>>36062501
Most space marine chapters are decent guys. Most just know that completing their mission will help the Imperium survive. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of that person whose about to get capped over there.

>>36062501
Apothecaries have to know human medicine, not only astartes medicine, I'm sure a competent apothecary would know how to take care of a kid.

Maybe that's the job of the apothecary trainees.

>>36063105
INFANT, STOP CRYING.
INFANT, IF YOU DO NOT STOP CRYING YOU WILL LOSE 1 POINT IN THE TEST.
GOD-EMPEROR JUST MAKE HIM STOP

Apothecary Raidis,

Despite the transcripts that you sent me showing that, genetically and physically, this infant would make a perfect recruit for the Chapter, I question his faith. He does not pay any attention to my sermons, he threatens to tear off my sacred purity seals, and he will set forth with a wail and a cry when I tell him what he has done is wrong. Something is wrong with him for him to be so heretical under the gaze of a faithful servant of the Emperor.

Chaplain Azdazeus

PS: If he is so physically capable, why can he not walk? This is a simple matter, Raidis, but it is something this creature cannot grasp, for he but crawls!

I imagine someone fucking up and unleashing a tidal wave of kids that just crash into some hapless terminator

>WAARGLBLAARGL

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>>36063930
BROTHER, SOMETHING IS AMISS.

Night Lords are sometimes known to steal babies to use as recruits. How the fuck do they take care of them?

>>36065770
throw them in a pit

throw food in the pit

the ones that survive become initiates

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>>36063185

>>36063185

INFANT, CEASE YOUR WARBLING AND BROTHER EINAR WILL REQUISITION YOU A BAR OF SWEETS.

>>36066892
You guys are killing me. Can't stop laughing at the thought if the Apothecary teying to understand how that baby-thing works, especially the diapers part. We need a drawfag seriously.

>>36066892

TODDLER, IMAGINE YOUR MOUTH AS THE FIGHTER BAY OF A BATTLE BARGE, AND THIS SPOONFUL OF FOOD AS A THUNDERHAWK.

THE BATTLE BROTHER REQUESTS DOCKING, TODDLER, DO NOT KEEP HIM WAITING.

INFANT, DO NOT URINATE ON YOUR BEDSHEET. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL INVOKE THE WRATH OF THE EMPEROR FOR DESECRATING HIS HOLY.SYMBOL.

...

BROTHER LARIAN, SUMMON THE INQUISITION.

>>36067075
INFANT, YOU HAVE TO CONSUME ONE MORE SPOON IN THE NAME OF THE CHAPTER MASTER. AND THE SECOND IN THE NAME OF THE PRIMARCH. AND ONE MORE IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR.

>mfw the red scorpions get a dreadknight and put a marine with baby carrier inside a larger baby carrier

INFANT #00042346, PLEASE GO TO BED
>Buwt i don wannaw
INFANT #00042346 YOU MUST REST FOR YOUR TESTS TOMORROW
>I down wike tewsts
INFANT #00042346 YOUR DISDAIN FOR TESTS HAS REDUCED YOUR SCORE BY ONE

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>>36067177

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>Infant reaches the age where he's always asking "why" or general questions.

>>36065770
I would imagine they use the old legion method of stuffing the baby to the gills with gene-seed (that felt really bad to type), and waiting to see if it takes or they become horrible mutants they blast out of an airlock.

INFANT, REMEMBER ALWAYS, YOU FIGHT FOR THE IMPERIUM AND, ABOVE ALL, FOR THE EMPEROR
>why?
>chaplain's face when

>>36067275
Babies aren't hard to find, true, but I was under the impression that gene-seed was an extremely valuable resource, and that even chaos legions would likely do some kind of genetic testing first. But, who knows what those crazy fucks do?

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Will never see the Red Scorpions the same again.

>>36067325
>But, who knows what those crazy fucks do?

NEW
BORN

SEEDING

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>>36067323
> Chaplain, hod do you make babies?
> Uuuuuuh...

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>>36067346
>>36067346
>I got the need...
>THE NEED
>TO SEEEEEED

>>36067389
WE DO NOT MAKE THEM, INFANT, FOR CREATION OF LIFE IS A WAY TO SLAANESH WORSHIP. WE ACQUIRE THE CHOSEN ONES AND PURIFY THEM OF FILTH.

>>36067325
It is. If the guy goes wrong you just take away the geneseed and repeat with another victim. Recruit.

Unless you dont have a competent apothecary around. Or someone who knows enough anatomy, like a torturer or flayer or whatever.

I guess some khornate bands just throw geneseed to the babies until a berserker comes out of the pit clad in armour.

>>36067389

Before I remembered they would start indoctrination at a young age I was wondering if Space Wolves would take their pubescent recruits to the local tavern/brothel to spread the geneseed around.

>>36067451
Sure... "acquire" in a Blood Raven way.
> THAT CHILD WAS GIFTED TO ME CAPTAIN, I SWEAR!

>>36067075

THIS IS IMPROPER DOCKING PROTOCOL

I GRAVELY HOPE THIS DOES NOT REFLECT ON YOUR FUTURE PILOTING EXPERTISE

>>36067772

BY PUTTING MY GIANT HANDS IN FRONT OF MY GIANT FACE, I HAVE HIDDEN MYSELF FROM YOUR GAZE.

[Angry Marine Noises] IF I WAS A GENESTEALER, YOU WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW.

Y'all realize that 'childrearing' is probably the duty of the Chapter Serfs, right? Not that this isn't absolute murder on my sides, though. Please, continue.

WHO IS A GOOD INITIATE, CHILD? IS IT YOU? ARE YOU A GOOD INITIATE?

NO. AND YOU WILL NOT BE UNTIL YOU PROVE YOURSELF IN THE FIELD.

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Oh god someone archive this please.

>>36067964
chapter serfs are only human, and these are the top .0o1 percent of babies

these are some strong, crafty ass babies

babies coming out of vents and shit, dropping onto battle brothers on their prayers, popping out of hatches of predators, shitting in places that won't be found for weeks and tipping over everything

only an astartes can truly wrangle such a beast

>>36068703

Rock a by baby in the thunderhawk,
If the enemy flak hits, the transport will rock.
If the engines flame out the transport will fall.
And we steer the transport into the enemy and die gloriously for the emperor, baby and all.

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>>36068703
>these are some strong, crafty ass babies

>>36069008
the best lullaby

CHILD, AWAKE. HERESY GROWS FROM IDLENESS. SACRED RITES OF MAINTENANCE AND PURIFACTION DEMAND YOUR ATTENTION.

>>36068703
What the fuck are these babies, Bean from Ender's Game?

>>36069257
If Bean were a /fit/ baby instead of a stunted midget.

>>36067964
No matter how good at childrearing the serfs are, eventually the kids are gonna wander about and bother someone. And the Astartes still have to step in at a lot of points, right? These babies are the future of the chapter and all.

>>36067524
>Blood Ravens take note of Red Scorpions recruitment methods
>WE CLAIM THIS INFANT FOR THE CHAPTER!

HOW DID THIS RECRUIT MAKE HIS WAY ONTO THE BATTLE BRIDGE?
TECHMARINE, REINFORCE THE CONTAINMENT DEVICE!

