the sole mission is to get from point A to point B on a ship as a tech priest, but given the nature of the corruption aboard ends up being a waltz through some procedurally generated hell-scape interspersed with lapses back into reality to show where you actually are on the ship.
>>36371555Have you read Shoggy's All-Guardsman stories?The second-to-current episode involves a failing gellar field.
Hey guys, I think I found a way out...Oh god emperor it didnt work, IT DIDNT WORK!
>>36371539Sure. In any case... I'd rather die defending my ship then live having let it fall to chaos.
>>36371828MOST COMMENDABLE, ARMSMAN, THE EMPEROR WILL REWARD YOUR SACRIFICE!!!! TAKE THIS HELLGUN, AND PURGE THE TRAITORS!!
>>36372720Hot-Shot Lasgun, if you prefer.>that gif>that music video>that entire productionGood Times.
>>36374750HAIL, HONORED BROTHER!!! JOIN US IN THE FRAY, YOUR TERMINATOR ARMOR WILL BE A BOON TO OUR EFFORTS!!!!
>>36374885I WILL JOIN YOU BROTHERS! TOGETHER WE WILL CLEAN THIS SHIP!IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR!LET NO ONE SURVIVE!
>>36375101NO PITY!!! NO REMORSE!!! NO FEAR!!!!
Baldrick, I took just a single step outside our quarters and witnessed about every manner of heresy known to man and even some that are not. You wouldn't happen to have gone near the Geller field generators, have you? Your smell alone could be responsible for this whole malfunction for all I know.
>>36375265THE MAN YOU ADDRESS IS SURELY DEAD, COMMISSAR!!!! KINDLY MAN THAT AUTOCANNON!!!!
Hey guys. It's the Ordo Malleus. You weren't answering your vox communicators so we just decided to leave a message. Call us back if you need anything. Bye!
MAKE ME IDEAL
>>36375613Different game, but still relevant.
>>36375732ALL SERVE THE GREAT WORK
>>36362069Hey, sorry I was busy, someone left a bunch of Plasma Bombs ready to blow all over the ship...>>36360425>>36367036>And everyone became hyper pregnant Lesbians...Good end!>>36370729Everything we do, we do for the entertainment of the Empress!
If your ship is under attack by horrific Warp monsters, the only option is to summon FRIENDLY horrific warp monsters.
>>36376190YOU!!! YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS, DAEMON SCUM!!! GREY KNIGHTS OR NO, WE WILL VANQUISH YOU BACK TO THE FARTHEST REACHES OF THE WARP!!!!
>>36375732Looks like a bony rooster with that pose.
>>36376290All shall fear the harbinger of the new age.... NECRO-COCK! None shall escape his bony wrath!
>>36358155Ok, google image search has failed me. Is that fucking real?
>>36376328Yes. Fear the beasts of the Warp.
>>36376259Too late for YOU!
>>36376362HA!!! PATHETIC!!! I KNOW NOT WHAT YOU MEAN TO ATTEMPT BUT IT ONLY FILLS ME WITH RIGHTEOUS SCORN!!!!
>>36376692Well you're a woman now...
>>36376773The most feared of all Perils... R63.
>>36376353What the fuck are they? Just completely inbred?
>>36376773MAHAHAHAHAHA DO YOU LEARN NOTHING DAEMON!!! YOU ATTEMPTED THIS FOOLISHNESS UPON ME ONCE BEFORE, AND YOUR FRAIL POWERS AVAILED YOU NAUGHT!!!!http:// suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/35657275>besides, that's a SoB, doesn't count as r63
>>36376773Me am Spac Wulf, a Impreum Ork, and me think U ok, becuz me am Spac Wulf.Me also think ship shud be given to inkwisishin az gift frum Fenris
>>36376794No foul sorcery can prevent true believer from doing Emperor's work!
>>36376878I have no clue.
>>36376899Are you sure you're a Space Wolf? You sound about right, but the armor looks a bit off.
>>36376979Fenris out uv gra-blu pant. Spac Wulfs luv to atak brothrs, so we did destroy a ultramaren wurld wif books and esteces and steal untramaren pant for new armr.
>>36377159You killed an Ultramarine? Good. Fuck those guys. Welcome aboard brother!
>>36376794What do you mean Peril?That's a Boon if you ask me...>>36376888THERE ARE VERY FEW SFW FEMALE BLACK TEMPLAR PICS!!!>>36376899INDEED!
>>36377389It's only a boon if it's consensual, or non-consensual but well written.
>>36377256Me can give ship as gift then?this ship am as clen as spac wulf ship. onle differnc is this has menee-ur wurds, and less blud and skuls
>>36377499I'll tell you what. If you can pry that guardsman's face off the Geller generator and kill all the cultists, demons, and boners, then it's yours. Deal?
>>36377389ARGH WHAT DO I CARE!!! ALL I SEEK IS YOUR DEATH!!!!AND WHERE IS THAT COMMISSAR??!! WENT BY THE NAME OF "MCFUCKYOU" I BELIEVE! AND SERGEANT HOOKER II, WHERE IS HE??!! HE HAD BETTER BE FOLLOWING HIS FATHER'S HIGH EXAMPLE!!!
>>36377542why du that. rit now just lik wulf ship
>>36377586*SNIFF* WHY DO I SMELL THE STINK OF ORK??!!!
>>36377612He's a Space Wolf, they all smell like that.Besides, it's not like an Ork would ever be smart enough to steal a suit of power armor, sneak on to the ship, sabotage the Geller generator and convince us to plant a corrupted vessel in the hold of our noble battle brothers. Right?
>>36377657I HAVE FOUGHT ALONGSIDE THE SONS OF RUSS MANY A TIME, AND THEY HAVE AN ODOR ALL THEIR OWN, NOTHING LIKE ORK STENCH!! AND YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED WHAT SOME ORKS ARE CAPABLE OF...
>>36354743Strangely enough Daft Punk's Instant Crush goes pretty well with that.
>>36377711When has an Ork ever caused any major trouble for the Imperium?
>>36355066WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW MORE MEN AT IT
>>36377612becuz spac wulfs am like orks but human. yu am .... ...(Iron Hand? no. Dark Angel? nope. OH! loyalists had a 'second founding' Aha!)... ... Blak Templr, so yu wud not understnd. yu suns uv Dorn am like clenness tu much, yu clen evry day. me am wulf, me not car abot smell, and me fit ork das ago, so me smel lik ork.
>>36377769WHEN HAS A SMART TONGUE SERVED THE EMPEROR???!!!
>>36377868What about Ciaphas Cain? He was pretty snarky.
...Battle brothers, I don't think we'll be accepting any gifts here today. Initiate the "polite declining" and "just called for a crusade a few sectors away" procedure.
>>36377827IF YOU THINK I AM NOT PRIVY TO YOUR DECEPTION, GREENSKIN, YOU ARE MORE A FOOL THAN YOUR MISBEGOTTEN KIND IS KNOW TO BE!!!!
>>36377908HE WAS ALSO BLESSED WITH THE EMPEROR'S GRACE TO ESCAPE HIS SITUATIONS, HE IS EXCUSED!!!>>36377935YES, BEGONE FROM HERE, BLOOD RAVENS!!! I WILL NOT BE STUCK INSIDE A BOX AGAIN!!!!
>>36377938Come on now. It's a perfectly reasonable explanation. He is totally not going to shoot us out the airlock and leave us for the Rak'gol.
>>36378010YOU ARE IN LEAGUE THEN!!!! PREPARE TO DIE, HERETIC!!! AND YOU, FOUL XENO!!! YOU WHO DARE TO DESECRATE THE SACRED ARMOR OF MY DISTANT BROTHERS!!!
>>36378047If you want to get technical about it, refuring to the armor of the Thousand Sons, a traitor legion, as that of your brother even after Magnus violated the Nikea Decree, which granted was a stupid fucking idea, is a subtle form of heresy so... yeah.
>>36377938I not tak lik ork. I tak like human. if me am ork, me say umie, not human!how can me pruv me am wulf, bruthr?>>36377935(he wears colors similar to what we used to have. do I know him?)