>>36067247
>Infants raised under a chapter learn what "why" is.

CHILDREN IT IS TIME TO LEARN THE 4 GOTHIC W'S OF QUESTIONING. WHO, WHAT, WHEN, AND WHERE.

INFANT, CEASE YOUR CRYING
INFANT
OBSERVE MY FACE AS I CONTORT IT TO AN EXPRESSION THAT IS HUMOROUS
INFANT. WHY ARE YOU NOT FILLED WITH MIRTH

Archive this shit.....
I cant stop laughing

>>36069599

CHILD, I SHALL QUENCH YOUR QUAILING WITH A JOKE YOU MAY FIND HUMOROUS.

BANG BANG

W-Who's there?

THE INQUISITION

The Inquisition who?

BANG!

...

NOT EVEN A CHORTLE.

RECRUIT, YOU ARE NOT IN YOUR DESIGNATED MID-CYCLE RESTING PERIOD AREA.
IF YOU DO NOT RETURN AT ONCE, YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE YOUR END OF CYCLE CHOCOLACTATE DRINK!

INITIATE CEASE YOUR VOCALISATION FOR REINFORCEMENTS

INITIATE JUST BECAUSE I CAN OPERATE WITHOUT SLEEP DOES NOT MEAN I SHOULD WITHOUT CAUSE

GREETINGS, YOUNG RECRUIT. COME AND SIT ON THE ADAMANTIUM KNEE OF ADORAX, VETERAN OF THE FIRST COMPANY, WHO HAS WORN HIS ANCIENT TERMINATOR ARMOR TO VICTORY ON MANY THOUSANDS OF WORLDS AND SMITED THOUSANDS OF THE HERETIC AND THE XENOS WHO WOULD RAVAGE THE PLANETS PROTECTED IN THEIR FEALTY TO THE MOST GLORIOUS EMPEROR.

AND WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR SANGINIUS'S DAY?

INITIATE, CEASE THAT AT ONCE! IT IS IMPROPER TO TOUCH YOUR.... umm...
What are they called agian?

>>36067247
It'd just be a back and forth between "Why" and "For the Emperor"

>>36070221

Imagine their reaction to Sisters of Battle

>>36070321

Those are *not* for suckling.

>>36069525
I SHALL INSTALL EXTRA BARS AND AN EXTRA-SHINY MOBILE IMMEDIATELY, BROTHER!

>>36070061
fuggin kek

>>36069371
but bean grows into a giant which then kills him.

>WELL MET, BROTHER OF THE RED SCORPIONS, HOW GOES THE TRAINING OF THE INITIATES?

THOUGH THEY MAY BE YOUNG, THEY SHOW DEVOTION AND PRIDE IN THE CHAPTER'S COLORS

>SINCE WHEN DID THE CHAPTER COLORS INCLUDE BROWN?

OH SWEET GOD-EMPEROR, IT HAPPENED AGAIN! BRING ME MY HELMET

>>36070688
>OH SWEET GOD-EMPEROR, IT HAPPENED AGAIN! BRING ME MY HELMET

SQUAD MORALE BROKEN.

>>36070600
Actually, a major plot point in Bean's own series is how he and his children with Petra were put in a FTL ship and shot into the future in the hopes that they'd have a cure. This means that Space-Jesus Ender, Reborn Hegemon Peter, and the lil' sister are gonna meet up in a book that will never be written to combine forces in an intergalactic rampage of unimaginable bad-assery that defies explanation because it Orson Scott Card won't write it. To be fair, the amount of bullshit I had to read through in the later books kinda killed any enthusiasm I had left.

>>36070795
Actually, he did a sequel.

Read Shadows in Flight.

tl;dr Earth forgets about Bean and the Delphikis, the cure is never found by man, Bean finds xenos with interesting biology that allows his kids to live but he's already like ten feet tall and his heart gives out

>>36070321

INITIATE. REMOVE YOURSELF FROM SISTER ORPHELIA.

NO SHE WILL NOT SECRETE THROUGH HER ARMOR, NO MATTER HOW BIG THEY ARE.

INITIATE.

THE CODEX PRESCRIBED COLOUR FOR YOUR GARMENTS ARE GREY AND WHITE.

EXPLAIN HOW AND WHY YOUR GARMENTS ARE COMPLETELY BROWN.

INITIATE! SISTER JULIANNA IS NOT AN ASSAULT BIKE. COME NOW, YOU WILL LEARN TO RIDE IN A FEW YEARS TIME IF YOU ARE TRULY EAGER.

FORGIVE US, BATTLE-SISTER, HE MEANS YOU NO HARM. THE SHAME SHALL BE MINE TO BEAR.

INITIATE, EXPLAIN YOURSELF POST HASTE!
WHAT DO YOU HIDE BENEATH YOUR GARMENTS, WHICH STICKS OUT LIKE A GLORIOUS POWER SWORD!


... WHAT IS AN ERECTION, APOTHECARY DROMERDIUS?

>>36071291

Kek'd

>>36069371
Bean, as a baby, manage to hide for like 3 weeks in a toilet tank.

I CAN HEAR YOU IN THE ARMORY, INITIATE!

YOU ARE NOT PERMI...

IN THE NAME OF HOLY EMPEROR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

HELMETS HAVE MANY A FUNCTION, BUT WASTE DISPOSAL IS NOT AMONGST THEM!

CEASE YOUR FILTHY ACTIVITY AT ONCE OR I SHALL REPORT THIS DIRECTLY TO THE CHAPTER MASTER!

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Brother-Apothecary, shaking an initiate upside down untill the waste returns to it's body is not a proper procedure.

BUT SISTER, HOW ELSE CAN I MANAGE TO REMOVE THE VILE STENCH FROM THE INITIATE?

Allow me to demonstrate.

Instead of holding the initite by it's legs, you have to hold it by it's arms and shake it untill the waste disposal cloth comes off.

CEASE YOUR VOCAL ACTIVITY, INITIATE

...

SISTER, THE PROCEDURE IS NOT WORKING!

I REQUIRE TECHMARINE ASSISTANCE HERE!

INITIATE, IF YOU SHALL NOT PROCEED TO SLEEP AT ONCE, BIG BAD INQUISITOR WILL TAKE YOU FOR QUESTIONING

>>36072238
>Why?

>>36072302
INITIATE! YOU HAVE UNTIL THE COUNT OF THE HOLY TENTH INTEGER TO ENTER CRYOSLEEP, OR YOU SHALL SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE EMPEROR'S HOLY INQUISITION, AND THEN NO SWEETS FOR A MONTH.

>>36072348
>why?

>>36072355
WHA- WHAT? WHAT IS THIS HERESY? BESSED IS THE MIND TO SMALL FOR DOUBT, AND EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS VERY SMALL!

>>36072394
>Why?

>>36072424
AHHH! BROTHERS! HELP ME! THIS CHILD IS CLEARLY A SERVANT OF THE RUINOUS POWERS, COME TO DRIVE US MAD WITH IT'S UNENDING QUESIONS! SUMMON THE INQUISITORS!