>>36378110SO FIRST HE WAS A SON OF RUSS, NOW YOU SAY HE IS OF THE THOUSAND SONS??!!!! YOUR ATTEMPTS AT MISLEADING ARE GROWING WEARISOME!!!>>36378117THEN YOU ARE HIGHLY ADVANCED IN YOUR SPEECH, ALIEN SCUM!!!! BUT NOT ADVANCED ENOUGH!!!! TAKE OFF YOUR ARMOR THEN, IF YOU WOULD ATTEMPT TO MAINTAIN YOUR FACADE!!!!
>>36378299Look at the armor. >>36376899. When the hell was the last time you saw Russ dressing like a Yu-Gi-Oh! character?
Guardsman reporting for duty!Daemons were ripping my flesh up until a couple minutes ago, and I'm wondering, is anyone even alive in this hellhole?
>>36378360HE IS NO SPACE WOLF, THAT IS FOR CERTAIN!!! >speaking out of character, I had missed that post, sorry.
>>36378471We have me, a Spess Wulf who is totally not an Ork, a Bloody Magpie, and a very rude Black Templar
>>36378471DO YOUR DUTY, GUARDSMAN, AND HELP ME KILL THE XENOS AND TRAITORS!!!!
>>36378471OI YOU! SHUT YER MOUF AN' PURGE THE HERESY
>>36378571Traitor is a subjective term. I'd like to think of myself as more of an impartial spectator. A mediator of sorts. Now can't we all just get along?
>>36378299do Me luk lik Ork brothr?
>>36378690Ha! Told you so!
>>36377935>blood ravens turning down giftsOh god, it's worse than I could have possibly imagined.
>>36378604THE EMPEROR HATES PEACE IN THOSE WHO ARE DESTINED FOR WAR!!!>>36378690THEN IF YOU ARE NOT AN ORK YOU ARE A CORRUPTED, GIBBERING TRAITOR!!!
>>36378571>>36378579Thank the Emperor, someone else is alive!Hold on, I'll make my way to your position; Deck F-66 is covered in these daemons, and reality isn't making sense anymore.
>>36379046What if you're the corrupted one? I mean, you're the one who keeps trying to kill the entire crew.
>>36379128THE ENTIRE CREW?! NONSENSE, I SHALL ONLY PURGE THE TRAITORS!!
>>36379215So far the traitors consist of me and a brain damaged Wolf. Why are we considered traitors again?
>>36379046uv cors! me am spac wulf.we wulfs have wulfen curse, and am always kil brothr startes that want improve impreum.(at least my stolen rosarius in on, and my teleporter is ready. Still don't understand how my furry act is unbelievable though)
>>36379422The furry act isn't believable because you aren't attention whoreing or posting porn everywhere.
>>36379250*removes helm*Because of this statement >>36378604 and yours and the other's suspicious behavior. Alright, *sits and lights cigar* what are you doing here, and why is he adorned in Thousand Sons armor? You are both alone, and do not appear to be operating within the bounds of your respective Chapters. Leading me to believe you are renegades, if not outright heretics.Explain.
>>36379462I was on rout to loot- er... secure a Necron tomb. I was definitely not going to steal Gauss weaponry and sell it to the Admech. I was just sitting here trying to get this jar of queso open when the daemons showed up. Next thing I knew, there was a judgmental Black Templar, a friendly daemonett and a Space Wolf with Down's syndrome fighting, Phyrexia invaded, and someone put a corgi in charge of the ship.
>>36379560............. Your indiscretions are not within my purview to deal with. Be on your way.
>>36379693Have a good evening sir. If you want some queso, I'll be over by the pile of dead guardsmen.
>>36379634Ah! A chance for honest battle! *replaces helm* BROTHERS!!! FLAMERS AND MELTAGUNS AT THE READY!!! TYRANIDS INCOMING!!!
>>36379727Torrent here:http://www.nyaa.se/?page=view&tid=625607Beware of trippy tits.
>>36379786It's dangerous to purge alone, take this.
>>36379462Me am explained why armr: >>36377159Me want give ship to inkwisishin as wulf gift to show we am frends. we not have ekstra ships, and this ship am smelly enuf and have enuf things fer sex to luk lik ship. (evn if ship has tu many wurds, and not enuf blud and skuls)then we frends, and wulfs and inkwesishun can fit zenos and destroy impreul wurlds that want tu make impreum betr and smartr lik we alwas du.at least that's true of the two. there's no way he can find a flaw in my statement)>>36379459I'm acting like a violent idiot who hates knowledge. do I need to paint my warp-formed markings in red and bronze?