>>36072424
BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT YET VERY LARGE, AS YOU HAVE NOT BEEN BLESSED WITH THE IMPLANTATION YOU WILL REQUIRE AFTER BEING GIFTED WITH THE GENE-SEED OF OUR CHAPTER AND BECOME A TRUE NEOPHYTE.

>>36072475
>So if I eat all my jeansies I'll grow up to be big and strong like you?

>>36072521
YES. BUT IN ORDER TO DO THAT, YOU MUST SLEEP AND DREAM SWEET DREAMS IN THE NAME OF THE BLESSED EMPEROR.

DO YOU NEED ME TO BRING IN A CHOIR OF SERFS TO SING YOU TO SLEEP, OR ARE YOU DONE?

>>36072549
>But I don't wanna dream about the empwawr! I always pee my bed when I do...

>>36072598
THAT IS BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE FOR HIM IN EARTH, AND YOUR ATTEMPTS TO CREATE A GOLDEN MATTRESS IN EFFIGY OF THE GOLDEN THRONE.

BUT APOTHECARY RIMALDUS HAS EXAMINED YOU AND DECREED THAT YOU SHALL EVENTUALLY STOP DOING THAT WITH RIGOROUS DISCIPLINE, TRAINING, AND NOT SO MANY CUPS OF WATER BEFORE BED, WHICH IS WHY NONE WERE REQUISITIONED FOR YOU.

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>>36072639
>golden matress

>>36062501

... what's the sauce on this fluff?

This may be the best thing of this sort since the Sisters of Cleaning.

>>36072696
Not OP, but he obviously quoted it from the Lexicanum, which sauces three different Imperial Armor volumes for the paragraph it came from - Four, Six, and Nine.

>BROTHER, I AM MOST DISTURBED.

WHAT AILS YOU? COME, SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS. MAYBE THE CHAPLA-

>NO, THE CHAPLAIN MAY MAKE IT WORSE.

SPEAK THEN, IF THIS WERE SO GRAVE THEN SURELY THE CHAPTER MASTER MUST KNOW.

>ONE... ONE OF THE INITIATES DEFACING A STATUE OF THE EMPEROR.

THRONE OF TERRA! UNACCEPTABLE!

>INDEED, THAT WAS MY REACTION AS WELL. HOWEVER, AS I WAS ABOUT TO RAISE MY BOLTER SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME. A FEELING I HAVE NOT FELT, EVER. I SIMPLY BERATED THE LAD, AND TOLD HIM TO LIE IN THE CORNER OF ABSOLUTION AND THINK ABOUT WHAT HE'S DONE.

A... A... A JUST PUNISHMENT INDEED, I'M SURE THE INITIATE WILL REPENT QUICKLY.

>PERHAPS. BUT HIS TEARS AND WAILS, HAVE I GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME?

Hello? Chaplain?

YES, SCOUT AMEDUS, I WAS JUST WONDERING HOW YOU WERE DOING. YOU KNOW, FIRST TIME OUT ON CAMPAIGN WITH THE 10TH COMPANY...

I'm doing fine, Chaplain. Seriously, there's nothing to worry about.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS ABOUT YOUR AGE, I STARTED THINKING ABOUT GETTING A SERVICE STUD. YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN A SERVICE STUD, HAVE YOU?

Uuuuh gotta go Chaplain, I think I see some Tyranids.

WAIT! DID YOU REMEMBER TO BRING EXTRA AMMUNITI-

...EMPEROR, I WORRY ABOUT THAT BOY.

>>36073570

I do not know why, but this made me b'aww so hard right now.

>>36070061
Fucking hell man, don't stop

>>36073686
Deep down, we all want to be a Space Marine daddy

And this thread is one example why i love /tg/.

>>36074682
Can someone archive it?

>>36072008

BROTHER,

WHO ALLOWED THE INITIATE TO YIELD MY POWER-SWORD ? IT IS A RELIC OF THE CHAPTER, AND HE CANNOT EVEN PHANTOM LIFTING IT. HAVE HIM STOP SUCKLING ON THE HANDLE! IT IS NOT CHEWABLE!

BROTHER,

WHO ALLOWED THE INITIATE TO DRAP HIMSELF WITH MY BADGE OF OFFICE. ONLY ME, THE CHAPTER MASTER, MAY DRAPE MYSELF IN IT.

BROTHER,

WHY IS THE INITIATE SO ADORABLE ? THIS IS NOT PERMITED BY THE CODEX ASTARTES. THIS IS NOT EVEN MENTIONED BY THE CODEX ASTARTES. BROTHER DO NOT LET ME HOLD HIM FOR IT IS HERESY.

BROTHER,

WHY IS CHAPLAIN AUSTERIC DOING FACES OF FAUX JOY AT THE INITIATE ? IT IS NOT PROPER


...


SOMEONE GET ME A CODEX

RECRUIT #X32FB1 DO NOT CONSUME THAT. IT IS EPOXY.

RECRUIT #X33FC3 STOP ASSAULTING RECRUIT #X24CF4!

RECRUIT #X24CF4, DEFEND THYSELF FOR ONLY THOSE WHO PROVE THEIR METTLE CAN HONOUR THE EMPEROR

RECRUIT #Z69D22, DISENGAGE YOUR ORAL ORIFICE FROM SISTER MARIANNAH'S LEFT BOSOM APENDAGE, IT DOES NOT PRODUCE NOURISHMENT.

SISTER MARIANNAH, STOP YOUR ATTEMPT TO NOURISH RECRUIT #Z69D22, YOU DO NOT PRODUCE NOURISHMENT FROM THY BOSOM.

RECRUIT #0009FD, REMOVE THAT FROM YOUR ORAL ORIFICE, THAT IS GENE-SEED.


...

I REQUIRE BACKUP

>>36074859
GATHER, INITIATES. I SHALL TELL STORIRS OF ALIEN'S DEMISE SO THAT YOU MAY ENTER SUSPENDED ANIMATION!

MANY YEARS AGO, A GREAT CHAMPION OF THE EMPEROR BEHEADED A SCORE OF DEMONS WITH HIS SACRED BLADE...

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>>36074904
Imagine that, but with Primarchs...

>>36075001
HORUS! PUT DOWN THAT POWER SWORD RIGHT NO-
.
..
...
YOU ARE GROUNDED MISTER!

>>36075001

HORUS, STOP FIDDLING WITH THAT ARTIFACT, IT IS NOT MEANT FOR YOU.

MAGNUS, STOP SETTING RUSS HAIR ON FIRE, I HAVEN'T EVEN TAUGHT YOU HOW TO CONJURE FLAMES YET

GUILLIMAN, WHO THE HELL GAVE YOU THE ART OF WAR ?

FULGRIM, WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT LIPSTICK ?

MANUS AND VULKAN, HOW MANY GODDAMN TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TWO TO STOP THINKERING WITH THAT TECHNOLOGY

ANGRON, STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHERS.

SANGUINIUS, GET THE FUCK DOWN FROM THERE.

YOU TWO -what are your fucking names again- YES YOU! I SWEAR, STOP THAT BULLSHIT OR I'LL ERASE YOU FROM HISTORY!

ALPHARIUS OR OMEGON, WHICHEVER ONE ARE YOU, STOP INFILTRATING THE CUPBOARD

Baby Nightlords - It's all fun and games until someone goes mad from constant psychological warfare and shoots half the crew out the airlock.

>>36075046

kek

>>36075046
He's not Big Daddy for nothing

>>36075046
>ALPHARIUS OR OMEGON, WHICHEVER ONE ARE YOU, STOP INFILTRATING THE CUPBOARD


Alpha Cup

INFANT, WHY ARE YOU NOT COMPLYING WITH YOUR DESIGNATED SLEEP CYCLE?
> There's a monster under my bunk.
IS IT XENOS SCUM!?
>*nods*
I SHALL PURGE IT WITH BLESSED FLAME.
> *fwoosh*
EXEMPLARY WORK, INFANT. REMAIN EVER VIGILANT.

CONGRATULATIONS INITIATE, YOUR DENTURES HAVE BEGUN THE FIRST PURGE OF UNWORTHY TEETH FROM YOUR JAW. PLACE IT UNDERNEATH YOUR PILLOW TO HIDE IT'S SHAME AND THE PRIMARCH WILL SECRET IT AWAY AND LEAVE YOU A GIFT FOR YOUR VIGILANCE AGAINST WEAKNESS.

>What kind of present will I get?

YOU WILL RECEIVE A SPENT BOLT CASING. DOES THAT NOT SOUND LIKE AN HONOR?

> . . . not really.

THEN PERHAPS THE PRIMARCH SHALL LEAVE YOU NOTHING AT ALL!
*slam*

Dadstartes are best 'startes

(Also, why has no one wrote about Grandpa Dread?)

INITIATE, EVERY YEAR ON CANDELMASS, THERE IS AN OLD TERRAN TRADITION THAT A CORPULENT MAN IN RED WILL SNEAK INTO YOUR DOMICILE TO BRING YOU GIFTS.

>Wow!

WOW INDEED INITIATE, BUT YOU MUST KNOW THAT AN ASTARTES ACCEPTS NO GIFTS FOR HIS DUTY. THIS IS IMMUTABLE FACT, AND ALL KNOW THIS. THEREFORE ANY GIFTS RECIEVED ARE TO BE TREATED AS BRIBES AT BEST, AND AN ATTEMPT TO LURE YOU AWAY FROM THE LIGHT OF THE EMPEROR AT WORST.

> . . .

HERE INITIATE, HIDE THIS KNIFE UNDER YOUR BEDSHEETS. IF THIS DEMON MAKES HIS PRESENCE KNOWN, YOU WILL RECITE THE CATECHISMS OF EXORCISM AND STAB FOR THE NECK AND EYES. DO NOT SHOW MERCY.

> . . . *whimper*

REMEMBER YOUR TRAINING.

*Slowly closes door*

>>36062501

They probably give them growth stimulants.

Remember Commissar Gaunt's son?

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>>36075409
Reminded me of this for some reason.

INITIATE, TODAY IS THE TERRAN DAY KNOWN AS "CHOCOLATE GIFT DAY"

> edges closes in anticipation

AN ANCIENT TERRAN TRADITION OF MANKIND, WHERE AN RABBIT SHAPED CREATURE SNEAK INTO OUR HOLY CHAPTER MONASTERY AND ATTEMPT TO HIDE CHOCOLATE MADE EGGS WITHOUT OUR NOTICING

*holds a chocolate bunny in hand

> clapping in excitment

THIS GIANT RABBIT IS A SERVANT OF CHAOS, AN UNHOLY DEMON. IT IS YOUR DUTY TO FIND THESE EGGS AND PURGE THEM FROM EXISTANCE, FOR THEY CONTAIN UNHOLY DEMON SPAWN!

*crushes chocolate bunny

> quiets down as hopes and dreams are crushed

TAKE THIS HOLY FLAMER AND DESTROY THESE EGGS. IT IS NOT FOR YOU TO EAT THEM! FOR THEY ARE MADE OF SWEET DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE AS A MEANS TO BRIBE YOU AND LURE YOUR SOUL TO THE THRALLS OF CHAOS. IF YOU FIND THE DEMON, IT IS YOUR SACRED DUTY TO THE EMPEROR AND THE CHAPTER TO PURGE IN IN THE MOST VIOLENT WAY POSSIBLE.

THIS IS YOUR TEST.
DO NOT FAIL IT.

> tear rolls down eye

THE EMPEROR IS WATCHING

INITIATE,

THIS IS THE DAY KNOWN IN TERRA AS "HALLOWED EVE"

IT IS A UNHOLY AND EVIL DAY WHERE THE SPIRITS OF THE DAMNED BREAK AWAY THEIR SERVITUDE FROM THE FORCES OF CHAOS AND ROAM OUR REALM IN SEARCH OF SOULS TO CORRUPT!

TAKE THIS CERIMONIAL PLANOPLY AND SKULL MASK!

YOU WILL SEARCH THE BOWELS OF THIS SHIP FOR ANY SIGNS OF HERETICS AND DEMONS!

YOU SHALL OPEN AND KNOCK ON ANY THRESHOLD! ASTARTES OR SERF, THEY SHALL ANSWER YOUR SUMMON!

UPON ENTRY YOU SHALL UTTER THE HOLY INSCRIPTIONS DICTATED BY THE EMPEROR MANY YEARS AGO,

THE INSCRIPTIONS READ "TRICK OR TREAT".

IF THEY ARE LOYAL SERVANTS OF THE EMPEROR THEY SHALL REWARD YOU WITH A BOLTSHELL AND EDIBLE NUTRIENT PASTE AS A TOKEN OF HUMANITY!

IF THEY ARE SERVANTS OF CHAOS IN DISGUISE, THEY WILL SHOW CONFUSION! IN THIS CASE GIFT THEM YOUR BLADE! AIM FOR THE JUGULAR! UNDER THE CHIN!


THIS IS YOUR DUTY INITIATE

INITIATES! TODAY YOU WILL VISIT VENERABLE GERONTIUS, HE WILL INST-

dun wanna visit Vennable Gontius!

VISITING VENERABLE GERONTIUS IS A HUGE HONOUR. WHY DO YOU REFUSE?

Smells funny

THAT IS VENERABLE GERONTIUS' AMNIOTIC FLUID. IT IS VERY RUDE TO MENTION IT!

>>36075840
INITIATE WHY DO YOU WHINE SO MUCH THIS LATE IN THE SLEEPING CYCLE? HAVE YOU SIGHTED A FOUL XENOS TO BE PURGED?

YOU MUST STOP EJECTING FLUID FROM YOUR EYES LITTLE ONE AND SPEAK IN GOTHIC.

I WILL LEND YOU MY HALLOWED BOLT PISTOL , DEFEND YOUR BARRED SLEEPING BAY. I WILL ROUSE THE OTHERS TO SWEEP THE MONASTERY.

WHY DO YOU STILL MOAN ? I UNDERSTAND IT MUST BE THAT YOU CANNOT JOIN US BUT YOU ARE TOO SMALL FOR BLESSED TACTICAL ARMOUR.