>>36379869You may need to add gold filigree and poorly drawn sigils. Works every time.
Daemon, human, it matters not. This thread reeks of enemies of Khorne...Good.hahahahahahAHAahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! LET YOUR SCREAMS BE HEARD IN EVERY CORNER OF THE WARP!!!
>>36379837*casts gimlet eye upon xenotech* No, you hold onto that. Wouldn't want to put a dent in your profits...
>>36360368>>36360884>>36359750>>36359649>>36359555>>36359389>>36359295>>36359190>>36357946This is what I imagine hell would look like. I've been seeing these for a few years and now and it never ceases to amaze me how utterly creepy they are.
>>36379987Okay. I'll just be here. Eating my chips. With my giant gun. That I have never used before. Alone. On a ship full of eldritch abominations.
>>36379923AT LAST!!! A FOE MOST WORTHY OF OUR RIGHTEOUS WRATH!!!! AVAST, DAEMON, AND FACE YOUR DOOM!!!!!!
Alright. Who stole my pants? I still had my LEGS inside them!
>>36380054They were a better weapon than your flashlight, so we handed it over to Mr.Smashfacehaufen to be wielded properly.
>>36379634>puts helmet back on and starts shooting at the tyranidsfer al-fathr(fucking nids... if they're here, then the shadow in the warp isn't far behind. shit) >>36379923Am you Lemn Rus?
>>36380092What Flashlight? my Rifle? It just bit me!
>>36380219That's not a rifle, it's a Nurgling. Stop trying to shoot it. That's not a trigger you're tugging on.
>>36380219SWORD BROTHER!!! GIVE THAT GUARDSMAN YOUR PLASMA GUN, SO YOU MAY BETTER SWING YOUR CHAINSWORD!!!!
>>36379813What the actual fuck did I just watch.
Ha! a good place to find some rare artef... Hey! Who stole my Powerfist? Stop the asshole in the red armor!
*All will be consumed by the swarm, and there is nothing you can do about it*
>>36380407(AAAARG! MY HEAD! need to get out of here!)Me am take ship to inkwisishun now
>>36380305It's actually a Gauss flay- ah fuck it. Merry Spacemas random guardsman.
>>36380305My legs are still gone! Oh wait.. YES! They are growing back! I..i.. Oh what in the emperors name!?
>>36380498UGH... JUST FIX YOUR BAYONET AND CHARGE THOSE TYRANIDS!!! THAT WAY WE NEED NOT CONCERN OURSELVES WITH YOUR... CONDITION!!!
>>36380494Uh, sir, something seems a bit... off about this Spacemas. For starters, I was under the impression that santa wasn't real.
>>36380051Loud and high, cries are heard from cracked and broken horns.This is the way to go, humans. Fear not, for your bravery will not fade unnoticed.Your skulls with be honored in the throne of the Blood God!
>>36380574CONDITION? I HAVE CHICKEN-LEGS!And the Blood Raven stole my blade!
>>36380634Stop wining a shoot. That Gauss rifle was worth more throne gelt than you are.
>>36380634I know right? Fucking thieves!
>>36380598LIES!!! MY SPIRIT WILL ONE DAY REST AT THE SIDE OF THE EMPEROR ON HIGH!!!! THERE IS NO HONOR IN YOUR VOID OF PURPOSE, DUTY, AND UNITY, DAEMON!!!!
>>36380634FINALLY! THE MEAT RATIONS ARE BACK!QUICK, GIVE THAT PLASMA GUN A COUPLE SHOTS AND HOLD STILL.
>>36380634PAH! *throws mutant guardsman at the tyranids*
>>36380670Damn thieves. Absolutly shameless. On an unrelated note, would you mind watching with quasi-legal xeno tech for me?
>>36380670But this Rifle looks odd....but hey, alright , Okay okay! I will kill as much of those beasts as i ca...-explodes together with the warped plasmagaussrifle-
Hey, what's all this racket up here, I'm tryna get some sle....
I smell Chicken..