INITIATE, IT IS TIME TO BEGIN YOUR SLEEPING CYCLE.

i dont wanna

YOU MUST, FOR THE ENEMIES OF MAN WILL NOT PAUSE IF YOU ARE TIRED

sing me a song brother-daddy

I HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU TO CALL ME BROTHER-CHAPLAIN INITIATE, BUT IF THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE YOU BEGIN YOUR SLEEPING CYCLE I SHALL SING YOU AN ANCIENT LITANY OF MIGHT AND COURAGE FIT FOR YOUNG INITIATES SUCH AS YOU.

>the chaplain begins to sing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2Uab6qzM9s

INITIATE, FINISH YOUR NUTRIENT PASTE

don wanna

YOU MUST, HOW ELSE WILL YOU GROW STRONG LIKE BROTHER ASCALON?

taste bad

YOU WILL TASTE MANY THINGS THAT ARE WORSE, AND THEN SPIT THEM UPON YOUR ENEMY. BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE HEALTHY ENOUGH FOR THE BETCHER'S GLAND TO FULLY FORM. EAT YOUR NUTRIENT PASTE

kay

>>36069759
>BANG
>not BLAM
Are you even trying?

>>36075328
That reminds me of Major Payne. We need a drawfag, nao.

INITIATE, WHY ARE YOU INSIDE THE CHAMBERS READING THE DATASLATE? I TOLD YOU TO GO TO THE SPARRING CAGES TO SPARR WITH THE OTHER RECRUITS

don't want, caleb called me snaggle toothed

INITIATE, YOU WILL BE CALLED MANY THINGS IN LIFE, BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER, FOR STICKS AND STONES CANNOT HURT YOU, ONLY MELTA FIRE AND IN THIS CASE, YOU WILL HURT THE ENEMY BEFORE HE HURTS YOU

but afraid

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FEAR, HOW CAN YOU BE BRAVE IF YOU DO NOT FEAR? HOW CAN THE ENEMY FEAR YOU, IF YOU NEVER KNEW FEAR YOURSELF? HOWEVER, FEAR DOES NOT CONTROL YOU INITIATE. NO GO TO THE SPARRING CAGES.

thanks dad

I TOLD YOU MANY TIMES TO CALL ME BROTHER CHAPLAIN

*hugs*

MY EYES ARE SECRETING WATER. I MUST SEEK THE APOTHECARY.

INITIATE, IT IS TIME FOR YOUR MEDICAL EXAMINATION. SIT YOURSELF IN THE DESIGNATED EXAMINATION AREA

*sits*

OPEN YOUR ORAL CAVITY AND SAY "I AM THE HAND OF THE EMPEROR AND I PURGE WITH RIGHTEOUS RETRIBUTION"

i am the hand of the eeeeeerghh-

YOU HAVE AN AMYGDALAE INFECTION. I RECOMMEND IMMEDIATE SURGICAL INTERVENTION. HOLD STILL WHILE I FETCH THE SACRED NATHERCIUM.

will it hurt

YES, PAIN LIKE YOU NEVER IMAGINED! BUT DO NOT RECOIL INITIATE, PAIN WILL TEMPER YOUR METTLE AND SHIELDWALL YOUR SOUL. YOU WILL LEARN FROM IT AND BECOME GREATER! THE GREATEST MEN ARE FORGED IN THE FIRES OF HELL THAT ARE FUELED BY LAKES OF PAIN!

don't want

AFTERWARDS YOU SHALL BE PERMITTED TO CONSUME AS MUCH ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED FROZEN FRUIT AND VEGETABLE OIL CREAM PASTE AS YOU WISH

ok then

>>36067075
>>36067772
> Space Marine holds the spoon of food out of the infant's reach. The infant is struggling to get to it.

INITIATE, YOU MUST SUPPLY THE PROPER ENTRY CODES TO LOWER THE DEFENSES AND GIVE PERMISSION FOR THE THUNDERHAWK TO LAND. THIS WAS COVERED IN YOUR MANDATORY READING OF THE CODEX ASTARTES. THE THUNDERHAWK WILL MAINTAIN A HOLDING PATTERN UNTIL YOU TRANSMIT THE CODES.

> Brother-Dad, what is that ?

"THAT" IS A TECHPRIEST. A HOLY INSTRUMENT OF THE EMPEROR'S WILL AND KNOWLEDGE. HE GUIDES US IN THE UNDERSTANDING OF ANCIENT HOLY TECHNOLOGY. HIS IS THE HAND THAT UNCOVERS THESE ANCIENT RELICS AND TURNS THEM TO THE SERVICE OF MANKIND AND THE EMPEROR.

> why he looks like a toaster

THE ANCIENT TECHPRIEST UTILIZES FROM THE VERY ANCIENT TECHNOLOGICAL RELICS TO RID HIMSELF OF HIS ORGANICAL COMPONENTS AND THUS CLOSER HIMSELF TO THE TECHNOLOGICAL SOUL OF THE EMPEROR! IT IS AN HONOR TO FOLLOW THAT HOLY PATH!

> scary

YOU SHOULD BE SCARED!

> why

BECAUSE.... YOU ASK MANY QUESTIONS!

*infant is playing around with a bolt pistol, chambers a round by accident and discharges it*

INITIATE, I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO CHAMBER A HOLY BOLT-SHELL IN THE HOLY BOLT-PISTOL AND THEN WASTE SAID HOLY-BOLT SHELL. I ORDERED YOU TO ONLY STUDY THE EXTERNAL MECHANISMS OF THE HOLY BOLTGUN. YOU HAVE LOST ONE POINT FROM YOUR EVALUATION.

*cries*

NO NO INITIATE, DO NOT WEEP.

...


EMBRACE MY ARMORED CHEST AND ACCEPT MY APOLOGIES, I WAS TOO HARSH. PERHAPS WE SHALL RETURN TO STUDYING THE KRAK GRENADE

>BROTHER-CHAPLAIN

YES,BROTHER-CAPTAIN?

>ONE OF THE INITIATES IS STRANGLING HIS FIRST HERETIC

OH EMPEROR,LOOK AT HIM,HE IS REALLY GOOD AT THIS

>QUICK BROTHER-TECHMARINE, GO GET THE SERVO-SKULL WE NEED TO RECORD THIS

EMPEROR SMITE ME IF I AM NOT GOING TO PLAY THIS AT HIS BROTHERHOOD CELEBRATION

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A father son relationship blossoms between the apothacary and child...until this happens.

>>36077425
Does that mean the Dreadnaughts have delicious embarrassing moments of the Brother Captains?

>>36077996
Why do you think Dreadnaughts are allowed to sleep for years where all other Space Marines have only four hours per day/night cycle of sleep?

>>36078038
That is one hilarious and plausible revelation, hence why Bjorn is awaken every century, he's not telling tales of the Great Crusade, he's recalling Grimnar's first Space Wolf hangover.

>>36067194
more like:
INFANT #00042346, PLEASE GO TO BED
>But I am the angel of death! I don't wanna go to bed!
INFANT #0042346, YOU MUST PRAY AND REST SO YOU ARE READY FOR YOUR TESTS TOMORROW!
>But I don't wanna! I wanna play 'Purge the Xenos'!
INFANT #00042346, DO NOT RESIST FOR THE LOVE OF THE EMPEROR!

>>36077629
>Wait, Mikeiatus?
>By the realms of chaos, jimathrius?
>We need to speak to high command, this happens with far too much regularity

>>36075395
INITIATE, I SHALL BE LEAVING YOU TODAY WITH GRANDPA DREAD FOR MY DUTY CALLS ME ELSEWHERE!
>But grandpa Dread smells like rust and he keeps feeding me that smelling oil from fishes!
YOU WILL NOT INSULT OUR VENERABLE GRANDPA OR ELSE YOU WILL SUFFER A MONTH WITHOUT ANY SWEETS REQUISITION!

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>>36075605
More like this.

So they got a Sparta type thing going on. That's cool I guess.

Maybe if the marines ever get some down time, they'll be allowed to return to their homeworld and learn a little about where they came from/meet their parents. That'd add a little depth to their character to say the least.

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>>36067090
Oh my fucking god

>>36078581
>SMfw his grand grand nephew is a dying old man and he still look like he's in his thirties

>>36078682
The Space Marine, wearing full armor, looks down on this sick old man in rags, dying in his leather tent in the middle of a violent forest, and says "You could have been me".

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>>36078749
Space marine is a dick

>>36070818
Yes, and in the process they discover that the buggers are not the innocent ignorant aliens the Hive Queen had led Ender to believe they were. Their "Hive Mind" is actually just a produce of the ruling class genetically engineering the working class into subservience, with organelles in their cells which kill them if they step out of line. The workers COULD function just fine without a queen, the queens just don't allow them that freedom.

Bean wanted to contact Ender and warn him of this, but his kids stopped him from doing so, because they were concerned the transmission could make the location of their new home world known.

BROTHERS, CALL A TECHMARINE, ONE OF THE INFANTS HAS COMMITTED GRAVE TECH HERESY

>WHAT IS IT BROTHER? YOU SPOKE OF HERESY.

YES BROTHER, ONE OF THE INFANTS HAS PLACE THE HOLY CIRCLE PIECE INTO THE SACRED SQUARE HOLE!

>I SHALL FETCH THE CEREMONIAL OILS!

>>36078893
and with his dying breath the old man speaks words that will haunt the marine for centuries:
that's why we sent you so fucking far away

>>36080858
Kek

>>36075046

Damn it, I hoped to read about Curze.

>>36075395
I HAVE AWOKEN, IS IT TIME FOR BATTLE BROTHER-CHAPLAIN?

my apologies venerable one, i needed to share my worries about initiate #100244, today he almost hit me with a plasma gun's shot and burned all my purity seals, i am afraid i will have to make him leave our sacred chapter.

I REMEMBER THAT I WAS PUT IN THIS SACRED MACHINE BECAUSE ONE OF MY INITIATES BELIEVED IT WOULD BE FUN TO SHORTEN MY KRAK GRENADE FUSE BY 2 SECONDS AND YET HE STILL MADE IT FAR IN THE CHAPTER HE IS A CHAPLAIN NOW.

i understand venerable one but those were very holy purity seals

NO BUTS YOUNG MAN YOU WILL RAISE THAT INITIATE TO BE AN EMPEROR LOVING ANGEL OF DEATH AND YOU WILL DO A GOOD JOB ABOUT IT

b-but dad!

>>36081020

CURZE FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT'S THE LAST FUCKING GERBIL YOU'RE ALLOWED TO HAVE.

NO I DON'T CARE HE WAS EVIL AND NEEDED TO BE PUNISHED.

AND I ALSO DON'T CARE YOUR PLAYDATE STOLE YOUR SWEETS, YOU BE NICE TO THAT POOR BOY, HE NEEDS ALL THE FRIENDS HE CAN GE- WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR PLAYDATE ?

AND I DON'T FUCKING NEED A LEATHER GLOVE, WHAT IS THIS EVEN MADE O-

OHHH YOU ARE GODDAMN GROUNDED NOW


...

how am I gonna explain this shit now

>>36081134
My sides beg for mercy

>>36070221
>>36070103
>>36069599

I am dieing here, glorious thread

>>36081134
WHY HAVEN'T YOU RECRUITED ANY NEW ASPIRANTS YET? IS IT UNFAIR FOR ME TO WISH TO HAVE MORE NEOPHYTES?

Venerable Dreadnought, as I have informed you before, Apothecary Valicadius and I are taking it slow - we do not want to recruit those who wouldn't be physically able to be a space marine.

Imagine that shit with the Adeptus Mechanicus...

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This is how you put them to sleep.

RECRUIT, WHY ARE YOUR INDEPENDENT ASSIGNMENTS NOT COMPLETED?

YOU ARE AN ASTARTAS, NOT SOME MORTAL ARCHIVIST, STOP WASTING YOUR TRAINING WITH THE INTERACTIVE SIMULATIONS.

THAT DOES IT, IT'S 100 RITES OF VINDICATION AND A WEEK ON NUTRITION PACKS FOR YOU MISTER!

>>36077108
Beautiful,like you

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>>36077108
>MY EYES ARE SECRETING WATER. I MUST SEEK THE APOTHECARY.

"My Lord apothecary, it is only the opinion of this humble serf, but from his tears and his bloody vomit, I think he's showing... emotion".

i love how we went from jokes about child initiates to jokes about teen and pre-teen initiates, it's like they are really growing with the chapter

>>36085364
they're growing on /tg/

>>36084949

BROTHER PICKLES, I'M S-...

I'M S-...

I'M SOR-...HRRRGK

GAK

I'M SORRYYYY

>>36085415
These are /tg/'s babies

A IS FOR ASTARTES, THE EMPEROR'S FINEST, PROTECTORS OF THE IMPERIUM

B IS FOR BOLTGUN, DESTROYING THE FOES OF THE EMPEROR IN GLORIOUS METAL AND FIRE

C IS FOR CHAPLAIN. OBEY HIS COMMANDS AT ALL TIMES OR FACE PUNISHMENT UPON THE STEP OF INSOLENCE

D IS FOR DROP-POD, WHICH WILL CARRY YOU TO HONOURABLE BATTLE FOR THE GLORY OF THE CHAPTER

E IS FOR EXTERMINATUS, WHEN PLANETS BURN AS FLAMING EXAMPLES OF THOSE WHO INCUR THE EMPEROR'S WRATH

should I go on

>>36086334
THE INITIATES MUST LEARN BROTHER, CONTINUE

>>36086334

F IS FOR FIRE, ALL THAT HERETICS DESIRE

>>36086334
BROTHER, THE INITIATES SHALL NOT LEARN THE ALPHABET OF HIGH GOTHIC IF YOU DO NOT COMPLETE THE SONG OF ALPHABET LEARNING.

>>36086334
>C
>not Chapter

F IS FOR FURY, THE RIGHTEOUS WRATH WHICH HAS TO BE YOUR ONLY GUIDE IN BATTLE

G IS FOR GLORY EARNED THROUGH OUR ETERNAL CRUSADE AGAINST THE FORCES OF CHAOS

>>36086334

F IS FOR FLAMER, TO DELIVER THE EMPEROR'S FURY WITH HOLY PROMETHEUM

G IS FOR GUARDSMEN. THEY WILL DIE GLORIOUSLY IN BATTLE.