>>36380739emperorEMPEROR DAMN IT! That thing sells for 50,000 gelt on Samson IV! What am I supposed to tell those rogue inquisitors now?
>>36380807A CATACHAN! EXCELLENT!!! TAKE THIS HEAVY BOLTER AND KEEP UP THE FIRE ON THE TYRANIDS!!!!>>36380816YOU ARE FREE TO SCAVENGE BIOMORPH WEAPONS FROM THESE TYRANIDS, I SHALL NOT HINDER YOU!
>>36380903Wait. I can loot the nids? Why didn't you say so? Get the fuck out of my way, I've got corpses to defile!That Blood Raven conveniently "dropped" this shot gun.
>>36380903DON'T tell ME what to do!But thanks for the bolter!Now.. Where are those bloody bugs coming from?
>>36380969I'll take that for you!
>>36381046I have a spare. He seemed to have "dropped" quite a few things.
I'M RUNNING LOW ON AMMO AND CIGARS!! WHERE ARE THE MELTER-BOMBS??LETS BLOW THIS PILE OF SCRAP TO OBLIVION!!
>>36380598(things are going south fast. time to find an Alpha Legionaire to get us out of here)Me am wondring why ther is ALL this RED stuff. why am all SEVEN of these nobs not GREEN. the TWO bugs>shoots 2 bugsam A lot uv arms. i count TWELVE. all DIS stuff is IN a blob. so need to chang GAGE. fast, SONS of dorn, we must kil the nids, before it am second GARTENOTH 1 THOUSAND.
>>36381107Yes, if you could just fill out forms 43C through 56D we should have have you need on the next supply ship to your location within 3 standard months.
I feel funny
>>36380989YOUR AUDACITY IS SO FLAGRANT AS TO BE ADMIRABLE, GUARDSMAN!!!! WE HAVE YET TO DISCOVER THEIR SOURCE, SO LET US CUT THEM DOWN AND TRACK DOWN THEIR FOUL NEST!!! STAY ALERT, BROTHERS!!!
>>36381204Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. Please stop laughing. PLEASE JUST STOP.
>>36381107HERE, GUARDSMAN! YOU MAY HAVE MY CIGARS!!!! AND THE MELTA BOMBS ARE IN THE CAESTUS!!! THERE IS ALSO A HEAVY FLAMER IF YOU PREFER THAT OVER THE HEAVY BOLTER!!!
>>36381272If this guy goes nuts can I loot him too?
>>36381277>(isn't this taking taking place on a ship?)
>>36381277*throws phosphor grenade*KEEP UP THE PACE, BRETHREN!!!
>>36381303The only other nid pictures I have on hand are the Space Crusade box and a genestealer in a top hat. We're in the Immaterium, just roll with it.
>>36381277I TOLD YOU TO STOP LAUGHING.
>>36381303>(yes, the picture only makes the point that the nids are there)
>>36381303Ships are in space. Stars are in space. Space are in stars. Stars are in ships. All will be well.
>>36381336[Tyranid guafawing intensifies]
>>36381174NO EXPLOSIVES? SHIT!All i have left is a flask of paint-thinner-like booze and my Knive!
>>36381336THEN FIRE YOUR WEAPON AT THEM, FOOL!!!!
>>36381370But what if they're masochist Tyranids?
>>36381361NEVER MIND THOSE MUNITORUM INCOMPETENTS, I TOLD YOU TO GO TO THE CAESTUS FOR MORE WEAPONS!!!! ITS JUST BACK THERE!!!
>>36381397THEN AIM FOR THEIR EYES, TO KILL INSTANTLY!!!!
>>36381414About that... the um... the Relicator made a very generous offer and I may have... sold him... a few things. Or maybe a lot of things.
>>36381296-lights the cigar with the flamer-Lets burn some bugs...
>>36381436OH GOD, EVERYTHING IS EYES
>>36381384gj me clearing the name field
>>36381458GRR, THEN CHARGE THEM!!! FIX YOUR BAYONET DAMN YOU!!!
>>36381458You're looking at the TV screen. It's just a re-run of Hellsing, calm down.
>>36381495Actually the TV screen is looking at me....Amorously. Oh lord.
>>36381599CATACHAN!!! BRING THE FIRE TO THIS ABOMINATION!!!
>>36381599Yep. Looks like Hellsing to me. That show always was edgy as fuck. I did tear up a bit when Bernadotte died though.
>>36381682>a relevant aside
>>36377769I served on Armageddon alongside azreal.Ghazgul is a greater foe than many traitor bands, an everyday ork is a triviality, an ork with a tenacious mind and motivation is an enemy seldom survived.where are the orks, i have experience here.>>36377868the actions of the common man are as great a service to the emperor as a soldiers might. >>36378690you, son of russ, have you seen an ork around here?
>>36381777Oh hey. No orks here, just Tyranids, Chaos, and allusions to violent animu.
>>36381777NONE CAN DISPUTE THIS, CHAPLAIN!! BUT I RATHER FAVOR THE SOLDIERLY ACTIONS OF THE COMMON MAN OVER IDLE WIT!!!!AND NEVER MIND THAT WOLF, YOU WILL GET NO COHERENT ANSWER!! I SUSPECTED HIM OF BEING A DISGUISED ORK, BUT I HAVE BEEN PROVEN WRONG!!! GREENSKINS MAY HAVE SNUCK ABOARD THIS VESSEL, HOWEVER!!!
So current party is - A Black TemplarA Blood RavenA crazy guardsmanA RelicatorA requisition officerA grave robber A Space Wolf who is totally a Space Wolf and nothing elseAnd a Chaplain
>>36381803Loading Hellfire rounds battle brother, FOR THE EMPEROR!!!is that a daemonette on our side?
>>36381928>is that Catachan still about?
>>36381928sounds like a standard game of deathwatch
>>36381952Depends on how lonely you are.>>36381957>Damn, I forgot him. Last I heard he was looking for explosives.
>>36381952IT MOST DECIDEDLY IS NOT ON OUR SIDE!!! I THOUGHT I HAD SUCCEEDED IN SMITING IT!!!
Oh god please no they're spreading.
>>36381981>he's off burning nids by himself, looks like>>36381451
>>36381777thousand sons am worse than orks. they want humans be 'smarter' lik in Macragge or Prospero and not like Fenris
>>36382071Although that Magnus guy did seem like a nice fellow.
After doing a thorough stock taking of this deck of the ship I have found we have in storage:4x Melta Bombs12x Lasrifle3x Standard Guardsmen Medkit7x Frag Grenades35x Cartons of lho sticks1x Nurgling2x Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting PrimerAnd 1 strange locked box with the seal of the Inquisition on it
>>36382141Magnus am bad. he want impreum to lern so we not need tu fite tu liv.lerning and understnding tu go bak to tim uv tek bad. ignernce and strugling tu surviv good.that why we kill prospero.
>>36382286I'll take the Primer. It's good for laughs. We should probably also crack open that =][= crate now. Right now.
>>36382286*removes helm*Give me that box. I will pass this to my contacts in the Inquisition.*snatches nurgling and stomps it underfoot*
>>36382361What if it has something useful that would provide much needed Deus Ex Machina?
>>36382391Such things are not to be trifled with, even for us Space Marines. We have plenty of firepower to overcome any obstacles. Besides, it is neither convenient nor wise to make enemies of the Inquisition.
>>36382449We're out gunned, out numbered, about to be overrun, trapped in the Warp, and unless you have some Hereteks that owe you a favor, I don't think us, or the corgi that was appointed captain for some reason are going to be getting out of this in one piece. Nor in a one piece suit. Nor with a KFC one piece meal. Nor in a cameo appearance in One Piece.
>>36382449Me agree. using useful tools to save lives what thousand sons do
>the ship jolts, then begins to accelerate away from the shadow in the warp(finally)
Well I'll just leave it here so you Lord Space Marines can decide what to do with it. I'll go look for more storage closets to investigate.
>>36382606Well that was convenient. Not that I'm complaining.
>>36359500Oh shit, is that that weird-ass tentacle alien they were gonna put in Mass Effect?
>>36382730They were going to put in a fourth one?
>>36382682Our faith in the Emperor will always carry us through, as we see now that we are out of the Warp. But lo! Is that an Inquisition vessel approaching?