H IS FOR HERETIC, WHOM YOU MUST PURGE ON SIGHT TO CLEANSE THEIR FILTH FROM THE GALAXY

I IS FOR IMPERIUM, FOR WHICH YOU WILL LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE IN SERVICE IF YOU REMAIN WELL-BEHAVED

>>36086473
H IS FOR HERESY, WHICH MUST BE PURGED FROM EXISTENCE WITH HOLY FLAMES OF EMPEROR

>>36086506
I'd rephrase G a little.
G IS FOR GUARDSMEN, WHO MAY NOT BE AS STRONG IN BATTLE, BUT WHOSE FAITH IS JUST AS STRONG SO THEY BRAVELY SACRIFICE THEIR LIVES TO.PROTECT THE IMPERIUM.

>>36064299
BROTHER I AM HIT!

BROTHER I AM PINNED HERE!

RECRUIT, THAT IS NOT HOW ONE HANDLES ONE'S WEAPON. SALIVA IS A MOST INEFFICIENT LUBRICANT.

>>36067451
No it isn't. Slaanesh is about EXCESS. Having sex doesn't power Slaanesh. Having lots of freaky sex like Gilles de Rai did, powers Slaanesh. Where you don't use normal holes on children.... you create your own holes.

As for normal child birth, that's more likely to empower Nurgle, cause that's about creating life, any life.

>>36075001
I never got why Corax looked at porn.

>>36086506
J IS FOR JUSTICE BROUGHT BY BOLTER AND CHAINSWORD TO HERETICS.

K IS FOR KRAK, THE SUBSTANCE THAT BURNS SO HOT THAT IT WILL REDUCE THE UNHOLY TECH TO ASHES IN A MATTER OF SECONDS.

L IS FOR LITHANIES THAT WE RECITE TO PRAISE THE EMPEROR AND CLEANSE OUR SOULS.

M IS FOR ORDO MALLEUS, THE ZEALOUS SERVANTS OF WHICH NEVER CEASE TO SEEK AND DESTROY FOUL CREATURES OF THE WARP.

>>36086770
>>36086770
N IS FOR NECRONS, YOU WILL PURGE THEM
O IS FOR OLLANIUS PIUS, HE DIED FOR THE EMPEROR AND NONE WILL CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE, SHUT UP BROTHER-CHAPLAIN
P IS FOR PRAYER, BECAUSE YOU CANNOT ONLY KILL

>>36086855
Q IS FOR QUICK, LIKE THE DEATH OF THE XENO
R IS FOR RHINO, NONE WILL TAKE IT FROM US
S IS FOR SPACE MARINE, YOU WILL BECOME ONE IF YOU PASS THE TESTS
T IS FOR TERROR, YOU WILL BRING IT TO ALL ENEMIES OF MAN

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>>36086905
Somebody say Rhino?

>>36086905
U IS FOR UNBREAKABLE, LIKE OUR FAITH

V IS FOR VICTORY, ALL THAT AWAITS US

W IS FOR WHIRLWIND, RAINING DEATH ON ALL WHO OPPOSE US

X IS FOR XENO, HATE THE XENO, KILL THE XENO

Y IS FOR YOU, THE FUTURE OF THE CHAPTER

Z IS FOR ZERO, THE PITY THAT YOU WILL SHOT THE ENEMY

>>36086740

I don't get it either, but my guess is that the Emperor came and took Corax away to talk privately one on one for three days, then allowed him to return and save his people. It was said they talked about important things Corax needed to know about the universe and perhaps Chaos, and given advice on how to save his people, in contrast to Angron who was never given this opportunity.

So the Emperor letting Corax read a porn mag would be the drawfag equivalent of this, I guess. A beer bottle would also work.

>>36087061
SHOW THE ENEMY NOT SHOT

>DON'T WORRY SON, YOU ALMOST GOT IT ALL RIGHT THIS TIME

I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD ONE DAY DAD

>YOU ALREADY DO *manly astartes tears*

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I finally have a use for this image.

this fucking thread

>>36065770
The must have a terrible mortality rate.

Chaos is so spiky and dangerous it's like Anti-Babyproof.

>>36092941
Don't be silly. You know those rubber caps they put on knifes so children can't get cut? They have something sort of like that, but with heads instead of rubber.

>>36086740

It's because Corax was big on replenishing the ranks of the Raven Guard after the Heresy. So it's a gene-seed or a sex joke, because he had reproduction on the mind at all times.

>>36093100

Makes sense. I never thought of that.

Bump

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I INFORM YOU THAT HOLY FRAG GRENADES ARE NOT DECORATIONS!
YOU MUST CEASE HANGING THEM ON OBJECTS!
sighhh...
IF YOUR DESIRE IS SO GREAT, PERHAPS WE CAN PROCURE SOME INERT TRAINING PROPS FROM THE ARMORY... BUT YOU ARE STILL IN SECTION!

QUESTION: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR HAIR CUT INITIATE?

I want to look like Cyrus from the Blood Ravens!

RESPONSE: I WILL NOW COMMENCE SHAVING OF THE ENTIRE HEAD.
*whirs up his various tech marine tools*

>>36075046
>STOP INFILTRATING THE CUPBOARD
toppest of kekkest

>>36098050
Be funny to have a part 2 where the initiates have enough intelligence and skill to booby trap properly, but still not enough wisdom to realize why they shouldn't.

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*Meanwhile, in the Eye of Terror*

BEHOLD, YOUNG ONE. TODAY WE WILL BE BUILDING CASTLES OUT OF BLOCKS

AND THEN DESTROYING THEM, AS IS YOUR IRON RIGHT

LATER OBLITERATOR SKAL SHALL MORPH HIS GUNHANDSMOUTHS INTO VARIOUS ANIMALS FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT

NOW BUILD, SMALL ONE! BUILD!

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*Emperors Children Children Art Class*

AS YOU CAN SEE, THE BEST PAINT IS FRESH PAINT, SO DO NOT WASTE ANY.

But... why is the paint crying?

THE PAINT CRIES BECAUSE IT IS NOT BEING USED. IT LONGS TO BE PUT TO THE CANVAS.

But... why does the canvas move when I try to paint it? A...and.... why does it laugh?

Thread bamp

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OKAY, MEWLING WHELP, NOW YOU MUST PROVE YOURSELF AS A NIGHT LORD. PUT ON THIS MASK.

This mask...it feels funny. Is this actually ski-

NOW, WHILE WEARING THAT MASK, SNEAK UP ON JOHNNY AND SCARE HIM! BE GENTLE ON HIM, FOR IT IS HIS FIRST TIME BEING FRIGHTENED IN SUCH A MANNER.

...I did it, dad! Are you pro-

WHY DID YOU NOT BEAT JOHNNY TO A PULP?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF USING YOUR GREATEST WEAPON TO KILL HIM! WE FIGHT IN THE NAME OF FEAR, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO WEAK!?!?

Dad, why are you being so mean and loud!

I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SNAP AT YOU. HERE, HAVE SOME CUPCAKES AND COOKIES.