>>36382782Is it? It looks a bit off. Maybe they're here for the Box of Doom.
>>36382782My Lord, I was investigating a comms station when I received a message asking for the person in charge. If you follow me I can take you right there my Lord.
>>36382875We will let them initiate the vox channel.
>>36382887Ah, excellent. Lead the way.
>>36382925They did. >>36382887. We probably shouldn't keep them on hold, especially in light of the last few hours, and in that at least 3 of our remaining crew members are technically criminals.
>>36382951Yes my Lord, right along here.Don't mind the flesh dripping from the walls, that is perfectly normal for this model of ship. And here is the comms station, ready to contact the ship my Lord.
>>36383002Normal? I think not. Sword Brother Deutchlander, take your Crusade Squad and investigate the source. Do not withhold your flamers' holy promethium
>>36383002This is Marshal Smashfacehaufen of the Black Templars. Whom am I addressing?
>Does someone have a speech for the Inquisitor planned out already, or are we just waiting for someone to think of something?
>>36383002Me bring you Spac wulf ship as gift
>>36383185>I suppose its the latter. perhaps we can snatch somebody out of the quest threads. Im in no rush, since im working on a paper between posts
>>36383247>Speaking of quest threads, you want to keep going after this thread 404's or call it quits?
>i have nothing better to do, so if other people do im in
>>36383291>while I would really like to have this end in an interesting way, it really wont bother me if we just settle it now. For me, when these threads get like this it is an opportunity to put on this persona and do what I've been doing. As such, I prefer to see it akin to a webcomic episode, rather than an episodic quest. >But you guys have been bros in any case, and have played along like the most elegant of gentlemen
>I'm up for what ever you guys want to do. If you want to keep going after this I'll show for the next thread, if you feel like retiring I'll call it quits for the night.>Either way, it's been a pretty good game/thread/RP/what ever.
>However, if you guys really want to make something out of this, I'd be happy to go along with it. After all, this is where shi/t g/ets done
>well, next time there is a thread like this you might see a requisitions clerk being mostly useless. until then goodbye.
>>36383528>righto, that settles it. Yes do keep an eye on these threads. Once the namefag commissars, guardsmen, orks, and fucking ND show up, that's when I'll drop in and crank things up to Templar with the volume control broken
>>36383561Useless looter will be right behind you.
Oh! Has this been archived? I hate to admit, but I don't know how to do it
>>36383596I was going to ask you.Shit.
>>36383577Yeah, your bit with the queso was pretty damn funny, anon
>>36383619I never got it open. Had to use lukewarm salsa.
>>36383615Dammit! and we must be the only two left. Ok, I could copypasta the whole thing to MS Word
>>36383632You should try making some fresh. Tastes so much better, specially if you add rum and tequila
>>36383637I have I saved as an HTML, so when I have a few minutes I can cap it.
>>36383651I made some fresh salsa for a party a while back, but the bastards ate it before I got any.
>>36383654Wunderbar. I'll just pasta it for myself
>>36383672Righto. If there's ever a chance, I'll post the cap once it's done.
>>36383666Way to end the thread by discussing food. Yeah man, gotta make big batches. I always end up with a huge mixing bowl full. Magnificent trips.
its been archived
>>36383709Oh. Well that's convenient. Don't suppose you'd like some victory queso?
>>36383709AH! You are a true Son of the Emprah, and no Ork. <<<a nice for your next event. it never fails me
>>36383787Daym. I know what I'm making for Thanksgiving now.
>>36383811Yesss... take it a step further and use habaneros too. Also, its a bit more effort, but shuck out all the seeds in a little bowl and then put them back in on the cream cheese. Makes some of them able to send a Catachan into a coughing fit
We've managed to commit theft, save a ship, promote a dog, archive a thread, fight tyranids, slay daemons, get recipes, plow things up, open a jar, loot things, and bring Father Anderson into it somehow. Good thread. 10/10. Night all. Best of luck to all of you still here.
>>36383931Likewise anon! Lets make the next thread even more of an insane sideshow! Fill the parting glass and goodnight and joy be with you all!
>>36383992Name a time and I'll be there, blatant meta-gaming and theft in tow.
>>36384013Same here, righteously screaming. be on the lookout...Until next time, Vale!