You really change your moods a lot.

OUR FATHER WAS LIKE THAT AND THINGS WORKED OUT FINE.

>>36104652
BECAUSE THAT CANVAS IS OTHERWISE KNOWN AS BROTHER LECHEROUS' GLORIOUS ASS.

>>36099806
>shaven head initiates
Mohawk initiates are infinitely superior.

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>>36106170
I love the sergeants with the mohicans. Problem is, they don't really fit a Dark Angels force that well.

>>36109299
No see, that isn't actually a natural mohawk. The Apothecary merely ordered the marine's back hair to tactically relocate to the head.

Baldness is officially being noticed as a mutation by Mechanicus geneators.

The Bald Nevermores are most heavily afflicted by this, with a nearly 95% rate of permanent baldness since just before the Tartarus Crusade.

>>36109299
But Dark Angels are literally the American Indian meets monks the chapter. Check out their Index Astartes article(s).

>>36109540
Now its all KNIGHTS KNIGHTS KNIGHTS.
They have nothing to do with "native american".

>>36109540
>>36109839
They have a little bit of Native American in them (mostly in the Deathwing and some old fluff you can cling to) but not enough anymore that a mohican would make sense unless you decided 'this marine's going to be more Native American than the others.'

You could probably make an American Indian successor chapter, though. They could be founded from some of the members of the Plains World before the Tyranids wrecked most of the Deathwing, and carry a lot of those traditions mixed with those of the feral world they recruit from.

Don't you die on me dammit

What about the Word Bearers? Like normal SMs but angrier?

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>>36110347
>but not enough anymore that a mohican would make sense
Mohawks are traditional space marine haircuts.

In ye olde tymes, every initiate would have a mohawk and warpaint. The only ones allowed to deviate were the full marines.

>>36062501
>Brother Kaldius, where is Chaplan Azmodai?

I directed him to the Apothecarium, venerable one. He wished to visit Brother Gratius who is recovering from his wounds.

>Did you inform him that the Apothecarium had been moved to make room for the infant Neophytes?

No, venerable one, I did not.

>By the Primarch, you must stop him! It is almost play time!

++BROTHER, I AM PINNED HERE!++

>>36113341
Is that a shoulder-mounted heavy bolter?

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>>36113439
Yeah. All marine heavy weapons were shouldered back then.

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>>36113439

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, CIVILIAN SCUM

>>36113461
I hate those static left arms.

>>36109402
>>36109540
>>36109839
>>36110347
Shaved stripe haircuts weren't exclusively an American thing.

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>>36113521
Forgot picture.

>>36113461
A shoulder-fired heavy bolter w/ powered ammo feed to the backpack would be pretty awesome.

>>36113341
You have to explain the sliced puffy sleeves to me. Is that just because it was still a lot closer to WFB than today?

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>>36113485

SUPPORT THOSE WEAPONS, MEN

CARESS THOSE HEATSINKS LIKE YOU MEAN IT

>>36113461
I imagine the mag on that heavy bolter going dry pretty often

>>36114635

The heavy weapon models that don't have cables or ammo belts leading to giant backpacks come with two extra magazines to store under the backpack.

That's still not very much, but according to the fluff marines have close to 100% accuracy, don't hold down triggers, and single bolt rounds can kill multiple enemies.

One Ultramarine got punished for "wasting" ammunition because he missed a couple shots.

>>36114635
I don't know...it seems fairly large and wide for the kind of ammunition it's holding. It should be able to hold a fair few rounds.

>>36114704

It could realistically hold 50-60 shots for that kind of setup.

LMGs with even smaller magazines exist IRL.

>>36114719
> people legitimately put stanags into the m249

>>36115082
>b-but muh guidebook says I can

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>>36099806
How many initiates do idolize the Blood Ravens?
I imagine there being a comic series similar to Sgt. Fury and his Howling Commandos, but about Gabriel Angelos.

>>36115872
>Each chapter has a comic series based around the heroes and current leaders of their chapter facing down their worst enemies
>The Avenging Angels
>The Fantastic Fists
>The Ultramar League

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>>36106170
>>36109299
>>36109540
>>36113521
>>36113544
This reminded me, Spellcrow does such heads. And the guy on the left will never not amuse me.
And since they recycle the same bald heads and just add stuff to them, there is always two heads with that face.

>>36067330
I fucking love that picture, and I kind of want it to be canon....

>>36115900

The marine on the left will hold his breath until you love him

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>>36115893
Iron Brother Stark was right.
Suck it, Captain Ultramar fags.

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>>36115958
But Captain Ultramar knows better than anyone the importance of the truth in the Codex Astartes over what the Ultramarines feel is right and wrong.

>>36115958
>>36116355
>reading babby marine-shit
>not superior Tau Man'Ga

>>36116487
>Heresy
>Not reading The Adventures of God-Emperor and The Primarchs of Man

>>36116534
>Not reading the cross over series of General 'badass' Sturnn and Vance 'motherfucking' Stubbs

>>36116487
Gueaboo please go away
>inb4 "everyone on M42chan is a gueaboo!"

BROTHERS, SIT AROUND THIS PYRE OF HERETICS AND PREPARE YOUR HOLIEST OF MARSHMALLOWS.

>Oh, Gods, it hurts so much! Make it stop! Make it stop!

SILENCE, HERETIC! YOU WILL NOT DESECRATE THIS MEETING OF THE CHAPTER'S YOUNG ONES WITH YOUR CRIES.

>Please, I'll do anything, just make it stop...

SILENCE! NOW, CHILDREN, GATHER AROUND, AND HEAR THE TALE OF HOW YOUR BATTLE UNCLE TARSUS DEFEATED AN ENTIRE ARMY OF FOUL HERETICS, ARMED ONLY WITH HIS WITS AND A BOLTER.

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>>36087139
capped

>>36070321
Imagine the Space Marine boys and Sisters of Battle girls arguing over whose parents can beat whom.
>My brother-dad can beat up your mom!

>>36088994
D'aww.

INITIATE. IT IS PERFECTLY NATURAL TO VENERATE THE HUMAN FORM, ESPECIALLY THAT OF A NUBILE WOMAN. HOWEVER, YOU MUST RELINQUISH THAT DEVOTIONAL MATERIAL IMMEDIATELY.

>>36116878
was this really worth capping

its really just the same ~hilarious 40k maymays! you see on /tg/ every fucking day put to an alphabet

>>36120173
Eh, probably not, but someone will like it. To be honest, I'd have loved to have all the initiate stories capped.

>>36123601
confirmed

>>36116355
>>36116487
>>36116534
>>36116626
>>36116653

>All this shit posting on M42Chan

No matter, I'm going back to read my Eldar Novels because basement dwelling under-evolved Mon'Keigh and Old One shit stains can't comprehend such artistry.

>>36126154
I'm now imagining the Eldar variant of the harlequin romance novels.
>The Heartbroken Banshee
>Serpent's Love Bite
>Romancing the Wraithbone
>Burning Love of a Fire Dragon

>>36126518
> m42chans /d/ board's xeno threads become truly interesting

>>36126518
>Da Orks' ennertainment is all action movies directed by Morkal Boy